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The Commentators Curse: Volume 1 – The Battle of the ‘stans’ (Holiday / Sign Up


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Australia v Turkmenistan

Sat 26th June: World Cup Second Round

Pre Match

11 superkids start for Turkmenistan in this match. The only change in the starting line up is Gareth Davies in for Luke Swinson. The captain is now Selim Atas and the key man is Samaras Taraldo. On the bench are Rhys Davies, Peter Slater, Luke Swinson + Marcus Cook (who is back to over 90% fitness for the first time during the World Cup).

My Opinion

Australia are certainly a beatable team if Turkmenistan play well. I think Turkmenistan will win 2-1.

Great clearance from Hermandinho after an Aussie cross from the right.

21 minutes gone and a poor clearance from De Santiago fall straight to the feet of Joshua Kennedy, who runs in on goal, runs around De Santiago before slotting home. 1-0.

Gareth Davies runs down the right flank, crosses the ball into Gonzalez at the bear post who forces a great save from Brad Jones.

39 minutes gone and Ulfinus Chaoconov picks out Gareth Davies at the back post superbly, but his first time volley smacks against the bottom of the right hand post.

Bennitto Hagan sees a 30 yard freekick go narrowly wide.

HT: Australia 1 v 0 Turkmenistan

Half Time Stats

Turkmenistan are unfortunate to go in behind at the break.

A quiet start to the second half.

70 minutes gone and De Santiago again makes a poor clearance, straight to the feet of Harry Kewell. However, this time Hermandinho has enough time to across and put in a vital tackle.

73 minutes gone and Turkmenistan make a double substitution. Off goes Gareth Davies + Pablo Gonzalez and on comes Luke Swinson + Marcus Cook, the former takes over the captaincy and the latter makes his World Cup debut, having just over 15 minutes to save Turkmenistan’s World Cup dream.

De Santiago makes amend for some of his earlier efforts, diving to his left to stop a Tim Cahill header from going in from an Aussie corner.

Libertinho heads straight at Brad Jones after being picked out by a Dumats freekick.

Chaoconov is subbed after 80 minutes as Turkmenistan change to a 4-2-4 formation.

Great counter attack by Turkmenistan, unfortunately the end product was not there as Bennitto Hagan lashes his powerful shot just wide with just 2 minutes to go.

FT: Australia 1 v 0 Turkmenistan

Match Overview

Player Stats

A harsh scoreline for Turkmenistan, but they couldn’t take their chances and Australia took one of their few chances o win.

Excuses though can't hide the fact that Turkmenistan are out of the World Cup!!!

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Week ending Sunday 27th June 2010

Mastinho has agreed to go on loan to FC Cottbus for next season.

Peter Slater has agreed to go on loan to Beveren for a season.

Rhys Davies has agreed to sign for Arsenal in a £1.4m transfer, where he will team up with fellow Turkmenistan player Gareth Davies next season. Or will he?

Marseille have made a £12.5m bid for Gareth Davies.

Lazio have made a £10.5m bid for Gary McNeil. Newcastle has made a £7.5m offer, Man Utd £6.5m, Juventus £7.5m and Inter Milan £9m. AC Milan has put in a bid of £9.5m and Rangers have made a season long loan offer for him. Athletico Madrid’s manager has also expressed his interest via the media.

Real Madrid boss Fabio Capello has revealed he is prepared to sell Gary McNeil and has put in on the transfer list. All the bids for Gary McNeil have been accepted.

Barcelona has made a £10m offer for Humphrey Koppers.

After both initial bids for Prof Frink were rejected, Fenerbahce and Everton have raised both their offers to £5.25m.

Aston Villa has made a £14.5m bid for Luke Swinson. Barcelona has also made a £11.25m bid.

Now that both nations are out of the World Cup, the season review and annual screenshots will take place on the 1st July.

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World Cup Second Round Results

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Czech Rep 2 v 1 Russia

Brazil 2 v 1 Colombia

Ivory Coast 2 v 1 Portugal

USA 2 v 1 France

Germany 3 v 1 Switzerland

Argentina 1 v 1 Spain –> Spain wins 4-3 on penalties

Sweden 1 v 1 Turkey –> Sweden wins 3-1 on penalties

</pre>

Quarter Final Draw

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Australia v Brazil

Czech Rep v Ivory Coast

Germany v Spain

USA v Sweden

</pre>

So Turkmenistan would have faced the might of Brazil if they had got past Australia.

Semi Final Draw

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Australia / Brazil v USA / Sweden

Czech Rep / Ivory Coast v Germany / Spain

</pre>

You would have to fancy Brazil to get to the Final of the World Cup. The other half of the draw is pretty tough and you could argue that any of those teams could make the Final.

