bigno9 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 ok gabby, i see you are keen to impress your new manager but you don't think any of the following is worth working on: round the keeper when one on one lob the keeper place shots fair enough i won't ask again, but if you continue to miss simple goalscoring opportunities when clear of the last defender with only the keeper to beat i'm going to depapitate you and use your misshapen head as a training cone. * two weeks later yes i am pleased with gabbys hat trick in the champions league final - especially as all three were scored after gliding past the keeper and tapping home. funnily enough he hasn't been working on that in training at all as he didn't see the benefit of it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polar Bear Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 "You think I should encourage our hugely promising, wise beyond his years centre back to start diving into tackles do you? Nah, he's not going to be doing that." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Almondo Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 "Look here mr Defender. I don't care if you think the straight red was unjust, the problem is that you've been sent off in both games I've played you in. Tell me again why I pay you. That's right to defend well give me back the money for this week and get out of my sight MORON." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
kieronbrown73 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 "why do you keep telling me I should hire Joe Bloggs as a coach when you know all the positions are filled, is he a friend whom you promised a job?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Almondo Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Ass manager notes we have a flair disadvantage to our next opponent. "Really well I couldn't care less about our Flair. So long as we perform solidly I don't give a monkey's ass about it." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMOZZA Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 i think we bought the same players for Milan Unfortunately not, I'm Villa manager and Tassotti joined me as my assistant in Season 2 He's now my assistant @ Villa & England Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some Guy! Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Hmmm... Well after many good years from Giggs I decided to let him go elsewhere. It was time for him to make his own path. My new second in charge, Ross MacLaren seems to fill his role well though: Me: So Ross, we've just scraped through 1-0 at home against Barcelona and as we lost 2-1 away we go through 1-0 on away goals. It was a good gutsy performances despite having a makeshift defense, depleted midfield and two strikers who have been run into the ground. What should I say to the troops? MacLaren: Tell them that it was a bad performance despite the result! Me: Do you know of many good assistant managers? ______________________________________________________ Journalist: So, English Players' Young Player of the Year Award is coming up, who do you think is going to win? Me: Well, I'm going to avoid answering this as 5 of the 6 options I've been given are players in my team. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some Guy! Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 16 year old Simon Gillett makes it 3 - 0 to Derby over Tottenham at Pride Park with 27 minutes played. Commentary: Derby are sending out a title warning here. Well, considering that pre-game I was told that a win today would secure the title, I'm pretty sure it's slightly more than a warning. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some Guy! Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 MacLaren: So, I've been given the reigns for a few matches this preseason. Let's really show my boss what I can do! Derby 9 - 0 Hearts MacLaren: So we've just destroyed a Scottish Premier League side 9-0. I know, I'm not going to bother talking to the side! 10 players concerned that they aren't being given enough credit, 5 bemoan lack of squad harmony! Thanks MacLaren, you're sacked! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
rinso Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 (coach) Vales: You know boss, I think we would do better playing a 4-2-2-2 or a diamond 4-4-2 with the players we have. (assman) Lee: He's talkin crap, boss. The formation you're using is the best by far. 2 days later... (assman) Lee: You know, boss, Vales might have a point about them other formations. I'd suggest the 4-2-2-2. (coach) Vales: You know, boss, I've been thinking about them formations, and Lee was right, we're probably best sticking with the one we're using. Cheers lads, very helpful! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some Guy! Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Me: Hey Marco [van Basten], how's your squad for the Netherland's next match looking? Marco: Not too bad, I'm thinking of dropping Zamani to the U21 side. Me: Uh... WHAT?! Why would you do that? You do realise that he's not only your best player, but also probably the best rightback in the World?! Marco: Hmmm... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
silva_gunner Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 'The fans feel Naldo, Vela and Ramires should have played instead of Senderos, V Persie and Gusev' Well seeing as two of them were suspended and the other on international duty, i fail to see how i would have done that. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me; So Pat, we've just lost at home to Hull. Any suggestions as to what i say to the team? Pat; Well i would tell them that they should play like that every game. Me; Know where i could find a new assistant Pat? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
