They say never go back...

[irishregan]

“This is Gary Richardson on Five Live’s Sportsweek. More on the World Cup now. Joining us from Germany is former Nottingham Forest legend Regan Robinson. He also managed Notts County of course. He’s been part of the BBC’s expert panel covering the tournament, and he’s on the line from Berlin. Good morning to youâ€.

RR: Good morning Gary.

GR: Well it’s all over and done with now. The prizes have been handed out. But there’s still bitter recrimination about England’s performance. You’ve been sharply critical on the television. Where did it all go wrong?

RR: (laughs) Well where didn’t it go wrong? I think it’s the only time I’ve ever seen where a team has got every single thing wrong at a major championship.

GR: Whose fault is that though? Is it the players or the manager?

RR: Well listen Gary. I’ve been a manger so I always hesitate to wade in on these things. Even though I had reasonable success, the amount of criticism I got was just unbelievable. But it has to be said. Sven, and by extension his team, were a complete and utter shambles in this tournament. The players were good enough to win it, and how he managed to turn them from a silk purse into a sow’s ear is quite extraordinary.

GR: What was it specifically though? Tactics? Selection?

RR: Both. 4-5-1 was never going to work. A babe in arms could have seen that. Not that he could do anything about it because he only took four strikers, and one of them got injured. Another one he picked but wouldn’t play. And not that he would do anything about it, because he was afraid to drop Frank Lampard, who was truly and utterly terrible. Quite frankly, they were tactically bankrupt, and there’s no other place for the responsibility to rest other than on the shoulders of the manager. That’s crystal clear.

GR: You think Walcott was a mistake then?

RR: Not at all. But if you’re going to pick him, you have to be prepared to play him. Gary it was a mess. This might sound harsh on Sven, but he really did England no favours at all, and it was the most inept display of coaching I have ever seen. No coaching at all would have been better than incompetent coaching.

GR: How about Beckham relinquishing the captaincy? Is that the right thing for him to have done?

RR: I think that was the right thing for him to do, but he should have gone the whole hog and packed it in as a player as well. I’m not one of those who criticises David, he’s been terrific for England. However, everyone’s time comes eventually. It’s time to move on. And I say that with all due respect to a guy who’s been a wonderful servant for England. He’s no longer worth his place. The way Lennon played when he came on was a death knell for David’s international career. I just hope Steve McClaren doesn’t bottle it and refuse to drop one of his old mates. He needs to be decisive and ruthless on that one. Unfortunately, those decisions are the hardest ones a manger will ever have to make.

GR: Finally on another note, some people might be surprised to see the speculation in today’s papers linking you with a return to management at Nottingham Forest. Is that something that you would be interested in?

RR: (silence, clearly taken aback) Well nobody would be more surprised to hear that than me. I’m going to give you the stock answer. Everyone knows I’ll get back into management eventually. I’ll consider any offer on its merits.

GR: Well with all due respect though, you’re very outspoken as a pundit, aren’t you? It’d be nice if you could avoid a stock answer in this case.

RR: (laughs) Listen Gary, if someone came along and offered you a job, you’d say “let me think about itâ€. If somebody offered me that job, which they haven’t let’s remember, I’d say “I’ll think about it.â€

GR: Fair enough. Thanks for joining us this morning.

RR: You’re very welcome Gary.

[irishregan]

“This is Gary Richardson on Five Live’s Sportsweek. More on the World Cup now. Joining us from Germany is former Nottingham Forest legend Regan Robinson. He also managed Notts County of course. He’s been part of the BBC’s expert panel covering the tournament, and he’s on the line from Berlin. Good morning to youâ€.

RR: Good morning Gary.

GR: Well it’s all over and done with now. The prizes have been handed out. But there’s still bitter recrimination about England’s performance. You’ve been sharply critical on the television. Where did it all go wrong?

RR: (laughs) Well where didn’t it go wrong? I think it’s the only time I’ve ever seen where a team has got every single thing wrong at a major championship.

GR: Whose fault is that though? Is it the players or the manager?

RR: Well listen Gary. I’ve been a manger so I always hesitate to wade in on these things. Even though I had reasonable success, the amount of criticism I got was just unbelievable. But it has to be said. Sven, and by extension his team, were a complete and utter shambles in this tournament. The players were good enough to win it, and how he managed to turn them from a silk purse into a sow’s ear is quite extraordinary.

GR: What was it specifically though? Tactics? Selection?

RR: Both. 4-5-1 was never going to work. A babe in arms could have seen that. Not that he could do anything about it because he only took four strikers, and one of them got injured. Another one he picked but wouldn’t play. And not that he would do anything about it, because he was afraid to drop Frank Lampard, who was truly and utterly terrible. Quite frankly, they were tactically bankrupt, and there’s no other place for the responsibility to rest other than on the shoulders of the manager. That’s crystal clear.

GR: You think Walcott was a mistake then?

RR: Not at all. But if you’re going to pick him, you have to be prepared to play him. Gary it was a mess. This might sound harsh on Sven, but he really did England no favours at all, and it was the most inept display of coaching I have ever seen. No coaching at all would have been better than incompetent coaching.

GR: How about Beckham relinquishing the captaincy? Is that the right thing for him to have done?

RR: I think that was the right thing for him to do, but he should have gone the whole hog and packed it in as a player as well. I’m not one of those who criticises David, he’s been terrific for England. However, everyone’s time comes eventually. It’s time to move on. And I say that with all due respect to a guy who’s been a wonderful servant for England. He’s no longer worth his place. The way Lennon played when he came on was a death knell for David’s international career. I just hope Steve McClaren doesn’t bottle it and refuse to drop one of his old mates. He needs to be decisive and ruthless on that one. Unfortunately, those decisions are the hardest ones a manger will ever have to make.

GR: Finally on another note, some people might be surprised to see the speculation in today’s papers linking you with a return to management at Nottingham Forest. Is that something that you would be interested in?

RR: (silence, clearly taken aback) Well nobody would be more surprised to hear that than me. I’m going to give you the stock answer. Everyone knows I’ll get back into management eventually. I’ll consider any offer on its merits.

GR: Well with all due respect though, you’re very outspoken as a pundit, aren’t you? It’d be nice if you could avoid a stock answer in this case.

RR: (laughs) Listen Gary, if someone came along and offered you a job, you’d say “let me think about itâ€. If somebody offered me that job, which they haven’t let’s remember, I’d say “I’ll think about it.â€

GR: Fair enough. Thanks for joining us this morning.

RR: You’re very welcome Gary.

[irishregan]

I was sitting in the VIP lounge in Berlin airport, with Alan Hansen. Alan wasn’t a bad lad, as long as you didn’t talk to him about football. We’d clashed on the World Cup panel early on in the BBC coverage. He was blabbering on about management, and I asked how he would know what he was talking about, having never managed a football club. He kept blabbering on, but went a bit red, and I could tell he was furious.

When the action started again, he had a pop at me, saying I had tried to embarrass him and say something personal on air. I said that if he gave out the criticism, he had to be able to take it too, which didn’t sit too well with him. It looked like things might escalate, then Gary Lineker and one of the producers stepped in and told us to cool it.

After things had settled down, I invited him out for a couple of drinks by way of a peace offering, and discovered that we could actually get on quite well. Over the course of the tournament, we had quite a few boozy evenings. It might surprise people to learn that a fair bit of skirt was chased too.

I didn’t quite hit it off so well with Lineker. I was suspicious of his nicey-nice exterior. He was always talking about his family, and what a clean-cut lot they all were. I happened to know that his brother was inside for VAT fraud, so they can’t have been that glittering.

Anyway, I digress. Hansen and myself had had a couple of drinks whilst waiting for the flight to London, but were getting seriously bored. As hinted earlier, another of his egocentricities was that he was a fabulous hand with the ladies. He had started trying to chat up some German bint next to us in the lounge, and though she had a perfect understanding of English, it didn’t extend to his version of it.

That was when my mobile phone rang.

“It’s Nigel here,†said a familiarly oily voice on the other end.

“Nigel who?â€

“Nigel Doughty! Chairman of Forest! How are you?â€

“What do you want?â€

“How would you like to come back to the club?â€

“As manager, without you as chairman. But I don’t believe in fairytales.â€

“A-ha, now I know you’re just having a little joke with me. I’m serious though.â€

“Look Nigel, I’ve been down this road once before. That was a dirty trick you tried on a while back. It caused me a lot of aggravation. I’m not interested in your bulls**t.â€

“I am sorry about that. Honestly.†As if he knew anything about honesty. “Cards on the table. I’m offering you the job right here and now.â€

I paused, possibly a fatal expression of weakness.

“We made a mistake,†he continued. “There. I’m big enough to admit it. Are you big enough to swallow your pride and come back?â€

“I’ve just been offered the Forest job†I told Hansen, after the call had ended. He’d given up chasing the German bint by now.

“Take it,†he said, without hesitation. “They’re a massive club. A sleeping giant,†he insisted, lapsing into cliché as usual.

“It’s good money at the BBC though.â€

“You can still do that. It’ll just be that they’ll restrict club managers to being on the panel for internationals only. You’ll still get plenty of work.â€

“Hmm. I guess so.â€

I spent the flight home in contemplation, wondering if I needed the hassle. Hansen was asleep. Ideal, since there would be no way I could concentrate on the matter at hand with him droning on in my ear.

We said our goodbyes in the arrivals lounge. He was catching an onward flight to his home in Merseyside, whilst I had been living in Sevenoaks for the past few months. A quite delightful existence it was too. Idyllic Kent countryside, sprinkled with country pubs, and magnificent country homes and cottages, one of which I had recently bought. There were golf days, and nights out, and sleeping with as many women as I could get my hands on. Was I ready to give that up for Nottingham Forest?

Nigel Doughty was certainly convinced that I was. The little bugger knew I was Forest through and through. A weakness even greater than I had for pints and ladies, and the odd snort of snow. As I strolled out of the arrivals lounge, a fellow in a chauffeur’s uniform was standing there, placard in hand with my name on it.

“Hello sir, I’m Bob Parsons of executive limousines. Mr Doughty has sent me to pick you up, and take you to Nottingham. He thought you’d appreciate a limousine rather than a plane flight. It’s a very large stretch limo…fully stocked mini bar, television, DVD etc.â€

That little f***er. I had wanted to go home and unwind, but it was something of a fait accompli. So up the motorway we cruised, heading for the scene of many a crime, The City Ground Nottingham.

On the face of it, it was a match made in heaven. High-profile young manager, with a proven promotion record, returning to the club he loved. The club he would never walk away from. Yet as the cameras clicked at the press conference, and Nigel preened himself in front of the media, in the worst tradition of Peter Ridsdale, there were already tensions under the surface.

If I’d known I was going to get the same crummy contract I got the first time around, I might not have bothered. The salary was dwarfed by what I was making in a part-time job at the BBC, and was only till the end of the season. Worse still, the chairman had wanted me to pack that in, “so that you can concentrate fully on the clubâ€. I told him no way. Once they paid me 5 grand a week we could talk about it. Since the press were already on their way to the ground to see my unveiling, I had him by the balls for a change.

I have to say I was astonished by the press conference. There was unbridled hostility towards me from the local media. It seemed to stem from the fact that I had been in charge of both local clubs, and had “walked away†from one of them. They had this idea that I was some sort of self-centred egotist and publicity seeker, always on the make. The egotist part I could accept, since it was true, but I pointed out I’d done a damn good job while I was in charge. Nigel masterfully glossed over all the questions about my previous time here, when the simmering rows between board and manager saw the club’s dirty linen continually washed in public.

It was an uneasy start to my tenure, but motivating in some ways. I have always enjoyed taking on the media, and have encouraged a siege mentality around the clubs I have managed. I want my teams to go out thinking they are taking on the world.

I’d been unveiled on a Tuesday morning, and the chairman and I had agreed that I would actually start work the following Monday. I needed a rest after my BBC commitments over the Summer, and had a few matters to attend to at home. I was easily able to keep in touch with things, and react to anything that occurred. In addition, I still needed to look at the club from a distance; what needed to be done in terms of overhauling the playing and management team.

[irishregan]

Authors note: WSM 6.0.3 English, Scottish, Italian and Spanish Leagues. Even though this story starts after the World Cup I am running the game from the start so you'll just have to roll with me on that one. It's a follow up to Forest of Mediocrity and assumes I return for a second spell there. In this parallel universe I am also a single man with no kids, since that allows me to put in juicier subplots that people seem to like on here Hope you all enjoy it. I will update as time allows.

[irishregan]

I had a few awkward conversations with Frank Barlow, who I had fired as assistant manager the last time I was at the club. He'd been brought back after I'd been given my P45, but was no doubt expecting the boot again. Fortunately for him, he'd signed a nice long contract, which precluded me from getting rid of him unless I felt like paying out 130 grand. I didn't at this point in time.

He told me what I had feared, that the squad was complete pants, and had little chance of fulfilling Nigel's demand of the League One title. In his eyes we definitely needed a new goalie, which I certainly questioned given my high regard for Rune Pedersen. Paul Gerrard was also a very reasonable back-up. He was also dismissive of our midfield, again a touch harsh, more of that later.

Something he told me got my goat. Four players were on loan at other clubs, yet we were paying their wages. I wasn't having that. Alan Rogers, Kevin James, and Gareth Taylor, were recalled, though Neil Harris couldn't be. At the very least these players could be transfer fodder. With a niggardly transfer budget of 300K, we needed all the dough we could get, though I was wary of flogging off half the squad for 100 grand here or there, just to pay a million for some Premiership retread.

Our centre back corps looked strong. Ian Breckin was a top professional, and my assistant believed he fit best with Danny Culip. I definitely preferred Wes Morgan though. At right back we had the experienced Nicky Eaden, who I didn't fancy, and also John Curtis and James Perch. The latter was an exciting prospect, and Curtis looked like a great utility man. The same went for John Thompson. Utility left and centre back Julian Bennett was a name I wasn't familiar with, and he joined Gino Padula and Alan Rogers as left sided options.

Paul Evans and Gary Holt were solid anchor men. Two youngsters, Ross Gardener and James Beaumont caught my eye in centre midfield. David Friio was the safe choice, together with some bloke called Sammy Clingan, whom I had never heard of. On the right flank, Nicky Southall was an ageing nobody, Kevin James was a young nobody, and Eugen Bopp was clearly the best player at that position that we had. The left flank had only one option, but that option was Kris Commons, acknowledged by everyone as a very fine prospect.

The front men were a motley bunch. Eugen Dadi was a goner. Scott Dobie was game but limited. David Johnson had all but frittered away his career. Gareth Taylor didn't really suit the style I wanted to play. Jack Lester was struggling back from a cruciate ligament injury. Grant Holt and Nathan Tyson were lower division bangers worth a second look. Decent goalscoring records, and with plenty of time to develop.

The training was my usual specific style. The defence worked on strength, aerobics, tactis, defending, and set pieces. The midfielders trained generally. The strikers worked almost exclusively on shooting, attacking, and ball control. I did my usual 4-4-2, with short passing and hard tackling, the Cloughie blueprint of style and ruthlessness.

The financial situation wasn't great. We were at 78K per week in wages, 18K over budget. People had to go. No-one would touch Dadi when I offered him around, so I sent him to the reserves to get him out of my hair for the season. After that his contract was up and we could say cheerio. Whilst I was busy offering around all and sundry, news came through from the club that Gerrard had done his back in during a weight room session, and would be out 2-3 months. Terrific. We had precious little transfer funding as it was. Now we had a big hole to fill.

I was to travel to Nottingham on the Sunday to take charge of our first friendly. There was just time for Hansen to pop down for a weekend booze-up. He told his wife I had invited him down to informally advise me on some aspects of my new job. I'm not sure she either believed him, or gave a f**k. Either way, Friday afternoon was the start of the bender, and it didn't finish till Sunday morning. I had to leave at 10am, yet I could still hear Hansen snoring away upstairs. I went up, threw him the spare keys and told him he could let himself out, just lock up behind him. He grunted and rolled over, revealing the tarty blonde that he had picked up on Saturday night. She was wide awake, and winked at me.

"You're too old for this lark sonny Jim," I laughed.

"Fug off," he moaned.

I arrived at the ground to discover that Eugen Bopp, whose contract was up at the end of the season, had penned until 2008 for the same money. Ross Gardener did likewise, till the end of the 2009 season. That was the situation as we entered our first pre-season friendly against old rivals Derby. I named the following team: Pedersen, Perch, Padula, Morgan, Breckin, Evans, Bopp, Gardener, Holt, Tyson, Commons. Yet I didn't take any part in the preparations. I pretended Frank was in charge of the game, didn't go into the dressing room beforehand to meet or give a team-talk to the players, and sat in the stand for the whole game watching. I wanted to create a bit of mystique about my arrival and keep the players on their toes. Frank thought it was a good idea, in the best traditions of Cloughie.

We began in lively fashion, only for The Rams to score with their first kick in the 40th minute. I got on the phone to my assistant. I saw no reason not to ring the changes, and only Breckin and Pedersen remained for the second half. It didn't make any real difference, and a dire game dragged to the final whistle. The visitors were no better than us, but they did score. Not the most auspicious start to my second tour of duty with the club I loved. Alan Rogers did a groin during the match, which would see him miss 2-4 weeks.

Monday morning rolled around, which saw my first official day at the club. I had already laid out my requirements for my office, and everything was just so when I arrived. I had already fleetingly met my new secretary, Marjorie, and whilst I was disappointed by her level of attractiveness (50s, several children, slight hint of facial hair) I certainly couldn't quibble with her efficiency. I did flummox her when she asked me if I wanted tea or coffee, and I said I didn't drink either. People look at you as if you're an alien when you say that.

My first day started well enough, with the news that Beaumont and Evans had extended until 2008 and 2007 respectively, whilst an email came through from Tottenham accepting our season long loan offer for highly rated centre back Calum Davenport. Unfortunately for me, that was as good as things were going to get that first day...

[Saxonator]

Brilliant good stuff.

[irishregan]

Thanks very much Saxonator. It's good to hear.

[irishregan]

Nigel rudely walked into my office without knocking at 10am, unfurling a newspaper from under his arm and slapping it down on my desk.

"Read that," he demanded.

"The News of The World," I said, bemused. "I don't read that. I don't even wipe my arse with that."

"Well you're going to have to. Page 26 is where it starts."

It all sounded very ominous. When I turned to Page 26, the blood ran to my feet. Then my blood started to boil.

Sicko Soccer Boss in Massage Parlour Shame

Popular, outspoken TV football pundit and new manager of Nottingham Forest boss Regan Robinson has been visiting sordid massage parlours, The News Of The World can reveal.

Just days after being installed in his new job, the pervy pundit was seen going in and out of Executive International Massage, a run down flat above a chip shop in Rushcliffe, just outside Nottingham. A source close to the massage parlour has told how:

Robinson indulged in seedy SPANKING and ROUGH SEX

Had a HUGE appetite for women, often TWO or THREE at a time

The parlour is run by an ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT.

I'd seen enough. "Where did this dogs**t come from?"

"So it's not true then?"

"Of course not! I wasn't even in Nottingham that week, I was in Sevenoaks."

"I thought so. Then you'll have to sue of course."

"Hang on a minute. I don't want to end up in a libel trial. They'll dredge up every girlfriend and booze up I've ever had. Besides which I can't afford to lose."

"I'm not giving you a choice," he said sternly. "I can't have you as manager unless everyone knows you have a good name. I have the interests of the club to think about."

"Well thanks a f***ing lot Nigel you bas***d. The least you could do is give me the name of a good solicitor."

"Whitlow, Ullathorne and Goss are very good. Marjorie has their number. I knew you'd see sense."

He turned on his heel and walked out. I'm fairly strong mentally, so I just put it to the back of my mind and walked down to meet the players at training. What the hell had I let myself in for?

The lads were gathered in the dressing room, and it all went quiet. Maybe I was paranoid, but I thought I saw a few sniggers as well. So after Frank introduced me to an admittedly decent round of applause, I went on the offensive.

"All right lads. First things first. There's some sh**e in the newspaper about me going to a massage parlour. I was 300 miles away with a tonne of witnesses, so forget that ********, and let's get to work on winning the title. We'll play pretty football and kick lumps out of the opposition. That's all you need to know. Now let's get on that training field and get to work."

The lads loved that one and gave me a raucous reception. After an energetic training session, I had a better idea of my next moves. It also gave me a lift after this morning's bombshell.

That one returned to haunt me though, as I left the ground to go back to the club apartment they had assigned me. A little weasel from the aforementioned rag approached me and asked for a comment. He nearly got a punch, though I knew I had to be smart. What annoyed me just as much was when I got buttonholed by a BBC Nottingham camera crew. A pretty young reporter asked me about the allegations.

"Oh come of it," I snarled. "Do you honestly think the manager of Nottingham Forest goes to a flat above a chip shop in Rushcliffe for a rub and tug?"

