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England Squad: Ukraine v England, 6/9/14; England v Bosnia, 10/9/14

Goalkeepers:

Adu Sunday Barnes 32, 8 caps, Arsenal

The former Manchester United and Blackburn keeper is the undisputed #1.

Stuart Taylor 33, Middlesbrough

Taylor has never played for England despite being 33 now. Has played for Arsenal and Blackburn in the past, but is now in his sixth season up north.

Adonay Woods 25, 1 cap, Manchester United

The future number one, is third choice for now.

Defenders:

Jonathan Woodgate 34, 43 caps, Newcastle

The veteran is now in his thirteenth season at Newcastle where he is still first choice. No longer an automatic pick for his country however, and remains in the squad only as a result of injuries to younger players.

John Terry 33, 35 caps, Chelsea

Now in his eighteenth season as a Chelsea player, Terry is on the wane, and like Woodgate is included only due to the misfortune of others.

Simon Francis 29, Juventus

The former Bradford and Kilmarnock player is in his fifth campaign as a Serie A regular, and is first choice at right back for the Ukraine game.

Tony Hadley 25, 1 cap, Manchester United

Tony is forcing his way into the Manchester United team year-on-year, and is teh best left back currently available to England.

Glen Johnson 30, 37 caps, 5 goals, Chelsea

Glen is a first choice centre-back for these matches, but is now a veteran, and will find his place under threat when injuries clear up elsewhere.

Steven Taylor 28, Newcastle

The Newcastle stalwart has surprisingly never played for England. That will be remedied when he starts against the Ukraine.

Gareth Barry 33, 52 caps, 2 goals, Manchester United

Gareth Barry's name is intrinsically linked to Manchester United and in particular their European Cup win in 2013. He is getting on in years now, but injuries allow him a place on the bench this week.

James McEveley 29, 20 caps, 4 goals, Blackburn

McEveley is a versatile player, and his experience is a valuable asset to his manager at club level, and at national team level.

Midfielders:

Jermaine Jenas 31, 59 caps, 9 goals, Celtic

Jermaine has just moved north to join Celtic in an £8.25m deal. He is still the best option for England in a holding midfield role, but there are a number of pretenders to his throne.

David Prutton 32, 9 caps, 1 goal, Southampton

Prutton is a versatile backup at international level, no more. Unlikely to feature in this week's games.

John Welsh 30, 4 caps, 2 goals, Manchester United

John is a backup to Jermaine Jenas, and has perhaps missed the boat as starter for his country as younger alternatives break through. Has a successful career at Liverpool and United to his name however.

Jim White 22, U21 cap, Rangers

Jim moved to Rangers for £6,000,000 a year or so ago, and is the natural successor to Jenas in the heart of the England engine room. His club's struggles may count against him though.

Scott Parker 33, 9 caps, Arsenal

After a spell at Barcelona the former Charlton midfielder found a home at Arsenal where he has won three European Cups. Now at the tail end of his career, he is unlikely to have a role to play for England except in an emergency.

Ben Watson 29, U21 cap, Real Madrid

The former Palace midfielder has been a squad member for Real since January 2004, and has played in over 80 games for the club. He has talent, but is not an intuitive pick for his country at this time.

Oscar Cox 22, U21 cap, Arsenal

Oscar is an old fashioned winger who has a bright future ahead of him at club and international level. His time will come, but not this week.

Rohan Ricketts 31, 7 caps, 1 goal, Tottenham

The Spurs legend has fewer caps than he perhaps deserves, but nonetheless is probably unlikely to gain many more at this stage in his career.

James Milner 28, 1 cap, Leeds

Milner was a boy wonder once upon a time, but has never been an England starter. Will have a chance to right that situation in Kiev.

Boucif Wright 25, Portsmouth

The former Arsenal winger will make his international debut in the next game due to a late withdrawal from the squad by Joe Cole. Has the ability, but has he the composure?

Forwards:

Wayne Rooney 28, 56 caps, 21 goals, Everton

Rooney's goalscoring record is exceptional, but I want to use him in a midfield role in the next couple of games. We will see how well he adapts.

