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[FM16] If You're Not First, You're Last - Redemption For The "Nearly Men," A European Journey

ManUtd1

By ManUtd1,
in FM Career Updates

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Much better now. :thup:

Excellent. I'll make sure that the Sydvenska Dagbladet editors keep that in mind -- they're notoriously stingy, and had chosen the typeface that used the least amount of ink to try and save money. Given the extent to which print media is struggling, every penny counts.

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Malmö FF

June 2019 Mini-Update



Old Trafford in June 2019 saw a unique opportunity -- for Manchester City to not only rid themselves of the "nearly men" tag, but to do so in the cathedral their city rivals call home. Oh, did I mention that they were playing Mourinho's United? Yeah, quite the opportunity.

Thank **** they didn't manage to pull it off. That makes 3 CL titles in 4 years for Mourinho's United. Somewhere in Portugal, LVG is bitterly ranting at elderly pensioners and unzipping his trousers. It isn't a pretty scene.

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I still think it is likely that City will win the CL before I have a chance to manage them, but...we'll see. We've moved up substantially in the European club rankings, thanks to a solid showing last year in the Group Stage.

PSG also managed to reach the semi-finals again, but fell short. Again. Time for Laurent Blanc to go, isn't it?!

(I'm not kidding, he's still their manager in-game.)



Domestically, Malmö remain in tremendous shape as we head into the annual June break. Top of the Allsvenskan, with another Svenska Cupen in the bag. We aren't running as rampant this season as we were last year, and I'm planning to let a few senior contracts run down at the end of the season...we'll see.

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Passports.  Yes, the passports.  Can't forget them, now, can we?

Never have the comforts of the Swedbank felt so nice.  I need a beer.

Chikhura Sachkhere.  Who the **** are they?  No one could tell me, and for at least 20 minutes I thought the boys at UEFA were having a laugh.  I had to look them up on the internet, and even that didn't help much.   "We're from the north," I said to Hakan. "What do we care about Georgia?  Bloody Georgia.  Look where we are!  We're almost in Russia!"  

A solid 5-0 thumping at the Swedbank saw us pack our passports for a journey into the unknown.  I couldn't risk it -- I had to take the 2nd XI just in case we couldn't find our way home.  The poor interns making our travel arrangements had a breakdown.  Honestly.  2-0 on the road, though, before a bumper crowd of less than 400...a quarter of which were sheep.  At least we were through.  

Only to draw Qarabağ Ağdam.  Another stamp on the passport that will cause no end of trouble when I return State-side.  

"What were you doing in Azerbaijan?" they'll say.  "Managing in the Champions League!" I'll say, with a grin.  They'll laugh.  I'll laugh, nervously.  They'll frown.  And then out will come the ******* rubber gloves.  Again.  At least I'll be able to look back fondly on a 4-nil away win while my posterior is thoroughly checked for explosives.  The memory of our comfortable 1-nil win at the Swedbank will help as they cut into the soles of my black-on-black trainers.  Through to the lucrative Group Stages yet again.

Nevertheless, Lundholm and Pohjanpalo are off.  Hard to blame them after the "unpleasantness" abroad, that we've agreed not to ever speak of again.  Greener pastures, I guess.  More playing time on offer, as I bring the youngsters into the first XI.  Good luck to them.  With the transfer income they've generated on the back of Plavsic's departure, we're well in the black for the year. 

Maybe my European nightmare will end.  A solid draw for the Group Stages, off to sunny locales with a bevy of the former interns at my side?  A kind draw that gives us hope of advancing to the knockout rounds, as the Board is hoping for?

Bloody hell.  Paris Saint-Germain, Porto, and Sevilla.  **** off.  We'll be lucky to escape with our dignity intact.  

I need another beer.  

 

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FADE IN:

A remote atoll, in the Pacific.  Hampus Lindgren sits looking forlornly out at the ocean.  Hunger wracks his fevered brain.  A steady breeze comes in off the water.

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Hampus (to a football he has affectionately named "Adi"): We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well, regardless, I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean than to stay here and die on this ******* island, spending the rest of my life talking...

[suddenly yelling maniacally]

...TO A GODDAMN FOOTBALL!