"Are you going to sue?"

"Absolutely my dear. Now I'm going home."

[irishregan]

I came in the next morning ready to deal with some football related matters for a change, and over the next few days managed to make some progress.

Gareth Taylor was peddled to Swansea for 60K plus 5K a week off the wage bill. Even better, Kevin James agreed to join Oldham for 24K, taking another 1.5K off of our outgoings. Unfortunately, Calum Davenport could not be persuaded to join us on loan, which is a bummer. Still we've got some decent centre halves. To my delight, Dexter Blackstock was totally interested in joining us on loan for the season from Southampton. This lad is a highly-rated prospect, and I'm hopeful he can do some damage in front of goal for us. I think we're going to need it.

He went straight into the side for the next friendly match against Stockport at Edgeley Park on the following Saturday. Evans opened the scoring after 6 minutes with a free-kick, Blackstock doubled it after 33. A goal straight after the break from Bopp gave us an easy win. But then I expected that. I told the lads well done, then it was back to the training ground to work on our game.

On the following Wednesday, I went for my first consultation at Whitlow, Ullathorne and Goss. It was all pretty informal. They were well prepared, told me to leave it in their capable hands and they'd been in touch. At this stage the wheels would be moving slowly, so they told me to go away and more or less forget about it. The only shock I received was when I walked in. The very sultry Afro-Carribean secretary had quite enormous breasts, and wonderful ebony skin. I couldn't take my eyes off them. I'm afraid I asked her out, and she said yes. Her name was Jenny. When am I going to wise up and stop thinking with my trousers? I'm going out with her this weekend. We don't have another fixture till the following Tuesday.

When I got back to my office, I arranged a 3 month loan deal for Chelsea youth team midfielder Danny Hollands, with an option to buy for 80K. It's just a flier, and we'll see if it pans out. Late in the day I managed to get shot of Scott Dobie to Barnsley for 150K. It didn't give me any great delight because he's a reasonable player. I just needed the money, and his 5K off the bill.

I didn't work this weekend...well not in the traditional sense anyway. I got plenty of exercise, and it was one of the more memorable weekends in recent times. The only thing that spoiled it slightly was my paranoia. I'm convinced The News Of The World are trying to set me up. I half-jokingly mentioned it to Jenny and she just laughed, assuring me that she wasn't an undercover reporter. She's good fun and a complete goddess, so we've agreed to keep seeing eachother.

While all this was going on, the month ends with a 376K profit for the club. Just one more friendly at the start of August, then it's into the league season.

[Spav]

Excellent work - I love all the extra detail outside of the general football news. I'll certainly be following this story with interest.

[irishregan]

Thanks Spav, I was always more of a "stick to the football" man but I have to realise that other people like to be catered for with more outside stuff. So far I'm enjoying it.

[irishregan]

The final rehearsal was against Norwich and I took the opportunity to give give Danny Hollands a run out.

It was a dreadful first half, then after making a few changes, we went behind on 64 minutes. There was no comeback. It wasn't a great performance by the lads but what can you do? I'm not going to read the riot act in pre-season.

So that was it. There was nothing left to do but wait the four days till the season started. We trained hard, and I was pleased to see the lads looked well focused.

Doncaster provided the first opposition away from home, and I picked the following side: Pedersen Perch Padula Breckin Morgan Evans Bopp Beaumont Blackstock Tyson Commons

We looked sharp from the off, and after a pinpoint Commons pass, Tyson fired in from the left edge of the 6 yard box. From there we absorbed some pressure, then Beaumont picked up possession on halfway, before lashing a fierce shot from 30 yards that the keeper couldn't keep out. The commentators at the ground were moved to remark that "the fans love him already".

I went defensive/counter attack, wanting the win badly, and told the lads at half time not to let it slip. I needn't have worried. The guys did a very professional job, bossing possession and outshooting them 12-5. Wanting to boost the lads confidence, I tell them they were sensational.

Doncaster 0-2 Forest ATT: 6464

With just 4 days till our next fixture, I was keen to keep the momentum going. Bournemouth at home didn't look a terrifying proposition, yet I was all too aware of complacency.

Commons had picked up an injury, to be replaced by young Felix Bastians, whom Frank rather unedifyingly described to me as "rubbish". I wasn't so sure, and in any case there were no other options apart from the 17 year old German.

Three minutes in, Tyson produced some good work on the left, crossing to Beaumont. His header was saved, but Bopp was on hand to fire in the rebound. It was lively from then on in till half time.

Again I told the lads to keep it going. On the hour we went def/counter again. I was determined to win our home opener at any cost.

A few chances went begging until a great counter attack 14 minutes from time gave us some comfort. Gardener and Holt combined to send Blackstock through, and the youngster provided a clinical finish. Shortly before the end, Grant Holt turned from provider to scorer, clinically shooting in from the angle 8 yards out, after being slipped in by Bastians. Once again I don't hesitate to tell the lads they were sensational.

Forest 3-0 Bournemouth ATT: 17664

Breckin was Man of the Match, while Bastians impressed on debut, no doubt much to Frank's chagrin.

After the game, I was called out from the dressing room for an interview with BBC Nottingham, and got a bit of a surprise.

The interviewer turned out to be the same very attractive girl who had interviewed me outside the ground about those ridiculous massage parlour allegations. I had been in such a foul mood then that I hadn't given her a proper look over. She was quite the sight for sore eyes.

She was wearing a much shorter skirt than before, and certainly had the legs for it. She was well proportioned in every sense, and with a lovely face. Sexy but also marriage material. What was I thinking of?! I already had a girlfriend, and a sensational one at that! What a total and utter swamp creature I was.

"Hello Regan," she began. "I'm Kelly Taylor from BBC Nottingham. Just a quick interview if you've got the time. You might remember we met once before, under less happy circumstances."

"No I don't think I'll forget that one," I laughed. "Not every day I get accused of that, or interviewed about it by a beautiful girl." What a slimey f***er I was?!

She seemed both affronted and flattered by that comment. Affronted as a journalist, flattered as a woman. We chatted a little more as the technician and cameraman farted about getting ready to roll. Then we were underway.

"So a great start as manager Regan. Not even you in your pundit's chair at the BBC could criticise the first two performances."

"Now don't be cheeky Kelly," I flirted. "Yes, I'm extremely satisfied. I've demanded high standards from the lads, and by God they've answered the bell. Let's not get too carried away. But I'm very pleased with the effort. I challenged the lads to convince me we didn't need new signings, and so far the response has been emphatic."

"The style of the victories seems to have impressed everybody as well, hasn't it?"

"That's what we want. This club must play attractive football, it's what we've always been about. Cloughie set the standard, and him and his footballing philosophy are what attracted people to this club as supporters, including myself. I'll never change the traditional passing style of the club. It won two European cups, so it's just a matter of finding the right players to be successful again."

"Easy job this football management lark, isn't it?"

"Oh no!" I laughed. "I've been round the block too many times to fall into that trap. There's 40-odd games left in the league, and there's no way they're all going to be this easy. But we'll take what we've got so far, any day of the week."

"Thanks for your time."

"You're very welcome."

We chatted again after the interview wrapped up, and I was startled by the next question she asked.

"Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?"

Now I reckoned I was fairly decent with the ladies, but this was slightly out of the ordinary.

"Umm. What for?" I floundered.

"To eat something. What do people normally go out to dinner for?"

"You're an interesting sort aren't you? Why would you want to go out to dinner with me. Really?"

"I do it a lot with local people in sport. I like to get to know the people I'll be interviewing a little bit better."

"Oh. Well I..."

"BBC Nottingham's paying," she smiled.

"That's good enough for me," I laughed.

"Ciro's" was the name of the Italian restaurant we went to that night. It was open till 2am or something, and I managed to get there by 10, just before she did. I apologised for arriving in the same suit that I was wearing at the match. She said not to worry, at least it was an Armani. For her part, she had found the time to get changed, and was looking quite delicious in a black dress that showed off all her main selling points, of which there were many.

We got down to it, so to speak, talking about the local sports scene, and our respective places within it. I didn't let too much slip. I was still smarting from those lurid tabloid headlines, and had no inclination whatsoever to confide anything juicy in a journalist, no matter how juicy the journalist.

I cynically widened the conversation into more general areas. Firstly, because of the reasons I just mentioned, and secondly because I wanted to find out if she was single. On finding out that she was, I reacted somewhat similarly to the way I did when we opened the scoring that evening. Internally of course, since running around punching the air and effing and blinding in the middle of an Italian restaurant would have looked a bit strange.

We left the restaurant around 1am, and although I had absolutely no intention of trying anything on, she actually gave me a peck on the cheek. I went home with a quandry. She was a cracking bit of stuff, whom I suspected was interested in more than just an interview on the team's prospects for Saturday. I already had a cracking bit of stuff, whose interest in me had been confirmed in no uncertain terms. As a football manager with competition for places might say, "it's a nice problem to have".

It was the most interesting Tuesday night I could remember spending in Nottingham. The next evening was an extremely energetic one with Jenny, but after that I reckoned I should be spending less time cutting a swathe through the Nottingham singles scene, and more time plotting a return to the Championship for the club. I took the session on Thursday, which raised a few eyebrows, since I rarely took much interest in training unless we were playing crap. I bollocked a few of the lads for looking lazy, and stopped proceedings several times to get a few points across.

Arriving back at my office, Marjorie told me that I had had a phone call from Kelly Taylor. I tried to disguise my excitement, pretending it was just another pesky interruption from the media.

"She's very attractive that young BBC girl isn't she?" Marjorie asked nosily.

"Is she? I haven't noticed. Yes I suppose she is. And about 10 years younger than me."

"You look more like 23 than 33 though."

"Only because I've never had a real job Marjorie. If I'd worked in a factory I'd probably look like Albert Steptoe by now."

When I got hold of Kelly, metaphorically speaking, the news wasn't good. Apparently she'd been called by a News of The World reporter, who had somehow managed to find out about our dinner date. I was absolutely furious, though I hid it from her, since it wasn't her fault this had happened.

"I hope they don't have pictures of you kissing me on the cheek," I said.

"I don't think so. Anyway, even if they did, that was nothing."

"Don't underestimate it," I laughed. "It made my evening."

She laughed too, then said. "It's a shame. I really enjoyed Tuesday night."

"So did I. I'd like to see you again some time. Would that be possible?"

"Yes. It would."

"Listen, until such time as this whole tabloid thing blows over, we'll have to be careful, even strictly professional. But in a few weeks or months, maybe we could pick up where we left off?"

"I'd like that," she sighed.

I felt invincible when I got off the phone, and immediately called my lawyer to tell him that I had heard the News of The World were snooping around again. He was outraged, and promised to put a stop to it straight away, with a restraining order if necessary. Quite right too, considering what they were charging me. I knew I had to act fast, before Nigel got wind of it and started complaining. Finally, I could get back to managing the club.

[irishregan]

We traveled down to Southend on the Friday evening for the next day’s encounter in good spirits. I sent the players to bed and had a few drinks in the hotel bar with Frank. Our relationship had warmed quite a bit. I had hurt him badly by firing him the last time, since he loved the club as much as I did. I think I was seeing the benefits of his passion. It brought an intangible which I think was helping us gel as a team.

From a corner not properly cleared, Tyson fired in our opener that Saturday (19). I went cautious and watched as Pedersen saved our bacon on a few occasions. Just as it looked like we would steal the 3 points, we gave up a sloppy goal when Wes Morgan lost his man on 74 minutes. I was furious with him as I watched the game peter out to 1-1 draw.

Southend 1-1 Forest Att: 7299

Paul Evans was in agony when he came off the pitch, so much so that the medical team warned him not to take his boot off till we got back to a hospital in Nottingham. It turned out he had a broken foot and will be out 3-5 months. When asked by a journalist, I admit it's a blow but say we can cover it.

Monday morning, I decided to offer David Johnson around and see if anyone will take him off our hands. His agent was on the phone like a shot:

â€David is really ****ed off with this you know?†he began, as though he owned the place.

â€I don’t give a f**k. I make the decisions around here and I don’t want him anymore.â€

“Well, you’ve got an unhappy player on your hands. Perhaps you should reconsider.â€

“Here’s what I’ll tell you. If he’s smart he’ll take the first decent offer he gets, because he’s finished here. And if he f**ks about, he’ll be training with the youth team. Tell him if he needs an explanation why he’s leaving, he can come and see me. Cheerio.â€

Nothing much else happened that day, apart from rejecting a crap bid for Beaumont from Walsall. I spent most of the rest of the week at home, thinking about team strategies, whether we would (or more pertinently could) buy before the transfer deadline, and undertaking a rigorous programme of physical exercise with Jenny. I reckon I’ll be fit enough to make a playing comeback at this rate.

The 20th of August was a lovely Summer Saturday at The City Ground. I was standing on the touchline at 11 that morning, ruminating on how magnificent the place looked, and arrogantly imagining that this place and this day deserved much more illustrious visitors than Yeovil. It was that kind of arrogance that had seen this famous club slide to where they were today.

Gary Holt had replaced Evans and it was his needless foul that allowed the visitors to score with a 25 yard free kick ten minutes in, the only action of a dreadful 1st half. The players were expecting me to go mad in the dressing room, and I didn’t disappoint. Still nothing happened for us, until they got a man sent off (71), and I went s**t or bust: all out attack with 3 forwards. I hadn’t seen this one work too often, but we pressed them back and they were hanging on for dear life. Nine minutes from time Tyson dropped off to the left wing, which he is very good at, and crossed for supersub Grant Holt to fire home. I still wasn’t happy though. A draw wasn’t up to the standards I was setting, so we kept hammering them. With time set to run out Tyson did the same routine, this time with Blackstock on the end of it, to snatch a nail-biting (though merited) win with pretty much the last kick of the game. The fans were in transports of delight, and though I usually try to play it cool on the touchline, I knew this one was the winner, and what a big result this was for us. The dressing room was a good place to be afterwards.

Forest 2-1 Yeovil Att: 18849

I get interviewed by Kelly afterwards, and have to resist the urge to jump her. I get the feeling that she might be doing the same, though as I’ve already said, I’m not short on arrogance. The conversation is flirty and cheeky, and in the end I go away wondering if the public noticed all the unrelated drivel between us in the interview. I have to remain professional and talk about the football, instead of doing cheap impersonations of Cary Grant.

Three days later we were at Oldham, in a wide open League Cup game that could have been about 6-4 by half-time. It was 0-0. In the second half, Holt came off the bench to set up Tyson, for a slightly undeserved opener in the 85th minute. That we won the game owed everything to Pedersen’s heroics in net. I tell the lads well done, though it wasn’t exactly a vintage performance.

Oldham 0-1 Forest Att: 3685

Bastians is out 1-4 weeks after picking up a knee injury. Our reward for a slightly fortunate win is a home tie with Watford.

The coach trip to Milton Keynes for the weekend game isn’t an arduous one, though looking at the town itself is hard work. My assistant and I hit the bar again on Friday night, so much so that on matchday morning we’re both trying to pretend we had a bad Chinese the night before. Frank may be a different generation from me, and regard me as a bit of a flash git, but the love of a drink has certainly brought us much closer together.

In an effort to accommodate 3 in-form forwards and cover for our injuries, Tyson plays on the left wing with Holt up front. It’s an even game, then the other Holt, Gary heads in a cross (26). We contain them quite comfortably from thereon in, and with them getting a man sent off with 20-odd minutes left, we cruise home. Job done, we get the hell out of there and are back home for 7 o’clock.

MK Dons 0-1 Forest Att:5232

David Johnson departs for Gillingham over the weekend for 70k, ostensibly to get him off the wage bill. I’m sitting at home on Sunday night having a drink with Jenny and am more than a little surprised to see his agent quoted on Sky Sports talking about how he “jumped at the chance to join themâ€.

I made another ruthless decision over that weekend, this time affecting veteran midfield clogger Gary Holt. I reckoned he was too old, we had players who could do the same job, he was expensive….I called him personally though, because I liked him. He didn’t take it well. I explained my decision, most importantly that it wasn’t personal, and at least he accepted that. I said sorry, and I meant it. But this is business.

We had the bank holiday game on the Monday, home to Brentford, and despite a few players looking ragged after Saturday, I kept the same team. We started well, and after a goalmouth scramble involving just about every player on the pitch, Grant Holt half volleyed one into the roof of the net. As usual we sat back and looked for the counter. It all went according to plan, until Mr Accident Prone, Wes Morgan gave away a soft penalty. The guy was looking for it, and played Wes for a sucker. You should have heard the roar when Pedersen saved it, and I saw the air go out of the Brentford players and staff right at that moment. From there, the result was never in doubt.

Forest 1-0 Brentford Att: 18852

The transfer deadline was fast approaching, and I got my skates on. Needing cover for the left wing, we signed Emil Halfredsson on loan for 3 months from Spurs. This was despite Commons resuming full training. Gary Holt headed south for Colchester in a deal which realizes 90K and also gets us under the wage budget, gaining me a complimentary phone call from the original Scrooge himself, Nigel. Finally, Nicky Eaden sods off to Millwall for 40K. I accepted bids for him weeks ago, and he was hanging around training with the stiffs until eventually agreeing to go. As an insurance policy, I also sign DM/DR Barry Fuller on loan from Charlton to cover those positions, and see if he’s a viable future transfer target.

Yours truly wins Manager of the Month, Breckin gets player of the month, and to top off the good news, Wes Morgan signs a new deal till 2010 for more or less same money. Nigel tells me the board are encouraged by my start as manger, and that we made a profit of 262 grand for the month. I can almost smell the greed off him when he mentions that part.

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 6 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 10 | 2 | +8 | 16 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Swansea | | 6 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 11 | 4 | +7 | 14 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Bradford | | 6 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 10 | 5 | +5 | 13 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Chesterfield | | 6 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 9 | 5 | +4 | 13 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Brentford | | 6 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 12 | 6 | +6 | 12 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Southend | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 10 | 5 | +5 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Hartlepool | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 4 | +4 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Huddersfield | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 7 | 4 | +3 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Doncaster | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 11 | 9 | +2 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | S****horpe | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 6 | +2 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Walsall | | 6 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 8 | 5 | +3 | 9 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Colchester | | 6 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 7 | 10 | -3 | 8 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Blackpool | | 6 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 9 | 11 | -2 | 7 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Tranmere | | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 8 | -1 | 6 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Oldham | | 6 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 13 | -5 | 6 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Swindon | | 6 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 7 | 9 | -2 | 5 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Rotherham | | 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 7 | -2 | 5 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | MK Dons | | 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 8 | -3 | 5 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Bristol City | | 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 6 | -3 | 5 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Gillingham | | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 4 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Bournemouth | | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 5 | 12 | -7 | 4 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Port Vale | | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 13 | -9 | 4 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Yeovil | | 6 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 2 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Barnsley | | 6 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 8 | -4 | 2 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

[irishregan]

September’s first action saw us on the road at Huddersfield, missing the injured Perch, but welcoming back Kris Commons. The game began all action, with us providing most of it, yet somebody from their team kept getting a foot or a head in the way at the critical moment. Then on 14, Beaumont picked up the ball on the left edge of the box, and hammered in an absolute stunner. As always, I tighten things up, yet we still looked menacing, Tyson and Bopp missing golden opportunities. In first half injury time, Blackstock crossed and Tyson made no mistake this time.

The lads knew what was expected, and it’s plain sailing, even after John Thompson got himself sent off for 2 yellows with 12 minutes left. T**t

Huddersfield 0-2 Forest Att: 13652

Victory comes at a price. Thompson is suspended of course. I fine him a week’s wages, and he accepts it, which I am always impressed by. A more significant loss is Ian Breckin, out for 1-2 weeks with a rib injury.

Another glorious late Summer Saturday at the old ground saw the visit of 5th placed Hartlepool. Although tables could lie this early in the season, we’d be taking the threat seriously, especially with Breckin out. I had reasonable confidence in his replacement John Curtis, he just wasn’t the lower division colossus that Brecks was. Barry Fuller started as Thompson’s replacement.

It was a suicidally dull 1st half, during which Tyson missed 2 great chances to give us the lead. I duly administered a bollocking. The visitors were here for a point, and there for the taking as far as I was concerned. With a 2nd half yielding much pressure but still no goals, I was working myself up for a real dressing room tantrum, when Commons picked up a cleared corner and bent one in from 25 yards off the post with just 7 minutes remaining. The radio commentary described it as “pure inspirationâ€. I agreed with that because it won us the game. A game which we should have won, yet looked like drawing.

Forest 1-0 Hartlepool Att: 25344

Monday morning signaled the start of a busy week on a variety of fronts. After our recent game against them, I had been impressed by Brentford’s young centre back Michael Turner. Our scouts had confirmed my initial impression, and also that his club were penniless. Under those circumstances, I vultured in and got him for 65K. Robbery really, but it’s dog eat dog.

