Chelsea LIVE & UNCUT! The drama, the passion, the roubles!

[shanyi]

Since I might be writing reports on a local football team next year, I thought I'd get some practice and, in the form of short newspaper-esque articles, report the season I've just started with Chelsea as it happens. Sort of like Big Brother, only with Russians, no interaction and more football. So nothing like Big Brother. Anyway, if it gets boring (which it probably will), I'll stop. If for some reason, someone out there likes it, I'll carry on for a while.

[shanyi]

Since I might be writing reports on a local football team next year, I thought I'd get some practice and, in the form of short newspaper-esque articles, report the season I've just started with Chelsea as it happens. Sort of like Big Brother, only with Russians, no interaction and more football. So nothing like Big Brother. Anyway, if it gets boring (which it probably will), I'll stop. If for some reason, someone out there likes it, I'll carry on for a while.

[shanyi]

FANS IN UPROAR AS UNKNOWN MANAGER TAKES CHELSEA HOTSEAT!

Chelsea fans are furious today as Jose Mourinho, the outspoken Portuguese peacock who lead the Blues to their first Premiership win in fifty years, was sensationally ousted from the club and replaced by Shanyi, an unknown Englishman with no prior management experience. Rumours circulating are that McAlpine knew something that club owner Roman Abramovich wanted kept hidden (odds are 2-1 that Mr. Shanyi will be dead in two weeks). Shanyi had an unsuccessful playing career, plying his trade at Crapton-On-Sea for two seasons, before being transferred for a club record fee of a tea biscuit to Athletic Turdon, where he scored two goals and missed twelve penalties. However, after chatting up the Cambridge United chairman's daughter, he snogged himself a transfer to Cambridge, where he made tea and cleaned socks for the remainder of his career. It remains to be seen what Shanyi will be able to achieve in his new role as Chelsea FC manager.

[shanyi]

AFC WIMBLEDON 0-4 CHELSEA

Chelsea recorded their first victory under new manager Shanyi today, despite a tepid first half performance in which despite twelve efforts, only three found the target and none went in. Starting a strong lineup, Lampard, Crespo and Wright Phillips took turns in missing until early in the second half (and eight substitutes later), when Didier Drogba headed in a Duff cross. Drogba added another, a close range finish, soon after and Lampard scored the third from the penalty spot. Huth went close twice after replacing John Terry. Drogba scored his hattrick from a Del Horno cross with fifteen minutes to go, before being replaced by Tiago Mendes.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cudicini (Cech), Johnson (Ferreira), Terry (Huth), Carvalho (Gallas), Bridge (Del Horno); Lampard (Gudjohnsen), Makelele (Geremi) J Cole (Essien); Duff (Robben), Wright-Phillips (C Cole); Crespo (Drogba/Tiago).

[shanyi]

IPSWICH 0-2 CHELSEA

A second pre-season victory for Chelsea was played out at a relaxed pace with goals from Joe Cole and Hernan Jorge Crespo securing the win. Although Chelsea dominated comfortably, finishing remained a problem with Drogba missing two good first half opportunities and Gudjohnsen somehow contriving to miss two open goals from good second half moves. Late excitement was generated when fans spotted snipers on the roof of the stadium and Shanyi was forced to dive behind veteran Chelsea coach Mick McGiven, who took a shot to the chest. Luckily, physio Mike Banks was on hand to patch him up. Roman Abramovich was seen cursing under his breath in the directors' box.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech (Cudicini), Ferreira (Johnson), Terry (Carvalho), Gallas (Huth), Del Horno (Bridge); Lampard (J Cole), Makelele (Geremi), Essien (Tiago); Wright-Phillips (Gudjohnsen), Robben (Duff); Drogba (Crespo).

[shanyi]

CHELSEA GO FOR A BRAZILIAN?

The transfer market kicked off today, following the news that Middlesbrough were following German midfielder Mario Topic and Manchester United were taking an interest in Internazionale midfielder Javier Zanetti, Chelsea have locked themselves into a war for promising Brazilian midfielder Kerlon. A bid of £650,000 has been accepted by Cruzeiro, £50k more than Milan and Valencia have bid thus far. Milan remain the favourites to sign the talented midfielder (destined to appear on FIFA covers by 2008), many feeling Chelsea's volumic squad size might hamper their chances. Chelsea are also rumoured to have bid £500k for Lyn midfielder and former trialist Mikel John-Obi, who had signed a contract with Manchester United before suffering a hissy fit and throwing all his toys out of the pram.

In other Chelsea news, versatile midfielder Joe Cole suffered an ankle injury, ruling him out of the next two pre-season games against Parma and Benfica. He will hope to be fit for the Community Shield game against Manchester United.

[shanyi]

CHELSEA 2-0 PARMA

Nouveau riche Chelsea edged out nouveau pauvre Parma in an engaging contest with a further two goals from Didier Drogba, taking his pre-season tally to an impressive four, making the difference. Parma set out their stall to attack, with Ferretti, Bresciano and Simplicio all taking aim at Carlo Cudicini's goal. At the other end, Robben fired just wide from a killer ball from 'Fat' Frank Lampard, Makelele made a fool of himself from outside the area (Mrs. Jones, aged 80 and seated in row Z, should be out of hospital within a week, reports say) and Lampard himself was only denied a goal by a wonderful save from Lupatelli. Drogba's strength made the difference though, scoring two headers against a less than convincing Cannavaro. John Terry also headed into the net later on, but his effort was ruled out for a foul.

CHELSEA (4-2-3-1): Cudicini (Cech), Gallas (Ferreira), Terry (Johnson), Huth (Carvalho), Del Horno (Bridge); Geremi (Tiago), Makelele (Essien); Wright Phillips (Gudjohnsen), Lampard (C Cole), Robben (Duff), Drogba (Crespo).

PARMA (4-5-1): Lupatelli, Bovo, Cannavaro, Cardone, Bolano; Savi, Bresciano, Simplicio, Dessena, Vignaroli; Ferretti.

[shanyi]

CHELSEA 0-0 BENFICA

Two strong defences cancelled each other out in a dull game which left fans so bored, several of them actually remembered who Ian Duncan Smith was. In a game of few opportunities, Lampard struck a free kick inches over the crossbar, Essien had a shot cleared off the line and Gudjohnsen continued his poor pre-season form. At the other end, Cech was tested by Sokota, Roger and Fernandes from range, and later Simao miscued when in a good position. Chelsea, who accepted a challenge from AC Milan for their final pre-season game in six days time yesterday, will be hoping to up their game before the Community Shield match against Manchester United.

CHELSEA (4-3-3): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Carvalho (Gallas), Bridge (Del Horno); Lampard, Makelele, Tiago (Essien); Crespo (Wright-Phillips), Drogba (Gudjohnsen), Robben (Duff).

BENFICA (4-2-3-1): Quim, Almeida, Luisao, Rocha, dos Santos; Petit, Fernandes; Assis, Roger, Everson; Sokota.

[Guest shortdevil10]

Go Man United! KUTGW

[shanyi]

ARSENAL BAG CITY YOUNGSTER

Transfer latest

ARSENAL have signed up promising young MAN CITY striker DEAN STURRIDGE for a fee of £325,000 (a fee instantly recouped by their sale of MURPHY MITCHELL, a young midfielder, to LIVERPOOL). The striker, who was highly rated by City manager PSYCHO PEARCE, was determined to move as soon as he heard that the London club were interested. RORY DELAP has followed GORDON STRACHAN to CELTIC for £625,000. The move will surprise Celtic fans, who believed they had unleashed enough hate upon Paul Telfer to stop any Strachan-clingers from following him back to Scotland. RYAN CRESSWELL has secured a free move to LIVERPOOL from SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY, DEAN RICHARDS has moved, for approximately £8.5m less than his original £8.5m move to TOTTENHAM, to WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS. CHELSEA have agreed a contract with slick moving Brazilian KERLON and his move from CRUZEIRO is subject to his work permit application being fitted with a suitably large cheque by club oligarch ROMAN ABRAMOVICH. The biggest move of the summer so far has taken place, a £4m move for striker CESAR DELGADO from CRUZ AZUL to FEYENOORD. The move somewhat eclipsed the equally exciting transfers of DAVEY LUKER from RADCLIFFE BORO to DROYLSDEN and the excellently named JONJO DICKMAN taking a step in the right direction, from SUNDERLAND to BLYTH for £1k.

[shanyi]

MILAN MAULED BY RAMPANT WRIGHT (phillips)

Chelsea 2-0 Milan

After a tepid performance against Benfica, Chelsea produced a fine display to see off last year's Champions' League losers (in every sense) AC Milan. Chelsea started with what many pundits believe will be their strongest XI, with the exception of Carlo Cudicini, whose father was a Milan legend and who had specially requested to play the full 90mins. Chelsea, who still have yet to score a first half goal in their pre-season, built their game again from the back, the imperious John Terry reigning over Christian Vieri (soon replaced by Alberto Gilardino) and Pippo Inzaghi.

Lampard was again at the forefront of the best moves, striking the post early on and feeding Drogba later, only for the striker to fire wide. Robben and Duff were slicing Simic and Kaladze to pieces on the wings, but their crosses were, unusually, not up to the standard. The introduction of Shaun Wright-Phillips after 60mins was crucial for Chelsea and he took just 5 minutes to give Chelsea a deserved lead, picking up another superb Lampard pass and firing home a curling shot from 20 yards. Chelsea pulled back, bringing on youngster Anthony Grant (leaving Geremi sobbing on the bench), hoping to keep the scoreline. However, Milan's push forward only allowed Crespo more room to manoeuvre and he set up Gudjohnsen, whose pre-season form has so far been patchy at best, to slam home a wicked strike from from 30 yards out.

