[FM17] If you think you're too small to make a difference you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito

[BoxToBox]

I'm surprised he didn't just give Moyes the key to the other teams locker room, but guess Moyes has his.... uh..... tastes.

[Benjoe]

23 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Isn't that the question of the year? 😮

I would say so. Make an award for it and hand me it!

19 hours ago, Keano16 said:

Success at all and any cost! Congrats on the title, what next? Another African nation?

That's the only way to do it, mate! And yes, of course! This is an African Journey after all. 

19 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

I'm surprised he didn't just give Moyes the key to the other teams locker room, but guess Moyes has his.... uh..... tastes.

This was probably the most effective way. That's what Beastie Moyes would have you believe at least.

[Benjoe]

The Sound of Silence v.2

Nelson stumbled out of the big black door once again. He had no sense of time. He could've been in there for an hour, a day, a month - he had no idea. His face was pale and his shoes gone. He tightened the belt and wished to forget what he had seen, done, and survived while he was on the other side of the door. 

"It is aellowed ta aenter Swaezeelaend aegaein." The door slammed shut. A sinister laugh was played on recently placed speakers in the alley. 

Nelson didn't understand a single word that was spoken. The accent drilled itself into his brain and gave him an awful headache. Now it was time to get back. There was still a final match of the season and celebrations in  the city would follow. This time he would be a part of the cheering part of a crowd for once.

Or so he thought.

 

[Benjoe]

Only a fool tests the depth of the river with both feet

Nelson finally returned but when he tried to enter any of the clubs facilities he was denied entrance. He tried his office too, name tag changed as well as the lock. 

"You better leave now or I call the police! Here is a note, take it and leave now!" The new coach, his former assistant was scared of the repercussions Nelson would exact if he found out he'd been replaced by his assistant. Nelson had always been suspicious and never fully trusted him, but this was still unexpected. This was too much.

Nelson never found out, however. He took the note and quickly sought Mumbu. Finding him proved surprisingly easy. Mumbu hadn't left his own place since the game they'd secured the title. He'd locked himself inside and watched the Zanzibari show, "Beaches and Bitches" the Zanzibari Eastenders. Mumbu had managed to watch 4.534 episodes but still had 254 left before he was finished with the 4.788 long Zanzibari classic time waster. 

Nelson slapped Mumbu back to reality and burned the last VHS tapes of Beaches and Bitches and showed the note to Mumbu, who soon started crying. 

"I know.. It's not good Mumbu. I've.. I've made a deal, though. We can go home."

 

[Benjoe]

World Cup 2018 - Holders: Germany - Hosts: Russia

 

Groups:

With 5 African participants there was hope that at least a couple of nations would get through the group stages and venture further, but only one would manage this. As a matter of fact, only one African nation would evenly win a game in Russia. Senegal would be that nation, but they still wouldn't get through their group. 

As I was writing up about this tournament I quickly realized something was wrong. Just two of the five African nations had actually proper squads. Guinea and Senegal had their stars with them, but for some reason, Egypt, Nigeria and the Ivory Coast's squads were littered with grey players and not a single major player. The saddest part is probably, that the only team going through was the Ivorians who got through with just 2 points in their group... 

 

All in all a poor WC for the African continent. Argentina wins against England, who knocked Wales out in the quarters and ran down Germany in the second round. 

 

[Benjoe]

If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there

Nelson stretched his feet until it hit sand, opening his beer immediately after. He looked at Mumbu and nodded.

"Cheers buddy." 

"Did you just call me buddy, Boss?"

"Huh, would you look at that.. I guess I did."

Sitting on the beach watching the beautiful sunset they were calm. Turmoil and chaos had dominated their two years on Zanzibar. Succes had been present too, but all too quickly been replaced with disappointment once again. 

They were ready to change it all. 

"We need to go home, Mumbu. I got a plan. This is the right thing. I've made some arrangements already. It's done"

"Okay, Boss."

Nelson bottomed his beer in one big slug and magically rose to his feet that got buried 3 feet under sand. He is that fat after all. 

 

[Benjoe]

The antelope that is constantly moving will fall in a pit

Back in the Swazi region Hhohho, Nelson and Mumbu were ready to restart their careers once again. Nelson had offered his 'qualities and qualifications' to the back-to-back Champions, Mbabane Swallows, who laughed at him. Same happened at Royal Leopard, who had won the Premier League three times within the last five seasons. Somehow he'd still soon enough he'd get a offer in return. Malanti Chiefs from the city of Lobamba in the Hhohho district were willing to take a risk on Nelson. 

