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[cookie15]

Clean sheets please Guardiola

It was plain to see the delight on Josep's face as his missus changed the bedding on Friday evening, and hoped that this would be an omen for the forthcoming fixture against Man City. In an interview after the match Guardiola was asked a number of probing questions:

Interviewer - Well, Josep, that was something of a dull affair, but i'd imagine your pleased with the result?

JG - To be fair i thought we were outstanding at the back. The back 4 and Keeper were so solid and managed to keep all their attacking options quiet.

Interviewer - I thought as much, that makes it two clean sheets in a row, is defense something you are focusing on?

JG - Not really if i'm honest, but with the likes of Chiellini, Alex and Cesar any team is going to find it tough to break us down. They're super players and have plenty of experience too. They're proven winners all of them.

Interviewer - Are you not a little worried by the lack of goals with the quality of players you possess?

JG - Goals will come, class players know where to find the goal and it is just a matter of time. Robin, Carlton, Carlos they're all players who can score, we're just not getting the rub of the green.

Interviewer - But, Rob doesn't play up front, or are you meaning the behaviour in the changing rooms?

JG - Ah, some sort of comedian are we? What happens in the changing room stays in the changing room, if you want to find out you'll have to send Hazel to Upton Park for an exclusive!

Interviewer - Well that could be arranged. Finally, in the opening two games you've played Arsenal and Man City, and next up you've got Man Utd. Some would say you've had a really tough start to the campaign. Would you agree?

JG - Completely, there is some sort of conspiracy against us. We're confident whoever we face, expect to see us be more creative at Old Trafford.

Interviewer - Well, thanks Josep for your time, good luck against Man Utd.

JG - Cheers, Adios.

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Conspiracy against West Ham? DO NOT get me started on that one!!!!

[Nottingham Forest]

Newcastle Chairman Praises And Cogratulates The Team On Their First Win Of Season!!

Newcastle United Chairman NF has today praised his side for their first victory of the season. Although it wasn't the most attractive game to watch, that doesn't matter. All that matters now is the results so that we can build up the momentum to enable us to start playing the attractive football that our great fans crave. I'm sure at the moment though they will be happy. I am delighted that we won and it looks like our new players seem to be settling in quite well and seem to be knowing what Alan wants to achieve. I hope we can continue this .

[Greasy Chip Butty]

http://s701.photobucket.com/albums/ww19/greasy_chip_butty/FM11%20SIGN%20UP/

This link could be useful for anyone wanting to use images. These are the images I have uploaded to Photobucket for use in the thread. Feel free to use any of them. Just copy the IMG code and use in your post.

[BenArsenal]

Sunderland chairman furious at defeat

Sunderland's chairman Ben Arsenal was furious at the heavy defeat to West Brom at the weekend.

In an expletive-laden rant, the chairman apparently screamed at manager Steve Bruce and the team following the game, with numerous four-lettered words of explicit variety.

He then left, red-faced and fuming, leaving the team to pick up the pieces.

Ben Arsenal has threatened to sack and replace the entire team if there is no significant improvement in the weeks ahead.

He was then seen headed towards Sports.TV presenter Hazel Harrison's house.

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Sunderland chairman furious at defeat

Sunderland's chairman Ben Arsenal was furious at the heavy defeat to West Brom at the weekend.

In an expletive-laden rant, the chairman apparently screamed at manager Steve Bruce and the team following the game, with numerous four-lettered words of explicit variety.

He then left, red-faced and fuming, leaving the team to pick up the pieces.

Ben Arsenal has threatened to sack and replace the entire team if there is no significant improvement in the weeks ahead.

He was then seen headed towards Sports.TV presenter Hazel Harrison's house.

Another one. I hope Hazel isn't charging. She'll be rich enough to leave SPORTS.tv for good if she is!

[fergysafc]

At least I got a good defence 3 games non let in

[Charlesbeams]

Blackburn lose yet again i blame Adebayor for getting sent off, even if he did score twice.

[PluckaDuck]

STOP THE PRESS

England Superstar David Beckham has been caught in a sensational cheating scandal with media identity Hazel Harrison. More to follow!!

(There was nothing worth writing about with Blackpool's performance- rubbish.)

[Greasy Chip Butty]

[video=youtube;-bSVBCmJIMs]

Welcome to Auxerre in France for tonight’s Champions League Play Off!

Last week, Tottenham Hotspur secured a 2-0 win at White Hart Lane that puts them on the brink of a Champions League group stage place for the first time in their history. They face French side, Auxerre, for a second time tonight knowing that anything better than a two goal defeat will see them into the group stages to join the three other English sides – Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United – in Friday’s draw.

Also tonight, three other English teams are battling to ensure that they will be in the Europa League group stages. Liverpool, Manchester City and Aston Villa all won their first legs and should have no troubles tonight. The most vulnerable of the three is likely to be Liverpool who travel away to face Banik Ostrava with a 3-1 lead. The Czech side showed that they can be dangerous and, with an away goal, things could get interesting if they score first tonight with Liverpool’s confidence frail after their hammering at Aston Villa at the weekend. Speaking of Villa, a 3-0 win in Poland last week means that they face Ruch Chorzow at Villa Park tonight as massive favourites whilst Manchester City also face Polish opposition as they meet Wisla Krakow at the City of Manchester Stadium leading 1-0 from the first leg.

Down to the lovely Hazel Harrison pitchside, she has news of the Tottenham team.

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Welcome to the Stade de l’Abbe-Deschamps here in Auxerre, I’m Hazel Harrison at pitchside for the second leg of this Champions League tie. Both sides are hoping to make it into the group stages but it looks a tall order for Auxerre. They line up with a couple of well known names: Valter Birsa is a Slovenian international winger whilst Liverpool fans will remember Anthony Le Tallec, a striker who never quite made it at Anfield despite much promise.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

New Tottenham boss, Guus Hiddink, has selected a strong side as he seeks to secure Spurs’ place in the group stage of the Champions League tonight. It looks as if Spurs will be playing a 4-5-1 formation with the two wingers supporting the lone striker, Oscar Cardozo, as often as possible. With Frank Lampard in the midfield, there should be support from the centre of the midfield as well. Here’s the full line-up:

GOMES

CORLUKA

DAWSON

GALLAS

ASSOU-EKOTTO

FLETCHER

LAMPARD

LENNON

MODRIC

BALE

CARDOZO

SUBS: Pletikosa, Ferdinand, Kaboul, Pugh, Keane, Huddlestone, Crouch

A strong line up although several big names are out of the side tonight. There is no Rafael van der Vaart, Roman Pavlyuchenko misses out and David Bentley remains out of favour with the new manager. Back to you, Sid.

[Greasy Chip Butty]

FIRST HALF

1 min:

Corluka with the throw on the right, in for Luka Modric. The Croatian player moves forward and lofts a ball over the top of the defence, finds Bale, all alone but he puts it wide of the target. Early chance, should have scored.

12 mins:

Assou-Ekotto on the left, knocks it inside towards Bale who turns well, looking for a goal here, pulls it back though ... Cardozo! Over the bar! Great chance again for Spurs!

14 mins:

Corner from the right for Auxerre, headed out by Gallas as far as Jelen who hits it first time ... great save by Gomes to palm it wide for a corner.

17 mins:

Long free kick from Corluka finds Cardozo who controls well and switches the ball over towards Bale on the left. Bale nods the ball down for Modric who takes a touch and fires at goal, just wide of the target.

20 mins:

Modric has the ball on the left, he looks to cross but slides the ball back towards William Gallas. He strides forward and shoots at goal, just over the bar from 25 yards.

21 mins:

Lennon down the right for Spurs, low cross into the Modric in the area, he takes a touch, Chafni with the challenge from behind ... PENALTY! Tottenham have a golden chance to go 3 up on aggregate and virtually confirm a place in the Champions League group stage!

