60 to One

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Players Bought (Value)

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Value[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                      £804M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd [color=green]+1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        £719M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=green]+1[/color] spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     £685M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th [color=red]-2[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    £677M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  £671M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       £571M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0[/color] fergysafc       Liam Ferguson     Man City      England      £515M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      £482M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th  [color=blue]0[/color] ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      £411M
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma         £343M[/font]

[PluckaDuck]

This could be the year. Another great start in Europe and looked to have done well in the transfer market. A big signing sometime across the 15 seasons would be nice however

[canvey!!]

Update 183

Years: 15, Months: 183, Days: 5563

The season is under way, so let’s examine September’s action, starting in Italy.

Lord Weeman ’s Napoli lead the league, joint on 14 points with Cool Manager’s Inter. In September, Napoli enjoyed some bountiful home form, beating Frosinone 2-0, Lecce 2-0, and Roma 3-0. But their away form was a bit more uncertain, as they beat Palermo 1-0 but drew 2-2 with both Parma and Rimini. Weeman’s side made a good start to their Champions League campaign, beating Sparta Prague 3-0 in their first group stage game. This puts them top of their group, after Chelsea could beat Olympiakos only 1-0. Elsewhere in Italy, Tyler Burrows’s Udinese are third, a point behind Napoli and Inter. They also won four of their games this month, beating Modena, Mantova, Fiorentina and Genoa. However, they lost 2-3 in Rome against Lazio, and were held to a goalless draw at Torino. But their Champions League match also passed well; they managed to thoroughly overpower Manchester City, and beat the three-times winners 2-1.

Spain, like Italy, kicked off their season this month. Atlético Madrid have already got another campaign to win the title off to a good start, winning four and drawing one of their first games. Most teams, however, have played just four games so far. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona won all four, and so, with the fifth game, can take the La Liga pole position. Barça’s games this month saw them win at Villarreal and Valladolid, and at home to Recreativo and Málaga. However, Atlético Madrid did draw the first blood, winning the UEFA Super Cup 3-1 in Monaco. Barcelona’s other European game this month went well, as they thrashed visitors FC København 6-0, with four goals for Ivorian striker Jacques Cissé. Meanwhile, Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid have made an indifferent start to the season. They did begin with two wins, over Hércules and Las Palmas, but as soon as they had to play an away game, they capitulated, 1-5 at Sevilla, and they squandered a 1-1 draw at Zaragoza, conceding two goals in second half stoppage time. In the Europa League, they were drawn against Le Mans, Partizan Belgrade and Levski Sofia, and they won their first game, at home to their French opponents, 3-0.

September does of course see an international break. This month, Liam Ferguson’s England got their ninth consecutive victory, beating Hungary 3-0 in Budapest, with two goals from Craig Robson. Robert Boyle’s junior side also continued winning, getting their fifth and sixth wins over Bosnia and Herzegovina and Azerbaijan in European under 21 Championship 2025 qualifying. Saul Goode’s Wales welcomed Latvia to the Millenium Stadium, beating their visitors 1-0. Two nations have already qualified from their groups, they being France and Italy. Denmark, Turkey, Romania, England, Germany and Belgium, will, at the very least, be in the playoff for the second-placed teams.

We’ll conclude in England, where Tom Smith’s Arsenal have slipped behind Chelsea on goal difference. Both, however, do sit at the top of the table, with 13 points each. This month, Arsenal started brightly, with away wins against Crystal Palace and Martin Bojangles’s Manchester United, but form started to stutter, with a goalless home draw against Fulham and a 2-5 loss at Newcastle. The Gunners did win both their cup games 3-0, beating Fulham in the Carling Cup Third Round, and FC Zürich in the Champions League group stages, both at home. A trip to Hull, who knocked out Newcastle, awaits Smith’s side in the League Cup Fourth Round, while Chelsea and Liverpool clash at the Chelsea Stadium.

Some solid starts to the season, there. But how will they continue? We’ll find out next time…

Manager of the Update

This month;

Lord Weeman , Napoli

just about edges it for me. Haowan Madridstas made a wonderful start to La Liga and to the Champions League, but his side took such a beating in the UEFA Super Cup that it cost him this award. Weeman has his side top of Serie A after four wins and two draws, and he also got off to a winning start in the Champions League.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5563
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5563
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5563
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5563
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5563
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Players Sold (Number)

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club No[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st [color=green]+1[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  99 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd [color=green]+1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        89
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=red]-1[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                      89
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      87 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=green]+2[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       79 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th [color=red]-1[/color] m1234566778     Maz Armley        Racing                     78
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th NE Neilio          Neilio            Almería       Palermo      75
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    72 *
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=green]+1[/color] canvey!!        Fréderico Canvey  Stoke         Everton      72
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE ssestig         Theo Stigarakis   Catania       Racing       71[/font]

[canvey!!]

Update 184

Years: 15, Months: 184, Days: 5594

Okay folks, October’s done, so let’s see how our five managers did, starting in good old Alba.

Bryan McGuinness ’s Chelsea currently lead the English Premier League, and Tom Smith’s Arsenal are actually down in fourth place, below both Liverpool and Newcastle as well as the Pensioners. This month, Arsenal started poorly, losing at Middlesbrough and drawing at home to Sheffield Wednesday. They recovered, however, with a 2-1 win at the Stadium of Light, and a 2-0 home victory over Ben Taylor’s Ipswich, which saw the former Fiorentina boss sacked, with his side 19th. Maz Armley and James Salter are both linked with the vacancy at Portman Road, although Frank Lampard is the favourite. In the npower Championship, Sheffield United lead the way, on thirty points, with Coventry, Nottingham Forest and Aston Villa following in their wake.

Now let’s talk about the international break. This month saw the conclusion of the Euro 2024 qualifying group stages. Liam Ferguson’s England travelled to Slovenia, where they bagged a 3-1 victory with a hattrick (two penalties) from Adam Pepper. Two Theo Walcott goals then sent Scotland down at Wembley. England, of course, won their group, with Scotland entering the playoffs and meeting Israel. Saul Goode’s Wales won both games 2-1, over Greece and in Kazakhstan. This put them easily in second place, behind Italy, so they proceed to the playoffs, where they’ll meet Belgium. Denmark ousted Slovakia, Portugal and Bosnia & Herzegovina in Group A to qualify, and Turkey topped Group B ahead of Finland, Poland and Lithuania. Group C was won by Croatia, who edged out Romania and Bulgaria. Group E was won by France, at the expense of Ireland and Serbia, while the Czech Republic forced Israel into the Playoffs from Group F, and forced Ukraine home. Spain beat Norway to qualification from Group G, and disqualified Switzerland and FYR Macedonia, while Sweden won Group I at the expense of Russia and Belarus. Germany came out on top of the race between Northern Ireland, Belgium and themselves. So the playoffs are;

Norway vs. Slovakia

Finland vs. Romania

Wales vs. Belgium

Israel vs. Scotland

Ireland vs. Russia

Tim Aubel’s United States played a friendly against St Martin this month, and won 6-1. Robert Boyle’s England under 21s won 3-1 in Bulgaria, and are currently six points clear at the top of their qualifying group.

Over to Spain now, where Atlético Madrid lead La Liga. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona, however, are just three points behind them in second place. But this month could have gone better for Barcelona, who squandered a 100% winning start to the season with a 0-2 loss at Valencia and a draw at home to Betis. They earned seven points from twelve this month, so will want to be doing better in November. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid are fourth, and they won all their games this month, beating Valladolid, Recreativo, Villarreal and Málaga.

Now we’ll take a look at our managers’ performances in Europe this month. Lord Weeman’s Napoli played two Champions League group stage games, winning 1-0 at Olympiakos but losing 2-3 at the Chelsea Stadium. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona drew 2-2 at Porto and won 4-0 at the supposedly-intimidating Stade Vélodrome. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese won two away games, at Hertha Berlin and at Standard Liège. Tom Smith’s Arsenal beat Feyenoord 3-1, but lost 1-2 to Zaragoza in Spain. In the Europa League, Lucas Volman’s got a narrow 3-2 win in Serbia against Partizan Belgrade, before they won 4-0 in Sofia against Levski.

We’ll finish in Italy, starting with Udinese. Tyler Burrows’s side played three games this month, attaining one of each possible result. They lost 1-3 at home to Inter, drew goalless at Catania, and won 3-0 at Rimini. Udinese are currently 5th. Lord Weeman’s Napoli, meanwhile, are second, after they beat Juventus and Catania this month, but lost to Sampdoria.

So Ben Taylor has got the sack this month, as we enter the period of mass dismissals. But which of our managers will be next to get his or her P45? The bookies tip Martin Bojangles, who have Manchester United 15th in the Premier League. This month, he grabbed narrow 1-0 wins over Ipswich and Portsmouth, but lost both away games, against Sunderland and Hull. I suppose you’ll have to wait until the next update to find out if he goes.

Manager of the Update

It’s been an impressive month from;

Lucas Volman , Real Madrid

and he fully deserves this award. Volman’s Real Madrid team won all their games, four in the league and two in the Europa League, scoring sixteen goals in the process. Well done Volman!

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5594
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5594
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5594
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5594
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5594
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Players Sold (Value)

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Value[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                      £499M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     £397M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=green]+2[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  £351M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th [color=red]-1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        £349M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=green]+2[/color] ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      £324M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       £301M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=red]-3[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      £299M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    £276M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th  [color=blue]0[/color] fergysafc       Liam Ferguson     Man City      England      £266M
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th  [color=blue]0[/color] Martin_         Martin Bojangles  Hull          Man United   £234M[/font]

[canvey!!]

Update 185

Years: 15, Months: 185, Days: 5624

It’s open-the-window time on our managers’ advent calendars, so let’s take a quick look at their 2023 Christmas lists.

Top of Lucas Volman’s list is a new contract. He has just eight months left on his current deal, and, after an unbeaten month, the Real Madrid manager may feel like he deserves one. Real beat Racing and Mallorca in the league, but drew with Valencia, and they also progressed through the Copa del Rey Fourth Round after a 6-0 away and an 8-1 home victory over Jaén. The Spanish side also top their Europa League group, and would have qualified for the next round this month, had they beaten Le Mans. Alas, Volman’s side drew goalless in France, but that’s not to be sniffed at.

Taking a look at Haowan Madridstas’s list, there are quite a few gadgets and gizmos there, but one thing on there is an improvement to league form. Barcelona haven’t won in five league games, which, for a side harbouring Champions League aspirations, is poor. This month, they drew 1-1 with both Elche and Atlético Madrid, but lost to Getafe. They did also get through the Copa del Rey Fourth Round, beating Real Unión 4-2 away and 4-1 at home. They also secured progress to the Champions League Last 16 after drawing their two group stage matchs, at home to Marseille, and in Copenhagen. In the latter game, which ended 1-1, Svend Aage Schøler (any relation, Mikael?) scored FC København’s goal in the 57th minute.

‘The title’ is all that was scribbled on a post-it note that Portuguese manager Tom Smith gave to his wife Margerita. Margerita had no luck looking for it on Oxford Street, and Smith himself isn’t having much luck in securing it through Premier League performances. Arsenal are third, and while the Gunners went unbeaten this month, just two points dropped could be crucial in the final run-in for top spot. They beat Hull, Man City and Fréderico Canvey’s Everton, and drew at home to Portsmouth. Arsenal travelled to The Circle to play their Carling Cup Fourth Round tie, and were knocked out on penalties by Hull after a goalless draw. They also played two Champions League games this month, drawing 2-2 at home to Zaragoza, but beat FC Zürich 5-0. Both Zaragoza and Arsenal are through to the Last 16.

For dafuge, this Christmas will be one on a shoestring: the 55-year-old lost his job at Portsmouth this month. The side are 17th in the Premier League, eight places below pre-season expectations, and a loss at Hillsborough was the nail in the coffin for dafuge. In the game before that, Pompey had bowed out of the Carling Cup to Championship side Huddersfield. It’s back to the job centre for dafuge, but fortunately they already have all his details, so they only need to reactivate his profile. Robert Boyle will give multitasking another chance; the England under 21s manager has been given the job at Fratton Park.