David Bentley 30, U21 cap, Middlesbrough

The former Arsenal, Dundee, Dundee United, Celtic, Falkirk and Hearts player has never been prolific, per se, but has other qualities. Injury will keep him out of at least the Ukraine game though.

Terry Cooke 29, 20 caps, 6 goals, Manchester United

Manchester United and England's number nine, Cooke is the best striker around at the moment, though he could do with scoring more goals.

Jermaine Defoe 31, U21 cap, West Ham

Jermaine has ludicrously never been capped. Not only will he make his England debut for me aged 31, I expect him to be around for the duration of the campaign.

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England's week

The game in Kiev was bound to be the toughest England would face in the group, with Finland, Armenia and Bosnia the other opponents, and a James Milner goal after 37 minutes was a great fillup. Sadly the lead lasted just 6 minutes before Skvortsov levelled, and Ukraine looked set to go in with momentum until Wayne Rooney popped up in injury time to restore our one goal advantage. A second half debut goal from Jermaine Defoe put the seal on a fine win, and thoughts turned to getting home and preparing for Bosnia at Wembley.

A broken leg suffered by Taylor between the matches was borderline disasterous, and when John Welsh also called off a reshuffle was required. The almost-fit Joe Cole was recalled and started on the left, whilst Glen Johnson moved over to right back and James McEveley slotted into the heart of defence.

An early Rooney goal set the team off in the right direction, and when Jermaine Jenas made it two after about half an hour the game was all but won. James Milner's second goal in two games sealed the win before half time, and the team was in cruise control. Joe Cole came off at half time, his work done, to be replaced by Boucif Wright, and the 89984 inside Wembley were treated to an entertaining second period, featuring another Milner goal and an effort from Defoe that left the frame of the goal reverberating for five minutes. An entertaining week to be an England fan!

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Kirkie 2014/15

The personnel isn't much different from last season, Moffat is back in the Scotland squad, Murray has his first cap (and a missed international penalty) and Ryan Milne and Bisjawit Dierickx are regular squad members, but remain uncapped, but at club level we're much of a muchness.

Aaron Dunn and Ed Ross are AGAIN the victims of long-term injuries, and cover has been brought in in the shape of Phethego Fraser of Hearts, a bargain buy, and the only other addition was Rangers' Tim Hamilton at £3.5m in defence. Dave Ross moved on to Lazio for £3.5m and Darren Smith made a Bosman move to Aberdeen, so we pretty much broke even.

Anton Eadie followed up his goalscoring form from last season by tearing up defences in his first few games this year. Two at both Killie and Ayr, four at home to Inverness and the only goals against Killie and Morton, along with a last minute equaliser at Ibrox meant he had scored in every one of our six league games, eleven goals in total, and we were two points clear of Hearts on 16 points to their 14. Already Ayr and Kilmarnock look set to repeat the relegation worries they faced last term, when Albion Rovers eventually went down, neither having won a match yet.

In the Champions League we've been grouped with Lyon, Real Sociedad and Besiktas, but the first match in France was a disappointment as we went down 2-0 to goals from Kim Jin Kyoo and 35-year-old Sidney Govou. Still, there are fifteen points still available, and we really believe we can make an impact on this competition this season. Time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.

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Sunday Mail Interview with Anton Eadie, January 2015

SM: So, Anton, you're firing on all cylinders once again: Kirkie champions elect, into the knockout stages of the Champions League, and you've passed thirty goals already.

AE: Aye, ken whit ah mean, ah'm jist daein ma joab like.

SM: Do you feel you can go all the way in the Champions League just as you did in the SPL and Scottish Cup last season?

AE: Aye, why the hell no'? We're f*cking fantastic.

SM: But seriously, Arsenal in Round Two is about as tough a draw as you could have got?

AE: Aye, and wance we pish oan they bástards, we'll skoosh the hale thing, like.

