[FM17] Hans Kaiser- Baldness Über Alles!

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
Youth Intake 2018

There isn't a great amount of depth in this intake, but I think one glance at the top will tell you everything you need to know. We've got two more cracking prospects in, to add onto the "Fab Four" of Stark, Boy, Nikolic, and Beckert we brought in last year. Here's a closer look at them:

German-Cameroonian Bagnack has got some very good attributes for a 14-year-old, the 14 finishing, 13 first touch, and 14 pace standing out immediately. He's got plenty of work to do technically and physically, but he's already a great pure striker.
The full back Forthaus looks much more like a raw prospect at the moment, with few green attributes. His potential still speaks volumes, though. He'll have a lot of work to do before he can go bald with the big boys.

As for the rest of the intake, I signed everyone as far down as Mance-Sculac. Hopefully we get someone who punches above the weight of their initial judgement.

Welcome to Dortmund! Los! 

[oriole01]

Der Klassiker- Chapter Fünf
Bundesliga Week Twenty-Four- The Pre-Game 
The Locker Room- Allianz Arena
Dortmund had brought their crane kicks and their chinchillas. Arjen Robben just couldn't handle the sight of them. He had collapsed in the Bayern locker room and had to be left out of the starting lineup. In the opposite locker room, the always-fiery preparations were underway for Dortmund.

HANS KAISER: "Lads, it's Bayern. But they haven't been themselves this season. They've dropped so many points it's like they're being managed by David ****ing Moyes. We need to take advantage. WE NEED TO PUT THE WOUNDED BEAST OUT OF ITS MISERY! YOU'LL FIGHT LIKE IT'S 2012! THE YEAR THAT'S BEEN STOLEN FROM US, THE YEAR WE NOW REMIND OURSELVES OF EACH AND EVERY DAY AS A TESTAMENT TO OUR GREATNESS! BE THE LEWANDOWSKI TO THEIR LEWANDOWSKI! THE HUMMELS TO THEIR HUMMELS! THE DANIEL LARUSSO TO THEIR JOHNNY **********ing LAWRENCE!!"
KAISER: "FÜR DEN RUHM!"
SQUAD: "FÜR DEN RUHM"
KAISER: "FÜR DIE TROPHÄE!"
SQUAD: "FÜR DIE TROPHÄE!"
KAISER: "OUSCRANE!"
SQUAD: "OUSCRANE!"
KAISER: "LOS!"
WHOLE SQUAD: "BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES! BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES! BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES!"
The team let Joe Esposito's legendary tune "You're the Best Around" play out as they line up and march out of the room, determined looks on their faces.

The Tunnel
They're used to this by now.
ANCELOTTI: "Why do you guys suck so bad, Hans? Really. I can't begin to understand it."
KAISER: "You know, what I fail to understand, Carlo, is why you can't see the python lurking behind you. I may not be the fastest or the most glamorous, but as soon as you slip up, I devour you and you'll never come back. You continue to slip, Carlo, you continue to make these errors, and before long you'll find yourself being digested with all the rats."
Ancelotti laughs.
"A python approach? If that isn't the most pathetic excuse for being a ****** team I've ever heard, then I don't know what is."
"Do not, for a second, doubt my words. You're lucky I've even given you a warning. Most pythons would swallow you whole without so much as a sound. But for you, Carlo, I will let you know exactly when you get constricted, when you get swallowed, and when you get digested. It will be slow, painful, and overwhelming. People will forget Bayern faster than they did fidget spinners. And do you know the best thing about snakes, Carlo?"
"They can't kick a football?"
"They don't have any hair."
Ancelotti breaks down in laughter again.
"Oh Hans, sometimes I don't know whether you're a real manager or someone TMZ put in charge of a football club for ***** and giggles. The only thing being swallowed is your trophy cabinet. How awful is your security team that they get beaten by a 10-year-old?"
And now Carlo was rubbing the robbery in his face. That was unacceptable, even if he wasn't the perpetrator. By now, they're at the edge of the tunnel. He had enough in the way of words.
"Let me show you something, you old bastard."
Kaiser points to the away end, the refreshing wave of yellow in the sea of red. It's the Kahle Armee, out in full force with bald heads, flags, and one of the most spectacular Dortmund tifos he had ever seen. It shows OusCrane's foot connecting with Carlo's head over that of Johnny Lawrence. Seconds later, the scene changes slightly, now with Ancelotti/Lawrence on the ground, and then a final time to OusCrane being lifted in the air with the trophy. The noise they make is extraordinary, rivaling that of the enormous Bayern crowd on display. They have a new song, as well. Of course, it's "You're the Best Around", sung by voices much louder and much angrier than Joe Esposito. It's a beautiful scene, one that Kaiser hoped would help bring FC Hollywood to their knees by the end of the match.
"This is where the constriction begins."
"Fine, Hans. You want to call yourself a snake? Then I'm Saint Patrick."
This time, Kaiser was the one laughing.

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

Der Klassiker- Chapter Fünf
Bundesliga Week Twenty-Four- The Post-Game 

Another 1-1 draw in a big game. We executed our defensive game plan well, holding Bayern scoreless for most of the match and keeping their chances limited to long-range, savable shots. However, on 12 minutes Sebastian Rode gave away a controversial penalty to Bayern (Kaiser would claim bribery) which Arturo Vidal could not place well enough, as Burki came up with his first of many huge saves on the night. Bayern were kept quiet until the 78th minute, when Renato Sanches scored a world-class goal from outside the area, smashing the ball into the top left corner with precision. We had to push to attack to avoid dropping out of the title race, and super-sub Richarlison would strike at just the right time on 89, beating Neuer from OusCrane's square ball assist. A good result away from home against Germany's most talented, but it does us no favors table-wise.

Los! Los! Los!

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

5 hours ago, oriole01 said:

"Fine, Hans. You want to call yourself a snake? Then I'm Saint Patrick."

Loving the rivalry between these two.

[BoxToBox]

#AncelottiForIreland

[ManUtd1]

HOW CAN MIRRORS BE REAL, CARLO, IF OUR EYES AREN'T REAL?!

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
March 2018

A good month in the end, although one match in particular should have gone our way.

See above for the result against Bayern.

We felt hard done by after the away leg against Chelsea. Mario Mandzukic scored the Blues' first after just 5 minutes, then on 15 Sergej Milinkovic-Savic took advantage of Roman Burki's dreadful positioning to head in a second. Down 2-0 at half time and facing a difficult scenario, we switched to an attacking formation, which saw us fare much better. We took control of the match from Chelsea, and the inevitable goal came on 65 minutes from Auba's collected finish off a breakaway. Despite continuing to look the better side, Mandzukic would strike again late on for Chelsea, slamming in a brilliant header from Jeremie Boga's cross.  We left London damaged, but still in possession of a vital away goal to use to our advantage in the second leg.

In between the two legs was a league match against Ingolstadt, which we won comfortably. OusCrane scored our first on 8 minutes, steering in a lovely finish from the right wing, Pulisic would get the second on 27 with an easy volleyed finish, then Marco Asensio would score a quick double on 32 and 36 minutes, the latter a long-range goal on an empty net. Auba should have got on the scoresheet as well, but missed a penalty. Dario Lezcano got one back for Ingolstadt on 42 after a horrible spill by Burki, but thankfully it was very much a consolation.

The home leg against Chelsea saw us completely turn the tables en route to a berth in the Europa League quarterfinals. Auba started us off well on 12 minutes, scoring from very close range to bring us within one goal. Asensio would get the decisive goal in the 38th, blasting in a deflected shot off Marcos Alonso's leg and into the left-hand corner. Andre Schurrle would assure victory in first half stoppage time, scoring off another deflection, this time from David Luiz. To be fair, it was really Chelsea who beat themselves here with all of their misguided attempts at blocking our shots. We held off the deflated Englishmen in the second half and cruised through to the next round!

Following the elation of the EL win, we cancelled it out with a disappointing draw to Köln. In a match with few chances, it was the home side who took theirs first, Leonardo Bittencourt punishing us with a cool finish off the counter. On 90 minutes, Marco Reus' free kick was saved by Raphael Wolf, but Marc Bartra came forward to thump home the rebound for his first-ever Dortmund goal. We avoided defeat in Cologne, but still left with much less than we expected against a side that has been very difficult to break down in my time here.

However, we would finish the month with a brilliant, clinical result against Stuttgart. Having lost the reverse fixture, we finally got revenge over them for knocking us out of the Pokal in 2016. Schurrle got us off to a flyer, stunning the keeper with a perfectly-placed looping shot on just two minutes. It would only take until the 11th to score again, with Reus beating the keeper in a one-on-one. Schurrle would grab his second just seven minutes later, knocking home a header from Sebastian Rode's cross with a defender plastered on him. Schurrle missed a chance at a hat trick on 34, but Auba would blast in the rebound to give us a fourth and complete the scoring on the day. After on-loan Dortmund player Felix Passlack was sent off, we really should have scored more, but we couldn't convert any more chances. A thoroughly impressive win, especially considering that Stuttgart were ahead of us in the table before this one.

Table

With seven matches to play, we're still in with a chance at the title. Our inability to break the deadlock in big games has left us six points off the top, but with only one fixture remaining against teams currently in the top half, we can be a little more confident than some of our fellow challengers. Bayern have not lost in league play since early December, and, as expected, are in the driver's seat for the title. Schalke are close behind, but are always prone to losing. Leverkusen have been on banging form, but have the toughest schedule of any remaining side. Hamburg and Stuttgart are on the edge of elimination from the title race, but are still in serious European contention. Hertha have risen up the table since sacking their manager, whilst Leipzig have slumped back into poor form, remaining in a relegation battle that is far from settled.

Europa League Draw

Not a bad draw. I think we've seen one of the toughest possible opponents already in Chelsea, so a tie against a considerably lower-quality Porto, although far from easy, should be manageable. I'm hoping to get through to the semis by the time this one is all said and done.
 

In April we have the quarterfinal tie against Porto and some lighter, yet crucial fixtures in the league.
Los! Los! Los!