Earplugs, waffles and an oven glove are three of the most prominent items on the list of Andorran manager Tyler Burrows. That would imply that Burrows’s professional life is going pretty swimmingly at the moment, and indeed, that is the impression that is given off. And what’s not to be pleased about? Udinese went unbeaten this month, beating Frosinone and Lecce, and drawing with Parma in Serie A, and beating Standard Liège 3-0 and drawing at the City of Manchester Stadium in the Champions League. Udinese are through to the Last 16 of the European competition, and are likely to top their group.

What is written on Lord Weeman’s fluorescent yellow pad of paper? ‘A trophy, any trophy’ is what I think it says. Weeman’s Napoli haven’t won a piece of silverware since the 2021 Club World Championship. That was two years ago, and Napoli haven’t really shown much since the flash in the pan that saw them take the Champions League, UEFA Super Cup and Club World Championship in one year. Perhaps this year is the year for the Serie A title (probably not though), as Napoli sit second with twelve games played, just three points behind Cool Manager’s Inter. In November, they drew at A.C. Milan, before beating Cagliari and Modena. They also drew both Champions League games, at home to Chelsea and away to Sparta Prague. Chelsea have already qualified for the next round, but a home tie against Olympiakos will determine whether Napoli join them.

Saul Goode ’s list contains, among other things, Belgian chocolates, but this list item has been scribbled out. Perhaps Goode doesn’t see fit to support the country’s economy, when their football team has just knocked out his Welsh team in Euro 2024 qualifying. Wales won the first leg, at home, but when they travelled to Bruges, they found themselves on the wrong end of a 0-3 drubbing. Scotland also lost their playoff, after losing 1-3 in Israel and only winning 3-2 at home. Israel’s 23-year-old striker Giora Abramov was particularly good, scoring four goals over the two legs. Both Ireland and Norway drew their second, away, legs, at Russia and at Slovakia respectively, and they proceed 5-2 and 4-2 on aggregate respectively. Romania knocked out Finland with two 3-2 wins.

Let’s hope, then, that the managers get all they wish for this Christmas. Or, if they don’t, that they get sacked from their jobs in a big ball of excitement.

Manager of the Update

I found it difficult to give this award.

Tyler Burrows , Udinese

edges it for me, over Lucas Volman. Udinese won three games and drew two, and one of their draws was a very laudable one at Manchester City. Real Madrid won four and drew two, including an 8-1 victory over Jaén.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5624
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5624
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Secure        5624
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5624
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5624
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[PluckaDuck]

Manager of the month!!! Albiet Volman was probably better but it's noice to have the award shared around a bit

[el sid]

We will win the Serie A, ul Napoli

[dafuge]

Gutted

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Hall of Fame (Lawrence Lazewski is in the England Hall of Fame)

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           NAT Original Club Current Club Nty Ntn Eurp Wld [/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas ESP Barcelona     Barcelona    1st 1st  2nd 2nd
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      ITA Real Madrid   Real Madrid  3rd 2nd  5th 5th
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=green]+1[/color] spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski USA Valencia      Man City     1st 5th 18th
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th [color=red]-1[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         POR Arsenal       Arsenal      1st 3rd 19th
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] ian_1982        Maurice Jobson    RWA Man United    (retired)    1st
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           SIN Inter                      1st
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0[/color] clrkaitken      Clark Aitken      CAN Roma          (retired)    2nd
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=green]+3[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    DEN Bologna       Juventus     2nd
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      ENG At. Madrid    Inter        2nd
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th [color=red]-1[/color] Jack_Rudd       Lisa Jeffries     CAN Juventus      (retired)    3rd[/font]

[canvey!!]

Update 186

Years: 15, Months: 186, Days: 5655

Happy new year managers! Lets see in the new year with a roundup of December news, starting in Italy.

The Serie A title race is still as hot as ever, with Cool Manager’s Inter leading the way, but by a mere three points, Lord Weeman’s Napoli are second, but they could have done better this month. After beating both Mantova and Neppo Monster’s Fiorentina, they drew at home to Lazio and lost at Genoa. On the plus side, however, they reached the Coppa Italia Quarter Finals after beating Parma 5-0 in the First Round. Meanwhile, Tyler Burrows’s Udinese are holding off Mikael Schøler’s Juventus in the race for fourth place. In December, Udinese lost to both Palermo and Sampdoria, drew with Schøler’s Turin team, and beat Leo Dodge’s Roma. They also knocked Fiorentina out of the Coppa Italia, and a home tie against Juvé awaits in the Quarter Finals. Napoli will travel to Sicily to meet Palermo.

Over to England now, where it’s the same old story: Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea are opening a massive gap between themselves and the rest of the Premier League. After twenty games, they lead second-placed Arsenal by seven points. Tom Smith’s Gunners lost at the Chelsea Stadium this month, before drawing at Derby but racking up four consecutive wins over Tottenham, Leicester, Leeds and Blackburn. Next month, Arsenal will host Milton Keynes Dons in the FA Cup Third Round. Sunderland versus Fulham is the only all-Premier League tie, although Chelsea will get the opportunity to tally some goals with a home match against League 2 Lincoln City.

One of our managers in Spain has had a pretty good month, and the other has suffered total meltdown. One of them has just seven months left on his contract, and that was the one who had the terrible month. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid lost to Betis, Elche and Atlético Madrid, and drew with Getafe this month. One point from twelve means the transfer window couldn’t come sooner for Volman. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona, meanwhile, beat Murcia, Cádiz and Badalona this month, before losing to Zaragoza. The win over Badalona was an impressive 6-0 one, but that over Murcia went one better: 7-0, a result which led to the sacking of Luis César. Former Athletic and Sporting boss James Salter was appointed to the hotseat.

The European group stages have concluded, but how did they end? In the Champions League, Tom Smith’s Arsenal won 3-0 at Feyenoord, but still finish below Zaragoza in qualifying for the next round. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese showed Hertha Berlin what they were capable of, beating the Germans 4-1 and qualifying top from their group, while fellow Italians Napoli beat Olympiakos 3-1, securing their own qualification. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona were held goalless at home to Porto, and so qualify for the next round in second place. The Europa League was some respite for Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid, as they beat Partizan Belgrade 6-0 and Levski Sofia 4-0. Real meet Arnold J. Rimmer’s Newcastle in the Last 32, with a tie against Monaco or Hertha Berlin to come if they can win through against the Magpies. In the Champions League, two of our managers will meet as Barcelona take on Udinese, while Arsenal meet A.C. Milan and Napoli play Zaragoza. Holders Atlético Madrid meet Benfica, Lyon meet Porto, and Man City meet Valencia, while a battle of Britain sees Celtic play Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea. European football kicks off again in February.

Manager of the Update

All our managers lost at least one game this month, and out of the contenders;

Tom Smith, Arsenal

did the best. He, Lord Weeman and Haowan Madridstas were the better three managers this month – Madridstas lost one, drew one and won three, Weeman lost one, drew one and won four, and Smith lost one, drew one and won five, so that speaks for itself really.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5655
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5655
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5655
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5655
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5655
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal[/font]

All Star Top Ten – League Titles

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club T[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      8 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                      6
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=green]+1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        5
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    5 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=red]-1[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  4 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th NE MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     2
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      2
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th    9 others                                                     1[/font]

[el sid]

Looking good for that 6th league title!

[canvey!!]

Update 187

Years: 15, Months: 187, Days: 5686

I think we should start our January 2024 report with a joke. A man enters a diner, and orders a hamburger. When his meal is brought to him, he discovers that there is a hair on the hamburger. He reports this to the waitress, who takes the man to the kitchen, where, to the man’s horror, he sees the chef flatten a hamburger under his armpit.

“That’s disgusting!” the man says to the waitress.

“You think that’s disgusting,” she replies. “You should see him make doughnuts.”

Okay, we’ll be starting in England, where Tom Smith’s Arsenal are trying their very hardest to keep up with Premier League leaders Chelsea, but find themselves eight points behind, with fourteen games to play. This month, the Gunners beat Crystal Palace and Martin Bojangles’s Man United, drew at Anfield, and lost at Craven Cottage. They did, however, reach the FA Cup Fifth Round, beating MK Dons 4-0 in the Third Round and Liverpool 1-0 in the Fourth Round. Either Colchester or Ipswich will travel to the Emirates for the Fifth Round. Arsenal made three transfers this month, signing 32-year-old Sheffield Wednesday goalkeeper Liam O’Brien for £650k, and making two sales: centreback Mark Clark to Inter for £7.75M, and goalkeeper Kim Sang-Duk to Newcastle for £2.2M.

Now it’s over to Spain for the first three games of Real Madrid’s and Barcelona’s months. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid drew 2-2 at Cádiz, before winning games against James Salter’s Murcia and against Badalona. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona beat Sevilla and Las Palmas before drawing 2-2 at Hércules. The two teams then met in a showdown at the Nou Camp. Francesco Bolzoni put Barça 1-0 up in the 11th minute, and although Real equalised in the 26th, Barcelona took the lead again two minutes later. Marquinhos put the result beyond doubt for Barcelona with his 65th minute penalty. Both sides played two rounds of the Copa del Rey this month: Barcelona knocked out Valladolid with two 1-0 wins, before falling 2-3 on aggregate to Zaragoza. Real Madrid beat Córdoba 6-0 on aggregate, before a 4-1 win at Mallorca led to a 5-2 aggregate win. That puts Real into the Semi-Final to face Lars Tommersen’s Betis, and it is the first time they have reached this stage since 2021.

Cool Manager ’s Inter are shimmying ever closer to the Serie A title, but Lord Weeman’s Napoli are trying their hardest to stop them. In January, Napoli beat Torino, Udinese, Parma and Frosinone, but lost to Inter in Milan. They did, however, win 4-1 at Palermo in the Coppa Italia Quarter Final. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese, meanwhile, had a terrible month; as well as the loss to Napoli, they fell to defeat against A.C. Milan and Modena, and could only draw at home to Cagliari. They did end the month with a 3-0 win over 6th-placed Mantova, but themselves are 10th. They left the Coppa Italia with a 0-1 home defeat to Mikael Schøler’s Juventus. Juventus play Inter in the Semi-Finals, while Napoli play Leo Dodge’s Roma.

I’ve told you about Arsenal’s transfers this month, but what about our other managers? Tyler Burrows, like Tom Smith, signed one player and sold two. Uruguayan midfielder Víctor Sosa arrived at Udinese from Man City for £1.5M, while 22-year-old striker Paolo Mattioli joined FC Sochaux-Montbéliard for £1.2M, and striker Fabio Manzini joined Livorno for £950k. Lord Weeman bought half of Palermo’s 17-year-old centreback Michele de Marco for £275k, before selling him to Aarau for the same price. Goalkeeper Matteo Andreoletti joined Wolfsburg for £950k. Lucas Volman, in a bid to save his season and his job, made a massive £52M purchase, of Manchester United’s Keith Smith, a 22-year-old central defender, born in Clacton-on-Sea, Essex. Volman also signed Schalke 04’s 27-year-old German striker Ángel Martínez Moreno for £19M. We will have to wait to see whether those mighty spends will pay dividends.

See you next time, folks! You should see him make doughnuts!

Manager of the Update

It’s been close this month, but;

Lucas Volman, Real Madrid

picks up this award, despite defeat in El Classico. I didn’t feel right giving this award to Haowan Madridstas, who was knocked out of the Copa del Rey, and Tom Smith didn’t do enough in my mind either. Volman gets this one for having a month that wasn’t too bad, especially after the last, for getting through two Spanish Cup rounds, and for chucking in the kitchen sink in an attempt to fix this season.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5686
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5686
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5686
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5686
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5686
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[PluckaDuck]

Poor month that one Must get a few solid results to secure my future.

[el sid]

Terrible joke

Good win against Napoli

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Cup Titles

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club CT[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    22 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  20 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     18
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0 [/color]tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      12 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        10
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                       7
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th NE ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea       6
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli        6 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus      5
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th [color=red]-2[/color] SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma          4[/font]

[canvey!!]

Update 188

Years: 15, Months: 188, Days: 5715

Leap year! Everyone got an extra day this month, and I wonder what our managers did with theirs? I know Tyler Burrows is working on a life-sized human made of bacon, so he probably spent the day on that. The rest, you know, probably did some stuff with friends and family or something.

