bigmattb28

The Journeyman Jock - The Chairman’s intent Baz was sitting in the corner of the waiting room at the airport when I walked in, he was sat with his headphones on. He noticed me, took them out and said ‘Do ya’ reckon she ever did?’ ‘You what?’ I asked, confused as I took a seat ‘Turn back time’ ‘I haven't’ got the patience for your sh*t Baz, I’m walking, actually no, we’re all walking a very f*cking fine line at the minute, I don’t…..’ He cut me off ‘Cher, you know who I mean, the singer. Looks exactly the same now as she did when we were kids, I’d give her one to be fair. Anyway she was saying in that song she’d change some things if she could turn back time. I’m just asking if you know if she ever managed to turn back time or not’ ‘We’ve just been taken by the fuzz from Stantons funeral, in front everyone we know, our familys, the priest and Stantons box, held in the station for hours getting drilled on match fixing and drug smuggling and….’ he cut me off ‘Hang on pal, you were asked about drugs, not me. They wanted to know why I went to San Marino and how I paid for it. I got asked about fixing some of our games last season but nout on drugs’ ‘Right whatever, but we’ve been made look like idiots, I’ve been embarrassed by these f*cks again and all you can think to say, all you’ve got to ask is if Cher turned back f*cking time?!’ ‘It’s a valid question’ ‘Aye it might be if we were off our nut on Molly in some gaff in the middle of nowhere at half 4 in the morning ya pr*ck, not when we’ve just been released from Aber-f*cking-deen constabulary and heading back to Italy! If they heard you asking sh*t like that they’d deffo think we were on the take and are shipping gear around!’ This guy, I swear he tests me on purpose. Wilson managed to get me released from the station pending further investigation, but up to now all they’ve got is circumstantial evidence and nothing that can stick to me in court. Wilson did say they reckon they’ve got a recording of a footballer, didn’t say who, but apparently this player is on tape confirming I asked him to take money to do something in a game. What that something is hasn’t been said yet, but I’m pretty sure I never asked any player to do anything like that. As we were never arrested we’re not on bail so are free to go back to San Marino, and I got the first flight from Aberdeen to Milan. Before boarding I’d spoken briefly to Stefano de Luca, the chairman and our boss at San Marino, and he seemed absolutely fine despite me being back a day later than I was supposed to be. He gave an interview outside the stadium which has garnered quite a bit of interest there, so I found it online and watched it on the flight: ‘As for the allegations against our first team and cup winning manager, I say two things on that account. One, as is the case in Scotland it rings true here in San Marino, he is innocent until proven guilty. I have spoken to him briefly on the matter and have every faith he is telling me the truth. After we briefly spoke about his questioning, of which he hasn’t been arrested and when he will report back to the club, we discussed matters pertaining to the upcoming Serie C season. Second is that old saying guilty by association. Now I know one of the first team coaches, David Barron, has also been questioned by the authorities in Scotland, but like Jock I have every faith in my staff being exonerated from these allegations sooner rather than later. I also firmly believe that David has been dragged into this due to being associated with Jock, who in turn has been dragged into this mess by being associated with people in Turkey. I do not take an interest in either mans personal lives or the company they keep, and until these false allegations hinder my teams progression or my staffs ability to work here, I won’t be making any further comment on it. It is my intention to keep an open mind on the matter as well as giving Jock and the rest of the staff and players my full ongoing support, and repeat again, until proven otherwise both of my accused staff are innocent and will be treated as such by me and the club. Thank you’ He did seem to have my back really. I get that he’s probably trying to look on the positive side to try and control any damage to the club or the perception of it, but he seemed genuine when he told me to get back to San Marino when I can, put this behind me and get on with the season. I did have a meeting with the players the day I got back, and from I gather they’re all on board. Pavel and Anibal, 2 of my most trusted and reliable players last season both speak to me in private and told me of a players only meeting yesterday, and that all the players aren’t going to let these allegations affect them, which I thought was both professional and kind of them to do for me. I’d decided that from now on, I’ve got to, absolutely have to keep my head down and out of trouble. Not that I’ve actually been in any trouble, but the company I keep, as my boss said in the press release, I am guilty by association. I made a mental note to speak with the Doctor when I saw him, in fact I’d not spoken to him since Stanton's funeral 4 days ago. My guess, as is the police’s is that he’d fled Aberdeen and gone somewhere to lie low. It’s not unusual for him to disappear for days at a time so I’m not too bothered, he’ll ring me or show up randomly at some point anyway. As I was thinking about him my phone rang. I’ve been cautious to only give this number to a few people, staff here at the club, Alexa has it who I've not spoke to in over a year actually, Baz, Runner Up the usual's. ‘H-heloo?’ I say, surprising myself how worried I sound ‘Mister football manager, back in sunny San Marino are we? Rhetorical question, Its Special Agent Hunter, I’m sure you remember me’ The Canadian Yank FBI pr*ck. Great. ‘Nope, can’t say I do’ ‘Don’t try being funny Mister McGhee. I’m really only calling as a courtesy to you’ ‘As a f*cking courtesy? You had me taken out of my pals funeral literally 4 f*cking days ago! Anyway how did you get this number?’ ‘I’m the FBI, I can find anyone's number at any point whenever I want’ I let the comment hang a moment before he continued ‘I just wanted you to know that we’ve not forgotten about you or your crimes, and that we’re still building a case against you’ Trying to get him to think I’m not ar*ed I say ‘whatever sh*t brick, you’ve got nout on me cos I’ve done nout wrong’ ‘Be that as it may Joseph, you’re in bed with those political nobodies in Turkey who have helped you in more ways than they should’ve done and trust me I’m this close to proving it, not to mention that reprobate Robert Robson you hang around with, well he’s going to be getting brought in by the Italian authorities very soon, and when he does he’s ours’ ‘First off, nobody ever calls me Joseph, not even my mam ya’ pr*ck, and ya can get to f*ck about the Doctor being taken in, he’s kept his nose clean for ages, he’s sound’ ‘Really? Where is he now then?’ ‘No comment ya wee sh*te’ ‘I’ll tell you where he is, he’s on his way down to Catania, in Sicily where he’s to board a small boat heading out of a port on the coast into another port in Malta, where’s he going to meet some people and collect a shipment of opioid painkillers and heroin, skag I believe you Scots call that horrid stuff. Oh I should mention at this point that the people he’s meeting are undercover DEA agents who have been probing organised crime in Sicily which ties into some things going on in Boston. Anyway you won’t be able to reach your friend the surgeon as he’s..…’ I cut this arrogant twit off ‘It’s the Doctor you pr*ck you know that, and why should I believe a word you say’ ‘Because you jumped up overachieving piece of sh*t, his listed abode is the clubs barracks in San Marino, you’re his listed next of kin, oh and he’s already been bringing cocaine and LSD into the club and distributing it to the players under you command......’ I hung up the phone not wanting to hear any more of this. F*ck now I’m worried though. The Doctor does like to get involved in some stupid things, but surely to god he’s not on his way down south, then to Sicily and then to Malta? I need to find him, double quick! == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - 24 hours in Aberdeen Two more football personalities arrested in Scotland on suspicion of match fixing - The Scottish Herald Football match fixing: 2 Scots, 1 English arrested in Aberdeen by Scotland Yard investigators - The Scotsman Match Fixing truth, Scotsmen and Motherwell native are innocent! - The Motherwell Chronicle Italy based head coach at the top of match fixing probe - Scottish Mail on Sunday Current player in Turkey claims he was approached whilst playing for Scottish manager in 2018, claims he denied taking any bribes and Scot is innocent - News of the World online 14 thousand Euro the fee to throw a game, claims Turkey based footballer - ESPN Europe Much like in Ankara I was put in a dimly lit interview room in 1 of Aberdeen's police stations, the air was thick but cold, and I could feel the accusing stares of the officer already in the room, who identified himself as Deputy Police Constable Callahan of North East Police Scotland. ‘Your attorney won’t be here for at least another couple of hours Mister McGhee, why not speak to me off the record until then?’ I just shook my head at this, no way was I speaking to this fat p*ick on or off the record without Wilson being here with me ‘Just so you’re aware your cooperation with me now will mean you’re more likely to gain favour with the judge and the FBI when they get here’ Another shake of my head ‘Your friend Mister Barron was slightly less willing to come down here, he, erm bare with me’ this schmuck ruffled some papers and put on his reading glasses then said ‘ahh yes, in the report here he was said to be cuffed and dragged, kicking and screaming into the squad car making a mockery of young James Stantons funeral. As well as the current allegations against him he’s going to get charged with resisting arrest and assaulting an officer’ I wasn’t gonna get baited in his game and speak, another shake of my head was all he got. I knew he was lying to get me talking, as I was getting into the car at the church I saw Bazza was also being taken into a car and he was cuffed and kept his mouth shut, something he’s done plenty of times with the police. He lit a cigarette and before long the stale scent of it lingered in the room. I kept my gaze on Callahan but his own stare, with a raised left eyebrow bore right back at me and I could actually feel it piercing through me, casting doubt on my own innocence. ‘Sh*t, he’s good’ I silently thought to myself. He leant over and pressed a button on the recorder in the middle of the table ‘I’ve broken stronger men than you in my sleep’ he said taking a puff on the cig ‘and once I break you my progression to Chief Constable will be sure to come’ I didn’t give 2 squirts of p*ss about this guys career I’ve got my own career to worry about. He won’t break me because I’ve got nothing to hide. I did crack slightly though by saying ‘I’m telling you now, on the record if you wanna put that thing back on, that I’ve got f*ck all to hide, I’ve done nothing wrong’ ‘Oh the drug dealing match fixing football manager finally speaks’ he said with a sort of arrogance that seemed like he alone had made me speak Just as I was thinking this can’t get any worse, that Yank Canadian p*ick Lance Field and his lap dog Hunter Smith, both wearing punch me in the face grins, had walked in holding a briefcase each and walking like they owned the place. ‘Ahh there you are Mister McGhee’ This Lance p*ick said ‘I’ve been meaning to catch up with you’ ‘Go f*ck your mother’ ‘Ooohh deary me is someone on their period’ Hunter this time laughing as he said that ‘Didn’t you hear me sh*t head, go f*ck his mother with him’ I said nodding to Lance ‘Well now the pleasantries are out of the way let's get to why we’re all here shall we’ Not waiting for me to answer, he pulled a folder out of his gay little suitcase and said ‘here we have pictures I’d like you to explain to me Jock. Is this thing on?’ he said pointing to the tape recorder, and like a good little lap dog Hunter leant over and checked it ‘it is now’ ‘Right, what do you see here, Mister McGhee?’ he pushed the picture towards me ‘For the record, I aren’t saying anything from this moment on until my solicitor gets here’ Not batting an eyelid Lance said ‘He’ll be a while I’m told. Anyway for the tape I’ll explain what this is. Here in the picture labelled Roger Oscar Niner dash Alpha we can clearly see Mister McGhee, the accused, walking with a lady in a business suit’ he moved the picture even closer to me ‘and in his hand is an envelope which we believe on good authority is a sum of money, estimated to be roughly thirteen thousand Euro. Explain please Jock’ I just stared right through this smug p*ick. I did look down at the picture though, and it was me and Alexa walking hand in hand, I assume out of the New Years party last January as that was the last time I saw her in person. The envelope is actually under her arm which is next to mine, hardly me holding it but at a quick glance it might look like it was in my hand. It’d never hold up in court though I’m sure Wilson would be able to dismiss it. I wanted to say that to him but I wasn’t going to, I wanted to know where this 13 big ones I’m supposed to have gotten has gone, I’ve never had that much money in 1 go in my whole life. ‘Silent treatment, cute. Anyway let's take a look at this next picture, labelled for the tape Roger Oscar Niner dash Bravo’ Hunter doing some work this time ‘Mister McGhee is sat at a table with 3 other gentlemen, the first to Mister McGhees left is a known loan shark in the Ankara area known only as Jed, the second immediately next to Jed is a fellow American by the name of Tommy No Shoes who is also being accused of fixing matches, in Turkey and Greece mainly, as well as The States, and in between Tommy and Mister McGhee is Robert Robson, better known as the Doctor. Explain this please, for the record Jock’ The arrogance in this muppets tone made me wanna leap over the table and Rock Bottom his a*s right through it In my head I told myself I know this Tommy, he was with the Doctor quite a lot of our time in Ankara, and this meeting wasn’t even a meeting. We’d all been at my flat the night before having a little get together, beers, coke, poker and I think the boxing or UFC was on, nothing out the ordinary. The place in this picture was a cafe about 2 minutes down the road from the flat in Turkey. We’d all ordered coffee and some food as we were all rough. ‘I can tell by the look on your face you’re thinking this through, so let me help me you’ Lance pulling out a piece of paper ‘for the tape I am handing Mister McGhee a newspaper clipping from 16th April 2017 in which it shows that Mister McGhee’s former football team he was the first team manager of, Etimesgut FC based in Ankara, had won 5-1 the day before this photo was taken. Let me put it like this, your team had gone on a run of 8 games without a win, some would say this is quite unusual seeing as how you’d been playing quite well for the most part, but then out of nowhere after back to back to back losses and a team out of form, you win 5-1. You’re then seen with a loan shark, someone that could lend you a big chunk of money, as well as someone that is known both to the FBI and police in Turkey to fix matches. You just happen to be there and it is the opinion of these 2 FBI officers that you had loaned the money from Jed, paid it to Tommy no Shoes who between you both decided how you’d be fixing the previous 3 losses, Tommy has claimed the money back on the bets of those 3 losses around Turkey, met up with you, given you your cut which we believe is somewhere in the region of twenty eight thousand Euro. You paid Jed back his money plus interest and you and Tommy are a few thousand Euro richer. Care to prove me wrong?’ F*ck me they’ve put quite the story together is all I could think. First I was given 13 grand in January and now I’m nearly another 30 grand better off, if only eh! The next picture was pushed my way, in it I’m walking down a street with Tommy and we’ve both got a couple of bags each. I remember this day, we’d been to a high street shopping for clothes, I’d bought some shorts and a pair of jeans, can’t remember what Tommy bought. But we’d been with the Doctor and Jed earlier that day and were meeting up with them after the shopping ‘Those shopping bags are bound to contain some expensive items don’t you think Agent Smith?’ ‘Yes Agent Field, I’m sure the contents were expensive, especially the Armani shades in the grey bag Mister McGhee is holding’ I’ve never owned a pair of Armani shades in my life so god knows where these idiots have got that from. But they persisted ‘Obviously putting the match fixing money to good use I’d say. Care to tell us otherwise Mister McGee?’ ‘Well any money he did have left he blew it in the bookmakers later that afternoon. How much did you win back that day?’ I remember going in the bookies but don’t think I put any bets on, betting isn’t really my thing I’ve ever won much if anything betting. So I carried on keeping quiet. This went on for what seemed like hours, picture after picture of me at various places with various people, The Doctor mostly but a couple more of me and Alexa at the New Years party and talking some random people, me speaking with fans outside the stadium where apparently corrupt members of Turkish parliament were there, not that I knew that for sure. There was 1 of me and Fatih Aktay in the car park outside the Etimesgut stadium, if memory serves me this was after we lost the first leg of the play offs and Aktay was distraught with himself. He’d missed a really good chance in the second half, a glancing header when he was unmarked. On another day, or maybe with a bit more experience he’d have chested it down and either half volleyed it or let it drop to shoot, but it wasn’t meant to be. I was telling him to try and forget it, as a team we didn’t do enough collectively to win the tie as we went down 2-1. Lance trying to say this was me giving him his payment for missing chance after chance on purpose and throwing the game. I didn’t say this but we only had 2 clear cut chances, the aforementioned header and the goal we scored early in the first. Hardly throwing the game away. More pictures and more accusations thrown my way. But I held firm and didn’t say a word, the years of growing up as a delinquent in Motherwell paying off. Eventually Hunter sighed and said ‘I was holding this off until the time was right and you’d exhausted all your options, but I feel now is the right time to present this to you’ ‘Agent Smith, you don’t mean…’ this Yank p*ick trying to be all dramatic like he was in a comedy version of CSI Miami ‘Yes Agent Field, I feel Mister McGhee needs to know this so he can lie his, oops sorry I mean find how he’s going to defend himself against this damning evidence’ He leaned into his bag and pulled a cassette out of it. He put the cassette in the player that doubled up as the voice recorder and it started playing ‘And you’re certain you know the implications of this? The first voice said 1 I didn't recognise ‘Yes I am aware’ the second said. Was it a familiar voice, or had I been in this room too long and my mind was playing tricks on me? 'So you’re happy to testify in court, either here in Turkey or elsewhere, that you were asked by the Scotsman..…..’ as the tape played there was a small knock at the door, Hunter stopping the recording ‘I’m sorry Sarge, I’ve got a pretty irate man at….’ then the door burst open and stepped in my knight in shining armour, more like dark grey suit and glasses ‘This is harassment of the highest order. Firstly thank you for sending me the evidence you have on my client, but let me be frank, it is circum-f*cking-stancial at best and you know it!’ Wilson showing some fire I’ve not seen in him ‘Let me also be frank by saying that I will be charging you both personally for harassment, emotional damage, character defamation and wasting my f*cking time’ He stopped, took a breath and said ‘furthermore you’ve not even arrested my client or if you have you haven’t informed me of his arrest. Another breath and he said ‘Jock what did you tell them?’ ‘Other than telling these 2 to go f*ck his mother, absolutely nout!’ ‘Great, get up, you're leaving’ == == == == ==

Good this @WLKRAS keep it up

The Journeyman Jock - How long will they mourn me? The train from Glasgow to Aberdeen was exactly 33 minutes late. An excellent showing by GNER standards. Aberdeen isn’t somewhere I’ve been many times, but it does seem like a nice place to have bad habits in. On the train up from Glasgow The Doctor had brought a portable speaker, 2 boxes of 20 cans of Carlsberg, a pouch with some acid tabs in and an eighth of coke. About 15 minutes into the train ride the speaker was put on full blast and Duran Durans Wild Boys was playing out. Baz the absolute melt was singing along as he and Simon Le Bon were telling us about a murder by the roadside in a sore new world when the conductor came over and asked us to be quiet down ‘Gerraway man’ the Doctor started in his drunken Geordie ‘it’s rock and roll all the way to Aberdeen innit’ ‘Shut up ya’ pr*ck the only thing rock and roll about you is the amount of drugs you take!’ I said as I turned the volume down. It didn’t stop Baz carrying on telling us that the wild boys never lose and they never chose this way however. During the just short of a 3 hour train ride the conductor came back and told us, in no particular order to calm down multiple times, quiet down, shut up please you’re annoying the other passengers, please be quiet you’ve woken a set of triplets up who won’t go back to sleep, I don’t care how good a footballer you are I’ve never heard of David Barron, Stranraer aren't a massive club, any more of that and I’ll be ringing the transport police, no sir I don’t want or need a booster line to get me through my shift, and my personal favourite are you alright sir your face looks like Nicola Sturgeon licking monkey sp*nk off a bus stop window? The Doctor had just double dropped some acid tabs at that point. We did make it to the church with a good 20 minutes to spare despite GNER and The Doctors best efforts though, and as we were making our way in Baz said ‘Ahh keep cool lads’ as two cave dwelling looking blokes both with faces for radio approached us ‘his family’s all a load of soap dodgers’ ‘F*cking Mackems’ the Doctor said ‘Not Sun’land ya’ welp, they’re Weegies, vermin them lot’ Bazza said The Doctor looked even more confused than he usually does so I enlightened him ‘Weegies pal, people from Glasgow. If you have trouble understanding us 2 wait til ya’ hear what these knuckle draggers sound like’ The first man came close and shook each of our hands and turned to me ‘ya’ that fitba manger are ye’ likesay’ ‘Aye’ I replied in the most couldn’t be ar*ed tone I could muster ‘Ye’ gaunnae be hiedin’ the jail likesay thim dodgy cernts tha’ fix tha’ fitba games, ken’ the other unwashed said ‘Get te’ f*ck Ker’ the first soap dodger said before I could have a word with this mouthy sh*te, but then adds as he looks at me ‘he’s just breekin’ ya balls’ I accept this as a truce, for now. As I’m back in the company of other Scots in the great nation, I found myself reverting back to my Scottish-isms of old when I said ‘ah nee bother ah ken he’s no meanin’ harm’ ‘Listen the now, Ker’s ma wee brar, ken, he’s Jimmy’s uncle, he’s no Weegie, likesay he’s a Jambo aint’ ya’ Ker’ ‘S’right ah am’ If you don’t know, a Jambo is someone from Edinburgh that supports Hearts, a Hibbie is someone that’s also from Edinburgh but supports Hibs. I clocked the Doctor looking at Bazza and saying ‘I cannit understand a word these doss c*nts are saying, Baz translate for us will ya’ ‘Whae ye’ callin’ a c*nt ken? The second soap dodger turned Jambo remarked before the good Doctor said ‘who ye’ calling Ken ya’ c*nt?’ ‘He dinnae mean nee harm ken, he’s English, Geordie likesay’ Baz jumping in and also reverting to our native tongue ‘Ahh Englis’ eh, ah divvint hate the Englis’, yous are just w*nkers’ the Jambo c*nt Ker says in a lets calm it down tone but with eyes saying try it I dare ya. The Doctor looks ready to start swinging and verbally lays into this Jambo tw*t without stopping for a breath by saying ‘who’re you calling a w*nker like ya’ f*cking haggis bothering p*ss poor lager drinking turnip pulling Braveheart w*nking over pr*ck?’ he emphasized the word pr*ck in a way I’ve ever heard, it was a thing of beauty. I’ve never been one to diffuse a good ol’ social argument, but seeing as how the Doctor will fight anyone any day of the week twice on Fridays, I felt the only way I could stop him and Jimmy’s Jambo and Weegie relatives without compromising myself or showing like I’m taking sides with any sort of decency, is to stick to the clichés, and hope to f*ck that this other mouthy c*nt is a blue and not a green ‘F*ck the green sister sh*gging c*nts likesay, what kin ya dea wi’ the league ahh helpin’ they c*nts ever’ week eh’ again with the Scottish dialect, before adding ‘forcin’ Gillespie to leave the Well likesay’ the Doctor looking well and truly scoobied now not having a clue what’s being said, Baz stood straight fists clenched, ready to start throwing. Jimmy’s uncle, the Jambo, seemingly forgetting the Doctors jibes said ‘The Well be deein’ a’right eh, that Robbo got em’ shitein’ Celtic ahl’ season’ likesay’ As the conversations steered from insults and arguing to hating Celtic and the SPL in general, we made our way into the church as the funeral got underway. I was sat next Runner Up on my left, Bazza to my right, the Doctor wasn’t sat with us I assumed he was outside, probably sorting the consumables for the wake afterwards, and Leb was sliding in to sit next to Baz. I didn’t see when Leb turned up or who he was with, he just appeared as he usually does. I did notice however that he was wearing these horrible looking chinos with a gold cowboy style bull horn belt and a massive high waist and whilst not a great idea for most people, it looks absolutely disastrous on a fat c*nt. ‘He’ll be glad for the silence that lad’ a girl said as she sat on the pews in front of me before adding ‘never stopped did he wor’ Jimmy’. Her friend smiling solemnly as she also took her seat ‘Here pet move ya’ barnet will ya, a canny see a thing here likes’ Baz said to the girl who had a big hat on, one of those hats the fairer sex wear on ladies day at the races ‘Show some respect will ya’ she scowled back at ‘Aye a would if a could see the c*nt in his bastardin’ box but yur’ f*cking helmets in the way’ ‘Sssssh ya’ wee pr*ck’ an old boy on the opposite side said ‘Ye’ talking’ to me ya’ f*cking coffin dodger?’ Not waiting for a response he added ‘You’ll be joining Stanton up there if ya’ carry on likes’ he took a moment to let the comment hang before adding ‘As I said to this bint I would shut up if ah could f*cking well see me pal and his box but I cannit see a b*starding thing’ ‘What is there to see anyhow? Leb said ‘it’s just the Rabbi speaking then we’re off on the booze’ ‘Priest ya’ f*cking melt! Not all of us have had half our pipe chopped off and are Jewish! Anyways when did you get here Leb?’ Baz said The old boy piped back up ‘and what right you got to wanna see anything anyway? Nee’ ones seen you roond here since ya’ f*cked off to Italy wi’ tha’ f*ckin’ criminal next to ya’ and pointed at me This got my attention, so I leant forward to give this old boy the eyes and a visual warning, but as I was about to say something Runner Up stood up and said ‘heerrreeee….nooowwww….yooouuu….’ he went on for a few moments in which everyone stopped talking and just watched this dribbling idiot try and diffuse the situation by boring us all to death to join Stanton in the coffin at the end of the aisle. As he was in his groove and onto his fourth maybe fifth word the girl without the big hat in front of me turned around and said ‘what’s his deal?’ and nodded to Runner Up who was in full flow now ‘thhhaaatttt’ssss….myyyyyy….gooodd….’ ‘He’s been hit in the face a few times, probably doesn’t even know where he is’ ‘Aahhnnddd……….arhhllll…….…neevveerrr…… She giggled and said ‘it’s not Runner Up is it?’ I just nodded and say ‘aye daft lad’s on about fighting again’ ‘I didn't recognise him’ she as she giggled then added ‘He canny stand up straight never mind get back to fighting’ My turn to laugh at Runner Up’s expense. I asked the girl ‘do I know you?’ ‘You don’t remember me do ya’ Jock?’ I didn’t, but before I could say that to her and lay on the charm someone had sat next to me and pulled my arm towards him ‘We can do this the easy way or the hard way’ ‘Who the f*ck…’ ‘Behave Jock, It’s James Stanton’s funeral, all his and most of your family are here today, believe it or not I’m on your side’ ‘As I was saying who the f*ck….’ He showed me his badge and said ‘We’ve got word from the FBI that they want us to detain you for your arrest. I’m from Scotland Yard, the FBI claim to have enough information to arrest you. I’m here as a courtesy, 1 Scot to another. They’ll have sent someone this side of Washington to pick you up I’m sure but come with me now and we can try get ahead of them’ ‘Really? At my pals f*cking funeral you come to arrest me’ I said this a bit loud as a couple of people turned towards me ‘Believe me I’d rather have done this as quietly as possible but my hands been forced on this. For what it’s worth I respect you and what you’ve done with your career and I don’t believe you’re guilty of these crimes’ ‘F*king right I’m not, it’s bullsh*t, anyway where’s that Geordie f*cker….’ he pressed closer to me and cut me off ‘Forget him, he’s the one who’s brought all this on, he’ll be the reason why you go down. Also we can’t locate him I was hoping you knew where he was’ He took a moment and looked around before continuing ‘We had eyes on you and Mister Robson until you both came in the church, but he’s since gone awol’ another moment passed ‘I shouldn’t tell you this either, but as he’s English the FBI have contacted the North Tyneside Constabulary to bring him in, so he’ll probably be taken down to Newcastle once they find him. I’m not sure what they’ve got on him but it’s probably more than what we’ve been given on you’ ‘Right, but if he’s innocent like I am then what’ ‘That’s a long way off yet. Even if you are proven innocent today it’ll be a while before they’ll officially exonerate you’ ‘Just as my f*cking career was back on track. I won the f*cking cup last month ya’ know’ ‘Aye I’d seen that when I was looking into you’ he waited a moment before adding ‘I’d have you at Hearts, you seem like a good manager of sh*t teams’ I just smiled and said 'Stanton was a Hibbie ya' know' and then rubbed the bridge of my nose and squinted my eyes, and for the first time since I heard about Stantons death I actually cried a little. ‘What’s my options then?’ ‘You come with me now, we go down to the station and we discuss the charges. I can hold off whoever the FBI send until they themselves get here…’ my turn to cut him off ‘The FBI aren’t gonna be coming to Aberdeen are they?’ ‘They’ll probably want us to move you to Edinburgh or possibly Glasgow, but as a Scottish citizen you’ll be our responsibility and we’ll be included in any meetings they have’ ‘What have they got on me?’ ‘I don’t want to go into it here, all I can say is they’ve given us authority to arrest you based on what they say they’ve got, but as I say my hands are tied and we’ve been told we’re to take you in. I didn’t want to come here I wanted to wait until after the service, I also don’t want this to be any harder than it already is’ ‘Right, well let’s get it over with. Oh before we leave let me ring my solicitor…’ ‘Mister Wilson has already been informed. He should be on a train by now’ ‘I aren’t speaking until he gets here’ ‘Appreciated, you’ll have to stay in a holding cell until he does I’m afraid’ We stood up and the plain clothes officer led the way. The old boy with the mouth from the other set of pews stood and pointed and said ‘I telt ya’s he’s a criminal, I telt ya’s all him and tha’ Geordi Bob ahlways with the crimes thems like’ I just shot him a look and he sat down. So instead of saying goodbye to an old friend, I got led out of the service by this guy and into an unmarked car. If you’re keeping count, in 3 years I’ve had dealings with the Turkish Police, The FBI, The Italian FA, The Metropolitan Police and now Scotland Yard. Just the CIA and The Mossad to tick off my list now. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Summer 2019 Choose to go the introduction meeting at the student union on your first day at Dundee College of the Arts Choose to engage in conversation with a guy wearing Aviators indoors, along with a t shirt that said F**K the corporate world, a pair of chinos and his hair in an inverted bob. It was the style at the time, for females Choose to literally be a College Dropout, as per the namesake of 1 of your favourite albums ever, Kanye’s masterpiece 9 days after starting your History of Art in Sports course 01/05 - The Doctor arranges an end of season party for the San Marino first team at some hotel in Serravalle. During the festivities of which I indulge in a lot of alcohol, I confidently and drunkenly announce to the players that next season a play off finish is achievable. The teams placed 2nd to 10th go into the play offs, which I think is certainly doable seeing as how we finished 14th this season and won the cup. Bazza is waving my way as I leave the stage to a mixed reaction to my announcement. 02/05 01:13 - After the players, Mark Jauk and the chairman leave the hotel, myself, Bazza, Runner Up and the Doctor end up on a train heading East for a place on the coast called Pesaro. During the train ride we consume more cans of beer, the Doctor and Bazza racking up lines of powder consistently and Runner Up dribbling all over his chest. I try to refrain from partaking on the back of being a cup winning football manager ‘get ta f*ck will ya, that’s never stopped ya before ya c*nt’ Baz proclaims. I cave to peer pressure and hoover up 3 lines in quick succession 06/05 (I think) - a few days which feels like a week after the end of season party and I’m in some randoms gaff cuddled up next to a brunette bird who’s releasing her inner Runner Up and drooling over me as we’re both chatting sh*t to each other and how we’re both cut from the same cloth, she speaks remarkably good English. Bazza is wearing an Italy flag as a kilt and is still going strong in the middle of a chess game with a fella that claims he’s Frankie Dettori, the jockey. I’ve not seen the Doctor since we got to this house, however long ago that was and Runner Up is laid asleep on the kitchen counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Asher Roth’s debut album Asleep in the bread aisle comes to mind. Choose to skip trying Marijuana and instead choosing to go all in from the off with ketamine being the first ever drug you take on the evening you dropped out of college 19/05 - Fatih Aktay finishes the season back in Altinordu who we loaned him from, managing 34 games and a measly 7 goals. He needs me to thrive but does get a move to Patrick Vieira’s Osmanlı FC in the Turkish first division on a free to play backup to Ryan Babel up front. Etimesgut and their new manager finished 15th on 38 points and 1 point above the relegation zone. Ugur Turk got in the 1860 first team last season and got 17 in 34, it’s definitely the playing time with me that did that. Staying in Turkey, Bursaspor and that weird crocodile shaped stadium they’ve got were relegated from the Super League. There was also mention of them being linked to the match fixing scandal. Weird transfer story of the summer time now. Sammy Ameobi of Newcastle had left to sign for West Ham for 9 million in January of the 16/17 season while Newcastle were in the middle of their Championship winning season. He’d played in 13 games and got 13 goals in the second division. In the 2 and half years since as a West Ham player in the Premier League he’d made a respectable 76 appearances and got 15 goals and 25 assists in all competitions, with average ratings of 6.91, 7.1 & 7.2. That’s enough to tempt Chinese side Shanghai Shanggang to spend 33 million on him. Yes you read that right. Choose to wake up from your first ever ket hole on the hard shoulder of the M74 westbound missing 1 shoe, your Nike hoodie and your hat, wondering who the f*ck you are and how the f*ck did you survive the night. Choose between a double sausage and egg McMuffin meal from a Maccys or a bacon sarnie from a greasy spoon on the ar*e end of Glasgow as you make the first of many walks of shame on your way home. 03/06 - The official start of the Championship season as the fixtures are released a lot earlier than they usually are. Championship winners Nottingham Forest reward manager Ryan Giggs with a new 3 year contract. Blackburn Rovers come second and are joined by play off winners Swansea in the Premier League. Claude Makelele lasted less than a year at Sunderland, he’d won 9 of the last 15 games to stay in the championship the previous season, but lost 13 from the penultimate game of last season to November. He was replaced by Mark Pembridge, with not so relevant experience at Hull under 18’s for 1 season, and Fulham under 18’s for the previous 10. They finished 23rd and sacked Pembridge the day after they were officially relegated. Garry Monk takes over. Choose to reject the offers of football trials at such illustrious clubs as Bonnyrigg Rose Athletic, East Kilbride and Kelty Hearts, instead choosing to p*ss your football career up the wall with constant boozing and substance abuse. You’re only 21 and this is all you’re giving back to life. Something you’d normally see on a Football Manager save, Rafa Benitez has taken Newcastle from the second division to Premier League champions in 3 short seasons. Heading into the last game of the season, Newcastle were second on 86 points, behind Man United on goal difference by 1 goal. Newcastle drew 2-2 with Eddie Howes Bournemouth at Saint James Park whilst Jose Mourinho’s side stuttered at Old Trafford to lose 3-1 to Chelsea. Despite an amazing and unexpected second place finish last season no one thought Newcastle would go 1 step further and actually win it. The extra games in the Champions League were meant to hinder them. Anyone that put a bet on Newcastle to win it at odds of around 2500/1 would be a lot better off. Rafa wins back to back manager of the year awards. The other end of the table saw the Smoggies at Middlesboro finally succumb to relegation, after finishing 16th and 17th the previous 2 seasons to go down in 18th place. Brighton (19th) and West Brom (20th) follow them to the Championship On 10th February the dog nonces at Rangers sacked Steve McLaren while they were sat fifth in the league, with a you love to see it run of 2 wins, despite them both being over Motherwell, obviously, since December. They hired Alex Neil who was fresh off being sacked by Cardiff with a record of 12-4-16 in 8 months. Progress apparently. That same day the Rangers news was slightly overshadowed by the news that Liverpool had sacked Ralph Hassenhuttl, their third manager in as many years. This followed a run of 6 straight losses that saw them knocked out of the FA cup by QPR & getting beat 2-1 at Anfield by Man United. But the last straw was a 2-1 loss away at 13th placed West Ham, the winning goal scored by the aforementioned Sammy Ameobi. The only thing of note Ralph did in his time at Anfield was sign Christian Pulisic from Dortmund for 17 million. He played in 14 games, his solitary goal coming against relegation favourites Wigan and he posted no assists. Lee Johnson from Bristol City surprisingly takes over, with his Bristol City side overachieving in 9th place in the Premier League, Liverpool were 12th and 8 points behind Bristol upon his arrival. They finished 8th which is an improvement on last year's 10th, and Bristol 1 point and 1 place below in 9th. Warren Joyce, who took Wigan up to and managed to secure survival in the Premier League takes over at Bristol, who had put Shaun Derry in temporary charge until the end of the season. Sergio Aguero was the Premier League's top scorer with 29. Ze Gomes (more on him shortly) of Newcastle had 23 and Alexis Sanchez of Arsenal rounding out the top 3 with 22. Choose to go to a party in Glasgow put on by some guy called Goldy despite never meeting the bloke. Choose not to rubber up when you get to know a blonde girl a little better that same