ManUtd1

*Christian Bale voice intensifies*

Anything less would be utter fraudulence.

We all have weaknesses. Not everyone has strengths. Nantes / Netherlands -- May 2045 For the 3rd European knockout-round match at the Jose Arribas in a row, we are wasteful in front of goal. But we find an equalizer and a winner through sheer grit. This is what it takes to be champions. Unfortunately, the 2nd XI slip on the banana peel that is an away trip to Dijon -- resulting in a 1-1 draw -- while PS-****ing-G survive a nervy test away to Le Harve, winning 1-nil. Meaning we've ceded the advantage to our bitter rivals. 2 points back, 2 matches to play. We cannot let the possibility of a spot in the Champions League final distract us. If we cannot compete on two fronts, we don't deserve the title anyways. At Old Trafford, we secure an early penalty against the run of play, and Van der Meulen puts it into the top corner. United level almost immediately...and then take the lead. Game on. We right the ship, but Zlatan still pulls out the hairdryer at halftime. Full blast. Names called. Aspersions cast. Virility questioned. This is no time for doubt, lads. Not after all we've accomplished. But a 50th minute counterattack sees United go up 3-1 on the night. And my former charge, Azcona, makes it 4 in the 53rd. We've switched off twice in the match, and it is going to see us out of Europe. This is where my reliance on untested youth -- having sold off several wily, seasoned veterans -- bites us. Not that I'll have a change of heart. But the truth remains -- this side is young. We must learn from this disappointment. And right quick. We face Lille on the weekend.

We all have weaknesses. Not everyone has strengths. Nantes / Netherlands -- April 2045 Another big European night at the Jose Arribas, another 90 minutes spent grasping at thin air. We ran Angel Correa's Leicester off the park, but couldn't find a goal. So many chances, blown. Not good enough. In the away leg, we controlled the run of play from the first whistle but found ourselves in a stalemate. Varela finally broke the tie open in 1st half stoppage time, tapping in at the far post off a cutback. Zlatan was over the moon, kissing a traveling supporter passionately, and appearing to exchange contact information after their embrace ended. When Waters was sent off in the 74th for a two-footer, we looked good value to advance despite our profligacy. A massive result. Into the semifinals of the Champions League. Domestically, however, we find ourselves in a 3-team race, 2 points clear of Monaco and PSG with 5 matches to play.

A solid start to World Cup qualifying, as the Dutch are clearly in sync with the Donkey Waffles. We'll be playing the base PM Åsnor Våfflor tactic for now, and have gone 25 matches unbeaten.

In case anyone is interested, this is the current libero version of the Grapefruit Donkey Waffles tactics. The original libero setup was working a treat, with only one exception. We were more vulnerable in transition than I'd like to be, to a long/direct ball up the middle -- that quick ball over the head of my libero, into the space between the split CBs... Yeah, no bueno. So, I changed the libero to a support duty and dropped the defensive line to "slightly deeper" from "slightly higher." We'll see how that works.

The man or woman who is rarely lost, rarely discovers anything new. Nantes / Netherlands -- March 2045 Just 12 short months after we were eliminated by Leeds at this stage of the Champions League, we were hosting urCristiano's Sampdoria at the Jose Arribas... Another massive test, especially when we're deploying relatively new tactics. Heck, we've even experimented with inverting the anchor man, so that he plays as a libero. But not for this tie, no. No, we need to be focused. The 8-time defending Italian champions are 17 points clear in the Serie A, and looking for blood...and their manager is no exception, the fiery, glistening Portuguese showpony angry at all of the media attention we've received for achieving what he never could -- knocking PSG off of their ****ing perch in France. In the first leg, we were rampant. On song. Wasteful. If only we'd pressed our advantage and taken the chances afforded to us, the tie could have been over. But instead we had to head to the Luigi Ferraris, knowing we were in for a fight. But we rose to the task, defending resolutely and snatching an early lead to negate the Italians' away-goals advantage. And we held firm, progressing 3-2 on aggregate. At full time, that snide Portu-geezer refused to shake my hand. Speaks volumes, doesn't it? Maybe he was just running late for a new haircut...after all, the racing stripes he's currently sporting don't look so sharp on a 60 year-old. Zlatan offered to kick his *** in the parking lot, but I demurred. "There will be enough self-abuse in his lonely, dark flat tonight, Zlatan. It's better if he feels that shame, instead of anger at you."

