[FM 20] The Nearly Men, Vol. IV: I Am Not A Demon. I Am A Lizard. A Shark. A Heat-Seeking Panther. I Want To Be Bob Denver On Acid Playing The Accordion.

[ManUtd1]

Folks, the Ballad of Toothless Bob has been neglected for too long!  As a reminder, the Ballad of Toothless Bob is a narrative companion to this Nearly Men save, exploring the broader in-game world, away from Bur’s exploits on the pitch, conceived/co-authored by myself and @oriole01.

Volume 2 was just released on #FtCS, and includes a link to the first volume.

Because far more is at stake than the Champions League. In fact, the fate of the entire world may rest upon the shoulders of a half-mad Leeds United supporter with questionable personal hygiene. What lies beyond the twisted redstone doorway, hidden deep in the bowels of the Santiago Bernabéu? More importantly, who is on the other side…and what do they want? Read and find out.

[hasdgfas]

Great win with Gladbach! I have a bit of a soft spot for the German leagues, so it's always nice to see someone have success there. I'm excited to see Partizan. This should be a bit more of a project.

 

Also, I think you've mentioned you have an IR button to go through seasons faster? How did you add that? This is full FM20, right?

[ManUtd1]

Just now, hasdgfas said:

Great win with Gladbach! I have a bit of a soft spot for the German leagues, so it's always nice to see someone have success there. I'm excited to see Partizan. This should be a bit more of a project.

 

Also, I think you've mentioned you have an IR button to go through seasons faster? How did you add that? This is full FM20, right?

Thanks, man!

Germany is good fun -- lots of balance, especially with Bayern struggling.

I use @bluestillidie00's TCS skin, which has the IR button added in.  I'd never get this far without it!

[hasdgfas]

Excellent! I may have to add that to my regular play. The built-in IR of FMT has let me go through an entire half-season with Arsenal's new best friends Frankfurt on my laptop here over the holidays in less than a day, when it normally takes me a couple weeks. I'd like to get further in these saves than I usually do.

[ManUtd1]

Just now, hasdgfas said:

Excellent! I may have to add that to my regular play. The built-in IR of FMT has let me go through an entire half-season with Arsenal's new best friends Frankfurt on my laptop here over the holidays in less than a day, when it normally takes me a couple weeks. I'd like to get further in these saves than I usually do.

Exactly why I do it -- with everything else going on for me, there is no way I could still play Full Fat without it.

[ManUtd1]

December 2031.

Meant to include mention this earlier, but got distracted by the Partizan job opening.

The Champions League Group Stage was relatively predictable, although I did not expect Liverpool and Wolves to go out so early.

 

 

[ManUtd1]

February 2032.

Welcome to Nicolaj, Serbia.

What a competitive debut. Against our eternal rivals, no less.

On Valentine's Day, for Stana, of course.

#TasteTheBean #NoPyroNoPartyzan

  

 

[oriole01]

7 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

 

Incredible!

Edited December 23, 2019 by oriole01

[ManUtd1]

4 minutes ago, oriole01 said:

Incredible!

[Bitner]

8-0. WOWZERS. 

Cheers,
Bitner 

[rodesire]

#KurwaZvezda #80INK

[ManUtd1]

2 hours ago, Bitner said:

8-0. WOWZERS. 

We've been bright back down to Earth since, will post details later 

4 minutes ago, rodesire said:

#KurwaZvezda #80INK

[ManUtd1]

March 2032.

In hindsight, I wish we would have saved some of those goals against Crvena zvezda for another day...

Our rampant form continued right up until we traveled to league-leaders Čukarički...who promptly FM'd us. Our 2nd XI also sh*t the bed away to Bačka Topola, having rotated the 1st XI for a rest after their epic win in Italy.

Sure, it meant that we progressed in the Europa Conference League (which I still love beyond words), but it meant that we approach the end of the Preliminary Phase sitting 4th, 14 points off the top and 7 behind our eternal rivals. With only 9 matches to play, if we're being realistic, 3rd is likely as high as we'll finish.

