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[FM 18] If You're Not First, You're Last (Re-Redux) - Redemption for the "Nearly Men" of Europe


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Our final 2 matches are at home against Michael Kollner's Leverkusen and away to David Hasselhoff's Hoffenheim.

The media are all a-flutter...wondering if Gladbach can survive this...a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist.

Wait.  No, that's not right.  I've been watching too much Knight Rider...Zlatan is hooked.  In all fairness, there are 3 channels devoted solely to Hasselhoff.  It is Germany, after all.

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Bleu: It wasn't pretty, Zlatan, but we're into the Europa League...with an outside shot at the Champions League.  We just need Frieburg to get a result at Wolfsburg...regardless, we have every reason to be pleased.

Zlatan [in a robotic voice]:  The Zlatan is incapable of happiness, but The Zlatan will say it seems logical that you are here.

Bleue: That does it Zlatan, no more TV. No more Knight Rider.

Zlatan [robotic voice continues]: The Zlatan is still learning about the complexities of friendship, but The Zlatan would be honored to count you as His friend.

Bleu [sighing]: Well...every cowboy needs a sidekick...

Zlatan [robotic voice continues]: Do not sell yourself short, Jean. You are much more than a horse.

Bleu: **** off, Zlatan.

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Our belief is often strongest when it should be weakest. That is the nature of hope.

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- 2030/31 Season Review

The best first year we could have asked for in Germany.  Finishing well-above our predicted (and promised) mid-table finish, nearly into the Champions League itself.

We will finally be able to blood some of our talented youngsters in the coming year...the future is so bright in Germany, I gotta wear shades.

Goals for 2031/32: Qualify for the Champions League and Euro 2032.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Bundesliga Fixtures (1)|Bundesliga Fixtures (2)|DFB-Pokal Fixtures

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Champions League Review

The Manchester clubs dominated this year, with Conte's City beating Mourinho's United on penalties.  Karmic payback for United's win on penalties 2 years ago.

Aside from Partizan's win last year, the continued English success in the CL is troubling...

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Challenge Overview

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Don't think I've commented yet on the CL win with Partizan, top job, fun final, looks like this is all starting to get some traction. Good first season with Gladbach too.

But I'm dodging the all important question........

... what the hell is up with Panathinaikos?! Relegated up and down in Greece? The epically strong Greek league?

Also it's a massive shame Man City have won the CL and therefore lost eligibility, I was eager to read about you managing them. ;)

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10 minutes ago, noikeee said:

Don't think I've commented yet on the CL win with Partizan, top job, fun final, looks like this is all starting to get some traction. Good first season with Gladbach too.

But I'm dodging the all important question........

... what the hell is up with Panathinaikos?! Relegated up and down in Greece? The epically strong Greek league?

Thanks, man!

That is the real question, truly.  Olympiacos have been dominant (which is standard), with AEK claiming two titles recently and PAOK winning it this year.  As far as Panathinaikos goes...I can't see anything objectively wrong with them, or problematic in terms of their financials.  They've just been...awful.  I vaguely remember them having managers for long, f10-20 year runs in the '17 version of this save, but this time the managerial churn is nearly constant.  3 relegations at this stage of the save is crazy.  Frankly, the more they struggle the more enjoyable it will be when I get there...that epically strong SuperLeague, and all...

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10 minutes ago, noikeee said:

Also it's a massive shame Man City have won the CL and therefore lost eligibility, I was eager to read about you managing them. ;)

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Having spent all this time in Serbia, the sheer amount of cash in Germany is nuts.  It'll be all the more so when Sallai and Van Drongelen are no longer hoovering up massive amounts of cash ($110k and $155k per week, respectively), and are replaced by promising, cheap youth prospects...  

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And it's time for our annual glance around Europe..

