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The Inevitable European Domination of Mediocre Football Clubs


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"Good Evening, this is Sky Sports News. I'm Paul Boardman.

Breaking news from Bulgaria over the spat between themselves and Finland. Head of the Bulgraian Football Union, Stuart Saville, has once again released a statement;"

"As you say Mr Nakano, English is not the tongue of my mother. I think that is the phrase. That isn't important as my communication skills are good enough in Bulgarian as my players do speak my beuatiful language. Ah, what can I say, I'm not a perfect person. I'm hoping you, the most perfect person on earth it would seem, will be able to improve my English. Although I'm sure I'd need to give you Bulgarian lessons. You can't have everything I suppose. Maybe you'll get nothing.

I would also like to let out my feelings of happiness and hope towards my other competition entrees. Except Finland of course.

And to Mr Griffin, not everything is about being with the players. I never mentioned expensive things. I despise them anyway. My mothers soup of chicken is very nice and nutritious. Cheap to which allowed us to survive in the placE I lived.

I would like very much if we were to sit and talk like the FA of Poland suggests but I believe that would be difficult for Mr Nakano. I'm told he has what you call 'problems in the mind'.

And what do you mean by fighting? It is merely what is called banter of the light heart I believe."

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Mr. Nakano's mouth rages on. :D

---

Jimmy Riddle: Of course you don't want to get involved. Because you have no chance. You will just be observers while Finland dominates the footballing world. And I believe your manager is a Michigan State Spartans fan. Another bonehead hire. Trade his gear in for Tar Heel merchandise.

---

Reply to the rest after Canadian dinner. Need to regain my energy for more trashtalking. :D

And TFC tied FC Dallas 1-1. Annoying late goal by Dallas. :(

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Mr Nakano i belive you are mistaken as it is not i who is the CEO, it is i that is the manager and i have full confidence in him. And i believe me and spartans5 will make dominating teams and it will be you, who will be on the side of defeat and it will be you who is watching the great nation of Northern Ireland conquer Europe!!!

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The Daily Mail Update

Even with communication difficulties in Belarus, the new CEO corinthiano managed to send a morse code message via telepgraph to our Head Office. Apparently this is the only method of long distance communication in the Eastern country still heavily under communist influence. The message sent reads as folllows:

-... . .-.. .- .-. ..- ... | .-- .. .-.. .-.. | .-. ..- .-.. . | . ..- .-. --- .--. . | -.-- --- ..- | ... .. .-.. .-.. -.-- | .-- . ... - . .-. -. . .-. ... | ..--.. |

Unfortunately we have not been able do figure it out, help from anyone in the footballing world would be very welcome!

Let's see who can figure that one out :D

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This isn't going to turn into a Berlin Bears type rivalry is it? :D

Very happy to receive Austria, but am discouraged that Des Tiny is already trying to get in a spat with me. In Austria we don't like wars. I have arrived in a country with the highest quality of life in the world and wish to keep it that way!

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PluckaDuck: Berlin Bears! Bringing back good memories. :D Except that it's Finland vs the world this time. :p

And Mr. Riddle, that's even worst. You will go nowhere fast with a MSU fan in charge. :cool:

And you say my English is bad?! Laugh at the imperfect Fin!

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well i prefer to call him spartans5 as it's a special bond :D and i've never heard of Daniel Griffin and i probably never will.

The bond between Daniel Griffin and I is stronger than your bond with spartans5. :cool:

And you will never hear the name Daniel Griffin because you will be managing under a rock, while Daniel will be the greatest manager to ever set foot on Earth, and lead Finland to global domination.

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Saying it out loud doesn't help it. "That's even worse" seems better even to me and my far worse English skills. I'll repeat a phrase my son said; "I owned you! Lolzers!!!1!!11"

That was an evil e-mail he sent me. I had him framed for robbery for his cheek. He knows who the boss is now.

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FINAL COMEBACK OF THE DAY FROM LOUD MOUTH NAKANO:

Yes, Jimmy, Finland and global domination. Does Kimi Raikkonen ring any bells? Maybe you lived under a rock before becoming a manager.

And Mr. Saville, oh dear, your horrible English is passed over to your son. And I suppose you will frame your players next.

