The LLaMa Clan Pt II.

[seamus]

I ****ing hate this **** of a ****ing game.

The crash didn't bother me in the end. Our first fixture against East Fife turned from a 2 - 0 win to a 3 - 1 win. We then beat Cowdenbeath 2 - 0 and were temprorarily restored to First in the third division .

Then the Second round cup tie. Have we mentioned cups suck ass. Raith Rovers at home. I play my entire reserve side. It ends 0 - 0 so we go to a replay. Meanwhile third round is drawn and we earn Celtic (at home though I think) if we beat Raith. Tempted by greed and some padding for our bank account. I send out the first team. 0 - 0 after 90. 0 - 0 after ET.

Penalties. \o/ With all the other managers suddenly in the stands the penalties go according to form the first two. Raith miss and we score. Bring on Celtic right...alas, no. we miss our last penalty which means it goes to sudden death penalties and they of course net their while ours is saved.

While I was slumped over at my desk, the other managers had a good laugh as apparently the entire Raith side ran away from their goalkeeper after he made the save.

[Guest]

I couldn't really get into last night's session. I didn't have any games for a while, the play-off semi was on in another room, then we had the crash.

Well, the wheels have well and truly come off the Shrewsbury bandwagon. Last night's results extended our winless run to eight games:

Chester (A) 1-3

Aldershot (A) 0-5

Darlington (H) 1-2

Burton Albion (A) 2-2

In our defence, the last two games were against the top two, and we only conceded against Albion in the dying mniutes (typically after I'd changed tactics to "shut up shop" - I'll never get the hang of that). The defeat at Aldershot was truly inexcusable hwoever. I think the 'Shots wanted revenge for the RL play-off defeat at the weekend.

This leaves us tenth. At this stage of the season, a couple of good sessions could see us creep back into the play-off zone. Equally, any more sessions like last nights and we could find ourselves uncomfortably close to the drop zone.

[Guest]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by andyinkat:

.. and I never heard from East Stirling ever again

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You still might - they haven't filled the vacancy yet. Then again, seeing how they put non league opposition out of the Scottish Cup 10-0 (with 5 goals by one player), perhaps they've concluded that they don't need a manager.

[phnompenhandy]

And I did hear from East Stirling but not until after a hilarious session of bed-hopping om Thursday night.

I started where I left off by beating Stranraer 2-1 to extend our run to six victories on the trot. I then, while waiting for the East Stirling job left vacant by Ian, craftily left my CV at Shrewsbury who were putting Graham under pressure.

I got back to Glasgow only to be bawled out by the board who threatened to sack me for my promiscuity and not 24 hours later I was offered the job at Gay Meadow!

I couldn't resist the opportunity to show Graham up a second time so I accepted.

The Shrews looked to have a good squad apart from a couple of worryin gholes and no cash to fill them, but they were a miserable bunch on the pitch and showed no fighting spirit whatever as they laid down for Scarborough who strolled to a 2-0 victory.

Fortunately we had an arsy Trophy match next which gave me time and space to organise and motivate the lads. We won 3-1 at Ilkeston thanks to a supergoalie performance. It was what we needed to get the boys motivated and in the next league fixture they were a different side as they came from behind to snatch a 2-1 win at Nuneaton. In the final match of the session we were unlucky to merely draw 1-1 at home to Kettering but we dominated the second half and the boys are looking a force again - there's self-belief and we're looking forward to the next round of games.

It was then that i was informed by East stirlingshire that my application had been unsuccessful. I'd been pipped by another candidate for the post. you will never guess who applied - and got it!

[iajafer]

Erm...would that be me?

[phnompenhandy]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Erm...would that be me? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mibbi.... c'mon lad, tell yer story

[Guest]

Session 16 - News from Gay Meadow / Brisbane Road

Well, I lost my job again last night. It all started when Ian (at Wimbledon) declared interest in the Bradford job. His board got upset with him, and he became insecure. So, for a laugh, I declared interest in his job.

In retrospect, this wasn't a wise move to make when you're winless in nine games. My board became upset, and then Andy added to my troubles by declaring interest in my job (becoming insecure himself in the process).

One further defeat was all it needed for the axe to fall. Andy was subsequently installed at Gay Meadow and started to turn things around almost immediately. I am getting paranoid that he has been brought in this game to follow me from club to club and show me up!