SM: The one low point last season was failing to retain your League Cup title, losing to Motherwell in the semis. Was that very disappointing?

AE: Whit the f*ck're you oan aboot man? We f*cking skooshed the f*cking league and won the cup for f*cks sake. Why'd we give a tóss aboot some wee pishy cup?

SM: Of course this season you're one of the more senior players at Kirkwall. Do you enjoy passing on your knowledge and experience to the younger players?

AE: Do ah f*ck! They wee c*nts are aye oan at me fur tae learn them how fur tae score sae mony goals. F*ck them, I'm no teachin them squat. They're aw efter ma place, like.

SM: Anton Eadie, Scotland international. Has a nice ring, but do you think it'll happen?

AE: It bliddy better, like, ah've goat a tenner oan it.

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Kirkwall double-up, but league triumph overshadowed by European glory

A second successive SPL title was wrapped up by Iain Bartholomew's masterful Kirkwall Town side, again before the league split, but remarkably it was just about overshadowed by the ludicrous run of success the club has achieved in the Champions League this season.

After successfully negotiating a group containing Besiktas, Real Sociedad and Lyon with a game to spare - finishing as runners up to the Turks - and setting up an unwinnable second round tie with multiple-times winners Arsenal. The first leg at Highbury should have been a learning experience, but after Aliadiere scored the Orcadians had a glorious chance to level when referee Vazgen Meier awarded a penalty. Scotland international Winston Murray stepped up, but his effort was repelled by England #1 Adu Sunday Barnes. In the second half the play continued to flow towards Ryan Milne, embarrassingly removed from the Scotland squad a month after his first cap and dumped in the under 21s. Kirkwall weathered the storm though, and in the 81st minute a Brian Taylor free kick drew the sides level. The Kirkwall support were still celebrating that strike when Anton Eadie, having the season of a lifetime, stroked home a second away goal in injury time.

Despite that there was still a second leg to play in Kirkwall, and few held out hope that Kirkie's superb finish would be any more than a happy memory once it was over. Half an hour in though there was a stunned feeling around the ground as Anton Eadie stepped up to stroke home a penalty. By that time Callum Moffat had already made the aggregate score 3-1, and Arsenal seemed dead and buried. A second half double from Pawlak brought them to within a goal of victory, but when Domenico Messina sent off Kolo Touré in injury time the Gunners were out, and Kirkwall was alive with celebrations that lasted well into the night.

The Quarter Final draw was again a tough pairing, but after defeating Arsenal many believed Kirkwall were capable of defeating any opponent, but Porto were keen to dispel that and won the first leg in Portugal 1-0 thanks to a Cunha penalty early in the second half. The second leg began explosively as Eadie effectively restarted the tie with a fifth minute goal, and so it stood at half time. Throughout the second half everyone expected the Kirkwall bubble to burst, even after Eadie gave them the aggregate lead just after the hour mark. At that stage a single Porto goal would have been enough to eliminate the Scots, but when Lee Miller struck with nine minutes to go it was clear Kirkwall would progress, and history was in the making.

The semis saw Besiktas, who had won Kirkwall's group, travel to Orkney for the first leg, and any doubters who remained were blown away in an awesome six minute spell between 13 and 19 minutes where Biswajit Dierickx and Eadie, twice, made the score 3-0. A goal back for the Turks before half time gave something for the harshest skeptics to hold on to, but as Eadie completed his hat-trick, and Tom Brighton grabbed his first ever Champions League goal - not bad for a man many deemed not good enough for the Third Division - the tie seemed over. And so it proved as two Eadie goals in the first half in Istanbul, either side of an Osman strike, ensured the tie ended in a 7-2 aggregate win for the Scots.

Some facts were noted at this stage: Eadie's 13 goals in the competition were almost double the seven scored by Inter's Martins in second place in the scoring charts; despite having an injury ravaged squad for much of the season, striker Biswajit Dierickx is the only player registered for European competition who is unavailable for the final; captain Callum Moffat will lead the team out at Old Trafford then pack his bags for a Bosman move to First Division Hibernian; Anton Eadie's 48 goals in 51 games in all competitions this season is a club record.