---

No more today. Too tired. And have some personal issues to deal with...

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The Swedish FA called a press conference in the early hours of the morning to reveal the appointment of their new CEO, Whoopy D. Previously unknown this young visionary is set to send shockwaves through the Swedish set-up. The journalists and reporters in attendance burst into raucous applause as the new man on the scene entered the room draped in a Swedish flag and sporting a huge hat also donning the blue and yellow of his nation.

Finally the clapping and whistling died down and the press conference could get underway.

"Mr D, you've just been apointed as shock CEO of the Swedish FA, what are you're first words in this new position?"

"För Sverige i tiden!! - For Sweden - With the times" exclaimed the new CEO and once again the room erupted into cheers and applause.

"Mr D, you have been what most people will consider a surprise appoinntment, what do you say to those who are already doubting you and what do you hope to achieve in this new position?"

"First let me say I'm delighted to take this opportunity and I hope that the people of Sweden will embrace this change and together we can take Sweden to the top of the footballing world. In terms of what I want to achieve, I want to put Sweden on the map on the club side of things. We are already a well respected nation on the international stage, we have twice finished 3rd place in a World Cup along with our runners up place in 1958. We have produced a number of good players over the years and the national team has benefitted from the likes of Henrik Larsson, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Olof Mellberg however it is my hope, that in time, these players will not feel the need to leave their roots behind in order to further their careers. At the moment we offer very little in the continental competitions and it is this I am looking to change, if players feel they can win trophies with a Swedish club there will be no need to move abroad. We're spending money on training facilities at some of the top clubs and trying to boost their reputation among the clubs of Europe and indeed the World. We're also hoping to increase the amount of young players coming through the ranks at Swedish sides and ploughing money into their development, for any youngsters looking to get into football, the time is now. The final objective is of course the Champions League and World Cup being bought to Sweden for the very first time. Thank you and Goodnight."

And that was that. Whoopy D had barely been in the room 5 minutes but he had already made an impression and the nation was filled with optimism as they headed into a new era under their new leader.

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Database update:

I have begun work on the database, and in this post will give information on what tests I am doing and when the database is likely to be ready. I will be inputting data for each Nation, and then running a 3 season test run. The first test will begin shortly and it is with only the Welsh data. The next test will be with the Welsh and Northern Irish data, and so on until all 20 Nations data is in the database. These tests could run on for a week, or even 2 weeks, but I am sure that by running these test I will make the final product as bug-free and the best possible quality it can be.

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oh and to add to that, do people want me to report back with any 'test findings' and if so what? I don't want to give too much away, but when it's only one Nation like it is now it's obviously not going to give away anything what it will be like when all 20 Nations data has been submitted. If people are against it I obviously wont though.

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Belarus manager Proud to be in charge

Today the new belarus manager talked for the first time about being placed in charge of the rising country "I am proud to be the new belarus manager and I hope that we will be able to progress into a great power in european football". He was asked about what sort of standard the game is in this unknown football power "they are the best I have seen in a long time however the stadiums are not of the highest quality but the game is of the highest importance here". He was asked how his relationship was with the new ceo of belarus "we seem to be getting on well" he said in an unceartain manne, when asked to explain his use of the word seem he said "well we don't communicate well as he only communicates in morse code".

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First Interview with Ireland CEO

Lord Weeman the new CEO of the Irish FA had this to say about his appointment. " I'm very pleased to be the new face in charge of Irish football. There have been some ups and some downs in Irish football but hopefully we'll become a major force.

Lord Weeman had started a strong grassroots and training scheme which should see youngsters of a high standard come through sooner rather than later. He has also promoted the league well. " Ah yes, well I decided that we should have a rather jolly league so I sent one of these new electronic letters to the Telegraph and asked them to print an advert off for the league. Would have been bloody expensive too, had I not known the editor from when I was in the Army. It was back in sixty-six when we were together, being attacked by some Zulus if I recall. Now McEvans... I did tell you about McEvans didn't I, no?, oh McEvans now he was a fellow..." With the the reporter left the Lord with his pint of Guinness before she fell asleep.

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Yes, I got a poor nation and JSalter as my manager.

