The Return To Treasure Island: The Ultimate Rivalry Lives Again!

[DodgeeD]

Return To Treasure Island: The Ultimate Rivalry Rises Again!

CSE Times: The Dawn of a New Golden Age?

Bobinho. McBob. The Stig. Gonzalez. Kroeger. Harrow. De Mire. Brendanio. Twigge. Crazy. That guy who became assistant manger at Rochdale. All great names in the history of football (sorry Paul Hart but I couldn’t quite work you in...), all players who enjoyed great success on the international stage. However, it seemed the ‘Golden Age’ of football from the Northern and Southern Treasure Islands was over. That is, until recently. But first, for our younger readers, let’s have a quick history lesson:

We all sat and watched in awe as the Southern and Northern Treasure Islands came out of nowhere and took the footballing world by storm. Spurred on by a fierce rivalry and untold wealth, both nations produced a crop of astounding young talent and rose to the top of the world rankings. The wealth of talent and riches also earned (though some say bought ) one club from each nation a place in the Dutch leauge with Cove Bay Pirates from the South and Capital City Merchants from the North. Just like their national sides, those clubs rose to the top, displacing Ajax and PSV at the top of the Dutch league. On the international front, the Treasure Island sides toppled Mexico and the U.S.A. from the position of supremacy in CONCACAF football and made an imapct on the global stage too as NTI made the World Cup semis on two ocassions, as did STI. The Southerners even went one better by winning the World Cup at a memorable tournament in Russia, beating thier fierce rivals on the way.

But then the superstar players on both sides started to age and the light began to flicker. The youngsters coming through were just not anywhere near as good as their predecessors and a slow slide down the world rankings began. Cove Bay and the Merchants were able to stave off the rot as they brought in top quality players from all over the world. However, money only goes so far and when the well dries up, people get thristy. With the world suffering in the grip of recession, Cove Bay and the Merchants lost their funding and were forced to go home. STI and NTI started to struggle against their Caribbean neighbours, attendances dropped, interest waned and past glories became hazy memories... (the full story was chronicled here for those who are interested)

The memories stayed sharp and fresh for a group of the players who had been central to the glory days though and after weeks of rumour and speculation, today concurrent announcements came from both the STIFA and NTIFA – in a huge shake up, they have appointed some of their former players to run the national teams and bring the glory days back!

The staff set-up on both sides is as follows:

Southern Treasure Islands

Manager: Jason de Mire – although he played his career in the shadow of his more prolific strike partners, he has already tasted management at Feyenoord and is looking to apply his experience here.

Assistant manager: Ramiro – was the assistant at Rochdale and apparently was a former STI player too, though we haven’t been able to confirm that yet.

Coaches: Captain Gingerbread – world record goalscorer at international level!|Bobinho – the goalscoring legend! | Brendanio – another legendary STI striker | Heinrich Kroeger – the faithful keeper will be coaching the new goalies this time.

U20 manager: The Stig – the towering centre back will be nuturing the youngsters (if he sticks around that is )

Northern Treasure Islands

Manager: Bob McBob – the trophyless wonder will be hoping to oversee some NTI success this time.

Assistant manager: Pablo Gonzalez – the loyal Merchant man wll be presenting his advice to McBob throughout the games.

Coaches: Jack Harrow – be will be working with the goalkeepers, laying the foundations. Expect him to leave and come back a few times | Adam Flash – not the most popular of NTIers due to his affiliations with Cove Bay but he will bring valuable experience to the table nonetheless.

U20 manager: Mikey Twigge – charged with bringing the youngsters through but he won’t be giving them any advice on hair!

Both sets of coaches have been busy all weekend holding trials to find the talent they know is there, waiting to be found. Their return onto the footballing scene seems to have done the trick as ripples of excitement have spread all around the Northern and Southern parts of the Islands and yougsters from all around turned up for the selection process, including several youngsters from other countries who claim to have been fathered by the players of the first golden age as they toured the world.

The ex-players have been pulling strings to get these exciting youngsters placed at clubs across the globe as they begin their professional careers (STI may have an advantage here considering the number of different clubs and leagues The Stig played in). We’ll have more news for you regarding these players as soon as we get it, and hopefully we’ll gte the chance to interview some of them and some of the legends as well.

[DodgeeD]

Before we go any further, a word from the creator, DodgeeD:

Time for the updates to begin! I just want to set a few things straight before we start:

• The focus of this thread will be the international careers of your players so you can expect updates after every competitive game and extended updates of the head-to-head clashes, of which I hope there will be plenty.
  
• I will update how your player is doing at club level mid-season and at the end of the season with extra updates after transfer windows.
  
• I will post a screenshot of each player taken on July 1st each year as the game progresses. If that means you miss out on some season stats due to reset dates, sobeit.
  
• If I can't update for any reason (holiday, work comittmets, computer trouble etc), I will let you know why and when I'll be back. I ask the same of you - if you will be unable to post for any reason, let me know.
  
• Please have fun with the updates - banter is encouraged (this is a rivalry after all). Any kind of role-playing (newspaper stories, interviews, quotes etc) will be great. 'My player is doing well KUTGW' just doesn't cut it.
  

Apart from that, bear with me while I get player profiles up and reveal your starting clubs.

Oh, and before I forget, the game has been set up as follows:

Database: Edited 9.30 update

Active leagues: England (down to Blue Square Prem); Germany, Holland, Italy, Mexico, Scotland, Spain and Portugal (top two divisions only), USA (MLS only) and Australia (A-League only).

Start date: January 2008 (spartans5 idea as it allows both nations to compete in the World Cup qualifiers for 2010 )

[Cardiovascular]

I hope my player does well KUTGW

[bergtaur]

Sweet set up Dodgee. Looks like i'm in America or Australia! You want us to use Italics or something for In-character talk or not?