We’ll start the February report with European football, which started again this month. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid travelled to St James’ Park, Newcastle, this month, for their Europa League Last 32 tie against Arnold J. Rimmer’s side. A five-minute period with three goals saw most of the action, and the two teams drew 2-2. That was the perfect foundation for Real Madrid’s 3-0 home win which sent them through 5-2 on aggregate. AS Monaco await in the Last 16. In the Champions League, Arsenal beat A.C. Milan 2-0 at the Emirates, and will probably go through, while Napoli beat Zaragoza 2-1 at home, and probably won’t. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese travelled to Barcelona, and held the Spanish side to a goalless draw, so could knock the Europa League holders out. Chelsea, Porto and Inter won 1-0, away to Celtic, Lyon and Bayern Munich respectively. Lawrence Lazewski’s Man City beat his former team Valencia 4-2 at home, while Atlético Madrid and Benfica drew goalless in Portugal.

Lord Weeman ’s Napoli cannot do a lot about Inter Milan speeding away at the top of Serie A. Inter now have a nine point lead, although Napoli do have one game in hand. This month, Weeman’s side beat Rimini, Lecce and Palermo. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese had an improved month, which sees them climb from 10th to 6th. They lost to Neppo Monster’s Fiorentina, but beat Lazio and Torino, and drew with Genoa. An away trip to Inter awaits next month.

Looking at the current league table, there’s a real chance that Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea could get toppled from the top of the Premier League. But, Tom Smith, before you get too excited, it is Liverpool that are within two points of the Blues. Arsenal dropped points all over the place this month, with goalless draws against Sheffield Wednesday and Sunderland, and defeat at home to Middlesbrough. In fact, the Gunners won just one game this month, against Newcastle, although they did beat Jim Magilton’s Ipswich 3-0 in the FA Cup Fifth Round. Their Sixth Round tie will be at Old Trafford. In other England news, with his side 17th in the Premier League, and following a 0-3 loss to Chelsea, Ian Holloway lost his job as Leicester boss. Former Portsmouth and Fiorentina manager Theo Stigarakis was chosen as an apt replacement, so Leicester paid Racing the £450k compensation, and snagged the Anglo-Grecian, who drew with Man City and beat Tottenham in his first two matches.

Let’s make the opposite journey to Stigarakis, moving from England to Spain. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona are in the process of securing their top four finish. They currently sit fourth, with an eight-point gap separating them and fifth-placed Getafe. This month, Barça won all three league games, beating Valladolid, Recreativo and Villarreal. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid, on the other hand, are seventh, but have a six-point cushion against dropping another league position. This month, they beat Sevilla and Hércules and drew with Las Palmas, but that didn’t seem to translate to a climb in the league, probably because those around Real Madrid are also winning. Volman’s side also played their Copa del Rey Semi-Final first leg, winning 1-0 at home to Lars Tommersen’s Betis.

The question on everybody’s lips is whether or not Lucas Volman will get a new contract. With that in mind, I have created a countdown, which tells you how many days the 63-year-old has on his current deal. That number, at the moment, is 122 days, or four months. It’s gripping edge-of-your-seat-£375,000-per-week action. Keep tuned!

Manager of the Update

You can’t ask for much more than four wins from four, and with that in mind;

Lord Weeman , Napoli

is this month’s winner. Napoli won all three league games, and beat Zaragoza in the Champions League. Credit also goes to Lucas Volman, who had a good league month and progressed in the Europa League.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5715
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5715
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Secure        5715
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5715
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5715
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[PluckaDuck]

Life sized human made of bacon? I guess managers do need a career after football....

Will be interesting to see if Volman gets a new contract. I wouldn't be surprised if Madrid got rid of him, given they could get another manager, probably of equal or marginally less talent for less than one tenth of that wage. As long as they don't go after me, I'm happy.

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Awards (This is stuff like the Premier League Manager of the Year, etc.)

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Aw[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st NE tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      36 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd NE spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     20
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd NE fergysafc       Liam Ferguson     Man City      England      15
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    15 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th NE el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        12
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE Almondo         Arnold J. Rimmer  Bolton        Newcastle    12
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  12 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th NE SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma         11
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      11
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds         9
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                       9[/font]

[canvey!!]

Update 189

Years: 15, Months: 189, Days: 5746

March has been an exciting month, with all sorts of managerial changes. We’ll get to them in due course, but let’s start this report in Spain.

There’s a fiery title race going on, with Atlético Madrid and Zaragoza separated by just one point at the top of La Liga. A further six points behind Zaragoza, you’ll find Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona, in third place. In March, they beat Racing, Málaga, Valencia and Elche, but drew with Mallorca and with Betis. They left the Champions League this month, following a 0-3 loss at Tyler Burrows’s Udinese. An away trip to Atlético Madrid for their next match will probably see them ruled out of the title race (although not mathematically). Meanwhile, Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid are chasing down that top four place. They are currently seven points behind fourth-placed Valencia, with ten games to play. This month, they beat Valladolid, Villarreal, Málaga, Zaragoza and Racing, but lost to Recreativo. They reached the Europa League Quarter Finals after winning 4-3 at home to Monaco and 1-0 in the principality, and they also progressed to the Copa del Rey Final on away goals despite a 1-2 loss at Betis. Hopefully that will placate the Real Madrid board: Volman has just 91 days left on his current contract.

We’ll head over to Italy now, where Lord Weeman’s Napoli are doing their utmost to stop Inter strolling to the title. The gap between the two teams is now five points, after Napoli beat Sampdoria, Cagliari and Catania this month, drawing with A.C. Milan and Juventus. It is worth noting that Napoli’s 2-0 win over Sampdoria left Super Lampard’s club 13th in Serie A, so they sacked the 56-year-old. As a replacement, they looked towards a manager that didn’t speak any Italian, but who had done well to re-establish Everton in the Premier League. Fréderico Canvey made the move to Luigi Ferraris, taking quite a pay cut in the process. His Everton side had just lost 1-2 to Chelsea in the Carling Cup Final at Wembley. Ian Holloway took the Everton hotseat, and Canvey, who, incidentally, was hired on the date of my real-life birthday, won his first game 6-0. Back to Napoli, Weeman’s side secured Champions League progression by attaining a laudable 3-3 draw at Zaragoza, which puts them through 5-4 on aggregate. They did, however, lose their Coppa Italia Semi-Final first leg, 0-1 at Roma.

You’ve already heard about Tyler Burrows’s Udinese’s Champions League antics, but how did they do in Serie A? Very well, in fact, collecting thirteen points from a possible fifteen. They won 1-0 at Itner to start the month, and beat Catania, Parma and Rimini, drawing at Frosinone. Not too shabby!

The run-in for the Premier League is so close, that no pundit has been able to predict with any air of certainty who will win it. Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea are the current most likely candidates, as they lead by four points. But Liverpool, and Tom Smith’s Arsenal, are also valid competitors. Arsenal are a further two points behind Liverpool. Liverpool have the easiest schedule ahead, so don’t be surprised if the trophy ends up heading to Anfield after a 34-year absence. This month, Arsenal beat Hull and Everton, drew with Ipswich and lost to Portsmouth. Don’t be surprised if, on the basis of this form, their title challenge withers away at the death. They also left the FA Cup after a 0-1 loss at Old Trafford in the Sixth Round, and although that loss was mirrored in their Champions League match at A.C. Milan, the Gunners proceed 2-1 on aggregate.

Elsewhere in England (and this gets its own paragraph), Lawrence Lazewski’s Man City were struggling in the league, sitting in 9th place. However, they usually did well in the Champions League, having won three of the last five tournaments. So, having beaten Valencia 4-2 in the home leg of their Last 16, they were confident of progression as they travelled to the Spanis coast. But they lost 0-4, and Lazewski got his marching orders from a Man City board running out of patience. This brought his 2937-day tenure to an end, although he leaves the Man City trophy room 13 pieces of silverware to the better. Ironically, it was Valencia who put the final nail in his coffin, and it was Ben Cee that took his job. The Singaporean was reported as eager to return to management, having been out of it for over two years.

What awaits in Europe next month? The Champions League Quarter Finals will see Napoli meet Udinese in an exciting clash, while Arsenal play Bayern Munich. Chelsea will meet the holders, Atlético Madrid, and Valencia will play Porto. That does of course mean that Inter Milan, Celtic, Benfica and Lyon left in the Last 16. In the Europa League, Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid will play Neilio’s Palermo, while Tottenham meet Liverpool, Leo Dodge’s Roma meet Scott Tysoe’s Rangers, and Lars Tommersen’s Betis meet Mikael Schøler’s Juventus.

It’s been a month of change. Some of our managers will have to adapt to new surroundings, be they the Italian coast, or the job centre.

Manager of the Update

I was really impressed by this scamp this month.

Tyler Burrows, Udinese

picks up the March award. He went unbeaten this month, including a 3-0 win over Barcelona and a victory at Serie A leaders Inter. A mention goes to Lucas Volman, who secured Europa League and Copa del Rey progress, while picking up 83% of the available league points, but he still hasn’t managed to get a signature on that elusive contract extension.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5746
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5746
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5746
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5746
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5746
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[PluckaDuck]

Great month from Udinese to beat Barca so convincingly. A mighty performance and a great month in general.

[el sid]

Still leading the Serie A

Losing in the CL

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 24 Tyler Burrows, Udinese[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Games Played at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Pld[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      956 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    954 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  919 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      784 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       775 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     480
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        466
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds        361
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE Neilio          Neilio            Almería       Palermo      237
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      228[/font]

[canvey!!]

Update 190

Years: 15, Months: 190, Days: 5776

I am told that 190 is a happy number. What this means is that its digits can be squared and added up to form a new number, and the process is repeated until you reach 1. Unhappy numbers will loop in a cycle that does not include 1. Not to be cynical, but let’s try this out. 1 + 81 = 82, 64 + 4 = 68, 36 + 64 = 100, 1 = 1. Very good! Anyway, 190 is happy, so this month, we’re going to give our managers happiness ratings, and we’ll go through them alphabetically by surname.

That does of course mean that Tyler Burrows is up first. His Udinese team didn’t have a great month, beating Lecce and Fréderico Canvey’s Sampdoria in the league, but drawing with Palermo and losing to both Roma and Juventus. With three games left in their season, Udinese are 7th, but are still in with a slim chance of Champions League football next season. That is, of course, assuming they don’t win this season’s Champions League. They won’t; they lost their Quarter Final match at Napoli 0-4, and went out 1-5 on aggregate.

Tyler Burrows Happiness Rating: He’s still entertaining hopes of a top four finish, but all in all, this month has been pretty poor for Burrows. 2 STARS

Haowan Madridstas is up next, so how did Barcelona do in April? With only league games to play, they went unbeaten, defeating Getafe, Murcia, Cádiz and Badalona, and drawing goalless at Atlético Madrid. They are third, and six points behind leaders Zaragoza, but they had a very good month, and realistically, the 13 points they picked up were all they could have hoped for.

Haowan Madridstas Happiness Rating: A very good month, and Madridstas is also safe in the knowledge that he has over three years on his contract. 5 STARS

As we’ve reached the halfway point in the alphabet, let’s examine this month’s short international break. Liam Ferguson’s England hosted Mexico at Wembley, and ran rampant in a 6-0 victory. Nathan Delfouneso got a hattrick, and 27-year-old Liverpool midfielder Craig Douglas, Adam Pepper, and, on his debut, Crystal Palace’s Dan Shepherd, all added a goal each. Saul Goode’s Wales beat Saudi Arabia 1-0, while Tim Aubel’s United States beat Qatar 3-1. The biggest Friendly win came for Chile, who beat Singapore 7-0.

Back to the managers’ happiness ratings now, with Tom Smith. Chelsea’s sixteen-game lead at the top of the Premier League came to an end this month, but it wasn’t Arsenal that broke it, but Liverpool, who won all their league games this month. Arsenal find themselves seven points behind the Reds, and therefore out of the title race in every single way. In April, the Gunners lost the North London derby 1-2 at White Hart Lane, drew goalless at Ben Cee’s Man City, and beat both Chelsea and Derby. They beat Bayern Munich 3-1 at the Emirates, but found themselves knocked out of the Champions League after a 0-2 defeat in Germany. Smith also finds his managerial description changed to ‘Under pressure manager’, although his job is described as Very Secure.

