[FM17] Hans Kaiser- Baldness Über Alles!

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Still plenty of time to catch Bayern. You should poach from the Smurfs if they get relegated.

[oriole01]

12 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Still plenty of time to catch Bayern. You should poach from the Smurfs if they get relegated.

I actually wouldn't want the Smurfs to get relegated, as it would kind of throw a wrench in the narrative plans I have for this save, but I'd certainly do that if they did. Just being in a poor position at the winter window might be enough for some of their guys to want to jump ship, so I'll be keeping my eyes on them for sure.

[BoxToBox]

Ohh, a bit of needle over some contentious transfers would be fun.

[oriole01]

Hans Kaiser sits in his office. With training over and just one more meeting left on the schedule, he was about ready to head home.  However, a knock on the door would bring about unexpected plans. Hans moves to open the door. It's his secretary Anna, wearing a concerned look on her face.
"Mr. Kaiser, he's here again."
"Seriously? Can't we get security to throw this guy out?"
"Well, we've tried, but they... can't."
"What do you mean they can't?"
"They can't physically move him."
"What?"
"I don't know how, but it seems like he's completely immune to any sort of external force. He keeps asking for you, Mr. Kaiser. We don't know what to do."
"Alright, Anna. Bring him in here. I'll handle this."
"Okay," she says with a bit of relief.

Two minutes later, Anna returns with a well-dressed man by her side. He has a swarthy complexion, dark-rimmed glasses, a dark suit/pants combination, a yellow shirt, and green tie. Hans thinks he looks familiar, but he can't put his finger on who exactly the man reminds him of.
"Thanks, Anna" he says with a wave of his hand back toward the hall. She nods her head slowly, then leaves. As soon as she does, the man sits down opposite the Dortmund manager.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kaiser," the man says with a light Latin accent, reaching out to shake his hand. Hans cautiously obliges.
"Well, I suppose it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr..."
"Jose." He smiles.
 "What can I help you with, Jose? I hope you know that these are rather unusual circumstances under which we're meeting."
"Yes, yes, sorry about that. I wish I could have set up an official meeting with you, but I wouldn't know how. Plus, this isn't quite the business you're used to."
"Really?"
"Yes. I need your help, Mr. Kaiser. I've found myself in a bit of a strange predicament here."
"And what would that be, Jose?"
"I'm trapped in Germany. I don't remember how I got here, or why I came, but I can't leave. Every time I try to go to the airport, I black out and wake up in the middle of a field. Yet for some reason I know you. I see you in my dreams, and you seem like the only person who can help me."
Hans thinks he's definitely a wackjob.
"Well... I'm afraid I can't help you there, Jose. I wouldn't have a clue."
"Please, there must be something you can do."
"Well, where are you from?"
"Argentina. Mar del Plata, to be precise. I don't know how I can get back."
"Argentina... I'm not sure that's within my range of expertise."
"Please. I see you in my dreams, sir. We know each other, somehow. There must be a way to figure this out."
Hans has lost his patience. "Okay, Jose, I've got to get to a meeting. Unfortunately, I don't know you, and I don't think I can help you in any way whatsoever. Come on." He claps his arm around Jose's shoulder in an attempt to usher him out of the room, but he won't move. He remembered what Anna had said about him being 'immune to external force'.
"Come on, mate," he repeats. Jose slowly starts to move, one step at at time. He looks crestfallen. Hans is able to guide him out the door with much prodding, and then he slams it shut. He returns to his desk, resuming work on the team sheet for the next match.

Five minutes later, however, there was another knock on the door, louder this time. It was Anna again.
"Hans, come quickly! Something terrible's happening to the man outside!"
They both rush out of the office, and down the elevator to the ground floor. They reach the door to the courtyard and burst out into the open air, where a considerable crowd has gathered to watch a rather disturbing sight. Jose is violently convulsing on the ground, foaming at the mouth and spitting up small bits of blood. Several corporate employees keep their distance, but one of them has called emergency services. Hans, however, stands right next to him. After several more uncomfortable moments, the convulsions stop. Hans sees a black, filmy shadow pass through his eyes, then he sits up immediately, as if he were turned on by a switch. Gasps are audible from the crowd gathered. Jose turns his head slowly towards Hans, almost like the little girl from The Exorcist in his motion. When he speaks, the accent grows deeper, and his tone more serious. His voice is all too familiar now.
"I sorry, Mr. Kaiser. This not supposed to happen."
With that, the man stands up, pushes through the crowd, then dashes away down the street. He doesn't stop running.
Hans quietly sits down on the ground and puts his hands on his head.
"What the hell?"

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
November 2018

Good month, just the loss to Ingolstadt being the low point.

We started the month with a routine win over Freiburg, who had on-loan Alex Isak and summer sell Niklas Beste in their starting XI. Christian Pulisic wasted no time in scoring, as on just 28 seconds, he finished from an individual run that had started at midfield. Auba got our second on 25 from a close-range sitter, which would put Freiburg to bed. The second half was rather quiet, and we cruised to victory at home.

Don't let the scoreline fool you- the Krasnodar game was a close one until we pulled away at the end. Richarlison would make the initial breakthrough on 33, thumping in a half-volley from Mario Gotze's delivery. Charles Kabore would equalize just two minutes later for the Russians, Burki handling his relatively tame shot horribly and parrying it into the back of the net. We retook the lead on 52, with Andre Schurrle twisting one into the bottom-right from the edge of the area. Things remained close until the aforementioned breakaway. Gotze fired a lovely goal into the top left on 82, then Richarlison would get his second on 88 by beating a confused keeper from close in to make victory a certainty.

We were extremely unlucky against surprise European contenders Ingolstadt away from home, but there are no excuses for losing to them. They would score off a corner on 32, the ball falling to defender Alexander Hack in a perfect position to slam in the goal. Nothing would go our way after that, as we squandered all of our chances and nearly got caught out again by Ingolstadt.  Felix Passlack got himself sent off towards the end of the match, putting a fitting postscript on a gloomy day in Bavaria.

Our next result, however, was one of the most breathtaking on this save. We smashed 2nd-placed RB Leipzig despite having a man sent off and two more injured. Sven Bender would be the man given his marching orders on 27 minutes, which shouldn't have boded well for us, but the opposite became true. Gotze would drill one into the bottom-left from Auba's cross on 36, then Schurrle would score just moments into the second half after playing a one-two with Auba to get open. It looked like things couldn't get any better, but Nadiem Amiri popped in a volley on 68 (from yet another Auba assist) to make it 3-0. Pierre would cap a fantastic passing day with a goal of his own on 74, tapping in from Marco Reus' delivery. We could have had even more, but we let four be enough of a testimony to an awesome performance.

We were slightly underwhelming against APOEL in our penultimate EL game at home, but we did start well. On just 4 minutes, Pulisic's free kick would be saved, but it rebounded on to Omer Toprak to score an easy goal from close in. We had plenty of chances to extend the lead, with several one-on-ones failing to provide a goal, but APOEL showed little attacking hunger to take advantage of it. We would roll on to claim five wins from five in the group stage, delighting the Kahle Armee in the stands.

Tables

Bayern continue to fly atop the table, so that win over Leipzig was huge. We're still behind the East Germans, but could overtake them soon. Leverkusen were on poor form this month, which drops them to 10 points off Bayern's pace. Ingolstadt hold on to 5th despite some more losses. Schalke and Stuttgart have recovered form a bit, while Wolfsburg have done the opposite. Gladbach are still without a win, and did the inevitable by sacking Patrick Vieira as a result.

5/5 in the Europa league, and we'll look to finish perfect against Leicester next month, who have also secured safe passage to the knockout stages. That will surely be our most difficult fixture so far, though.

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

The Ruhr Derby- Chapter Fünf
"A Feeling Deeper Than Hate"
Bundesliga Week Seventeen- The Pre-Game
9:27-9:51 PM. Thursday, December 20, 2018. Heligoland, Germany.
Christmas is nearly upon the sleepy island of Heligoland. Located 30 miles off the mainland of Germany, in the North Sea, the small, isolated community of about 1500 people enjoy the festivities each year as a fraternal affair. Everyone makes sure to say hello to as many people as they can and wish them a happy holiday. This isolation also provides a viable place to "lay low" for those on the wrong side of the law. "Die Unbekannten", or strangers in the community, are constantly viewed with a wary eye by the locals. Two such strangers are sitting alone in a small bar about a stone's throw from the turbulent winter sea. Rather uncharacteristically, however, one of them is an 11-year-old boy. Julian Emmerdahl, almost a year removed from his great heist, looks nothing like what an 11-year-old should look like. The only emotions seen in him these days are fear, pain, and silent sorrow. He has bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep, a grimy mess of long brown hair, and a sickly, pale complexion in his skin. The man accompanying him appears to be in perfect health. Tall, strong, and handsome, Jan Oberhauser, or "Der Schwarze Ritter"- the black knight- in the dark corners of Gelsenkirchen, is an imposing figure. He's never seen without a blue scarf, baker's hat, and an old-fashioned pipe. He also always has a faint smell of coal about him. Now, he sits at the counter, several empty shot glasses in front of him. Jan likes his vodka like he likes his women: sweet, robust, and full-bodied. He's quite drunk, as he's been singing along quite obnoxiously to every single Christmas song that's come on over the bar's sound system. 

