AI Experiment - what would happen if?

[JoseRR]

Sounds intriguing.... I cant wait for the update now!

[Jimbokav1971]

Originally posted by whufan:

Hmm, I am intrigued. I don't know how confident I am of this, but could there have been a takeover of our mighty Bandits? Perhaps an outside board (or possibly an existing board member) has seen the potential there and decided that it was about time they started to fulfil it?

That crossed my mind too, but I discarded the idea purely because of the amount of money involved.

In the real world, I suppose the club would be ripe for a takeover, and this also may explain the lack of actibvity in the transfer market, (transfer embargo).

Maybe this could be it .

And the new board would obviously want to bring in their own manager. That could be another reason .

[kipfizh]

Nothing that spectacular, the interesting stuff is all down to their performances on the field.

Which have been excellent

I can say, as even I don't know how the season will end, but they could get promoted (dependent on the last five games).

In addition, they've been on telly knocking Premiership opposition out of the cup on more than one occasion.

That should help the old reputation

[Jimbokav1971]

Originally posted by kipfizh:

Nothing that spectacular, the interesting stuff is all down to their performances on the field.

Which have been excellent

I can say, as even I don't know how the season will end, but they could get promoted (dependent on the last five games).

In addition, they've been on telly knocking Premiership opposition out of the cup on more than one occasion.

That should help the old reputation

Surely you jest !

[N^G]

sounds like it could be their season to progress!

[Knight274]

50,000 views are looming on the horizon... and my first post despite being reading since day one! Great stuff, Kip, thanks for making my timewasting so enjoyable!

[kipfizh]

It's hard to place just how much rides on these last five games.

If they lose them, their ageing stars will probably start to leave (in truth, they will anyway), and they'll be back to square one, rebuilding.

If they go up, the can replace them properly.

I'll know soon.....

[SJ234]

can we please have the update nooooooooooow

[fcVidic]

Great Thread

[waz_nufc_awk]

aaarggghh.... cant' wait....need update..... come on kip.

p-p-p-p-p-p-lease

[Craig Williams]

Bloody hell Kip, leave us on a cliffhanger or what!

[mattyb153]

What A Thread!

[Pompeyboyz]

Maybe The bandits finally beat Portsmouth

[URZ]

superb thread!

just spent my last hour reading through it when I was supposed to be revising - but its top quality stuff!

[bennyd81]

Bandits for promotion???? I hope so.

Great thread Kip

[g-money1]

Ive just spent the last two hours reading this thread and im hooked.Absolutely brilliant read Kip.You should seriously look into selling the rights to this story,summer box office smash "Goal 3: The Rise of The Bandits".Id certainly pay to waatch and im guessing a few others would aswell.

Keep up the great work mate

[Blackcats]

Originally posted by URZ:

superb thread!

just spent my last hour reading through it when I was supposed to be revising - but its top quality stuff!

yeah same , never mind, since when did i want to speak german anyway

[r0x0r]

Originally posted by Blackcats:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by URZ:

superb thread!

just spent my last hour reading through it when I was supposed to be revising - but its top quality stuff!

yeah same , never mind, since when did i want to speak german anyway </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Since he decided to give the next update in it? :-p

[afromanGT]

Originally posted by Blackcats:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by URZ:

superb thread!

just spent my last hour reading through it when I was supposed to be revising - but its top quality stuff!

yeah same , never mind, since when did i want to speak german anyway </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

you'll never use it again after school anyway mate unless you're planning ot work over there or something...

[Elite Gamer 06]

Please, Please, Please give us an update!

[Guest kewari]

Im in suspenders here.

[robin_trott_hoof]

I've done something very similar myself, the only real differences are that:

- I put three line-ups of players with varying ability (but all very high PA -8 to -10 and quite high CA 130-150) in the Yeading squad.

- I boosted the training/youth facilities to max but left the club rep and stadium as it was.

- I managed them myself.

My conclusions so far:

- It's very dull as whatever line-up you put out is almost guaranteed to win.

- Most of the players I set as dual nationality opted to play for a low rep nation at 17 rather than wait for an inevitable England call-up.

- Pre-season takes forever as you're subjected to 2-15 bids/enquiries per day. Despite the interest from clubs ranging from Doncaster to Chelsea, pretty much the entire squad signed a contract extension.

- Even by the halfway mark of the season I was often not the favourite to win the match, despite barely dropping a point and having a ludicrous goal difference.

- My AM keeps telling me that players have no future at the club - despite being better in their position by a long way in comparison to every other player in the division.

[Samphus]

I've been reading this since you started it and it is now a daily ritual to check any progress the Bandits make along the way.

I'm wondering though, whether the Bandits have signed a former player.

[URZ]

I really hope they do, perhaps when the players get older and want to end their careers at lower levels they'll be drawn to the Bandits as they are their 100% favoured club

[Meitheisman]

That would be awesome, although their CA is still quite high for a team this low, it will probably take a couple more seasons for them to even consider a move to Bandits... plus they might have other favored teams by now.

[Watford_fc_4_lyf]

please!!!!!!!!

[iliveinyoureyes]

Heard about this thread yesterday, and just sat and read it today, all 11 pages, and it took me about an hour and a half..

Its def the best experiment and best thread on here, congrats to kipfizh for doing all this, its an awesome thread...

Can't believe how Man Utd are doing!! :O

Would you be able to tell me how Wycombe are doing? Huge Wycombe fan here, interested to see how they are doing after many seasons

KUTGW mate, and hope the bandits get better as the seasons pass... Although 80000 per game in League 2 is pretty crazy haha

Might be interesting to see if players return to the Bandits as their careers start to slow....

[standardly]

In reading robin_trott_hoof's assessment, i think it would be interesting to see, whether it is easier for a human manager to keep players at a club for longer than AI players. As we know in real life, pressures from all round lead to this being impossible, but i can remember in many a game where I've been able to keep superiorly gifted players at lower levels for long periods.

[robin_trott_hoof]

Well Standardly:

We had plenty of offers in the 06-07 season, but the summer 07 window took forever due to offers/enquiries/speculation. Despite every player saying he'd like to join every interested team, none left and none are unhappy.

Aside from that, my Chinese born midfielder was the first of the duel nationality players to opt to play for England (U19 level).

If there's anymore interest in this, I'll start a new thread - don't want to impose on kipfizh's fine work any further.

[Meitheisman]

How many of the orinigal bandits player now have another favored team on their profile and which one?

How about favored personnel, are most of them linked?

[Coenemeloen]

I check this topic every moment of the day...Please, I can't wait

By the way, Great thread

[SpeccyMatt]

Originally posted by Knight274:

50,000 views are looming on the horizon...

But what if there are only 50 of us checking for the update? That's a phenomenal effort... and a real sign of addiction.

KUTGW kipfizh. For my money, promotion with no transfer activity would be a phenomenal achievement. Maybe they also knocked Man Ure out of one of the cups?

Looking forward to an ex-Bandit coming back as player-manager and the rest as player-coaches following him.

Sorry for the longish post, it's been building for a while. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

[Braumiller]

Another here eagerly awaiting the next installment in my new soap opera

Hoping we have our first ex-Bandit returning home to see out his playing days, with a view to management of his beloved team.

Maybe The Bandits knocked his current team out of a cup, and he saw the error of his ways all those years ago, and he returns to make things right !

[Seagulls Forever]

Legendary thread. Knows it.

[kipfizh]

Originally posted by Meitheisman:

How many of the orinigal bandits player now have another favored team on their profile and which one?

How about favored personnel, are most of them linked?

As far as I can remember, about half of them had one favourite player when they left the Bandits.

Now, they all have their current teams as favourite teams as they're so loyal they've been there for such a long time. Managers and colleagues are on the list too, and especially at Chelsea a lot of them are linked.

I'll get you the full list later.

Sorry for the delay folks, the report is finally ready!

