'Sports Interactive are Hiring! - Junior UI Artist' Here's what will happen in the interviews.

Interview no1:

SI: "Hello Mr X, welcome to SI Towers. Now, you are here to interview for the position of Junior UI artist, we offer the industry standard for the position of £xxxxx."

Mr X: "What???"

Produces newspaper clipping and website print outs.

Mr X: "Sega made oodles and oodles of money last year, you lot are loaded, you better pay me 4 times the industry standard."

SI: "Uh, no. The salary is fixed."

MR X: "Okay, okay. Three times."

SI: "No."

Mr X: "To hell with you, I'm off down the road to work for that less well known developer on half of industry standard! Because that is reasonable behaviour."

SI: "Bye."

Interview 2.

SI: "Hello Mr Y, welcome to SI Towers. Now, you are here to interview for the position of Junior UI artist, we offer the..."

Mr Y: "Let me stop you there if I may. I want to be a Senior UI artist."

SI: "Uh, no. The position we advertised for is Junior UI artist. That's what you applied for."

Mr Y: "Uh uh, I want to be a Senior UI artist."

SI: "Unfortunately we don't that position available."

Mr Y: "Bye."

What else could happen if real life interviews were like FM?

Boss: ' Umm secretary, can you call in Steven. He has been with the company now for 20 years. He has been a great employee throughout his tenure and just closed on a billion dollar contract. Its about time we thank him for his exemplary performance.'

Secretary : 'Sure, I'll call him right in.'

Steven: ' Hey Boss, you wanted to see me.'

Boss: ' Yes Steven, after 20 years with the company, I just wanted to say your form has improved recently, I hope it continues.'

Steven : ' Umm, well thanks boss, but I didn't know that my form had dropped'

Boss: ' It hasn't. Umm, let me try this again. What I meant to say was that your form has dramatically improved recently, keep it up.

Steven: ' Thanks boss but again, about my form. What have I done wrong?

Boss: ' Nothing at all Steven. That is just all I have got to say. Can not think of anything else. Have a good day.'

Steven: ' Um ok, thanks boss.

"I know I'm really only qualified for the junior position but I could be a leading star in the SI team in the future so I want to start off at least in the senior position and no less than 15% annual salary raise plus triple my salary after FM14"

"I know I'm really only qualified for the junior position but I could be a leading star in the SI team in the future so I want to start off at least in the senior position and no less than 15% annual salary raise plus triple my salary after FM14"

"....and I've bought my agent along who wants 3 times my salary merely for introducing somebody as god-like as me to your company. Don't like it? I'll go to EA on 1/3 of what you're offering just to **** you off..."

This is gold, Jerry!

* gets hired as Junior UI artist *

* performs best as Senior Head of Accounting *

:D:D:D

Best thread ever.

Upon the successful candidate, Mr Z, accepting the job...

SI: "Right, the first thing I’d like you to do is shadow the Senior UI artist. He’ll talk you through the role and show you the ropes, give you a tour and generally mentor you for the first couple of weeks. How does that sound?”

Mr Z: "I don’t really want to learn from the Senior UI artist.”

SI: "Uh, ok. You don’t really have a say in the matter. He’s the one doing the job we want you to do, he’s been in that position a long time and knows his stuff. Shall I call him into the room to discuss this further?”

Mr Z: "You’re right, I’m sorry. Yes, get him in here.”

SI: "Great! I’ll get just call him into the room.”

Senior UI Artist: “Hello boss, you wanted to see me?”

SI: "Yes. This is our new starter, Mr Z. We’d like you to tutor him to help him develop into a top UI artist.”

Senior UI Artist: “I don’t really see the benefit of me working with Mr Z.”

SI: "I have to say I think you’re being thoroughly unprofessional. Stop questioning my judgement and get on with your job!”

Senior UI Artist: “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll work with Mr Z.”

SI: "Thank-you. That’ll be all then gents.”

[senior UI Artist leaves the room]

*awkward pause*

..................................

Mr Z: "I’m not at all happy at how you’ve handled this.”

So mr. Y, how is your new job going?

I don't want to work as a junior UI designer. I feel I can do better.

Last time I gave you a job designing a UI you didn't perform. You should show me why you deserve the job, not ask for it.

I don't know, I don't feel like you are treating me with respect.

You are unprofessional.

I don't think I can work with you anymore.

* hands in resignation letter *

* Director of operations gives new contract and more money *

After recruitment -

Manager: Whatever sketches you create please put them in version control

Mr Y: I have the Employee preferred move of putting my sketches in Recycle bin, so the hell with your advice

Manager to Company's training staff(CTF) - can u please teach him to put his sketches in version control

CTF - i dont think it is a good suggestion for him

Upon the successful candidate, Mr Z, accepting the job...

