Easyjet flight to Iberia

[chickenbroncitis]

The Iberian Crusade

I've decided to start a new career with a bit of sun, sand and lastly football.

Leagues loaded:

• France - CFA and above
  
• Portugal - 2nd Division and above
  
• Spain - Second Division and above
  

Database - Large

The Plan

I'll be starting as a failed 30 something year old Portuguese/Spanish Sunday league footballer who has dreams of making it big in the managerial world. Starting as a jobless bum on benefit I will be applying for every job that comes along until I see one that stands out for me. On taking the job I will do my best to bring a bit of glory to the team. My loyalty wont be to high though. I reckon I'll be more or less a working tourist, so to speak, and hop around the Iberian Peninsula taking in the sights and eating some good ice-cream on the beach.

I be fairly relaxed on the rules that I set myself but the main two for me as always will be that if for some reason I get a National Team job I will not be managing a club at the same time. The only other rule I set myself is that before I leave a club I like the transfers I make for the club to be of financial gain. That normally means bringing in young players and selling them on for a decent profit or free transfer players.

So here goes. Lets see where I end up... Here's hoping the Marebella job comes up sharpish.

[chickenbroncitis]

History

Famalicao

Season    League             Position    National Cup        League Cup       Europe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2010/11   Second Division (N)     4th      3rd rd.                 N/A          N/A
2011/12   Second Division (N)     1st      1st rd.                 N/A          N/A             (Promoted)
2012/13   Liga Vitalis            4th      5th rd.                 2nd          N/A
2013/14   Liga Vitalis            1st      5th rd.                 3rd          N/A             (Promoted)
2014/15   Liga Sagres             3rd      6th rd.                 2nd          N/A

Lanzarote

Season    League             Position    National Cup        Federation Cup       Europe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2015/16  Second Division B4     4th         N/A                N/A              N/A
2016/17  Second Division B4     1st         2nd rd.            1st rd.          N/A                  (Promoted)

[chickenbroncitis]

I started applying for jobs hoping for the elusive Marbella job. If its good enough for Kerry Katona to visit then its sure as hell good enough for me. With my suncream, shades and EHIC card packed and ready to go I was just waiting for a certain Santiago Saez to get sacked........... It never happened. I applied for jobs all through the first season hoping beyond belief that somewhere just as good as Marbella would turn up. I knocked back jobs from Sporting "B", Barcelona At, Sant Andreu and RC Branco amongst others but they just couldn't touch Marbella but then.... Famalicao and I thought why not give it a go and I took the job. A little down heartened but happy no league games had been played yet and the team was mine to mould.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - Pre-Season -2010/10

Board Expectations

The board have given me the task of avoiding relegation which I believe is more than achievable. For me a nice mid-tabe finish this season is the aim. In the cup they want me to reach the 3rd round at the very least. Again, I'd be upset if I got put out the cup by a team playing in the same league level as me so I could easily see a 4th round cup time coming my way

Pre-Season Transfers

Having no transfer budget I ended up bringing in a few out of contract players. The good thing about Portugal is that there are quite a few decentish part time players willing to play for anyone so I had no problem getting the players I need other than one.. a goal keeper. I had a target and offered him a contract but he just wouldn't accept the contract fast enough before the deadline passed so that's me stuck with a guff goal keeper until the new transfer window opens in January. Not good times for me.

Pre-Season Fixtures

As you can see I just played a couple of non entity teams just for the money and the players to get a bit of fitness. I didnt care about results because I was still bringing players in. The money was good. I brought in just over £100,000 which might come in quite handy for the next transfer window.

Managers Thoughts

I'm hoping that my team is going to be somewhat competitive but it is a ramshackle of failed players and wont be expecting too much from them. A little cup run would be good for morale and I'm hoping that would carry over into the league and help us finish around 7th place. Only one team gets promoted from the league I'm in and I cant see past the fallen giants of Boavista. They are predicted to finish first and I think the whole league is just rebuilding for next year. My aim this season is to get a basis of a decent team together and roll that over to next season while trying to improve my clubs finances.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - September/October -2010/11

I had quite a bit of luck in the first two rounds of the cup. I played against two non-league teams and quite comfortably beat them with my new signing Dias showing that he might be a good little steal.

The league opened up for me against the mighty fallen giants of Boavista. I expected to get gubbed but I let in an 85th minute goal and drew 2-2. I was more than happy with that. I thought Boa would have to get two scoreboards to count the goals they would score. Things were looking good but then got a bit hit an miss. My team not having a good keeper seems to be killing me. I score well but I let in goals well and the 5 draws I have in the league show that good. I've gone on a bit of a bad run at the moment and havent won a game in four weeks which amounts to six games including the cup game and my teams morale is through the floor. The cup game was a total killer to me. I got well and truly outplayed against a team we should have put away. The were in same league level as me and have a slightly worse record and I feel my team let themselves down.

Managers thoughts

Its been a mix and match opening to the campaign. Although I'm out the cup I'll need to use this to my advantage as it will hopefully ease my fixture congestion. I really need to get a little squad depth going because other than my starting ten outfield players, the rest are duds. The problem with that is I cant bring anyone in till January and with half of the season gone by then things may be broken too much. A little TLC and I hope my team gets things going again and pick up the wins they look like they are capable of getting. Oh yeah, The 2010 World Cup just finished as well. So I'll be posting the outcome of that later on this afternoon. Things got interesting to say the least.

[chickenbroncitis]

2010 World Cup Report

First Round

Italy scrapped through to the 2nd round rather unconvincingly, England beat the Germans and got the morale victory. Argentina, Brazil and Holland all won their groups too. Spain just got past Ghana in second place. France won all their games and hosts South Africa quallified.

Second Round

Well, well Algeria got the near biggest upset of the round and knocked out Germany but look at USA... They beat Brazil on penalties. Argentina and Holland went through with what looked like tournament favourites France lost to hosts South Africa.

