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[FM17] If you think you're too small to make a difference you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito


Benjoe

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One SI user to the other: Jeez.. on mondays like these I really miss Benjoe's thread!

Other user: Yeah! Me too! I miss it all the time!

Third user, who randomly pops up: I miss it so much! I have cried ever since... since.. I can't even mention it! 

God, maybe: ye, #metoo lads. 

 

Ok... that was perhaps a bit much. But it's all true. 

You know what else is true? 

Can you guess it? 

Spoiler

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44 minutes ago, Benjoe said:

One SI user to the other: Jeez.. on mondays like these I really miss Benjoe's thread!

Other user: Yeah! Me too! I miss it all the time!

Third user, who randomly pops up: I miss it so much! I have cried ever since... since.. I can't even mention it! 

God, maybe: ye, #metoo lads. 

You shouldn't be posting my private conversations man! Not cool.

 

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Page 14:

Finally back again. '

And what a time to be back! 

 

On 19/6/2017 at 17:39, oriole01 said:

Mayotte sounds very interesting, the only problem being that it's non-FIFA.

On 19/6/2017 at 18:08, sc91 said:

Nelson goes to Norway does have a ring to it. Like a Christmas special.

With people guessing right and left about Nelson's potential national job, 

On 19/6/2017 at 19:36, Benjoe said:

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And the news that he denied to negotiate an extension with the club things were very much uncertain. 

One thing, however, was certain.

On 22/6/2017 at 06:08, Benjoe said:

Instead of answering this I'll post this Danish charity song. 

 

The Danish charity song had to be posted!

On 24/6/2017 at 03:06, Bitner said:

Following this... unique(?) journey.

Cheers,
Bitner 

And a great big cheers to Bitner for this comment. 

On 25/6/2017 at 00:02, Benjoe said:

I can, however, reveal that Nelson is interviewing for a new team in a foreign country. It is a huge chance for him, but the nation is as chaotic as a bunch of frogs (on steroids) in a box.

Will Nelson take the chance if offered?

Will Mumbu really follow him anywhere?

Does Dube & The Dikgang release a new album soon?

And what's that about Mumbu trying to get a pet gorilla? 

All this and more will be answered in the coming days! 

A lot of questions raised in this one. 

Will be fun to see, which of these gets answered in the future.

On 26/6/2017 at 01:19, noikeee said:

I'm trying to think a joke here about a country that isn't horribly offensive or inappropriate. All I can think of possible destinations that fit that description are horrible warzones. :(

On 26/6/2017 at 07:01, DodgeeD said:

 

To be fair, that could describe the UK these days :(

On 26/6/2017 at 13:56, ManUtd1 said:

...Minefield...

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On 26/6/2017 at 15:18, Benjoe said:

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Let this be a mix of political talk and inappropriate minefield gifs... 

On 26/6/2017 at 20:53, Benjoe said:

On a breezy day in June, the ship entered the Congolese port of Banana and Nelson and Mumbu took their first steps on Congolese grounds.

“Ah! Mumbu do you smell that?”

“What boss?”

“The smell of imminent success!”

(...) Nelson of course needing all the 4 seats in the back of the bus to fit his.. you know where I'm going with this.

(...)

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But little did Nelson and Mumbu know, so walking through the troubled capital was no worry for the dynamic duo. Mumbu wanted ice cream, and that was what he got. As they walked through the city they passed more than one side with flowers in memorial of the deceased from the brutal demonstrations that had troubled the streets of Congo. What a time to get an opportunity to manage here. Most people would have refused due to personal safety but Nelson was relentless and walked around with his own enormous ice cream as he went to the job interview. 

Poor interviewer. He had no idea what he'd be experiencing here. 

This was going to be interesting.

But first a catchy jingle!

On 26/6/2017 at 20:56, ManUtd1 said:

 

I considered cutting in this, but I just like it too much as a whole. 

On 26/6/2017 at 22:18, Benjoe said:

Eden Mbombo stands ready by the office door to welcome Nelson and Mumbu into his office. A small office, with a strong smell of coffee and an uncanny odour of cigarette smoke, despite Eden allegedly never being  a smoker. Eden extends his arm forward to greet his guests as he smiles.

They both refuse his handshake and walks past him prior to attacking the chairs next to the desk in the middle of the room. Eden follows them and takes a seat in the chair in front of them on the other side of the desk as he quickly glances at a picture of his wife and his 5-year old daughter as he is reminded why he has to stay strong.