The lad arrives on the 1st January, and will be a serious contender for a place, both now and in the future.

Having received a call from my lawyer, I attended an appointment on the Wednesday afternoon. I sauntered in, shouting over “hello gorgeous†to Jenny. I instantly realized I had made a mistake. She looked embarrassed and I knew I had been unprofessional, and that no-one in the office was aware that I was knocking her off on a nightly basis. I apologized straight away, and made like just another one of the clients.

Jeremy Whitlow of Whitlow Ullathorne and Goss was the partner handling my case. Fortunately he was both down to earth and a fan of the club, so we were able to make small talk and establish a rapport without too much effort. He told me The News of The World had been in touch and wanted to settle, but in a totally absurd way.

In return for an apology, they wanted an “exclusive†interview about my life. It would tell the whole story, the “birds, booze, and bust-ups†as they put it, and also required me to reveal the “inside story†of BBC colleagues, and anyone else I might have met in the last few years that was remotely newsworthy. Jeremy could sense my ill-temper.

â€I gather that doesn’t meet with your approval†he smiled.

â€I’m totally and utterly offended by it. If I did that I’d end up looking even more ridiculous than if I had actually gone into a massage parlour to have my plums tickled. You can tell them to f**k right off. I want their balls for breakfast.â€

“I assume that means a full page apology and substantial damages.â€

“Correct. And make sure they’re aware in no uncertain terms that there’ll be no interview with them. Ever.â€

“Certainly. Just be aware that if you are intransigent over the terms of the settlement, they may decide to go to court. After all, it would benefit them, in terms of free advertising as it were.â€

“I don’t care. I want to get them. If anybody crosses me in football, I get them so that I can send out the message that I’m not to be messed with. Same rules apply here.â€

“I understand that perfectly. I’ll get back to you in due course. Although it will move slowly of course.â€

“I’ll wait. Thanks Jeremy.â€

I had calmed down a bit when I got back to the club, only to find Rune Pedersen in the physio’s room.

â€What’s the matter with you?â€

“I’ve done a groin boss.â€

“How?â€

“I was showing one of the youth team lads how many somersaults I could do, and I just felt it go.â€

“What were you doing f***ing somersaults for?! Now we’ve got nobody to play in net for Saturday you silly f***er!â€

“Sorry boss.â€

I didn’t have time to hang around and shout at the poor lad. I got on the phone straight away, and managed to secure a 2 month loan for Bolton youngster Chris Howarth. Due to loan restrictions, I had to return Danny Hollands to Chelsea, but there was no other option really. Our new loan signing was thrust straight in for the visit to Bristol City on the 17th September.

The home side were all over us, and scored 2 minutes before the break. My ranting and raving at the interval only resulted in another goal for them on 48 minutes. It was far and away the worst performance since I got there, and I let the players have it afterwards.

Bristol City 2-0 Forest Att: 14431

I was in a foul mood when I got home, and concentrated on getting as drunk as possible when there was a knock on my apartment door. Jenny was standing there when I opened the door, in a tight top that was fighting a losing battle with her monstrous assets.

â€I heard you lost today,†she smiled seductively.

â€Yes we did.â€

“I just wondered if you needed a shoulder to cry on.â€

“Well my eyes are certainly watering, but I’m not crying.â€

“Oh, well, there must be something I can do.â€

“You can answer me one question I never got around to asking.â€

“Yes?â€

“How come they’re so big and your waist is so tiny?â€

She laughed â€Just good breeding.â€

“Oh, I see. Well speaking of breeding…â€

Oh the pressures of being a football manager.

Our League Cup game against Watford on the 21st was a bit of a non-event. We lost in extra time and I really should have played the reserves to save our better players for the weekend. We lost anyway after all, and the league is our only priority. Commons injured his rib and Padula did a hamstring in the game, and I’ll be without them for 2 weeks and 4 weeks respectively.

The weekend came and Tranmere arrived at our place. Rogers, Halfredsson and Blackstock returned to the line-up, and despite a dominating first half performance we got nothing. I told the lads to keep plugging away instead of losing my rag, and with 48 minutes on the clock, a long punt from Rogers saw Blackstock race through to score what would turn out to be the only goal of the game. The visitors had f**k all to offer, and the result was never seriously in doubt. In fact I couldn’t even remember them having a chance in the game.

Forest 1-0 Tranmere Att: 25483

We hardly had time to turn around before we’re off to Swindon for a Tuesday game. They’re in 23rd place, 10 games without a win, so of course we conceded two goals to them in the 2nd and 20th minutes. A sublime cracker from Beaumont pulled one back before half-time, and again I tried the softly softly approach in the dressing room. It didn’t work this time for sure, as we conceded another two sloppy goals before the end of a performance which left me smashing things in the dressing room, and sulking at the front of the coach back to Nottingham promising “no more Mr Nice Guyâ€.

Swindon 4-1 Forest Att: 5521

The club managed a profit of 28K for the month, small beer in Nigel’s book.

The first of the month saw us take on Blackpool at home, another side pressing for the playoffs. Perch, Fuller, Commons, and Blackstock all returned to the side, which gave me a little more confidence. Five minutes in Tyson went on a mazy run, which didn’t particularly seem to be going anywhere, until he got the bounce of the ball and drove home. Eleven minutes later Rogers floated in a free kick, and after [blackstock was thwarted by their keeper, Bopp was on hand to tap in. A similar scenario just after the half hour saw us grab a third, Tyson tapping in, again from a Blackstock rebound. Beaumont added a penalty on the hour, completing a ruthless performance that was barely dented when they got one back with 10 minutes to go. I told the lads they were sensational, and that’s no lie.

Forest 4-1 Blackpool Att: 19481

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 12 | 9 | 1 | 2 | 20 | 9 | +11 | 28 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Swansea | | 12 | 8 | 2 | 2 | 22 | 11 | +11 | 26 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | S****horpe | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 16 | 11 | +5 | 21 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Hartlepool | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 13 | 8 | +5 | 21 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Doncaster | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 20 | 16 | +4 | 21 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Chesterfield | | 12 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 16 | 11 | +5 | 20 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Bradford | | 12 | 6 | 2 | 4 | 15 | 13 | +2 | 20 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Bristol City | | 12 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 13 | 8 | +5 | 19 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Colchester | | 12 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 18 | 18 | 0 | 19 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Southend | | 12 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 13 | 11 | +2 | 18 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Brentford | | 12 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 19 | 18 | +1 | 18 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Barnsley | | 12 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 14 | 15 | -1 | 15 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | MK Dons | | 12 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 12 | 14 | -2 | 15 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Blackpool | | 12 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 19 | 22 | -3 | 15 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Huddersfield | | 12 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 12 | 15 | -3 | 14 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Rotherham | | 12 | 4 | 2 | 6 | 11 | 15 | -4 | 14 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Walsall | | 12 | 2 | 7 | 3 | 11 | 11 | 0 | 13 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Gillingham | | 12 | 3 | 3 | 6 | 19 | 22 | -3 | 12 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Yeovil | | 12 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 18 | 21 | -3 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Oldham | | 12 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 14 | 20 | -6 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Bournemouth | | 12 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 13 | 19 | -6 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Port Vale | | 12 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 9 | 21 | -12 | 11 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Swindon | | 12 | 1 | 7 | 4 | 14 | 17 | -3 | 10 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Tranmere | | 12 | 1 | 5 | 6 | 10 | 15 | -5 | 8 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

This league table is after the 1st October game, due to an oversight by yours truly.

[irishregan]

News reaches me that Grant Holt will miss 1-2 weeks, however this is offset by the news that Paul Gerrard is now available for duty. He’ll provide some much needed experience between the pipes.

On Thursday I got a call from my producer at the BBC, Brian Meadows. I was convinced he’d called up to give me the boot from my job as a pundit. Instead, the corporation intended to do the opposite, and extend my contract. He said management and audiences alike had been “overwhelmingly positive†about my performance. They liked my naturally controversial and outspoken style, laced with a little bit of humour, whilst not taking myself or the game too seriously. I had to be careful not to cross the line and be offensive, he warned me. To that end, he had some “observationsâ€.

During England’s game against Sweden I had said that Joe Cole’s goal would have had the viewers “creamingâ€. I was told in no uncertain terms that references to orgasms during BBC coverage was a no-no. Secondly, I had been overheard off-air making a so-called sexist remark, when I observed that a BBC researcher had “great knockersâ€. Finally, he mentioned that there had been a few eyebrows raised about drinking and taking girls back to my hotel room whilst I had been in Germany. I denied any impropriety, which was a lie, but promised to keep my nose clean in the future. I had to laugh when he suggested I had been leading Alan Hansen astray. He didn’t need to be led from what I could see.

Then came the real purpose of the call. BBC’s Football Focus wanted to do a feature on me and the progress of the club for next Saturday’s lunchtime show. It included an interview with my old mate Ray Stubbs, whom I’d known both professionally and alcoholically for a good few years. I had been a regular guest on the show when I was out of management. We’d got on well from first meeting, and had what the TV people liked to call “great chemistryâ€. It was a shame that our stint together on the show ended after an unfortunate incident.

After finishing up one Saturday lunchtime, we’d decided to go out for “a quick pintâ€, which turned into a massive bender that ended the following Wednesday. That wouldn’t have been a problem, except that Ray was supposed to be presenting the snooker coverage from Preston on Tuesday. Realising his mistake, he called up just in time and told them that he had a “domestic situation†he had to deal with. The BBC made other arrangements, dragging David Vine out of retirement to sub in.

In fact, Ray was actually holed up in a hotel in Chelsea Harbour with me and two tramps we had picked up in (appropriately enough) “Tramp†nightclub in central London (separate rooms mind you). When he did eventually go home, smelling of booze and cheap perfume, he really did have a “domestic situation†on his hands.

The interview was originally suggested for Sunday morning, but I wasn’t having that since it meant I would have to lay off the bevies on Saturday night. I arranged it for that evening instead, giving us maximum time to go out on the tear.

On Friday morning, we headed down to The Potteries, for Saturday’s game against Port Vale.

They weren’t exactly in the form of their lives, and sat in 22nd position. We were confident of beating them, and got a good start. A lovely reverse pass from Blackstock released Bopp down the right, and his cross was nodded home by Tyson. Just 3 minutes later, Tyson escaped down the left, and crossed. Blackstock was denied, and Barry Fuller was on hand to pass the rebound into the net.

It seemed we had let the home side back in needlessly after 55 minutes. A regulation cross was stupidly put into his own net by Beaumont. Any hopes of a comeback were dashed though, when they had a man sent off with 20 minutes left, then another dismissed for a professional foul 5 minutes from the end. I told the lads well done, and told the coach driver to put his foot down and get us back to Nottingham.

Port Vale 1-2 Forest Att; 5788

The interview went well, and it was nice to see Ray again. The questions were half-volleys (a cricketing term meaning easy for those who don’t know) and I preened myself as he mentioned me “masterminding†11 wins in 15 games through “mean defenceâ€. After the interview I immediately suggested we go and get p***ed, and that’s precisely what we did. The boozing ended late on Sunday night though, since Ray was fronting the Masters snooker that week, and we had a game at home to Barnsley on Tuesday night.

Prior to that fixture, I arranged to sell John Thompson to Falkirk for 110k in January. He was out of contract anyway, and I couldn’t decide whether he was worth keeping, so I thought I might as well get something for him.

Authors note: Apologies for the outside stuff outstripping the gameplay at the minute. I will have to wait till the weekend to get some serious games played, and just wanted to keep up the story till then. Hope people are still enjoying it.

[hilditch]

YEnjoying the story, and being drunk is the only way to be in Nottingham!

[irishregan]

Thanks a lot hilditch, being drunk is a good way to be in most places

[MandrakeTheBear]

Mandrake The Bear paused by this story, read over it, and made the following comments:

'I like this story, a lot. I appreciate how it is not one dimensional like some of the stories on this forum, your character development is good. Well done!'

Knowing that his work here was done, for now, Mandrake The Bear retreated to his cave

[irishregan]

Thanks a lot Mandrake, I have to admit this is the first time I have had praise from a bear, but I appreciate it just as much

A decent sized update will arrive tomorrow afternoon.

[irishregan]

The visitors were in 14th, and were supposed to be easy meat, but things didn’t turn out that way. In an entirely forgettable 1st half, we went behind after 38 minutes, Stephen McPhail a very effective player at this level, bashed in a free kick from just outside the box. I wasn’t at all happy in the dressing room, and sent the players back out with a flea in their ear.

We continued to press, yet our pattern of play was scrappy. It was a scrappy piece of play though that eventually led to an equalizer. Following an aimless game of head tennis, sub Jack Lester got hold of the ball and passed to Tyson to put us back on level terms. For some reason, I knew we wouldn’t get a winner. There was little else of note to report, and it was a disappointing result and performance.

Forest 1-1 Barnsley Att: 19676

Worse than that tripe, Blackstock and Commons had both picked up injuries, and would be out for 1-2 weeks.

They wouldn’t be back in time for Saturday’s game away to Chesterfield. Halfredsson and Holt replaced them, and fortunately for us Pedersen was back between the sticks.

The first period wasn’t in danger of entertaining anyone. We had the better of things, though I could see quite clearly now that we’re out of form. Passes are going astray, and few chances are being created, despite plenty of possession.

A half-time bollocking did little to remedy matters. Worse was to follow. After a comical “after you…no after you†piece of defending, their striker was given a clear run on goal to score a totally undeserved 92nd minute winner.

Chesterfield 1-0 Forest Att: 8925

Even by my standards, I put on a real performance in the dressing room afterwards. I called them all sorts of names and then said I was going home. Not to Nottingham, but back to Sevenoaks. I put Frank in charge of the midweek game against Northampton in the LDV saying I was so angry I didn’t want to see these players again for another week. Careers were on the line, I ranted, and I wouldn’t tolerate people wiping their arse on the club I loved. The reaction from the players was one of shock, which was what I intended, though Frank seemed secretly pleased.

Hiring a car in Chesterfield wasn’t an easy proposition, though I managed to find a place at the local railway station with some help from the chairman of their club, who saw me stalking up to the bar with a face like thunder. Driving south at around 6pm, I heard an interview with Ian Breckin on BBC Radio Derbyshire, who stood up and took responsibility for our crap performance as captain, and hinted at the blind fury I displayed in the dressing room afterwards. The guy wasn’t an elegant or classy ball player, not really my type in a way. But by God he was a leader, and a mighty effective player at this level.

Two hours later, I was marooned on the M25. I gave Hansen a call, and sure enough he was in London to record Match of The Day. He was easily tempted of course, and I picked him up at the railway station later on, in preparation for a night of debauchery. I would have got Ray Stubbs along as well, but he was still up north presenting the climax of the snooker that weekend.

We headed out to a few of the local nightclubs. Alan was trying to goad me into some skirt chasing, and was baffled as to why I was limiting myself to just booze.

â€That’s why,†I said, showing him a picture of Jenny."

â€F***ing hell!†he panted. â€Look at the lungs on that. Great looking too.â€

â€Exactly. In the last few months, I’ve had more rides than Lester Piggott. I’m just going to get smashed tonight, and leave these dirty tarts alone.â€

“She must be awful good then. That’s all I can say. I’m still going to chase a bit.â€

“Be my guest.â€

A few hours later, Alan arrived at my place with his female companion for the evening. I stayed downstairs and drank as much as I possibly could. I woke up at about 2 in the afternoon on Sunday, and the pair of them were still there, canoodling in my kitchen.

â€I can smell bacon and eggs,†I said. â€Any chance there love?â€

His bird didn’t look too pleased to be interrupted, but this was my house, and if she wanted to hang around, that was the least she could do. I finally got rid of them about 4pm, and spent the next day or two farting around the house, doing a reasonable amount of drinking. Nigel knew I wouldn’t be back at the club until later in the week, and while he wasn’t best pleased, that was his problem.

We went down 1-0 to Northampton with a team full of reserves. That was a matter of complete disinterest to me though. I traveled up on Friday morning to get the lads ready for Saturday’s home game with Bradford, and to spend Friday evening re-acquainting myself with Jenny and her phenomenal “lungs†as Hansen had so eloquently described them.

Padula was back for this game, which was nice, yet it didn’t improve our lackluster play in the first half. I took it easy on the lads and just told them to keep plugging away. Time was running out in the 2nd half, and it was getting extremely frustrating, not least for the crowd, who were making their anxiety over recent results and performances very plain.

With 20 minutes left, sub Ross Gardener played a nice ball through to Tyson, so often our Mr Reliable, and he got us the winner. A crucial goal, that seemed to lift the weight of the world off our shoulders. A vital win.

Forest 1-0 Bradford Att: 19937

October’s last engagement on the 29th brought us right back down to earth. A visit to Oldham didn’t look too terrifying, yet last time we went there in the League Cup, we were very fortunate to come away with a 1-0 win. We were in trouble right from the start in this one, conceding two goals early on and never looking in it. It was a dreadful performance, and it was obvious that we were still way out of form. Things would have to be seriously looked at.

Oldham 2-0 Forest Att: 7037

The board are still upbeat about my managerial performance, and even more so about the 82K profit for the month.

[irishregan]

The first item on my agenda for change involved selling Paul Gerrard to Brighton for 70k in January. The lad accepted he was second choice behind our Norwegian stopper. He was out of contract at the end of the season though, and I didn’t want him to walk for nothing. This way he also gets to establish himself as a number one again. There’s no hard feelings on either side really, although he’s not delighted to be leaving. No-one ever wants to leave Forest. Apart from Pierre van Hooijdonk.

On the 5th we play Southport at home in the FA Cup, and I trot out all the usual clichés about a cup run being great for morale at the club. In reality this is a side we should s**t on. I am also delighted to welcome Pedersen back into net.

Bopp got us underway after 20 minutes, heading in a regulation cross at the back post. We had to wait until just after the hour before Tyson was sent through and finished expertly. Straight away, Grant Holt got in on the act, finishing a Tyson cross. It was a dawdle really, we outshot them 23-0, winning a trip to Rushden in the next round.

Forest 3-0 Southport Att: 15016

Due to international call-ups, there was a 14 day break before our next fixture. I insisted that the lads trained for the few days after the last game, and before the next one. There was no way I was just going to let them p*** off and do whatever they want for 2 weeks. I, on the other hand, was under no such restrictions.

I went out to dinner with Jenny that evening, and whilst we didn’t exactly have a row, it was a little bit uncomfortable. She mentioned, not for the first time, that she thought it was time for me to be “more open†about our relationship. To introduce her more to people in my life, such as people at the club. In essence, she thought I had her in the closet to some extent.

I could understand that, though I protested that I was still paranoid about the whole News of The World fiasco. I was touchy about my private life at the best of times, since there were some relatively lurid things in the past that I didn’t want salivated over in the press. She wondered if I was just using this as a smokescreen.

â€What’s so terrible about having a girlfriend that you wouldn’t want that in the press?†she asked.

“Look, you’re right. And if anyone comes to this table that I know and asks who you are, I’ll say ‘that’s my girlfriend’. But let’s just not go too fast. And it’s for your own protection as well that I’m keeping you out of the limelight. You’ll appreciate that some day I reckon.â€

She still wasn’t satisfied, but we left it at that for now. Then, just as I was draining the 3rd bottle of wine, disaster struck. I was facing the door of the restaurant, and who should stride in like a great sexy colossus but Kelly Taylor, complete with some weedy looking fellow whom I took to be her boyfriend. Jenny noticed that my attention was drawn, and looked over to see who it was.

â€That’s that girl from the BBC isn’t it?†she asked. â€Do you know her?â€

“Uhh yes. I get interviewed by her regularly.â€

“She’s gorgeous.â€

“Mmm. Well, she’s also a journalist, so I hardly even notice that part,†I lied.

â€Oh look, she’s seen you and she’s coming over!â€

“Oh Christ!†I mumbled to myself.

Kelly arrived at the table and said hello, all with the slight undertone of “you bastard†in her face.

â€How are you?†I stuttered.

â€Good. We haven’t met,†she began to Jenny. â€I’m Kelly Taylor, I work with Regan occasionally for BBC Nottingham.â€

“This is Jenny,†I interrupted. â€My friend…uhhh girlfriend.â€

“Nice to meet you. This is Colin,†she said, indicating the weedy bloke. â€My…friend.â€

I managed to keep the conversation mercifully short, and at least we had nearly finished dinner and were able to leave soon after. There followed not the greatest weekend I’d ever had. Jenny had the hump with me, and I wasn’t getting any. I sought refuge in my best friend, the bottle.

Proving the old maxim that it never rains but it pours, I was sitting in my office on Monday morning chatting with Frank over a scandalously early bottle of whisky, when a call came through. Of course it was Kelly. I rolled my eyes, and Frank took his cue to leave.