Chelsea face Manchester United (who recorded a 2-0 victory over Port Vale in only their second pre-season friendly) in the Millennium Stadium for the Community Shield in five days' time.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cudicini, Ferreira (Johnson), Terry (Huth), Gallas (Carvalho), Del Horno (Bridge); Lampard (Tiago), Makelele (Grant), Essien (Wright-Phillips); Robben (C Cole), Duff (Gudjohnsen); Drogba (Crespo).

MILAN (4-1-2-1-2): Dida, Cafu, Kaladze, Nesta, Maldini; Pirlo; Jankulovski, Seedorf; Kaka; Vieri, Inzaghi.

[shanyi]

CHELSEA GIVE NO CHARITY TO UNLUCKY UNITED

Chelsea 2-0 Manchester United

Shanyi's first competitive game (well, sort of) finished with a solid win over rivals Man Utd and with no attempts at assassination from disgruntled owner Roman Abramovich. United, who fielded a stronger team than expected and were only deprived of Wayne Rooney through injury, had the best of the first half, with Wes Brown firing over from a Giggs corner, Paul Scholes sliding the ball just wide from a terrific pass from Darren Fletcher and Ruud van Nistelrooy also missing a cross goal shot by mere inches, thanks to the outstretched arms of Chelsea keeper Carlo Cudicini.

Chelsea grew steadily in stature as the game progressed, Arjen Robben causing Neville problems down the right and Lampard spreading the play in typically impressive fashion. Joe Cole, on his return from injury, forced Van der Sar into the first of many good saves with a strike from just inside the area, Crespo later stinging the keeper's palms with a bullet header from Shaun Wright-Phillips' cross. Wright-Phillips, subject today to a rejected £8m bid from CF Real Madrid, otherwise had a quiet game. Lampard tested again from free kicks, while Scholes tried his luck at the other end.

The decisive moment came when van Nistelrooy lost a challenge to Makelele and picked up a knock in the process. Smith replaced him, but much of United's attacking guile and creativity was gone. Chelsea burst forward on a counter attack and from a Frank Lampard pass, unlikely hero Claude Makelele somehow slid the ball into the back of the net. United pushed forward but Geremi, replacement for Joe Cole, proved a more solid defensive barrier and reinforced Chelsea's rearguard. As van der Sar, whose evening was otherwise faultless, went up for a corner, Johnson easily cleared and Drogba struck the ball into an empty net from ten yards, to the great disappointment of shortdevil10, who had earlier announced his support for Manchester United at this early stage of the season.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cudicini, Johnson, Terry, Carvalho (Huth), Bridge; Lampard, Makelele, J Cole (Geremi); Wright-Phillips (Gudjohnsen), Crespo (Drogba), Robben (Duff).

MAN UTD (4-4-1-1): van der Sar, Neville, Brown (Bardsley), Heinze (Fortune), Silvestre, Park, Fletcher (Miller), Keane, Giggs (Saha); Scholes; van Nistelrooy (Smith).

MAN OF THE MATCH: J Terry (Chelsea), E van der Sar (Man Utd)

[shanyi]

UNITED AND ARSENAL MISS OUT ON TARGETS, CHELSEA AGREE NIGERIAN FEE

Arsenal today missed out on Croatian forward Ivica Olic, who instead opted to join Valencia for an initial fee of £6.75m. Manager Arsene Wenger, who have voiced his appreciation of the player, will be no doubt disappointed. With limited transfer funds, Arsenal are rumoured to be turning their interest towards Ivory Coast and Feyenoord winger Salomon Kalou, a good friend of centre back Kolo Abib Toure. Goalkeeper Morgan de Sanctis is, so far, Arsenal's only summer signing for £4m.

Manchester United received a rebuff from target Javier Zanetti, responding to rumours in the newspapers. Zanetti, who was seen by United boss Ferguson as an eventual successor to Roy Keane, said that he was very happy at Internazionale and would not be interested in a potential £6m move.

After weeks of careful negotiation, Chelsea have agreed an initial £800k fee with Lyn for the transfer of young Nigerian Mikel John Obi. Lyn are believed to have previously wanted a starting fee of £1m, rising to £2.75 depending upon appearances. Chelsea's initial bid of £750k was dismissed as derisory, but their fourth bid, £800k rising to £2m with a 5% sell-on clause, seems to have been reluctantly accepted by the Norweigan club, for whom Obi has been a star in league campaign.

Aston Villa have confirmed the signing of Chinese defender Jihai Sun for a fee of £1.6m. The former Man City defender will be expected to make his debut in Villa's opening game of the season against Tottenham.

[shanyi]

BLUES' TRANSFER ASPIRATIONS TAKE A HIT

Although Mikel John Obi agreed a four year deal (subject to a work permit) today, Chelsea have achieved a feat usually only managed by fat balding sweaty uncles chatting up girls at a bus stop: being rejected three times in under an hour. A bid for little known Brazilian winger Evandro Roncatto, believed to be in the region of £800k, was turned down by Guarani (who are believed to be holding out for closer to £4m for the 18 year old). Meanwhile, Premiership rivals and part time talent vendors West Ham laughed off a combined bid of £4m for duo Mark Noble and Chris Cohen, two of the hottest young stars at Upton Park. The Hammers are valuing each player at roughly £5m each. Although Chelsea have more than enough money to buy such players (and prevent government investigations into offshore accounts), manager Shanyi has confirmed that, at this time, no further bids will be made for those players. It has also emerged that Kerlon, who agreed a £650k deal with Chelsea two weeks ago, has failed his first application for a work permit while Lenny Pidgeley, the Chelsea third choice goalkeeper, is in negotiation for a 3 month loan to either Brighton or Nottm Forest. A £3m bid from Sevilla for Carlo Cudicini has been rejected.

Other recent signings:

Bogdan Lobont>Middlesbrough (£825k)

David Clarkson>Fulham (£200k)

Burton O'Brien>Blackburn (£190k)

Maciej Zurawski>Aston Villa (£2.75m)

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK ONE

POMPEY POUNDED AS CHELSEA ESTABLISH TITLE CREDENTIALS

Portsmouth 0-4 Chelsea

Chelsea manager Shanyi showed club oil alchemist Roman Abramovich that he isn't going to let his job or his life go without a fight, as Portsmouth were on the receiving end of a virtuoso performance. Frank Lampard volleyed home Chelsea's first goal in a first half under Shanyi from Duff's high ball into the area. Things didn't improve for Pompey as Lampard then played Drogba in to slide the ball past the despairing Ashdown. Robben suffered an injury before the break and was replaced by Shaun Wright-Phillips, who opened his Chelsea account with an astonishing run and strike on 49mins. Under a minute later, a speculative ball forward from Del Horno was picked up by Duff, and picked out of the net by Ashdown. With Lampard causing havoc in midfield and Tiago, standing in for Essien while the Ghanaian is on Olympic duty, with Makelele clearing any unwanted danger, Portsmouth's only significant attack came from a Stefanovich free-kick, which Cech held comfortably. Crespo will feel frustrated that he couldn't take a good chance late on, with Ashdown redeeming his earlier mishaps, but on this form Chelsea are looking to push favourites Arsenal all the way.

PORTSMOUTH (4-4-1-1): Ashdown, Griffin, Viafara, Stefanovic, Taylor; Brookes, O'Neil, Mezague, Hughes(Primus); Rodic (Cisse); LuaLua (Mbesuma).

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Lampard, Makelele, Tiago; Robben (Wright-Phillips), Drogba (Crespo), Duff (J Cole).

ARSENAL 5-2 MIDDLESBROUGH

Speaking of Arsenal, they also secured a terrific win over a strong Boro side thanks to a Thierry Henry hattrick. An own goal by Mendieta and a typical Henry finish put Arsenal in control, only for Jerell Floyd Hasselbaink, as his mother likes to call him, to pull one back. Henry struck again in the 32nd minute, but Yakubu was on hand to keep Boro in with a chance. That chance was all but destroyed when Henry slammed home number four, and Lauren wrapped up the victory late on. An injury to Henry was a downside to the game, but Arsenal physios reassure this journalist that he should be fit again soon, and Roman Abramovich had nothing to do with the Russian-made landmine which exploded under his feet.

OTHER PREMIERSHIP SCORES

Aston V 0-0 Tottenham

Charlton 0-3 Birmingham

Fulham 2-2 Blackburn

Liverpool 3-0 West Ham

Man Utd 0-0 Sunderland

West Brom 4-1 Everton

TOP OF THE TABLE

1.Chelsea (GD 4, Pts 3)

2.Arsenal (GD 3, Pts 3)

3.West Brom (GD 3, Pts 3)

4.Birmingham (GD 3, Pts 3)

5.Liverpool (GD 3, Pts 3)

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK TWO

ARSENAL FAIL TO BREACH CHELSEA STRONGHOLD

ARSENAL 0-0 CHELSEA

Arsenal went top with a no score draw against Chelsea, though Liverpool have a game in hand and have the chance to take a two point lead at the top of the table. Arsenal launched an onslaught on the Chelsea goal, but John Terry and Petr Cech were utterly unmovable, Terry blocking twice in succession from Bergkamp and Pires with Cech beaten, and the goalkeeper pulling off an astonishing late save from Quincy Owusu Abeyie which looked set to win the day for Arsenal. Chelsea, fielding the same team which defeated Portsmouth so comprehensively, played defensively but were dangerous on the break. Damien Duff tested De Sanctis with the first effort of the game, and Robben played a long ball to Drogba, who fired inches wide. Joe Cole, a late substitute, also came close and Crespo's poor form in front of goal continued as he fired well over when in a good position, albeit under pressure from Toure.