Nelson knew he'd have to try and settle with Chiefs for a while, build up reputation. He'd recently finished his second coaching badge, but his name was still nothing worth. People laughed at his appearance, and without having solid results in his luggage he wouldn't get past the initial talks that would end with 'You're 28, and got grey hair?! And what is that hideous red hairband good for?! Bwahahaah, #NelsonJrHasGreyHair #NeverForget #GetOutOfThisOfficeYouBaboon.' 

 

[ManUtd1]

Woohoo!  Come on you mighty Chiefs!

[Rikulec]

Oh yeah.

[Benjoe]

1 hour ago, ManUtd1 said:

Woohoo!  Come on you mighty Chiefs!

38 minutes ago, Rikulec said:

Oh yeah.

I'm loving the excitement shown already!  

Our first test match soon. Nelson have redesigned his Narrow Bush Pig formation to become the new and improved Siyinqaba, which some of you might remember is Swaziland's motto meaning something like "We are a fortress". Isn't it beautifully ironic to call the tactic such when it's quite aggressive with 3 AMC and a striker too? 

TI's: Drop deeper (our CBs are slower than Per Mertesacker), Exploit middle, Play narrower.

Our starting XI for the first test match. Let me know if you want to see any, I'll just show you Khanye 'West' for now. Yes, he will become a thing on Twitter later on.

He is ****ING lethal! I did not expect this level when I signed with Malanti Chiefs. Okay, he's 33 and his physicals are declining but his 13 Natural Fitness should prolong it a bit. His technicals and mentals are great and he can work with both feet. 3 Determination though. Not much tutoring to be done with this fella. 

Luckily we got a Model Professional, so @Jimbokav1971 can get his daily fix.

[Benjoe]

Seeing as Nelson and Mumbu have returned to Swaziland this gets a new mention.

On 17/4/2017 at 18:13, Benjoe said:

Welcome to Swaziland!

Officially the Kingdom of Eswatini – in Swazi: Umbuso weSwatini

It’s a small country, a poor country, a poorly educated country as well, and if you’re standing in Swaziland odds are you’re looking at the border to South Africa somewhere.

You could of course also be looking at Mozambique, their northeastern neighbor.

Regions and region capitals off Swaziland

But if you’re standing in Swaziland, don’t bother thinking about the neighboring countries. Swaziland is more than worth your while. Yes, they are poor and all that, but the nature is stunning, and the traditions of the natives will fascinate you. Also, their coat of arms is bloody awesome!

A lion – AND an elephant? Also would you look at that awesome shield with… is that the top of a pineapple?

Also, Siyinqaba is Swati for We are a fortress. So, that's cool too.

Getting back to nature and tradition though.

      

Just look at those pictures.

The two most important traditions are Umhlanga and Incwala. Umhlanga is a national eight-day event where unmarried and childless Swazi girls and women travel to Ludzidz”ini Royal Village. Here they participate in the event that is supposed to “preserve the women's chastity, provide tribute labour for the Queen Mother, and produce solidarity among the women through working together.” To do this the women are gathered and sing and dance. So, yeah. 

The Incwala involves the male population of Swaziland, led by the King of Swaziland. They have shields, and look cool and all. It’s kind of a big deal.

Their national team haven't had too much succes, however.

All in all, Swaziland is quite the nation to start the adventure, and of course, it’s Nelson Mandela Jr’s  home country!

 

 

 

[Jimbokav1971]

7 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

Luckily we got a Model Professional, so @Jimbokav1971 can get his daily fix.

Would love to see Dladla (M.Pro). He seems weakest player so good judge of minimum standard.

[Benjoe]

2 minutes ago, Jimbokav1971 said:

Would love to see Dladla (M.Pro). He seems weakest player so good judge of minimum standard.

Here he is, mate! He's quite okay actually. When the entire squad is settled and the season is starting then I'll post who will be part of the first team squad and then some of the biggest prospects from our u20s since Nelson's plan is staying for a longer time here - which doesn't say much of course. 

First game is a win, despite getting reduced to 10 man in second half we score a late winner. They are only from the lower divison, mind, but still a fine showing for the first game.

[Benjoe]

Crisp defending here. Bravo, fellas!

[Benjoe]

Verdict after second test: We need to shoot less often from ridiculous distances, and our keeper needs to realize he got hands. Good start. 

Edit: I told the players they were unlucky - they weren't, they were **** - and the entire lot of them were happy. I love it here in Swaziland. 

[Benjoe]

Just to give a feeling of the distance between districts and cities in beautiful Swaziland. We're currently in the city of Lobamba not far (somewhat 15-20 km) from Mhlambanyatsi where we first met Nelson and Mumbu. From Mhlambanyatsi the journey went on to Zanzibar, where they had mixed succes in their two year stay before returning home. 