With both a piece of wurst and his pipe in his mouth, he gives the boy a light knock on the shoulder, in an attempt at affection. In contrast to his gorged and intoxicated counterpart, the boy has a single glass of Coca-Cola and a small plate of fish on his side of the counter. He's barely eaten or drank any of it.
"You like your food?" Jan asks.
"Yes." says the boy quietly.
"Good! See, I told you you'd like it here."
"Yeah."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
For the first time in a long time, Jan looks directly into Julian's eyes, even though they are cast downward and away, distant as ever. Of course he knows the boy hates this, but in Jan's eyes, this situation is the best for the both of them. He has been protecting them from the alternative, which would be far worse.
"You're doing well, you know."
No response.
"I mean, nine more years and we'll be completely free. No more of this moving around. You'll be able to go home and live a normal life. You won't see any of us again. You're gonna be okay as long as you stay with me."
Julian nods his head slightly in the acknowledgement that Jan is referring to the statute of limitations for their heist last winter. Nine more years of his life stolen from him sounded just rosy. He had sworn an oath to himself that his escape would come at the first good opportunity. He doesn't want to spend another second in the company of these monsters, and he would make sure that when that opportunity came, he wouldn't.
"Christmas is coming up, you know. Anything you want?" Jan continues.
"A new football." Julian responds.
Freedom is what he wants far more.
"Hm, maybe Santa will come through with that, eh?" Jan chuckles and slaps Julian's shoulder again.
"Yeah." mumbles the boy, holding back tears.
At that moment, the bartender, who is the only employee left in the building, emerges from the kitchen. A middle-aged man with a thick beard, he has grown accustomed to Jan over the past few months since he arrived, but is still somewhat cautious of the "Unbekannten" in his midst. This is the first time he has shown up with the boy, however. Maybe he was actually someone trying to settle down here.
"You want another, Jan?" He asks his customer calmly, for the seventh time that evening.
"Yeah, one more for the road will be grand."
The bartender looks at him in disbelief for a second.
"For the road? You're not driving, are you?"
Jan laughs with a full chest. It sounds like a plane engine gunning to life, so loud it is.
 "No, no, of course not. Wouldn't want to put the boy here in any danger." He points to Julian.
"That's a relief!" exclaims the bartender. He pours another shot glass for Jan, then disappears back into the kitchen.
Jan downs his final elixir, then gets up out of his chair slowly. His massive appetite tonight has left his toned stomach looking far larger than usual.
"Alright, son. I've got to take a ****. Stay there."
 

He trudges off to the restroom, leaving Julian alone. He lifts his head up and takes in his surroundings fully for the first time tonight. The bar is small but homey, with comfortable wooden fixtures all around and numerous framed pictures of Heligoland's quaint maritime past accompanying the bright, cheerful Christmas decorations. He catches a glimpse of a particularly ornate carving of Jesus on the cross on the far wall. He had never been to church, but for some reason he smiles. Yet the boy fails to notice the two men hiding in the rafters. At that moment, one of them exits his position lying narrowly on one of the wooden beams and drops down to the floor. It's a man in his early forties with caramel-colored skin, wearing all black, loose-fitting clothing. He moves towards the boy, holding his finger up to his mouth in a "shh" gesture. The boy is utterly confused, but he sees something frightening just barely peeking out above the man's waistband, a pistol.
"You going to want to leave. Now." the man whispers. Julian doesn't have any idea who the man is, or why he'shere, but he has a feeling this is his opportunity to escape. He grabs his coat, then runs out the door and into the windy night without hesitation.
"Good boy." Che says to himself. He then moves behind the bar and into the kitchen. The bartender is sitting in the back, looking at his phone. One swift punch to the temple and he crumples to the floor without knowing what hit him. He returns to the dining room, sitting down at a table next to the bar. He hears the toilet flush down the hall, and the door opens. Jan walks out and heads back to the bar. As soon as he sees Julian absent, he curses loudly. He looks around, noticing the new man sitting at the table nearest to him.
"Hey!" he asserts towards the mystery man. "Have you seen a kid, a boy about 11 years old? He was just sitting here."
"No. I just walk in!" says Che, mimicking surprise.
Jan curses again. He starts toward the door, but suddenly he is frozen in his tracks, unable to move another muscle.
"Come over here, will you?" Che instructs, with more false harmless emotion in his voice.
Jan, able to move again, feels compelled to obey. He sits down across from the man, finding him looking rather strange dressed in all black. He is beginning to grow uneasy, but the unexplained halt imposed on him indicated the lack of control he had over the situation.
"How you do tonight?" Che inquires.
"Erm.. okay." Jan replies uneasily. "Do I know you?"
"No, unfortunately. But I know you."
"What?" Jan blurts out in disbelief and thinly veiled fear. Had the police caught up with him somehow?
"Yes, I do. You Jan Oberhauser. The Black Knight. Big bad criminal." Che pauses for a second, appearing to restrain a laugh. "You organize heist for Schalke against Dortmund. You steal trophy. You use little boy to do this."
Jan is clearly ******** his pants. In his drunken haze, the story he had memorized is less accessible. It takes several moments for him to speak again.
"I have no idea what you're talking about. There must be a mistake. My name is Patrick Schindler. I am an Internal Solutions Engineer for Nyman Energie GmbH, from Cottbus. I'm here on business to help sell generator units. I know nothing of any 'Jan Oberhauser.'"
Che breaks out laughing this time, unable to contain it any longer.
"That the story you have? It's ****."
Jan audibly gulps. Despite his reputation among German criminal circles as a strongman and a fearsome figure, he actually dealt terribly with pressure.
"So, now that we have this out of way, I want ask you why you do this thievery. You must anticipate the... how you say... consequences, no?"
At this point, Jan is panicking. He knows he is in big, big trouble. This isn't the police he's dealing with. Their form of punishment would be considerably less unpleasant. He had smuggled plenty of weapons onto the island, but they were all back in the small cottage he and Julian shared. He needs to find a way out now, but it feels as if the man sitting before him is already ten steps ahead of him.
"Again, no idea what you're talking about. Sorry to disappoint you. Look, I've got to go find my son. Have a nice night." He stands up, but is slammed onto the table by the same unseen force that had frozen him minutes before. Excruciating pain overtakes him quickly. His nose is bleeding, possibly broken.
"Ah, your son. You mean the boy you kidnap and force to steal? He will be going back to family. Far away from here."
Jan barely hears those words. He's groaning in pain on the floor.
"Listen, I change mind. You just tell me that you did do thievery. No explain why. Then this will be over." Che continues.
Jan refuses to respond. This time, Che grabs him with his own hands, savagely and repeateadly punching him in the face until he gets what he wants.
"Okay, okay, okay! Stop! I did it. I organized the heist. You happy?"
"Not yet. Now tell me you affiliate with the club Schalke 04, and tell who you affiliate with from there."
"Yes, I coordinated with personnel at Schalke. The ultras leader, I think his real name is Ludwig Weiss. The finance manager, Jurgen Becker, and the manager, Markus Weinzierl. Also with several of my... associates around the region."
"Perfect. Now you tell me you kidnap boy, Julian Emmerdahl, and you force to steal for you."
"Um.. yes. That happened."
"Great. Now one more thing, Mr. Black Knight. You tell me where is trophy."

Now he had asked the million dollar question. If Jan told this man the location of the precious stolen trophy, and he came out of this ordeal alive, then his criminal career would surely be finished. He would be dismissed as a snitch and cast out of any associations he had in Germany, and possibly even beyond. He knew he couldn't afford to give it up, but he also knew he almost certainly wouldn't have a choice in the matter at this juncture.
"You tell me where is trophy." Che repeats, with more intimidation in his tone.
Jan stays mum. He's having enormous difficulty bringing himself to say what the man wants.
"Make this easy, please. You so close."
He can't. Several moments pass before Che loses his patience. Then, he feels himself being lifted off the ground. His eyes peer directly into the other man's now. He can see the dark coldness in them, the complete lack of hesitation or remorse towards making his life hell. Suddenly, the man does something even more unbelievable then anything up to this point. He moves his hand to his face, then pulls it off, once again revealing the darkness beneath. Jan is transported to another place. What he sees there is indescribable in any human terms. Yet the overwhelming horror he feels after he sees it is enough to make him talk once he returns to his body.
"OH JESUS CHRIST! OH GOD! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. IT'S IN A SAFE DEPOSIT BOX. SWISS BANK ACCOUNT IN BERN. KEPT UNDER LOCK AND KEY. THE PLACE IS HEAVILY GUARDED. I DON'T KNOW WHICH SPECIFIC LOCATION IT'S AT. PLEASE, I'VE TOLD YOU. LET ME GO!"
Che's face looks as if it's ready to inflict even more damage, but it suddenly relaxes.
"Thank you very much, Mr. Jan. You a great help. Pleasure doing business with you."
Jan's heart rate and breathing start slowing gradually. Thank god there were no more questions, but he knows he probably isn't out of this.
"What are you gonna do with me? You gonna turn me in to the police?"
Che smiles. "No, no worry, Mr. Jan. I will do nothing else." He whistles, seemingly randomly.
"Oh, oh my god. Thank you. I never hurt anyone, just so you know. The job was intended to be painless-"
Jan drops to the floor. Zezé is standing ten feet behind his lifeless body, dressed in his normal crocodile costume, holding his guitar in one hand and a suppressed M9 pistol in the other. One shot was all it took, as always. The crocodile and Che, who had wasted absolutely no time suiting up as the shark, share a nod. They knew exactly what to do next. The process is already fully fleshed out in their minds: Dispose of the body, get the boy, bring him back home, and then it was off to Switzerland to finish the job before Saturday's Ruhr Derby. They hadn't given Hans any warning of their actions, but they were sure he would be very proud.

They lift Jan up, then walk out the bar door into the cold island breeze. No time to waste.

[oriole01]

The Ruhr Derby- Chapter Fünf
"A Feeling Deeper Than Hate"
Bundesliga Week Seventeen- The Pre-Game
Hans Kaiser's Office- Signal Iduna Park
"You did WHAT?" Hans Kaiser screams into his burner phone. "Are you ****ing kidding me?"
"No, of course I didn't want this, you utter idiot!"
"What in the flying **** am I supposed to do about this?"
"Don't worry about it? What!?"
"Do you have a single idea, a single iota what sort of trouble this will get us in if we're found out?"
"You can't be that confident! You just can't!"
"No, I've never ****ing *hushes tone* killed someone, Che!" 
"I don't care if you 'have it.' It doesn't ****ing matter! You're fired! Done! Out!"
"Yes, I can fire you! I've got bodyguards, I'll get a police escort if necessary. You'll be leaving me alone, completely. This has gone too far. Way, way, way, too far."
"What?! For the last time, I'm not ****ing proud of you, you utter ****ing **********************************!
"No, you don't get to say 'Baldness Über Alles'! You're done. Goodbye, Che. This has been the worst mistake of my life. I didn't even really ask for it either! You remember that!"
"No, you're done. We're done. That's final. Bye."