Though the game was often exciting, with Chelsea's attacks frequently coming directly after Arsenal's, there was not enough between them to pick one out as a title favourite... yet.

ARSENAL (4-4-2): De Sanctis, Lauren, Campbell, Toure, A Cole; Ljungberg, Hleb, Gilberto (Reyes), Pires (Clichy); Henry (Quincy), Bergkamp.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Lampard, Makelele, Tiago (J Cole); Robben, Duff (Wright-Phillips); Drogba (Crespo).

MAN OF THE MATCH: John Terry (Chelsea), Dennis Bergkamp (Arsenal).

OTHER RESULTS

Man Utd 3-1 Man City

(Saturday 21st August)

Liverpool 2-0 Tottenham

Birmingham 3-0 Middlesbrough

Charlton 0-0 Everton

Fulham 2-0 Aston Villa

Newcastle 0-0 Blackburn

Portsmouth 1-2 Sunderland

West Brom 0-2 Bolton

Wigan 3-2 West Ham

TOP OF THE TABLE

1.Arsenal (P3, GD 6, Pts 7)

2.Liverpool (P2, GD 5, Pts 6)

3.Birmingham (P3, GD 3, Pts 6)

4.Wigan (P3, GD 2, Pts 6)

5.West Brom (P3, GD 2, Pts 6)

OTHERS

7.Chelsea (P2, GD4, Pts 4)

9.Man Utd (P2, GD2, Pts 4)

16.Tottenham (P2, GD-2,Pts 1)

BOTTOM

18.West Ham (P3, GD-4, Pts 1)

19.Portsmouth (P3, GD-5, Pts 1)

20.Middlesbrough (P3, GD-6, Pts 1)

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK THREE

SHANYI'S KIND WORDS LACED WITH CRESPO'S VENOM

CHELSEA 4-0 BIRMINGHAM

Having spent the past few days exchanging pleasantries about one another, there was only likely to be one outcome in the battle between Shanyi and Steve Bruce. Chelsea, fielding what teams would consider a World XI but featured several changes from the team which beat Portsmouth and drew with Arsenal, showed that they were in no mood for mercy. Crespo, whose finishing has been disappointingly erratic, took the chance given to him of a second start of the season to claim a first half hattrick with three composed, unspectacular finishes thanks to good work from Duff, Lampard and Wright-Phillips. Gudjohnsen, whose appearances are likely to be limited this season, increased competition for Shanyi's sole striking spot with his second goal in two appearances (both from the bench) from twenty yards and out wide.

Though Chelsea occasionally looked tired, especially in the second half, though the defensive strength which has characterised their start to the season allowed for enough strong counterattacks to yield a potent scoreline and further worries for Man Utd and Arsenal.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Carvalho, Bridge; Lampard, Makelele, J Cole (E Gudjohnsen); Wright Phillips, Duff; Crespo (Drogba).

BIRMINGHAM (4-4-2): Taylor, Melchiot, Cunningham, Upson, Clapham; Cairo (Tebily), Pennant, Butt (Johnson), Lazaridis; Forssell, Pandiani (Heskey).

OTHER RESULTS

Aston Villa 0-0 Liverpool

Blackburn 0-0 Wigan

Bolton 3-2 Portsmouth

Man City 0-3 West Brom

Middlesbrough 0-1 Fulham

Sunderland 0-1 Charlton

Tottenham 1-1 Newcastle

TRANSFER NEWS

Roman Abramovich's vast wads of cash weren't enough to convince Anthony Grant to stay, moving on loan to Plymouth for three months. Lenny Pidgeley is set for a similar move to either Nottm Forest, Brighton or Leicester. Rumours that the club oligarch is so distraught he's bought a new yacht are proving unfounded.

[shanyi]

CHELSEA GIVEN TOUGH DRAW AS KERLON SIGNS UP

Talented Brazilian youngster Kerlon was confirmed as a Chelsea player last night at the same press conference which saw the club announce a difficult Champions' League group. In a midfield occupied by talents such as Lampard, Essien, Makelele, Robben, Joe Cole and Duff, Kerlon is unlikely to get in the first team for a while. However, the young star (who has been given his preferred no.17 shirt) has said this doesn't disturb him and he plans to earn his place.

Speaking through a translator, Kerlon said: "There is a lot of fantastic talent at this club, and getting into the first team will be a big challenge but I plan to work hard and earn my place." When asked about working for an inexperienced manager towards whom the club's owner may or may not be attempting assassination, Kerlon was unmoved. "I am an unknown player to many people. I hope the manager, the club and I can succeed together." Manager Shanyi said, consisely, "He is a great talent and represents the future of Chelsea Football Club."

Chelsea also announced their Champions League group, just in time for Gwyn Williams to rush home and watch Joss Stone on Top of the Pops, a tough draw against Porto, Juventus and Rangers.

[shanyi]

BLACKBURN EXECUTE INJURY RAVAGED UNITED

A limp Manchester United side, missing Ruud van Nistelrooy and Wayne Rooney through injury, Cristiano Ronaldo on international duty and Rio Ferdinand to suspension among others, was comprehensively beaten by a strong Blackburn side at Old Trafford. Paul Dickov struck the away side in front, silencing the crowd, and young Paul Gallagher wrapped up the victory late on with a cool finish past van der Sar. Scholes had United's best chance, but Brad Friedel was more than equal to the long range drive. The loss leaves United nursing their wounds in fourteenth place. The once all-conquering United will be counting the days until their three Rs, Rooney, Ruud and Ronaldo, can return to action. In other news, a Manchester United spokesperson confirmed that Gary Neville's moustache has grown another millimetre. He expects full growth by age ninety six.

Man Utd (4-4-1-1): van der Sar, Brown, O'Shea, Heinze, Silvestre; A Smith, Keane, Heath, Giggs; Scholes; Saha.

Blackburn (4-4-2): Friedel, Neill, Mokoena, Matteo, Gray; Thompson, Tugay, Savage, Gamst-Pedersen; Dickov, Jansen.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK THREE

BORO MISS THE CHANCE TO MAKE THEIR HALF COUNT

Chelsea 3-0 Middlesbrough

If ever there was a match which epitomised the old adage that football is a game of two halves, this was probably it. Having seen Hernan Jorge Crespo and Eidur Gudjohnsen rip through Birmingham and Didier Drogba's impressive display against Portsmouth, Chelsea manager Shanyi decided, in a no doubt drug induced fit of bravado, that the best way to decide between his three competing strikers was to field them all. And Boro were the unfortunate victims, as Gudjohnsen laid Drogba on with a 30 yard ball to be calmly placed in the near post after only five minutes. Crespo then had a goal ruled out for a foul, but reversed the situation and won a penalty for Lampard to slot away before John Terry scored his first of the season from a header.

Cruising at the half, Shanyi took the chance to bring on Robert Huth and Carlton Cole, the two players with possibly the most difficult jobs at the club. Unfortunately, McClaren had obviously taken notes from former boss Sir Alex's hairdryer technique and Chelsea could barely move out of their own half. Unfortunately, the difference in quality was so evident: Morrison contrived to volley wide when faced with an open goal, Yakubu raced onto Boateng's speculative ball and beat Cech with the header but looped it over, Nemeth missed two sitters after mistakes by Huth and Ferreira respectively, Doriva fired a freekick inches over the crossbar and Cech had to tip Downing's low drive onto the post. Carlton Cole could have made the unjust scoreline a further insult had he taken his one opportunity, but instead struck the ball wide of the near post. Quality counted though, and despite their best efforts, Boro remain seated on the foot of the table while Chelsea continue their rise back to the top. Two halves, indeed.

CHELSEA (4-3-3): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas (Huth), Del Horno; Lampard, Makelele, Gudjohnsen; Crespo, Drogba (Robben), Duff (C Cole).

MIDDLESBROUGH (4-4-2): Lobont, Cooper, Southgate, Ehiogu, Queudrue; Mendieta, Morrison (Desire Job), Boateng, Downing (Doriva); Yakubu, Hasselbaink (Nemeth).

TOP OF THE TABLE

1.West Brom (P5, GD 8, Pts 12)

2.Chelsea (P4, GD 11, Pts 10)

3.Birmingham (P5, GD 0, Pts 9)

4.Arsenal (P4, GD 6, Pts 8)

5.Liverpool (P4, GD 5, Pts 8)

---

MANAGER SHANYI TO BE INTERVIEWED BY CHELSEA MAGAZINE!

Probably the best magazine in the World. Apart from Big Jobblies, but that's another story. Anyway, Chelsea manager Shanyi has agreed to partake in an interview with Chelsea magazine purely to see if anyone actually reads this **** I spend so much time writing. If anyone has any questions about his management style, transfer shortlists or if he did in fact eat your hamster, post them here and if any come in, they will be answered eventually. Shanyi promises to be candid but speculative. If anyone knows what that means, answers on a postcard.

TRANSFER NEWS

On the final day of the transfer window, Chelsea have secured the signing of Mikel John Obi for a fee of £850k (rising depending on appearances). Lenny Pidgeley has decided to go to Leicester, where he will be courted by a certain jug eared **** Jonathan Ross is secretly in love with.