[kipfizh]

Season 2021-22

Club report

2006-07

English Conference South: (Pos 1), P 42, W 30, D 6, L 6, F 82, A 29, GD +53, Pts 96

(Media Prediction: 22nd)

FA Cup: 2nd Round

FA Trophy: Winners

2007-08

English National Conference: (Pos 7), P 46, W 22, D 8, L 16, F 68, A 55, GD +13, Pts 74

(Media Prediction: 22nd)

FA Cup: 1st Round

FA Trophy: Finalist

2008-09

English National Conference: (Pos 7), P 46, W 19, D 12, L 15, F 73, A 65, GD +8, Pts 69

(Media Prediction: 17th)

FA Cup: 4th Qualifying Round

FA Trophy: 1st Round

2009-10

English National Conference: (Pos 9), P 46, W 19, D 12, L 15, F 58, A 57, GD +1, Pts 69

(Media Prediction: 10th)

FA Cup: 4th Qualifying Round

FA Trophy: 3rd Round

2010-11

English National Conference: (Pos 6), P 46, W 21, D 10, L 15, F 75, A 55, GD +20, Pts 73

(Media Prediction: 12th)

FA Cup: 1st Round

FA Trophy: 4th Round

2011-12

English National Conference: (Pos 18), P 46, W 16, D 9, L 21, F 59, A 66, GD -7, Pts 57

(Media Prediction: 8th)

FA Cup: 2nd Round

FA Trophy: 3rd Round

2012-13

English National Conference: (Pos 5), P 46, W 21, D 11, L 14, F 67, A 52, GD +15, Pts 74

(Media Prediction: 16th)

FA Cup: 2nd Round

FA Trophy: 4th Round

2013-14

English National Conference: (Pos 1), P 46, W 20, D 18, L 8, F 68, A 46, GD +22, Pts 78

(Media Prediction: 8th)

FA Cup: 1st Round

FA Trophy: 4th Round

2014-15

English League Two: (Pos 21), P 46, W 12, D 15, L 19, F 60, A 69, GD -9, Pts 51

(Media Prediction: 22nd)

FA Cup: 1st Round

League Cup: 1st Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: South Quarter Final

2015-16

English League Two: (Pos 21), P 46, W 14, D 10, L 22, F 56, A 73, GD -17, Pts 52

(Media Prediction: 23rd)

FA Cup: 2nd Round

League Cup: 1st Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: South 2nd Round

2016-17

English League Two: (Pos 6), P 46, W 17, D 16, L 13, F 64, A 51, GD 13, Pts 67

(Media Prediction: 24th)

FA Cup: 3rd Round

League Cup: 1st Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: South 2nd Round

2017-18

English League Two: (Pos 15), P 46, W 16, D 14, L 16, F 63, A 65, GD -2, Pts 62

(Media Prediction: 10th)

FA Cup: 1st Round

League Cup: 3rd Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: South 2nd Round

2018-19

English League Two: (Pos 7), P 46, W 19, D 12, L 15, F 64, A 62, GD 2, Pts 69

(Media Prediction: 16th)

FA Cup: 3rd Round

League Cup: 1st Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: South 2nd Round

2019-20

English League Two: (Pos 6), P 46, W 18, D 13, L 15, F 69, A 66, GD 3, Pts 67

(Media Prediction: 10th)

FA Cup: 2nd Round

League Cup: 1st Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: South Semi Final

2020-21

English League Two: (Pos 10), P 46, W 17, D 15, L 14, F 67, A 61, GD 6, Pts 66

(Media Prediction: 8th)

FA Cup: 1st Round

League Cup: 1st Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: South 2nd Round

2021-22

English League Two: (Pos 1), P 46, W 25, D 9, L 12, F 74, A 54, GD 20, Pts 84

(Media Prediction: 10th)

League

FA Cup: 5th Round

League Cup: 1st Round

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy: Finalist

Last season’s snoozefest was a precursor to the best season in the Bandits’ sixteen year history. They established themselves at the top of the league very early on, and stood proud in top spot almost all season from then on. They actually secured promotion with plenty of time to spare, and finished 12 points clear of the playoffs, and their title win should’ve been more secure – they got only one point from their last four games once promotion had been sealed, and only a final day draw by Brentford prevented them throwing away the title in dramatic fashion.

In the cups they were no less impressive. Although they went out of the League Cup early, they reached the national final of the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy, winning the Southern section. This is even more impressive when you consider that League One sides enter this competition, and the Bandits knocked out three of them – Southend, Exeter, and Wycombe – on their journey to the final.

They looked like claiming a fourth higher division scalp in the final when they took an early lead against Carlisle (who finished third in League One), but keeper Nick Law was sent off after eight minutes and that allowed the favourites to come back to win 2-1.

Normally that cup run would be the highlight of the season, but it comes third in the success story, behind promotion and the FA Cup. In round 1 they claimed their fourth League One scalp, knocking out Plymouth, before Accrington were dispatched in round 2.

Then came the plum draw – home in the third round against Premiership Watford, and Bryant and Kinch were the goalscoring heroes in a 2-1 victory. Next up were Fulham at home. The biggest test so far, Fulham were struggling in the Premiership after their usual high finishes, but were a strong outfit nonetheless, and the TV stations had started taking notice, choosing the match to be featured live.

It was a good decision – a double from Bryant secured an excellent 2-1 victory, and Fulham, with 39 year old Ben Foster still in goal, were sent packing.

After claiming their sixth higher division cup scalp of the season, the Bandits were given the draw they desperately wanted in round five – home to Chelsea, the club holding the registration to no fewer than ten of the Bandits’ former stars. It was going to be an emotional day for everyone involved, but the Bandits gave as good as they got, eventually losing a surprisingly even game 2-0, with goals from former favourites Striker 2 and Striker 3.

With the league sewn up and six higher division cup scalps taken, two from the Premiership, it is even more incredible to think that this was one of the weakest Bandits squads to date. They made no signings in the summer, one in January, and two more in April when promotion was already sewn up. Has Gary Perry finally figured out how to mould this squad together, or was this the flukiest season to date?

Either way, it was a stunning success for the Bandits, and the reputation rise they will have from both promotion and the television coverage of their cup run will be huge.

Congratulations all round.

[kipfizh]

Sorry, that was last season's league table, I'm obviously not awake yet.

Here's the real one:

League

[kipfizh]

Good player reports

Goalkeeper 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 151: Apps 47, Conc 29, Cln 15, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.66

2007-08, Bandits, CA 166: Apps 49, Conc 56, Cln 12, MoM 6, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.51

2008-09, Bandits, CA 178: Apps 32, Conc 38, Cln 6, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.28

Transfers to Blackburn for 650k

2008-09, Blackburn, CA 178: Apps 14, Conc 16, Cln 4, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.21

2009-10, Blackburn, CA 184: Apps 41 (1), Conc 45, Cln 13, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.38

2010-11, Blackburn, CA 189: Apps 32, Conc 48, Cln 5, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.38

2011-12, Blackburn, CA 192: Apps 43, Conc 62, Cln 7, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.53

2012-13, Blackburn, CA 194: Apps 45, Conc 65, Cln 9, MoM 4, YC 9, RC 0, Avg 7.58

Transfers to Arsenal for 27m

2013-14, Arsenal, CA 196: Apps 56, Conc 70, Cln 18, MoM 7, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2014-15, Arsenal, CA 197: Apps 43, Conc 34, Cln 19, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.74

2015-16, Arsenal, CA 198: Apps 33, Conc 30, Cln 13, MoM 4, YC 0, RC 1, Avg 7.61

2016-17, Arsenal, CA 199: Apps 40, Conc 49, Cln 10, MoM 0, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.38

2017-18, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 51, Conc 57, Cln 16, MoM 3, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.49

2018-19, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 56 (1), Conc 67, Cln 14, MoM 4, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.49

2019-20, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 38 (2), Conc 39, Cln 13, MoM 3, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.55

2020-21, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 51, Conc 67, Cln 13, MoM 6, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.53

2021-22, Arsenal, CA 191: Apps 41, Conc 41, Cln 14, MoM 4, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.54

Notes: Finally becomes the last player to start losing CA, but has an excellent season, conceding only one goal per game as Arsenal rise back up to second place. Still plays for England, and now has 61 caps, but with his ambition rising to 3 he is now listed as considering his options. Still has three years to run on his current contract though. The problems he is having may be internal – he was actually part of a newspaper story this season, with the media claiming that he was finding Danny Farrell difficult to work with. European Goalkeeper of the Year.