In the future, whenever Nelson and Mumbu changes team I will make updates with Google maps in terms of their travel the way @PaulHartman71 does too.

3.816 KM in 54 hours? Not too shabby. 

[Benjoe]

I've spent way too long time looking at hotels and plane tickets etc. for Zanzibar and Swaziland so I won't get around to make a squad review now.

The silliest part is probably that my girlfriend and I have agreed to travel to somewhere in Europe this summer. Zanzibar and Swaziland is arguably some distance off any European destinations.  Just a brief 14 and a half hour flight to Zanzibar from Kastrup Airport in Denmark.. 

[Benjoe]

The antelope that is constantly moving will fall in a pit
I've missed this beauty of a topbanner.. 

As Nelson leaned back in his old and squeaky chair he sighed. Going from a team who powered through the best teams Zanzibar had to offer to losing two of his first three matches back in Swaziland. Not the homecoming he had hoped for obviously. Was this the future he had  surrendered his body to ol' mighty Moyes for? 

The test matches were nothing to speak of. To avoid the routinely loss to his B-side he refused to schedule a game against them, despite his board and the players suggesting it. He almost got fired following a heated discussion with the chairman, had it not been for Mumbu. Turns out the chairman of Malanti Chiefs is a man with great affection for classics ***** TV and as soon as Mumbu quoted the catch phrase of one of the main characters.

"There is reason in the roasting of eggs," Mumbu had a philosophical gaze.

"That's Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase, isn't it!"

"Yeah. It's Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase."

"I love Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase."

"I love Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase too!"

Nelson grew tired of hearing Mumbu and the chairman's 'conversation' and just left the building. The following morning the chairman agreed not to fire Nelson after all. #MumbuSaves

 

 

[Benjoe]

I just lost a complete review of the first team squad, and I don't have time to make it all again.. *sigh*.. I'll just post the first eleven and then a couple of prospects instead.. 

   

  

  

Prospects:

  

 

 

 

[Benjoe]

Sundowns scored on a very early pen. Then we dominated them completely and scored to quickly after each other. Aaaand then our left back decided to make a ridiculous tackle and get red carded. All within 30 minutes! Ugh.

[Benjoe]

Just now, Benjoe said:

Sundowns scored on a very early pen. Then we dominated them completely and scored to quickly after each other. Aaaand then our left back decided to make a ridiculous tackle and get red carded. All within 30 minutes! Ugh.

Will I was ranting about this I let the game continue... What happened next will shock you...

Spoiler

ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME!?

 

[Benjoe]

They scored this **** goal to win it. 

[ManUtd1]

Those 203 fans...where were they? 

That was one of my favorite things at IFK Malmo in the Swedish 4th tier...20k capacity stadium, with virtually no fans, emoty save for a handful screaming their lungs out.

[Benjoe]

8 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

Those 203 fans...where were they? 

That was one of my favorite things at IFK Malmo in the Swedish 4th tier...20k capacity stadium, with virtually no fans, emoty save for a handful screaming their lungs out.

They were probably sent off by the ref too.

That was probably also the most frustrating match. From total dominance to 9 man against the world, and then getting ducked in the ninetieth minute. I was/am livid. 

[Benjoe]

3rd November 2018

"Boss!"

"It's fine Mumbu.."

"But boss, your seat! It's on fire!"

"I SAID IT'S FINE MUMBU!"

[Benjoe]

To draw attention to something other than Nelson's failings in Swaziland, here is Eleven Men's amazing name-nickname combo:

[Keano16]

1 hour ago, Benjoe said:

That was an interesting free kick routine. 

[Benjoe]

2 minutes ago, Keano16 said:

That was an interesting free kick routine. 

Indeed. This is even better RB to GK defensive communication. 

They were one man down, but we struggled relentlessly. Three goals scored within two minutes. This is... yeah... Anyways, we won! Celebration time.

[ManUtd1]

Sheesh...even my 10 year old knows that backpasses are always to be played wide of the post... 

[kidthekid]

Eleven Men in Flight and Sharp Victor are my favorite team name ever

[BoxToBox]

Chuck some grapefruit at that rightback. Straight out of the freezer.

[Mysterio Jr.]

Great thread and fun to read!!

[Sir_Liam]

I've just finished reading through this whole thread and have enjoyed it.  Nelson seems an interesting character and a bit nuts.