Match of the round and Argentina knock out England.

So that Denmark and Argentina in the final.

Is this a game anyone ever cares about? Algeria finish 3rd.

Argentina coasted it against Denmark. I think everyone expected that.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - November/December -2010/11

Well November and December brought me seven games and I really expected more than the mixed bag of results I got. Winning just two games doesn't cut it and my main striker has gone right of the boil. On the plus side I never got killed by Boavista again and my "2nd striker" has been banging them in for me.

I've fallen down to 9th in the league and I can see the team getting dragged into a relegation battle just as the board expected to happen. I do have a good goal difference which I'm hoping a couple of wins can improve and push me up the league. Four teams being relegated is just dangerous and every point matters at the moment.

The board are still happy with me which is good and I am 6 points clear of the relegation places. Hopefully I can install a bit of morale into the team and get them clicking again. Attendance at games is a bit up and down so far with figures at anywhere between 500 and 1600 depending who we play against.

Managers Thoughts

I can see a right old relegation battle commencing and me being right in the middle of it. The good thing I have on my side is the transfer window is about to open and I should be able to bring in a decent keeper and a few players as cover. We do have the 3rd best defence in the league at the moment but have the 9th best scoring record. So I see myself trying to get maybe a midfielder or striker but seeing as I can only do free transfers that may be easier to do than it sounds. Lets see what January brings... hopefully a few points.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - January/February -2010/11

January Transfers

I brought in several new free transfer players. The squad was getting killed due to its lack of depth so players were desperately needed. I brought in a keeper, a left back who plays for the Luxembourg National Team, a new right back, an attacking central midfielder who plays for the Mozambique National Team, and my parent club sent me a young central midfielder on loan. I also got a central defender who plays for the Moldovan National team but he got injured during his debut and is out for 11 months roughly with cruciate damage. I'll give it till the close season and see if its worth keeping him or I'll just release him on a free.

Well my players must have had a New Years Resolution to start playing football or something because after going on a two game losing streak at the end of December they got their finger out and started winning good. Out of 7 games they only lost two and scored a massive 15 goals. Getting in the players to deepen the squad helped and maybe thats what helped with morale because now it is through the roof. This showed in the game against Freamunde where we went 3-0 down and got the draw scoring our first goal on the 59th minute. All's looking rosy in the garden.

We've fought hard to stay 5th and I can only imagine 4th place is a realistic finish for us Boavista or Gondomar look like they are going to take the only promotion spot and should be quite an interesting run in. I seem to be quite happily stuck in the group of team that fighting promotion but arent fighting relegation either.

The board again are happy with me and more than that, I'm happy with the team and the way this past two months have gone. I think its a little out of order for the board to be mentioning the 1-0 loss to Gondomar, especially seeing as they are fighting for the promotion spot against the mighty Boavista. Money is flooding out the club. I haven't made a profit on any month even though I'm £1,000 under the wage budget and havent paid a transfer fee. I suppose that's a boardroom level worry. The cub still has £70,000 to play with and its value is up to £200,000 so no complaints there then.

Managers Thoughts

If the team can keep this decent run going then hopefully it will be a good build for next season. There are only six games left till the end of the season so heres hoping for 12 plus points.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - End of Season Report -2010/11

Well there you go. March and April saw me play 6 games and we got 4 wins and draw and a loss and that loss was a game we should have won by a mile. It didnt change much though because even if we'd won we'd still be sitting in forth place. A nice run of results.

Boavista bout on a nice wee run at the end of the season to grab what I now realise is a promotion playoff place rather than automatic promotion. They are a nice little outfit so it'll be nice to see that back of them this year and I wish them all the luck in getting promoted. Fafe and Infesta had a good little battle with Infesta doing their bit and staying up.

That shows what kind of season I had. I just need consistency and I hope I can continue to get it from my players in the coming season. Top goalscorer and top assist... I just hope he will stay with us, at least until we get promoted. Then I can bin him for someone better.....

Managers Thoughts

Should be a busy little off-season. I'm going to play another barrel load of friendlies to get a bit of money in and hopefully bring in a couple of better players and some loan players. This season has went a lot better than I expected and I hope to push for promotion next year. I seem to have brought in a few international players, even though they play for the likes of Luxembourg and Mozambique, but Im hoping their experience will see us through. Promotion playoff group next season? Heres hoping for for that.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - Pre-Seasin Report -2010/11

Pre-season transfers

A bit of the same old same old in this transfer window. Seven players came in and ten went out. There wasnt any really bug changes to my squad. I got back the two players I had on loan last season for the whole of this season and I brought in some more "squad" players just to add a bit of depth to the team.

The big news in regards to my team is that I did manage to bring in a young striker on loan from my parent club that is a better quality of player than my Player of the Year last year, Daouda Itodo, and has there for pushed him to a place on the bench.

The board want me to finish in the top half of the league but as usual thats not good enough for me. I want a Promotion playoff place. That means 1st place. The board are skint and it shows as they havent increased my transfer budget and my wage budget stays at £2.5 a week. I have now eaten well into that and now only £133 under budget.

Good news on the job front. I'm sunning it up for another two seasons and getting £2,000 a month for my troubles. The Tenerife job came up and I applied ofr that but I got rejected. I knew I would anyway. I know how good a manager I am but I've not shown it yet.

Managers Thoughts

I'm pushing the boat out this season by sailing close to the limit of my weekly wage budget. This is really time to show the board what I'm made of as a manager. I want to get promoted and have to win the league then a playoff group. I think with a little consistency rolling over from last season I can manage to finish first but the playoff group is a different matter. I shall have to wait and see if that part is manageable. I do feel like I have the team to do it so want to give it a good try. I'm not too bothered about the cup but want to keep the board happy and reach at the very least round three again. Same rules apply this time. I'm setting the target of getting knocked out the cup by only a higher division team.