   

[ManUtd1]

Challenge: Describe the Europa Conference League Quarterfinal first leg in Belgium, using only quotes from Top Gun.

Nastasijevic: Where did he go?!

Slavkovic: Where did whoooo gooo?!

Suffice to say, everything that could go wrong, did.

  

 

[Piksi#10]

On 23/12/2019 at 05:48, ManUtd1 said:

February 2032.

 

Welcome to Nicolaj, Serbia.

 

What a competitive debut. Against our eternal rivals, no less.

 

On Valentine's Day, for Stana, of course.

#TasteTheBean #NoPyroNoPartyzan

  

 

 

[rodesire]

8 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Suffice to say, everything that could go wrong, did

That's what you get for signing coaches with promo code #NeuerInRussia2018

[HawkAussie]

I've missed a lot since the last time I checked in here as you are now in Serbia. So here is a present on this Christmas Eve.

[ManUtd1]

8 hours ago, Piksi#10 said:

6 hours ago, rodesire said:

That's what you get for signing coaches with promo code #NeuerInRussia2018

And here I was, expecting to get a free set of steak knives...

4 hours ago, HawkAussie said:

I've missed a lot since the last time I checked in here as you are now in Serbia. So here is a present on this Christmas Eve.

[Tacchi]

The best thing to end up at Partizan that Nikolic was sacked:) I am still in love with the narrative:)

[ManUtd1]

57 minutes ago, Tacchi said:

The best thing to end up at Partizan that Nikolic was sacked:) I am still in love with the narrative:)

Thanks, man!  I just love being at Partizan, and it always seems to be a rich source of narrative inspiration!

[ManUtd1]

April 2032.

Just a few quick updates here, before we hit the stretch run.

We redeemed ourselves somewhat in the 2nd leg against Antonio Mohamed's Gent, but it wasn't enough.

And Čukarički secure the title with 5 matches to play, their 3rd straight Serbian title and 4th in 6 years. On the one hand, I hate the fact that we have to undermine their emergence as a dominant force. Hopefully they can keep progressing, though, so that they help Serbia as a whole become more of a force on the continent.

Finally, I realize I've been neglecting the Netherlands in terms of updates. It is just really hard to get excited about a bunch of friendlies. The Euros are coming, though...and then World Cup Qualifiers...

Edited December 24, 2019 by ManUtd1

[Bitner]

Merry Xmas. And i know you'll overtake Cukaricki

Cheers,
Bitner 

[ManUtd1]

Revving up your engine, listen to her howl n' roar... Metal under tension, beggin' you to touch n' go...

FK Partizan / Netherlands - Season Review 2031/32

The initial promise of our annihilation of Red Star has given way to cold, hard reality.

We have work to do in Belgrade. No one would deny it. The Board is pleased with our immediate impact and understands that the coming season is one for development... The real rub comes in 2033/34, when the demand is crystal clear -- win the Super Liga, or else.

For now, the fairy tale continues on both the personal and professional fronts. We're making an unexpected home in Belgrade. With Stana. And with Jesse, Bozidar and Zlatan at Partizan. 

Everything's coming up Nicolaj.

I've already said how excited I am to be at Partizan, but I'll say it again. I love being here. Just like Malmo and Panathinaikos, it is good fun on every level.

As noted above, we've got some work to do. There is some real talent in the squad, and youth development in Serbia is always solid. But we lack depth. I'll put up a full squad review, probably late in the 2032/33 season as the squad comes together.

This next year is also about getting the pieces of the puzzle in place -- both at Partizan and with the Dutch.

In terms of the Dutch, the Euros will be one last hurrah for a few older players (including Frenkie), but after that we need to start focusing on the next generation (and youth coming through) which will form the backbone of the sides I'll take to Japan 2034 (and beyond). 

Goals for 2032/33:  Challenge for the Super Liga title. Make a run in Europe. Make a run at the Euro 2032, before rebuilding the Dutch squad with an eye towards Japan 2034.