[DodgeeD]

Sweet set up Dodgee. Looks like i'm in America or Australia! You want us to use Italics or something for In-character talk or not?

Up to you. As long as it's clear, I don't mind.

[bergtaur]

Up to you. As long as it's clear, I don't mind.

Cool. I'll probably use them then. Easier for me that way.

[DodgeeD]

Return To Treasure Island: The Players Revealed

With the whole world buzzing about the return of the greats of Treasure Island football, here is an exclusive first look at the players who have been picked out as the ones to bring the glory days back. However, football is, as they say, a funny old game and, in an interesting twist, the efforts of the legends of the past to land their new prospects contracts at clubs around the world has led to each club that was approached signing up one STIer and one NTIer! Can these players function in the same team together? Or will the rivalry get in the way? Only time will tell...

Starting At The Top

Having played at some of Europe’s top sides, the legends of old were able to secure deals for some of their players at the following clubs:

Real Madrid are always on the look out for talent (although they usually prefer to pay big bucks and annoy Premier League managers for it) and they have secured the services of two Treasure Island stars:

Tom Smith (STI)

Tom Hamilton (NTI)

Arsenal are world famous for their youth talent and they have snapped up two good ones:

Rufio van Peters (STI) – it is said that his father is a childhood friend of STI legend and ex-gunner Brendanio, which probably helped in getting him signed up here.

Bob McBob Jnr. (NTI) – need we say more? The son of the NTI and Arsenal great is following in daddy’s footsteps.

Ajax, another club with a world famous youth programme, has got in on the act as well:

John Lemon (STI)

Molind Tner (NTI)

A.C. Milan said “we’ll have some of that” and acquired:

Claudio Castagnoli (STI)

Ben Flash (NTI)

Bayern Munich, after checking this wasn’t a ruse from that hermit in the forest, offered deals to:

Bobinho Jr. (STI) – son of one of the all-time great goalscorers

Pablo Gonzalez Jnr. (NTI) – son of one of NTI’s great strikers.

Porto were not far behind, with these two youngsters now on their books:

Craig Healy (STI)

Juan Alvaro Brown (NTI)

Celtic are not a team to miss out on a freebie and, in fact, the grabbed two:

Liam Ferguson (STI)

Josh Collingwood (NTI)

Slightly Further Down

Not every player gets a silver spoon in their mouth, however. These players will be looking to show themselves as big fish in a small pond:

Roda JC (Holland) with fond memories of the Cove Bay/Merchant days went for:

Captain Gingerbread Jnr. (STI) – son of the world-record goalscorer and most capped player of all time (not much to live up to then!).

Robert Blowcrapup (NTI)

Gimnastic (Spain) were another club who rose to the top with help of an Islander or two back in the day and will look to recapture former glories with:

Heinrich Kroeger Jnr (STI) – son of the former keeper

James Almond (NTI)

Brescia (Italy) also went for a blast from the past as they employed sons of two former players:

Gus Crazy (STI)

Mikey Twigge Jnr. (NTI)

Gil Vincente (Portugal) like a tried and tested idea and signed:

Blackbeard (STI)

Jonathan (NTI)

Vfl Osnabrück (Germany) are new to the Treasure Island footballing phenomenon and will be hoping for good results from:

Loic Philippens (STI) – it has been noted that this youngster bears more than a passing resembelence to STI ass man Ramiro. Both parties deny any relationship, however.

Lawrence Lazewski (NTI)

Inverness CT (Scotland) somehow managed to persude two players to swop life in the Caribbean for the Scottish highlands:

Cardiovascular (STI)

Alex Barkley (NTI)

Crewe (England) have a good reputation for developing young talent and will be looking to kickstart the careers of these guys:

Theo Stigarakis (STI) – son the elusive centre back The Stig. Will he hop from club to club like his father or will he be more loyal to the family’s favourite club?

Robert Boyle (NTI) – another name familar to the previous generation. Can he cope with the pressure of expectattion?

Southend (England) also went for two sons of past players, though STI fans may be forgiven for asking “who?”:

Paul Hart JR (STI) – son of the Forgotten Bavarian hermit.

Jack Harrow (NTI) – another son who was named after his legendary father.

Q.P.R. (England), a team with money to burn, opted for a couple of buys for the future as well:

Gwilym J. James II (STI) – successor to Gwilym J. James The First

Jack Browne (NTI)

Barnet (England) managed to score a coup, bringing two very talented youngsters to League 2:

Fred Brookes (STI)

Cristobal Blanco (NTI)

And Completely Out of Town

The following players decided making an impact outside of Europe first may help them get noticed by the big clubs faster:

Chivas (Mexico) snapped up a couple of gems from their Caribbean neighbours:

J. D. Dodgson (STI) – son of now STI manger Jason de Mire. Will he benefit from family favours?

Hawkini (NTI) – looking for some exposure in sunny Mexico

Chivas USA (er.. USA) followed their parent club’s lead in nabbing some Islanders:

Ondrej Hasek (STI)

Benat Fernandez Iglesias (NTI)

Adelaide United (Australia) drugged two players and forced them onto a plane heading down under:

Tyler Burrows (STI) – how on earth did a Caribbean man of Andorran decent end up here?

Martin Bojangles (NTI) – answered a holiday question wrong at trial day and fell through the trap door.

Let the rivalry begin!!

[DodgeeD]

We start off with an exlcusice interview with new STI boss, Jason de Mire:

CSE Times: Jason de Mire Set to Roll Back the Years

New STI boss, Jason de Mire, has given his first interview since his appointment exclusively to the CSE Times. We asked him about his plans, aspirations, allegations of ‘family favours’ and the most puzzling one of all: Who on earth in Ramiro?

