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The Inevitable Domination of Mediocre European Football Clubs (as well as awful Puns)


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Shocking, ridiculously shocking. Brann-less performance from our boys, they knew that we would have made Norwegian history had we advanced to the knockouts. Barca, Juve and Schalke were clearly there for the taking, but our players were distracted and ended up chasing shadows in all of the games. :(

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Shocking, ridiculously shocking. Brann-less performance from our boys, they knew that we would have made Norwegian history had we advanced to the knockouts. Barca, Juve and Schalke were clearly there for the taking, but our players were distracted and ended up chasing shadows in all of the games. :(

You flaked at the hands of the opposition I presume?

Sorry, had to do it.

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EURO Cup End of Group Stages Update

-

Group A

Man City, Wolfsburg, Benfica, sc Heerenveen & Red Star

Game 1

Benfica 4-2 Man City

Red Star 0-1 Wolfsburg

Game 2

Man City 6-0 Red Star

Wolfsburg 2-1 sc Heerenveen

Game 3

Red Star 0-0 Benfica

sc Heerenveen 0-2 Man City

Game 4

Benfica 4-1 sc Heerenveen

Man City 3-0 Wolfsburg

Game 5

sc Heerenveen 7-2 Red Star

Wolfsburg 3-0 Benfica

Final Table

-

Group B

Hertha BSC, Panathinaikos, Slavia Prague, Deportivo & OB

Game 1

OB 0-1 Hertha BSC

Slavia Prague 3-1 Deportivo

Game 2

Hertha BSC 4-0 Slavia Prague

Panathinaikos 5-2 OB

Game 3

Deportivo 1-1 Hertha BSC

Slavia Prague 0-1 Panathinaikos

Game 4

OB 2-3 Slavia Prague

Panathinaikos 3-3 Deportivo

Game 5

Deportivo 4-1 OB

Hertha BSC 2-1 Panathinaikos

Final Table

-

Group D

Everton, Udinese, TPS, AS Nancy Lorraine & Steaua

Game 1

Everton 2-0 Udinese

TPS 2-0 Steaua

Game 2

AS Nancy Lorraine 0-2 TPS

Steaua 0-3 Everton

Game 3

Everton 3-0 AS Nancy Lorraine

Udinese 4-0 Steaua

Game 4

AS Nancy Lorraine 1-2 Udinese

TPS 1-1 Everton

Game 5

Steaua 1-2 AS Nancy Lorraine

Udinese 1-0 TPS

Final Table

-

Group E

Braga, Tottenham, Racing, Dinamo Bucharest & Valur

Game 1

Dinamo Buc. 1-2 Spurs

Racing 1-0 Valur

Game 2

Spurs 5-1 Racing

Valur 0-2 Braga

Game 3

Braga 2-0 Spurs

Racing 3-1 Dinamo Buc.

Game 4

Dinamo Buc. 1-0 Braga

Spurs 2-1 Valur

Game 5

Braga 2-0 Racing

Valur 3-2 Dinamo Buc.

