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[FM 18] If You're Not First, You're Last (Re-Redux) - Redemption for the "Nearly Men" of Europe


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The man who wants nothing is invincible, cabrón.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- July 2025

After several rounds of celebratory tequila, Drake is on board.  To Mexico!  Vamos, ya!

Or something like that...

With the United States hosting the 2026 World Cup, qualifying in CONCACAF is even more straightforward than usual.  Complacency had set in, evidenced by a horrid showing at the Confederations Cup which did for my predecessor.  El Tri need a kick in Los Dos, if you know what I mean.

It's the job we were born to take.  No, not kicking people in the...  You know what, you're cut off, John.  No more tequila.

Ok, just one more...

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Stumbling out of the Itchy Kitty, I can't help but smile.  Everything is looking up. Even Stana... Sure she was dancing for the room tonight, but it felt like she only had eyes for me... That counts for something, doesn't it? Maybe I have a chance after all...

Now... Where did I park... Ahh... Yes. There it is...

But before I can take 10 stumbling steps, I see a shadowy figure lounging against my car. Smoking.

He mumbles something at me... Utter gibberish. Probably just a drunken supporter... I respond in broken Serbian, wishing him well and thanking him for his support. 

He looks vaguely familiar as he nods amiably and walks away, but I can't place it...

Unlocking my door, my back to him now, my world shatters in an instant, with a casual word.

"Perhaps in French, Monsieur Bleu, yes? Hungarian never was your strong suit, unless she was U16, no?"

I begin to sweat.

Mumbling in broken Serbian, I protest. "You must be mistaken, kind sir, perhaps we talk another time?" 

"There's never a time like the present, Jean. You're a hard man to find, after all. And, might I inquire, what language are we speaking?"

French. Cursed tequila! I'm not sober enough for this conversation...

"You see," the man continues, stepping into the light, "once I saw the announcement for Mexico, I knew. I had my suspicions before, but there you were... Clear as day."

My world crumbling around me, I stutter. Trying to find the words to explain. To deflect. To buy some time...I need to call Drake, but I'm relatively certain he's passed out in the ladies' restroom after too many appletinis...

"It is too late to beg, Jean. Do you think I'm the only one looking for you? The only one who has figured it out? No, like Icarus, you flew too close to the sun this time.  You should have stayed in Oostende. By this time tomorrow, the world will know that 'Zenon Beled' is but a mask. I just wanted to see your face, when it all came crashing down."

And it's in that moment when I recognize him.

Amelie's father. ****.

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The good news is that neither Partizan nor Mexico have fired me... Sure, the Board screamed at me for an hour and I was visited by two menacing, Mexican brothers -- twins -- one of whom was dragging a silver axe around the entire time. 

They said very little, but the message was clear -- Mexico was demanding nothing less than a command performance from their new manager. After all, they thought they'd hired a hipster Hungarian, not a French felon. (Truth be told, the Partizan board kind of liked the notoriety, once they got done screaming...)

Threats of bodily harm aside... The French authorities at first were demanding my immediate extradition, so that I could serve what little remained of my sentence and stand trial for escaping prison. My agent has negotiated a compromise, though... Probation. Heavy fines. Community service. And a full psychological examination, followed by therapy.

I'm not so sure about the last, but I can't go back to Clairvaux. I won't go back.

To avoid that, I'll do just about anything.

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The new song heard 'round the terraces before kickoff is a bit...amusing isn't the right word.  Quite simply, the rowdiest contingent of our support seem to be reveling in my legal 'troubles' ... to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine," I have to admit it made me chuckle.

    You are my Uncle,

    You are my Daddy,

    You bring us prozzies, when skies are grey!

    You'll never know, Jean, how much we love you,

    Please don't take Uncle Daddy away!

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Exactly what we needed after 72 hours of utter madness.  I've barely slept with all the swings and roundabouts...  But tonight I will rest easy after a triumphant return in our first official match of the year, at home to the Finns.  The atmosphere was electric.  The football sublime.  We even managed to get young Cvejic on the pitch, and he repaid our faith with a late goal.  He's a good lad.