Goalkeeper 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 10 (4), Conc 6, Cln 8, MoM 1, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.93

Transfers to Leeds for 675k

2007-08, Leeds, CA 167: Apps 43, Conc 45, Cln 12, MoM 7, YC 2, RC 1, Avg 7.51

2008-09, Leeds, CA 181: Apps 35, Conc 45, Cln 4, MoM 3, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.26

2009-10, Leeds, CA 189: Apps 42, Conc 51, Cln 8, MoM 6, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.50

2010-11, Leeds, CA 191: Apps 37, Conc 41, Cln 8, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2011-12, Leeds, CA 195: Apps 57, Conc 68, Cln 17, MoM 10, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.58

2012-13, Leeds, CA 196: Apps 51, Conc 77, Cln 4, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.27

2013-14, Leeds, CA 200: Apps 39, Conc 52, Cln 7, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.21

2014-15, Leeds, CA 200: Apps 59, Conc 72, Cln 14, MoM 8, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2015-16, Leeds, CA 200: Apps 40, Conc 45, Cln 10, MoM 8, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.53

2016-17, Leeds, CA 200: Apps 56 (2), Conc 64, Cln 17, MoM 10, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.60

2017-18, Leeds, CA 200: Apps 41 (1), Conc 46, Cln 12, MoM 7, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.60

2018-19, Leeds, CA 200: Apps 56, Conc 62, Cln 12, MoM 6, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.45

2019-20, Leeds, CA 200: Apps 57, Conc 69, Cln 15, MoM 7, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.37

2020-21, Leeds, CA 192: Apps 43, Conc 54, Cln 10, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.30

2021-22, Leeds, CA 189: Apps 34 (2), Conc 37, Cln 12, MoM 5, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.64

Notes: Now well into his thirties, he has his best season in fifteen years at Leeds, as they impress to finish third in the Premiership. Approaches a century of caps for England, with 99 to his name so far.

Left Back 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 9 (5), Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.14

Transfers to Tottenham on a free

2007-08, Tottenham, CA 165: Apps 42, Gls 1, Asts 4, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.21

2008-09, Tottenham, CA 175: Apps 40, Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.30

2009-10, Tottenham, CA 187: Apps 45, Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.11

2010-11, Tottenham, CA 194: Apps 40, Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.35

2011-12, Tottenham, CA 197: Apps 39, Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.31

2012-13, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 42, Gls 2, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.36

2013-14, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 35, Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.31

2014-15, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 1, Asts 3, MoM 3, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.31

2015-16, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 43, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.19

2016-17, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 43, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.28

2017-18, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 45, Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.36

2018-19, Tottenham, CA 193: Apps 39, Gls 3, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.36

2019-20, Tottenham, CA 191: Apps 46, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 7, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.24

2020-21, Tottenham, CA 190: Apps 39, Gls 3, Asts 3, MoM 4, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.38

2021-22, Tottenham, CA 186: Apps 19, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.21

Notes: Misses a large chunk of the season – four months – with a torn calf muscle as his body begins to creak, but plays solidly on his return, helping Tottenham to sixth. Reaches 69 caps with two goals.

Left Back 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 153: Apps 51 (1), Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.46

Transfers to Liverpool for 40k

2007-08, Liverpool, CA 165: Apps 40 (1), Gls 1, Asts 4, MoM 0, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 6.73

2008-09, Liverpool, CA 179: Apps 50, Gls 0, Asts 6, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.30

2009-10, Liverpool, CA 183: Apps 47, Gls 3, Asts 7, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.38

2010-11, Liverpool, CA 192: Apps 53, Gls 3, Asts 4, MoM 7, YC 2, RC 1, Avg 7.47

2011-12, Liverpool, CA 198: Apps 53, Gls 0, Asts 7, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.23

2012-13, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 55, Gls 3, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 8, RC 2, Avg 7.29

2013-14, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 49, Gls 3, Asts 4, MoM 8, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.84

2014-15, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 2, Asts 5, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2015-16, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 56, Gls 2, Asts 5, MoM 4, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.41

2016-17, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 45, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.29

2017-18, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 39, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.26

2018-19, Liverpool, CA 195: Apps 39, Gls 1, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.31

2019-20, Liverpool, CA 192: Apps 36, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.25

2020-21, Liverpool, CA 191: Apps 54, Gls 0, Asts 6, MoM 6, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.54

2021-22, Liverpool, CA 190: Apps 45 (1), Gls 1, Asts 5, MoM 4, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.50

Notes: Has another superb season for club and country, as he helps Liverpool recover from last season’s near-relegation to finish eighth, while reaching 69 caps. Still hasn’t scored for England and maybe never will. He did show some dissent though this season, after Mike Newell sold star Peter Vass he was extremely unhappy, but it hasn’t affected his performances.

Right Back 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 154: Apps 4, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 8.00

Transfers to Newcastle for 400k

2007-08, Newcastle, CA 165: Apps 39, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.18

2008-09, Newcastle, CA 181: Apps 46, Gls 1, Asts 5, MoM 2, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.28

2009-10, Newcastle, CA 187: Apps 3, Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.00

Transfers to Chelsea for 27.5m

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 187: Apps 48, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.27

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 53, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.39

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 197: Apps 60, Gls 1, Asts 9, MoM 2, YC 8, RC 1, Avg 7.55

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.20

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.12

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 53, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.58

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 0, Asts 5, MoM 3, YC 8, RC 2, Avg 7.26

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 6, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.56

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 7, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.51

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 56, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.25

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 48 (1), Gls 0, Asts 8, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.27

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 54, Gls 0, Asts 5, MoM 3, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.43

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 194: Apps 56, Gls 1, Asts 5, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 2, Avg 7.34

Notes: Another excellent season for the full back, as Chelsea claim their second consecutive Premiership crown, and he reaches 86 caps with two goals. CA rises to it’s highest point in four years.

Right Back 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 155: Apps 50, Gls 1, Asts 7, MoM 5, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.70

Transfers to Liverpool for 24k

2007-08, Liverpool, CA 166: Apps 29 (8), Gls 1, Asts 6, MoM 4, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.03

2008-09, Liverpool, CA 178: Apps 51 (1), Gls 2, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.15

2009-10, Liverpool, CA 188: Apps 49 (1), Gls 4, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.34

2010-11, Liverpool, CA 195: Apps 54 (1), Gls 1, Asts 6, MoM 4, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.51

2011-12, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 52 (1), Gls 2, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 2, Avg 7.38

2012-13, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 6, YC 7, RC 1, Avg 7.54

2013-14, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 49, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.47

2014-15, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 57, Gls 3, Asts 6, MoM 7, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.49

2015-16, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 51 (1), Gls 1, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.56

2016-17, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 42, Gls 0, Asts 6, MoM 4, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.33

2017-18, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 31, Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.29

2018-19, Liverpool, CA 193: Apps 46, Gls 0, Asts 7, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.52

2019-20, Liverpool, CA 190: Apps 41, Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 5, RC 2, Avg 7.20

2020-21, Liverpool, CA 189: Apps 50 (1), Gls 0, Asts 6, MoM 1, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.41

2021-22, Liverpool, CA 191: Apps 50 (2), Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.25

Notes: Performs solidly for Liverpool again as they move away from relegation troubles, and reaches 63 caps with one goal.

