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[FM 18] If You're Not First, You're Last (Re-Redux) - Redemption for the "Nearly Men" of Europe


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We're in solid form...the talk has well and truly begun...is this our year?  The Liverpool chapter of the official Nantes supporters' club is beyond convinced that it is, but I've learned to take anything they have to say with a grain of salt.

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Junior Oto'o's Real Madrid?!  Yes, please.  The Virus may think they're something special, having won 16 straight La Liga titles...but...I have no idea how to finish that thought.  Yeah.  That "16" kind of snuck up on me, too...even though I knew it was coming.  That's a lot of ****ing titles in a row, yeah?  ****.

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An auspicious start, but the lads' quality bore out.  We're through to the semifinals, where I'm hoping for a rematch against Mukiele's United...the neutrals would prefer to see us face off against PSG or Sampdoritos, for obvious reasons.

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Frustration in the first leg...smashing the post 5 times, meaning that we'd need every ounce of luck in the 2nd leg.  However much we had, it was enough.  4-3 on aggregate, a big win at the Luigi Ferraris.  And we're off to Madrid to face Mukiele's United in the final, their 5th final in 6 years, losing all 5...including last year, after they eliminated us in the semifinals.  Revenge is most definitely in the cards.

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Champions League Final, May 2046; Santiago Bernabéu

"Good evening, football hipsters, armchair tacticians and lonely shut-ins!  Live from Madreed, it's the Champions League final!"

"Gary, you saucy minx, you!  Don't play coy with us.  Your United are looking down the barrel of yet another disappointment, 6 finals, 6 losses...f***ing hell, mate, even David Moyes himself would have found a way to win one!"

"You're a ****, Jamie. You've always been a ****.  Your kids are ****s.  Your wife?  A total ****ing ****.  Nordy is the man.  He's just biding his time!  Lulling you into a false sense of security!  We are witnessing history here tonight!!!"

"History of sucking ****, maybe.  There's no question in my mind.  90 minutes of football from now, Nordy Mukiele will need hospitalization for a fatal case of Bleu balls."

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"15 minutes in, Jamie, and I'm still waiting for Nantes to show me something other than a closeup of their stanky French taint."  

"Easy, Gary.  Have another Appletini, you lightweight.  Bleu is in the technical area as we speak, shouting instructions...his side marching forward...that's Alexandre ... he gets to the endline, cutting across to Varela who squares…that's Willems!  1-nil!  Lick my taint, Gary!  Lick it!"

"Put yer pants back on, son, I'm not the Pope. There's lots of football to play here tonight."

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"Oh...that spells...yes...oh, my...  How the turntables have turned, Gary!  This is history folks, United in their 6th final in 7 years...on the verge of their 6th loss!!!"

"It isn't over until Fat Ronaldoo sings, Jamie, you ****."

"Hey, now...no more blasphemy, that's bang out of--"

"--ee iz no real urCristiano, iz fraud.  Fat.  Fat Roonaldoo, the First of His Name.  He smell of cheez."

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"ONE FOR HISTORY, FOLKS!!!  NANTES, ARE SURELY THE CHAMPIONS NOW!!!  UNITED, THE BIGGEST LOSERS WHO EVER LOST!!! SIX FINALS IN A ROW!!! MASTERS OF FRAUDULENCE!!!"

[Gary screams with rage, smashing the Sizzurp bottle over a Production Assistant's head, lunging for Jamie with the broken shards of glass.]

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[The Champions League anthem plays over muffled sounds of struggle in the the announcer's booth.  Screams and grunts punctuate the broadcast, as the ambient sounds of the Benabeau fill the air.  Champions of Europe.  A clean sweep.  Nantes have conquered all, and their supporters are basking in every moment.]

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6 hours ago, Rikulec said:

:applause:

:brock:

4 hours ago, Mark Heath said:

wow. that was an epic final.

3 hours ago, bigmattb28 said:

Great final. Well done!

2 hours ago, Constantine said:

That's some way to win the final. :applause:

Thank you, gentlemen, it was was a wild one.  When 10-man United scored their 3rd, I had a really bad feeling, even though we'd completely taken charge of the match.  Dupont's goal (our 4th) was practically his first touch (I'd put him on to shore up the midfield for whatever time remained).  

It's a strange day here, so I'll get the season review posted and look around Europe before we're off to the World Cup...

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We can't go back to yesterday, but we can triumph in tomorrow.

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Nantes / Netherlands -- 2045/46 Season Review

I'm not the most sentimental man.  I can admit that.  I've barely even thought of Amelie's mom in years and...truth be told...I can't even remember her name.