Squad | League Overview | Transfers

Finances | Income | Expenditure

Fixtures 1 | Fixtures 2

European Review

In the Champions League, Raul Valbuena's Juventus defeated Albert Celades' Valencia, 3-1:

So close, yet so far for Valencia, a side who Gladbach beat on away goals last year en route to their title. This looked like it would be the year for Valencia, as they eliminated Erik ten Hag's Man City, Mourinho's PSG and Nagelsmann's Gladbach in the knockout rounds.

Champions League Overview | CL Knockout Rounds

In the Europa League, Marcelo Gallardo's Wolves continue to look like a club on the verge of breaking into the elite, claiming their 2nd Europa League trophy, beating Nestor el Maestro's Aston Villa, 2-nil.  

Europa League Overview | EL Knockout Rounds

In the Europa Conference League, Edson Seidou's Manchester United needed extra time to beat Antonio Mohamed's Gent, 2-1:

Europa Conf. League Overview | ECL Knockout Rounds

And in the active leagues, Frank Lampard's Chelsea won their first Premier League title since 2017, while (Arsenal Legend) Unai Emery led Barcelona to their 9th-straight La Liga title.  Raul Valbuena’s Juventus won their 11th straight Serie A title (their 20th title in 21 years)...  Julian Nagelsmann's Gladbach claimed their 2nd Bundesliga title in 3 years, while Bayern's poor form continued. In Ligue 1, Jose Mourinho's PSG reclaimed their title after the defending champions, Cristian Zapata's Lyon, lost at home on matchday 38.  Simone Inzaghi's Club Brugge won their 4th title 6 years, picking up where they left off after Murat Yakin left for Mainz.  Antonio Conte’s Panathinaikos were rampant once again, claiming their 8th straight title.  Finally, Mickael Le Bihan's IFK Norrköping claimed the 2031 Allskevnskan title, their first since 2015.

Save/Challenge Overview

Cross-posted at From the Cheap Seats.

Edited December 25, 2019 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

1 hour ago, Bitner said:

Merry Xmas. And i know you'll overtake Cukaricki

Cheers,
Bitner 

[ManUtd1]

No rest for the wicked...

A Netherlands squad review is up on the Euro 2032 open thread at FtCS!

[ManUtd1]

Euro 2032 Group Stage, Matchday 1; Wales - Netherlands

We start a bundle of nerves. And the Welsh are up for it.

90 minutes, end-to-end. Back and forth. Both sides attacking with a vengeance.

We concede early but maintain the faith.

The winning goal comes from Hak, switched into the libero slot, who plays Bijl in behind the Welsh defense, centering for Karabakal. That' the stuff. Our depth paying dividends.

Albania managed to draw with the French yesterday, so we have a chance to take hold of the Group when we play the Albanians in 4 days' time.

Edited December 25, 2019 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Euro 2032 Group Stage, Matchday 2; Netherlands - Albania

Zlatan is furious. Utter domination. But we are careless in front of goal. Wasteful.

While this win secures qualification for the knockout rounds, we all know that we have to be better.

More ruthless. Perhaps a 4am kickboxing session with Zlatan tomorrow will help.

The French beat Wales, so our match will determine who wins the Group. Win or draw, and it is ours.

[ManUtd1]

Group Stage, Matchday 3; Netherlands - France.

With passage to the knockout rounds secured, I make the executive decision. We're going to rotate the squad even if it means that we don't win the Group. Winning our Group means little, if anything. Our goal is to win it all.

(Zlatan was very upset. When I told him I'd made an executive decision, he took that to mean that we were going to watch the Kurt Russell, Halle Berry and Steven Seagal classic from 1996. He wasn't speaking to me, up until the point that he and Bozidar demanded that I resolve their long-running over the realism of the physics in the mid-air boarding scene. Now, they're both mad at me.)

The French win the match and the Group. But at what cost? Will our calculated gamble pay off?

[ManUtd1]

We draw Didi Kubauer's England. France draw Iceland. Ugh. I'm not regretting the squad rotation. At least, not yet.

 

 

Edited December 25, 2019 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Euro 2032 2nd Round; England - Netherlands.