That is one of the funnniest things I have ever read

Had me in laughing

Brillaint

quality thread... thats why i can sense its closing:(

Believe me I've worked for firms where it is like that seriously nobody denies the AI has major logic loss when it comes to contracts etc, it's an area in need of major work.

I think it's a massive job too, as is all the interaction if it's ever to feel "real"

The Mods enjoy this type of thread too- much more entertaining than ranting ones. As long as it remains sensible, there is no liklihood tht it will be closed:)

Upon the successful candidate, Mr Z, accepting the job...

The funniest thing I've read on here for a long long time, classic

*awkward pause*

That'll be all for now.

Person X is spotted out late at night leaving a nghtclub in the early hours

Person X manager - Persopn X looks jaded, i suggest sending him on a 2 week holiday

SI: OK, Person X, i will send you on holiday for a week.

I think id like to work for this firm.

Mr. Z: I want £60 000 a week.

SI: That's a bit steep. We were thinking more in the line of 35000.

Mr. Z: Ok I could do with 58900 a week, then.

SI: Well, that's quite a reduction there, lad! We can stretch our finances to 40000.

Mr. Z: 58900.

SI: This is going to burn our pockets, but 42000. It's our final offer!

Mr. Z: 58900.

SI: 43000

Mr. Z: 58900

SI: 46000 then come on!!!

Mr.Z: 58900

SI: 49000!

Mr.Z: I am starting to get a bit tired of these discussions. 58900. This is a very reasonable offer!

SI: 55000? Take it or leave it.

Mr.Z: Considering your take it or leave it offer, I have decided to withdraw from these negotiations. Bye!

SI: Welcome, thanks for attending today.

Mr Z: My pleasure.

SI: Okay, let's get started, first things first...

Mr Z: *Gets ball out and takes wildly inaccurate shot from 30 yards*

SI: Uh, we're going to have to ask you to rarely do that...

Mr Z: *Immediately takes another 30 yard ping at the canteen, this time hitting accounts*

SI: We can offer you £400 p/w

Mr Y: But i want £10,000 p/w

SI: Ok we can offer you £150 p/w but after 30 games we'll give you £50,000 p/w

Mr Y: Ok i accept.

6 months later

SI: Your fired

Mr Y: Why this is unfair what have i done wrong?

Sheer genius. I will probably add to this at some stage.

SI: Welcome, thanks for attending today.

Mr Z: My pleasure.

SI: Okay, let's get started, first things first...

Mr Z: *Gets ball out and takes wildly inaccurate shot from 30 yards*

SI: Uh, we're going to have to ask you to rarely do that...

Mr Z: *Immediately takes another 30 yard ping at the canteen, this time hitting accounts*

This is the best

INT: OFFICE DAY

An SI manager pops head round the door to give an atta boy to the new Junior UI Artist...

SI: (Passionately) I just wanted to say that you've been performing really well of late. Keep up the good work!

Mr X: (Reluctantly) I don't think I've done well enough to deserve praise.

SI: (Calmly) Err, OK. I can see you are a perfectionist, and that's good I suppose. Nonetheless, keep up whatever you're doing.

Mr X: (Assertively) I'm sorry but that's not good enough. I used to think you had high standards, but now I'm disillusioned. *morale: abysmal*

SI: (Assertively) I don't think our standards are all that different.

Mr X: (Reluctantly) I'm really unhappy with how you've handled this. If things don't improve, I will be looking to leave.

SI: (Aggressively) What the ****ing ****bucket. I was just trying to give you a **********ing compliment.

Mr X: (Calmly) I think that'll be all for now. If you want me, I'll be around.

SI: (Assertively) Er... I'm your boss and I'm standing here talking to you.

Mr X: (Calmly) I think we should could continue our discussion at a later date.

SI: (Assertively) I don't.

Mr X: (Calmly) I think we should continue our discussion at a later date.

SI: (Assetively) ****!

LMAO to every single post!

SI: Welcome, thanks for attending today.

Mr Z: My pleasure.

SI: Okay, let's get started, first things first...

Mr Z: *Gets ball out and takes wildly inaccurate shot from 30 yards*

SI: Uh, we're going to have to ask you to rarely do that...

Mr Z: *Immediately takes another 30 yard ping at the canteen, this time hitting accounts*

Brilliant. Just re-instated my profile after 4 years just to say this is hilarious, and it pretty much describes how my players react to my long shot instructions, the arrogant sausages

SI: You've done some excellent work this morning but you need to keep up the effort after lunch if we're to hit our deadline.

Mr Z: Angered

Deadline is missed due to Mr Z spending the afternoon aimlessly wandering round the office

SI: What happened? You were brilliant until you went to lunch & then you seem to have switched off.

