[FM17] If you think you're too small to make a difference you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito

[Miraculix]

On 3/5/2017 at 10:18, Benjoe said:

A spider’s cobweb isn’t only its sleeping spring but also its food trap 

Mumbu neared his debut as a manager for Okapi. He wandered the training pitch as he laid out the strategy to be employed.

You four; defend!

You two; win the ball and pass it off!

You three; dribble and showboat, and run!

You; SCORE!

And so his tactic had been created. 

SS was taken after the game, Khalfan got injured (8-9 days) in the game.

With such extreme tactical preparation, how could anything go wrong in the league fixture?

 

This Mr. Mandela jr seems like quite the character. Too weird to live, too rare to die kinda guy.

I mean with player instructions like these...

[Benjoe]

7 minutes ago, Keano16 said:

I know how you feel man. At least it's only fine margins that should not take much to overcome. 

Yeah, we're usually just one goal shy. But when it consistently happens it can really wreck it all. Hopefully Nelson doesn't get sacked and can have a better second season.

7 minutes ago, Miraculix said:

This Mr. Mandela jr seems like quite the character. Too weird to live, too rare to die kinda guy.

I mean with player instructions like these...

He most definitely is too weird to live!

And clearly they were a great succes - for a very short while at least.   

[Benjoe]

It would seem, that we can't actually get relegated from this division, and also, that the season is over as we were far from the Championship Playoff. We only have the cup to worry about now. So.. 17 league games took me forever and it ends with a 16th place. Great. That's good. I'm happy. Really am. Mad? No, me? 

 

Aaaanyways. We just played our first cup game. It was just about as ridiculous as it could be. How fitting for us.

Oh. And look at the attendance. Perfect.

[BoxToBox]

Sharp Victor, what a name!

[Benjoe]

1 minute ago, BoxToBox said:

Sharp Victor, what a name!

Aye, this is probably my favorite tho!  

Also post about the cup coming up soon!

[Benjoe]

No matter how beautiful and well crafted a coffin might look, it will not make anyone wish for death

Heading for their next cup game they were anxious. Nelson was usually making ridiculous jokes and telling stories about his great achievements - yes, in plural - in his native Swaziland. His players didn't know that it wasn't true when he told them he'd won the Premier League 4 times in a row with a bunch of amateurs and that he was the player with the most NT-cap for Swaziland and that he'd retired because it was unfair for everyone else if he'd carried on playing. Garbage coming out of his mouth. His managerial accomplishments in Zanzibar, however, well they were harder to brag about. He'd tried, but it wasn't that effective when they lost game after game. One time after a game he'd been interviewed for the one hundredth time he had shouted, "You only hate me because I'm famous!" One of the reporters had calmly replied to Nelson's assertion.

"Nelson, we don't hate you because you're famous. You're famous because we hate you."

Following that comment Nelson shouted some indistinguishable words and left.

Now they were heading for their cup match, however. A whole nother beast. It lived it's own life. Mumbu had been humming his lullaby again. The first time since they left Swaziland. Maybe this was signs of good things in the future.

It was not, however. A tragic end to the season, and the board wanted to have a 'conversation regarding club performance and broken promises' with Nelson and the fans - led by Mumbu - wanted to lynch him. Mumbu, of course, didn't understand what lynching him ment, but got caught by the good spirit among the fans. 

 

 

[Miraculix]

What ever happens, please don't sack Nelson, he's too famous!!!!

[kidthekid]

#NelsonInBoardOut

[Benjoe]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem

Nelson entered the conference room as rotten vegetables and sand was thrown after him. Moments before closing the door behind him he saw Mumbu throwing a grape fruit as he was smiling and laughing. Nelson's eyebrows withdrew into his skull and he got dizzy and almost passed out. He fell to his feet and had to crawl to the chair in front of the desk where the board members were sitting. 
They were fairly indifferent about the whole situation. As soon as Nelson was seated they began the meeting.

"Right, Nelson. Your first period with the club has been nothing short of atrocious. What is your excuse for this performance?"

Nelson was still shaken from the incident seconds earlier, but managed to speak a little. "Err, well, err we've lost a lot. Haven't scored but conceded, so we haven't gotten a lot of points. But - but I am a legendary manager!" Nelson was starting to get back to his usual self.

