FM18 - You'd Beta be Taking This Career Seriously

[Wavelberry]

So to test the game out before getting into my career proper I am going to do a Beta career taking in club and country management.

How?

Well let's meet the boys.

Let me introduce you to Barry and Benedickt Beta (no relation)

Benedickt is a tubby Danishman who used to play football back in the day for a Sunday League side in Hertfordshire while studying Economics at the University of Watford. After graduating and working a mid-level accountancy job he suffered an early mid-life crisis and decided to jump into football management with Danish second division side Skovshoved

 

Meanwhile, good old fashioned lad Billy Beta seen here

Shmoozed his way past the FA (not hard) and told them they should make him England manager coz he doesn't drink pints of wine, has never worn brown shoes with blue trousers and isn't a racist. The FA decided it was time to maybe go in a radical new direction and appointed him England manager.

Together these two Beta Brothers will bond over boundless amounts of ball. Football.

Let the beta begin...

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: England

First thing was first then for Barry. There's a lot of dead wood in Burton so it was time to wield the axe. Given that U20s downwards have won lots and lots of stuff they can't really be taken out... for now but Aidy Boothroyd however... he's ripe for the sacking. No way do I want him 'beating' the talent out of the generation upcoming so the first order of business was clear.

So that's fine but who to give the job to? Barry scoured for about twenty seconds before finding the man he wanted.

That's right, Sheffield United legend Brian Deane. 3 caps. That's international experience right there and he doesn't look too bad.

Meanwhile Barry toyed with the idea of getting rid of Steve Holland as his Assistant but to be fair to Steve he looked alright so instead he settled for getting more International experience in the coaching staff by pinching Mark Chamberlain from Portsmouth

Chamberlain and Carsley? Truly England's mediocre new era is beginning with a bang.

[Wavelberry]

Ooo. And just like that here comes an issue. Chris Coleman continuing his wooing of every English teenager born within 100 miles of the Welsh border continues apace.

Needless to say that Barry told him to jog right on and not let the door hit him on the way out.

Then just a day later this turned up on his doorstep.

Needless to say Barry was less than impressed.

Mate, yer 21 years old and you've not broken into the West Ham side and you're on loan to Bolton. You are the Irishiest player that ever Irished. Go and play for Ireland*

Press picked the least interesting thing from the press conference unsurprisingly. They could have led with the gushing praise of Harry Kane or the not so subtle hints about Jordan Henderson losing the captaincy but noooo.

 

*These are Barry's sentiments and do not represent mine

[Wavelberry]

SERIOUSLY CHRIS COLEMAN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!

This time Barry told him to maybe try and play some actual football before deciding to throw his lot in with those the other side of the Severn. Weirdly both have had a 'we have a great working relationship' option which just seems stupid given Barry's two minutes into the job and these are children.

[ManUtd1]

Barry, with the red and blue.  Are you sure he's not American?

[DavidBeckham]

Love the costume choices mate. 

And I bet you gonna win the thread title of the year!

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt Beta: Pre-Season 2017

So how did pre-season go for Skovshoved's finest tubby accountant?

Not ideal although after an absolute mauling in the first it was good to be unbeaten. All teams are in the leagues below though so... Decent goalscoring seems to be the issue for Benedickt and his team and solving that forward play is going to be his main aim.

This is the first team and full subs bench. As you can see there are relative players that look rocking but until he plays some actual teams it's hard to know whether they are tallest midgets or what... One thing that has been heartening is seeing the 16yo LB have an excellent pre-season. Goals though... goals.

For some reason Skovshoved are predicted 12th which means they will have to qualify for the promotion group. Top four finish then. However all the stats on the team comparison guide were noting the team down as bottom four for pretty much everything but teamwork. Work cut out.

August will be an interesting test with FOUR away games. Let's hope the defensive solidity holds for this roadtrip Summer.

Beta Review

So having played the pre-season here is what I have noticed. The short-term scouting thing was really good as it allowed me to sign some actual decent looking defenders which is where the team looked short. 