He definitely knew they weren't done. These two seemed hell-bent on fulfilling Hans' destiny using the most extreme methods possible. They wouldn't let up. Unfortunately, going to the police wasn't an option, as he was too far implicated to stay free. Also, he had a feeling the talent men had dirty cops on their side, too.
The sheer amount of thoughts racing around Hans' head are enough to overwhelm him instantly. At the end of the day, however,he had to come to terms with the changed situation: he was now connected with a murder. The fact that it was a career criminal who had stolen his club's history did little to reduce his anxiety. The only real positive was that the kidnapped boy was safe in the arms of his father and siblings, who hadn't seen him for months and presumed him dead. The fact that they had the stolen trophy back didn't matter at all to him anymore. 

Hans simply couldn't wrap his head around all of the things he would have to do, all the lies he would have to tell to tread water if things came crashing down. All of that, plus the fact that the Ruhr Derby was set to kick off in five hours. Oh dear.

The Tunnel
Hans' pep talk had been the least spirited, most scripted one he had ever given. The proudly bald players were amped to be playing Schalke at home to send them off on winter break, but they instantly knew something was wrong when their manager suddenly stopped sharing that same ambition and excitement. None of them dared ask why, however. There were definitely rumors abound that their manager was involved in some activities he wouldn't want to publicly share, so they made sure to keep in line. When Hans sees Markus Weinzierl in the tunnel, he is overcome with another wave of crushing fear and paranoia. Did Markus know? Would he be sending his own associates after him? What would they look like? A bear and a lion? Which torture methods would they use? The rack? The iron maiden? Mr. Thingy?"

He was definitely getting very worked up. So much so that he forgot he and Markus were standing right next to each other at the edge of the tunnel, and that they had kept an awkward silence for three straight minutes. Markus was reveling in the moment, seemingly taking pleasure in the fact that Hans had shut up for once. Finally, the Schalke boss speaks.
"You really got nothing to say, huh? This will be a murder."
Hans winces. He's holding back the vomit. Markus continues.
"I think you should take a look at my players today, Hans. Two can play at this hair game, you know."
"H-h-h-h- hair game?" Hans stutters.
By the time he gets those words out, Markus has already gone out on the pitch to his technical area, ready for battle. Hans slowly pans his head from left to right. He sees his bald players, with the support of the Kahle Armee behind them, looking as menacing as ever. That was great. It made him feel as good as he could possibly feel under the current circumstances. But as he moved to right, he began to see the Smurfs. The sight he sees horrifies him. Each and every one of them has a glorious, flowing mane. It looked a 1970s Ajax team out there.
This is just a ****ing nightmare.

Los! Los! Los!
(Cheers @BoxToBox for the idea )

[BoxToBox]

This is getting completely bonkers! I love it!

[oriole01]

1 hour ago, BoxToBox said:

This is getting completely bonkers! I love it!

Cheers BoxToBox! Comments like these only ensure that it keeps going!

[ManUtd1]

Live shot of the Smurfs:

[oriole01]

The Ruhr Derby- Chapter Fünf
"A Feeling Deeper Than Hate"
Bundesliga Week Seventeen- The Post-Game

A great result in the most intense derby so far on this save. We head into the break with bags of confidence having beat the Smurfs for the first time since April 2017. This game was so unbelievably one-sided towards us, but the moment of magic didn't come until the 82nd minute. Following an unbelievable string of missed and saved chances throughout the match, an injured Aubameyang finally broke through in electric style. Some beautiful passing play set Marco Reus free on the left wing, drilling an an even prettier cross that Auba viciously banged home on the volley. The crowd absolutely exploded the second the ball hit the back of the net, screaming "Baldness Über Alles!" at the top of their lungs for nearly five minutes afterward. One of the best moments on the save for me, so far.

Boom!

If Hans Kaiser weren't so completely overwhelmed with stress, he would have been celebrating like never before, but his predicament kept creeping into his head whenever he wanted to feel happy. All throughout the match, he could sense Markus watching him especially closely, scrutinizing something about him in a way most uncomfortable. Maybe he was just going paranoid, or maybe the bear and lion would be showing up at his house tonight with miner's pickaxes... either way, all was not well with the bald one.

Los! Los! Los! 

Edited February 11, 2018 by oriole01
video

[oriole01]

6 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

Live shot of the Smurfs:

No hair > hair, any day of the week.

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Dortmund have won five of their last five home league games.

 

That's some impressive form there. What's the league table looking like?

[ManUtd1]

1 hour ago, oriole01 said:

No hair > hair, any day of the week.

At the end of this thread, we'll learn that Hans' male pattern baldness is both the source of his strength and his greatest weakness.

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
December 2018

A very condensed, action-packed month for us. We started out poorly, but finished well.

Against last-placed Gladbach, we really should not have dropped any points, but that's indeed what unfolded away from home. In fact, we were dominated by the other Borussia, beaten in shots 15-4. We would take the lead through Marco Reus on 16, though, as he smoked a snapshot into top bins from Auba's ball. In the absence of any further meaningful attack, Gladbach eventually equalized on 49 from Thorgan Hazard's spectacular long-range hit. At least it was a good one to lose points to. We kept the draw through 90 minutes, but there was no doubt that this wasn't the result we wanted.

Even worse was the loss against Hoffenheim, who completely exploited and humiliated us despite the fact that we bought one of their best players in summer (Amiri, who started). Kaj Sierhuis was the man of the match for them, punching in both goals of the day in the 38th and 42nd minutes. The first was one that Roman Burki definitely should have saved, the second a more convincing strike that was buried in the bottom-left. The 20-year-old would have had his hat trick on 47 if his penalty wasn't saved by Burki, who somewhat redeemed himself after the earlier mistake. Despite our attempts to push forward in the second half, we registered just one shot on target and crumpled to a painful defeat in our own building.

The reaction against Leverkusen was much, much better. Although our opponents controlled the early proceedings, we wrenched it away from them with a massive two minute salvo from Richarlison. Both goals were nearly identical, featuring a low cross from Christian Pulisic onto the Brazilian to finish from close range. The Signal Iduna was buzzing after those goals, but they were quieted just four minutes later when Leverkusen pulled one back through Lars Stindl. Despite this slip-up, the first half fireworks would continue for us. On 37, Marc Bartra hammered in a powerful header straight from Raphael Guerreiro's corner delivery to send the crowd wild again. The second half was less eventful, but the only chances seen were for us to extend the lead further. A very good performance against the defending champions.

There wasn't much to play for in our final EL group match against Leicester, but I still would have liked to have come away with something in the East Midlands. This was a rather boring match that should have finished 0-0, but of all the people to break the deadlock, it was Andy King on 19 minutes. The Foxes veteran launched a brilliant long-range strike past the reach of Predrag Rajkovic in a similar vein as Thorgan Hazard's goal at the start of the month. I'll say the same as I did for that; at least it was a great goal to lose to.

We had a bit of a tricky matchup at home against Mainz, although both of their goals were due to goalkeeper error. Their first came on 10 minutes, with Pablo de Blasis hitting the ball just in time to beat a backpedaling, out-of-position Burki from the left wing. We would respond very well, however. Auba bagged two close-range goals in the 21st and 26th minutes to fire us into the lead, then Reus scored just after the hour mark from a perfectly-placed shot into the top left to make it three. Mainz would apply some pressure on 68 minutes, when Victor Onisiwo's tame shot was handled pathetically by Burki in net and rolled across the line for a second goal. This set up a nervy finish, but we held off any further chances to escape with a win.

Our next match against Wolfsburg also finished 3-2, but this one was epic. Auba started us off well on 18, burying one in the left side of the net from near the penalty spot. The men in green would unexpectedly strike back on 49, with Yunus Malli ripping one past Burki to complete a quick and devastating counter. Pulisic would restore the lead in the 65th, firing Mario Gotze's ground cross well beyond the keeper's reach. Wolfsburg would claw back an equalizer again on 81, with Ricardo Rodriguez cranking in a powerful half volley to fire up their home crowd again. On 82, we  looked to have instantly recovered, Pulisic again scoring off a rebound from Amiri's shot... but Amiri was offside and it was called back. Yet the resilience of the young American showed four minutes later. Most young players would have taken a huge hit in confidence after having a goal disallowed, but our man stepped up again to curl in a fantastic- and legal- winner. What a magnificent performance from Christian, one that may prove important further down the line.
In five matches, this was the first time we had conceded to Wolfsburg. We had kept a clean sheet in each of the previous four fixtures. Although that streak ended, we're still 5/5 against them.

See above for our Ruhr Derby win over Schalke.

Table

Despite our good run of form after the Hoffenheim loss, we're still far off the pace of Bayern, who enter the break with a game in hand. They've been on another level so far, dropping points just twice and looking good value to claim the title after blowing it last year. Leipzig are also on fire, as without European football, their Red Bull-fueled attentions are focused solely on the league. We're seven points clear of Hoffenheim in the first EL spot, so thankfully we shouldn't have to worry about finishing any lower than third. Leverkusen's form has taken a big hit, and they already look to be out of the race to retain their title. Ingolstadt, Koln, Freiburg, and Nurnberg are all performing above expectations in the top half, whilst more familiar teams such as Schalke, Hertha, Wolfsburg, Bremen, and Gladbach continue to struggle. The latter are still without a win at the halfway mark, although they have claimed more draws than anyone else in the division to give themselves some hope of staying up. This is rather unbelievable considering their recent Champions League appearances IRL.