"But," The board seemed hesitant, "we've hear your stories and all that, but you've been a huge disappointment with us. When we spoke prior to your hiring you were saying this league would be a walkover for you."

"I've never said that in my life!"

"Interesting. Would you look at this piece of paper while I read it up?" 

Nelson received the paper, glanced at it and face palmed. 

*Chairman clear his throat* 'This league will be a walkover for me. Ha-ha-ha. They won't know what hit them. I will make them cry little the little pantie wearing sissies they are.' "Do you refuse to remember saying this."

Nelson was silent.

"I can continue!" *Chairman clears his throat again*

A drop of sweat leaves Nelson's forehead and hits his sweat, sand and vegetable stained blood orange shirt. What was his next move? 

"When I'm done you'll be erecting a statue in memory of me!" The chairman stop reading further and stares at Nelson. 

"Enough! Stop this madness at once!" Nelson was pushed to his limits, much like his body was pumping blood through his entire body. "If you fire me you'll have the fans on your back. They will turn against you as soon as you fire me!"

The board members started laughing. "You mean the fans who threw rotten fruits at you and have banner saying 'Fire Nelson', 'We want Nelson's head on a stick', 'Feed Nelson's corpus to the bush pigs!'

"Err.. well, yeah."

"And isn't that your personal assistant leading the riot?"  The board members laughed once again. 

"So.. when are we negotiating a new contract for me?"

The board members got serious. "We're pretty sure the fans will overcome the 'huge loss' when we fire you. Get out of our office, and try not to let too many rotten vegetables fly past you as you leave - oh and good luck with the bush pigs! Hahahaha!"

Nelson leaves the office as he is viciously attacked with all sorts of rotten ammunition. As he leaves the door, still open, he shouts back, "I'll get my revenge, mark my words!" 

A huge rotten watermelon flies past Nelson's head and splashes out on the board members table.

[Benjoe]

Spoiler

 

[kidthekid]

wow

[Keano16]

Cold hearted bastard.

[Benjoe]

13 hours ago, Miraculix said:

What ever happens, please don't sack Nelson, he's too famous!!!!

Famous or not. They weren't liking Nelson.

10 hours ago, kidthekid said:

#NelsonInBoardOut

52 minutes ago, kidthekid said:

wow

Thanks for the support. Sadly the board didn't care about your hashtags. I liked it though!

46 minutes ago, Keano16 said:

Cold hearted bastard.

Indeed! But now Nelson is on to new adventures - or will he stay in Zanzibar to avenge himself? Who knows.

[BoxToBox]

I never liked that Mujuni.

[Benjoe]

59 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

I never liked that Mujuni.

He is a despicable human being!

 

I can reveal, that Nelson has received multiple offers from other Zanzibari teams from the same division. Revenge is very much on the table, but he is also considering offers from Mayotte, Comoros, and South Sudan. He is yet to decide where his future lays. 

League performances of these two teams.

[ManUtd1]

4 hours ago, Keano16 said:

Cold hearted bastard.

That Mumbu? Yeah, he's a ****, isn't he?

Nelson sighed as he entered the taxi, finally protected from the barrage of rotten vegetables thrown by the Okapi supporters, a near riot unfolding outside the stadium, that was likely to turn into a full-blown party once the news spread of his sacking.

Lost in his thoughts, Nelson ignored the taxi driver. "How could they do this to me," he wondered, "after all I've done for them? The sweat, blood, tears and...other...bodily fluids...I've left on that pitch...was it all for nothing?"

The taxi driver was starting to become agitated, drawing Nelson's attention back to the present. Confused, Nelson realized that they'd left and entered a part of town he didn't recognize, and were quickly approaching a gated complex of warehouses that seemed deserted. 

 As they sped through the now closing gates, Nelson realized that something about the taxi driver seemed...familiar.

The doors of the taxi lock, as a ragged chuckle emerges from within that cragged throat of the driver, followed by an unintelligible string of what Nelson's addled mind knows must be words, but he cannot place them as if they were spoken in another language. Speeding into a dark warehouse, Nelson asks the driver to repeat himself.