One year from now, we'll have shown our faces at the World Cup...we need to clean up our acts, focus.  If we thought the pressure was on before...I have a feeling we ain't seen nothing yet.

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Rumors of a new addition to the Partizan songbook, "Jean-y Zenon," to the tune of Johnny B. Goode.

    Deep down in Serbia, a club named Parti-zan,
    Way back up in the woods they get the party on!
    There stands our manager, French-Hungarian,
    He’s our Uncle Daddy named Jean-y Zenon!

    Go go
    Go Jean-y go go
    Go Jean-y go go
    Go Jean-y go go 
    Go Jean-y go go
    Jean-y Zenon

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7 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

As long as you got a call a minute in advance, you'd have been fine.

Fortunately, the violence was only implied this time. Next time Jean might not be so lucky, and would appreciate a heads-up.

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18 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Exactly what we needed after 72 hours of utter madness.  I've barely slept with all the swings and roundabouts...  But tonight I will rest easy after a triumphant return in our first official match of the year, at home to the Finns.  The atmosphere was electric.  The football sublime.  We even managed to get young Cvejic on the pitch, and he repaid our faith with a late goal.  He's a good lad.

One year from now, we'll have shown our faces at the World Cup...we need to clean up our acts, focus.  If we thought the pressure was on before...I have a feeling we ain't seen nothing yet.

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Computer crashed and somehow I hadn't saved this match. Had to replay it this afternoon... We still won 4-1, thanks to a Milanovic hat trick. Cvejic got his debut, but didn't score.

RNGeebus is displeased, maybe a sacrifice is in order.

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It's about time.  2025, and you'd think that iPads wouldn't be too much to ask for.

But, no.  The club has been using Serbian knockoffs, iPhads, which come pre-loaded with 87 recipes featuring cabbage.

We're moving up in the world.  iPads for everyone!

Well, for Dragan and Milos, at least.  Everyone else just has to look over their shoulders.

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5 hours ago, john1 said:

Holy ****, what a group :eek: At least money will be tripled with big boys coming to your grounds.

Yep.  We'll get our heads kicked in and count the cash.  About all we can do.  The only way we qualify for the EL knockout rounds is if Roma fall on their faces.

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That's Australia. She's not dim-witted, she just has trouble remembering to be smart.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- September 2025

The Federación is pleased.  We were sharp in our first 2 matches in charge, the lads seemingly adapting to our tactics well.  We should steamroll Jamaica and Costa Rica no matter what tactics we are playing, though, so...we can't get ahead of ourselves.  With the World Cup in Gringoland next year, much will be expected of El Tri -- especially seeing as how the core of this team finished as runners-up in China 2022 and the younger generation had already stepped in before my arrival.

Back in Serbia, we're on a roll.  The 2nd XI has taken care of business and it already looks to be a 2-horse race for the title with **** Star.  Big year ahead...and the first Champions League match is on the horizon, as we host Allegri's Barcelona on Matchday 1.

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Quality entertainment at the Azteca.  Interestingly enough, T&T scored their two goals after switching to a narrow/diamond 442, thus conclusively proving for all eternity that complaints about 3-striker tactics are without merit.

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I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- October 2025

Turns out that my post-match remarks about Trinidad & Tobago's tactics have not gone over well with the hipster bloggers, YouTubers and the like, with Gerard Pique and Steven Gerrard taking particular offense during on their BBC Radio podcast "Gabbing with Ger(r)ard."  They're adamant that playing 3 up top is a legitimate tactic...I shouldn't have called in.  I'm now banned for no reason.  No reason at all!  All I did was ask a question about how Stevie Me's mom would fare, "taking on 3 at a time," insinuating she'd do just fine, thank you very much, based on her extensive experience in this area.  I don't see the problem, honestly.  It was just a question.  Out of order?  I'm out of order?  You're out of order, Stevie-boy.

Domestically we dropped points but took care of business when **** Star came to our house for a key match.  They're going to push us hard, obviously.  But we have every reason for optimism, especially after stealing 2 points in Rome.