Tom Smith Happiness Rating: I don’t think Smith did too badly this month. Which makes elimination from two competitions even harder to take. 1 STAR

Lucas Volman ’s up next, and Real Madrid had a good month. In La Liga, they beat Mallorca 3-0 and Elche 6-1, but drew 2-2 at Lars Tommersen’s Betis. With seven games to play, they sit seven points behind fourth-placed Valencia, and next month’s tie between the two sides at the Bernabéu might be crucial. Real, however, count both Atlético Madrid and Barcelona among their future opponents, so have a tougher run-in. With just 61 days remaining on Volman’s contract, he might be getting pretty anxious. In the Europa League, Real Madrid engineered victory over Neilio’s Palermo, drawing 1-1 at home and winning 1-0 in Sicily. Real play Leo Dodge’s Roma in the Europa League Semi-Final, while Tottenham Hotspur play Lars Tommersen’s Betis.

Lucas Volman Happiness Rating: That fourth place finish looks a long way away, although the Europa League and Copa del Rey are available as silverware. Would they get Volman a new contract, though? I’m sure he is wondering just as much as we are. 3 STARS

And that leaves Lord Weeman to finish the report. Napoli have been unable to close the gap on Cool Manager’s Inter this month, despite wins over Modena, Fiorentina and Genoa, and a draw with Mantova. Inter remain five points clear at the top, but the sides meet at San Paolo next month, which means, if Napoli can win, the distance will be just two points. Weeman’s side also have a game in hand, so the task isn’t impossible, simply difficult. Napoli, of course, knocked out Udinese in the Champions League Quarter Finals, and met Chelsea in the Final Four. Unfortunately, Bryan McGuinness’s side won 4-1 at Chelsea Stadium, but it was difficult seeing Napoli winning the Champions League anyway, and they reached the Coppa Italia Final 2-1 on aggregate after beating Leo Dodge’s Roma 2-0 at home. Valencia and Bayern Munich will contest the other Champions League Semi-Final.

Lord Weeman Happiness Rating: Although the Champions League adventure looks over, Napoli did well to get so far, and they reached the Coppa Italia Final too. The title chase however, is almost over, and Weeman’s side have a lot to do if they want to finish first. Still, a pretty good picture at San Paolo this month. 4 STARS

So, a range of happiness levels among our managers. I can only end this report by saying, “Chin up!”

Manager of the Update

Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona

gets this award, for a very good month in La Liga. Barcelona won four of their games, and only stopped winning to draw at second-placed Atlético Madrid. Honourable mentions go to Lucas Volman, whose Real Madrid side picked up seven points from nine in the league and got to the Europa League Semi-Final, and to Lord Weeman, who got Napoli into the Champions League Semi-Final and the Coppa Italia Final.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5776
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5776
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5776
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5776
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5776
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 24 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 24 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Games Won at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Won Percent Chnge[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      653 (67.9%) [color=red]-1.7%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    636 (66.3%) [color=red]-0.1%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  612 (66.2%) [color=red]-0.8%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       459 (58.6%) [color=green]+0.5%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      430 (54.4%) [color=red]-0.2%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        326 (69.1%) [color=green]+0.6%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     293 (60.2%)  [color=blue]0.0%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds        172 (47.0%) [color=green]+1.4%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=green]+1[/color] ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      167 (70.8%) [color=red]-1.1%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma         120 (58.5%)  n/a[/font]

[PluckaDuck]

Like the creativity Canvey. Not a good month from us, but hanging around the European places has been in our nature for many seasons now, so may it continue.

[el sid]

Highest percent of matches won

[canvey!!]

Update 191

Years: 15, Months: 191, Days: 5807

So, we reach the season finale, and the opportunity once more for our managers to win some silverware. Let’s start this report in London, England.

I predicted that Tom Smith’s Arsenal might fall away as the English Premier League season came to a close, and indeed that is what happened. The Gunners finish fourth after beating Leeds but losing to Theo Stigarakis’s Leicester. That’s a second consecutive fourth-placed finish for the London club. Hull, Blackburn and Crystal Palace were relegated from the top flight, to be replaced by Sheffield United, Aston Villa and Southampton. Rafa Benítez’s Liverpool won the league, ousting Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea and seizing the title for the first time in 35 years. Chelsea did, however, lift the FA Cup for the third consecutive time after a 2-0 win over Middlesbrough at Wembley. They also reached the Champions League Final…

…which was played against Bayern Munich in front of 54,851 fans at Vicente Calderón, Madrid. Chelsea bossed the game, but it was Bayern who took the lead, after twenty minutes, with striker Raúl Nava beating a couple of Chelsea defenders before firing the ball into the net from a tight angle. Chelsea took almost the entire game to get back into it, but levelled eight minutes from time thanks to a one-touch finish from 20-year-old reserve striker Ricky Lescott. Extra time passed without incident, and it got to the dreaded penalty shootout. The shootout went poorly, with both sides missing their first spot kicks, and Chelsea missing their next two also, while their German opponents converted. It got to the fourth penalty: both teams scored, which meant that Bayern Munich won the Champions League 3-1 from the spot. It is the first time since 2004 that a team outside of England, Italy and Spain has won Europe’s elite club competition.

That wasn’t the only European Final this month.

Road to the Final – Europa League

Jürgen Klinsmann’s Tottenham started their European campaign in the Europa League Third Qualifying Round, where they beat the Czech Republic’s Jablonec 8-0 despite not being able to score away. Spurs then reached the group stages with two 2-0 wins over Motherwell in the Fourth Qualifying Round. They were drawn in a group with Phill Ewles’s Besiktas, as well as AE Anorthosis Famagusta, and Zenit St. Petersburg. With the exception of a goalless draw in Cyprus, Spurs won all their games, scoring 21 goals in the process. The highlight was a 7-0 win at home to the Cypriot team Anorthosi.

Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid would have Partizan Belgrade, Levski Sofia and Le Mans in their group, but to get there, they had to beat PAOK Salonika in the Fourth Qualifying Round. Real won 4-0 at home and 3-1 in Greece to secure progression. They, like Tottenham, won all but one of their group stage games, with the sixth also being a goalless draw, this time in France. Real Madrid, however, came one short of Spurs’ goal total, tallying twenty, including six in a 6-0 home win against Partizan. This gave the Spanish side a Last 32 tie against Arnold J. Rimmer’s Newcastle. They drew 2-2 at St James’ Park, and won 5-2 on aggregate.

Tottenham’s Last 32 tie came against Lille. They eked out two narrow victories to win 3-1 on aggregate, setting up a Last 16 match with Dinamo Kiev, whom they beat 4-1 at home and 7-3 on aggregate. They also won their Quarter Final home leg 4-1, against Premier League winners Liverpool, and held the Reds to a goalless draw at Anfield. Real Madrid beat AS Monaco 4-3 at home and 1-0 away in their Last 16 tie, and knocked out Palermo 2-1 in the Quarter Finals, despite drawing 1-1 at home. This set up a Semi-Final against another Italian side, Leo Dodge’s Roma, and although Real lost 2-4 in Rome, they won 5-4 on aggregate after a spirited home comeback. Tottenham played Betis, winning 2-1 away and advancing 4-3 on aggregate.

It was just a two hour coach journey for Tottenham, as the Final was played at Southampton’s St Mary’s Stadium. Spurs got off to a brilliant start, taking the lead in the 19th minute via 31-year-old striker George Anderson, and doubling it from the spot six minutes later, with Scottish winger John Williams converting the penalty given for Iosu Alkorta’s foul on Anderson. After a further five minutes, Spurs were 3-0 up, with 24-year-old striker Mark Walker rounding the Real defence and slotting it home. Real Madrid did get a goal back in the 36th minute, through 24-year-old Argentine striker Emanuel Páez’s header, but Tottenham’s bright start seemed to have taken the wind out of their sails, and they couldn’t muster a comeback, leaving Klinsmann’s side to collect the trophy.

We’ll head over to Italy now, where the wheels came off Napoli’s title wagon this month. Although they held Inter to a goalless draw, they themselves were held without scoring by Torino, and they lost to Leo Dodge’s Roma. They recovered towards the end of the month, beating Lazio and Udinese, but it was too late by then, and Cool Manager’s Inter swept to the Scudetto, with a seven-point lead. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese also had a relatively poor month. Although the game against Napoli was the only one they lost, it was one of just three that they played, and they drew 1-1 at Cagliari and beat A.C. Milan 1-0. That leaves them ninth; five places below their predicted finish, and out of the running for European qualification. Elsewhere, relegation-threatened Lazio sacked their manager this month, and appointed former Sampdoria boss James Ridley as his replacement. Although Lazio lost their final game of the season, a derby, 0-4 at Leo Dodge’s Roma, conceding all four goals from Serbian dangerman Milun Karisik, they survived on results between teams, with Torino instead joining Lecce and Cagliari in relegation. There is still a Serie B game to play, but Atalanta won it, with Livorno also being promoted.

Lord Weeman, after squandering his own club’s opportunity for one, had the chance to prevent Cool Manager’s Inter from winning a double, in the Coppa Italia Final.

Road to the Final – Coppa Italia

Napoli’s First Round match came against Parma, whom they beat 5-0. They then knocked out Neilio’s Palermo in the Quarter Finals, with a 4-1 win in Sicily. Meanwhile, Cool Manager’s Inter beat Triestina 4-1 in the First Round, and Sampdoria 3-0 in the Last Eight. Inter then faced a tie with Mikael Schøler’s Juventus, whom they beat 3-1 on aggregate with a 3-0 home win. Napoli reached the Final by beating Roma 2-1 on aggregate, despite a 0-1 loss in the Italian capital.

The match got under way very quickly, with 25-year-old midfielder Luca Mattioli powering Inter into the lead with his long-range shot after just three minutes. After a further three minutes, however, Napoli were level again, with Portuguese midfielder Hélder Trindade heading home. After a quarter of an hour, Lord Weeman’s side were actually in front, thanks to Lauri Dalla Valle’s solo effort. Inter, however, refused to roll over, and Nathan Delfouneso levelled the scores again just after the half hour mark. After such a flurry of action, the rest of normal time was a bit of an anti-climax, and extra time started in an attempt to break the deadlock. Nine minutes into that, Portuguese right winger Pedro Valente gave Inter the lead with a simple lob into an empty goal after Napoli ‘keeper Luca Nardi failed to recover from a save. But the tug of war continued, with Inter going down to ten men after 108 minutes, Matt Hazell being given a second yellow card, and Brazilian Choco headed in Trindade’s corner five minutes from time. Penalties then came, of course, and both sides scored their first three. 21-year-old Raffaello Casadei scored for Inter, but then Davide Santon missed for Napoli. Delfouneso slotted home the winning spot kick for Cool Manager’s side.

That wasn’t the only domestic cup final involving one of our managers this month.

Road to the Final – Copa del Rey

Lucas Volman ’s Real Madrid kicked off their Copa del Rey campaign in the Fourth Round, as usual. Here, they beat Jáen 14-1 on aggregate, including a 6-0 win away. This put them through to the Fifth Round, where they were also dominant against Córdoba, winning 2-0 away and 4-0 at home. Things got a bit tougher in the Quarter Final, but Mallorca were seen off 5-2 on aggregate with a 4-1 win at the insular club.

Atlético Madrid started against Huesca, and won 7-0 on aggregate with a 5-0 home victory. They then faced Sevilla in the Fifth Round, winning 1-0 away and progressing 5-0 in total. Cádiz awaited in the Last Eight, and were seen off 7-1 on aggregate. This meant the Final was in sight, and that ticket to the Nou Camp was secured with a 3-3 away goals victory over Zaragoza. Real Madrid also needed away goals, drawing 2-2 with Lars Tommersen’s Betis.

The match was a bit of a brutal affair, with three players being stretchered off injured. Real Madrid never looked in with a chance, taking just two shots on target throughout the game. Atlético took the lead in the 25th minute, with Sergio Agüero volleying the ball past Real’s 19-year-old ‘keeper Luca Redaelli. Atlético could have gone 2-0 up ten minutes into the second half, when Real Madrid’s 27-year-old German forward Ángel Martínez Moreno tripped Andrea Russotto in the penalty area. Lúcio, however, sent his spot kick right at Redaelli. But a 1-0 lead was sufficient, as Lucas Volman’s side weren’t capable of any spectacular comeback, and that made two Finals lost this month.

