[FM 18] If You're Not First, You're Last (Re-Redux) - Redemption for the "Nearly Men" of Europe

[rodesire]

9 minutes ago, MadCatPT said:

I think the Ghana football association president caught his little princess with Ansah and to pretend his little princess is not a woman he just tell his managers that Ansah doesn't exist. 

[ManUtd1]

1 hour ago, MadCatPT said:

I think the Ghana football association president caught his little princess with Ansah and to pretend his little princess is not a woman he just tell his managers that Ansah doesn't exist. 

Why didn't I think of this...I'm slipping... 

Edited October 23, 2018 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

1 hour ago, rodesire said:

WE'RE DRAWING WITH FULHAM, LADS.  TAKE THAT, CITY!!!

[ManUtd1]

 

[ManUtd1]

England 2032; European Championships Review

Respect.  That's what this tournament was all about.  No one was going to give it to us.  We had to take it.

We sent out the 2nd XI to face Georgia, calculating that our 1st XI would need the legs towards the latter stages of the tournament...it wasn't pretty, but a 1-nil win will do us just fine.  Especially when a rested 1st XI walk out to smash Turkey a few days later, ensuring our progression to the knockout stages.  In a flight of fancy, we played the 2nd XI against Russia who were forced to field a tired squad, resulting in a 3-nil win for the good guys.

And how precious those well-rested legs would be, as we drew the worst possible opponent for the Second Round -- a frustrated, struggling France.  Sure, they'd been terrible up until that point, but they were a strong side even if they were exhausted.  It was a close match, but we pulled through with the help of the extra energy in our legs -- after all, it was only the second time our 1st XI had started a match in England.  Serbia gave us a run for our money in the quarterfinals, but our quality saw us through.  Ukraine in the semifinal?  A tougher match than one might first think, seeing as how they'd just eliminated Ze Germans...but we were in complete control, even if it took until extra time for a rotated squad to finish them off.

Meaning we'd face Spain in the final...a strong Spanish squad, who would seek to control the match...and did.  We held firm, looking to hit them on the counter until Nicolas was sent off in the 88th for a professional foul...a clear red, advantage to Croatia.  And we took our chance in the 109th, with Antic burying after a brilliant run from Janjis.  It was our only shot on goal all match.  Our offense may have misfired on the night, but the quality of our backline (conceding 2 goals in 7 matches, with 6 shutouts) carried the day.  Spain may wish to claim the moral championship, but we're the ones going home with the title of European Champions.

  

 

   

 

[rodesire]

Somewhere in a dark corner of Manchester, The Dull One has a drink with Diego Simeone to toast your defensive performance.

[ManUtd1]

Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- Gladbach Squad Review, July 2032

2 years into my tenure in Germany and we're in great shape.  This is a bit overdue, as I'm pretty sure I intended to do one a year ago (in-game) and just never got around to it thanks to work-related travel.  So, without further ado, here are Die Fohlen.

Goalkeepers

  

Pretty straightforward here.  Mvelase has been my starter, but isn't likely to be pulling up trees any time soon.  Roguljic is a promising young Croatian, playing with our 2nd XI.  Tas is a 15 year-old that my coaching staff are really excited about...but he's got a long ways to go.

Bottom line, we're not in bad shape here, but don't have an obviously world class player (or prospect) in the team.  This may be a position we invest in.

Defenders

           

The starting CBs are Lundh (who was one of the youngsters in my ill-fated Swedish squad), Salomonsson and Larsen, with Kallenbach and Kone as the wingbacks.  Siljic, Traore and Del Gaudio were my 2nd XI CBs last year; Lipka was signed this summer to slot into the 2nd XI in place of Del Gaudio (who will likely go out on loan).  Quartey is the backup right wingback...he'll be a squad player at best, long-term.  Djurikin is a converted winger that I have really high hopes for as a left wingback.  Okechukwu could be immense at right wingback.