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

Great turnaround against Chelsea. 

If you can just turn those draws into wins next season/the remainder of this season, you'll be taking the Bundesliga home.

[BoxToBox]

43 minutes ago, oriole01 said:

deflated Englishmen

Old England Patriots.

[oriole01]

On 1/1/2018 at 18:02, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Great turnaround against Chelsea. 

If you can just turn those draws into wins next season/the remainder of this season, you'll be taking the Bundesliga home.

Cheers mate, I certainly hope so. The form we're on now is very encouraging heading into next season.

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
UEFA Europa League, Quarterfinals

We're through .

The first leg was an excellent triumph in front of the bald home fans. In an even match, we proved ourselves to be the better team with some great attacking prowess. We made the initial breakthrough on 37, when Auba drew out the keeper with his run for an aerial ball, but instead of going for goal himself, he headed it down for Marco Reus, who knocked it into an empty net. Sebastian Rode would get the second on 44, rocketing a placed shot in from just outside the area and sending the crowd into raptures. Porto couldn't threaten our goal in the second half, so we got a third on 88 from Auba's stinging low drive off Reus' delivery. We left the pitch buzzing with a spectacular victory.

The away leg was a quieter affair, as expected. Although Miguel Borja got Porto off the mark on just 6 minutes, we cancelled it out half of an hour later with Richarlison's powerful finish from OusCrane's ground cross. The home side had more opportunities to score, but the defense held firm after their initial lapse and we claimed a comfortable 4-1 aggregate victory to move on to the semifinals. Superb stuff!

Semi Final Draw

We'll be facing another Portuguese side in the semis, albeit against league-leading Benfica, who pulled a shocking second-leg comeback over Liverpool to get here. Not an easy tie, but if we did it once, there's no reason why we can't do it again. Man United and Roma are in the other semifinal (Go Roma!)

Los! Los! Los!

[kidthekid]

Nice Europa run. I would post the "it's happening" gif but it has jinxed people before.

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

6 hours ago, kidthekid said:

Nice Europa run. I would post the "it's happening" gif but it has jinxed people before.

Can confirm. That gif is cursed.

[ManUtd1]

11 hours ago, oriole01 said:

 

[oriole01]

15 hours ago, kidthekid said:

Nice Europa run. I would post the "it's happening" gif but it has jinxed people before.

9 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

Can confirm. That gif is cursed.

Maybe I should post it myself for reverse psychology?

If I lose it's only my fault now. Call the helpline.

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
UEFA Europa League, Semifinals

Gutting . FM'ed over two legs.

We had our chances in the first leg. We completely dominated Benfica in possession and shots, but their goalkeeper Ederson held firm to keep it at a draw, making one of the best saves I've ever seen on FM from Gonzalo Castro's rocket. After the final whistle blew, I knew we were in trouble for the second leg.

In Lisbon, I expected to be battered after starting out in a defensive formation, but we surprisingly held firm against Benfica in the first half and had more shots than them at the break. We finally switched to attacking late on, but couldn't break them down in normal time. Extra time saw us continue to attack, but just when it looked like we were going to penalties, we faltered. Benfica hit us on the counter, Victor Lindelof's ball splitting the defense to find Rafa Silva, who then crossed over to Mitroglou for the finish. Our rotten luck in extra time continued after the eventual defeat, as we've faced it four times in this save and lost all of them. **** you, Ron Paul.

The Press Conference- Estadio da Luz
Hans Kaiser trudges into the media room at the Estadio da Luz, roughly twenty minutes after his Dortmund side were eliminated from the Europa League in harsh fashion. Everyone knows he's in no mood to be answering questions, but the event continues as planned. What does surprise the gathered reporters, however, is something they've never seen before. Kaiser is wearing an old baseball cap over his bald head, as low as possible so as to nearly cover his eyes. They had envisioned him being distraught, but never did they think he would be so ashamed as to cover his baldness.

"Hans, we sit here again after another rough elimination from European competition.  How are you feeling?"
It's the same reporter that spoke to Hans after their elimination from the Champions League at the hands of Arsenal last year. On most days, he would engage the young man in another staredown, but this time he can't bring himself to conjure much emotion. His voice is flat, unmoving.
"I'd be an enormous liar if I told you I wasn't devastated right now. This is a very, very difficult result to take. I'd like to apologize to the fans back home, and especially the ones who came all the way here to see us. It's awful to see us go out like this, I think everyone will agree that we were the better side over the two legs. It really, really sucks."
"What about the 'Baldness Über Alles' plan? Last time we met you said 'we would be bald soon enough'. Well, I can tell you I've still got all my hair! *points to his coiffed, plentiful mane* When can we expect a breakthrough?"
Hans wishes he could summon up enough anger to get pissed off at this man. He thought he had broken this reporter's arrogance last winter, but he still had all the looks of a smug hotshot who couldn't care less about the intricacies and realities of football as long as he 'got the scoop' and brownie points back at the office.
"Like I told you, there's no time limit. We're still working towards our goals, and I think we've done better this season than we did last season. We're still in with a chance in the league, and that's what we'll have to be turning our focus to. This result, although tough, won't change our process here."
"But Hans, if you can't claim the Bundesliga, you'll have gone two whole seasons without a single trophy. Not even a Supercup! Surely this isn't the way you envisioned things going when you took the job?"
Suddenly, the fire begins lighting in Kaiser again. The reporter had only been annoying up to this point, but now he was blatantly insulting. He's growing convinced that the little bastard is an agent of Carlo Ancelotti himself. Considering the fragility of the situation, it's no surprise that things spill over.
"Listen, you little brat. Do you have any idea how football works? This isn't a job you'd ever want, especially with your ****-poor attitude. I work harder every day than anyone in this room! All the calls, the meetings, the training sessions, the tactics sessions, the paperwork, and not least the hellacious press conferences and interviews with the likes of you. I've just been eliminated from a competition that has become very important to me over the past few months, and I'm hurting. And you still can't give me the least amount of respect? I'm finished here. Tell Carlo he can enjoy his off-season as a loser. I'm sure you've got his number."

With that, Kaiser storms out of the room, grabbing all his belongings and boarding the team bus to the airport, all the while ignoring the swarms of reporters, both friendly and hostile. Forget this ****show. There's still unfinished business back home, and Hans wasn't anywhere near ready to let that slip, too.
Los! Los! Los!

Edited January 5, 2018 by oriole01

[kidthekid]

Tough one man, tough one

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
April 2018

In the league (I'm not showing the European games here), we had a spectacular month. We did everything we needed to to stay in the title race and then some.

Wolfsburg was a tough game away from home, but we came away with a win. The home side had numerous chances to score throughout the game, but we got the only goal on 48, with Gonzalo Castro smoking a finish into the top shelf from the edge of the area. Aubameyang missed a chance to score a second late on, but one would be enough as Wolfsburg's poor finishing continued. We've now beat them all four times we've played them without conceding a goal!

We expectedly took care of Heidenheim at home. Auba broke through on 26 with a simple close-range finish, then a returning Shinji Kagawa got a second on 29 from a low drive. However, literally seconds later, Bard Finne scored on a clever header for the visitors to cut their deficit in half. Just minutes into the second half, Auba would match this with his own header to put us up 3-1 and secure the win.

We absolutely smashed struggling Frankfurt at their place. Auba started things early with a goal on 3 minutes, then Marcel Schmelzer smacked in a volley for a second on 7. OusCrane found a third on 31 from a lovely one-on-one finish, then Auba would convert from the spot 20 minutes later to bag his brace. Substitute Andre Schurrle would round off a comprehensive victory on 90 minutes, easily beating an exhausted Lukas Hradecky with power.

As the most difficult opponent left on the schedule, we knew Bremen would give us a game, and I had a right to be worried considering I was playing a rotated squad in between the two legs of the Benfica tie. Indeed, the away side took the lead on 12 minutes, Zlatko Junuzovic rattling home a finish that Roman Burki should have done better with. Nonetheless, Auba would take advantage of Bremen's weak defense twice to overcome the deficit. On 29, OusCrane picked him out from a cross with seven opposing defenders in the area, yet he still scored. Shortly before the half, he tapped in from Schurrle's cross to put us up. Despite Bremen launching some threatening attacks, we were unlucky not to score a third in the second half, and we were able to see out the 2-1 result until the final whistle.

Table

So here's how things shape up heading into our first league game of May. Due to the European fixtures we have two games in hand on the leading duo of Leverkusen and Bayern, who both need to do better than each other in the final game to win the title. Our remaining opponents are Gladbach, Hannover, and Augsburg. If we win the two games in hand, we'll sit on 68 points, level with Bayern, on the last day. From there, we'll need a lot of luck to win the title, and it's definitely a big 'if' that we'll even win those two games. I don't see it going our way, but regardless, we've done better than last season and should be proud of our achievements so far in the league. Elsewhere, Schalke's poor form has seen them eliminated from the title race and most likely condemned to the Europa League, Hamburg and Stuttgart will fight for the second EL spot, and everyone as far down as Ingolstadt has secured survival. The relegation race is almost decided, but questions remain as to who will go down automatically and who will take part in the playoff. Hannover's game in hand should give them the advantage, but of course they'll be playing us, and we really can't afford to give them any points. If we do somehow win the title, it's going to be quite the feeling. Wish us luck!

Los! Los! Los!

Edited January 5, 2018 by oriole01

[oriole01]

7 minutes ago, kidthekid said:

Tough one man, tough one

Cheers man. I really would have loved to take home a major trophy, but I guess it wasn't to be.

[BoxToBox]

Still a chance, I'd expect Bayern to do their part, but Leverkusen have a good chance of Leverkusen-ing.

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
May 2018

It's clear what sort of effect the Benfica result had on us, as we weren't at our best this month and quietly dropped out of the title race.