I don't like the fact that social media page is centred and leaves half the screen as dead space.

Matchday flow takes some getting used to as keep expecting the game to go straight to match after teamtalk. The selecting of individuals for teamtalks is okay but I'd rather the game stuck the highlighted player without having to push control to highlight multiple

Disappointed to see tones taken away from shouts.

The pop up tactics page seems to need more clicks to get to now. Would like it if one click from the matchday screen could take me there,

Match-engine looks pretty good. I've actually seen two good quality saves. I have also seen the dreaded 'he didn't mean that' cross once already so gonna keep an eye on that.

Sound is a bit borked with the noise levels massive for small teams and the cut-offs etc and tbh am only leaving it on to test on the Beta. It will go once Beta is over.

Tactical briefing was okay. Skipped some when I didn't have anything to bring up and the one I did want to try something in (getting RW to cross more) I was rewarded with a cross and a goal in game which was nice.

Took ages to sort my views out.

Lag is there but it's a known issue

The feedback on the Teamtalk screen about your relationship with the players seems unduly harsh: "you're sucking the life out of the room". That seems more applicable to Jose in his third seaosn than some cheerful fat bloke in his first especially when reputation is the same.

Countless young players you've never heard of wanting you to guarantee them an England career needs toning down too.

[Deisler26]

5 hours ago, DavidBeckham said:

Love the costume choices mate. 

And I bet you gonna win the thread title of the year!

This sounds like a challenge *cracks knuckles*

[Wavelberry]

This is only gonna be a two week career. It won't trouble the scorers next October.

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt Beta: August 2017 Update

A tough baptism for Benedickt then with a six game month that had FIVE away games.

A mixed month. It started out okay with the better of a 1-1 draw against AB followed up by a pulsating 3-2 win against Maribo in the cup. The team did throw away a two goal lead but at least they won it. After that the three league games proved pretty difficult with just a point from them, however, only Frem really outclassed Benedickt's team. A proper plucky underdog 0-0 where they could've nicked a win against Hvidovre was undone in the opening 45 minutes against B93 but they turned it round and battered them in the second half but alas it wasn't to be. The month ended with another away trip this time to Holbaek in the cup. Again the team went behind and again they turned it around. Should've won in extra-time but instead they left it to pelanties. Tough month though.

5 points adrift already from promotion but at least they've not been totally outclassed. Yet. The team seem to be absolutely rubbish starters and no matter which starting strategy is used (possession or up and at them counter) it usually doesn't work and a switch to the opposite changes it up. The young LB is a bit pants actually and goals are proving difficult to come by.

Some home games with the two sides around Skovshoved comuing to town. Wins there could well give the promise of possible promotion play-off. Losses will underline the long hard season ahead though. At least he's got the cup.

 

 

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: September International Week Preamble

While Benedickt Beta has been slogging around in the Danish second division Barry Beta has been chilling out at home watching all the games he wants on his TV and fielding phone calls from women on maternity wards complaining about Chris Coleman trying to sign up their unborn babies for Wales. But now the international weekend is here and he has a job to do.

A trip to Slovakia followed by Slovenia at home. Tough, as far as this group is concerned and Barry wants a bit of a revolution for England. Rooney retired FYI but that didn't stop him wielding the axe elsewhere as well.

First up some culling. Joe Hart and his weak left hand have been discarded permanently in something Southgate should've done a year ago, won't do coz he's a big scaredy cat and will cost England another World Cup run... but I digress. Pickford will get first dibs. With Clyne injured Trent Alexander-Arnold gets his England place as well as his Liverpool place. Smalling and Jones can go an open a department store as England put their faith in Maguire and Keane. Sounds a much better partnership. Like a detective agency. Danny Rose is out injured so Kieran Gibbs gets a chance.