[shanyi]

Of course, the above post is supposed to read "WEEK FOUR". Oops. No wonder I'm still behind West Brom.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE SCORES UPDATE

(9th) Blackburn 0-0 Liverpool (5th)

(18th) Everton 0-3 Arsenal (2nd)

(12th) Tottenham 2-3 Fulham (3rd)

(20th) West Ham 0-3 Man Utd (7th)

INTERNATIONAL SCORES UPDATE

Ivory Coast 5-0 Sudan

Cameroon 3-1 Libya

France 3-1 Israel

Latvia 0-4 Portugal

Rep. Ireland 4-0 Cyprus

Romania 1-1 Macedonia

Denmark 3-1 Ukraine

Turkey 3-0 Georgia

Italy 1-0 Norway

Azerbaijan 1-2 Wales

N Ireland 1-2 Poland

AUSTRIA 0-2 ENGLAND

Scorers: Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard

[shanyi]

INTERNATIONAL SCORES UPDATE

POLAND 0-2 ENGLAND

Scorers: Jermain Defoe, Emile Heskey

Holland 0-0 Czech Republic

Greece 0-1 Turkey

Portugal 2-0 Estonia

Faroes 0-2 France

Switzerland 0-1 Ireland

Moldova 1-5 Italy

Scotland 1-2 Slovenia

Wales 2-2 N Ireland

Bosnia 2-2 Spain

Sweden 3-2 Croatia

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK FIVE

CHELSEA HUMILIATED BY DEPLETED EVERTON

Everton 1-1 Chelsea

With the opportunity to catch up key points on first place against an Everton side who were only just hovering above relegation, Chelsea somehow contrived to not only give away a 1-0 lead, but fail to win a game which ended with the opposition down to eight men. In a patchy first half with many of Chelsea's regular performers looking tired from international duty (John Terry was not his usual self), Didier Drogba scrambled Chelsea in front. Things looked to be going from good to better as Hibbert and Kilbane proceeded to get themselves sent off for challenges of debatable ferocity. But somehow, this rallied Everton and, following a mix up between Gallas and Cech, Cahill fed Beattie to equalise and score the first goal against Shanyi's team this season. Chelsea huffed and puffed, even introducing Michael Essien for his first performance, but Nigel Martyn and Man of the Match winner Joseph Yobo held firm as Everton defended for dear life. Not even a late injury to Peter Koldrup could give Chelsea the advantage and, contrary to popular expectation, it wasn't the London Blues who left Goodison with their heads held high.

EVERTON (4-2-3-1): Martyn, Neville, Yobo, Koldrup, Naysmith (Pistone); Arteta, Hibbert (s/o); Kilbane (s/o), Cahill, Davies (Osman); Beattie (McFadden).

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Lampard, Makelele (Essien), J Cole; A Robben (Wright-Phillips), Duff; Drogba (Crespo).

OTHER SCORES

(12th) Bolton 2-4 Arsenal (1st)

(6th) Blackburn 2-1 West Brom (2nd)

(16th) Man City 0-1 Charlton (9th)

(13th) Sunderland 0-0 Birmingham (7th)

(14th) Tottenham 2-3 Man Utd (5th)

(17th) West Ham 2-0 Portsmouth (19th)

TOP OF THE TABLE

1.Arsenal (P6, GD 11, Pts 14)

2.West Brom (P6, GD 7, Pts 12)

3.Chelsea (P5, GD 11, Pts 11)

4.Fulham (P5, GD 4, Pts 11)

5.Man Utd (P5, GD 4, Pts 11)

[shanyi]

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE UPDATE

CHELSEA COMFORTABLE AGAINST LACKLUSTRE RANGERS

Chelsea 3-0 Rangers

After the dismal showing against Everton on the weekend, Chelsea bounced back with a strong if unremarkable victory over Rangers in the first game of their Champions League campaign. The Scottish side suffered an unfortunate spate of injuries around the half hour mark, but Arjen Robben had already taken advantage of a fine ball from debutant Michael Essien. At the half, by which time Rangers had been forced to make three substitutions, Crespo teed up Claude Makelele on the edge of the area to fire in a heavily deflected shot which Shaun Wright Phillips may have a claim on. The second half was so relaxed Shanyi even brought on Robert Huth and replaced Lampard with Joe Cole, with few chances at either end (a Lovenkrands curling shot was the only ball to test Petr Cech all day). Late on, Terry was fouled when up for a corner and although Crespo's penalty was poor, Klos' save was struck confidently home by Eidur Gudjohnsen.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): P Cech, G Johnson, J Terry, R Carvalho (R Huth), W Bridge; F Lampard (J Cole), C Makelele, M Essien; S Wright-Phillips (E Gudjohnsen), A Robben; H Crespo.

RANGERS (4-3-3): S Klos, F Ricksen (M Ross), Z Khizanishvilli, R Malcolm, M Ball; G Rae, B Ferguson (N Novo), M Tonge; S Arveladze, P Lovenkrands, T Buffel (H Namouchi).

[shanyi]

'NEW MARADONA' LOOKING FOR BLUES MOVE?

Argentine Barcelona prodigy and all round good egg Lionel Messi has been linked with a £10m move to Chelsea in the upcoming transfer window. The 18 year old, who has been a regular scorer for the Barcelona and Argentina youth sides, is rumoured to have been impressed with Chelsea's early league form (Obviously didn't see the Everton game then- Ed) and with Eto'o and Ronaldinho so immovable at Barca, believes he has the ability to edge out Drogba and Crespo, with Gudjohnsen and Carlton Cole both also subject to departure rumours. Shanyi has played down the link with a superb gallic shrug which had bistro waiters everywhere throwing up their arms in disgust. Meanwhile, teammate and Spanish international Xavi, is believed to have been approached by Liverpool and Manchester United, with a view to an £18m move next summer.

[Riohugo]

Good to read, keep it up

I just finished my first Chelsea season as well. Didnt lose 1 point in the Premiership.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK SIX

ARSENAL CRAWL TO THE TOP

It wasn't pretty, but a last minute goal by substitute Dennis Bergkamp gave Arsenal the push they needed to scrabble to the top of the table. With Reyes, Pires and Henry all woefully underperforming (combined with a rare excellent performance from the for-once-prepared David James), Arsenal looked out of sorts and uncomfortable. Arsene Wenger, so active on the touchline that a crease was actually seen in his shirt, looked on powerless as his side were pushed to the limits by a City team propelled by new signing Stelios from Bolton. Patrick Vieira's assurance in midfield was sorely missed, with Gilberto a decent but hardly phenomenal replacement. Luckily, Bergkamp popped up to turn in Bentley's cross, denying City (sitting 18th in the table) a crucial point and putting Arsenal at the summit, despite only playing to a standard that was very low indeed.

OTHER SCORES

(19th) Portsmouth 2-2 Blackburn (6th)

(9th) Birmingham 1-3 Bolton (8th)

(12th) Charlton 0-1 West Ham (14th)

(2nd) Chelsea 3-0 Sunderland (16th)

(5th) Man Utd 1-1 Aston Villa (11th)

(3rd) West Brom 2-2 Tottenham (15th)

(13th) Wigan 2-2 Fulham (4th)

---

CHELSEA BOSS THANKS SUPPORTER

Following a 3-0 victory over Sunderland which put the season back on track, Chelsea manager Shanyi thanked RioHugo for his words of support. He hoped that other supporters of his work would come forward, but doubted that there were many and slunk off to bed, where he was met by Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johanssen and Keira Knightley making out (hey, if no-one's reading...)

[shanyi]

GEREMI OUTRAGE AT FIRST TEAM SNUB

Chelsea midfielder Geremi Njitap Fotso, a name only a mother could love, expressed his anger at being shifted from Shanyi's first team into the reserves. The contraversial and rather dashing Chelsea manager moved several of his first team players into the stiffs in order for them to keep up their fitness. Geremi, Glen Johnson, Robert Huth and Carlton Cole all played in the 1-0 win over Birmingham reserves, in which new signings Kerlon and Mikel John Obi played crucial roles, the former setting up the latter to score the winner.

"This is an insult to me and my ability" Geremi fumed, "I realised I might not be first choice this season, but hoped to be given my chance. If this horror persists, I will be contacting the relevant authorities. Or at least considering my future." That might not be a problem for the irate midfielder, since sources say Chelsea are already looking for a buyer willing to meet the £4m asking price for the 26 year old.

Geremi's chances of any first team football were dealt a further blow when Chelsea were drawn away at Arsenal in the League Cup third round today, meaning that Shanyi is likely to stick with his first team rather than delve deep into the gooey pit that is the reserve team.

[bartley_m]

This story is fun to read, but I fear it may be a tad predictable. Chelsea have the cash, the players and the muscle. Its hard to see you losing a game, which takes the shine off proceedings somewhat. Keep going if you want to, i'll still be reading, but IMO another team may provide better story fodder

[podoooo]

A good story so-far

[shanyi]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">This story is fun to read, but I fear it may be a tad predictable. Chelsea have the cash, the players and the muscle. Its hard to see you losing a game, which takes the shine off proceedings somewhat. Keep going if you want to, i'll still be reading, but IMO another team may provide better story fodder </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, I agree with you. Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a Chelsea fanatic and apart from a brief dalliance with Charlton (who I took into the UEFA Cup and 5th place) and Gillingham (got promoted- just), I tend to get bored of using other teams quite quickly. I'm only going to do one season at most of this (I have a feeling that it could get old for me and people reading) but I thought I could keep it interesting by doing it through a series of newspaper-esque articles and relating all the internal conflict and action, rather than just the results. If anyone has any suggestions how I could make the story more interesting, I'll consider it. I'm going to put down some of my tactical ideas and management techniques in the 'interview' which might give people ideas for their FM games, but all suggestions are welcome. Thanks for your support!