I'm going to cut down the amount of reviews I do in the season. Its taking up too much playing time for me so from now on I'll do a pre-season, mid season and end of season review. If I feel anything worthwhile needs to be posted then I will do so.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - Mid-Season Report -2010/11

Things started badly. I got kicked out the cup on penalites by a joke of a team in the Central division league. I wasnt too chuffed seeing as my team missed three penalties in a row. Anyways, the team seemed to pick themselves up straight after that and kept winning. We have only lost one game and drawn one so finishing first is loooking good at the moment.

I'm rather chuffed to be sitting top of the table at the start of January. A four point lead isnt much at all but if I can get my defence sorted out even just a little better then I'm laughing because my strikers are scoring for fun. Me and Gondomar seem to be the only two teams looking to win the league this year while the usual scrap for the 4 relegation places is in full swing.

The Board are still liking me and seem quite indifferent that the club is losing money every month. We are still in the black but I'm not too happy with managing a loss making club. I have let go of a few dead wood players but the Board dont seem to like that approach and are giving me grief for releasing a player that hadnt played all season and had no value. Never mind.

Managers thoughts

I wouldnt have imagined doing so well this first half of the season other than a terrible cup run and Im happy with it. Hopefully we can keep this run going and push for that first place finish. I only have one challenger at the moment so that eases a bit of pressure. We'll see what happens come the end of May but if we dont finish first after this start to the season I'll be an not happy manager.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - End of Season 2011/12

There's your dinner. I only went and finished top of the league. It got a bit squeaky bum time towards the end and I thought I may throw it away but the boys stuck in there and we got the chance to play in the Promotion Playoff.

Two points clear, it was a good fight for first place. My defence just isnt good enough and I really do need to get some decent defenders on the go but its a little tricky with no transfer budget. I will try though. Its the only downside of my team at the moment.

I finished top of the promotion table and won promotion with a game to spare. It surprised me that we won so easily i though it was gonna be a strugle if indeed it was going to happen at all. Covlha just fell apart when they played against me, it was quite good. Farense beat me in the opening game which gave me the frights but the boys bounced back good and it was the only slip they had.

A nice end to the season being awarded Manager of the Year. I wasnt sure how it would have went seeing as we got put out the cup in the first round.

Managers thoughts

Im looking forward to the coming season in the higher division because its going to be tough. I dont expect the Board to be giving me any transfer budget and I dont expect the wage budget to be signifigantly increased. So it'll be back to wheeling and dealing and more or less releasing a player for everyone I need to bring in. I may have to delve deeper into bringing in loan signings to save money. So next season I dont see anything happening other than finishing a place or two above relegation.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - Mid Season 2012/13

Results have been coming good and I'm happy only not to have scored in three games. The big results for me this half of the season were the reults against Boavista where I won 4-2 after going 2-0 down. The other big result was against Leixoes which was 1-0. Not too shabby seeing as they are mid table in the Division above me.

The league table is looking good. I'm sitting in a surprising 6th place, 5 points off the top. Its a long 5 points but I'm happy not to be dragged into a relegation battle. The annoying thing about my team is that we have the most amount of goals in the league but we also have let in the most amount of goals. I'm just hoping a decent free transfer defender becomes available because a £6000 tranfer budget for the season is nothing.

Managers thoughts

I don't see much changing this season. I reckon I'll still be floating around the middle of the table come the end of the season. I'll try in vain to sort out my defence and hopefully if I do then the team might move up the table a wee bit. I'm out the League cup but I'm not too bothered about that and I've got a cup game against Braga coming up so I can see my cup run ending there. Its just a case now of doing well in the league and hoping decent players wont to play for my team.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - End Season 2012/13

We did well but not well enough. Ultimately our defending let us down in terms of promotion. We well and truly punched above our weight and got a 4th place finish but with a little jiggery pokery we could have got a top two finish. It was good to score in every game this half of the season other than when Braga pumped us 4-0 but that was expected. Boavista beating us 3-1 at home was the nail in the coffin of our promotion hopes that I didnt want to see.

7 points from promotion, not too shabby for a team that I expected to be fighting relegation with. It makes me think I can push this lot to at least a promotion space next season and I will give it a good try. Predictably Boavista won the league but it was rather uncomfortable for them in the end.

End of Season Awards

No surprises here. I seem to score for fun

I didnt know such an award existed. Hopefully it will raise my potential for a Spanish island job. Benidorm? Tenerife? Mallorca? Im here waiting.

Managers thoughts

I really did not expect to do this well with my team as yet. I've spent a grand total £14,375 in three seasons so I feel like the coming season in a promotion to the to flight season. I dont expect any extra money coming from the Board but secretly hoping for a little extra wage budget but I'm not gonna hold my breathe.

As expexted the Board gave me hee haw. 7K at this level is nothing. I didnt want million but maybe 30k - 50k would be reasonable. Looking at the finances though, the Board have managed to plough their way through the 130k I got them through friendlies and I havent done the same this preseason so they are sitting on 8k in the black. That will be gone by the end of the month and for the first time the club will be operating at a loss. I can see stupid bank loans coming along and draining our finances even further. Here's hoping for a new investor in the club and I'll be happy.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - Mid-Season 2013/14

A good wee season so far. I'm banging them in left right and centre. Im still in both cup competitions so that will be more than good for the old bank balance. My team still seems to be on scoring mode and we hit a goal every game this half of the season.

Sitting healthy at the top of the league and scored more goals now than we did this point last season. Better than that my defence has stopped leaking goals. Moarle is high and the team are strolling forward. It looks like the bottom two teams are determined to get relegated. They really are terrible.

