[FM17] If you think you're too small to make a difference you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito

[Benjoe]

1 hour ago, BoxToBox said:

Ahhhh, brutal end.

Yeah, it was painful. Really thought we had them at 2-1. 

[Miraculix]

• What kind of product is Nelson in fact selling?
• Is 2-7 offsuit really the worst hand in poker?
• Why is Mumbu ice white?
• What is in Moyes potato vodka besides vodka?

#NelsonRiseToFame

#WeensForTheWin 

 

[ManUtd1]

I thought you had them at 1-2, too. Brutal.

[Bitner]

Terrible

Cheers,
Bitner

[Benjoe]

On 29/8/2017 at 21:10, Miraculix said:

• What kind of product is Nelson in fact selling?
• Is 2-7 offsuit really the worst hand in poker?
• Why is Mumbu ice white?
• What is in Moyes potato vodka besides vodka?

#NelsonRiseToFame

#WeensForTheWin 

 

Hahah fantastic questions!

Thanks for pointing out (some of) the unexplained parts in the story - some things we'll hopefully answer in the future!

#MiraculixAskingTheRealQuestions

On 5/9/2017 at 04:36, ManUtd1 said:

I thought you had them at 1-2, too. Brutal.

Same here. That was very brutal. That event gave me a knockout right when I was building momentum. Will need to get back soon, though!

On 7/9/2017 at 04:39, Bitner said:

Terrible

Cheers,
Bitner

I agree, Bitner.  

[Benjoe]

Over 3 months since last post in this thread.

Sigh.

It's not over! 

The mad man tells himself as he types on his phone vigurously.

I'll bring the laptop to work tomorrow and open FM - It's perfect!

Oh. Wait.

Boss is sitting right behind me. And old boss sits next to him. And both of those bosses' boss sits next to them.. all three bosses right behind me. Uh oh. Not good. Only worked here for a month. :/

...

In other words I'm bringing the laptop to work and will try to get into the groove once again (maybre even post a short update) and then I'll try to find a cheap monitor so I can return to the madness that is Nelson and Mumbu. Hopefully we'll return and find some players have developed at super speed and that my training Leadership on players worked out - aiming for 20 Jumping reach and Leadership for all! Oh, and Finishing of >17 on backs is a must too!

Anyway, I'm lost but not dead. 

Cheers,

Benjoe

[ManUtd1]

Mumbu looks at the pencil in his hand, as he sits alone in an abandoned Kentucky Fried Chicken on the outskirts of Kinshasa. 

Wistful.  Tired.  Scared of what the future might hold.  Scared of the odd, furry creature that resides with him at what once was voted Kinshasa's 18th-best non-local fried chicken restaurant.

Could he end it all, with a simple thrust of the dull pencil?  Dare he?  The lead entering his ocular cavity could be enough to end it.  Or it could leave him disfigured permanently.  A cautionary tale.  A laughingstock.

The weight of the moment presses down on Mumbu's ample shoulders.

Just as he seems determined to make a decision -- fish or cut bait, if you will -- he spies a mango lying on a table in the next room.

He'd forgotten all about the mango.  

"The Boss likes mangoes," Mumbu thinks to himself.  

But Mumbu wants to be the Boss.

So Mumbu puts the pencil down.  And picks up the mango.

He bites into it, the delicious juices running down his chin to splash on his belly, staining his shirt.

But Mumbu doesn't mind.  As the Boss, he could buy many shirts.

Or go with no shirt at all.

"Yes, Mumbu," he whispers to no one in particular, holding the partially-eaten mango protectively, close to his chest.  "We be the Boss now, yeah."

Mumbu begins to laugh, rocking back and forth, the tears streaming down his face.

[Benjoe]

Mumbu = 

[Benjoe]

Soon...

We all knew it would happen. It was just matter of time.

Return of...Well. Guess who?

Spoiler

Oh come on, don't pretend like you'd thought I'd reveal it already.

 

[Benjoe]

Since apparently no one can guess who the Night King is, I might as well make a recap of what's happened throughout the thread so far. 

It's both to remind you guys of what's been going on, and so that I can get properly back into the zone. 

 

[Benjoe]

 

Page 1:

We meet the fat bastard himself for the very first time.

Mr. Nelson Mandela Jr. as he looked when the thread was originally started in FM 16.

On 4/17/2017 at 13:56, Benjoe said:

(...)

His mother named him Nelson Mandela Jr. as she was, and still is to this day, convinced that a roughly 70 year old –but still potent! - Nelson Mandela visited The Kingdom of Swaziland and fell in love with her. After a week of great passion, sadly Mr. Mandela had to urgently leave Swaziland. He left without leaving an email or a phone number which of course is the only way you’d ever get in touch with someone as unknown as Mr. Mandela. When Mandela Jr. once showed his mother a picture of Nelson Mandela his mother slapped him and yelled “That is not the man! I will not hear of this. Your father is beautiful and important. You have name like him, go be great man!” And thus began his journey into the world.

(...)

On 4/17/2017 at 15:53, Benjoe said:

After the introduction to Nelson there was a post about the African continent, and the inspiration for the thread.

On 4/17/2017 at 14:04, Benjoe said:

(...)

Now. All this text, all this babble, and what does it lead to? Well, an African FM adventure of course! I’ve once before tried to have a save going in Africa a couple of years ago in the South African Premier League iirc but this time it’s serious business. I want to have a journeyman save in Africa and I want to take at least one nation to World Cup glory! The African continent shall be proud producers of some of worlds greatest footballers but I do NOT expect this to be an easy task. I expect it to be fun and nerve-racking, intense and frustrating but all the better. This will undoubtedly be a long trip – especially seeing as I am a very slow FM-player generally.

Will it work out, will it fail? Can Nelson Mandela Jr. actually move his 151kg massive body around the African continent aaaand get success?   

Welcome to this African journey, welcome to a lot of crappy fields, crappy facilities and crappy economies. Oh, and crappy humor!  

It should be fun.

One day, when young and inexperienced Nelson was out promoting his ****** products that he sold as a horrible saleswhale he met a man with an equally slow thought process, who was his exact opposite.

This was the time we first met Mumbo Umbolele. 

Tall, slender, white. Dumb as a rock. Perfection.

The newly met partnership got a job at Mhlambanyatsi Rovers (to think I can still spell this from the top of my head...) 

On 4/17/2017 at 17:13, Benjoe said:

Welcome to Swaziland!

Then came the army of the Dlamini's and Nelson debuted as a manager.

Up's and down's in the first few months. 

This being the highlight:

That was a brilliant finish.

End of page 1. 

[Benjoe]

Page 2:

On page two we are briefly presented to a team with a great name. Umbelebele.

On 4/19/2017 at 12:23, Rikulec said:

Umbelebele is such a great team name.

People were loving it.

Umbelebele was such a popular name, that even sponsorship ideas were pitched.

On 4/19/2017 at 22:22, ManUtd1 said:

I'm sensing a massive sponsorship opportunity here for Jelly Belly...and am envisioning a catchy theme song akin to Um Bongo...

Royalty checks should be made out to Sir ManUtd1, please.

Brilliant suggestion.

After the commercial the Rovers were showing some fantastic display of surprising talent.

Two beautiful team moves that both lead to goals.

Mean stuff was said as well.

On 4/20/2017 at 13:00, noikeee said:

I was going to reply to this earlier and forgot. I think it does make perfect sense that Nelson signed for a team named after a defunct car company.

 

Ha! 

The 'Dube incident' happened in the early days as well.

On 4/22/2017 at 12:19, Benjoe said:

Three days in the life of Nelson Mandela Jr.

Mkhonta, the topscorer from Umbelebele joins the Rovers. He is a leader, Nelson wants him to tutor youngsters. 

Like the leader Mkhonta is he tells Nelson to bugger off.

Later that same month Nelson hold three separate talks with the same player in the span of two days. Charles Dube is upset, he wants game time.

Nelson at first wants to give Dube the game time and tells him to expect to get played in the coming games, the next one is at the 2nd of January.

Dube is happy for a few hours but then returns. Nelson is confused, 'Didn't I just speak to him? Mumbu, come help?' But Mumbu is far away. Faced, once again, with an upset Dube he pads Dube on the back and tells him, he's sorry and that he will make it up to him. Dube leaves smiling, but Nelson got a weird feeling. Maybe the umncweba (biltong) he ate for lunch wasn't good after all. 

Next morning Nelson once again meet Dube. He is crying. And screaming. Nelson panics - 'MUMBUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!' But Mumbu is far away. Nelson will have to do this on his own. Dube accuses Nelson of multiple things and finishes the sentence with 'You're a ugly twit, and it looks like you ate the entire gnomish race from which you originate!' Nelson didn't understand a lot of the words, but he knew he should be upset. He hammered his hand into the table which split the table in half. The wood was molded and would soon have split without touching. The effect was the same, however, Dube got scared. Nelson told him to get the **** out of his office and go train with the kids. Dube left the office but from outside Nelson paper thin door Dube's voice was heard 'I got friends in this club! This won't be the end of this!

 

On 4/22/2017 at 13:44, BoxToBox said:

That lad wants a kick in the Dube.

Need I say more?

Oh, yeah, we had a streaker.

On 4/22/2017 at 15:03, Benjoe said:

One of the three fans - the only fan of the Mhlambanyatsi Rovers got so excited at the 1-3 scoring that he got undressed and streaked the entire pitch. 

Ignore the many fans and security guards and you got it perfectly. 

Let this be the end of page 2..

 

[Benjoe]

 Page 3:

We get our first youth intake.

On 4/22/2017 at 20:11, kidthekid said:

Oh boy, here we go

On 4/24/2017 at 09:26, Benjoe said:

Nelson and Mumbu walked among the youngsters. Having just watched them training they had already made up their minds. Mumbu went around with a paper block. You'd think he was noting something or reading notes from the training, right? Well, not Mumbu. Mumbu was drawing. And he wasn't good at it. Nelson went around with his hands behind his back like was he a military leader. Suddenly he started yelling one of the kids into the face "SOO! I SEE! I SEE!" The look in the eyes of the kid signaled panic. Fear of death. "..what.. do you see, sir" he mumbled. "WHAT?!" Nelson was furious. "Get back to the pile and leave my sight!" One kid cut from the bunch already, and they had just begun a 4-hour reassessment of the bunch. Poor lads.

When they were finally done only two kids were left. The rest had either been signed for the u19s or sent home crying - in some cases both. Maxwell Sifiso and Phumlane Dlamini were the players still standing. The players with the most obvious talent. Sifiso had proven his worth as he could joggle the ball the most, 56 in a row, and Phumlane was the player who was quickest on the first few meters and could jump very high. Phumlane also had moments on the pitch where he'd do very flairful tricks and often beat his man - not due to having a good technique but rather the defender slipping. 

This is how you handle youth. Take notes.

Then came the still unsolved mystery about how Mhlambanyatsi turned professional despite only having 8k in the bank.

On 4/24/2017 at 10:03, Benjoe said:

Mhlambanyatsi Rovers turn Professional.

£6.348k p/w allowed despite only profitting £14.739k this season...

Nelson handled his contract extension perfectly.

On 4/25/2017 at 07:59, Benjoe said:

(...)

“They only offered 10? The Vultures’ manager gets 180 per week.”

“Mumbu. Shut. Up.”

We meet Moyes for the first time. 

On 4/26/2017 at 07:12, Benjoe said:

In a dark, dingy backroom in the shadows of Swaziland Nelson sits ready with his cards. 

He holds 2-7 offsuit. The worst hand in poker. The sensible thing to do is to fold it and cut your losses. Nelson takes a sip of his brown water and stares into the eyes of Mumbu. Mumbu's level of anxiety grows for every second. Sweat is dripping from his forehand down to his bare chest. Drop after drop. 

"Aye, much pressure, eh boys?" David Moeys wets his lips with a maniacal look in they eyes. 

Nelson, still starring at Mumbu suddenly feels brave. "I go all in." Moyes bites his lower lips and tries but fails to contain his perverse smile. 

Mumbu breaks under pressure and folds throwing his cards into orbit. King-Ace both of hearts. Mumbu gets up and walks to the door.

"Ey, white boy! I ain't dun with ye. Sit down 'gain son." 

Mumbu looks to Nelson for support but Nelson evades eye contact and Mumbu returns to his seat covering his chest with his arms. Moyes blinks to Mumbu. 

"Well, Moeysy boy. What you got?" 

Moyes looks at his hand and turns the cards. Two aces, that with the rest of the cards deal adds up to a full house. Two Kings, Three Aces.

Nelson haven't realized how bad the situation is as he gets up from his chair and turns his cards - only wearing his tighty whities. "Feeling loosy-goosy, Gaffer?"