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK SEVEN

BOLTON FAIL TO INTIMIDATE GRITTY CHELSEA

(9th) Bolton 0-2 Chelsea (2nd)

If a team were ever likely to test Chelsea's resolve in pushing for the title, it was Bolton. Allardyce's men are the quintessential team of fallen stars who've learnt how to win the hard way and punish the ill-suspecting bigger clubs accordingly. The midfield, with Kevin Nolan running the show with limitless energy and enthusiasm, El Hatred Diouf combining his flair with saliva glands the size of an African elephant, Kevin Davies towering over opposition defences and new addition Nakata providing the grace, talent and celebrity, Bolton remain a handful for any side.

And they set out to show it too, outplaying Chelsea quite comprehensively in large chunks of the game. Pedersen testing the alert Cech early with a low drive from outside the area, Nakata a constant threat from free kicks and Davies causing William Gallas no end of trouble in the air, a 23rd minute effort ricocheting back off the woodwork as Cech could only look on. Shanyi, who had changed his tactics accordingly to break on the counter attack and flood Bolton's strength and height with bodies, was relieved by the half for the contributions of two key players. When Khalilou Fadiga (playing ahead of the injured Nolan) lobbed the ball to Diouf, who sidestepped Cech and seemed destined to put Bolton into a deserved lead, Terry recovered his earlier poor positioning to somehow make a clearance off the goalline from in between a panicky Del Horno and an eager Henrik Pedersen, in doing so possibly pulling off the defensive move of the season so far. Almost from the counter attack that followed, Duff and Robben exchanged passes before finding Lampard, who curled a ball into Essien's path. The Ghanaian, noticing Jaaskelainen was retreating after mistakenly coming for Lampard's ball, simply slotted the ball calmly into the far corner.

The second half was much the same, Radhi Jaidi arriving for Nicky Hunt and proving deadly from corners even for John Terry. Shaun Wright Phillips replaced the tiring Duff and Gudjohnsen came on for Drogba, whose strength and running had proven ineffectual against Ben Haim and N'Gotty. The game gradually opened up, even if Shanyi felt compelled to call upon Ricardo Carvalho to bring some energy to his back line. In the final move of the game, once again on the counter attack, Ferreira dispossessed Gardner, found Lampard who played a first time ball to Robben, whose cross was turned in by the unmarked Wright-Phillips.

BOLTON (3-4-3): Jaaskelainen, N'Gotty, Hunt (Campo), Ben-Haim (Gardner); Nakata, Jay-Jay, Fadiga (Jaidi), Speed; Pedersen, Davies, Diouf.

CHELSEA (4-2-3-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Essien, Makelele (Carvalho); Robben, Lampard, Duff (Wright-Phillips); Drogba (Gudjohnsen).

---

SHANYI DEFENDS CRESPO OMISSION

Chelsea manager Shanyi defended his decision to omit former Milan star Hernan Jorge Crespo from his 16 strong squad following his 2-0 victory over Bolton.

"Bolton are a tough team to play against" Shanyi said, "You need to see how they are moving, how they are playing. With Drogba I have a lot of power and brute force, but that was ineffectual against Ben-Haim and N'Gotty. So, I had Gudjohnsen, who was able to open the game up with his superiour technical ability and allow us time to build more complex attacks to break them down, rather than just pushing and pushing relentlessly. In that sense, Wright-Phillips and Robben were my main strikers for the second half, Lampard and Gudjohnsen doing a lot of work switching the play and making room. Crespo is a fantastic poacher, but he is similar to Drogba and would not have given us as much on the field. Hernan is a professional, he understands these decisions." Some speculated that part of the decision might also been down to the fact that despite the Argentine scoring four goals since Shanyi took over, those four have only been scored in two games and his strike record has been rather erratic. Tabloids have predictably been linking Crespo with a £9m move to Juventus in the winter window.

---

OTHER SCORES

(15th) West Ham 0-1 Arsenal (1st)

(7th) Blackburn 0-2 Charlton (8th)

(6th) Fulham 0-2 Man Utd (3rd)

(5th) Liverpool 2-0 Wigan (14th)

(17th) Sunderland 1-3 Everton (16th)

(11th) Tottenham 3-0 Portsmouth (20th)

[shanyi]

CHAMPIONS' LEAGUE SCORES UPDATE

DUTCH COURAGE SINKS PORTO AT THE LAST

Porto 0-1 Chelsea

A dire game played almost entirely in the midfield was won with a piece of quick thinking from Arjen Robben, who took a quick freekick before the Porto wall was set up and snuck the ball in off Vitor Baia's near post. Ironically, Chelsea's best player up until that point had been Frank Lampard, whose long range effort had struck the woodword with Baia stranded, and who had been forced off with an ankle injury. At the other end, Benedict McCarthy's refusal to play a pass or shoot from within 30 yards meant that Porto only had two real chances, one of which almost equalised when Tottenham flop Helder Postiga collected a dropped ball from the unworked Petr Cech and Del Horno had to get back and clear his deflected shot off the goalline. Crespo, who was restored to the side thanks to his excellent European effort, was at best a spectator throughout, and saved from substitution thanks to injuries and a fortunate booking for Essien (Geremi, fined a week's wages after an outburst last week, was given a brief cameo) forcing off Chelsea's three central midfielders.

Although Shanyi will be happy and relieved with the three points which take Chelsea top of Group H, the first match of any true importance will come when Chelsea face Juventus in two weeks' time. Few had given Porto or Rangers much chance in a group featuring such giants of their leagues and with Liverpool the first European Champions failing to qualify for the group stages, going out to Valencia, the following tie might not only be instrumental in judging the winner of the group, but possibly the Cup itself.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Carvalho, Del Horno; Lampard (J Cole), Essien (Geremi), Tiago (Gudjohnsen); Robben, Duff; Crespo.

[shanyi]

DOUBLE INJURY PRESENTS OPPORTUNITY FOR YOUNGSTERS TO IMPRESS

Didier Drogba and Eidur Gudjohnsen have both been ruled out of action for two and three weeks respectively after a training ground accident yesterday. Gudjohnsen, who comically slipped on a banana skin and landed in a wheelbarrow, which rolled down a hill and collided with Drogba, who was busy tending to his seven years in the making matchstick reproduction of downtown Venice. The injuries mean that Shanyi has called Carlton Cole and summer signing Mikel John Obi up from the reserves, and with only Hernan Crespo left as a fit first team striker, one of them is certain to feature in the upcoming match against Sunderland. In other news, Joe Keenan has returned from his month long loan spell at Brentford and has expressed his desire to earn a first team place at Stamford Bridge.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK EIGHT

COLE POWERED CHELSEA STEAMROLLER CITY

Chelsea 3-0 Man City

A great Japanese general once said "I do not know the key to victory. I only know how not to miss the right moment." Carlton Cole, in that case, might want to start looking up his family tree for Japanese ancestry as he struck the first goal for Chelsea in a relaxed win over an unthreatening City side. In the absence of Didier Drogba and Eidur Gudjohnsen, and in the aftermath of a tough fought Champions League game against Porto, Shanyi gave several fringe players an opportunity to shine.

Carlton Cole made the earliest impact, a twisting run and shot only just parried by James, before Makelele's pass into the area was deflected in his path and he volleyed the ball casually into the back of the net. Wright-Phillips, pushed further up than usual, was effective on the right side of a three pronged attack and created havoc against his old club. In the second half, few chances were created but City had Zalayeta and Ireland firing well wide. In the last twenty minutes, Lampard struck home his first goal in open play and Crespo in the dying minutes, headed in from a Duff cross. Mikel John Obi came on for Frank Lampard in the last ten minutes and enjoyed an encouragingly assured debut.

CHELSEA (4-3-3): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Bridge; Lampard (John Obi), Makelele (M Essien), J Cole; S Wright-Phillips, H Crespo, C Cole (Duff)

MAN CITY (4-4-2): James, Mills (Onuoha), Webster, Distin, Thatcher; Stelios, Croft (Ireland), Reyna, Jordan; Zalayeta (B Wright-Phillips), A Cole.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK NINE

HAMMERS SHOWN THE LONG PATH TO THE TOP

West Ham 0-3 Chelsea

Rumoured to be subject to an Abramovich-esque takeover which would propel the Hammers to the top of the Premiership, West Ham were shown quite how much work will need to be done by a formidable Chelsea side who dominated from beginning to end. With phenomenal performances coming from virtually every player, Michael Essien in particular giving an outstanding show in Makelele's usual role (the Frenchman being ruled out through tiredness, and may have to fight hard to earn his place back). Glen Johnson came in for his third start of the season, Joe Cole continued following his Man of the Match performance against City on Saturday and Crespo spearheaded the attack in the absence of Drogba and Gudjohnsen. Lampard struck from 30 yards to put Chelsea in front, before Robben set up Crespo to head home. An injury took the England player out of action at half-time, replaced by Geremi, and Crespo stroked home the third soon after the break. Carlton Cole and Shaun Wright Phillips came on late in the second half to wrap up a thoroughly comfortable victory.