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Special Thursday 1st July 2010 Update

Happy 21st Birthday everyone!

AC Milan have accepted Barcelona’s bid for Koppers.

Rangers have accepted both bids for Prof Frink.

Halali has injured his hip and is receiving specialist treatment for it. He will out of action for around 2 months.

George Robson has come out and stated that he wishes to move to a bigger club to fulfil his ambitions.

AC Milan is interested in Samaras Taraldo.

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Lost to the Ozzies... Very disappointed at that.

I'm actuelly not quite sure since I usually pay more attention at the back line, but is this a recurring problem for the Turkmeni that we can't seem able to put the ball into the back of the net? We seem to be getting lots of shots on goal, so is it optimistic shooting, bad shooting or plain bad luck over a long period of time?

Strange WC though, with France getting an early exit and Portugal getting kicked out by Ivory Coast. I fear a Germany win is in the books.

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Week ending Sunday 4th July 2010

Man Utd are the next team to make a bid for Gary McNeil. The bids from Man Utd and Juventus are accepted for him.

Pablo Gonzalez has stated his displeasure at the amount of competition for places in the Chelsea squad at the moment, especially amongst the strikers. (Cesar Delgado, Didier Drogba and Klass-Jan Huntelaar are his fellow strikers).

Prof Frink has agreed to sign for Everton in a £5.25m transfer.

Gareth Davies has rejected the offer of a new contract from Arsenal.

Humphrey Koppers has agreed to join Barcelona in a £10 million transfer. Hopefully he will be able to put the nightmare of the past season behind him.

Palermo has made a £3.4m bid for George Robson. Olympiakos, Werder Bremen and Betis are also interested in the player.

World Cup Quarter Final Results

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Czech Rep 1 v 1 Ivory Coast –> Czech Rep win 3-2 on pens.

Australia 1 v 2 Brazil

USA 1 v 0 Sweden

Germany 1 v 1 Spain –> Germany win 4-2 on pens.

</pre>

The Germans winning on penalties... again! icon_rolleyes.gif

Semi Final Draw

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Brazil v USA

Czech Rep v Germany

</pre>

Come on Brazil, come on Czech Rep...

I think a USA win would be just as hard to stomach as a German win! icon_wink.gificon_biggrin.gif

Unfortunately guys thats all I'm able to do at the moment, ideally I would have done the season review before this latest update but time has gone against me. I start my new job on Monday and I'm doing training for that all week so its very unlikely I will be able to do anymore updates before next weekend at the earliest.

Don't worry though, I'll be back to do some more updates once everything at work has quieten down. icon14.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by you'll_never_walk_alone:

So you replaced the legend Stelios, with the adequently named Marcus Cook icon_rolleyes.gif

For Shame icon_razz.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah yes, welcome back ynwa. icon_smile.gif

Wasn't too sure whether you would be coming back after your 'gardening leave' from the forums so decided as Stelios was a striker to recycle him. Cook is practically Stelios in all but name.

To everyone else: updates possibly tonight guys. icon14.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Wasn't too sure whether you would be coming back after your 'gardening leave' from the forums so decided as Stelios was a striker to recycle him. Cook is practically Stelios in all but name. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nah doesnt work like that, ever since he got his named changed he just hasnt succeeded, i blame cookie, and that ejiot Southgate icon_biggrin.gif

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Season Summary Part Three - European & International Scene and the Awards

European Super Cup

Winners: Chelsea

Runners Up: Arsenal

Score: 2-1

UEFA Cup

Winners: Vitesse

Runners Up: Fenerbahce

Score: 1-1 AET, 4-2 on pens

European Champions League

Winners: Real Madrid

Runners Up: Man Utd

Score: 0-0 AET, 3-2 on pens

Domestic League Winners

French First League: Lyon

English Premiership: Arsenal

Italian Serie A: Inter

Italian Serie B: Udinese

Scottish Premier League: Rangers

Spainish La Liga: Real Madrid

Stanlies Cup

Turkmenistan have won their first ever Stanlies Cup, winning on away goals after a 3-3 agg scoreline.

World Cup Review

Disappointment again for Kyrgyzstan after their Olympic Games 2008 performance, they fail to get out of their group and finish bottom after collecting only a single point. They were in a difficult group though like at the Olympics and their time will come. The Asians Nations Cup is in 2011 and they will surely appear at the Olympic Games 2012, when all the superkids will then be 22/23, the perfect age for the tournament.

