Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 So as the title says i think a few funny team talks would be quite nice for example i would like to see ; " Go absolutly nuts" where you it would encourage yours players to work harder or face the wrath of your sociopath manager or " I've had enough" just put your head in your hands and start crying - encourage the players to cheer you up " Fergie's Boot" start throwing boots everywhere - which would increase motivation but increase risk of injury? Can you guys come up with anymore? oh and anotherthing would you want a storm out of match option like a press conference ? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginga-Assassin Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 "What...in the crocodile hat...was that?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 " You never met the last team that failed me did you?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibby123 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 " You never met the last team that failed me did you?" Good one Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bracken Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 " You never met the last team that failed me did you?" Genius. I'd quite like a "See that big white thing at the end, two posts, bar along the top? Yes lad, that's what your supposed to aim for. Now go and apologise to the fans in the top tier who you've almost decapitated on several occasions" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazaru5 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 "I'm really enjoying watching us getting mauled by the bottom team" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 "I'm really enjoying watching us getting mauled by the bottom team" I would like to use that sometimes when im top and my team is unbelievably complacent Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazaru5 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 I would like to use that sometimes when im top and my team is unbelievably complacent I already use it... it usually translates as "angry" "letting the team down" or "we must get a result, no excuses" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 I already use it... it usually translates as "angry" "letting the team down" or "we must get a result, no excuses" yeah i know but i wanted something that goes a bit futher, i want to shame and make them doubt their AI selves Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karnage94 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 "If you don't turn this game around then I'll have to give John Terry a call and ask him to visit your wives" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 "If you don't turn this game around then I'll have to give John Terry a call and ask him to visit your wives" haha , more effective if wayne bridge is in the team Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerching Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 As Sir Alf Ramsey supposedly said to Rodney Marsh in his pre match talk "if you are not playing well i am going to pull you off at half time". To which Marsh is reputed to have answered "that's nice, we only get a half an orange and a cup of tea at Man City". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
xSEARLEYx Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 "Get your fingers out of yourselfs!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom_numbers Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 You lot, get out onto the pitch. Wait, not you Smith. You sod off back home, we won't be needing you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiggusD Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Above "angry" on the displeased-scale there should be 10-15 options with increasing violence ending with mass murder or ritual sacrifice. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 You lot, get out onto the pitch. Wait, not you Smith. You sod off back home, we won't be needing you anymore. Nice, u referring to Alan smith who is a striker who doesnt score so moved into a midfielder ? "Guys we're 3 nil down , the fans arent happy so to amuse the fans and punish the first team players , they will fight to the death . Off you go lads have a good time!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom_numbers Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Nice, u referring to Alan smith who is a striker who doesnt score so moved into a midfielder ? I'm not that creative I always use the name John Smith if I can't think of anything. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 I'm not that creative I always use the name John Smith if I can't think of anything. Oh fair enuf, ur creative in actually thinking of something Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mountain Man Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 An option to lob pizza / soup into the opposition dressing room during post match team talks would be especially welcome ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 An option to lob pizza / soup into the opposition dressing room during post match team talks would be especially welcome ! Didnt something happen like that with man utd and arsenal ? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mountain Man Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Didnt something happen like that with man utd and arsenal ? Yes it was back in 2006 - this short article explains it well - http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2006/sep/15/newsstory.sport1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 Yes it was back in 2006 - this short article explains it well - http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2006/sep/15/newsstory.sport1 ah cheers mate Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom_numbers Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 The current teamtalks are alright I reckon, I would just like to alter the way I say them. Whatever you think of "I expect a win", imagine it in an Eastern European accent with dramatic pauses. I... Expect a win. Or maybe "Do this.. For the fans", while motioning to a couple of typical gangster style heavies stood by the doorway with a cricket bat and a sword. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pentagrammer Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 "God forgives, I don't." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazaru5 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 "I hope you all know where the jobcentre is" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerching Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 The current teamtalks are alright I reckon, I would just like to alter the way I say them. Whatever you think of "I expect a win", imagine it in an Eastern European accent with dramatic pauses. I... Expect a win. Or maybe "Do this.. For the fans", while motioning to a couple of typical gangster style heavies stood by the doorway with a cricket bat and a sword. Wondered what had happened to Fabien Barthez. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nik_Dut Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I have one for the reporters interview: "God, how can an imbecile like you can be a reporter? I swear if you ask the same question over and over again I will go to your house, take your mama on a ride, and teach her how she supposed to give a nutritious food for a baby so any possible relative of you can be a bit smarter!!!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