That's the stuff, lads.

England melted down so fast under our sustained high press that a Swedish teenage girl is probably complaining to the UN about it.

To make things even better, the French are out after losing 1-nil to Iceland. Our gambit paid off.

We will face Niko Kovac's Belgium in Amsterdam, for a spot in the semifinals.

 

Edited December 25, 2019 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Euro 2032 Quarterfinals; Netherlands - Belgium

Visser starts us off on a flyer, after a beautiful solo effort in he 17th minute. Zlatan celebrates by ripping his jacket, Incredible Hulk-style, in the technical area.

(Kovac seems more than intimidated by this display of raw physical aggression, from the 50 year-old Swedish footballing icon. He doesn't look a day over 37, if I'm being honest.)

A 30-yard, curling free kick from Frenkie de Jong makes it 2-nil in the 30th minute. Kovacs cannot believe his eyes as Zlatan flexes, tearing his shirt from his upper torso. What a goal, in this, his final tournament.

The Belgians have barely caught their breath when they are stunned by a beautiful solo effort from Bijl, wrong-footing the Belgian keeper and leaving him for dead. 3-nil. Bijl replaced Bakker in the 1st XI after the Group Stage, and is earning his keep.

We are relentless. Zlatan has removed his belt, whipping the ground in front of him, demanding more. We continue to press and our aggression is rewarded with a penalty in the 41st minute. De Jong buries it. That's 4.

41 minutes gone, and the match is done and dusted. Kovac weeps on the sidelines for his lost innocence. The reckoning will surely be severe.

2 minutes into first-half extra time, and we nearly make it 5 -- Bijl smashes one off the post, Vandenbulcke helpless in the Belgian goal.

The Belgians start the 2nd half without Kovac in the technical area, or anywhere to be seen. Instead, his Scottish Assistant Shaun Maloney is standing there, wearing what appears to be Kovac's jacket...it doesn't fit particularly well, but mutineers aren't usually paying much attention to fashion. As if reborn, the Belgians score in the 49th...have we lost our edge?!

Zlatan is outraged, whipping the air about him with his belt, nearly catching Maloney who is celebrating. They exchange words, both staring daggers at the other.

I enter the technical area -- making sure to stay far away from Zlatan and his belt, shouting at the lads. We drop into PM Tiki No Taco, looking to slow the pace of the match, control possession and smother it like a baby in a crib...

I need to find a better way of expressing that, yeah?!

We slow things down, controlling the match. And in the 71st, a first-time volley from Unuvar buries the Belgian resistance. 5-1. Zlatan and Maloney fling insults at each other, with a little handbags at 10 paces.

Visser pounces on a loose ball in the 79th to rub salt in the Belgian wounds. In the distance, I see what appears to be Kovac peeking out of the tunnel, hair mussed with a black eye, dried blood on his upper lip. Watching. As our lads celebrate, he turns and slinks away. This is an abject humiliation for the co-hosts, who have barely managed to reach this stage as it is.

It is our finest performance with the Dutch. By a large margin.

Let's hope we left some gas in the tank for the semifinals, where we will face the Italians.

Edited December 25, 2019 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Euro 2032 Semifinals; Netherlands - Italy

Pedro Martins' Italy are unbeaten in 13 matches. Tired legs. But willing hearts. We have no choice but to rotate several players.

The early stages are all Netherlands, with Karabakal firing over the top in the 9th from 10 yards. We could have used that.

Zlatan is nervous, pacing the technical area like a lion. Agitated. Twitching. Jesse, in contrast, is relaxed on the bench. Taking it all in. Bozidar is off playing Mario Kart...he can't take the pressure.

Italy strike first in the 36th, as we have failed to turn our early dominance into goals.

At halftime, we can feel the tide turning in favor of the Italians. We must up the ante. The lads are instructed to press higher up the pitch. We're not going down without a fight.

An hour gone, and we're flailing. I can feel the moment slipping away. Time to ring the changes. A standing ovation for de Jong, who may have played his final match. Mbuyamba replaces him. Gravenberch pushed forward with Respen replacing van der Meer, Unuvar in as our shadowganche.