 

Phil Jagielka comes tumbling through one of the paper thin walls. "Was I too late?" he asks naked to the bone.

"Were just getting started" Moyes responds as he giggles...

We'll end page 3 on a low. 

[Benjoe]

Page 4:

Mhlambanyatsi Rovers play the last game of the season and secures promotion!

On 4/26/2017 at 10:39, Benjoe said:

 

On 4/26/2017 at 10:51, Benjoe said:

Promotion had been secured and Nelson, Mumbu and the players were celebrating. 

Nelson put one of his favorite songs on the boomblaster in the locker room and turned the sound all the way up and started singing and dancing.

The atmosphere was lit, and Mumbu was crying. In the showers were Moyes and Jagielka hiding in the towel baskets ready for some towel action - yeah... sorry for that one. 

 

 

With these prizes going pro was such a good decision...

"There was a party atmosphere at Stadium#1 where a crowd of 1..." Just stop it there please.

Anyways, we're going up!

But then, game crashed. 

Some people likes to make fun and rub salt into the wounds inflicted by FM/RN-Geebus.

On 4/26/2017 at 11:10, BoxToBox said:

On 4/27/2017 at 10:41, noikeee said:

Gah, just when the Rovers were accelerating into the dizzying heights of the Swazi Premiership.

Relentlessly we start over in FM17!

On 4/30/2017 at 14:08, Benjoe said:

If you are building a house and a nail breaks, do you stop building or do you change the nail?

This story will follow the footsteps and struggles in the life of Nelson Mandela Jr. - take two!

  

He might look skinnier, but this is just the power of modern day Photoshop retouching and reshaping - quite possibly the best work that editor has ever done. He is, however, still the same fat bastard we know and hate. 

Having won promotion with Mhlambanyatsi Rovers, Nelson and Mumbu looked to be going places in their career. Nelson had signed a contract which would actually pay him, and Mumbu got the occasional "0.5% of the income from Nelson Mandela Jr-Merchandise sold at home game" that was the original deal between the two partners. This happened far more often than what would considered sane behavior from even the worst Shopaholic. 

Expectations for both Nelson and Mumbu were high. They've experienced a lot of weird stuff during that first season, but now they were ready for the 'big' scene in  Swaziland. Sadly, their contracts were suddenly shredded and both Nelson and Mumbu was effectively asked to leave the country. David Moyes had undoubtedly had his dirty fingers into action here. Nelson and Mumbu found themselves without contract, and without a home. Applications were sent out,

"Please sign us. Kind regards, Mumbu"

But little did it help. The Moyesy-curse had struck them hard. 

Soon enough Nelson, the ugly F***er signed with Okapi in beautiful Zanzibar.

Let me remind you why he signed the contract.

On 4/30/2017 at 16:05, Benjoe said:

Spoiler

 

Nelson, and I, have fallen in love with these beauty of a... beach. Yes, the beach is my primary focus!

Pssst. Look inside.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

        

Would you look at those - erh I mean that beach and that beautiful ocean.

In before @BoxToBox is suddenly enquiring about Zanziland Zanzibar teams and who to manage in Zanziland Zanzibar...

Ah, yes. Fantastic.

That's the end of page 4.

[Benjoe]

This is taking so much longer than expected...

[Fola]

I am loving these updates- please continue haha! 

[Benjoe]

24 minutes ago, Fola said:

I am loving these updates- please continue haha! 

Cheers! Glad you're enjoying them, but sadly there'll be a break in them now, as I'm leaving work now, and have a non-functioning laptop screen.

Hope to get a couple more out later today! 

[Benjoe]

24 minutes ago, Fola said:

I am loving these updates- please continue haha! 

Cheers! Glad you're enjoying them, but sadly there'll be a break in them now, as I'm leaving work now, and have a non-functioning laptop screen.

Hope to get a couple more out later today! 

[BoxToBox]

6 hours ago, Benjoe said:

Since apparently no one can guess who the Night King is, I might as well make a recap of what's happened throughout the thread so far. 

It's both to remind you guys of what's been going on, and so that I can get properly back into the zone. 

 

Guess? Night King? Is that not just a pic of Moyesy enjoying the Scottish summer?

[Benjoe]

4 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

Guess? Night King? Is that not just a pic of Moyesy enjoying the Scottish summer?

Well, Moeysy is the Night King, as everyone should know. 

You areis still correct though, in your own little selfconfident way.

[Benjoe]

Page 5:

We start with a confused man.

On 5/1/2017 at 15:26, ManUtd1 said:

There was water in that pic?

 

Soon after Nelson gathered the players. First team training.

On 5/1/2017 at 21:04, Benjoe said:

As the players stepped unto the pitch Nelson roared, "IT'S TIME! LET ME SEE BLOOD!"

The players  turned their heads and were startled, The new assistant tried to calm the players down,"He's joking-"

"Shut up, ye? I'm in charge here. Blood, now."

Nelson and Mumbu spent many hours working on important tasks.

On 5/1/2017 at 21:45, Benjoe said:

Having watched the team training the first time Nelson was a tad bit disappointed. No blood. However, some skills were shown, and also some players had extravagant hairstyles and impressive moustaches. This was, of course, relevant too.

Nelson and Mumbu sat down after the training and talked about the players. They made a top 3 of best hairstyles / beards. The assistant manager came in wanting to help, but got pushed out of the room by Nelson who just repeated, "No, no no no no."

(...)

Nelson's first training paid dividends when it came to an actual test.

On 5/1/2017 at 22:27, Benjoe said:

 

This feels oddly similar to the start with Mhlambanyatsi Rovers...

Wow. Such good result. Dominated the fouls category completely!

On 5/1/2017 at 22:37, Benjoe said:

Oh and the tweet was prior to the friendly.

The fans were absolutely loving their new Top Model of a coach!

People loved it, and bought 65 season tickets!

One man understood why.

On 5/3/2017 at 05:00, kidthekid said:

It's Zanzibar. Wake up, head to the beach, get wasted and  sober up cool off with some Okapi football spectacle

Mumbu knew what to do in such a situation.

On 5/3/2017 at 10:25, Benjoe said:

"Hey boss! You like my new sunglasses? They're called wayfarers - they're like the ones Beckham wears -" Nelson interrupted Mumbu.

"What the ****, Mumbu"

"I'm just trying to look cool, boss"

Nelson won the debut 6-0, won the following game 4-0, before getting defeated 2-0. 

People didn't really care about this.

Tanzania being autonomous or not was far more important.

On 5/4/2017 at 11:22, noikeee said:

I'm a bit confused about Zanzibar and nationalities. I thought Zanzibar was a part of Tanzania? It counts in-game as a separate nation? Does Nelson even know?

I definitely support managing the Tanzania Prisons side at some stage. 

 

On 5/4/2017 at 18:34, Benjoe said:

 I understand the confusion! As I've understood, it is an autonomous (or semi-autonomous) part of Tanzania. Why they have their own national team and league and so I don't know. It is listed as an autonomous area like Sicily, Sardinia and Hong Kong but wether they too have their own leagues and national teams I don't know. If I'm not even certain, Nelson hasn't got the slightest clue - but he wouldn't admit to that of course!

It is really bound to happen.

 

On 5/4/2017 at 18:48, BoxToBox said:

Siciily and Sardinia play in the Italian structure, Palermo and Cagliari being a big club from each, but Hong Kong does have it's own league and national team.

 

On 5/4/2017 at 18:52, kidthekid said:

I had a chat with some of CAF's most powerful people, key top men, real insiders, you need to be a big deal to talk to them, and I got some exclusive information  did some online research and apparently Zanzibar was allowed to have its league and compete in African club competitions, but they were not allowed to do was to have a national team.

However, in March, CAF accepted them, (with the support of the Tanzanian federation) as a full member which means that their national team can now compete in CAF events such as African nations cup qualifiers etc

Whether FIFA has accepted them is unclear, but some African sports websites thinks that this is the case.

 

On 5/5/2017 at 13:27, noikeee said:

Apparently they beat Greenland en route to the final of the World Wild Cup.

 

On 5/5/2017 at 18:04, Benjoe said:

That is fantastic!

Wait, Republic of St. Pauli? What?

Maybe they were too good to be allowed.

Meanwhile in the league things weren't going after Nelson's plans.

On 5/6/2017 at 01:20, Benjoe said:

Ouch. At least friends were near with kind words.

On 5/6/2017 at 01:29, Keano16 said:

I know how you feel man. At least it's only fine margins that should not take much to overcome. 

Let's end page 5 with these words. 

 

 

[Benjoe]

Page 6: 

This page starts with satanic worshiping.

On 5/6/2017 at 01:41, Benjoe said:

Oh. And look at the attendance. Perfect.

Not enough apparently.

On 5/6/2017 at 02:07, Benjoe said:

(...)

One time after a game he'd been interviewed for the one hundredth time he had shouted, "You only hate me because I'm famous!" One of the reporters had calmly replied to Nelson's assertion.

"Nelson, we don't hate you because you're famous. You're famous because we hate you."

Following that comment Nelson shouted some indistinguishable words and left.

Now they were heading for their cup match, however. A whole nother beast. It lived it's own life. Mumbu had been humming his lullaby again. The first time since they left Swaziland. Maybe this was signs of good things in the future.

It was not, however. A tragic end to the season, and the board wanted to have a 'conversation regarding club performance and broken promises' with Nelson and the fans - led by Mumbu - wanted to lynch him. Mumbu, of course, didn't understand what lynching him ment, but got caught by the good spirit among the fans. 

On 5/6/2017 at 05:02, kidthekid said:

#NelsonInBoardOut

The meeting went.. well, it could have been worse, probably as Mads Mikkelsen would say in Carlsberg's ads.

On 5/6/2017 at 14:30, Benjoe said:

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem

Nelson entered the conference room as rotten vegetables and sand was thrown after him. Moments before closing the door behind him he saw Mumbu throwing a grape fruit as he was smiling and laughing. Nelson's eyebrows withdrew into his skull and he got dizzy and almost passed out. He fell to his feet and had to crawl to the chair in front of the desk where the board members were sitting. 
They were fairly indifferent about the whole situation. As soon as Nelson was seated they began the meeting.

"Right, Nelson. Your first period with the club has been nothing short of atrocious. What is your excuse for this performance?"

Nelson was still shaken from the incident seconds earlier, but managed to speak a little. "Err, well, err we've lost a lot. Haven't scored but conceded, so we haven't gotten a lot of points. But - but I am a legendary manager!" Nelson was starting to get back to his usual self.

"But," The board seemed hesitant, "we've hear your stories and all that, but you've been a huge disappointment with us. When we spoke prior to your hiring you were saying this league would be a walkover for you."

"I've never said that in my life!"

"Interesting. Would you look at this piece of paper while I read it up?" 

Nelson received the paper, glanced at it and face palmed. 

*Chairman clear his throat* 'This league will be a walkover for me. Ha-ha-ha. They won't know what hit them. I will make them cry little the little pantie wearing sissies they are.' "Do you refuse to remember saying this."

Nelson was silent.

"I can continue!" *Chairman clears his throat again*

A drop of sweat leaves Nelson's forehead and hits his sweat, sand and vegetable stained blood orange shirt. What was his next move? 

"When I'm done you'll be erecting a statue in memory of me!" The chairman stop reading further and stares at Nelson. 

"Enough! Stop this madness at once!" Nelson was pushed to his limits, much like his body was pumping blood through his entire body. "If you fire me you'll have the fans on your back. They will turn against you as soon as you fire me!"

The board members started laughing. "You mean the fans who threw rotten fruits at you and have banner saying 'Fire Nelson', 'We want Nelson's head on a stick', 'Feed Nelson's corpus to the bush pigs!'

"Err.. well, yeah."

"And isn't that your personal assistant leading the riot?"  The board members laughed once again. 

"So.. when are we negotiating a new contract for me?"

The board members got serious. "We're pretty sure the fans will overcome the 'huge loss' when we fire you. Get out of our office, and try not to let too many rotten vegetables fly past you as you leave - oh and good luck with the bush pigs! Hahahaha!"

Nelson leaves the office as he is viciously attacked with all sorts of rotten ammunition. As he leaves the door, still open, he shouts back, "I'll get my revenge, mark my words!" 

A huge rotten watermelon flies past Nelson's head and splashes out on the board members table.

 

On 5/6/2017 at 14:30, Benjoe said:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

People were shocked!

wow

 

On 5/6/2017 at 14:44, Keano16 said:

Cold hearted bastard.

 

On 5/6/2017 at 15:42, BoxToBox said:

I never liked that Mujuni.

Others went with their narrative imagination. described actual events.

On 5/6/2017 at 19:37, ManUtd1 said:

That Mumbu? Yeah, he's a ****, isn't he?