Mourinho's United took home the Premier League title again (so unrealistic, SI...), but Frank de Boer's Leicester did creep into 2nd with a solid 92 points.  urCristiano's Real Madrid won their 2nd title and even reached the Europa League final, as the Oiled One looks to establish himself amongst the top managers, despite being sacked by Tottenham after a mere 8 months (in what was his first managerial appointment).  Unai Emery's PSG did PSG things in France, the Spaniard returning to Paris after leaving in 2019 to manage Juventus, before turns at Bayern Munich, Leipzig and Barcelona.  Speaking of Juventus, Miroslav Djurikic's men claimed the Serie A title.  Club Brugge won their third straight Belgian title under Eric Matoukou.  Messi's Partizan won 37 from 37 in Serbia, but only scored 112 goals, conceding 10 -- very disappointing, Leo, better get it sorted.  Klebér Saarenpää's AIK disrupted the usual flow of things in Sweden, claiming the 2030 Allsvenskan title. 

And, finally, as noted above -- Real Madrid lost the Europa League final, to Luis Enrique's Liverpool. Full credit to Daniel Farke's Bournemouth for reaching the semifinals, though.

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Fun fact!

Bournemouth, flying high in the 2030/31 Europa League, were once managed by Sir Wayne "Mamma Said Knock You Out" Rooney.  Wayn-o left the Cherries to manage England and took them to the semis of Euro 2028, before resigning.

The success Wazza has seen as a manager may come as a surprise after the tragic end to his playing career, which saw him leave boyhood club Everton after 2 years on a free for Wigan, having failed to make a single appearance for the Blues in 2019/20.  He failed to impress for the Latics, not making a single league appearance and leaving at the end of the season on a free for Bradford City where he made 1 appearance over the course of 2 years before retiring.

The Roonster hasn't been employed these last 3 years, and currently spends his afternoons feeding the pigeons along the Liverpool-Leeds canal.

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A solid 3 wins from 3 matches with the Vatreni -- 1 friendly, and 2 qualifiers -- but even that can't cheer Drake up.  He's conflicted about Ilse and their wedding at the end of the year.

"There are days when it's a grind, mate.  Just not for me.  Not in any respect -- the demands that I change who I am, to meet her picture of a 'perfect' man.  The plastic surgery...I mean...what self-respecting man 'needs' buttocks implants?  But then, there are the times when...I don't know...she's makes me feel like...like...she's like a drug.  She's like ketamine, but with better hair."

Zlatan and I don't know what to say.  Neither one of us thinks this is a healthy relationship, but we don't want to overstep.  When we have criticized Isle in the past, Drake has lashed out...although we think that was just the steroids talking...she wants him to bulk up, see.  

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3 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Fun fact!

Bournemouth, flying high in the 2030/31 Europa League, were once managed by Sir Wayne "Mamma Said Knock You Out" Rooney.  Wayn-o left the Cherries to manage England and took them to the semis of Euro 2028, before resigning.

The success Wazza has seen as a manager may come as a surprise after the tragic end to his playing career, which saw him leave boyhood club Everton after 2 years on a free for Wigan, having failed to make a single appearance for the Blues in 2019/20.  He failed to impress for the Latics, not making a single league appearance and leaving at the end of the season on a free for Bradford City where he made 1 appearance over the course of 2 years before retiring.

The Roonster hasn't been employed these last 3 years, and currently spends his afternoons feeding the pigeons along the Liverpool-Leeds canal.

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2 hours ago, HawkAussie said:

Is that a new thing with the performance timeline.

Yeah, I thought people might like to see how the eligible teams are doing over time -- and the annual glance at Europe isn't focused on them, per se.  

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Our belief is often strongest when it should be weakest. That is the nature of hope.

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- October 2031

With just over two months left until the wedding, Drake is really beginning to lose his ****.  I've never seen him so steeped in self-doubt...no, that's not fair.  He's not doubting himself, he's just doubting his judgment in women...he gets that Ilse is crazy, but is trying to decide whether he should "lean in" to the crazy and just go for it, or cut things off now and hope she doesn't break anything valuable over his head.

He doesn't want any advice, either.  Oh, no.  Not like I have the answers...and Zlatan's advice revolves around karate and getting the phone number for Ilse's younger, hotter sister.  No, we're not relationship experts...not by a long shot.