â€I’m sorry about the other night,†I said.

â€What for? She’s stunning by the way.â€

“Funny, that’s what she said about you.â€

“Oh really?â€

“Yep. I told you my life was complicated.â€

“That’s not what I called you about.â€

“Oh.â€

“Can we do an interview with you about the team?â€

“Of course. Can I ask you a question first?â€

“Yes.â€

“Is that all too complicated for you?â€

“I don’t know. But if it wasn’t complicated, nothing has changed from what we said before.â€

“What about Colin?â€

She laughed. â€There’s nothing going on there. We’re just friends, though he wants more.â€

As it turned out, she wanted this interview for the turn of the year, which made me suspect that she had called up to talk about other things, in a roundabout way. In any case, I decided to take off for Sevenoaks on Tuesday, to clear my head of all this nonsense. I wanted to think about the football side of things. I had some videos of players to watch and scouting reports to read. One thing was for sure, we definitely needed reinforcements in January.

All time off passes far too quickly, and soon enough the 19th rolled around, and our date at home to Gillingham. Blackstock returned, yet we still played like total twonks, and ended up one down after a first half we were well in control of. I saved my Atilla The *** routine and concentrated on tactics and encouragement. Grant Holt came off the bench to win us a penalty with 20 minutes left, which Tyson duly scored. That was all she wrote. A crap performance, though at least we got something.

Forest 1-1 Gillingham Att: 19476

Between games, Thompson picked up a leg knock, and Cullip injured his shoulder doing weights, though these two weren’t exactly vital to us, and didn’t impact on selection for Saturday’s home game with Colchester.

Before the start, there was a rather theatrical staging on the pitch of Kris Commons signing a new 5 year contract worth 800K. I had decided to move after hearing a rumour that Sunderland were keen to sign him, and I wasn’t prepared to let that happen, at least not on terms unfavourable to us.

Holt started the game and won us a penalty for the second week running, again converted by Tyson. I went defensive/counter 23 minutes in, yet we still looked lively. 28 minutes in, Bopp knocked down a long crossfield ball, allowing Holt to unleash a clinical finish into the bottom corner. We cruised home against a rather inferior team, and I was satisfied that we at least played to our potential against a team we should be beating at home, or anywhere else for that matter.

Forest 2-0 Colchester Att: 19266

Shortly after that, Halfredsson’s loan spell finished and he returned to Spurs. I was underwhelmed by his play, though he didn’t get loads of chances. I did however think that Barry Fuller had done enough to have his loan extended by 3 months, the lad and his club both being happy to agree.

The 30th saw us in a tough away trip to 4th placed Swansea. I feared the worst when our old player Gareth Taylor blatantly fouled Wes Morgan on his way to scoring the opening goal, and got away with it. It was downhill from there, and we eventually lost 3-1, though this was in part due to me adopting a reckless all out attack approach, so convinced was I that this was not our day. I went bananas in the dressing room afterwards, and promised that people would be leaving us if things didn’t improve.

Swansea 3-1 Forest Att:14594

One thing was for sure, it was time for some tactical changes. I dropped the defensive midfielder approach, bringing Gardener into the centre of midfield. I also swapped Breckin and Morgan around at Frank’s suggestion, since they had been looking clumsy and ill at ease in recent games. James Perch had been concussed in the last game, and that was a blow we could have done without, though he’d only miss 1-2 weeks. In other news, the board reported their customary profit, in this case 65K

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 20 | 12 | 3 | 5 | 28 | 18 | +10 | 39 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Bristol City | | 20 | 11 | 5 | 4 | 30 | 14 | +16 | 38 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Swansea | | 20 | 11 | 5 | 4 | 34 | 20 | +14 | 38 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Doncaster | | 20 | 11 | 5 | 4 | 37 | 26 | +11 | 38 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Chesterfield | | 20 | 9 | 7 | 4 | 23 | 16 | +7 | 34 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Blackpool | | 20 | 10 | 4 | 6 | 33 | 28 | +5 | 34 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Huddersfield | | 20 | 9 | 6 | 5 | 26 | 21 | +5 | 33 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Bradford | | 20 | 10 | 3 | 7 | 27 | 23 | +4 | 33 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Hartlepool | | 20 | 9 | 5 | 6 | 22 | 20 | +2 | 32 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Barnsley | | 20 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 26 | 24 | +2 | 29 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | S****horpe | | 20 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 21 | 21 | 0 | 29 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Brentford | | 20 | 9 | 2 | 9 | 26 | 27 | -1 | 29 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Walsall | | 20 | 5 | 10 | 5 | 20 | 20 | 0 | 25 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Southend | | 20 | 7 | 4 | 9 | 17 | 21 | -4 | 25 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Bournemouth | | 20 | 6 | 6 | 8 | 24 | 28 | -4 | 24 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Oldham | | 20 | 7 | 3 | 10 | 23 | 28 | -5 | 24 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | MK Dons | | 20 | 7 | 3 | 10 | 20 | 26 | -6 | 24 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Colchester | | 20 | 5 | 7 | 8 | 23 | 29 | -6 | 22 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Rotherham | | 20 | 6 | 3 | 11 | 16 | 25 | -9 | 21 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Gillingham | | 20 | 4 | 8 | 8 | 27 | 32 | -5 | 20 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Swindon | | 20 | 3 | 10 | 7 | 23 | 26 | -3 | 19 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Yeovil | | 20 | 2 | 10 | 8 | 22 | 28 | -6 | 16 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Tranmere | | 20 | 3 | 6 | 11 | 19 | 27 | -8 | 15 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Port Vale | | 20 | 4 | 3 | 13 | 16 | 35 | -19 | 15 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

It might seem like a little bit of an over-reaction to be going spare when a team is top of the league. However, we are treading water at the minute, and have all but blown a lead that once stood at 6 points. I am under no illusions that we need better players come January. Where the money is going to come from I haven't got a clue, since Nigel has made it crystal clear that it won't be coming from him.

[irishregan]

3rd Dec I knew now that I had to focus on the football. This was a critical part of the season, both in terms of games and evaluation before the transfer window re-opened. Together it would make or break our season. Sitting in 1st place helped quite a bit, but when you are manager of such a turbulent club as this, you can never afford to be too comfortable in your position. It pays to be paranoid.

Rushden provided our opposition in the FA Cup, and we were slated as easy winners against a team from a lower division. Despite dominating the 1st half, we went in scoreless, and I had to implore the lads to be more ruthless. Still chances went begging, until the 79th minute, when Padula crossed, and after a near own goal, Bopp slotted home to finally give us the lead. It all looked very comfortable when they had a man sent off with 6 minutes left. There was still time for “the magic of the FA Cupâ€, which translates as “we get shafted for a goal with the last kick of the gameâ€. I was of course livid with this, yet chose not to unveil my anger in the dressing room, since I was saving my bad cop routine for more important league games.

Rushden 1-1 Forest Att: 6406

I fully expected us to win the replay, and if we did, it turned out that the reward was a visit to Man United. Cha-ching!!

Four days later came a glamorous trip to S****horpe. I was fairly demanding of the players beforehand, and wouldn’t accept anything other than a win. They appeared to get the message. Blackstock and Holt combined nicely down the left, and the resulting cross was excellently fired in by Beaumont for a 34th minute lead. Three minutes later, Blackstock was left totally unattended in the penalty area, and could have lit a fag before smashing in a cracking, emphatic finish. It was no more than we deserved, and after carrying on in a similarly dominant vain second half, an easy 3 points came our way.

S****horpe 0-2 Forest Att: 9167

It was good to be back home for the Saturday game, especially since I felt that the visitors, Walsall, would provide few problems if we played to our potential, though that was always a big if. And yet, it looked like I was being afflicted by arrogance again. In a desperately poor 1st half we came under pressure and played very badly, though still managed to cling on to a 0-0 scoreline. The lads received the dressing room rocket they should have got at Rushden, and then some. This time it did engender some sort of reaction.

Fuller intercepted a ball in midfield when we were under the cosh, sending Tysoninto the clear, and our top marksman finished easily, all this with just 8 minutes of this dreadful game to go. Instructing the lads to batten down the hatches, we actually ended up having several chances to finish them off without taking any. Holding on for the result was huge. It’s about time we diddled someone, since we’ve been on the receiving end a few times this year.

Forest 1-0 Walsall Att: 19015

According to sources in the dressing room, my team talk improved matters at half-time, which is nice to know they’re still listening to me now and then.

Glory be! I manage to tie up a few signings during the week, although they’re not exactly the type to send the fans delirious. MK Dons striker Serge Makofo joins us for 55K in January along with Crewe’s DRLC Paul Bignot for 40K. Both had been on loan at non-league sides and had prospered, impressed our scouts and fit in with our pitiful budget. I don’t think either will be competing for PFA Player of The Year any time soon, though I reckon they’ll be able to hack League One. To be honest, I reckon with a bit of fitness training, I could hack League One.

Midweek arrives, and with it our Cup replay. It’s an anti-climax for them this time, as goals in the first 20 minutes from Blackstock and Bopp set the platform for an entirely predictable win. Blackstock added another after 78, and we’re bound for Manchester in the next round and a date with a fat pile of cash.

Forest 3-0 Rushden Att:16674

Next day, I managed to tie up another signing. Ivica Mornar was unwanted by Portsmouth so I zoomed in and picked him up on a freebie, only till the end of the season, since I didn’t want to find out he’s a dud and be stuck with him for years. He agrees, pointing out that he’s made enough money in his career and now only wants first-team football.

We had another Saturday home game, this time against Doncaster. It was a lively 1st half, and some persistence down the left from Tyson allowed Holt a 1-on-1 with the keeper, which he duly converted. Any hopes of a comeback for them was squashed 4 minutes after the break, when Beaumont hammered a 20 yard free kick into the top corner, and we cruised home for the win. Nice performance against a potentially dangerous side.

Forest 2-0 Doncaster Att: 20417

Even better news comes through after the game. I have managed to offload Eugene Dadi to Bristol City for free in January. Good riddance, I won’t have to watch him sulking around the place, with a face like a sack of spanners. To hear him talk, he was Pele and Maradonna rolled into one. All I saw was a 32 year old journeyman striker.

Sunday’s newspapers contained totally unfounded stories linking Nathan Tyson to Rangers. Well at least it was totally unfounded from our end, they are apparently interested, according to what we hear on the grapevine. Frank and I agreed that I should comprehensively rubbish these reports in the media, which I do at every opportunity.

Next morning, Tyson turned up at my office, saying he “wants his future sorted outâ€. I sorted it out for him on the spot, telling him he wasn't going anywhere unless somebody paid 5 or 6 million quid for him. I see his future in the Premiership with this club, and until I say otherwise, that’s what will happen. He has the same agent as David Johnson, and that guy probably still has a flea in his ear from when he called me up the last time, which probably explains why it was left to the player to come into my office and talk about it. Either way, I don’t envisage too many problems with this one in the foreseeable future.

The next item in my in tray sees Danny Cullip flogged to Dunfermline for 100k. It was increasingly obvious to both club and player that it wasn’t panning out, and he didn’t object too much when he was informed of the decision. Nice lad, decent lower division player, but not in my plans.

Yet another home game for us on Boxing Day, before that though, I had the thorny problem of what my arrangements would be for Christmas. My parents and one of my brothers were in Canada, so that was a non-starter. My other brother and sister had families of their own, and there was no way they were going to horse over to Nottingham just to watch me getting drunk.

Jenny was going back to her parents in Stevenage. We were still an item, though she was not an easy touch at present, making herself exclusive in an effort to get me to “commit†more, as they say in yuppie speak. I suppose I could have gone with her, and “committedâ€. That would be kind of awkward though, and with me having to get back to Nottingham the same evening, it meant I couldn’t have a drink. The last thing I needed was to get a tug for drunk driving. The newspapers, especially The News of The World would just love that.

I was sitting in my office on a dark and windswept Christmas Eve about 4:30 in the afternoon. Everyone had gone home for the holidays, and I was drinking beer and feeling sorry for myself. My reverie was interrupted by a commotion in the outer office, and I just had time to slip my pint into the drawer before Nigel burst in, as was his custom.

â€Hello there!†he chirped. â€Merry Christmas!...Jesus, it stinks of booze in here.â€

“Uhh…yeah, we were having a little party in here for the office staff.â€

“Oh. I didn’t realize any of them were drinkers.â€

“Erm…well you know, it’s Christmas and all that.â€

“Yes I understand. Where are you spending Christmas then?â€

“Just at home.â€

He squinted suspiciously. â€Don’t get into any trouble.â€

“Nigel, you’re my employer, not my Father.â€

“Yes thank God. But just remember, you’re representing this club at all times. Merry Christmas, and good night.â€.

I sat there until about 7 that evening. On a whim, and slightly pie-eyed, I decided to call Kelly on her mobile phone. She answered, and in the background I could hear the unmistakable sounds of forced enjoyment at an office Christmas party.

â€Do you want an exclusive?†I asked.

She laughed. â€You’re not resigning are you?â€

“No, but I’m spending Christmas by myself eating fish fingers.â€

“Really?â€

“I’m afraid it’s true…well not the bit about the fish fingers. I wouldn’t miss my Christmas turkey for any c**t. Only problem is I don’t know how to cook the bloody thing.â€

She laughed out loud again. â€Well I’m not doing anything for Christmas, why don’t I come round and help you cook it?â€

My heart leapt excitedly â€Aren’t you going to your parents?â€

“They live abroad.â€

“Mine too.â€

“Where’s that gorgeous girlfriend of yours?â€

“At her parents. It doesn’t matter anyway. She's got the hump with me at the minute because I won’t marry her.â€

“Oh dear. You are in need of feminine company aren’t you?â€

“Yes. I’m picky mind you. You’ll do nicely though.â€

She laughed again, and I wondered if she was within my grasp. If not, she was the biggest f***ing tease in history.

Christmas day was very agreeable. A wonderful Christmas dinner, a few glasses of wine and lots of interesting small-talk. I’ll spare you the gory details, but I finally cracked the case, and couldn’t stop smiling the next day. I knew I was a dirty, no-good swine, but there you go.

â€What are you smiling about?†Frank asked me in the office.

â€Just had a nice Christmas. How about yours?â€

“Yeah good. You’re walking around here like you just shagged Raquel Welch.â€

“You’re showing your age Frank. Raquel Welch is old enough to be my Mother.â€

“What are you smiling about Robbo?†Ian Breckin asked me when I got down to the dressing room.

“Why does everybody keep f***ing asking me that?! Am I not allowed to smile or something?â€

“Yeah, but you’re usually a cantankerous f***er,†he replied, to a big laugh from the rest of the dressing room.

The lads went out totally relaxed that day, for the visit of Rotherham. Young Beaumont hit the bar after 2 minutes, from a corner routine where it was passed to him on the edge of the box. They fell for the same routine 2 minutes later, and this time he didn’t miss. Everything was going our way now, and on 41 minutes, Commons attempted a cross, miscued it, and watched it fly straight into the net. I didn’t need much of a team talk at half-time, and just concentrated on keeping the lads loose. Holt put the icing on the cake with 10 minutes left, heading in a corner, then added another after a total defensive balls-up allowed him a simple tap in with 3 minutes remaining. I told the lads they were sensational, and that they won’t get that smile of my face for a few days yet. Good times at the moment in this dressing room, let’s hope it continues.

Forest 4-0 Rotherham Att: 19179

I’m still feeling flippant the next day, and sign striker Patrick Agyemang on a free transfer from Preston, to arrive in January. This guy was kind of a fallback position, yet I decided to sign him anyway. He hasn’t exactly scored goals for fun in his career, though he still has time to develop. And I can never resist a freebie.

On the 28th we headed for Bournemouth, and that smile got well and truly wiped off my face. We got opened up like a tin of beans twice in the 1st half, and it went on just the same after half-time. Wes Morgan gave away a penalty on the hour, and ten minutes later Pedersen let in a 30 yard shot. The commentary team from BBC Radio Nottingham described it as “an abject second halfâ€, and I had to agree with that. My comments to the players afterwards were rather more violently angry than that. It seems I let them get too comfortable after last week. I won’t make that mistake again.

Bournemouth 4-0 Forest Att: 6618

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 25 | 16 | 3 | 6 | 37 | 22 | +15 | 51 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Bristol City | | 25 | 13 | 8 | 4 | 43 | 21 | +22 | 47 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Doncaster | | 25 | 12 | 7 | 6 | 43 | 34 | +9 | 43 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Swansea | | 25 | 11 | 8 | 6 | 41 | 30 | +11 | 41 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Chesterfield | | 25 | 11 | 8 | 6 | 31 | 25 | +6 | 41 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Huddersfield | | 25 | 11 | 8 | 6 | 34 | 29 | +5 | 41 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Bradford | | 25 | 12 | 4 | 9 | 35 | 29 | +6 | 40 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Brentford | | 25 | 12 | 3 | 10 | 41 | 37 | +4 | 39 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Blackpool | | 25 | 11 | 6 | 8 | 40 | 37 | +3 | 39 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Hartlepool | | 25 | 10 | 8 | 7 | 32 | 28 | +4 | 38 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Barnsley | | 25 | 10 | 6 | 9 | 33 | 37 | -4 | 36 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Walsall | | 25 | 8 | 11 | 6 | 26 | 23 | +3 | 35 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Bournemouth | | 25 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 32 | 31 | +1 | 34 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | S****horpe | | 25 | 9 | 6 | 10 | 25 | 33 | -8 | 33 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Swindon | | 25 | 7 | 10 | 8 | 34 | 30 | +4 | 31 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | MK Dons | | 25 | 9 | 3 | 13 | 26 | 34 | -8 | 30 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Southend | | 25 | 8 | 5 | 12 | 20 | 25 | -5 | 29 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Oldham | | 25 | 8 | 5 | 12 | 29 | 35 | -6 | 29 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Colchester | | 25 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 29 | 36 | -7 | 29 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Yeovil | | 25 | 5 | 10 | 10 | 32 | 34 | -2 | 25 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Gillingham | | 25 | 5 | 10 | 10 | 34 | 39 | -5 | 25 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Rotherham | | 25 | 7 | 3 | 15 | 20 | 37 | -17 | 24 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Tranmere | | 25 | 5 | 7 | 13 | 25 | 32 | -7 | 22 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Port Vale | | 25 | 5 | 4 | 16 | 22 | 46 | -24 | 19 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

We're still atop the league though never really comfortable as yet. we need to make our push, which hopefully will be a lot easier once we get our January signings in. Frank is endlessly pessimistic about our squad, which is only half true, so I am starting to wonder if he's totally on the ball half the time.

Authors note: Let me know if the whole Jenny/Kelly thing is working for the readers. It's a new deaparture for me, and romantic fiction is hardly my strongpoint. Also any advice on which bird they prefer would be nice, since I haven't the faintest idea how this part of the story is going to develop from day-to-day!

[irishregan]

It’s time to oil the revolving doors at The City Ground, as the 1st January rolls around. Turner, Agyemang, and Mornar arrive, the latter speaking of his relief at the opportunity of resurrecting his career. Thompson, Gerrard, Cullip, and Dadi leave without comment, although I later see an article in which he boasts that he’ll have the fans at his new club “drooling over his abilityâ€. Not likely.

I also have the bizarre experience of being interviewed by Kelly just a few short days after I’d finally bedded her. Both of us were pretending to be very professional, and due to busy schedules had not really spoken since Boxing Day. I trotted out all the usual stuff about “pleased with how things are goingâ€, “not allowing complacency†etc. By the way she smiled I wondered if she thought there was a hidden meaning in what I was saying, regarding me and her, and maybe there was. I only got to speak to her briefly afterwards, and we agreed to talk soon, but there were other people around so it was a bit difficult. We had an insane schedule of games coming up, 3 in the next week, so there wouldn’t be any hanky panky for a while I reckoned.

The following evening, we made the long trip to Yeovil, who lay in 20th place, though were always a tough assignment due to the sheer arduousness of the trip. My anxieties were eased by a lively start and a 13th minute penalty, converted by Beaumont. Just before half time, Holt escaped down the right, and his cross was easily put in by Tyson. The home side scored a 20 yard free kick straight away, just to keep us on our toes, and that angered me in the dressing room. Just before the hour we took control, Commons crossed for Tyson to head in his second, then 5 minutes later, Commons added a “sublime†30 yard free kick. It was a superb response after last week’s shambles, and I surprised the lads with a few crates of beer on the way home. They deserved it.

Yeovil 1-4 Forest Att: 6176

4th December Another signing. Former Brazilian international DM Doriva joins on a free transfer from Middlesbrough. He has quality in abundance, though at 33 I only feel good about offering a 6K/week deal till the end of the season. He does have ability to drool over, unlike that pretender moron I have just got rid of.

