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[FM 17] If You’re Not First, You’re Last Redux – Redemption For The “Nearly Men” Of Europe


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Feel free to bring Professor Snape... We’ll play some late night Quidditch.

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Royal Antwerp FC

2089/90 Season Review

One and done.  Tragic, but those are the breaks.  An incredible year...we simply couldn't overcome the early-season stumbles.  Or the latter-season stumbles by my 2nd against against Zulte...curse you, you lovely hipster bastards!

Nevertheless, we've accomplished our goals here in Antwerp.  The Grand Old is set for even great things, but will have to do it without me.

Goals for 2090/91: Wait for the right job to come open...could Gunnar equal (or break?) Hakan's record of 3-straight CL wins, with 3 different sides in 2050-52 (Club Brugge, West Ham and Monaco)?

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

JPL Fixtures|JPL Championship Group Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures|Croky Cup Fixtures

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Champions League Review

This is thoroughly documented above.  I'm frankly a little upset...as this was a truly top side.  I'm pleased that Panathinaikkos had a great year -- fingers crossed that it continues.  6 clubs remain.

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Challenge Overview

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11 minutes ago, kidthekid said:

Nicely done. I mean I follow Pep's Scarf on twitter but I'm not him.

Is Pep's Scarf bald, too?  How would that even work?

Something like this, I imagine...but the cat is a scarf...

Image result for dr evil cat

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Ok, with Antwerp off the list, 6 clubs remain.

  • Nice finished 18th in Ligue 1, and were relegated via the playoffs.
  • Sampdoria finished 18th in Serie A and were relegated.
  • Real Sociedad finished 3rd in La Liga, with a CL knockout round appearance to their name.  Nevertheless, their manager is listed as insecure.
  • Atletico finished 6th in La Liga.
  • Zulte Waregem finished 4th in the Jupiler Pro League's Championship Group.
  • Genk finished 2nd in the Jupiler Pro League's European Places Playoff, Group A. 

At this point, Zulte is my absolute top choice.  Sociedad and Atletico are equally appealing, and I'd take either one.  I'm weighing up declaring my interest at Sociedad just to see what happens.  Nice and Sampdoria are obviously out of contention for the next year. 

Elsewhere in Europe...Leeds won the Premier League on goal difference after a three-way tie with West Ham and Manchester United.  Barcelona finished 3 points clear of relegation in 15th.

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Italy 2090; World Cup Review

History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.  100 years after Lothar Matthaus' Germany beat Argentina in the Stadio Olimpico in Rome to claim the 1990 World Cup title, Argentina got their revenge... A 4-0 win for La Albiceleste at the Olimpico gave them their first World Cup title since 2022.

Other than that, the World Cup was rather 'meh.'

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Take my advice and live for a long, long time. Because the maddest thing a man can do in this life is to let himself die.

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Atlético de Madrid

August 2090 Mini-Update

The post-World Cup managerial merry-go-round had a number of casualties, but only one of importance in my eyes.  Fabio Nunes moved to manage his homeland Portugal, leaving Los Colchoneros in need of leadership.

We're heading to Madrid, Hobbes.  With two goals in mind. First, see that those snide ****s across town get relegated.  Second, bring home the Champions League.  Along the way, we'll also look to secure the club's first La Liga title since 2026.

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10 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Feel free to bring Professor Snape... We’ll play some late night Quidditch.

Royal_Antwerp_Football_Club_Official_Logo.png.41060ce730cb5b6823441fd0a4266d27.png

Royal Antwerp FC

2089/90 Season Review

One and done.  Tragic, but those are the breaks.  An incredible year...we simply couldn't overcome the early-season stumbles.  Or the latter-season stumbles by my 2nd against against Zulte...curse you, you lovely hipster bastards!

Nevertheless, we've accomplished our goals here in Antwerp.  The Grand Old is set for even great things, but will have to do it without me.

Goals for 2090/91: Wait for the right job to come open...could Gunnar equal (or break?) Hakan's record of 3-straight CL wins, with 3 different sides in 2050-52 (Club Brugge, West Ham and Monaco)?