Nelson sighed as he entered the taxi, finally protected from the barrage of rotten vegetables thrown by the Okapi supporters, a near riot unfolding outside the stadium, that was likely to turn into a full-blown party once the news spread of his sacking.

Lost in his thoughts, Nelson ignored the taxi driver. "How could they do this to me," he wondered, "after all I've done for them? The sweat, blood, tears and...other...bodily fluids...I've left on that pitch...was it all for nothing?"

The taxi driver was starting to become agitated, drawing Nelson's attention back to the present. Confused, Nelson realized that they'd left and entered a part of town he didn't recognize, and were quickly approaching a gated complex of warehouses that seemed deserted. 

 As they sped through the now closing gates, Nelson realized that something about the taxi driver seemed...familiar.

The doors of the taxi lock, as a ragged chuckle emerges from within that cragged throat of the driver, followed by an unintelligible string of what Nelson's addled mind knows must be words, but he cannot place them as if they were spoken in another language. Speeding into a dark warehouse, Nelson asks the driver to repeat himself.

 The driver turns, handing Nelson a bottle of eucalyptus-scented lotion. Horror strikes, as Nelson recognizes his wrinkled captor, the cataract clouds shining in the low, reflected light, the barbed voice awakening days long past and best forgotten.

"It puts the lotion on its skin, I said," rasped David Moyes, a low chuckle again emerging from deep within his anorak.

 

On 5/6/2017 at 19:59, Benjoe said:

*Several hours later*

With his anorak zipped to his neck once again, David Moyes grabbed a fedora with a grin on his face as he shouted back, "Lewking forward to the next taime, fattay. And remember, I am the Ginger who fewks."  

The door slammed behind Moyesy and left in the dark and smelly warehouse was Nelson lying still on the concrete floor as he was - crying and undressed with an empty bottle of eucalyptus-scented lotion at his feet. 

Nelson was disoriented and mumbling to himself, "Mumbu.. Why have you forsaken me. Me, your bestest friend." The sobbing continued to seemingly no end until a rangly shadow started creeping out from the depths of the warehouse. "Not that bloody Phil Jagielka!" Nelson panicked but his body was warn out and slippery from all the lotion and thus he was stuck on the concrete. 

The shadow slowly closing in on Nelson a voice penetrated the eery silence. "Boss? Is that pile of.. oh, it's you boss."

Nelson couldn't believe his ears, "Oh Mumbu. You are like the pickle in a cheeseburger. Always, always there, nobody likes it but no-one bothers removing you. I am so glad you're here though. Now get me a towel, will ya?"

 

Then came the real question.

On 5/6/2017 at 20:44, ManUtd1 said:

#WhatWouldJagielkaDo

Bu then again, who gives a **** what Jagielka would do? 

Nelson had other things to consider.

On 5/7/2017 at 00:14, Benjoe said:

 

(...)

With this much money made available in the budget Nelson had great plans for the summer. He'd sign as many promising players as he probably could and then feed the rubbish ones to the bush pigs. Best solution he could come up with. 

Mumbu was also put to work, but more on that another time. 

This was also one of the times we heard about a random Spaniard in the North of Nigeria.

Must've been a blast of a stag party.

On 5/7/2017 at 15:58, kidthekid said:

Cool story from my Nigerian club save. My club got purchased by a Spanish dude at the beginning of the save, and he isn't a tycoon or anything, so our finances are still average. However, three years later, I had a Spanish youth candidate. What is a Spaniard doing in the North of Nigeria?

I figured he had to be a relative or son of a friend of my Spanish chairman, but he was not good enough so I had to cut the guy. Could have been an awesome story. I was tempted to keep him just to parade him around, but he's gone now. I'll check up on him a few years later.

Then came the tactical writeup.

On 5/9/2017 at 10:57, Benjoe said:

(...)

When he showed the new ideas to Mumbu the only comment by Mumbu was "Ey boss, we need some names for these. How about "Bushpig"?

...

Nelson was considering whether this was the time to exact his revenge. Other than having Mumbu find clothes to all the signing 46 players so they could practice with team clothing and then also wash it all he hadn't properly gotten his revenge for the part Mumbu took in the demonstrations against Nelson but this wasn't the time. Having names for his tactics was a good idea - extraordinarily good considering it came from Mumbu. Catching on the wave of names for tactics that had lasted since the age of man he decided upon naming his first tactic something that would make the opponents fear him.

The Zanzibari Reaper, oooooh yeeeeah.

 

Aggressive wingers giving the showboating he thirsted. Two strikers providing adept finishing and constant threats up front. One ball-winning midfielder giving the opponents some tough tackles centrally, and then two inverted full backs - just because he thought it sounded cool. Their play style would be aggressive, fast paced and going through central areas as well as seeking the wide man in overlaps. Who would overlap the winger? Don't ask so many dumb questions Mumbu!

The Bushpig

 

Inspired by the robust bushpig Nelson wanted three defender centrally and then combine his full backs with his wings giving the showboating a bit deeper in midfield rather than down by the opponents corner flag. A dynamic midfielder was added and the two strikers were kept to threaten the enemy like the tusks on a bushpig did. The instructions remained the same. 

People were loving it.

On 5/9/2017 at 11:43, noikeee said:

That's some... creative tactics. I'm not entirely sure I understand the plan. Dunno what was going on with the transfer policy neither - is the strategy to sign every single Zanzibarian player you can find, then release the worst ones? 

And yes. That was the strategy.

On 5/9/2017 at 17:57, Benjoe said:

So. A weird thing/pattern has happened suddenly in the same. Following the end of the transfer window where we saw our best defender sign with another team, which sucked, I checked his history for whatever reason. Seeing what I did confused me a fair bit.

Here is Thomas Ngoma

Nothing looks strange here, other than the fact that he is very well rounded and that I'm going to miss him dearly. Especially when we use The Bushpig tactic... I also wonder why he'd change, from a team that had won both their games in the league, to a team who had lost both games prior to his arrival...

But lets have a look under his history

Suddenly our team is listed as "Wawi Star (now Sting Chiba) and with a new logo of a dog or something. When I then click it, suddenly, I am met by this Japanese club.

And there are more cases of this. It even happens when they join us too.

I also have a player who joined us, who's former team has changed too

I have no idea what is going on. I hope this won't be an issue later on and make the game crash. For now it is just a weird 'trend' happening apparently. 

Nothing happened despite this weird nonsense.

The refs are nice in Zanzibar.

On 5/9/2017 at 20:16, Benjoe said:

(...)

We win 1-0 and all looks good but just 3 minutes before the final whistle Madungu did actually equalize. Our keeper decided to throw it into our own net, but the refs were ready to award us the best/worst offside I've ever seen. He whistles it on Mahadhi, who didn't touch the ball, nor did he have any impact on the keeper. To call that offside is the worst I've seen in a loooong time. And I love it!

 

And that's the end of a long page 6.

[Benjoe]

Page 7:

This is another meaty page.

Nelson reveals his revenge on Mumbu.

On 5/10/2017 at 10:20, Benjoe said:

(...)

He had planned his revenge for today perfectly. It was all ready in the locker room, waiting for Mumbu - and no, it was not David 'the messy' Moyesy. 

The league table had Wawi Star on top and Okapi on a shared second place. Everyone was ready for the match. In the locker room the players were seated, dressed and focused. It was a much more focused bunch than the one he had at Okapi. This was surely also down to the fact they'd seen so many players get released after just one bad practice, which meant they were on their toes every-single-day. Beside all the dressed and focused players sat Mumbu. Dressed in his own attire as well, or well, the attire Nelson had picked out for him. It was fury and had tusks. 

On 5/10/2017 at 11:16, Benjoe said:

Urban Dictionary: Bush pig; extremly ugly, bitch with a face like a smashed crab

Out on the pitch, prior to all the refs and players came Mumbu running in his new fury attire. 

"Mumbu, stand still, we need picture of this!"

"Bwahahahahah!"

Nelson enjoyed every second of seeing Mumbu dressed as the bush pig. "Can I take it off now, Boss?"

"How about... no! Haha!"

While Mumbu was sweating inside of the costume the game started. 

(...)

Just three minutes before the end of the game Okapi had another massive chance to equalize.

Only sheer masterly defensive work from Mkami denied Okapi from equalizing as he cleared the ball of the outside of the striker foot for a goal kick. MVP material.

The game ended shortly after and Nelson walked from his white plastic chair to Okapi's coaches who were still stuck in their white plastic chairs. Nelson looked at them and laughed. 

"Taste the bush," He said before pushing the manager off the plastic chair, "It's extra bushy today."

On 5/10/2017 at 13:58, noikeee said:

I'm loving the standards of footballing on display all across this thread. Magnificent.

Social media hit like a wrecking ball.

On 5/10/2017 at 11:41, Benjoe said:

One guy loved the bush.

On 5/10/2017 at 11:44, BoxToBox said:

Ahhhhhhh! Glory!

The great start in the league had to end.

On 5/10/2017 at 12:31, Benjoe said:

Nothing lasts forever.

 

Nelson's revenge divided the people.

On 5/10/2017 at 12:52, Rikulec said:

You're being way too harsh to Mumbu. He's trying his best.

 

On 5/10/2017 at 13:29, BoxToBox said:

I was thinking the opposite. A good, old fashioned beat down with a tire iron would have hit the spot.

**** humor was the natural reply.

On 5/10/2017 at 18:07, Benjoe said:

I think Nelson's newest tweet will suit you both. 

We have our moments of utter stupidity yes, but also moments of true glory. Look at this goal from our striker, Machacu for instance!

Would you look at his Chicken dance celebration as well!

More **** humor would follow.

On 5/10/2017 at 18:17, Benjoe said:

 

Nelsons passed his coaching courses.

On 5/10/2017 at 20:05, Benjoe said:

Now we're talking!

Edit: Even Wawi Star is replaced under my managers history... 

Let's remember this comment.

On 5/10/2017 at 20:23, argento said:

This is still the most entertaining tale on here.  Loving the social media stuff

Despicable actions by the manager.

On 5/10/2017 at 20:52, Benjoe said:

In other news, I am an absolute **** in-game.

Oh, Okapi, you're doing good? How bout I grab the only playmaker you got and your best winger? I'd grabbed their best striker too if he wasn't already leaving by january.

But little does it help.

On 5/11/2017 at 08:46, Benjoe said:

We do what was needed and have the chance of securing the top 4 position ourselves! 

Meanwhile Okapi are just punching so far above their weight class. I mean, they've lost so many first team players this season that they have only have 'grey' players on their bench - AND THEY'RE WINNING EVERYTHING. Nice one, @RNGEEBUS. Guess it's revenge for trying to pick their team apart signing with multiple of their players to then let them rot on the bench myself. 

Another person liked the stuff in here, and shared some information about living in Gabon once. Pretty cool.

On 5/11/2017 at 11:08, DodgeeD said:

Just spent an enjoyable portion of the morning catching up here. I have deadlines for this evening but if I tell those concerned that I was catching up on your thread, I'm sure they will understand.

Great to see a career in Africa. A couple of years living in Gabon gave me an affinity for the place and the football culture. Is the Gabonese league in claasen's pack this year?

The social media circus continued.

On 5/13/2017 at 20:08, Benjoe said:

**** humor again, but Wawi Star made the playoffs.

On 5/14/2017 at 10:50, Benjoe said:

 

Changes were made, and thus the keeper would be in charge of set pieces.

On 5/14/2017 at 12:35, Benjoe said:

Seeing as we rarely - if ever - score from set pieces and our penalties are to some extent hit and miss I decided to do like @Jimbokav1971 and set my GK to kick both free kicks and penalties. I figure, why the hell not, I'm in Zanzibar, Nelson is the manager, this is probably one of the least surprising things that could happen. 

Also, Nelson's newest tweak tactically have seen the birth of a narrow 4-2-3-1 as mentioned in the previous post.

  

It's nothing like the semi-crazy previous ones he's attempted. Is he starting to get a tactical nous or is it just pure luck?

 

On 5/14/2017 at 12:55, Benjoe said:

Page 7 ends with a 4-win streak in the playoffs, and a win over Okapi as well.

On 5/14/2017 at 13:35, Benjoe said:

The last 15 minutes were dire. Very dire. But we did it and edged them out and are building a nice lead down to second. Our 4th win in a row, our best form this entire the season comes in the championship playoff. That makes sense..

End of page 7.

[BoxToBox]

1 hour ago, Benjoe said:

The meeting went.. well, it could have been worse, probably as Mads Mikkelsen would say in Carlsberg's ads.

Love those ads.

[Benjoe]

41 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Love those ads.

Aye, they're quality! 

How do you the pilsner?

[BoxToBox]

5 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

Aye, they're quality! 