I soon found a new job, at Leyton Orient, just two places below Shrewsbury. The O's had been relegated from div 3 last season and actually have a transfer budger of £55K

Here were my results from last night:

As Shrewsbury

Northwich Vics(H) 3-4

As Leyton Orient

Southport(A) 0-1

FAT3 Hereford(A) 2-3

Stevenage(H) 1-0

Halifax(A) 1-0

This leaves us 13th. Just one place, and four points, below Andy's Shrewsbury.

[iajafer]

I broke the World Record for Spitting the Dummy last night. We played four games with Wimbledon, and in three the opposition goalie got MoM.

I was not a happy chappy and there were more Asterixes than at a Gaul's Comic Convention.

Anyhoo, I made it clear that I wanted to take the job at Bradford...and Wycombe...and East Stirlingshire...and Charlton...and Blackburn...and eventually the Board had enough and said they were disappointed in my lack of professionalism and threatened to sack me. This situation was greatly helped by most of the other Managers saying they were interested in taking my job if I was ousted

East Stirlingshire decided to allow the prodigal son to return, though, so I'm back at Firs Park for the next session

[iamthequinn]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by iajafer:

there were more Asterixes than at a Gaul's Comic Convention.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[seamus]

Pardon me if I can't remember my results from last night as I was too busy watching all the job applications fly by.

I kept to myself being the nice well behaved Yank that I am (as I'm not sure I'll get another job offer if sacked) and quietly kept Elgin top of the 3rd division--although there was a loss to cyberDoug's Montrose.

Ian found life outside of Scotland a bit rough going (the umbilical cord doesn't stretch far enough) and is now back home to suck the Shire's teats dry.

[Taipan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>

there were more Asterixes than at a Gaul's Comic Convention.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[iajafer]

I turned up a wee bit late for the session, but arrived just in time to draw with Dumbarton.

We played a total of five games tonight, winning three, drawing one and losing one, so not a bad tally. We're currently top of Division 2, 5 points ahead of Mark's St Mirren, with 9 games to play.

During my Wimbledon sabbatical they played 8 League games, winning 6 and drawing 2, and three Scottish Cup games, losing in the 3rd round to Montrose, but winning the first 2 rounds 5-0 and 10-0.

The interim management Team sold a good few top team players so it's going to be a tough run-in to the end of the season...but at least no Cups to hold us back

[Guest]

Another poor session for me. It seems that I have infected Leyton Orient with the same malaise that affected Morecambe (in the original LLaMa game), Queens Park and Shrewsbury.

We only played four games, due to the others having cup games:

Accrington (H) 0-1

FGR (A) 1-4

Exter (H) 0-0 (we missed an 87th minute pen)

Chester (A) 0-6 :{

Our next game is a real grudge match away to Andy's Shrewsbury.

[phnompenhandy]

It was an intriguing and enjoyable session fo rme. We had seven fixtures in all due to two cup fixtures. I put all mt reserves and rejects into the Trophy ties and they gave their all with hime victories over Hayes ands Exeter. We're into the sixth round but they aren't interfereing with my league games.

Of the five league games four ended up 1-0 and one was a nine-goal thriller. We beat Gravesend, Woking and Dagenham, all mid-tabler sides 1-0 and finally went down 0-1 to high flying Farnborough, being mugged in the 92nd minute. I couldn't really resent that piece of misfortune as we were always under the cosh in the games we won, soakin gup a lot of pressure and relying on our own supergoalie on many occasions.

The game to remember was on a swamp in a gale at Morecambe. in the highest scoring game in the history of the Conference Morecambe ran out 5-4 victors; and there could easily have been twice as many goals! The conditions took their toll and I had five players out for the next game, in the dying minutes we missed two sitters as their defence was knackered and my forwards too tired to lift their legs.

So we're playing with spirit and just about keeping in touch with the play-off places although we're about 13th at the moment. We did lose our last game and we're losing players to injuries and fatigue on these heavy winter pitches but I'm still confident we can see off Graham in our next fixture

My main concern is that I seem to have inherited a nasty financial situation; short of winning a play-off final or the Trophy I can't see a way out of it so I might look to jump ship before too long (you've been warned boys!)

[Mooski]

Splitter!!

[Guinness79]

Since when were we allowed to look at jumping ship? Wasn't it only with offers, not by declaring or applying?

[iajafer]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>15) All job offers from Clubs may be considered, regardless of division (not applied for). Players may apply for jobs in the same division or one division above.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I suppose this covers expressing interest in a job.