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

JPL Fixtures|JPL Championship Group Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures|Croky Cup Fixtures

 a94749b63818d5598b3a041e0fd920a2.png

Champions League Review

This is thoroughly documented above.  I'm frankly a little upset...as this was a truly top side.  I'm pleased that Panathinaikkos had a great year -- fingers crossed that it continues.  6 clubs remain.

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Challenge Overview

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:applause:

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Interesting that my prediction you'd win the CL but lose the league came true. I see the future. Bit surprised that you needed penalties to slay off Pana, though!

Not a huge fan of seeing you manage Atlético, by now I'm used to far more eccentric destinations. But I guess there's a job to be done there. I give you 2 seasons, they seem to be minnows compared to teams like Antwerp now. :D

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4 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

Indeed he will. :lol:

:D

1 hour ago, Rikulec said:

:applause:

Thanks, man!

1 hour ago, noikeee said:

Interesting that my prediction you'd win the CL but lose the league came true. I see the future. Bit surprised that you needed penalties to slay off Pana, though!

Not a huge fan of seeing you manage Atlético, by now I'm used to far more eccentric destinations. But I guess there's a job to be done there. I give you 2 seasons, they seem to be minnows compared to teams like Antwerp now. :D

We were lucky to beat Panathinaikos... They're too good. I've created a monster.

I think it's likely a 3-4 year journey: first year, qualify for the CL; second year, challenge for La Liga; third year, reach the knockout rounds; fourth year and beyond, challenge for the CL title. Very doable, even for a minnow like Atlético up against the giants of Antwerp, Oostende, West Ham and Leeds.

19 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

:applause:

Wow, only 6 clubs left! And are there only two out of the six that were Nearly Men from the start?

Yep - Sampdoria and Atlético.  Both will be good challenges and are long overdue.

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Watching our first training session, I'm despondent.  This side isn't up to snuff.  Not in the slightest.  Too old, not good enough and on ludicrous wages.

A 35 year-old keeper, on $47k/week, who sits on his line like a lump of ****?  Who's knees are shot, so he can't get down for shots?  At least he's retiring in a year's time...even if we have to carry his pot-belly for the next 10 months.

Our first match is in 12 days.  A Europa League playoff against Icelandic side FH.

Surely that isn't too big of an ask.  But we are nowhere near ready to compete in Europe, much less to implement my tactics.

What have I gotten myself into?

Time to pull out my little black book. 

No, not that one. 

The one with contact numbers for my scouts across Eastern Europe and Africa.  It's all-hands-on-deck time...we needs reinforcements. 

I'm pulling up a few players from the U19s, but we need more or we're done for.  We need some promise for the future.

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13 hours ago, oriole01 said:

Wait, doesn't that mean he's still active somewhere :lol:

 

Naw, he's just listed as a club legend so he'll pipe up with comments now and again.

5 hours ago, Deisler26 said:

Pep Fraudiola

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When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?

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Atlético de Madrid

December 2090 Mini-Update

The prediction of three months is being hung around my neck at every turn.  On the pitch...occasional brilliance, marked by schoolboy errors and mental lapses.

My personal goal (thankfully never voiced to anyone but Hobbes) of qualifying for the Champions League seems laughable now...we can't beat Ponferrada at home, draw to Albacete.  Mathematically we aren't that far off pace, but that 9-point gap with Sociedad nevertheless seems impossible.

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  • 3 weeks later...

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

Hello, friend.  I am Dr. Božidar Bodrožić , the cousin of sWedish Astronaut, Air Force Major Gunnar Vikander. He was the first Swedish man to go space when he made a secret flight to Moon station in 2079. He was on on Panathinaikos team that win everywhere.  But President Dube and His Dikgnag stranded Gunnar in Kinshasa, many days before go Madrid now.  He is in good humor, but wants to come home to Valencia with his Božidar.

In the 23-years since he has leave Valencia, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 35,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Belgrade National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Serbian International Space Authorities for a flight to bring him back to his Božidar. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollers. In order to access the this trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account for subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign account in our name.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous, like bear mounting tiny stick over stream. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction, including much alcoholing. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Please signal your "yes" by respond immediate.