22 mins:

It’ll be Frank Lampard to take it. He’s up against Sorin in the Auxerre goal, up steps Lampard, right footed ... off the post, Contout clears it and Tottenham have wasted another glorious chance to seal the tie!

32 mins:

Modric picks up the ball from Darren Fletcher in the midfield, he turns and comes forward, slides in Cardozo, in on goal ... CARDOZO! He scores for Spurs, fires it low past Sorin and that is 1-0 on the night, 3-0 on aggregate. Surely Spurs are into the Champions League now!

Auxerre 0-1 Tottenham

(Cardozo)

35 mins:

Cardozo has it in the middle of the pitch, good control and he plays the ball through, Aaron Lennon with the chance ... blocked by Sorin and cleared to safety by Auxerre!

41 mins:

Valter Birsa cuts in from the left hand side, good run from the Slovenian, slides the ball to Jelen who curls for the far corner, just wide with Gomes beaten!

The referee blows the whistle and half time has arrived here with Spurs in front on the night and 3-0 in front on aggregate.

HALF TIME

Auxerre 0-1 Tottenham

(Lampard m/pen, Cardoza)

Excellent half for Spurs and their place in the Champions League is now almost secure. Auxerre need to score 4 goals in the second half – Spurs have an away goal – and they haven’t looked likely to score one if we’re honest. Guus Hiddink’s men just need to come out and be professional in the second half to claim their Champions League place.

What about the other sides in action tonight?

EUROPA LEAGUE: ASTON VILLA vs. RUCH CHORZOW

Half time here at Villa Park where Villa have been in control and comfortable until the 43rd minute when the Polish side stunned them with a goal on the break. From a Villa corner, Chorzow attacked and Olszar found Janoszka on halfway. He ran at the defence who backed off and backed off – when Baker finally made the challenge, Janoszka waltzed past and beat Friedel easily to give the Poles a glimmer of hope. 0-1 (3-1 agg)

EUROPA LEAGUE: MANCHESTER CITY vs. WISLA KRAKOW

Manchester City are in complete control of the tie now at half time as they have a goal and their opponent’s are down to ten men as they chase the game. The goal came early from an unlikely source: NIGEL DE JONG chesting down a poor headed clearance before rifling the ball into the top corner to give City a 2-0 aggregate lead. Gordan Bunoza was then shown a red card when he pulled back Carlos Tevez as he went through on goal. City in control here and heading into the group stages.1-0 (2-0 agg)

EUROPA LEAGUE: BANIK OSTRAVA vs. LIVERPOOL

Liverpool are looking safe here in the Czech Republic ... but they almost had their gameplan undone here when the Czech side got an early penalty. The last thing Liverpool needed was an away goal so when David Navratil, scorer of the away goal at Anfield, missed the penalty, a sigh of relief was felt from the Reds’ supporters. Mid-way through the half, the relief turned to confidence as Liverpool got an away goal. Torres’ clever run down the right ended with a mis-hit cross that DIEGO managed to get a foot to and divert past the keeper. Liverpool’s cause was helped further just before half time when Rene Bolf was sent off for the hosts who now need three goals in the second half to force extra time – a tall order. 0-1 (1-4 agg)

[Greasy Chip Butty]

SECOND HALF

HALF TIME

Auxerre 0-1 Tottenham

(Lampard m/pen, Cardoza)

47 mins:

Auxerre with a direct ball over the top and Corluka has been caught out here. Birsa to the byline and clips the ball over to the back post, Contout with the header, saved by Gomes ... JELEN side foots the rebound into the net! Auxerre have given themselves a glimmer of hope here early in the second half!

Auxerre 1-1 Tottenham (1-3 agg)

(Jelen)

52 mins:

Coulibaly plays the ball out to the left and Pedretti as Auxerre give it a real go here. His ball in is a good one, Le Tallec with the header ... loops just over the bar. Spurs need to wake up here!

56 mins:

Darren Fletcher has the ball in the centre of the French half, one-two with Gareth Bale and a shot from distance from Fletcher straight at Sorin in the goal though.

65 mins:

Free kick for Auxerre, dead centre, 20 yards from goal. If they are to get back in this, surely they need to score here. Valter Birsa is over the ball, he looks to curl it up and over ... deflected into the path of Contout, must score ... misses! Free header and he heads it up over the bar when it was easier to score.

67 mins:

Modric’s free kick from the left, inswinger towards Bale with the header ... just over the bar.

69 mins:

Lennon has the ball down the right, crosses in towards Modric, takes the touch and shoots, blocked well by the defender ... Fletcher with the snap shot, just wide.

78 mins:

Spurs break 4 on 2 with Bale ... switched to the centre and Cardozo, he moves it on to Lennon ... Lennon’s low cross ... evades everybody, so close for Spurs!

The game drifts to a climax with little action and Tottenham are happy to run down the clock. The whistle is blown and Spurs are in the Champions League!

FULL TIME:

Auxerre 1-1 Tottenham

(Jelen; Lampard m/pen, Cardoza)

Tottenham win 3-1 on aggregate and qualify for group stage of the Champions League.

MAN OF THE MATCH: Luka Modric (Tottenham)

Excellent performance from the Craotian, at the heart of everything good about Spurs tonight. Deserved a goal but will now get chance to show his talent in the premier European competition.

So Tottenham Hotspur will be playing Champions League football this season but Auxerre will have to make do with a place in the group stages of the Europa League. Will the three English sides involved in the Europa League Qualifiers be joining them? It looked good at half time but let’s check on them now!

EUROPA LEAGUE: ASTON VILLA vs. RUCH CHORZOW

After a comfortable first half, Villa’s half time was ruined when Lukas Janoszka broke and scored for the Polish side to give them a chance of turning the tie around. However, it was not to be for the brave Polish side and Villa held them a bay second half. The tie was finally ended as a contest on 75 minutes when Carew was brought down and PETROV smashed home the penalty to give Villa a draw on the night. 1-1 (4-1 agg)

EUROPA LEAGUE: MANCHESTER CITY vs. WISLA KRAKOW

Wisla Krokow go home with their heads held high after they gave City an almighty scare in the second half despite having a man less. They stunned City just into the second half as they got a crucial away goal when Gargula centred and BROZEK turned the ball past Shay Given from 6 yards. Another goal would have put Krakow in the driving seat but try as they might, they couldn’t find a goal. On 67 minutes, City made them pay. Etuhu with a marvellous run down the left, he pulled it back and TEVEZ smashed home to end the contest. It was harsh when City added a third late on when ZABALETA headed home a Cattermole corner but the Polish side can be proud of their efforts. City go through. 3-1 (4-1 agg)

EUROPA LEAGUE: BANIK OSTRAVA vs. LIVERPOOL

The Reds are home and dry after two more second half goals gave them a comfortable win on the night and on aggregate. On 58 minutes, Lucas slid a ball through and N’GOG finished well before the French striker added a second with 20 minutes left. Torres with the ball, looked like an offside but there was no flag and N’GOG finished again. Liverpool are into the Europa League group stages. 0-3 (1-6 agg)

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Another good night for our English sides – Tottenham Hotspur are into the Champions League despite a 1-1 draw in Auxerre, they win 3-1 on aggregate and will anxiously wait for news of their first ever Champions League group draw – live on SPORTS.tv! We’ll also have news of the Europa League groups after all three English sides made it into the draw. Liverpool won in the Czech Republic to seal a 6-1 aggregate win, Manchester City won at home to win 4-1 on aggregate against Wisla Krakow whilst a draw at Villa Park was enough for Chris Hughton’s Villa side to progress against Ruch Chorzow.