So I did the only thing I could think of, and popped in Breaking Dawn, Part I -- Drake's all-time favorite movie.  Nothing says "reassuring love story" like Twilight...at least, that's what Drake says.  And after watching it all night long -- having taped his own eyes open, like something out of A Clockwork Orange -- he's ready to walk down the aisle again.

Viddy well, brother...

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Things are starting to look more official.

The invitations for Drake and Ilse's wedding arrived. But... Something is missing.

"John, just a heads up. There is a typo in the invitations."

"What do you mean?"

"There's no date. It just says 'Midnight, December 2031.' So..."

"Oh yeah, that. No typo. We'll let you know what day it is going to be when we get a little closer. Kind of depends on the weather."

"Isn't that the point of the invitation?"

"Well, yes and no."

I sense Ilse's hand in this, given Drake's visible discomfort. "Well, the wedding is set for a particular day, isn't it? I don't understand."

"Look, it's a religious thing, ok.  Has to be a clear night, so we can see the stars. Ilse's just a bit... sensitive... about that. Kind of a big deal, yeah?"

"Let me just make sure I understand. You want me to be ready to go to your wedding, on a moment's notice in the middle of the night, for the entire month of December... Waiting for a clear, starry night?"

Before he can answer, I hear the front door open and Ilse's barbed voice calling out.

John just looks at me, nodding slowly as if I'm the crazy one, gesturing at me to let it go as Ilse saunters in.

"Great news, princess, Jean will be at the wedding and offered to give a toast!"

I've done no such thing, but I plaster on a smile.  Part of me can't help but wonder what flavor of crazy Ilse really is. All things considered, this request is more eccentric than certifiable.

Ilse says not a word and just smiles at Drake, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before shooting me a smile of my own. I can't help but notice that the smile doesn't reach her eyes, though.

She doesn't like me, not one bit. 

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On 16/10/2018 at 23:39, ManUtd1 said:

Messi...not at all afraid to dip into the transfer market.

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He seems to have a fondness for midget wingers that might remind him of someone

Hope urCristiano has a similar penchant for newgens that appear to be well oiled...

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First congratulations on finally winning the Champions League with Partizan.  I enjoy the Serbian part of these saves as it's a country I've managed in recently on FM, and because it's a unique part of the journey which hopefully means Partizan can carry on being a force for a long time and bring some variety to the latter stages of European competition.

On 16/10/2018 at 17:51, ManUtd1 said:

but Frank de Boer's Leicester did creep into 2nd with a solid 92 points. 

I sense the title could be coming back soon... :cool:

Maybe Leicester could become eligible?

On 16/10/2018 at 21:31, ManUtd1 said:

Sacha ... who?!

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This reminds me of when Geoff Horsfield retired from international duty on my FM save years ago.

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2 hours ago, Sir_Liam said:

First congratulations on finally winning the Champions League with Partizan.  I enjoy the Serbian part of these saves as it's a country I've managed in recently on FM, and because it's a unique part of the journey which hopefully means Partizan can carry on being a force for a long time and bring some variety to the latter stages of European competition.

I sense the title could be coming back soon... :cool:

Maybe Leicester could become eligible?

This reminds me of when Geoff Horsfield retired from international duty on my FM save years ago.

Geoff!!! Big fella. That ginger lad, has a sister what likes to...  :lol:

Thanks, man. Partizan was a really good way to start things off, and they're certainly looking to remain a fixture on the continent. They've got a big budget right now...

The interesting thing will be too see if Red Star can capitalize on the rise in league rep. They've reached the CL Group Stage on a few occasions and, if they continue to do so, maybe we'll see Serbia as a whole become a force...?  Kind of like Belgium in the last version of this save, where they overtook the "Big 5" leagues through the likes of Oostende, Anderlecht, Zulte and, much later in the save, Antwerp.

Leicester would be a good shout, for sure. I'm itching to get to a few places I didn't the last time around (Sampdoria, in particular), and the newcomers are always good fun, spicing things up.

At any rate, glad to have you on board!