In the result that eliminated us, we were poor in an away loss to Gladbach. Just three days after the heartbreaking loss to Benfica, we seemed to be in no mood to play this one. We showed little attacking enthusiasm, and eventually our defense was broken down by the opposition. On 64, on-loan Man City player Kelechi Iheanacho tucked in an easy volley from Thorgan Hazard's cross to give Gladbach the winning goal. We failed to generate any fight after that and left Monchengladbach with the confirmation that we would win no trophies for a second consecutive year.

We beat Hannover at home, but this ended up far trickier than anyone expected. The struggling visitors shocked us on just 8 minutes when Bayern loanee Timothy Tillman cracked in a free kick for 1-0, placing it well beyond Roman Burki's reach. We put the pressure on them all throughout the match, and eventually they broke in the second half. Emre Mor drilled in the equalizer from open space on 59, then Richarlison gave us the lead on 76 with another sizzling strike. That was enough to win the match, but we shouldn't have had to come from behind against a team in the relegation zone.

With nothing official to play for on the final matchday, (our far-superior goal difference over Schalke made CL qualification a virtual lock) we settled for a draw against Augsburg, who were relegated after the match. We completely dominated them over the 90 minutes, so I probably should be more upset that we didn't win in retiring goalkeeper Roman Weidenfeller's final match. Our only goal came from an unlikely source. Erik Durm, who had been with the reserves for the second half of the season and who I had indeed only called back up to give him a send-off before I sell him this summer, scored a fine one on 50 minutes, guiding his finish into the bottom-left corner from the edge of the area. We had plenty of chances to double the lead, but Augsburg equalized instead on 61. Some great passing play found Jonathan Schmid open in the box, and his shot was too much for Weidenfeller to handle.  The game petered out into nothingness, but the final whistle blew to cheers in honor of our valiant effort this season.

Final Table

Third place is our final position again, enough to secure Champions League football, albeit in the playoffs since it appears the league lost a slot this season. However, the big surprise comes at the top, where Leverkusen finished a point ahead of Bayern to claim their first-ever Bundesliga title. How'd they win it? It was a wild final day for both title challengers. Heading into the final minutes, Bayern were holding a 1-1 draw to Hertha while Leverkusen were losing 1-2 to Wolfsburg, with the latter needing a goal to win the title. Our match finished with no news, but upon looking afterwards I found that Karim Bellarabi had scored in the 94th minute to win it all! What a moment for them, and one that is sure to have serious repercussions in Munich. Carlo's job looks safe, but I'd imagine there are no excuses for losing a Bundesliga title down there.

Elsewhere, Schalke, Hamburg, and Stuttgart claim EL places, a welcome sight for Schalke after their 12th-placed finish last season and even more so for Stuttgart who punched way above their pre-season prediction with some fine attacking football. Hertha, Gladbach, and RB Leipzig all had disappointing seasons. Heidenheim finish in 12th, a spectacular feat for them in their first-ever Bundesliga season, but I don't see them doing it again next time. Ingolstadt had a much more realistic season than last, but I'm happy to see them remain in the league. Frankfurt lost the promotion-relegation playoff to Freiburg, who come straight back up. They join Hannover and Augsburg in the 2. Bundesliga next season. I really couldn't have seen Augsburg going down before this season, but looking at their squad I can see where it went wrong.

 

 This was the only award that went our way this season, with on-loan players Burnic and Passlack named among the best youth players in Germany. Unfortunately, it appears I'm losing Burnic to Bayern, who capitalized on my lazy contract renewal policy and swooped in with an offer in the winter. He rejected my new contract in favor of Carlo, which will see him lose a lot of respect in the Ruhr. Passlack has been at Stuttgart the last two seasons, and has been integral to their success, so I'll be hoping he can bring some of that to us in the near future as he returns to Dortmund.

A look at Europe and then the full season review will be next.

[oriole01]

European Review 2017/18
Germany

Here's what happened in the lower leagues:

Mainz and Freiburg are coming back up, along with Nurnberg, who were last in the top flight in 2013-14. Magdeburg did very well in their first second-tier season, Darmstadt did poorly, and our affiliate Karlsruher pulled off survival. I was sad to see Lotte go down in the playoff, as although I should hate them, I can't help but root for the little guys. Wurzburg and Osnabruck are going down with them to the 3. Liga.

Duisburg, one of Germany's biggest yo-yo clubs, are headed back up to the 2. Bundesliga as champions. Dresden, another huge yo-yo club, go straight back up. Paderborn, a Bundesliga team just three years ago, began the long road back by beating Lotte in the playoff. Unfortunately, our reserves went back down, as all of our youth talent were still young enough to play for the U19s, who I think are a bigger priority than a reserve side who can't go any higher than this level. Fortuna Koln and Jena join them as they fall down the drain of the professional leagues.

DFL-Supercup:
Bayer Leverkusen 1-3 Bayern Munich
DfB-Pokal Final:
RB Leipzig 2-2 Schalke 04 (Schalke 04 win on penalties)
Promoted from Regionalliga:
Spvgg Unterhaching, Wolfsburg II, Alemannia Aachen

England

Fresh off winning the Champions League, Man City were able to claim their third PL title since the takeover this season, just overcoming United and Spurs in the end. Arsenal fell out of the race after winning it last year, but they got something much better...
Leicester pull a surprise by claiming an EL place, Chelsea and Liverpool underachieve, and Everton get relegated! Weird. They'll be joined by Swansea and a poor Brentford side in the Championship.

FA Cup Winners:
Arsenal
EFL Cup Winners:
Man City
Promoted from Championship:
Sunderland, Aston Villa, Leeds

Spain
 


Atletico are proving themselves to be the dominant team in Spain, winning their second consecutive title. Bilbao did well to get a CL place, and Vigo are into Europe for a third consecutive year,
Copa del Rey Winners:
Atletico Madrid
Promoted from Segunda Division:
Getafe, Cadiz, Real Oviedo

Italy



Roma finally broke Juventus' streak of six straight titles, edging them by just a point. No surprises in the European race. EL holders Sassuolo faded away this season, finishing last in a favorable CL group and dropping to 15th in the league. All three promoted sides went back down .
Coppa Italia Winners:
Lazio
Promoted from Serie B:
Spezia, Vicenza, SPAL

France

PSG wrestled back the title from Lyon in a heated race, Nantes did well to claim an EL place, Marseille, Lille, and Montpellier had horrible seasons, and just a season after reaching Europe, Bastia were nearly relegated, but won the playoff to stay up.
Coupe de France Winners:
PSG
Coupe de la Ligue Winners:
Nice
Promoted from Ligue 2:
Guingamp, Nimes Olympique

Portugal



Benfica, our eliminators in the EL, had an amazing season en route to the title. Sporting's glory last year was indeed short-lived. Estoril did well to claim an EL place, while Moreirense just missed out on a second consecutive berth. Santa Clara (a team I follow from the Azores) survived!
Taca de Portugal Winners:
Arouca
Promoted from Liga II:
Penafiel, Desportivo das Aves

Champions League

A North London Derby in a CL final? What. The. ****. Arsenal steamrolled Spurs for their first ever title, avenging the loss in 2006. Giroud opened the scoring while Jack Wilshere scored twice in the same minute to secure the championship and become the unlikely hero.


Spurs and Arsenal each made spectacular runs to the final, with Spurs murking PSG, Atletico, and surprise semifinalists Lyon, Arsenal beating Monaco, Real Madrid and Bayern. This competition is just wonky.

Europa League

At least we lost to the champions. Javi Martinez's red card gave Benfica the impetus to wreck them on the counter, with top strikers Jonas and Driussi scoring. Rashford eventually got United back in it, but the final whistle blew and the Red Devils slumped to defeat in their second consecutive EL final to inferior opposition.

Other Competitions:

UEFA Super Cup:
 US Sassuolo 0-1 Manchester City
Darn it.
FIFA Club World Cup Final:
Manchester City 1-1 Santos (Santos win on penalties)
Oh boy . Santos are the best team in the world then.
CONCACAF Gold Cup Final:
Costa Rica 0-1 Jamaica
Well, that was unexpected. No USA or Mexico in the final.
FIFA Confederations Cup Final:
Portugal 1-0 Ivory Coast
What a run by the Ivory Coast!

[ManUtd1]

Overall, a solid season.  Benfica...revenge is on the cards.  Santos beating City just makes my day...also shocking to see Leverkusen bucking their history so early!  

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
2017-18 Season Review

They usually say the second season is the toughest. Was that the case here? I'm not sure. In some areas, we improved on last year. The squad is stronger, we defended better, and we got even more talented youth through the doors. All of these show that we are making progress and accomplishing our goals. However, the results on the pitch can't help but leave me dissatisfied. I wanted a trophy this season, something truly tangible to show the world we're serious. But we got less points than last season in the league, dropped out of the Champions League at the first hurdle, and were stunned by a lower league side again in the Pokal. What I can look back on in pride is our Europa League run. We gave the best account of ourselves on Thursday nights, knocking out Plzen, Chelsea, and Porto en route to a semifinal which we should have won. The heartbreak in Lisbon still sticks with me, and I don't know if it'll ever leave, but I have nothing but love for my boys for getting us there and working so hard. Next season... we just need to be more consistent. We had some truly brilliant moments this season, especially in the second half, but our niggling proneness to dropping points to lesser sides has to end. If all those little mistakes and missed opportunities build up again, we can kiss any hopes of a title goodbye. That won't happen anymore. No more half measures.

We have great players, great fans, and a great history, no matter how much Schalke's thieves try to erode it. As long as we still have all of those things, I'm determined to keep fighting for this club. The hype around us, although marginally less than last year, is still strong, and we're ready to go again.
Für den Ruhm. Für die Ruhr. Für die Glatze.
BALDNESS ÜBER ALLES!

Awards

Auba claims the fans' player of the season again, thanks mostly to his scintillating run of form in the second half of the season, after coming back from injury. OusCrane a deserved second, Pulisic third. Mario wouldn't have been my signing of the season for most of the year, but towards the end he turned it on and made enough of a case for the fans over Toprak and Asensio.

A late winner for Weigl against Köln, and what a way to score it! Perfectly placed.