flashback790 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 This is by far the best thread in the history of these forums, a little surprised is hasn't been closed as it shows that yet another new feature implemented by SI is useless, serves no purpose and is the biggest piece of c**p since press conferences. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some Guy! Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 This is by far the best thread in the history of these forums, a little surprised is hasn't been closed as it shows that yet another new feature implemented by SI is useless, serves no purpose and is the biggest piece of c**p since press conferences. In truth it has it's uses. The key is to know when your assistant is a bit off his rocker (as it has always been). Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Almondo Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 In truth it has it's uses. The key is to know when your assistant is a bit off his rocker (as it has always been). Don't forget the coaches also being off their rockers Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamBamBam Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 The "Staff" in this game are pretty damm useless. As this thread shows. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
flashback790 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 "Lee Naylor should be encouraged the run down the right wing alot." "Thanks Tom, but he's a left back, you're a moron, and you're fired!!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
silva_gunner Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 The point of this thread is to have a laugh, albeit at SIs expense. A lot of this is actually about our reactions rather than the staffs comments. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katarian Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 "Fans think playerA should of been played instead of playerB"Ok but playerA is in AnE at the minute, if you want to go over there and go agenst qualified doctors and tell him he can run off his broken leg the wuss, or i can play him in a wheelchair if you really want me to. Or in my first season I got the chestnut of, "Fans think PlayerA, PlayerB, PlayerC should of played instead of PlayerD, PlayerE, PlayerF" Now we lost 6-1 at Old Trafford. We are a good League One side, and from the looks of the changes you want you think we would of done better, playing the third choice 16 year old GK, and changing formation from a 4-1-2-1-2 to a 2-1-2-2-3 (or some lunatic formation I couldn't really work out what exactly) based on the players you want to play. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
silva_gunner Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 "Coach X believes that Wigan score most of their goals between the 31st and 45th minutes" Believe? You mean you're not sure? All you have to do is count! Followed by "Coach Y disagrees with this advice" So which one of you can't count then? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
flashback790 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Scout report:-"The opposition has fast strikers so we should play a deep defensive line." Tom my ass man says:-"The opposition struggles against a high defensive line." My responce:-"You're advice is useless and you both need to sit down, talk to each other, and give me some good advice!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
brod104 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 "The Guinea fans are disappointed with the 2-0 defeat away to Ivory Coast". OK, so we were away to arguably the strongest African team, whose win in this game meant that they finish top of the World Cup qualifying table with a 100% record. We actually played quite well, had as many shots as the Ivorians and that's before counting our 3 shots that smashed the woodwork. Fine, no-one likes losing, but what more could we realistically have done? Sometimes it's just not your day, you know? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindon69 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Asst Manager - "We haven't had a backroom meeting since X" Me - "Was I talking to myself yesterday?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMOZZA Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 So after losing 1-0 away to Man City in a match where I had nearly twice as many shots, hit the woodwork 4 times and had 64% of the possession, ending my 26 game unbeaten league run I get this in the press Conference: "Many people will be struggling to understand a loss against a Man City team that you were expected to beat heavily. What is your reaction to the result?" Errrr...excuse me???? Just to remind you mr whateveryournameis from The Birmingham Post, Man City have been predicted by yourselves (The Media) to finish top of the league this year, but you think we should have came to the City of Manchester stadium and heavily beat the title favourites despite being made second favourites for the match by the bookies? I wish you idiots would stop contradicting yourselves. The only thing stopping my team from winning today was the woodwork. Maybe I should go out and spend 100m on a set of new goal posts that have the rare quality to divert the ball into the net rather than keeping it out, you know, like the ones Man City seem to bring on everytime I bring my team here? Should be handier than our £50m strike force. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