Centre Back 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 152: Apps 17 (6), Gls 1, Asts 7, MoM 3, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.57

Transfers to Tottenham on a free

2007-08, Tottenham, CA 166: Apps 40, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.00

2008-09, Tottenham, CA 181: Apps 41, Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 3, YC 2, RC 1, Avg 7.22

Transfers to Milan on a free

2009-10, Milan, CA 187: Apps 31, Gls 4, Asts 5, MoM 6, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.32

2010-11, Milan, CA 192: Apps 52, Gls 3, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.25

2011-12, Milan, CA 196: Apps 46, Gls 2, Asts 1, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 4, Avg 7.48

2012-13, Milan, CA 200: Apps 35, Gls 10, Asts 5, MoM 2, YC 9, RC 2, Avg 7.46

2013-14, Milan, CA 200: Apps 41, Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 5, YC 9, RC 0, Avg 7.44

2014-15, Milan, CA 200: Apps 38, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.18

2015-16, Milan, CA 200: Apps 40, Gls 9, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.43

2016-17, Milan, CA 200: Apps 44, Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 6, YC 12, RC 0, Avg 7.70

2017-18, Milan, CA 200: Apps 45, Gls 2, Asts 10, MoM 10, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.67

2018-19, Milan, CA 192: Apps 45, Gls 4, Asts 3, MoM 5, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.42

2019-20, Milan, CA 189: Apps 37, Gls 5, Asts 4, MoM 10, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.78

2020-21, Milan, CA 194: Apps 40, Gls 4, Asts 3, MoM 8, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.63

2021-22, Milan, CA 189: Apps 49, Gls 4, Asts 8, MoM 4, YC 10, RC 0, Avg 7.45

Notes: Continues his remarkable career in Italy, his performances remaining consistently superb. Reaches a mammoth 121 caps with two goals and will leave a large hole for club and country when he hangs up his boots. Discipline wasn’t so great this season though, but he’s picked up many a yellow card in his time. European Defender of the Year, and comes second in World Footballer of the Year.

Centre Back 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 151: Apps 3 (5), Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.25

Transfers to Arsenal on a free

2007-08, Arsenal, CA 166: Apps 49, Gls 1, Asts 4, MoM 3, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.02

2008-09, Arsenal, CA 177: Apps 52, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 3, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.19

2009-10, Arsenal, CA 184: Apps 51, Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 1, Avg 6.98

2010-11, Arsenal, CA 190: Apps 49, Gls 0, Asts 5, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.02

2011-12, Arsenal, CA 194: Apps 53, Gls 3, Asts 5, MoM 7, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.34

2012-13, Arsenal, CA 199: Apps 49, Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 2, Avg 7.33

2013-14, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 47, Gls 3, Asts 1, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.36

2014-15, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 48, Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 11, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.71

2015-16, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 48, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 5, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.52

2016-17, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 52, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 8, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2017-18, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 53, Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 7, YC 5, RC 2, Avg 7.47

2018-19, Arsenal, CA 191: Apps 55, Gls 2, Asts 5, MoM 2, YC 8, RC 1, Avg 7.40

2019-20, Arsenal, CA 188: Apps 43, Gls 1, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.38

2020-21, Arsenal, CA 191: Apps 44, Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 2, Avg 7.36

2021-22, Arsenal, CA 191: Apps 44, Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.39

Notes: His seasons have been remarkably consistent, staying around the 7.40 mark for many years now, and this season is no exception as he helps Arsenal finish second. Reaches 62 caps with two goals.

Centre Back 3

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 49 (3), Gls 0, Asts 5, MoM 5, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.77

Transfers to Chelsea for 55k

2007-08, Chelsea, CA 166: Apps 23 (12), Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 6.89

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 180: Apps 20 (6), Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 6.96

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 22 (9), Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.19

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 39 (3), Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.40

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 197: Apps 41 (3), Gls 2, Asts 4, MoM 4, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.61

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 199: Apps 51 (2), Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.47

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 42 (6), Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.17

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 47 (3), Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.54

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 36 (2), Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.16

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 48, Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.44

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 196: Apps 43 (2), Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 1, Avg 7.40

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 51 (1), Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.37

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 46, Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.35

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 30 (1), Gls 0, Asts 3, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.42

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 47 (2), Gls 0, Asts 6, MoM 3, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.29

Notes: Performances dip a little, but not to an alarming level, as Chelsea retain the Premiership. Reaches 57 caps with four goals.

Centre Back 4

2006-07, Bandits, CA 152: Apps 45 (1), Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.80

Transfers to Chelsea for 28k

2007-08, Chelsea, CA 165: Apps 32 (4), Gls 2, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.14

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 179: Apps 28 (4), Gls 1, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 6.84

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 32 (4), Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.50

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 199: Apps 23 (11), Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.29

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 53 (1), Gls 2, Asts 4, MoM 4, YC 10, RC 0, Avg 7.67

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 55, Gls 2, Asts 7, MoM 8, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.62

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 46 (1), Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.36

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 46 (2), Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 6, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.67

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 50 (2), Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 4, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 52, Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 6, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.50

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 195: Apps 42 (2), Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 4, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.50

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 54 (2), Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.30

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 42, Gls 3, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.50

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 194: Apps 53, Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 7, RC 1, Avg 7.21

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 50, Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.36

Notes: Another excellent season for the centre back, who picks up his second consecutive Premiership title, while reaching 58 caps with one goal. Comes third in European Defender of the Year.

Left Mid 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 151: Apps 13, Gls 3, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.15

Transfers to Man Utd for 170k

2007-08, Man Utd, CA 165: Apps 39 (3), Gls 9, Asts 9, MoM 4, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.19

Transfers to Chelsea for 10.5m

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 180: Apps 48, Gls 7, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 2, Avg 6.73

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 48, Gls 4, Asts 6, MoM 3, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.08

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 192: Apps 45, Gls 4, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.16

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 198: Apps 53 (2), Gls 9, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.45

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 56, Gls 8, Asts 4, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.48

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 53 (1), Gls 12, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.57

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 46 (3), Gls 9, Asts 5, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.49

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 8, Asts 8, MoM 8, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.74

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 57, Gls 5, Asts 5, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 10, Asts 8, MoM 6, YC 2, RC 3, Avg 7.71

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 53, Gls 14, Asts 5, MoM 8, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.57

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 50, Gls 11, Asts 6, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.52

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 57, Gls 9, Asts 3, MoM 5, YC 3, RC 2, Avg 7.42

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 55, Gls 8, Asts 7, MoM 4, YC 2, RC 1, Avg 7.51

Notes: Yet another season above 7.50 for the superb winger, who shows no sign of slowing down in his 30s. At international level, reaches a remarkable 122 caps with 20 goals, and at club level, retains the Premiership. Still a world star.

Left Mid 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 44, Gls 11, Asts 9, MoM 3, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.61

Transfers to Portsmouth for 300k

2007-08, Portsmouth, CA 165: Apps 40, Gls 7, Asts 3, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.28

2008-09, Portsmouth, CA 180: Apps 48, Gls 6, Asts 9, MoM 8, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.52

Transfers to Man Utd for 11.5m

2009-10, Man Utd, CA 185: Apps 57, Gls 15, Asts 4, MoM 7, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.42

2010-11, Man Utd, CA 190: Apps 51, Gls 10, Asts 7, MoM 6, YC 1, RC 1, Avg 7.51

2011-12, Man Utd, CA 196: Apps 50, Gls 7, Asts 7, MoM 5, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.50

2012-13, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 50, Gls 8, Asts 12, MoM 6, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.72

2013-14, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 37, Gls 11, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.68

2014-15, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 48, Gls 8, Asts 7, MoM 5, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.58

2015-16, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 43, Gls 10, Asts 6, MoM 5, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.60

2016-17, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 40, Gls 5, Asts 8, MoM 6, YC 1, RC 1, Avg 7.88

2017-18, Man Utd, CA 194: Apps 40, Gls 1, Asts 7, MoM 2, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.25

2018-19, Man Utd, CA 189: Apps 39, Gls 5, Asts 3, MoM 3, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.54

2019-20, Man Utd, CA 189: Apps 36, Gls 8, Asts 3, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.25

2020-21, Man Utd, CA 194: Apps 39, Gls 5, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.36

2021-22, Man Utd, CA 190: Apps 37, Gls 10, Asts 5, MoM 5, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.41

Notes: After rejecting contracts following Man Utd’s relegation, he does eventually sign a new deal, and then goes on to adapt very well to the Championship, helping his club win it and make an immediate return to the Premiership. While he is down there though, he international career is put on hold, remaining at 57 caps with 13 goals.