And almost instantaneously, the tide turns. Gravenberch, playing in his more advanced role, buries one from 8 yards out.

1-1. All to play for.

In the 76th, with Zlatan at my side, urging the lads forward...the Italians fail to clear, and Bijl curls a ball to Unuvar at the back post, who heads home. 2-1.

The Italians abandon their traditional inclination to sit deep and defend, and attack relentlessly, led by our former lieutenant, Zappasodi. And in the 92nd minute, we catch them out with a lightning-fast counterattack. 3-1.

We've done it. De Jong is in tears at the final whistle, the squad surrounding him. He is our talisman.

We will face Luca Freire's Portugal, who needed extra time to beat Sotiris Antoniou's Greece, the Cinderella team of the tournament.

90 minutes to play, lads. Leave it all on the field.

[PSA: the final will not be live-blogged with Gary/Jamie.  There is too much going on today.]

[Bitner]

Good Luck at the final. You'll surely need it!

Cheers,
Bitner 

[ManUtd1]

Euro 2032 Final; Portugal - Netherlands.

Thanks to some necessary squad "management" for the semifinal, we are largely able to play our 1st XI. The only exceptions being Hak and Bijl, who I anticipate will see time in the 2nd half. They're just too beat to put out there from the first whistle. Adenie is back from suspension.

We'll play our standard PM Laenket SG to start, pressing slightly higher than usual. Zlatan's belt is already whipping the ground in the 3rd minute, when the first real chance of the match falls to Unuvar, who smashes a loose ball just wide.

Just a few minutes later, as Portugal look to get forward, we counter at pace. Respen through on goal...denied by Pimentel...but Unuvar is there to finish! Zlatan tears down the sideline to celebrate with the lads. We can feel it. The momentum is in our favor. We need to capitalize...

In the 20th minute, Pimentel stretches to deny Visser. We need to find another, before the Portuguese find a way back into the match.

A stalemate ensues, until Bakker is set free in the 41st minute. He fires wide. Not good enough, the story of his tournament thus far.

Halftime. Our dominance has not translated to the scoreline. Bozidar has taken a break from Mario Kart to vomit, nerves getting the best of him. Zlatan has stripped to the waist, giving the lads an impromptu karate display in the locker room, punctuated by Dutch idioms shouted with a heavy Swedish accent.

An hour gone, Mbuyamba receives the ball 20 yards inside our half from Pijnenburg...he spies Unuvar hitting the space...and hits him in stride. 2-nil. The celebrations begin in the stadium, but there is still an incredible amount of football to be played.

Hak on for de Jong moments later, the latter receiving a stading ovation from the home crowd. Tears flowing in the stands and down Frenkie's face, the end of an era. Just under 30 minutes from the best possible end, but an end nevertheless. Moments later, Bijl enters the fray for Bakker, the least he deserves after the tournament he has had.

In the 73rd minute, a poor defensive header from Portugal falls to Visser on the penalty mark. The Valencia man buries it. 3-nil. That has to be the match. It's over. Bozidar emerges from the locker room, certain that the triumphant noises mean that he has no reason to worry, he joins Zlatan and Jesse in the technical area, they know it is over. Zlatan does not have the heart to taunt Pedro Martins, who can only watch in dreary resignation. The dream is over.

High in the stands, a disgusted Cristiano Ronaldo watches, shaking his head. He was vocal in the press about Martin's failure to employ daily sponge baths and ritualistic oilings of the flesh in training, and certain pundits are starting to think he may have been right. Jorge Mendes, Ronaldo's agent, has been agitating for Cristiano to get the job for years...is this his moment?!

The Portuguese push forward regardless, and a lapse in concentration sees them pull one back in the 88th minute. The Dutch celebrations do not stop. The disgust, still plain on Cristiano's face as a young female assistant removes his ceremonial robes.

Insult to injury in injury time, as Dias is shown a second yellow for a cynical foul on Visser, who was otherwise through on goal. The humiliation complete, Ronaldo's attention drifts from the field as the final whistle blows. He isn't going anywhere, any time soon.