We’ll have the live draw later and then join us at the weekend as we travel to Birmingham for the big derby match as Birmingham City and Aston Villa clash at St. Andrew’s. It promises to be a cracker. Join us for that! Goodnight!

[fergysafc]

My defence is awesome 4 games non let in but only scored 3

[bergtaur]

THEY LIVE!!!

Rarely seen Aston Villa chairman Berg Taur and manager Chris Hughton were seen emerging from a cave in the Midlands today by the media at large. The group was able to answer a few questions before ducking back into obscurity.

Q: How will you measure sucess this season?

Mr. Taur: Well, success is simple for us. We will finish higher than every other Midlands club and hopefully qualify for continential play, with the aim for the champions League, but we would settle for the Europa League. A run in the national cups is important as is success in this season's Europa League as well.

Q: Mr. Hughton, who is the player to watch?

Mr. Hughton: Well it's obviously Sam Eto'o. He's been on fire at the early part of the season and his form should continue for us to be fully successful.

Q: Last question, what are you doing in a cave?

Mr. Taur: Satying away from journos like you. The only reason we feel as if we need to talk to you is because the league is forcing us. Now is you excuse us, we have some nice rabbit cooking.

What is left for these cavemen to know about running a football club? We'll have more on these characters as the season goes on.

[Kenco]

Disappointing defeat there, but hopefully we can get something out of the derby with Villa.

[Greasy Chip Butty]

[video=youtube;cP_kY__KumE]

Welcome to St. Andrew’s for the Second City Derby!

SPORTS.tv is live and exclusive in Birmingham this afternoon as two bitter rivals – Birmingham City and Aston Villa – battle for the bragging rights of the city this afternoon. It’s usually an explosive and cracking atmosphere and, more often than not, an excellent spectacle. That’s to come later but first let us catch up on what’s been happening in the football world this week!

On Friday, SPORTS.tv was in Monaco for the group stage draws for the Champions League and the Europa League as well as the European Super Cup Final between the two European champions from last season, Inter Milan and Atletico Madrid. While we were there, news broke that Manchester United and England striker, Michael Owen, had agreed a deal to sign for the Spanish giants and was going to feature in the Super Cup Final for the Madrid side. A fee of £2m has since been confirmed.

At the Super Cup Final, a dour affair came to life in the final moments of the 90 minutes. Former Chelsea star, Tiago, handled on the goal-line and was sent off. From the penalty, Marco Materazzi missed and the game went into extra time, followed by a penalty shoot-out. Madrid held their nerve and it was the Europa League winners who prevailed 3-0 on penalties.

So, on to the draws for the group stages of the Champions League and the Europa League:

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

GROUP A

MANCHESTER UNITED

Lyon

Fenerbahce

Dinamo Zagreb

GROUP D

ARSENAL

Roma

Schalke

Rubin

GROUP G

AC Milan

Valencia

TOTTENHAM

Rosenborg

GROUP H

CHELSEA

Marseille

Anderlecht

Twente

EUROPA LEAGUE

GROUP F

CSKA Moscow

MANCHESTER CITY

Auxerre

Partizan

GROUP I

Zenit St. Petersburg

Dynamo Kiev

ASTON VILLA

Utrecht

GROUP L

LIVERPOOL

Basel

Debrecen

Maccabi Haifa

Some interesting groups there and we will bring you all the action from the Champions League and Europa League when it kicks off next month in September.

TRANSFERS

The Transfer Window will be closing next week so teams are doing their last bits of business as the deadline approaches. Here are the latest deals done:

Michael Owen (Manchester United) to Atletico Madrid, £2m

Aaron Doran (Blackburn Rovers) to Derby County, loan

Robbie Brady (Manchester United) to Derby County, loan

Jonas Olsson (West Brom) to Panathanaikos, £2m

Kyle Walker (Spurs) to Leeds, loan

Matt Phillips (Blackpool) to Derby County, loan

Craig Eastmond (Arsenal) to Millwall, loan

Jose Baxter (Everton) to Sheffield United, loan

Tore Gokhan (Chelsea) to Crystal Palace, loan

Enric Valles (Birmingham) to Preston, loan

Ishmel Demontagnac (Blackpool) to Port Vale, free transfer

Ryan Shotton (Stoke City) to Derby County, loan

Stuart Taylor (Manchester City) to Arsenal, loan

Greg Cunnigham (Manchester City) to Preston, loan

ENGLAND SQUAD ANNOUNCED!

The latest England squad has been announced today for the upcoming Euro 2012 qualifiers with Bulgaria at Wembley and for the away trip to Switzerland. There are six changes to the squad, two of them forced on new manager Chip Butty as Steven Gerrard and Wayne Rooney are both out with sprained ankles for the next few weeks. Gerrard is replaced by his new Liverpool team-mate Joe Cole whilst Darren Bent is called up in place of Rooney. Wayne Bridge, Phil Neville, Scott Dann and Michael Carrick have also been dropped from the squad with Ashley Cole, Joleon Lescott, Rio Ferdinand and Gareth Barry returning for the qualifiers.

Chip Butty has also announced that John Terry will resume duties as the England captain with Frank Lampard the vice-captain. Here is the squad in full:

GK:

Foster, Green, Hart

DF:

Baines, Cahill, A.Cole, Ferdinand, Jagielka, G.Johnson, Lescott, Shawcross, Terry

MF:

J.Cole, Downing, A.Johnson, Lampard, Lennon, Milner, Rodwell, Walcott, Young

ST:

Agbonlahor, Bent, Crouch, Defoe

Right, time to focus on this weekend in the Premier League. When we return after the break, we’ll have all of yesterday’s action in the Premier League before we continue our build up to the big second city derby here between Birmingham and Aston Villa. Stay tuned!

[Greasy Chip Butty]

I'm not writing it all up if nobody does anything folks. Not posting next update till I have more reaction articles.

[Nottingham Forest]

Newcastle United Boss and Chairman Shocked!!!!!!!!

Newscaste United Boss Alan Shearer and Chairman NF have today come out to attack England manager Chip Butty. Speaking to The Sun they said that they were annoyed that young but talented striker Andy Carroll hadn't been included in the upcoming England Squad. Although he hasn't played many games and he may not be first choice for the club at the moment Carroll is a great, talented youngster who should be nurtured into the England set up from a young age in order to force his way in to the Newcastle side. Although it may be seen as role reversals we believe that national and international should be treated equally. With what's been said we are happy with the the team Chip Butty has picked.

[SJ234]

Tottenham Hotspur Press Release

"Today we would like to announce our delight with the qualifcation to the champions league main draw we believe this a brilliant achievement for the club. We see this as an oppurtunity for the club to grow in stature and economic power and hopefully in the long run we can attempt to sign players of the highest calibre to join the already packed stable we have. We would also like to announce our pleasure with the draw we received in the Champions League as we get to play two former winners and the Norwegian powerhouse which is Rosenborg. We see all these teams as tough opposistion however it is easier than it could have been. Finally we would like to announce that the lewd showings of the Sport TV presenter Hazel Harrison are not something we condone and we would like to see that people associated to the club do not repeat the mistakes of the past employees."

[PluckaDuck]

Blackpool gaffer slams Chip Butty

Blackpool F.C manager Carlo Ancelotti has described England manager Chip Butty as a "joke" and has a "D-Grade knowledge of football" in a sensational outburst outside Bloomfield Road today. In a media confrence reminiscent of Ian Holloway during his time at the North Western Club, Ancelotti has criticised the England manager following the non-inclusion of Ryan Taylor in his England squad for the upcoming EURO 2012 qualifiers against Bulgaria and Switzerland. Ancelotti accused Butty of being "big-club orienated" and failing to look outside the box after the team was packed with players from previously big 4 clubs. Ancelotti acknowledged that Taylor wasn't the most obvious selection but believed that he did deserve a spot in the squad and encouraged the FA to look to Blackpool and other struggling clubs for shining-lights in the future. He did not however criticise the non selection of Marlon Harewood saying "Marlon who???"

