[FM 18] Winning Isn’t Everything -- Rubbing It In The Faces Of Your Enemies Is Also Important

[ManUtd1]

Zhotev shoots comically wide in the 75th.  He's had an absolute nightmare.  

Zlatan has removed his pants and is stalking the sideline in his tighty-whities.  Glaring menacingly at the players.

 

[ManUtd1]

With 10 minutes to play, the stands begin to empty.  Even if we survive, it will only be because Spezia find a late winner.  There's nothing to celebrate.

Zlatan has begun to shadowbox on the touchline.

 

[ManUtd1]

As the 90th minute runs, Zlatan executes what can only be described as a reverse diamond-cutter, ripping his underwear to shreds.

He stands defiantly, staring at the security guards, daring them to stop him.  No one dares.

With no news from Spezia, all hope is lost.

 

[ManUtd1]

At the final whistle, Zlatan refuses to leave the stadium.  I stay with him and watch the stands empty.  We both know what is coming next.

I enter the locker room and mumble a few platitudes at the lads, then go back to the field to find Zlatan doing calisthenics at the centre of the pitch.  Still unclothed.

The groundskeepers don't dare make eye contact with either of us.

I try not to look in Zlatan's general direction, but sit near him in what I hope will be taken as a companionable gesture.

He joins me.

"Well, I guess that's us sacked, then, eh, Boss?"

"Should have stayed in Malmo, eh?"

"We have to put this behind us, yeah?"

"I guess so.  But...what...what next?  This is going to hurt for a long time, man."

"The Zlatan will pretend you didn't say that, Boss.  One thing is for sure, an angry Zlatan and GOB are properly serious things for any team.  We'll be ok.  Let's play some FIFA, yes?"

"Will you at least put some pants on?"

"Only if you promise not to play with that bald fraud and his tippy-tappy bull****."

"Deal."

 

  

[ManUtd1]

Ok.  That hurt.  My grand plan was to spend a decade at Torino, conquering the world.  Time to revise that plan, it seems.

The tactics worked just fine on my offline test save.  Morale and dynamics are awful (partially my fault due to the squad turnover), so once the tactical fluidity caught up we were battling with the knock-on effects of the team being in the gutter, mentally.

This is a kick in the gut.  The only job currently open is Lille.  I don't think that's the path for GOB/Zlatan.

[BoxToBox]

Man, this was a real punch in the gut.

[ManUtd1]

3 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Man, this was a real punch in the gut.

Yep.  I'd even activated Serie B (just in case) so that I could conceivably relegate with the side, regroup and come back to conquer after a year in the 2nd tier.  But it wasn't to be.

I've got a few thoughts about where I'd like to go, but something has to open up.

[BoxToBox]

Zlatan has to open up a can of whoop ass on that Welbeck of a striker you had.

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Man, as was previously said, there's shades of Leverkusen about this. We all remember what happened there in the end of the save though! GOB needs to have a son who'll win it and avenge you.

[ManUtd1]

5 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Man, as was previously said, there's shades of Leverkusen about this. We all remember what happened there in the end of the save though! GOB needs to have a son who'll win it and avenge you.

Hey, that's right!  This is all @kidthekid's fault!

9 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Zlatan has to open up a can of whoop ass on that Welbeck of a striker you had.

Poor kid was a genius at Malmo.  He's going to go on to be a beast.

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

16 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

Hey, that's right!  This is all @kidthekid's fault!

That fraud should've posted the ”It's Happening” gif to undo the damage. Or maybe it would've doubled it and you'd have been sacked as well as your save corrupting and your laptop spontaneously combusting.

[ManUtd1]

22 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

That fraud should've posted the ”It's Happening” gif to undo the damage. Or maybe it would've doubled it and you'd have been sacked as well as your save corrupting and your laptop spontaneously combusting.

This is where life needs a save scumming feature.  

[ManUtd1]

Somehow, it has only been a little more than six months since we left Malmo...how quickly one's fortunes can change.  All-conquering, full of promise and ambition, with the world at your feet...only to be humbled in the most brutal fashion.