In midfield Jordan 'what do you actually do mate' Henderson is dropped (and stripped of the captaincy) and in his place there is quality in the shape of Alli and Dier, promise in James Ward-Powse and all out mentalism in Jonjo Shelvey. Patrick Roberts gets a reward for his decent Celtic form but is unlikely to start. Calvert-Lewin has had a good start for Everton and as much as Jermain Defoe is a sweetie Barry wants to give some actual players who might not be 40 by the time Australia 2022 comes around a chance.

 

The press dinnit like DomCalLew. The press can get tae ****.

He certainly does. Learning to play football would be a start.

The squad are ready and primed. Let's get ready to go to Russia.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: September International Week; Slovakia vs England

Off to Slovakia we go then. Here is how the team line up...

Pickford makes his debut, Keane is preferred to Stones and Drinkwater comes back to the fold. Other than that no surprises.

Slovakia had a lot of early pressure but when England swapped to the flanks Walker found Kane and settled English nerves. Slovakia continued to push and push and half-time it was 1-0 and in the balance. Sterling was hooked and Patrick Roberts was given his debut and jubilation followed just 19 minutes later as he settled matters. Ward-Prowse also got a run-out but that is a good start.

Slovenia beat Scotland to turn it into a two horse race at the top.

The Slovenia game then becomes crucial.

A draw would do it (Scotland and Lithuania are the remaining games).

Yeah Patrick, you know it.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: September International Week; England vs Slovenia

A win will probably see Barry and co to Russia already (cheers for the groundwork Gareth) but Slovenia are not to be underestimated and we all know how that Wembley crowd can get on yer back...

No changes. Let's attack. Let's get it done. Says Barry.

That was not as good. Got off to an absolute flyer as Dier belted one in from 25 yards after a free-kick in just the first minute but this was a disjointed and rubbish England. Alli and Drinkwater, who had been good against Slovakia were pretty poor as was MotM Bertrand so it was no surprise when Beric equalised after Slovenian pressure. Midfield was changed up with Calvert-Lewin and Shelvey coming on for the aforementioned midfield pair and then Gibbs for Bertrand. It looked like being a frustrating draw but five minutes from time Keane-o rose highest at a corner and won the game. Phew.

Slovakia and Scotland did what was expected.

5 points the lead then with just six on offer. Barry would hope that Slovakia would do us a favour but if you can't beat Lithuania to qualify you don't deserve to go.

October then sees the Auld enemy come to Wembley and then that trip to Kaunas to hopefully seal next Summer's fun. For now though Barry has done what he has needed to. Stand down Baz. We'll see ya in a month...

[Wavelberry]

 

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Nope.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: October International Week Preamble

A draw against Scotland or Lithuania is enough to take England to Russia. So does Barry stick with his squad or does he twist again? Like he did last Summer. Yeahhhhhh. Twist again? Like he did last year? 

No real surprises. Saido comes in for the injured Jonjo Shelvey and TAA is also injured so a recall for Jon Flanagan happens.

Barry has been umming and ahhing about Cahill but he is captain atm and has had one good game and one poor one. Gibbo will probably get a call up for the November friendlies though as the plan is to move Gary on eventually it's just with him playing for Boro still it makes it difficult to justify calling him up.

You what mate? You ain't even playing. Go and have a fag, get back into the Arsenal team and then maybe you can talk.

Off to the data forums then if Jordan Henderson is playing this well...

Still not going to get a game though.

Scotland at Wembley and then a trip to Kaunas. Just a point needed. No way can even England **** this up.

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt Beta: September 2017 Update

While Barry is living the life of a very comfortable and well off England manager poor old Benedickt is having to slum it in the second division of Denmark. And boy is he slumming...

Oh my does this not make pretty reading. 

I'm gonna level with ya. The squad is borked and it's extra special borked given that the best DM was pinched (all on amateur contracts innit) as well as a promising AM and left Benedickt with a two star midfield. THEN to top it all off the other person capable of playing DM to any level and the only striker to score any goals this season both got injured in the only game the team won. It's an absolute mess for poor old Benedickt who is stuck with a bunch of below average pros and kids who haven't even learned how to shave. It's looking grimmer than Dave Smith's last days at Castellazzo,

Still, not on the brink of getting fired. Yet.