Europa League Results/Draw

For the second season in a row, we've been drawn against a Czech side in the EL Round of 32. Last year it was Plzen, and now it's Sparta Prague. Definitely one of the best draws we could have received, although Sparta have pulled off a few coups on this save by signing Mati Fernandez and Leonardo Ulloa on frees. Of course, we will still need to do a professional job over the two legs. 
Other highlights from the draw include a clash of favorites in Napoli-Liverpool, Sporting-Monaco, Leicester-Ajax, a battle between two sides who have eliminated us from European competition in Benfica-CSKA, and a battle of underdogs in Molde-Zorya. All the other German sides made it through, but I have a feeling we'll be the last ones standing among them.

We'll only have one competitive fixture in January after the break, but I'll still be updating with any transfer business that may occur.
Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
January 2019

Did alright in the friendlies, but then lost our first game back in the league.
We shouldn't have failed to score against Paderborn. We got some measure of revenge over Lotte for that Pokal elimination last season, but it being a friendly didn't quite apply the appropriate weight. Bielefeld gave us a game, but we did well enough early on to win.

Against Hertha, I can only say that we were supremely unfortunate. There were quite a few chances in the first half, although more of them went to Hertha than to us. Sandro Ramirez hit the woodwork twice before the turning point that was the 68th minute. Sebastian Rode was sent off for a second yellow, leaving us vulnerable in the midfield. Maxwel Cornet would capitalize on 76, taking advantage of Roman Burki's poor decision to rush him and slotting home coolly. Richarlison looked to have recouped a draw for us on 88 minutes when he thumped home from Christian Pulisic's long ball, but we would be devastated in added time. With seconds remaining, Sandro found a hole in our defense and blasted in his winner. Hertha have now sunk us twice deep in added time this season, the first coming in our Pokal elimination in October.
The worst part of this game? Aubameyang got injured, out for two months. Damn you, Hertha!

I won't bother with a table for now since we just played one game.

Transfers

Three immediate transfers, all of them youth newgens. I can tell you that I only picked the very best! I believe 17 million is the most anyone's paid for a newgen on this save so far. In addition to the two generations of home-grown players (with a third imminent) and some real-life prospects who still haven't reached the first team, these guys will ensure that we are absolutely stacked. 

Kalonji is a great young goalkeeper, packing 5* potential and already some great aerial reach, handling, and reflexes. The hope is he'll be fighting Rajkovic for first choice in the near future.  Scaramuzzino looks just about ready for the first team, as most of the tools he needs to be an effective striker are already there. Excellent mentals and good physicals. With Auba hurt and the likes of Isak and Arp out on loan, he'll be second choice behind Richarlison. Danso is a much rawer prospect at center back, but the key attributes of marking and tackling look good at the moment.

I've also set up four future transfers for four more young stars from abroad. Safe to say I feel a bit like @ManUtd1. Here's a preview:

Two Brazilians and two Turks coming in at the end of the season. I'll be showing their full profiles then, as they'll (hopefully!) have developed considerably from now until then. Akbas is a center back, Sandro Alexandre is a left back, Décio is a CAM, and Bay is a right winger. Can't wait to get these lads in the doors too. With none of this transfer business intended to be directly for the senior side, I'm definitely placing my trust and faith in the youth to bring us the titles. However, a bit of a revamp may be required in the summer window.
Welcome to Dortmund!
Los! Los! Los!

[ManUtd1]

Got to love bringing in youth, especially with the ease of landing non-EU players in Germany and their lax registration requirements.

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Scaramuzzino is going to become world class. Looks incredible.

[BoxToBox]

7 hours ago, oriole01 said:

[oriole01]

12 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Got to love bringing in youth, especially with the ease of landing non-EU players in Germany and their lax registration requirements.

That's absolutely a big advantage I have over the clubs from other countries. The players I've found in South America really are without comparison. I'd import the entire Brazilian youth NT if I could! Also hoping for a hard Brexit so PL clubs get screwed . 

7 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Scaramuzzino is going to become world class. Looks incredible.

Cheers mate! Hard to believe Inter would let him go when he scored on his debut for them, but I'm glad to have snapped him up.

6 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

[ManUtd1]

9 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

He is that good, isn't he?!

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
February 2019

Some good results, and some disappointing ones. Safe to say we've struggled a bit without Aubameyang. Through in Europe, though!

We started February with the same way we ended January; losing 1-2, this time to Hamburg. The home side opened the scoring on 25, with Arianit Ferati charging in a header from Alen Halilovic's cross. Things stayed tense until the hour mark, when our on-loan youngster Jacob Bruun Larsen scored the best goal of his senior career with a 30-yard free kick. It was breathtaking, encouraging, and extremely embarrassing at the same time!  Christian Pulisic pulled one back for us on 68 from a rebounded shot on an empty net. However, that was the last action of the day, as we were proven to be second best by our own man.

We took care of business very early against Nürnberg. OusCrane got things started from close range just 46 seconds from kickoff thanks to an incisive Pulisic cross. Pulisic got involved again just four minutes later, nodding on a ball to Richarlison, who absolutely hammered one in off the volley. 'Das Amerikan' would cap a brilliant opening ten minutes with a goal, coolly slotting in from Gonzalo Castro's cutback. The scoreline could easily have gotten ugly, but the early treble was enough to see off a Nurnberg side well out of their depth.

The Heidenheim game was trickier than I would have expected, but it was nice to get the win late on. We were certainly dominating them, but couldn't find a way through until there were 86 minutes on the clock. At that juncture, Nadiem Amiri's corner was drilled home by an unlikely hero in Raphael Guerreiro, who found himself in the right place at the right time. A deserved result in the end, but it was definitely one that the hosts made us struggle for.

The first leg against Sparta Prague went mostly to plan. We started very well, as on just four minutes, Marco Reus' cross found Andre Schurrle close in for an easy volleyed finish. Sparta took control of possession afterwards, which left us on the back foot for most of the match. We would break that, however, when a horrible throw gave Richarlison the space he needed to run into the box and cut back for Amiri, who gently placed his goal into the top left. They would respond quickly, with another on-loan Dortmund man Lukas Piszczek finding Ales Cermak at the back post to head in a consolation. We would leave Prague with a lead and two away goals in tow, but we knew we couldn't let our guard down at the Signal Iduna.

Sigh. Good old Köln. I'm not sure if they were simply able to exploit our fixture congestion, or just took advantage of our general tendency to be **** against them, but this one was utterly unacceptable. On 11 minutes, center back Daniel Schwaab was able to open the scoring from close range following a scramble at the near post. We certainly had our chances to equalize, as we outshot them 20-8, but the next goal was for the Billy Goats as well. Giovani Lo Celso was set free in space, and the on-loan PSG man made no mistake with his finish. Just when it looked like our season was headed back on track, these bastards got us again. Safe to say Hans' associates were laughing at him from their base near Cologne.

The second leg against Sparta wasn't pretty, but it got the job done. Things looked to be over quickly for the Czechs when Alberto Zapater got sent off on 20 minutes, but they stayed strong and kept at it. With the game winding down and things looking to be settled, Leonardo Ulloa (of all people!) shook it all up on 81, leveling the aggregate score by slipping one past a lethargic Roman Burki. We still led on away goals, but our new teen phenom Piero Scaramuzzino made sure we headed through comfortably on 89, doing his job well from a Schurrle delivery. We lost the possession battle again, which is a bit worrying for future ties, but the results don't lie.

Table

Well, this is interesting. Bayern have been terrible since the break, but luckily for them our form hasn't been much better. Unluckily for them, Leipzig continue to fly, taking their first league lead of the season after 22 games. The gap from us to Hoffenheim is now just three points, so we have to keep our guard up just to qualify for the CL this season. Schalke have caught fire and are in the thick of the European race, whilst Ingolstadt have slipped hard and returned to a more ordinary position for themselves. Nurnberg have also fallen down the table, as their early-season form hasn't been enough to keep them completely out of the relegation conversation. Gladbach finally won their first game, but otherwise things are looking quite bleak for them. A massive shame, really.

Europa League Results/Draw
 


YES . I absolutely love this draw. We beat them 4-1 in a friendly last season, so this should be some great fun.
Chelsea/Benfica, Roma/Schalke, and Liverpool/Lazio are definitely ties to watch for the next round.

Next month sees us take on Bayern in Der Klassiker and our tie against Celtic.
Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

I forgot to mention this back in December. Pulisic has been named European Golden Boy, and rightly so! This has really been his breakout season, and when you combine this one with last, you've got a resume worthy of an award like this. I'd say he's the second-best player at Dortmund, behind only the legend Auba. At 20 years old, that's no small feat. What a player .

[Deisler26]

KÖLN!!! *shakes fist*

[oriole01]

Der Klassiker- Chapter Sieben
Bundesliga Week Twenty-Three- The Pre-Game
A Safehouse. Munich, Germany.
"So, now the monkey come out of sleeve. I glad to see we not 'done', Mr. Kaiser. You have come around."
There were two things that Hans Kaiser was unsure of at this moment. First, how exactly the talent men had procured this new, elaborate safehouse beneath a small Cambodian massage parlor in the heart of a residential neighborhood. Second, where Che was picking up poorly translated Dutch phrases. He certainly wouldn't get an answer to either. The three men were sitting in slick grey chairs on a concrete floor, surrounded by unopened boxes of which the contents were likely extremely dangerous. Hans takes a sip of bland coffee, then speaks.
"I'm only here because we keep losing these big matches. Sooner or later, we will get to where we need to be, and I will have no use for you two anymore. This is no longer a collaborative operation. You will only take my orders. One more step out of line, and you really will be gone."
"This always the arrangement, Mr. Kaiser. We take order. We use talent to fulfill order."
"I didn't order you to ****ing kill someone, Che! Get that through your head! You sicken me."
"I think rubbish bin is over there." Che sarcastically points towards it.
Hans hears a muffled laugh from Zezé to his left. He decides to change the subject.
"Just remember, my orders only. Alright, this Klassiker would be a whole lot more important if we weren't eight points behind them. However, that doesn't mean we can't set the tone for next season. That's when I'm aiming to win the league, so there's no better time to get into Bayern's heads than now."
"Yes... this make sense." 
"So I'm thinking we show them what 'Baldness Über Alles' really means. Baldness over all else. In the future, when we become a footballing empire, all other clubs will be inferior and subordinate to us, even Bayern. We have to give them a preview of those upcoming days."
"Interesting. What we need to do?"
"Go to Karstadt. You're getting the clippers."