Final Table

-

Group G

Ajax, Slovan Liberec, Portsmouth, Stuttgart & Austria Wien

Game 1

Austria Wien 0-2 Ajax

Slovan Liberec 1-0 Portsmouth

Game 2

Ajax 3-1 Stuttgart

Portsmouth 3-0 Austria Wien

Game 3

Austria Wien 0-1 Slovan Liberec

Stuttgart 3-2 Portsmouth

Game 4

Portsmouth 5-0 Ajax

Slovan Liberec 2-1 Stuttgart

Game 5

Ajax 4-0 Slovan Liberec

Stuttgart 7-1 Austria Wien

Final Table

-

Going into the EURO Cup having only seen the Champions League update, Austria had a 31 point lead over Czech Republic, yet with the latter having 2 sides in this update and the former just the one, who would win the contest? Group A saw Serbian side Red Star completely embarrass themselves with just a point from their 4 games. Group B was somewhat more exciting, 2 CSE sides in Czech Republic's Slavia Prague and Denmark's OB. Slavia Prague gave a performance which might well have won the competition for the Czech's as they progressed 3rd, while OB finished rock bottom. TPS of Finland were in Group D, and despite Finland having a massive reputation amongst CSE sides due to their CEO's mouth, I'm sure many wouldn't have expected TPS to progress. Valur of Iceland finished bottom of Group E. Group G however was the big one. With one Czech side and one Austrian side, it would more than likely be an whoever does better wins Group, with the Czech side having a plan B in Slavia Prague. Slovan Liberec surprised all winning 3 of their 4 games to progress, Austria Wien finished bottom which meant that Austria wouldn't be winning the first seasonly competition.

Updated Table After This Round -


#   Nation      CL Win    CL Draw   CL Prog  EC Win  EC Draw  EC Prog    Bonus      Total
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1   Czech Rep      3          4        2      10        0       5        100         304
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2   Austria        4          2        2       9        1       5         84         264  
3   Finland        3          2        2       6        2       4         52         212
4   Denmark        0          1        0      10        5       7         58         199
5   Israel         3          2        2       4        1       2         60         185   
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6   Iceland        2          2        2       5        1       2         52         170     
7   Croatia        3          1        2       4        2       2         36         158
8   Serbia         2          2        1       5        2       2         52         148
9   N.Ireland      3          0        2       3        3       2         30         144   
10  Norway         3          1        2       0        1       0         47         127
11  Wales          1          2        1       3        3       2         24         110
12  Belarus        3          0        1       3        2       1         22         103
13  Hungary        1          2        1       2        0       1         28          90
14  Slovakia       1          0        0       4        2       3         18          84
15  Ireland        1          1        1       3        0       1         16          77
16  Sweden         1          0        1       2        0       1         12          62
17  Bulgaria       0          0        0       2        2       1         30          56
18  Switzerland    1          0        0       1        1       1         16          44 
19  Poland         0          0        0       1        2       1          6          24
20  Slovenia       0          1        0       0        0       0          6          12

So despite Austria recently taking up a huge lead at the top, it was the two sides from the Czech Republic that beat the one Austrian side in EURO Cup action which means bar an absolute miracle from TPS of Finland, Czech Republic have won. TPS though, could guide Finland to a second place finish which actually isn't completely off the cards as the Finns are only 52 points behind, which mean they'd need to progress through at least 2 more rounds.

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Czechmate.

Who the hell do Slovan Liberec think they are, winning 3 of their group games!?! Their genius performance has seen off the Austrians, hopefully they get an easy game next round and continue their dubious run in the competition :cool:

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0 upgrades for me as I am rock-solid bottom.

Unless you have been a clever genius and have included upgrades for say the bottom 3 so, that they can catch up and to see if they will get as high as the other teams.

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0 upgrades for me as I am rock-solid bottom.

Unless you have been a clever genius and have included upgrades for say the bottom 3 so, that they can catch up and to see if they will get as high as the other teams.

The top 5 are unfortunately the only countries that will receive any 'upgrades' however the other 20 Countries all receive money to split between their 4 clubs. This will be explained in the update tonight. I've also tried something very different in regards to the update, people are either going to love it or hate it, I probably wont do it very often but it's certainly something different.

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EURO Cup First Knockout Round Update

-

Leg 1 Results

Slavia Prague 0-1 Sevilla

Slovan Liberec 0-2 Shakhtar

TPS 2-4 Sampdoria

Leg 2 Results

Sampdoria (5) 1-1 (3) TPS

Sevilla (5) 4-1 (1) Slavia Prague

Shakhtar (4) 2-1 (1) Slovan Liberec

Now that all of our CSE sides have been inevitably eliminated from European competition, lets take a look at the final table of this, the first season.