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Zlatan is highly distracted.  We're in the midst of a run of matches, no break...our best friend is getting married to a woman who is certifiably insane any day now, and seems to be on the edge himself...

...and all Zlatan can focus on is the release of FIFA 2032.  Apparently there are bunch of new features that he just can't live without.  Sure, they look great, and the rumor that they've finally fixed liberos to function as a role for CBs (instead of a whole new position) is tempting...but I don't know. 

I'm not good with change.  So I just mumbled an Obama quote at him and went back to playing last year's version...whatever keeps you happy, yeah?

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8 minutes ago, Deisler26 said:

Go with FIFA 2032...

The post-goal celebrations are really elaborate.  I swear I saw Shakira riding Pique like a pony in the background of one.  The detail on her riding crop was impressive.

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Why can't I just eat my waffle?

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- December 2031

With all the overcast skies these past few weeks, Drake has been given a reprieve of sorts from the wedding.  We jokingly called it a "stay of execution."  Ilse overheard us.  She didn't find it funny.

All the pressure she's putting on Drake is taking its toll...she's wearing him down.  He's changed so much already, his clothes, his haircut, the way he walks...it's all...very strange.  She's even got him talking about her crazy religion.  At first, we thought he was just humoring her, but just the other day he was talking about how "glorious" their "Leader" is and got really offended when we called him a ******.  We're hopeful that things will improve after the wedding, when some of the stress just bleeds away.  Not literally, of course...I don't think...

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All the kidding, jokes and anxiety aside, Drake and Ilse's wedding was quite beautiful.

The stars were out, with no wind or anything...all the candles, the elaborate dress.

The ceremony itself was a little weird.  I still don't know what they used the can opener for.  And the multiple references to "the many eyes of Trell" were really odd, until I figured out they were referring to the stars.  Not sure who that Nalt guy is, or why his fiery eye is so awful.

Regardless, Drake seems happy.  And what kind of friends would we be if we didn't support him?

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[Interior, Borussia-Park. Evening]

A deafening roar can be heard from above. Jean Bleu stands before the assembled Gladbach squad, minutes before kickoff. 

His lieutenant, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, stands beside him. Naked as the day he was born. Staring each player in the eyes, one by one, daring and of them to make eye contact. Zlatan has given his final pre-match remarks, evidently.

It is time for the manager to give his final pep talk. Progression through the Europa League knockout rounds is at stake. 

Bleu speaks firmly, with conviction.

"I want to say some names to you. Jeffrey Dahmer. Ted Bundy. What do they have in common? We don't know them very well. What do we know about Zlatan? We know he's nuts."

"Let him finish," shouts Zlatan, even though no one is interrupting. The players exchange nervous glances before Bleu continues, although none date make eye contact with the erect Swedish legend standing before them.

"We know Zlatan is dangerous, unpredictable, selfish. We know he uses his name to make bad puns."

"Guilty as Zlataned," shouts Zlatan.

Bleu continues.

"When Zlatan talks, he over and under emphasizes words seemingly at random. When he eats, he holds his fork like a murderer's knife, gnawing at its skewered payload like a deranged woodland rodent."

"Bring it home," screams Zlatan, flexing every muscle in his body, bloodlust in his eyes.

Bleu continues.

"We know he smells like Band-Aids. We know he dresses like a Cuban cab driver. We know he exhibits, nay, flaunts proudly obvious symptoms of over a half dozen disorders you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy's pets."

"Feel the heat," Zlatan calls out, thrusting his hips suggestively.

"We know these things about Zlatan and so much more than we ever wanted to know about him. Why? Because it's there. It's on the surface. What you see may be what you don't want but it's also what you get. Who is this kettle-corn-popping phantom? This human question mark, this number 8 scoop of vanilla tapioca with a PhD in being swole and a Masters in "Everybody Loves Me"? Who is it?! We may never know. I only know one thing. Nobody is this good a person as Zlatan...and nobody can get any worse."

Bleu gestures to Zlatan, who stands silently before the squad, head bowed. Slowly Zlatan raises his head, eyes closed.