I'm not happy with trying to shove one of our fellow managers and would be happy to amend the rules to reflect this.

[phnompenhandy]

I wasnae being really serious guys

On a serious note however I propose donning black armbands and holding a minute's silence before our session for the sad demise of perennial LLaMa favourite, Telford.

They've just gone into liquidation, are out of the Conf and will have to reform at the bottom of the pyramid. Prolly be the next job Graham's offered

Sad day for LLaMas everywhere

[phnompenhandy]

No job applications tonight!

But a rubbish session fo rme. the highlight should have been the gladitorial contest with Graham's Orient; Shrews won 1-0 but as my connection went down big time until the game was nearly over I couldn't take any credit or satisfaction. After that I had no teccy problems but the team was just so flat - complete contrast to their form last session.

First we got well stuffed 0-4 by lowly Hereford then went out of the Trophy 1-2 at Burton. We did grab a 1-1 draw home to relegated Southport next but followed that up with a 0-2 defeat at Stevenage in a game we dominated but got mugged.

We're resolutely mid-table in every sense imaginable - and the debts are mounting. Gulp.

[Guest]

Leyton Orient

For most of the session last night, I tried to see if I could get any decent results by putting thee men up front and instructing the rest to hoof the ball up to them. It didn't work:

Shrewsbury Andy (A) 0-1 (Andy gets a dodgy pen, I get abused by the Gay Meadow crowd)

Aldershot (H) 0-0

Darlington (H) 2-1 (We pull off a shock result against the league leaders)

Burton Albion (A) 0-1

Scarborough (H) 0-2 (Player sent off in 30th min, injury after using all subs means we play last 35 with 9)

We've now sunk to 18th. However, we're looking safe drom the drop. I think we're 10 points clear with 5 games left.

However, my job has gone insecure again. Could I be sacked a third time?

[iajafer]

Any chance of getting the .sav online, Graham? I can't remember what I did

[seamus]

Due to actually having to work, I missed most of the session.

I played the first match and managed a 2 - 0 win over Gretna. The AssMan handled the next few matches registering a 3 - 1 win, a 0 - 0 draw with CyberDoug, and a thrashing at the hands of Queens Park 0 - 3.

Last game of the session we played away to Berwick who were only 5 ponits behind us in second. We were down to our third string keeper (who i signed for 5 pounds a week in a player exchange to get rid of one of myd ead wood). We went behind in the 69th minute 1 - 0 and I thought for sure we were done. But an 86th minute stirke followed by a stoppage time last kick walk off the pitch goal meant a 2 - 1 win and...guaranteed.

Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/Promotion \o/

[Kfoolmoon]

Now, why am i not surprised?

Good one, seamus.

[UELLfan]

Congrats Poof!!

Although I have to say that, as kostis has already said, I'm neither surprised at your promotion... hard work into tactics finally pays its results...

[seamus]

I'm sensing feelings of resentment here. Can we keep that to the Iberian Clan please .

[seamus]

I'm not able to play today, just a reminder.

[phnompenhandy]

We completed my first season but not before I went on another wee wander.

Having not won a match with me in charge last session I was glad to get a 2-1 victory over lowly Halifax in the first game. However reality bit in the next game against second placed Accrington when we weren't just stuffed 0-4 but we were truly terrible; shot ratio of 26 to 1. It was looking as if Shrewsbury were condemned to be Conference mid-table until the end of time and I wasn't too enthralled.

It was then that I was offered the job Mark had vacated at St. Mirren. With them being nearly £2 million in debt I wouldn't have taken it but the offer came the evening of the depressing trouncing by Accrington, plus St. Mirren, lying second had just won with third placed Albion losing to give themselves a great chance of promotion behind Ian's East Stirlingshire, so I took it.

I took the reins with two games remaining - away to rivals Albion and home to champions E. Stirling. My Ass Man took charge of the crucial promotion tussle and with a hat trick from our star striker we won 3-1 to secure promotion. In the last game I was reasonably on top and beat Ian's side 2-1 to finish the season with 100% record as St. Mirren manager, thus earning third place in the divisional manager of the year placing (wtf!!!).

Celebrations were subdued as I was instructed to immediately get on top of the financial crisis, and three of our top four earners were released, saving £120K on the wage bill. This included our player/ass man who insisted on a contract we couldn't afford while advising me that I shouldn't give him a new contract!

In the close season therefore we acquired a new Ass Man from the job centre and a clutch of academy kids many of whom look scarily hot.