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Kirkwall's Big Day

Despite ultimately falling short at the final hurdle, Kirkwall Town can be justifiably proud of their achievements this season. In reaching the final they became the first all-Scots squad to do so since Celtic in 1970, and their eventual 3-1 defeat to a classy Inter side was no disgrace. That the score remained 0-0 for an hour was a tremendous credit to Bartholomew's players, and Anton Eadie's goal was well deserved as time expired.

From the kick-off Inter Milan were a clearly superior side. Their passing play and incisiveness created chances by the handful, and Ryan Milne was far and away the busier goalkeeper. When Inter eventually did break through after an hour it was a goal that no defence would have stopped as Obafemi Martins latched onto Emre's through ball before slotting past Milne. Simone Perrotta added a second 13 minutes later, and as Kirkwall tried to rally they were floored when referee Kim Milton Nielsen awarded a very suspect penalty against Murray, allegedly for "jumping unfairly" with his opponent. Haim slotted home, and though Kirkwall threw everything at Dionisi they had only Eadie's trademark goal to show for their efforts. A valiant effort, but one made in a losing cause.

As to next year, it will be hard to see which teams can stop this Inter side. One or two of their players are reaching veteran status, but they have at least one more year in them. Kirkwall will be competitive again, but this year's miracle run is unlikely to be repeated. Time will tell, but this writer suspects Kirkie's chance to be legends has come and gone, or, as Anton Eadie would say, come and went.

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<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag G.D. Pts

</pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">1st C Kirkwall 38 29 6 3 73 22 +51 93 </pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

2nd Hearts 38 18 16 4 83 40 +43 70

3rd Dunfermline 38 20 8 10 66 43 +23 68

4th Rangers 38 17 11 10 61 41 +20 62

5th Dundee Utd 38 17 9 12 43 40 +3 60

6th Motherwell 38 17 7 14 59 56 +3 58

7th Celtic 38 17 8 13 71 70 +1 59

8th Ayr 38 8 15 15 42 59 -17 39

9th Inverness C. Thistle 38 9 8 21 54 76 -22 35

10th Aberdeen 38 9 6 23 41 67 -26 33

11th Morton 38 8 8 22 43 72 -29 32

12th R Kilmarnock 38 5 6 27 44 94 -50 21

</pre>

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Time Ticking Away for Kirkwall Boss

In a hastily arranged Press Conference yesterday afternoon before the club's sensational 2-1 victory at home to Manchester United in the Champions League, courtesy of a last minute wonder goal from winger Darren Campbell, manager Iain Bartholomew denied that he was about to walk out on the club and insisted that he would see out his contract which ends in June. He confirmed though that talks had not begun on extending the deal and that he "did not expect to be here this time next year".

Supporters of the club are bound to wonder why the board haven't moved to tie up the future of the man who took them to the Champions League last season and is attempting to go one better this, but Bartholomew has always had an uneasy relationship with chairman Rhuaridh MacDonald despite on-field success, and has flirted with dismissal on more than one occasion.

The team is performing well thus far in the season, sitting atop the SPL with 16 points from six games and three points clear of Manchester United and Hamburg in the Champions League Group after wins at Lokomotiv in Moscow and now at home to United. If Bartholomew is to leave at the end of the campaign it will potentially be on a high, and he will no doubt be as missed by these fans as he is by jealous Ayr United supporters who have run two managers out of town since his departure.

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England cruise through as Scotland suffer momentary heartbreak

A stirring comeback from England in what was a meaningless final Euro 2016 qualifier in Helsinki saw a 2-0 deficit overturned and the 3-2 win meant that only a 0-0 draw in Bosnia prevented the English finishing with a perfect qualification record.

Following good early wins in the Ukraine and over Bosnia, England were fortunate to sneak a 2-1 win in Armenia with a goal in injury time from veteran midfielder Rohan Ricketts after Minasyan had cancelled out Jermaine Jenas' opener. After a 0-0 friendly draw at home to Egypt came the visit of Finland, where second half goals from Bothroyd, Cooke (pen) and Lurent Reynolds sealed a 3-0 win which flattered the home team.