But Nantes...  Nantes has grown on me, like a fungus.  Or maybe a well-cultivated houseplant.  Regardless, Les Canaris are in my blood now.  So even though we all know what is about to happen, it hurts.

There are no tears.  No questions.  We all knew this was coming, from the moment the final whistle blew.  So there are no tears.  No questions.  Just firm hugs, handshakes and toasts to all that we've accomplished here, as the party continues apace.  The Dutch lads have been given a 24-hour window to enjoy this moment, before they must be off the sauce.

We've got a World Cup to win, after all.  Morocco 2046 will wait for no man.

Goals for 2045/46: Win the World Cup.  Wait for the "right" club job to open up.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Ligue 1 Fixtures (1)|Ligue 1 Fixtures (2)|CdF Fixtures|CdL Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures

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Champions League Review

This is pretty well-documented above.  I'm still in awe of Nordi Mukiele's record -- 6 CL finals in 7 years, losing each and every one...even Wenger is looking at him with pity.

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Challenge Overview

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European review time!

Charly Musonda's Leeds reclaimed their title in England with a solid 101-point tally.  Kostas Tsamouris' Gladbach won their 6th straight Bundesliga title, 21 points clear of FC Hollywood in 4th.  The Real Madrid juggernaut continues in Spain, as Junior Oto'o's men won their 17th straight La Liga title...someone really needs to knock them off of their perch, yeah?  Daniel Christensen's Sampdoria won their 10th straight Serie A with 100 points and a +80 goal difference.  Karl Robinson's Partizan did Partizan things with **** Star dropping to a dismal 4th, an insane 46 points off the pace.  Lukas Henkinet's Club Brugge claimed the Belgian title on goal difference over the Kiwi Farmers.  Olympiacos took their customary turn at the top of the Superleague, as Jordan Ayew's Shakhtar did Shakhtar things.  In Sweden, 4-time defending Allsvenskan champions Orgryte are struggling mightily in the early days of the season.

Finally, Dimitris Kourbelis' Bourdeaux claimed the Europa League title on penalties over Eddie Howe's Manchester City...City promptly sacked Eddie, as their run to the final could not overcome the disappointment at an 11th-place finish in the League (50 points behind Leeds), their lowest finish since 2006/07.

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Again, I'm not one for sentiment, but ... Nantes have moved on quickly.  Less than 4 days and they've shacked up with the first guy to bat an eye at them!?  It's unseemly.  I doubt they even had time to change the sheets.

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Uhh...after losing 6 CL finals in 7 years, Mukiele did the only thing he could reasonably do...he moved to Arsenal.  Seriously.

"I guess I'm a Gooner now..."

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You're no messiah. You're a movie of the week. You're a ****ing t-shirt, at best.

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Netherlands Squad Review, June 2046

Morocco 2046 is upon us.  Before we kick off, let's take a quick look at the Dutch squad.  We're playing the standard Drakens Blod and Grapefrukt Diarre tactics.  Without any further ado, here's the squad...a solid blend of youth and experience.

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Goalkeepers

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In goal, Michael Kok has taken over for the rapidly-aging Leurink as the starter.  Jonker is also very capable backup.

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Defenders

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My starting centerbacks are Moonen, van der Meulen and van der Wal, with Oppong and Nnamani on the flanks.  The 2nd XI are Merrelaar, Faber and Ziljer in the middle, with Visser and de Koning out wide.

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Central Midfielders

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Wehrmann and Toet will start in the midfield, with Muhren and Schaap in the 2nd XI.

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Attacking Midfielders

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Up top, Steinmann is the shadow striker, with Rutten on the left and Broekhuizen on the right.  Kloos, Willems and Elshot are more than capable backups.

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Final Thoughts

As previously noted, this squad is very, very good...not quite as good as the Portugal and Croatia squads I had previously...but certainly capable of winning it all.  If we don't, we'll need a major re-think of the squad for the next World Cup, as several players will be long-past their sell-by date.

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Morocco 2046; World Cup Group Stage

A fantastic start for the Dutch, as we smashed Costa Rica and then had a bonkers match against Algeria.  I fielded the 2nd XI against Argentina who were desperate for a win, having lost to Costa Rica on Matchday 2.  We pulled out the win, meaning we were off to face Brazil in the 2nd Round with the Argentinians scraping through on goal difference.

The biggest surprises in the Group Stage were France and Belgium crashing out, meaning that the stage is set for entertainment in the knockout rounds.