Squad|League Overview|Fixtures 1|Fixtures 2|Finances 1|Finances 2

Youths
Our youths found some more success this season, although they missed having the now-overage Emre Mor, OusCrane, and Jacob Bruun Larsen available to them. Unfortunately, they fell in the First Knockout Round of the UEFA Youth League to Red Star, so they were unable to retain their title there. However, they did claim the title in their domestic U19s group, finishing above the likes of Schalke, Leverkusen, Hannover, and Gladbach. They also made the U19s Cup final, but lost to Schalke, who they are now 0-5 against in all competitions . Alex Isak, Fiete Arp, Niklas Beste, Luca Kilian, Robin Kehr (real players), Gunther Stark, Nico Boy, Nemanja Nikolic, and Michael Bagnack (newgens) are the names to be remembering at this level with their great performances this season.

Contracts
We had a few difficult decisions to make this time. Lukas Piszczek and Shinji Kagawa were up for renewal, and both could be considered surplus, but out of my deep respect for their service to the club I decided to renew them both, with the hopes that Lukas retires as a Dortmund player soon to make way for Felix Passlack. Kagawa still has a use for us, but my deliberations were based on whether I wanted to attempt buying Marco Asensio as our first-choice AMC. Since Real wouldn't even let me take him on loan again, I saw no point and kept the Japanese international instead. I was a lot more careful when renewing staff contracts considering what happened last time, and another reserves coach who was trying to snake the senior assistant position was properly told to **** off. He's going down the drain with our deadwood youths, and Roman Weidenfeller looks set to become a coach for us soon after retirement, so he won't be missed.

Expectations for 2018/19
Bundesliga: It's time to win.
UEFA Champions League: Quarterfinals
DfB-Pokal: Don't get humiliated again. Semis at least, hopefully.
Other Goals:
1. CONSISTENCY 
2. Give first team opportunities to more youth players.
3. Find a good replacement for Roman Weidenfeller in goal.
4. Go unbeaten against Bayern, Schalke
5. Make sure the "Baldness Über Alles" campaign doesn't lose any luster. Make sure the fans always have something to look forward to. Also, we need to find exactly who was responsible for the robbery...

Thanks guys! I'm delighted with all the support you've shown me throughout the save. Remember, this is for you as much as it is for me. Let's have another great season!

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

15 hours ago, ManUtd1 said:

Overall, a solid season.  Benfica...revenge is on the cards.  Santos beating City just makes my day...also shocking to see Leverkusen bucking their history so early!  

Cheers man. I have to agree that it was a solid season, it's just the inconsistencies I mentioned that keep us from reaching the top. I'd love to play Benfica again, as it would surely cleanse the soul of Hans if we beat won, but it'd have to take a lucky draw for us to face them anytime soon. Leverkusen definitely shocked me, as for the first third of the season they were languishing in mid-table, but they only lost twice after the break and their attackers were absolutely on fire. It's nice to see Bayern dethroned, but on the other hand I did want it to be us who did it. Would have made for a much cooler story .

[BoxToBox]

How do you like Fiete Arp?

Been one of my favourite players in 18.

[oriole01]

6 minutes ago, BoxToBox said:

How do you like Fiete Arp?

Been one of my favourite players in 18.

I definitely like the look of him, the kid can score a lot of goals. Basically a German version of Isak, but he's definitely more of a classic striker. I honestly have no idea why Hamburg let him go for so freaking cheap!

I can see an Isak-Arp-Bagnack front three shaping up in about five years' time, if I'm still fortunate enough to be at Dortmund of course.

[BoxToBox]

16 minutes ago, oriole01 said:

I definitely like the look of him, the kid can score a lot of goals. Basically a German version of Isak, but he's definitely more of a classic striker. I honestly have no idea why Hamburg let him go for so freaking cheap!

I can see an Isak-Arp-Bagnack front three shaping up in about five years' time, if I'm still fortunate enough to be at Dortmund of course.

In 18, after one season, I paid 3.6m for him, and thought that was highway robbery!

Getting him for a few hundred k is mental.

[oriole01]

This was the only post-season meeting Hans Kaiser looked forward to. After all of the mind-numbing financial meetings at corporate, intimidating expectation meetings with the board, and infuriating contract negotiations, there was one dialogue where he truly got to sit back, relax, and be himself. It was with the Ultras leader Johann, who had to cover his face in public. Not the decoy Ultras leader, either. That was someone who actually made public appearances to try and paint tifosi in a harmless, friendly light. It couldn't be more opposite in real life. Being an Ultra basically meant being a radical, a religious fanatic towards the club. The man sitting in front of him, known in the Gelbe Wand simply as 'X', fit that description perfectly. He had taken off his bandana once he reached Hans' office, revealing the gruff features of a man in his early thirties, his full beard and long, dark hair looking more reminiscent of a frontier woodsman than a football hooligan. Yet in contrast with his appearance and reputation, Johann was a friendly, caring man, whose compassion for others he hid behind layers of mystery, intrigue, and intense support for Dortmund. He and Hans treated each other like best friends, using each other's first names. Their meetings were brief yet creative, usually discussing new ideas for derby days and tifos, and occasionally touching on more questionable subjects, like how best to threaten Carlo Ancelotti. Towards the end of this most recent meeting, however, something came up that changed the tone of the entire conversation.

"Well, I'll tell you something, Johann. That whole OusCrane idea was brilliant. Absolutely amazing. So I can only have faith that this new 'Roman Weidenstellar' banner is going to be a hit as well. It's nice to see you again, man."
"You too, cheers mate."
As Johann throws on his sunglasses and bandana to cover his face back up, he stops, turns, and faces his friend again. If there is any emotion on his face, Hans can no longer see it. He clears his throat awkwardly.
"Erm... Hans... remember when you said you needed that connection?"
Hans' face goes flush immediately. He had requested something of Johann back when his devastation over the Benfica result and league title elimination had reached its highest, but he thought it would be understood as a gross overreaction produced by frustration and dismissed.
"Oh.. yeah. You know, listen Johann, I really wasn't serious about that whole thing. I was a bit off my rocker for a while there."
"I know, Hans. I wasn't going to do anything about it, but don't you remember? You literally shook me like a rattle pleading me to help you."
Hans doesn't remember. He must have been conked on a potent mixture of alcohol and Red Bull.
"****... what's happening, Johann?"
"Well, I found somebody."
"What?"
"Yeah, someone who's going to help you do what you asked."
"Johann..."
Hans is beginning to panic. He's having trouble getting words out. The things he requested had pretty much ensured that whoever Johann had found was not going to be someone he'd ever let be within 100 miles of his home.
"I only did what you asked."
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I'm the only one at fault here, but I need you to listen to me right now. Whoever this person is, you have to kindly ask that they take their, um... business... elsewhere."
"Yeahhhh... here's the thing, Hans. I've already set everything up with them. There's two of them, by the way. These guys are not going to take very kindly to you cancelling on them, especially since I've already paid them for the first meeting."
Hans feels a crushing dread closing in on him, and a frantic confusion beginning to take hold. Was it April Fool's Day? No, it was June.
"You've got to be ****ing kidding me. What am I gonna do, man?"
"Again, Hans, I was just doing what you requested of me."
"I know! I know! Just let me think here."
"Well, here's the silver lining, Hans. I know you boast about having connections. We both know you really don't. You just have us in the Gelbe Wand, and if you boil it down, we're ordinary people with jobs and families. Hell, I myself have a girlfriend and deliver for DHL. We can't be the kind of people you were looking for. But these guys... they're the only connection you'll ever need. They've made it very clear that there's almost nothing they won't do for you, if you pay them. This is your chance to get the leg up on Bayern and the Smurfs forever."
"Well how about you tell me who the hell they are then? Have you got the Mafia? Yakuza? Triads? Cartel? If one of these bastards shoots me on the first date I'm not going to be feeling too great about this!" 
"They won't give me a name. The only personal details they bothered sharing were that they're from South America, one of them was like you, a football manager, who got sacked and now wants a different kind of job. I think they also said something about costumes."
Now Hans is just confused.
"Wait, a manager? What the.... if you're messing with me, Johann, there will be no more meetings. You'll have no support from me."
"Trust me, this is happening. Look Hans, I've got to go, there's a lot of work on the cards today. I'm not going to be involved with this anymore, it'll be up to you how you want to deal with these guys from here on. I just ask that you be careful."
Johann hands Hans a small silver cell phone, one that looks like its best days came in 2002.
"Take this phone. They'll be using it to call you about the first meeting."
Hans, his hands shaking and bald forehead sweating, snatches the phone from Johann's hands. This was surreal. It was like he was on Breaking Bad. Johann, who indeed looks like someone from the same show with his bandana and sunglasses fastened to his face, gives a quick salute, then leaves the office.
Hans looks at the clock. It reads 8:14 AM.
"This is going to be a long day," he says to himself.

[oriole01]

It's a humid summer night in Dortmund. The sun is setting in the distance, casting a beautiful orange glow over the city that reminds Hans Kaiser of his hometown, Endingen. Long ago, he had spent many nights like this riding his bike through the quiet streets, saying hello to his friends, teammates, and all the familiar locals as they passed. Here, there is a festive mood in the air, as thousands of city-goers flock to their nearest pub to watch Germany square off against Costa Rica in their first World Cup match. Hans wishes he could join them, but he is sitting in an underground carpark waiting for his meeting with the two mysterious "connections" Johann had set up for him two days ago. The phone call he received in the morning only brought a muffled voice that told him the location of their meeting and that it would occur at night. All Hans had a chance to mention was a description of his car before the line went dead. 

As the minutes turn into hours, Kaiser wonders if he is indeed being played, which, if true, would seriously damage his relationship with Johann. He gives himself until 10:00 PM to continue to wait for them to arrive. He had decided wasn't going to wait around for something that he had never truly wanted in the first place. However, a small amount of intrigue and the thrill-seeker in him kept him alert enough to stay for as long he was allowing. He passes the time and tries to ease his nerves by playing 'Candy Crush' on his phone and listening to Milky Chance's album 'Sadnecessary' on the car's stereo system.