The Scottish First Division looks strong, and Mark, Ian and myself all start the season there. With the £1.5 million loan and the debt increasing by £1.3 million last year alone it's going to be a huge challenge but one I intend to stick around for this time!

[Guest]

Leyton Orient

A much improved session for the O's. In fact, we managed to go avoid defeat in all 5 games. Ok, so we only drew 4 of them, but our standard of play was much better than in previous sessions:

Nuneton Borough (A) 1-1

Kettering (H) 1-0

Gravesend (A) 0-0

Morecambe (A) 0-0

Woking (H) 1-1

Look's like binary doesn't it? So, my new signings at the back seem to have stemmed the flow of goals into our net. If only I could find a strike partnership capable of scoring a few, we'd be a decent side. On that front, I have a potential loan signing for the new season who might fit the bill.

I actually managed to remove the 'insecure' tag hanging around my neck last neck. Barry Hearn has given me a whole £8K to spend for the new season. I'm looking forward to it

[Guest]

End of Season 2 - Game Summary

Here's where we all finished:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Mark Ross County SD1 6th

Ian East Stirling SD2 1st (P)

Andy St. Mirren SD2 2nd (P)

Devon Elgin SD3 1st (P)

Doug Peterhead SD3 4th

Graham Leyton Orient CON 15th

</pre>

So, the Scottish 1st Division will have 3 of us in it next season.

I thought I'd also take the opportunity to show some stats from our managerial records. First, let's look at transfer activity:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Players Bought | Players Sold

Mark 20 8

Andy* 4 6

Ian 47 2

Devon 12 8

Doug 13 5

Graham 22 2

</pre>

* Remember, Andy has only played one season compared to two for the rest of us. This just goes to show how prolific Ian is. He's signed more players than the next two added together!

Now, let's see our playing records:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

P W D L F A

Mark 85 37 26 22 132 105

Andy 42 17 7 18 50 68

Ian 86 47 14 25 175 102

Devon 80 38 19 23 122 101

Doug 93 44 26 23 179 108

Graham 84 20 25 39 62 115</pre>

Ian's record stands out as being the best. Mine also stands out, for the opposite reason...

[Guest]

Ooh. Isn't hard to read when you use the

 function? Sorry about that.

[seamus]

Thanks for the summary Graham. Happy to see that Elgin held on for first place while their manager was off on holiday. \o/

Some interesting stats too.

[Guest]

ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY!

[phnompenhandy]

Yeh, thanks for the stats there Graham.

Looking at the transfers table makes me aware of an interesting pattern - in every case I have taken a club vacated by a clan member and in every case the finances were not good! My immediate job has to be bringing the wage bill down so I have to trim the squad. For the next campaign I'll be promoting my youth and bring in no new signings, whilst shipping out my highest earners. One day I'll have money to spend - one day...

[Kfoolmoon]

Ian's signed 47 players!!

KUTGW guys, inspirational stuff

[iajafer]

Only 47? Damn, it's normally about 60, no wonder it took 'til the second last game to clinch the Title

[seamus]

Slacker.

[Guest]

Just a 'heads up' that I may be 5 or 10 mins late tomorrow.

[seamus]

What's the start time tomorrow?

[Guest]

9pm BST.

[phnompenhandy]

Hardly worth reporting Thursday's session but I will anyway. It was pre-season and I got one pre-Llama Trophy friendly played.

I used the time to get to know my squad as I only took over for the last two matches of the previous season. I'm really excited by the crop of academy kids who came through. I've off-loaded all the experienced high-earners and promoted these 16 year olds into the first team squad whilst moulding the whole into my scheme. this will be very much my team this season.

Whilst the debts are spiralling I'm doing my bit by bringing the wage bill down to £200K per anum UNDER budget and I'm very confident these kids will do us proud.

In the friendly against Brechin we won 3-1 with the kids looking very nippy and flashy. True they don't have their shooting boots yet and they're a bit naive at the back, but they're easy on the eye alright - it's just like watching Brazil!

Next we have the Llama contest, a friendly against the mighty Leeds (back in the Premiership) and then on to the start of the new season. Can't wait!

[Guest]

Leyton Orient

Pre-season sucks. Though it is not quite as bad as in the B game

Not much happened. I sat there marvelling as Ian signed yet more players. Virtually every news item is "East Stirling sign xxxxxx". On one day, he signed 6 I think, followed by a further 2 the next day.