FADE OUT.

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Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job



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Malmö FF
2019 Review

I’ll admit it. I’ve been drinking champagne. A lot of it. Not by myself this time, no. Yes, it is a weeknight, as if that matters. No, I’m not with the interns...although the night is still young.

It isn’t even December yet, but somehow we’ve managed to answer our critics at home and abroad, who said it couldn’t be done. That we couldn’t qualify from this Group. For the Europa League. Never did they concede that we might get out of the Group into the Champions League knockout stages. They sure are quiet now. Never again will they doubt us.

With one match left to play, we’ve done it. Qualified. Four times we’ve played Porto in the last 12 months. We’ve won 3, including home and away wins this season. A trip to Paris remains, but we’re through. While we could theoretically top the Group that isn’t going to happen. PSG will take us apart (again), but it doesn’t matter. We’re through.

Champions of Sweden. Again. Svenska Cupen champions. Again.

Into the knockout rounds. The draw doesn’t matter. We’ve hit our targets, and continue to progress.

In honor of Hampus’ memory, we shall conquer.  And celebrate.

Goals for 2020: Continue to progress in Europe. Reach the Champions League Knockout Rounds. Maintain domestic dominance. Continue to develop our depth.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Allsvenskan Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures/Group Table|Svenska Cupen Fixtures

Challenge Overview:

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Malmö FF

June 2020 Champions League Mini-Update


Alright, then.  I'm way behind in my updating...too much GTA...but I'm still progressing.  We drew Pep Guardiola's Benfica in the 1st knockout round, which was probably the best draw we could have had.  I'll be damned if it wasn't a close tie...

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The rest of the tournament played out somewhat predictably, with Arsenal blowing a chance to win the title this time around.

 

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Ok, now...here's the dilemma.  England has won the 2020 European Championships, with a 1-0 win over Switzerland (knockout rounds; group stage).

Sweden and Holland both fired their managers.  I applied for and have been offered both jobs.  Which one to take?!

Both Sweden and the Netherlands are available for my save...the Dutch are currently ranked 3rd in the world (and thus very tempting)...yet Sweden is where I am right now, even though I've built a team with youth picked up from all over the globe...

So conflicted!!!

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1 hour ago, Rikulec said:

So close against Benfica!

You're telling me...that second leg killed my nerves.  We had our chances, but didn't take them.  Benfica's third was a debatable offside, Papp got his 2nd yellow for arguing with the refs.  

It was a brutal way to go out, but all told it was a great run.  Our coefficient needs to improve ASAP, so that we have a better draw.  The good news is that starting with the 2021/22 season, the Allsvenskan champion will go straight into the Group Stage, as our nation coefficients are high enough now (13th ranked league).

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Day 73 - the raft.

Drifting.  Is the endless swell of the ocean part of a fever dream, or reality?  I can no longer tell.

Adi is gone.  The storm came upon us too suddenly.  I couldn't save her.

I fear that this journey will end soon. I haven't seen land in months, and the last ship passed me by in the night. Occasionally, I think it would be better to slip into the ocean.  Quietly.  Serenely.  But the shame of giving up is too great to bear.  I must hold on.  

The raft is disintegrating.  Slowly.  Surely.  I wonder if I will even have a choice.

Home.  One way, or another.

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Alright.  Having picked up the Swedish NT job, I'm going to have to change strategy a bit.  

I hadn't counted on getting a national team position so quickly, so have gone for the "hoover up promising young talent from around the globe" approach in the transfer market.  It has been undeniably successful.  However, I haven't really built up the foundations of the Swedish youth system, to the extent that I will need to.  So, while I'll continue working to develop academy  prospects, I'm going to focus far more heavily on poaching Swedish youngsters from opposing clubs even though that will (at times) prove costly...and keeping them around.  If I can maintain domestic dominance (*cough*), then I should have more than enough money to spare.

I'm also setting targets -- focusing on a Champions League and World Cup double in 2026.  

I'd say sooner for the CL if I'd stuck with my original strategy, but no plan of battle survives the first shot.  

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Malmö FF
2020 Review

A moment to breath.  To relax.  Have I bitten off more than I can chew?  A little late to start thinking about that, tough guy.