Managers Thoughts

The team is high in morale and this is pushing us forward. Im hoping we can keep this going but I have a big cup game against Porto and in the group stages of the league cup I have 3 top flight teams. So morale may take a battering and could affect our league run in. The bank balance is looking good. Ive just over 200k in money and the club is now worth 500k. Hopefully I can get the team promotion to the top league and get a little money to play with. Saying that, if a job on a Spanish or Portuguese island comes up then I'm going for it. I might even go for the Cannes or Paris job if it arises. We'll see though.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - End-Season 2013/14

Well that's it. Promotion to the top league. We did it. I couldnt be any more happier with my team.

As previously guessed in my last update we got put out both cup competitions by higher ranked opponents and it hurt our morale. January was a tough old month and my strikers morale took a battering and they stopped scoring for a while. It wasnt really until March that they found their stride again and started putting the goals away for fun but that time all I had to do was not majorly mess up and the league was mine. I started to coast it in April and did a lot of squad rotating and we started to draw games and even lost two. But we were strolling it. The other teams were well beat by then.

We won the league by five points and in all honesty if I never took the foot of the gas that lead could have been into double figures. The other teams were playing for 2nd place and Setubal sneaked it at the end. Poor old Santa Clara. They finished bottom and a long way off. They'll struggle even in the lower league I think.

End of Season Awards

Toninho was the man this year for my team. He strolled the most assists, most goals and most man of the match awards. He did not too bad at getting the top goalscorer award seeing as he went off the boil for two months. It would have been scary to see him play at his best the whole season.

Seemingly my team in the most improved again this year. Some people just dont believe that we are as good as we think we are but never mind. We'll show them next season.

And here comes the most important bit. Manager of the year. Yes.... It was me.

Pre-Season 2014 - 2015

Being promoted to the top league and getting a million quid stuck in the bank account my lovely Chairman decided it was time for our little club to turn professional . I dont know what the urgency is for him. I reckon we could have sneaked another year as part timers in the big leagues and fought relegation. This makes things a little more interesting though. Its a fairer fight now.

The Board have loosened the purse strings and actually given me a transfer budget. Its 375k. I'm not quite looking to sign Gareth Bale yet but it should help bring in a better quality of player. On top of that they have hit me with a tidy wage budget. Im more excited about that than anything. I can feel the Free Transfer players coming my way now. I chose to try and stay clear of relegation so I can maybe surprise the Board again and make myself look good. I really dont know what to expect from this league though.

Managers Thoughts

I feel like I've hit the big time by bringing up this club to the top flight and turning them professional. The clubs facilities are shocking and my stadium only holds 7000. So there is still a lot of improvements to be made. I just dont know what lies beyond this season for me. I have a year left on my contract but might throw a few offers of my services to clubs in Spain. I'm really looking forward to a Spanish island job or Cannes in France but Cannes are happy with their mediocre manager but anyways I dont want to make it look like I'm stabbing the chairman in the back by jumping ship at a crucial moment. We'll see what happens though.

[chickenbroncitis]

Someone's on the Pina Coladas. Thought I'd test the water so to speak and declared my self interested in the Lanzarote job. Its a lovely place this time of year and I hear it has one or two classy bars and one or two classy women. Also has some nice sandcastles too. Anyways, their spaced out Chairman had a wee laugh and told me to go away and behave myself because, get this, his poxy manager that lead Lanzarote to a mighty 11th out of 20 in the Spanish Third tier is better than me. Ah well. I'll just carry on with my top flight Portuguese team.

[chickenbroncitis]

Its late November, its sacking season. All sorts of jobs are coming and going and then this happened.

I can safely say that I'm not too chuffed at all. I know how good a manager I am. Their Chairman is a buffoon.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - Mid-Season 2014/15

Its been a bit of a tough season and results and goals are harder to get. I am scoring rather consistently but not every game like in previous seasons, Got a nice bug win against Leixoes then another against Madeira and Maritimo. Predictably Porto gubbed us and Rio Ave were 4-1 down at half time and came back to draw 4-4 with us.

We're doing amazingly well by sitting 6th in the table at the end of December. There are European places for teams that finish in the top 6 so hopefully I can nab one of those and get a little booster to the team going. Saying that, there are 6 points separating the teams from 6th - 15th so things are quite tight you could say. Porto are runaway leaders and Portimonense are runaway canon fodder.

Managers thoughts

If we can keep this run going then I dont see why we couldnt finish in a European place in the league. It looks like we could but my teams morale seems so hugely effected by a loss that it will be really easy to slip into a losing streak and fall away. For some reason the Board are quite happy to run a team into 800,000k of debt and not be in the slightest bit worried about money. In fact they even say how well I'm looking after the wage budget by keeping a little over 6k under the 33k a week they let me spend. They must be hoping for good TV money or good prize money from competitions.

In the long run I'm not sure what I'll do I've put in a few applications but get rejected. That may be because I'm on 2k a week as a manager and clubs done want to buy out the remainder of my contract which finishes in the summer. If I do get a European place then I will probably stick about for that and see what damage I can do in Europe and that may lead to building the infrastructure of this team up because in the now 5 years I've been here nothing has been done. No stadium upgrade, no training upgrade and no youth facilities upgrade. With us sitting at 800k in debt I think the Board need a bank balance upgrade first.

[chickenbroncitis]

Ah baws, This is exactly what I didnt need. My best player gone for the last five games of the season when I'm chasing a European place. Seeing as he is out for around 3 months we'll need to see if he is able to compete in the top flight again. Never mind, he might make a good coach.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - End-Season 2014/15

There you go, job done. Wee Barry got the boys into Europe. Not quite the Champions League but brilliant for a team like us that has been under rated and under funded for years. This past five year rise to the top has been amazing. I've even surprised myself at times at how well I've got this team playing. Onwards and upwards as they say.

Some nice results on this second half of the season. I really enjoyed the 2-0 at home aginst Porto in front of the TV cameras. It was good to show the country what I can do. The 6-0 win against ,my rivals, Braga was pretty sweet too.