 The driver turns, handing Nelson a bottle of eucalyptus-scented lotion. Horror strikes, as Nelson recognizes his wrinkled captor, the cataract clouds shining in the low, reflected light, the barbed voice awakening days long past and best forgotten.

"It puts the lotion on its skin, I said," rasped David Moyes, a low chuckle again emerging from deep within his anorak.

[Benjoe]

29 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

"It puts the lotion on its skin, I said," rasped David Moyes, a low chuckle again emerging from deep within his anorak.

*Several hours later*

With his anorak zipped to his neck once again, David Moyes grabbed a fedora with a grin on his face as he shouted back, "Lewking forward to the next taime, fattay. And remember, I am the Ginger who fewks."  

The door slammed behind Moyesy and left in the dark and smelly warehouse was Nelson lying still on the concrete floor as he was - crying and undressed with an empty bottle of eucalyptus-scented lotion at his feet. 

Nelson was disoriented and mumbling to himself, "Mumbu.. Why have you forsaken me. Me, your bestest friend." The sobbing continued to seemingly no end until a rangly shadow started creeping out from the depths of the warehouse. "Not that bloody Phil Jagielka!" Nelson panicked but his body was warn out and slippery from all the lotion and thus he was stuck on the concrete. 

The shadow slowly closing in on Nelson a voice penetrated the eery silence. "Boss? Is that pile of.. oh, it's you boss."

Nelson couldn't believe his ears, "Oh Mumbu. You are like the pickle in a cheeseburger. Always, always there, nobody likes it but no-one bothers removing you. I am so glad you're here though. Now get me a towel, will ya?"

 

[ManUtd1]

Even Jared has been traumatized by this.

[ManUtd1]

#WhatWouldJagielkaDo

[Benjoe]

3 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

#WhatWouldJagielkaDo

Whatever he believes is what Moeysy told him to, most likely.

[Benjoe]

If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there

Back in the well known part of the town, far from dark warehouses, Nelson found himself considering various offers. Despite leaving Okapi with a unsettled crowd celebrating his dismissal he had offer from other Zanzibari teams expecting him to bounce back straight away. Foreign clubs had also had lures after him, but he wasn't motivated for those challenges. He wanted to exact revenge upon Okapi - if it was the last thing he'd do in his managerial career!

Two offers came in from Zanzibari teams. Al Jazira who'd finished in top 4 and had then taken the bottom position in the championship playoff which prompted them to fire their manager, and Wawi Star who had ended last season with the same amount of points as Nelson's former side, Okapi had accumulated. 

The budgets for both teams were hugely different to what he had to work with at Okapi which had proved to be the executioner in the deal with Soka as the star of his former team had changed teams due to better bonuses offered. At Okapi Nelson had to manage with a budget of 35 pounds a week. At Al Jazira he'd have 1000 pounds, and at Wawi Star he'd have massive 1.250 thousand to work with. This proved to be the factor that tipped the favor unto Wawi Star.

He'd also fetch a nice 110 pounds a week for himself, a chance he gladly accepted.

With this much money made available in the budget Nelson had great plans for the summer. He'd sign as many promising players as he probably could and then feed the rubbish ones to the bush pigs. Best solution he could come up with. 

Mumbu was also put to work, but more on that another time. 

 

[ManUtd1]

4 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

With this much money made available in the budget Nelson had great plans for the summer. He'd sign as many promising players as he probably could and then feed the rubbish ones to the bush pigs. Best solution he could come up with.

Be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

[Benjoe]

8 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

Be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

Aye, but as long as you're not taking the **** you should be aight. At least for a while.

This all reminds me I have to watch Snatch soon. Only watched it once before and I was severely pissed a bit tipsy that time. 

[ManUtd1]

Brilliant movie. Cannot recommend it highly enough.

[kidthekid]

I guess Wawi stars saw potential in the Okapi struggles. Or maybe they are still remembering your Swaziland exploits

[Benjoe]

12 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

Brilliant movie. Cannot recommend it highly enough.

I remember being entertained, but other than that it's pretty far gone. Will have to see it next week!