The silence is oppressive. 

Broken only by the faintest whisper from the Swedish legend, eyes closed, flexed muscles trembling.

A whisper heard by everyone present.

A warning.

"And if you fail to give it your all against Sporting over the 90 minutes to come... May your Gods keep and preserve you, because The Zlatan will visit each of you. This night. Personally. In your sleep."

No one speaks. No one moves.

Only when a UEFA official pokes his head in the door, wondering why the home side is late for kickoff, does anyone ever dare to breathe.

He shuts the door without a word. Befuddled. What is there to be said?

What is there to be said, indeed, except by Zlatan who begins shouting in rapid-fire German at the players, who run to take the pitch as if their very lives depended on it.

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It is good to be back in Belgrade.  The CockPit of the Itchy Kitty is on fire tonight, with the VIP area reserved for the Gladbach side that destroyed Partizan's mortal enemies, **** Star, earlier in the evening in the 1st leg of our knockout round tie.

Since we have a Bundesliga match on the weekend, we're limited in our ability to celebrate...but it isn't like we had much choice.  A one drink limit has been imposed.

Partizan supporters filled the streets wearing our colors, chanting our names, and launching flares at the nominally-home support.

And when faced with a horde of drunken, rampaging Serbians who just want to celebrate, there are a few things one simply does not say 'no' to...free booze included, and by far the most appealing outcome of said situation. 

The traveling German supporters are being treated like visiting royalty by Stana and her friends. 

Even that midget, Leo, is here, drinking a cranberry juice.  Zlatan has been staring daggers at him, while Drake just keeps shouting that line from 'The Departed' at him...you know the one... But we're royalty here at the Kitty, even vis-a-vis the likes of the wee Argentinian, who has a Champions League quarterfinal to look forward to after guiding the Crno-Beli past Juventus with a 1-1 draw in the 2nd leg just 24 hours ago in Turin.  He couldn't let us walk into "his" city, without being here to observe.  He's clearly intimidated by us.

We've only another 30 minutes before it is time to get back to the airport, but one of Stana's friends brings Zlatan a drink -- named in his honor, but she refuses to tell him what's in it.  She wants him to guess at the contents.

He takes a sip and grimaces.  "Augh...what is this...?  This tastes like the inside of The Zlatan's cat's uterus!!!"  Stana's friend stomps away in disgust.

Confused, I act against my better judgment and remind Zlatan of one simple fact.  "Zlatan, you don't have a cat."

"Yeah, well...you know..."

We sit awkwardly in silence for a few minutes as Zlatan sips his drink.

"You know, the taste is actually growing on The Zlatan," he says.  

Awkward, indeed.

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Why can't I just eat my waffle?

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- March 2032

Utter dominance in two meaningless friendlies, as we look towards England 2032.  The "Football is Coming Home" memes are beyond out of control at this point.

A solid year, as we inch closer to a Champions League place -- 7 points clear of 5th with 7 matches to play.  We're a young side with tremendous potential.  This is only the beginning.

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Why can't I just eat my waffle?

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- April 2032

While we may have crumbled under the pressure in Sevilla, we stood tall back in Germany.  A strong start, and clutch finishing at the end.

Sevilla were their own worst enemies and we capitalized on what they gave us.  We cannot hope for such generosity in the semifinals... We draw the Smurfs.

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Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep.

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- May 2032

The mother****ing Smurfs.  We did the business in their ****hole of a stadium, and snatched an early goal in the 2nd leg to give ourselves the advantage on aggregate...only to not put another shot on frame all night.  Utterly unacceptable.

We're out.  But we've learned much about ourselves this campaign...we have every reason for confidence going forward...even if we'll take things up a notch next year, having qualified for the Champions League.

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Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep.

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- 2031/32 Season Review

A year of progress.  We didn't set the world on fire, but we improved our position in the Bundesliga and romped around on the continent for a bit, almost reaching the Europa League finals.  This young team is coming together and bound for greater things.