The Ancelotti Residence
A middle aged Italian man struts along a nondescript city sidewalk, wearing a grey pinstripe suit, tinted sunglasses, and a tan fedora. He's smoking his favorite brand of cigar. Men and women alike look upon him with respect and fear. If anyone gives him an unsatisfactory look, a simple raise of the eyebrow is enough to put them back in line.

Carlo Ancelotti wakes up from his dream. He reaches over to his clock and turns it towards him. It reads 2:54 AM. He sighs as he realizes he has to wait several more hours before he can take command of his Bayern Munich team in their upcoming fixture against Dortmund. He reluctantly returns to his sleeping position, sinking his head into his pillow. With his wife away on a business trip, things certainly were a lot lonelier around here... or so he thought. Just minutes later, Ancelotti is jolted back out of his sleep by a strange sound, one that sounded like a faint whistle. As soon as he moves to turn on the lamp by his bedside, he is greeted with an image that has haunted those dreams more unpleasant than the one he had just awoken from. It's the shark and the crocodile, sitting ominously on his rooftop patio. The crocodile is holding his guitar, as always, but the shark is holding a small, rectangular object that he can't quite make out. The frightened manager turns to run away, but he is instantly frozen in his place, unable to move a muscle beneath his neck.
"Do not make difficult, Mr. Carlo." Che calls softly from his lounge chair.
"NOOO!!! GET OUT OF HERE, YOU CRAZY ****S! TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT, I DON'T CARE! JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"
Ancelotti's lower body remains completely motionless; even twitching his fingers proves impossible. Slowly, the talent men move towards him, an impending sense of doom picking up steam with each step they take. Carlo is unable to keep his panic contained.
"OH, SO HE TOLD YOU TO COME WHACK ME, DIDN'T HE? THE COWARD! TELL THAT FOOL OF A BOSS YOU HAVE THAT HE'LL NEVER WIN! HE'S ALWAYS FAILED TO BEAT ME AND NOW HE NEVER WILL! BAYERN ÜBER ALLES!"
Che breaks the lock on Ancelotti's body, only for him to be grabbed by Zezé and hauled into the bathroom. Carlo unleashes a string of Italian vulgarities and maternal insults before he is shut up by running sink water pouring over his face. Che switches on the rectangular device, which can now be clearly identified as electrical hair clippers. Wireless, as well. Of course they had only settled for the best on the market. The unmistakable buzz of the clippers brings to life a long-held fear of Ancelotti: losing his hair. Like the arrow to Achilles' heel, the clippers zips towards Carlo's aged, though well-maintained mane. For a few moments, he is able to lift his head out of the water and hurl one last remark at his captors.
"What are you doing, shaving my head?" He breaks out into a shrill, throaty laughter, made all the more difficult by the large amount of water that had sailed up his nostrils. The waterfall overtakes him again as he struggles to regain breath.
Che continues to move the clippers swiftly through the man's hair, taking no heed of any potential damage he may do to Ancelotti's scalp. More and more grey-white locks become casualties of the trichological massacre as the shark ever-furiously shears Ancelotti like a sheep. Finally, it all disappears down the drain. As Carlo emerges from the water again, he now looks nothing like the man he was two minutes ago. He had lost more than just his hair, he had lost a piece of his identity. The job wasn't finished yet. Zezé grabs hold of Ancelotti's neck, holding him in place while the final stage begins. Che turns the clippers back on, and aims for Carlo's most coveted prize.
"NOOOOO! NOT THE EYEBROWS!" he chokes out as soon as he realizes the shark's next target. He begins to wildly flex one and then the other in his unique, unsettling way in order to make Che's job as hard as possible, but it is to no avail. Twenty more seconds, and the last vestige of hair on Ancelotti's head is gone. The crocodile releases him from his grip, leading Carlo to turn towards the mirror in horror at the image he sees reflected.
"What... what have you done? This is a tragedy!"
 Zezé takes the liberty of responding. "He say to tell you that this what to expect in future. Baldness Über Alles."
With that, the crocodile cracks him over the head with his guitar, making sure the flat back hit him rather than the razor-sharp edges. Carlo is thrust forward into the mirror, leaving a crack similar to a spider web in its center. He falls to the floor, barely conscious and a small bit of blood rolling down his cheeks. The talent men can hear him mutter something in Italian before he goes quiet.
Before they leave the premises, the associates give each other a strong-armed high five. Another job well done meant more money in the bank for them. Their approaching interview with that young manager from West Ham meant even more money could be on the cards. This was the good life. 

The Tunnel- Allianz Arena
Carlo doesn't look too good. His new appearance, marked by missing hair, eyebrows, and multiple cuts and bruises on his head, raised a few questions from his locker room and even more from the media. He had downplayed the incident as nothing more than a misunderstanding at a barbershop, which provoked even more confusion and skepticism. It had been just over 12 hours since he was attacked, but the day had felt much longer. Carlo had been waiting for Der Klassiker with bated breath before, but now he saw only more reason to be terrified of Hans Kaiser and his associates. By the time he meets the man himself, Ancelotti is hardly enthused to carry on with the trademark passive-aggressive banter.

"Well Carlo, I have to say I like your new look!" Hans chatters jovially as he strides toward his counterpart in the tunnel.
Carlo spits at him, but misses."Get away from me, you swine. I'm applying for a weapons permit so I can blow away those freaks the next time you spring them on me."
"Yeah, that's probably not a good idea."
Carlo shakes his head in disbelief. "How do you keep topping yourself? Every time we play, you and your team drive further and further toward desperation. Every time you lose to me, it bothers you so much. It drives you insane. This season, you've resorted to straight-up attacking me. I could hit you back, Hans. I could bring my cannons, my soldiers, my bombs from the underground, like you do. But I prefer this army right here *points to his players on the pitch*. They will facilitate your implosion. Once you get sacked, you will have no power, no leverage, no money. Those freaks of yours, however loyal they may be now, will turn on you. It'll be ****ing glorious! I can't wait to see the headlines of 'Kaiser sacked', 'Kaiser in jail', or 'Kaiser dead'. I could die right then knowing all my wishes were fulfilled."
"That's a lot of talk for a man whose fate is at my fingertips. I could care less about the now, Carlo. You may as well beat us again today, 3-0, 4-0, 5-0, or more, but it doesn't matter. The python takes its time when it constricts. The Visigoths took their time before sacking Rome. Any movement takes time. Really, it's only that final strike that matters, the moment when everything changes. Then, you can look forward to nothing but Baldness until the day you die. You'll either join it, or get destroyed by it. So try me, Saint Patrick. Try and drive me out. I'll always be here, building my empire, fighting the small battles, waiting for my chance. You can't get rid of me, you can only beat back the inevitable."
Ancelotti slaps Kaiser in the face. Clearly, he had had enough authoritarian rambling for one day,
"That's for my hair, you son of a *****. And yes, I will get rid of you. Mark my words."
He turns and walks out to the pitch. The TV cameras would focus on the oddity of Kaiser and Ancelotti both going bald, and probably laugh about it, but they would never know the true story.
Kaiser smiles as his cheeks ring with pain. He may have hated what he had become, but there was no doubt it was an exciting life to live.
Even if he lost today, the empire of baldness would continue to be put together, piece by piece, brick by brick.
The proof of this?
The lack of any hair on Carlo Ancelotti's head.
Los! Los! Los! 

[oriole01]

Der Klassiker- Chapter Sieben
Bundesliga Week Twenty-Three- The Post-Game

Probably our most creditable result against Bayern in a while. It's pretty telling that Burki, with 11 saves, earned man of the match honors. We were battered in shots, but surprisingly came away with a significant advantage in possession. Despite that large figure in shots, Bayern didn't seriously threaten our goal more than once or twice throughout the whole game, so credit to the defense for hanging in there. Our only decent chance of the match came when Omer Toprak got behind the Bayern defense for a free header, but Neuer was able to tip it behind. Safe to say we further frustrated an already flustered Carlo here.

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
Youth Intake 2019

Two more players with great potential, but the overall quality of the intake is down from recent years. I'm definitely not signing anyone below Aigbedion, and I might not even sign anyone below Baur to avoid overcrowding of the youth team.

Last year's intake featured a top class right winger and right back. This year, it's a top class left winger and left back. To me, Schommers is very similar to last year's standout Michael Bagnack, the major difference being that he plays on the left. They've got a similar skill set, and you've got to love the finishing, technique, and speed on Schommers. Another great addition to the youth ranks!

Barson's technicals aren't much to look at at the moment, but he has extraordinary determination and a great personality for a 14-year-old, coupled with some good physicals. This German-American dual national should prove exciting as well, although his potential's not as high as his right back counterpart Forthaus from last year.

Below them, there's always the possibility that one of those players skirts their initial scout rating and turns out to be a star, so no reason to count them out yet. When you add in my youth-oriented transfer business, this has to be the greatest youth football academy in the world.
Welcome to Dortmund!
Los! Los! Los!

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

4 hours ago, oriole01 said:

Their approaching interview with that young manager from West Ham meant even more money could be on the cards.

I hope he didn't offend the talent men too much. They don't seem like people you'd want on your bad side...