West Ham's impotence up front, with Harewood and Sheringham fading into insignificance against Terry and Gallas, will be a matter of considerable concern for Alan Pardew. Although the Hammers have several outstanding young talents in their side, including Anton Ferdinand, Chelsea targets Mark Noble and Chris Cohen, their strike force is looking woefully inadequate for the long season ahead.

West Ham (4-4-2): Carroll, Repka (Wright), Mackay, Dailly, Clarke (Cohen); Williams, Lomas, Reo-Coker, Konchesky; Harewood (Mikolanda), Sheringham.

Chelsea (4-3-2-1): Cech, Johnson, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Lampard (Geremi), Essien, J Cole; Robben (Wright-Phillips), Duff; Crespo (C Cole).

[shanyi]

JOHNSON TRANSFER REQUEST REJECTED

England hopeful Glen Johnson has had a transfer request rejected by Chelsea manager Shanyi as the first cracks have started to emerge in his highly disciplined regime. Although Johnson began the match against his old club West Ham, he is believed to be looking for an England place and with Paulo Ferreira the established Chelsea first choice right back, his chances of proving himself have been limited.

Johnson, who Shanyi may allow to go out on loan in the winter transfer window, is one of several players who may be eventually on the way out of Stamford Bridge. Shanyi, who wishes to mould his own squad, is rumoured to be judging Johnson, Robert Huth, Tiago, Geremi and Eidur Gudjohnsen on whether they will be able to perform at an adequate level at the club. Rumours that Shanyi is keen to bring through young players such as Carlton Cole, new signings Kerlon and Mikel John Obi, Joe Keenan and Anthony Grant, will probably be of benefit to Johnson who has age on his side.

Johnson has, however, been unhappy since Shanyi told him at the beginning of the season that he would be a squad player and his patience has been running out.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK TEN

CHELSEA TOP WITH LATE BLACKBURN WIN

Frank Lampard and Arjen Robben secured victory for Chelsea to take them top of the league above Arsenal. Blackburn, whose defensive tactics meant that they failed to register a single shot on goal, were undone with a goal which bounced in off Robben's shin from two yards following a stunning cross from Damien Duff, which looped high over Brad Friedel. Chelsea slowed the game down and invited Blackburn onto them, introducing youngster Joe Keenan (which some fans have taken as an admission of the fates of Tiago, Jarosik and Geremi), who was a key player in the final minutes. He set up Essien, whose strike was parried by Friedel and the rebound converted by Frank Lampard, and had two excellent efforts of his own, one scratching the crossbar and the other parried by Friedel.

CHELSEA (4-3-1-2): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Lampard, Essien, J Cole (Keenan); Robben, Duff (Wright-Phillips); Crespo (C Cole).

BLACKBURN (4-4-1-1): Friedel, Neill, Mokoena, Matteo, Gray; Emerton, Flitcroft (Thompson), Savage, Gamst Pedersen (Douglas); Jansen (Gallagher); Dickov.

---

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE LATEST

LAMPARD HANDS CHELSEA KEY ADVANTAGE

Chelsea 2-0 Juventus

An even game was won with two goals from Frank Lampard. Zlatan tested Cech early on with a stinging volley and Vieira's low strike also ensured the Czech keeper was kept busy. At the other end, Duff fired well wide when decently placed, Robben's lob soared over and Essien's powerful strike was well judged and collected by Buffon. Gallas' injury was a worry, but Robert Huth composed himself admirably to head clear an inswinging Nedved corner which seemed destined for the head of Trezeguet. The breakthrough came when Drogba, returning from injury and substitute Wright-Phillips combined to dazzle Zambrotta and win a free kick, which Lampard lobbed over the poorly placed Buffon. Juventus pushed forward, Del Piero, Emerson and Birindelli causing no end of problems, but a late surge from Chelsea yielded a penalty, converted by Lampard, after Essien was shoved over by Jonathan Zebina.

CHELSEA (4-4-1-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas (Huth), Del Horno; Robben (Wright-Phillips), Makelele, Essien, Duff; Lampard; Crespo (Drogba).

JUVENTUS (4-4-2): Buffon, Thuram, Zebina, Cannavaro, Zambrotta; Camoranesi (Birindelli), Emerson, Vieira, Nedved (Chiellini); Ibrahimovich (Del Piero), Trezeguet.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK ELEVEN

CHELSEA KEEP FM STORY VERY DULL INDEED

Tottenham 0-2 Chelsea

Despite Martin Jol's eagerness to deny Chelsea's title pretensions before the match, the away side won thanks to goals from Damien Duff, a rebound from Lampard's strike, and Didier Drogba's late effort, which ensured that manager Shanyi's online diary was ticking over with no drama whatsoever. With only one goal conceded in fourteen games in charge, only two draws and virtually no new signings, fans would be forgiven for reading more exciting tales such as "The Life & Times of St. Pete's boys".

TOTTENHAM (4-4-2): Robinson, Kelly, King, Bunjevcevic, Edman; El Hamdaoui (Routledge), Pedro Mendes (Davis), Davids, Jackson; Defoe, Keane (Mido).

CHELSEA (4-3-3): Cech, Johnson, Terry, Carvalho (Huth), Bridge; Lampard, Essien, J Cole; Wright-Phillips (C Cole), Crespo (Drogba), Duff.

PREMIERSHIP TABLE

1.Chelsea (P11, GD 26, Pts 29)

2.Arsenal (P10, GD14, Pts 24)

3.Liverpool (P10, GD11, Pts 22)

4.Fulham (P10, GD4, Pts 19)

5.Man Utd (P10, GD7, Pts 18)

[shanyi]

ENGLISH LEAGUE CUP

ARSENAL LACK OF DEPTH PAINFULLY EXPOSED

Arsenal 2-4 Chelsea

While readers of this particular story might no doubt have been hoping for an Arsenal victory for variety at least, the home side collapsed in spectacular fashion after dominating the first half and taking a 2-0 lead.

The loss of Patrick Vieira is a matter which has been regurgitated over and over again, but the lack of a clear leadership figure and a confident, solidifying presence in the centre of midfield. It had taken just two minutes for Jose Antonio Reyes to put Arsenal in front, only the second team to score against Chelsea under Shanyi, with a clinical finish beneath a poorly placed Cudicini. Chelsea threatened sporadically, Lampard trying to rally the troops with good distribution and several long range strikes which warmed up Morgan De Sanctis. When Robert Huth shoved Aliaksandr Hleb to the ground, possibly while considering how to spell his name, it looked all over as Thierry Henry rifled home the penalty past Cudicini, who looks no threat to Petr Cech on the evidence of last night's performance.

Shanyi made three bold changes at half time, pushing the attacks through the middle of the field where Lampard and Makelele had been Chelsea's best performers, forcing Hleb and Pires back to solidify an overworked Gilberto, and taking Lauren and Ashley Cole out of the game as Toure and Cygan had to deal with the three pronged strike of Gudjohnsen, Cole and Crespo, backed up by Joe Cole and Frank Lampard. With Makelele hanging back, threading passes around and Ferreira, Huth, Terry and Bridge cleaning up any long balls, Chelsea played possibly the most dominant forty five minutes against an Arsenal side under Wenger's academic eye.

The first goal went in from a killer ball by Lampard, curling in between Cole and Cygan to Crespo, who carried the ball around De Sanctis to slot home. Joe Cole then played a one-two with Lampard before playing a tidy ball to Carlton Cole, possibly playing his last game for a good while since Drogba and Gudjohnsen's return from injury, and the young English striker slammed the ball home to equalise. When Gudjohnsen set up Lampard to beat Toure and strike past De Sanctis, Arsenal brought on Bergkamp and Van Persie to try and pull the match back in their favour. Chelsea pulled Gudjohnsen back into midfield with Joe Cole and Frank Lampard, levelling the numbers as Arsenal tried a similar tactic to Chelsea's earlier. Bergkamp and Henry had long range efforts as Makelele strengthened Huth and Terry's position, before Carlton Cole broke, beat both defenders and struck the final insult for Arsenal.

ARSENAL (4-4-2): De Sanctis, Lauren, Toure, Cygan, A Cole; Ljungberg, Hleb (Eboue), Gilberto, Pires (Van Persie); Henry, Reyes (Bergkamp).

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cudicini, Ferreira, Terry, Huth, Bridge; Lampard, Makelele, Tiago (J Cole); Wright-Phillips (C Cole), Robben (Gudjohnsen); Crespo.

[shanyi]

PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK TWELVE

CHELSEA WIN AGAIN- WHAT'S THAT, YOU'RE WATCHING THE ASHES?

Chelsea 2-0 Aston Villa

Chelsea took a strong four point lead at the top of the table with another win over a highly defensive Villa side. Lampard's corner was turned in by John Terry, before Lampard himself added a second. Liverpool's victory by 2-1 over Arsenal gave Chelsea a big advantage in the pursuit of the championship. In other matches, Man Utd got back on winning ways with a 2-0 win against West Brom, Sunderland beat Blackburn by a single goal to nil, Man City beat Boro by 3-1, Everton failed to take advantage of a weakened Tottenham side to lose 0-1 and Birmingham and Fulham played out a 1-1 draw.

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Lampard, Essien, J Cole (Huth); Robben, Duff (Wright-Phillips); Crespo (C Cole).

ASTON VILLA (4-5-1): Sorenson, Sun (Hughes), Delaney, Mellberg, Samuel; Solano, Hendrie, Moore (Agbonlahor), McCann (Whittingham), Barry; Zurawski.