rinso Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 So after losing 1-0 away to Man City in a match where I had nearly twice as many shots, hit the woodwork 4 times and had 64% of the possession, ending my 26 game unbeaten league run I get this in the press Conference:"Many people will be struggling to understand a loss against a Man City team that you were expected to beat heavily. What is your reaction to the result?" Errrr...excuse me???? Just to remind you mr whateveryournameis from The Birmingham Post, Man City have been predicted by yourselves (The Media) to finish top of the league this year, but you think we should have came to the City of Manchester stadium and heavily beat the title favourites despite being made second favourites for the match by the bookies? I wish you idiots would stop contradicting yourselves. The only thing stopping my team from winning today was the woodwork. Maybe I should go out and spend 100m on a set of new goal posts that have the rare quality to divert the ball into the net rather than keeping it out, you know, like the ones Man City seem to bring on everytime I bring my team here? Should be handier than our £50m strike force. ...or sign that norwegian (i think) keeper thats been caught on camera actually moving the goalposts!! your assistant recommends that we train this player to get forward as much as possible... why, exactly? he cant shoot, cross, tackle, dribble.... oh wait, I get it now... he's less of a danger to us if he's in the opposition half of the field.. Genius!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamBamBam Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 If I had added this feature into the game, I'd be more than a little gutted after reading this thread!!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
aw083 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 MacLaren: So, I've been given the reigns for a few matches this preseason. Let's really show my boss what I can do!Derby 9 - 0 Hearts MacLaren: So we've just destroyed a Scottish Premier League side 9-0. I know, I'm not going to bother talking to the side! 10 players concerned that they aren't being given enough credit, 5 bemoan lack of squad harmony! Thanks MacLaren, you're sacked! Have to agree with you on that one. I'm really unhappy with the teamtalks my assistant has given in preseason in FM10. Often he doesn't say anything before, during or after the match and the players get really annoyed. Then they blame you! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxford_Canary Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 More of a quote from pitch side.Just took over a wreck of a side in the Dutch Second Division and on scoring our first goal under me, roaring "THIS IIIIISSSS SSSSSPPAAAAAAATA!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Love it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxford_Canary Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 "I understand that you think we need an expert on man management (after all, you've been bleating about it for 3 months now), but you have suggested the same three names for the last 8 meetings and they all have a man management rating of less than 8! I don't know about you, but when I hire an expert I'd like them to actually have some expertise." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
flashback790 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 If I had added this feature into the game, I'd be more than a little gutted after reading this thread!!! Then hopefully this will teach SI to not put stupid, pointless features in next time. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indi75 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 Feature needs expanding and developing/improving. Not removing. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
rinso Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Then hopefully this will teach SI to not put stupid, pointless features in next time. Its far from stupid and pointless, despite its flaws. Managing a club in Hong Kong, with no knowledge of the players or the league, its all I have as a guide to my squad (without using external tools) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
flashback790 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Its far from stupid and pointless, despite its flaws. Managing a club in Hong Kong, with no knowledge of the players or the league, its all I have as a guide to my squad (without using external tools) You could get better advice from your shoe, I admit it has potential to be a good feature/gimmick, but until it works it is pointless. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CityAndColour Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 It's an excellent feature, because you can dismiss the advice you don't want and keep what you do. The coaches often recommend great unattached players and staff members, which is especially handy in lower leagues. Just needs some refinement and less repetition (if I dismiss something five times in two weeks, can you stop suggesting it?). Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raezel Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Me: "So, Mr. Man City's unbelievably rich owner, I've spent the budget and am at the top of the table, but we're a a bit short on the full back department. Would you mind tossing a bit of cash my way?" Owner: "Sorry, we haven't seen return on the investment we already put in" Few weeks later Owner: "Good news, the finances have improved and we're in a position to raise your transfer budget. I mean I'm just such a generous guy and all, so here it is [drum roll] 170k. Go nuts!" Me: "Wow, this really helps me get the top class full back I had in mind" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDAquinas Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 'Afternoon Ass. I'd like you to meet my daughter Kate. She's 3. Say hello Kate. Now Kate could you show Mr Ass Man over there which one of our feetsies is our left and which one is our right. Well done Kate clever girl. Now Ass if you could see your way to assimilating this complex new info into your frequent advice for me to start training Ben Davies to hug the right touchline whilst dribbling I would consider it a great favour. He plays on the left wing Ass. He has done for 2 years now. Almost uninterupted. He's been fantastic. I appreciate that he can play on the right if needs be but he isn't as good there is he ass and we do have Jermaine Pennant on the right don't we ass? I can't help thinking that it would blunt his effectiveness as a left wing if he was hugging the right touchline. It would probably confuse Jermaine as well to be fair. Could we drop it now ass? Please? Say goodbye to the monkey in a cheap suit who earns way to much money to not know one side of a pitch from the other Kate Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrazT Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 This is by far the best thread in the history of these forums, a little surprised is hasn't been closed as it shows that yet another new feature implemented by SI is useless, serves no purpose and is the biggest piece of c**p since press conferences. How about you keep it on topic and the language reasonable please. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