At 10:05, Hans starts his car and prepares to leave, but just as he begins to back out, a jet black sports car screams past him, then moves back towards him. Hans wheels his car out to face the high-octane newcomer, and in a moment of shock realizes their vehicles are the exact same; a black Lamborghini Huracan, adorned with a shark's jaws on the driver side. Hans had bought his car at an auction four years ago, and had even considered removing the jaws more than once. He didn't think there was another one like it, yet now here he was staring down the maw of another fearsome great white. The doors open, and as soon as the occupants step out, his eyes widen. Standing before him are two figures, one dressed as a green-and-yellow colored shark holding a briefcase and the other a crocodile holding a jagged electric guitar. For a moment, Hans can't help but laugh. It looked liked they had come from a Halloween party at the zoo. Rather quickly, however, he snaps back into reality, remembering Johann's affirmation that these two would do 'anything'. He steps out of the car, and calls out in German:
"I guess you two are my guys?"
The pair glance at each other, then beckon for Kaiser to move towards them. Hans cautiously obeys, moving slowly, one step at a time.
"Get in," the shark says in a heavily accented English.
"What?"
"I say, get in." He opens the back door of their car.
Hans flashes a dirty look at the shark, then climbs in the back seat gingerly. The crocodile moves over to Hans' running car, parking it before returning to the passenger seat. They set off into the night. The Germany game has finished, and crowds of jubilant supporters walk the street. It appears the Germans have won. Hans smiles. He wondered if Reus, Gotze, or Schurrle had managed to get on the scoresheet. 
"Looks like Germany won, you guys!" Hans says loudly in his own perfect English.
No reaction from the crocodile or the shark.
A few minutes later, the shark finally addresses him in a manner that doesn't make him fear for his life.
"I sorry, we no speak in there. We make sure we see you before we take you to safehouse. We talk there."
A safehouse? These guys meant business. And their English was quite poor.
"Um.. how far away is this safehouse?"
"Hour."
Hans sighs.

After an hour of listening to the crocodile quietly strum on his unplugged guitar, the car stops and the three men get out. They are standing at the edge of a field, with a small farmhouse and barn visible in the distance. Hans hadn't paid close attention to the road when they were driving, but is fairly sure they are somewhere outside Cologne. They walk across the empty field to the house.

Once inside, Hans is surprised at the relative cleanliness of the house. He expected a complete mess. This does nothing to calm his nerves, however. He is yet to see the face of either man, but he was quite confident they would not hesitate to take his life if they were discontent. Soft Latin music echoes throughout the house, and a recap of the Germany game is playing on the TV. Maybe they did care.
"We live here," says the crocodile matter-of-factly.
"Ah, cool," replies Hans, completely unsure how to react.
The shark, who was briefly upstairs, returns down with plates and glasses, and invites Hans to sit at a small dinner table across the room from the TV.
"You want drink?" He holds up a bottle of liquor.
"Drink?" For a moment, Hans forgets the entire concept of beverage entirely.
"Yes. Drink."
"Oh... drink. No, I think I'm fine, thank you."
 The shark nods his head, the costume depicting a blank yet very toothy expression.
The shark pours the crocodile three shots of tequila, then two for himself. They clink glasses, slip them under the fabric, and down them in seconds.
"Are we ready?" asks the shark.
"Um.. yes?"
"Good."
"Okay, can I at least ask you to take the damn costumes off though? We're alone, there's no reason for us to hide anything from each other here."
The shark and crocodile look at each other and nod, as if they have some sort of telepathic link. Perhaps, Hans thought, he should stop talking.
"I do not remove costume," snarls the shark.
"Okay, sorry."
The shark disregards his apology.
"Okay, Mr. Kaiser. We know what you want. You want revolution. Some rival you wanting to go bye bye. You say something about Visigoth. We look them up. They graphic people... this is interesting.  So you pay, we do. Anything you need, we do. We talent men. Many talent."
Kaiser wants to tell them the truth, that there has been a misunderstanding, but he knew better than to waste their time. He didn't want to find out which 'talent' they would use on him.
"That... sounds about right."
"Yes, yes, yes."
There's an awkward pause. Of course he can't see their faces, but he knows they are expecting him to say something. He quickly racks his brain for something, anything that they might want to hear.
"Well lads, I guess I'll be calling you soon. Big job. Big money. Many talent."
Hans thinks he can see a grin flicker beneath the mesh in the back of the shark's mouth. Both the shark and the crocodile slam their elbows on the table, palms out to shake. Hans, trying to conceal the shake of his own hand, obliges.
"I need to ask you something," says Hans after a few moments.
"Yes?"
"How do I know I can trust you?"
The shark laughs.
"Trust me? You know I am manager, no? I know this game. The futbol. I no succeed, so I understand why you so angry. We see you on TV, Mr. Kaiser. You drink Red Bull. You talk trash. You use flamethrower. We not too different, Mr. Kaiser. Not at all. You have many talent. We have many talent."
He pauses, searching Kaiser's face for a strong reaction, then continues.
"You want to know something else? My grandfather. German. Dortmund fan. He give me jersey and poster as little boy. We know Dortmund. No worry, under here *points to costume* we already bald."
The crocodile, who has changed the soft music to intense heavy metal, nods in solidarity.
Hans knows they're lying, but sees no other option than to play along.
"Really? That's great! You guys definitely seem like someone I can work with. Dedicated to the cause, even!"
"Yes, excelente."
"And... what should I call you?"
Another furtive glance between his new associates.
"You call me Che," says the shark.
"You call me Zezé," says the crocodile.
"Che, you mean like Guevara?"
"That's the idea."
"Brilliant, Che."
That wasn't brilliant.
Hans gets up to head to the car, but instead Che motions him to sit back down. He slams the briefcase down on the table and opens it up. On the top, he sees neat stacks of 500 euro notes. Hans first assumes he is going to talk about payment, but he reaches towards the bottom of the case and produces an AK-47 assault rifle, locked and loaded.
That definitely wasn't brilliant.
"Whoooa, let's be careful with that thing, now, shall we? The money won't be a problem, I assure you."
Che chuckles again.
"Hey, hey, hey. No worry, no worry. Remember... anything. Many talent."
The beady plastic eyes on the costume bore into Hans' soul. He had had numerous mental images of the night going horribly wrong, and all at once they coalesced in the obsidian murk of those hellish beady eyes.
"Anything."
With that, Zezé tosses the tequila bottle away from the table, and Che unloads three rounds at it, one of them obliterating the glass instantly, the other two embedding in the wall, just inches from his player Marco Reus' head on the TV screen.
The two men high-five, then Zezé speaks.
"Okay Mr. Kaiser, time to go home."
They stand up. Che puts his menacing weapon back in his briefcase and closes it back up. Zezé turns off the music and TV. They both walk towards the door.
"**** my life." whispers Hans as he follows them, trying not to faint.

The ride home consisted of a lot more guitar jamming from Zezé and what sounded like a political rant in Spanish from Che. The words "Trump" and "mierda" were often mentioned in very close proximity to each other, so Kaiser caught the gist of what was going on. He couldn't help but smile at that, as well. He was still absolutely terrified of his new partners, but if there was even the chance that they would spare him a shallow grave and help him reach glory, then he figured there would indeed be silver linings, as Johann mentioned. However at one point in the journey, on an empty suburban street near Wuppertal, something suddenly and frighteningly went wrong. In a matter of seconds, Che halted the car, opened the door, and threw himself onto the sidewalk, screaming in disturbing fashion. First in Spanish, and then in a much clearer English, he cries,
"WHERE ARE WE? WHAT IS HE DOING TO ME?"
Zezé scrambles out of the car, putting his hand over the mouth of Che's costume and punching him in the face. Che cries out in pain. Zezé hits him again. This time, Che oddly goes silent and stands up as if nothing happened. A few lights go on around the neighborhood, wondering what on Earth is happening outside. Che and Zezé hop back into the car and speed off again.
Che turns back towards Hans.
"Sorry," he says, "That happen sometime."

The rest of the way back was silent. Eventually, they reach the parking garage in Dortmund again, with Hans extremely relieved to leave the company of the two apex predators he had spent much more time than he wanted with. In all honesty, he was just happy to still be alive. Before their car jolts away again, Che rolls down the window and speaks one last time:
"Good night, Mr. Kaiser. We look forward to work with you. Viva La Revolución!"
Then the car is gone before Hans can blink. Shaken, he moves back towards his own vehicle. Standing beside it in the empty lot, he notices the time on his watch. It's well past 1:00 AM. He had wanted to watch the Germany game with his wife and sons tonight, but the final whistle was hours ago. He would have a lot of explaining- or rather, lying- to do in the morning. Yet two priorities came first.
One, he needed to get rid of the shark decal on his car. One strong pull and it was off.
Two, he placed a call to his overnight security department. He needed a bodyguard.

This concludes Season 2.
Thanks for reading.

[ManUtd1]

I'm all out of reputation to give today, but will come back tomorrow to get that last post! 

Great stuff, man.

[DavidBeckham]

Good luck in your next season mate, hope you take the next step and win the Bundesliga  

[oriole01]

22 hours ago, DavidBeckham said:

Good luck in your next season mate, hope you take the next step and win the Bundesliga  

Cheers David, here's hoping .

[oriole01]

A great World Cup, all told, with some interesting sides making runs and two very unexpected sides in the final. Some highlights from the Group Stage include Russia winning two entertaining games against Aubameyang's Gabon and 2022 hosts Qatar, 4-3 and 3-2 respectively, Belgium beating Netherlands on the last day to advance on goal difference, Japan and DR Congo each winning two games, and defending champions Germany going out at the first hurdle. The Round of 16 saw Costa Rica upset Colombia, Denmark upset Mexico, and Spain eliminate Argentina in the biggest talking points of the round. The quarters saw England scrape by Belgium in extra time and Croatia outlast Denmark in a truly epic match which saw Dortmund youngster Bruun Larsen score the only goal for the Danes. England handled a rather tame Portugal in the semis, while Croatia FM'ed Brazil in normal and extra time before getting lucky on penalties. Brazil beat Portugal for third place. The final was all England, as the exhausted Croats only managed one shot on target. A brilliant win for Kane, Alli, Rashford, Lingard, and company! Gloriously unrealistic .