So third in the league. Best of the rest. Its the best I could ever done with my team. Again my defence was very leaky but the amount of goals I scored got us through. Porto are the team to catch. The were runaway leaders and it could take a few years to even challenge them. Portimenense were bottom in style and get the wooden spoon.

End Of Season Awards

It was nice to see one of my youngsters come in second place for young player of the year

Toninho was second. Not bad seeing as he missed the last 5 games of the season. Should have been the winner of this

Super Suarez. He set up the most goals in the league. I showed him well in training.

Three times in a row now. Maybe people will now know how good I think I am. I was the only team to feature in the top league in this award. I wonder what will happen next year.

Managers Thoughts

It was unbelievable to qualify for Europe and also to finish 3rd in the league while only spending just over 120k on transfers in the process. No begins the process of building up a European strength squad. It should be a difficult but enjoyable task. I sold one player for 200k so the team is 600k in the red but a transfer out is due to go through of 800k so back in the black soon.

[chickenbroncitis]

F.C. Famalicao - Portuguese Second Division - North - Pre-Season 2015/16

There was a lot of rebuilding of the Famalicao squad to plan and have it strong enough to get it strong enough to make a dent in Europe. However, funds were low and the Board didnt look like changing this too much and the facilities were just as poor as they were as when we were in the bottom division. It was going to be a tough job but I was ready for it. You can never tell what will happen in the future and nobody saw this coming

There it is. That wonderful Spanish Island in the Canary Islands that the tourists love. I was sold. I had to go and top up the tan. Never mind the Euro Cup and the team I had given the first five years of my coaching career to. There was sun and beaches to take care of and it couldnt wait.

The Famalicao Board were sad to see me go. Its not hard to see why. I made them millions on the value of their club. Over 5 million but everyone loves a right good party and party we did. Who knows, our paths may cross again. I could come back one day or I may play against them in Europe. My passion for the team wont die off and I hope to see them again soon.

So there it is I'm in Lanzarote. Its just at the start of the close season and the players are about to go on their summer break. The team looks pretty poor. I'm going to cut a lot of players out either because they are talentless hacks or because they just don't fit into my tactics. They league rules mean that I cant sign any players that are not from the EU and I must have at least 6 players under the age of 23 years old in a squad of just 22 players. This may play havoc when it comes to getting just the right player for my team but hopefully the Board will realise this and help out with my youth facilities.

Managers Thoughts

It was sad to see the back of my Portuguese expedition but it had to come to an end some time. After being approached by Lanzarote it seemed fitting that I move team then and let another manager build the European squad. Although I won nothing other than a lower league title in Portugal to me it was a big success and enjoyed every minute of it. I'm looking forward to my time in Spain and hope to be as successful here as I was in Portugal. There is a lot of hard work to do but I'm sure it will be fun.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- Introduction 2015/16

Here's a little info on my new team. Currently they are languishing in the Spanish Second Division and have been for Eleven years with the last time they won anything being the division title but couldnt manage promotion after being put out in the promotion playoff. The team play in a right bucket of a ground that holds just under 7,000 and has a running track round the pitch for that extra atmosphere they are known to create at games. That can be seen here.

So a 7,000 seater stadium that has a running track round it and has a old type synthetic pitch that is hard. Nothing like starting at the bottom. Someone needs to tell the Board that football is meant to be played on grass, the real stuff. Anyway the bank balance is looking healthy and the training and youth facilities are 'adequate'. I can see good things coming but I;m sure every promotion is going to be hard fought and not as straight forward as it was in Portugal.

Transfers

Nothing to shout about. Got rid of a lot of dead wood brought in some distinctly average players on low fees bar one player who is an overpriced midfielder. It was good to actually make a profit this transfer window. That makes me a happy chappy.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- September 2015/16

September saw me play the first 6 games of the season. No cup competition for me this year so just promotion to play for. My team is a goal scoring machine so far and got two 4-0 wins and a 3-0 win. Our only slip up was against Jaen. We lost 2 goals in the last ten minutes. Unforgivable

.

We're sitting a nice 6th in the league after 6 games and need to finish in the top 4 to get a promotion play-off place. My plus 10 goal difference is giving me hope that we can stay up this end of the league. I just hope my defence holds up.

Managers thoughts

A nice steady start to the season. It lays a wee foundation for us to build on. I can see already that even if we make the play-offs that its going to be tough to get through them. My team is looking good but nothing better than that. We score well but only when we win. I need a team that is able to fight out results and turn those draws into wins.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- October 2015/16

Two good wins to start the month and then a loss against the 2nd place team. I wasnt too chuffed about that result, it our chance to make our mark on the league early on but their will be more games to do that. A nice win against Sevilla to finish the month done us good.

So that's up to 4th in the league and into the play-off position. It makes life a little easier even though its early in the season. The league is begging to take shape now and Tenerife are looking strong. It looks like the top 7 teams will be fighting for the four playoff spots now and my aim is to be one of the lucky ones. At the other end of the table it looks like Jerez Industrial are having a stinker of a season all ready.

It seems I'm being linked to the big jobs in Spain now. I'm not anywhere near ready to go from Lanzarote yet. The beaches are good here and the football isnt played on grass. I am flattered though. Its nice to feel wanted.

Managers Thoughts

I'm liking the way my season is going already. I've had some nice wins and am scoring consistently while my defence seems to be doing its job. Its a few months to the transfer window in January and its nice to know that I dont need to fix much with my team at the moment. I just need to keep the players morale up so they continue playing well on the pitch.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- November 2015/16

So November gave us a bit of mix and match. Two wins, two draws and a loss. It seems when I win, I win good but when I dont win I struggle. The game against Roquetas was a big let down. Yet again I lost against a team in the top 4 and therefore making it hard for myself to get a playoff place. Still scoring consistently which is good.