December has arrived, bringing with it the customary eternal darkness.  For Hampus' sake, it's just a saying.  I don't mean it literally.  The sun will return.  Don't judge me for talking to myself...or for answering.  There is a fine line between madness and genius, one which in more heady moments I imagine myself straddling, without a net to catch me.  That, or I've had way too much coffee.  Again.  How much is too much, anyways?  And who set that arbitrary amount?!  If I want to drink 12 cups of coffee, I'll drink 12 cups of coffee.  I don't care what the press officer says -- it does nothing if not liven up the tedium of these never-ending press conferences.  

I'll bet those wankers in north London don't drink 12 cups in a single sitting.  That's why Tottenham are into the Europa League, while we won the Group.  That's why we won the Allsvenskan again.  That's why the national team is on a high unlike anything seen in the last few years, after my appointment in the summer.  The new year is full of promise.  Having won our Champions League Group, one would think we'd get a favorable draw.  But the fickle hand of fate decided to deal us a joker...Barcelona in the first CL knockout round, and away Spain up first in the World Cup Qualifiers.  Clearly, I've offended someone at UEFA.  Good.  There's more where that came from.  

Note to self -- find out who scheduled a late-January match for the national team in Singapore.  Then beat them bloody with a cricket bat.  Honestly.

The undisputed Champions of Sweden. Again. Only the Svenska Cupen eluded us this year, as the 2nd XI let me down.  The weekend with Balotelli that I arranged will have set them straight, like a bunch of kids sent to Peterhead for the weekend in the 80s.  No more of than nonsense.

On we march.  

Goals for 2020: Keep it respectable against Barcelona in the CL.  Maintain domestic dominance while continuing the shift to a Swedish core.  Qualify for the World Cup.  Be more like Zlatan.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Allsvenskan Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures/Group Table|Svenska Cupen Fixtures

Sweden Overview|Sweden Fixtures|Nations League Group|World Cup Qualifying

Challenge Overview:

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Well, we were lucky to escape Spain only down 4-1.  Could that away goal prove vital?!

Certainly not...could it?  I vowed to take the match to the Spaniards, as per the usual.  And it almost paid off.

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We went after Barcelona from the first whistle, and scored 2 quick goals with our first two shots.  Game on.  Then, a key goal off a corner in 1st half injury time.  

But, it wasn't to be.  Suarez buried one with his teeth in the 59th, and that was that.  We didn't get another look in at the goal.

All told, we can hold our heads high after this tie.  

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Malmö FF

June 2020 Mini-Update

This year, things have been shaken up a little bit.  Lazio managed to sneak their way into the Champions League Final, with impressive, hard-fought victories over Atletico, Manchester United and PSG in the knockout stages.  In the 49th minute of the final, Cristiano Ronaldo popped up to set the stage for Real Madrid to win yet another title, only for the Italians to once again battle back and, this time, win it in Extra Time.  So, Lazio takes the Champions League in their first final and avoiding joining the illustrious (ed: ?) crowd of "nearly men" eligible for the save.  Shame, really, as it could have set up an interesting storyline with Roma eligible as well...but it wasn't to be.

 

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On the domestic front, we are absolutely rampant.  I've done some squad analysis and have figured out who I want to stay (at any cost) versus who needs to be shipped out.  I can't delay the CL target for the sake of a romantic CL/World Cup double in 6 years.  I think Malmo is 3 years from a CL title, provided that: (1) I can keep key players; (2) everyone continues to develop apace; and (3) the Football Gods are kind.  We'll see.

With the Swedish national team, we started the World Cup qualifiers against Spain and lost 2-0 -- a respectable loss, but a loss nevertheless.  I've got back-to-back qualifiers against Romania this month which will truly set the stage for the campaign.  Take all 6 points, and we're sitting pretty.  Drop points and this will get dicey.  Here goes nothing...

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Joyous Scenes Erupt As Malmö's Long-Lost Favoured Son Is Found After Ardous Ocean Ordeal

By Angar Gunnarsson, on assignment, with Brita Nilsdotter from Stockholm.

Monday, August 30, 2021.