Sincerely,

Capt. Božidar Bodrožić

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8 hours ago, kidthekid said:

Yes

Thanking you, kind sirs.  Please be kind to send Bank account information to secure immediate. Payment for the coming.

4 hours ago, noikeee said:

Ah, the good old Serbian scam business opportunity.

Yes

You are wise to skeptical, this. I promise all dreams come true in this venture we are joining. Have trust, you are in the three's company now with no regreats.

1 hour ago, Rikulec said:

I knew something had been missing for the past couple of weeks.

I opened FM for the first time in nearly two weeks yesterday. :(

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES GUNNAR A DULL BOY.

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Dear Beloved Friends @noikeee and @kidthekid,

I know this message will come to you as surprised but permit me still of the desire to go into business relationship with you.

I thought you reliable and trust to Invest in the trust fund.  You not urgent provide details.  My parents dead!  Payment for the coming!

I was medical student and child actor before unpleasantness, now just drunking plum brandy with my illegitimated son and dancing shark who want me jump. 

Please send bank information without delay so help transfer investment purpose.

Remain blessed,

Your Faitful Božidar

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33 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

Dear Beloved Friends @noikeee and @kidthekid,

I know this message will come to you as surprised but permit me still of the desire to go into business relationship with you.

I thought you reliable and trust to Invest in the trust fund.  You not urgent provide details.  My parents dead!  Payment for the coming!

I was medical student and child actor before unpleasantness, now just drunking plum brandy with my illegitimated son and dancing shark who want me jump. 

Please send bank information without delay so help transfer investment purpose.

Remain blessed,

Your Faitful Božidar

Why does this sound like a... fraud?

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Unknowing ignorance is preferable to informed stupidity.

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Atlético de Madrid

March 2091 Mini-Update

Thank urCristiano the weather has finally turned...the past few months have seemed interminable, as if the winter would literally never end.

Dijon are a shadow of their former selves.  La Liga is a three-way battle.  And still the Congolese haven't forgiven me.

Yes, I foolishly submitted an application when President Dube sacked their latest manager after a Cup of Nations quarterfinal exit on penalties...  But did he and Dikgang have to autotune the press conference where I confirmed my interest, to the tune of Rocket Man?  That was a big much.

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A quick glance around Europe...

Leed are on top in England, louding proclaiming that they've always been at war with West Ham.  Oostende have reclaimed the mantle in Belgium.  PSG and Barcelona are pure relegation fodder, while Real Madrid teeter on the brink.  I've all but forgotten that Serie A exists.  Leipzig is showing Wolfsburg who's the boss.  And, Panathinaikos is terrorizing Greece.

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In the continental competitions, the big event seems to be tycoon-fueled Vicenza looking to join the party...although I'm quite pleased to see Fener in the knockout rounds again.

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I should have known better.

Breaking out the Skittlebräu was always going to be a risk.

Especially at a five-year old's birthday party.  

Child Protective Services has been contacted.  They aren't pleased.  Understandably so.

But perhaps there is a silver lining.

After so many years standing in my father's shadow, I needed to do something different.  Shake things up a bit.  Inverting the libero simply isn't good enough, for reasons too obvious to mention.  How naive that idea seems now.  How lacking I was in true, genuine inspiration.

No, it took a drunken toddler to cause true inspiration, as he gleefully re-arranged his formation on FIFA '92, Road to the World Cup to resemble...well, what one might expect from a drunken toddler. 

Bless you, Kevin, you little genius. 

On the advice of counsel, let me also say that I'm sorry, Kevin.  Truly.  For the hangover you're likely experiencing right now.  And for what you did to that poor, elderly woman's geraniums.

I should have known better.

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Truth be told, the tactics I've been using have become stale in my own mind.  Wildly successful, mind you, but stale.  It is time for Gunnar to change things up.  Details to follow, although there is a hint in the narrative teaser above...

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Unknowing ignorance is preferable to informed stupidity.

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Atlético de Madrid

March 2091 Mini-Update, Redux

Poor Kevin.  At once a symbol of gross parental neglect and the child who may just have ushered in a new era in football tactics.