CSE Times: Welcome Mr de Mire. You must be delighted to be in charge of STI. The question on most fans lips must be: Can you bring the glory days back?

De Mire: Without a shadow of a doubt! We are going to roll back the years and remind everybody how us boys in the South play real football, unlike those ponces from the North!

CSE Times: So, we can take it that you intend to keep the rivalry going?

De Mire: Oh, I intend to keep the rivalry going just as it was before – with STI giving those Northerners a good whipping every time we see them. And we’ll beat them on the football pitch as well!

CSE Times: Moving swiftly on, as a player you suffered the agony of missing out on the World Cup victory through injury. Will you be looking to make up for that as a manager?

De Mire: Missing out on the World Cup was tough but I was happy to see the boys win of course and everbody knows that it would have been much easier had I been fit. We have got a group of very young players and it will take some time for them to reach thier potential but watch out for us at the World Cup after this one!.... Or the one after that.

CSE Times: Many eyebrows were raised when Jason D. Dodgson turned up for the trials. Will you be favouring him in the selection process just because he is your son?

De Mire: All players will be chosen on their individual merit and as young Jason just so happens to be one of the brightest young talents in world football, I would be stupid not tp play him now, wouldn’t I?

CSE Times: Stupid indeed. And what of the sons of your coaching staff? Are they amongst the ‘brightest talents in world football’ too?

De Mire: Hey! Every player will be chosen on individual merit. Of course, it will be tough for them to better J.D. but they can relax in the knowledge they are greater than any sons of those ‘legends’ from the North.

CSE Times: Do you have anything to say about your NTI counterpart, Bob McBob?

De Mire: McBob? McBoob more like! Sure, he was capped 200 times but what did he actaully win? Zilch! NTI won more without him. So, from that point of view, he’s the right man for the job.

CSE Times: One more question – you have assembled a fine staff with Bobinho, Gingerbread, Kroeger, Brendanio and The Stig but why have you gone for such an obscure assistant? He has been plucked from the depths of Rochdale after all.

De Mire: Come on! My assistant is Ramiro, another ex-player!

CSE Times: Ramiro? Was he an STI player? In the golden age?

De Mire: Of course! We played at Roma for a couple of seasons togther and he played for STI er..... a few times. You know, he came on as a sub in that match against.... that team.... oh, it must have been.... a few years ago, I think. Anyway, you’ll know him when you see him.

CSE Times: If you say so. Thanks for talking to us.

De Mire: My pleasure.

[Whoopy D]

As expected a quality start to the sign-up, I think Loic Philippens already looks better than Ramiro ever did.

Love all the Ramiro digs by the way

[DodgeeD]

Well, it's what you deserve for sticking with the sign-up even as your player never got called up.

[blowcrapup]

Blowcrapup looks pretty good for a 16yo.

[bergtaur]

Ondrej's Journal, 26/4/2009

I write this as I have boarded the plane to Los Angeles. I am one of two new players signed by the teams known as Chivas USA. The class of American football is a step below Europe for sure, but I'll do my best for them.

The head coach is a man known as Preki, a fellow central european from Serbia. He is the best player that the MLS has ever seen. It is worth noting that their are a few players with Central European ties like myself. Ante Jazic is a Candaian international with a family that was orginally based in Croatia. He does play Left back as well, so hopefully he can help me. The other central European is Bojan Stepanovic, from Serbia as well. Hopefully being around people with similar background will help me settle in.

This team plays in the Western conference of the MLS, so I'll be getting to play against David Beckham and USA star Landon Donovan at our main rival The Los Angeles Galaxy. I relish the opprotunity to play against such high talent in America.

But it is not all smiles from the Southern Treasure Islands. It appears against my will that the team also signed Benat Fernandez Iglesias from the Northern Treasure Islands. He is an attacking midfielder on the left side, so he and I may cover the same flank of the field. I releish the opprotunity to see such a cocky player try to cover the area that I am king of. If he attempts to play in my area, there will be fireworks and I will win.

The plane begins to desend into the Los Angeles airport. My new journey in America is about to begin. I'm now an official footballer in the USA!

[Blackcats]

Brilliant start to this. Gonzalez junior is starting at Bayern which hopefully will give him an excellent kick start for his career!

[GazTheDoood]

Gingerbread Jnr. to beat his father's record? That'd be awesome.

Highly unlikely though, as he probably won't start every game up-front. Still, obviously a complete legend in the making

Brilliant start mate, can't wait till this gets into full flow.

[DodgeeD]

Ondrej's Journal, 26/4/2009

But it is not all smiles from the Southern Treasure Islands. It appears against my will that the team also signed Benat Fernandez Iglesias from the Northern Treasure Islands. He is an attacking midfielder on the left side, so he and I may cover the same flank of the field. I releish the opprotunity to see such a cocky player try to cover the area that I am king of. If he attempts to play in my area, there will be fireworks and I will win.

That's the spirit! I guess your teamwork rate may not be going up too quickly.

[el sid]

The Kroeger daily :

Senior's Report : I, STI's most famous goalkeeper, have returned. Coaching goalkeepers will be a much easier task than making 5 tackles in 10 minutes in an International game playing as Goalkeeper (Remember than DodgeeD ? ). I sure hope STI produce goalkeepers worth coaching. Blackbeard and Fred Brookes look good prospects, Fred more so then Blackbeard to be honest . If I can coach them to become anywhere as good as I was, I'd consider it as job done. Raaawwrrr.

