[FM24] The Daily Show

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

The Kayfabe

The World of Football moves fast.  

In a way, at least.  With access to the sport greater than it's ever been, where it's just as easy to take in an Uzbek U21 game taking place on an offshore submarine in the Arctic circle as it is to watch whatever preening showponies are currently starring for everyone's favourite money sponge the Premier League, stories are everywhere.  Podcasts, newspapers, YouTube channels, message-boards, social media, that guy down the park that shouts at pigeons, everyone's got an opinion, and nobody waits more than a moment to give it.  Long-term storytelling is often cast aside in favour of the right now, and managers often fall foul of that more than anyone else.

This story will follow three managers, moving into their first roles following retirement from playing.  This is their story.

The Non-Kayfabe

I've always been interested in trying a sort of "real-time" approach to the game.  I'm always guilty of charging through seasons without paying much attention to what's going on other than what's in front of my face.  Documenting the saves on here does help, but it's still something that's sort of baked into how I approach the game. This save is (hopefully) going to change all of that and force me to slow down and make more measured decisions.  Or it'll just amplify how terrible I am at the game.

In terms of the way the game-world is set up, we'll be loading every single nation that is available out of the box on the base FM24 database.  The performance will be awful (holidaying to today's date took a while) but that doesn't matter when you're only going to be advancing a handful of days at a time.  I'll be starting from the current date, and updating the thread on a daily basis, or as close to it as possible.  The plan is likely to move through a week at a time, then drip feed in updates to give some contingency, but that might change.

In terms of who exactly I'm going to be managing...you'll have to wait and see.  My plan is to start multiple managers (3 currently), one managing the club at the bottom of the Premier League, one managing a club in the hunt for the play-offs in the Championship, and then one sitting in last place in the Scottish Premiership.  I'm hoping that gives a decent amount of "stuff" happening for the human managers, then with the entire world running in the background, there should be plenty of stories there to tell.  I think on my test save (only Europe loaded), the teams would have been Fulham (cut adrift at the bottom), Motherwell (not quite as bad, but still a big task) and then whatever Championship side I ended up choosing.  Because it will be mid-February, there will be no opportunity to sign players, and only a few matches left to survive.  

As a final aim for this, obviously the activity in the thread should die around June, but you know what else ramps up then?  Euro 2024.  Each manager will take on a side at the tournament, preferably in different groups with different schedules, and we'll do a proper run of the tournament in real-time.  Then we'll move on to season 2 if the thread continues to go well.

The first post will introduce the sides, give a bit of a rundown of the situation they find themselves in, then probably a bumper intro with 3 whole days of updates (because I was supposed to post this on Wednesday).  Then tomorrow, because it's Saturday, we'll begin with matches.

Edited February 16 by forameuss

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

The Teams and the Managers

Meet Johnny Potter.  

Ex-England international, and lifelong fan of the hatters.  He was as delighted as anyone to see them finally promoted to the Premier League, but not so delighted to see...

...that they've absolutely stunk the place out.  Just the 6 games picking up points in 25, and they're in deep, deep trouble at the bottom.  Everton aren't much better, but only down to their 10 point deduction.  A ten point gap to overhaul, otherwise they're going down.

Meet Terry Tyne.  Slightly better dressed than Luton-born Johnny, but don't worry, he's still just as awful.  

His beloved Middlesbrough are going for promotion to the Premier League, just like so many clubs around them, but...

It's not quite that simple.  They're in absolutely stinking form, even if they are still in a decent position.  They could still push for automatic promotion, but they're also still looking over their shoulders at the chasing pack.  With...*calculates*...around 93 games left in the Championship, you could probably argue that you could get down to Rotherham before you exit the playoff fight.

 

Meet Jocky McDonald, ex Scotland International, although a much riper vintage than Johnny Potter.  He's spent his years doing reactionary punditry, putting Chris Sutton to shame.  But when his beloved Motherwell required his services, he jumped at the chance.  Even though...

Not quite as bleak an outlook as with Luton, but with the way the Scottish leagues can go, it's by no means certain that you can overcome even this three point gap.  The split kicks in in 8 games, and at that point it's every relegation rival for themselves.

Edited February 16 by forameuss

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

14th February 2024

It's Valentine's Day, but unfortunately there's going to be no time for Terry Tyne to head home with some petrol station forecourt flowers for Mrs Tyne, he's going to immediately be thrown into action with Middlesbrough taking on Preston.  Fortunately for both Potter and McDonald, they've got to wait until the weekend to taste action for the first time.  I'm sure they'll be going home for a nice quiet one, maybe a few VCR copies of their opponents matches.

So today is all about the North-East.

 

Decent card for a Wednesday night, and a match that should yield a positive start for Middlesbrough and Terry.  But they have been on a terrible run of form before he arrived.  