It’s too late for the new man to play any part in that night’s home game against Southend, though it turned out we didn’t need him. Bopp gave us an 8th minute start, and 1st half domination culminated in a lovely finish from Gardener, effectively sealing a game that was never really in doubt. It was a workmanlike performance. We did more than enough to win, and they offered absolutely nothing.

Forest 2-0 Southend Att: 18469

That straightforward win vaults us 10 points clear at the top with 5 wins out of 6. Unfortunately a few injuries came our way, Perch with a concussion and Padula with a heel problem, both of which had a duration of 1-2 weeks.

It was now time for the big one, a trip to Man United in the FA Cup on 3rd round Saturday. Despite being no lover of that club, it was a huge occasion and everyone was very excited about it. We had no realistic expectation of winning, though I managed to persuade Nigel to really give the players the red carpet treatment. Like any good hanger-on, he had decided to come as well, though I must say I hadn’t noticed him in the stands for the recent game at Yeovil.

We traveled down on the Thursday, trained on the pitch Friday morning, and drank in every last minute of a massive experience for everyone at the club. There was a lot of press attention which I had to shield the players from by doing all manner of interviews, and not just because of the side we were playing.

During my time as a BBC pundit, I had crossed swords with Alex Ferguson. I thought it was relatively mild criticism of his team on Match of The Day after they put in what I regarded as a "duff performance", but he was absolutely furious. He called me up and effed and blinded, and I effed and blinded back, which seemed to surprise him. There was some back and forth in the newspapers as well, though I ended the feud by hoping he had a successful season, and speaking of my admiration for his achievements as manager (which was a bit disingenuous but I had been warned by the BBC to cut it out).

Imagine my surprise when the irritable Scot welcomed me with a bear hug and an invitation into his office for a glass or two of whisky. We had a chat about the past, laughed about it in fact, and I joked about him taking it easy against us tomorrow and not embarrassing us. We finished that bottle of whisky, and I actually went back to the hotel slightly p***ed, to team up with Frank, for our traditional Friday night away game drink-up.

The atmosphere gave me goose bumps next morning, and the feeling that this was really the big time. An interview with my old mate Ray Stubbs on Football Focus got the juices flowing, so to speak, then before I knew it we were in the dressing room with half an hour to go before kick off. I told the lads to just enjoy it and feel no pressure. Be inspired.

It was a sloppy start, though surprisingly even, then a bombshell. Wes Brown made a wretched mistake allowing Grant Holt to surge into the box and score after 16 minutes. I shut up shop, and we were helped no end by them leaving out all but Rooney and Giggs of their top stars. That was a big mistake. We handled them till half-time quite easily and I just told the lads to keep it going. The crowd were on their backs now, and despite creating a few decent chances, we were still pretty solid. Even with just 20 minutes left I was still assuming it would be a draw, so much so that before I knew it, there were only seconds left and we were still in front. Expecting the usual “Old Trafford 10 minutes of injury time when they were behind†routine, the ref blew up almost straight away, and we had won at this fortress and knocked them out of the Cup. Everyone was going nuts around me, the fans and players were punching the air, yet I was just standing there. I couldn’t actually believe we’d done it. I shook hands with the Scotsman, who had a face like thunder, and wished him good luck together with thanks for treating us well. He grunted and disappeared.

Man United 0-1 Forest Att: 66186

I didn’t get to enjoy the dressing room much, as I spent the next hour or so in interviews and the press conference. By my side was the simpering, slimy presence of Nigel who had seen fit to mug in as much as he possibly could in our hour of glory. In keeping with his character, I assumed that he believed our success was entirely down to him. I made sure to praise United and Ferguson to the hilt, which got me a nice phone call from the Scot a few days later, when his post-humiliation rage had subsided.

When I finally got back to the dressing room, there was one more request for an interview. I stepped out into the corridor, and who should it be but Kelly!

â€What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were covering this game?â€

“I arrived last night,†she smiled. â€I had to wait to interview you until after all the big shots had finished.â€

“Well, they’ve finished now, so I’m all yours.â€

“Hmm. Ok.â€

I didn’t have much new to say, giving essentially the same interview as before. The interesting bit came after, when she whispered her hotel and room number to me. Cynically, I went back in and told the lads they had the option of going home on the coach or staying in town for a few beers. I said I was staying because I had some “interviews and other stuff†to do, and no-one seemed unduly suspicious. With that, I headed for Kelly’s hotel like a rat up a drainpipe, and spent the evening in the saddle.

8th December The news next day was underwhelming. Frank called me, and after asking where I was, told me that Holt had damaged his ankle and Brecks had done his rib. They would be out for 2-4 weeks and 1-2 weeks respectively. Sunderland would be our opponents in the next round away from home, which was similarly underwhelming. Better news came in a phone call from Nigel who gloated that the club had profited to the tune of 1.1 million pounds from the tie. Predictably, none of it would be available for new players.

On Tuesday, I signed a new back up goalkeeper. Jorg Stiel had had a long career for the Swiss national team, and was retiring at the end of the season. He’d already been released from his club, but we managed to persuade him to come to us till the end of the season, with the possibility of a coaching position after that. A very capable back-up, who may actually be better than the number one.

11th December The games kept coming, this time at home to MK Dons. I went into this one in an angry mood, having rejected an insulting 180k offer for Wes Morgan from Rangers. Turner made his debut at centre back, and he had to earn his money after Tyson got sent off for elbowing in the 16th minute. Amazingly, we still managed to boss the game, which probably showed the calibre of the opposition more than anything else. Beaumont missed a penalty with 20 minutes left, and that’s it. In the dressing room afterwards I told Tyson he'd cost us 2 points and that he'd be getting a week’s fine. He moaned and I angrily shouted “do you want two f***ing weeks then?!â€

Next morning I was sitting in my office, when a delegation of players arrived, including Pedersen, Beaumont, and Julian Bennet. They wanted to complain about the fine I handed out. Not only had they completely misjudged me, but also the foul mood I was still in after last night. I went bananas on them, threatening to fine and sell them too, and making some not to complimentary remarks about their technical shortcomings. I put a stop to the whole nonsense by gauldering, â€get the **** out of here, before I really lose my temper.â€

Makofo and Bignot arrived that day after their loan spells finished, and the former turned up with a torn groin, making him unavailable for another couple of months. Bignot made the bench though, for the trip to 6th placed Brentford, with Doriva and Mornar in from the start. 90 seconds in Bopp gave us the lead, collecting his own rebound and tapping in. Beaumont missed another penalty after 11, though soon after Mornar’s shot was saved and tapped in by Blackstock. We controlled the game from start to finish and wasted a host of chances, yet we won 2-0, so I was happy.

Brentford 0-2 Forest Att:7304

Barry Fuller was no longer needed, so I terminated his loan and sent him back to Charlton with our thanks. On Tuesday and Wednesday I was delighted to get shot of Nicky Southall to Carlisle for free, and Jack Lester to Hartlepool for 50k, saving the club 250 grand a year in wages.

The full week’s break between matches really gave the lads a great opportunity to regroup, and they were champing at the bit when we entertained Huddersfield for Saturday’s game. Perchy, Padula and Brecks returned to strengthen us considerably, and we utterly dominated the first half, so much so that the commentators were asking “can Huddersfield weather the storm?†They did until the hour, when Perch’s long cross to the back post was expertly finished by Mornar, his first for the club. The visitors woke up a bit, yet we were good value for the win , and could, possibly should, have had about 5 before half-time.

Forest 1-0 Huddersfield Att: 26171

There was another 8 days till the cup tie visit to Sunderland, though this time the lay-off seemed to have left us drowsy. The home side battered us in the first half, and I counted our blessings to be 0-0 at half-time. A more defensive approach worked wonders, and we started hitting them on the counter, culminating in a deft flick from Mornar that sent Blackstock through to score with an inspired chip (69). With not long to go, they surged forward, only for us to catch them out again in a 3-on-none against their goalie. Agyemang was the Johnny-on-the-spot to tap into an empty net and send us into the 5th round with a totally undeserved win. Not that I lost any sleep over it.

Sunderland 0-2 Forest Att: 12462

Leeds travel to us in the next round, meaning a return to Forest for former boss Gary Megson. Everyone around the club is very excited by the cup run, but I honestly couldn’t give a fart, since promotion is what will get me a new contract, not a heroic failure in a cup semi final. To that end, I’m glad to get back to the league campaign.

League table to follow.

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 30 | 20 | 4 | 6 | 46 | 23 | +23 | 64 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Bristol City | | 31 | 15 | 10 | 6 | 50 | 25 | +25 | 55 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Doncaster | | 31 | 14 | 9 | 8 | 52 | 44 | +8 | 51 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Bradford | | 31 | 14 | 6 | 11 | 42 | 36 | +6 | 48 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Brentford | | 31 | 14 | 5 | 12 | 48 | 43 | +5 | 47 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Blackpool | | 31 | 13 | 8 | 10 | 48 | 45 | +3 | 47 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Swansea | | 30 | 12 | 10 | 8 | 48 | 42 | +6 | 46 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Walsall | | 30 | 11 | 13 | 6 | 31 | 25 | +6 | 46 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Bournemouth | | 31 | 12 | 9 | 10 | 39 | 36 | +3 | 45 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | S****horpe | | 31 | 12 | 9 | 10 | 34 | 37 | -3 | 45 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Oldham | | 30 | 13 | 5 | 12 | 38 | 36 | +2 | 44 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Huddersfield | | 31 | 11 | 10 | 10 | 39 | 39 | 0 | 43 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Barnsley | | 31 | 12 | 7 | 12 | 40 | 45 | -5 | 43 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Chesterfield | | 31 | 11 | 9 | 11 | 35 | 37 | -2 | 42 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Swindon | | 31 | 8 | 14 | 9 | 40 | 37 | +3 | 38 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Hartlepool | | 30 | 10 | 8 | 12 | 34 | 36 | -2 | 38 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Colchester | | 30 | 9 | 11 | 10 | 35 | 39 | -4 | 38 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | MK Dons | | 31 | 10 | 7 | 14 | 34 | 41 | -7 | 37 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Gillingham | | 31 | 8 | 12 | 11 | 47 | 45 | +2 | 36 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Southend | | 31 | 10 | 6 | 15 | 26 | 33 | -7 | 36 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Tranmere | | 31 | 8 | 8 | 15 | 35 | 41 | -6 | 32 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Rotherham | | 31 | 8 | 7 | 16 | 29 | 49 | -20 | 31 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Yeovil | | 31 | 6 | 10 | 15 | 38 | 50 | -12 | 28 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Port Vale | | 31 | 6 | 7 | 18 | 30 | 54 | -24 | 25 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

More updates to follow hopefully today

[irishregan]

On the first of the month we had a long trek to Hartlepool who are currently occupying 16th place in the table. We’re pretty hopeful of a result, provided the players didn’t start feeling suicidal after the endless coach ride up the motorway on Wednesday morning.

After a promising start, Doriva gave us the lead with a great 20 yard free-kick, his speciality. Our counter attack strategy completely blunted the home side, and although we wasted several opportunities to kill the game off, one goal was all it took. Now came the hard part – the coach trip back to Nottingham

Hartlepool 0-1 Forest Att: 5916

Just before the next game at home to 2nd placed Bristol City, some mixed news came in. Mornar was out 1-2 weeks with a wrist injury, after what was described as “over exerting†himself, which is the first time I have heard it called that. Perchy got a call up to the England U-21 squad, a not inconsiderable achievement for a lad at this level, and a hint at what I believe is the player’s huge potential.

A massive crowd was on hand for Saturday’s game, which was cagey in the first half, although we were clearly the more threatening. I was irritable, and told the lads they better buck up, otherwise missed chances would haunt us. Commons and Bopp looked a bit shocked when I subbed them in the dressing room, but I had no doubts. They’d played sh**e, and I didn’t mince words when they questioned the decision. One of the subs Bignot, lofted in a hopeful cross on 66 minutes, which Blackstock fought his way on to the end of, looping in a backheader to give us the lead. Pressure eased further with 10 minutes left, when they got a man quite rightly sent off. Yet we then had to sit through the spectacle of a quite unnecessary 5 minutes of injury time. Quite where the ref saw that I didn’t know, and I had a right go at him, effing and blinding about it anytime he got near the touchline. It was a sour note to end on, though we got the win and were good value for it.

Forest 1-0 Bristol City Att: 26671

Our lead had by now bloated to 15 points at the top. With a week till our next game, I escaped to Sevenoaks for a few days relaxation. I got pleasantly drunk and did absolutely nothing, especially not women chasing, since I’d had more sex in the last few months than I’d had hot dinners.

We left for an away game at Blackpool on Thursday at my instigation. I’d been there on holiday several times as a child, though in February it was about as exciting as Hartlepool had been the week before. Still, standing on the seafront watching murderously powerful waves smash off the Central Pier had a strange way of relaxing oneself, and I was able to spend some time contemplating matters of life and football.

I never thought the game against the 8th placed home side would be quite so relaxing, and they started well, forcing us to absorb pressure. We did however hit them regularly on the counter attack, wasting every single chance. I thought we’d cracked it in the 70th minute, when eventually Blacstock penetrated the wide right area, his searching cross clinically headed in by Holt. The lead lasted only 3 minutes, and the game petered out into a draw. I was a little disappointed not to hold on for the win, though essentially happy with both the point, and the seaside getaway.

Blackpool 1-1 Forest Att: 8885

A previously re-arranged game against Tranmere cropped up on Tuesday night. I’m not a huge fan of Scousers at the best of times, simply because I don’t believe in all that “chirpy Scouse scally†routine they put on whenever there’s a camera near them. So imagine my distaste when their manager Steve McMahon started mouthing off before the game, saying how he doesn’t want us getting promoted. I bit my lip until afterwards, hoping for my chance to give him both barrels.

In the end the lads partially disappointed me, although Blackstock gave us the lead after 15. The home side equalized on 28. I got furious because we dominated the game and should have ground them into the dust, even more so since Beaumont missed a 90th minute penalty that would have given us a thoroughly deserved win. I really ranted and raved afterwards, then headed out to give the press a good quote about McMahon, whose hand I didn’t shake at the end of the game. I tell the assembled journalists I just can’t stand him, he’s a big mouth, who was a crap player and an even worse manager. He should just shut up and get on with managing his team, because he didn’t seem to be doing a very good job of that at the minute.

The players loved it when they heard the quotes on the radio during the coach ride home. I felt a lot better for having said it, and by then managed to laugh about losing my temper. McMahon was still at it though, saying in response that he thought we weren’t good enough for the title. I immediately called a BBC Radio Nottingham phone in to respond, and questioned how he would know anything about titles, since all his teams spent their time in the relegation zone. The lads cheering on the coach caused a bit of feedback on the radio so I wrapped up the call, but I had made my point to that sad git.

We were back at home on Saturday the 18th for the cup tie against Leeds. Everyone was taking it really seriously, so I had to pretend to, when in fact I didn’t really give a s**t. We were badly outshot in the 1st half, though possession wise things were relatively even. I told the lads just to find a goal, and after a lot better effort Bopp robbed a defender and slipped in Tyson to give us the lead. I wasn’t surprised when they equalized with 10 minutes left, as it was actually what they deserved, and was not unhappy to take a replay at their place, since it would certainly be beneficial from a financial point of view.

Forest 1-1 Leeds Att: 18216

After a few complimentary scouting reports we sign young Scottish winger Robbie Foy from Liverpool on an end of season bosman for next year. He looks a decent acquisition.

Another Wednesday game as the fixtures still come thick and fast, this time at home to Swindon though the squad is certainly holding up well. On paper this should be a gimme, against a relegation threatened side, yet they gave us a four goal hammering in the return fixture, which I certainly haven’t forgotten. There was to be no sweet revenge though. We dominated the game, having two goals disallowed, yet all they did in the entire 90 minutes was get a dodgy penalty. We equalized towards the end (I can’t even remember who scored it), still it felt like a defeat not a draw. I was unbelievably livid throughout, and stormed out of The City Ground without talking to anyone, least of all the players, and went home to get drunk.

Forest 1-1 Swindon Att: 18869

Saturday would see the visit of Port Vale who were dead last in the league, and I was still seething from the previous game. I launched into a pre match dressing room tirade, telling the players there would be no excuses and that they better f***ing come off that pitch with 3 points, or not come back into the dressing room at all.

I got a response, in that we battered them all 1st half, but no opening goal. By now I had gotten so furious that I just stood in the dressing room swearing and literally snarling, leaving Frank to give some reasoned comment on the team’s performance. The players were looking at me as if I had lost my marbles, and maybe I had. I stood in the dugout with a face like thunder and watched the same show unfold in the 2nd half, and by 65 minutes I’d seen enough. I went all out attack with 3 strikers, and in the 80th minute Holt appeared unmarked on the back post to head us into the lead. There was another absurd amount of injury time, during which my rage boiled up again, but we held on for the 3 points.

I had calmed down in the dressing rooms, though still told the lads they were awful today, which was a bit harsh. For the second time running I f***ed off without speaking to reporters, including snubbing an interview request from Kelly, which I hope didn’t hurt her. I didn’t know why I was so cantankerous lately. Maybe I needed a shag, however Jenny was still in a huff with me, and I was a bit paranoid about spending too much time with Kelly. Perhaps this whole messy triangle was what was making me so ill-tempered.

Brecks was left to face the media, and apparently my explosion had been heard all the way down the dressing room corridor. In diplomatic style, he admitted that “tempers had frayed†throughout the game, and that I “hadn’t held backâ€.

Forest 1-0 Port Vale Att: 19872

With all my paranoia and bad temper, I was certainly surprised when the news came through on Monday morning that I had won Manager of The Month. It made me sit back and realize that we were in a pretty comfortable position, and more importantly that I had been a p***k lately. I went down to training and apologized to the players, which was very warmly received God bless them. I just explained by way of mitigation that I wanted high standards and to see the lads get the best out of themselves. Everyone left the meeting in a much better frame of mind. I also realized that I had to get my personal life in order…but HOW?? hint hint readers opinions would be much appreciated, should it be Jenny or Kelly or should I bury that storyline, go celibate and concentrate on the football?

[Ryan4Rovers]

Here's one vote for Kelly!

[irishregan]

Thanks Ryan4Rovers, much appreciated, if that's the only vote I get then Kelly it will be...democracy in action! Here's the league table for the end of February.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 36 | 23 | 7 | 6 | 52 | 26 | +26 | 76 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Doncaster | | 36 | 17 | 11 | 8 | 64 | 49 | +15 | 62 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Bristol City | | 36 | 16 | 12 | 8 | 55 | 32 | +23 | 60 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Brentford | | 36 | 17 | 6 | 13 | 59 | 50 | +9 | 57 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Swansea | | 36 | 15 | 11 | 10 | 55 | 48 | +7 | 56 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Bradford | | 36 | 16 | 6 | 14 | 48 | 43 | +5 | 54 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Huddersfield | | 36 | 14 | 11 | 11 | 48 | 43 | +5 | 53 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Walsall | | 36 | 13 | 14 | 9 | 37 | 35 | +2 | 53 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | S****horpe | | 36 | 14 | 11 | 11 | 42 | 43 | -1 | 53 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Barnsley | | 36 | 15 | 8 | 13 | 44 | 47 | -3 | 53 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Blackpool | | 36 | 13 | 12 | 11 | 55 | 53 | +2 | 51 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Oldham | | 36 | 15 | 6 | 15 | 47 | 46 | +1 | 51 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Bournemouth | | 36 | 13 | 11 | 12 | 47 | 49 | -2 | 50 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Chesterfield | | 36 | 13 | 9 | 14 | 42 | 45 | -3 | 48 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Colchester | | 36 | 11 | 13 | 12 | 45 | 49 | -4 | 46 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Hartlepool | | 36 | 12 | 9 | 15 | 39 | 41 | -2 | 45 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Southend | | 36 | 12 | 9 | 15 | 32 | 35 | -3 | 45 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Swindon | | 36 | 9 | 17 | 10 | 45 | 42 | +3 | 44 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | MK Dons | | 36 | 12 | 7 | 17 | 40 | 50 | -10 | 43 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Gillingham | | 36 | 10 | 12 | 14 | 57 | 54 | +3 | 42 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Tranmere | | 36 | 10 | 9 | 17 | 43 | 50 | -7 | 39 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Rotherham | | 36 | 9 | 9 | 18 | 34 | 57 | -23 | 36 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Yeovil | | 36 | 7 | 11 | 18 | 41 | 55 | -14 | 32 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Port Vale | | 36 | 6 | 9 | 21 | 33 | 62 | -29 | 27 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

[Spav]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Thanks Ryan4Rovers, much appreciated, if that's the only vote I get then Kelly it will be...democracy in action! Here's the league table for the end of February. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, I vote for Jenny, so that means you'll have to decide or someone else will have to vote.

Excellent story as I've posted previously.