Good luck, man. Loved my time with Ashanti Gold

1st match with the tactics...and Nantes went to town on 10-man Montpellier. Definitely a good example of what the tactic looks like in practice, as we were annihilating them even before the red card. Beautiful stuff. Heatmap and average positions for the starting XI: Average positions with the ball, and without: Shots and key passes:

Yes, yes...we are back on in France. Africa is on hiatus for now, as I wanted to give the Grapefruit Donkey Waffle tactics a spin with a team who can actually play them. I will go back to Sudan at some point, but not right now. Zlatan and these tactics go together like peanut butter and ketchup. The full tactical breakdown is described here, in my African save. The inspiration for the strikerless/midfielderless tactic came from @Guimy's brilliant post on implementing such a tactic in FM 19...since I don't have FM 19, I worked on a version for FM 18 and came up with the above tactics. The base tactic is PM Åsnor Våfflor (using my prior, absurd naming conventions, this is a bastardized translation of "grapefruit donkey waffles" into Swedish). Granted, this tactic looks absurd, but plays as a 4330 -- spreading wide in possession, compact vertically and horizontally in defense. I am still tinkering with a very fluid mentality, but have found thus far that fluid works best. (The original name for the tactic was "PM RKellyParty" because of the fluidity I was hoping to see...but didn't want to risk triggering @oriole01. In the end, the name was sparked by an offhand comment from @Deisler26.) The counter tactic is PM Åsna Kärlek ("grapefruit donkey love"). As you can see, I dropped the IWBs back into the defensive strata -- in my test save, we were getting exposed on the flanks, and I didn't want to drop my line deeper or change their respective duties to defensive. But, once I made that little tweak...the tactic took off, with my United squad annihilating Barcelona at the Camp Nou and beating City 5-4 at the Etihad (we went down 3-nil in the first 23 minutes while under a different version of the tactic, the comeback began immediately upon switching to this one with City's 4th goal coming through a penalty). Notably, the very fluid mentality works a treat in the counter formation -- I'm sure Mr. Kelly would be pleased. So...let's do this, shall we?

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Nantes / Netherlands -- December 2044 What a difference a weekend bender on absinthe makes...we were so wrapped up in trying to make the libero work...and, to be fair, it was working. But that we needed something new. Even playing without traditional strikers was becoming passe. Boring. And that's when Drake showed up with 4 bottles of absinthe, several unknown pills, and a case of Red Bull. It was a party to remember...if only we could remember it. I'm quite certain that we stopped for a cheeky bowl of pho somewhere along the way, laden with enough sriracha to scour the hull of a boat. Just the way I like it. Drake eats his like a little ****, though. Won't even touch the stuff. Bottom line? Somewhere between that sweet, sweet broth crossing my lips and Zlatan screaming about "jets of napalm spewing from The Zlatan's arse and incinerating His blessed taint," the drunken madness turned into pure art. Somewhere in that darkness, there was a light light. Somewhere... Ok. You can't put a romantic spin on this. Drake found some incoherent ramblings from some Scottish-Sudanese clown about playing without traditional midfielders... One drunken boast led to another...and then we decided to eat waffles while binge-watching Olivia Wilde movies. It was epic. Maybe you had to be there... Olivia, though...now there's a woman you don't want to disappoint. I'm sure she would prefer the ol' 25030, if you know what I mean.

Good luck, by the way. Love me some Eintracht Frankfurt success