Final Table For Year 2008-09


#   Nation      CL Win    CL Draw   CL Prog  EC Win  EC Draw  EC Prog    Bonus      Total
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(C) Czech Rep      3          4        2      10        0       5        124         328
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2   Austria        4          2        2       9        1       5         84         264  
3   Finland        3          2        2       6        3       4         64         227
4   Denmark        0          1        0      10        5       7         58         199
5   Israel         3          2        2       4        1       2         60         185   
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6   Iceland        2          2        2       5        1       2         52         170     
7   Croatia        3          1        2       4        2       2         36         158
8   Serbia         2          2        1       5        2       2         52         148
9   N.Ireland      3          0        2       3        3       2         30         144   
10  Norway         3          1        2       0        1       0         47         127
11  Wales          1          2        1       3        3       2         24         110
12  Belarus        3          0        1       3        2       1         22         103
13  Hungary        1          2        1       2        0       1         28          90
14  Slovakia       1          0        0       4        2       3         18          84
15  Ireland        1          1        1       3        0       1         16          77
16  Sweden         1          0        1       2        0       1         12          62
17  Bulgaria       0          0        0       2        2       1         30          56
18  Switzerland    1          0        0       1        1       1         16          44 
19  Poland         0          0        0       1        2       1          6          24
20  Slovenia       0          1        0       0        0       0          6          12

Hall of Fame and Shame

Past Winners

2008-09 - Czech Republic (328 Points)

Past Losers

2008-09 - Slovenia (12 Points)

Top 10 Highest Overall Point Scores


#   Nation      CL Win    CL Draw   CL Prog  EC Win  EC Draw  EC Prog    Bonus      Total     Season
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1   Czech Rep      3          4        2      10        0       5        124         328      2008-09
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2   Austria        4          2        2       9        1       5         84         264      2008-09
3   Finland        3          2        2       6        3       4         64         227      2008-09
4   Denmark        0          1        0      10        5       7         58         199      2008-09
5   Israel         3          2        2       4        1       2         60         185      2008-09
6   Iceland        2          2        2       5        1       2         52         170      2008-09
7   Croatia        3          1        2       4        2       2         36         158      2008-09
8   Serbia         2          2        1       5        2       2         52         148      2008-09
9   N.Ireland      3          0        2       3        3       2         30         144      2008-09
10  Norway         3          1        2       0        1       0         47         127      2008-09

In terms of 'upgrade points' as previously stated only the highest 5 finishers will receive upgrades, which will give them a significant advantage. However the twist that I've effectively been hiding is that all 20 Countries will receive cash bonuses added onto all four of their club's finances through FMRTE. Each club receive an equal share of the 'winnings', and the team that has done the worst receives the most, with the team that does the best receiving the least. E.G - Czech Republic receive 10M (2.5 per club) whilst Slovenia receive 200M (50 per club). Over the years this could prove very interesting, as clubs finishing bottom one year, in theory certainly wont the next year, yet you never know with some of these Countries. In the following days I will be producing the 'final' end of season update which will provide you with insight into all 20 Leagues, and all 80 clubs. This is a link to a short interview with the head of the Inevitable Domination of Mediocre European Football Clubs association (TIDOMEFCA).

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Upgrade points \o/:D

That video is brilliant, although I wasn't keen on the bias towards Slovakia. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

The 'twist' will certainly shake things up a bit, and I really like it. :thup: And I am very much looking forward to final update.

Brilliant stuff so far Paul :thup:

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Gotta be the most epic video I've ever seen :D

I do agree with rancer and feel forgotten. Probably one of the few things I'll be agreeing with him on, as I'm pretty sure that they will Finnish lower than us Croatians next season ;):D

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Great video! :D A shame Norway didn't do enough to merit a mmention though. :( And 10th means no upgrade and no great benefit from the cash injections either. :rolleyes:

P.S. Would you mind if I 'borrowed' your video idea for use at some time in the future for another thread?

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Great video! :D A shame Norway didn't do enough to merit a mmention though. :( And 10th means no upgrade and no great benefit from the cash injections either. :rolleyes:

P.S. Would you mind if I 'borrowed' your video idea for use at some time in the future for another thread?