Junior's Report: After being born to one of the World's best goalkeepers, HK Sr, and some supermodel named Heidi Klum, I have chosen not to go in the same path as my father did in becoming a goalkeeper. Being as good as he was, my father was never the first choice keeper for the National team representing STI only 56 times, something which I hope to better. I'm now a striker at Gimnastic and being the son to a goalkeeper, my father has taught me well how and where to finish so that goalkeepers are beaten (Hint : Composure 20).

I have been paired with with a James Almond, clearly a nutcase as indicated by his name, at Gimnastic. He is a goalkeeper too, is he ? If we hadn't been given our eye patches, I'm sure most of my goals would have been through him hoofing the ball past everyone (Hint: 9.0.0 and 9.1.0), which would have been disgusting to say the least. My dad wouldn't be pleased either. Now I can get goals in the normal way. Raaawwrrr.

[PluckaDuck]

Brilliant start Dodgee!

Pleased to have picked up a gig at my favourite club, can't wait for more!!

How come I am so tall? I wanted to be the midget of the team in the 150cm region

[Almondo]

Almonds Journal 27/4/09

Having been picked up by Gimnastic of Spain I flew in to find that they had also signed a southerner by the name of Heinrich Kroeger Jnr. Seems he's the son of some goalkeeper but for some reason he's a striker. Knowing that his Father was a 'keeper at the same club makes me even more determined to show him exactly how good the 'keepers of the north are. I will better his father.

I have doubts about his scoring I mean how good can he be he's from the south and everyone knows that the strikers from the North are so much better Just look at Jack Browne at QPR in England and Josh Collingwood of Celtic.

Okay signing off now but will be back soon

James Almond

[spartans5]

Confessions of a Professional Footballer

June 29, 2008- Osnabruck, Germany

So today I signed my first contract with German side Vfl Osnabrück. They play in the German 2. Bundesliga, so they aren't a top team, which means I will hopefully get some time as soon as I am old enough. I feel like my physical game can be improved upon only a little bit more, seeing as I am still a young footballer but I definitely don't like where I am at technically, I mean I can cross the ball well and mark and tackle, but I want to be able to do more for my team. I am tired of all these players looking for the big money, personally, I want to become the best footballer I can be, and wherever that gets me will be icing on the cake. It will be different moving from my home in the Northern Treasure Islands, but its not the first time I have been outside of my home country. I have visited my father's home country of Poland on a couple of occasions so I have an idea of what life will be like in Central Europe, even though I don't know the language at all. Hopefully that won't be too much of a hindrance when it comes to actually playing in competitive matches. When I signed my contract today, I was surprised to see Loic Philippens there. I have heard talk that he is supposed to be this up and comer at Attacking Center Midfield for the Southern Treasure Islands, our biggest rivals in the world, but I didn't really see anything all that special about him. Personally, I don't like the guy at all. He seems to be arrogant and think he knows everything, but whatever, I have been dealt this hand and I will play it. I am not going to let my dislike for him affect my play and hopefully he will feel the same, as I can tell he doesn't like me too much. My goal for this season is to help Osnabruck get into the Bundesliga in any way that I can.

[Denther]

The Barnet Daily

Here at Barnet we are very excited to have signed two up and coming superstars. From the legendary Southern Treasure Island and Northern Island have come two exciting prospects, Fred Brookes and Cristobal Blanco. Our man James Duck managed to get an exclusive interview with Fred Brookes.

James Duck - Fred, it's fantastic that you and Cristobal have decided to join Barnet, what made you decide to come here?

Fred Brookes - Where?

James Duck - What do you mean where? Barnet, why did you decide to join us?

Fred Brookes - Oh sorry, it's just that I've never heard of Barnet before, are they any good? I was told by Jason De Mire that I'd be coming to a team in England to learn my trade, I was hoping for Aston Villa, but hey ho. So are Barnet in the Championship then, I only follow the Premier League.

James Duck - Umm, no, we're in League two, but with you and Cristobal we can surely push for promotion this season.

Fred Brookes - What!!!!!! I can't believe it, League two!! What must De Mire think of me! And I wouldn't count on that Blanco idiot helping us get promoted, I'm a goalie and I take a better penalty than him what does that tell you!!

James Duck - Moving swiftly on, Heinrich Kroeger has recently said you are a very promising young keeper and possibly better than Blackbeard, what do you have to say about that?

Fred Brookes - Blackbeard looks like a fantastic keeper and I can't wait to join up with him for a STI match.

James Duck - Just one last thing, people have commented that you are a very good young keeper but you can tend to be a little... aggressive and eccentric....

Fred Brookes - Look just because I cleared that corner with an overhead kick and punched my school team manager when he subbed me, does not make me a bad keeper or aggressive and if any one says otherwise I'll kung foo their arse!!!!

Edit - great work Dodgee D

[Almondo]

Brilliant denther. Love the Kung foo their arse bit

[Denther]

Brilliant denther. Love the Kung foo their arse bit

Thank you very much :o

As long as my posts are amusing people I'm happy

[Hawkini]

A great day for FC Chivas. Our world leading football tournament, the Mexican First Division is proud to have signed Mattio Oswaldo Hawkini - a defender of immense talent and who has a secretive past. He hides his face behind a mask, and some say he spends his spare time at a monastery. He declined an interview for our newspaper, but while running away from our reporter - he was heard shouting:

"For the children!"

And so starts the legend that is - "Nacho" Hawkini.

[coldkohmew]

I will train my son to be the best in both club and country =)

[BP_Doosra]

Arsenal's newest and undoubtedly most talented recruit so far this season took some time out to make a statemnt to the media as controversy brewed amongst the tabloids as to the real reason for his signing.