I think maybe the promotion group qualification is gone. A win would be nice... Just one. The team is sick and cannot score.

Just five league games left in this phase and I can't really see where the win is going to come from. Maybe B93 at home?

Oh and also drew top premier league club in the cup they still are inexplicably good in. If he makes it to the next phase in a job I'll be impressed.

 

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: October International Week; England vs Scotland

 

The Auld enemy visit Wembley and the aim is to send them back over the border with a spanking. No changes to the first team for third match in a row.

God I hate the horizontal tactical pitch.

A win it is but it wasn't as easy as the 3-1 scoreline suggests. Scotland took the lead and panic set in but Welbz Welbzed it to make it 1-1 at hald time. After that it was end to end but the classic Walker to Kane made it 2-1 and then James Ward-Prowse scored a set-piece to make the game safe and send England to Russia. Alli was crap again as was Cahill who, given England have qualified and need nothing from Lithuania has played his last game for England. Barry never forgives or forgets.

Slovenia won but it doesn't matter.

Scotland will hope Slovenia beat Slovakia so they can nick 3rd by battering Malta. England don't care and will be a bit more experimental against Lithuania as

 

Boo yeah.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: October International Week; Lithuania vs England

Off to Kaunas for a jolly then and changes to be rung as Barry looks to see what the squad offers.

Many many changes then with only Drinkwater and Pickford keeping their places. Debut for Maguire.

Five goals and a bit of a spanking but Barry is not happy to concede 2. Oh no sir. Ward-Prowse could have had a set-piece hattrick as he got the first two with free kicks but missed an 84th minute pelanty. In between that Rashford and Berahino got goals and Lithuania scored their two but Sterling did get a 5th in injury time. Ward-Prowse might be a better shout in the Drinkwater role for the World Cup as he made a mistake for one of the goals and Dier is better than him but with those set-pieces... He'll get a chance there in November

Slovenia did do Scotland a favour but Scotland only went and drew in bloody Malta. LOLOLOLOL

Luckily for them their goal difference was enough to put Slovakia in their place though. Take that Slovakia! 

Meanwhile Barry has 4 from 4 and now the pointless friendly run to the World Cup can begin in earnest.

Two quality friendlies in November which is nice. A trip to Hungary and then DR Congo get the Wembley treatment. Gary Cahill will be watching from Cobham though.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: November International Weekend Premable

The November friendlies are upon us then...

Gary Cahill gets the dropping he deserved with Gibbo getting the shout. Meanwhile Barry has been sick of Bertrand's rubbish performances so has called up the impressive looking Joe Gomez. Danny Rose returns as does Callum Chambers as RB cover. Midfield sees Jake Livermore get a recall other than that the squad is the same. Vardy has also been dropped.

NOPE

Media thinking Gary, Jamie and Ryan are being rested. FOOLS!

[Wavelberry]

A convenient injury for Harry Kane that one eh? Not really an issue.

Barry has called up another crock in his place. It was the right thing to do.

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt Beta: Ocotber/November 2017 Update

Could Benedickt get a win that wasn't in the cup? Could Benedickt get a famous win in the cup? Who knows? Let's find out.

Wins. Actually honest to goodness wins. What a day eh? Niclas Ronne's winner against B93 was particularly sweet. Unfortunately for Benedickt the game suffered a crash just before the Naestved game which meant the good draw he got a Bronshoj was stricken from the records and when he holidayed through the ass-man couldn't get a win. A decent come from behind in the last game suggests some green shoots though.

In the cup Nordsjaelland delivered a little bit of a beating but it was 0-0 at half-time. Overall though it hasn't been great and there were already murmurings before the last game (which weren't there pre-crash. Poor old Benedickt).

Still. All quiet for now since then.

So finished bottom and averaged a goal every other game. That's pretty damned ***** tbh. The goals against column isn't so bad though considering. Need to find a striker in the winter...

