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Football Manager: The Commandments.


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Thou shalt always transfer list Gary Teale, or persuade Gary Teale to take a mutual termination. Or thou shalt release Gary Teale on a free. Thou shalt offer Gary Teale to clubs from abroad and to clubs from your own country, to rivals and to randoms. Thou shalt not play Gary Teale, even in the lowliest and most meaningless of freindlies, even if thou hast to play a 40-year-old goalkeeper on the wing. Thou shalt not give Gary Teale the time of day. Thou shalt not let Gary Teale tread the same pitch as the rest of the team. Thou shalt refuse the temptation to give him a chance and see if he's better in the game than in real life. Thou shalt abstain from Gary Teale. Amen.

Hilarious, best so far, but keep em coming guys.

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Thou shall never own Emily Hesky and Titus Bramble at the same time in one team.

I have sinned :D It wasn't as bad as you'd think.

Thou shalt not tell thy players that thou is "Pleased" at half-time.

Amen to that!! Fairly sure i've said that and then seen all 11 players running out for the 2nd half in their slippers.

This one is for slightly older versions...

Thou shalt always apply for the intertoto cup, even if you're rock bottom and 12 points from safety.

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Thou shalt not tell thy players that thou is "Pleased" at half-time.
Amen to that!! Fairly sure i've said that and then seen all 11 players running out for the 2nd half in their slippers.

This is a myth. When leading at half-time, saying this to some players with high ratings gives positive results when used as part of a formula that includes 'Don't expect performance to drop' and 'You have faith' for the rest of the team - depending on their ratings.

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Thou shalt never try being sarcastic on press conferences when asked stupid questions or responding to manager comments.

Thou shalt never sub a player on 'swap with ...' settings and change his position with someone else.

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Thou shalt always talk (or yell) at the screen in the vain hope those dots can actually hear you.

Thou shalt break a piece of computer hardware in frustration at the game. (come on, we have all done it... lost mice, keyboards...)

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Thou shalt replay the match as many times as it takes to get the desired result, when the game crashes after beating Barcelona 4-0 in a CL semi final second leg to win 4-3 on aggregate.

ITS NOT CHEATING! THE GAME STARTED IT!!

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Thou shalt always tightly mark any and all strikers and attackers. Furthermore, thou shalt watch thy AI opponent closely for 85th minute substitutions and formation changes so that thou canst ensure that any and all strikers and attackers remain tightly marked to avoid conceding the stoppage time goal and tearing thy hair out.

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Thou shalt always concede a goal, in an important match, in the dying minutes, no matter what your tactics!
Thou shalt have an opposition player score his first goal of the season against you at crucial times with a screamer....in the latter half of the season
Thou shalt have an opposition player not have scored for 800+ minutes score against you after 3 minutes.

Thou shalt play an opposition team who have failed to win in 8+ games beat you.

Thou shalt not tell thy players that thou is "Pleased" at half-time.
thou shall always conceed when changing to a very defensive tactic to see out a 1-0 win against a bigger team.
Thou shalt always lose the playoff final
Thou shalt play into the early hours instead of saving and quitting the game, or your unbeaten run will come to an abrupt end and you will always wonder "what if i just kept playing".
Thou shalt always concede a last minute 30 yard screamer to a player with > 10 long shots.
"Thou Shalt always Kill" scroobius pip, tune boys!

thou shalt always have the opposition player score his debut goal against me!

Thou shalt always witness "his first goal of the season" line in important matches no matter how late in the season it is.
Thou shalt always select "No Comment" when asked who I think will win the league.

Furthermore, thou shalt always choose the 2nd most positive answer in a press conference because the negatives damage morale and the most positive causes complacency.

Thou shalt always concede late on after switching to defensive tactics and making defensive subs but before the changes happen.
Thou shalt always suffer the indignity at a derby game when playing at home that when you score the oppo will equalise within 3 minutes!!!
Thou shall feel rage building inside, when the goalkeeper decides to hoof the ball somewhere far far away and not play the short pass to the defender right nearby as he was instructed.
Though shalt always punch the computer monitor when you draw 0-0, despite 81% possession and 22 shots on target! :mad:
Thou shalt concede two goals in the last two minutes to draw a very important game.

Thou shalt learn how to play the game properly to avoid all of the above :thup:

Thou shalt always say "it's your tactics!" :D

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Thou shalt always lose a cup final if thou are drawn as the "away" team.

When thou takes the lead in an important match thou shalt always see the equalising goal followed by "scores his 1st goal of the season" or "scores his 1st ever goal for......"

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