[ManUtd1]

Bonus points for the shaved eyebrows 

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
March 2019

Ugh, awful month barring the win against Bremen. Knocked out of the Europa League by an overachieving Celtic side, and lost two easy league matches in the process. This really isn't our season. Not really in the mood to do a full match recap for these.
Table

Title race over for us, and we're just barely clinging on to third place. Hoffenheim and now Schalke are on our tail, so with our current form we'll be lucky to make the Champions League this season. Nurnberg have shot up from 15th to 10th, and the EL is still a possibility for them. Heidenheim and Gladbach look like relegation certainties, as I don't see any club above them slipping up enough to grant them a way out of the drop zone.

 I can't wait until this season is over. It's time to revamp this squad.
Los! Los! Los!

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Oof... Tough month. At least you can fully focus on the league now which will help in securing that Champions League spot.

[oriole01]

20 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Oof... Tough month. At least you can fully focus on the league now which will help in securing that Champions League spot.

Thanks FFA. Hopefully that's what happens, but unfortunately we are in the midst of an unbelievable injury crisis that's going to make it a lot tougher to get good results.

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
April 2019

That was a better month, thank god. Don't think I could've taken another month like March.

Ingolstadt gave us a game at home, but we were always going to be favored. They had the first two chances of the match, but Roman Burki stood tall in both. Then, with half time approaching, Nadiem Amiri was tripped in the box to win a penalty. Marco Reus coolly slotted home the spot kick to put us up 1-0 heading into the break. We had a few more chances to extend the lead, but one would be enough.

Next up was another brilliant victory over RB Leipzig, our fifth win from six meetings on the save. However, things weren't looking good on 16 when Christian Pulisic tripped Lukas Klostermann in the box following a scramble for a free kick. League-leader Mark Uth looked set to score yet another goal from the spot, but Burki made a spectacular save to keep the scores level. That gave us the impetus to take the lead on 40 minutes, when Raphael Guerreiro drilled in a free kick from 25 yards out. The second half was quiet, but Reus was able to finish the game with a deflected finish on 81. Leipzig just can't handle us, even at home. I'm at least satisfied to be routinely beating them on this save, as opposed to my shoddy record against the other big clubs.

We dominated last-placed Gladbach, but they made a game of it late on. We took the lead early through Auba, who scored his first goal since his injury in January. He also got our second on 79, squeezing one past Yann Sommer at the near post. Although the game looked dusted, Robert Bauer shook the stadium with a thumping finish from the right wing on 85. That kept us on our toes for the last few minutes, but we held on to victory over a Gladbach side whose relegation was confirmed after the final whistle blew.

We knew we were in for a tough one against Leverkusen away from home, so I think a draw is a fair result considering we were battered in shots. We did take the lead on 17 through Richarlison, who scored a brilliant, perfectly-placed finish from just outside the area. The lead wouldn't last though, as on 57, Sead Haksabanovic's cross found Andrea Belotti to whip home an equalizer. We should have gone ahead again, as Amiri had two brilliant chances to score late on, but Bernd Leno was on top form in the Leverkusen net. Sebastian Rode actually got himself sent off on 89, which ended any hopes of taking all three points.
Table

 
With four games to play, we still have a chance at catching Leipzig in 2nd, whose form has gone to pot since we beat them. Bayern are just a win away from clinching the title. Schalke have done the opposite of Leipzig, and have been absolutely on fire since the winter break. They still stand a chance of catching us in 3rd if we're not consistent in this last month. Hoffenheim are no longer on our tail, at least. Freiburg look good money to claim a European place, which would be a great achievement for the newly-promoted side. Hamburg, Leverkusen, and Mainz still have a chance at a berth as well. Things are tight in the bottom half, as any one of seven teams could conceivably find themselves in the relegation playoff. Stuttgart currently occupy that place, as they've followed up a magnificent season with a poor one. Gladbach are already confirmed down, whilst Heidenheim will probably be down after the next matchday.

In other news, we've been going through an injury crisis for the past two months that is getting increasingly ridiculous. Here's what things look like heading into the first game of May:

And that's just the guys who are currently injured. The majority of our squad has faced injury setbacks over the past two months. Just when we though we had Auba back, he got hurt again and is out for the season. Reus and Bender are also done for the season, and Castro probably won't be back until the last matchday. FM is certainly making it as hard as possible for me to ride out the rest of this season.

Next month sees us finish the Bundesliga season with some big fixtures, none more important than the Ruhr Derby on the final matchday.
Los! Los! Los!

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Very good March. Despite the Smurfs' strangely good form, you should be able to secure Champions League for next year.

[BoxToBox]

Considering that injury list, you're doing exceptionally well.

[oriole01]

28 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Very good March. Despite the Smurfs' strangely good form, you should be able to secure Champions League for next year.

4 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Considering that injury list, you're doing exceptionally well.

Cheers guys!

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
May 2019

The definition of a mixed month, with one very important game still to come.

Against Hoffenheim, we failed to convert our chances at home. Richarlison and Mario Gotze had two great chances to score in rapid succession in the early goings, but each was saved by Oliver Baumann in the Hoffenheim net. Christian Pulisic did the same on 58. The away side weren't able to threaten us too much, and the game petered out to a 0-0 draw.

I'm not sure what happened against Mainz, as we didn't play great but weren't poor enough to deserve to lose 0-2. Despite some early pressure from us, they took the lead through Jonathan Burkardt on 27, the youngster getting by our defense and slotting one into the bottom right. We pushed hard for an equalizer in the second half, but our best chance from Gotze hit the post. Then, in crushing fashion, Burkardt scored again from Jean-Philippe Gbamin's cross, sending the Mainz crowd wild and Hans Kaiser into a mixture of confusion and rage. A disappointing loss, but I didn't feel it was exactly merited through our play. They were just far more clinical.

In our penultimate game of the season, we took care of Wolfsburg for the sixth time in a row. We got off to a flyer on 5 minutes, as Richarlison swiped the ball off of two lazy defenders and blasted in the one-on-one finish to put us up. Raphael Guerreiro would double that lead on 14, rifling in another free kick from long range. Just seconds later, however, Wolfsburg found the net through Yunus Malli, who quickly knocked in Francisco Rodriguez's cross at the near post. That reminded us not to be complacent. Things got tense in the second half as we pushed for a third and they pushed for an equalizer, but all that pushing appeared to cancel each other out as we closed the match with a 2-1 victory.

Table

Here's the permutations heading into the final matchday. Bayern are champions. We can still catch Leipzig in 2nd, whose form has not improved this month. That would give us an automatic CL group stage berth as opposed to a play-off spot (which I'd much prefer after what happened this season). Schalke can still finish level on points with us, but would have to beat us by five or more goals in our match to take 3rd away from us on goal difference. The Smurfs, along with Freiburg, have secured EL berths. The final EL spot will be determined by the Pokal, in which the final is Schalke vs. Wolfsburg. If Schalke win, the EL spot will go to 6th place, which is currently occupied by Leverkusen. Hoffenheim and Hamburg could also finish in 6th. If Wolfsburg win, they'll go into the EL and the spot won't be passed down. Everyone as far down as Nurnberg is safe from the relegation playoff, whilst Stuttgart, Ingolstadt, and Hertha will duke it out to see who can avoid having to go through that tie. Heidenheim and Gladbach are down. RIP.

Just one more epic Ruhr Derby left and the season will be over. Can't wait for the summer window to open!
Los! Los! Los!

[BoxToBox]

Building to an epic finish to the season.

[oriole01]

2 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

Building to an epic finish to the season.

Cheers BTB! Here's to stomping the Smurfs!

And here's confirmation that there will be more epic seasons to come:

Baldness Über Alles will continue until 2022! Note that I plan on this being my final contract, as if I don't achieve my goals by 2022, I'll see no other choice but to move on from this save. Hopefully we won't have to worry about coming up empty-handed though.

[oriole01]

The Ruhr Derby- Chapter Sechs
"A Feeling Deeper Than Hate"
Bundesliga Week Thirty-Four- The Pre-Game
It can't get much more important than this. The final day of the season, with points, places, and pride on the line. Schalke and Dortmund are set to go to battle once more at the VELTINS-Arena, with no holds barred. Dortmund, under the command of bald fanatic Hans Kaiser, are looking to secure Champions League football for next season, while Schalke, under the command of newly-minted long hair enthusiast Markus Weinzierl, were looking to draw level on points with Dortmund with a win and hopefully score enough goals to wrest them from 3rd place. With Dortmund in the midst of an injury crisis and the benefit of playing at home, Schalke are favored and are very confident of a win. Knowing this, Hans Kaiser has yet another trick up his sleeve...

Bulmker Park. May 20, 2019. Gelsenkirchen, Germany.
It's a beautiful May morning in the center of Gelsenkirchen. The sun is out, birds are chirping, and the air is warm, a slight breeze kicking up every now and then to soothe those exposed to it. Not bad for a ****** place like this, Hans Kaiser thinks. He's sitting on a bench by the lake, taking in the scenery as he sips his coffee and reads the newspaper. This, of course, is a front to pass the time as he anticipates the arrival of the real purpose behind his day in the park.

If they were in a small town, the talent men would have caught some strange looks, but in the openness of a city like Gelsenkirchen, most people hardly noticed the shark and crocodile walking down the street, clenching a guitar and a briefcase. In a rather unusual and awkward moment, a young girl starts walking beside them, her alarmed mother trying to catch up to her from further back on the sidewalk. In German, she asks if they are heading to the zoo. The men continue walking along without a response, but the girl persists, now asking if they were human or animal. With the mother approaching far too slowly in her high heels, Che decides to freeze the girl in place.
"Keep control of child!" Zezé calls out to the mother when she finally arrives.
"What have you done to Lily? Why is she not moving?" the mother cries.
"We freeze her so you can collect."
At that moment, Lily is unfrozen, but the normally talkative toddler instead goes very quiet as she retreats back into her mother's arms.
"Have good day."
They continue walking toward the park.