So into the relegation stage then. We take the 5 points Skovshoved accrued in the group from the bottom four teams (which amazingly doesn't make them bottom) and now have to play the other 8 teams twice. The aim? Avoid relegation at all costs. It should be doable if Benedickt can find a striker. That's a big if.

Bit of a baptism of fire with the two out of the top three that can be played away from home. HAVE to win against Greve at home. Nice to have a must win game so early on innit.

These are the stats for the team so far. It doesn't make overly pretty reading tbf especially the four star striker who can't score...

Ronni Bagge was bought in at DM just before the B92 win so having him in the squad has certainly helped. Just need to find a striker Benedickt because Spring is coming...

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: November International Week

Two friendlies then. A possibly tricky trip to Hungary followed by the DR Congo back home. Let's get into it 

This is how the team lines up for Hungary. Rose comes back in, Saido gets a start up front in the absence of Kane while Ward-Prowse takes on the Drinkwater role to see if he can make it his own. A debut for Gibbo alongside Keane  to see if these two can do it in Russia. Keane and Dier have 45 minute instructions so Stones and Livermore will be defo on in the second-half.

Well that was pants. Ward-Prowse was decent but Dele Alli again can't play AM and neither Saido or Sturridge did much up front. A very hmm game. Expect better at Wembley

Ah, so that's why he took the pelanty.

Onto DRC then and changes are made. Out go the fullbacks to be replaced by Chambers and a Gomez on debut. Stones starts instead of Keane. The centre holds as Barry is keen to see the Dier/Ward-Prowse axis continue while Roberts comes in for Raheem. Alli and Saido get to go again. Dele has a lot to do to convince here.

Well he scored the only goal of the game and it's a good job it came early coz DR Congo played with 12 men behind the ball. Roberts was outstanding and deserved a goal. Other than that... Barry misses Harry Kane. Who wouldn't?

[Wavelberry]

Danish Second Div POTY and there is a Skovshoved player on the list. Whhaaaaa?

Skov-Hansen looks like a token tbf but still. Not sure if that means Benedickt is a genius or a charlatan.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: World Cup Draw

Here we, here we, here we ****ing go...

Hmmm. Not the worst draw ever although we thought that when Ghana were Uruguay 4 years ago. Revenge on the Costa Ricans? You betcha.

England's last World Cup game four years ago was against Costa Rica and so their first one in 2018 will also be against them. Ideally Barry would like to be qualified by the time England play Italy but he is cautiously optimistic. For now.

Gone hardcore with the friendlies with some tough away trips to harden the souls. Let's get World Cupping.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: March International Week Preamble

Whizzing through the Winter like it wasn't even there and we're just three months from the World Cup. Before then we have to see if Benedickt can keep plucky Skovshoved in the Danish second division but before that we have to see what kind of squad Barry has picked for the final friendly week before the big tournament countdown...

A few changes then. Fraser Forster comes into the squad in place of Tom Heaton who has not been having the best of times at Burnley (and in this reality Forster hasn't yet become a complete liability). Changes at LB with Shaw having returned from injury and not suffering the wrath of virtual Jose proving to be very effective at Man Utd coming in along with Gibbs who has been impressing at WBA. Gomez' time will come again but Danny Rose has look shot this season. He's currently 4th choice. Ben Gibson has been injured so he'll sit this one out (although is still very much in Barry's plans) giving an impressive looking Steve Cook from Bournemouth the chance to maybe make the plane to Russia.

In midfield DomCalLew who has gone on loan to Wolves and been average drops out and makes way for a fit again Adam Lallana while up front Harry Kane continues to recover from his long term injury so Saido and Sturridge get another chance to battle it out to join him in Russia.

Portugal away will be a first team exercise while Cameroon at home has been earmarked for Cook's debut and a reintroduction of Lallana.

All the interesting squad news and the press fixate on Joe bloody Hart who looking at his stats hasn't even been that good. Jordan Henderson I'd understand coz he's averaging 7.4 and above because he is vastly overrated in FM but Hart? Pff.