[DodgeeD]

On 25.05.2017 at 06:14, kidthekid said:

Eleven Men in Flight and Sharp Victor are my favorite team name ever

Manzini Sea Birds is also an interesting name for a club in a landlocked country

[Benjoe]

On 25/5/2017 at 01:10, ManUtd1 said:

Sheesh...even my 10 year old knows that backpasses are always to be played wide of the post... 

Your 10 year old is better educated than my RB clearly!  

On 25/5/2017 at 05:14, kidthekid said:

Eleven Men in Flight and Sharp Victor are my favorite team name ever

16 hours ago, DodgeeD said:

Manzini Sea Birds is also an interesting name for a club in a landlocked country

Agree! Umbelebele is a good one too I recon or Kakamega Homeboyz. This is perhaps still my favorite for some reason:

On 6/5/2017 at 02:05, Benjoe said:

 

On 25/5/2017 at 09:22, BoxToBox said:

Chuck some grapefruit at that rightback. Straight out of the freezer.

I threw a coconut at him instead. He didn't react to it. He's mental.

On 25/5/2017 at 11:48, Mysterio Jr. said:

Great thread and fun to read!!

On 25/5/2017 at 14:32, Sir_Liam said:

I've just finished reading through this whole thread and have enjoyed it.  Nelson seems an interesting character and a bit nuts.

Cheers @Mysterio Jr. and @Sir_Liam! Glad you guys are enjoying it. Only a bit nuts, though? I'd say he the medical term would be utter insanity.

 

 

[Benjoe]

Opened FM and was ready to play some games finally, although leaving in an hour approx.

Then I see this ****.

81 days.. oh well. No games this sitting then... 

[BoxToBox]

"Maurice Premier League" may be the second best competition in the world, only bested by the Wolf Cup.

[noikeee]

Uh-oh, not a great season so far from your Chiefs. Clearly not bossing the league.

[Benjoe]

The antelope that is constantly moving will fall in a pit

"Hands, touchin' hands...
Reachin' out, touchin' me, touchin' youuu..."

"Boss?"

"Shhh, Mumbu, now comes the good part-SWEEEEET CAROOOOOLIIIIINE!!"

Nelson's entire body was in motion as he danced around wearing his old school walkman. 

"But Boss, it's argent-ergent-urgent... erhm.. you need to come now!"

Nelson, still wearing his walkman, followed Mumbu. 

The song switched and Nelson's moves changed. His shoulders were a bigger part this time. He bit his lower lip and started singing again.

"Come on Eileeen!"

(...) 

Mumbu led Nelson into the boards office as Nelson was singing. Mumbu recognized the song and joined in.

Nelson: Now you're grown

Mumbu: Your grown up!

Nelson: So grooooown!

Mumbu: So grown up!

They were standing in the office with board members in front of them. The singing continued.

Nelson and Mumbu now together, but in very different octaves and neither with much elegance:

"Come on, Eileen, too loo rye ay. Come on, Eileen, too roooooo ryeeee ay!" 
The board cut in, "Ahem, fellas! Sit down and stop singing please!"

Five minutes later Nelson and Mumbu left the office.

"Boss, do you know what they meant?" 

Nelson sighed, "Yeah, Mumbu. I do. We got a month to prove that I should still be the manager of the Chiefs.."

"Oh. Should we start singing again now?" 

Nelson sighed.

[Benjoe]

On 27/5/2017 at 18:01, BoxToBox said:

"Maurice Premier League" may be the second best competition in the world, only bested by the Wolf Cup.

There are some gems around. Love me some Maurice.

On 28/5/2017 at 03:09, noikeee said:

Uh-oh, not a great season so far from your Chiefs. Clearly not bossing the league.

Nah, it's been a struggle so far. The board is putting us under pressure now too. We are trying out a narrow diamond now, trying to get something to work and playing more after material rather than ideas. 

[Benjoe]

When I sit down to play FM and update my thread, and 4 hours later haven't made more than one update and only progressed 3 games...

[Benjoe]

Covfefe

This is a hugely important day in my African adventure. These players will usually be either good enough to be straight starters from the get-go or have some great potential for the future. Of course, the facilities, staff, money invested, national youth rating, club youth level etc. is pretty **** so no expectations of digging up diamonds but hopefully some coal that we can compress into some minor gems. 

Our HoYD low-key insinuates that he was the man who brought along Sandile Dlamini who he recon is a very gifted player - and a keeper at that. A truly class keeper would really be a valued asset for me, seeing as our keeper's usually concedes at any given chance. 

This looks promising. I don't really use the CA stars to much atm considering how poor my ass. man. is at rating such, so I go by the attributes strictly. Looking at their attributes I see some players I really like and some who might become something.