By all means, only discovered it myself a few days ago.The one thing I will say is sometimes you have to be 'creative' to get them to say want you want. For example for 'Tomaldinho' I had to put 'Tom-al-dean-e-o'. Good luck with it if you choose to do one yourself though :thup:

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Everyone must now be envious of me in last place now :D

£50 million per club (£200 million total)!!!

I hope we finish bottom next year as well so that we can get some more cash in and then, make our assault on first.

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Everyone must now be envious of me in last place now :D

£50 million per club (£200 million total)!!!

I hope we finish bottom next year as well so that we can get some more cash in and then, make our assault on first.

would rather finish 19th, only get 10M less and you don't have the humiliation of finishing last ;):D

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By all means, only discovered it myself a few days ago.The one thing I will say is sometimes you have to be 'creative' to get them to say want you want. For example for 'Tomaldinho' I had to put 'Tom-al-dean-e-o'. Good luck with it if you choose to do one yourself though :thup:

Thanks Paul, I am going to try the same thing at some point. It just looks like a bit of fun and something different in each season always makes it interesting.

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End of 2008-09 Season, Domestic Updates, Part 1 -

Slovenia, 20th Place

Reminder of the clubs and CEO form

Username: pnefc22

Importance of game in Nation - Important - (100M)

Facilities - World Class - (£160M)

Stadium Size - Very Good – (150M)

Club Reputation - Below Average - (25M)

League Reputation - Very Good - (65M)

Balance Remaining - £0M

Transfer Budget - £0M

Clubs - Domzale, Maribor, Gorica & Interblock

League Table - All 4 CSE sides successfully finish in the top 4, with Gorica taking the first Championship title under CSE rule.

Gorica Squad

Gorica Transfers

Maribor Squad

Maribor Transfers

Domzale Squad

Domzale Transfers

Interblock Squad

Interblock Transfers

WC Qualifying - Tups Hilp aka JSalter has done well for the Slovenian national side, as they sit in 2nd place in their WC qualifying group.

Summary - It looks like the Slovenian clubs have suffered due to their CEO leaving them with no transfer funds to buy players with and below average club reputations, but with top class facilities and a very good league reputation can the 200M split between the 4 clubs help improve Slovenian football for next season?

-

Poland, 19th Place

Reminder of CEO form and clubs

Username: Lower Leagues Rule

Importance of game in Nation - Very Important 200M

Facilities - Average 20M

Stadium Size - Good 100M

Club Reputation - Good 75M

League Reputation - World Class 90M

Balance Remaining - 15M

Transfer Budget - 10M

Clubs - Wisla, Legia, Lech & Polonia Warszawa

League Table - All four CSE sides finish in the top 4, with Legia winning the title by 5 points.

Legia Squad

Legia Transfers

Wisla Krakow Squad

Wisla Krakow Transfers

Lech Squad

Lech Transfers

Warszawa Squad

Warszawa Squad

WC Qualifying - The Polish national side are doing well, as they sit top of their Qualifying group for the 2010 World Cup

Summary - The Polish clubs suffered due to their inability to spend their 10M on transfers, I believe if they had done this their clubs would have fared better in Europe. Perhaps the 190M that will be pumped into the Top 4 clubs can help with the development of the teams.

-

Switzerland, 18th Place

Reminder of CEO form and clubs

Username: bermybhoy

Importance of game in Nation – Important (100)

Facilities – Good (40)

Stadium Size – Very good (150)

Club Reputation – Good (75)

League Reputation – World class (90)

Balance Remaining – 45 million

Transfer Budget – 40 million

Clubs - Basel, Zurich, Grasshopper & Young Boys

League Table - All 4 of the CSE sides finish in the top 4, with Basel winning the League on goal difference

Basel Squad

Basel Transfers

Grasshopper Squad

Grasshopper Transfers

Zurich Squad

Zurich Transfers

Young Boys Squad

Young Boys Transfers

WC Qualifying - Rick Dawson is doing a great job for the National side as the Swiss sit top of their group

Summary - I don't think that the clubs did that badly in the transfer market, they obviously didn't spend as much as they had, but the Swiss should be in a good position for next year.