It's a shame we didn't have Gary and Jamie for this final, but I've been getting pulled away for family things now and then.

What a run. Absolutely beautiful. Couldn't be happier with how this went. The perfect appetizer as we look towards the World Cup in Japan, kicking off in less than 2 years.

The end of an era. De Jong is retiring and Reis is done at this level (even if he doesn't know it yet...). The forthcoming Nations League campaign will be focused on identifying my "ideal" squad. The World Cup will be here sooner than we realize.

My attention does need to turn back to Partizan for the moment, though. Our domestic campaign kicks off in 1 week, as we host Smederevo in Belgrade.

  

  

Edited December 26, 2019 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

50 minutes ago, Bitner said:

Good Luck at the final. You'll surely need it!
 

Portugal lost, Cristiano, leave your shir-- oh, come on, man.

[hasdgfas]

ah, brilliant! Well done. It wasn't the tournament that "counts", but it's an excellent omen.

[kidthekid]

Amazing run. The gamble to rest your starters in the match against France was worth it, sort of.

[rodesire]

Siiiiii, well done, winning breeds winning, hope the kids are alright to take over in 2 years

[Bitner]

13 horas atrás, ManUtd1 disse:

Portugal lost, Cristiano, leave your shir-- oh, come on, man.

You got luck, you got skill. What does a man need more than that?

Cheers,
Bitner 

[ManUtd1]

11 hours ago, hasdgfas said:

ah, brilliant! Well done. It wasn't the tournament that "counts", but it's an excellent omen.

Thanks, man -- couldn't agree more!

6 hours ago, kidthekid said:

Amazing run. The gamble to rest your starters in the match against France was worth it, sort of.

I always feel like I have to fully rotate the side once, and perhaps give a few players a 2nd game off.  Always nice to do it when the stakes are low, I guess.  At least, that's what I tell myself! 

5 hours ago, rodesire said:

Siiiiii, well done, winning breeds winning, hope the kids are alright to take over in 2 years

Shouldn't have to bring in too many...but a few will be joining us, no question.

1 hour ago, Bitner said:

You got luck, you got skill. What does a man need more than that?

An industrial-sized drum of olive oil. 

Wait, was this...a trick question?!  Am I on a list now?!

[Bitner]

4 horas atrás, ManUtd1 disse:

An industrial-sized drum of olive oil. 

Wait, was this...a trick question?!  Am I on a list now?!

If i answer, i might have to deal with you later...

Cheers,
Bitner

[ManUtd1]

August 2032.

It will be a great shock, I'm sure, to know that -- in deciding to revamp/refresh the Partizan squad...I may have gone a little overboard.

None of the young Dutch players I wanted to sign were willing to leave the Eredivisie for Belgrade...and other targets were swayed by the riches of Manchester United, etc.

In my frustration, I did the only reasonable thing... I went all-in for a bunch of youth prospects, and transfer-listed the older players who simply weren't going to take us to the next level.

At the end of August, we have a 23-man squad. There isn't a single player over the age of 21.

Yes, the youth movement in Belgrade is well and truly begun, and will be led by our biggest signing, Emmanuel Ibrahim. (We didn't want that Danish fella anyways, so take that, Manchester United...)

Sink or swim time in Belgrade.

It was frustrating to be dumped into the Europa Conference League by Steaua, but that's beside the point. This year is all about gaining experience -- the Board's expectations are low, but rise sharply for 2033/34.

So we'd best make good use of our time.

  

  

[ManUtd1]

Alright, folks.  I'm off on vacation for a week.  Behave!

[Bitner]

You'll never win anything with kids :P

Cheers,
Bitner 

[ManUtd1]

1 hour ago, Bitner said:

You'll never win anything with kids :P

Cheers,
Bitner 

Gary Neville said so.

Right before he put his pants on his head.

I don't know if that makes him more or less credible, really.

[rodesire]

Conference league, the best European League

[ManUtd1]

August 2032.