stegg001 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 great topic!! laughed my balls off Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualitystreet Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 I think poor old Pat Rice might have a case against SI on the basis of these! I'll never be able to take the guy seriously again Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Almondo Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 I think poor old Pat Rice might have a case against SI on the basis of these!I'll never be able to take the guy seriously again Turn that into any assistant manager as their advice is generally awful Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATW Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 I have actually been in tears reading this thread "Player x should attempt more long range free kicks" Thanks, but can I just check that you're talking about my GK, who has a kicking att of 7 and free kick taking of 5 when my right winger has all the atts to succeed at this level. Player Y has a condition of 70% due to niggle injury Player Y substituted for Player Z Player Y is not happy What the hell do you want me to do - let you walk through the rest of the game... The fans are unhappy with losing 2-1 away to Alcorcon. You mean that club that are currently top of the table, 12 points clear of everyone, not lost at home all season and only drawn twice at home. " Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnyNoel Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Every pre-season: Ass Man - "Due to our finances you should look to the youth system for players" Youth coach - "We have no prospects at this time" Also: Ass Man - "Roberto Grimaudo should be taken off the transfer list" And who transfer listed him Richard? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Almondo Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 "Noe Verhoeven uneasy about attacking approach." Oh really mr assistant manager. We've played attacking football all season and are running away with the league. Oh yeah and we haven't lost a game this season. Muppet Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just-Wool Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Ass Man: HAI GUYZ - I HAZ A GREAT IDEA!!!11!!! Me: *Groan* Ok, tell me your great idea, do I need to sit down for this? Ass Man: YOU KNOWZ HOW WE CANT WIN GOALZ FROM THROW INS ATM?!?! Me: Er, Yeah *shifts uncomfortably* Ass Man: WELL HEAR ME OUT!!!111!!! WHY DONT WE TEACH OUR 6 FOOT 6 TARGET MAN WHO IS THE BEZT AT HEADING IN DA WHOLE CLUBZ TO THROW LONG BULLET THROWZ Me: You know mr assistant, usually I would say who hired this guy? I know it was actually me though so I am going to give you a choice. Gun or rope? As long as it's painless, I really don't care at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Almondo Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Ass Man: HAI GUYZ - I HAZ A GREAT IDEA!!!11!!!Me: *Groan* Ok, tell me your great idea, do I need to sit down for this? Ass Man: YOU KNOWZ HOW WE CANT WIN GOALZ FROM THROW INS ATM?!?! Me: Er, Yeah *shifts uncomfortably* Ass Man: WELL HEAR ME OUT!!!111!!! WHY DONT WE TEACH OUR 6 FOOT 6 TARGET MAN WHO IS THE BEZT AT HEADING IN DA WHOLE CLUBZ TO THROW LONG BULLET THROWZ Me: You know mr assistant, usually I would say who hired this guy? I know it was actually me though so I am going to give you a choice. Gun or rope? As long as it's painless, I really don't care at the moment. Now that's just had me killing myself laughing. I wouldn't give him the choice myself Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Miner Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Your ASS has the following concerns Norwich are more determined than us Norwich are taller than us Norwich are quicker than us Norwich are technically better than us Norwich have more flair than us :eek: Right, shall we bother turning up then...? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koki Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 My untalented youth player: "Well, I'm not a regular first teamer for the reserve but boy - I feel I need to move to a bigger club!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some Guy! Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 "Jim Chases Davies" Media: Reports have linked you with a move for Aston Villa's 31 year old defender Curtis Davies, are you likely to make a move for this player? Me: I have no interest in this player what so ever! Media: Reports have linked you with a move for Aston Villa's 31 year old defender Curtis Davies, are you likely to make a move for this player? Me: I have no interest in this player what so ever! Media: Reports have linked you with a move for Aston Villa's 31 year old defender Curtis Davies, are you likely to make a move for this player? Me: I have no interest in this player what so ever! Media: Reports have linked you with a move for Aston Villa's 31 year old defender Curtis Davies, are you likely to make a move for this player? Me: I have no interest in this player what so ever! "Jim chases Davies" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevenChap Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 best thread ever Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koki Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 From the AI manager conference: Wenger: Let's have a big laugh and unsettle some players from the user's club! van Gaal: Alright, I'll spread a rumour to be interested in Suarez. Moutinho: Great, I'll talk to the media about splashing cash on Stekelenburg. Hughes: I'll spend 20 mil on Emanuelson. Wenger: No Mark, that's not the way we do it. We never actually make a bid! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.