-

Bulgaria, 17th Place

Reminder of CEO form and clubs

Username: minisav

Importance of game in Nation - Important (100m)

Facilities - Very Good (180m)

Stadium Size - Very Good (330m)

Club Reputation - Good (405m)

League Reputation - World Class (495m)

Balance Remaining - £5,000,000

Transfer Budget - £4,000,000

Clubs - CSKA Sofia, Levski, Litex & Loko Sofia

League Table - All 4 of the Bulgarian CSE sides finish in the top 4, with Levski Sofia winning the title.

Levski Squad

Levski Transfers

Litex Squad

Litex Transfers

CSKA Sofia Squad

CSKA Sofia Transfers

Loko Sofia Squad

Loko Sofia Transfers

WC Qualifying - Chelsea4lyf is doing a pretty poor job, as Bulgaria don't look like they're going to qualify for the World Cup

Summary - I think that the fact the Bulgarian clubs didn't have much transfer money was part of their downfall, perhaps with the 42.5M for each club next season Bulgaria will improve on this years position.

-

Sweden, 16th Place

Reminder of CEO form and clubs

Username: Whoopy D

Importance of game in Nation - Very Important (200 M)

Facilities - Very Good (80 M)

Stadium Size - Good (125)

Club Reputation - Average (40 M)

League Reputation - Good (40 M)

Balance Remaining - 15 M

Transfer Budget - 5M

Clubs - IFK Goteborg, AIK, Malmo FF & Helsingborg

League Table - Bit of a disaster for Sweden. Elfsborg were crowned champions of the League, which not only meant that Malmo FF most likely wouldn't be in Europe next year, but also that they wouldn't have a Champions League representative.

AIK Squad

AIK Transfers

Helsingborgs Squad

Helsingborgs Transfers

IFK Goteborg Squad

IFK Goteborg Transfers

Malmo FF Squad

Malmo FF Transfers

WC Qualifiers - erm, shambles unless they do well in their games in hand.

Summary - I think the Swedish sides did well, obviously with the Swedish league it was already half-way through when the game started which was a key reason for Elfsborg's victory. I think that we'll be seeing Sweden lower down again next season due to the absence of Malmo FF and no CL team, could be a blessing in discuise if their in it for the long haul.

-

Ireland, 15th Place

Reminder of the Irish clubs, and CEO form

Username:weeeman27bob

Importance of game in Nation - Important - £100 million

Facilities - World Class - £160 million

Stadium Size - Very poor £50 million

Club Reputation - Average - £40 million

League Reputation - World Class - £90 million

Balance Remaining - £60 million

Transfer Budget - £ 45 million

Clubs - Bohemians, Cork City, Drogheda Utd & Derry City

League Table - All 4 of the Irish CSE sides finish in the Top 4

Derry City Squad

Derry City Transfers

Cork City Squad

Cork City Transfers

Bohemians Squad

Bohemians Transfers

Drogheda Utd Squad

Drogheda Utd Transfers

WC Qualifying - Will most probably have to go through the play-offs as Italy look too strong.

Summary - Ireland's clubs have actually signed some good players, so I think it will only be a matter of time and luck before we see the true force of the Irish.

-

Slovakia, 14th Place

Username: PaulHartman

Importance of game in Nation - Important (100m)

Facilities - Good (40m)

Stadium Size - Average (100m)

Club Reputation - Good (75m)

League Reputation - World Class (90m)

Balance Remaining - 95M

Transfer Budget - 30M

Clubs - Zilinia, Slovan Bratislava, Artmedia & Trnava

League Table - All 4 of the CSE Slovakian sides finish in the top 4

Slovan Bratislava Squad

Slovan Bratislava Transfers

Artmedia Squad

Artmedia Transfers

Trnava Squad

Trnava Transfers

Zilina Squad

Zilina Transfers

WC Qualifying - Disappointing, but I don't care about the International side of things

Summary - The sooner the clubs start to spend their money, the sooner Slovakia will dominate the competition.