My transfer dealings were relatively quiet. I have managed to secure a striker on loan from Livingstone.

I was drawn away to Ian in the first round of the LLaMa cup. we drew 1-1 after I had taken an early lead. Eventually, it went to pens, which we won 4-3.

I'm now home to Andy's St. Mirren, while Devon's Elgin host Mark's Ross County. The winner of me and Andy will host the final.

Next Monday's session cancelled.

[phnompenhandy]

Do i take it (my shi**y ******* ISP connection permitting) that the next sesh is on Monday, during the mighty Swededn v Bulgaria game?

I'm sure no one's crying over that but presumably we'll need to work around the big Euro games.

[iajafer]

What big Euro games? There's none worth watching,imho.

[Guest]

8pm tomorrow Andy.

[phnompenhandy]

Got it! Connection permitting, as i say.

Btw that match tonight was hilarious! So glad I'm a Scotalnd supporter at times like these

[iajafer]

[phnompenhandy]

A slow session as it was still pre-season and Ian was busy bringing in another 50 youngsters

This was my first llama Cup - and hey, I won it

In the semi my Saints beat Graham's Leyton Orient 1-0. My winger scored after a sensational Rooneyesque burst into the box and held on thanks to Graham's Beckhamesque penalty taker.

In the final against Devon's Elgin City we ran out 4-0 victors. I have something like seven of my 16/15/14 year old new academy lads in my starting eleven and they are growing up fast.

With the trophy under my belt I had one more pre-season fixture - a 'friendly' against Dirty Leeds United. I arranged the fixture purely for the gate receipts (and over 11,000 turned up) but I was expecting a hammering, especially after I was one down in the fourth minute. But my second-stringers gave as good as they got and a Zidanesque penalty against Paul Robinson left with a 1-1 draw and an unbeaten pre-season. I also picked up six yellow cards and my 14 year-old was sent off and banned for three games for a truly brutal assault.

The bookies clearly haven't noticed our form and have us at 40-1 relegation strugglers. I don't think so.

We had time to complete our first league fixture - at home to Queen of the South we drew 2-2.

[Guest]

Season Three - Leyton Orient

A slow session last night, as everyone tried to bring in new signings and tweaked their tactics and training for the new season.

My team had a home tie with Andy's St Mirren in the SF of the LLaMa shield. we went 1-0 down, but like France got a last minute penalty. However, I was suprised to see that my right midfielder strode up to take the kick. I'd completely ignored him last season (except to put him on the transfer list). He'd just come on as a sub for the first time ever, so it was a bit strange for him to take the pen. He missed it, naturally Andy's St Mirren went through.

We then arranged an unofficial 3rd place play-off with Mark's Riss County, at our place. This was dreadfully dull, but we were thankfully spared extra time when one of my centre-backs nodded in from a corner in the last few minutes.

With the Scottish contingent starting a week before my boys, we arranged a friendly away at 3rd division Barnet. Worryingly, we lost 3-0.

Competition proper started at Nuneaton Borough. Again we got a penalty, and again my MR took it (I really must define the penalty takers). This time however, he scored. All looked well until the last minute of injury time, when Borough were awarded a penalty too. However, they missed and we won the game 1-0

And that was it for the night. I'm sure Thursday's session will be quicker once now we've got going.

Speaking of which, I will not be attending until after the Poofland game, which should finish around 9.30. If others are watching, can we perhaps delay until after the game, then play on till midnight (or later)?

[Guest]

oh, and Andy. Cut out the player naming in your posts.

[seamus]

Rocky road ahead for Elgin City.

Semi-final of the LLaMa Shield saw us, well, not do much. There was a corner kick for Mark's Ross County in the first half and shots ended up 2 - 1. Not surprisingly it went to penalties at 0 - 0. We won, remarkably.

Next up was Andy and his toddlers. They took us to task and ran us all over the pitch. 4 - 0.

There was then some crappy Scottish Cup that starts the season and we were soundly beaten away to Hamilton 3 - 1.

League proper saw us open with Raith Rovers away and I expected the worst. They took a 1 - 0 lead and the fact that I have strikers who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn let alone the goal, it was never in the cards for us to win. Miraculously, we found the net and drew level in the 88th minute. A good result.

Desperate for new players. Particularly a striker. Did loan an AM/L from Mark and bought an AM/R. Fairly well off with midfielders now so may go with six across and forget about playing a striker .