10 minutes ago, kidthekid said:

I guess Wawi stars saw potential in the Okapi struggles. Or maybe they are still remembering your Swaziland exploits

Undoubtedly. I'm mostly surprised Nelson didn't mess up this time in terms of negotiating his contract.

[Benjoe]

This is big news for Nelson. Maybe he'll learn a thing or two about football now.

Boss, I could also take course, right?

No, Mumbu. Leave me alone. 

[Benjoe]

[kidthekid]

24 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

Nelson during the course

 

[BoxToBox]

4 minutes ago, kidthekid said:

Nelson during the course

 

It's all tablets these days, man!

[kidthekid]

Gotta love Bill even though I'm not a patriots fan

[Benjoe]

My sources can confirm that this will infact be the case for Nelson. 

Tablets in Zanzibar though? Only 30 % of the time. The course is split between: 30 % tablet work, 30 % playbook 'reading' and 50% looking at the beautiful... beaches. 

What, that adds up to 110 %? Hmm, okay then just 25, 25, 40.

[kidthekid]

Cool story from my Nigerian club save. My club got purchased by a Spanish dude at the beginning of the save, and he isn't a tycoon or anything, so our finances are still average. However, three years later, I had a Spanish youth candidate. What is a Spaniard doing in the North of Nigeria?

I figured he had to be a relative or son of a friend of my Spanish chairman, but he was not good enough so I had to cut the guy. Could have been an awesome story. I was tempted to keep him just to parade him around, but he's gone now. I'll check up on him a few years later.

[noikeee]

On 2017-5-6 at 13:30, Benjoe said:

  Hide contents

 

Wow, that is a brutal message. 

Good luck at Wawi, looks like overall you got a promotion with the bonuses thing so I think it all worked out for you better anyway.

[Benjoe]

On 7/5/2017 at 15:58, kidthekid said:

Cool story from my Nigerian club save. My club got purchased by a Spanish dude at the beginning of the save, and he isn't a tycoon or anything, so our finances are still average. However, three years later, I had a Spanish youth candidate. What is a Spaniard doing in the North of Nigeria?

I figured he had to be a relative or son of a friend of my Spanish chairman, but he was not good enough so I had to cut the guy. Could have been an awesome story. I was tempted to keep him just to parade him around, but he's gone now. I'll check up on him a few years later.

I like the sound of that Spanish owner! If I had the money I would absolutely love to buy a football club in Ghana, Nigeria or the Ivory Coast and then also manage the players too. Would be amazing to give them chances of making some money for their families and developing their game and understanding of football. 

I am, however, saddened that you didn't just keep the fella around and give him some chances relentless of his untalented nature.

8 hours ago, noikeee said:

Wow, that is a brutal message. 

Good luck at Wawi, looks like overall you got a promotion with the bonuses thing so I think it all worked out for you better anyway.

Yeah, they really didn't like Nelson!  Salum Mujuni is also just giving the stare of death on the screenshot. Tbh it looks like he is dead himself. 

No doubt. Nelson does have a lot more money to fiddle with this time around. 

 

[Benjoe]

A spider’s cobweb isn’t only its sleeping spring but also its food trap

Having finished the preseason Nelson's new team had won three, drawn two and lost two games in all. The wins came early on, and the losses later on. Nelson had only been given the chance to schedule three matches in the preseason as the other matches were already scheduled upon his arrival. Tactics had been worked on. Having been on a training course during parts of the summer as well he had new ideas that would be used this season. Looking at their fixtures it had worked greatly but had struggled against their test against their own u20 side. 1-4 down after 45, and ending with 4-4 after 90. Then to finish off their preseason they had matches against two Tanzanian clubs. One from the Premier League and one from the Lower Division. Both teams would prove too much of a struggle and a one-nil loss in both. Not necessarily the best way to end the preseason.

[Benjoe]

A spider’s cobweb isn’t only its sleeping spring but also its food trap

With the preseason ending the transfer window was also closer to closing. Nelson had in great style finished his plan. Sign every player who wants to join and then cut the worst of the bunch. He had done this truly, signing 46 players and releasing just about as many as well. Some were recognizable faces as he signed four of his former players at Okapi: Fred Jacob, Ismail Mao and Shaban Machacu as well as David Sako who he lost during his Okapi tenure. 