Right Mid 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 152: Apps 17 (19), Gls 6, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.00

Transfers to Chelsea on a free

2007-08, Chelsea, CA 165: Apps 12 (17), Gls 4, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 6.66

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 178: Apps 11 (11), Gls 2, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 6.45

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 15 (18), Gls 5, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.18

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 194: Apps 21 (19), Gls 5, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.18

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 43 (8), Gls 12, Asts 5, MoM 5, YC 2, RC 2, Avg 7.47

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 54 (1), Gls 8, Asts 7, MoM 7, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.58

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 60 (1), Gls 8, Asts 12, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.75

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 11, Asts 11, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.67

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 49, Gls 9, Asts 4, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.53

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 56, Gls 11, Asts 8, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.57

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 48, Gls 0, Asts 10, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.94

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 196: Apps 53 (1), Gls 9, Asts 5, MoM 6, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.54

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 48 (1), Gls 13, Asts 4, MoM 7, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.67

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 51 (2), Gls 14, Asts 6, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.62

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 55, Gls 14, Asts 5, MoM 4, YC 10, RC 0, Avg 7.65

Notes: Remains consistently amazing, with his tenth consecutive season surpassing 7.50, and matching last season’s incredible goal haul. Retains the Premiership with Chelsea, and reaches 105 caps with 24 goals for England. Chelsea are really going to miss him when he fades.

Right Mid 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 40 (1), Gls 9, Asts 8, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.49

Transfers to Chelsea for 20k

Loaned to Rangers

2007-08, Rangers, CA 166: Apps 49 (1), Gls 17, Asts 12, MoM 11, YC 16, RC 0, Avg 7.72

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 179: Apps 8 (13), Gls 4, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 6.67

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 182: Apps 12 (4), Gls 2, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 6.75

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 12 (5), Gls 5, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.18

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 196: Apps 20 (16), Gls 7, Asts 0, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.19

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 198: Apps 0 (1), Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.00

Transfers to Arsenal in a part-exchange, him and 29m for Fabregas

2012-13, Arsenal, CA 198: Apps 49, Gls 14, Asts 10, MoM 10, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.76

2013-14, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 55, Gls 9, Asts 9, MoM 4, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.40

2014-15, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 55, Gls 17, Asts 2, MoM 7, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.53

2015-16, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 14, Asts 7, MoM 5, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.59

2016-17, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 13, Asts 4, MoM 4, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.49

2017-18, Arsenal, CA 196: Apps 53, Gls 16, Asts 6, MoM 5, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.55

2018-19, Arsenal, CA 191: Apps 58, Gls 18, Asts 6, MoM 6, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.76

2019-20, Arsenal, CA 191: Apps 46, Gls 11, Asts 8, MoM 7, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.67

2020-21, Arsenal, CA 187: Apps 43, Gls 10, Asts 6, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.40

2021-22, Arsenal, CA 187: Apps 44, Gls 11, Asts 6, MoM 6, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.52

Notes: Remains as prolific as ever, reaching double figures for the eighth consecutive season, as Arsenal rise back up to second. Reaches 47 caps with 12 goals, and has another excellent season.

Centre Mid 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 18, Gls 0, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.17

Transfers to Man Utd for 675k

2007-08, Man Utd, CA 159: Apps 33 (5), Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 2, Avg 6.55

2008-09, Man Utd, CA 173: Apps 10 (9), Gls 3, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 6.53

2009-10, Man Utd, CA 181: Apps 27 (13), Gls 6, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.18

2010-11, Man Utd, CA 191: Apps 18 (12), Gls 6, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.20

2011-12, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 8 (23), Gls 5, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.06

2012-13, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 20 (16), Gls 2, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 1, Avg 7.14

2013-14, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 9 (16), Gls 3, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 1, Avg 7.08

2014-15, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 7 (15), Gls 1, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.05

Transfers to Arsenal for 27m

2015-16, Arsenal, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 3, Asts 10, MoM 5, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.43

2016-17, Arsenal, CA 196: Apps 49, Gls 7, Asts 6, MoM 5, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.69

2017-18, Arsenal, CA 197: Apps 55, Gls 10, Asts 10, MoM 3, YC 13, RC 0, Avg 7.58

2018-19, Arsenal, CA 190: Apps 48, Gls 3, Asts 5, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.56

2019-20, Arsenal, CA 189: Apps 42 (1), Gls 6, Asts 4, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.49

2020-21, Arsenal, CA 189: Apps 47, Gls 5, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.28

2021-22, Arsenal, CA 189: Apps 40, Gls 6, Asts 5, MoM 3, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.45

Notes: Performances match that of his club, as they both improve on last season. Continues to play for England, reaching 57 caps with seven goals.

Centre Mid 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 2, Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.00

Transfers to Portsmouth on a free

2007-08, Portsmouth, CA 165: Apps 47, Gls 3, Asts 1, MoM 5, YC 7, RC 1, Avg 7.21

Transfers to Man Utd for 11.25m[/b}

2008-09, Man Utd, CA 180: Apps 33 (5), Gls 5, Asts 5, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 6.82

2009-10, Man Utd, CA 184: Apps 50 (2), Gls 11, Asts 6, MoM 3, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.58

2010-11, Man Utd, CA 189: Apps 45 (5), Gls 12, Asts 7, MoM 4, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.52

2011-12, Man Utd, CA 193: Apps 47 (1), Gls 5, Asts 4, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.46

2012-13, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 43 (4), Gls 14, Asts 5, MoM 5, YC 1, RC 1, Avg 7.51

2013-14, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 46 (1), Gls 16, Asts 5, MoM 9, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.68

2014-15, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 46 (1), Gls 5, Asts 5, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.49

Transfers to Chelsea for 47.5m

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 34 (16), Gls 4, Asts 6, MoM 0, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.26

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 54, Gls 3, Asts 7, MoM 6, YC 6, RC 2, Avg 7.46

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 48 (2), Gls 6, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.32

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 44 (2), Gls 5, Asts 5, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.24

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 39 (1), Gls 3, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.35

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 43 (5), Gls 5, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.15

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 35 (4), Gls 2, Asts 5, MoM 2, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.23

Notes: Quietly goes about his business in central midfield, without being spectacular, but once again picks up a Premiership medal as Chelsea rules the roost. Reaches 82 caps with five goals in a lengthy international career.

Centre Mid 3

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 40 (1), Gls 2, Asts 6, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.41

2007-08, Bandits, CA 165: Apps 53, Gls 9, Asts 9, MoM 8, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.45

Transfers to Man Utd for 975k[/b]

2008-09, Man Utd, CA 180: Apps 41 (2), Gls 8, Asts 6, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.00

2009-10, Man Utd, CA 186: Apps 36, Gls 6, Asts 5, MoM 9, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.75

2010-11, Man Utd, CA 194: Apps 43 (7), Gls 10, Asts 3, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.52

2011-12, Man Utd CA 200: Apps 47 (1), Gls 12, Asts 4, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.50

2012-13, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 45 (3), Gls 10, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.31

2013-14, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 45 (2), Gls 6, Asts 6, MoM 5, YC 3, RC 2, Avg 7.36

2014-15, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 44, Gls 3, Asts 4, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.43

2015-16, Man Utd, CA 200: Apps 50, Gls 2, Asts 7, MoM 9, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.54

2016-17, Man Utd, CA 196: Apps 36, Gls 0, Asts 6, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.31

2017-18, Man Utd, CA 190: Apps 39, Gls 4, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.46

2018-19, Man Utd, CA 188: Apps 32, Gls 3, Asts 6, MoM 3, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.59

2019-20, Man Utd, CA 193: Apps 39, Gls 4, Asts 4, MoM 7, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.44

2020-21, Man Utd, CA 194: Apps 36, Gls 1, Asts 4, MoM 0, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.22

2021-22, Man Utd, CA 189: Apps 34, Gls 3, Asts 4, MoM 3, YC 8, RC 1, Avg 7.38

Notes: Is instrumental in Man Utd’s immediate return to the Premiership, and unlike his colleague, his international career continues with two more caps to reach 91 with five goals. Wins the Championship, and as soon as the title is wrapped up signs a contract with a whopping 125k a week pay deal.