Aside from his incredible natural footballing talent, some of the reasons flying round the media as to why Wenger signed van Pieters ahead of a plethora of pre-pubescant French boys include:

- Arsene wanted a new right back so that he didn't have to look at Bacary Sagna's hair every game

- Wenger couldn't resist the chance so sign another player with the initials RvP

- His other most recent signing, Bob McBob Jr, believing that he was signed by the Arsenal Women's team, turned up to their game only to be sent off for diving and then later handed a lifetime ban from women's football when officials caught him injecting with steroids, to combat his testosterone difficiency (a hereditary condition affecting all NTI citizens due to their rampant in-breeding)

All van Pieters had to say in response to these rumours was that,

"While I do agree that Sagna needs to get a new hairdresser and that he does look like a penguin, I doubt that a manager of Arsene's caliber and experience would sign a player simply based on his initials. I wouldn't have signed for the club if I didn't believe I could succeed here although I acknowledge it may take some time for me to break into the first team. In the long term I'm hoping the facilities and youth set up here at Arsenal will enable me to become a world class player and follow in the footsteps of STI great, Brendanio, during my time here in North London."

On the topic of Bob McBob Jr, all Rufio said was,

"He's a North Treasure Islander, don't expect too much from him if he's anything like the rest of his countrymen."

[Ediocy]

Galos confirm the Second Coming of Blackbeard

In the dainty municipality of Barcelos, controversy is thick in the air. The local football club, Gil Vicente had just released confirmation of their acquisition of a player whose namesake is that of perhaps the most notorious pirate of the 18th century - Blackbeard.

Gil Vicente has only ever enjoyed fourteen seasons in the Portuguese top division, the Liga Sagres, in its eighty-four year history and was controversially relegated to the second division, the Liga Vitalis, at the end of season 2005/2006 amidst claims of the club breaking rules governing the mid-season registration of amateur Angola midfielder Mateus. However, this recent capture of the young goalkeeper Blackbeard threatens to overshadow even that.

Blackbeard the 18th century pirate was often described as a fearfully imposing figure, dressed with a big feathered tri-cornered hat and coat bristling with an assortment of knives, swords and pistols. His most distinctive feature was undoubtedly his large scraggly beard, which gave him an added edge of intimidation amongst his enemies. Clearly, the young lad hopes to draw on the terror associated with that moniker to help make a name for himself as he embarks on his footballing career.

Below is a transcript of a private interview conducted with the player.

Q: Hello Blackbeard, I must admit that I am caught off-guard by your appearance. Indeed, what made you decide to go by the moniker of "Blackbeard"?

A: Why? Need you even ask? Can you not see the uncanny likeness between the great pirate and myself? Can you not absolutely recognise the fear and terror opposing forwards will no doubt feel when they come face to face with me? What a silly question that is.

Q: Your face is rather clean-shaven though. Pardon me saying this, but it is as clean and fresh as a baby's bottom.

A: I will not tolerate such disrespect.

Q: I sincerely apologise. How about we talk about the country from where you hail from? Where is that?

A: You obviously have not done your homework, for who does not know that I am from the glorious Southern Treasure Island in the Caribbean, where sun, sea, booze and booty are aplenty.

Q: Booty you say? Haha, girls of Barcelos beware then! What are your current ambitions with regards to your new club and possibly your national team?

A: Ambitions? I have not ever thought about being a goalkeeping great, I was born one. I fully expect to carry Gil Vicente on my shoulders into Liga Sagres at the end of this season. I also know that the manager will be counting on me to deliver team-talks on his behalf from now on, as obviously he cannot let my leadership qualities go to waste. As for the national team, Mr de Mire knows his stuff. I have no need to worry about not getting called up.

Q: Wow ok. How would you describe your style of goalkeeping? Are you a shot-stopper relying on superb reflexes to keep goals out? Or do you excel in working yourself into great defensive positions to make it difficult for opposing forwards to score?

A: I am excellent in all aspects of the art of goalkeeping, though in a match the focus should not be on my fine skills. What matters most at the end of the match is that my team wins, so I strongly do not believe in expending unneeded energy. If my forwards score three goals, I see no reason in going out of my way to prevent the opposition from scoring two goals as we would still win by a goal. I dare you try and score the third past me though. That will be impossible.

Q: That mentality certainly is erm, refreshing from a goalkeeper, I must say. What will your defence think of it though? Would they not be upset at the possibility of spurning a clean sheet?

A: Only I give the orders at the back. If any of my defenders dare question me, they will be shipped out.

Q: You are only sixteen though, surely the older heads amongst the defence will not take too kindly to being ordered around by yourself?

A: Then they will just have to find a new club now.

Q: Well, if you feel so strongly about your authority, please just what are your comments on the rumors that your club is about to sign a right-back who hails from your Caribbean rival, Northern Treasure Island? Being an Northern Treasure Islander, there could possibly be clashes between the two of you?

A: What the devil?! I have heard of no such preposterous news! I will not tolerate any scum from the NTI here at my club. This interview is over. Where is the manager? He has some explaining to do!

The upcoming days at Gil Vicente were bound to be eventful with such a firecracker as Blackbeard on board, but now toss in some Caribbean rivalry to amp up the action and you can be guaranteed that the front-pages of the local tabloids will be constantly splashed with the not-so-bearded face of sixteen year-old goalkeeper, Blackbeard.

[Denther]

Umm, guys, STI may be in trouble, both our goalies are nuts!!

[PluckaDuck]

Tyler Burrows, The Story so far

Adelaide United's newest recruit Tyler Burrows has arrived in Adelaide from a very unlikely place. Born in the Southern Treasure Islands near Jamaica, to Andorran parents, Tyler isn't your normal overseas player.

Born back in 1992 to world's shortest woman Leah Burrows and to known golf critic Tiger Burrows, He was born with what some people would say a 'Silver Spoon in his Mouth'. Unlike most other kids in his area, Tyler's was entitled to state of the art couching from a very young age paid for by his father. He was destined to be a footabller from a very young age and when he made the National STI under 11's team.