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Morocco 2046; World Cup Second Round

We really made things hard on ourselves against a defense-minded Brazilian side.  Missing a penalty, hitting the woodwork 4 times, and all but gifting them a goal in the first few minutes.  But our quality saw us through.

We'll face Vincent Kompany's England -- the holders, whom we beat 2-nil last year in the Nations League 3rd place match.

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Morocco 2046; World Cup Quarterfinals

Against England, we had no choice but to rotate 5-6 players in the XI.  England enjoyed the lion's share of the possession, but were relegated to shots from distance...one of which found their way through.  But our quality saw through in the end, as we made the most of our chances late in the game. 

We'll face Spain next, which is a big ask.  The squad will need to rotate again.  This is where our depth must make the difference.  I will likely need to rest Wehrmann, which is a shame because he's having an immense World Cup for a central midfielder -- 5 goals in 5 matches, with his equalizer against England coming on his 25th birthday.

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Morocco 2046; World Cup Semifinals

No one will ever suggest that this match was a joy to watch.  With our squad rotation, we knew we needed to keep things tight at the back and did so, playing PM Grapefrukt Diarre from the opening kickoff.  Neither team created much in the final third -- certainly by design, in terms of our defense.  And we buried one when it mattered, Elsinho finding Muhren to send us through.

The squad rotation will hopefully pay off against Mexico in the final.  On paper, they're an easier draw than Germany, but none of that matters at this stage.

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Morocco 2046; World Cup Final

The media jackals are everywhere.  Asking their questions.  Demanding answers.  Answers we're not prepared to give.

Zlatan, knowing that the journos were doing their best to distract us, find out which club side we'll head to next, laid a few false trails.  When word got out that we were off to the Ukraine to manage Zorya, that was it.  One of the Dutch hangers-on was selling stories to the media, and off he went.  ESPN were left with some egg on their face, which was a small joy.  There can be no distractions in our camp as we ready for 90 minutes against Edgar Duenas and El Tri.

We start the match aggressively, looking for an early advantage.  We know that if we play our game, anything is possible.  Rutten smashes the post in the 2nd minute, after Broekhuizen sliced open the Mexican defense with a 30-yard, incisive through ball.  So close.  We're not showing any jitters whatsoever, while the Mexicans are looking tired.

In the 7th minute, Wehrmann finds himself through, deftly curling a ball past the outstretched hands of the keeper.  One-nil.  A dream start.  A dream World Cup for our midfield general, both at Leeds and now here with the Dutch.  Surely, if this result holds, he's the man of the tournament.

Nearly 30 minutes gone and Mexico are enjoying possession with nothing to show for it, while we look dangerous in transition...and that is where we hit them.  Broekhuizen springing Rutten free down the left, a cutting cross pinging around the box before falling to the feet of Toet who slams it home.  Two nil.  And Rutten nearly makes it 3 before Mexico can catch their breath, a last-ditch tackle Mexico's only salvation, such as it is.

We reach halftime within touching distance of immortality...the first minutes of the 2nd 45 will be critical.  But we hold firm, denying Mexico any look at our goal.  But our legs are tiring...time to ring the changes.  Van der Wal makes way for Moonen, De Koning on for Nnamani, who is on a yellow.

And in the 72nd minute, it is all over.  Van der Muelen buries a Broekhuizen corner, and we can begin to dream in earnest.  Three nil.  Barring a collapse of Wenger-esque proportions, we've done it.  Zlatan and Drake have begun to celebrate on the sideline, shaking up the bottles of champagne in anticipation of a glorious night to come.

One final substitution as the Dutch supporters sing...31 year-old Schaap on for Toet, to claim his 122nd cap.  He's earned this moment.

Moments later, before Schaap has even broken a sweat, Wehrmann caps what was already a man-of-the-match performance with his second goal of the night, which leaves him alone on 7 goals, the top goalscorer of the tournament.  A command performance.  Player of the tournament, beyond the shadow of a doubt.  Zlatan and Drake have given up all pretense, and are now showering each other in champagne, much to the chagrin of FIFA President Steven Gerrard, who looks on in abject horror.

The final whistle blows, Mexico well and truly beaten.  The scenes are epic.  The crowd, overjoyed...especially when Gerrard slips in a puddle of champagne before he can hand off the trophy to Oppong.  The crowd love every minute, singing his name in a not-altogether-friendly song regarding Stevie's penchant for...well, slipping.

The night passes in an alcoholic haze.  The KNVB Chairman knows what is coming next.  I leave the lads to celebrate with Zlatan and Drake, and make my way back to the hotel.  My phone has already begun to ring, in anticipation of my resignation.  Our next moves must be carefully considered, and my mind is already turning over the possibilities.