“So.. Nelson Mandela Jr. Welcome to this interview, and also welcome to your.. assistant? How may I address you?”

Nelson is silent.

Mumbu nods.

Eden professionally carries on as he makes convincing hand gestures.

“We’d like to ask you some questions about your past and present, and some standard questions about experience and visions.”

Nelson is silent again.

Mumbu shakes his head.

Eden continues, still using hand gestures, “Right.. So, let’s start with talking about your visions. We here at AS Dragons believe in developing and hiring young talents. Our economy is growing, but it is not strong enough to hand out big contracts. Could you handle such a policy?”

Nelson considers for a while until he answers confidently, “Yes. Of course.”

Eden ignores the short answer and goes to the next point of emphasis.

“Okay. Language wise we are the biggest francophone country in the world, so speaking French would help you very much. Is that a skill you acquire?”

Nelson looks down, then slowly gazes at Eden then around the room as he clutches his fingers together and mysteriously whispers, “Oui.”

“That’s grea-“ Eden cuts his sentence as he spots Mumbu leaning over the table.

As his mouth nears Eden’s ears he whispers, “Que”. His eyes shift from one side to the other and he slowly leans back in his seat as he gives a confident nod and smiles. He quickly raises his eyebrows in a playful manner.

Eden looks down at his papers in despair, and takes a deep breath. “We got NO other candidates, so just pick his brain a little and hire him!”

Eden closes his eyes and continues, “You’ve only got 5 years of experience managing football, and have never managed a club of this size.” Eden pauses. Mumbu nods, then shakes his head, then nods and gives a little laugh as he looks at the picture of Eden’s 5-year old daughter that is on the wooden desk they’re seated at. Eden looks at him baffled by disbelief. “You know what, the two of you are hired. I got more important matters to handle. Find your own way out.”

Nelson clutches his hand and looks at Mumbu, “Told you we’d make it.”

Mumbu looks at Nelson assertively as he nods and says, “Que”, again.

Nelson tries to get out of the chair smoothly, but to no-ones surprise his massive *** is stuck in the chair but somehow he manages to force himself free as he abruptly rises to his feet. As Nelson and Mumbu leaves the office Mumbu looks at Nelson in confusion, “Wait a minute, boss. Does this make me your official assistant, boss?”

It did.

On 26/6/2017 at 22:35, Benjoe said:

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Welcome to the Congo!

On 27/6/2017 at 09:10, Benjoe said:

If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there

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Arrived at destination:

Democratic Republic of the Congo  -  République démocratique du Congo

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French for 'Justice – Peace – Work'. 

A little disappointed by their coat of arms here compared to the ones we've seen before tbh.

 

DR Congo holds a lot of fantastic gifts from the nature. Fantastic forests and landscapes and lots of resources. Second largest country in Africa and the Congo rainforest is second only to the Amazon rainforest. This huge rainforest is the primary reason why DR Congo is the most biodiverse country in Africa as they have tremendous flora and fauna. In their national parks, where 5 of them are World Heritage sites: the Garumba, Kahuzi-Biega, Salonga and Virunga National Parks, and the Okapi Wildlife Reserve, you can find many different species. Some of the larger mammals are chimpanzees, (different kinds of) gorillas and lions, okapis, hippos, the African forest elephant, rhinos, giraffes, and so many more. 

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Image result for Upemba National Park  La_rivi%C3%A8re_Lulilaka%2C_parc_national_de_Salonga%2C_2005.jpg Image result for Falls of Zongo


Sadly, though, a lot of animals are poached for their fur, tusk, meat or other 'trophies' and sold on, and a lot of the woods are cut despite being WH-sites. A country at great unrest is exactly what the Democratic Republic of Congo is. Their current president, President Joseph Kabila, has been president ever since taking over the mantle 7 days after his father, President Laurent-Désiré Kabila, was assassinated by a bodyguard in 2001. He was re-elected twice, but there have been more than one violent, bloody massacre in the last couple of years. 

There are definitely some flaws in this great nation. Civil unrest and a horrible treatment of especially women is plaguing the country - as both women and children in villages are vulnerable to raids from armed militia, and politically active women will get a horrible time in prison... 

Let's end this all with something positive and negative: DR Congo - we have it all. 