I actually looked at the manager's list and wanted him or someone else :thup:

KUTGW!

:D I've missed a lot here! I was out last night at a party :cool:

I like the way you've managed your budget, probably similar to what I'd have gone for. Slovenia isn't bad, and they're going all the way to the top.

Where's this speech?

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I'm not going to give a lot away, but the third season has just finished. Champions League-wise, Wales are still at '1 CL, 3 EC' ranked side. In the past 2 seasons, their Champions League representatives have reached the Group Stage and finished 4th. The first season the team that came fourth only got 1 point, but this season the team that finished fourth managed to secure 4. In the Uefa Cup or Europa League if you like, the furthest anyone has got is the Group Stage. This third season was the first time a team from Wales made it, they finished 3rd and missed out on the next round by a point. The other two Europa League sides were knocked out in the previous side by Blackburn and Newcastle respectively. Elsewhere the Welsh Premier League is now boasting famous names such as: Bradley Orr, Michael Kightly, Darius Vassell, Danny Murphy, David Edwards, Fabian Delph, Andrew Driver, Jay Tabb, Chris Eagles and Davide Petrucci! The Welsh National team has yet to benefit from the improvements of the 4 clubs, they failed to qualify for the 2010 World Cup, finishing fourth behind Germany, Russia and Finland. However looking at the current Wales squad (as of January 2011), four of the players are based domestically in Wales.

These 'test' updates are obviously extremely pants, but I'm just trying to give you a quick summary without going into too much detail. I will probably continue updates on the 'Wales Test Run' for another 10 seasons or so, just to see how big the teams become. I wont be doing this for all the tests, so non-Welsh people can either look on in boredom/jealousy or not follow it if they don't want to.

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Good to see the progress this thread has made in such a short period of time. My time on the forums has been limited to just keeping up with threads really as I am very busy with assignments at the moment (finish for summer in 3 weeks :cool:).

Anyway, I was hoping for Hungary :( but I can definitely live with Denmark. :thup:

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Lazewski to take charge of Northern Ireland FA

It has been announced that the Northern Ireland Football Association has handed the future of their nation, footballing wise, to an untested, to this point, American. Many in Europe see this as a poor decision, including a certain Finn, however, Northern Ireland is going to back its decision. In response to the critics, here is what Lazewski had to say, "There are those of you who feel that I may not be qualified to take this position. I feel that experience is not always completely necessary when one has vision, leadership, and a will to win are all the qualifications necessary. Northern Ireland is a rather small nation that has been overshadowed by the rest of the Home Nations, and I plan on changing that starting right now. It won't happen immediately, but over time, you will see Northern Ireland come to dominate the UK, Europe, and then the world. One thing I plan on resurrecting during my time here as the CEO of the Northern Ireland FA is the Home Nations Cup. Maybe not as an officially licensed FIFA competition but in some capacity I hope to bring that back, this way we can see who truly is the best team in the British Isles." And a short clip from his introductory press conference:

Reporter #1: Gary Daniels here from the Belfast Telegraph, now that you have been named CEO, what are your immediate goals for Northern Ireland

Lazewski: My goals for this year are to help Linfield get as far as possible in the Champions League, and to improve the youth system in Northern Ireland so we are churning out more prospects like Jonny Evans, and then keeping them, unlike Darren Gibson. I also will beat Ireland in the next match we play them.

Reporter #2: Jon Chelmsworth of the Fortnight, there are some here who believe that your hire was a political ploy to get help from the United States.

Lazewski: First, I must say, the FA and the government are two completely different bodies which are supposed to have no interaction with each other, so this is not a political ploy, and second, I would not allow myself to be used in such a way.

Daniels: Another question, recently, the Finnish CEO, Ricky Nakano, has called into question your ability to lead on the basis that you are a fan of Michigan State University, how do you feel about that?

Lazewski: I have no idea how he can doubt my ability based on who I root for in college athletics across the pond. I attended Michigan State and therefore have a close affiliation with the school, which this past year won the Big Ten in soccer (football for you blokes over here), so there is some quality at the school.

Reporter #3: Gareth Brown from BBC Radio, tell us about your manager, Jimmy Riddle.