[cookie15]

Guardiola shocked as no Hammers get a call up!

In a recent article Josep Guardiola, the new West Ham boss, was surprised that new England manager, Greasy Chip Butty, had not called up any members of his squad. He was left shocked when reading the announcement today that neither Scott Parker nor Carlton Cole had found their way into the squad. When it was pointed out to him that they were not good enough, he rebuffed such comments as an insult to his playing squad.

Guardiola then went on to apologise to GCB as he realised that Rob Green had received a call up. "Well, i am pleased for Rob, but lets be honest there aren't many keepers for him to choose from are there! He has been working hard on the training ground and is learning all the time from Cesar, which can only be good for him!"

More reactions from Joesp, as and when we get them.......

[BenArsenal]

Hehehe! They're all rounding on you Chip.

I just hope you be careful with Bent. Sunderland are short on good strikers as it is....

[Almondo]

Bolton Manager slams Chip Butty

After the announcement of the england team today Bolton Manager Joe Royle stated that although he was pleased with the fact that Gary Cahill had been named in the side he couldn't see why players such as Matty Taylor and Kevin Davies had been left out of the squad. In the statement he went on to say Player like Taylor and Davies are great servants to the game and are equally as talented as other players in the squad. He then went on to support the feeling of Blackpool Manager Carlo Ancelotti by stating that as Ancelotti said the England squad is too big club orientated and Butty needs to actually look outside the box a bit and pick some of the players from lower down the Premier League and not just those players who played for the big four before the shake up of the League this summer.

[PluckaDuck]

The England manager is not a popular man...

[Greasy Chip Butty]

The England manager is not a popular man...

The England manager is not bothered. The England manager will pick who he wants, when he wants ...

However, he would argue that eleven of the squad come from outside the top six teams (the big four plus City and Spurs).

[Paulo1985]

Everton manager condemns peers

Everton Club Chairman Paulo Eight Five has run the risk of angering his fellow chairman by today condemning thier comments regarding the recent announcementEngland squad announcement. He stated “Butty is new to the job and he should be allowed to find his own team. He is like any other manager in this game and should be allowed to live and die by his results rather than the announcement of his first competitive squad.

The Everton chairman stated “Chip is a decent guy and I am sure he will do his best for the national team. I for one am happy with the squad and think we have a great blend of experience and youth. The other chairman all think that there players deserve a call up but the players must prove it to the new national team manager. I have sat down with Phil (Neville) this week and he is understandably upset at being omitted from the squad but we at Everton hope that the set back will allow him to redouble his effort at club level and force his way back into the England fold”

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Welcome back to St. Andrews where SPORTS.tv will later bring you action from the ‘Second City Derby’ between Birmingham City and Aston Villa in the Premier League. Before that though, let’s go back to yesterday and bring you the goals and action from the other nine Premier League matches. We’ll start at the Emirates where Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal side were still looking for their first win of the season as they hosted Joe Royle’s Bolton Wanderers.

ARSENAL vs. BOLTON WANDERERS

After their late defeat at Old Trafford last weekend, Gunners’ boss Arsene Wenger called for his side to be more lethal in front of goal as they entertained Bolton at the Emirates. Joe Royle’s men must be wishing he’d kept his mouth shut! Just 6 minutes had passed when Theo Walcott escaped on the right and his cross was slammed home by MAROUANE CHAMAKH who claimed his first goal for Arsenal. Bolton – fresh from their defeat of Wigan at the Reebok last week – could hardly have started worse and by the 20th minute, they were 2-0 down. Sagna found SAMIR NASRI in space and he cracked home a 25-yard drive past Jaaskelainen. If they thought Arsenal might ease up, Bolton were wrong and it was 3-0 four minutes later. Fabregas picked out CHAMAKH in the area and he was given far too much time and space to turn and find the bottom corner of the net. In first half injury time, Arsenal had a fourth. Chamakh’s run down the right was blocked but Fabregas slid the ball to the left and NASRI curled home an unstoppable effort from the edge of the box. 4-0 at half time. Things improved for the Trotters in the second half but not by much as Arsenal toyed with them. There were no further goals but the message had been sent to the rest of the Premier League – do not write off Arsenal this season.

ARSENAL 4-0 BOLTON WANDERERS

(Chamakh 2, Nasri 2)

BLACKBURN ROVERS vs. MANCHESTER CITY

Rovers’ hosted their North West neighbours, Manchester City, at Ewood Park looking for their first points of the season after two defeats so far. City remain unbeaten and are into the Europa League group stages and came to town confident and looking for the three points. The first half was scrappy but it was City that got the goal just before half time. Robinho and Drogba combined to set up new loan signing JERMAINE JENAS and he fired past Reina to give City the lead at half time. That lead lasted five minutes into the second half though. Pascal Chimbonda won the ball bravely from Etuhu and made his way down the right before curling in a cross for PATO to head home from six yards. Both sides pressed for a winner but there were no more goals. However, Luis Suarez was sent off for Rovers late in the day after an awful lunge at Yaya Toure. A point apiece, Rovers first of the season and City still unbeaten.

BLACKBURN ROVERS 1-1 MANCHESTER CITY

(Pato; Jenas)

BLACKPOOL vs. SUNDERLAND

Both sides had taken one point so far and both had suffered heavy defeats last weekend as they met at Bloomfield Road. Carlo Ancelotti and Steve Bruce were both hoping their side could take the three points and begin to climb the table. It was Ancelotti’s Blackpool that got off to the better start and they were rewarded with the opening goal. Charlie Adam slid the ball through the Black Cats’ defence and MARIO BALOTELLI scored the Seasiders’ first Premier League goal ever. However, the lead lasted just three minutes. Wayne Routledge’s excellent run and cross was met at the back post by opposite winger, MATTY ETHERINGTON, who headed across goal and in off the far post of Ross Turnbull. The game continued past half time and with 20 minutes left, Sunderland went in front. A long clearance out of their defence found Darren Bent, he flicked on into space but Craig Cathcart was half asleep and allowed ANDRE PIERRE GIGNAC to nip in and smash the ball beyond Turnbull. Things got worse for Ancelotti’s men moments later when Mario Balotelli was booked for a second time and they went down to ten men as the game slipped away. In injury time, the fourth goal of the game was scored and amazingly, the ten men of Blackpool got it to save a point. Marek Cech’s corner was half cleared, Arnautovic turned the ball back into the box and central defender IAN EVATT swung his right boot at the ball and it flew into the corner of the net.

BLACKPOOL 2-2 SUNDERLAND

(Balotelli, Evatt, Balotelli sent off; Etherington, Gignac)

CHELSEA vs. TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

An intriguing London derby at Stamford Bridge where champions, Chelsea, hosted former midfielder Frank Lampard as he arrived with his new Tottenham Hotspur team. Roberto Martinez’ Blues have drawn 0-0 in both their opening games and needed to win but faced a tough test against Tottenham who qualified for the Champions League this week under former Blues boss, Guus Hiddink. In the end, a tight contest was settled by one goal and it was a goalkeeping mistake. Ashley Cole’s throw was flicked on by Bruma, Heitinga headed goalwards but Gomes made a mess of a routine save and NICOLAS ANELKA stabbed home from two yards. A late red card for Ashley Cole for a second yellow didn’t deny Chelsea and they have their first win of the season.