Awards:
Golden Ball- Raheem Sterling (England)
Golden Boot- Luis Suarez (Uruguay, 6 goals)
Best Young Player- Marcus Rashford (England)
Best Goalkeeper- David De Gea (Spain)
Goal of the Tournament- Matias Kranevitter (Argentina)
It was a cracker.

So I got this news after the show wrapped up:

There is an idea forming .
Stay tuned...

Los! Los! Los!

[BoxToBox]

Jesus, Germany!

[ManUtd1]

1 hour ago, BoxToBox said:

Jesus, Germany!

No kidding!  I just feel bad for DR Congo...from the insanity of 1974, to failing to reach the knockout rounds despite winning 2 group matches.

(We all have see the crazy free kick from the Brazil match, but the story behind it is more sinister: http://inbedwithmaradona.com/journal/2011/7/25/that-joke-isnt-funny-anymore-zaire-at-the-1974-world-cup.html).

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

TFW Ireland didn't even make the groups stages. 

Good luck getting the Germany job!

[oriole01]

18 hours ago, Fer Fuchs Ake said:

TFW Ireland didn't even make the groups stages. 

Good luck getting the Germany job!

It's realistic though, innit? 

Cheers mate.

[oriole01]

 

2:24 PM. July 24, 2018.
Borussia Dortmund are on tour in France, soaking up the Corsican summer sun for one last day before their flight to the east of France to play Sochaux.
The phone rings in Hans Kaiser's hotel room. Kaiser, panicked, reaches for his burner phone in expectation of his 'associates' calling, but it is just the hotel's landline. He answers, heart racing both from the thought of the talent men calling, and then from the voice he hears on the other end.

"Hello, am I speaking to Hans Kaiser?
"You are indeed! How can I help?
"Hey Hans, this is Reinhard Grindel, President of the DFB. I'm calling regarding your application for the German national team management position."
Hans' face lights up. He's dreamed his whole life of managing the German side, in addition to Dortmund. He had never reached Der Mannschaft as a player, but he would kill for a chance as a coach.
"Oh, hello Reinhard! Have you come with good news?"
"Well, let me say this first, Hans. We admire you immensely. The passion you bring to the job is pretty close to unprecedented. The football you guys play over at Dortmund is entertaining, fun, and of top quality. And then the tifos, the chants, the flares and the whole baldness thing? Incredible! We really appreciate what you bring to the German game."
"Well, thank you Reinhard. I always appreciate the kind words!"
"However, I regret to inform you that we cannot offer you the job at this time."
Hans' heart sinks immediately. For some reason he had a feeling he'd be denied for one reason or another, but actually hearing it was something else altogether. However, the sadness quickly turns to anger, as it usually did with Hans.
"Excuse me?"
"I'm really sorry, Hans. We just can't see you as the best person for this job. International management is a lot different from club management, as you must know, and the fact that you wouldn't be willing to give up Dortmund for us... it just doesn't sound like a favorable arrangement. And, don't take this the wrong way Hans, but we're just not sure if we want someone with your sort of history here. The reports we've seen in the media don't look good."
"My history? What are you talking about?"
"Well... um... the reports that you have physically attacked opposing managers aren't a good start. Then there's the flamethrowers, and the crude language, and the whole Congo deal... we just can't take that sort of risk."
"I'm not going to answer that. You want to talk about some history, though? You guys just trampled over it at that World Cup. What an awful performance, you looked nothing like the defending champions. You've disappointed every fan in this country, me included. You made my kids cry. So I don't think you're in a position to be selective, Reinhard. You're lucky I've even tried to help you."
There's some rustling and the sound of hushed voices on the other end.
"Again, I'm sorry, Hans. We've gone with Roger Schmidt. He's the sort of man we're looking for."
As much as Hans wanted to get even more angry, there was good reason to hire Schmidt. He had just guided Leverkusen to their first-ever Bundesliga trophy, and now wanted a bigger challenge.
"Fine. You have missed an opportunity to become gloriously bald. You'll know exactly when you've made a huge mistake. It'll be loud and ****ing clear. Thanks for ruining my work holiday."

Hans slams down the phone. Wild thoughts briefly race through his head. What if he had his associates pay a visit to the DFB? That would be int... no. He had to control himself. As much as Hans was deathly scared of Che and Zezé, the dark power they provided was enticing. They had already shown their 'talents', hacking his work computer and attempting to send "The Communist Manifesto" to the entire club staff over email. He was struggling to hold back the urge to use those talents for real. He held it back, for now, but one could only feel it would become inevitable, someday.
Time to go back to the beach. Full-squad Ultimate Frisbee was waiting. 

[Fer Fuchs Ake]

6 hours ago, oriole01 said:

It's realistic though, innit? 

No it's not, we're a good-

*Remembers we've failed to qualify for this World Cup and for the previous two.*

Nevermind, it's realistic.

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
2018-19 Pre-Season

Due to Leverkusen's rise, we've been predicted for third this season rather than second. I have to hope for better, of course. Gladbach and Wolfsburg are expected to be in the mix again, but neither of them have done much so far on this save. Stuttgart's odds are only one place up from last season despite finishing 6th. Of the newly-promoted teams, Mainz are projected to survive, but Freiburg are projected for the playoff and Nurnberg to go down. Well aware of their prediction of last, Heidenheim have gone on a mad rush to spend during this window. Let's hope they find the way to surviving again.

With an extra-long pre-season, we were able to get in a lot of friendlies to build fitness. There's some good results in there, but we shouldn't have drawn against Karlsruher or Rapid Wien.

Transfers

We'll start with outgoings, as per usual. Weidenfeller retired but rejoined us as a first team coach. We loaned out both backup RBs Durm and Piszczek with the return of Felix Passlack from his loan. As I mentioned before, we lost Burnic on a free to Bayern, who was a decent prospect. My fault there. Beste was a promising left-back prospect for us, but he demanded to be sold since we couldn't give him any assurances of first team playing time. A shame that he took it there, but Freiburg came in with a good offer and we let him go. I've loaned out prospects Isak, Kehr, Mangala, Merino, and Bruun Larsen in the hopes that each of them will develop enough to be ready for the first team. Lastly, Mor was someone who had been pining for more playing time for ages, even though I was giving him perfectly suitable time for a 19-20 year old. As the third choice AMR, I accepted any big offer that came his way, and after declining Man United due to wage, (how?!) he signed with Liverpool. I may very well regret this transfer if he becomes a superstar, but then again, it was hard to tolerate someone who had never really wanted to be here in the first place.

Incomings this year are short and sweet. I feel our depth has reached its highest sustainable point now, so any moves from here on will either be to replace someone or for youth prospects. Rajkovic is one of the best young keepers in the world, so I pounced on the chance to sign him as soon as Weidenfeller retired. The fee was quite low for someone of his talent, so I'm happy to bring him in and am excited for his future here as a potential first choice. Burki will remain our keeper in the Bundesliga, but Rajkovic will have his chance to impress in the Pokal and in Europe.

The big move, which smashed multiple Dortmund transfer records, was for Hoffenheim's Amiri. I wasn't even aware of how good this guy was before I scouted him. At 21, his 3.5* CA and 5* PA easily put him down as our best AMC. He'll slot in ahead of Gotze and Kagawa in the starting XI, and should be key to any success we have here. I wasn't expecting to pay so much for him, but Hoffenheim did the smart thing in forcing me to pay his release clause. As I didn't have much else on the shopping list, I went for it. I'm delighted to have Nadiem here, and can't wait to see what he brings to Der BVB.

Predrag Rajkovic|Nadiem Amiri

The excitement around here is back up to 11. There's a lot of expectation surrounding us this year, but with the squad we have at our disposal now, there should be no excuses for failing to live up to them. We start out with games in the Pokal and our CL playoff tie before the league starts back up on September 1. A tasty Hamburger SV are first on the menu there. It's time to devour them like a shark... no, you're not playing, Ernesto!
Los! Los! Los!

Edited January 17, 2018 by oriole01
Added player profiles

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
August 2018

Well, here's a contrast for you.

We utterly destroyed 5th-tier side Wiesbach in the first round of the Pokal. Our biggest win so far on the save saw Alex Isak score a hat trick before half time, then be substituted for Auba, who scored four of his own. Julian Weigl also bagged a brace to put poor Wiesbach out of their misery.

The first leg against CSKA Moscow was a great game of football. Although we would go behind on just 8 minutes to Zoran Tosic's placed goal, Christian Pulisic would reply with a goal from a beautiful OusCrane run and cross. Vasiliy Berezutskiy would put the Russians back in the lead with a powerful header on 25 minutes, leading us into the half with some serious work to do. Thankfully, Amiri came through with the equalizer on his debut, albeit from a shot Igor Akinfeev should have saved.  We were still down on away goals, but Pulisic would play hero on 85 with a header from a lucky deflected free kick. It wasn't a pretty result, but we at least had the lead heading to Moscow.

However, the second leg saw us disintegrate. On 9 minutes, Alan Dzagoev clocked in a finish from just outside the box to give CSKA their first goal. They had another on 26, with Vitinho benefiting from Rajkovic's poor reflexes to score a header. When Timur Zhamaletdinov got their third on the hour mark, we knew we were in big trouble. Aubameyang came on to make a big impact on 70, beating an onrushing Akinfeev with a header for our first. We had seized control of the game by this point, but we couldn't convert any of our remaining chances to force extra time. We outshot and outpossessed CSKA in both legs, but our defense was not up to the standard required for the Champions League, so we drop down for another season in the EL. Devastating, but there are no excuses.

Europa League Draw

Leicester City!  We beat Krasnodar in a friendly last summer, but we had better be wary of Russian sides now. APOEL should be 6 points, but IRL Dortmund couldn't beat them in the CL this year...

There are no excuses for not finishing top of this group.
Los! Los! Los!