night. Choose to go to the clinic in the Maryhill part of Glasgow the next day complaining of stinging sensations when you p*ss. Choose not to tell anyone the blonde girl at the party gave you the clap. 18/06 - Since the World Cup last year the European International League was in full flow. There’s 4 divisions in this glorified friendly league. Whipping boys of Europe such as San Marino, the nation not my ever improving club side, Gibraltar and other no named hardly any hope nations like Kosovo, Malta and Latvia fail to win anything in Group D, AKA the losers group. The Northern Irish lot failed to win a game in Group C but do get a credible draw against Slovakia at Windsor Park, not that I care for anything to do with Northern Ireland. Despite being World Cup semi finalists, the greatest nation on Earth Scotland are also in Group C, but we boss it going unbeaten, winning 3 and drawing once, back to back wins over Israel, a win at Hampden over Montenegro and a 1-1 draw at their place. Promotion to Group B is secured, going up against big names such as The Republic of Ireland, hopefully we get drawn in their group (there’s 4 within each division), Denmark, Poland and relegated from Division A nations Belgium, Russia, Croatia and Italy surprisingly. England, still under Gareth Southgate, finished top of Division A, winning 2 and losing 2. Germany won the whole thing, beating England 3-1 in the final. Calls for Southgate to leave are unanswered as he’s rewarded for his constant failures with a new contract. Other notable international happenings were that Cape Verde (who?!?) won their maiden African Cup of Nations. The Asia Cup was won by Iran and the Copa America was won by Brazil 24/06 - My first choice center halves Marco Gorzegno & Ivan Knezovic officially retire and the job of scouting and signing replacements is well under way. Marco has taken some courses and is now a fully qualified scout and has signed on to be a scout for us, so he saw his first assignment as looking for his replacement. He manages to find a young player from Serie D side Forli, Davide Murelli, we open contract talks and agree to sign him, but the idea is he’s 1 for the future at 17. Marco sees a lot of himself in young Davide. Bazza insists he knows a few lads from Stranraer that will join us, despite Mark Jaulk continuingly telling him about the non-EU rule. Bazza says he’ll speak to some contacts at the league to get that changed. The same day Marco and Ivan retired, the SPL fixtures were released. Motherwell were showing a bit of that Rafa Benitez at Newcastle resolve as we finished runners up to you know who, winning 19, drawing 11 and losing 8. The Steelmen and my spirit animal in charge Steven Robinson also won the league cup, 1-1 after extra time but 5-2 on penalties over the snot gobblers from the green side of Glasgow. The bright lights of the Europa League beckons as we’re drawn against the big boys Saint Josephs of Gibraltar in the first qualifying round. The only sour note of the season being Celtic and their contacts at the SPL forced the transfer of all star goalkeeper Mark Gillespie from Motherwell to Celtic for a decent fee of 2.5 million. Gillespie stated publicly he wasn’t too keen on the move. Motherwell use the money to make Danial Barlaser’s loan from Newcastle permanent for 800k, his 37 games, 16 goals and 12 assists a key part in the second place finish, as well as signing left full back Alexandre from Jangying in China on a free. Robbo also used the Gillespie money to sign Stefano Okaka from Watford for 245K, and the loan signing from Arsenal of Donyell Malen who spent last season in the Championship at Wolves, scoring 17. Choose to work pay cheque to pay cheque in sh*tty jobs around Motherwell for minimum wage and live rent free at your parents house all through your twenties. Your da’s adamant he can get you a job down the Menzies factory and your ma tells you there’s a new Aldi opening soon. This should be the low point since choosing to fob off a career in football for gear and girls but it’s not. Up and comer Jadon Sancho, on loan from Man City, took Blackburn by the horns and to promotion from the Championship. In 42 games his 15 goals and 16 assists earning him Championship player of the year award. He signed on again on loan at Rovers for their first season back in the Premiership. Ze Gomes who Newcastle signed from Benfica was a key player for Rafa Benitez as he shows every other team how to go from the Championship to continued progress. 34 goals from Ze Gomes, 23 in the league to go with 16 assists, as he wins the leagues young player of the year. Red Bull Salzburg, a team I admire in a lot of ways and a Moneyball team of the highest order, signed a Norwegian kid called Erling Haaland in January from Molde. In the previous 2 seasons, 1 on loan at Brann in Norway, he managed 36 goals in all competitions. Since the Austrian league restarted in February after the winter break, he’s played in 14 of a possible 21 games and scored 13 goals. One to keep an eye on I’m sure. Choose to go for spinal cord surgery at the tender age of 28 which has a risk rating to go wrong of 40 percent. After being on an acid bender for 3 days you thought you were the Green Lantern and were having a fight with Spiderman, only to fall from the third floor of a block of flats in the Wester Hailes district of Edinburgh, as Runner Up and Leb are too spangled on LSD to help you. You’re laid on the concrete for well over 6 hours before an ambulance arrives. This right here is the low point of your life. Juventus won Serie A despite Napoli taking it to the final day of the season. Our affiliated club Cesena won Serie B and Brescia, Albinoleffe, Lecce, & Cosenza are promoted from Serie C. You already know that the soap dodgers won the SPL for the 2 millionth time, a massive 10 points over 2nd place Motherwell. Rangers nowhere to be seen as they finished 5th again. Alexander Mitrovic & Alexandre Pato combine to fire Anji Makhachkala (remember them!) to 2nd in the Russia Premier League as Spartak Moscow win the league. Anji also win the Russian FA Cup. Chelsea beat Manchester City 3-2 after extra time in the Europa League final. Tammy Abraham getting the winner just after the restart. Atletico Madrid beat Man United 4-0 in the Champions League final in a game that saw Koke, with laughable interest from Man United score a first half hat trick. Arsenal also beat Man United in the league cup final 2-1 to round out a terrible season for Jose Mourinho. First big transfer of summer 2019 is confirmed as Dmitri Payet turns his loan from Man City to league winners Newcastle permanent, 15 million the quoted fee. This transfer is followed by Zkovich going from Benifca to Monaco for 30 million. Jack Colback ends the most random 2 year loan deal by making the temporary move to AC Milan from Newcastle permanent for 5 million. He’s awarded Milans player of the season award this season and is talked about in the same breath as Gennaro Gattuso. As I say, random. Choose to become addicted to opioid painkillers and cheap booze instead of acid and coke post op. Choose to play Out of the park baseball for hours on end while in agonising pain in your ma’s dining room. Choose to have a lightbulb moment that will change everything. Casemiro leaves La Ligas third placed team Real Madrid to join Arsenal for 28 million, which paves the way for Alex Sanchez to demand a move to Manchester City for 57 million. Wanting to outdo themselves and needlessly spend more money every season, Man United signed Dele Ali from Spurs for 73 million, which causes yet another protest outside the New White Hart Lane stadium (terrible name), which is shown on Sky Sports News on the hour every hour. Mauricio Pochettino voiced his concerns publicly at the board going over his head yet again on transfers, and he is approached about the vacant Benfica job, which he accepts. Frank De Boer replaces him, and has to deal with Son Heung-Min, 14 league goals and 10 assists last season, leaving for Champions League winners Atletico Madrid, but does get to keep the 26 million they paid for him. He pays way over the odds, presumably that ever talked about ‘English tax’ for Saido Berahaino, 7 goals for Stoke last season at a cool 35 million, and Hakan Çalhanoglu, 12 goals in 3 years at Bayer Leverkusen, 30 million the fee. Keeping with Spurs / Man United, Jose Mourinho ruined Harry Kane by signing Robert Lewandovski last season who played in all 38 Premier League games. Kane only appeared in 21 games all from the bench but did get 27 league goals in his 2 years in Manchester. He is subsequently sold to Real Madrid for the small fee of 99 million. This transfer is to replace Karim Benzema who has rejoined Lyon for his final year as a player. Other manager transfer news sees Rafa Benitez, Premier League winner and Newcastle legend asked about taking over at PSG, Arsenal and Inter Milan in that order. He laughs off PSG in a press conference much like he did to Everton 2 years ago. He says he won’t leave Newcastle any time soon and certainly not for another English side and he doesn’t want to return to Italy just yet. PSG hire Rui Vitoria who is replaced at Benfica by Pochettino as mentioned, Arsenal hire Leo Jardim from Monaco and Inter recruit Vladimir Petkovic. Arsene Wenger takes the French national job. Choose bringing your oldest and closest friend with you to Ireland, and then to Turkey Choose not to question where he’s been when you don’t see him for days on end No random transfers to or from China at the minute, although Saudi Arabia seem intent on getting in on the act. Alexander Pato, who’s enjoyed a career resurgence at Anji, playing in a 4-4-2 big man / little man combo up front with Alexander Mitrovic, leaves Russia for Saudi side Al-Raed for 38 million, Anji seeing a cool 30 million profit on their investment. In the 2 seasons at Anji up front with Mitrovic he managed 28 goals and 19 assists, to go with the Russia FA cup and second place finish in the Russian Premier League. Marco Lemina leaves Serie A winners Juventus to sign for Al-Hilal for a 24 million transfer fee, and seeing a reported wage of 475k a week. Gary Medel, Joey O’Brien, Carlos Martins and Raul Meireles also joined teams in Saudi Arabia this summer. Choose to keep quiet when questioned by the police despite not knowing anything anyway Choose giving absolutely zero f*cks as you hop illegally from country to country hoping to hell you get through this 29/06 - Mirco Severini rings me from his holiday in Luxembourg, where he’s with Eric Veiga. Cesena have terminated his contract a year early, after new manager Marco Giampaolo cites cost cutting as the reason. I tell him we’ll sign him and he agrees to a slight pay cut but key player status. It’s a no brainer, average rating of 6.92. 15 assists and 9 goals to go with his signing of the season award, Sanogo (29 goals, 10 assists) got our player of the year. Both fully deserved the awards. Choose to rock up in the middle of f*cking nowhere and make a name for yourself with a sh*te football club Choose to win the cup and survive odds on relegation 02/07 - As a reward from winning the Coppa Italia Lega Pro cup last season, we’re given a place in the Coppa Italia, the Italian FA Cup. We’re drawn against Como, also of Serie C, but they’re in division A, we’re in B. 08/07 - The boys report back for pre-season training, as do new signings Nicola Calcagnotto (center half) Marco Russu (right full back) Kostas Meresiotis (left full back) and Clayton (31 caps for Luxembourg, right winger). Berardi has also signed on after his loan last year. This isn’t a full squad rebuild, more of a complementing the current team. I’m happy with the new signings and hopeful of progressing on our 14th place finish. We didn’t pay a single penny in transfer or agent fees, the Moneyball concept in full swing, I think. We're still on the lookout for another center half however. Choose to have your name mentioned in San Marino in the same breath as Andy Selva Choose to answer the phone to another private number, to get unexpected news, for the third summer in a row ‘Jock lad, it’s yur da’, ah’ve got suhm bad news son’ == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - My first review ‘Have that ya’ schmuck Trevor Best! You never gave me a f*cking chance did ya’? You never had the stones to let me carry on and show you what a great manager I am! You never let me show you what I could do with a team, well, I’m going to show you and the whole world now Trev, I’m going to show you, and I’ll show your daughter too, all over her stupid ugly face you can mark my words!’ Così è stato l'allenatore del San Marino Calcio al termine della Coppa Lega…. ‘Why you got on that on again pal?’ I asked Runner Up as he switched off the laptop ‘Iiittt’ss…aaahhh…goooddd….waattcchh….Joooorrkkkk….’ I had to cut him off I didn’t have time to waste listening to this m*ng try and tell me what he was doing ‘Pass it here ya’ wee dafty’ I took the laptop and saw that the official Coppa Lega Pro Youtube channel had posted the post match video of us winning the cup last week and it had got a mighty one and a half thousand views, of which I’m sure half of that was just Runner Up replaying it to himself. I feel a sense of achievement. I’ve managed to get to the end of a season as a football manager without being sacked or being forced to resign. Not yet anyway. I keep having this recurring thought that I will take this unfancied team in San Marino, or another underdog team actually to great heights, like Serie A or on some magical FA Cup run knocking big teams out and gaining plaudits for my tactical knowledge and never say die attitude. But at the same time I get this feeling that I’ll just as quick relegate a good team should I ever get the chance of managing a better team. An exciting and worrying thought at the same time, ambivalence I believe the nerds call it. As a club we did better than anyone, myself included would’ve thought. Winning the lower league cup and being named overachievers in the same competition, as well as finishing 14th and 8 points clear of the relegation play off places means we did more than I set out to do. All I wanted was to give it a go this season and if we went down I wanted us to go down swinging, but swing we did and we hung in there all season. 