CHELSEA 1-0 TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

(Anelka, Cole sent off)

LIVERPOOL vs. WOLVES

Neither side has yet to taste victory in this season’s Premier League but Liverpool boss John Barnes needed a morale boosting win over Wolves to help the Anfield fans forget last week’s hammering at Villa Park. Alex McLeish’s Wolves were looking to bounce back from defeat last week and build on their point at Stamford Bridge on the opening day of the season. It was Liverpool who got the first goal just after the half hour. Torres, Kuyt and Lucas combined down the left, Lucas centred and THOMAS MULLER got his first goal for Liverpool with a firm header. The cries of ‘Offside!’ from the Wolves’ players fell on deaf ears – and correctly so. Within minutes though, Wolve were level completely against the run of play. Lee Chung Yong’s cross from the right found IVAN KLASNIC who powerfully headed past Itandje and into the net to make it 1-1 at half time. In the second half, Liverpool continued to dominate and got their reward with a winning goal in the 64th minute. Hennessey’s goal kick was headed away by Curtis Davies, Salcido reacted far too slowly and TORRES tucked the ball past Hennessey and into the net off the post. A first Premier League win for John Barnes but Wolves head towards the lower reaches.

LIVERPOOL 2-1 WOLVES

(Muller, Torres; Klasnic)

MANCHESTER UNITED vs. WEST HAM UNITED

After two goalless draws with Arsenal and Manchester City, West Ham continued their tough start with a trip to Old Trafford to face Manchester United whose late show against Arsenal last week had given Alex Ferguson’s men new confidence. However, there was no Wayne Rooney who sprained an ankle in training and misses the next 4 weeks including next week’s England games. Pep Guardiola, the Hammers’ boss, this week declared himself happy with the defensive side of their game – but that may have been the kiss of death for it. In a dominating first half performance, Manchester United ran riot and made the defence look amateur. On 7 minutes, Giggs’ corner was headed home past Green by JONNY EVANS, Darron Gibson’s corner from the right was smashed home by GIGGS five minutes later and United were 3-0 up on 19 minutes as Defoe and Scholes combined to set up GIBSON who fired past Green from 20 yards. On the stroke of half time, former Hammers’ striker Defoe made it 4-0. Valencia crossed low from the right, Chiellini, Green and Alex dallied and DEFOE crept in and stabbed the ball home. The second half showed no signs of let-up for the beleaguered Hammers. 8 minutes into the half, MACHEDA was brought down in the box by Chiellini and the young Italian striker dusted himself off and tucked the ball past Green to make it 5-0. United did ease off at that point and the scoring finished but it was a totally deserved hammering (excuse the pun) for West Ham. Chairman Cookie Fifteen is unlikely to be amused.

MANCHESTER UNITED 5-0 WEST HAM UNITED

(Evans, Giggs, Gibson, Defoe, Macheda)

NEWCASTLE UNITED vs. STOKE CITY

Two sides with four points so far gained from an away win and a home draw against opponents from last season’s top half of the league. Alan Shearer’s Toon Army were hoping for a win that would lift them into the upper echelons of the Premier League but David Moyes has an habit of getting the best out of his players and that ensured Stoke could not be taken lightly. However, it was Newcastle who took the lead in the 20th minute. A Stoke corner came to nothing and Dzeko broke for the home side, he slid the ball through for AGUERO who rounded Sorensen and tucked the ball home to make it 1-0. By half time, the lead had been doubled. Joe Mattock crossed from the left and DZEKO forced the ball home from a few yards out. 2-0 to Newcastle but the Toon Army threw away a 2-0 lead at St. James’ Park on the opening day of the season and amazingly did so again. First, with 18 minutes left, RICARDO FULLER slalomed his way through the Toon defence before smashing home past Kirkland. And five minutes later, Stoke City broke from a Newcastle corner, Olsson found LUIS FABIANO and he rounded Kirkland and made it 2-2. The Geordie fans couldn’t believe it had happened again but this time Newcastle managed to bounce back. Joey Barton’s corner from the right was controlled at the near post and fired into the roof of the net by THIAGO SILVA and then Lovenkrands set up KALOU to make it 4-2 and seal the points for Newcastle. 7 points from their first 3 games for the newly promoted side, a great start for Alan Shearer.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 4-2 STOKE CITY

(Aguero, Dzeko, Thiago Silva, Kalou; Fuller, Fabiano)

WEST BROM vs. EVERTON

Top of the league after two games, the Baggies’ 100% record so far would be tested by the visit of Everton as they came looking to go above Owen Coyle’s men. It was the Toffees who started better as well and they went 1-0 up after quarter of an hour. Steven Pienaar slid the ball through, Benzema’s shot was well saved by Valdes but he could not react quickly enough to deny CRISTIANO RONALDO’s follow up and Everton had the lead. They continued to dominate and had numerous chances to extend their lead but didn’t score ... and with 19 minutes left, they were punished. Rosicky found Agbonlahor on the left, he cut inside, held onto the ball and then fired goalwards. Howard blocked the shot but the rebound fell to SANTA CRUZ who calmly took his time and stroked the ball between two defenders and into the net. A point for both sides that continues their unbeaten starts.

WEST BROM 1-1 EVERTON

(Santa Cruz; Ronaldo)

WIGAN ATHLETIC vs. FULHAM

After a 3-0 home win over Blackpool last week, Mark Hughes’ Cottagers were confident that they could follow up with another win as they travelled to winless Wigan’s DW Stadium. Latics boss Roberto Mancini was looking for a response to a defeat at local rivals, Bolton, last week but things got off to a terrible start as they were behind in 3 minutes. Jelle van Damme played a lovely ball into the area to find HULK, he controlled and steadied before firing past Butt to make it 1-0 to Fulham. Fulham controlled the game and should have scored more goals but they were unable to add to their lead. Wigan had just the one shot on target all game – and you can guess what happened. Rodallega, De Rossi and Vucinic combined, Rodallega sped down the left and his cross was swept home by DI SANTO to earn a point for Wigan.

WIGAN ATHLETIC 1-1 FULHAM

(Di Santo; Hulk)

That’s the news from yesterday. Now let’s get down to Hazel in the tunnel where she has the team news for today’s local derby match. Hazel?

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Good afternoon, Sid, I’m down here with the team news. Firstly, a reminder that my special feature ... no, not that one ... my special feature, ‘At Home With Hazel’ follows today’s match and I will be talking to the new England manager, Chip Butty. You don’t want to miss it! Right, team news – let’s start with the Birmingham City side chosen by Rafa Benitez for the derby today.

BIRMINGHAM CITY

Rafa Benitez goes with his preferred formation of 4-5-1 with two holding midfield players as he used to do at Anfield most of the time. Nikola Zigic is the man who will lead the line for the Blues but the main focus on Birmingham’s play will surely come in the three players behind him. Pablo Barrera, Yoann Gourcuff and Alex Hleb must have a good game if Birmingham are to win today.

FOSTER

CARR

MERTESACKER

JOHNSON

RIDGEWELL

SIDWELL

FERGUSON

BARRERA

GOURCUFF

HLEB

ZIGIC

SUBS: Taylor, Murphy, McFadden, Jerome, Dann, Bowyer, Fahey

ASTON VILLA

After resting several of his star men in the midweek Europa League Play Off, Villa manager Chris Hughton selects his strongest eleven today in the 4-4-1-1 formation that has done so well for them so far. After their hammering of Liverpool, Hughton will be hoping to repeat the trick over former Liverpool boss, Rafa Benitez and will hope that Samuel Eto’o continues to get amongst the goals today. Richard Dunne is back to ease a defensive headache and he partner Collins in the middle of the back four.

FRIEDEL

DANI ALVES

DUNNE

COLLINS

L.YOUNG

A.YOUNG

GOULON

PETROV

DOWNING

CAHILL

ETO’O

SUBS: Guzan, Heskey, Baker, Kranjcar, Carew, Halfhuid, Williams

Back to you, Sidney.

[Greasy Chip Butty]

FIRST HALF

6 mins:

Good link up play between Cahill and Goulon, Cahill finds Eto’o in the middle of the Blues’ half, shoots from the edge of the area ... tipped wide by Foster, excellent save!