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I knew Mexico were in great shape when I arrived, but...48 games unbeaten?!  The 4th/5th round results from the 3 cycles speak volumes...including 2 wins over the USA 4 years ago in the 4th round.

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We were doing ok until Kingsley Coman ran past 4 players in the 57th minute to put United up 2-nil.  Granted, this was Mourinho's Manchester United, an absolute juggernaut, so perhaps we shouldn't be disappointed.

After the match I'm somewhat frustrated, but Drake is practically giddy...when we finally have a moment to chat privately, I ask him what in the name of Cristiano has him so pleased.

"I set up cameras in his hotel room, Boss."

"Who's hotel room, Drake?!"

"Mourinh--"

"--You did not."

"Oh, yeah.  Kompromat."

"Kompro--.  You can't do that."

"Sent him some of the ladies from the Itchy Kitty, too."

"Why would you do that?!"

"Never hurts to have the dirt on someone, yeah?  Leverage."

"Leverage for what?!"

"That Harry Kane scores ALL the goals.  Maybe Jose will want to offload him to keep certain watersports from becoming publicly-known."

"You... No... Just... No.  Promise me you won't... You can't have... THAT on video."

"Some things cannot be unseen, Boss.  And Jose was very...enthusiastic about it, shall we say? I think you've got the picture, yeah?!"

And to think I thought my headache was bad enough already...

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United are stacked...

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A little more than 15 to play, and Drake wanders over to Mourinho.  We're trying to hold on for a point, as United look to break through.

As he walks away, Mourinho's jaw is on the floor, his face ashen.

"What did you do, you son of a bi--"

"Nothing."

He tries to walk off, but I grab his arm.  Insistent.

"What did you do?!?!"

Drake looks serious, more serious than I've ever seen him.  And then he cracks a smile and leans into whisper conspiratorially.

"I told him that Stana and I each drank 2 gallons of water at halftime, and would meet him in the director's box after the match."

**** my life.

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Credit to Drake, he got into Jose's head.  Ndidi lost the plot, so we had a chance to nick all three points but I'll gladly walk away from this hallowed ground with a point.

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I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- November 2025

All of my confidence over how Mexico are performing, shattered over the course of 90 minutes in Maturin.  Don't ask me, I didn't schedule it.  A friendly away to Venezuela?  But...why?

48 hours later, we dominated Gambia with a heavily-rotated squad in Philadelphia.  Again, I'm asking...why?  I need to have a word with whomever scheduled these nonsense friendlies.

Fortunately, we'll now have a few months to focus on Partizan.  Advancing to the Europa League knockout round stages will likely hinge on Matchday 6, when we host Roma in Belgrade.  Before that, we have to travel to Barcelona...we can still qualify, without a doubt.  We just need 90 minutes of focus.

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Look at him.  All smug in his vest.  

The hipster manager of choice after his exploits in Russia, since then turning up in Burnley, Middlesborough and Leeds.  Of all places, Leeds?!  What an utter fraud.

What kind of name is "Gareth," anyways?  The smug fraud.  Wearing a vest.  A vest!!!  Like it's 2018.  What an idiot.

But after he drew us in Group B, out of Pot 2...I feel like I owe him an apology for all those nasty comments I've been posting on that Leeds forum under a pseudonym.  "Toothless Bob" and I have had quite the row, let me tell you...

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With 90 minutes gone, we were through to the Europa League knockout rounds by the skin of our teeth...  Alvaro f***ing Morata, I hope your **** falls off in the shower.

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I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- December 2025

All things considered, our performance in the Group Stage isn't something to be ashamed of.  Draws with Roma and away to United, a narrow 3-4 loss to Barcelona at the Camp Nou (albeit in a much more lopsided match than the score would suggest...), we can hold our heads high.  We're also primed for a domestic clean-sweep again, now that we can focus solely on the domestic competitions.

The real question is -- no, that's not it -- which players we can count on sticking around for the long haul.  Who is here to take us to the next level, versus who will want to move on (or, quite simply, isn't good enough).  We cannot be complacent.  We want and need more.  I'm not content with a Group Stage exit.  Not by a long shot.