Drake has been acting strange lately.  I'm not sure if it is the diet Ilse put him on (I don't care what anyone says, 15 grapefruit per day is excessive), or if something else is bothering him.  His insistence on sleeping during the day is certainly challenging in various respects.  Although, when is forced to go outside during the day he insists on wearing ridiculous, wrap-around sunglasses...we've taken to calling him 'Bono' which he doesn't appreciate.  Apparently, Ilse is adamant that U2 and all things Bonocore are "reflections of Nalt" which we assume is bad.  She loses her **** when we call him Bono, so obviously we do it all the time now.

Fortunately she isn't joining us in England for the Euros...big tournament for Croatia as we build towards the World Cup in 2 years' time.

Goals for 2032/33: Make a run at Euro 2032.  Reach the Champions League knockout rounds.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Bundesliga Fixtures (1)|Bundesliga Fixtures (2)|DFB-Pokal Fixtures|Europa League Fixtures

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Champions League Review

What a boring final...Deschamps' Barcelona vs. Mourinho's United.  While there was some delicious joy to be found in Barcelona eliminating Messi's Partizan in the semifinals...I can't help but feel meh about this year's edition.

Especially with Mourinho claiming his 4th Champions League at United.  Nice realism, SI... :lol:

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Challenge Overview

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Edited by ManUtd1
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6 hours ago, kidthekid said:

Arrgh. Tough one to lose at home.

No question...usually that's the least of my concerns in Europe.  Regardless, it was a great run.  We should be set for greatness here...I'll do a full squad review after the Euros.

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Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- Croatian Squad Review, June 2032

2 years from the last World Cup, and we've seen some changeover.  Some of the players I'd identified as likely members of the 2034 squad have fallen off and been replaced by others...others have stepped in as squad players or into the 1st XI.  Per usual, I did not schedule challenging pre-tournament friendlies -- I just wanted to get fitness up a bit and see how we were jelling.  We're much better off than we were 2 years ago, no question.  At this point, I think 90% of this squad will be on the plane for the World Cup in 2034.

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Goalkeepers

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Trbuhovic is still my starter in goal, and continues to feature for City.  Kalaica is a more than capable backup.  Roguljic replaces Levacic as the third-string, young talent.  Again, we are in great for 2034.

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Defenders

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The starting CBs are Alvir, Kznar and Brekalo -- the 1st 2 having been in the 2nd XI 2 years ago.  Loncaric, Zivkovic and Kramaric are the backup CBs, with the latter 2 having just dropped into that role.

Nemanic and Pavicic are the starting wingbacks, with Bagaric and Gluic as their backups.

So good all around.  Ready for 2034.

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Central Midfielders

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Midfield...2 years ago I was really frustrated by this group.  Mitrecic and Peric remain from that squad and will start.  Brcic and Smoljan have come into the squad and are sharp -- they'll push for starting roles in 2 years.

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Attacking Midfielders

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Up top, we've got Janjis flanked by Antic and Mocinic (who replaced Matic in the 1st XI).  This is an exciting group, no question.  In the 2nd XI, we've got Sutalo flanked by Matic and Juric.

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Final Thoughts

This squad is definitely better than what we went to the World Cup with, 2 years ago.  Tons of talent.  Lots of promising youth.  We should make a run here at England 2032.

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Almost forgot to glance around Europe really quickly...kind of a boring year...and I'm already into the Euros.

United... Inter... PSG... Madrid... Partizan... Olympiacos... Hammarby... The only 'surprise' winner was Gent.

In the Europa League, the Smurfs outlasted Dortmund on penalties.

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After being ignored by Ghana for years, Ansah decided to play for Serbia instead having gained his 2nd nationality in early 2028.  He debuted in September 2030 and hasn't looked back, with 20 caps in 2 years' time.

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11 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

After being ignored by Ghana for years, Ansah decided to play for Serbia instead having gained his 2nd nationality in early 2028.  He debuted in September 2030 and hasn't looked back, with 20 caps in 2 years' time.

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I think the Ghana football association president caught his little princess with Ansah and to pretend his little princess is not a woman he just tell his managers that Ansah doesn't exist. :D

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