25 mins:

It’s been scrappy so far, let’s see what Villa can do with this attack. Ball over the top, Carr should deal with that comfortably. But he dallies, Eto’o robs him in the area. Eto’o squares for Cahill, chance here ... great tackle by Ferguson, ball loose, ETO’O scores for Villa! Catastrophe for Birmingham but Eto’o has another goal!

Birmingham City 0-1 Aston Villa

(Eto’o)

35 mins:

Here come Villa again down the left, Downing and Petrov with the ball. Petrov slides the ball down the left for Eto’o, he’s free from the defender, shoots at goal early ... Foster with the block.

41 mins:

Throw in on the right, taken by Alves. Finds Henri Goulon who controls, tight angle but fires the shot past Foster and just wide of the far post. Villa are looking likely to make it 2-0 soon!

45+2 mins:

Downing plays the ball down the left to Eto’o again who checks this time and squares the ball to Goulon. He composes himself, Goulon with the curler ... just wide!

Half time and Aston Villa have dominated the game so far! Rafa Benitez has an awful lot of work to do here!

HALF TIME

Birmingham City 0-1 Aston Villa

(Eto’o)

A dreadful half for Birmingham, the one positive being that it is only 1-0 to the Villa as it should be more. Villa look likely to score with every attack and Eto’o is destroying the Blues’ defence. Rafa Beinitez needs to change something as there has been nothing going forward either and they cannot expect Ben Foster to save everything.

[Greasy Chip Butty]

SECOND HALF

HALF TIME

Birmingham City 0-1 Aston Villa

(Eto’o)

Cameron Jerome is on for Birmingham in place of Pablo Barrera as Benitez opts to go 4-4-2 for the second half. Will this help the Blues get back into this derby?

46 mins:

Straight from the kick off, here come Birmingham. Gourcuff finds Zigic, one-two with the sub, Jerome ... Zigic is into the box, great save by Friedel. That’s much better from Birmingham and their fans respond.

47 mins:

Back come Villa though, Downing’s hopeful ball forward finds Cahill ... bobbles around there, Mertesacker deflects the ball into the path of Eto’o ... snap shot from the Cameroon striker, just over the bar.

54 mins:

Hleb combines well with Gourcuff, the French midfielder finds Cameron Jerome ... lovely ball, in the clear, must score ... another brave save from Friedel and Jerome cannot believe he has missed.

61 mins:

Ferguson finds Gourcuff in the centre of the Villa half, he runs to the left and then checks. Lays it back for Zigic, edge of the area, he shoots ... off the post and wide! So close!

64 mins:

Ashley Young on the right hand side, has Ridgewell backing off ... lovely curling ball forward for Goulon, he is clear and in on goal ... slides across to ETO’O who scores. Placed into the empty net, the Villa fans go wild and Eto’o has two goals that may well have won the derby for Villa!

Birmingham City 0-2 Aston Villa

(Eto’o)

67 mins:

Birmingham looking to respond here, Carr with the long ball forward towards Zigic. The big striker nods it down, Jerome with the volley but just wide again.

79 mins:

Cameron Jerome has it here on the left, up against Dani Alves. Jerome lays it back to Ridgewell, the full back, who crosses it into the area, BOWYER is there! Glances the ball past Friedel into the far corner and the Blues are back in this game now!

Birmingham City 1-2 Aston Villa

(Bowyer)

83 mins:

Ball forward to Zigic on the edge of the Villa box, chests it down and controls well. Collins can’t get there as Zigic turns, early shot from Zigic ... straight at Brad Friedel.

87 mins:

Here is Tim Cahill on the break for Villa, he sends Samuel Eto’o away, through on goal, goes for placement ... just over the bar from Eto’o, great chance for the hat trick and to seal the win.

89 mins:

Birmingham win the free kick, just outside the area, dead centre of the goal. A massive chance to level the game here. It’s Barry Ferguson over the ball, goes for the curler ... hits the wall, hits the bar! Ball still in play, Ziigggggiiiccccc ... header just wide, what a miss from Nikola Zigic!

90+1 mins:

Liam Ridgewell chases back for the ball as Birmingham look to press one more time, mistake though from the defender. Ashley Young down the right ... his cross is low to the near post, own goal! PER MERTESACKER has turned the ball into his own net and Aston Villa have won the Second City Derby now!

Birmingham City 1-3 Aston Villa

(Mertesacker, og)

The referee blows his whistle and that is the end of the game, Aston Villa have the bragging rights in Birmingham now!

FULL TIME:

Birmingham City 1-3 Aston Villa

(Bowyer; Eto’o 2, Mertesacker og)

MAN OF THE MATCH: Samuel Eto’o (Aston Villa)

Six goals for the season now for the Cameroon striker and he could have, maybe should have, had a hat trick for the second successive week. He was a constant thorn in the side of Birmingham City today and there is no doubt that the Villa fans will be desperate to keep him for a long time!

A deserved win for the Villa although Birmingham pushed them all the way in the second half and might feel that a better first half performance could have given them a very different result. However, it is Villa that move onto 7 points and into the top two places whereas Birmingham slump to the bottom on goal difference – another reason for Villa to celebrate their win, no doubt.

Back in the tunnel area, I’m with the Villa manager, Chris Hughton. Chris, what does it mean to win your first Second City Derby?

CH: Naturally, I’m delighted to win. It means so much to our fans and to Birmigham City’s fans as you could see so to win it in the way we did was pleasing.

Samuel Eto’o – how good a striker have you got there?

CH: He’s absolute first class. He just looks like he is going to score every time he gets the ball. Six goals in three Premier League games is a phenomenal start to a season but he’ll go through games where he doesn’t score as well. The rest of the team have to make sure they get goals as well. Tim Cahill is scoring but I want to see some other names on the scoresheet.

What do you make of the Europa League group draw?

CH: It’s a tough group. We’ve got to go to Zenit and Kiev which are never easy and FC Utrecht are a good side from a good league in the Dutch one so we’ve got to be at our best. We’re aiming to qualify though.

And with a certain Mr. Eto’o in the squad, you’ve got to have a great chance of doing that! Thanks, Chris. Back to you, Sid

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Welcome back to SPORTS.tv where Aston Villa have beaten Birmingham City 3-1 here at St. Andrew’s this afternoon to go joint top of the Premier League and send their bitter rivals to the bottom of the league. Let’s take a look at the Premier League table for the first time this season. Still early stages but three games have been played now ...