[hilditch]

Go for Kelly, she sounds more fun. Still a ood story.

[irishregan]

Thanks a lot Spav, much appreciated, a 1-1 tie means I guess this is something I’ll have to decide myself! Hope your baby is doing well. My kids were 2 yesterday and it seems like only yesterday I brought them back from the hospital, so enjoy every minute mate!â€

Later that same morning, Marjorie appeared in my office with a cup of tea.

â€I’ve come to congratulate you on your Manager of The Month award with a nice cuppa,†she smiled.

â€Yeah but you know I don’t drink tea.â€

“Well then maybe I could sit down and drink it, and you can tell me what’s wrong with you lately?â€

I couldn’t help but laugh. â€You’re a sly one aren’t you? Go on then. And how did you know there’s something wrong with me?â€

“I’ve been round the block a few times. And you’re even more irritable than usual. Don’t get me wrong you’re a nice lad with a good heart, but you’ve got an evil temper.â€

“I know. I’m sorry.â€

“So is it that beautiful young BBC girl Kelly then?â€

My shocked look told her everything, and she smiled again.

â€Well yes…except that there is someone I met before that too. I like them both an awful lot. I’ve been a selfish git, and I don’t deserve either of them.â€

“Well which one do you really want?â€

“Hmm. Good question. Jenny…that’s the other girl…is fantastic. Then I met Kelly and there was just some sort of spark, which over time became increasingly impossible to resist.â€

“Well you’ve just answered the question then,†she laughed getting up to leave. “I’ll be outside if you need anything.â€

“Thank you Marjorie. I should have been born twenty years earlier and married you.â€

“I’m quite happy with my Arthur thank you,†she smiled. â€You’re far too much trouble.â€

Our little chat had certainly made things clearer. This would all have to wait though. Before my personal future could be sorted out, the future of this club came first. At least if my life went down the tubes outside the game, I was damn sure that this football club needed me. And I needed it.

The 1st of March was a Wednesday, and saw us head to Leeds for the cup replay. I had little expectation of a win, and cared even less. Just as well, since from a very poor clearance by Brecks, just about his first of the season, we conceded a goal. They deservedly led throughout, and when Beaumont gave away a late penalty, it looked all over. That was until Pedersen saved it, and just moments later Mornar was presented with a gift of a chance to equalize. He made a total mess of it, and with 2 minutes left, our exit was sealed. Not a tragedy by any means, though the trip to Chelsea would have been a nice bonus.

Leeds 1-0 Forest Att: 19373

With an away game at Barnsley on Saturday, I kept the lads in Yorkshire, much to the chagrin of Nigel, who called up wanting to know if I thought the club was “made of moneyâ€. “You’ve made plenty since I’ve been here, so shut up and let me get on with managing the team,†was my blunt response.

I took the lads for a day at the races, and we had a few betting pools just for small dough, which was good for team spirit. Of course they wanted golf as well on the Friday, which I allowed them, whilst Frank and I stayed back at the hotel drinking with the rest of the coaching staff.

Barnsley scored with their first kick of the game after some dreadful marking, and I started making some suggestive golf swings to the players during stoppages in play, making it clear that if they didn’t pull their finger out they’d not be seeing the course for a while. On the half hour, Bopp escaped down the right and crossed for and unmarked Tyson to tap in. I lied at the break, telling the lads they were unlucky not to be winning. Yet in the second half that was probably true. The home side were playing an almost suicidally high offside trap, which we constantly sprung, but were unable to finish off. In the end I settled for a draw. They were a useful side and it was one point nearer the title.

Barnsley 1-1 Forest Att: 11872

At last we had a full week between games, enabling me to tie up a little bit of business we had been contemplating for a while. On the 8th of March, Perchy signed a new deal till 2011 at 3.3K/week. He would have been out of contract at the end of next season, and I wasn’t going to risk it.

That certainly put me and him in good spirits for the visit of Chesterfield, who were struggling in 16th. There was another revenge motif in the air. Earlier in the season, their unexpected win over us had seen me storm off in a huff to Sevenoaks and refuse to return for several days.

The lads kept me waiting till 1st half injury time, before a Bopp corner was headed in by Holt. Things got a lot easier 3 minutes before the hour, when we won a penalty that was duly converted, sealing a fairly straightforward win.

Forest 2-0 Chesterfield Att: 19886

Things got even better on Monday. Pedersen who was in the same contractual situation as Perchy had been, put pen to paper on a deal till 2011, at 3.6k/week. He’d been a much tougher sell, and insisted on a release clause, which after much haggling I managed to set at 6 million. He’s a cornerstone that we are delighted to tie up, if you’ll allow me to mix my metaphors.

Serge Makofo finally gets back into training too, after arriving badly injured in a January transfer.

Another very welcome 7 days between matches saw us arrive fresh as daisies in sunny Bradford. The home side were in 4th and well up for the game, resulting in a very tightly-contested 1st half. I was not satisfied, and angrily insisted that we assert ourselves over a side that are decent, but not as good as us. That was helped no end when one of their lot was rightly sent off for a professional foul, and Doriva whacked in the resulting free kick. From there we really piled it on, culminating in a 77th minute penalty from Beaumont that sealed our win. I was very happy with this performance. We played well against a useful side.

Bradford 0-2 Forest Att: 10543

Another week between games. This time it’s complicated by the loss of Ian Breckin, who has done his back in and will be unavailable for a few weeks. Swansea were the visitors to The City Ground, another playoff calibre team, another team who beat us handily in the return fixture and were deserving of some respect.

Fortunately, Bopp got us off to a good start, courtesy of a deflected shot after 19 minutes that would otherwise have been saved. Seven minutes later, Padula cut one back to the edge of the box, where Doriva was lurking, and the classy Brazilian curled in a wonderful shot. I was very satisfied with that, then they hit back 5 minutes after the interval to make it close again. It was cagey from there, until the visitors made the mistake of giving away a free kick outside the box. Doriva really had his shooting boots on, and pinged a great strike into the top corner (76). As if that wasn’t enough of a lesson, they gave away another one, and our star midfielder pinged this one in almost identically, except from even further out. â€What a display and what a player!" oozed the commentary, and I had to agree. Despite another Swansea goal with the last kick of the game, the lads were sensational.

Forest 4-2 Swansea Att: 26205

I didn’t tell them that in the dressing room, because after the game we all stayed on the pitch. Results were almost finalized and if things stayed as they were we’d be promoted. It was a carnival atmosphere, though different from other promotions I had managed, because it was so expected. Eventually the roar went up, huge but more satisfied than euphoric. The message was clear. We were up, and that was terrific. But this great club, twice champions of Europe, expected much more. So did I. I wouldn’t rest until we were Champions of Europe again.

There was a boozy party, which went from dressing room, to players bar, to nightclub. Before it started though, I had the task of negotiating the press conference and a seemingly endless round of interviews. I re-iterated that this was fantastic, but had to be seen in context. In the back of my mind, I also knew we would struggle in The Championship unless the squad was overhauled.

I left Nigel preening himself in front of the media to go and give one very important interview, to BBC Nottingham and Kelly Taylor. I hadn’t seen or even spoken to this object of my desire for several weeks, and we used the cover of promotion to kiss each other on the cheek without arousing suspicion. During the interview, she asked me one question, which I could see from her face was as much personal as professional.

â€Well, now you’ve got the club promoted, what about you? Will you be staying here?â€

Perhaps it was the heat of the moment, getting this club I love promoted, and seeing her again, I dropped the Mr Cool exterior, and said, â€I love this club. I’m staying, because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.†Which all rather prejudiced the small matter of contract negotiations, which hadn’t even started yet. For all I knew, Nigel had just used me as a recognizable pawn to get us out of this division, and was planning to dump me for someone else. Saying what I did was worth it though, to see the look of delight on Kelly’s face.

The paper round next day was predictably favourable towards me, though I’m sure Nigel wasn’t too pleased that his part in it all was minimized to a reproduction of a board statement that said they were “very pleasedâ€. Another Nigel, Nigel Clough paid tribute to my ice cool management of this high-pressure job. That meant a great deal, coming as it did from the “son of Godâ€. I was just saddened that Cloughie Senior wasn’t around to see it. The supporters had a general theme, saying that I was “the sort of bloke who thrives on pressureâ€. That was true, since my personal life was usually in chaos it made managing Nottingham Forest seem like a piece of cake in comparison.

I came in on the 29th to a full in tray. Commons and Pedersen had both done groins and would be out 2-4 weeks, though I was left wondering if those injuries had occurred during the Saturday night high-jinks rather than during the match. They certainly hadn’t complained about it at the time.

Next on the list was the news that we had resigned Doriva to a one-year contract extension on the same money. The deal had been in place while I dithered on whether he could cut it a level above at the age of 33. His stellar play and interest from Treviso had convinced me to pull the trigger, and he was happy to accept.

Finally, a phone call from Nigel summoned me to the boardroom. All the directors were there, and without any ado I was offered a 2 year contract worth 3.2K/week. As usual at Forest, there was no indication of any room for negotiation, although I was able to manipulate the budgets a little bit, to give me a million to spend next year. Chicken feed, but it would have to do. Only the board of this club could have you sign a new deal and leave the room feeling underwhelmed, though I was delighted when I got back to the office. A delight that was compounded when I discovered that yet again I was Manager of the Month, with Doriva scooping the players award. Now it was time to finish up this triumphant season, and look forward to what promised to be a much tougher ask next year. Finally I could also begin to look at my turbulent personal life; birds, booze, libel cases and all.

[irishregan]

Thanks for your vote Hildtich, things will develop in the coming month if I can make my mind up

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | P | Nottm Forest | | 40 | 26 | 8 | 6 | 61 | 29 | +32 | 86 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Doncaster | | 40 | 19 | 11 | 10 | 68 | 58 | +10 | 68 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Bristol City | | 40 | 18 | 13 | 9 | 66 | 38 | +28 | 67 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Brentford | | 40 | 20 | 6 | 14 | 69 | 55 | +14 | 66 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Swansea | | 40 | 17 | 11 | 12 | 62 | 54 | +8 | 62 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Bradford | | 40 | 18 | 7 | 15 | 54 | 47 | +7 | 61 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Walsall | | 40 | 15 | 15 | 10 | 41 | 38 | +3 | 60 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Huddersfield | | 40 | 16 | 11 | 13 | 54 | 48 | +6 | 59 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Barnsley | | 40 | 16 | 11 | 13 | 49 | 50 | -1 | 59 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Blackpool | | 40 | 15 | 13 | 12 | 59 | 58 | +1 | 58 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | S****horpe | | 40 | 14 | 14 | 12 | 48 | 51 | -3 | 56 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Oldham | | 40 | 16 | 7 | 17 | 48 | 49 | -1 | 55 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Bournemouth | | 40 | 14 | 12 | 14 | 51 | 54 | -3 | 54 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Chesterfield | | 40 | 15 | 9 | 16 | 45 | 49 | -4 | 54 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Southend | | 40 | 14 | 9 | 17 | 36 | 44 | -8 | 51 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Colchester | | 40 | 12 | 14 | 14 | 47 | 52 | -5 | 50 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Swindon | | 40 | 10 | 18 | 12 | 50 | 46 | +4 | 48 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Hartlepool | | 40 | 13 | 9 | 18 | 44 | 46 | -2 | 48 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | MK Dons | | 40 | 13 | 8 | 19 | 43 | 55 | -12 | 47 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Tranmere | | 40 | 12 | 10 | 18 | 49 | 54 | -5 | 46 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Gillingham | | 40 | 10 | 13 | 17 | 62 | 62 | 0 | 43 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Yeovil | | 40 | 10 | 11 | 19 | 47 | 58 | -11 | 41 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Rotherham | | 40 | 10 | 9 | 21 | 38 | 65 | -27 | 39 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Port Vale | | 40 | 7 | 11 | 22 | 37 | 68 | -31 | 32 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

[irishregan]

The board let me know how very pleased they are with me which is nice. They also let me know that we have posted a profit of 186K for the month. We’re playing on the 1st of the month again, this time away at Gillingham. Stiel and Bastians are drafted in to the starting line-up to cover for injuries.

It was a back and forth game till the 39th minute, when Tyson crossed for a totally unmarked Holt to score. Just two minutes later, Bastians released the same player down the middle, and he finished expertly. It was a microcosm of the entire game. We were outshot by them, yet ruthless efficiency in front of goal ensured that the result would never be in doubt.

Gillingham 0-2 Forest Att: 4249

The formality of securing the title had been achieved by this win, and already a journalist fired a question at me about next season. I should have told him to sod off. Instead I lied and said we were in great shape for The Championship. In hindsight I should have said we’d struggle. At least that might have encouraged Nigel to come up with some real dough, though that was surely a forlorn hope.

I also felt like telling the board to sod off, after they released a churlish statement about the title win. As well as claiming to be delighted, they then admonished me, saying “celebrations should be kept to a minimum in view of the challenges aheadâ€. As if I didn’t know that. Maybe if the cheap b***ards stumped up some cash, there wouldn’t be any challenges ahead. In the meantime why didn’t these a***holes just shut up and stop meddling. I ran the club better in one year than they had in the last ten, yet still I was being spoken to as if I was a schoolboy.

With a week till the next game, I tried to sort out some club business. The coaching staff were nearly all out of contract, and I offered them the same money as they had before. They were outraged, all demanding nearly a grand a week, and I came straight out and said they weren’t worth it. There was a bit of a row in the meeting, and I told them firmly that it was a final offer. If they were that valuable I was sure offers would come flooding in from other clubs. It was a sour note towards the end of the season but I am not going to hand out nice contracts to people just because they were hanging around during our promotion season.

I took a quick run down to the physios room (they had all resigned en bloc to reasonable contracts) to find out that Turner and Bennett would miss the rest of the season with ankle injuries.

Then it was back to the office to arrange an appointment with my lawyers, who said there had been some developments in the libel case. They were a bit busy, and wanted me to come in next Monday. I reluctantly agreed, since my appointment there would be both personal and professional, having not seen Jenny since shortly after Christmas. We’d spoken on the phone, but she made it clear that she didn’t want to see me until I was prepared to “get seriousâ€.

Saturdays visitors to our place were Oldham and I decided to try Weir Daley up front with Holt. Clingan had been having a good season for the reserves, and replaced the injured Beaumont in midfield. Bignot started his first game at centre half. The debutant striker set up Holt after 15. We effectively strangled the life out of the game from there, until the two strikers teamed up for an almost identical goal on the hour. It was more than enough, and all the youngsters performed very well, especially Bignot

Forest 2-0 Oldham Att: 19870

Monday was a big day in many senses. I arrived at my solicitors to receive the first of two shocks. I’d been all hyped up about seeing Jenny behind the desk, and walked in heart in mouth, only to see her chair occupied by someone who looked more like my secretary, Marjorie. What the hell was going on? I asked this new dragon where she was, and her reply was curt.

â€She doesn’t work here anymore,†she said, and my heart sank.

Shock number two came when I was ushered in to see Jeremy Whitlow, and he finished congratulating me on promotion. The News of The World, inexplicably in my view, had decided to go to trial.

â€It’s like I said,†Jeremy shrugged. â€You’re asking for 250K damages, and to them, the amount of publicity they’ll garner is worth it. I have to ask what I ask all my clients. Can you afford to lose? Never undertake libel proceedings if you can’t afford to lose.â€

â€I can afford it, besides which we’ll win. It’ll be the easiest 250 grand I’ll ever make.â€

“Yes. In my opinion, you’ll win easily. They’ll make it dirty though.â€

“I’ll just have to wear that I’m afraid.â€

“Ok. The trial has been set for late May, the judge having considered that as convenient for you, being as it is out of the football season. Any objections?â€

“No let’s get it done.â€

Jeremy smiled. â€I know libel is a bit of a trial if you’ll excuse the pun. Relax, you’re in good hands.â€

In reality, I didn’t so much give a f**k about the libel trial. I was more shocked by the news about Jenny. I called her home number. The phone had been disconnected. I called her cell. She answered, and I could tell she was on a train.

â€Where the hell are you? I asked rather selfishly.

â€Getting on with my life. Congratulations by the way…on winning the title and losing me.â€

“That’s a bit dramatic isn’t it? I thought we were just taking a break?â€

“Well we’ve had a break. Now I’m going back to university. To finish my legal studies. You do remember I have a career too?â€

“I know. Look I need to talk to you.â€

“I can’t really talk to you now. I’ll text you my new address. If you want to talk to me, you can do it to my face. I think I’m owed that.â€

“Yes you are.â€

“The season’s all but over now. You’ve no excuses.â€

“Yes. Except my libel trial is coming up next month.â€

She sighed. â€More excuses. Goodbye.â€

“No wait! At least it’ll be in London. At the High Court. I’ll see you then. Or maybe sooner.â€

“Whatever. Goodbye.â€

“Goodbye.â€

I felt mixed emotions. The human being in me was sad, the d***head in me said the field was clear to take up with Kelly full time. I felt like a drink, which was a bad sign. I couldn’t bury myself in football, since all we were playing for was a target of 100 points for the season and a chance to look at our youngsters. Being off the leash was never a good idea for a debauched character like me.

The last four games were against Colchester away (an easy 2-0 win with goals from Weir Daley and Doriva. S****horpe at home (another easy win, this time 3-1 with a first goal for the ever more impressive looking Sammy Clingan). A 1-1 draw at Walsall, a match which they clearly deserved to win. And a 2-1 victory at 3rd placed Doncaster, in which we started sluggishly, then overpowered them in the 2nd half. We ended the season on a 24 match unbeaten league run, and while that may not impress people outside of League One, it bloody well impressed me. It’s the longest streak I’ve ever had as a manager, though I can’t think it’ll be extended very far in The Championship

In between times, I managed to sell Patrick Agyemang to Hartlepool for 85K. He was never going to have a future here, now that I’m looking to sign class players, and he couldn’t even get near the side as it is.

I picked up my usual Manager of the Month gong, and Paul Bignot was the surprise recipient of the player award. Frank confirmed to me what I suspected, by reporting that he is an “immense talent, who should be nurtured to get the best out of his fantastic abilityâ€. I really stole that boy from Crewe. A star in the making.

Nathan Tyson demanded a bigger contract, and to be honest he probably deserves more than 1500 a week. I don’t know though, and I fobbed him off till the end of the season. If he gets greedy, he’ll be out the door for a big fee. I know Frank isn’t a big fan of his attitude, and thinks we should cash in. With Nigel tighter than a camel’s a**e in a sandstorm, it’s probably the only way we’ll get a decent transfer budget.