Two months later came the visit of the Ukraine, and although Joe Cole scored in the first minute and the visitors had Lysyts'kyi sent off ten minutes later it was 1-1 at the break thanks to a Tereschenko strike. England totally dominated the second half, firing in 20 efforts on goal, but scoring just once, Bothroyd of Ayr United running on to a Kieron Dyer cross.

After that 0-0 draw in Bosnia, Armenia visited Wembley and were blown away as Milner, Defoe and Joe Cole had the game won before Avalyan pulled one back in first half injury time. A second half Defoe strike clinched the group though, and it was time for celebration amongst the support. Then came the comeback triumph in Helsinki, and a draw in Saudi closed off a successful year of football.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag G.D. Pts

</pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">1st Q England 8 7 1 0 21 6 +15 22 </pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

2nd Pl Finland 8 4 2 2 15 10 +5 14

3rd Bosnia 8 2 3 3 7 13 -6 9

4th Ukraine 8 2 2 4 8 11 -3 8

5th Armenia 8 1 0 7 8 19 -11 3

</pre>

Scotland meanwhile were locked on 14 points with Sweden going into their final game at home to Lithuania, with the head to head record meaning any win would see them through. In the event a 2-1 defeat and three points for Sweden saw the Scots in the playoffs. A pity, but not entirely unexpected by the cynics in their support.

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Bartholomew Bows Out on a High

Despite an injury ravaged season, manager Iain Bartholomew ended his association with Kirkwall Town on a high as he clinched the club's third successive league title, again with a large comfort margin. Midfielder Anton Eadie hit more than thirty goals, but didn't threaten the 49 he got last season, and injuries broke up the seasons of almost every other player.

The Champions Leage campaign was a victim of those injuries as missing all 4 strikers in the first leg at home to Panathinaikos (a 3-2 win) and yet more players away (a 3-1 defeat) meant the run ended in the Second Round, the first knockout stage. It brings the curtain down on seven and a half successful years on Orkney for Bartholomew, who will retire from football altogether following this summer's Euro 2016 finals in Greece.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag G.D. Pts

</pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">1st C Kirkwall 38 26 6 6 67 28 +39 84 </pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

2nd Celtic 38 20 6 12 67 48 +19 66

3rd Inverness C. Thistle 38 16 12 10 65 46 +19 60

4th Ayr 38 18 6 14 57 41 +16 60

5th Hearts 38 16 8 14 65 68 -3 56

6th Dunfermline 38 15 8 15 54 47 +7 53

7th Motherwell 38 15 9 14 53 49 +4 54

8th Dundee Utd 38 13 8 17 42 49 -7 47

9th Rangers 38 12 8 18 36 48 -12 44

10th Aberdeen 38 10 12 16 47 53 -6 42

11th Morton 38 9 7 22 39 86 -47 34

12th R Dundee 38 7 12 19 43 72 -29 33

</pre>

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Euro 2016

England v Switzerland, Group C, National Stadium of Kavala

A testing first match was made that much harder with seven of the 22 man squad injured in the week between naming them and the first match. Still a bunch of talent was left, and we took the field thus:

GK: Adu Sunday Barnes

DR: Glen Johnson

DL: Tony Hadley

DC: Steven Taylor ©

DC: James McEveley

DMC: Jermaine Jenas

MC: Jay Bothroyd

MR: James Milner

ML: Joe Cole

FC: Mark Griffiths

FC: Jermain Defoe

The match itself was disappointing though as the Swiss failed to put up a fight. Bothroyd opened the scoring in the 14th minute and McEveley soon added a second on his way to the man of the match award. Mark Griffiths made it three completing a nine-minute triple salvo, and the game was won. The remaining 67 minutes were pretty dull.