How do you the pilsner?

It's ok, I'll drink it happily, but I generally prefer bitters, stouts, ales and the like.

EDIT Strong believer in the adage, "the best beer is the beer you're drinking", though.

[Benjoe]

8 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

It's ok, I'll drink it happily, but I generally prefer bitters, stouts, ales and the like.

EDIT Strong believer in the adage, "the best beer is the beer you're drinking", though.

Growing up with beers like Carlsberg, Tuborg, Royal, Heineken and other such lagers I had gotten used to it.

Took at bit of tasting to get used to stouts but now I prefer those as well.

Beatiful quote, that one.

[BoxToBox]

2 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

Growing up with beers like Carlsberg, Tuborg, Royal, Heineken and other such lagers I had gotten used to it.

Took at bit of tasting to get used to stouts but now I prefer those as well.

Beatiful quote, that one.

Same as myself really, barring Guinness all the locals bars were Heinekin, Budwesier, sometimes Carlsberg and Harp(an Irish lager that's very similar). Even then, it was fairly weird to see a young lad drinking Guinness.

It's still weird going to England and seeing stuff like Greene King, Hobgoblin and various other ales and IPA's on tap.

[Benjoe]

13 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Same as myself really, barring Guinness all the locals bars were Heinekin, Budwesier, sometimes Carlsberg and Harp(an Irish lager that's very similar). Even then, it was fairly weird to see a young lad drinking Guinness.

It's still weird going to England and seeing stuff like Greene King, Hobgoblin and various other ales and IPA's on tap.

In Denmark Guiness is very rare to find in Supermarkets, a bit more common in bars but I rarely saw people drink it.

Never tasted Greene King or Hobgoblin. Tasted quite a few IPA's but the last 3 or so has been quite unpleasant. Still looking to find a specific one I got at nice restaurant in Denmark. Managed drink 4 in 40 minutes. The IPA of Gods. Just can't remember which it was..

[BoxToBox]

23 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

In Denmark Guiness is very rare to find in Supermarkets, a bit more common in bars but I rarely saw people drink it.

Never tasted Greene King or Hobgoblin. Tasted quite a few IPA's but the last 3 or so has been quite unpleasant. Still looking to find a specific one I got at nice restaurant in Denmark. Managed drink 4 in 40 minutes. The IPA of Gods. Just can't remember which it was..

Some of them IPA's are getting daft now, just more bitter hops overload as some kind of daft proving ground like hot sauce culture where they're trying to make things hotter and hotter to the point of uselessness.

Hobgoblin's one of my favourite ales.

[Benjoe]

49 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Some of them IPA's are getting daft now, just more bitter hops overload as some kind of daft proving ground like hot sauce culture where they're trying to make things hotter and hotter to the point of uselessness.

Hobgoblin's one of my favourite ales.

True. It's a race to the extremes. It's horrible. Hot sauces are nicest when they're in the middle of the scale I find.

Will have to buy oneat next opportunity!

[BoxToBox]

Aye, I don't mind hot, but relatively edible isn't too much to ask, is it?

 

[kidthekid]

Great recap. Reminds me of all the nonsense that we all posted

[Benjoe]

3 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

Aye, I don't mind hot, but relatively edible isn't too much to ask, is it?

 

It is, when you're surrounded by morons..  

13 minutes ago, kidthekid said:

Great recap. Reminds of all the nonsense that we all posted

Cheers - it's great remembering all those weird things!

[Benjoe]

Page 8

It turns out to be a brilliant choice to set the keeper to do the set pieces.

On 5/14/2017 at 17:37, Benjoe said:

Oh god, @Jimbokav1971, it has happened! 

Expectations were altered within the board members hearts. Gold was the only goal.

On 5/15/2017 at 08:41, Benjoe said:

(...)

 After having had 'Mid-table' expectations for the Kanda ya Pemba they (the board) had now altered their expectations and despite only clinching the 4th place that allowed them to fight for the Championship they wanted gold now. If Nelson failed to bring home the trophy he might not have much of a future at Wawi Star and what would his next step then be? For now, that was of no concern, however. Another draw, this time against Okapi after being down 0-2 showed their resilience. The team Nelson managed now was not as unstable and likely to crumble as the Okapi side he managed last season. This time they were tailor-made for succes. 

One reader had an appropriate reaction.

On 5/15/2017 at 11:13, BoxToBox said:

Your board are psychopaths.

Injuries have a way of changing things up a bit.

On 5/15/2017 at 08:47, Benjoe said:

This is so typical. Kamtande has been our best player by far. Scoring 6 goals and assisting twice in 9 playoff matches and now he is out for the remainder of the playoffs as well as David Soka who's been out for a long time now with multiple injuries.. 

Nelson is famous for his aggressive style and neglect of defensive consideration. This shows.

On 5/15/2017 at 09:06, Benjoe said:

This was wild. And watching the goals also shows that Nelson needs to rework his set pieces since the two goals that allowed Kizimbani to return to the match were from a corner and a free kick. 

 

One half of a season can turn things around dramatically.

On 5/15/2017 at 10:43, Benjoe said:

Nelson had a chance of securing the title, but it slipped.

On 5/17/2017 at 12:09, Benjoe said:

(...)

The first 15 minutes against Mafunzo left Mafunzo pressured and following a free kick from goal keeper Lunyamila hitting the crossbar and a corner briefly after posing a threat Wawi Star was chasing the all important goal.

Minutes later and Lunyamila was ready to kick another free kick. This time further out and it would be an in-direct kick aimed at strong headers. The crazy tactics employed by Nelson saw all of his 11 players far up Mafunzo's half ready to overload the box and try to get space for each other to get free from their markers. This would fail tragically and a completely alone Mafunzo winger was left at the middle of the pitch ready to attack the ball cleared to him. 

  

No one could reach him. 1-0 to Mafunzo. 

 (...)

Kind words were written.

On 5/17/2017 at 22:49, argento said:

good work as normal!  The twitter stuff still gets me.  

And some with more dubious meaning.

On 5/19/2017 at 23:59, Miraculix said:

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. 

You'd probably imagine, that fans were well entertained. Turns out you'd be a fool for thinking that.

On 5/20/2017 at 15:28, Benjoe said:

We're fighting to win the Zanzibari Premier League for the first time in club history, and the fans don't care - and our Supporter Spokesperson likes it! 

 

This is the point where things start to get weird. Really weeeeird.

On 5/20/2017 at 15:46, Benjoe said:

(...)

Mumbu was also there. Not doing much, but he was there, standing tall and lanky in his bush pig costume. No, it had not been washed since the first time he wore it, and yes, that was an awful long time ago. For safety Nelson had starte wearing nose clips like swimmers. Best money he'd spent his entire life. 

Nelson was walking the pitch preparing his peptalk for the boys in the locker room. 

"..and then you kick them in the throat! Just finish them!"

"..You see him diving? Or even think(!) he dove, you kick him, I don't care where, he just doesn't get up. If you don't I'll kungfupaow kick you in your face! You don't think I can?! WELL I'LL BLOODY SHOW YOU, YOU PIECE OF-"
"Boooooosss!"

Mumbu came stumbling out from the locker room and looked panicking at Nelson, who had lifted his foot from the ground and was ready to execute his 'kungfupaow' kick. 

"It's bad boss. Real bad boss! The boys.. The boys boss!"

"I'll be there in a second, Mumbu, now leave!"

"But boss... the boys.. the boys boss!"
"WHAT. MUMBU!"

"They're crying boss. The boys are crying boss. They're nervous." 

"I got a plan, Mumbu. Go hum for them. I'll be right there."

Mumbu ran off as Nelson stood still with a determined gaze. He knew what would be needed here. 

...

 

Some tweets say more than a thousand word - and probably shouldn't even have said a single.

On 5/20/2017 at 15:59, Benjoe said:

Only a fool tests the depth of the river with both feet

Do you have chills down your spine too?

On 5/20/2017 at 16:16, Benjoe said:

Terrified Nelson looked behind him. At first he didn't see him, but he noticed a shadowy figure leaned against a three in the dark forest near the stadium. Goosebumps down Nelson's back. Cold sweat in his palms. On his sweater, Moms Spaghetti 'He took a deep breath as he went towards the figure but when he was almost close enough to see the man clearly he pointed next to Nelson.
He looked down and next to his feet was a brown bag containing a bottle of Scottish  potato vodka of the brand "Moyes' Mild Green Liquid" and underneath it the bottle said "Drink Moyes Today, Regrets Are For Tomorrow". 

Nelson's entire corpus shivered as he grabbed the bag and rushed to the locker room. He forced the players to lubricate each other in the lotion as they downed mouthful of Moyes' liquid. 

With his players lotioned up and sharing a taste of Moyes they were giving the pep talk Nelson had prepared and was sent unto the pitch. 

Why would he not put in the opponent's water bottles you ask? Don't..

On 5/20/2017 at 16:33, Benjoe said:

Whatever Moyes had in his potato vodka other than potato it seemed to work. Or maybe it was the eucalyptus scented lotion. Either way, after just four minutes Wawi Star were in the lead and they didn't look back. 

After half an hour played Wawi keeper, Lunyamila, slammed a free kick at the KMKM keeper but the ball was slippery from all the lotion that'd been rubbed off on it through the game and the ball slipped out of the keeper's hands and it was 2-0.

Second half got underway and soon enough it was 3-0 and the Stars were aligned for a Wawi Championship party. 

In the 81st minute Lunyamila had the chance to score his second goal of the game, his third in his Wawi Star career. 

He buried it. 4-0 and it was all over soon after. 

Nelson and Mumbu were cheering and hugging. Mumbu ran around the pitch wearing his costume. Nelson had plans of making him the mascot of the team, and proposing Mumbu a very small amount of money for the job - but he would have to shower, however. 

In the midst of the cheering and celebrating Nelson spotted the shadow behind the threes again. A slow clapping, unnerving presence. 

What had Nelson done..

When I told you it was getting weird earlier, right? I wasn't lying, but it gets weirder.

On 5/20/2017 at 17:02, Benjoe said:

The Sound of Silence

Nelson had followed the directions sent by an unknown number. They had let him back into the part of the town he rarely ventured to.

Poor people drowned the streets. They were selling useless rubbish or asking for handouts. Sometimes both. Nelson despised it. He felt out of place as he wandered through the dark streets and alleys in his beige suit.

He slipped as he spotted a sign above a little shop saying, "Feel the raw naked Moyes off the road". Was this a real sign or was his mind playing a trick on him?

He followed the direction of the sign but he felt at unease. The alley got darker, and darker. Slowly nearing a big, black door that was clearly new.

"Knock for the taste of Moyes" was written with small white letters.

Nelson knew it was a bad decision to knock, and he also knew that he had to. 

*Knock knock knock* The knocks left echoes in the silent alley. The suspense was killing Nelson.

A little slid in the door was opened, "It says the password."

Nelson looked confused at the door. "I.. I don't know the password."

"Aye, aye it does indaid." A note was slipped through the slid. "It reads the note, aye."

"It surrenders itself to Moyes..?" 

"Good boy."

The door opened and Nelson nervously entered the door.. 

It's okay to laugh - or cry.

On 5/20/2017 at 17:17, Benjoe said:

 

Nelson had not returned when the last game of the season was played.

Mumbu had searched for him anywhere he could imagine, but this time out of luck. The game was going to be played without Nelson and Mumbu present. The assistant gladly took over and saw his big chance. 

(...) they trampled Kijichi with a 2-0 win as Kijichi dropped to 5th. Lunyamila scored on another penalty. 

Seeing as neither Nelson or Mumbu were there and the team still won in the hands of the assistant the board were quick and eager to sign the assistant to a managerial role for the next season.

Nelson didn't know, but he was effectively being fired after a near perfect season where he brought succes to a team no-one expected to go near these heights. They would now be joining the African Champions League next year - Wawi Star and their new manager, that is, not Nelson. He was probably tied up in some sleazy dungeon that very moment. 

Since the club didn't want to have it appear as if they were firing their succesful coach (which was what they were doing) they forged a letter of resignation from Nelson. False signature and all that. Now he had officially resigned, without even knowing.

"Congrats on the title, go find somewhere else to manage, you big lump!" - Letter to Nelson from the board.

This is a recurring concern for one particular user.

On 5/20/2017 at 17:45, ManUtd1 said:

Poor Nelson. #WhatWouldJagielkaDo

End of page 8!

 

[ManUtd1]

I feel like the recap posts should be introduced with a proper, deep-voiced voice-over:

Previously, on Law & Order: Mumbu Takes Manhattan...

[Benjoe]

Just now, ManUtd1 said:

I feel like the recap posts should be introduced with a proper, deep-voiced voice-over:

Previously, on Law & Order: Mumbu Takes Manhattan...