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | C | Nottm Forest | | 46 | 31 | 9 | 6 | 73 | 33 | +40 | 102 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | P | Brentford | | 46 | 24 | 7 | 15 | 78 | 63 | +15 | 79 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | Pl | Doncaster | | 46 | 21 | 12 | 13 | 79 | 70 | +9 | 75 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | Pl | Bristol City | | 46 | 19 | 16 | 11 | 74 | 46 | +28 | 73 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | Pl | Barnsley | | 46 | 20 | 13 | 13 | 61 | 55 | +6 | 73 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | Pl | Bradford | | 46 | 21 | 9 | 16 | 64 | 53 | +11 | 72 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Swansea | | 46 | 19 | 12 | 15 | 70 | 61 | +9 | 69 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Chesterfield | | 46 | 19 | 10 | 17 | 59 | 53 | +6 | 67 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Walsall | | 46 | 16 | 18 | 12 | 49 | 47 | +2 | 66 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Huddersfield | | 46 | 17 | 14 | 15 | 61 | 56 | +5 | 65 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | S****horpe | | 46 | 17 | 14 | 15 | 55 | 60 | -5 | 65 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Blackpool | | 46 | 16 | 16 | 14 | 68 | 68 | 0 | 64 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Oldham | | 46 | 18 | 7 | 21 | 56 | 63 | -7 | 61 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Colchester | | 46 | 15 | 14 | 17 | 53 | 58 | -5 | 59 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Bournemouth | | 46 | 15 | 13 | 18 | 54 | 63 | -9 | 58 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Southend | | 46 | 15 | 12 | 19 | 44 | 55 | -11 | 57 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Swindon | | 46 | 12 | 20 | 14 | 57 | 53 | +4 | 56 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Tranmere | | 46 | 13 | 15 | 18 | 58 | 60 | -2 | 54 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Hartlepool | | 46 | 14 | 11 | 21 | 49 | 53 | -4 | 53 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | MK Dons | | 46 | 14 | 11 | 21 | 49 | 63 | -14 | 53 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | R | Gillingham | | 46 | 12 | 15 | 19 | 70 | 71 | -1 | 51 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | R | Yeovil | | 46 | 12 | 13 | 21 | 50 | 61 | -11 | 49 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | R | Rotherham | | 46 | 11 | 10 | 25 | 44 | 77 | -33 | 43 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | R | Port Vale | | 46 | 9 | 13 | 24 | 41 | 74 | -33 | 40 |

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

Our half season unbeaten run really destroyed the opposition, and to get 100 points in any of the divisions is a hell of an achievement. Now for the player ratings.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pkd | Inf | Name | Apps | Gls | Ast | MoM | Pas | Tck | Drb | Sh T | Av Rat|

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| S5 | Ret | Jörg Stiel | 3 | - | - | 1 | 81% | - | - | - | 8.33 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Inj | Michael Turner | 4 (1) | - | 1 | - | 73% | 3.21 | 0.46 | - | 7.60 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| DC | Bid | Paul Bignot | 5 (4) | - | 2 | 1 | 68% | 3.43 | 0.43 | - | 7.56 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| MC | | Doriva | 21 (1) | 9 | - | 2 | 78% | 3.68 | 0.24 | 68% | 7.50 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Inj | Paul Evans | 3 | - | 1 | - | 68% | 1.51 | 0.38 | - | 7.33 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Inj | Ian Breckin | 44 | - | - | 4 | 74% | 4.35 | 0.16 | - | 7.30 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| ML | | Kris Commons | 41 | 3 | 4 | 6 | 71% | 2.36 | 3.91 | 46% | 7.22 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| DC | Inj | Wes Morgan | 55 | - | - | 4 | 74% | 3.98 | 0.29 | - | 7.18 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| DL | | Gino Padula | 46 | - | 8 | 3 | 71% | 3.21 | 0.87 | - | 7.17 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| MC | | Sammy Clingan | 5 (1) | 1 | - | - | 78% | 2.36 | 0.73 | - | 7.17 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| GK | | Rune Pedersen | 43 | - | - | 1 | 77% | - | - | - | 7.14 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| FC | | Nathan Tyson | 50 (1) | 18 | 14 | 5 | 72% | 0.76 | 2.76 | 50% | 7.14 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Inj | James Perch | 40 | - | 2 | - | 69% | 3.61 | 1.12 | - | 7.05 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| FC | Trn | Grant Holt | 26 (12) | 19 | 9 | 4 | 74% | 0.64 | 1.42 | 55% | 7.05 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Inj | James Beaumont | 50 (1) | 11 | 3 | 2 | 76% | 2.16 | 0.63 | 44% | 7.00 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| MR | Inj | Eugen Bopp | 55 | 7 | 10 | 2 | 64% | 2.13 | 3.56 | 47% | 7.00 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Trn | Patrick Agyemang | 0 (3) | 1 | - | - | 78% | - | 4.03 | - | 7.00 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| S3 | | Ivica Mornar | 3 (9) | 2 | 2 | - | 75% | 1.15 | 4.22 | 55% | 6.92 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | | Felix Bastians | 9 (9) | - | 6 | - | 65% | 2.06 | 1.52 | - | 6.89 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| DR | | John Curtis | 16 (2) | - | - | - | 67% | 3.61 | 1.03 | - | 6.89 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| S2 | | Ross Gardner | 12 (9) | 2 | 1 | 1 | 77% | 2.36 | 0.37 | 60% | 6.86 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| S1 | Bid | Alan Rogers | 8 (2) | - | 1 | - | 68% | 3.99 | 0.94 | - | 6.80 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Inj | Julian Bennett | 2 (2) | - | - | - | 71% | 2.73 | 1.56 | - | 6.50 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| S4 | | Spencer Weir-Daley | 4 | 1 | 3 | - | 72% | - | 0.67 | 27% | 6.50 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| - | Inj | Serge Makofo | 0 (1) | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | 6.00 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| | | | | | | | | | | | |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

</pre>

There's a core of 6-8 class players, whom I have no doubt can do a good job in the division above. The problem is that's simply nowhere near the numbers required for a long season. We're certainly 4 or 5 players short, together with a similar number of players who aren't good enough and are getting paid too much. There will be a high turnover during the Summer. First I will cut out the dross, then look to sign people of the required quality

[irishregan]

An off-season to remember – A libel trial and signings galore

BBC 6 o’clock News 16th May

Huw Edwards: Now then, heard the one about the BBC football pundit and the massage parlour? Nottingham Forest manager Regan Robinson has, and he’s not amused. He’s suing the News Of The World for libel, and the trial began today. For more on this, here’s our media correspondent…

I had expected there to be a little bit of media interest in the trial, yet there were cameras everywhere as we arrived at the High Court. I wasn’t surprised to see Sky TV since they were from the same stable as my tormentors, and would no doubt be under instruction to try and assassinate my character. It was surprising to see the BBC and ITV. They always try to pretend they aren’t interested in the salacious stuff. All journalists are.

I had only met my barrister, Brian Smouha QC the previous day. His odd surname came courtesy of a Father who had escaped from Nazi occupied Czechoslovakia. His reputation was very good, and that’s all I cared about. We got on pretty well from the start, although barristers are pretty expert at small talk with clients.

After we had all settled down in the courtroom, Brian made his opening remarks:

In totally denying these outrageous allegations, my client is not suggesting he is a saint. He enjoys a drink, enjoys the company of women. No more so than any normal man. Counsel for the newspaper will try and cloud your judgement by suggesting that since my client is not a saint, he therefore must be guilty of anything that they choose to print about him. I urge you strongly to focus completely on the facts. The facts are that this allegation is totally and completely false. Once this is proven, as I promise to you I will, there can only be one conclusion. That my client has been viciously and gratuitously libeled.

Their barrister, a fellow called James Bartlett QC cunningly tried to do exactly what my brief said he would:

I know Mr Robinson as you probably all know him, having enjoyed his witty and highly entertaining performances on BBC’s soccer coverage. Yet sadly, as we will show, there is a dark side to him. A debauched secret life, so disappointingly removed from the popular figure we see on our TV screens.

What a sod. I was having to bite my tongue and the trial had only been going half an hour. On top of all that I still had club business to run, adding to the stress. The day before the trial began I had agreed to sell Julian Bennett to Walsall for 20K plus a 20% sell-on. I didn’t see him as being a long term option for us, though it left us without any cover at left back.

That day was very busy and tested my patience. Tyson had brought his agent in to demand a new contract. I thought we had been very fair in re-negotiating his contract at all, never mind the fact that we offered to triple his wages and give him a signing-on fee. The slimy little toad representing him laughed at our offer, then made the mistake of trying to lecture me on how inadequate the offer was, hinting at how inadequate the people in charge of the club were. That was enough. I simply stood up while he was talking, and walked to the door and opened it.

â€F**k off,†I said curtly, waving the oily creep out of the door. He looked at Nigel, as if to go over my head. For once the chairman backed me to the hilt, and if I hadn’t have had my game face on, I’d have burst out laughing.

â€You heard what he said,†Doughty smiled. â€F**k off.

A rather more pleasant negotiation had seen us sign up Jorg Stiel as goalie coach. I was determined to get him back as a player, but he was adamant. He would only entertain a coaching position.

The day after the opening arguments was busy too, and my mobile phone company were certainly making plenty of money off my account. Paul Evans was pedaled to Hartlepool for 70K, in a move that was right for both club and player. In consultation with Nigel we extended Tyson a slightly improved offer, making it clear it was final. The rejection was not a surprise when it came. We were poles apart.

In response to Stiel’s decision, we signed two goalies. Julian Speroni was recruited from Crystal Palace for 120K on a 5k/week deal. The Argentine stopper will be a legitimate challenger for Pedersen. Our back-up plan Lenny Pidgeley arrived on a Bosman from Chelsea. He’s also a challenger, though one for the future more than the present.

The next few days at the trial were tied up mainly with procedural stuff before the evidence actually began. I manged to find the time to bring my powers of persuasion to bear on two fronts. Francis Jeffers signed on a Bosman from Arsenal, a 3 year deal at 5K/week with a 75K signing on fee. There wasn’t a huge amount of interest in a guy who had once cost 10M quid. I reckoned I could salvage something from him, since he was still only 25.

The second front involved Jenny. She’d been living in London and I couldn’t resist seeing her again. It also weighed on my mind that I didn’t want to part on bad terms. She was resistant at first, until I managed to persuade her to have dinner with me. After an awkward start, I was able to steer the conversation away from the heavy stuff, and it became an entertaining evening. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, one thing led to another, and I spent the night at her place. Stupid and reckless, especially in the middle of a libel trial, but these things happen. I promised to see her again during proceedings, though she wondered if she’d made a mistake, which she probably had.

On the 25th of May, Alan Rogers joined Barnsley for 28K, but that was knocked off the front pages by rather more exciting events at my libel trial. Brian Smouha had set about demolishing the witnesses for The News of The World, although in fairness they took about as much demolishing as a Brazilian shanty town in a mudslide. The first desperate character was an old boy called Barry Tattersall, who spent his dotage outside the chip shop below the massage parlour, and had claimed to have seen me going in there, positively identifying me to a reporter as “that bloke off the telly.†When asked to name me he started getting doddery, then couldn’t pick me out of a photograph of BBC football pundits, instead selecting Mark Lawrenson. After I had got over the indignity, I realized that our case was in good shape.

Suzy Chung was the massage parlour madam who was said to have performed all manner of lewd acts upon me. She was a right ugly tart, a failed asylum seeker from Taiwan, who buckled when Brian quizzed her about being paid 5000 quid, as he said, “to concoct this tissue of liesâ€. Together with the threat of several witnesses, including Alan Hansen, who could place me hundreds of miles away, the opposition hurriedly requested a recess, which the judge granted.

We sat in the hallway outside, watching the two legal teams go at it. Eventually Brian walked towards me with a sly smile on his face.

â€They’ll settle for the original demands, 250K plus all legal costs.â€

“Plus full page apology,†I reminded him.

â€Oh yes. Plus full page apology.â€

By the time Jeremy, my solicitor, was on the steps of the court addressing the media about how I’d been totally vindicated, I had already had a few drinks in a pub opposite the law courts, with Brian and Alan Hansen, who had come down but in the end hadn’t been called upon to give evidence.

On the news later, I saw that I was spending the evening at “a secret addressâ€. In fact I was at Jenny’s house, giving her ten rounds. A journalist asked Jeremy on the steps of the courthouse whether I would be donating the money to charity. If only I’d been there, I’d have told him that charity begins at home.

The month of May was a successful one on just about every front. It ended with me being named Manager of the Year, with Padula, Commons, Breckin and Tyson named in the team of the year. The club lost 646K for the month. My profit for the month was 250K, thanks to The News Of The World. Now it was time for more squad building for the challenge ahead.

[irishregan]

At the start of June I went away on holiday to New York for two weeks, where I could be debauched in anonymity. Nigel was upset, complaining that I was spending less and less time at the club, yet I countered that once the serious business started I was always there. Besides which, I could co-ordinate events over the Summer without actually being sat on my backside in the office.

A number of transactions were set in train. On the 5th June, former England international Matt Jansen joins us on a free transfer from Blackburn. A 2 year deal at 4.7K/week was a bit of a comedown, yet his career had been de-railed by injuries and a bad run of luck. Still only 28, I was sure he could turn things around here.

Exactly a week later, Neil Harris returned from his loan spell. He already knew that he had no future at the club, and I organised a free transfer to Oldham for him.

On the 18th, Nigel casually announced that the improvements to the training facility had been completed. We now had a youth academy and top facilities for the players. I didn’t even know we were doing that. I’d seen a bit of scaffolding at the training ground once or twice, but didn’t think to enquire what was going on. Nigel suggested that if I actually went to training more than once in a blue moon I would know these things. Touché.

I also discovered that next year’s transfer budget was unchanged at 1M pounds, that the board expected us to achieve a respectable league position, and that Nathan Tyson had been voted the fans player of the year.

Before the month was out, I had spent half the transfer kitty, or more precisely 525K on Danny Murphy from Charlton, fending off interest from Hearts. A 2 year deal at 6.25k/week represented a large pay cut for the lad, and I am delighted at getting the 29 year old here. He’s the sort of experienced quality that we really need.

Ivica Mornar is on his way out the door though, to Walsall on a Bosman. It’s a shame really because he showed flashes of great ability, but he was injured too often here to get an extended contract.

June closes with a loss of 633K, mainly accounted for by Murphy’s fee.

[gil]

Great story so far, KUTGW!

Oh, and choose Kelly

[irishregan]

Thanks a million gil for your kind words, it helps keep me motivated to carry on every time someone makes a comment.

1st July My new signings arrive en bloc, in the shape of Foy, Speroni, Pidgeley, Jansen, Murphy and Jeffers. The last of these men, in true Scouser fashion, has plenty to say upon his arrival. I don’t mind a bit of arrogance, as long as it’s backed up by results. So I’ll be looking forward to the lad making good on his boasts to leave us in awe of his ability.

With several days left before the players return to pre-season training, I am still very much in the market. A minor signing comes on the 4th, when we pick up a player I like, Abdeltareck Sakali, who had just left Blackburn, on a freebie. He remarks upon arrival that he’s very much looking forward to working with me, though for now he’ll be in the reserves, so he better be looking forward to working with Frank as well.

Just a day later we pick up what might be construed as a major signing. Steve Finnan left Liverpool after his contract expired, and I snapped him up on a 2 year pact at 6.25K/week. I guess he’s being signed because he played for Liverpool more than anything else, rather than any great affection I have for him as a player. I am banking on him to be solid, having played at a much higher level, though things don’t always work out like that. He’s very versatile too, which is much needed.

Pre-season training goes much according to plan, the only interruption coming on the 13th of the month when I offload John Curtis to Doncaster for 300K. With various signings and emergence of other players casting him somewhat into the shadows, together with the upward pressure on the wage bill, he had become surplus to requirements.

That was all that would happen before our first pre-season friendly at Sheffield United. We went behind twice in the game, before two second half strikes from Jeffers gave us the win. The defence, Brecks in particular, looked exposed, which was worrying. Our Scouse striker did the business all right, though it has to be remembered that this a guy who is notoriously inconsistent. When he puts 15 or 20 league goals on the board, and meaningful ones at that, I’ll be happy.

On the 25th I take a wild punt and sign Dutch under-21 striker Nick Van De Velde on a freebie. It’s a 4.6k/week deal till 2009, and is based solely on potential, ratings, and his successful junior international career.

The month closes out with a friendly away at MK Dons. We dominate the game and Jeffers has his shooting boots on again, though his goal is rather undeservedly cancelled out in the 92nd minute.

After the match, I complete a very significant signing I had been working on. Lee Bowyer will be joining us on loan for the rest of the season, at 10% of his pay (3.3K). I know he’s a nasty piece of goods, yet I only care what he can do on the pitch, and at this level that could be a very significant contribution indeed. If he causes any trouble, I'll kick his a**e straight out of our club.

Nigel informs me that the board are still delighted with my performance and that we managed to reap a 1.27M profit for the month. Now the hard work of the season is nearly upon us, and if they are still delighted with me by this time next year then we’ll really be in business.

[displaced_seagull]

Jeffers and Bowyer, I like someone who takes a risk.

This is excellent

[wisla_krakow]

Great Story so far

love the news of the world court case and the jenny/kelly storylines

pick kelly

[irishregan]

Thanks displaced_seagull, as for Jeffers and Bowyer, yes I like taking a punt on talented rejects, it’ll be no skin off our nose if they fail anyway. Thanks also wisla_krakow. I was sceptical about changing the writing style to include outside events but it has turned out to be really fun. Glad you’re enjoying it too.

I wasn’t full of confidence leading up to our first encounter, a televised game away to Sheffield Wednesday on Sunday. The squad wasn’t dreadful or anything, yet until we tested ourselves we wouldn’t know if we’d be struggling at the wrong end of the table.

The lads were excited before the game, and set off at a furious pace. Bowyer had a perfectly good goal disallowed after 4 minutes. From there, we fluffed a considerable number of chances, before conceding a crap goal after 39 minutes. This was precisely the sort of weakness that would be ruthlessly exploited in a higher division. I wasn’t too hard on the lads at half-time, and they rewarded me by keeping the good play going, resulting in an equalizer. Bowyer headed down a corner for Tyson to tap in with just under an hour gone. Our assault continued without further reward, and a sending off for the home side came too late for us to capitalize on. A draw that felt like a defeat, considering we outshot them 19-7.

Sheffield Wednesday 1-1 Forest Att: 27522

We were complemented at the press conference afterwards for having controlled the game from start to finish with composure. I was unimpressed. We still got gypped out of 2 points, and that was all that mattered.

A very tough home opener against relegated Spurs on Tuesday night was next on the agenda. This time it looked as though the game would unfold in a reverse scenario. We led after a 4th minute penalty from Murphy. They equalized straight away and battered us, yet Jansen undeservedly restored our lead 5 minutes before the break. Despite my urging to keep it tight, we were pulverized in the 2nd half, conceding in the 46th, 50th, and 79th minutes. I was angry because we pulverized our opponents last week and didn’t get the 3 points, yet I had to realize that these things happen, especially at higher levels. Bignot had been totally exposed in the match by Jermaine Defoe and I would have to reconsider starting him at centre back. He was still a great prospect, though seemed like he needed a bit more experience before mixing it in this company.

Forest 2-4 Tottenham Att: 27218

Our unbeaten run had ended. Reality had begun. Kelly interviewed me for local radio and TV afterwards, and I cut an irritable and pre-occupied figure. I whispered to her that I’d call her as soon as I could, though she seemed a bit p***ed off with me. As though I shouldn’t have been touchy when I was interviewed by her. It’s messy when business and pleasure mix. At least that’s what I think it was. I can’t for one minute imagine she knew that I had done the dirty with Jenny whilst I was in London.

I was reading in the paper before Saturday’s trip to Doncaster that we were 20-1 for promotion with the bookies. I thought this was highly optimistic, especially given the gulf in class between ourselves and Tottenham, which was frankly more embarrassing than the scoreline suggested. Still, I was very hopeful that we could get 3 points on the board in this game, though I didn’t make the mistake of telling the lads that.

Morgan replaced Bignot and Jansen moved up from the bench for Jeffers, in what turned out to be a bizarre game. They opened the scoring after 5 minutes, then it turned into the Jansen show. Two identikit headed goals, after good work on the left from Tyson, gave us a lead that only lasted till the 32nd minute. We responded 7 minutes later, comical defending allowing Murphy to saunter in unchallenged and drive home. Shots continued to fly in from everywhere, and Bowyer finally got an unstoppable one on target after 70. They scored on 79, then Jansen completed his hat-trick with another simple goal on 86. With the last kick of the game, the hosts scored again. It’s a win, and I praised the lads to keep morale up, yet the defending was absolutely diabolical. If we defend like that the rest of the season we’ll get relegated.

Doncaster 4-5 Forest Att: 9165

With a week till our home game with Plymouth I made a rare trip to the training ground to sort out our defending. The forwards moaned about having to come too, but I made it clear in my pre-session bollocking that they were just as much at fault as the defenders. I hoped the session ironed out a few of the bad habits. More than anything I wanted to make it clear that the lads are going to get punished this season if they play like they did in League One.

The Plymouth game was horrible to watch, and frustrating considering we utterly dominated it. Murphy converted a penalty in 1st half injury time. Any attempt to push on from there was de-railed by a series of injuries to Commons, Pedersen, and Foy who was a substitute in the first place. We got that vital 3 points without too many alarms, and it was a better win than last week’s. More comforting for our long term prospects anyway.

Forest 1-0 Plymouth Att: 19234

Pedersen and Foy only had minor knocks, of 1-2 weeks duration, but Commons had a bad one. He’d somehow managed to damage his spine, and wouldn’t be available again for 2 months. He’s always frigging injured, and if somebody offered a few million for him I’d take it. Potential is no use if you’re never actually on the pitch.

The following Wednesday, a shadow squad of all reserve players suffered a humiliating exit from the League Cup at Lincoln. A combination of their incompetence and my arrogance, so we’ll gloss over that one.

A big, televised local derby awaited us on Sunday the 26th, at Derby. I tried to use the midweek humiliation as motivation, even though the 1st team hadn’t been involved. It seemed to work. We absolutely dominated the game from start to finish, yet there was always a foot in the way or a great save from their keeper. I was getting pretty agitated inside on the touchline, then with just 4 minutes left the pressure finally told. Sub Jeffers used his pace for once, and his stinging shot rebounded to Tyson for an easy one. Not a great performance, still too much for our rivals, which was encouraging. Our fans were magnificent, which was nice because the whole team, and myself in particular, took a huge amount of rather vicious barracking from a section of the Derby fans. It was nice to shove it up them at the end.

Derby 0-1 Forest Att: 33568

Morgan and Padula were injured during the match, both for 1-2 weeks, which meant we’d have to cobble together a side with Bignot at left back and Turner in the centre for Tuesday’s home game with Millwall. We had much the better of a dreadful game, which again left me in a good mood about our long term prospects, yet it felt like 2 points dropped against a hardworking, but extremely limited Millwall side.