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All these years of it happening on FM, and I'm still wondering how the **** does FM think Ronaldo will become a manager wandering around to random clubs like Anderlecht. I reckon your previous idea of him launching a celebrity reality show is much more likely.

That CL group was insane, tough luck there with the draw. Not so much there on the WC - no excuses for Mexico this time. ;) Don't get knocked out on the last 16. :D 

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3 hours ago, noikeee said:

All these years of it happening on FM, and I'm still wondering how the **** does FM think Ronaldo will become a manager wandering around to random clubs like Anderlecht. I reckon your previous idea of him launching a celebrity reality show is much more likely.

That CL group was insane, tough luck there with the draw. Not so much there on the WC - no excuses for Mexico this time. ;) Don't get knocked out on the last 16. :D 

No kidding. I loved Messi's managerial career trajectory the last time around - from managing Argentina... To relegation in Turkey with a random side... To an ignominious end at Cruz Azul in his 70s.

Ugh... Mexico was pretty good in my '17 save, massive underperformance, so frustrating... Thanks for reminding me :lol:

The good news being that if we progress we'll face someone from a very weak Group A. The path to the quarterfinals looks very promising. And, being in Group B means our schedule is less compressed than most. Will probably get to the Cup llate tomorrow or Wednesday. Can't wait :cool:

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On 23/09/2018 at 18:17, ManUtd1 said:

Quality entertainment at the Azteca.  Interestingly enough, T&T scored their two goals after switching to a narrow/diamond 442, thus conclusively proving for all eternity that complaints about 3-striker tactics are without merit.

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They deliberately got drubbed to make it seem like 3 striker formations aren't all-conquering doomsday tactics. 

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Wasing the where of needing.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- March 2026

I don't care what Drake says.  "Norwegia" is not a country.  And pho is not stew.  Silly, silly Irishman.

One thing is for certain...the Mexican defense is looking much leakier than it should, less than 3 months out from a major tournament...

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Our belief is often strongest when it should be weakest. That is the nature of hope.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- 2025/26 Season Review

That's the stuff, lads.  Finish strong.

Our disappointment in Europe did not stop us from dominating domestically, as we ran out the Super Liga and Kup in style, culminating in a 9-nil demolition of Spartak.  The perfect end to a strong season.

The sharks are circling, though, and we're almost certain to make a few changes over the summer.  Tie down key players on contracts, let a few others go for big money...the question being, who stays and who goes?  Some of that may hinge on our performance in the World Cup, as we'll want to bring in talented Mexican youth in the event that we aren't sacked...  The Federacion has extremely high expectations...and it is clear that we won't last in the job if we fail to meet them.  If we have to make room for non-EU players, there are only a few people we can legitimately move on...but they're among our top performers, so I'm reluctant to simply push them out the door.

Bottom line, we're going against all conventional wisdom and refusing to discuss transfers until after we return from Gringoland.  At which point, our stadium will finally be under construction, as we build for the future.

Goals for 2026/27: Win the Super Liga.  Reach the knockout rounds of a European competition.  Not embarrass ourselves at the World Cup.

Squad|League Overview|Finances Overview|Income Detail|Expenditures Detail|Transfers

Super Liga Fixtures (Prelim. Phase)|Super Liga Fixtures (Final Phase)|Kup Srbije Fixtures|Champions League Fixtures

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Champions League Review

Now, this is what I'm talking about.  As noted last year, West Ham and Leipzig appeared to be on the trajectory for gaining eligibility... And Eddie Howe's West Ham did one better this time around, eliminating Ze Germans at the quarterfinal stage and going on to win the entire thing.

So, the good news is that West Ham are not eligible and won't be.  The better news?  Celta is now eligible.  That's right -- Celta were snapped up by a tycoon from Chinese Taipei (who has since withdrawn funding once), and under the leadership of Heiko Heinrich finished 3rd in La Liga this year and are now eligible.  Galicia would be a lovely destination, no question...2e018042afa00fd4d2413e8f0d8aaf50.png 8f1fe8c181b2eadcfe18775f76692079.png

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Challenge Overview

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Ok, we have to take a quick glance at Europe before I can dig into the pre-World Cup friendlies with Mexico and do a squad review.