Not a bad idea! It would be even better if that deep-voiced voice-over continued through the entire recap commenting before each little recap part. 

[BoxToBox]

4 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

I feel like the recap posts should be introduced with a proper, deep-voiced voice-over:

Previously, on Law & Order: Mumbu Takes Manhattan...

I'll only accept James Earl Jones or his Mexican non-Union equivalent.

[Benjoe]

3 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

I'll only accept James Earl Jones or his Mexican non-Union equivalent.

Wouldn't mind that. What a man. 

 

James Earl Jones was is(!) a nice man too.

[BoxToBox]

1 minute ago, Benjoe said:

Wouldn't mind that. What a man. 

 

James Earl Jones was is(!) a nice man too.

[Benjoe]

1 minute ago, BoxToBox said:

Did I just say that James Earl Jones was dead.... 

[BoxToBox]

3 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

Did I just say that James Earl Jones was dead.... 

I'll be honest, first thing I thought after posting was "Wait did I just suggest....."

[Benjoe]

2 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

I'll be honest, first thing I thought after posting was "Wait did I just suggest....."

[Benjoe]

Page 9:

Page 9 was lit asf - because Nelson's ass was about to be fired for the... 2nd (or 3rd?) time.

We do have some catching up to do with some weird **** first though.

On 5/22/2017 at 11:05, Benjoe said:

The Sound of Silence v.2

Nelson stumbled out of the big black door once again. He had no sense of time. He could've been in there for an hour, a day, a month - he had no idea. His face was pale and his shoes gone. He tightened the belt and wished to forget what he had seen, done, and survived while he was on the other side of the door. 

"It is aellowed ta aenter Swaezeelaend aegaein." The door slammed shut. A sinister laugh was played on recently placed speakers in the alley. 

Nelson didn't understand a single word that was spoken. The accent drilled itself into his brain and gave him an awful headache. Now it was time to get back. There was still a final match of the season and celebrations in  the city would follow. This time he would be a part of the cheering part of a crowd for once.

Or so he thought.

 

On 5/22/2017 at 11:24, Benjoe said:

Only a fool tests the depth of the river with both feet

Nelson finally returned but when he tried to enter any of the clubs facilities he was denied entrance. He tried his office too, name tag changed as well as the lock. 

"You better leave now or I call the police! Here is a note, take it and leave now!" The new coach, his former assistant was scared of the repercussions Nelson would exact if he found out he'd been replaced by his assistant. Nelson had always been suspicious and never fully trusted him, but this was still unexpected. This was too much.

Nelson never found out, however. He took the note and quickly sought Mumbu. Finding him proved surprisingly easy. Mumbu hadn't left his own place since the game they'd secured the title. He'd locked himself inside and watched the Zanzibari show, "Beaches and Bitches" the Zanzibari Eastenders. Mumbu had managed to watch 4.534 episodes but still had 254 left before he was finished with the 4.788 long Zanzibari classic time waster. 

Nelson slapped Mumbu back to reality and burned the last VHS tapes of Beaches and Bitches and showed the note to Mumbu, who soon started crying. 

 

Moving on quickly.

On 5/23/2017 at 11:44, Benjoe said:

(...)

"We need to go home, Mumbu. I got a plan. This is the right thing. I've made some arrangements already. It's done"

"Okay, Boss."

Nelson bottomed his beer in one big slug and magically rose to his feet that got buried 3 feet under sand. He is that fat after all. 

 

On 5/23/2017 at 12:25, Benjoe said:

The antelope that is constantly moving will fall in a pit

Back in the Swazi region Hhohho, Nelson and Mumbu were ready to restart their careers once again. Nelson had offered his 'qualities and qualifications' to the back-to-back Champions, Mbabane Swallows, who laughed at him. Same happened at Royal Leopard, who had won the Premier League three times within the last five seasons.  Malanti Chiefs from the city of Lobamba in the Hhohho district were willing to take a risk on Nelson. 

Nelson knew he'd have to try and settle with Chiefs for a while, build up reputation.  People laughed at his appearance, and without having solid results in his luggage he wouldn't get past the initial talks that would end with 'You're 28, and got grey hair?! And what is that hideous red hairband good for?! Bwahahaah, #NelsonJrHasGreyHair #NeverForget #GetOutOfThisOfficeYouBaboon.' 

 

People were loving in!

On 5/23/2017 at 16:47, ManUtd1 said:

Woohoo!  Come on you mighty Chiefs!

On 5/23/2017 at 17:54, Rikulec said:

Oh yeah.

Tactical setup for the conquest of Swaziland.

On 5/23/2017 at 18:42, Benjoe said:

Nelson have redesigned his Narrow Bush Pig formation to become the new and improved Siyinqaba, which some of you might remember is Swaziland's motto meaning something like "We are a fortress". Isn't it beautifully ironic to call the tactic such when it's quite aggressive with 3 AMC and a striker too? 

(...)

Defending was picture perfect in comparison to previous defenses under Nelson.

On 5/23/2017 at 19:22, Benjoe said:

Crisp defending here. Bravo, fellas!

Let's think of something else for a while. 

How about... geography! Of course!

On 5/24/2017 at 11:56, Benjoe said:

Just to give a feeling of the distance between districts and cities in beautiful Swaziland. We're currently in the city of Lobamba not far (somewhat 15-20 km) from Mhlambanyatsi where we first met Nelson and Mumbu. From Mhlambanyatsi the journey went on to Zanzibar, where they had mixed succes in their two year stay before returning home. 

In the future, whenever Nelson and Mumbu changes team I will make updates with Google maps in terms of their travel the way @PaulHartman71 does too.

3.816 KM in 54 hours? Not too shabby. 

With that done..

On 5/24/2017 at 21:57, Benjoe said:

The antelope that is constantly moving will fall in a pit
I've missed this beauty of a topbanner.. 

As Nelson leaned back in his old and squeaky chair he sighed. Going from a team who powered through the best teams Zanzibar had to offer to losing two of his first three matches back in Swaziland. Not the homecoming he had hoped for obviously. Was this the future he had  surrendered his body to ol' mighty Moyes for? 

The test matches were nothing to speak of. To avoid the routinely loss to his B-side he refused to schedule a game against them, despite his board and the players suggesting it. He almost got fired following a heated discussion with the chairman, had it not been for Mumbu. Turns out the chairman of Malanti Chiefs is a man with great affection for classics ***** TV and as soon as Mumbu quoted the catch phrase of one of the main characters.

"There is reason in the roasting of eggs," Mumbu had a philosophical gaze.

"That's Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase, isn't it!"

"Yeah. It's Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase."

"I love Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase."

"I love Ali Bukar Farid Mussa Malone's catch phrase too!"

Nelson grew tired of hearing Mumbu and the chairman's 'conversation' and just left the building. The following morning the chairman agreed not to fire Nelson after all. #MumbuSaves

 

 

Wanna know what a Swazi nightmare is? Here, take it!

On 5/24/2017 at 22:46, Benjoe said:

Sundowns scored on a very early pen. Then we dominated them completely and scored to quickly after each other. Aaaand then our left back decided to make a ridiculous tackle and get red carded. All within 30 minutes! Ugh.

On 5/24/2017 at 22:47, Benjoe said:

Will (that should have been while..) I was ranting about this I let the game continue... What happened next will shock you...

  Reveal hidden contents

ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME!?

 

On 5/24/2017 at 22:55, Benjoe said:

They scored this **** goal to win it. 

 

Oh well. It's not so bad, ey?

On 5/24/2017 at 23:39, Benjoe said:

3rd November 2018

"Boss!"

"It's fine Mumbu.."

"But boss, your seat! It's on fire!"

"I SAID IT'S FINE MUMBU!"

Some people deserves to get kicked.

On 5/25/2017 at 00:06, Keano16 said:

That was an interesting free kick routine. 

The display of utter lack of talent wasn't done just yet.

On 5/25/2017 at 00:11, Benjoe said:

They were one man down, but we struggled relentlessly. Three goals scored within two minutes. This is... yeah... Anyways, we won! Celebration time.

10 year old kids know more than the Chiefs.. 

On 5/25/2017 at 01:10, ManUtd1 said:

Sheesh...even my 10 year old knows that backpasses are always to be played wide of the post... 

On 5/25/2017 at 09:22, BoxToBox said:

Chuck some grapefruit at that rightback. Straight out of the freezer.

On 5/31/2017 at 15:10, kidthekid said:

Th right back prospect has a ppm of dwells on the ball, yet his first touch 3, decision 3, vision 5, technique of 5.

FM can be unnecessarily mean

But let's redirect the focus once again. Team names is a good one.

On 5/25/2017 at 05:14, kidthekid said:

Eleven Men in Flight and Sharp Victor are my favorite team name ever

On 5/26/2017 at 23:46, DodgeeD said:

Manzini Sea Birds is also an interesting name for a club in a landlocked country

 

On 5/27/2017 at 18:01, BoxToBox said:

"Maurice Premier League" may be the second best competition in the world, only bested by the Wolf Cup.

Some people likes to **** on a burning man.

On 5/28/2017 at 03:09, noikeee said:

Uh-oh, not a great season so far from your Chiefs. Clearly not bossing the league.

Luckily nice things were said as well.

On 5/25/2017 at 11:48, Mysterio Jr. said:

Great thread and fun to read!!

On 5/25/2017 at 14:32, Sir_Liam said:

I've just finished reading through this whole thread and have enjoyed it.  Nelson seems an interesting character and a bit nuts.

You know what they say about walkmen and board mettings?

On 5/31/2017 at 12:42, Benjoe said:

"Hands, touchin' hands...
Reachin' out, touchin' me, touchin' youuu..."

"Boss?"

"Shhh, Mumbu, now comes the good part-SWEEEEET CAROOOOOLIIIIINE!!"

Nelson's entire body was in motion as he danced around wearing his old school walkman. 

"But Boss, it's argent-ergent-urgent... erhm.. you need to come now!"

Nelson, still wearing his walkman, followed Mumbu. 

The song switched and Nelson's moves changed. His shoulders were a bigger part this time. He bit his lower lip and started singing again.

"Come on Eileeen!"

(...) 

Mumbu led Nelson into the boards office as Nelson was singing. Mumbu recognized the song and joined in.

Nelson: Now you're grown

Mumbu: Your grown up!

Nelson: So grooooown!

Mumbu: So grown up!

They were standing in the office with board members in front of them. The singing continued.

Nelson and Mumbu now together, but in very different octaves and neither with much elegance:

"Come on, Eileen, too loo rye ay. Come on, Eileen, too roooooo ryeeee ay!" 
The board cut in, "Ahem, fellas! Sit down and stop singing please!"

Five minutes later Nelson and Mumbu left the office.

"Boss, do you know what they meant?" 

Nelson sighed, "Yeah, Mumbu. I do. We got a month to prove that I should still be the manager of the Chiefs.."

"Oh. Should we start singing again now?" 

Nelson sighed.

Me neither - but it can't be good!

(...)

On 5/31/2017 at 13:18, Benjoe said:

When I sit down to play FM and update my thread, and 4 hours later haven't made more than one update and only progressed 3 games...

Youth intake!

On 5/31/2017 at 13:57, Benjoe said:

Covfefe

(...)

(...)

All players will be signed and seen out for a year before I decide if they should get released. 

 

More stupid stuff...

On 5/31/2017 at 14:32, Benjoe said:

Having just beaten the first placed Manzini Wanderes 2-0 at home we met Green Mamba once again at home. A team not far above us so hopes were high. After 19 minutes we were in the lead and things looked good.

Then they got awarded a penalty, where none of our players did anything at all. 1-1. Okay, we fight on. Second half, this **** happens.

This is going to be a struggle.

6 minutes later and Ndlovu gets a meltdown.

I'm tempted at turning in both our keeper and Ndlovu for match fixing.

Getting fired for the second time is not completely unrealistic...

 

On 5/31/2017 at 15:11, Keano16 said:

'If I dive exactly the same again I should save it.'

*dives*

'No, ok let's try again'

On 5/31/2017 at 20:34, DodgeeD said:

@Benjoe - credit where it's due, you tell a great story in this thread that has amused me greatly.... but those two clips of the 'keeps having some kind of fit and Ndlovu having some kind of RKO out of nowhere moment have set a new bar for involuntary nasal beverage spraying on these forums.

Looking forward to more high jinks from Swaziland!

These guys are just soooo funny...

On 5/31/2017 at 15:20, noikeee said:

In response to "Covfefe" The perfect word for describing the clips of your Swazilandian players attempting to play football.

On 5/31/2017 at 16:41, BoxToBox said:

Nice to see Claudio Bravo still in business.

The next one is kind. But unrealistic.