[b]| Pos   | Inf   | Team        |       | Pld   | Won   | Drn   | Lst   | For   | Ag    | G.D.  | Pts   | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|[/b] 
| 1st   |       | Man Utd     |       | 3     | 2     | 1     | 0     | 8     | 2     | +6    | 7     | 
[b]| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| [/b]
| 2nd   |       | Aston Villa |       | 3     | 2     | 1     | 0     | 9     | 4     | +5    | 7     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 3rd   |       | West Brom   |       | 3     | 2     | 1     | 0     | 7     | 2     | +5    | 7     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 4th   |       | Newcastle   |       | 3     | 2     | 1     | 0     | 8     | 5     | +3    | 7     | 
[b]| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| [/b]
| 5th   |       | Everton     |       | 3     | 1     | 2     | 0     | 4     | 2     | +2    | 5     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 6th   |       | Man City    |       | 3     | 1     | 2     | 0     | 2     | 1     | +1    | 5     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 7th   |       | Chelsea     |       | 3     | 1     | 2     | 0     | 1     | 0     | +1    | 5     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 8th   |       | Arsenal     |       | 3     | 1     | 1     | 1     | 5     | 2     | +3    | 4     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 9th   |       | Fulham      |       | 3     | 1     | 1     | 1     | 4     | 3     | +1    | 4     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 10th  |       | Stoke       |       | 3     | 1     | 1     | 1     | 4     | 5     | -1    | 4     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 11th  |       | Liverpool   |       | 3     | 1     | 1     | 1     | 4     | 6     | -2    | 4     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 12th  |       | Bolton      |       | 3     | 1     | 1     | 1     | 2     | 4     | -2    | 4     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 13th  |       | Tottenham   |       | 3     | 1     | 0     | 2     | 3     | 4     | -1    | 3     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 14th  |       | Wigan       |       | 3     | 0     | 2     | 1     | 2     | 4     | -2    | 2     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 15th  |       | Sunderland  |       | 3     | 0     | 2     | 1     | 4     | 7     | -3    | 2     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 16th  |       | Blackpool   |       | 3     | 0     | 2     | 1     | 2     | 5     | -3    | 2     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 17th  |       | West Ham    |       | 3     | 0     | 2     | 1     | 0     | 5     | -5    | 2     | 
[b]| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| [/b]
| 18th  |       | Blackburn   |       | 3     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 4     | 6     | -2    | 1     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 19th  |       | Wolves      |       | 3     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 2     | 4     | -2    | 1     | 
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| 
| 20th  |       | Birmingham  |       | 3     | 0     | 1     | 2     | 2     | 6     | -4    | 1     | 
[b]| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|[/b]

Seven teams are still looking for their first wins of the season as we head into the International Break and will be desperate to secure these when the Premier League resumes on September 11th. Promoted West Brom and Newcastle are both in the top four but it is Aston Villa above them on goal difference. However, the five goal thrashing of West Ham yesterday means that Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United sit in pole position – sound familiar?

Here are the next set of Premier League matches:

Aston Villa vs. West Brom

Bolton vs. Manchester United

Everton vs. Blackpool

Fulham vs. Arsenal

Manchester City vs. Chelsea

Stoke vs. Liverpool

Sunderland vs. Wigan

Tottenham vs. Newcastle

West Ham vs. Blackburn

Wolves vs. Birmingham

After the international break, we return with the Premier League clash between Manchester City and Chelsea at the City of Manchester Stadium. Join us for that one. Before that though, we’ll have League Cup Round 2 action as QPR host Bolton Wanderers as well as news from the other ties involving the Premier League sides. We’ll then switch our attention to the Euro 2012 qualifiers involving England and new manager Chip Butty as they face Bulgaria at Wembley and then travel to Switzerland.

Speaking of Chip Butty, let’s now head over to Hazel Harrison’s house ...

HAZEL:

I’ve got a very special guest today as the new England manager, Chip Butty, arrives at my house. He’s the most powerful manager in the country and I love meeting powerful men so it’s going to be an interesting day!

HAZEL:

Welcome to my home, Mr. Butty!

CHIP:

Thanks, Hazel. Pleasure to be here.

HAZEL:

There’s always pleasure to be had at Hazel’s house, Mr. Butty ...

CHIP:

Please, call me Chip ...

HAZEL:

Gladly. So, Chip, you’re the new England manager. Tell me, how does it feel?

CHIP:

It feels great, Hazel, it’s the dream job in English football. I get to watch who I want, when I want, I get to manage the best players in the country.

HAZEL:

You must see some real sights in that changing room?

CHIP:

Err, sometimes. What do you mean?

HAZEL:

Oh, nothing, sorry. You’ve had some criticism from a few managers this week about your latest squad. How do you react to that?

CHIP:

I don’t care, to be honest, they can say what they like. I’m in charge, I’ll choose who I want to choose, I’ll play who I want to play, I’m the manager ... Are you OK, Hazel?

HAZEL:

Oh, sorry Chip, oh, you sounded so masterful there. Sends a girl weak at the knees you know?

CHIP:

Sorry about that, I guess I like to be in control.

(Hazel’s eyes light up.)

HAZEL:

Oh, Chip, you’re such a tease. You drew with Hungary last time out. Disappointed?

CHIP:

Yes, I was. We did enough to win the game but we made some errors, they scored some cracking goals and we just fell short.

HAZEL:

Do you envisage falling short again, Chip?

CHIP:

Not if I can help it.

HAZEL:

We’ll have to see how you measure up then, won’t we? Biscuit?

CHIP:

Thank you, Hazel ... what are you doing?

HAZEL:

You’re anything but short, Mr. Butty.

(Chip Butty stands up quickly and moves away to another seat leaving a bemused Hazel disappointed.)

HAZEL:

Don’t be scared, I won’t tell anybody ...

CHIP:

I thought we were here to film an interview, Miss Harrison?

HAZEL:

I suppose we are, yes. No Wayne Rooney for the next game and no Steven Gerrard. Is that a blow?

CHIP:

Definitely, we need them in our team more often than not. They’re two world class players but we can cope without them next week.

HAZEL:

David Beckham. Is he finished with England now? When I saw him last week, he said he was considering retirement from England.

CHIP:

Did he? I didn’t see that on the interview last week ...

HAZEL:

We had another interview at Old Trafford last weekend. He gave me everything I needed ...

CHIP:

Right. Well, yes, maybe. I’ll always leave the door open for David though. If we can use him and he wants to play, I’ll have no worries about calling him up.

HAZEL:

I’d like to call him up but that Posh woman is always there ... You’ve made John Terry the captain again even after the business with Wayne Bridge’s missus. Why?

CHIP:

All that nonsense was before my time. John is an excellent leader and I want him as my captain. I’ve got his word that there will be no more scandals ... I don’t want any scandals at all involving the England squad ...

HAZEL:

Wait till I see him. Will you be preferring two up top then, Mr. Butty?

(Hazel stands in front of camera and blocks the view of her. Chip looks shocked.)

CHIP:

I may well start with the two big lads up top, yes. Crouch and Bent, possibly. Err, I’ve got to go.

HAZEL:

Go where? Don’t leave yet ...

(Chip Butty rushes out of the room as Hazel slumps on the couch, tying her gown up)

HAZEL:

Damn. I almost had him. Where’s my phone? Darron, Darron, Darron. Ah, Darron Gibson. Right, ladies and gentlemen, see you in two weeks for more ‘At Home With Hazel’ ...

**********

Unbelievable!

We believe Chip Butty has recovered from his ordeal and has tonight picked a replacement for his squad. Liverpool’s Glen Johnson was injured in the victory over Wolves at Anfield yesterday so Everton’s Phil Neville has been called up – again. No word from the Premier League managers as yet.

Join us next week for the League Cup on SPORTS.tv. Good evening!

[Greasy Chip Butty]

Hope you enjoy that update.

Am gonna post the League Cup update soon.

Before the next Premier League update, I expect at least 15 out of 20 of you to issue a press release. It could be a website feature, an interview, a newspaper, a video, anything you want. It needs to show how the chairman and manager are feeling about the start of the season, highlights and lowlights, top players, hopes for the season etc ...

If I notice that anybody is not posting enough or is only posting a line every now and then, I won't waste my time writing these updates for them.

Looking forward to seeing loads of updates soon!

[BenArsenal]

Sunderland bemoans dropped points

Sunderland's chairman Ben Arsenal expressed disappointment that the team let a lead slip late in the game at Blackpool to drop two points and a potential win at the newly promoted Seasiders.

In a statement, he said, "I can't believe we didn't win, again. It must be the wretched sea breeze that distracted the boys and prevented them from playing nice, proper football."

The chairman added that as a result of the lapse, he has banned the players from visiting the Blackpool Fair, and ordered them all back to the cold and freezing North East for extra training.

Midfielder Andy Reid was notably upset at missing out on the fair. "I was so looking forward to sampling the famous Blackpool corn dogs," Reid was quoted as saying.