Chelsea finally broke the Manchester grip on the Premier League.  Leipzig finally broke through in Germany.  Genk took the title in Belgium, while Hammarby picked off another in Sweden.  Kind of meh everywhere else -- Madrid, Milan, PSG, Olympiacos.

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The real treat?  In the Europa League, Lionel Messi's Leverkusen claimed the title after a 3-2 win over Phil Parkinson's Arsenal.  Reports of Ronaldo crying in Anderlecht have yet to be confirmed, but no one is doubting their accuracy.

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It's only arrogance if you're wrong.

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FK Partizan Beograd / México -- Squad Review, World Cup 2026

Ok, the first World Cup I'm managing in, in the save.  Very pleased to be doing so with a strong Mexican squad that finished runners-up 4 years ago.  This could be a one-and-done, if things come together.

The pre-tournament friendlies confirmed my biggest fear -- we're great on the attack, leakly at the back.  (Granted, the 2 Jamaican goals were scored on my third-choice keeper, who has a 5 for decisions...)

Given that we have a straightforward Group and (if we advance) would have a relatively straightforward opponent in the 2nd round, anything less than the quarterfinal will be a massive disappointment, worthy of the sack.  At that point, it's 270 minutes of football...so anything can happen.  But I felt pretty confident when Hakan took Mexico to the World Cup in the 2017 version of this save, so...

We're not long-shots, but we're not the favorites.  Which is just fine.

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Goalkeepers

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Dortmund lad Gonzalez is my starter.  He's young, but head and shoulders above Romero and Gudiño.  If we were to loze Gonzalez for any reason, it'd be next to impossible to win the World Cup.  Romero may be a capable long-term backup, but Raul...he's experienced, and that's about all that I can say for him at this level.

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Defenders

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The starting central trio will be Montes, Reyes and Bautista, with Abundis and Quintanilla on the flanks.  Plascensia is a solid fill-in at right back, and Alvarez a steady hand as a backup CB.  The remaining players (Robles, Rico and Mondragon) are young and get the nod for future development...it isn't like the older players watching from home were any better.

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Central Midfielders

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This is where things start to look dangerous.  My starting midfield pairing will be Mendoza and Salas...both brilliant.  Former Gringoland youth player Gonzalez and Piñeda are the backups here, with the latter capable of playing in the deep-lying targetman, as/if necessary.

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Attacking Midfielders

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Up top, my 1st XI sees Vidal flanked by Garza and Lozano.  I nearly stuck Alvarado in there, in Lozano's place, but Lozano's mental attributes gave him the slight edge.  Montaño and Patiño also provide some solid depth, although the latter needs to develop for the long-term.

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Final Thoughts

While there are obvious areas for long-term improvement, this is a pretty strong squad.  I've left several older players home that could have provided depth...but they weren't much better than the younger/reserve players I brought along.

If we can keep it tight at the back, we should have the firepower to make a major run.  This isn't the best squad I've taken to a World Cup in '17/'18, but it's good enough to do the business...if RNGeebus is no longer mad at me, that is...

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USA 2026; World Cup -- Group Stage

No one expected Australia -- ostensibly the easiest match of the Group Stage -- to come out of the gate so hard...but once we gained our composure, we tore them to pieces.  An ideal start.  4-nil.

Austria were up next and -- on paper, at least -- they were our most dangerous opposition.  Having lost their opener to Wales, they needed a win.  We set out with the 1st XI, unchanged from the Australia match, knowing that we will likely need to rotate when facing the Welsh in a few days' time.  An early goal from Garza gave us some breathing room, so we sat back a bit deeper and looked to counter...only for Austria to level off of a long throw not 5 minutes later.  With Austria controlling play and creating chances, we needed to tweak things and implemented a higher press...which brought the match back into balance and resulted in our 2nd, through Vidal.  Austria managed to pull level, but in the end a draw was likely a fair result on the night.  Either way, we're one step closer to qualification for the second round. 