On a tour through England, Burrows was taken to the talent of young Liverpool starlet Harry Kewell. Burrows got in contact with Harry and they soon became friends via long-distance. On one of Harry's spell's from the Liverpool side because of injury, he made his way to the Carribean to meet Burrows and his family where he saw his undoubted football talent.

Now to the way how he found his way to Adelaide United. Harry recommended Tyler to one of his physio's back in Sydney with the expectation that his physio would take him to Harry's favourite A-League club Sydney FC. But this physio did what you may call a betrayal and put Tyler in contact with Adelaide United manager Aurelio Vidmar.

Aurelio immediatly liked what he saw and requested a dvd from the STI on Burrows' talents. After watching him in action, Vidmar was instantly in awe of Tyler's talents and creative game, as well his tremendous leadership. But there was one thing that held Aurelio back from instantly signing Burrows, and that was his height. Born to the World's shortest Woman and standing at only 148cm, you'd expect Burrows to have issue's with his height, but Vidmar's solution to the problem was going to be a medical first.

After speaking with German scientist Dr. Con Schweinsteiger, Aurelio approached Burrows about the possibities of being apart of a ground-breaking height regrowth surgery programme. The idea was to see Tyler head to Singapore to take on the surgery and if successful, He would win a one year deal with Adelaide United with the option of the further year.

Burrows wasn't initially keen on the idea, but after being convinced by Vidmar that United were a club on the way up and he had potential to dominate the League, Burrows decided to take the risk on the surgery against his mum's wishes. But the surgery was an astounding success and the simle on his face when he arrived at Adelaide airport yesterday was unhideable.

Burrows is now 171cm and unlikely to grow any more, but he is now very happy with his height. Definetly a player to watch for the upcoming season.

Taken from www.a-league.com.au

[Mlo]

Tner's Journal

2+2=4. Ajax Amsterdam is a talentfactory - I'm a talent this was written in the sand long before it happend. It was just a matter of time. I'm truly looking forward to showing those Dutchies, what a Northerner is capable of! Lots of great players have been brought up by this club and i plan to be the first one mentioned, when looking back at memorable talent in Ajax in 30 years time!

Things are looking good here. I'm adapting easy to the suroundings and the Dutch culture isn't all that different from the Danish one I know so well. Maybe except for the fact seem so easy going. Especially in that Red Light Destrict...

My only concern is this teammate of mine, a Southerner, geez, Lemon-something is his name. He plays the same possition as me so it looks like we´ll be having some real competition. I´m not too concerned. I mean the guy is 1,70 m tall i basicly have to watch my elbows not smashing him in his face while standing still... Also i´ve noticed that he lacks the ablility to concentrate on the field. Must be them girls watching us train - well me train. He is afterall - a Southerner!

Ps: Excellent entry DodgeD :-)

[Ediocy]

Umm, guys, STI may be in trouble, both our goalies are nuts!!

Well, truth be told, my initial idea when thinking up of a character for my goalkeeper was that he would be a mute and can only communicate via sign language. That way, I'll get out of writing newspaper articles haha!

[CircusCarnie]

Good news and bad news from my agent today. It was never in a doubt a player of my flair and talent would be highly sought after, but to be signed by my first choice club, Chivas USA, was an added bonus. I'm going to do what Beckham could not and make Football a massive sport in the U.S. The people of L.A. will come to love me and sing my praises. Soon they will abandon supporting U.S.A and will travel to watch N.T.I in honour of me.

The bad news arrived when my agent informed me one of the S.T.I mob was also due to sign. When he told me I was incandescent with rage for I can not share changing rooms with such scum. They say one bad apple spoils the barrel and that will be the case unless I can stop Ondrej Hasek from playing at Chivas. I will show him. I hear he can play left defence and he will see plenty of action for when I play it is for Benat and no-one else. I will not help him in defence, that is his job, and when Preki see's he can not do the job out he will go.

Excerpt from diary of Benat Fernandez Iglesias dated 27/04/09

[PluckaDuck]

Everyone seem's to be such a 'all-about-me attitude'. Everyone thinks that they are better than the team, better than the nation and are going to be a world great. Well I'm not the same. I Tyler Burrows, am the mature one of the bunch, the modest one who will let everyone else take the glory while I slave away, do all the hard-work to make STI a big name while you lot take all the glory. i'm not a one man player, I am a team man and vow to perform my best in whatever role I am given, whether than be on the left wing or as a goalkeeper or official bench-warmer. I don't care about my self. I am a proud family and team man who will give my all at every opputunity

My response to everyone everyone talking themselves up.

[Ediocy]

My response to everyone everyone talking themselves up.

Unfortunately, the game assigned me a value of 1 for my 'teamwork' attribute so I have be a selfish bugger to stay in character.

And apparently neither does the game want me to post too much, as my work rate is also 1.

[Denther]

Fred Brookes - Blackbeard looks like a fantastic keeper and I can't wait to join up with him for a STI match.

My response to everyone everyone talking themselves up.

Edit - and same here Ediocy I have teamwork at 1!!

[Walcott\'s Wonderkids]

Go away for the weekend and I miss out on the return of NTI v STI

Ah well, I'm sure the game will be a better place without Trevor Tobago doing sod all in it this time around.

[crhealy]

Interview with Porto's new Midfield Prodigy- Craig Healy Jr. (Son of the Legendary STI Central Midfielder Craig Healy)

Q: Hello Craig, Welcome to Porto! How are you settling in so far?

A: I'm doing great thank you. Its an honour to play at such a historic and world class club as Porto.

Q: What are your ambitions?