There's nothing to do but push on.

 

So, here's where things stand in Europe...but before looking outwards, let's take a peek at where we've been...I don't have the heart to do a full-blown season review.  Genuinely gutted about this failure.

 

Ok, it's too early...elsewhere in Europe...

          

Carlo Ancelotti's Real Madrid beat Mourinho's United in the Champions League final for the 2nd straight year -- last year at the Bernabeu, this year at Old Trafford.  Brutal.

  

In the Europa League, it was an all-London affair at De Kuip, with Frank De Boer's West Ham knocking off Ernesto Valverde's Chelsea.

  

 

 

[ManUtd1]

Ouch.  Didn't even get an interview, when this time last year major clubs were clamoring for our services.

 

[ManUtd1]

[Minuy600]

Chin up! You could always end up at... uh... somewhere else.

[HawkAussie]

Get your head in the game. You need to act fast.

[ManUtd1]

6 hours ago, Minuy600 said:

Chin up! You could always end up at... uh... somewhere else.

5 hours ago, HawkAussie said:

Get your head in the game. You need to act fast.

2 very good opportunities have come up in late December 2023, after a slew of unappealing offers and one moderately interesting one.  Hopefully some news to come soon.

Sampdoria have also offered an interview, but they sit bottom of the Serie A with no transfer budget.  

[Minuy600]

Please let those interesting jobs be Dutch.

[ManUtd1]

It's easy to believe in something when you win all the time... The losses are what define a man's faith.

January 2024 Mini-Update

Patience is a virtue.  At least, that's what one of my teachers used to say... Maybe I owe her an apology.  Because, as it turns out, she was right.  At least this one time.

Having rejected a handful of opportunities to make myself available for the United States, the rejection hit me hard.  After that, it was one poor opportunity after another.  Clubs struggling in the second tier.  Clubs I had to Google to make sure they actually existed.

Zlatan took a position at SPAL, just to keep the tedium from driving him insane.  He assured me that when I called, he would come running.  I hope that proves true, as I've promised my new employer that this will be a package deal.  The Taylor to my Clough.  The Garfunkel to my Simon.  The Shakira to my Pique.

One year ago, I'd never have predicted this is where we'd be.  Most of our credibility lost.  The aura of invincibility banished.  The offers from ever-increasingly major clubs, suddenly gone.

But that's ok, Zlatan.  No matter what happens, our ambition has not been quenched.  And we've landed at a club whose ambitions not only match our own, they have the history to prove that it can be done.

Remember, Zlatan... Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things.  And no good thing ever dies.

  

   

  

[ManUtd1]

"Welcome back to Amsterdam, brother."

"It's good to see you, Boss.  It has been grim in Italy..."

"Indeed.  But it's a new day.  You should know... I promised the Board that you'd keep your clothes on this time."

"No fabric can contain The Zlatan, Boss."

 

[ManUtd1]

Zlatan and I do not see eye to eye on this transfer, but I'm adamant that Zhotev was a victim of circumstance in Italy.  I'm the Boss.  It's my call, and my head on the line.  Trying to wrangle 2 other youngsters from Torino's clutches -- De Coninck and van der Swan...the Toro supporters are bitter and launching social media tirades against us.  The irony being I stole van der Zwan from Ajax just over a year ago.  We even slapped a cheeky loan offer in for young Enes.  The righteous outrage is palpable.  It's glorious.  But how can you blame me, when Torino did not even give me the opportunity to develop them?!

We've also landed young Ivorian Bi Zamble from Malmo for $3.4M, who I had brought to Sweden to develop as a libero.  We're also working to close a $6M deal for Aussie Johnny Foster, another youngster who arrived at Malmo shortly before we departed but was seen as a long-term prospect.

  

   

  

[Edit: to clarify, this would be the extent of my incoming transfer business.]

[Rikulec]

Oh yes.

[ManUtd1]

I'm quietly judging you, Torino...