Lots of promising talent in this group.  The question will be how much potential they truly have, and whether they can take us to the next level.  I think it will be hard to improve this lot without paying big money (or buying some youth player who develops).  I've had a few attempted signings decide to go elsewhere, but I'm not too bothered by it.

Central Midfielders

      

Very solid here in midfield, with Peruvian wonderkid Zubczuk in the mezzala role, paired with Croatian midfielder, Smoljan.  Zubczuk was signed on an end-of-contract deal, with a $150k option to make it immediate...which I obviously took up.  Smoljan was a much pricier buy from Partizan at $19.25M, but has the ability to be in our midfield for the next decade-plus -- he is so good I didn't have a moment's hesitation in selling Bindewald to Bayern for $43.5M plus incentives).  Glavas-Mrsic is the backup mezzala; Coenen will step into the carrilero for the 2nd XI.  Engler is one for the future -- a natural forward who can play in the midfield...could make for a solid mezzala.  Brummer is another one for the future -- could play in the middle or at left wingback.

Meskell is brilliant...from one of my favorite places to poach players, the Austrian Centre of Excellence.  He'll arrive in January and already has 5 Caps at age 17...even if he doesn't develop, I'll be able to move him on for good money.

 

Attacking Midfielders

       

Up top, we've got Ristov flanked by Kolarov and Boris Ivankovic.  Ristov is a Serbian genius who we signed from Metalac -- the ****s wouldn't sell him to me at Partizan, but I picked him up easily from Germany.  Kolarov used to be at Partizan but was sold to Valladolid in August 2026 (2.5 years after Bleu's arrival in Belgrade) to make way for promising youth...and it is all-but inevitable the same thing will happen here.  He's not terrible, it's just that he's not good enough for the long run.

In the 2nd XI, we've got Kuhn flanked by Prskalo and Mario Ivankovic.  Kuhn is a beast.  A monster.  He'll step into the 1st XI when Kolarov moves on.  Prskalo and Ivankovic are capable, promising youth.  Coban looks like he could be great...if he develops.  Yao will arrive next summer and also looks very promising.

Final Thoughts

2 years in and we're looking really good.  There's room for improvement at keeper and CB...and room for this young team to develop further.  We're in great shape for the next few years, no question.

[ManUtd1]

15 minutes ago, rodesire said:

Somewhere in a dark corner of Manchester, The Dull One has a drink with Diego Simeone to toast your defensive performance.

They'd be proud, no question.  Compact at the back and (often) deadly in the attack...just not in that final or against Ukraine.  We were not sharp at all.

[ManUtd1]

Oooh...I love it when this stuff starts to happen.  Thanks to Partizan and Crvena Zvezda making runs in Europe, Serbia has gained a 3rd CL place, with 2 automatic slots into the Group Stage.

 

[ManUtd1]

My DOF is a bit loony.  He typically tries to sign a bunch of washed-up 20 year-olds.  But then he brings me this gem, who's contract is nearly up.

 

I give him the benefit of the doubt and we've offered a contract...but at the same time, he's been pushing to sign this Cuervo kid all summer, after he was released by Barcelona.  The problem being, Cuervo is basically a slow Wilf Zaha.  Yet West Ham have just signed him on a $25k/week, 4 year deal.  Bonkers.  Say what you want, Cuervo's agent is a genius. Max is outside my office right now, furious at having missed this opportunity.

 

[ManUtd1]

Yaguno agreed to a $10.5k/week contract, and we were given a $94k "buy now" option.  A no-brainer.  I plan to loan him out this year and see where the chips fall next year.

 

[Edit: Ok, then...plans have changed.  I decided to offer out Mvelase at the same time as I offered Yaguno out for loan...and Freiburg wanted in.  Mvelase was going to move on eventually, so we'll just take care of that now.]

Edited October 23, 2018 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Back to Belgrade, lads...only this time they won't be waiting for us with open arms at the Itchy Kitty.

 

[ManUtd1]

Drake and I are putting the finishing touches on our gameplan for the Union Berlin match in a few hours, when Zlatan barges in.  "Boss, The Zlatan needs to speak with you."