A: I aspire to be a champion- I'm not worried about personal awards I want trophies such as the World Cup, Champions League & League Titles. First off I want to do the best I can for Porto and hopefully help them progress to match my ambition in achieving these targets.

Q: What is it like being the son of STI midfielder and United stalwart Craig Healy

A: Its is both good and bad- Good in that I'm given a lot more chances to succeed at a higher level than many other players. But also with that comes great expectation- I have a similar style of play to my dad in that I focus on winning possession and creating chances through my passing ability. I'm not a 1 man team and won't try and win games by myself but by the same token I'm not afraid to get on the ball and dictate the pace of the game.

Q: In an ideal world would you like to follow in your father's footsteps in moving to Old Trafford?

A: I have grown up around OT and have a great deal of support for United but as I said I'm concentrating on my time at Porto and will see where the future takes me!

Q: Finally any message for the fans of Porto & STI?

A: Yes- I hope I can fulfil your expectations and bring you the glory you both deserve. Mr de Mire when the time is right you know where to find me and I'm ready to do any job that is required for my country and will be an honour as always to represent my country. Anything you need you know my father well and I'm in the same mould.

Q: Thank you for taking the time to talk to us today

A: No problem at all and I hope to have more meetings after Porto lift silverware in the near future!

[Ediocy]

- The Barcelos Sun -

Blackbeard very much a family man at heart

Reporters caught the rookie Gil Vicente goalkeeper from STI, Blackbeard outside the club's training centre carpark as he finished his daily solo training routine. When asked for his opinion on his compatriot Tyler Burrows's recent press release claiming that there is an overwhelming number within the new crop of STI players who are too egocentric and not having proper family grounding, he was quick to rebut that assertion.

"Who says I am no family man? Legend has it that Blackbeard the pirate had a wife and fourteen mistresses, and I intend to honor the great man by following in his footsteps. I shall sire a football team's worth of children across the world, wherever my career may take me. Let it be known that Blackbeard loves and cherishes family."

He then got into his car and drove off, leaving a bunch of bewildered reporters in his wake.

[PluckaDuck]

Thank-god I am not the only one!

[blowcrapup]

Blowcrapup: The Early Years

Conceived after a condom broke during the filming of a Porno movie Robert Blowcrapup didn’t have the greatest start in life. Unwanted by his mother she somehow managed to get him from her home in the Southern Treasure Islands to a bus stop in the Northern Islands. There he was left with only a blanket and note reading “My name is Brian Critchup”. Unfortunately he was discovered by an illiterate banana farmer who thought it said Blowcrapup. Naming him Robert after his father he cared for him like he was his own.

It became apparent that Robert was different from the farmer’s other children as he was several inches taller and had blond hair due to his English bloodline. He was also stronger and quicker. He was adapt at climbing trees to recover bananas which earned him the nickname the “Golden Monkey” For his 7th birthday he received a football which was the custom in his small village. He rapidly showed a natural talent at it and was offered a scholarship at a major NTI school when he was 13.

Initially laughed at and wrote off as the school’s charity project he soon astounded everyone with his skill as he led the school to back to back titles. With someone so skilled it was only at matter of time before a European team game calling and with his adopted families approval he sets off for Roda JC in Holland. Despite knowing about most of his past he has always considered the Farmer and his family as his own and to this day still sends large amounts of his wages home to improve their lives. His real mother attempted to get in contact when it became public news that he had became something. She was told to go and lie in a ditch.

[tomsmith1989]

Awesome start DodgeeD Real madrid have got a real talent in Tom Smith

[DodgeeD]

I just got home from work and have spent most of the last 10 minutes in stiches readig through today's posts. Great work so far guys, keep it up. (Hang on, shouldn't that be what everyone says to me? ).

I burned the midnight oil a little bit here last night to get this up as I may not have time for updates today or tomorrow. If I get a chance later on, I might reveal a couple of teasers about the national team captains and the players called up for the first squads. Both nations start in the prelim phase of CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying so hopefully, they can make the group stages and get a rep boost and maybe a Gold Cup invite.

WW - a shame you missed out. I'll PM you if anybody 'disappears' further down the line. Did you know Trevor Tobago actually went on to make a few more appearances for NTI in the original? And at the World Cup as well!

[hamilton162]

Great start DodgeeD Unfortunately, i may not be able to post on a regular basis this week as i have end of year exams I will try and write up an interview when i have time

[Guest mikeytwigge]

me vs gus in italy

[Cardiovascular]

THE SCOTTISH SUN

STI Lad Has Great CV

Today, our reporter Drew Peacock managed to secure an interview with Inverness' newest youngster - a Southern Treasure Islands lad named Cardiovascular. It is rumoured his parents were drunk on the night of naming him, and were doctors. Heres how the interview went;

R: So, how did you end up in cold Scotland?

CV: I was deceived. I thought ICT was a computer land.

R: Right.. How is life treating you at the moment?

CV: Good

R: Care to expand on that?

CV: OK, great.

R: Do you like the highlands?

CV: They are not very high, Holland has bigger hills.

R: Haha.

CV: *evils*

R: ....

[/creativity of 1]

[Ediocy]

[/creativity of 1]

I would like to add that your written piece had also reflected your abject finishing ability very well.

[Hamuel]

Sky sports news in the afternoon

...eaking news.... Juan Alvaro Brown late for training on first day... Br...

Johnny Philips: We're at the training ground of FC Porto to try and find out more about their latest signings no show. Here he is now... (taps on window of a black vauxhall nova, which subsequently winds down)... Juan, the fans are likely to be concerned about this apparent lack of commitment and some might say disrespect to the football club, care to comment?

