Inspired by the South Park ‘Imaginationland’ trilogy, I bring to you the IMAGINATIONLAND database.
Ever wondered how Arnold Schwarzenegger might cope on a football pitch? What if he was playing centre-back alongside Muhammad Ali for a team of USA legends with Charles Mansun as the ballwinner sat in front of them? What if Oprah was on one wing, Michael Jackson on the other, and Michael Jordan as the shadow striker to Elvis Presley? How would Schwarzenegger cope then?
Or what about prodigious playmaker William Shakespeare at the British Legends? Lining him up alongside Charles Darwin and Princess Diana in midfield may seem a no-brainer, but you can’t leave John Lennon on the bench, surely? Aleister Crowley certainly wouldn’t like that and Cleese may abandon his teammates to find success elsewhere. Maybe he’ll join up with the Toon Legends at ACME stadium and form a devastating partnership with Bugs Bunny in attack as Road Runner and Speedy Gonzales feed them from the wings? Or maybe he’ll join up with Da Vinci, Pavarotti, Mario and Luigi at Forza Italiano?
He may be reluctant to join Chubbs AFC though, perhaps considering himself in too good-a-shape to join the likes of Ronaldough, Maradoner Kebab, Kevin Pressmanvsfood and Neil Ruddock & Chips at that team of fat ex-pros, owned by Your Mum. He may not feel welcome at Before Christ FC either, a little intimidated by the thought of sharing a post-game bath tub with Socrates, Buddha, Caligula and Confucius no doubt. And that scenario wouldn’t improve over at Politico 1900s stadium either, where you’d have to contend with Gandhi and Jo Stalin checking out your junk.
He’d be more at home with FC Cinema you’d imagine - under the leadership of Kubrick and Hitchcock. He’d probably link up nicely with James Bond, or even Tony Montana, and Forrest Gump and John McClane would be relentless in their support. Otherwise he could add a human touch to Mr Men FC and challenge Mr Impossible and Mr Messy to a place in Roger Hargreaves starting line-up. Then there’s minnows Randomly Generated United, a newly invented team with each new start, populated with absurd names generated from those already granted to the folk of Imaginationland - who knows who he’ll be playing alongside there? Perhaps Princess Schwarzenegger, Homer Da Vinci, Mahatma Flinstone or Margaret Impossible?
Where ever John goes we wish him the best of luck. But where will you go, dear FMer? The possibilities are literally endless. Ten teams.
Pablo Picasso is current manager of the Imaginationland National side, but he’s keen to get back into domestic action as soon as possible and will likely stand down at the end of the first season, meaning if you have a good first year that ridiculous role could be all yours.
Add players to playable teams is a must. All teams have a full first team of created characters but it will feel a very empty place without ticking this box. Plus it means the likes of Margaret Impossible and Gandalf Baggio could be starting at your club too. For the same reason make sure 'Do Not Add Key Staff' is unticked. I would also advise to disable both the player attribute masking and opening transfer budgets, and a small database is all you'll need.
It all seems to be running very nicely, but I have not tested it rigorously. Please report back on any issues, be they blatant errors or subtle things that ruin the illusion of the game for whatever reason.
Hope you enjoy it and Merry Christmas