A lot of the players signed with was released again but the ones who stayed were players who showed something of interest whether it'd be some pace, technique or brute force. In terms of keepers he was still traumatized by the goalkeepers at Okapi so he signed 10 keepers during the window and released 9 in total including the ones Wawi Star had when he arrived. 

The squad he had assembled had made Wawi Star the team expected to finish at the top of the league despite finishing 15th last season and being projected a 9th finish prior to Nelson's arrival. 

 

[Benjoe]

A spider’s cobweb isn’t only its sleeping spring but also its food trap

The new tactical knowledge acquired by Nelson had brought upon two new systems. One with a four man backline and one with a three man backline. When he showed the new ideas to Mumbu the only comment by Mumbu was "Ey boss, we need some names for these. How about "Bushpig"?

...

Nelson was considering whether this was the time to exact his revenge. Other than having Mumbu find clothes to all the signing 46 players so they could practice with team clothing and then also wash it all he hadn't properly gotten his revenge for the part Mumbu took in the demonstrations against Nelson but this wasn't the time. Having names for his tactics was a good idea - extraordinarily good considering it came from Mumbu. Catching on the wave of names for tactics that had lasted since the age of man he decided upon naming his first tactic something that would make the opponents fear him.

The Zanzibari Reaper, oooooh yeeeeah.

 

Aggressive wingers giving the showboating he thirsted. Two strikers providing adept finishing and constant threats up front. One ball-winning midfielder giving the opponents some tough tackles centrally, and then two inverted full backs - just because he thought it sounded cool. Their play style would be aggressive, fast paced and going through central areas as well as seeking the wide man in overlaps. Who would overlap the winger? Don't ask so many dumb questions Mumbu!

The Bushpig

 

Inspired by the robust bushpig Nelson wanted three defender centrally and then combine his full backs with his wings giving the showboating a bit deeper in midfield rather than down by the opponents corner flag. A dynamic midfielder was added and the two strikers were kept to threaten the enemy like the tusks on a bushpig did. The instructions remained the same. 

[Benjoe]

Debut win using The Bushpig. 

[noikeee]

That's some... creative tactics. I'm not entirely sure I understand the plan. Dunno what was going on with the transfer policy neither - is the strategy to sign every single Zanzibarian player you can find, then release the worst ones? 

[Benjoe]

5 minutes ago, noikeee said:

That's some... creative tactics. I'm not entirely sure I understand the plan. Dunno what was going on with the transfer policy neither - is the strategy to sign every single Zanzibarian player you can find, then release the worst ones? 

Nelson is a creative man, or something. And well, who knows what he had in mind drawing up this, he is only just learning a lot of the fancy words in the footballing world. 

And yes. That was very much the transfer policy:

On 7/5/2017 at 00:14, Benjoe said:

(...)

With this much money made available in the budget Nelson had great plans for the summer. He'd sign as many promising players as he probably could and then feed the rubbish ones to the bush pigs. Best solution he could come up with.

(...)

1 hour ago, Benjoe said:

(...)

Nelson had in great style finished his plan. Sign every player who wants to join and then cut the worst of the bunch. He had done this truly, signing 46 players and releasing just about as many as well.

(...)

On a serious note: The tactics are a bit of an attempt to see just how ridiculous it can get and still function in these leagues where no team have perfectly balanced teams. There must be ways of just messing with them on so many levels that you create open chances, and hopefully don't concede too many chances yourself. The Bushpig tactic has been the most tested with The Zanzibari Reaper still a WIP. The instructions are a result of seeing how we dropped suddenly last season simultaneously as we tried to counter our opponents more after seeing our keeper dropping at each shot. This, however, had the opposite effect as our players just ain't good markers or capable of picking the right position most times so now I'm trying the opposite. Having the all running around cluelessly trying to win the ball and then attack centrally and look wide. Pressure the opponent as hard as possible because no team in this league will have the technique to pass it around us. We just need the engines to play this aggressively. 