Drake and I continue to stare at the tactics board, tweaking and adjusting.  Zlatan waits impatiently.

"Boss...we need to...did you see the U19s match against Bielfield this afternoon?"

Sighing, I turn to face him.  

"No, Zlatan.  We've been busy.  Preparing for the 1st team match."  I gesture at the tactics board, but Zlatan just scoffs.

"Is just Union Berlin.  We do not need tactics.  But, Boss..."  

Zlatan fidgets nervously.

"Out with it, Zlatan.  What is going on?"

"Max Brummer, yes?  The midfielder?"

My patience is all but lost.  "What about him?!"

"He score a very nice goal, 92nd minute.  His celebration was...ehh...how do you say...ehh... Phallic?"

My head begins to hurt.

"What do you mean, phallic?!"

"Oh no, it is not like that.  Brummer just celebrated by eating a schnitzel on the side of the pitch, in very erotic way.  It was very alluring, even for The Zlatan."

"Ok, so that's just dumb.  What's the problem?"

"Well, Boss, after the match...ehhh...Brummer, he gave press conference, yes?"

"He's in the U19s, what business does he have giving press conferences?!"

"Exactly the Zlatan's point, Boss.  You see, he was calling the press conference to announce his new name and personal sponsorship."

"Ok, the kid is too big for his britches.  A few weeks of kickboxing sessions with you should knock him down to size... Just tell Max to get in here."

"But, Boss.  That is the problem, see...he is no longer Max."

"Excuse me?"

"He...ehh...sign a contract with that schnitzel shop, changed his name.  That was the press conference."

"He...what?!"

"Yes.  He is now corpo-humanoid, spokesperson for the brand."

"Just...tell Max to get his skinny **** in here, please."

"Wienerwald, Boss.  That is new legal name. Wienerwald.  We can be sued for defamation and trademark violations if we do not use it properly."

As if this was the first thing he hears, Drake pipes in, asking if we're having schnitzel for dinner.  "**** off, John."

 

 

Edited October 24, 2018 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Zlatan's refusal to call Max by his new name has proven disastrous. His trademark goal celebration (seductively eating schnitzel) has gone viral. The memes are epic.

The club has been hit with multiple lawsuits alleging violations of corpo-humanoid rights, discrimination against corpo-humanoids... The list goes on and on. 

The Board has demanded accommodations. We must relent.

Wienerwald is here to stay.

We can only hope that the clock is ticking on his 15 minutes of fame. That this media furor is the end, not the beginning.

[ManUtd1]

I don't go crazy.  I am crazy.  I just go normal from time to time.

Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- October 2032

We stand on the precipice of greatness.  I can feel it.  There is tremendous potential in the squad...we just need time and a bit of luck.  The start to the season has been ideal, but for the 2nd XI losing away to Koln, and an away draw to Roma.  Regardless, we're in tremendous shape both domestically and in Europe, with Partizan slated to visit Borussia-Park next...but only after we travel to Munich to play FC Hollywood in the Bundesliga.

Croatia struggled against Spain at the Maksimir, but that was always going to be a tough match as the visitors sought redemption for losing the Euros in extra time.

Far more concerning than anything on the field is Drake's increasingly erratic behavior.  He's been attending "classes" with Ilse at the compound of the "Leader" of her religious movement.  When she said Buddhist, I didn't have any concern -- Drake could use a little Buddha, after all.  But lately he's been talking about Reformed Neo-Buddhism as if that is, in fact, a real thing.  I'm more and more convinced with each passing day that it is nothing more than a wacko cult.  I think it was his "magic underwear" that convinced me...nothing that absurd could be "religious" in any respect.

   

[ManUtd1]

Poor Slavomir.  Mr. Horny just wants to manage Slovakia in peace.  Why can't you just let him do his thing?!  All of the unrelenting pressure, demands and expectations are bound to affect his performance in the big moment.  