Turkmenistan will be frustrated with their performance at the World Cup. After winning their group with 7 points they will be annoyed not to have beaten Australia and set up a game against the giants of Brazil in the Quarter Finals. Like Kyrgyzstan, they have a realistic chance of winning the Asian Nations Cup in 2011 and will hope to qualify for the Olympic Games in 2012 this time round.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Note: The spoilers below contain the names of the original players,

so as a help the following old player names = current player names

Stelios = Marcus Cook

Davo = Mick Bubble

Tomaldinho = Bennitto Hagan

Sam Taphouse = David Frketic

Salman Al-Dahash = Gary McNeil

Roberto Rossini = Gareth Davies

Fabiov Maldinov = Rhys Davies

Ali Obeid = Peter Slater

El Loco Bartinho = Mastinho

</pre>

Current Ability

Spoiler

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Top 3 Summary

1. Selim Atas (Turkmenistan)

2. Samaras Taraldo (Turkmenistan)

3. Rhys Davies (Turkmenistan)

Bottom 3 Summary

2=. Mastinho (Kyrgyzstan)

2=. George Robson (Kyrgyzstan)

2=. Mick Bubble (Kyrgyzstaan)

1. Elfdog (Kyrgyzstan)

</pre>

World Rep

Spoiler

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Top 3 Summary

1. Selim Atas (Turkmenistan)

2. Samaras Taraldo (Turkmenistan)

3. Alan (Kyrgyzstan)

Bottom 3 Summary

3. Rhys Davies (Turkmenistan)

2. Humphrey Koppers (Turkmenistan)

1. Mastinho (Kyrgyzstan)

</pre>

Int Caps - Kyrgyzstan

Kyrgyzstan Int Caps

Most Capped Player: 27 apps - Habib Halali & Ryan

Most Goals: 30 Goals – Azeryk (25 apps)

Int Caps - Turkmenistan

Turkmenistan Int Caps

Most Capped Player: 28 apps – Pablo Gonzalez & Luke Swinson

Most Goals: 24 Goals – Pablo Gonzalez

World Awards

World Player of the Year 2009 Winner - Selim Atas

World Footballer of the Year 2009 Runner Up - Selim Atas

'Young Asian Player of the Year' - Selim Atas

I would also like to point out at this point that Pablo Gonzalez has been given the dubious award of 'Worst Signing of the Season' in the English Premiership!!!

Walcott's Wonderkids Player of the Season Award

I was hoping that someone would put in some fantastic performances at the World Cup to make this decision easy, but alas no:

Shortlist

* Selim Atas - Although it could be debated how good his season was and his moaning about wanting to move on did get a tad tiresome, he had to be included for the pure fact that he was announced 'World Player of the Year 2009', as well as being runner up in the 'World Footballer of the Year Award' and winner of the 'Young Asian Player of the Year' for the third year running.

* David Frketic - A player who has emerged from the shadows at a former club to shine at his new club. A great first season for David Frketic at Real Madrid, picking up the league title and winning the Champions League.

* Samaras Taraldo - I felt I needed to include a Turkmenistan player and Taraldo had another solid season at Man Utd (although he did miss a pen in the Champs League Final). He also scored a cracking, if somewhat bizarre goal to win Turkmenistan the Stanlies Cup!

The winner is... David Frketic. On a domestic front he couldn't be touched this season, although he did not start enough games for Real as he would have liked to.

Roll of Honour

2007 – Abdullah Mohammed Ali Obeid

2008 – Azeryk

2009 – Alvaro De Santiago

2010 - David Frketic

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Worst signing of the season icon_eek.gificon_frown.gif

Slightly unjustified if i do say myself, i wasnt excatly given the chances to show myself and only being 21 its not like im not goin to get better. Nice to see im topping the turkmenstan scoring charts. Out of interest who is the all time top scorer for us/am i close to it?

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Recky_D:

Is there still any places left?

if so

First Name: Rhys

Last Name: Davies

Name of player you wish to replace: Fabiov Maldinov

Nation (whichever one is applicable): Turkmenistan

Height: 190

Weight: 70

Favoured Club (Optional, max of 1): West Ham

PPMs (Optional, max of 2): Gets Crowd Going

Would you like your new player to remain at their current club,

or would you like them to become a free agent?: Free Agent </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

did you have to make me hate you??

im back guys

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by inter milano:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Recky_D:

Is there still any places left?

if so

First Name: Rhys

Last Name: Davies

Name of player you wish to replace: Fabiov Maldinov

Nation (whichever one is applicable): Turkmenistan

Height: 190

Weight: 70

Favoured Club (Optional, max of 1): West Ham

PPMs (Optional, max of 2): Gets Crowd Going

Would you like your new player to remain at their current club,

or would you like them to become a free agent?: Free Agent </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

did you have to make me hate you??