Brown: Firstly sonny, it's senor Alvaro Brown to you. Secondly, next time tell your bosses that Senor Alvaro Brown only talks to Haley McQueen in the future ok? Now do you want Senor Alvaro Brown's autograph or what?

Johnny Philips:Apologies Senor Alvaro Brown. But I just wanted to know if you have an explanation for the fans for your absence this morning?

Brown: Right, Senor Alvaro Brown ain't no fool see? He's done his homework, youtube n that and Senor Alvaro Brown doesn't need training for this team he's already more than good enough. Take that Hulk fella, he ain't even that big, Senor Alvaro Brown is going to teach him the meaning of incredible. don't even get me started on that cackfooted soft plum from the south they just signed. I know the chairmans a bit of geezer so i reckon he must of signed that Healy badger for throwing matches like.

Johnny Philips: With a couple of new signings aren't you keen to get to know your new squad?

Brown: This club's just a stepping stone for Senor Alvaro Brown. You wait and see. Now Senor Alvaro Brown hasn't got a pen for that autograph but as your not a bad kid, you can have Senor Alvaro Brown's chewing gum, its well lost its flavour, like

...eaking news.... Juan Alvaro Brown an idiot... Br...

[crhealy]

Healy Responds To Team-Mate Alvaro Brown's Earlier Comments

Upon being asked after training his thought on Alvaro Brown's comments Healy responded by making this statement to the press:

"I don't wish to get involved in any issues Alvaro may have with me and the rest of my team-mates here at Porto, Firstly we have tried our best to make Alvaro feel like one of the lads but if he chooses not to fully commit himself to the side and to our fans that is his choice."

"For all the hostilities between our two nations I will for my part put that aside in order to help Porto succeed as that is my only objective while here- anything that goes on at International level will stay there and not come back into the club dressing room."

"As for his comments about this club being a stepping stone- I for one think Porto are a big club with massive amounts of history and I'm sure the fans will have no problem letting Alvaro know that he isn't the star of this team and that if he wishes to leave we will survive without him!"

"Finally his suggestion that I may in anyway be involved in the fixing or throwing of games is utterly ridiculous! I have never and will never have anything to do with any sort of corruption in the game."

After that statement it will be interesting to see how these two rivals co-exist in the same team!

[Martin_]

Adelaide Review

Awful Poetry of New Adelaide United Star Discovered

Adelaide United player Martin Bojangles, 16, of Northern Treasure Islands, has made an immediate impression on his new team mates,

but not on the training pitch, Adelaide Review can exclusively reveal.

An anonymous source from the United training ground has discovered poetic works authored by the Blackburn-born winger.

We think he should stick to cleaning the boots of the first team, but don't take our word for it, take a look for yourself...

Ode to Ball

Oh ball,

Round and small,

Hits the goal.

Oh ball,

Past the keeper,

He weeps.

Oh ball,

From my left peg

Onto his head.

Oh ball,

Six yards wide...

Oh no.

Corner Flag

Corner flag, why so sad?

I'm not sad, I'm mad

Why so mad, corner flag?

I don't want to nag

Corner flag, tell me plain.

That would be vain

Let me know, what ails you so?

You don't want to know

But I already know, corner flag.

Your life is a drag.

There is no glory, no one shouts your name

Every game the same

They lift you and bend you and hit you

Don't give you your due

They walk past you every game, so rude

No wonder your mood

And could we play without you, corner flag?

Could football survive without your help?

Shall we cope without your majestic glory?

Fluttering in the wind with your own story?

Well, yes.

The Rains of Hindmarsh

I came off the plane

Nobody to greet me

Or this STI scum.

I came from far away

If they didn't need me

Why did I come?

I got in a cab

Nobody to share fare

Not even STI scum.

Got to Hindmarsh

Nobody was there

Why did I come?

Rang the gaffer

He said, "Sorry,

Where is STI scum?"

Said "I don't know."

Gaffer hung up

Why did I come?

Went to the hotel

Up to my room

There was STI scum.

Gave me sh*t-eye

I went out and cried

Why did I come?

Training next day

Friendly away

Working with STI scum.

Pass went astray

I got the blame

Why did I come?

[brambleten]

my profile doesn't look to bad. Inverness? could have been worse.

The Scottish Sun

ICT Sign 2 Stars in 2 Days!

by Drew Peacock

How they managed it, i dont know, and im not sure that many of the fans will believe it till they see them in action, but it looks like Inverness have added two Caribbean wonder kids to their ranks. we had an interview with new signing Cardiovascular (of STI (thats a bit dodgy isnt it?)) yesterday, and today i was lucky enough to meet up with new NTI sensation Alex Barkley.

Drew: What's your first impression of it here in Scotland?

Alex: Well, its slightly colder than the Caribbean! My mother is English, so i've visited down south a few times, but i've never made it over the border.

Drew: Many of the fans are skeptical about your ability, especially after you signed for ICT, where as they feel that if you are as good as people are saying you are, you would be plying your trade at one of the world's top clubs. How do you plan to persuade them otherwise?

Alex: I understand that fans may be a little pessimistic about my ability, but i plan on getting my head down and just concentrating on playing to the best of my ability. Hopefully that should help prove to the fans that I can become a good player, and then become an integral part of the squad.

Drew: Hopefully that should answer some of the critics. For those who dont know, what position do you play, and who do you try to model yourself on?

Alex: Im a central midfield player, and I think i could become someone like Pirlo or Xabi Alonso - a player who can make things happen, but im also a grafter, I every match I play I give it everything i've got.

Drew: Thanks for your time Alex. Enjoy your time in Scotland

[PaulHartman71]

brilliant start to the sign up DodgeeD, brilliant to see I got to start at the club I picked. Can't wait to see if the son of Paul Hart turns out to be anything like him, lets hope not