13 wins is nothing to laugh at and with a full pre season and scouting assignments in full flow I do think next season could be 1 of progression. As I’m still in a job I feel obliged to go over some high and low points, something I wasn’t able to do the previous 2 years. In all competitions at San Marino I have a record of 21 wins, 8 draws and 20 losses, giving me a 42% win average. I wouldn’t have got any of those wins if it wasn’t for star striker Vamara Sanogo, who played in 37 games and got 29 goals. It was a transfer that was sprung on me and I had no knowledge of who arranged it, I still haven’t found that out and don’t really want there to be any fallback if the deal wasn’t above board. But with reported interest from Polish side Katowice, we signed him from Legia Warsaw, as well as Chinese Super League side Changchun Yatai FC, it may be hard to keep him here. But for now he’s been our main man this season. As well as Sanogo we had Pavel Vieira to thank, my main guy for 6 short months in Bangor has turned into my main guy in San Marino. He laced them up in 29 games and got himself 4 goals from center midfield and assisted 11 times, which saw him get an average rating of 6.91. He may not be 1 of the better players in the league, hell he’s not even the best center mid we’ve got here, but his professionalism and work rate on and off the pitch, plus his overall leadership in the locker room, all the players listen to him and he’s a full international player for Guinea mean he’s easily a team leader for us. Speaking of Guinea, Pavel managed to talk his international team mate Anibal into joining and what a signing he’s been. 30 games for us, netting 1 goal which was the equaliser in the first leg of the cup final no less, to go with 1 assist and an average rating 6.90 means he’s going to be key next season. This guy is a rock at the back for us, even when we’ve lost he’s been our best player on the pitch and we’re lucky to have him. Apparent interest in him from fellow Serie C side Rimini but he’s told me he’s staying here. Our main man though has got to be Mirco Severini on loan from Cesena. An outfield player high of 38 games, only Dini in goal has played more, his 9 goals & 15 assists all coming in key games, as well as a team high average rating of 6.92 shows he’s been our best player this season. Ideally I’d love to sign him permanently, but I can’t speak to him about it officially until he returns to Cesena, but we do tell each other we’ll be in touch over the summer. He seems on board with joining permanently. With that out of the way I feel like I can plan properly for next season, without being sacked or forced to resign like I have done the previous 2 years. We do have a couple of good prospects, forward Renato Palmieri and winger Moreno Burgio, I say good they’re the best of a bad bunch really and they’ll maybe get some minutes next season, but until we go through scouting reports, decide on a set up and focus for the year, as well deciding whether we’re going to aim for the play offs or not, then we’ll make decisions on the youngsters. Same with back up players here. As every manager does I tell the players there’s probably going to be some leaving and some going, we do have a handful out of contract soon too. But I tell the players we’ve got something lined up for them all to see out the season and a job well done, and that from here on we can all be happy with how this season has gone. I have tried to think about why I got into management and the Moneyball idea I latched on to over 3 years ago. So I’ve gone though my signings here and want to see if I’ve made any headway on the philosophy or not with these signings: Sanogo - signed for £47K my largest fee paid so far. He had made 11 appearances on loan at Wigry Suwałki from Legia Warsaw the season before joining us scoring 1 goal. In 3 years as a Legia player he made 2 apps in the league. I don’t feel he would’ve ever gotten much time at Poland's biggest club. So those 13 appearances and 1 goal in 3 years for 47 grand had turned into 37 games and 29 goals for us in 1 year. Yeah, he’s definitely a Moneyball signing! Severini - loaned in from Cesena which we paid no loan fee and they covered his wages. In the previous season he was on loan at Santarcangelo Calcio and made 36 appearances, grabbing 6 goals and 2 assists. He does have 3 appearances for Cesena over 6 years though. I don’t think is a Moneyball signing really, you can decide. Anibal however possibly is. 0 apps for the Genoa first team over 4 seasons there but had managed 17 appearances for their reserves last year. Still got in the Guinea first team though so again I’m on the fence with this one. Does a full international count as a Moneyball signing? Tewelde - Had been floating around the German non league scene but like Anibal he was still in the Eritrea side. We got him on a free transfer and he’s played 18 games for us. Another I'm on the fence with, but he's taken to life in San Marino well and I'm looking forward to having him play next season I purposefully left Veiga off this list. Like Tewelde and Anibal he's a full international player (for Luxembourg) and he was in the Mondercange side until being released so wouldn't count as a Moneyball signing. But like Tewelde he was sprung on me and has played really well, being a key reason why we had won the cup over 2 legs. == == == == ==

Thanks for the kind words mate do appreciate it

Don't be sad it ended, be happy that it happened

The Journeyman Jock - The cold 12,000 ‘I told you the league are f*cking us’ I told the players before I confirmed what they knew was coming ‘with our sensational cup run, we had to postpone 2 games, and now the league have said we need to play these before the second leg’ The 2 league games we had to fit in before the second leg are at home against fellow relegation battlers, 16th place L'Aquila Calcio, and then away at league leaders Ascoli. Both games we could be doing without until after the cup final. The first against L’Aquila is to be played on the Sunday after the first leg, with the trip to Ascoli being played the Wednesday after that. We do have a week from that game until the cup final though, but I’m not sure why we couldn’t play the Ascoli game next week. League politics is what Mark Jaulk tells me, but I reckon it’s got something to do with the FBI case, which is still pending. The league were generous enough to give us a 4 day break from the first leg of the final before forcing us to play L’Aquila. That was me being sarcastic and it was fatigue that got the better of us as we went down 1-0 to a late goal conceded. But we had enough chances to win it during the game, Sanogo missing a couple of sitters and Di Curzio & Corsini both unlucky not to score as well. We did get some measure of good fortune as we held champions elect Ascoli to a 1-1 draw at their place. I noticed the Reggiana manager was in the crowd for this game so I gave him the middle finger on my way down the tunnel at full time. Reggiana have had a full 14 days rest since the first leg and with no news coming out of them regarding team selection I assume they’ve got a full squad available. Runner Up tells me that they’re still the favourites to win the cup despite losing on aggregate. He’s always making bets on football games, I tried telling him not to bet on ours with the case still going on, he won’t have listened I’m sure. We do have to make some changes to the team that won the first leg though. Di Curzio started the home loss to L’Aquila and came off the bench in the away win at Ascoli, but Corsini starts this second leg as he did the first despite Baz’s protests. Dini didn’t feature in the last 2 but does get his place back for the second leg, more based on experience over young Aka in goal than anything Aka did wrong in his 2 appearances. Veiga had taken Emre’s place on the right for the last 2 and keeps his place for this. Severini goes into the middle as Maganelli failed a fitness test but is on the bench. Berrardi goes on the left, Vieira has started all of the last 16 games and this is no different. Defence worries me, as Arrigoni makes only his fourth start to partner mister reliable Anibal at center half. Knezovic is banned and Gorzengo had also failed a fitness test last night. D’Addario had been rotated with Albani in the last 2 and keeps his place in the right full back position as Albani drops to the bench. Angelotti redeemed himself in the second half of the first leg and impressed in the 2 rearranged games so is tasked with keeping Turano quiet again. Starting line up (4-4-2) - Dini (GK), Angelotti (LB), Anibal (DF), Arrigoni (DF), D’Addario (LB, Berrardi (LM), Vieira (captain) (CM), Severini (CM), Veiga (RM), Corsini (CF), Sanogo (CF) Bench - Aka (GK), Fagioli (DF), Albani (DF), Gorzengo (DF), Peana (DF), Buonocunto (MF), Maganelli (MF), Mazzotti (MF), Tewelde (MF), Emre (MF), Di Curzio (CF) Palmieri (CF) As we walk out to the pitch, the 12,000 plus crowd are making themselves heard. I try not to be bothered by it but I can hear Baz arguing with some fans behind the dugout as I walk back and take my place there. We start off on the front foot and Veiga on our right hand side looks lively. He sends a ball into Sanogo who controls it with 1 touch and hits it with another, the keeper makes a fine stop before a defender clears it. As with the first leg we send the first warning shot of the game out. Not long after that Sanogo again is sent through by Veiga and the keeper hesitates but does come off his line. Sanogo clips the ball up and over him and he nearly celebrates as his arms are up but the ball hits the outside of the post and goes for a goal kick. I really hope we‘re not going to rue these missed chances early on. The first goal scorer for them in the first leg, the young lad Turano is out wide this time, causing Angelotti some problems with his pace. Berardi is back to cover but Rizzi at center forward who scored in the first leg gets through on goal, but Dini clocked it early and makes the stop with his hands, but immediately crumbles down to the pitch whilst throwing the ball out ‘Baz, f*ck sake, go see what’s up’ I say to Bazza and he runs over toward Dini in goal, as he does Veiga comes over and says ‘boss, he fine, I need to tell you something’ ‘Go on’ ‘Their defender, watch him when Vammy goes near him he takes a step back’ I had actually noticed the center half on their right side is a bit reluctant to engage Sanogo and is standing off him. ‘What you thinking?’ I ask Veiga ‘I will play the ball into the space behind Sanogo, when the defender steps back Vammy should take a step back himself, that will give him some more space’ As the game restarts we work the ball out wide to our right. Veiga does exactly what he says and plays the ball behind where Sanogo was stood, he steps back to receive it as the center half stands off him, with that extra space he’s made he has time to steady himself and then curls the ball around the defender and passed the keepers left into the bottom corner. Unlike the first leg we take the lead in the second with a well worked and completely deserved goal. As the game goes on we keep trying to find Sanogo who’s still more or less unmarked. He manages a flick on to Corsini in the box, who jumps for the high ball and comes down on his right hand and straight away is calling for help. Our physio goes on and signals for the change. Just like the first leg Corsini is the first sub of the game and he is to be replaced in the first half. I go over and speak to Emre ‘I need you on, can you play?’ He just nods and gets his gear off. From then on however Turano has woken up and we're under a lot of pressure from Reggiana who are chasing the game. He links up with Rizzi on the edge of the box as he did in the first leg but Anibal has caught the idea and closes him down before Rizzi can find him with the pass, but he does shoot and it just grazes the bar as it goes over. Their first real chance of the game. They do keep the ball a lot but no more real chances come their way before half time. I tell the players we started well but let off a bit when Corsini came off. I tell them I think if we sit deep and make it hard for them to break us down, then go for it on the counter we have enough pace out wide to make things happen. The plan to sit deep and try and get them on the counter works as we cut off a number of attacks and Sanogo breaks the line and hits the post for the second time in the match early in the second half. That Turano c*nt is killing us on our left hand side though, he manages to get through again and not for the first time he cuts back at the edge of the box and lays it off to Zanardi in the middle who hits it first time and pulls out a wordle of a save from Dini in our goal. Too close for comfort that one. Veiga has ran his socks off and I can see he’s tired so we make a change and put Emre on the right and bring on Di Curzio who scored the equaliser last time to partner Sanogo up top. I look at the Regi manager who looks back with a mutual sort of look, but we can both sense another goal is coming. As I look up from his gaze Sanogo has made another defence splitting run into the box and is tripped by Zito as he takes a touch, easy penalty decision. Not 1 Reggiana player or staff contended it. Sanogo’s down holding his ankle from the tackle, I’m telling him to get up and take it but he waves and insists he can’t. Severini walks over and picks up the ball, he’s next on the list to take penalties. He steps up and puts the ball down. He looks right at the keeper, runs up and he goes right, the keeper goes left. We’re nearly there! 