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Perhaps I shouldn't have spent so much time at my unveiling talking about how much I love waffles.  But...Zlatan got in my head, and I just couldn't stop myself.  Drake was giving me a look of sheer horror from offstage, but **** him.  He's the one who insisted on a second helping at breakfast.

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Not an ideal start to life in Belgium.  Ze Germans are ze Germans.  Romania has a solid crop of players right now, so that result is a bit misleading, too.  We've got a relatively favorable draw for the Euros...a three-team race with Ireland and Sweden, but one we should do well in.

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All this downtime between Belgian matches, Zlatan and Drake are getting antsy.  They're bored.  Which means they're scheming while binge-watching Big Brother, Season 124...which is never good.  Idle hands, and all.

Thankfully they trust my judgment.  But having turned down the likes of Leverkusen, Sampdoria and Arsenal...suffice to say their patience is finite.

When I saw them lugging sacks of salt into the backyard, I'd had enough.  They've been shipped off to Gibraltar and Moldova on scouting missions, for our first Euro qualifiers in 2 months' time.

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On 05/03/2019 at 05:54, Sir_Liam said:

Congratulations on the Champions League and World Cup trophies.

You need to be in Spain next to stop Real Madrid.

Great minds think alike, brother...

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On 06/03/2019 at 02:10, noikeee said:

So after months of not reading anything, I catch up and realise you've only won 5 Champions League and 4 World cups in the meantime. Not good enough. 

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All kidding aside...I've been struggling with whether to continue with this save at all.  There are not enough hours in the day, and I've already been largely absent from the forums off and on for a while.

After much deliberation, I'm continuing on with the save but will be changing the frequency and format of my updates, particularly the end-of-season ones.  The idea being...keep the shenanigans and updates flowing, without getting bogged down in process.  

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I represent that one thing you've never been able to kill, no matter how hard you try. I am hope.

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Celta Vigo / Belgium -- March 2047

At long last, our patience is rewarded.  An opportunity of the kind we've been waiting for.  A chance to broaden our horizons and manage in a new country...and disrupt the natural order of things, given Real Madrid's near-complete dominance over the last 2 decades.  A side playing beneath its potential.  A side with world-class youth prospects, in need of new leadership.  A side where numerous illustrious managers have failed to bring the glory long promised.  Two familiar faces, as well, with Matrim and Boli in the XI.

Until now.

With 8 matches to play, we'er 9 points off the Champions League spots...but only 1 off of the Europa League.  That has to be our target...along with revamping an aging, overpaid squad.

The Galician revolution has begun.  And it will be televised.  And streamed.  Live-blogged.  Acted out in mime.  Etcetera, etcetera...

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An eventful first match in charge, after the international break.  To get the lads up to speed, Zlatan has been sectioning off the training pitch in color-coded, numbered squares, 3 meters on a side.  He also invested in two dozen shock collars, used to train police dogs....I know better than to ask about those.  The less I know, the better, for liability purposes.

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I've just read this all in one go and am furious that I didn't follow this from the start. What an amazing career you've had so far. What mad assistants you have. And who in their right mind would continue to employ a commentator who consistently tries to commit on-air homicide on his co-worker? Madness, fraudulence, brilliance. Keep up the good work mate!

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7 hours ago, shaunvamos said:

I've just read this all in one go and am furious that I didn't follow this from the start. What an amazing career you've had so far. What mad assistants you have. And who in their right mind would continue to employ a commentator who consistently tries to commit on-air homicide on his co-worker? Madness, fraudulence, brilliance. Keep up the good work mate!

Glad to have you on board, man!  

As far as Jamie and Gary go, they're the dynamic duo.  Ratings are everything...

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And so, does the destination matter? Or is it the path we take?

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Celta Vigo / Belgium -- 2046/47 Season Review

3 months are just enough time to start finding our rhythm.  To identify the dead wood, the puffed-up Billy Big-Bollocks, and the diamonds in the rough.  We've got work to do here in Galicia.  I just hope that the Board and supporters have the stomach for the squad cull that is imminent.  Because this squad is good enough not to embarrass ourselves in the Europa League next year...but our sights must be set much, much higher.

Goals for 2047/48: Qualify for the Champions League and Euro 2048.  Challenge Real Madrid in La Liga.

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Champions League Review

A solid year in the CL, as the Midget Beast's Monaco eliminate urCristiano's United in the semifinals, before beating Charly Musonda's Leeds in the final.  And that's another eligible team off the list...

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Challenge Overview

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