On 5/31/2017 at 21:14, kidthekid said:

Jokes on us when you take them to Club World Cup glory

We can finally end page 9 with this.

On 6/1/2017 at 12:39, Benjoe said:

Following the most frustrating match in recent times for Nelson, in a season with 10 defeats, Nelson was searching for new ways of playing. He was finished with his National A license, and the Malanti board had been generous and agreed to pay for his Continental C license study, and through these studies new ideas had fluctuated. A three man defence, to cover for slow defenders and get more bodies in front of the many attackers most Swazi teams used. Two agressive, quick and enduring wing backs to ensure that the team had width. Centrally, two midfielders with the primary task of giving support to either part of the team, whether it be defence or offense - or transitions there between. In front of the midfield duo Nelson envisioned a player shadowing the striker duo. This player needed to be relentless in his pursuit. Great physique and a lot of different abilities and a nose for goal would help. His striker duo would have both dropping into midfield slightly - one more than the other, giving space for the shadow to exploit. They would then join the attack later to overload as a unit. The entire team would be instructed strictly not to participate into too many phases of the game. Defenders should defend - their abilities were far too limited to offer anything going forward, and likewise the attackers had little to no effect defensively so it would be more beneficial to keep them focused on one task.

Mumbu had brought a new equipment to the training fields as well. 
"Look boss! Look at me, boss, I'm flying in the sky!"

Nelson turned and looked at the sky, but quickly gave up. "I give up, Mumbu. I can't find you up there!"

"Nono, boss. I'm standing right here, boss!" Nelson looked to his left and saw Mumbu with a remote in his hand and heard engine sounds from the sky. 

He looked up again, "Are you controlling that flying mosquito like thing?"

"Yeah, boss!"

"Could we set a camera on it?"

"Errrhm.." Mumbu's face went pale. "..I-I don't know, boss?" His face expressed fear, "Are you gonna yell at me now?"

"No, Mumbu," Nelson slapped Mumbu on the shoulder, "You just gave me a brilliant idea!"

Mumbu smiled as he steared his drone further into the sky.

Precious little Mumbu. Never change.

Oh, and no firing! Woo!

End of page 9.

[Benjoe]

Page 10:

This page starts... well, in the middle of things.

On 6/1/2017 at 12:39, Benjoe said:

That Feeling, When You Don't Even Know What The **** You're ****ing Feeling. ****!

Nelson and Mumbu taped the camera to the drone and tested it. First test went as expected. Horrible. 

Next attempt, more tape, and a steadier video as result. This would do. The camera from high above would give Nelson an almost 2d layout of the pitch and his players positions on the pitch as well. This would help him direct the players in terms of spaces to cover and run into. Following their next match against last placed Manzini Sea Birds the camera would be used for the first time. 

The match ended with a bitter 2-1 defeat, despite a well playing Malanti Chiefs team. Work began now with the camera video as material and the players spent ungodly amounts of hours with Nelson in a little, dark, closed room. Unbearable. 

The work would prove itself useful in the following game against Young Buffaloes who were sitting at 6th place. A tough opponent, but with the new changes from Nelson they kept their only third clean sheet, but failed to score themselves as well. 0-0, their first draw of the entire season. Nelson felt some newfound hope. His task was to prove that they could improve, and he had been given one month to do so. This was the last match of the month, and considering they'd beaten the leading team of the league and drawn one as well he felt he'd done just that.

He slept well that night, but the following morning his Twitter feed had gone mad. 

 

Poor, fat bastard.

Luckily, Mumbu is always there to make things worse.

On 6/1/2017 at 12:39, Benjoe said:

Onwards to new stuff.

On 6/2/2017 at 09:31, Benjoe said:

The second firing of this save, *sigh* also means that Nelson and Mumbu is looking for a new club - and exclusively I can reveal that they're on the lookout for a new country as well. 

Wanna see what a mythical topbanner that is perfectly cropped and toned looks like? Of course you do:

On 6/2/2017 at 11:42, Benjoe said:

Having been fired for the second time in his brief managerial career Nelson's determination, confidence and beliefs were at an all time low. Offers were scarce. Very scarce. 

The glories of his 2017-2018 title winning Wawi Star side was long forgotten and his reputation in his homeland was ruined when Malanti Chiefs fired him so bluntly. 

He was about to accept a managerial position at a second divison Swaziland club when he got an offer. The first offer since forever it seemed. And what an offer it was.

"Pack your bags, Mumbu! Were going once again!"

On 6/2/2017 at 11:57, Benjoe said:

If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there

 

Arrived at destination:

Kingdom of Lesotho    'Muso oa Lesotho (Sotho)

Sotho for 'Peace, Rain, Prosperity'

Lesotho, about twice the size of Swaziland with an area of 30,355 km² and a population of circa 2.1 Million people. 

Much like Swaziland, landlocked by South Africa, and with no coasts. Fantastic nature still though.

Nelson and Mumbu have signed a deal with the 2nd placed Lioli Football Club who reside in the city of Teyateyaneng. 

On 6/2/2017 at 11:59, Benjoe said:

Contract Details, History Facilities, Squad + Tactics and Fans

Contract Details:

History:

Facilities:

First team:

U20s:

Tactics:

Fans:

More Fans:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

What a popular move this was.

On 6/2/2017 at 13:03, Keano16 said:

Love the badge, and all the fans, they're very cool. 

On 6/2/2017 at 16:17, BoxToBox said:

Ahhh, amazing!

Some were more interested in banter.

On 6/2/2017 at 18:05, kidthekid said:

Are there some cool names in this league.

On 6/3/2017 at 08:59, Benjoe said:

Hmm..

LCS = Lesotho Correctional Services

LDF = Lesotho Defence Force 

Personally I like Sky Battalion and Mphatlalatsane the most. Bantu Utd too if it's pronounced by someone with a thick accent so it sounds like Banter Utd perhaps. 

On 6/3/2017 at 10:24, BoxToBox said:

Matlama could be a really odd family pet.

On 6/3/2017 at 12:01, Benjoe said:

Or the name of your pet lama. Matt the lama. 

Those Irish relatives of yours give funny names, aye?

On 6/3/2017 at 12:19, BoxToBox said:

That first bit is what I was getting at, a llama would be quite the odd family pet!

What about the tactics, Benjoe? 

Good question, peasant.

On 6/3/2017 at 16:39, Benjoe said:

Khotso le Nala - Peace and Prosperity

And as such we have the name for our tactical invention for our Lesothoan adventure. 

As the name would insinuate we want something that ensure peace, and prosperity. This means, we don't want to be overly aggressive, but rather we want to be calm and collected, but when we have the ball we want to make something out of it; the prosperous part of the tactic.

How do we do this exactly, and with the player material at hand? 

(..........)

Meet Khotso le Nala v.1

 

 

On 6/3/2017 at 17:21, Keano16 said:

Interesting to see how it goes. 

On 6/3/2017 at 17:24, ManUtd1 said:

Good luck in Lesotho, man. Sorry to come back to Nelson getting fired again...

Much better times were in the far sight for Nelson with this masterclass of a tactic.

On 6/3/2017 at 17:24, Benjoe said:

First match using Khotso le Nala v.1

Looking at the result alone it is pretty remarkable. We absolutely crushed them and our striker scored 4 goals, one of them being this one from own half. 

Creating 6 CCC and 7 Half chances, that's pretty impressive, especially when we had 50/50 possesion in the game. Much unlike our other tactics we took fewer long shots and got inside the box to finish a lot more. Usually no matter the instructions we went for the long shots at Malanti Chiefs. This seems to be very much an effect of hitting Butha-Buthe where it hurt, and quickly. They never stood a chance. 

Beautiful passing combinations. The quick tempo allowed some quick combinations either from our goalkeeper or from a midfielder to the next link. Quick and incisive and usually ending with an unmarked player breaking through on goal. 

Our 419 completed passes. A lot of passes in their half. Actually really it seems a bit ridiculous how many passes we had in a slim space - from the centre circle to the edge of the penalty box is where most passes happened. 

A heat map that clearly shows how much time we spent in their half and specifically in the area I pointed out just before. We rarely spent time in our own half making our opponents attacks limited since they'd be pushed far back when we lose possesion. Also we'd have many players left behind the ball to contest. 

 

Twitter was at it again.

More tactical show off. Also some brilliant gifs.

On 6/4/2017 at 16:58, Benjoe said:

Khotso le Nala v.2 - Peace and Prosperity

This will be one of the last posts about tactics before I will return to some story of Nelson's exploits in Lesotho. 

As seen above Lioli are top of the table after winning 3, drawing 1 since Nelson joined. With just two games left meeting 3rd placed Liphakoe and 12th placed Sky Battalion in the last match hopes are high, since it can all be done this next round should LCS lose and Lioli win. 

As you can see, the tactic worked like a charm. They score on both of their only chances that hit the target, but tbh I can't really be bothered. We can't limit them completely and their chances were just as much flukes defensively as it was just quite effective attacking moves. Hit us on the counter and then attacked the first post beating our slowest defender to the ball. Keeper was sold at each occasions. Our own attacking moves were a true delight to see, and really promising. 

We had many shots that hit the target, and we had 5 CCC's and 6 half chances. Once again our possesion was just about even with our opponent but we played at such a tempo that we had just about 100 attempted passed more than they, and we succeeded with 10% more as well. So we are quick and precise to a far extent. Really impressive given the player material at hand. We don't win a lot of chances do, and still gets more cards than our opponent in this match. This is a mix of things I would assume. Not closing down allows them to dribble at us and we are not good tacklers so mistakes and poor tackles will happen, but I feel more confident in letting them attack us with the ball rather than attacking without the ball in the open spaces we leave when we close down ineffectively. I'd also assume we lose out on tackles since we don't close down as hard as our opponent so we lose challenges due to them coming with more power and then beating our players to the ball. We do win most headers, however. 

I would have liked to go through how this tactic worked on a more analytical point, but for some reason all categories under 'Analysis' is blank, so that won't be happening. 

I will show some of our best moves though.

This move shows just how quick our transitions can be, and how effective as we go from our DCB at the half line, to our striker at the edge of the box who plays a through ball to our AMCR who is completely open (was he offside, though?) but sadly hits the keeper. 

Another one. A quick pass from our own half sends our striker running through on goal. He is composed and beats both marker and keeper and scores. Haing the high tempo of the TI's and some players with attacking roles makes this move happen. The high tempo is cutting out a lot of other easier options like the wide midfielder on his left and having *pass into space* active, makes the Poacher (this role is important too as he was ready to find the gaps and attack them) the focal point of the passer rather than an easy option nearby. He plays a high risk pass rather than dribbling or passing a safer ball. This ends up with a score, and despite it being high risk, there was not a big risk of getting a counter right after the pass as it was sent at the edge of the opponents box so early, so we still had many players behind the ball. 

I really like these small but quick passes in the opponents half. The last pass cuts through their ranks and then we have created trouble for them. 

Nkabane receives the ball and attacks the unsettled defence and gets a shot off, but it's saved by the keeper. 

There were more, but gifs are taking forever this instance, and I have to leave the apartment now. 

The league was settled, though. 

On 6/4/2017 at 17:10, BoxToBox said:

Smashing stuff.

On 6/4/2017 at 17:36, wynter said:

Nice work! Restoring that reputation

On 6/4/2017 at 22:11, ManUtd1 said:

Doesn't "restoring" imply that there was one to begin with?! 

Poor Nelson...

Kidding aside, congrats, man!

End of page 10.

[Benjoe]

Page 11:

A page filled with text and gifs - and also the birth of a new tactical setup.

On 6/5/2017 at 00:01, Benjoe said:

Loneliness and a wedding

There he sat. Alone, succesful and in tears. Memories had got the better of him once again. 

Looking at pictures of her from past and present didn't make it better.

Her smile. Her eyes. Her hair. 

He remembered her voice. Her scent. 

He remembered it all. All too well. 

 

(.............)

 

"Oh, lol, just a pocket call, no worries."

Such an idiot.

 

Now he'd received a wedding invitation for her coming wedding. 

"**** me." he thought to himself.

- - -

On 6/5/2017 at 00:08, Benjoe said:

Loneliness and a wedding pt.2

He was still fazed by the pain caused by the situation.

Nelson tied his last button on the shirt and tucked in into his trousers.

 

He looked at himself in the mirror.

The same beige suit as always.

The same red headband

The same orange shirt.

The same red tie.

 

"How do I look?"

"Great! As always, boss!"

"Thanks, Mumbu." Nelson sighed, "I'm gonna need some support today."

"You got it, boss!"

"Maybe.. maybe don't call me boss, just today. Okay? Just, Nelson."

"Okay. You got it Just Nelson!"

Nelson sighed.

 

(...)