But how did they do in La Liga? They started the month terribly, with a 1-3 loss at home to Getafe. Things picked up, however, and the team beat James Salter’s Murcia, Cádiz, Badalona, Valencia, and drew at Atlético Madrid. Valencia, meanwhile, lost to Málaga and, of course, Real, while drawing with Mallorca and Zaragoza and winning just one game, against Racing. That does mean that Lucas Volman’s side overtake Valencia, and they currently sit in 4th place. That Champions League football isn’t secured just yet, however, as there is still a game to play, and one point separates Valencia and Real, but it was good enough for the Real Madrid board, who handed Volman a four-year contract extension worth £78M. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona secured their own top four finish, with wins over Las Palmas and Hércules and defeats to Zaragoza and Sevilla this month. Zaragoza have won the league, stopping Atlético at three consecutive victories, and Valladolid and Badalona have been relegated.

All eyes now turn to the Netherlands, where Euro 2024 takes place. I’ll bring you all the action, all in HD, but until then, I must bid you adieu!

Manager of the Update

Normally at the end of the season, there are plenty of plaudits to be handed around. But quite frankly, it’s been a terrible month for our managers. I feel I have no choice but to give this award to;

Cool Manager, Inter (formerly of Atlético Madrid)

after he guided his team to the Serie A-Coppa Italia double, for only the second time in their history. Manager has won Inter twelve titles during his tenure, and has made them truly dominant in the Italian league. Now he just needs to claim that ever-elusive European title. The best of our managers this month was, in my view, Haowan Madridstas, as his two losses weren’t that incidental.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5807
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5807
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Very Secure   5807
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Very Secure   5807
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Stable        5807
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[Biscotti]

You write-ups are always such a fantastic read, canvey!!, that I find myself sucked into them even though I have no involvement in the sign-up in question. It's the same with Afrovision as well.

Also, just thought I should point out (In the Europa final write-up):

After a further five minutes, Spurs were 3-0 up, with 24-year-old striker Mark Walker rounding the Barcelona defence and slotting it home.

[canvey!!]

Thanks for the heartwarming praise, Biscotti. It's good to know that I am interesting those who aren't in the sign-up, especially as we get fewer and fewer people still in the running. And thanks for the error-checking - feel free to point them out, there are normally two to three in each update, with varying noticeability.

Tables to come next month

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 24 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 24 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 24 Cool Manager, Inter (formerly of Atlético Madrid)[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Games Drawn at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Drn Percent Chnge[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  179 (19.2%)  [color=blue]0.0%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd [color=green]+1[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      176 (18.3%) [color=green]+0.6%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=green]+1[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       171 (21.6%) [color=green]+0.2%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=red]-1[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    171 (17.8%)  [color=blue]0.0%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      163 (20.5%) [color=green]+1.1%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     101 (20.6%) [color=green]+0.4%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter         89 (18.7%) [color=red]-0.4%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds         82 (22.3%) [color=red]-0.9%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE Neilio          Neilio            Almería       Palermo       53 (27.7%)  n/a
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea       45 (18.7%)  n/a[/font]

[el sid]

Manager of the month, Serie A champions and winners of the Coppa Italia \o/ \o/ Fantastic month that one! Nathan Delfouneso

Next season, the Champions League

[canvey!!]

Euro 2024 Preview

All eyes turn to the Netherlands for the 17th quadriennial European Championships. Let’s look at the sixteen contenders for the title, and end with canvey!!’s patented stats burst.

Group A would be the logical place to start, and it sees two Nordic nations and two bigger nations lacking in recent success. With Sweden and Norway generally performing pretty well, and Italy and Germany fairly frequently failing to impress, it’s quite difficult to predict this group. Germany should make it through, but the second place prediction is tougher. I think Sweden and Norway will cancel each other out in their match against each other, leaving the path clear for Italy to advance.

The hosts the Netherlands compete in Group B, but they will need to work hard to reach the next round. There aren’t any particularly strong teams in the Dutch group, but the teams are all pretty similar in ability. This means, I feel, that Belgium will fall by the wayside, with Denmark topping the group. This leads the Dutch to fight it out with the Czech Republic, and I do think that the Netherlands will just edge it.

Over to Group C now, where we find defending champions and winners of the last three World Cups, Spain, who are clearly going to top the group. Ireland, Romania and Croatia will be fighting it out for second place, and I think the Irish will have a poor tournament, with Romania beating Croatia to qualification.

Finally, Group D sees Liam Ferguson’s England. They have France to contend with, as well as Middle Eastern nations Turkey and Israel. One would think that England and France would make it through, but it isn’t neccesarily that clear-cut. Israel shouldn’t mount any threat, unfortunately, and I think that England, the world number one nation, can follow France into the second round, but don’t be surprised if Ferguson’s team top the group.

Okay, a stats burst now. I’m going to do what I did for Euro 2020, because I am really fascinated by how the nations replace their real-life players. So here’s a list of how many real players each nation has, along with the players in question, and, if the nation was in Euro 2020, a comparison. Germany obviously have no real players.

[font=Courier New]  [b]Nation         # DIF Players[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]France         7 -12 Sofiane Feghouli, Moussa Sissoko, Yannis Tafer, Henri Saivet, [/font][font=Courier New]Timothée Kolodzieczak, Terence Makengo,
 [/font][font=Courier New]                     Dennis Appiah
 [/font][font=Courier New]Belgium        4 -10 Steven Defour, Axel Witsel, Dedryck Boyata, Eden Hazard
 [/font][font=Courier New]Israel         4 n/a Maor Bozaglo, Ben Sahar, Gai Assulin, Eyal Golasa
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sweden         4 n/a Albin Ekdal, Ole Söderberg, André Möllestam, Alexander Kacaniklic
 [/font][font=Courier New]Denmark        3 - 6 Simon Kjær, Mathias Jørgensen, Nikola Saric
 [/font][font=Courier New]England        3 -[/font][font=Courier New] 5 Theo Walcott, [/font][font=Courier New]Nathan Delfouneso, Adam Pepper
 [/font][font=Courier New]Netherlands    3 -10 Ismail Aissati, Patrick van Aanholt, Georginio Wijnaldum
 [/font][font=Courier New]Norway         3 – 5 Lars Stubhaug, Håvard Nordtveit, Jo Inge Berget
 [/font][font=Courier New]Croatia        2 - 8 Ivan Rakitic, Mario Ticinovic
 [/font][font=Courier New]Czech Republic 2 - 5 Marek Stech, Vaclav Kadlec
 [/font][font=Courier New]Ireland        2 n/a James McCarthy, Conor Clifford
 [/font][font=Courier New]Italy          2 -11 Alberto Paloschi, Vincenzo Fiorillo
 [/font][font=Courier New]Spain          2 -11 Sergio Asenjo, Ignacio Camacho
 [/font][font=Courier New]Turkey         2 -[/font][font=Courier New] 8 [/font][font=Courier New]Nuri Sahin, Özgür Çek
 [/font][font=Courier New]Romania        1 n/a Rãzvan Ochirosii[/font]

I’d say it’s the last European Championships for every single one of these players, so let’s wish them luck! Euro 2024 coming right up, as well as the conclusion of the Spanish league season!

[canvey!!]

Update 192 and Euro 2024 Report

Years: 16, Months: 192, Days: 5837

It’s December 27th, and I’m listening to Tom Milsom and eating Maltesers. What could be better? Plenty of things. Nonetheless, I feel in a relaxed enough mood to write update one hundred and ninety-two, which celebrates sixteen years at the same club for our five managers.

Before we get cracking on Euro 2024, let’s see how the La Liga season ended, with the one match of interest to us: El Classico. Barcelona’s Miguel Ángel Larrañaga scored the only goal of the match in the 36th minute, which meant that Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid were in danger of missing out on Champions League football. Volman owes Lars Tommersen, however, as Betis held Valencia to a 2-2 home draw, meaning Real Madrid do get that fourth-placed finish. Cádiz joined Valladolid and Badalona in relegation, with Deportivo, Alavés and Athletic getting promoted.

The Czech Republic and the Netherlands opened Euro 2024, and I predicted that the Dutch would have a tough tournament, but I did think they would edge the game against the Czechs. They didn’t; Pavel Nedved’s team won 3-1 with the help of two first half goals from Young Boys’ striker Jakub Prochazka. The Czech Republic continued to do well in Group B, beating my group favourites Denmark 3-0 in their next match, with Vaclav Kadlec this time bagging the brace. In their final game, they beat Belgium 1-0, allowing them to top the group. Denmark ended up losing all three games, going down 2-3 in an exciting match against Belgium, and losing their final game to the Dutch thanks to a winner five minutes from time from Frankfurt’s Jurgen van der Horst. That meant hosts Netherlands would fight against Belgium for qualification, and the Dutch found this battle particularly easy, winning 4-0, with goals in the 31st, 32nd, 33rd and 37th minutes. Bam!

canvey!!’s Prediction: Denmark, Netherlands, Czech Republic, Belgium

Actual Result: Czech Republic (9), Netherlands (6), Belgium (3), Denmark (0)

Accuracy: 45%

At this point, by the way, I have finished my Maltesers. I only had about half a box anyway.

We’ll continue our Euro 2024 coverage with Group A. I predicted that Germany and Italy would be able to oust their Nordic competitors Norway and Sweden. That they did; Germany romped to group victory, beating Norway 3-1, Sweden 4-2, and Italy 1-0. Ghanaian-born striker Peter Pond was notable in all three games, scoring two braces against the Nordic countries, and the sole goal in the Italy match. Italy beat Sweden 2-1 and Norway 4-2, and I predicted that Norway and Sweden would draw, thereby letting in Italy and Germany, but that wasn’t the case: Norway won the match between the two 3-1.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Germany, Italy, Norway/Sweden

Actual Result: Germany (9), Italy (6), Norway (3), Sweden (0)

Accuracy: 80 to 100%

We’ll take a short break from Euro 2024 to head over to Italy, for a look back at this month’s transfers, and a look forward to where the teams might finish this season. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese made two transfers this month, neither of which were co-ownerships (gasp!). Genoa’s 18-year-old central defender Massimo Perri joined for £350k, and Catania’s 18-year-old striker Andrea Palumbo joined for £775k. Udinese are predicted a two-place rise this year, up to 7th, which would get them European football next season. But, seeing how erratic their season-to-season form is, they could just as easily finish 15th and Burrows given his marching orders. Lord Weeman’s Napoli are tipped to finish 3rd again, and pundits still continue to name A.C. Milan as their title favourites. I would place a lot of money on Cool Manager’s Inter to win it. Parma, Livorno and Vincenza are favourites for the drop.

Group C is up next, and is home to World champions Spain. The Spanish actually had a lot of difficult in this group, taking a 2-0 lead against Ireland and holding it with 14 minutes to go, but drawing 2-2, and just about holding Croatia to a 1-1 draw. They did sneak into the next round, however, by beating my tip for second place, Romania, 2-0. Croatia won the group, unbeaten, with a 3-0 victory over Romania and a 1-0 one over Ireland. The Irish finished dead last, as predicted, after losing 2-4 to Romania, with the Romanians scoring after one minute, the Irish after two, and the Romanians again after four.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Spain, Romania, Croatia, Ireland

Actual Result: Croatia (7), Spain (5), Romania (3), Ireland (1)

Accuracy: 60%

And finally, the group that Liam Ferguson has been waiting for: England’s Group D. England got off to a cracking start, beating Israel 3-0 with two goals from Theo Walcott and one from Craig Robson, in a nine-minute period early on in the match. Adam Pepper, however, got sent off just past the half hour mark, so was unavailable for the Turkey match. Perhaps his absence was felt; the two teams were deadlocked, and drew 1-1. But England returned to winning ways in their last game, demolishing France 3-0. Once again, it was two goals from Walcott and one from Robson. France, however, had won both their other games, 2-0 over Turkey and 4-1 over Israel, and so finished second. Not a single regen scored for the French: Henri Saivet and Sofiane Feghouli each got two goals, and Moussa Sissoko and Yannis Tafer each got one. Turkey and Israel played out a dull goalless draw in their final group game.

canvey!!’s Prediction: France, England, Turkey, Israel

Actual Result: England (7), France (6), Turkey (2), Israel (1)

Accuracy: 80%

I have finished listening to Tom Milsom, and am still slightly undecided about him, but am erring on the side of not liking him: he sounds a bit like me when I try to sing, which isn’t great as I sound really posh. I’m now listening to a little-known Liverpudlian band called the Beatles. Speaking of Liverpool, what fate is predicted this season for last season’s Premier League champions? They will finish third, say the papers, and Ben Cee’s Manchester City are predicted to win the league, despite not having won it since 2020, having finished seventh last year, and having appointed a manager who wasn’t exactly a roaring success at Valencia. Tom Smith’s Arsenal are tipped to finish fourth, which is probably an accurate prediction, while Derby, Sheffield United and Southampton, all of whom have just promoted, are tipped to get relegated. John Terry’s Hull will win the Championship, say critics.