I can feel the top two maybe top three teams pulling away from the rest of us. Im just a point of 4th place which is good and I reckon I can give it a right good push for 3rd all going well. At the bottom of the league the last three teams are looking just ugly.

Managers Thoughts

The team is still playing well and other than how its went against any teams in the top 4 Ive played its all gone to plan. I still dont see any major changes need and not sure what this transfer window will bring. I may just get a couple of squad players but we'll see. Overall I'm happy with the way things are at the moment.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- December 2015/16

Ah baws, 3 games and 3 losses. After such a good start to the season my team loss 3 on the trot and it was three teams above me in the league. No plus points at all here.

So that's us down to 6th in the league and 8 points off the play off positions. The middle of the table is beginning to bunch up and the top three are running ahead with it. Poor old Jerez and Betis, it cant get much worse for them.

Managers Thoughts

Where to go from here? The transfer window open at the start of January but I dont know what to bring in. I may see what free transfers are available and get a bit of depth to this squad. I've got nearly 4k to play with on the wage bill so things are looking good there. Hopefully a little upturn in results will come my way and I can get some points together and move up the league a little. This month has been just depressing.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- January 2015/16

This is more like it. 4 wins and one loss. The loss was a hard one to take. We crumbled against a mid table team and I wasnt happy about it. I seem to see the pattern that I need to score first and score more than one and then my players are happy.

The wins got me back in with a shout of forth place. It looks like its going to be me and two other teams fighting for that coveted 4th place finish. Meanwhile, its neck and neck at the top of the league and it could make for an exciting few months till the end of the season all round. The fight for first, the fight for forth and the fight not to finish last.

Managers Thoughts

I brought in one first eleven player and 4 youngsters who make good subs during this transfer window all on free transfers. They arent too much to shout about, just make up the numbers more than anything but it seems to have done the trick. Or maybe that was just a difficult few games in December. Still its good that my players didnt crumble and just stuck their heads down and got on with the task at hand. I need to get big points now because its a hard couple of months at the end of the season with me facing all the top teams again.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- February 2015/16

There's always one isn't there. Instead of winning every game this month. My team decide its not worth the hassle of making life easy and let Granada beat them. I dont know why. We should have beaten them easily and they just took the back seat against them. I suppose thats what you get in the lower leagues. Still averaging two goals a game isnt to be laughed at. At least something is going right.

A good solid month has pushed us back into contention. We could have done with beating Granada but why split apples and pears. It'll all come out in the washing at the end of the season. Im liking how much we are scoring but its the same old story as back in Portugal; my teams cant seem to defend. We are in with the big boys and it looks like we are putting up a right good fight for forth place and that will do me. Getting that promotion play of place is the first step and then after that we can think about the giant killing. I really want promotion and I think I have the team to do it.

Managers Thoughts

There isnt much more to add. The scores are coming well, the points are coming good. I feel like we're doing enough to win a play off place and once we have that I reckon we are in with a shout of promotion. It doesnt matter how competitive or not this team will be next year, I'll worry about that next year. This year is only about promotion.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- March 2015/16

An almost perfect month. Drew against a mid-table team. It was good to win the game against Vacindario, they are a point above us now and the Jerez game was just a formality.

The table is looking rather good sitting in 4th place. I've pulled away from Roquetas and looking to stay here. Almeria have a play-off place already and unless something goea very wrong they will win the league. The bottom four team look like they are staying in the relegation zone and even Alcala seem to have left it to late for a last minute push.

The English striker I brought in on a free transfer at the start of the season has just broken the teams goal scoring record. Here's to more of the same from him.

Managers Thoughts

The last 7 games in April and the start of May are going to be tough. I'm playing against the teams in 1st, 2nd, 5th. 7th and even 9th who will be looking to make a last gasp rush for the 4th place play-off spot. If I can stay injury free and not have any morale busting results then I reckon I'm in with a good shout of getting a shot of the Promotion Play-off this season. So here goes nothing.....

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- April 2015/16

We did it...just. After such a good season we seemed to bottle it and play like we didnt want a playoff place. We scraped wins and held out for draws and lost a couple of games we should have won and didnt look convincing in the slightest. Seems like I should be worried.

So there you have it. We got 4th place by two points. It was a close call. I thought we were going to throw it away. Almeria walked the league and the bottom four teams just werent any competition. To the play offs we go.

Managers thoughts

The team need to forget about that final month. We stunk. I know we can play some very good football and we need to do just that to get through a tough couple of stages to the higher league. We're up against a team that finished 2nd in their division so its going to be tough but we've shown that we can give anyone a good game.

End of Season Awards

My top scorer just missed out on first place in the leagues top goalscorer trophy. A good first try. I'm sure we'll get it next season.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- Play-offs 2015/16

Absolutely gutted. We chucked in the towel in the first leg. After going 1-0 up we crumbled and lost three goals by halftime. The second leg was more of a fight but we had to score 3 goal at least so it was an uphill battle we couldnt win. To top it all off the player for Huesca to put 3 of their goals past me was a player I sold to them when I was manager of Famalicao.

Managers Thoughts

I'm absolutely devastated to lose in the Play-offs so badly. I could honestly just chuck it all in. I'm hurting bad on this one. Especially after the great season the team had. To go from a team that expected to fight relegation with no real decent player to a team in the play offs was great but to go on and get put out like that just hurts. I dont know where to go from here. A new team? A new country? I just dont know.

The team lost money this year. Hopefully a wee cup run will bring in the Pounds next season.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- September 2016/17

The board set a minimum standard of a top half finish this season and I grasped it with open arm. I'll definitely manage this quite easily. Again getting promotion is the hard bit and I'm sure the team will do their best this season in the playoffs and not be the total let down they were just there. A 200k transfer budget is neither here nor there. The kind of player I can bring in isnt worth spending that much on. Free transfers seems the way forward at the moment.