 

[ManUtd1]

A massive night in Germany.  A massive win, that could have ended differently if Clement had buried his 2nd minute penalty instead of sending it into Row Z.

We were ruthless.  Make no mistake, however.  Messi and Partizan will be looking for payback in Belgrade.

 

[ManUtd1]

The pre-match festivities were necessarily muted...while this occasion marks our first return home since winning the Champions League -- the visit to **** Star last year doesn't quite count -- the cold, hard reality is that without a win tonight, Messi's side are staring at near-certain elimination from the Champions League.  

This, combined with the bitter taste of defeat from our 4-1 win 2 weeks ago in Germany mean that whatever love may be reserved for us in Belgrade was put aside for 90 minutes.  Plus stoppage time, naturally.

An epic match ensued and, if I'm being honest, Partizan could have easily run away with it in the opening stages when they had us utterly under the gun.  A 2-1 loss is far from ideal, but we're still in the driver's seat.  One point ahead of the Serbians, with the head-to-head tiebreaker.

For now, though, it is off to the Itchy Kitty and the CockPit for a night of celebration...if we'd won, I suspect we'd have had to barricade ourselves in the locker room, but instead our night is looking up in more ways than one.  At least, for everyone but Drake.

I jokingly referred to releasing him from his "magic underwear" in celebration tonight, but he got very defensive.  "It's not funny, Boss.  It's pejorative.  The 'cage' -- as you call it -- is a symbol of our inferiority and unworthiness before The Most Holy.  And I don't have the key, Ilse does." 

"John, it's literally a cage for your **** and balls, mate.  There's a key, for ****s sake."

"That's absurd.  It's a learning tool.  By associating arousal with extreme pain, my body will slowly learn that I do not deserve erotic satisfaction.  This is about prioritizing the spiritual, mate."

Zlatan is incredulous, and interjects.  "Do you not see, John?  The Zlatan sees it all!  You have locked your bait-and-tackle in prison!!!  You have been brainwashed by zee crazy German lady .  This reformed Budda-jism is nothing more than a cult!"

"REFORMED NEO-BUDDHISM IS NOT A CULT, ZLATAN!  IT'S A NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT THE WORLD!"

"They sold you a tube of jello and told you that your mother was in it, brother.  Is cult.  Simple as."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE ISN'T IN THERE?!  THAT IS SACRED GELATIN, YOU ****!!!"

This has gone far enough.  I have to calm them down.  We're a team after all.  And Stana and her friends are waiting for us at the Kitty.

"John, Zlatan...let's not let our emotions get the best of us.  Reformed Neo-Buddhism means different things to different people, and we can all debate--"

Drake doesn't let me finish, but at least he's calming down. "Yeah!  It emphasizes empowerment...like a...like a..."

Zlatan interjects, "like a video game?"

Drake nods.  "Exactly.  Exactly like a video game.  You gain levels and, at a certain point, you can actually eat a ghost."

"What?!?  The Zlatan wants to eat a ghost too, Boss."

Oh ****.   **** my life.

 

 

[BoxToBox]

22 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

As if this was the first thing he hears, Drake pipes in, asking if we're having schnitzel for dinner

I like how this guy thinks...

2 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

By associating arousal with extreme pain, my body will slowly learn that I do not deserve erotic satisfaction. 

I retract my previous statement.

[ManUtd1]

2 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

I retract my previous statement.

The scene from You're The Worst that helped inspire that aspect of Drake's current predicament is so amazing.

[ManUtd1]

If I wanted your opinion -- the opinion of a U21s goalkeeper coach -- on a promising first-team midfielder I've been grooming for years, Hrvoje, I'd beat it out of you.

And..."person 3" ... "male 1" ... what do you think this is, a crossword puzzle?!  You're on thin ice, Hrvoje.  Thin ice.  

 

Edited October 25, 2018 by ManUtd1

[wynter]

17 minutes ago, ManUtd1 said:

If I wanted your opinion -- the opinion of a U21s goalkeeper coach -- on a promising first-team midfielder I've been grooming for years, Hrvoje, I'd beat it out of you.