 

[ManUtd1]

Mocking a woman is like drinking too much wine. It may be fun for a short time, but the hangover is hell.

February 2024 Mini-Update

A dream start to life in Amsterdam.  We're flying high, thanks to an above-average talent pool, a favorable calendar and the inevitable false dawn of optimism that follows a new manager's appointment.  The honeymoon period is well under way.

Having Gouweleeuw in place as a natural libero was helpful, as was our ability to make moves in the transfer market.  We realize that we're running the risk of making the same mistakes that plagued us at Torino and will proceed slowly from here.  Having won our two matches in hand, if we can keep up this pace, we'll be in Europe for sure with a solid shot at the Champions League as the Eredivisie runners-up.

 

[HawkAussie]

Let's hope this doesn't happen

[ManUtd1]

Mocking a woman is like drinking too much wine. It may be fun for a short time, but the hangover is hell.

March 2024 Mini-Update

I promised the Board.  But I could not make good on that promise.

After eliminating Jurgen Klopp's Arsenal on away goals, Zlatan took the press conference shirtless with glee in his eyes and a sharp tongue.  Calling him Mr. Klippity-Klopp will not have endeared him to our German counterpart, no...certainly not while Zlatan was rubbing his nipples with ice.  It was awkward, for everyone.

It may not have been pretty, but the result is all that matters.  It is our first win in the knockout rounds of a European competition.  Shame we've drawn Antonio Conte's PSG next...

  

 

[ManUtd1]

59 minutes ago, HawkAussie said:

Let's hope this doesn't happen

Thus far, we're on a roll!  

[ManUtd1]

Mocking a woman is like drinking too much wine. It may be fun for a short time, but the hangover is hell.

March 2024 Mini-Update (cont.)

The first 80 minutes in France were an utter nightmare.  Down 3-0, needing a miracle.  We pushed the lads forward...and miracles happened.  We grabbed one and claimed a late penalty, to put two away goals on the board.  That could prove decisive if PSG failed to perform back at the Cruyff.

Over the weekend, our second XI did us proud, claiming all 3 points away to NAC Breda which saw us top the table.  Level on 53 points with Vitesse and Den Haag, but with a superior goal difference.  6 matches left.  All to play for.

But our attention focused on the second leg...if we started strong, punched PSG right in the teeth from the get-go, maybe -- just maybe -- we could do the impossible.

When Milivojevic bundled the ball over the line in the 4th, the noise was immense.  As Zhotev rose to hammer home a header minutes later, we somehow found another gear.  When Foster buried one in the 13th, our euphoria took on another level.  After 80 minutes of play, we were dead in the water, down 3.  After 103, we were up 2 on aggregate. 

When Bokaj buried our 5th on the night, with the last kick of the match, PSG's humiliation was complete.

Nearly one year on from our greatest failure as a managerial team, Zlatan and I stood at the center of the pitch, basking in the incredible moment that we'd masterminded.  As Zlatan and I locked eyes, we both knew what would come next.

Still wearing his suit -- jacket, tie and all.  He ripped all three off of himself at once, screaming like a man possessed.  The supporters ate it up, shouting back at him with all their might.

Several hours later, we sat in the back of the club car, heading back to the shared manse on the outskirts of town, Zlatan humming a tune I couldn't quite place and wearing Neymar's match jersey...odd that, I know the two of them aren't on speaking terms, and there were some rumors about a scuffle in the tunnel between them.  I figure the less I know, the better.  Quite the odd tattoo on Zlatan's forearm, too...three interlocking diamonds?  Looks new.  I'm about to ask him what it means when I finally recognize the tune he's been humming, right when he hits the chorus and begins to play air-drums -- Smells Like Teen Spirit.  Classic.  Can't believe I missed that one.

We're nearly home.  This could be the start of something good.

 

    

 

[ManUtd1]

We draw Spurs.  I was REALLY hoping for Sociedad.  It will happen at some point.  Frankly, this is a fantastic draw -- they're having a terrible year.