Regarding the transfer policy, yeah, well, seeing as everyone are on non-contracts with bonuses I saw nothing but benefits from just offering contracts to all players I either found through media news, scouts, topscorers, teams of the season, media dream teams etc. Then when a lot of them signed I waited and waited and then spent an hour weighing up which useless tosser valiant candidate I wanted on my bench for this season. All in all it's been really ridiculous to spent this much time preparing Wawi Star for this season, but I think it's time for Nelson to get his career going! 

[Benjoe]

So. A weird thing/pattern has happened suddenly in the same. Following the end of the transfer window where we saw our best defender sign with another team, which sucked, I checked his history for whatever reason. Seeing what I did confused me a fair bit.

Here is Thomas Ngoma

Nothing looks strange here, other than the fact that he is very well rounded and that I'm going to miss him dearly. Especially when we use The Bushpig tactic... I also wonder why he'd change, from a team that had won both their games in the league, to a team who had lost both games prior to his arrival...

But lets have a look under his history

Suddenly our team is listed as "Wawi Star (now Sting Chiba) and with a new logo of a dog or something. When I then click it, suddenly, I am met by this Japanese club.

And there are more cases of this. It even happens when they join us too.

I also have a player who joined us, who's former team has changed too

I have no idea what is going on. I hope this won't be an issue later on and make the game crash. For now it is just a weird 'trend' happening apparently. 

[BoxToBox]

What the hell?!

[Benjoe]

10 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

What the hell?!

What are you referring to?

The new tactics and their names, our transfer policy or this brand new trend? 

[Keano16]

1 minute ago, Benjoe said:

What are you referring to?

The new tactics and their names, our transfer policy or this brand new trend? 

Everything!! Always everything!

[BoxToBox]

10 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

What are you referring to?

The new tactics and their names, our transfer policy or this brand new trend? 

I don't mind the crazy tactics, in fact I love the Bushpig one, I've used less aggressive versions of it in the past. Transfer policy is a bit wild, but fun!

That club thing though, that's weird as all ****. Imagine being a footballer, waking up one morning and hearing the news that your club is moving to Japan at short notice.

[Benjoe]

20 minutes ago, Keano16 said:

Everything!! Always everything!

Now ain't that the truth!

9 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

I don't mind the crazy tactics, in fact I love the Bushpig one, I've used less aggressive versions of it in the past. Transfer policy is a bit wild, but fun!

That club thing though, that's weird as all ****. Imagine being a footballer, waking up one morning and hearing the news that your club is moving to Japan at short notice.

I like both as well, although 5 games into the season and after winning 3, drawing 1 only using the Bushpig tactic I decided to try the Reaper.

Wayyyy too many long shots - and mostly when they had acres of space to run into. I have to alter that. Not sure whether 'Run at defence' or 'Work ball into box' is best option here, or if I should tell my players personally to shoot less. Something has to be done though. 

It was mostly a hectic policy to live up to!

It's ridiculously weird. Never seen it before. And then when the player has packed his bags, left for Japan and is standing in an airport somewhere in Japan, he gets a call from his gaffer. "Ey, twat, what ya doing?! We didn't move you wanker, it was just a bug in FM."

 

[Benjoe]

Right to the point of our very late winner this was a nightmarish game.

Reaper was used once again and only gave away 3 chances within the first 60' but 2 goals were conceded still. Then after they equalized we went full Bushpig on them and chased the goal and finally got it. Still I feel we take too many long shots considering how poor shooting we have.

Edit: Oh, and were first now, and Okapi right behind us! We meet them in the game after the next one, will be an interesting one for Nelson!

 

[kidthekid]

Okapi being in the top 2 might signify that the previous manager, whoever he was, was quite...

[Benjoe]

4 minutes ago, kidthekid said:

Okapi being in the top 2 might signify that the previous manager, whoever he was, was quite...

Don't go there!

Also, I'm absolutely loving it in Zanzibar!

The beaches, the team is performing well, and the referees loves all the Grapefruit I made @BoxToBox and @ManUtd1 send them.

We win 1-0 and all looks good but just 3 minutes before the final whistle Madungu did actually equalize. Our keeper decided to throw it into our own net, but the refs were ready to award us the best/worst offside I've ever seen. He whistles it on Mahadhi, who didn't touch the ball, nor did he have any impact on the keeper. To call that offside is the worst I've seen in a loooong time. And I love it!