442 is dead Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Here's one "If you didn't spend all your spare time with your dick in a Page 3 girl, maybe you'd have enough energy to play even half decent on a Saturday afternoon" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazaru5 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 "If I wanted my team to play like girls I'd manage the Ladies team.." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wavelberry Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Passing, running, tackling, shooting. All fundamentals of football that you have neglected over the last 45 minutes of football. If you value your lives or your professional careers you might want to try one or two of them or, and here's a thought, maybe all of them at once and playing like THE HIGHLY PAID PROFESSIONALS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE!!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymondafc Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 An Individual Teamtalk for your under performing superstars: "If you were half as good as your missus was last night, you could be dangerous" Should get a reaction Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blidly Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 An Individual Teamtalk for your under performing superstars:"If you were half as good as your missus was last night, you could be dangerous" Should get a reaction hahahhahahaaaa Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom_numbers Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Wow... this thread has rapidly turned libellous and blue 0_o Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazaru5 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Wow... this thread has rapidly turned libellous and blue 0_o libelous? with the use of allegedly and supposedly? wrong... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wavelberry Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 You are allegedly a good player... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
MancTiger Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I'd like the Kevin Keagan time talk option at half time.... Quitting Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingjericho Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 "Guys... we're not ". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom_numbers Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 libelous? with the use of allegedly and supposedly? wrong... That's definitely lawyer talk Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonheat Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 We are aiming to score in the other goal you usless overpaid, oversexed under preforming, W^/£&R, or i've seen more movement from somebody in coma than you C&&T Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mimland Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I'd use the massmurder one But my team is so sensitive they even get upset when I slam them for only winning 1-0 against a 10 men relegation candidates. Could really use something to kickstart complacent players though but I can't really think of anything good at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
snootyjim Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 "Chainsaw." Half of the team vanish, but the rest try a heck of a lot harder. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazaru5 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I'd use the massmurder one But my team is so sensitive they even get upset when I slam them for only winning 1-0 against a 10 men relegation candidates.Could really use something to kickstart complacent players though but I can't really think of anything good at the moment. they won, they kept a clean sheet, and you slammed them? I'd be flippin upset too... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wavelberry Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 they won, they kept a clean sheet, and you slammed them? I'd be flippin upset too... Context though. If they were ****, grabbed a lucky goal and were particularly poor against a 10 man team who was bottom of the league I'd be pretty narked. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
haz32 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Your contracts due to run out at the end of the season so if you don't want to be flipping burgers next year you better fight for it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
i2dark4u Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 how about the classic "Theres a kid in hospital with cancer. If you loose, he will loose the will to live and DIE!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
deltablue Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Not really a 'talk' but... *opens door to let Dalek in, waving its 'egg-whisk' gun around threateningly and shouting 'exterminate'* Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mimland Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Context though. If they were ****, grabbed a lucky goal and were particularly poor against a 10 man team who was bottom of the league I'd be pretty narked. I have a team with an average rating of between 7.3 and 8.5 over the season, this game I think the best player, the one that actually managed to score was at 7.2 the rest around 6.5 which I find hard to see that is good enough during the circumstances. That my team average over 3 goals a game and giving up a little less than 0.5 a game doesn't make me more forgiving having to watch them perform like they did that game. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
afromanGT Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I think there should definitely be a couple more options. "My grandmother plays better than you lads" would be a nice touch. Interesting that all these team talks have been based around players underperforming... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mimland Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Telling your players they are doing good in this game is the best way to make them quit playing, don't think we need more options to do that. Something like "If you didn't want to play you could have told me before the match" when a player get too complacent. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motherlover Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Interesting that all these team talks have been based around players underperforming... How about: "Oh c'mon lads, where's your sense of charity? At least gift them a pity goal for chrissake." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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