[shanyi]

CHELSEA EARN BIGGEST EVER TRANSFER BUDGET BOOST

Obviously taking to their new manager, a strong financial situation no doubt down to Mr. Abramovich giving Sibneft a much happier, more friendly image by painting a pink bunny on their assassination van, has lead to an increase in Chelsea's transfer budget. Shanyi, who has thus far spent just under £2m on new players, just received the following message.

"The board are pleased to announce that as a result of an improvement in the club's financial position, they have raised your current transfer budget by £185m to £584m."

"Cancel World Debt" Protesters everywhere are quietly sobbing.

[shanyi]

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE RESULTS

JUVE DEFEATED BY DUFF INGENUITY

Juventus 0-1 Chelsea

While Chelsea are undeniably capable of acts and moves of great beauty and precision, they proved tonight that robbery is not beneath them. Juventus, clearly eager to overturn the three points Chelsea gained in their last encounter and with this their last feisable chance to secure the top spot in the league, pummelled Chelsea's goal from beginning to end. Everyone from Camoranesi to Vieri and Buffon to Zlatan took their chance at Chelsea's goal, but the solidity of Chelsea's defence is positively Trojan, and Juve couldn't find the wood to build their horse. Nedved struck the post twice, Cech made three unbelievable saves from Zlatan and Trezeguet at close range and Vieira's towering presence was enough to cause Gallas a few problems. But discipline and timing won out and on a quick counter attack, Drogba's power held off his marker, Joe Cole fed the ball to Duff who rounded the keeper and scored with one of only three Chelsea shots on goal all night. Even when reduced to ten men by Joe Cole's injury, Juve found no cracks in Shanyi's revised tactics. As Chelsea qualified comfortably for the next round, even teams such as Barcelona and Milan must have been wondering what it will take to defeat, or even score against, this formidable unit.

JUVENTUS (4-3-3): Buffon, Zebina, Thuram, Cannavaro, Zambrotta; Camoranesi (Olivera), Vieira, Emerson; Zlatan (Miccoli), Trezeguet, Nedved (Del Piero).

CHELSEA (4-1-4-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Makelele (Huth); J Cole, Lampard (Robben), Essien, Duff; Drogba (Crespo).

[shanyi]

CHELSEA MAGAZINE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH SHANYI

Here at Chelsea magazine, we pride ourselves on our ability to get the best news and interviews for our fans. We also pride ourselves on the fact that the editor is under Stalin-like juristiction from a certain wonderful and unimposing oligarch we all know and love, but that's besides the point (if it wasn't besides the point, all our families would be thrown into the gulag). We have an exclusive interview with Chelsea's controversial new manager Shanyi, who was appointed just after Jose Mourinho had come off a phenomenal year of success, despite not having any credentials. We asked him the hardest, most probing and downright devastating questions.

Chelsea Mag- Why are you so great?

Shanyi- Erm...

[/b]CM- Alright, we'll try something else. You were appointed with no credentials following an extremely popular manager. Can you give us any insight into how this happened?[/b]

S- Well, I was sitting in my drawing room playing a popular game called Football Manager and I decided I wanted to manage Chelsea. So I click on the 'new user' button, fill out the requisite form and click 'OK' and suddenly, I'm being announced as the new Chelsea boss.

CM- Rumour has it you have 'unhygenic' photos of our illustrious leader, the great Abramovich.

S- That's rubbish, spread by tabloids and critics who wish me some harm. Tabloids who incidentally were oddly willing to pay me £1,000,000 for this big brown envelope I have right here. Isn't that strange, Mr. Abramovich? Or should I say 'Lady Godiva-ski'?

CM- Moving on, there has been dissent among the ranks recently in your squad. Geremi, Glen Johnson and Didier Drogba have all objected to not being first choice picks for your starting XI on a regular basis. How do you deal with these issues?

S- I think it is very important, first and foremost, to keep a squad which is willing to work hard for the team, and has to work hard to get in the team. In this respect, I am happy that Didier and Geremi are sad at not being first picks. Didier I reprimanded because he made his comments through the media and this outburst gives a bad impression of him and of our club. He will now have to work harder to get in the team, especially with Carlton Cole taking his chance so well while Didi and Eidur were injured. Glen Johnson, I feel, is a fine young player who has not played as often as he would like and he made a rash decision because of his youth. He will end the season with Chelsea, then we will see. There are many areas of his game that require improvement because he is young, and Paulo Ferreira offers me just what I am looking for at the moment. I think it would be patronising and damaging to these players to throw them into the team just because they ask.

CM- Care to elaborate?

S- Even though I rotate when players are tired or when I feel a different option is needed and a new player can bring a different style of play, I try and keep my starting XI the same whenever possible. This means, for a player, playing in that XI is the ultimate honour, the ultimate goal. However, it is important that every player knows he has the ability, or will be given the chance, to prove himself worthy of achieving that goal. Look at Joe Cole. At the beginning of the season, my central midfield was Lampard, Makelele and Essien. I gave Joe the chance when Maka was tired with Michael pushed inside to the defensive blockade role, and he showed me he can work within the team and give me more options than I had before. Maka played very well and has a big role to play for this team, as he did against Juventus, but for now my naturally considered starting XI does not feature him. Obviously, I make changes depending on the situation. Juve were going to push forward, so Michael and Maka give John and William stronger cover than Michael and Joe. I think this sends a good message to all our players. For the first XI, they know they are important, but have to keep playing to that standard if they are to keep their place. For the squad players, they understand they have areas to improve in their game, but they will get the chance to prove themselves. Carlton Cole was fantastic against Arsenal, Robert Huth made some mistakes but was great the second half. Joe Keenan came on against Blackburn and was crucial in one of the goals and almost scored again. They understand that though they are not ready for the first team yet, they are certainly in my considerations for each squad and will have chances in the future to prove themselves. But there are many other good youngsters I want to try out, like Anthony Grant, Mikel John Obi and Kerlon. Keenan, Carlton and Robert must keep working hard to make sure they are not displaced in my thoughts by other ambitious young players.

CM- You mentioned the win over Arsenal, a particularly impressive moment...

S- My finest.

CM- Can you mention your approach to tactics, how you prepare for each opponent?

S- Firstly, I think the most important thing is to have options. A 4-4-2 is a traditional English formation, but it leaves gaps between defence and midfield, midfield and attack, defence and attack. In my tactic, every 'line' of the field is covered when we are defending or pushing foward. We rarely need to resort to long passing because there are always link players, Robben and Duff on the wings, Essien holding back between defence and midfield moving the ball around. This means we see a lot more of the ball than teams playing on the usual three lines. If we tackle an opponent, we have someone to get the ball. If we lose the ball, there is someone close to win it back. Players also are given several roles to fulfill, but responsibility is shared so no-one has to do so much work as to never be tired. Robben and Duff are both wingers and attackers cutting inside, but there are two of them so the load is shared. Behind them, Ferreira and Del Horno do not go so far forward, never pass the midfield, but they have to provide the cover. In midfield, Frank and Joe spread the play but are covered by Maka. My striker, depending on the situation, might need Didi's strength to create room and unsettle people or Hernan's positioning or Eidur's ability to shift the play around, but they do less running. That is Robben and Duff's job. These things are simple, but have to be worked out first so that there is balance in the team and no-one is the focal point. If that happens, you can be compromised.

CM- How about your stingy defence?

S- Well, that's mainly down to my excellent players. Paulo, John, William, Asier and Michael are probably the best defence any manager could ask for. But again, it's simply a matter of doing the simple things right. Many people like to have their wing-backs flying forward. I don't, it leaves a big hole to exploit. I keep them behind the winger, so he has the option to pass infield to the central midfielder, since the three midfielders spread across the pitch easily without leaving gaps, or pass back to the full back and go on a run, allowing the full back to either cross from deep or play a pass, opening more options. If the pass goes astray, my full back is not so far forward he cannot recover. John and William stay back under every circumstance except corners and in attacks, but William has good pace so he is allowed to go in between John and Michael to force a player into a quick move, which John can tidy up or intercept. If it goes wrong, William is not far enough forward to leave a hole. Michael acts as a full back would. He hangs back just behind Frank and Joe, giving them options and, if there's a break, he can stop the play without too much running. You will also see my strikers closing down and tackling often the opposition defence. This helps us because defensive players are usually not so good at passing under pressure, so it creates problems and ill-judgement in the opposition.

CM- Do you have an inspiration for your management style?

S- Yes. I use an old Japanese book called the Hagakure, which encourages great discipline in order to better yourself, an understanding that nothing is impossible. Most of my management ideas are based within the philosophies of that book.

CM- There are many rumours that you are judging several first team players to see if they are up to the required standard. Is that true?

S- What I will say is that I do eventually want to build my own squad. I am not Mourinho, I do not use this team the way he did and several players were bought for his style of play. But every player is under judgement, in training to the moment he steps out on the field. Few have let me down so far, but there will always be youngsters ready to emerge, players on the market who offer something new and are more readily adaptable to my strategies. But any player can play for me, he just has to prove it to me and, most importantly, to himself.

CM- Transfer rumour time now. Chris Cohen, Mark Noble, Leo Messi, Adriano have all been linked with the club. Any comment?

S- None. I am working with the squad I have. When changes need to happen, they happen. Many people were surprised that I only signed two young players this summer, but I do not buy people to please the media. I buy players because they are or will be needed.

CM- Which do you value more, age or experience?

S- Balance. You need the energy of youth and the experience to channel that energy. I am lucky that many of my players are young and already have terrific experience.