And..."person 1" ... "male 3" ... what do you think this is, a crossword puzzle?!  You're on thin ice, Hrvoje.  Thin ice.  

 

[ManUtd1]

1 minute ago, wynter said:

[HawkAussie]

If only it was that simple. If only

[ManUtd1]

I don't go crazy.  I am crazy.  I just go normal from time to time.

Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- November 2032

For those who think Croatia isn't ready to win it all at Japan 2034, I ask that you review the match footage from Gijon.  A remarkable 6-0 win, where we were utterly ruthless, a swashbuckling counterattacking gameplan executed to perfection against a top-class Spanish side.  

After the match, the pundits were referring to us as being the equivalent of a "French-Croatian-Swedish-Irish-hyrbrid Francis Drake."  Zlatan thinks this Franco lad played for Blackpool in the 70s.  I'm not so sure.  I think he captained the '66 World Cup side.  Drake has an uncle Francis, but he's barred from being within 100 meters of schools, playgrounds and parks...so we doubt they're referring to him.

 

[ManUtd1]

10 hours ago, HawkAussie said:

If only it was that simple. If only

[ManUtd1]

A remarkable night at the Camp Nou.  With Partizan away to Roma, we needed at least a point to ensure our progression, while a win would send us through as Group winners...alas, we couldn't hold off the heavy Catalan pressure.  But we go through at the expense of that fraudulent midget, who is managing Partizan right into the gutter, I tell you.  I mean, sure they're undefeated in the league during his tenure, but their goal difference is only +56 after 19 matches.  Shameful, that.

  

[ManUtd1]

I don't go crazy.  I am crazy.  I just go normal from time to time.

Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- December 2032

Our primary goal for the season has been met -- qualify for the Champions League knockout rounds, and we did it somewhat against the odds.  We'll face Diego Simeone's West Ham...a tough draw, but that's the nature of the beast, yeah?  We also reach the holiday break sitting atop the Bundesliga, much to our surprise.  I don't  know that we have the experience and depth  to continue challenging on both fronts, especially when we're still in the DFB-Pokal.  It's going to be a great start to 2033, that's for sure.

 

[ManUtd1]

Level of Discipline: 1.

 

[ManUtd1]

Why are Partizan calling me about an interv-- oh, man.  Leaving the glories of Belgrade for...Liverpool?  And to think I hated this **** before...now...just, no.

 

[ManUtd1]

And the madness continues.  Nagelsmann left Bayern Munich for Partizan. 

 

Maybe I've been too harsh on Julian...I should send him a fruit basket, taking back what I said about his sister.  It really was out of bounds, now that I think about it.

[MadCatPT]

4 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

And the madness continues.  Nagelsmann left Bayern Munich for Partizan. 

 

Maybe I've been too harsh on Julian...I should send him a fruit basket, taking back what I said about his sister.  It really was out of bounds, now that I think about it.

And that almost expired coupon for 5% off onion rings at the Itchy Kitty.

[ManUtd1]

2 hours ago, MadCatPT said:

And that almost expired coupon for 5% off onion rings at the Itchy Kitty.

Yeah, they won't start comp'ing him until he wins something.

[ManUtd1]

 

[wynter]

Poor Esquitini. Might be the lowest rating I've ever seen 

[ManUtd1]

11 minutes ago, wynter said:

Poor Esquitini. Might be the lowest rating I've ever seen 

3.6 is roughly 2 Taibis or, if we're using the metric system, 4 Kariuses.

As a side note, Bobby Manc is Koln's manager.  It's really a shame that we haven't had a rivalry develop this time around.

Edited October 27, 2018 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Men rarely see their own actions as unjustified.

Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- March 2033

Of all people, Diego Simeone must have known that we'd counterattack him.  Not the prettiest 2 legs in the history of the Champions League, but West Ham are going home...while we move on to face Tayfun Korkut's Atletico.

 

 

[ManUtd1]

Solid enough start to World Cup qualifying...not the scorelines I wanted, but 3 points are 3 points.