 

[ManUtd1]

Mocking a woman is like drinking too much wine. It may be fun for a short time, but the hangover is hell.

April 2024 Mini-Update

Not our best showing, but we can hold our heads high.  A quarterfinal appearance, with the scalps of Arsenal and PSG claimed on merit.  Literally, as to the latter.  One of the lads spotted Conte pulling out his rug after the final whistle in Amsterdam, and made a morbid little stuffed animal out of it.  We're not really sure what it is.

And now our focus turns to the league.  3 points clear with 3 matches to play.  It's our title to lose.

 

[HawkAussie]

Maybe a title for Ajax to be given away.

[ManUtd1]

Unknowing ignorance is preferable to informed stupidity.

2023/24 Season Review

There's nothing quite like this feeling.  After all we've been through over the last 18 months, our triumphant return to football feels like nothing else.  Winning the Eredivisie has laid down a marker.  But we've got more to prove.  We righted the ship here in Amsterdam, but now must demonstrate that we can do it on our own terms, with our own players, when expectations weigh heavy on our shoulders.

The hard work is only beginning.

Goals for 2024/25: Win the Eredivisie. Reach the Europa or Champions League knockout rounds.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Eredivisie Fixtures 1|Eredivisie Fixtures 2|Champions League Fixtures|Europa League Fixtures|KNVB Beker Fixtures

Save Overview

[ManUtd1]

10 hours ago, HawkAussie said:

Maybe a title for Ajax to be given away.

Fortunately, we did no such thing even if we dropped points in the last few matches.  The post-match dance party was sublime.

[ManUtd1]

Before we move forward into the Euros, let's take a quick look at the other active leagues, continental competitions, and look in at Torino...

Diego Simeone's Manchester City took home the PL title, while Fabio Carille's Atletico won their 3rd straight in La Liga.  PSG won yet another Ligue 1 title, but Antonio Conte was sacked after a disappointing year on the continent (*cough* sorry not sorry, Tony!).  Massimo Allegri's Leverkusen have become a machine, winning their 4th straight Bundesliga title.

Claude Makelele's Lazio pipped Milan and Juventus to the title in Serie A, with Juventus losing 2-0 at the San Siro on the final matchday to gift the title to the Romans (it would have been Juve's 4th straight).  Sergen Yalcin's Besiktas won their 2nd title, as Fener continue to struggle (having not won a title in a decade).  Franck Defay's Anderlecht also won their second straight.  Fernando Hierro continues to dominate with Malmo in Sweden.  Crvena Zvezda is running rampant in Serbia.

         

Oh, and Torino went and laid an egg in Serie B, even after being taken over by a tycoon.  I normally wouldn't gloat about this...but I'm feeling petty.

 

On the continent...Atletico won their 3rd Champions League in 6 years, beating Leonadro Jardim's Monaco in the final.  In the Europa League, Andre Schubert's Wolfsburg took home their first European title with a win over Bobby Manc's Lyon in the Europa League final.

   

   

[ManUtd1]

Perhaps the most exciting thing I've noticed?  The Midget Beast and urCristiano have taken up a taste for management. 

  

Will this end in sadness at Cruz Azul?  A cult temple on Ibiza?  Time is a flat circle.

[ManUtd1]

One more fun screenshot before the summer madness begins...leading transfers!

Mbappe is the hands-down the king here, currently on $500k/week at Madrid. Teammate Salah is also high on the list, but his jumping and leadership are utter garbage...those Liverpool coaches were slacking.

 

  

Just give a shout for any other screenshots! 

[Minuy600]

Where does Tim Riksman play these days? That is, if he was part of the Groningen squad in the first place. Don't know how large your database is.

[HawkAussie]

Let's party on Roma failing to keep you on and flopping in Serie B.

[MarcxD]

Nice job on getting the title and on beating PSG 5-0  Zlatan back at Ajax is something to see as well... 

[ManUtd1]

4 hours ago, Minuy600 said:

Where does Tim Riksman play these days? That is, if he was part of the Groningen squad in the first place. Don't know how large your database is.