The last thing I needed now was Zlatan being a diva. Again.

"Boss, is just the September international break. The Zlatan needs the time to devote to campaign."

What is there to be said, that hasn't been said 100 times.

"We've been over this, Zlatan. I don't care what dragon ate which wizard on Game of Thrones. They're not going to change the ending, no matter how many times you petition HBO, or how many times you ignore the strict no contact orders put in place by the courts."

"Boss, you are not listening to the Zlatan. Listen to the Zlatan. The wizards will never be fix. Go down in history, forever, as stupidest ending to greatest show in history."

I just nod, and am already starting to tune him out.

"Listen, Zlatan. We pay you to be both here with Partizan and with the Dutch. If you're not interested in wearing two hats any longer, then maybe we just need to discuss--"

"The Zlatan always wear two hats, Boss. You know this. The Zlatan started this fashion trend. Do not insult the Zlatan."

"It was a metaphor, you know 'Love is a Battlefield' and all that."

"The Zlatan rejects the premise of that filthy song, and you know it. Love is not battlefield, Boss, and you should not treat it so disrespectfully."

"Disrespectfully? I saw that film you took of yourself with Serbian Alex Morgan. Don't talk to me about disrespectful."

We're getting nowhere, fast. I try to bring us back on course.

"Zlatan. You want time off. For a campaign. Which one."

Honestly, there are too many to track.

"Is simples, Boss. The Zlatan is ready to heal the wounds of the past, to bring together the peoples in harmony."

I immediately see where this is heading. I thought Zlatan had forgotten about it, and hid the DVD...apparently to no avail.

"Zlatan. I don't care what you saw in that Guy Ritchie flick you insist is a documentary. The Great Schism is a 1,000 year-old theological and political problem. Greater minds than you have tried and failed--"

"The Zlatan will hear no more of your heresies, Boss. Documentary. Is historical fact that Ecumenical Patriarch rejected the papal legate for having the sexy times with the Belgian princess fathered by the Pope hidden in large phallic tower, before big dance number at the end. Fact. Fact, Boss. If was not fact, Sir Ritchie would not have made the Pope such angry man. Why the Pope not happy that his daughter have new boyfriend?! The Zlatan does not understand your insistence on this point, Boss."

Zlatan is impossible to talk to when he gets like this.

He's got that look in his eye, the same look he gets when playing Risk.

I know that fighting will only make him dig in his heels further.

"Zlatan. You've written letters to the Pope about this. You made that YouTube video with Kanye, in Aramaic. It was moving. What makes it different this time? Why do you need time away from your duties here and with the Netherlands?!"

Zlatan pauses before responding, meeting my gaze levelly, looking even more determined than usual.

"Because, Boss. Is simples. The new Pope -- that Colombian with hipster beard -- has written back to the Zlatan and has asked to meet the Zlatan over tea, to discuss the Zlatan's proposal to resolve the lingering dispute regarding the immaculate conception."

"'Dare to Zlatan' is a marketing slogan, not a one-size fits all solution to every problem in the world, Zlatan."

"Take that back, Boss. Take that back right this now, or the Zlatan will have no choice but to Dare to Zlatan all over your pretty little face, kind of like video with Serbian Alex Morgan."

There's an image of Zlatan's "pretty little face" that is seared into my brain forever.

And if I'm being honest, I know that if I deny him this opportunity, he'll be useless for months. Sulking, complaining. Until he finds another distraction.

"Fine. The September international break. You can have it."

"If it goes well, Boss, the Zlatan will need the October break, too. Even the Zlatan cannot mend the Great Schism in 10 days. 12, maybe. Better the Zlatan be safe than sorry, yes?"

I manage to keep a straight face, as I think about the ways to rub it in his face when this effort fails spectacularly.

"You've got it, Zlatan. But before you pack your bags, let's do a quick rundown of the squad, yeah?!"

Edited January 5, 2020 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

[Mandy42]

it's not disrespectful if she asked for it....

[ManUtd1]

7 minutes ago, Mandy42 said:

it's not disrespectful if she asked for it....