2-0 on the day, 5-2 on aggregate. I see members of the 12,000 strong crowd getting up and leaving early, we’ve got 20 minutes to go to see it out and make the next and final change, Sanogo comes off with a slight limp from the challenge that won us the penalty, Tewelde comes on. His work rate closing down from the front is going to be key to see out the game. We’re happy to concede a corner with 10 to play however, and like our first goal in the first leg it’s taken quickly and it’s played short. Fun fact I hate short corners, don’t know why I just always have and they boil my p*ss. Anyway it goes to that little sh*t Turano who drives in and clips in over Arrigoni who’s watching butterflies and the ball falls right onto Filipo Motti who taps it in to give them a lifeline in the game with just under 10 to play. 1-2 on the day, 3-5 on aggregate. As expected they’re on us in a flash from kick off but we hold firm. Rizzi is through on goal beating the offside trap, and Dini comes out to close down, dives for the ball and clips the man but certainly not the ball. For a brief moment time stops and nothing happens. There’s silence from the crowd, my head is empty of everything other than please god don’t give a penalty. My prayers are answered as the the ref waves for a corner. I see the Reggiana bench all jump up screaming and protesting but it’s no dice, the refs not interested. We do manage a late attack and as Severini drives forward he tries to be fancy by knocking it passed Turano to run onto it, but he isn’t as quick as the young lad and loses the ball, Turano is on it and Reggiana are advancing on the counter. We’re tracking back and it’s all in slow motion to me much like the penalty incident a few moments earlier, as we do eventually get back in our half Emre gives a foul away on the right wing by pulling the man down. A veteran move and a tactical foul I say to myself as Emre takes the yellow without a word., The issue now is we’re slow in lining up to defend and up steps Turano to take the free kick. I don’t know if this is because he’s playing in the third division or not but this kids got something about him. You can tell he’s got talent written all over him. He steps up and sends in a great long and high looping ball into the box. We’re man marking but Tewelde and Di Curzio are staying high with only 1 defender there, meaning we’re a man short in the box. The ball finds it’s way to young forward Patrick Chezzi, who was probably chucked on to get minutes in a game that Reggiana thought was done and dusted. His touch is sublime as it takes the ball from Arrigoni and he buries the ball into the net. 2-2 on the day, 4-5 on aggregate. 6 minutes of extra time to play! Extra time is here and I’m bricking it, do we sit back and try and hold on, or as Bazza tells me ‘f*ck it kid, attack is the best form of defence, boot it up to Curzio and the fast lad’. The game kicks off and we’ve got the ball. I look to Emre who asks what to do, and decide to go against Baz’s suggestion. I’d rather defend for our lives than get caught on the counter again. A very nervy 4 minutes ensues as Turnao has got the desire to get another goal to send us to extra time. Rizzi is causing Anibal issues, Arrigoni I can tell isn’t confident. I scream instructions to the players, Emre is shouting in broken English, Severini finally is tracking back and closing down for the first time this season, I’m willing the players on, Baz is screaming his lungs out. I see the Doctor and Runner Up slide into the dugout with a carrier bag each and Runner Up shouts toward the pitch to no one in particular ‘noohhtt looonnggg…noooowwww laarrddssss……yoouuss caahhhhnnn doooo iiiit’. When he finally stops talking and the drool from his lips drops the floor all I can think about is that scene in Waterboy where Rob Schneider's character says 'you can do it'. I shake my head, that bad luck charm is the last thing I need at this moment in time. I am however praying to whoever the chosen God is on this day that we don’t concede again, which we nearly do. Anibal plays it back to Dini in goal who completely misses Turano pressing from the right and Dini clears it straight to Turano who hits it on the volley first time but as it’s dipping Dini is back pedaling and tips it over the bar. The ref must have money on us to win the cup as he gives us a goal kick. Dini even looked shocked to get that call but is taking his time over the kick. The crowd is just about empty now apart from the 300 or so San Marino fans to my left. Time ticks by as slow as ever. I look at the ref and he’s looking at his watch. Dini takes the goal kick and it goes long. Tewelde doesn’t bother chasing it down and stays on the half way line. The Reggiana bench are screaming instructions. They play it long towards our area but Anibal is first to the ball and heads it wide to Severini who just punts it down the line. The Reggiana full back takes a touch to control but the ball skims off his foot and out for a throw to us deep in their half. Tewelde is walking over to where the ball is waiting on the touchline and taking his time, the ref knows there’s nothing else to play for and finally he blows for full time. 2-2 on the day, 5-4 to us on aggregate! San Marino Calcio, relegation fodder and overwhelming favourites to go down, with a criminal (still unproven) as a manager, are Coppa Italia Lega Pro champions. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - The warm 3,000 A quietly warm morning at the San Marino Stadium. I’m here early, not because of any planning or getting a feel for the day, I’ve not been to sleep since that tw*t Runner Up turned up yesterday afternoon with Baz and the Doctor and we got on it in the office at the stadium and now I’ve got to get sorted for the big day. This is the morning of the first leg of the final in the prestigious Coppa Italia Lego Pro, pitting Jock McGhee and San Marino Calcio against AC Reggiana, and I’m about to lead the boys out for war! On a personal note I know only a win here will do, I don’t care if it’s 6-0 to us, a 7 goal thriller or an own goal from their keepers left boll*ck in the 18th minute of extra time. A win is what I want, is what I need! I’ve not heard anything from the FBI or my solicitor, but a win here would go some way to ridding me of the title of match fixer extraordinaire, I hope. With that in mind I had the scouting team out the last week looking at things we can use to poke holes in the Reggiana set up, and all they came back with was this, I’ve bullet pointed it for ease: They usually play 4-5-1 They’ve lost the 3 league games They’re a threat going forward They’re competent if sometimes inconsistent at the back They’ve got the highest goals to games ratio in the league They’ve got the worst goals conceded to games ratio in the league They’ve given minutes to young prodigy winger Maurizio Turano in every game so far this season San Marino have never beaten Reggiana So basically, from 3 scouts, 1 head scout and a director of football, they’ve brought me a list of things I could’ve found out myself by checking the stats page of the league! This young kid Turano though, I’ve seen him, and he’s decent. He’s what you’d call a hot prospect with pace to burn and a confidence and swagger I’ve not seen in a player since, well, myself. He’s mainly a right winger, so Angelotti gets the nod at left full back over D'Addario, only because he’s quicker. D’Addario has played most of the season at left full back, but Turano needs to be watched. Severini doesn’t track back at the best of times no matter how much I threaten to bed his mam or yell at him so we’ll need to be strong down our left, and Angelotti is marginally better defensively than D’Addario is. == == == == == ‘Gentlemen, this is it. This may not be the biggest cup final in Italy, or even the biggest game of your own personal careers, but this is…’ I was cut off by Bazza as he proclaimed ‘f*ck that lads, this is the biggest game of your lives! Do not underestimate that fact!’ I let Bazza do the rest of the team talk, and it consisted mainly of killing the Reggiana full backs, with pace I hastily added, murdering the their midfield, with killer through balls I told the boys, and that was the pre match team talk more or less done and dusted, with little input from me really. We’d made it to the final against the odds and whatever the outcome, we deserved to be here. I look at the stadium and for the first time in my time here, it’s full. All 3,000 seats are filled and it seems most of the population of San Marino are here today. That's hyperbole of course, but this team have only ever pulled in crowds of 700 at most. Starting line up (4-4-2) - Dini (GK), Angelotti (LB), Knezovic (DF) Anibal (DF), Albani (RB), Severini (LM), Maganelli (captain) (CM), Vieira (CM), Emre (RM), Sanogo (CF), Corsini (CF). Bench - Aka (GK), Arrigoni (DF), Gorzegno (DF) Peana (DF) D’Addario (DF) Buonocunto (MF) Tewelde (MF) Gambini (MF), Mazzotti (MF / CF) Veiga (MF), Di Curzio (CF) Palmieri (CF) I tell the players to play with confidence and let their football do the talking, and it nearly pays off early on. Emre and Vieira, 2 of my trusted players combine on the right hand side by playing a 1-2 which releases Emre to the byline, he whips a cross in that Sanogo flicks on at the near post and Corsini can’t glance his header into the net. A warning shot. Reggiana fire their own warning shot back at us right away, as Severini is caught in possession on our left and they release Turano, who I was shocked was starting the game, down the wing and he’s torn Angelotti apart with his pace, he whips his own cross in and Dini tries and fails to catch it, the ball falls to their forward who is stopped by Anibal at the last moment, thankfully. The breakthrough does come though and the little twt *Turano is full of confidence, you can see it etched on his smug face. He cuts inside onto his left and Reggiana play a neat series of passes on the inside left channel, and they find Turano on his own in the box, Angelotti reacts too late and Knezovic decides not to leave his man in the area so Dini comes off his line, as he does Turano just places the ball under our onrushing keeper. F*ck. After they celebrate like they’ve just won the World Cup and the game restarts I scream at Emre and Vieira to get something happening. We’ve had 1 chance in the game and we’re gonna need at least another to level it up. We do make their keeper work however and it’s Emre again down our right hand side. He doesn’t make it to the byline this time but he floats a ball over into the area, Sanogo takes a touch and hits it on the half volley. Everything he touched so far this season has turned to goals but the keeper pulls of an excellent save. Still 1-0 to them, but if we keep this up that score could change. They’ve done nothing since scoring the goal and Turano has been sat deep and I don't think he’s left his own half since the goal, the Reggiana manager keen to keep the score at 1 to them. We do force a corner with about 10 to play in the half though. Vieira whips it to the far post, Sanogo outjumps everyone and heads it back towards the penalty spot. Severini, relatively quiet up until this point takes a touch to steady himself just inside the area but is closed down and loses the ball and fumbles trying to recover. The ball is played out wide to their right hand side where that little sh*t is bombing forward, his touch takes him deep in our half and Angelotti tries and fails to stop the run. He cuts inside on to his left and Dini is out to close the angle down. Anibal has made it back along with their forward Rizzi, as the ball comes in Anibal jumps to head it, misses completely and Rizzi has the whole goal to himself as Anibal is laid on the grass, Dini isn’t even goal side of Turano any more, Rizzi takes a touch, he even has time to look at the linesman for a foul on Anibal maybe? Or offside? But the lino is just stood there motionless with the flag by his side, and Rizzi taps into the net. Double f*ck. Heads have clearly gone in our side as they’re all just walking back and from kick off there’s no urgency. I don’t know where Bazza is but Mark Jaulk comes over and tells me what he thinks we need to do to get back in the game. I can’t hear him though as I’m doing my best to will the players on and to get back into the game. Mercifully the ref blows for half time. 2-0 to them and looking like it could be more come full time. The players come in and sat down dejected. I hear some commotion outside so turn my head to the door and I see Bazza storming down the corridor ‘Ya’ daft wee pr*ck of a c*nt, that was a foul that second goal you f*cking bottled it ya’ shi*e. I bet that Ciro c*nts been in your back burner ain’t he’ I hear Bazza say as he comes in and slams the door behind ‘f*ck that ref and linesman lads, they’re f*cking you over, there’s absolutely no reason that second goal should’ve stood’ I could see his eyes are red raw, he’s clearly going radgy on some gear but it’s worked, as Pavel stands up and shouts ‘the coach is right, we’re being beaten by the ref!’ Never being in a cup final as player or manager I didn’t have the words or know what to do to get us back in this game. I tell the players to believe in themselves and just go for it, all out attack and if the worse we can do is reduce the deficit and take a small aggregate to the second leg, so be it As they went back to the pitch I asked Bazza ‘you must’ve been down at half time in a cup final or other game in your career, what do we do here pal? I genuinely don’t know?’ I see the silly t*at open a bag of powder, twist to his left out of sight, take a big sniff and whisper to me without stopping to take a breath ‘f*ck that donkey off up front he’s done nout I don’t know why you started him there but get Emre up top with Yannick and and stick Veiga on the right cos their left backs all over the place he’s bound to f*ck up with a bit more pace at him’ And we do just that, with Corsini, despite 3 goals in the last 3 games, coming off and Emre moving up top alongside Sanogo and not for the first time this season. I also take Baz’s advice and put Veiga on the right wing. It pays off around 8 minutes in to the second half as once Veiga gets into the groove he’s fouled by the Reggiana left back Ragazzini who gets a yellow. I try and fail to convince the fourth official it was a red card offence though. I scream at the boys to focus the play down our right hand side with their full back now on a yellow and flapping at everything, just like Bazza said he would. From then on it’s all us. Every bit of play is in the Reggiana half. Turano is kept quiet by Angelotti who’s got the youngster in his back pocket finally. Severini is getting the full left wing to himself, and Veiga is making runs down the right, but the center halves are having the better of our forwards. Severini manages to get a cross into the box which takes a deflection and goes for a corner. Sensing my urgency Severini doesn’t wait for anyone to get ready as he swings in the corner right away with the keeper trying to punch it away despite being under no pressure, but the ball carried on it’s flight into the box and fell as nice as you would ever want to Knezovic who’s got no company and an open goal to aim at and he heads it in. 2-1, back in the game!! The come back is on and during the celebration I bring Emre off and stick Di Curzio up top with Sanogo. Not only is the comeback on but it is complete 2 minutes later. The kick off is taken and played back to the Reggiana goal. I’m willing Sanogo and Di Curzio to press from the front and Sanogo puts the keeper under pressure who tries to clear it but as he does it hits Di Curzio on the head and the ball literally loops back over the keeper into the net. 2-2!!! The subs have made the difference and Di Curzio gets his 14th of the season! Reggiana are deflated, more than we were in the first half but we’re not letting up. Severini is now in his groove and he is taking the p*ss out of their right back. Yet another corner for us is swung in by Severini but it’s cleared to Vieira who expertly plays it back to ever willing Severini. He’s cut inside on his right and floats the ball to the far post where Anibal, still up from the corner is rushing in, and does a scissor kick on the volley and it thunders into the net as the keeper tries to get a hand on it. Scenes at the San Marino Stadium! We make 1 last change as Severini who’s been by far the best player this half comes off, and is replaced by D’Addario. We see out the final 10 minutes to secure a 3-2 victory heading into the second leg. The dressing room is full of energy, congratulations and a feeling I’ve not felt in the 2 and a bit years I’ve been a manager. I look and see Runner Up drooling in the corridor and the Doctor is mouthing to me ‘party at yours tonight then’. I’ve not been to sleep since last nights get together, and I guess I won’t be getting my head down tonight either! I tell the players they did incredibly well to win that game, and that we can go on and win the full thing next week at their place. We didn’t come though the first leg unscathed though which is a worry. Knezovic will be banned for the return leg after picking up another yellow. Mark had said we’ll need to get a fitness test on Dini in goal, as he’s complaining of stubbed fingers he’s sustained during the game but didn’t want to say anything or get brought off which in hindsight may have been the wrong choice. I notice Pavel is moving gingerly around the dressing room, Mark tells me he’s said he’s got a tight groin so something else we’ll need to look at in the coming days. We bought Emre off as he had twisted his ankle in the build up to the first goal. Not that any of that matters right now. We’ve got 1 hand on that trophy, and if nothing else happens from now on until the end of the season, we can enjoy a comeback win and let this feeling of elation last just a little bit longer. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - The Wolfpac In between beating Paganese over 2 legs to get us into the final of the Coppa Italia Lega Pro, we’ve had back to back losses, against much better sides though. Venezia, everyone knows Venezia, proud owners of impeccable home kits year after year, and Carrarese who, well nobody knows them but they were better than us on the day. We did find our feet again before losing 1 more to make it back to back to back losses in the league, but 4 wins and a draw from then on make us the form side heading into the final. We’ve got just 1 more training session before the big game, our opponents are AC Reggiana, who for reference have lost the last 3 games. It’s a 2 legged game, we’re at home in the first leg, which I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not, or if it benefits us or Reggiana more. After the final training session with the team I told them I think it best if they just relax, don’t overthink things and play the game with no pressure, silently thinking that if we win the game will it relieve some pressure from me? Will I be spoke about as a good coach and not someone that spent a year in Turkey fixing matches? I am trying to figure out how best to approach the game and who to start when Bazza my first team coach and the Doctor our friend come into the room giggling like little school girls ‘Right, big game tomorrow innit’ the Doctor said enthusiastically before adding ‘so we’ve got you a surprise’ ‘Oh for f*ck sake lads, no, just no. I aren’t going out or getting involved in anything illegal with yous, not the day before the cup final, forget it’ ‘Told you he wouldn't be ar*ed’ Bazza said ‘Shurrup man, anyway Jock I don’t care what you say, here’s your surprise. Close your eyes’ I really couldn’t be bothered with this and thought it best to get it over with so I closed my eyes. As I did I heard a shuffling noise and the door opening and closing again, before Bazza said ‘go on then, open up boss’. As I did it took a second to register, but stood in front of me holding a can of Stella in 1 hand and an umbrella in the other was another member of our little crew, Runner Up. Now between us normally I’d be ecstatic to see him, overjoyed even. However, as I’ve pointed out already he’s got the name Runner Up because he’s been an amateur boxer, welterweight if you’re wondering, for most his life and he always loses his fights, hence the name Runner Up. As an amateur boxer he’s 1 won fight in god knows how many attempts, the only win coming against a lad who was blind in 1 eye! Even then that fight went the distance and he won by 1 point! ‘What the f*ck is he doing here?’ ‘Welllll…. Jock laaahhd…. I thoooought you’d be happy….. to see me….likes’ Runner Up said in that stupid slow Aberdonian drawl whilst his ever consistent usual drool was dribbling out the side of mouth ‘Aye normally I would pal, truly to God I would, I’d even throw you the biggest welcoming party this side of Glasgow has ever known, I'd have invited half of Motherwell round, order all of South America’s stock of marching powder and get it shipped over on banana boats, got every bottle of Peroni in San Marino any other night, except the night before a f*cking cup final!’ ‘What’s that gotta do with anything?’ The Doctor asked ‘the Wolfpac haven’t been together in nearly 3 years!’ ‘You f*cking melon, you an all Baz’ I yelled and looked at them both ‘bringing this f*cking bad omen, this lone Magpie in a sky of f*cking birds, this absolute wet flannel that can’t fight sleep never mind fight other people despite being a f*cking fighter!!’ I let the comment hang there, Runner Up still smiling like a Cheshire Cat on amphetamine absolutely oblivious to the insult ‘this crank’s name is Runner f*cking Up for a reason! You think I wanna finish second tomorrow? Do ya? If we lose over 2 legs I’m blaming you both, I don’t care what score it is, if we don’t win that cup it’s on both of you!’ I said pointing to Baz and The Doctor, whilst Runner Up had a look on his face that seemed to say what am I doing here? I added ‘and the Wolfpac, the f*cking Wolfpac?? Every b*stard time we’re together something bad happens, don’t even get me started on that night down Bristol Zoo where Leb got locked in the seal enclosure!' I took a breath, sat back down and then stopped my rant. After a moment all 3 of them burst into simultaneous laughter ‘You absolute weapon man’ the Doctor quipped before Runner Up said ‘Joooock you….cheese melt…. yoooou haaahhd us…. fooled foooor a…. minute there…. likes’ And before I could reassure them that I was in fact being deadly serious, Baz said ‘right that’s that out the way, Bob rack up some lines, I’ll grab the ales, Jock grab some glasses will ya and Runner Up, wipe that f*cking spit off ya’ coupon will ya’ So I found myself in San Marino with 2 of my oldest friends in the world, Bazza and the Doctor, and another member of our group we call the Wolfpac, Runner Up, all that was missing from this little party was the other members of our crew, Guinness and Double-O 7. He’s called Guinness because he’s got white hair, actually naturally white hair, and when we were kids he came back from holiday in Tenerife with a monster sun tan, but it hadn't stayed red it had sort of gone like a dark brown colour, and with his white hair someone said he looked like a pint of Guinness, genius. It’s stuck ever since. Double O-7 is a sad tale. His real name is John, or Simon I can never remember. Anyway at school he was a decent defender, and got taken on the youth set up at Rangers. But the guy running it there dropped him and said it was because he had 0 talent, 0 effort and only played 7 minutes all year. So yeah 007. He’s still trying to make it as a player. Oh how can I forget, and a guy called Leb, he’s not really someone that’s in our circle of mates, he’s just someone that always seems to be around. He’s called Leb because he was a chick called Leanne’s last boyfriend before she started in the adult entertainment industry. The story goes that Leb was so bad in the sack she cracked and went on to become a porn actress, so Leanne's Ex Boyfriend, Leb. Nice guy, but probably sh*t in bed. Along with the boys I had my trusted comrade Mark Jaulk there as we were trying to plan for the first leg of the clubs, and my own first ever cup final, that was due to kick off in less than 24 hours time, but what we really did was get wasted, tell stories and generally have a blast. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - One small step for San Marino As I look at the paperwork Pavel Veiria has just signed and the ink is still somewhat dry, a nice 1 year extension to his current deal, I think to myself this could be the start of building this team up for success. He’s been a key player for us this year, just like he was for 6 whole months in Bangor, which seems a lifetime away when in reality it’s only 2 years since he upped sticks and bolted for Ballyclare f*cking Comrades, winners of the Northern Ireland Intermediate cup courtesy of knocking me and Bangor out on the way. I don’t hold a grudge but a Scotsman never EVER forgets. Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, so we’re not totally clear of relegation yet, we’ve still got just under half the season to go, but we’re looking good to survive. I’ve got 2 cans of Red Bull to open, I’ve just downed 3 Tramadol tablets and an Oxycodone tab to relieve the pressure in my back, excessive I know but I’ve been on opioids for years, as well as having Bazza and Mark here with me as we’re talking transfers ‘I don’t know anyone in San Marino pal’ Bazza says in a concerned sort of way ‘I know that ya dafty, am not asking you who we can sign from here, I’m just saying we need some reinforcements, specifically wingers’ ‘Why? Sevvers is doing just fine and Emre….’ I cut Bazza off, he’d been out last night with the Doctor, who I’d not seen for a couple of days, so Baz was probably still half cut and certainly not been to sleep yet ‘Emre's knackered, I mean he’s older than me and I get fatigued just looking as the poor tw*t’s playing 90 minutes twice a week! He’s played more for us this season already than he did in the last full season in Turkey! If either go down injured we’re totally f*cked out wide’ That was an exaggeration of the truth, but Emre has played a lot of football, and I do look at him and think how in the f*ck is he gonna carry this on? I need this man to be my leader on the pitch, him going down is a thought I could be doing without. Mark and Bazza go about their day with the objective of going through scouting reports and speaking with the club's scouting team to see who they can dig out. Now between us I know next to no one in San Marino that will come and play here, Andy Selva maybe, he’s probably still banging the goals in for some Sammareese pub team, and even the lure of playing in the Italian leagues third division may not be big enough to tempt some players here. With Brexit being confirmed and The UK, long live the Queen by the way, love ya’ Liz, now officially confirmed as leaving the EU, all players from Britain are classed as non-EU, and the Serie C league rules state in that regard as follows: Teams may not sign any non-EU players from abroad. Teams are permitted to sign up to 2 non-EU players from within Italy. San Marino being included as a non-foreign nation, and can be classed as a home nation. So going back to Scotland and giving some of Bazza’s old team mates a call is a no go for now. In Serie B teams are allowed to sign 1 non-EU player from abroad, which I’m not even thinking about yet. San Marino Calcio being in Serie B seems a million years, if not more, away at the minute. My phone rang, the one Alexa got me on my way into San Marino, and it was an unknown number. The last time I answered an unknown number was when I got offered the Etimesgut job 18 months ago, and I would be getting offered something this time as well, although not a job ‘Hello?’ ‘I hear you’re in the market for some players, wingers specifically?’ ‘Who’s this? Is that you Bazza?’ ‘No, it’s not David’ David, can’t remember the last time anyone, myself included, had called him by his real name. ‘Oh don’t tell me, Bazza has brought Runner Up to San Marino as well has he? That pr*ck takes some f*cking liberties let me tell….’ the man cut me off ‘No, it’s not your friend Simon Ewing’ ‘Huh? How’d you know Runner Ups real name?’ ‘I just do. Listen, the club has made a couple of deals. Mark Jaulk and David Barron are with your scouts, but they don’t need to look for wingers’ ‘Oh right, Pavel, I told you when we signed Anibal I don’t want to accused of tapping up, luckily Tomas Grenisz (the clubs Head Scout) was there to secure the deal before it got out of hand and….’ cut off, again ‘No this isn’t Pavel or Tomas. You need wingers. I’ve arranged for the agent of a current international player that plays on the right and…’ My turn to cut this wide head off ‘No stop it, this isn’t funny. I’m up to my f*cking eyeballs with accusations I can’t be doing with any more bullsh*t thrown my way’ As if he hadn’t heard me he carried on ‘You’ve also noted you want a left winger. Another current international is on his way to you for you to agree terms. You can thank me later’ Click, he hung up. As I tried to get my bearings and reassure myself this was just Bazza and the Doctor, and possibly Runner Up playing a joke on me, there was a knock at the door. ‘Yep’ I said as the door opened ‘Jock, there is man to see you’ it was Antonia the clubs receptionist, who spoke little but ever improving English ‘Erm, thanks. Is he alone?’ She took a minute then said ‘No, he is with another male and seems to be, erm, in a rush’ ‘Send him in I guess’ She let this register then nodded and smiled. As she did, a man much shorter than me walked in and sat down. He had a dark complexion, face covered with freckles and is clearly not European. He looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘nice to meet you finally. You keep dodging my calls, luckily we both have same agent eh’ ‘I don’t have an agent, who are you?’ He just dismissed my comment, turned to the door and said ‘Yannick, hurry up, money is on my mind and time is on my money’. I didn’t correct him. Just then another man walked in, a bit taller than the first man and sat down next to him showing a look that was one part contempt, one part confusion and two parts couldn’t be ar*ed at all. ‘This is Yannick Tewelde, but you already knew that’ ‘Erm, aye corse I did’. I lied ‘He just finished his international duty with Eritrea in Ethiopia and he is hungry for club football’ I resisted the massive urge to make a Live Aid joke, instead going with ‘Righto, erm, so the deal then yeah?’ hoping beyond anything that this guy would take the lead on this meeting I had no idea about until around 45 seconds ago ‘Yes of course. You already offered him 500 Euro a week to play back up to the young man from Cesena, erm that Sever boy’ ‘Severini, yeah he’s played a lot of football and will need to be rotated’ ‘Yannick also needs a rest, Eritrea have played a lot of football too’ Great, I thought he’s not even signed and he’s already wanting a rest. Give me strength! As the meeting went on I let this guy talk and talk while I pretended to write things down on the laptop I had, and found that Eritrea had in fact played 3 games in the last 10 days. Two at home against Kenya & Somalia and the last one away in Ethiopia. I appreciated that the time taken flying from Ethiopia to San Marino by way of Italy probably had worn my new back up winger out. The deal was sealed and as I use Great British Pounds as opposed to Euro when working out deals, he signed an 18 month contract, on the equivalent of £475 a week deal. Naturally left footed, can play both sides I’m quietly happy with whoever arranged this transfer. As Yannick left the room another meeting took place. Antonia came back in and said ‘another man to see you’ and she guided the next person in. ‘Let me guess, you’ve just finished international duty, you’ve agreed the deal and are here to sign it?’ I said. The other chap smiled and nodded. ‘You’ll be wanting a rest as well I take it?’ Again another nod, but with a wry smile this time ‘Remind your name, I’ve had that many meetings I’m losing track’ ‘Eric Veiga’ ‘Ahh yes, bare with me’ I said as I turned to my laptop and found him. Eric Veiga, right midfielder, had just played 3 games for Luxembourg, two away at Gibraltar & Kosovo and the final one here in San Marino. He’s been released from his contract at Luxembourg side Mondercange (great team name by the way) and has come to sign the deal I apparently already discussed with him. I also note a message on Skype from Tomas Grenisz 4 minutes ago which I missed: Jock, Veiga on his way as discussed. Backup midfielder, same contract as Tewelde. Great guy, loves jazz music, big on religion (Christianity), hates chocolate milkshakes. Favourite drink is lemon tonic water with ice. Go to meal is pasta and pesto with a bit of grated cheese. Muchas gracias A couple of brief meetings in the space of 5 maybe 6 minutes, I knew football management was a whirlwind job at times, but getting 2 new players in without lifting a finger has got to be up there as strange if not ever been done. I don’t know who arranged these deals, I’m a bit nervous to start asking around, it may drop me into some hot water with the feds, so I’ll keep quiet for now. As for our next few games, we’ve got Paganese Calcio next up, in the semi final of the Coppa Italia Lega Pro, basically the lower league cup. Think the Scottish Challenge Cup that Irn Bru sponsors, or the Johnstones Paint Trophy in England. I don’t care what anyone says about it’s prestige, I’m taking this cup seriously, and let the team know in our meeting on the day before the game ‘We’ve got 1 foot in the final already I can feel it. We’ve got a couple of new players to welcome to the team’. I look over at Tewelde and Veiga, who are sat next to Emre and Pavel respectively. ‘They’ve come in and will do a job on our rotation, but that doesn’t mean any of you lot (I point out Emre, Severini, Berardi and Sanogo) can take it easy going forward. We’re still fighting on 2 fronts, this cup which I know we’ve got a chance of getting to the final and winning, and surviving relegation’ == == == == ==

You had me at:

The Journeyman Jock - The day I met The Old Lady’s favoured personnel Despite the recent hounding of the FBI and the Met Police kind of having my back, by the time December came around, I was happy with how we’d done. 13th in the league, there are 20 teams, the bottom placed team goes down, then the 4 above them go into a relegation play off. Teams placed second to tenth go into a promotion play off against other teams in the other 2 groups of this league. Still with me? Good. Starting off strong with back to back wins in the cup that saw us progress, and a so so run of form in the league meant we were above where I genuinely thought we’d be by this point of the season. 1 thing is for sure, we are a threat going forward, it’s just on the defensive end where we lack confidence. I got the scouting team to go on the hunt for another center half, as the 2 we’ve got, Marco Gorzegno (35) & Ivan Knezovic (36) are, in no way do I mean disrespect, but they’re getting on a bit and their pace isn’t what it was. Upon hearing this Pavel Veiria told me he knows someone that we could possibly get in, and he’s interested in the move ‘Isn’t that tapping up tho Pav?’ ‘Oh no no no, it is no tapping if I ask my friend, I mean team mate internationally’ Pavel said, trying to reassure me 'Okay, well I’ll get Mark to make the call’ ‘No need, he is here in San Marino today’ I appreciated the forward thinking but things are going okay for me at the minute, and I do not need to be charged with tapping up to go along with the match fixing allegations I’ve still yet to receive the all clear from. But what’s done is done, and we had a meeting with Anibal at the club, and we ironed out a deal after a quick medical cum trial. A full international of Guinea Bissau, and international team mate of Pavel, Anibal looks a strong player and I’m certain he’ll be a success, if for nothing else he’ll be able to track back and close down quicker than Marco or Ivan. He’s got everything I want in a center half, tall at 6 foot 2, can jump, head and tackle as well as looking so bad he could make onions cry. He’ll be a star in this league I’m certain of it. Before our first game of the new year, I was sat in a cafe in San Marino when I saw a bit of commotion from the staff and the other customers. A man walked in with an air of grace and giving off an aura of I’m better than you. But being a narcissist myself I don’t like seeing or being around other big headed knobs so I turned away and went back to my newspaper, of which I could hardly read. My Italian wasn’t as good as I thought.. The man pulled up a chair beside me, waved to the waitress and said ‘due caffe, per favore, tesoro' In quite possibly a new world record the girl vanished and reappeared with a tray with 2 coffees, some milk and 4 Biscoff biscuits on ‘I recognise you, you arrogant tw*t’ I said taking 1 of the cups ‘I don’t care if you don’t speak English either’ I added. This is good coffee. Best quality I’ve ever had. ‘My Friend Fabio, he owns this shop, really good quality, no?’ This guy said ‘Aye, banging coffee like, bit short on the Peruvian condiments though’ He didn’t bat an eyelid before saying ‘My friend also says you’re a bit of, erm, how the English put, full of yourself? ‘I’m Scottish ya’ c*nt’ 'And you like to swear’ ‘As I said, Scottish. Anyway who in the blue hell are you, I recognise you’ As I said that a young lad, 12 maybe 13 came and spoke in Italian and handed the man a piece of paper which he signed and then took a picture with the boy. ‘I am your opponent tomorrow, my team is Latina, we will be winning the game, I just wanted to see if the rumor about you is true’ ‘What rumor?’ ‘Oh you know, you’re a fraud and you fix matches. I do not mind, I am here to see if you will accept a bribe?’ ‘F*ck you’ ‘Well in that case I will bid you a farewell Jock. I have your friend the Doctors number, maybe he will be more receptive to our offer’ ‘Who are you? Has that Canadian Yank pr*ck from the FBI sent you? And before he could answer Mark Jaulk, my assistant had come into the cafe and said ‘that is Ciro Ferrara, world class player in his day’ then turned to Ciro and said ‘but I think you’re not so much a great manager as you were a player’ ‘Bloody hell, yeah that’s how I reognise this pr*ck from. What’s up chico you can’t cut it as a manager so you’re making bribes eh?’ He just smiled and walked out the cafe, the gaggle of adoring young Sammarinese people following him out the door. ‘We play his team, Latina tomorrow. What did he say?’ ‘Something about bribes and he’s going to ring the Doctor, don’t worry about it, it’s nothing, he’s just trying to play mind games’ We played Latina the next day and the game will go down as one of Serie C’s, if not all of Italian footballs finest. In my humbled opinion we matched them all over the pitch, and it ended 8-6 to them. I wasn’t even mad, every player for us put their best effort in and left it all out there on the pitch. Before the match I strategically stayed in the dressing room to avoid shaking Ciro Ferrera’s hand, but at full time I walked over to him in the away dugout and before I could say anything he said ‘glad you did not take the bribe my friend’ to which I said ‘that’s not me and you know it. Tell whoever’s pocket you’re in I’ll never take a bribe. Prostitute’s and class A’s every day, but fixing games in the sport of kings just isn’t me’. He looked down his nose at me and said ‘pity, we’ll see each other again’ and left the dugout. I shook every players hand from both teams as they left the pitch. What a game, I’m exhausted just watching it never mind being involved. == == == == ==

Thanks both, appreciate it