  

Sandile is looking really good already now for our level. He won't be the starter, as we have another talented, young keeper currently, but he might take the spot soon if he improves a couple of areas. Looks promising. 

 

The pair of Mandla and Bongani won't be starters just yet but might get there. Bongani looks the best so far, but I like the quickness that Mandla posses.

Mxolisi is one of the quickest players at our club already at his first day. He looks like a guy who could really become something. Quicker - by a mile - than our current RB but he is far less developed and our RB just got 7.70 in a win against the 1st placed Manzini Wanderes, so he won't push him out just yet. Great potential in this lad though.

 

A CM duo. Thokozani is the technician and Brian the engine. This will suit really well with our current tactic - if it sticks that long. They are not quite ready yet, but I like them. Might get tested or pushed into rotation anytime soon still. 

  

All three striker prospects have huge flaws but are also very interesting at the same time. Xolani is physically very well developed, needs to learn how to play with a ball though. Sipho can work in a team and is the most determined player we got, he needs to improve all-round though. Mathokoza Ndalagamandalangahadna... looks like a goalgetter with his finishing, but he prefers to 'look for pass rather than attempt to score', Nelson won't like that.

All players will be signed and seen out for a year before I decide if they should get released. 

 

[Benjoe]

Having just beaten the first placed Manzini Wanderes 2-0 at home we met Green Mamba once again at home. A team not far above us so hopes were high. After 19 minutes we were in the lead and things looked good.

Then they got awarded a penalty, where none of our players did anything at all. 1-1. Okay, we fight on. Second half, this **** happens.

This is going to be a struggle.

6 minutes later and Ndlovu gets a meltdown.

I'm tempted at turning in both our keeper and Ndlovu for match fixing.

Getting fired for the second time is not completely unrealistic...

[kidthekid]

Th right back prospect has a ppm of dwells on the ball, yet his first touch 3, decision 3, vision 5, technique of 5.

FM can be unnecessarily mean

[Keano16]

'If I dive exactly the same again I should save it.'

*dives*

'No, ok let's try again'

[noikeee]

1 hour ago, Benjoe said:

Covfefe

The perfect word for describing the clips of your Swazilandian players attempting to play football.

[BoxToBox]

2 hours ago, Benjoe said:

 

Nice to see Claudio Bravo still in business.

[DodgeeD]

@Benjoe - credit where it's due, you tell a great story in this thread that has amused me greatly.... but those two clips of the 'keeps having some kind of fit and Ndlovu having some kind of RKO out of nowhere moment have set a new bar for involuntary nasal beverage spraying on these forums.

Looking forward to more high jinks from Swaziland!

[kidthekid]

Jokes on us when you take them to Club World Cup glory

[Benjoe]

Following the most frustrating match in recent times for Nelson, in a season with 10 defeats, Nelson was searching for new ways of playing. He was finished with his National A license, and the Malanti board had been generous and agreed to pay for his Continental C license study, and through these studies new ideas had fluctuated. A three man defence, to cover for slow defenders and get more bodies in front of the many attackers most Swazi teams used. Two agressive, quick and enduring wing backs to ensure that the team had width. Centrally, two midfielders with the primary task of giving support to either part of the team, whether it be defence or offense - or transitions there between. In front of the midfield duo Nelson envisioned a player shadowing the striker duo. This player needed to be relentless in his pursuit. Great physique and a lot of different abilities and a nose for goal would help. His striker duo would have both dropping into midfield slightly - one more than the other, giving space for the shadow to exploit. They would then join the attack later to overload as a unit. The entire team would be instructed strictly not to participate into too many phases of the game. Defenders should defend - their abilities were far too limited to offer anything going forward, and likewise the attackers had little to no effect defensively so it would be more beneficial to keep them focused on one task.

Mumbu had brought a new equipment to the training fields as well. 
"Look boss! Look at me, boss, I'm flying in the sky!"

Nelson turned and looked at the sky, but quickly gave up. "I give up, Mumbu. I can't find you up there!"

"Nono, boss. I'm standing right here, boss!" Nelson looked to his left and saw Mumbu with a remote in his hand and heard engine sounds from the sky. 

He looked up again, "Are you controlling that flying mosquito like thing?"

"Yeah, boss!"

"Could we set a camera on it?"

"Errrhm.." Mumbu's face went pale. "..I-I don't know, boss?" His face expressed fear, "Are you gonna yell at me now?"

"No, Mumbu," Nelson slapped Mumbu on the shoulder, "You just gave me a brilliant idea!"

Mumbu smiled as he steared his drone further into the sky.