[Wavelberry]

Benedict Beta: Winter Break Friendlies

 

A dark Winter has given way to Spring and Benedickt knows the size of the task in front of him. How did his team Winter though and did he manage to get in any reinforcements before the Spring?

Yes. One centre-back. He can play up front as well but he is a quality CB. Benedickt then is a reverse Klopp. Need reinforcements up front and signs a CB. *sighs*

In his defence there doesn't seem to be much quality around up front so the hope is for Braemer to come good then unless something literally falls out of the sky.

Braemer did have a productive mid-pre-season (is that what it's called?) netting five in five but as Benedickt quickly found out in the Autumn performance in friendlies does not necessarily equal performance in the league. 

So what lies ahead then?

Five games in two weeks is what. Two of the top three away and the bottom side at home. Spring is no longer coming, spring is here. What will it bring?

 

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt has already set his stall out for the second half of the season.

Yes Mads... Yes it was...

At least he has the backing of nearly 2/3rds of the fans too. Hope they like turgid football.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: March International Week

Back to England then and actually you've just missed them coz Barry and the boys are already in Portugal ready for a tough test before the World Cup against the European Champions.

So this is the line-up for the Portugal side and aside from Strurridge for Kane is pretty much the first choice England XI atm. Can they beat Cristiano from the block however?

Well that was a ****ing disaster. (note to self I should really do something with the set-pieces). Two corner goals and a free-kick goal and a heap load of John Stones being crap. Added Daniel Sturridge not trying his arse as well means that Barry has seen enough of Sturridge. As long as he is England manager Sturridge will never play again. Go join Joe Hart, Gary Cahill and Jordan Henderson on the naughty step. This was a mauling and make no mistake.

Your English mate. Get used to it.

On to Cameroon then and time for some redemption.

Butland gets a go in goal. The defence gets a shot of redemption. Drinkwater comes in for Ward-Prowse while Raheem is replaced by a Patrick Roberts who has outperformed him in an England shirt thus far. Saido is now king.

Well any win after a 6-1 drubbing is welcome but the press cutting sums up how 'exciting' the match was.  Steve Cook made his debut while Saido was rubbish again. That experiment looks like it's at an end.

So what has Barry learned?

• John Stones can be a liabilty
• Luke Shaw is good
• James Ward-Prowse is not as good as Drinkwater in the big games at CM
• Dele Alli continues to be mercurial game to game
• Neither Sturridge or Saido are the answers to Harry Kane but Welbz might be.
• If Welbz goes up front that allows us Rashford
• Patrick Roberts is better than Raheem for England.
• Quarter Finals should be considered a success

Is that good enough for the FA and England fans though? Well with only three friendlies before the tournament now there isn't much scope for much else. 

 

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt Beta: March 2018 Update

No rest for the Danish then as five games in two weeks kick off the relegation league run-in. How did it all pan out?

He'd have probably targeted 6 points but not with a loss to the bottom side. It's pretty turgid stuff but the side haven't disgraced themselves against the top two and got good wins home and awya against mid-table teams. The Greve result was a late set-piece winner in a game Benedickt's side had dominated until that point. Such is life at the bottom eh? Still, it's 6 vital points but this league is very tight.

Jeez-o it is a close old league. There is a top 3, a 4th and then a relegation battle  and what a relegation battle it's shaping up to be. One plus for Skovshoved (and B93) is that two of the top four we won't play as Bronshoj and Naestved were in their Autumn group. Could prove vital in the shake-up. As could the lack of goals too...

Six games in April and they are all pretty massive. Three very important home games after the trip to Aarhus and revenge against Greve away also a possibility. A cushion of 4 points before heading towards Jammerbugt and Marienlyst again would go a long way to keeping them up.

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt Beta: April 2018 Update

The battle against relegation for Benedickt continues along with mardy squad members leaving coz they're nowhere near good enough to get in this rubbish side, the first beef meeting of the season as the players complain about a bad atmosphere (maybe if you stopped being **** lads) and relentless fixtures of doom.