-

Hungary, 13th Place

Reminder of CEO form and clubs -

Importance of game in Nation – Important – 100M

Facilities at 4 best clubs in Country – Good – 40M

Stadium Size – Poor – 75M

Clubs Reputation – World Class – 175M

League Repuation – World Class

Balance – Balance – £20m - Transfer Budget – £18m

Clubs - Debrecen, ZTE, Ujpest & MTK

League Table - All 4 of the Hungarian CSE sides finish in the top 4, with Ujpest winning it.

Ujpest Squad

Ujpest Squad part 2

Ujpest Transfers

MTK Squad

MTK Transfers

ZTE Squad

ZTE Transfers

Debrecen Squad

Debrecen Squad part 2

Debrecen Transfers

WC Qualifying - They might make it via the play-offs.

Summary - I think that Hungary are another case of the clubs just not spending their money yet, hopefully with each club getting an extra 32.5M, they will spend in the summer.

-

Belarus, 12th Place

Reminder of the Belarus clubs, and CEO Form

Username: corinthiano

Importance of game in Nation - Important - £100M

Facilities - World Class - £160M

Stadium Size - Poor - £50M

Club Reputation - Good - £75M

League Reputation - World Class - £90M

Balance Remaining - £25M

Transfer Budget - £16M

Clubs - BATE, Dinamo Minsk, MTZ-Ripo & Shakhter Soligorsk

League Table - All 4 CSE sides finished in the top 4, with BATE winning it in the end.

BATE Squad

BATE Transfers

Dinamo Minsk Squad

Dinamo Minsk Transfers

Shakhter Soligorsk Squad

Shakhter Soligorsk Transfers

MTZ-Ripo Squad

MTZ-Ripo Transfers

WC Qualifying - Probably not going to qualify.

Summary - I think Belarus are a side that will suffer from finishing in a mediocre position, they ned to spend money to improve their squads, but will only receive 30M each.

-

Wales, 11th Place

Reminder of the clubs from Wales, and the CEO form -

Username : NepentheZ

Importance : Important (100m)

Facilities : World Class (260m)

Stadium Size : Good (385m)

Club Rep : Average (425m)

League Rep : Good (490m)

Balance : £10,000,000

Transfer Budget : £8,000,000

Clubs - TNS, Llanelli, Rhyl & Bangor City

League Table - All 4 Welsh CSE sides successfuly finish in the top 4, with Bangor City as victors

Bangor City Squad

Bangor City Transfers

Rhyl Squad

Rhyl Transfers

TNS Squad

TNS Transfers

Llanelli Squad

Llanelli Transfers

WC Qualifiers - Again, might make it through the play-offs.

Summary - I think that the Welsh sides have done very well with their money, and if the competition wasn't already over they'd receive an epic amount of bonus points as TNS have not only signed Robbie Fowler, but on 1.8K per week :eek: :eek: :eek:

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Paul, fantastic updates. The video thing was brilliant - more of the same! Can see a CSE phenomenon in the making there...

Here's hoping the Swiss do a bit better this time. I think our relatively decent European standing and coming in a bit later than some of the other Mediocre Nations hampered our point scoring ability this time out. Can only get better next season, wish those clubs would start spending some money though.

BTW, sorry I've been neglecting to post, will try and make sure I d it a bit more often in future...

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Fantastic report, can't wait for Part 2 where the Israeli teams will be mentioned.

Same here - big :thup: for the report style (I, of course, will be waiting impatiently for the lowdown on the Norwegians rather than the Israelis :p)

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Just watched the video and :D sums it up quite nicely.

A disappointing effort from Sweden this year, nice to see our 4 teams managed to fill the 2nd-5th spots in the league though. :thup:

As for the WC qualifiers, if we win those games in hand we'd be topping the group so I don't know what Paul's talking about calling it a shambles ;)

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