Lazewski: Ah, Mr. Riddle, he is a confident man who I have full faith in, and I trust that he will see my dreams for the great nation of Northern Ireland become a reality.

Reporter #4: Pedro Gomez from ESPN, there are those of us in the States who wonder if your success in Europe may help soccer across the pond.

Lazewski: Now, that would be great, I would love to create a friendly rivalry with the United States as we take over the footballing world, and if I am to be the inspiration for that, then its all the better.

Brown: How soon can you expect Northern Ireland to qualify for a major competition?

Lazewski: To be completely honest, I think qualifying for the 2010 World Cup is not completely out of the realm of possibility. We have the players capable and I feel the Riddle will get the best out of them in qualifying and we will be at the top or near the top when crunch time hits.

Lazewski: I am afraid that is all the time I have for today, I must continue working hard at my job and will have to leave, thank you for your time and questions.

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THE SWEDISH SUN

LAGERBACK SACKED, UNKOWN IN CHARGE

An unprecedented step has been taken today, as the Swedish FA have announced unproven foreigner Bryan McGuinness as the new manager of the national team. While he has been living in the country for over 30 years, it is still a big shock for a non-Swedish manager to be put in charge of the side. Previous boss Lars Lagerback was understandably unhappy when asked to leave the FA building, and gave us these EXCLUSIVE comments.

"The hiring of this man is a joke! He has no experience in management, for him to get such a high-profile job is ridiculous. I've been removed from my position as manager for no reason, my lawyers will be involved, I can tell you that much for free."

On our website a quick poll has shown over 80% of you are against a foreign manager taking over, and McGuinness certainly will have a battle on his hands to win over the fans.

EXCLUSIVE - MCGUINNESS' FIRST QUOTES AS SWEDEN BOSS

"Believe me, I wouldn't have taken this job if I didn't believe I was up to it. But I have total faith in my ability to do so to a high standard, and knowing that the CEO of Swedish football, Whoopy D, has chosen me for the role gives me the confidence to take this opportunity and give it my all.

I know certain fans are upset at a foreigner being given the job, but look at England over the last decade. Sven Goran Eriksson, a man they will all know very well, did a very good job there, and Fabio Capello is arguably their most talented manager ever. Besides, I've lived here for over 30 years, I came over here at a very young age, I fit in with the Swedish culture 100% and repect the country's heritage.

It's said I'm inexperienced, and that's true. But I've gained all my coaching badges in the last few years, and this has given me the best learning facilities possible. From here, I can only get better by managing. Yes, I'm starting in the deep end, but I won't drown. I thrive on pressure. I promise Swedish football fans will very much enjoy the next few years, and I hope for a long stay as national manager."

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Northern Ireland set to conquer!!!

Jimmy Riddle replied in a very respectful was after hearing newly appointed CEO Lawrence Lazewski's comments about him. "I am very glad he gave me this great opportunity as i believe he and i can do great things for Northen Ireland." Also in response to this, Jimmy Riddle appeared in Belfast for an interview with the Press.

Reporter: Jonny O'She heare for the Belfastian review, are you sure your the right man for the job?

JR: Of course i do, i wouldn't have been given the opportunity if i weren't capable for the job.

Reporter: Ryan B. Fast for The Sun, Do you have full backing of Mr. Lazewski?

JR: Of course weren't you listening when i answered my last question? *mutters under breath* stupid reporters. Please only 1 more question, i have to meet the in-laws in an hour and you know what that can be like :D (this is not true as im a 14 yr old boy)

Reporter: Dougie Doug Jr for The Northen Irish Gazelle, whats your target dream for this great nation?

JR: To dominate the whole of Europe and to win the UEFA cup and the Champions League in the same season!