It’s Quarter Final time, everyone! Yay! First off, hosts the Netherlands eked out a 1-0 win against Germany, taking the lead in the first minute and keeping it for the other eighty-nine. Germany tried desperately to get back on level terms, but their hopes took a blow when they went one man down in the 76th minute, but to be honest, if they didn’t score in the 75 minutes, they weren’t going to score in the remaining fifteen. Next, two goals from Inter central midfielder Luca Mattioli helped Italy to an impressive 4-0 win over the Czech Republic, despite the Czechs having control of the game. Then, France continued their real-player-scoring tactic, with Terence Makengo and Henri Saivet netting at around the hour mark in their match against Croatia, helping France to a 2-1 win over their opponents.

Finally, the match you’ve all been waiting for: Liam Ferguson’s England against Michael Laudrup’s Spain. Arsenal striker Craig Robson was marked horrendously throughout the match, and put England into the lead in the 19th minute, despite legitimate questions of a handball by Nathan Delfounseo. Nonetheless, England deserved their lead purely for the immense number of chances they were creating. Robson doubled the lead in the 39th minute, when Spain were caught napping, and he ran the length of the pitch, beat two backtracking Spanish defenders, and came up with a beautiful goal (it ended up finishing second in goal of the tournament). But it was England who were caught napping at the start of the second half, allowing Víctor Manuel Marañón to sneak in at the far post and head home for 1-2. But England continued to run rampant: 27-year-old Valencia centreback Richard Hobson scored his first goal for his country with a header from a corner just before the hour mark, and ten minutes later, Robson killed off the game, sidefooting the ball into the net for a 4-1 victory.

That wasn’t actually the only international football this month: in North America, teams were contesting First Phase Second Round World Cup qualifying. Tim Aubel’s United States faced the Cayman Islands, and won 2-0 in George Town before a 4-0 victory in Raleigh, North Carolina. The biggest win of the round was for Guatemala, who beat Belize 9-0 on aggregate. The United States face Canada, Costa Rica, and Saint Vincent and the Grenadines in their Second Phase group stage. The top two teams from each group qualify for the Third Phase, where all six teams compete in a straight qualification group. Meanwhile, Robert Boyle’s England under 21s beat Saudi Arabia 3-0 in an U21 International. Saul Goode’s Wales beat Poland 3-2 in a Friendly.

Despite two dismissals, France and Italy’s Semi-Final, a rematch of the World Cup Semi-Final which Italy won 3-2, wasn’t that interesting. Despite both being outplayed and going down to ten men after just seven minutes, Italy sneaked a 1-0 win thanks to Giacomo Di Giuseppe’s goal on the half hour. France’s Moussa Sissoko wasn’t red-carded until the 90+3rd minute. The other Semi-Final, between England and the Netherlands, was much more exciting. Continuing his scintillating form from the last match, Craig Robson put Liam Ferguson’s England in front after just one minute with a powerful header. Just seven minutes later, Chelsea’s Matt Hill unleashed a wicked volley that crept into the bottom corner and made it 2-0, meaning that by the time the Dutch scored, in the 18th minute, they were already up against it. They did equalise in the 33rd minute, but two minutes after that, Theo Walcott’s scooped goal gave England back the lead. Patrick van Aanholt’s second yellow card in the 72nd minute strengthened England’s position, and it was solidified further by Adam Pepper’s goal seven minutes from time, after the Man City forward was left in a neat little niche in the Dutch penalty area. 4-2 was the final score, and England were through to another European Championship Final.

A quick word on Europe: England received an extra Europa League qualification place thanks to the Fair Play System, and it was filled by Raúl’s Fulham, who were drawn against Shakhtar Karagandy of Kazakhstan. The Cottagers won 4-0 at home with two goals from Welshman Aaron Ramsey, and tallied a double-figure aggregate with a 6-0 away win. Bosnia’s NK Celik Zenica await in the Second Qualifying Round.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the Euro 2024 Final. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a very interesting match. England definitely had the better of it, but dangerman Craig Robson was extremely well-marked by Italy defender Paolo Ruggiero, and nobody else was particularly clinical. The best chance came for Italy’s Marco Ruggeri in extra time, but he shot wide, and penalties were to be used. Lee Taylor scored for England, and Davide Anaclerio for Italy. Andy Stones scored for England, and Antonio Annunziata for Italy. Craig Robson scored for England, and Luca Mattioli…missed for Italy, sending the ball straight at England ‘keeper Gareth Hallam. Theo Walcott scored for England, and Paolo Ruggiero for Italy. Man City leftback Dean Dixon scored the winning spot kick for England.

And now for the Euro 2024 aftermath. I’m not entirely sure why, but Liam Ferguson and England parted company, as did Roberto Mancini and Italy, and Michael Laudrup and Spain. All three posts are now vacant: could Lord Weeman, Lucas Volman and Haowan Madridstas fill the respective gaps? Croatia, Norway, Belgium and the Netherlands also sacked managers. Craig Robson won the Golden Boot, scoring six goals to Peter Pond’s and Theo Walcott’s five, and he was also voted Best Player. The Dream Team plus bench featured eight Englishmen, seven Italians, and two each of Germans, Dutchmen, Spaniards and Italians. A Craig Robson-Theo Walcott partnership is most notable, and is something Tom Smith, Arsenal manager, can be proud of.

There were other managerial changes this month. Nottingham Forest manager Juan Señor retired, and was replaced by former Ipswich and Fiorentina boss Ben Taylor. Forest are tipped to finish 8th in this season’s Championship, but a playoff place is definitely achievable. Señor’s retirement wasn’t the only one: we say goodbye to former Bolton, Middlesbrough and Newcastle boss Arnold J. Rimmer, who resigned from his post at St James’ Park this month and bought a boat. Another former Ipswich manager was appointed here: Super Lampard, who rolls into his sixth job. Just one more and he will be tied with prolific journeyman dafuge, who remains unemployed following his sacking from Portsmouth last November. Mantova are said to be interested. Rimmer’s retirement means that exactly half of our original sixty managers remain in football. In other retirement news, Barcelona manager Haowan Madridstas has set a date for his, July 23rd 2025. That gives the other managers just over a year to all get sacked if Madridstas is to win 60 to One. Saul Goode will hang up his boots in June next year.

It’s been an eventful month! It’s a shame that it’s over, but let’s look forward as we advance to season number seventeen.

Manager of the Update

There can be no argument that;

Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)

deserves this award. He guided the Three Lions to the European Championship title, and stepped down from the post in a blaze of glory. Congratulations Ferguson; if I remember, I’ll give you a montage of some sort in a future update. Haowan Madridstas was the best of our five managers, winning Barcelona’s last game of the season and planning the date he will retire in luxury (he does, after all, earn £175,000 per week). Tim Aubel got the United States a 6-0 aggregate win over the Cayman Islands.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5837
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5837
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5837
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5837
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5837
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[hasdgfas]

beat the Cayman Islands! Although if I didn't, there would be huge issues.

[canvey!!]

Sorry for my pretty shoddy updating over the past few days!

English Premier League

Italian Serie A

Spanish La Liga

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 24 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 24 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 24 Cool Manager, Inter (formerly of Atlético Madrid)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 24 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Games Lost at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Lst Percent Chnge[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      200 (25.2%) [color=green]-0.7%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       158 (20.0%) [color=green]-0.5%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    154 (16.0%) [color=red]+0.3%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  139 (14.9%) [color=red]+1.1%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      134 (13.9%) [color=red]+1.2%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds        114 (31.0%) [color=green]-0.2%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus      96 (19.6%)  [color=blue]0.0%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] Neilio          Neilio            Almería       Palermo       75 (30.4%) [color=green]-3.4%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=green]+1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter         59 (12.4%) [color=blue] 0.0%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Betis         56 (25.7%)  n/a[/font]

[canvey!!]

Writer's Notes: My computer has malfunctioned again, so my access to the internet will be more erratic. Fortunately, this time, I have everything backed up, so will be able to provide updates when I can get on a computer.

Update 193

Years: 16, Months: 193, Days: 5868

Did you think last month was exciting? Because this month has just knocked it up a whole other notch! Before we even talk about transfers and matches, we need to talk about the managerial tangle.

There were a whole host of managerial vacancies at the start of the month, and they were filled in the most exciting way. World Champions Spain appointed Benfica boss Quique Flores as their new manager, but that isn’t the exciting bit. News hit the papers that Palermo boss Neilio had resigned, and it emerged a couple of hours later that he had been appointed as the Italy Technical Commissioner by the FA. The fact that he has spent the last five years in Italy doesn’t detract from the fact that he is Italy’s first foreign manager since Helenio Herrera in the 1960s. The Netherlands appointed Khalid Boulahrouz, and Palermo appointed Bob Bradley. Genoa, whose manager Gian Piero Gasperini retired this month, chose outspoken manager dafuge as his replacement.

And now we move over to the second chapter of the managerial saga. The England national team had a few vacancies to fill: under 19s, under 20s, and senior team managers. The first chosen was the under 20s manager, and an Englishman with a long history at a number of the country’s established clubs was chosen; former Charlton, Bolton, Everton, Hull and Portsmouth manager dafuge was given the role, four days before his appointment at Genoa. Next, the under 19s manager, and a manager who has spent a lot of time managing in Spain, and some in England, was chosen: Maz Armley. Finally, the headline appointment, and in an historical appointment, a woman was given the job. Former Wigan, West Ham and Leeds boss Brettney Joven ended her 2446-day spell at Elland Road to take the prestigious post. Maz Armley started his second new job of the month by taking the Leeds managerial hotseat.

So what else happened in England this month, regarding, specifically, our manager Tom Smith? Arsenal made two big transfers this month, signing versatile defender and midfielder Joe Jenkins from Theo Stigarakis’s Leicester for £18.5M, but making this money up with the £22.5M sale of Trinidadian striker Wesley Oliver to Cool Manager’s Inter. Two other players of note left the club, both released: Moussa Sissoko, who joined Portsmouth, and goalkeeper Liam O’Brien, signed from Sheffield Wednesday in January for £650k, and who joined Martin Bojangles’s Manchester United. Arsenal played three friendly games this month, drawing at both Slavia Prague and Germinal Beerschot, and losing at Le Mans. They play both Napoli and Real Madrid next month.

Lord Weeman has been particularly busy in the transfer market this month. Napoli spent £27.5M, bringing in Betis’ goalkeeper Salvatore Sirigu for £525k and Palermo’s versatile defender Nicola Giovanardi for £10.25M, and buying half of Mantova’s 20-year-old versatile Brazilian defender Sérgio for £16.5M. But Weeman did raise plenty of funds, too, selling Paraguayan right winger Julio Samaniego to Ben Cee’s Manchester City for £8.5M. 20-year-old right winger Fausto Piazza also made the move to the City of Manchester Stadium, earning Weeman’s club £10M, and Gaël Kakuta signed for Zaragoza for £15.25M. Napoli played one friendly match, beating Benevento 2-1. Next month, they travel to Inter for the Italian Super Cup, and they also start their season away to Cool Manager’s team. Well, at least it can’t get any more difficult.