Forest 0-0 Millwall Att: 21083

Tyson picked up a knock that would keep him out for up to 2 weeks. The squad was getting a bit thin with these injuries, so I moved to sign versatile Swedish DL/DM/MLC Sebastian Larsson for 3 months on loan from Arsenal. Then with great relish, I looked forward to a 14 day break before our next fixture. I was providing some studio analysis for the BBC on England’s upcoming games, which is hardly work, so I’d be swanning off to London for several days to see what kind of hedonism I could find. Just before I left, I had a long call with Kelly, who was pleased to hear from me, though asked if I still irritable.

â€I never was,†I laughed. â€Well I was…but not with you. Can we meet up soon?â€

â€Is tonight soon enough?â€

“It would be, except I have to go to London to do the studio work for the England games.â€

“Oh. Well call me when you get back then.â€

“I really want to see you more often. Formalise things, although I don’t mean make it heavy or anything. We’re doing a bit better in the league now, so I can concentrate on the finer things in life.â€

She laughed. â€As compliments go, I don’t think I’ve ever been described as one of ‘the finer things in life’. I suppose I like it, although it sounds as if you’re putting me in the same bracket as a bottle of Chablis.â€

“I wouldn’t know about that. My frame of reference is all in terms of beer I’m afraid. Can I compare you to a pint of Stella Artois then?â€

She laughed again, and I felt excited about getting back to see her in a week or so. I had actually toyed with the idea of getting her down to London, but after the bollocking I’d received from the BBC about having birds in my room in Germany, that wasn’t a good idea. Then again, I couldn't resist living dangerously.

[irishregan]

The fact that England beat Malta 7-0 in the first of the Euro qualifying double header actually made summarizing it on the telly quite hard work. It’s much easier to sum up what a side is doing wrong. When they’re winning that handsomely, what can you say? So Lineker, Hansen and me were trapped in cliché hell that Saturday afternoon, a place where they were comfortable and I certainly wasn’t. I tried to liven things up by suggesting that Malta must be involved with a betting fiddle to play that badly, and instead of laughing, Lineker came off with some po-faced remark about that “not being the view of the BBCâ€. All I could do was sit back and think of the money we were being paid, which was substantial.

All roads led to Saturday night, when me, Hansen and Ray Stubbs hit the town. We ended up at â€Tramp†nightclub, where we enjoyed the company of several drinks, and three young tarts who as usual found our notoriety something of an aphrodisiac. By 10pm, my two colleagues were ready to make for the nearest hotel room with their quarry in tow. I blew my girl out, saying I had an appointment to keep.

â€Who with? Alcoholics Anonymous?†she said snidely. Cheeky cow.

Instead I took her phone number, not intending to use it, and headed for Jenny’s. Initially she didn’t appear to object to my turning up drunk and randy, yet after the deed was done, remorse set in. She felt that she had let herself down and not held me to a pledge to get serious with her. I’m afraid I didn’t exactly cover myself in glory, since that’s the last thing a bloke wants to hear when he’s plastered. I said “not that s***e again†and got up and left. That must have hurt her, and after I’d sobered up I felt dreadful about it, though too embarrassed to call her.

Before I’d sobered up, I engaged in more boorish behaviour, heading straight for the home of the tart I had blown off in the nightclub. She had no such reservations about welcoming me drunk and randy. I felt remorse about that later, but for a different reason. I was paranoid that she was the sort of classless bimbo that would turn up in a tabloid newspaper doing a kiss-and-tell about me.

England’s Wednesday game was a terminally dull draw in Ukraine and I was glad to get away and back to Nottingham for Saturday's date, at home against Hull. Pedersen, Padula and Morgan returned to the side, though it didn’t prevent a pitiful 1st half, and a petulant display from me in the dressing room at the interval. It didn’t do any good, so on 70 minutes I went s**t or bust, and Jeffers outpaced their tiring defence to give us the lead. Plenty of chances to finish them off came and went, though in the end one was enough.

Forest 1-0 Hull Att: 22681

Jansen was a casualty of our win, and would miss 1-3 weeks with a gashed leg. I am including a league table from after this game, I forgot to do it at the end of September.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Fulham | | 7 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 16 | 5 | +11 | 17 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Blackburn | | 7 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 9 | 2 | +7 | 16 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Tottenham | | 7 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 11 | 6 | +5 | 15 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Nottm Forest | | 7 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 11 | 9 | +2 | 14 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Wolves | | 7 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 9 | 6 | +3 | 13 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Coventry | | 7 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 11 | 7 | +4 | 12 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Brentford | | 7 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 9 | 5 | +4 | 12 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Norwich | | 7 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 6 | 4 | +2 | 12 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Sheff Wed | | 7 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 9 | 5 | +4 | 11 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Luton | | 7 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 7 | 8 | -1 | 11 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Preston | | 7 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 9 | 8 | +1 | 10 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Cardiff | | 7 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 6 | 7 | -1 | 10 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Crystal Palace | | 6 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 7 | 4 | +3 | 9 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Hull | | 7 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 9 | -4 | 8 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Derby | | 7 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 8 | 7 | +1 | 7 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Ipswich | | 7 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 5 | 13 | -8 | 7 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Sheff Utd | | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 6 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Reading | | 7 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 6 | 10 | -4 | 6 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Crewe | | 7 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 10 | -6 | 6 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Leicester | | 7 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 6 | -3 | 5 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Millwall | | 7 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 6 | -3 | 5 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Plymouth | | 7 | 1 | 1 | 5 | 5 | 8 | -3 | 4 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Q.P.R. | | 7 | 1 | 1 | 5 | 4 | 8 | -4 | 4 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Doncaster | | 7 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 7 | 13 | -6 | 3 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

I saw an article in the Sunday paper that annoyed me when I was sitting at home. A motley collection of so-called “experts†were making comments on our division, and were saying stuff like “they should enjoy the spotlight while they canâ€. I found it unnecessarily nasty. I’m building for the long term not the short term so I don’t care what they think anyway. As far as I'm concerned, they can sod off. In the meantime I might use the article to motivate the lads. They’d need some, since we were visiting Fulham next.

I wasn’t expecting anything from this trip to London, and after conceding a poor goal 14 minutes in, my prediction looked well founded. I was irritated without going over the top at half time. Basically it was a crap game, and they deserved to win. Not exactly outclassed, though we never looked like winning it either.

Fulham 1-0 Forest Att: 24685

Saturday 16th saw another away assignment, and another tough one at that, when we visited Wolves. This time we were totally outplayed in a dreadful 1st half, though they only netted once, in the 23rd minute. I didn’t bother going into the dressing room to show my displeasure. It didn’t alter the outcome, though Morgan’s dismissal on 71 minutes for 2 yellows rubbed it in. I cussedly went for all out attack with 10 men, resulting in two further goals for them, then ranted and raved in the dressing room for good measure. Perhaps the pundits had been right and this was the start of a major slide. Not if I had anything to do with it.

Wolves 3-0 Forest Att: 26368

With eight days till a Sunday televised encounter with Coventry, it was time to take care of personal business. I spinelessly put my shame and embarrassment about my treatment of Jenny into a letter. I couldn’t face calling her, and e-mail or text was just too impersonal for someone I cared about. The gist was that I was ashamed of myself and didn’t deserve her, which I suppose was a cop out way of ending the relationship, and it didn’t make me feel much better.

I got that special feeling from calling up Kelly and going out to dinner with her. I resisted the urge for hanky panky, which surprised her, and I must admit I didn’t half surprise myself, yet I felt like starting out properly dating her. Doing things the right way, which she seemed to be impressed by. It wasn’t a load of bulls**t. I had acted disgracefully of late, and wanted to regain some sort of dignity in my personal dealings.

We needed to regain some dignity on the pitch too, and a 7th minute opener for Coventry that Sunday didn’t promise much. However Doriva leveled with a lovely chip, after Holt had been denied. Just two minutes later, the same striker broke through again, this time there was to be no save from the goalie, and we were 2-1 up. Joy was quickly confined by Padula getting himself sent off for a professional foul another 2 minutes later, and I feared the worst. However, our leaky defence held on stoutly. The visitors were stunned when Doriva effectively finished them off with a fabulous free kick (78), then Tyson rubbed it in, sprinting clear to net a 4th goal on 83. I told the lads they were sensational

Forest 4-1 Coventry Att: 22112

Just two days later we were in action again, at Ipswich. We edged possession in the game, though they had far more shots. I wasn’t happy at half-time, then with 20 minutes left decided to shut up shop and take a point. My plans unravelled when Breckin gave away a penalty, then was quite disgracefully sent off by an incompetent referee. He wasn’t even the last man, and I was foaming at the mouth on the touchline, to the point where he sent me to the stand, although I initially refused to go until I had given him a real foul mouthful. As far as I was concerned, his buffoonery had cost us the game.

Ipswich 1-0 Forest Att: 23336

Saturday 30th gave the lads a shot at redemption, at home to QPR. Brecks appeal had been outrageously unsuccessful, though at least Morgan and Jansen returned to the fray. I didn’t rate the visitors much, and we duly dominated. After 22 minutes, we got a penalty, which Murphy converted. I was determined the lads wouldn’t get careless, but things were tight until they had a man sent off in the 88th minute. Quite rightly too, since they’d been kicking lumps out of our players all day long. We don’t complain, but we expect to be backed up by the referee, and he was as weak as wax in this game. Straight after the sending off, Jansen headed in a lovely goal to seal it from Bowyer’s cross. A decent performance, though we could have won by more.

Forest 2-0 QPR Att: 21946

Perchy is going to be out 1-2 weeks with a neck injury, which is a bummer. The board are still delighted with me, and with the relatively modest profit of 134K for the month.

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Fulham | | 12 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 23 | 9 | +14 | 26 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Tottenham | | 12 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 17 | 8 | +9 | 26 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Crystal Palace | | 12 | 7 | 4 | 1 | 25 | 8 | +17 | 25 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Blackburn | | 12 | 7 | 3 | 2 | 14 | 9 | +5 | 24 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Preston | | 12 | 7 | 1 | 4 | 23 | 14 | +9 | 22 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Brentford | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 18 | 12 | +6 | 21 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Cardiff | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 13 | 11 | +2 | 21 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Wolves | | 12 | 6 | 2 | 4 | 17 | 14 | +3 | 20 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Nottm Forest | | 12 | 6 | 2 | 4 | 17 | 15 | +2 | 20 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Sheff Utd | | 12 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 18 | 14 | +4 | 19 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Norwich | | 12 | 4 | 6 | 2 | 12 | 9 | +3 | 18 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Derby | | 12 | 5 | 2 | 5 | 18 | 12 | +6 | 17 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Ipswich | | 12 | 5 | 1 | 6 | 13 | 20 | -7 | 16 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Sheff Wed | | 12 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 12 | 13 | -1 | 14 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Coventry | | 12 | 4 | 2 | 6 | 16 | 18 | -2 | 14 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Leicester | | 12 | 2 | 7 | 3 | 8 | 9 | -1 | 13 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Hull | | 12 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 8 | 13 | -5 | 13 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Luton | | 12 | 3 | 3 | 6 | 8 | 18 | -10 | 12 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Millwall | | 12 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 11 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Plymouth | | 12 | 2 | 3 | 7 | 9 | 14 | -5 | 9 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Crewe | | 12 | 2 | 3 | 7 | 5 | 18 | -13 | 9 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Doncaster | | 12 | 1 | 5 | 6 | 12 | 19 | -7 | 8 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Q.P.R. | | 12 | 2 | 1 | 9 | 9 | 20 | -11 | 7 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Reading | | 12 | 2 | 1 | 9 | 8 | 22 | -14 | 7 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

[Spav]

Still continuing to shine with this effort, irishregan. KUTGW

[irishregan]

Thanks Spav, really appreciate it!

Another two week break for internationals followed. I did the BBC work, though steered well clear of the “attractions†of London, staying in Sevenoaks and keeping a low profile. Besides which, Jenny didn’t acknowledge my spineless letter either, so there’s no chance of going astray in that direction.

I arrived back at the club a few days before our away trip to Sheffield United, to find that Gardener had done a hamstring, and would be out for 2-4 weeks. We got down there and produced a dire 1st half display, which the home side had much the better of. They scored a penalty after 5 minutes, but that didn’t stop us grabbing an undeserved equalizer after 23, Tyson knocking in a rebound after Doriva’s searing free kick hit the bar. I got annoyed with the lads in the dressing room, feeling that we should really be beating these teams. Things didn’t improve, and neither did my mood when Foy had a perfectly good goal disallowed for offside. Match officials have got it in for us at the minute, we haven’t had a decision go our way for months. Afterwards, I was honest with the lads and told them they just weren’t good enough. A touch harsh perhaps, though true.

Sheffield United 1-1 Forest Att: 32973

On the 17th we entertained Crystal Palace in what turned out to be a ridiculous game. We were humiliatingly outplayed in the 1st half, outshot 11-0, and I registered a protest by not bothering to go into the dressing room at the half. It was amazing that it took them till the 34th minute to take the lead. Then in the the 65th minute Palace unravelled twice in as many minutes, horrible defensive blunders allowing Tyson to tap in for the easiest two goals he'd ever score. We shut up shop and held them, and in the 88th minute Doriva produced a free kick special to give us the points. Still not done with this crazy game, Murphy repeated the trick 2 minutes later. We walked away with 3 points and a thumping scoreline. The 2nd half performance was very powerful, the first half stank, and if it had finished up 4-4 I wouldn’t have complained. As it is, it’s about time we had the luck of the green (and the refereeing for that matter).

Forest 4-1 Palace Att: 27786

Just four days later we rolled up at Crewe for a game I would normally have described as very winnable. These days I had no idea quite what we were going to produce. In this case, it was another embarrassing 1st half display. We were 2-0 down after 8 minutes, though Tyson replied 2 minutes later from a rebound by Jansen. Opting for a good cop routine at half-time, I told the lads we could win it, without the slightest belief that we would, a view that was confirmed when they added a 3rd on 52 minutes. I was furious afterwards. Against a side in 21st place, we simply had to win, instead we were embarrassed.

Crewe 3-1 Forest Att: 7874

I made the decision to have a clear-out. Not so much a response to our recent slightly bizarre performances, as a need to raise some cash for re-moulding of the side. It was now pointless asking Nigel for help. He didn’t love this club. It was a simple business proposition to him, and spending large sums of money on players was a concept he just didn’t understand. Of course, he was quite happy to sell them for large sums of money.

Our next match saw us take on another of the relegated big guns, Blackburn, at home. Our usual woeful 1st half display was duly wheeled out, and we were heavily outshot, to the extent that I was forced to give up our usual pattern and go defensive at 0-0, in the attempt to cling on for a point. From that point of view, we had reached a new low. However, we did hang on for an undeserved draw, so it wasn’t all doom and gloom.

Forest 0-0 Blackburn Att: 29382

The price for the point was a facial injury to Danny Murphy that would keep him out 1-2 weeks. After the game I tied up another sale, this time of Steve Finnan to Wolves for 500K of welcome cash. He was a non-factor in his time here, and his performances were no better than someone I could have plucked from the youth team. The fans were inexplicably upset when I announced the sale. I haven’t the faintest idea why.

Beaumont replaced Murphy for our trip to Luton on the last day of October. Our usual pathetic 1st half showing yielded a 2-0 lead for the home side after. Doriva replied with a trademark free kick, only for us to ship another 2 poor goals after the re-start. I was so livid that I didn’t speak to the players at any time during or after the game. I wanted to create an air of menace, so I told Frank to let it slip that careers were on the line. It was just one s**te performance too many. This was going to stop, and stop now.

Luton 4-1 Forest Att: 6788

The board were still delighted with how things were going, even if I wasn’t. A loss of 255k for the month, and my desire for transfer funds led me to transfer list most of the first team squad. If they weren’t cutting the mustard they couldn’t expect to just stay here. This is a professional organization, and my ambitions were limitless. They have to get the results or else they’d be replaced.

[irishregan]

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | | Tottenham | | 17 | 12 | 5 | 0 | 30 | 10 | +20 | 41 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | Blackburn | | 17 | 10 | 4 | 3 | 20 | 13 | +7 | 34 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Crystal Palace | | 17 | 9 | 5 | 3 | 35 | 19 | +16 | 32 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Fulham | | 17 | 9 | 5 | 3 | 28 | 14 | +14 | 32 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Preston | | 17 | 10 | 1 | 6 | 32 | 21 | +11 | 31 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Norwich | | 17 | 7 | 7 | 3 | 21 | 15 | +6 | 28 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Wolves | | 17 | 8 | 3 | 6 | 21 | 23 | -2 | 27 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Cardiff | | 17 | 7 | 5 | 5 | 16 | 15 | +1 | 26 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Nottm Forest | | 17 | 7 | 4 | 6 | 25 | 24 | +1 | 25 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th | | Derby | | 17 | 7 | 3 | 7 | 21 | 16 | +5 | 24 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 11th | | Sheff Wed | | 17 | 6 | 6 | 5 | 22 | 18 | +4 | 24 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 12th | | Sheff Utd | | 17 | 6 | 6 | 5 | 21 | 18 | +3 | 24 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 13th | | Brentford | | 17 | 6 | 4 | 7 | 18 | 18 | 0 | 22 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 14th | | Millwall | | 17 | 5 | 6 | 6 | 14 | 13 | +1 | 21 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 15th | | Coventry | | 17 | 5 | 5 | 7 | 26 | 27 | -1 | 20 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 16th | | Ipswich | | 17 | 6 | 2 | 9 | 15 | 27 | -12 | 20 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 17th | | Crewe | | 17 | 5 | 4 | 8 | 11 | 23 | -12 | 19 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 18th | | Leicester | | 17 | 3 | 9 | 5 | 13 | 14 | -1 | 18 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 19th | | Doncaster | | 17 | 4 | 6 | 7 | 21 | 26 | -5 | 18 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 20th | | Reading | | 17 | 5 | 1 | 11 | 13 | 26 | -13 | 16 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 21st | | Hull | | 17 | 3 | 6 | 8 | 11 | 20 | -9 | 15 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 22nd | | Luton | | 17 | 4 | 3 | 10 | 14 | 25 | -11 | 15 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 23rd | | Q.P.R. | | 17 | 4 | 2 | 11 | 13 | 27 | -14 | 14 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 24th | | Plymouth | | 17 | 3 | 4 | 10 | 13 | 22 | -9 | 13 |

| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

[irishregan]

Four days into November we welcomed fifth-placed Preston to The City Ground, and our welcome extended to producing our now time honoured pitiful performance. I’d tried to shake things up by dropping Pedersen and Morgan for Pidgeley and Turner, yet nothing was working. That we didn’t concede was more by luck than skill, and even after the visitors had a man sent off in the 2nd half, they still looked the better side, which pretty much says it all.

Forest 0-0 Preston Att: 21403

Another 14 day break for internationals came at exactly the right time. England disposed of Luxembourg and Iceland by a combined score of 7-1, and I spent some time in Sevenoaks, and as much as I could in the delightful company of Kelly. As sod’s law would have it, she had to go away for several days that 1st week to a residential training course about something or other, but we still got the 2nd week together in Nottingham before it was back to the grind, and very enjoyable it was too.

We were once again genial hosts when Reading came to town on the 18th. We went in 1-0 down, though it could have been 3 or 4. I decided to employ sarcasm, telling the squad I was thrilled with their performance, then promptly walking out. They went 2 up, Murphy pulled one back, then we conceded 2 more before the end. I headed down the tunnel with boos ringing in my ears, though at least I had the consolation of knowing that the fans were still behind me. It was the players they were p***ed off with, and who could blame them? I told the lads I was elated with them, they were doing a wonderful job for the opposition, and they should be proud of how well they played for Reading today. There were a few blank faces, and I realized that even sarcasm was wasted on these people at the moment. A transfer out of the club would be the only thing they understood.

Forest 1-4 Reading Att: 20804

Next Saturday’s torture would take place in Cardiff, though I was as stunned as they probably were when Tyson gave us the lead after 17 minutes. I tried to shut up shop, and we held on until the 83rd minute, for what was probably an undeserved point, considering we were outshot 16-8. I didn’t have a clue where our next win was coming from, though at least we got something from yet another shoddy performance.

Cardiff 1-1 Forest Att: 15784

As the month drew to a close, I arranged to sell Jeffers to Reading for 150K. I was the latest in a long line of managers to discover that here was a man with little to offer the game of professional football. He had no interest in utilizing his considerable talent, other than providing the odd flash of it so he could continue making money from the game. Reading would discover that in due course.

Despite a loss of 363K, the board remain very pleased with the club’s progress. I am at my wits end with the players, though it has never crossed my mind to walk away. I’ll be at this club until I am forced out, which may not be too long given the way we’re playing.