 

"You ready, Mumbu?"

"Sure thing, Just Nelson!"

"You're going to have to stop doing that. Seriously."

- - - 

On 6/5/2017 at 00:33, Benjoe said:

Loneliness and a wedding pt.3 - Umtsimba

By the time Nelson and Mumbu arrived in Swaziland the bride had already been through the first two stages of Umtsimba.

Umtsimba the, easy to pronounce, Swazi word for their wedding traditions.

Some parts of the traditions had been taken out in modern times, but the wedding would still take them three days.

"Three ****ing days," Nelson spat.

He wasn't ready for this. 

 

His assistant manager had been asked to take care of the last league match while he was away.

He remembered what happened last time.

He didn't trust this decision, but he had to be there.

He'd hate himself otherwise.

He had to see her.

But oh, the pain.

 

What a time to be alive for Nelson.

- - -

 

On 6/5/2017 at 00:39, ManUtd1 said:

It's going to get a lot worse for Nelson when he realizes that the groom looks exactly like him...but is 3 inches shorter.  

 

On 6/5/2017 at 00:45, Benjoe said:

Umtsimba - the first two stages

(...)

 

The Lisokancanti would then perform a ritual where he squeezed the gall on to the bride’s mouth, forehead, down the centre of her face, down the right arm and the right leg.

This is done to strengthen her and give her good luck, apparently. The bladder is then inflated and tied with a string above her forehead.

This is her lusiba (feather), which is the sign that she leaves her parental home with her father's consent or something.

 

(...)

She'd be schooled by the older women of the village about the hardships in marriage.

She is forewarned against accusations of jealous co-wives of witchcraft and laziness, and possible beatings from her husband.

 

(...)

 

 

Naye lodzabula bantfu timvalo,
Bambizile izwe lonkhe, Nangok' etile,
Siyamsunduzela

Udaba ludabula abantu izimvalo,
hyye mbize izwe lonke,
siya msunduzela

- - - 

On 6/5/2017 at 01:02, Benjoe said:

Umtsimba - day 1

(...)

 

Blood was pumping at full speed throughout his corpus enormus. 

"Why you so happy to see her, boss?"

"I.. just am.. shut up, Mumbu."

"But you not the one marrying her?"

Nelson pushed Mumbu away and went to greet his old time crush.

 

(...)

"I'm.. happy for you."

 

That's all. 

Bloody all he said.

Big lump of ****.

- - -

 

On 6/5/2017 at 01:04, ManUtd1 said:

This is going to end with Nelson, drunk on cheap rum trying to pirate ships off the coast of Somalia.  Mark my words.

 

On 6/5/2017 at 01:12, Benjoe said:

Umtsimba - day 2

(...)

They'd been offered to join the grooms feast.

Nelson would rather die.

 

That same feeling engrossed his mind the morning of day 2.

Severe hangovers.

 (...)

 

A lot of animals were skinned, and eaten in creative ways.

Blood would spatter.

Nelson's stomach was not strong enough. 

Vomit would spatter.

 

(...)

 

Nelson couldn't stand it anymore. 

"Do you have the pills we got at the pub?"

"Yeah, boss, but don't you think we should-"

"Come on."

...

"WOoooooOOOhoooOOOO!"

"I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYUYUYYUUYYU!"

- - -

On 6/5/2017 at 01:54, Benjoe said:

Umtsimba - day 3

(...)

"Let's go to the beach!" Nelson yelled.

"I wanna feel the sand on my face, boss." Mumbu...

"I wanna capture ships! We should go to the coast of Somalia! AAAARRRRJJJJ!"

"Are you okay, boss?"

"Yeah. I'm a pirate.. I said Arrrrjjj? Nevermind. Let's go!"

...

Hours later they'd wandered through the streets and a forest to get to the beach.

The 'beach' was really just a pond next to the inn they'd spent the night at.

Just a short five minute walk away.

...

"WOoooooOOOhoooOOOO!"

"I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYUYUYYUUYYU!"

Mumbu jumped into the pond and landed flat on his face. 

It was not a pond. It was a picture of a beach from a magazine spread out on the floor in the room in the inn.

...

The next morning the pills had almost worn out.

They got up and got dressed and left the inn. 

Nelson's head was hanging.

He  was hungover and still had hallucinations.

Either that, or a man was wearing a shirt made of leopard skin and had a helmet made of bush pig skin with the tusks like ears.

That might not have been a hallucination actually.

...

(...)

People would celebrate and music was played.

Western classics had been remade to Swazi editions.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Shiselweni numba 5!"

Was the first.

Then came, "Born in the eSwatini-ay!

But especially Elvis Presley songs were remade:

"You aint nothin but a Hound dog" became "You aint nothing but a Hhohho-bush pig".

Jailhouse rock = Siyinqaba rock.

Viva Las Vegas = Viva Mba-bane

And the playlist carried on for hours all performed by the Swati Elvis Presley, Elvis Dlaminisley.

 

(...)

 

Can't Help Falling In Love was being played on the jukebox.

Nelson slowly waltzed to the bride.

Elegantly, "May I have this dance," he said.

She nodded and blushed.

He hugged her as they danced slowly, and closely.

 

(...)

 

"Nellie... I love you too"

Nelson smiled and sighed of relief.

"- As a friend."

Nelson stayed there.

Standing still.

Minutes past.

While his heart beat harder and faster.

Then it stopped completely.

 

Mumbu came to his rescue.

He pushed the bride away and yelled.

"Step away blue faced witch!

He is mine!

You don't deserve him.

You wouldn't know how to treasure boss like I do!"

 

Needless to say people were not amused when Mumbu pushed the bride.

Mumbu tried lifting Nelson, but no man could accomplish such task.

Instead he tripped Nelson and rolled him down the hill right next to the outdoor banquette.

 

"I think we escaped them boss."

"What happened Mumbu?"

"Nothing, boss. We're safe now.

I got you, boss. Under my skin."

- - -

 

"Thanks, Mumbu. But now we really need to get to the coast of Somalia!"

Now, let's get back to some football!

On 6/5/2017 at 02:59, Benjoe said:

Never any doubt!

On 6/7/2017 at 11:11, Benjoe said:

We got new company for the new season in the Prem!

It's the Mounted Police Services of Lesotho!

Also, I love their logo - it looks like a red smiley on that football and the text being some weird sunglasses. Almost Joker like smile, that red one. 

Looking at their results lately they have a loss against Majant, you have a fantastic logo as well!

Sadly they did not get promoted to the Prem.

Now for some tactical masterclass, once again.

On 6/7/2017 at 12:38, Benjoe said:

Khotso le Nala v.2 - Peace and Prosperity

 

I've decided to draw a little bit on a little situation that shows very well how I think this system works.

Our first league game this season, against Mphatlalatsane, and we're 13 and a half minute in.

1: The ball has been passed from D. Tale for our striker Makara (spoiler: he's a new one, and very talented).

2: Makara receives the ball, but the Mphat full back is aggressive and surprises our young striker and wins the ball.

3: Seeing as we were about to launch an attack, and that our attacks are lightning quick we were pushing men forward, but not enough to really get dangerously threatened. Their fullback runs with the ball forward (white, dotted line).

4. As the full back reaches the middle of the pitch he gets closed down by our CM(S) (6) as my three CBs and our CM(D) falls back to prevent through balls. Their full back passes the ball back and struggle to find a pass to a teammate in an advanced position and has to recycle play.

Half a minute later we strike back:

1: Our Shadow striker has tracked and tackled the opponent and our CM(D) has picked up the ball with a lot of space in front of him.

2: Makara (36) receives a pass from our CM(D) and turns but a good defensive run closes him down. Meanwhile we have three offensive runs that causes chaos for the defenders. 

Our players have found their new positions.

This looks complicated, it'll make sense soon - hopefully.

1: Makara passes to Rammoneng, our CM(S)

2: Rammoneng quickly passes it to Phatsoane AM(A),

3: Who passes it to Makara.

4: He initially runs with it but is closed down by a defender.

5: Were not giving up here, but Makara plays a cutback to our CM(D) behind him, Kamela who is unmarked.

6: Kamela is quick and passes it to an open Rammoneng who takes a great first touch and moves past an oncoming defender.

7: As he does this he draws three defenders close to him and spots that Phatsoane is free of his man (tbh all three of our offensive players where relatively open at this point) and passes it to the attacking midfielder who shoots at first touch, but straight at the keeper.

GIF to see the entire move in it's beautiful wholesome!

Oh, and @Jimbokav1971, my GK scored on a pen four minutes later! 

On 6/7/2017 at 13:52, Jimbokav1971 said:

Brilliant stuff. 

Loving the GIF by the way. The only thing I would say, (looking just at that GIF in isolation), is that you seem to be focusing your attacks quite centrally when the space is obviously out wide in behind their wing-backs. (Just a suggestion). 

On 6/7/2017 at 18:47, Keano16 said:

Perfect now! The defence couldn't cope with the movement. 

On 6/8/2017 at 13:56, noikeee said:

Is this... is this still Nelson? It looks like this manager knows what he's doing. League titles. Exquisite tactical setups that work in perfection and can be turned into smooth pass-and-move gifs. Nah, that can't be Nelson.

And then a new system was created.

On 6/8/2017 at 21:09, Benjoe said:

Khotso le Nala v.3? - Peace and Prosperity

Dramatic music, should you wish for it while reading this!

With the same principles as with the two previous versions, no closing down and rapid tempo, we throw ourselves into a new version. Will it stick?

This heat map tells a tale or two. We are so extremely dominant on their half that you can't really say it was theirs anymore. I don't recall ever seeing this large a coherent red 'very active' area while looking at heat maps before. Sadly, it also reveals that we didn't get into their box much - they didn't get close to our box often either though. 

Also, look at the bottom and see our best performer. Mohau 'Ramses' Rammoneng. 100 passes in one game! Our opponent's entire team had 271 attempted with 171 completed, Ramses had 108 attempted with 100 completed passes. Mental. 

 

Here's all his attempted passes. A lot of those small combinations in the middle that I've shown you a couple of times already where he is ping-ponging the ball back and forth and he did just that once again and with an enormous precision at that. 

Also take a look at pass combinations here.

Number 6 is Ramses. Ramses were a part of a whooping 89 pass combinations. He didn't have a single 'Key' pass, but when you control the passing game like this from a central position then I can allow it, we had assigned other players for that, anyway.

Before I show the formation used I will show our shots taken during this game. 

They tell a story or two as well. We have 9 shots in the box. Not bad, really, but we had 28 shots from outside of the box. Looking at the 'Player Analysis' shows that a lot of those were from the edge of the box but probably even more were from even farther out. Some of these (6, actually) came from free kicks, mind - which I had forgotten to assign my keeper to take  - but still, that is not good enough. We need to get closer, and not just fire at will, because then it will be impossible to get our play flowing and penetrate at will. 

Now, here comes the formation.

Stop laughing!

Nelson is trying his hardest here. 

Anyway. The roles changed a bit during the game, but this was the shape used during the entire game. Three banks of three. I was banking on a win.

Rammoneng in the middle the was asked to 'Roam from position' as I felt he had the qualities to impact the game moving forward, and all 4 attackers had 'Roam from position' and 'Move into channels' ticked on, when their role allowed it. 

4-41 is the shot scoreline. 1-2 is the real scoreline. Phew. We scored the winner just three minutes prior to the last whistle.

We had a lot of chances as I showed earlier, but really we should be getting bigger and better looks at goal from the 62% possesion and 585 completed passes. 

The goal we conceded was a given. A cross to the back post and our RCB was not really watching his back. I anticipate this is one of our main problems with this formation - "no **** Sherlock, you have no flanks". 

I still do believe this formation have merit to deserve some more testing and tweaking - if nothing else, then just because we had a player hit 100 completed passes and dominated the match completely. 

Also, ignore the fact that I have a DM and two CBs instead of three CBs on the tactics screenshot. I had forgotten to move the man down to CB but did it few minutes into the game.

Also, I sort of have to deliver some sort of gif presenting beautiful passing, don't I?

Well here are two different ones, but I fear neither is truly amazing. They do, however, still show some good passing/combinations.

This one is ruined by atrocious finishing but leading up to the shot we had them unsettled and could have got a bigger chance if he had passed or dribbled rather than shoot.

The next one is a rather long one. All the way from our keeper to a finish.

Like the ending credit song in a movie I'll let the move speak for itself. 

 

On 6/8/2017 at 22:02, ManUtd1 said:

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, Sigmund.

 

On 6/8/2017 at 22:03, ManUtd1 said:

GNev (in studio): Here come Nelson's lads, in their unique, Flying Weenis formation.  Let's see how they do, Jamie.