So there you have it. Those snivelling, dirty, rotten bunch of amateur prima donnas have went and kicked me right in the wotsits yet again. Not only do they embarrass themselves and not even try in last seasons promotion playoffs but they repaid my staying with the team and not walking out on the bunch of filthy pigs by standing back and let a worse team win 3-0 in their own ground. I really have lost it with this lot. I hate my team with a passion. I cannot wait till the transfer window opens and I'm able to replace them. They do me or themselves absolutely no favours and the 2-1 loss in the league to Melilla was a total farce.

We're sitting second but we should be sitting top undefeated. I'm not chuffed.

Managers Thoughts

I think I've made myself pretty clear what I think about my team. I hadnt forgiven them for the performance in the promotion playoffs and they done me over again in the early rounds of the cup. There will be changes in January, you can be sure of that.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- October2016/17

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This is why I hate my team. They are spineless cowards. They score 13 goals in 4 games and then go and switch off against the second bottom placed team that have only won one game previous to this one and fail to score. Its embarrassing. There's nothing more to it. The players dont want to listen and they cant be told.

At least we have a promotion play off place still. Thats the only positive I can take from this table so far.

Managers Thoughts

Sitting in second place with three loses doesnt make for a happy manager. We have lost 3 easy games. The team should be top of the table undefeated. Its the same old story. I'm going to have to get on some better midfielders or something. This lot just seem to switch off away from home. Its killing me.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- November 2016/17

We did it, but its not time to wet myself yet. Five games and five wins. I knew we could play this good, I just hope we can keep this run going. 15 goals scored and three goals let in. We have a few different people scoring too which is pleasing.

We've pulled it back to two points behind the league leaders and I expect us to keep charging on. Our defence looks good as does our goal scoring ability. Its justs the usual suspects chasing us for the promotion places but I believe we have a good chance of winning the league this year. New boys Castillo look like they are going straight back down, no questions asked.

Managers Thoughts

Things are looking up. My team are beginning to redeem themselves to me after their early cup exist and last season playoff embarrassment. They arent quite there but its a start. I want us to keep this winning run going and for us to steamroller this division. I dont expect big changes as yet in the transfer window but there is a month to go for the team to change that mindset.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- December 2016/17

My team are just a bunch of dirty, vile pigs and I wish each and everyone one of them a slow and painful death. They can beat the teams in 2nd and 3rd place in the league by 2 clear goals but the manage to get themselves put out yet another cup competition going into a second leg match 4-2 up. On top of that they go and lose the 4th and 6th place teams by a goal just to make things difficult for themselves. I hate them.

I'm beyond caring where we are in the league. I fully expect this shower of players to win the league and lose in the first round of the promotion playoffs just so they dont get themselves put out a steady job by doing something stupid like getting the team promoted to a higher division.

Managers Thoughts

I hate this team. I only wish there was a winter break in Spain so that I could majorly overhaul the team. I'd quite happily release the lot of them and get in some players that actually put in one sodding bit of effort. I've lost 4 games away from home already and let in double the amount of goal away than in home games and that is totally unforgivable. Starting from now any player that ranks less than 6.0 in the 1st half of a game is getting subbed and fined 1 weeks wage and any player that ranks less than 6.0 at full time is getting fined 2 weeks wages. At least that way if they cant be bothered playing then I wont be bothered to pay them for their lack of effort. I'll be bringing in as may new players as I can in this transfer window as I can but I wont be swapping one talentless hack for another. I'll drag promotion out this team if I have to do it kicking and screaming.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- January 2016/17

Slightly better but not much. We didnt win every game but on the plus side we didnt lose. We scored 9 and let in 4. The two draws we got show how inconsistent we are and I'm far from happy about.

We are two points ahead now. Going in the right direction. I think my biggest challenger is myself. We are eithere winning this or throwing it away. Poor old Castillo, not in with a shout in this league. Their season cant end fast enough.

Managers Thoughts

I'm far from happy with this team, they are their own worst enemy. Away from home they are just God awful. They even know how good they are it seems they just want to turn on the style when they need to against the big teams. It's got to the stage where I've decided that if I dont get through this promotion playoff successfully then I'm going to retire from management. The gauntlet has been thrown down, the standard has been set. Its promotion or my career.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- February 2016/17

What the hell!!! Just, what the hell?!! My team are a total joke. 1 win in a month. Thats all the snivelling pigs could muster their prima donna butts to do. I dont even understand how they heck they can live with themselves after that joke of a 3-3 draw with Castillo, the bottom team. This league title could have easily been sown up by now.

Back down to 2nd place. This lot are going backwards. They dont deserve to win the league and God knows if they will. They can of they want to but we'll need to see of they get the finger out.

Managers Thoughts

Looks like Im going to have to start blowing smoke up this lot arses to get them to play all the time. Fines have been flying around left right and centre for poor performances. Players have been dropped for games but do they care? Do they heck. They must want me to massage their egos and tell them everything is wonderful and that its OK to drop points against donkey teams and that its OK to only show up for the big games. I very nearly chucked in the towel and retired just now but nothing will give me more pleasure than to see this sorry lot get promoted so I can release the lot of them on free transfers and watch them walk down to that benefits agency and plead for a job in one of Lanzarotes Grey Goose soaked bars.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- March 2016/17

3 wins and loss. The team are looking good again. This is how it should be all the time but maybe without the loss.

4 points behind the league leaders with a game in hand and 6 games after that to go. Scary stuff. The bottom four are staying there, no escape.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- April 2016/17

So there we have it, the last 7 games of the league campaign. We fought hard and we fought well... OK, well-ish. We could and should have done better but we did good enough. We stuck it right up Universidad LP and won the league. It was sweet to win the league over our fellow Canary Islander but it shouldnt have been close. I think my players got a back hander off the TV company to make the league exciting. Plenty of goals scored and a couple of bad losses to start the month. It all made for an exciting end to the campaign.