The former is established.  The latter more of an open question, especially since I cannot directly credit him for the spark of insight his drunken foibles and colorful language gave to me.  The media firestorm is burning far too hot right now for me to acknowledge his role in the tactics we've deployed in the past few matches.

The pundits have most certainly noticed the tactical tweaks, even if I'm not truly ready to discuss them publicly.  Surely, they believe, I won't abandon the libero...I have yet to decide.  3 wins from 3 in the new tactics, though, including a massive win in Portugal.  It's a start...as I continue to tweak.

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Part 1; The Departure.

The whistles still echo in my ears, as a hard wind circles the Estadio de Madrid.  The harsh judgment of the crowd, unimpressed by our display tonight.

I stand alone on the touchline.  They’ll turn the lights out on me if I stay here long enough.  A fitting metaphor.

We’re out of the Europa League at the quarterfinal stage, eliminated despite a 2-1 win over Club Brugge.  The Belgians advance 3-2 on aggregate. 

Truth be told they were the better side.  Not just technically… They wanted it more.  There’s a distinct lack of heart in my side and I’d be lying if I were to tell you it didn’t start at the top.

All these years, chasing the approval of the father I never knew.  More tragically, the father who never even knew I existed.  What would he think of me, attempting to emulate his “tactics” as broken down by pundits who weren’t fit to carry his clipboard?  What would he think of my recent, ham-fisted attempts to shake things up, and in so doing stepping away from the tried and true methods I’ve employed throughout my career?  What would he think of my self-doubt?  Am I the fraud that the pundits claim?  Merely standing on the shoulders of greater men?

It’s time.  To step away.  To find myself.  To discover not just the man I truly am, but the man I want to be.  A man who stands on his own two feet, not in the shadow of his father.

I doubt anyone in Madrid will be surprised by my resignation, much less disappointed.

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Part 2; The Arrival.

A bitter wind greets me in Malmo.

Call it sadistic, but this journey to find my roots has led me back here, back to where "it" all began.  Although I've never lived in the city, it feels like home.  Well, "a" home.

I settle into the routines of city life, and even pick up a season ticket under a fake name.  I have yet to attend, but my instincts tell me that my alter ego, Bodo Krapp – a German venture capitalist focused on the nascent Irish maple syrup industry – would enjoy the sights and scenes at Ibrahimovic Park. 

Granted, the football isn’t quality.  This Malmö side isn’t what they once were, as Hammarby, Elfsborg and GAIS are currently top dogs in the Allsvenskan.  They’re very much a shadow of their former selves, striving to live up to their glorious past, while also finding a distinct identity.

There’s little worse than a side dwelling on past glories.  Although a man stuck living in the past runs a close second.

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Part 3; A Sort of Homecoming.

It had to happen.  I couldn't stay away.  I went to the final match of the Allsvenskan season. 

It was dire.  Cold.  The wind cut through my layers of winter clothes like a chippy tearing through a lobster.

Even worse, Bodo Krapp’s fake moustache slipped and some eagle-eyed idiots live-streaming the match on ESPN 8 ("The Ocho") Colombia rumbled me.  Within hours, the world knew I’d been at the match.  The first match I’d attended in person since resigning from Madrid. 

My phone was ringing off the hook.  Voicemail, full.  RIP, my inbox.  r/soccer a playground of amateur pundits gleefully claiming to have inside knowledge about my purpose there that night.

For urCristiano’s sake, lads, I just wanted to see if a spark of love remained for the game.  If the hunger was still there.

It was.

It is.

I think about returning, but need to do it on my terms. The offers are rolling in now that there's a belief that I might come back to the game...  But I need to do it on my terms.  In my own way.  After my head is clear.

Six months after my abrupt resignation, and my only peace is on long walks with Hobbes, my true, loyal companion over the years.  I wish I had someone else to speak to.  To give my life some balance.  A different perspective.  Ludwig’s final words echo in my head, and I know that few others could be there in this time of need, few others who could truly understand.  Hobbes just wants to play fetch.  But he’s getting older, and his days of playing fetch are numbered now.

Make no mistake, I discovered that night at the Ibrahimovic that a spark remains.  But I’m not ready to return.  Not just yet.

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