Terry didn't have a huge amount of time to get his feet under the desk before having to pick a team, so it was the "best" 11, and the best fitting tactic, and off we went to the North-West.  No bother, right?

Oh.

Oh no.

So this was an absolute travesty.  We started off well, and were doing everything but scoring, but pretty much everything our opponents hit went in.  It started with a near 30-yard unchallenged strike, and got worse from there.  We had the better chances, we had most of the ball, but we got absolutely spanked.  Oh dear.

 

 

Edited February 17 by forameuss

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

15th February 2024

 

After Terry had his debut last night, Jocky McDonald now needs to prepare to take his bow with a Friday night fixture in the Premiership.  It's a doozy too, with a trip to Tynecastle to face top 6 stalwarts Hearts.  On paper, a very tough one, but a good yard-stick to see just where we are as a side.

Nice message from Hearts boss Steven Naismith, makes a change from any other manager seeing you as something they've recently stepped in.  

But before that match, because he's just arrived he's now got to meet the squad.  Now, Motherwell are rock bottom of the league, so surely being told we can avoid relegation, even if it's by the playoffs, that's cool, right?

Nah.  

He initially told them that, and they threw a strop, so now we're expected to be mid-table.  Stephen O'Donnell may be a handsome ****er, but he has no ambition.

Much like Jocky, Johnny Potter had to meet his squad and outline his vision for the future.  With Luton locked to the bottom of the league, and looking almost doomed, surely some positivity from their new fuhrer would be the order of the day?

But...but...the positivity?

...

Not as bad as it could have been.

 

The morning after the night before, and Terry had the day off.  The team didn't though.  They were told to run towards the Scottish border, and then keep going once they reached there.  The useless tossers.

 

 

Edited February 17 by forameuss

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

16th February 2024

Matchday.  

A really tough one at Tynecastle, but it's Friday night at a proper old stadium, and you couldn't ask for a better start to proceedings.  Well, maybe a match against some complete jobbers or something.

Picked as strong a side as we could, but set up in a more cautious way, trying to hit them on the counter-attack. We're likely to be under a lot of pressure, so hopefully we can hit them on the break.

What a game.

Seriously, after that 4-0 defeat for Terry, it looked like this was going to just be misery after misery, but that match changed it all.  

It didn't start out well at all, with Hearts going ahead in 90 seconds. I don't think we even touched the ball before picking it out the net.  We then went up the pitch and hit the bar straight after, and it looked like we might be in for a game.  But Hearts just turned the screw tighter and tighter as the game went on, eventually adding a second as Oda struck a weak shot past our stranded keeper.  2-0, and that should be that.  We weren't really laying a glove on them, with any of our counter-attacks getting bogged down as the bigger boys got back, regrouped, and pushed us back.

Then completely against the run of play, Blair Spittal got a loose ball that had been dwelled upon by Cammy Devlin.  He had three Hearts players around him, but managed to move down the right flank before firing in a cross, met by Conservative Council Candidate for Islington East Nathan Young-Coombes.  2-1 at half-time, and maybe, just maybe, there was a chance here.

Hearts had the ball in the net again, but VAR intervened, calling an offside.  Then Cammy Devlin's night got worse.  Diving into a horror tackle, and it was a straight red.  Suddenly, we could see a chink in the armour.  On went a second striker, sacrificing a midfielder to try and match up with their formation and put more pressure on them.  We did just that, forcing corner after corner, but it was another driven cross that found substitute Mika Biereth, and he touched in the equaliser.

We had chances to win it, but Hearts were the ones hanging on by the end.  It finishes 2-2, we move off the bottom, and the Motherwell spell is off to a flyer.

Pre-match press conference time for Johnny, ahead of his first match for Luton.

Unfortunately, he's up against Chelsea, and unfortunately this is alternate universe Chelsea, who aren't complete toss.  They're up in 3rd, not a chance of the title, but probably in with a decent chance of making the Champions League.  Nice for them.

But anyway, the press conference.  So Johnny is a...tetchy individual.  He's usually got a bottle on him ready to be broken, and he's always up for a scrap.  His first target?  Ricky Hill.

Apparently Luton legend Ricky is critical of Luton's poor form.  I'm not sure why Johnny should care, he's only been here two minutes.  But of course, he's not going to miss a chance to be a mardy so and so.  So he said just that, suggesting that if Ricky cared, he'd shut up.  I'm sure that'll go well for him.

He was then asked what Sheffield United could expect in the rest of the season.  Of course, Johnny predicted they were dead and buried.  Doomed specifically.  Shots fired.

But still time to have a go at his opposite number in tomorrow's match, Mauricio Pochettino.  He's someone Johnny would "cross the street to avoid".  Goodness me.

