[FM15] Making America Great Again

[tenthreeleader]

Okay, lads ... you asked for it.

___

The manager looked around his new office.

“Not big enough,” he said, shaking his head firmly from side to side. “Not big enough for a talent like I’ve got.”

His name was Richard. He had cut his teeth in the management game in the American lower leagues but his biggest detractors – and brother, he had them – said he had had everything handed to him on a silver platter. Or rather, a golden one.

He was uncouth. A loudmouth, in fact. He liked most anyone wearing a skirt with a high voice. He was a man used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it.

And what he wanted now was to win.

But then, he had always wanted to do that.

His introductory news conference had been, in the words of the press, “a complete s**tshow”, which was the way he liked it. His idea was to take the pressure off his players by placing the spotlight on himself. That was where he wanted it.

Those foreign managers had all done it. Ferguson, Mourinho, that French guy who was running Real Madrid now, how the hell did that happen?

And don’t even get him started on the Mexicans.

He had an idea for how to deal with them when the time was right. If only he could figure out a way to play them in a home match without them having to actually enter the country – they might try to stay, after all – and he couldn’t have that.

His task was great. Too great, perhaps, to bear thinking about for an ordinary man.

But Richard “Dick” Tater was no ordinary fellow.

His job: to make the United States National Team great again.

So to speak.

"Not a big enough office," he repeated. "Because I'm going to hire the best people."

Author’s Notes: FM 15, USA and Mexican leagues loaded, all current international players from all FIFA major regions loaded in special database. Hold on to your hats. Dick Tater is the most politically incorrect manager since … well … you know.

Oh ... and any references to politicians living, dead or merely idiotic is purely coincidental and utterly satirical. So put down the pitchforks.

[tenthreeleader]

Dick listed his idol in the game as Chuck Blazer, but derided him in the press when the 400-pound impresario was finally caught by the FBI as a guy “who just didn’t try hard enough.”

That didn’t endear Dick to a lot of fans, but the one thing that nobody could deny was that he knew how to get to the top.

Not necessarily win, mind you, but he sure knew how to get to the top. The winning was largely in his own mind.

His playing days had been ones where he simply took what he wanted when the referees’ backs were turned. His venture into management had been rife with referee intimidation, complaints about matches being rigged and all manner of conspiracy theories.

Yet as bad as that was, he thought his arch-rival for the position had been every bit as bad.

Paula Parkinson, who wags referred to instead as Pansy, was careless with team secrets.

Before a World Cup qualifier against Guatemala, the first female manager in the history of United States soccer had sent her team sheet to staff via an unsecure server, and it was read almost immediately by Russian hackers. Moments later, it was in the hands of America’s opponents, and after a brief Congressional investigation swept everything under the rug, a change was made at the helm.

Most observers said the change didn’t make any difference – it was an exchange of one bad apple for another – but to Dick, it was opportunity come calling.

For their part, the players simply tried to ignore what was going on around them.

Dick was wildly unpopular in the Pacific Northwest, where teams like Seattle and Portland plied their trades in MLS. But he made up for it by being equally unpopular in the Southeast, West, and on the East Coast.

In fact, very few people could fathom why he had been hired in the first place.

Save for a few very ardent supporters, to whom Dick Tater could simply say “jump”. These people were called Tater Tots.

Dick’s first day on the job, in January saw two pieces of news. The first FIFA world rankings of his tenure saw the United States ranked #22 in the world, rather stunningly one place ahead of France and only a single place behind reigning Copa America champion Chile.

That was the first piece of news. The second was that goalkeeper Brad Guzan claimed British citizenship, evidently in protest after Dick’s appointment.

There was a way to fix that.

“Brad Guzan is too good for us,” Dick posted that night on his wildly popular Twitter feed. “Very sad!”

# # #

[edtheguy]

Haha- I see what you're doing here ;-) 

Bravo! I can't wait to see where it's going.  I'm going to enjoy this. 

[EvilDave]

What Ed said - this is looking like it could be a lot of fun 10-3, and I'm very much along for the ride!