Mr Z: Confused & demotivated

This is way better than meme thread.

Hahaha, read some of these and they're funny.

Chaps we've outdone ourselves with this thread. I just showed it to my gf and she was laughing out loud, she doesn't even play the game!

What the ****ing ****bucket. I was just trying to give you a **********ing compliment.

Love it!

Also BiggusD take a bow, had me in stitches!

Potential Employer: "Yes, you can have a job on one condition... I want to make love to your wife."

Your personal assistant feels you should issue a hands-off warning.

After recruitment -

Manager: Whatever sketches you create please put them in version control

Mr Y: I have the Employee preferred move of putting my sketches in Recycle bin, so the hell with your advice

Brilliant

Mr X: I'd like £50k a year

SI: that's quite a lot for a junior position, we can offer you £20k

Mr X: I want £50k

SI: we'll up it to £25k, and we'll throw in some great bonuses

Mr X: I want £50k, and I'm concerned that we don't seem to be making much progress here

SI: £30k, plus we'll improve the bonuses

Mr X: I've decided to withdraw from these negotiations.

*signs for EA for £15k*

Boss: "Welcome back from holiday, did you have a good time."

Employee: "Yeah, it was great, thanks. Now, er...."

Boss: "Something wrong?"

Employee: "Yeah, I can't remember where I sit... I've worked here for six years, but I still forget things when I come back.... It's going to take me at least three months of dedicated coaching with my fellow employees before I'm fully back up to speed on exactly what my role is within the company."

Boss: "Of course, how could I forget..."

One of the best threads ever!

Boss: "Welcome back from holiday, did you have a good time."

Employee: "Yeah, it was great, thanks. Now, er...."

Boss: "Something wrong?"

Employee: "Yeah, I can't remember where I sit... I've worked here for six years, but I still forget things when I come back.... It's going to take me at least three months of dedicated coaching with my fellow employees before I'm fully back up to speed on exactly what my role is within the company."

Boss: "Of course, how could I forget..."

There are times when words should not be required.

Potential Employer: "Yes, you can have a job on one condition... I want to make love to your wife."

Your personal assistant feels you should issue a hands-off warning.

:lol:

potential employer: "yes, you can have a job on one condition... I want to make love to your wife."

your personal assistant feels you should issue a hands-off warning.

lol!

after recruitment -

manager: Whatever sketches you create please put them in version control

mr y: I have the employee preferred move of putting my sketches in recycle bin, so the hell with your advice

omglol!

boss: It's great to have concluded negotiations positively, you can start right away. Go to your office and start designing that ui.

Employee: Actually, i've just been configuring my job preferences, and designing the ui is now your job.

Boss: I'll get started right away, great to have you on board!

Mr. Z: I want £60 000 a week.

SI: That's a bit steep. We were thinking more in the line of 35000.

Mr. Z: Ok I could do with 58900 a week, then.

SI: Well, that's quite a reduction there, lad! We can stretch our finances to 40000.

Mr. Z: 58900.

SI: This is going to burn our pockets, but 42000. It's our final offer!

Mr. Z: 58900.

SI: 43000

Mr. Z: 58900

SI: 46000 then come on!!!

Mr.Z: 58900

SI: 49000!

Mr.Z: I am starting to get a bit tired of these discussions. 58900. This is a very reasonable offer!

SI: 55000? Take it or leave it.

Mr.Z: Considering your take it or leave it offer, I have decided to withdraw from these negotiations. Bye!

I nearly swerved off the road. "He's taking the ****, Jonathon!"

SI: Thanks for taking the time to come in today

Mr Z: That's fine, pleasure to be here

SI: Now, before we get into it...

*Phone rings*

Mr Z: Terribly sorry, thought that was on silent. It's my assistant, just give me a second...

(Whispers) What is it? I'm in an interview...

Assistant: We need to prepare another tactic

Mr Z: You rang me for that?! Go away!

*Hangs up*

SI: Er, okay. So before we begin, if you could just fill this out

*Phone rings again*

Mr Z: (Slightly louder whisper) What?!

Assistant: We're being seriously overrun in midfield

Mr Z: What's the score?

Assistant: Well, we're 5-1 up, but we need to take our chances as we're struggling with posse...

Mr Z: What the hell is wrong with you?

SI: Okay, look we'll call you

Mr Z: When can I expect a call?

SI: Don't question us, we'll call you when we're ready to call you and if you try and ring us before then we'll block your calls

Boss: "So Dave, just looking at this latest set of UI improvements you've sent over. Pretty awful, care to explain why?"

Dave: "Yes boss, when we came into work that day, the UI project director forgot to shout out our instructions for the day, so we didn't perform how we usually did. Hence the crappy UI."

Boss: "...."