What a ridiculous team this is. Getting solid results against sides that are well up the table and then collapsing like a managerial career at Sunderland at the worst team in the league. 7 points and it should've been 10. Will those late goals against Aarhus and Jammerbugt cost?

Still in touch as gaps oepning up. Bronshoj have absolutely lost it and now it's a shame Benedickt's boys won't be playing them. Five games to go though and it's still all in the balance. At this stage? I reckon it's 50/50 on survival.

HUGE away game against Odder coming up and obviously the Lyseng game will be big too but this team seems to play better when the underdog so the games against Marienlyst and Dalum  aren't as daunting as they look. What is daunting though is that POTY nominee and best player Hansen is injured as the only AM, both DMs and the LB has become a flake. It's a bare bones bonkers showdown with relegation. Does Benedickt have what it takes to survive?

 

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt (read me) is getting pretty ****ing sick of these whinging two star players who can't even tie their shoes properly...

NOBODY CARES MATE. But you have crossed Benedickt for the last time.

HA 

And then the day after...

Unlucky Danish Football Free Press, you've been scooped lads. Hand in that transfer request mate. OH YOU CAN'T COZ YOU'VE BEEN FIRED. WHAAAAAAAAA

 

 

[Wavelberry]

That gave me far too much pleasure.

[Wavelberry]

Meanwhile the Skovshoved fans have been going to sleep with Inverting the Pyramid again.

[Wavelberry]

A 30 man squad has been announced by Barry but there's no point in announcing that when it'll be cut at the end of May. But here are some juicy tears.

Nathaniel Clyne can be upset but he's been injured for the entire Beta so...

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: World Cup Final 23 Announcement

Right then. June is here and the World Cup is coming. Who has made Barry's cut?

In the end there aren't that many surprises in the squad. The main sticking point was whether to take an extra CM or a striker and that's what it came down to. In the end Barry opted for the extra midfield opting and so Callum Wilson (who has had a mint season for Bournemouth btw) misses out narrowly for Jonjo Shelvey. Other than that there is not much to surprise seasoned England watchers of the Beta era. A lot will depend on Harry Kane you feel.

Beta called up the Mirror the day after this was published to assure them that Sturridge was not left out because of injury but because he was a lazy, injury prone ****er. They didn't print it though.

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt Beta: May/June 2018 Update

The month (and a bit) of truth. Five games to keep Skovshoved up and stop Benedickt Beta's fledgling managerial career going up in flames before it has even begun. It's been a tough ride coming into this month with moaning bit part players and a big injury crisis shoring him of his best players. Could he keep them up though?

Two points clear of relegation on the last day and 2-1 up away and they fall apart. Absolutely useless the ****ing lot of them. Benedickt was let down and betrayed. The defence absolutely bricked it in the last match and as such...

The win would have kept them up. Spineless losers deserve everything.

You were rubbish anyways. Benedickt hopes you go down again.

*sigh*

[Wavelberry]

Benedickt did not hold back in the press afterwards

And it didn't end there

Always love the fans though Benedickt. Always love the fans.

 

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: World Cup Warm-ups

Well, we've got one of them sacked. Can we do it with the other one?

When England lose they do get hammered. Beta played a First XI in games one and three and played the second XI in the game against Venezuela and by God have they proved why they are the second XI. The England defence has got terrible again as Stones vacillates between very good and God awful. It looks like Barry is going to have to try and score as many as possible. Rashford, Welbz and Kane seem on some form though and if Alli can be good... well there might be a chance. This England team do have a drubbing in them though as Portugal and Venezuela have proven. Whatever happens it's not going to be boring. Unfortunately. Barry would take 7 1-0 wins right now.

18-1 is probably about right to be fair. Definitely not among the favourites so Baz is gonna set out to entertain.

Not one Englishman is favoured to trouble the scorers. Thought you might have seen Kane at 7-1 rather 150-1.