CM- Finally, what are your expectations for the season?

S- I hope, and want, to win everything. But to do so will take a great deal of mental and physical strength and so far, we have only just begun.

CM- Thank you.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK THIRTEEN

PORTSMOUTH HIT FOR SIX BY RAMPANT RUUD

Man Utd 6-0 Portsmouth

Although their start to the season has been marred by injuries, international duty and several shock results, Manchester United pulled themselves together at the expense of Portsmouth, who were on the receiving end of a Ruud van Nistelrooy inspired battering. Portsmouth started brightly, with Aleksandar Rodic testing van der Sar with a well struck volley and Viafara heading over from outside the area, but after twenty minutes Darren Fletcher slammed home the rebound from a van Nistelrooy shot which had been poorly parried by James Ashdown. Van Nistelrooy then added one of his own, a trademark finish from inside the six yard box from Giggs' cross, before Ferdinand made it three heading into the half. Lomano Tresor Lua-Lua came on for the ineffective Luke Brookes to try and turn the game, but Alan Smith hit a cracker from outside the area which left the away fans stunned. Van Nistelrooy headed home the fifth and minutes before the end, with several Portsmouth fans already making their way towards the exits, a pass from Scholes to substitute Ji-Sung Park was turned into the net by Aliou Cisse.

Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson said after the game, "Ach eeie noo aye me Keano 'n' is no wee jings. Football, blahdy heil." Translators on hand explained that Sir Alex was pleased to see his side finally show their full potential, even with Rooney still suffering from an injury, and he hoped that they would be able to catch up to current leaders Chelsea in the title race.

Man Utd (4-5-1): van der Sar, G Neville, Ferdinand, Heinze (Silvestre), O'Shea; Fletcher (Keane), Scholes, Ronaldo (Park), Smith, Giggs; van Nistelrooy.

Portsmouth (4-5-1): Ashdown, Griffin (Cisse), Primus, Stefanovic, Taylor; Brookes (Lua Lua), Viafara, Mezague, O'Neil, Robert; Rodic (Day).

OTHER SCORES

(2nd) Liverpool 2-1 Birmingham (12th)

(10th) Tottenham 2-2 Sunderland (11th)

(19th) West Ham 1-1 Man City (16th)

(18th) Wigan 1-3 Charlton (7th)

---

SUNDAY GAMES

BRAVE FULHAM DENIED BY BARRY

Fulham 1-2 Chelsea

Although Chelsea somehow emerged with the full three points, it was Fulham who emerged with the credit yesterday. Shanyi was infuriated on the touchline, jumping up and down like a hyperactive chimpanzee eating a speed laden banana. Although Chelsea enjoyed plenty of chances and were denied by the outstanding Tony Warner in Fulham's goal, it was the home side who were the busiest, taking risks and potentially showing the way forward for any prospective sides who might already have abandoned hope from taking anything away from any prospective encounters with the Blues.

Sylvain Legwinski's free kick was the first danger, soaring over the wall and dipping viciously, if just wide, while Cech looked on in astonishment. Boa Morte had a looping cross-goal drive saved with astonishing dexterity by the Czech goalkeeper, after Paulo Ferreira had been beaten by his neat interplay with Niclas Jensen. At the other end, Lampard struck a long range effort into Warner's stinging palms before Robben set up Crespo for an emphatic finish, the Argentine's seventh of the season, keeping him ahead of big grumpy bear Didier Drogba in the Blues' pecking order.

Fulham, though, kept pushing and mustered an equaliser before the break, new signing David Clarkson producing a terrific finish after sneaking past the distracted John Terry. Malbranque went close again soon after. Chelsea improved with the introduction of Gudjohnsen and Drogba, the former's eye for passing and changing the play neatly offsetting the grumpy Ivorian's formidable frame. Gudjohnsen curled an effort over the bar, Drogba headed wide after beating Warner and Essien miscued from twenty yards as a draw seemed ever more likely. It was Shaun Wright-Phillips, collecting a pass from Lampard, who sunk Fulham in the 84th minute with a low drive at the far post, a tidy move which saw Zat Knight make his first mistake of the day. But Fulham fans seemed to have been given an adrenaline shot to the heart when Heidar Helguson snuck away from Gallas and, from Boa Morte's precise cross, headed into the far post, despite Cech clawing to keep it out. Craven Cottage went ballistic until the fans noticed a certain fluorescent flag had been raised, unjustly, by the touchline. From then on, the result took on a certain degree of morbid inevitability: Legwinski struck a beautiful shot towards the bottom left hand corner of the beaten Cech's goal, but John Terry deflected it away. Gudjohnsen even broke forward to add insult to injury, but his cross missed Duff who would have had an easy chance to slot home. For all of Roman Abramovich's expensive acquisitions, even he will appreciate that the only thing that Chelsea will ever find truly priceless, is luck.

FULHAM (4-4-2): Warner, Volz, Knight, Goma, Jensen; Malbranque, Bouba Diop (Pembridge), Legwinski, Boa Morte; Radzinski (John), Clarkson (Helguson).

CHELSEA (4-3-2-1): Cech, Ferreira, Terry, Gallas, Del Horno; Lampard, Makelele (Gudjohnsen), Essien; Robben (Wright-Phillips), Duff; Crespo (Drogba).

OTHER SCORES

(11TH) Blackburn 3-1 Bolton (16th)

(5th) Aston Villa 3-0 Everton (15th)

(14th) Middlesbrough 2-0 West Brom (8th)

(9th) Newcastle 0-3 Arsenal (3rd)

[shanyi]

CHELSEA REVEAL COLE INJURY

Chelsea manager Shanyi has revealed in his post match press conference that midfielder Joe Cole sustained an injury in the pre-match buildup which will rule the England international out for upwards of a month. This journalist has in fact discovered that Cole's injury was sustained on the team bus when, upon hearing the much loath'd screechings of popular band *N Sync, there was such a scramble to change station (Wayne Bridge said he didn't want to listen to Britney, but he did) that Cole was caught up in the crowd and his leg 'mushed to a mildly discoloured gooey paste'. Physio Mike Banks, luckily, had the quick thinking to run said injury under a cold tap.

[shanyi]

ENGLISH LEAGUE CUP

CHELSEA YOUNGSTERS INCREASE PORTSMOUTH'S WEEK OF HUMILIATION

Chelsea 5-0 Portsmouth

Portsmouth coach Velimir Zajec vowed after the 6-0 loss at Old Trafford that the club's fans would never again have to sit through such an abject display. He was right- Portsmouth only got worse against a Chelsea side packed full of squad players and inexperienced youngsters, whose determination completely overwhelmed Portsmouth's lack of energy or, in the case of Laurent Robert, complete disdain at having been chosen for such an inconsequential match. Ten minutes in, Tiago Mendes struck Chelsea in front from a corner by Frank Lampard, after Mikel John Obi's header had been clawed over the crossbar by Jamie Ashdown, who had another shameful afternoon. Carlton Cole then added a second as Gudjohnsen moved out wide and played a direct pass beyond the dreadful Linvoy Primus. Cole's third was also Primus' fault, as he allowed the Blues striker to run free as he tried and failed to attend to John Obi's well timed charge, before noticing that Cole had already firmly headed the ball into the back of the net. In the second half, things didn't improve despite Chelsea removing three of their senior players, with Bridge, Terry and Lampard being replaced by Carvalho and debutants Jonas Elmer and Kerlon, the Brazilian who, despite showing several excellent touches, also proved that Shanyi was right to hold him back from first team action as he drifted in and out of the game. Craig Short scored an old goal under pressure from Cole and finally, Robert Huth hit an excellent volley from inside the area from Obi's short cross to put the final nail into the coffin of Portsmouth's dignity.

CHELSEA (4-3-3): Cudicini, Johnson, Terry (Carvalho), Huth, Bridge (Elmer); Lampard (Kerlon), Diarra, Tiago; Obi, C Cole, Gudjohnsen.

PORTSMOUTH (4-4-1-1): Ashdown, Primus, Short (Griffin), Stefanovic, Vongas (Karadas); O'Neil, Viafara, Mezague, Robert; Fordyce, Mbesuma (Lua Lua)

[shanyi]

CARLTON COLE THANKS MANAGER AFTER EARNING FIRST CAP

Chelsea striker Carlton Cole gave thanks to his manager Shanyi after coming on as substitute to earn his first England cap against Finland. It took 88 minutes for Michael Owen to strike England to a 1-0 win, but the side was weakened by Shanyi's highly controversial withdrawls of Frank Lampard and John Terry. Shanyi, who said that his key players needed a rest, has caused another reprisal of the debate about the value of international friendlies. Cole, clearly disagrees.

"It was a great honour to represent my country" the striker said, "The manager has given me an opportunity back at Chelsea and I owe him a lot. I've scored a few goals there, and I hope I can go on to do so for England."

"Carlton is a good young player with a great attitude" Shanyi said, "He knew at the beginning of the season he'd be a backup but he worked hard and took the chances I gave him. He was key in our games against Portsmouth and Arsenal in the league cup, and scoring five goals already is a great record for any striker. He knows he has work to do before he can be my first choice striker, but this is a great reward for his hard work." When pressed about his decision to withdraw Lampard and Terry from the England squad, Shanyi was unrepentant. "They have played every game for me so far this season and are tired. I am not going to compromise my players for a friendly. Mr. Eriksson will understand, Frank and John wanted to go but I would not let them."

[magicgolem1214]

who said money doesn't buy you love?