But after Australia beat Wales in a 2-1 shocker, anything was possible.  Having started the 1st XI in consecutive matches, tired legs demanded a rest.  Our 2nd XI would need to step up...Alvarado buried an early penalty, which set the tone.  When Pineda buried the 2nd, we could breathe more easily.  A third followed, Alvaro's second on the night, at which point we sat back to conserve energy.  We're through as Group champions with 9 goals for, only 2 against.

The neutrals will be disappointed, however, as the United States drew with Uruguay a few hours later, meaning that Gringoland would go through at the top of Group A, denying a knockout round match with El Tri.  Instead we'll face Uruguay, no easy meat.

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Let's all laugh at England, shall we?!  They started well, but a 1-nil loss to Jamaica, followed by a 2-0 loss to Colombia, and Sean Dyche is taking his lads home early.  Serbia were also a mess.  Belgium lost 2 (including a crazy 4-3 loss to DR Congo) but still managed to get out of Group F.

Full credit to New Zealand, though, who nearly advanced after beating Chile 1-nil and drawing with Senegal...the 7-0 loss to Portugal was pretty brutal.

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To the 2nd round we go!!!  Some tasty draws in there, with Italy-France, Argentina-Colombia, Portugal-Spain and Brazil-Belgium looking particularly tasty.

Edited by ManUtd1
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USA 2026; World Cup -- Second Round

We start strong and are finding chances, but no joy.  Uruguay have one chalked off in the 29th minute, having buried it against the run of play.  We go into the half scoreless, in complete control, but lacking the finishing touch that has defined this side.  We must do better.

Garza smashes the crossbar in the 56th...enough is enough, lads.  Find the back of the net, for ****'s sake... AND SALAS FLICKS HOME FROM THE ENSUING CORNER!!! DRIVEN TO THE NEAR POST!!!  THAT'S THE BREAK WE'VE NEEDED!!!

Mere minutes later, and we're back in the soup.  Mendoza.  A 2nd yellow.  He argues, but it is useless.  We hold firm...the minutes pass slowly.  In the 91st, we win a late free kick and after wasting a few precious moments, loft the ball into the mixer...Salas is driven to the ground.  Penalty.  Salas with the honors...and he rifles it home, into the top corner.

That's the match.  We're through to face Ernesto Valverde's Spain.

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All told, this is shaping up sooooo nicely...

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Edited by ManUtd1
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USA 2026; World Cup -- Quarterfinals

Against a strong Spanish side, we set out in our standard formation, but sitting deep and looking to hit them on the counter.  For the 1st 20 minutes, the gameplan is working exactly as intended.  For 40 minutes, we utterly and completely stifle the colonial b*stards.  Halftime, and they haven't had a sniff.  We simply need to maintain our focus and find the back of the net.

And in the 47th, we're gifted the best chance of the match, as a whipped ball from Quintanilla finds Vidal who rattles the crossbar.  So close.

Nearly an hour gone, and the match is starting to open up.  Pineda and Alvarado are on, to try and exploit the gaps being created by tired legs...but it is Quintanilla who cuts back for Vidal in the 65th...this time, the Arsenal lad making no mistake.  1-nil.

Spain go close in the 74th, but are denied by the woodwork.  Tick tock...  Alvarez is on for Bautista.

Quintanilla with a stroke of genius in the 84th, playing Alvarado through...but Calavia manages to tip it off the post!  That could have been the match!!!

And after 93 minutes, an eternity...the referee blows for full time.  We're through.

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I couldn't watch the Brazil-Germany match.  So I went to the cinema to watch Jack Reacher 14, The Edge of Never Stop Never Stopping.  It was...confusing...to say the least, especially the part where a CGI'd Tom Cruise affected a Scottish accent and pretended to be his own grandson.  The Swedish mafia never would have been fooled by that.  Never.

Brazil...?  Well, ok then. 

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