The rest of the league looks good from up here. The top 5 teams fought hard to get a playoff spot while the bottom 4 must have favoured the Sangria. They just plain stunk.

Managers Thoughts

The hard work isnt out the way. Winning the league is just for your name on a trophy and ow I have a couple of promotion rounds to go. There are two rounds all involving the 4 teams that won the 4 Second Division Leagues, its going to be hard but I'm sure these cowboys can give it a good go after last years farce.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- May/Pre-Season 2016/17

So we beat Villarreal B 4-0 over two legs and then go and get beat 3-1 in the playoff final. The home leg of the final was never going to amount to much. I never expected to go through but I thought at least we'd score a goal. Thats my team for you.Chalk and cheese.

But that doesnt matter. We're promoted. Turns out the promotion system in Spain is mental and us and that other team in the final get promoted. Its a barmy set up but it worked good for me.

Even the club legend never knew how good I was. He cant follow Portuguese football then.

Alcorcon have just been relegated to the division I've just got out of and see me as the man to get them back up. They offered me five times the wage Im getting now, increased the wage budget by about 6 times, and increased the transfer budget by about ten times.

A new chairman is coming in. Could mean the big bucks coming my way. Maybe he knows what I'm capable of. Maybe he knows I can make a European winning team.

A contract extension from the new chairman straight away. I must have been at the top of the things to do list. I can feel that transfer money coming my way. I'll be challenging Barca soon.

Maybe he's just a money grabbing glory hunter with nothing new to offer me and the fans.

Here's my new chairmans "war chest". Who knows what he thinks Im meant to do with that in the Spanish Leagues so avoiding relegation is my target. Thanks Boss.

Those pockets on the chairmans suit are deep and the biscuit tin is empty.

El skinto. Thats what the club is. Only I made it half a million is transfer money. Not good.

So its two weeks before the start of the season and what happens?

Thanks Mr Chairman. My first choice keeper is gone. So that means I need to get a new keeper in sharpish and cant be too fusy about it. A great buyover of the club so far its turned out to be.

Managers Thoughts

There has been a lot of comings and goings as promised at the club. I kept one or two of the more tolerable faces but they are firmly regarded as back up. I dont expect much in this campaign. I reckon I'll be doing nothing much more than making up the numbers.

I sold and released eight players and got £1.5 million for my troubles and bought in eleven players at a cost of £425,000. So a spit in the wind over a £1,000,000 on transfers. I'm quite chuffed with that. I even managed to bring in a 17 year old Argentinian goalkeeper who is now one of the best keepers in the league for the grand old price of £7,000.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- Septemner 2017/18

It was going to be a tough start to the season. The first three games were away from home. Away from our wonderful fans I didnt expect much at all. I thought we would get gubbed and for our first home game our morale would be so lo we'd be better off not turning up. But lo and behold. My wheeling and dealing in the transfer market paid off. Getting rid of most of those jokers from last season helped. Two league wins and a Spanish Cup win in our first three games was the stuff of dreams and set us up nicely for the impossible task of playing Racing Santander. We fought hard but suffered our first defeat of the season. We then went on to draw with the team that beat us in the Play-off finals last year. It made for good TV.

The tavle is looking quite handy for us just now. We're sitting a win a way from the top. It feels good, even this early in the season. I dont expect us to be anywhere near here at the end of the campaign but the fact there are still teams on no points makes me feel like relegation will be easily avoided. We are having yet again another leaky defence season. Its either my tactics or I the fact I like crappy defenders.

Managers Thoughts

For me, this season is one where I try to improve the teams stature in the footballing world so I can get in some better players. If for some reason promotion does come along I will grab it with open arms but I can t see that happening. I need to work on bringing more Spanish players because at the moment I only have 4 or 5 in my first team and I dont like that. However, that is the nature of my transfer system at the moment. Bring them in for free or thereabouts and move them on a season or two later. Once the board decides I've made it enough money then I will concentrate on bringing through youth players but thats not going to happen soon.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- October 2017/18

Numanica turned on the style for the TV cameras and we got beat heavily 4-0 away. I expected to lose but not this bad. But we picked ourselves up nice and won the next three games and then finished the month with another 4-0 gubbing away from home.

We're floating around the top third of the table but it feels like we could fall apart anytime. I'm 8 points of the relegation places so Im happy. The bottom teams look horribly bad.

Managers Thoughts

I dont really mind how this season goes so the heavy defeats are nothing too me. I reckon we will come good and finish high mid table. My team seem very delicate at the moment and I'm sure a collapse of some sort will come but I'm ready to pick up the pieces and push them on their way.

[chickenbroncitis]

U.D. Lanzarote - Spanish Second Division - B4- November 2017/18

A big Cup win at home against Osasuna to start the month. Which set us up nicely to get a win and a draw in the next two games which we were expected to lose. On the return leg at Osasuna we got beat up bad. Out the Cup now. Four goals they put past us. We had no chance. The heads dropped and against Ferrol we were 2-0 up at halftime and threw away all three points. Disappointing.

Twelve game in and we are sitting 6th on 20 points. We are slipping further behind the top 3 which was expected but I hope to keep up the push. I'm well and truely breaking away fro those relegation places and they are no longer a worry. Onwards and upwards for us.

Managers Thoughts

I'll see if its worth bringing in any new players during the January transfer window or if I should hold onto the money and hope my team is a little more appealing prestige wise at the end of the season. Everything is going far better than expected which is good and I hope to keep it going. I'm letting in more goals than I'm scoring which is a worry but being this far up the table its just a sign that when we get beat, we get beat bad. I'm not too worried about that now, I can change that in the close season.

[chickenbroncitis]

Its not good news time. This save keeps crashing now and I'm pretty sure I have no other copy of apart from my last day managing in Portugal. I dont think I will carry on with this save. Probably just start a new career somewhere. But maybe one day I'll pick up the save continuing from Portugal. I could be a time travelling manager.