[BoxToBox]

You've mugged Liverpool there.

[oriole01]

On 1/17/2018 at 15:45, BoxToBox said:

You've mugged Liverpool there.

Definitely! I don't see Emre becoming "Mor" than a backup there, so it is indeed a very good financial deal for us, plus we get dibs on his sell-on fee .

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
September 2018

We're off to a fantastic start in the league, and we won our first EL game as well.

What a game to start the season. Our matches against Hamburg have never been run of the mill, but this one took it to a whole new level. Auba blasted in our first goal of the season on just 2 minutes, then he scored from the spot ten minutes later to double the lead. Filip Kostic got one back for Hamburg, but we answered with two more goals from Nadiem Amiri and Ousmane Dembele. Bobby Wood got a second for them, but then we got a fifth from Auba to lead 5-2 at half time. The fireworks didn't stop there, as we hopped out to a 7-2 lead with Auba's fourth and Amiri's second from a lovely free kick. Hamburg would add two consolation goals late to solidify a legendary first day of 2018-19. Hans was going absolutely mad on the sidelines with every goal, unable to contain the pure adrenaline.

Hertha gave us a much closer game in Berlin. In fact, they outshot us by nearly double, but we were more clinical. Amiri got us off the mark on 8 with a low placed shot, but Sandro Ramirez equalized on 16 from a brilliant snapshot. Dembele would send us to the locker room buzzing with a goal on 45 to give us the lead. Auba would score another penalty late in the match to go up 3-1, but Sandro's instant reply would make things interesting heading into the final ten minutes. We would hold on, however, to win our second game of the season.

We took a brief holiday in the Mediterranean to face APOEL in our first EL match. We took the lead on 19 from Andre Schurrle's resounding finish after a comical string of blocked and saved shots from the rest of the attack. Richarlison scored on 40 minutes from what was clearly an offside position, but the goal stood thanks to some questionable officiating. APOEL would score with one of their first chances of the game on 57, a tap-in from Vander cutting our lead in half. However, we would recover quickly, with Richarlison scoring a similar goal to Vander's in the 61st. We could (and should) have scored more, but 3-1 was enough to grab the three points with ease.

We ran rampant at goal for a second time against newly-promoted Nürnberg. Christian Pulisic saw us ahead after just 43 seconds, thumping in a header from Amiri's corner. Edgar Salli would equalize two minutes later for the hosts via a deflection, but Amiri also got on the scoresheet in the first ten minutes with a powerful low drive. He then got his second on 25 from a beautiful free kick into the top left corner. Richarlison scored our fourth off OusCrane's deft move and cross three minutes after the half. On 86, Amiri looked to have scored another free kick, but this time it was marked down as a Salli own goal, the Cameroonian international scoring on both ends in a damaging result for his team.

Another underdog awaited at home in the form of Heidenheim, who we took care of coolly and quickly. Richarlison, who was now filling in for an injured Auba, scored a brilliant goal on the run on 7 minutes, then Raphael Guerreiro blasted in a second on 13 to erase any doubts of complacency. I was a bit disappointed not to run up the score, as we completely shut down Heidenheim in this match and had plenty of other chances, but I won't complain with a 2-0 victory that saw us win our fourth consecutive game to start the season. 

Of course our only dropped points of the month came away from home against god damn Köln, who have been the trickiest small team to deal with on this save so far. Despite heavy pressure from our rotated squad, the Billy Goats held firm at the back and even threatened to take the game for themselves on multiple occasions. No chances came to fruition for either side, though, which definitely didn't impress Che and Zezé in the stands.

Tables

Bayern haven't flinched at the top, winning all five of their games so far. Defending champs Leverkusen are also right on pace, but they lost their first game of the season last time out. There's some very interesting teams in the mix early on, as Ingolstadt remain unbeaten through five matches and Leipzig appear to be back on their 2016/17 form. It's also nice to see Freiburg, Nurnberg, and Heidenheim in the top half, even if only for a few games longer. Hertha, Gladbach, Bremen, Stuttgart, and Schalke are all good teams who have struggled mightily so far, with the Smurfs being the most surprising in only claiming a point from their first five games. Is "Baldness Über Alles" working on them? Maybe...

Leicester won their first game in the EL, and they may indeed be a difficult opponent to beat. We'll play them for the first time next month.

Nice to reach my first milestone on the save, let's hope we can see more of these as we push on.

Fortunately, I haven't seen my associates since our initial meeting, but they insist that they are ready at a moment's notice. I had a feeling they were present at the Koln game, looking for anything they possibly could to motivate me to use them. This isn't a nice feeling.
All the while, there have been reports of a sharply dressed man repeatedly walking into the Dortmund offices, claiming he's completely lost but feels he has some sort of connection to the club. And he keeps asking for the bald man... me. I don't know what's going on, man.

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

Der Klassiker- Chapter Sechs
Bundesliga Week Six- The Pre-Game
The Parking Lot- Signal Iduna Park
It's 6 AM on matchday, hours before the vast droves of Dortmund fans were set to descend upon the Signal Iduna Park for a league six-pointer against Bayern. Hans Kaiser, accompanied by his childhood friend and new bodyguard Fabian Schulz, are standing alone on the edge of the parking lot, watching the sun rise above the trees. Fabian is armed with a taser, and if things really went wrong, a Glock pistol. Instead of driving his Lamborghini, which he now felt tainted him, he had taken his first ever car to the stadium, a 1994 Volkswagen Golf. After a healthy period of waiting, the black Huracan screams into the lot like a banshee, thundering towards them at top speed. Just as the two are about to become roadkill, it squeaks to a rolling stop. The talent men hop out, clad in the same bizarre costumes as last time. Che strides towards Kaiser, pulling him into a most unpleasant embrace. As the shark leans in, Hans catches a whiff of a foreign odor he couldn't quite identify. Was it motor oil? Tar? No, there was no explaining it. Che moves back to the car, then says,
"Mr. Kaiser, you do not know how much this mean. We so happy to be in your service."
"You're welcome, Che," Hans intones in a low voice.
A few silent moments pass before Hans continues.
"Well, thank you for coming out today. I... erm... would like you to help me this afternoon." 
The associates look at each other, again in their cohesive, chilling way, then turn back to their boss.
"This is easy, Mr. Kaiser. Give us the name and we take care of-"
"NO!" Hans yells. It's about time he stood his ground before these two psychopaths got him in real trouble. "My god, you two need to realize that I'm not interested in those sort of... talents. I am only in the business of intimidation. As you may already know, I have tried to talk trash, personally insult the other manager, and use chinchillas and spiders to try to scare Bayern. None of these have worked, so I want you to scare them. Really, really scare them. Something that will make them fear the very thought of facing us even more. Can you do that?"
Che and Zezé share another meaningful glance, then the latter moves over to the former and whispers something in his ear- or rather where his ear was underneath the green and yellow fabric. Che nods his head approvingly at whatever he hears,Hans catching another grin beneath the mesh.
"Yes, yes, yes, Mr. Kaiser, we know exactly what to do."
"Che," says Kaiser, with a tone identical to that of which he spoke to his children, "if you do anything that could get me or anyone other than yourselves in trouble, you're done. This association will be terminated, permanently. You're staying within my boundaries whenever I give you a job."
With this, both the shark and crocodile break out into a dismissive laughter. Hans loses all of the sudden confidence that had overtaken him and slips into confusion. Were they on his side or not?
After recovering from his moment of amusement, Che speaks again.
"No worry about us, Mr. Kaiser. We responsible people, we do what you say. But we know exactly who you are. Deep inside, you want all of our talent. The things you say to Mr. X... they tell us this is true. We are with you, all the way to the end."
That last sentence gave Hans chills. The end? What exactly did that mean?

The associates had got back in their car, but before they departed, Zezé took his turn to speak.
"Next time, no bring your lapdog. I disable the weapons while we talking."
The doors close, and they race away. Schulz, eyes wide in disbelief, draws both his taser and gun. Neither will dispatch. When he opens up both weapons, he finds the inside of the taser fried and the Glock's bullets missing. Fabian turns to his boss with a bewildered look on his face; one that wasn't lost on Kaiser either. His words are half whispered.
"I don't know if this is my kind of job, man."

The Locker Room
It's now 3:15 PM in Dortmund, just fifteen minutes away from the kickoff of the season's first Klassiker. The sounds of the Kahle Armee in the stands are unmistakable, with an ever-growing ferocity taking hold of the spectators as the opening whistle drew near. In such an important fixture, emotions were running high, with neither the 75,000 home fans nor the visitors wanting to give an inch. A similar passion emanated from the locker rooms, in which the two commanders were steeling their squadrons for battle. Although Carlo Ancelotti was rather alert to antics set up by his rivals after his experience with spiders last time here, he could not have foreseen what was coming to him during his final tactical briefing with the squad.
"Weiser! You're going to be pushing forward when we've got an attack on, looking to drive any balls that come to you into the area. I'm going to need you to move back to the line as soon as they win the ball back, though, cause you know what kind of danger Reus is on your side."
"Yes sir."
"Thiago, Vidal, if you either of you see a lack of coverage on the wings, it's your job to move there in support of the defense. We can't have any lapse in security-"
He pauses as he feels a cold yet fuzzy hand curl around his shoulder. He slowly turns around, his pupils dilating as he catches one of the oddest sights he had ever seen in his life. Standing behind him are two costumed men, one in a green-and-yellow shark suit and the other in a crocodile suit, holding a jagged electric guitar. Ancelotti's first thought was how absurd what he was seeing was. His second was how the hell they had gotten into the locker room. The only entrance, the door, had been locked.
"Well, hello there!" exclaims Ancelotti, trying to play off the situation with humor, "if you're looking for the circus, I think you've got the wrong locker room!"
This jest elicited some laughter from the players, who had been just as shocked as their manager until this point. However, there was no such reaction from the shark. The black beady eyes continued to lock directly with Ancelotti's, and the hand, which felt like a rock, was still hinged on his shoulder.
One of the players, Alaba to be exact, starts to move toward them in an attempt to diffuse the tension, but the crocodile immediately blocks his path, holding the guitar in a threatening manner. Alaba slowly retreats, unable to think of any other course of action. At that moment, the shark becomes a shark no more, removing the head to his costume. The bright light above his head obscures his face from view of anyone, even Ancelotti just inches away from him. Yet that light quickly turns to dark. The man moves his hand upward to his invisible face, his fingers creating a net around it, then just like the wrapping on a Christmas present, pulls it off. In its place is a sphere of pure blackness, absent of anything tangible whatsoever. The room begins to tremble somewhat, but Ancelotti loses control of all motion in his body. His figure suddenly goes rigid in his chair as his mind travels to another place.