By the time Che and Zezé reach Hans Kaiser, he's already finished his coffee and paper. They sit down on the bench opposite their boss, then Zezé begins to silently strum on his guitar.
"You're late, you know." Hans says.
"We sorry. Small setback." Che replies.
"Alright then, no matter. I've got my next job for you prepared."
"Brilliant, Mr. Kaiser. We take order from you, no worry."
"Good... our next operation is going to be pretty large, so I hope I can count on you to pull it off. With the help of Johann- or Mr. X, as you know him- I've been able to procure a large amount of coal dust from mines all across the Ruhr. If we win, I suspect things are going to get pretty ugly in there. The Smurf****ers never do take kindly to a loss. What I need for you to do is find a way to provide us a cover of some sort with that coal as soon as the final whistle blows, so we can get the hell out of there before they riot. Of course, you can't put too much of it out there, or you're going to run the risk of getting that stuff in people's lungs. And we're only doing it if we win. You get me?"
"We always get you, Mr. Kaiser. Anything, remember?"
"Yes, I know. But I'll need to know your plan beforehand. I'm not having anything even remotely close to Heligoland happen again."
"We already have plan."
"What? I just told you about it!"
"We have many talent, Mr. Kaiser. One of them the ability to plan quickly. We know what to do."
"Alright then... go ahead."
What he hears next is a plan so complex and detailed that he would only have expected to hear it out of the mouth of someone with a PhD in engineering.
"Well then... um... that sounds pretty grand, Che. I'm glad to see you know what you're doing."
"Thank you, Mr. Kaiser. You have made the good choice in this association."
"Yes, of course."
He had never really thought this to be a good choice, but it was his life now. He had to reach the top somehow.
"Ok lads, that sounds good for today. I can't wait to get out on the pitch for this derby, and I look forward to see this plan put into action. Baldness Über Alles!"
He reaches out to shake their costumed hands. They oblige, ever firmly.
"Baldness Über Alles." Zezé repeats with a pronunciation much better than in previous meetings.
With that, the men part ways, heading back to their respective camps in the city in preparation for a truly spectacular derby the next afternoon.
Yet little did Hans know his latest plan would be a massive mistake.

Edited March 4, 2018 by oriole01

[oriole01]

The Ruhr Derby- Chapter Sechs
"A Feeling Deeper Than Hate"
Bundesliga Week Thirty-Four- The Pre-Game
The Locker Room- VELTINS-Arena
Hans Kaiser isn't messing around with his team talk. He had bought out an entire convenience store's worth of Red Bull, and it was safe to say he was not drinking responsibly. Karol Conka's "Caxambu" pumps in the background as he fires everyone else up with his unrivaled energy.
"BOYS, WE ARE GOING TO ABSOLUTELY RIP THEM TO ****ING SHREDS TODAY! YOU WILL SHOW THEM WHY BALDNESS WILL CRUSH THAT STUPID 70s HAIR EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE WEEK, FROM HERE ON! WE DO THIS FOR THE POINTS, FOR THE PRIDE, AND FOR THE PASSION. READY?"
OMER TOPRAK: "YES SIR!"
WHOLE SQUAD: "BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES! BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES! BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES!"

The Tunnel
Hans Kaiser can barely recognize Markus Weinzierl. The Schalke manager now sports an enormous, unkempt brown mane and a full beard that extends to his shoulders. He looks like a woodsman, and not the kind that chopped timber. More like the kind that asked you for a light. Yet beneath all the grime and messiness, Weinzierl is alight with confidence and pride. He had embraced this identity as a counter to Kaiser's insane baldness, and so far it had worked. Nothing would be more satisfying to him than to protect his house and take all three points off the yellow/black invaders from down the Autobahn 40. Of course, he still had to be wary of the threat Kaiser posed, as he found the disappearance of his top man Jan 'The Black Knight' Oberhauser very suspicious. The present is all that matters now though, rather than the past or future.
"Welcome to the end, Hans." he says with conviction.
'It will be the end for you, and you only."
"Well, technically it'll be the end for both of us-"
"Shut up." Hans cuts him off.
Markus pauses, looking deep into Kaiser's eyes before continuing.
"You don't get to tell me what to do, Hans. Ever since we've started this whole long hair thing we've been on an absolute tear, one that will culminate today with you bald freaks in the rear view mirror. This is a train that keeps on rolling. Die Null Muß Stehen!"
"You'll be disappointed to see the opinion polls between my glorious baldness and your silly knockoff. Hair is a hindrance, Markus. It gets in the way of success, of greatness, of glory. That's why I cut it all off, so the path is more clear. So I can't wait to see how much it ****s you guys over today, especially that goalie with the hair in his eyes. You say this is a train? How can it be with a conductor blinded by his own hair? You guys are going to crash, derail so fast that you won't even see what's coal- I mean coming."
"Ha, your analogies always amuse me, Hans. Are you sure management's your thing? You should write the messages on fortune cookies instead."
"At least fortune cookies have a coherent message."
Weinzierl looks stunned by that reply. All he can muster is:
"You're going to regret you said that."
"Just like you're going to regret stealing that trophy, bastard."
Markus laughs.
"Like I said, I don't know anything about that. Come on man, let's play this freaking match already!"
Unfortunately, Hans can't quite detect the full extent of ******** in Markus' previous statement, as his supremely agitating hair and beard covers it all.
The two managers stride out to their technical areas, ready for one more fight. Game on.

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

The Ruhr Derby- Chapter Sechs
"A Feeling Deeper Than Hate"
Bundesliga Week Thirty-Four- The Post-Game

LOS! LOS! LOS! An absolutely magnificent win over the Smurfs to close out the season, one in which we controlled the entire match and were ruthless on the counter attack. Things started well, as on 18 minutes, Christian Pulisic picked out Richarlison with his cross to put us up 1-0 from close range. Schalke embarrassed themselves on 41, as Sead Kolasinac knocked a Richarlison cross into his own net to double our lead. After missing a slew of attempts early in the second half, Schalke finally got on the board on 55 minutes, with Timo Werner leaping over two of our defenders to meet Kolasinac's cross with his head and power it home. Things could have got nervy after that, but Richarlison found the net for a second time in the 67th on the volley from another Pulisic cross. Nadiem Amiri then slapped a ribbon on a ravishing team performance with a 25 yard free kick to silence the Smurf crowd once and for all. There were so many other chances to speak of, as we were at the peak of our attacking game and looked a class above our hated opponents at every turn. What a performance!

After the final whistle blew, Hans Kaiser couldn't contain his excitement. He ran all across the pitch, cycling it about four times as he pumped his fists in the air and screamed 'Baldness Über Alles!' as loud as he could, all the while drinking Red Bull and popping cartwheels, which elicited a chorus of boos from the home fans. As a lifelong Dortmund fan, and now its manager, there was no feeling in the world better than pissing off thousands of Schalke supporters, and that's exactly what had transpired here. However, he knew in the back of his mind he had to get out- the coal was coming. The riots he had predicted before the match indeed bore some fruit, as he could see hundreds of angry ultras queuing up that the stewards were struggling to hold back.

Just as he had finished his fourth victory lap, a massive roar shook the stadium. It was here. Che and Zezé had executed their job to perfection. Hans had already instructed his players to pack up and get to the bus as soon as they had finished their post-match interviews, and they had followed his directions. He could see no more yellow and black shirts on the pitch or down the tunnel. What he could see, however, was a lot of black in the air. The coal was seeping out of the stadium's every pore, like water through a sponge. Yet the pores seemed invisible, as he couldn't see any actual exit points. Those who were left in the stands started moving towards the exists at the introduction of this new, strange substance. Perfect. This was going exactly to plan. Until it wasn't. The coal kept going and going, with no end in sight. It's reached Kaiser now, and although he tries not to inhale it, the awful dark powder still manages to course through him like venom, sending him into a massive coughing fit. Through the choking coughs, he begins running and yelling 'Stop!' and 'Enough!'  in the unrealistic hope that the talent men could hear him. He dashes toward the nearest exit, but just before he reaches the doors, he turns around to a horrific sight. Supporters are still trapped in the stands, gasping for breath, while stewards and police try helplessly to evacuate them. People are lying on the ground. Something has gone horribly wrong. This wasn't what he wanted. But this was his life now. He was the one responsible, in the end.
"Oh, ****." he whispers to himself. His eyes and mouth are wide open in awe, even though this is exactly what he shouldn't be doing.
He takes one last look at the carnage he has inflicted, if even indirectly, and then flees through the exit doors to safety.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[ManUtd1]

#StompedTheSmurfs

[oriole01]

1 hour ago, ManUtd1 said:

#StompedTheSmurfs

Indeed 

[DavidBeckham]

Congrats on your contract extension! And smashing end to the season mate! 

[oriole01]

16 hours ago, DavidBeckham said:

Congrats on your contract extension! And smashing end to the season mate! 

Thanks David! Hopefully next season sees us make some real progress.

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
2018-19 Season Review
 
How shall we define this season? In some ways it was a success, in some ways it was a failure. While we did achieve our best league position in my three seasons here, we did even worse in cup competitions than previous seasons. Knocked out of the Champions League at the first hurdle, upset by Celtic in the Europa League Round of 16, and once again bounced early in the Pokal. Incredibly frustrating. Also, despite finishing higher in the league, we gained less points, scored less goals, and lost more games than in any other season. Yet we still conceded less than in previous seasons. Therefore, there can be quite a bit of debate over whether the league performance was an improvement.