im back guys </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I was jk, my bad i was on vacation couldn't post

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by inter milano:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by inter milano:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Recky_D:

Is there still any places left?

if so

First Name: Rhys

Last Name: Davies

Name of player you wish to replace: Fabiov Maldinov

Nation (whichever one is applicable): Turkmenistan

Height: 190

Weight: 70

Favoured Club (Optional, max of 1): West Ham

PPMs (Optional, max of 2): Gets Crowd Going

Would you like your new player to remain at their current club,

or would you like them to become a free agent?: Free Agent </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

did you have to make me hate you??

im back guys </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I was jk, my bad i was on vacation couldn't post </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Lol, apologies to you as well as ynwa... but you haven't posted in ages so I thought you had lost interest. icon_smile.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by you'll_never_walk_alone:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by cookie15:

Walcott KUTGW mate.

Marcus Cook will improve, if and when he leaves Teeside icon_rolleyes.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Its all your fault, you ruin my player icon_frown.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ruin your player, ha!

He was c**p before i took over him icon_wink.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by you'll_never_walk_alone:

Update the Shetland game so :p

Im still interested in reading some of the updates, as its an interesting sign up </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'll work on some tommorow icon14.gif.

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World Cup Final

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Brazil 2 v 1 Czech Rep

</pre>

Vagner Love scored twice in the first half to guide Brazil to victory. Vagner Love picks up the MOM award for his troubles.

As the World Cup 2010 has drawn to a close here are some overall stats:

Best Player: Guy Demel (Ivory Coast)

Best Goalkeeper: Petr Cech

Golden Boot Winner: Didier Drogba

Best Average Ratings

Goalscorers

Most Assists

Note: Libertinho also scored 2 goals but is not shown in that list.

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Week ending Sunday 11th July 2010

BIG NEWS: Mark Lawrenson and the Kyrgyzstan FA have mutually decided that it was best for a change in management and Mark Lawrenson has decided to step down. Kyrgyzstan is currently searching for a new manager.

BIG NEWS: David Pleat and the Turkmenistan FA have also decided to part their ways with Pleat stepping down as manager. Turkmenistan are actively searching for a replacement.

A total of 13 countries are looking for a new manager, with England and Spain the most high profile.

Fabio Capello has retired from football management. Real Madrid is now looking for a new manager.

Gary McNeil has decided to join Inter Milan. He joins from Real Madrid in a £9m transfer and signs for 3 years.

Aston Villa has come back with an improved offer for Luke Swinson. They have now offered Chelsea £18.5m. AC Milan and Arsenal have also made £11m offers. Birmingham and Lazio has also made a season long loan offer for him.

In other news, Chelsea has sold Michael Essien to Juventus for £33m.

Arsenal has accepted the £12.1m offer from Marseille for Gareth Davies.

Chelsea has made a £32m bid for Selim Atas. Real Madrid has also made an offer of £29m for Atas.

Vicenza has accepted the £3.6m offer for George Robson from Werder Bremen. Palermo has made a £3.8m offer for the lad which has also been accepted.

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Week ending Sunday 18th July 2010

Chelsea has accepted the offers from Aston Villa, Birmingham and Lazio for Luke Swinson. They have rejected the offer from Arsenal.

Alvaro De Santiago has rejected the offer of a new contract with Inter Milan.

Galatasaray are interested in Mastinho.

Olympiakios has made a bid of £3.1m for George Robson. The offer has been accepted.

Athletico Madrid has rejected the offer for Selim Atas from Real Madrid.

Portsmouth, Villareal, Juventus, Napoli and Lyon have made a season long loan offer for Pablo Gonzalez. Meanwhile, Everton has made an £18m offer for him.

Marcus Cook has rejected the offer of a new contract with Middlesbrough.

Benj has signed a new 5 year deal with Everton worth £6m for him.

The first World Rankings since the World Cup have been released:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Turkmenistan 20th (1135 points) Up 7 places

Kyrgyzstan 46th (735 points) Down 16 places

</pre>

It seems that the World Cup had contrasting fortunes for the 2 nations.

Post the World Cup, the top 10 nations are:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

1. Brazil

2. Argentina

3. Germany

4. England

5. France

6. Spain

7. Ivory Coast

8. Czech Rep

9. USA

10. Portugal

</pre>

And finally... Yuri Magdiev has been appointed the new manager of Turkmenistan. For anyone who doesn’t know (I’m sure that’s one or two of you), he is from Turkmenistan and has one international cap to his name. This is his player profile.

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