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TEST 1 (OF 20) COMPLETED -

What happened? -

As I've previously stated I holidayed for 10 seasons, after inputting just the data for Wales. It was interesting, and has given me a first real glimpse of what to expect. Just to remind you of what Nep's form was -

Username : NepentheZ

Importance : Important (100m)

Facilities : World Class (260m)

Stadium Size : Good (385m)

Club Rep : Average (425m)

League Rep : Good (490m)

Balance : £10,000,000

Transfer Budget : £8,000,000

Clubs - TNS, Llanelli, Rhyl & Bangor City

Was there an even spread of League titles between the four clubs? -

Bangor City won it 5 times (2008-09, 2010-11), 2011-12, 2012-2013 & 2017-2018)

Rhyl won it just the one time (2009-10)

Llanelli won it 3 times (2013-14, 2014-2015 & 2015-2016)

TNS won it just the one time (2016-17)

How did the clubs do in the Champions League? -

Bangor City took part in the Champions League 7 times, they reached the Best Placed second qualifying phase one time, the Best Placed third qualifying round once, the Group stage 4 times and the First Knockout round once.

Rhyl took part in the Champions League just twice, losing in the Best Placed second qualifying phase once and reaching the Group Stage the second time.

Llanelli were arguably the most successful of all the sides, they took part in 5 tournaments. Reaching the First Qualifying Phase once, the Group stage 3 times and sensationally reaching the Quarter Finals on one occasion!

TNS took part in 4, going out in the Best Placed second qualifying phase 3 times, and reaching the Group Stage once.

How did the clubs do in the Europa League? -

The best Bangor City did in the Europa League was to reach the First Knockout round twice. Rhyl managed to reach the Group stage 5 times, but failed to get any further than that in their other 5 attempts. Llanelli's best in the Europa League was reaching the Second Knockout Round twice, they reached the First knockout round twice as well. TNS reached the Second Knockout round jsut the once, reaching the First twice.

Did the Welsh National team see any benefit? -

The team failed to qualify for the 2010 World Cup finishing Fourth, behind Germany, Russia and ever-controversial Finland. Wales also failed to qualify for Euro 2012, finishing third behind Spain and Russia, missing out by 9 points. However Wales' luck then cahnged, in a group with England, Romania, Belgium and Montenegro they qualified for the 2014 World Cup finishing second and defeating Sweden 3-0 in the play-offs. They were drawn in a group with Japan, Morocco and Italy. After defeating Japan 2-0, they then lost their two remaining games (4-3 to Morocco and 2-0 to Italy) and were on an early plane home. Wales then failed to qualify for Euro 2016, finishing third in their group behind Germany and Ukraine. They did however manage to qualify for the next World Cup. They were handed a tough group with the Swiss, Belgium, Croatia, Montenegro and Andorra but managed to top the group, it was close though with 1st seperating 4th by just 2 points. They were drawn into a group with Honduras and yet again, Italy and Morocco. Despite losing on opening day to Italy, they managed to secure a 2-0 win against Hondruas and a 3-0 victory over Morocco to see themselves into the Second round. They were drawn against Germany, and despite managing to keep the Germans at bay for 90 minutes, they were defeated on penalties.

How did the clubs do Financially? -

Obviously you have to take into account what Nep chose for the financial settings but the clubs are valued like this -

Bangor City 38M (1st in Wales, 69th in World)

TNS 30M (2nd in Wales, 97th in World)

Llanelli 29.5M (3rd in Wales)

Rhyl 13.5 (4th in Wales)

How did the Managers do? -

I created 5 'Mackies', one for each club and one for the National team. Mackie was the nickname for the Manager that the user who is the Manager for Wales gave me, to avoid any confusion. I gave them a CA of 120 and PA of 200, which will probably be changed because it seems a bit much (but hey, that's what tests are for!)

Mackie-Bangor City: Managed Bangor City until 25/07/2014 when Manchester United came calling. He has been Manchester United manager ever since.

Mackie-Rhyl: Was sacked as Rhyl manager on 6/3/2009. He was out of a job for about 3 years until Rangers came calling for him on 1/7/2012, he managed them until 4/7/2012 when he resigned and became the Scottish national team Manager.

Mackie-Llanelli: Managed Llanelli until 9/7/2016 when Arsenal came calling. He has been Arsenal manager ever since.

Mackie-TNS: Is still managing TNS, which is really quite surprising, but obviously not bad news either!

-

Will probably start the second tests later on tonight, which will involve adding the Northern Irish data into the equation :thup:

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I am gutted that I got sacked from Rhyl but at least I became the manager of Scotland.

It seems to be quite succesful and over more than 10 years you can certainly see that there would be a bit more progression in the champions League

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