 

On 6/8/2017 at 22:07, Benjoe said:

  

JCar after the match standing on the field after a wet (STOP IT!) game: Clearly pretty well, you massive twit! And if you see a phallic symbol here I've got some news about your sexuality, ******!

 

On 6/8/2017 at 22:09, ManUtd1 said:

Don't Google Khotso Le Nala, lads.  NSFW. 

That poor little lioness from the Lion King?  Nala?  Yeah, that was her name.  Pure filth.

 

End of page 11.

[Benjoe]

Page 12:

This was, thankfully, a bit of a short one.

At first we have a tactical masterpiece in the making.

On 6/9/2017 at 15:06, Benjoe said:

Nah man. That's too ridiculous for me. We need the conventional ways here.

(...)

Something like this in the same 3-3-3-1 shape:

Half back - anchorman - half back

Box-to-box - roaming playmaker - box-to-box

And then the four attackers in some variety.

This hasn't been used yet though.

 

On 6/9/2017 at 15:21, ManUtd1 said:

You have to call it YGSITM..."You're Getting Sacked In The Morning."

So.. naturally, the masterpiece is tested.

On 6/9/2017 at 16:52, Benjoe said:

So here comes the first attempt with YGSITM - it will need another name if it becomes a thing!

We are a half time in this game with this formation. Working like a treat. Should I experiment now? No, I shouldn't. Nelson, however...

 

Second half formation:

 

That was beautiful, right? Well, this isn't.

On 6/9/2017 at 16:55, Benjoe said:

Okay. Set pieces have to be altered!

This gif also proves, that we might be succesful with these random tactics due to **** opponents.. 

What can you expect with a tactic like such? Well, at least it didn't overthrow the 2-0 lead. 

On 6/9/2017 at 17:06, Benjoe said:

On 6/9/2017 at 17:17, ManUtd1 said:

Flying Weenis 2.0!

Some praise for this amazing, educational, experimental, flamboyant thread is always appreciated as well.

On 6/9/2017 at 22:22, TheWednesday said:

Still loving the story mate, I think big things await you 

And naturally some insane formations were tested again.

On 6/10/2017 at 18:26, Benjoe said:

Tried this formation yesterday late night:

If @ManUtd1 still sees weeners here the he should seek medical assistance.

It ended with breaking our 15 game unbeaten streak in the league though.

For some people, the creativity can get confusing.

On 6/10/2017 at 21:32, noikeee said:

I'm confused, is Nelson going for wingerless or centrebackless?

On 6/10/2017 at 21:37, BoxToBox said:

He's going straight for the ween.

Nelson Mandela Jr. however does not confuse easily. He tweaks a previous masterpiece and boom, a new masterpiece is born. GOAT.

On 6/12/2017 at 11:40, Benjoe said:

I've laid off the attempt to make Flying Weenis v.2  but instead decided to carry on tweaking another:

It looks like this now:

"Stairway to Redemption"! 

Same shouts as previously: Close down much less, Much higher tempo, Be more disciplined, Pass into space.

First game with this exact shape is against 3rd placed Bantu FC.

Well, they were 3rd placed.

Our stats are pretty great, but what I like the most is the player stats page.

We got 2(!) players completing more than 100 passes in the same game! Phatsoane completing 102/111, and Rammoneng 103/110. Immense. Both a part of 94 pass combinations each.

But some people can't behave. Sadly.

On 6/12/2017 at 15:39, ManUtd1 said:

Nice stats - especially getting that number of passes/etc, while still creating chances and penetrating the defense.

*cough*

On 6/12/2017 at 16:33, BoxToBox said:

He's got them stroking the ball around lovely.

On 6/12/2017 at 17:10, Benjoe said:

Yeah, thanks, it's working rather... wait... you just made another weener joke, didn't you.

*sigh*

In other news, we confirmed, that Obafemi Martins is definitely playing for Lioli FC as we can clearly see him donning this sexy Umbro kit.

On 6/15/2017 at 21:38, Benjoe said:

 

 

Things were looking very solid in the league for Nelson and Lioli.

On 6/16/2017 at 12:17, Benjoe said:

(...)

We end off the page with meeting Vita Club in the African Champions league. 

On 6/16/2017 at 12:40, Benjoe said:

(...)

First leg

(...)

Second leg

 

 

Ouch.

End of page 12.

[Benjoe]

Page 13:

This is a diverse page. 

It starts off with highly intellectual analyzes of economics in the footballing world. 

Then we are reminded of Raving Rabbids, because context.

On 6/17/2017 at 21:00, Benjoe said:

 

  

Raving Rabbids could very adequately describe the youth intake that Lioli presented on that same page.

On 6/17/2017 at 21:31, Benjoe said:

A kid is just a grown up, who haven't yet had their dreams crushed

Nelson wandered the training grounds seeing the newest crop of talents once again - albeit the first time with Lioli.

Big expectations here. They were champions - which little kid with big dreams wouldn't come through these ranks?

At first glance he wasn't too impressed. 

Slack and spineless attitudes were showing - was he looking in a mirror?

(...)

 

A sharp observation was answered fully by FM.

On 6/17/2017 at 23:32, kidthekid said:

One of the things I've noticed with saves in countries that are not know for football is the lack of names. In just your youth intake, there are three Mosehlenyane. In your Swaziland save there were a ton of Dlamnis. Come on FM, try a bit

On 6/17/2017 at 23:47, Benjoe said:

I agree, but at times FM tries too hard, though.

People responded with love.

On 6/18/2017 at 00:15, BoxToBox said:

Oh FM, never change.

 

And alternative love, I guess..

On 6/18/2017 at 00:16, ManUtd1 said:

 

Oh. Right, there's football in here sometimes too.

On 6/18/2017 at 01:13, Benjoe said:

If the palm of the hand itches it signifies the coming of great luck

Once again, love from the crowds.

On 6/18/2017 at 04:22, kidthekid said:

so this formation is actually working. I can't believe it.

 

On 6/18/2017 at 04:25, BoxToBox said:

They can't resist it.

On 6/18/2017 at 08:18, oriole01 said:

Too much ween for one team to handle?

But then...

On 6/18/2017 at 11:32, Benjoe said:

Oh no, Mumbu, here it goes again... 

Don't worry child. Moses Makara is here.

On 6/18/2017 at 11:41, Benjoe said:

Back in with a bang!

What's that? You want more Moses? Well, okay then. The people gets what the people wants.

On 6/18/2017 at 12:43, Benjoe said:

Every man is the architect of his own fortune

Nearing his 100th game as a manager in the outskirts of Africa Nelson wandered the streets aimlessly. It all felt so unimportant. They’d been leading the league for so long, but it didn’t feel right. Not without someone to share his success with. Someone, who was neither Mumbu or Moyes. Some female company.

Memories always fell back at his childhood love, but that ship had sailed. Was it time to move on and find someone new?

It probably was. But who'd want this big loaf? Maybe a female Lioli ultras. Did those even exist?

Anyways, the game was a big time win. Makara the assasin.

 

 

On 6/18/2017 at 14:03, kidthekid said:

1 pound  a week for your best player? I bet he pulls up to training in a Ferrari, with the type of money

This is the point of this story, where it really gets... diverse...

On 6/18/2017 at 14:04, Benjoe said:

If you beat a dog, it will bare its teeth

Nelson stood there as bloated as he was. Gloating in the cheers from the fans. Hailed like a king. He dressed like one as well. The red cape behind him stretched to the ground and a bit further. He walked with his many chins held high as he looked at the people in the stands. He smiled, waved, and nodded quietly to the people.

He grabbed the microphone and shouted, "Meet your maker!" as he threw his arms to the side as well as the microphone. Loud noises erupted when the microphone landed a few meter away, at Mumbu's feet.

The entire arena went silent, the players having only just stopped celebrating their 3-1 win and subsequent securing of the 1st place. 

Mumbu rushed to Nelson with the microphone, "Here boss-" "Shut up, peasant!" 

"You see. It is I, who have made this. This. This... succes! Me. Me alone."

The massive crowd of 234 Lioli fans looked at Nelson with their mouths open.

"I have made plans for a 3 meter tall statue of me! Of course! It will be built out of the clubs budget of course and-"

Torturing bagpipe sounds interrupted the 'party' suddenly as the huge billboard, that Nelson had splashed the unused transfer budget on for the celebratory-event, started showing a vile image.

It was David Williams Moyes’ face.

Read on, at your own peril.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

He smiled, as he grabbed the bagpipe again and let more vicious tones out of the bag.

"Cut it out, Moyes! Your reign of terror is over!"

"Aeh.. Ya sheure ophff aeit, iess aet?"

Moyes wasn't drunk. He was just Scottish. Didn't make it easier for the Nelson or the Lesothoan crowd to understand what was happening.

"Aet coomes daewn to mae."

Nelson's head turned from side to side. Where was he? 

"Aef aet woon't coome daewn to mae, Ae'll coome to aet."

*Mechanical noises like you'd hear in a sci-fi movie when a spacecraft opens it's doors*

The grass pitch in-front of Nelson disappeared into the ground and smoke arose from the ground beneath.

Boss.. It's a good thing this was the last home game of the season, boss."

Nelson sighed.

Lots of smoke and waiting later he was standing face to face with the Devil himself. 

Moyes.

"Thiess aes tha laest faight!"

"What? What are you saying?"

"Thiess, aes, tha laest-"

"What? I don't understand?"

"AET FAIGHTS GOOD'AMIT!"

Moyes swung his backpipe after Nelson, who slightly moved his head back as he dodged the blow from Moyes. 

Moyes fell to the ground and landed at Nelson's feet.

"I think, now is the time. I better show you, why they call our new formation for 'The Flying Weenis.'

Nelson bit his lower lip.

Moyes begged for mercy.

"I don't understand what you're saying, peasant.

Cameraman, make sure you get this. I want it on tape!

Mumbu, pass me the eucalyptus scented lotion.

It's time."

 

 

 

 

The crowd were left stunned by the events.

On 6/18/2017 at 14:09, kidthekid said:

I don't know which story is crazier, the whole Moyse Eucalyptus fiasco or @ManUtd1 Cristiano game show / cult

Oh, right. Football is still somewhat a part of this.

On 6/19/2017 at 10:10, Benjoe said:

Season review 2019/20

Let's get this out of the way quickly, yes.

(...)

This is one of the times where you just follow the guy in front of you, even though you were heading another direction.

On 6/19/2017 at 11:03, Benjoe said:

 

This album deserved a lot more attention and acknowledge in the media, than what it got.

On 6/19/2017 at 11:46, Benjoe said:

A friendship quickly arose between Dube and Dikgang. Soon enough they had released their own record with songs such as:

"I kissed a weenie" ft. Keenan Dickson

"Ween on the Brain" ft. Jimmy Mweene & Omar Rihani

"Weener Ghospel" ft. Tu-Pakistan Army

And also, "Against All Weens" ft. Amadou Collins

The cover for their album:

 

Lots of fans, however.

On 6/19/2017 at 13:42, noikeee said:

I think you just invented a brand new sub-genre of Gangsta Rap right there.

On 6/19/2017 at 14:55, ManUtd1 said:

rollin' down the street, smokin endo, sippin' on gin and juice, laid back, with my mind on my ... WHAT?!

On 6/19/2017 at 17:50, Benjoe said:

with my mind on my ween and my ween on my mind..

Lastly, an update on Mother Swaziland. Spoiler: They're ****.

On 6/19/2017 at 18:33, Benjoe said:

Mother Swaziland

In the original part of this save, the one in FM 16, I was planning on following the Swazi NT. Yeah. That hasn't happened ever since I moved to FM17. That needs to change!

The overview tells us they have regressed the past 4 seasons. From a 103rd World Rank, to a 180th rank in that period. 

Looking at their fixtures is not much better, but explains why they so "high" once and since have fallen.

2017 was their year. While Nelson was busy in Zanzibar they were enjoying themselves and played their way past many teams and went unbeaten to the final of the Southern African Cup Final where they met South Africa. They fought a valiant battle, but was defeated.

What a way to go down, though.

This season haven't been as good as 2017. Far from it.

Struggles so far, but some doable matches left too. No chance against Benin and Morocco, though, but Mozambique and Comoros should be winnable.

I can also report that Nelson is on the lookout for a national job to compliment his club job. The same principles go for searching for new teams as for staff hiring. Adverts have to be used. I know that a lot more teams are with vacant u23 jobs, but only one has an advert, so:

These are the National sides searching for a new manager. Norway and Brazil are excluded, obviously, but the other three teams have each their reason for being interesting. 

Which does Nelson apply, and does he get hired?

End of page 13

[BoxToBox]

Page 13!

[ManUtd1]

28 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Page 13!

It was a good page, and I'd forgotten Cristiano's Sorry Not Sorry show...