Malmö, Sweden – Reports emanating from South America strongly suggest that Hampus Lindgren, the YouTube personality and supporter last seen in August 8, 2018, charging about a luxury yacht, has at long-last been found, adrift on a handcrafted raft 34 nautical miles off the coast of Chile.

Further details are unclear at this point.  Club officials have referred all questions to the Chilean Coast Guard, who have yet to make a formal statement.  Officials confirmed off the record that Mr. Lindgren appears to have been found, his sanity only marginally intact. 

Once word spread of Mr. Lindgren's potential return, the Malmö Super Troupers gathered in the plaza outside the Swedbank Stadion at the eternal flame lit in February 2019, in hopes that Mr. Lindgren would be found safe.  After several hours of cautious, nervous waiting, Ms. Lindgren was ushered into the club offices where an unidentified man was seen handing her a phone.  Soon thereafter, Ms. Lindgren appeared on a balcony overlooking the plaza, arm in arm with HÄkan Telleus.  A roar erupted as they thrust their arms in the air, tears streaming down their faces, a guttural cry confirming the gathered masses' hopes -- Hampus is coming home.

The Nordic twilight shattered with cries of  UP DI BLÅE!, it seemed as if the entire city came into the streets to celebrate the incredible news.

This is a developing story.  More information will be provided as it becomes available.

A version of this article appears on page A1 of the August 31, 2021, print version of the Sydvenska Dagbladet.

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Malmö FF Appoint Heroic Hampus Lindgren As Under 19s Coach; Club's Motives Questioned

By Angar Gunnarsson, on assignment, with Brita Nilsdotter from Stockholm.

Wednesday, September 29, 2021.

Malmö, Sweden – A fiery press conference followed the shock appointment of Hampus Lindgren, one-time YouTube personality and long-time missing person, as a youth coach at his beloved Malmö FF.

Rumors of Lindgren's appointment have been swirling for days, but many assumed the position would be ceremonial.  However, there was no mock sincerity on offer at the formal press conference this morning.  Only sincere sincerity from manager Aidan Cyr and the gathered club officials who adamantly insisted that this was not, a joke.  No, they assured the media, this was not a publicity stunt.  

"Listen, you really need to stop asking that.  We mean it.  It's for real.  Stop snickering, Angar, or you'll be banned," threatened Cyr when the intrepid reporters of the Sydvenska Dagbladet refused to accept this tragically comedic situation as being genuine.  "Banned, Angar.  Banned."

Is this a transparent plot to garner additional positive media attention?  A sick exploitation of a broken young man?  Or, the mad genius of Cyr?  Only time will tell.  

Coming on the heels of Di Blae's 8-0 demolition of Tottenham Hotspur in the Champions League, Cyr's position seems untouchable -- manager of Malmö and Sweden, with a beautiful young bride (a former public relations intern at the club) at his side.  

Hubris or genius?  Judgment will be reserved.  For now.

A version of this article appears on page A6 of the September 30, 2021, print version of the Sydvenska Dagbladet.

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Let the press snicker, I say.  The jackals.  No, I can't take all the credit for the Tottenham win...who knew they'd go full-Brazil circa 2014 and pull 2 reds in the first 20 minutes?  But we're on the right path, no one can deny.  And with Hampus on board to motivate the lads...here we go.

Yes, dear...I'll be right there...

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Malmö FF / Sweden
2021 Review

Those UEFA wankers.  Who's laughing now, eh?!  As much as they claim to love the story of the underdog, overachieving against all odds...heaven forbid that the underdog forgets his place and claims a place at the head table.  Oh, no.  We've not forgotten our rightful place.  We're taking it, by any and all means necessary.

An undefeated domestic campaign, punctuated by multiple blowouts of key opponents.  The 2nd XI stepping up after the weekend with Balotelli -- who knew that a few rounds of "bottle rocket ping pong" would be such a strong motivator.