Centre Mid 4

2006-07, Bandits, CA 152: Apps 54 (1), Gls 4, Asts 3, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.53

Transfers to Chelsea for 1.4m

2007-08, Chelsea, CA 165: Apps 42 (2), Gls 0, Asts 4, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 6.77

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 176: Apps 20 (10), Gls 3, Asts 7, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 6.73

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 187: Apps 35 (5), Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.14

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 194: Apps 50 (1), Gls 2, Asts 5, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.24

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 197: Apps 57, Gls 3, Asts 11, MoM 3, YC 9, RC 1, Avg 7.54

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 57, Gls 3, Asts 8, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.30

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 44, Gls 7, Asts 5, MoM 1, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 7.34

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 3, Asts 6, MoM 6, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.47

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 51 (3), Gls 1, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 8, RC 1, Avg 7.43

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 37 (6), Gls 2, Asts 7, MoM 4, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.26

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 187: Apps 33 (6), Gls 4, Asts 5, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 6.97

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 187: Apps 31 (5), Gls 2, Asts 7, MoM 1, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 6.89

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 30, Gls 2, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.57

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 39 (4), Gls 3, Asts 7, MoM 4, YC 7, RC 1, Avg 7.40

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 185: Apps 24 (10), Gls 3, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 6.94

Notes: Has an extremely disappointing season which can only be partly blamed on substitute appearances. Plays poorly for his club yet still plays enough to claim a perhaps undeserved Premiership medal. Reaches seventy caps with six goals for his country.

Striker 1

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 3 (32), Gls 7, Asts 0, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 6.91

Transfers to Chelsea on a free

2007-08, Chelsea, CA 165: Apps 36 (4), Gls 21, Asts 1, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.28

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 179: Apps 23 (9), Gls 18, Asts 2, MoM 4, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.31

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 11 (13), Gls 8, Asts 2, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.21

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 193: Apps 32 (4), Gls 21, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.56

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 199: Apps 39 (7), Gls 21, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.61

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 43 (5), Gls 27, Asts 0, MoM 2, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.52

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 44 (6), Gls 26, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.62

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 33 (7), Gls 21, Asts 1, MoM 6, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.63

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 41 (6), Gls 25, Asts 3, MoM 4, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.55

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 34 (6), Gls 25, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.55

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 196: Apps 28 (5), Gls 16, Asts 0, MoM 3, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.48

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 194: Apps 18 (11), Gls 13, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.48

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 13 (10), Gls 11, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.39

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 16 (12), Gls 10, Asts 1, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.54

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 29 (10), Gls 21, Asts 4, MoM 7, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.59

Notes: Plays a lot more this season and reaches 20 goals despite many substitute appearances – an excellent achievement. Wins the Premiership with Chelsea and may be getting the reward for sticking with the club even when they weren’t playing him. Has been consistently superb, and also for England where he now has 91 goals in 111 matches.

Striker 2

2006-07, Bandits, CA 151: Apps 55, Gls 37, Asts 3, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 8.11

Transfers to Chelsea for 100k

2007-08, Chelsea, CA 165: Apps 26 (7), Gls 20, Asts 0, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.15

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 179: Apps 22, Gls 13, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.55

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 184: Apps 52 (1), Gls 31, Asts 3, MoM 9, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.89

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 52 (1), Gls 31, Asts 4, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.83

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 196: Apps 54, Gls 34, Asts 5, MoM 10, YC 9, RC 0, Avg 7.98

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 55, Gls 31, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.76

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 60, Gls 35, Asts 5, MoM 9, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.88

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 50, Gls 28, Asts 0, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.92

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 53 (1), Gls 31, Asts 3, MoM 8, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.98

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 195: Apps 36 (1), Gls 17, Asts 3, MoM 5, YC 9, RC 0, Avg 7.84

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 46 (1), Gls 26, Asts 2, MoM 5, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.77

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 189: Apps 54, Gls 27, Asts 3, MoM 6, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.63

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 48, Gls 27, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.92

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 191: Apps 49, Gls 29, Asts 2, MoM 6, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.88

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 194: Apps 44 (1), Gls 24, Asts 1, MoM 5, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.93

Notes: What can you possibly say about him that hasn’t already been said? A truly remarkable level of performance, for club and country, and incredibly scores 13 goals in 12 internationals this season to storm past the century mark, scoring 102 goals in 128 caps. A legend for club and country, it took him to open the scoring to knock the Bandits out of the cup. No shame in that. Wins a Premiership medal with Chelsea. Comes second in European Striker of the Year.

Striker 3

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 1 (25), Gls 2, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 6.58

Transfers to Chelsea on a free

Loaned to Sheff Utd

2007-08, Sheff Utd, CA 165: Apps 30, Gls 20, Asts 3, MoM 8, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.77

2007-08, Chelsea, CA 165: Apps 3, Gls 3, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.67

2008-09, Chelsea, CA 181: Apps 26 (5), Gls 17, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.29

2009-10, Chelsea, CA 185: Apps 28 (8), Gls 17, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.61

2010-11, Chelsea, CA 190: Apps 6 (12), Gls 5, Asts 0, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.00

2011-12, Chelsea, CA 196: Apps 30 (9), Gls 22, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.44

2012-13, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 21 (15), Gls 17, Asts 0, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.22

2013-14, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 14 (5), Gls 13, Asts 1, MoM 2, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.79

2014-15, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 22 (7), Gls 16, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.48

2015-16, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 22 (13), Gls 14, Asts 0, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.23

2016-17, Chelsea, CA 200: Apps 35 (9), Gls 22, Asts 3, MoM 4, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.55

2017-18, Chelsea, CA 192: Apps 21 (17), Gls 15, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.29

2018-19, Chelsea, CA 188: Apps 11 (5), Gls 5, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.00

2019-20, Chelsea, CA 186: Apps 16 (9), Gls 12, Asts 0, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.40

2020-21, Chelsea, CA 187: Apps 17 (5), Gls 10, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.27

2021-22, Chelsea, CA 186: Apps 13 (2), Gls 8, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.73

Notes: With the success of Strikers 1 and 2, someone had to play a lot less, and despite stringing together some amazing performances and scoring freely, it was Striker 3, who is a reserve at club level, and for his country, where he reaches 51 caps with 17 goals. Just manages enough appearances to claim a Premiership medal, but will he make the move his career so desperately needs? The only time in his career that he’s ever been first choice was on loan at Sheff Utd 15 years ago.