[toon_balmy]

Liverpool Chairman is unhappy with the results so far but will look to john barnes to improve on the results or he will be fired at Christmas

[Whoopy D]

Dee Questions Moyes' Team Selection

Despite a solid start to their Premier League campaign it seems the new Stoke City chairman is not too happy with his new manager. After a good win on the opening day and a draw against Chelsea it was with high hopes that the Potters traveled to St James Park, things didn't go quite as planned though and regardless of the spirit they showed in coming back from two goals down they still lost the game. Following the result of todays game Dee posted this message on his twitter:

all those quality strikers iv got him and he still plays ricardo fuller? alrite the lad scored but whats he doing in my team?

The Stoke manager, David Moyes, refused to comment when asked how he felt about his Chairmans outburst but if the rumors are to be believed Moyes has nothing to fear. Dee gave him his full confidence at the start of the season before embarking on a journey to the Middle East where he is apparently hunting terrorists and if they're as hard to catch as they seem then even if Whoopy is unhappy, it could be some time before Moyes has to face the music.

Moyes was however happy to talk about the recent England squad, he said he was "delighted" about the inclusion of some of his former players including Jack Rodwell, Leighton Baines and Phil Jagielka and "fully supported" the decision to call up Ryan Shawcross.

[cookie15]

Chairman slams Hammers latest performance

Chairman Cookie15 was livid after Pep Guariola's team let in 5 goals at Old Trafford. He castigated the performance of Rob Green and warned the player that should he perform so poorly in future, that he would find his time at Upton Park short lived. Reports are emanating from the ground that Cookie15 kept Guardiola in his office for over an hour, berating his performances to date. He was overheard bellowing that the he expected more from his most expensive acquisition. The failure to trouble the opposing Keeper in the last 2 games hasn't gone unnoticed and that sizeable funds are available should the squad need strengthening.

As Guardiola left the ground he refused to discuss his meeting. Many are expecting a very different performance from the Hammers at home against Blackburn, if not perhaps we might be seeing the first managerial casualty of the campaign!

[SnakeXe]

Anelka Annihilates as Spurs Suck

Nicolas Anelka pounced after another Gomes gift to give Chelsea their first goal and first win of the season in the North-London derby against Spurs. Suddenly the blues' start looks a lot better - instead of no wins and no goals, now it's undefeated and 3 clean sheets. Manager Roberto Martinez has to be praised for having sorted out the defence since the mauling by Manchester United in the Community Shield, and fans will hope that Anelka's strike will spark off a revival in their goalscoring as well.

[Nottingham Forest]

I will post an update tomorrow or Thursday.

[PluckaDuck]

My first very shoddy attempt at an article

[cookie15]

PluckaDuck - Awesome mate, love the newspaper article!

[joetheref]

Wenger: Don't Write Us Off Yet

Arsenal were back to winning ways this week as Chamakh and Nasri grabbed a brace each in a 4-0 win over Bolton. Manager Arsene Wenger was jubilant in his post-math press conference. When asked whether Arsenal could win the title he said 'Of course we can, we didn't have the best of starts but don't write us off yet. We were always in with a chance of winning the title and there is no point ruling us out after 3 games.'

Arsene Wenger also gave his opinion on the Champions League draw, 'It's a tough draw, Roma and Schalke are going to be tough games and it's always hard going away to Russia. I have already asked UEFA to let us play Rubin away first! I think we can get through, if we win our home games and maybe get a result against one of the big 2 away we should be looking good for the knockout rounds'

Chairman Joe Referee also gave his view on the season so far in an exclusive interview. 'I think the start has been satisfactory, obviously we would have liked to have more than 4 points but we are doing ok. If we can get a good run of form going now I don't see why we can't meet our objectives' Joe was also asked about the signing of Stuart Taylor on loan. 'Stuart is a good goalkeeper with lots of experience, we aren't short of quality in goal but I think we need someone with a bit of experience. Almunia and Fabianski are good enough but if they get injured we only have Szczesny left. He is a good prospect for the future, as is Mannone who is out on loan, but Arsene doesn't want to give him first team experience just yet.'

Arsenal will be looking to continue their winning ways at Craven Cottage as they play Fulham next

[SnakeXe]

That's great PluckaDuck, how did you do it? Photoshop?

[Almondo]

Al Moldo questions Bolton players desire

After watching his Bolton team capitulate to a 4-0 loss away to Arsenal Bolton Chairman Al Moldo questioned the players desire. Speaking exclusively to The Bolton News he stated that he believed that the players went into the game expecting to get beat and that they succumbed too easily to Arsenal. He stated "Okay Arsenal are a world class side but with the acquisitions made this summer in the draft I expected better from the team. They looked like they didn't want to be on the field today and that is not good enough. The players didn't show any of the desire to win that I expect from a team that I am paying and if things don't change there could well be some changes to the management team and playing squad very soon." Mr Moldo then went on to say that "I expect the team to come out in the League Cup game in midweek and at least show a desire to actually win the game and create some momentum for the home game against Manchester United."

As yet there has been no response from Bolton Manager Joe Royle but as soon as we hear anything the Bolton News will bring you it.

[PluckaDuck]

I downloaded a series of templates off the web that were compatible to powerpoint. I then just changed them on powerpoint and added my article in along with the headline and picture ect. I can't for the life of my find the website though

[Paulo1985]

IS BLUE THE NEW RED ON MERSEYSIDE?

You could be forgiven for thinking that the Blue half of Merseyside were also runs by their recent history and that Liverpool were in a different league but this year something has changed.

Success is now defiantly on the lips of Every Evertonian you speak to and why should it not be with the squad that has been put together by new manager Harry Redknapp with the full backing of new club chairman Paulo Eight five.

The premier league shakeup as it has become known was very kind to the blues bringing the Manchester pair of Vidic and Lescot from United and City respectfully to add to the talents of Baines and Jagielka already at the club. Lets not forget that the back up of Distan and current England international and club captain Phil Neville means that the defence is shaping up to be a tough one to beat this year.

In midfield they have added a little bit of steel with the signing of Alex Song from Arsenal to compliment to an already promising line up of taletnt with the likes of Pienaar, Fellaini, and the unquestionable talent of Arteta already at the club.

That then brings us to the signing of a certain Portuguese international who is one of, if not the best player in the world at the moment. Ronaldo alone is enough to push Everton into the higher reaches of the table and add to that the signing of his fellow former Real forward Karim Benzema and you have a lethal partnership that could push the Toffees in to the bracket of genuine title challengers.

This is all backed up by the talent that is present in the clubs youth team where the likes of Jack Rodwell, Sheamus Coleman and Jose Baxter and it could mean that Everton might be around for a while at the top of the league.

Add all this together and you start to get the picture that this new look Everton side are here for the long term and could be right up there come the end of the season pushing the “big four” all the way to the end.

Good times are ahead for the Everton fans and only a fool would be stupid enough to write them off as a title threat this year and for the forseeable future!

[SJ234]

Is it Really a Poor Start for Spurs?

Tottenham may have lost two of their first three games which leaves them far off the places which they expect to finish in but the opposistion they have faced are amongst the strongest in the league according to star player Gareth Bale. When asked on his oppinion on the changes to the leauge and the shake up he said he thought it was an exciting shake up and that it brought a new dimension to the best league in the world. He went on to say that he was dissapointed at now being able to work with the great Arsene Wenger however he was delighted to work with Hiddink and he thought his tactial nouce would be step up from the approach which Harry Redknapp took

[PluckaDuck]

Come on guys, get your 'articles' done so we can have an update.....

[cookie15]

10 updates so far, c'mon guys! Teams to have given a report since GCB's last report are as follows:

Blackpool

Sunderland

Everton

Liverpool

West Ham

Arsenal

Tottenham

Bolton

Chelsea

Stoke