But the real coup was on the Continent.  After our strong showing against Barcelona last February, someone had clearly had enough.  That balding exec had seen enough -- we "drew" the Group of Death.  They can fine me all they want.  It cannot be an accident.  No matter.  We made short work of "third seed" Tottenham, with 8-0 and 4-1 victories now in the books.  Perhaps someone thought that the 4-0 humiliation we inflicted on them in 2020 would be a motivating factor.  Instead, we've gotten in their heads.  An aggregate 16-1 tally over the course of 3 matches?  They're our *****.  A massive win over Atletico at home, and a miracle draw away to Ze Germans and we were through in 2nd place.  One would think that the wankers in Nyon would have seen enough, but they've paired us with Real Madrid for the knockout rounds.  Another year, another hardly-believable draw.  Once more into the breach...  Even the naming of Hasan Kaya as European Golden Boy is bittersweet...how long can we keep this talented young man, when the accolades being to flow.  A great man once said, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you."  Truer words have never been spoken.

Di Blagult had a solid campaign, despite being paired with Spain.  After a freak home draw to Poland, we qualified for Argentina '22 by the skin of our teeth, on goal difference.  The draw?  Favorable, even if we will see Spain again.  Chile and Jamaica round out the Group.  Barring further conspiracy, we should get through.  

Note to self -- find out who keeps scheduling January friendlies in the Far East for the national team.  Finland is next frickin' door.  I see no reason to travel to Adelaide to play them in a meaningless dead-rubber, with Scandanavian-based players only at that.  I cancelled it this year, and have a mole trying to locate the moron who keeps pulling these stunts...

Goals for 2022: Keep it respectable against Real Madrid in the CL and, with any luck, not be a 4th seed this coming year.  Wreak havoc in the knockout stages of the World Cup.  Keep being Zlatastic.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Allsvenskan Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures/Group Table|Svenska Cupen Fixtures

Sweden Overview|Sweden Fixtures|World Cup Qualifying

Challenge Overview:

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I turned down $61 million for Isaac Pereira last night, a temptingly-obscene amount of money.  Fortunately, I'm at a place where players will throw a fit when I reject offers for them, but get over it quickly enough (one major benefit to paying attention to personalities!).  I also don't need the money from transfers, even though the wage bill is rising -- which means that the Board isn't just accepting high offers anymore (like they did with Papp 2 years back).  If I can keep my core squad together for another 2 years, we've got a great chance at the CL.  Fingers are crossed.

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A nervy, tense match in Paris.  We played on the counter and managed to shut them down, scoring an all-important goal to take a narrow lead back to Sweden.

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In the second leg, we set out to play our normal game -- possess the ball, be patient, put pressure on the ball when defending.  After quiet first half, both sides had a goal chalked off before the 50th minute -- Hasan Kaya, for pushing off on a header, and Smulders (PSG) for offsides.  We'd kept PSG under wraps until that point -- only 1 shot (total, not just on target), and little possession.  Smulders broke through in the 51st, though, beating Lindvall at his near post.  Ugh.  1-1.  We'd failed to make the most of our possession/control of the match.  Kaya smashes one off the bar in the 58th, having been sprung clear by Garcia.  The match is opening up substantially.  Kone and Lindahl brought on in the 65th, for the tiring Garcia and Wiktorsson.  Not one full minute later, with his first touch of the match, Kone puts Malmo in the lead off a cross from Pereira.  Frimpong on for Danielsson, to soak up pressure.  We win a corner against the run of play.  A mad scramble sees Pereira lay the ball off to Rakip who buries it.  3-1 in the 81st minute.  PSG press, but cannot find a goal or maintain possession.  We eat the clock, slowly but surely.  The whistle blows.  We're through.  Holy ****, we're through.

To be continued...

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Much to my chagrin, we've drawn Chelski.  I'd have preferred Lazio -- even though they're the defending champions, I figured they were an easier opponent.  I wanted to avoid Bayern like the plague, so I guess I'll take it.

Am I 270 minutes of football away from the end of the line in Malmo?!?  Unlikely, but anything can happen and I've faired well against British opponents in this save.

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After the 2nd XI smashed BK HÀcken over the weekend, we were set for the 2nd leg.  Chelsea haven't shown up.  It's been all Malmö.  The breakthrough comes in the 56th through Sjöström on a quick counter from a Chelsea corner.  It's all over but the crying.

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#You'reGettingSackedInTheMorning

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