But let's talk about the undoubted positive instead: our young players are developing well, with Pulisic coming to the fore as a star player and the likes of Passlack, Richarlison, and Dembele continuing to impress in the first team squad. Meanwhile, Alex Isak, Fiete Arp, and new signing Piero Scaramuzzino should be ready for the first team next season, but I'll have to decide which one to loan out, as they're all strikers. We're also stacked with potential in the youth teams, and the oldest of them are maybe two seasons away from moving up. Although some areas of the squad will still need to be immediately improved through the transfer market, the young guys I have here and the ones arriving in July will be a solid support underneath. As I always tell Carlo, I use a python approach. I take it slow, but once I'm ready to eat, there will be no going back. This plan is working quite well. 
Really? You forget the plan? It's called...
BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES!

Awards

Aubameyang is the undisputed player of the season again. Yet if we take into account the time he was out injured this season, (33%, according to my physios) and the overall body of contribution, my player of the season is Christian Pulisic. I can't say enough how good he was this year. Whether it was scoring in the clutch, setting up a goal with a brilliant cross, or just making the runs and passes up and down the pitch, 'Das Amerikan' was absolutely brilliant for us at nearly every turn. I'm not sure how things would have ended up without his hard work and determination all season long. With Schurrle getting older, he's won the left winger job for good and should be integral to any major success we have on this save. Guerreiro was third place for that award, as he was very good as well from left back. I'm not sure how Rajkovic takes signing of the season over Amiri, as the former only played in 10 games, but he was pretty good in each.

Pulisic and Burki got into the team of the season. Pulisic definitely deserved it, but I was surprised by Burki's inclusion. I wouldn't have thought he was the highest-rated keeper in the league before seeing this, but I'm definitely happy for him!

 

This was actually our last goal of the season, in the Ruhr Derby. I do believe Gonzalo Castro scored a superior goal against Werder Bremen, but this strike from Amiri isn't lacking in quality either.

Squad|League Overview|Fixtures 1|Fixtures 2|Finances

Youths
As we failed to qualify for the group stage of the CL this year, the U19s didn't take part in the UEFA Youth League. With all of their attention focused domestically, they were able to claim a second consecutive title in their U19s group by finishing two points above Schalke and three points above Koln. They also made the U19s cup final for the second year in a row, but lost again, this match in extra time to Bayern's youths. They did beat Schalke twice in all competitions this year, which is certainly an improvement from the 0-5 record they had against them prior to this season. As long as the mini-Ruhr derbies are being won, Hans can have no other complaints!

Contracts
Most of the expiring contracts we had this season were renewed before January, when other clubs could have tried to Bosman rule our players into signing on a free. That did happen to Erik Durm, who I would have released anyway had another club not snapped him up. He'll be heading to Hamburg on July 1. Our other backup RB, Lukas Piszczek, has been renewed for another season, as he's on low wages and I'd like to see him retire as a Dortmund player. Otherwise, only some deadwood youths and reserves were up for renewal, and they'll be heading down the drain as always.

Expectations for 2019-20
Bundesliga: With the talent we have in our current squad, and the talent moving up to the squad, we should be poised to seriously challenge Bayern for the title. Top two.
UEFA Champions League: We haven't been in the knockout stages of the CL since the first season. That needs to change. Quarterfinals.
DfB-Pokal: Stop getting upset. Make the final.
Other Goals:
1. Strengthen the squad by replacing older players that aren't performing up to standard.
2. Find first team playing time for most, if not all, of the young stars on our books.
3. Keep working towards cutting out the losses and draws against smaller clubs. True consistency will happen someday.
4. Go unbeaten against Bayern, Schalke. We only lost once in four fixtures against our rivals this season, so progress is being made here.
5. Show the entire world the power of 'Baldness Über Alles'. Success will make this happen. 

Again, thank you for the support and feedback. It always adds more incentive for me to update, write stories, and above all keep the save running! Let's hope this next season is the one where things really start clicking.

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

European Review 2018/19
Germany

Here's the lower league recap:

Two new teams, Union and Braunschweig, are coming up. It was about time for Union, who have hovered around the promotion places the past two seasons, finally came good on going up. Toni Kroos' brother Felix is on the team, so I'll look forward to playing him next year. Hertha beat Kaiserslautern in the playoff to retain their Bundesliga status. Our affiliate Karlsruher and newly-promoted Dynamo Dresden overachieved, while Frankfurt and Augsburg failed to go back up at the first go. Magdeburg improved on last season. What's most shocking is that Hannover got double-relegated, as the exodus following their first relegation proved too much to prevent a second. They should tear up the 3. Liga, where they'll be joined by Duisburg and Paderborn, who go straight back down.

1860 cruised to the league title, returning to the 2. Bundesliga after a two-year absence. Hallescher and Sandhausen will join them next season, the latter having beat Duisburg in the playoff. Unterhaching and Aachen did well to stay up in their first season back up in the pro leagues. Erfurt pulled off a great escape, as they were bottom until the third to last matchday yet still found a way to survive. Lotte going down breaks my heart, as they went from the elation of 2. Bundesliga promotion to a cruel double-relegation. RIP. Wolfsburg's reserves and Stuttgarter Kickers head down the drain with them.

DFL-Supercup:
Schalke 04 3-1 Bayer Leverkusen
DfB-Pokal Final:
Schalke 04 0-1 (AET) VfL Wolfsburg
Wolfsburg would have gone to the EL and stolen Leverkusen's place, but they failed FFP and the spot was indeed passed down to Leverkusen.
Promoted from Regionalliga:
Gladbach II, Energie Cottbus, Oldenburg
England


Arsenal are Premier League champions for the second time in two seasons. They've had a sudden bout with greatness late in Wenger's career, and it's paid massive dividends in terms of trophies. Two Prems and a Champions League is impressive for three seasons. City did poorly and sacked Pep as a result! Leicester grab a EL spot again, and actually flirted with the title for a significant stretch of the season before falling off. Bournemouth and Villa barely survived, while Sunderland and Leeds went straight back down alongside Norwich.

FA Cup Winners:
Liverpool
League Cup Winners:
Liverpool
Promoted from Championship:
Everton, Brentford, Wigan (?!?!)

Spain



It might sound unbelievable, but Atletico have won a third straight. This season, they slugged it out with a great Real side at the top, and somehow kept their head by winning their last seven games to stave off the Galacticos. Bilbao did well to finish in third, and even more surprising is the rise of La Coruna, who played above their heads this season to finish above Barca and take a CL place. Barcelona performed unacceptably in the league, but that would be softened by something much better. Celta and Villarreal also got EL places, although it doesn't show on there.

Copa del Rey Winners:
Celta de Vigo
Promoted from Segunda Division:
Sporting Gijon, Levante, Rayo Vallecano

Italy



Juventus win the title after a brief blip lead to Roma winning last year. Sassuolo are back in Europe after their Champions League disappointment, while Torino got shockingly relegated and Vicenza were the only promoted team to survive.

Coppa Italia Winners:
Napoli
Promoted from Serie B:
Novara, Pescara, Livorno

France

Monaco beat PSG to the title for their first Ligue 1 trophy on this save. A great season overall from them with only three losses. Toulouse finishing 3rd is a huge surprise, as they came from nowhere to sneak into the CL above the rest of the big clubs. Angers also overperformed. Just a season after making Europe, Nantes went down in the playoff.

Coupe de France Winners:
Marseille
Coupe de la Ligue Winners:
Clermont Foot
So somehow a team that barely stayed up in Ligue 2 has won the French league cup. They went to penalties in four straight games, including the final against Nice, and won each one. This is the same club that hired a female manager (she was sacked in the first season on this save). They really are special!
Promoted from Ligue 2:
Dijon, Lens, Red Star

Portugal



Sporting make it two in three years, which is nothing near real life. Nacional and Pacos did well to claim European places, whilst my favorite Portuguese club Santa Clara improved on last season and were in the European places for a decent amount of time.

Taca de Portugal Winners:
Benfica
Promoted from Liga II:
Maritimo, Portimonense

Champions League

A clash between European giants, and for the first time on this save the winner is not English. In a match that saw few chances, Barcelona took theirs on 72 minutes, with Luis Suarez teeing one up from the edge of the area and blowing one by Neuer. That would be the decisive goal to send Barca to their first CL title since 2015. This definitely upset Carlo Ancelotti, who was looking to complete a double. So much so, that this happened:

He took the vacant Man City job left by Pep immediately afterward. How will this affect the narrative? You'll have to wait and see.

One thing that should pop out immediately is Dinamo Zagreb's run to the quarterfinals. A team whose star has been rising since the first season, they finally shocked football by finishing above Juventus in their group, then beating Porto 4-1 in the Round of 16 before getting blasted by Spurs. Definitely my favorite non-Dortmund moment on the save so far. AC Milan's return to prominence reached a high point this season as they beat Real Madrid and defending champions Arsenal to make the semis. Both finalists had difficult paths to the final, so it was probably the most deserving final matchup of any of the three so far.

Europa League
 "
Two big clubs going at it in the final, with Juve redeeming their CL group stage elimination with an EL victory over Liverpool. Although Liverpool had more chances, it was quality over quantity as Gonzalo Higuain scored the only goal from close range on 40 minutes. Paulo Dybala could have put it away on 62, but his penalty missed. It didn't matter, as Juve held on to claim their first EL trophy since 1993.

Other Competitions:

UEFA Super Cup:
SL Benfica 1-2 Arsenal
FIFA Club World Cup Final:
Atletico Mineiro 1-4 Arsenal
Arsenal didn't make the same mistake as City did last season; they took care of South American champions Mineiro comfortably in the final to become world champions.
African Cup of Nations Final:
Morocco 2-1 Nigeria
This is Morocco's second straight ACON title, and third overall.
AFC Asian Cup Final:
South Korea 1-1 China (China win on penalties)
China were a surprise victor, as they took down both favorites Australia and South Korea to take their first Asian crown. 

[DavidBeckham]

Considering the improvement in league position, together with the development of young players, you've had a decent season. Good luck for the new campaign!   

[oriole01]

14 hours ago, DavidBeckham said:

Considering the improvement in league position, together with the development of young players, you've had a decent season. Good luck for the new campaign!   

Cheers David!