Romania v England, Group C, Municipal Stadium of Trikala

Due to INSANITY goalkeeper Adu Sunday Barnes RETIRED after the Switzerland game, and with Chris Kirkland injured it was down to Simon Taylor to see out the tournament. He better not get hurt or die or something. Other than that we were unchanged, and scored early on through a Griffiths free kick, and eerily doubled our advantage soon after as McEveley headed home an identical goal to the one he got against the Swiss. Romania came roaring back into the game with a Gheorghe goal in the second half, but man of the match Griffiths ended the game in the 82nd minute when he rounded the keeper and made it 3-1, a score that remained until full time.

England v Italy, Group C, Apostolos Nikolaidis

With Jonathan Woodgate also RETIRING mid-group, we were forced to put two half-fit players on the bench, one of whom was Wayne Rooney. Fortunately though we were able to field an unchanged starting lineup. Italy were stunned as we maintained our trend of early goals, Bothroyd netting the earliest yet in the opening minute. He himself added a second after about half an hour, and Italy seemed beaten. Miccoli and Cassano were both inches away from reducing their arrears soon after however, and going in 2-0 up was a bonus. A Pirlo freekick grazed the woodwork in the second half, but we were in control by that stage, and Gasbarroni went close after that it was not to be for the Italians, who were pipped to second place by the Romanians.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag G.D. Pt

</pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">1st Q England 3 3 0 0 8 1 +7 9 </pre><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">

2nd Q Romania 3 1 1 1 5 5 0 4

3rd Italy 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3

4th Switzerland 3 0 1 2 3 8 -5 1

</pre>

England v Wales, Quarter Final, Toumba

With Hadley suspended and Griffiths injured we turned to veteran Gareth Barry and fit-again Wayne Rooney for the Quarter Final with Wales. Chris Kirkland was fit enough for the bench in an 'absolute emergency' capacity only, and we were fired up. Rooney almost handed us an early lead after he latched on to a poor back pass, but he fired over, and Jenas followed suit with a snapshot soon after. In the twentieth minute though Rooney found himself with space and time in the box and fired home. We were off and running now, and Cole teed up Defoe in stoppage time, but he couldn't hit the target. Failure to convert these chances and more in the second half made the closing minutes somewhat nervy, but thanks to a dominating midfield performance we escaped with little in the way of scares to a semi final clash with Norway.

England v Norway, Semi Final, Municipal Stadium of Trikala

With Johnson injured we were forced to shift Jenas to right back and bring in Rangers starlet Jim White to play the defensive holding role for the semi final, but we didn't seem the worse for it early on as Jay Bothroyd continued his great goalscoring run with a second minute strike. Before Norway had regained a foothold he douled the advantage, but it took a good save from Taylor, retaining his place despite Kirkland's return to fitness, to prevent the Norwegians pulling one back before the break. A penalty with twenty minutes to go though gave them an opportunity to stay alive in the tournament, and it was converted, leaving us hanging on for dear life where minutes earlier we'd been playing as if we had one foot in the final already. Now we had to focus, and focus we did, Wayne Rooney's 75th minute strike putting the match beyond the devastated players in red. England were going to the final.

Serbia & Montenegro v England, Final, Toumba

We were unchanged for the biggest game in the last fifty years of English football, and the prevailing opinion was that we would win and win well. The first sign that all would not go to plan was the lack of an early goal, so important in each of our earlier games. The second was that we didn't score in the first match at all, or indeed for much of the second half. With five minutes to go it was 0-0 when Jermain Defoe took posession through the middle. He was forced out wide, but squeezed off a floaty shot. Shockingly the keeper just stared at it and it clipped the inside of the far post and floated it. The Balkans tried in vain to retaliate, but time ran out on them, and England were champions of Europe. As I said to the Queen when I received my farcical, undeserved knighthood in the wake of the triumph, this had been a lucky win, completely out of keeping with the run to this stage. I went back to Scotland after the media's hate campaign had died down somewhat, but the Daily Record reading classes never let me live in peace, so I moved to South Africa where I lived out my days in peace and quiet.

The End

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