He's in the same void as could be seen in the shark's face. He's underwater, and he can't breathe.  For several moments, Carlo sees nothing but the void, but suddenly a red light manifests itself in the distance. Two red lights, in fact. The lights grow larger and closer as an overwhelming sense of dread washes over him. The lights are now clearly two glowing eyes, with an onyx mass darting around behind them. It's a shark, a real great white far more menacing than any costume could show. A Bayern logo materializes on his head, glowing like Tokyo neon in the dark water and lighting up the beast before him. A bright yellow Dortmund logo forms around it as well, for a moment painting its entire face the same color and revealing a horrific, scarred visage. The shark moves just inches away from him now. Still unable to breathe, any attempt at movement from Ancelotti was also useless. All 50 of the beast's teeth show, each one of them a personal dagger that would rend him to pieces. It mouth widens as far it can go, then they snap back down violently as the scene goes black.

Ancelotti returns to his body, which was now curled on the floor with long black tendrils surrounding him. The costumed men were gone. The players, who had apparently seen nothing of the void, rushed to his side, asking if he was okay. Carlo couldn't respond for another ten minutes, when he finally regained most of his normal functions. At that point, he got up, told the players to head to the pitch, and rushed to find Hans Kaiser.
(Thank you David Lynch. You are a master of art and an inspiration.)
The Tunnel
Hans' pep talk, although less eventful than Carlo's, had gone well. He hadn't gone for anything special this time, just a lot of Red Bull and shouting, as was default. By this point, the entire team being bald was a familiarity to anyone who saw them, which was great in Hans' mind. The more baldness was associated with the fundamental identity of the club, the better. He wasn't anticipating to see Carlo in the tunnel if things with Che and Zezé went well, but just as he was nearing the end of the pathway he was tracked down, his rival looking frantic and wild.
"Hans... tell me what the **** that was!"
"What what was?"
"THAT!" Carlo screams, gesturing with both arms outstretched towards the Bayern locker room.
"Oh, that... I imagine my associates treated you well?"
Ancelotti sneers at Kaiser with utter contempt. He tries to regain some composure in his next censure, but his voice tremors with terror and panic.
"Look, you bastard. This has gone far enough. If you're not going to tell me what the hell that was, then I'll say it for you. You've gone completely off the rails. Bat**** crazy. Insane. I can get over spiders, or chinchillas, or whatever stupid pranks you want to throw at me, but that was real. I was there... the shark had me in this awful black water where I couldn't breathe, and it had these red eyes, and it ate me whole. I don't know what to say. But I don't deserve any more of this ridiculousness, that's for sure."
"I'm sorry, Carlo," Hans quips sarcastically, "but you asked for war. Now you've got it. This is just the beginning of hell for you if you don't surrender. Me and my associates can promise you that."
Carlo keeps pacing around, head in his hands.
"What do you think this is, Kaiser!? This is football, not some gangster film. You've gone in over your head. You're just the leader of a big freak show, and it will all come crashing down when that board runs out of patience with you."
"No, this empire is still expanding, growing, spreading. Do you remember the python I told you about last time? This snake's big enough to squeeze the entire world to death. If it's a freak show, as you say, then we'll be the running the whole circus. We're for real."
"I can't believe this. There's no explanation for this."
"Baldness, Carlo. Baldness. That's always the answer." Hans winks. "Come on, you've still got to face 75,000 of them, remember? Let's go."
With that, Kaiser takes Ancelotti's hand, which is still shaking from unfettered fear. They move slowly, one step at a time, onto the pitch. The Signal Iduna was open for business. The OusCrane tifo was unfurled once again and the baldness dazzled even the least opinionated of neutrals on such a pivotal stage. The crisp October air had turned unexpectedly violent, with wind now reverberating through the stadium like a boomerang. Hans leans in to Carlo's ear, clenching the Italian's hand and waist to keep him from collapsing under the immense weight of the moment.
"Viva la revolución," he whispers with a proud glint in his eye and a smile on his face.

Los! Los! Los!

[oriole01]

Der Klassiker- Chapter Sechs
Bundesliga Week Six- The Post-Game

This just isn't working. Another deflating result against Bayern that does us no justice. We actually stuck to our normal 4-2-3-1 formation at home, but it was a boring game for the most part, save for a stretch of two minutes where Bayern took control. On 25, Kingsley Coman burst by Guerreiro on the left side, then squared a ball over to Kevin Volland for the close-range finish. Things looked to be getting worse two minutes later when Engels was whistled in the box for a trip on Boateng, giving them a penalty and a chance to double the lead. Thankfully, Burki was able to save Arturo Vidal's spot kick with a quick reaction dive. I hoped that would give us momentum for an equalizer, but there were few highlights for the rest of the match as Bayern calmly shut us down. A draw should have been the fair result here considering the numbers in shots and possession, and a result I would have taken, but to lose at home like this in such a dejected fashion is unacceptable. Despite looking like a mental patient for the entire game, Carlo somehow still won. Damn it.

[ManUtd1]

Brutal result. Maybe get more Lynch-ian in your tactics?

[oriole01]

1 hour ago, ManUtd1 said:

Brutal result. Maybe get more Lynch-ian in your tactics?

I suppose a go at the Tibetan Method might be beneficial...

[oriole01]

Borussia Dortmund
October 2018

A mixed month, where we did well in Europe but not too well in the league.

We started off the month against Leicester, who on paper are our toughest opponent in the group. We faced the challenge with aplomb, though. Marcel Schmelzer collected a rare goal on 22, firing a brilliant half-volley past Kasper Schmeichel for 1-0. Eight minutes later, we would score a second, Mario Gotze applying the straightforward finish to Marco Reus' cross. Despite Mario Lemina getting sent off late in the second half, the Foxes were still able to pull one back through Islam Slimani in stoppage time, the Algerian scoring a nice chipped finish over Rajkovic to erase the clean sheet. It was nice to beat the most dangerous team in the group at home, but the real test will come in England in December.

See above for our loss against Bayern.

We followed up that loss to Bayern with another poor result against Bremen. Although we were dominated in shots by the home side, we had the better chances and should have won. OusCrane had two crosses that nearly went in, both of them clanking off the crossbar and scaring the living daylights out of Michael Esser in net. Our best chance came on 82, when a swift counter led to a big chance for Andre Schurrle- who slid the ball just inches wide of the far post from the left wing. Consistency may again be a problem for us.

We did much better against Krasnodar in Russia. On 14, Sven Bender scored his first goal for us on this save, hitting a deflected shot off a Krasnodar defender for 1-0. In first half stoppage time, Reus scored an absolute belter from a free kick, beating the keeper from 25 yards into the top right. Things were quiet in the second half until Marco popped up again in stoppage time, placing his snapshot expertly across the face of goal and into the bottom left corner. Definitely happy to get three wins from three in the EL.

We took the game to a struggling Stuttgart at the Signal Iduna. On 30, Reus drilled in a header from a returning Auba's cross for the first. Our Gabonese machine then kicked into high gear in the second half, scoring a low thumper on 63 and a cool finish in a one-on-one just a minute later. 18-year-old Erik Majetschak got one back on 68 with a well-placed shot, but substitute OusCrane scored our fourth with a minute remaining after a brilliant counter-attacking move set him free on the right side. Majetschak would get another just moments later though, which surely impressed any scouts watching, but ultimately his efforts would be in vain as our clinical finishing led us to victory.

We ended the month with another heartbreak in the Pokal, but at least this time it was against a credible Hertha side. We started off well, OusCrane continuing his form from the end of the previous game with a tap-in (from what may have been an offside position) off Schurrle's cross. Hertha would equalize on 22, Sandro Ramirez scoring a slightly deflected shot that sent Burki the wrong way. There was hardly a chance for the rest of the match, but with extra time just seconds away, tragedy struck again. Burki handled a long-range free kick from Marvin Plattenhardt poorly, parrying it off the post and then into the path of a charging Valentin Stocker, who put away the winner easily. Unbelievable.
Our luck in the Pokal is unbelievably bad, as over three years we've not advanced beyond the second round. In 2016, we lost to a 2. Bundesliga Stuttgart side, with the winner coming in the 121st minute. In 2017, we lost to a newly-promoted 2. Bundesliga Lotte side, with the winner coming in the 112th minute. This time, we lost in the sixth minute of stoppage time against a team we hadn't lost to before on the save in five meetings. Absolutely gutting.

 Tables

Down to 4th in the league after the dropped points. Bayern won their first seven games and only just lost to Leipzig, who look legit again. Leverkusen look great as well, so this could be one hell of a title race. I can't quite believe how well Ingolstadt are doing, as their only loss is to Bayern and they're looking the better side against everyone else. Nurnberg continue an encouraging return to the top flight with a few more points this month. The bottom of the table looks alien. Schalke have been utter **** despite splashing the cash this summer, and Bremen and Gladbach look lost as well. Gladbach hiring Patrick Vieira may be the worst decision for them in recent memory, as he's won just three whilst losing twelve and drawing five, all of those wins coming last season.

Top of the EL group at the halfway point. Couldn't ask for more. Leicester have taken care of business against the bottom two teams, so they should be favorites to advance ahead of Krasnodar. APOEL have no points, and I don't see any on the horizon for them, unfortunately.

Next month sees two more fixtures in Europe and a showdown against Leipzig in the league.
Los! Los! Los!