Rashford certainly made waves in the last friendly. I wouldn't bet much on Alli.

So that's it then. Nothing much else now but to take on Costa Rica, Ghana and Italy. 

And this will be your starting XI unless Barry gets annoyed with Stones and drops him and no injuries happen. Bring the cup home boys.

[KillercowDivine]

Good luck in the World Cup. It does not look like a team of champions, but could be good enough for a deep run still.

[Wavelberry]

It's World Cup night in the Wavelberry household this evening, Let's get HYPED.

 

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: World Cup 2018

Group Stage: Matchday 1; England-Costa Rica

Let's sing it for England. In their last World Cup match four years ago the team limped to a 0-0 draw in Brazil. Would it be different in Russia?

The crowds are flocking to it. A Stadium of Lightful.

Kosovo's best better be ready.

At least Barry puts his name to his comments. Who said this? Dannies Murphy or Mills seem boring enough to spout such clichéd driven nonsense.

Weather is steady though.

The first XI are all fit. Can John Stones not be rubbish and can Welbz continue his good form? C'MON ENGLAND!

 

Phew... That was close. All that talk about having to outscore teams and Dele Alli being **** has come back to bite as the team get a 1-0 win with a Dele goal. At this stage we'll take it.

With Rashford being a bit rubbish in that game after coming on for Welbz's foot injury Dele has struck an early blow in the 'best young player' battle. A win is a win. Phew.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: World Cup 2018

Group Stage: Matchday 2; Ghana-England

While England were winning 1-0 against Costa Rica Italy were laying down a marker by spanking Ghana 4-1. On the plus side that means a win here pretty much gets England into round 2 but on the other hand it means Italy means business. Still, we can worry about the Italians later for now we need to deal with Ghana. And be we I mean Barry,

Favourites apparently. This doesn't bode well.

All the stuff they could have asked and they asked two questions and this was one of them. As if Barry gives a **** about Boberto Martinez

That would be the Harry Kane who scored a 6.3 in the last game and was subbed off for 'switching off' when Baz told him to buck his ideas up, aye?

Weather's wet and cold. Just as Bazza likes his wo... 

One change as a knackered looking Luke Shaw makes way for Gibbs. Welbz has recovered from his bad foot and HOLY **** Costa Rica beat Italy 2-0 last night. That changes everything. This game now becomes bigger than... everything.

What. A. ****ing. Shower. Butland lost his cool. The defence went AWOL and despite Alli and Kane we conceded 5. FIVE against Ghana. This group is now ballsed up and England need to beat Italy to avoid going home. ARSE.

Everyone reacted well to the rocket except John ****ing Stones. I NOW HATE HIM!

Damn straight.

A draw won't be enough. Win against Italy or lose your job Barry. It's that simple.

[Wavelberry]

Barry Beta: World Cup 2018

Group Stage: Matchday 3; England-Italy

England are boned aren't they...

Although Italy did lose last time out too. Against Costa Rica who England beat. So there is a chance...

Barry bigging it up for his last England game

A lovely evening for football.

Venture trying to chat ****. Suddenly Barry worries that he hasn't picked Jamie Vardy. Anyways. To destiny...

Dele's knackered as is Walker and Drinkwater. Chambers, Lallana and Ward-Prowse come in. We try and go tight as possible and hope JWP hits some free-kick winners.

We went ahead and everything but three ****ing injuries stuffed up any subs that could be done as by the 53rd minute all the substitutes were on. Barry goes out with a whimper probably like Benedickt. Welcome to a thread full of failure. I blame John Stones.

[Wavelberry]

Oh the shame. That doesn't bode well...

Bloody unnamed people coming at Barry. SAY IT TO HIS FACE YOU COWARDS...

Lots of thrashings happened especially in the bottom half of the draw but in the end Argentina beat Mexico to give Messi the World Cup his talent deserves.

Not a surprise. That's two sackings on the Beta. Do I get a medal? 

Would love Claude Puel to get the job.

At least Barry took Gary Cahill down with him.