 

 

[ManUtd1]

Champions League quarterfinals...we need a strong start to the first leg, to go back to Madrid with some confidence...  A sublime start, not even 20 seconds into the match, the Spaniards haven't even touched the ball.  If we can keep this up, we'll win the first leg 270-nil.

 

[ManUtd1]

Absolutely unacceptable, on multiple levels.

 

[ManUtd1]

We fight like hell in Madrid but cannot complete the comeback...Glavas-Mrsic smashed the post in the 81st...it wasn't to be.  

But there's no time for self-pity.  We are away to Schalke on Saturday.

 

 

 

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Very unlucky against Atletico 

[ManUtd1]

59 minutes ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Very unlucky against Atletico 

Especially given how we started, two quick goals at home... This squad is so young, we've got a lot to look forward to. Our time will come.

Frankly, we were lucky to get past West Ham 

[ManUtd1]

I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those lead to actions. Actions make you tired.

Borussia Mönchengladbach / Croatia -- 2032/33 Season Review

When it came down to us versus the Smurfs, 90 minutes for the inside track to the Bundesliga title, the lads did not blink.  We took them apart 3-1 on the counter, incisive and lethal in transition.  At that juncture -- 8 points clear with 3 matches to play -- all we needed was a result against Dusseldorf at home to clinch the title, and we delivered in style.

Which means that our gaze must focus now on a European title...for we've vanquished our domestic rivals...but they'll be watching next year, waiting for us to slip.  Defending our title will prove to be as great a challenge as bringing home European silverware.

Goals for 2033/34: Defend our Bundesliga title.  Make a run in the Champions League knockout rounds..

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Bundesliga Fixtures (1)|Bundesliga Fixtures (2)|DFB-Pokal Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures

Champions League Review

A great year in Europe for the save, as the quarterfinals saw not just Gladbach, but Atletico and Shakhtar battling with more-established squads for a spot in the final.  And in the end...we've got a newly-eligible team.  Shakhtar Donetsk.  That's right.  At some point, Jean, Zlatan and Drake will have to travel east.

Sure, Mourinho's Manchester United won the title again (*cough*) but at least there was a silver lining this time.  I'm very excited about Shakhtar, as I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I managed in Ukraine.

 

Challenge Overview

 

Edited October 28, 2018 by ManUtd1

[ManUtd1]

Fantastic showing, but I have to say that going to penalties twice in a row may have broken Drake's brain...he's been acting strange this past few weeks.  Both Zlatan and I have noticed it, but neither of us can figure out what exactly it is.

But we've no time to worry about it -- we've got 2 World Cup qualifiers in a matter of days, followed by the Confederations Cup.

  

 

[ManUtd1]

Tired legs meant that we ran out of gas against Romania.  A draw suits us just fine, though.  We're very much on track to qualify.

The Confederations Cup kicks off in 2 weeks...

  

 

[ManUtd1]

Japan 2033; Confederations Cup Review

We've had a long, never-ending series of matches with Croatia.  Nations League semis and final going to penalties, 2 World Cup qualifiers, and then a trip to Japan for a series of glorified friendlies.

But friendlies we wanted to win.  Lots of minutes for both the 1st and 2nd XI.  And Juric took his chance by scoring 5 against Japan in the semifinals, bringing his tally to 26 in  30 internationals, a remarkable run for 21 year-old now plying his trade at PSG.  Even though we were on tired legs, there's no question that we were in Japan with a purpose.  And, as a squad, we came home triumphant.  The real question being whether we can duplicate this performance in one year's time.

Drake is still acting strange.  It'll be good to get back to Germany for the Gladbach pre-season training camp.

    

  

[Rikulec]

Smashing performance.

[ManUtd1]

5 hours ago, Rikulec said:

Smashing performance.

Thanks, man!  It was a good run of fixtures that have left me very optimistic for the World Cup next year. No doubt we have the ability, just need a little luck. 

[ManUtd1]