 

Similar to Johnny, Terry had a press conference ahead of his Saturday afternoon match.  Also similar to Johnny, he had time to have a go at the opposition manager.  Enzo Maresca, promising Leicester manager, is "not on his Christmas card list, put it that way".  Handbags.

Handbags back in the cupboard, Enzo's cool with it. 

Terry's still not though.

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

17th February 2024

 

Off to Stamford Bridge for our first taste of action with Luton.

I started things out basically trying to spoil the game, sitting back, trying not to concede, hopefully trying to nick something on the break.  As a result, some big names missing out, but we'll see how it goes.

So, "how it goes" is answered by "awfully".

We were absolutely stinking in the first half, our new approach completely wrong for the situation and led to Chelsea just camping in our half waiting to score. I thought we might actually hold out, but as soon as Noni Madueke got the opener, it really didn't look like there was much chance of turning it around.

In the second half we completely changed approach, moving to a system with far more width, and we actually started playing football.  Chelsea didn't have the same level of domination as they did have either.  Unfortunately, we never really looked like we were going to make the jump to actually, you know, put the ball in the net.  Connor Gallagher sealed the result late on, and Champions League chasing Chelsea keep the points.

A massive job on to save Luton's season.

 

I'm not even going to cover this game.  There are no words to describe how little actually happened.  The stats make it look slightly better, because at half-time I believe XG was 0.01 vs 0.02.  Brutal.

The highlight of the game was us winning a free-kick in the 91st minute.  Sam Greenwood took a full minute adjusting his socks and getting ready to hit it, then blootered it straight onto a defenders head for a clearance.  Full time.

I mean, it's a point, against a direct rival, but...bleurgh.

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

18th February 2024

Absolutely nothing happened.  Like, seriously.  Nothing.

So instead I'll bring you what happened in history on this date.  That'll be exciting.

1930 - Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in a fixed-wing aircraft.  Also became the first cow to be milked in an aircraft.  Unconfirmed whether Ollie was flying the plane or not.

1990 - Costa Rican footballer Bryan Oviedo was born

1564 - Michaelangelo (the artist, not the teenage mutant ninja turtle) died

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

19th February 2024

Quick day for the lads, as Terry and Jocky had very quiet ones.  Johnny had a couple of things to deal with though.

 

Well I'm glad you told us then. 

 

I love these.  Worded in such a sterile way that I imagine an 80s style montage where he just steadfastly refuses to shoot, with interstitial scenes of him in a classroom with an exasperated teacher showing him videos of Tony Yeboah.

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

20th February 2024

These midweeks fair fly in...nothing happening, so more red hot fact action.

And just as a note, it's really hard to find some that aren't either bleak or really, really boring.  I don't think any cows went on planes.

1971 - The United States Emergency Broadcast System is accidentally activated in an erroneous national alert

1980 - "The Holy Goalie" Artur Boruc is born

2005 - Hunter S. Thomson died

Apparently it's also the World Day of Social Justice too.  Yup.

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

21st February 2024

1948 - NASCAR is incorporated

1987 - Joey Barton botherer Eniola Aluko is born

1975 - Malcolm X, American Activist, dies

It's also International Mother Language Day, according to UNESCO.  Me neither.

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

22nd February 2024

1980 - "The Miracle on Ice" happens as the US Ice Hockey Team beats those nasty Soviet Union players 4-3

1962 - Australia's favourite Son Steve Irwin is born

It's National Cat Day in Japan too.  It really is.

[forameuss]

The Daily Show

A (Painfully) Slow Journey Through the World of Football

22nd February 2024

It's Friday, and you know what that means.  The red, hot sexual thrill of pre-match press conferences.  Ooft.

In Luton, Johnny continues his running feud with Everton by pointing out that they really are absolutely dreadful, and there's no way that they'll possibly win their game.  Disappointingly, no-one from Everton is replying.  The massive spoil-sports.

Luton's match will be at Kennilworth Road against Wolverhampton, and after Chelsea absolutely bodied is in our first game, this could be our first opportunity to properly lay down a marker and start moving towards safety.  Still, it's going to be another very difficult match, and Wolves go in as heavy favourites.  

 

 

That positive result against Hearts in our first game was great, but it doesn't get any easier in playing title-chasing Celtic.  We'll do very well to get anything from this one, but...well, you never know.

 

 

And rounding out the day in the beigest league in the world with the team that absolutely does not want to be in the playoffs under any circumstances.  Terry Tyne's Middlesbrough.  

This one though, this is the sort of match we absolutely should be winning.  Frustratingly though, Plymouth are the side in form.  If we lose, we could be out of the playoff spots, but surely we can't be as bad as we've been... *checks notes*...ever since I arrived.