Striker 4

2006-07, Bandits, CA 150: Apps 55 (2), Gls 31, Asts 2, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.91

2007-08, Bandits, CA 166: Apps 2, Gls 4, Asts 0, MoM 2, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 9.00

Transfers to Liverpool on a free

2007-08, Liverpool, CA 166: Apps 46 (1), Gls 23, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.34

2008-09, Liverpool, CA 180: Apps 52, Gls 26, Asts 0, MoM 6, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.52

2009-10, Liverpool, CA 190: Apps 45, Gls 25, Asts 1, MoM 11, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.87

2010-11, Liverpool, CA 194: Apps 53, Gls 31, Asts 2, MoM 9, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.83

2011-12, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 58, Gls 42, Asts 5, MoM 14, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 8.07

2012-13, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 55, Gls 33, Asts 4, MoM 11, YC 7, RC 1, Avg 7.85

2013-14, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 49, Gls 37, Asts 1, MoM 14, YC 8, RC 0, Avg 8.22

2014-15, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 51, Gls 33, Asts 3, MoM 11, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.88

2015-16, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 48, Gls 33, Asts 1, MoM 5, YC 3, RC 0, Avg 7.96

2016-17, Liverpool, CA 200: Apps 46, Gls 27, Asts 0, MoM 9, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.76

2017-18, Liverpool, CA 186: Apps 36, Gls 27, Asts 1, MoM 11, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.97

2018-19, Liverpool, CA 189: Apps 48, Gls 32, Asts 3, MoM 11, YC 7, RC 0, Avg 7.90

2019-20, Liverpool, CA 190: Apps 41, Gls 25, Asts 1, MoM 8, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.85

2020-21, Liverpool, CA 188: Apps 53, Gls 28, Asts 3, MoM 10, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.74

2021-22, Liverpool, CA 186: Apps 38, Gls 20, Asts 2, MoM 4, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 7.87

Notes: Missing the first three months of the season with a ruptured Achilles tendon means he scores less than in any other season of his career, but surpasses 7.50 for the fourteenth season in a row, by distance once again. Quite what Liverpool will do without him remains to be seen. Reaches 84 caps with 51 goals. Comes third in European Striker of the Year.

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Bad player reports

Idiot A

2006-07, Tottenham, CA 150: Apps 47, Gls 8, Asts 8, MoM 7, YC 4, RC 2, Avg 7.34

2007-08, Tottenham, CA 165: Apps 39, Gls 3, Asts 6, MoM 2, YC 9, RC 1, Avg 7.21

2008-09, Tottenham, CA 177: Apps 1, Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.00

Transfers to Fiorentina for 13.25m

2008-09, Fiorentina, CA 177: Apps 34, Gls 5, Asts 5, MoM 3, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.56

2009-10, Fiorentina, CA 184: Apps 37, Gls 6, Asts 6, MoM 2, YC 5, RC 4, Avg 7.41

2010-11, Fiorentina, CA 190: Apps 39, Gls 10, Asts 4, MoM 8, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 7.72

2011-12, Fiorentina, CA 197: Apps 7, Gls 3, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 8.14

2012-13, Fiorentina, CA 200: Apps 20, Gls 4, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.35

2013-14, Fiorentina, CA 200: Apps 16, Gls 3, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.56

Leaves Fiorentina on a free, joins Tottenham

2014-15, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 48, Gls 8, Asts 5, MoM 2, YC 7, RC 1, Avg 7.35

2015-16, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 40, Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.30

2016-17, Tottenham, CA 200: Apps 40 (3), Gls 6, Asts 3, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.30

2017-18, Tottenham, CA 196: Apps 39 (1), Gls 4, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 2, RC 2, Avg 7.07

2018-19, Tottenham, CA 181: Apps 0 (3), Gls 1, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 6.67

Transfers to Leeds on a free transfer

2019-20, Leeds, CA 172: Apps 49 (1), Gls 1, Asts 5, MoM 2, YC 4, RC 2, Avg 7.22

2020-21, Leeds, CA 161: Apps 24 (4), Gls 4, Asts 2, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.14

Transfers to Leeds for 5m

2021-22, Palermo, CA 144: Apps 25, Gls 4, Asts 4, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 6, Avg 7.36

Notes: He has been quiet for the past two seasons, but Leeds certainly saw something they didn’t want – a whole load of offers came in for him last summer, including many loan offers, and all of them were accepted. He chose Palermo in Italy, and their fans were not particularly thrilled by the signing, a point he hit back on.

He plays better than he has done in years, but there are two major problems. Firstly, his CA is dropping like a stone, another year or two and he would struggle to make the Bandits team. Secondly, his disciplinary record is absolutely shocking, with him taking six early baths in only 25 games for his club.

He was quiet throughout the season though, but Palermo are a decent side – they were in the Champions League this season, getting knocked out in the group stage.

His international career, standing at three goals in 49 caps, appears over.

Idiot B

2006-07, Newcastle, CA 150: Apps 46, Gls 1, Asts 7, MoM 1, YC 5, RC 3, Avg 7.30

Transfers to West Ham for 11.5m

2007-08, West Ham, CA 165: Apps 40, Gls 5, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 7.13

2008-09, West Ham, CA 177: Apps 42, Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 2, YC 3, RC 2, Avg 7.29

2009-10, West Ham, CA 185: Apps 49, Gls 3, Asts 7, MoM 6, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.35

2010-11, West Ham, CA 193: Apps 42 (2), Gls 4, Asts 5, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.20

2011-12, West Ham, CA 197: Apps 32, Gls 5, Asts 2, MoM 3, YC 6, RC 1, Avg 7.22

2012-13, West Ham, CA 197: Apps 9 (2), Gls 1, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 4, RC 0, Avg 6.91

Released by West Ham, joins Fulham on a free

2012-13, Fulham, CA 197: Apps 28, Gls 3, Asts 7, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.57

2013-14, Fulham, CA 200: Apps 52, Gls 2, Asts 8, MoM 5, YC 4, RC 2, Avg 7.38

2014-15, Fulham, CA 200: Apps 30 (3), Gls 2, Asts 9, MoM 2, YC 0, RC 2, Avg 7.30

2015-16, Fulham, CA 200: Apps 23 (4), Gls 2, Asts 3, MoM 3, YC 1, RC 1, Avg 7.19

2016-17, Fulham, CA 199: Apps 7 (16), Gls 4, Asts 0, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 6.83

Leaves Fulham, joins Sunderland on a free transfer

2017-18, Sunderland, CA 198: Apps 46, Gls 3, Asts 4, MoM 4, YC 5, RC 1, Avg 7.37

2018-19, Sunderland, CA 183: Apps 39, Gls 4, Asts 1, MoM 1, YC 9, RC 1, Avg 7.09

2019-20, Sunderland, CA 179: Apps 45 (1), Gls 2, Asts 4, MoM 5, YC 11, RC 1, Avg 7.24

2020-21, Sunderland, CA 153: Apps 14 (11), Gls 3, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 1, Avg 6.96

Joins Derby on a free transfer

2021-22, Derby, CA 149: Apps 25 (7), Gls 5, Asts 6, MoM 2, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.16

Notes: Allows his contract at Sunderland to expire before joining Derby, but on departure has a pop at Sunderland manager Stuart Gray, saying he was delighted to ‘get rid of him’. The very next day, Gray becomes Arsenal manager anyway.

Former Derby favourite Stephen Bywater is worried by the signing, and the idiot hits back, telling him not to pre-judge him. Of course, at 32, his personality is well known.

He plays reasonably well for a Derby side that finish 16th, but does cause the odd problem, refusing to sign a new contract because they were asking him to take a pay cut, and then being the subject of rumours suggesting he was at loggerheads with team-mate Ian Butler.

His CA slide is not so dramatic this season, but like his idiot compatriot, his international career appears over at 61 caps with nine goals.

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Other stats

Just for a change, England dominated their World Cup qualifying group, winning ten from ten without conceding a goal. This has happened so many times now, but with the stars getting old it may not happen again.

It is World Cup year, and with Slovenia, Ghana and USA in their group, England will look to sail through the group stage.

Chelsea retained the Premiership comfortably, ahead of Arsenal who finished nine points back. Liverpool recovered well and surprise package Scunthorpe easily avoided relegation in their second stint in the top league.

Premiership

Newcastle flirted with relegation, but recovered to escape comfortably and also win the FA Cup, beating holders Liverpool in the final, while Birmingham pipped Leeds in the final.

Real Madrid won their fourth Champions League in five years (they lost in the final the other year), nicking it from Chelsea on penalties, while Roma claimed the UEFA Cup ahead of Gelsenkirchen.