Tyler Burrows ’s Udinese were surprisingly quiet in the transfer market this month. Burrows made two sales: 31-year-old midfielder Valerio Nanni signed for Juventus for £1.1M, and 22-year-old goalkeeper Fabio Delfino joined Mantova for £250k. Only one player arrived at Friuli, that being A.S. Saint-Etienne’s 28-year-old attacking midfielder Sergio Preziosi, who cost £5M.

Real Madrid manager Lucas Volman made a few transfers this month, but all were relatively small. Two goalkeepers joined the club: Italian Massimo Carannante from Mallorca for £1.9M, and Brazilian Elivélton from Santos for £8.75M. 26-year-old midfielder José Luis Jurado left for Valencia for £6M. Real Madrid won two friendlies 2-1 this month, at Beijing and Real Salt Lake. 300 miles away in Barcelona, Haowan Madridstas had a much more active transfer window. He signed Valencia’s 27-year-old Hungarian ‘keeper Gábor Németh for £4.7M, Recreativo’s midfielder Antonio Rivero for £6.5M, Atlético Minero’s talented 18-year-old forward Maycon for £10.25M, and Liverpool’s 32-year-old centreback Diego González for £12.5M. Of the five players released from the club this month, Dalton and Benedikt Höwedes are the most notable. Barça played one friendly this month, beating Okayama FC 3-0 in Japan. La Liga pundits predict that Valencia will return to the top of the pile, followed by Atlético Madrid and then Zaragoza. The papers say that Real Madrid will beat Barcelona to fourth place.

Let’s end by looking at our managers’ participation in European football this month. In the Europa League, Lars Tommersen’s Betis won the first leg of their Third Qualifying Round 3-1 at home to Finn Harps, while Ben Cee’s Man City won 3-0 at Sligo Rovers. Mantova and Fulham won 4-0, at home to Llaneli and at Lokomotivi Tbilisi respectively, and Phill Ewles’s Besiktas won 3-0 at AaB, after having beaten Austria Kärnten 4-2 on aggregate in the Second Qualifying Round. Besiktas also took place in a Friendly Cup this month. They beat Standard Liège 1-0 in the Semi-Final, and lost the Final on penalties after drawing 2-2 with Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea. Celtic finished third after beating hosts Standard 4-1 in the playoff. In the Champions League, Scott Tysoe’s Rangers drew 1-1 at Dinamo Moscow, and so look set to advance to the Best Placed Third Qualifying Round.

Right, folks, that’s all for this month. Goodbye!

Manager of the Update

So many managers did so many things this month.

Brettney Joven became the first woman to manage a national football team, while Maz Armley got two new jobs, as did dafuge. Neilio became Italy’s first foreign manager for almost sixty years, while both Tom Smith and Lord Weeman impressed me with their moves in the transfer window. And Bryan McGuinness won a friendly cup! But which of these achievements carries the most weight? After much consideration, I’m going to give this award to;

Neilio , Italy (formerly of Almería)

and;

Brettney Joven , England (formerly of Wigan)

for being historical appointments to senior national team roles. Both Italy and England featured in the Euro 2024 Final, and they are the world’s top two football nations. It would be a remarkable achievement for any of our managers to land these jobs, but it is even more remarkable that a foreigner got the Italy job and a woman got the England job.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5868
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Secure        5868
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5868
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5868
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5868
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[Biscotti]

the £22.5M sale of Trinidadian striker Wesley Oliver to Cool Manager’s Inter for £22.5M

Just keeping you honest ^_^

Another good read as always though

[BenArsenal]

Oh, I didn't realise I was at Man City now.

Show me the money!

[dafuge]

Two jobs in one week

[canvey!!]

Thanks Biscotti, although I have to say BenArsenal's post helped more - he made me search for Ben Cee and I found that I had at one point said that he was still Inter manager [noparse][/noparse].

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 24 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 24 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 24 Cool Manager, Inter (formerly of Atlético Madrid)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 24 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 24 Neilio, Italy (formerly of Almería)
 [/font][font=Courier New]       Brettney Joven, England (formerly of Wigan)[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Goals Scored at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Goals (Pr/G) Chnge[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona     2350 (2.44)  [color=blue]0.00[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal       2107 (2.19) [color=red]-0.06[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid   1866 (2.00) [color=green]+0.04[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli        1460 (1.85)  [color=blue]0.00[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese       1340 (1.69) [color=red]-0.02[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter          994 (2.08) [color=red]-0.01[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus       863 (1.76) [color=red]-0.02[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+2[/color] ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea        508 (2.11) [color=red]-0.16[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Betis          420 (1.92)  n/a
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma           408 (1.92)  n/a[/font]

Lifespan – 5 to 10 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club       Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th TaylorB              Ben Taylor          Fiorentina 3442
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th fergysafc            Liam Ferguson       Man City   2783
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th JSalter              James Salter        Reggina    2710
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th mikeytwigge          Mikey Twigge        Palermo    2507
 [/font][font=Courier New]11th BenArsenal           Ben Cee             Inter      2502
 [/font][font=Courier New]12th super_lampard        Super Lampard       Lecce      2119
 [/font][font=Courier New]13th Cardiovascular       Cardio Vascular     Genoa      2010
 [/font][font=Courier New]14th Lower Leagues Rule   Jonte Rhodes        Lazio      1968[/font]

Lifespan – 2 to 5 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club       Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]15th [/font][font=Courier New]hasdgfas             Tim Aubel           Fulham     1705
 [/font][font=Courier New]16th ~Ian~                Bryan McGuinness    Everton    1701
 [/font][font=Courier New]17th rancer890            Ricky Nakano        Middlesbro 1614
 [/font][font=Courier New]18th ssestig              Theo Stigarakis     Catania    1405
 [/font][font=Courier New]19th bermybhoy            bermybhoy           Atalanta   1320
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - IlikeJellybeans      Jellybean Man       Numancia   1320
 [/font][font=Courier New]21st m1234566778          Maz Armley          Racing     1288
 [/font][font=Courier New]22nd el sid               Cool Manager        At. Madrid 1263
 [/font][font=Courier New]23rd spartans5            Lawrence Lazewski   Valencia   1259
 [/font][font=Courier New]24th Greasy Chip Butty    Andy Morton         Sporting   1244
 [/font][font=Courier New]25th Martin_              Martin Bojangles    Hull       1241
 [/font][font=Courier New]26th clrkaitken           Clark Aitken        Roma       1237
 [/font][font=Courier New]27th Waghlon              Lars Tommersen      Villarreal 1230
 [/font][font=Courier New]28th Walcott’s Wonderkids Brucie Bonus        West Brom  1210
 [/font][font=Courier New]29th Almondo              Arnold J. Rimmer    Bolton     1208
 [/font][font=Courier New]30th Neji                 Neji Hyuuga         Deportivo   999
 [/font][font=Courier New]31st Jack Rudd            Lisa Jeffries       Juventus    925
 [/font][font=Courier New]32nd pnefc22              Wobill Luman        Betis       889
 [/font][font=Courier New]33rd AtilasMiserly        Will de Mote        A.C. Milan  882
 [/font][font=Courier New]34th JoeLatics            Joe Gleeson         Espanyol    873
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Blanco               Cristobal Blanco    Recreativo  873
 [/font][font=Courier New]36th ian_1982             Maurice Jobson      Man United  852
 [/font][font=Courier New]37th Ridleys              James Ridley        Siena       843[/font]

Lifespan – 1 to 2 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]38th conners              Sirus Lannock       Málaga     628
 [/font][font=Courier New]39th MikaelS              Mikael Schøler      Bologna    613
 [/font][font=Courier New]40th Swafe                Saul Goode          Osasuna    551
 [/font][font=Courier New]41st hamilton162          Tom Hamilton        Mallorca   509
 [/font][font=Courier New]42nd kashmirshazad        Shazad Ali          Newcastle  508
 [/font][font=Courier New]43rd DiscoStu94           Da Hoover Man       Sampdoria  501
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - ScottT!              Scott Tysoe         Sunderland 501
 [/font][font=Courier New]45th canvey!!             Fréderico Canvey    Stoke      476[/font]

Lifespan – Less than 1 Year

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]46th corinthiano          Mathias Brunckhorst Chievo     327
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Neilio               Neilio              Almería    327
 [/font][font=Courier New]48th Robert_296           Robert Boyle        Blackburn  326
 [/font][font=Courier New]49th brettney1980         Brettney Joven      Wigan      320
 [/font][font=Courier New]50th TigerJoe             Joe Seddon          Getafe     271
 [/font][font=Courier New]51st jack.browne          Jack Browne         Sevilla    250
 [/font][font=Courier New]52nd NepentheZ            Neppo Monster       Cagliari   236
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - dafuge               dafuge              Torino     236
 [/font][font=Courier New]54th KiddingChoc          Zach Machios        Portsmouth 235
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Whoopy D             Whoopy D            West Ham   235
 [/font][font=Courier New]56th d-machine            David Machine       Athletic   229
 [/font][font=Courier New]57th PaulHartman71        Jeremy English      Liverpool  204
 [/font][font=Courier New]58th Chimpos              Phill Ewles         Valladolid
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - tadr                 Andre da Conceiçao  Chelsea
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - markcator3006        Mark Cator          Aston Villa[/font]

[BenArsenal]

Always happy to help.

[canvey!!]

Update 194

Years: 16, Months: 194, Days: 5899

Season seventeen is under way, so let’s see how our managers started it.

Arsenal manager Tom Smith has guided his team to an indifferent start, as they won one and drew two of their first three games. The Gunners won 1-0 at Hillsborough, but drew goalless at St Mary’s Stadium and were held 1-1 at home by Sunderland. They also suffered a 1-3 defeat at Dinamo Kiev in their Champions League Best Placed Third Qualifying Round, but turned the tie around with a 7-0 home win in the second leg, with Víctor Manuel Marañon scoring a hattrick and Craig Robson bagging a brace. That brings me to;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 2

Total Goals: 56

Cost per Goal: £857,142.86

Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea lead the Premier League after a 100% winning start, while Sheffield United and Fulham have yet to pick up any points, but both have only played two games. Super Lampard’s Newcastle and Maz Armley’s Leeds, like Chelsea, made 100% winning starts, and are 3rd and 4th respectively, both with six points. Liverpool beat Chelsea 1-0 at Wembley to claim the Community Shield, and an English side also won the UEFA Super Cup, with Jürgen Klinsmann’s Tottenham Hotspur beating his former club Bayern Munich 2-1 in Monaco. In the Carling Cup Third Round draw, Arsenal face Steve Tilson’s Middlesbrough, while Chelsea host Ben Cee’s Man City.

Our two managers in Spain made some small motions in the transfer market this month. At Barcelona, Haowan Madridstas signed 16-year-old Racing goalkeeper Eneko Gutiérrez for £1.2M, and sold 22-year-old centreback Jaime Gómez Sánchez to Cádiz for £800k. At Real Madrid, Lucas Volman bought Getafe’s 23-year-old rightback José Luis for £5.25M. Real also played in the Champions League playoff, beating FC Twente 4-1 on aggregate. Other playoff results saw Porto beat Schalke 04 on away goals, with Scott Tysoe’s Rangers also benefiting from that rule against Stade Rennais. A.C. Milan beat Olympiakos 5-4 on aggregate. Red Star Belgrade, FC København, Steaua Bucharest, MSK Zilina and FC Zürich progressed via the Champions route. Zaragoza won the Spanish Super Cup with a 2-0 aggregate victory over Atlético Madrid.

Let’s hop over to Italy, where three of our former managers have been in action. Fréderico Canvey’s Sampdoria weathered the storm and beat Leo Dodge’s Roma 2-1, with two goals from 29-year-old striker Massimiliano Castiglia, recently signed on a free. Braces for Macedonian midfielder Dragan Markovski and for French striker Mathias Charbonnel helped James Ridley’s Lazio to a 4-2 win over Modena. Cool Manager’s Inter won the Italian Super Cup with a 2-1 win over Napoli, and also made a significant investment this month, with the £40M purchase of Mantova’s versatile centreback and midfielder Carmine Bernini, 25. I’m not sure what values him at forty million, but I’m sure Manager saw some promise. Some of the money was reclaimed with the £15.75M sale of attacking midfielder Christian Ricci to Atlético Madrid. Lord Weeman made two transfers, signing Marseille’s defender Andrea De Gennaro for £10.25M, and selling 30-year-old centreback Marco Visconti to Tyler Burrows’s Udinese for £3.8M. Udinese also signed Zaragoza’s Montenegrin ‘keeper Dusan Nedeljkovic for £1.6M, Mantova’s Russian leftback Roman Panchenko for £3.6M, and Villarreal’s attacking midfielder Tommaso Cesarano for £4.7M. They played in the Coppa Italia Third Qualifying Round, beating Pisa 4-1. Empoli await in the Fourth Qualifying Round.