Riksman is at Dordrecht where he appears to be in the starting XI:

  

3 hours ago, HawkAussie said:

Let's party on Roma failing to keep you on and flopping in Serie B.

Ain't no party like a Roma party...

 

...wait, what?!

3 hours ago, MarcxD said:

Nice job on getting the title and on beating PSG 5-0  Zlatan back at Ajax is something to see as well... 

Thanks, man!  That was an epic, epic match.  The Zlatan's return to Ajax is only just beginning...

[ManUtd1]

Germany 2024; European Championship Review

Solid tournament this year, with Belgium taking home the title after beating the Dutch 3-1 in the final.

Solid showings from Romania and Serbia, in particular, with various other "smaller" nations reaching the knockout rounds.

In the end, a number of interesting positions have opened up...the question being whether it is time for Gaizka and Zlatan to go international...

 

 

[noikeee]

****ing hell, that was a turnaround at Ajax. 13th to the title.

Ajax are one of my fav sides to manage of all time so I hope you stay for a long glorious era and make them European champions again as they should.   No pressure, no expectations.

[ManUtd1]

11 hours ago, noikeee said:

****ing hell, that was a turnaround at Ajax. 13th to the title.

Ajax are one of my fav sides to manage of all time so I hope you stay for a long glorious era and make them European champions again as they should.   No pressure, no expectations.

To be fair, we weren't that far behind after playing our 2 games in hand, and didn't even play that well in the run-in. The squad was more than good enough to run the league.  It certainly explains why my predecessor was sacked 

Hoping to get a session in tonight... We'll see...

[ManUtd1]

You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.

September 2024 Mini-Update

What is that sound?!  Trying to focus on some tactical tweaks during the international break, and all I can hear is this incessant hammering sound, every 20-30 seconds.  Exasperated, I give up and wander off down the hall to find out what is going on.  It's 3am on a Tuesday, for urCristiano's sake.

Not surprisingly, I find Zlatan.  With a nailgun.  "What the bloody **** are you doing," I ask, as he shoots a nail through a photo of the 1983-84 squad hanging on the wall.

He just shrugs nonchalantly.  "Couldn't sleep. Figured if you were coming to the office, so would I."

This does not answer my question.  I press further.

Again, he just shrugs me off.  "Security said that CSKA was trying to plant bugs, surveil our training, steal whatever they could to try and get a leg up for our Champions League  ties.  So, I figured I'd make sure everything was secure."

Looking down the hall, I can see that Zlatan has been nothing if not manic (and detail-oriented) with the nailgun.  "I'm not sure that this is what Security had in mind..."

"Naw, Boss.  Can't be too careful with these Bolsheviks running around."

Even with CSKA's historical affiliations, I'm not sure Zlatan knows what he's talking about.  But I know better than to start debating history with him.  Last time, he was adamant that karma would get Ze Germans for bombing Pearl Harbor.

"Ehhh...good work, then Zlatan.  Just make sure you're ready for the squad's kickboxing session at 7."

"You got it, Boss."

And with that, he wanders off towards the IT room.  With the nailgun.  Perhaps I should contact Security...I'm sure they'd prefer being woken at 3am by me, than come in to find that Zlatan has "secured" the computers.

Just before I call out to Zlatan to distract him, the hammering sound begins anew.  I turn the corner and find him standing triumphantly over a laptop, nailed to the desk.

Zlatan grins and rips off his shirt.  "I put that nail right through the 'P,' Boss.  P is for Pep, yeah?"

 

[ManUtd1]

 

 

[ManUtd1]

 

 

[ManUtd1]

 

Shots fired!!!

Mind you, he was sacked with them sitting 13th in the table.  

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

22 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

 

Shots fired!!!

Mind you, he was sacked with them sitting 13th in the table.  

Pffft. They weren't in 14th were they? Fraud.

[ManUtd1]

7 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Pffft. They weren't in 14th were they? Fraud.

Exactly.  Any trained monkey could have had them in 13th.