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Summary

What a phenomenal season for the Bandits. Cup success on two fronts, knocking out four League One clubs and two Premiership clubs, and finally promotion to League One by winning the division. The flip side is the aging squad, with many players needing replacement as soon as possible. But the level of player available now that they are in League One is such that serious squad strengthening could and should happen.

They came up against some of their ex-players in the cup this season, and those players are simply amazing. Their CAs are barely dropping – they all turn 33 this summer but throughout the season their combined CA drop was 28, an average of only just over one per player. The lowest CA is still a whopping 185, the highest 194. At that rate, they can play until they’re 40, but given their abilities may become managers long before that. What will they do? Become player managers?

The idiots on the other hand are losing their abilities fast, and aren’t that much better than the sort of players the Bandits will be after this summer. Both seem to be growing up a little as they realise they simply aren’t wonderful players anymore, but what will happen next? Will their clubs struggle? Will they hate not being first choice as their managers realize they’ve lost their abilities?

Idiot A’s disciplinary record is appalling this season, he clearly didn’t adapt to Italian referees, with six red cards in only 25 games.

The big teams all did better this season – Chelsea and Arsenal coming first and second, Liverpool improving, and Man Utd winning the Championship – can they all be successful next season?

Chelsea have started preparing for life after the ex-Bandits, signing left sided 23 year old Frenchman Remi Pereira from Leeds for 44m. His season average of 6.37, however, suggests that the move was not a wise one. Meanwhile, their ex-captain John Terry became manager of Everton, and is a superb coach, with 19s across the board for training abilities.

In Europe, the dominant side are Real Madrid, who have appeared in the last five Champions League finals, winning four of them. And who was at the helm for this season’s success? None other than Dennis Wise.

The final point is that of wages – despite being in the Championship, Man Utd, perhaps out of necessity, pay the most to the stars – their two ex-Bandits are currently on 125k and 110k a week. Not bad.

Bandit’s former manager watch

Justin Edinburgh’s Sheff Wed bounced straight back to the Championship, winning League One and avoiding playing the Bandits next season.

Steve Brackstone improved Blackburn slightly to finish a solid 12th in the Championship.

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Bandits squad

General

Stats

Finance Overview

Interested Players

Unsurprisingly, the number of players interested in joining the Bandits has leapt up, rising from 5173 to 5750, and not only that, there are some excellent looking players on the list. How many will Gary Perry splash out on?

Top 20 in Squad (sorted by CA)

Name, Pos, Age, CA-PA

Atkinson, GK, 31, 116-116 (0)

Watson, MC, 30, 115-135 (-6)

Law, GK, 26, 115-115 (0)

Ashton, DRL, 26, 115-115 – new signing

Bryant, ST, 26, 113-113 (0)

Joynes, DM, AM RC, 29, 111-111 (0)

Harvey, MC, 25, 111-111 – new signing

Askey, DC, 33, 110-118 (-3)

Townsend, DC, 22, 110-116 (+4)

Davies, D/WB L, 24, 109-109 (0)

Kinch, ST, 32, 103-119 (-8)

Arnold, FC, 19, 100-117 (+3)

Wells, ST, 31, 94-97 (-3)

Smyth, AM L, 31, 93-118 (-6)

MacDonald, MRLC, 33, 93-117 (-7)

Cooper, AMR, 28, 89-91 – new signing

Stephens, AML, 19, 88-119 – new entry in top 20, youth player

Ashley, DC, 19, 85-110 – new entry in top 20, youth player

Hinds, AML, 31, 85-110 (-6)

Gallagher, DM, 17, 83-128 – new entry in top 20, youth player

Players in last season’s top 20 who have left the club:

Bennett, DR, 29, 112-112

Bloomfield, AM RC, 30, 102-108

Knox, D/WB/M R, 26, 85-88

Wright, DM, M LC, 19, 82-90

Hendry, MC, 34, 85-101

Players in last season’s top 20 who have dropped out of the top 20:

Liversidge, D/AM L, 32, 79-109 (-6)

Last season I predicted that this team would struggle unless they brought in quite a few players in the summer. They brought in absolutely none, and then proceeded to dominate the league, and perform extremely well in the cups, which shows what I know.

The worries still remain, however. Wells is now a reserve to Kinch and Bryant up front, and is getting worse, but so is Kinch now, and without signings Bryant may be stranded. The key to their success has always been a free scoring front pair, but will any of them score in League One?

The squad is still, CA-wise anyway, extremely weak, and will surely struggle in League One. However, the players interested in joining have rocketed up in quality, so surely Gary Perry will see sense this summer and bring a whole bunch in. That said, stability seems to have paid off this time around.

Onwards to League One!

CA of X or above:

190 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0

180 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0

170 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0

160 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0

150 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0

140 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0

130 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0

120 : 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 1, 0, 1, 1, 1, 0

110 : 0, 2, 2, 3, 2, 6, 7, 6, 6, 7, 8, 7, 7

100 : 2, 4, 7, 7, 6, 13, 13, 12, 13, 13, 16, 12, 12

90 : 7, 11, 10, 9, 10, 16, 17, 15, 15, 20, 22, 16, 15

80 : 13, 14, 13, 13, 16, 21, 21, 18, 16, 21, 26, 20, 22

70 : 19, 22, 21, 20, 22, 27, 25, 19, 23, 25, 30, 23, 25

60 : 26, 26, 25, 23, 24, 32, 30, 24, 26, 30, 32, 26, 28

50 : 30, 31, 31, 26, 26, 35, 33, 28, 32, 34, 35, 30, 32

They no longer have a 120 CA player, and are overall still easily worse off than where they were two seasons ago. Was it a fluke that they had such a storming season, or were enough players peaking at the right time?

Either way, signings are needed, but fortunately, a division rise should facilitate that.

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Best and Worst

New records:

Highest League Position – 1st in League Two

Highest Gate Receipts – 2.9m v Chelsea, FA Cup 5th Round

Most League Appearances - Mensah-Omari Kinch – 545 (previous: 507)

Most League Goals – Mensah-Omari Kinch – 262 (previous: 242)

This season:

Best player – Law, 7.42

Top scorer – Bryant, 25

Worst player – Ashley, 6.20

My shortlist of 24 players now looks like this:

Shortlist

The Bandits remain sixth in the rich club list:

Rich Clubs

Meanwhile, Man Utd have plummeted, they used to be in the top three but now languish in 18th. Maybe those ex-Bandits need a pay cut.

[Walcott\'s Wonderkids]

Cheers for the update Kipfizh, great news on the Bandits getting promotion at last - I thought that after last season and with no additions of not to their squad they were heading for more mid-table obscurity. Got a feeling that they could easily be relegated next season though.

Is it wierd that I was more interested in this update than SI's announcement this morning?!

KUTGW

[Guest]

Promotion to league 1 is excellent news, well done bandits!

Isn't it crazy how they have so much money but won't spend any of it?

I really enjoyed reading this update after the suspense almost killed me over the last few days. KUTGW

[Ruudfood]

Thanks for the update kip

If the Bandits don't sign some quality players in the transfer window I reckon they'll go straight back down.

Any chance you could give us an update during the window to let us know if they bought anyone?

Is Mike Newell the Liverpool manager? It would never happen. Where did Rafa go?

[robin_trott_hoof]

Good stuff. Hopefully the decline of the players as they approach their mid thirties will be as interesting as their rise was.

[robin_trott_hoof]

Actually, it's also interesting that Palermo spent so much on Idiot A - the fastest declining of the bunch and no spring chicken. Surely he won't play much next season considering that they're a decent side?

[steve_888]

Considering how cheap Striker 3 is valued at and good his goals to games ratio is im really surprised no other premiership team ahs shown an interest in him. He is barely playing and must be looking for regular games.

Have any teams bid for him kip??

[Meitheisman]

Congrats to the Bandits for making it to the League 1... what's their media prediction in the league 1 this coming year?