One international game to mention this month: Tim Aubel’s United States played Canada in Kansas City, and won 2-0 with goals from 28-year-old striker Boyd Rose and from experienced winger Brek Shea, who starred in his 100th appearance. Captain Freddy Adu picked up his 150th cap, and Málaga fullback Matthew Hudson played in his 125th game. It is Aubel’s fourteenth game in charge, after he assumed control of his national team two years ago.

I’ll conclude this report with the Champions League group stage draw. We have four teams in this year’s Champions League, and two got easy groups, with two getting more difficult ones. Tom Smith’s Arsenal should find little difficult against Feyenoord or FC Nantes, or even Porto, and Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona shouldn’t be hindered by FC Zürich, Werder Bremen, or even Benfica. Lord Weeman’s Napoli, on the other hand, face Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea in the group stages for the second consecutive year, and will also meet Shakhtar Donetsk and Bayer Leverkusen, while Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid have both A.C. Milan and Super Lampard’s Newcastle in their group, alongside Zenit Saint Petersburg. Mikael Schøler’s Juventus and Scott Tysoe’s Rangers have been drawn in the same group, alongside MSK Zilina and La Liga winners Zaragoza. It’s not often that you get two sides in one group beginning with ‘z’.

Right, that’s it. Run along now!

Manager of the Update

This month’s winner is;

Lucas Volman , Real Madrid

quite simply for doing the best. Volman won both of his games, against FC Twente, while Tom Smith could only win two from five, and Tyler Burrows won just one match (albeit from just one), although the Udinese manager signalled some ambition with a £13.7M transfer spend this month.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5899
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Secure        5899
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5899
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5899
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5899
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[el sid]

Italian Super Cup winners

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 24 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 24 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 24 Cool Manager, Inter (formerly of Atlético Madrid)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 24 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 24 Neilio, Italy (formerly of Almería)
 [/font][font=Courier New]       Brettney Joven, England (formerly of Wigan)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Goals Conceded at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Gls (Pr/G) Chnge[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    880 (0.91) [color=red]+0.04[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      836 (0.86)  [color=blue]0.00[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      736 (0.93)  [color=blue]0.00[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th [color=green]+1[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  693 (0.74) [color=red]+0.04[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=red]-1[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       688 (0.87) [color=green]-0.01[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     415 (0.85) [color=green]-0.01[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        339 (0.71) [color=green]-0.01[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th NE Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Betis        249 (1.12)  n/a
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma         200 (0.93)  n/a
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      176 (0.72)  n/a[/font]

[canvey!!]

Update 195

Years: 16, Months: 195, Days: 5929

There have been some very good performances by some of our managers this month. You’ll have to wait to see which managers they were, but we’ll start our report in Italy.

Tyler Burrows ’s Udinese made an indifferent start to their league campaign, one which sees them one place below their pre-season predicted position of seventh. They beat newly-promoted Livorno and Atalanta, drew at James Ridley’s Lazio, and lost to both Mantova and Rimini. They reached the Coppa Italia First Round with a 2-1 win over Empoli, although they needed extra time. They have a difficult First Round task, a match away to holders Inter, while Napoli host Livorno. Lord Weeman’s side are one of the teams to have put in that very good performance this month: they started with a spectacular win at Inter, before beating Palermo, Parma, Vicenza and Mantova. They also won their Champions League group stage match, 4-1 in Germany against Bayer Leverkusen. Udinese made their last transfer of the window this month, signing Rimini’s winger and striker Egidio Pani for £1.4M.

In England, it has been a poor month for Tom Smith’s Arsenal. The Gunners started the month hosting Martin Bojangles’s Manchester United, and lost 2-3. They then beat Theo Stigarakis’s Leicester 3-0 at the Emirates, but ended the month with a 0-1 loss at Craven Cottage, with former Arsenal man Aaron Ramsey netting the goal. They left the Carling Cup after a 3-4 extra time defeat at home to Middlesbrough in just the Third Round, and drew their Champions League group game 2-2 at home to Porto. Arsenal are 11th in the league. Hopefully things will improve for them.

September, of course, sees an international break. European teams were playing qualifying games, and Brettney Joven’s England were held 2-2 at home by Scotland, with 27-year-old Newcastle striker Jamie Mitchell bagging a brace for the Scots. Saul Goode’s Wales pulled off a 1-0 home win over Romania, while Neilio got off to a solid start in charge of Italy, with a 3-0 home win over Armenia. In North American World Cup qualifying, Tim Aubel’s United States drew 1-1 away to Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, before beating Costa Rica 2-0 at home. The Americans top their group. So Joven drew her game, but what of the rest of the Dream Team? Robert Boyle’s England under 21s beat Bulgaria 5-0 at home, and so topped their European Championship qualifying group. This means they enter a playoff, where they will meet Denmark. dafuge's under 20 team beat Scotland 3-0 in an U20 International, while Maz Armley’s under 19s beat the Scots 2-0 in their U19 International.

Time to finish in Spain, then. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid top La Liga, being the other side to have put in a tremendous performance for the month. They got 1-0 wins over Elche and Betis, 4-0 wins over Mallorca and Murcia, and a 5-2 win over Las Palmas. Unfortunately, they drew their Champions League group stage match, although it was the most difficult of the group, away to A.C. Milan. Real hold a two-point lead over rivals Atlético at the top. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona aren’t doing too badly either: they won four of their games, against Elche, Recreativo, Deportivo and Getafe, but lost at James Salter’s Murcia. Barça won their Champions League game with confidence, beating Porto 4-0.

Right, the report’s finished now. Bye!

Manager of the Update

As you know, there were two very good performances this month.

Lord Weeman, Napoli

wins this award, but that shouldn’t take anything away from the efforts of Lucas Volman. It was tight, but the fact that Napoli won a game away to Inter Milan, and won their Champions League match, swung it for them.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5929
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Secure        5929
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5929
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5929
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5929
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

[canvey!!]

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 23 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 23 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 24 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 24 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 24 Cool Manager, Inter (formerly of Atlético Madrid)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 24 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 24 Neilio, Italy (formerly of Almería)
 [/font][font=Courier New]       Brettney Joven, England (formerly of Wigan)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 24 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 24 Lord Weeman, Napoli[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Highest Goal Difference at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club GlDif[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    +1481 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      +1281 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  +1190 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       + 785 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=green]+1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        + 660
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th [color=red]-1[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      + 612 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     + 452
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      + 341
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma         + 210
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Betis        + 191[/font]

[PluckaDuck]

Not the best start to the season, but we have made some positive inroads during the transfer market. I am beginning to not even want anythging other than 6th place every single season, because if I finally did something useful, the board expectations would be raised for the first time in 16 years and I would probably be sacked. Boring seasons finishing between 5th and 7th are suting me just fine

If it isn't to much to ask Canvey, I would be interested to look at my position on the league table for each of the last 16 seasons, if that is possible, to see if I have ever not finished between about 4th and 7th, because it feels like I have never moved!

[canvey!!]

@Pluck: 2nd in 2010/11, 9th in this season just gone. If you ask me again in two weeks' time, I will be able to get you a past positions screenshot.

Writer's Notes: I'm insanely busy these next two weeks, so I will provide updates if and when I can. Apologies - I will try to reward you with double updates when I do get the opportunity to post.

Update 196

Years: 16, Months: 196, Days: 5960

Four is the number of interest in this report: in four years’ time, less four months, our managers, if they are still employed, will have hit the twenty-year milestone. In four months’ time, they will have been at their clubs for two hundred months. In forty days’ time, they will pass the 6000 day barrier. So with that in mind, let us review October performances, and pay an uncanny attention to the number four.

Sunny Spain is the place to start, and of course four is the record for most consecutive Copa del Rey wins, achieved by Real Madrid in 1905 – 1908, and by Athletic in 1930 – 1933. Athletic currently sit mid-table in La Liga, while Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid lead the way. In October, Real beat Recreativo and Deportivo, and drew at Getafe. They also beat Catalonian side Talavera 3-0 away in the first leg of their Copa del Rey tie, the round being, naturally, Round Four. That’s four domestic games played by Real this month, by the way. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona also played four domestic games, and acquired four points. They won 2-0 at Athletic, before a 2-3 home loss to Racing, and a four-goal draw at Sevilla. Their Copa del Rey Fourth Round tie saw them win 5-0 at Pájara Playas.

In England, it has been another poor month for Tom Smith’s Arsenal, and pretty soon the pressure will begin to mount on the Portuguese manager. The Gunners played three games this month, losing at home to Liverpool, and then away to Middlesbrough, and then drawing goalless at home to Robert Boyle’s Portsmouth. So that’s one point from nine, and Arsenal have matches next month against both Tottenham and Man City. If they don’t do something soon to address this slump, Smith might find himself out the door.

Of course, we have four managers in charge of senior national teams, so let’s check on how they did in the October international break. Brettney Joven’s England continued their poor start to World Cup qualifying with a second consecutive draw, in Dublin. This puts them fourth in their group, ahead only of Kazakhstan. Saul Goode’s Wales played two games, and won both, against Belgium and Azerbaijan. They lead their group, joint with Portugal. Neilio’s Italy also played two games, but were held goalless in Malta before a 3-1 home win over Greece, thanks to a hattrick from Valencia forward Juri Rigamonti. Tim Aubel’s United States won 2-0 in Canada before a 1-1 home draw against St Vincent & the Grenadines. They have, however, qualified for the next round, along with Costa Rica, Mexico, Cuba, and Guatemala. Panama, Trinidad & Tobago or Honduras will also qualify. Robert Boyle’s England under 21s secured qualification for the European Under 21 Championships, beating Denmark 2-0 at Carrow Road and drawing goalless away in their playoff tie. The tournament takes place next June.

Lord Weeman ’s Napoli are continuing their steaming start to the Serie A season, while Cool Manager’s Inter are still in the process of picking up the pieces of their poor start. I’ve been quite unintentionally alliterative in this paragraph so far, but that’s enough of that: guess how many games Napoli played in October? That’s right, four. Although they beat Livorno, Lazio and Rimini, they lost excrutiatingly 0-1 to newly-promoted ten-man Atalanta at home, after the visitors mustered one shot in response to Napoli’s 31. Still, Napoli have a three-point lead over second-placed A.C. Milan. Meanwhile, guess what position Tyler Burrows’s Udinese are in? That’s correct, fourth. They beat Frosinone, Modena and dafuge’s Genoa in home games this month, but lost at A.C. Milan.

We have, naturally, four clubs in European competition, all of which are in the Champions League. So how did they do in their two games this month? Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid beat Zenit Saint Petersburg 3-0 at home before a 1-1 draw at Super Lampard’s Newcastle. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona also picked up four points, drawing goalless at FC Zürich before a 2-0 home win over Werder Bremen. Lord Weeman's Napoli hosted Shakhtar Donetsk, beating the Ukrainians 2-0, before travelling to Chelsea Stadium, where they lost 0-3 to Bryan McGuinness’s side. Finally, Tom Smith’s Arsenal scored four goals and picked up four points in their two away games, beating FC Nantes 3-1 and drawing 1-1 with Feyenoord, in a return to De Kuip for Craig Robson and Theo Walcott, who both scored there in England’s 4-2 Euro 2024 win over the Netherlands. Neither scored against Feyenoord, however.

Join me next time when I attempt to leap two double-decker buses on a penny farthing.

Manager of the Update

Four cheers for this month’s winner, who is;

Lucas Volman, Real Madrid

after he guided his team to four wins and two draws, which maintains their position at the head of La Liga. Real picked up seven points from nine in the league this month, while winning two and drawing one cup game.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5960
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5960
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5960
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5960
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5960
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]