Oh. This guys name is golden. Just too bad he is a ***** footballer.

On 27/6/2017 at 12:25, Benjoe said:

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Tactical masterclass, per usual.

On 30/6/2017 at 10:41, Benjoe said:

Justice et Travail - Justice and Work

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You are beautiful; but learn to work, for you cannot eat your beauty.

The key words for this tactical philosophy will be 'Justice' and 'Travail', which will pan out quite differently compared to the passive tactic used at Lioli FC in Lesotho. Players will be asked to press, and go for illustrious football.

'Travail' will be accomplished by asking players to be closing down more - as opposed to the 'Closing down much less' TI's used in Lesotho. A fluid shape will be used as well to help the team stay together as pressing individually and sporadically would mean a lot of trouble for us - especially with the formation being used, which will be shown soon enough.

'Justice' will be pursued by playing aggressive football and trying to be the best side in the game and then winning the game. Thus having 'football justice', as the team that deserved to win also won the game. Do I usually believe that justice exist in football? No. We'll still try to achieve it, though, by having higher tempo, passes into space and allowance to be more expressive. We might be trying to much here, but we are ambitious!

(.......)

 

The Formation:

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When people force your hand, it's not really you writing the sentence, is it?

On 30/6/2017 at 23:11, ManUtd1 said:

A keeper with 18 eccentricity couldn't be a better fit for this save :D

On 30/6/2017 at 23:33, BoxToBox said:

It'd only be right to set him to take all corner kicks.

On 1/7/2017 at 00:07, Benjoe said:

 

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Also we've finally... finished the preseason. 

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If Mumbu handling press conferences isn't your favorite thing in the world, it should be - only rivalled by the first album from Dube & The Dikgang.

On 1/7/2017 at 00:23, Benjoe said:

Mumbu steps into the press room as he looks around him. 

He's dressed in a tracksuit with dragons all over it. He's all by himself.

He smiles but it's not wholeheartedly. He's scared. It's glaring through his eyes. 

A man with a headset on points him to his seat. Mumbu slowly walks towards the chair, but as he slams his behind into the seat it squeaks and he is embarrassed. 

He looks over his shoulder, "Boss... where are you?" But 'boss' is nowhere to be seen. Nelson is at home sipping sangria preparing for his AS Dragons debut against AS Dauphine Noir.

"Who are you?" the first questions from the reporters comes in now. 

Mumbu punches the microphone in front of him a couple of times. He is confused. What is this?

"Urhhg.. Hello?" Mumbu cracks a nervous smile, "I am Mumbu Umbolele."

The reporters are quiet. 

"I... urhghrhhg... I make coffee for boss."

The reporters stares at Mumbu without saying a word. They can't believe what they're seeing.

"I... urhghrhgh... I give backrub to boss."

Mumbu starts to soften up a bit. This is fun!

"I, am the one who cooks... for boss! Haha!"

One reporter dares to lift his hand. His fellow reporters looks on with their eyes peeled. 

"What, erh, what do you have prepared for tonights game?"

"Oh. That's simple, boss - no wait, you're not boss." Mumbu slaps his cheek, "Stupid Mumbu!"

"I'm sorry..?" The reporter is petrified.

"I have a lasagne prepared for tonight, yes. For boss. Can I go now?"

One after another the reporters nod and Mumbu leaves the press room. 

Adorable. And.. frightening. 

On 1/7/2017 at 00:43, Benjoe said:

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"NOT NOW MUMBU! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!!?!?!?"

"But boss.. we had more possesion?"

"AHRGGRJHJHJHHRJGJHJR!"

Let's quickly get past that abomination. 

Nelson doing karaoke night singing Liquido's Narcotic. What could be better?

On 2/7/2017 at 15:05, Benjoe said:

In a little karaoke bar we find Nelson. He is trying to drink away the embarrassment that was his league debut. Unto pint 9, as he glances at a beautiful brunette sitting at a table in the other end of the room. She smiles and shrugs her shoulders as she tips her head at the stage. The same guy had been up there for the last hour. What was it, amateur hour - Nelson thought to himself as he chuckled.

The song changes and the intro to Liquido’s Narcotic plays. Who’d have known it was one of Nelson’s favorites. He just can't hold back. He must entertain. He goes to the scene, rips the microphone out of the hand of the lad who song the last song – an Abba wannabe - and starts singing with his horrendous voice, but somehow it works. He impressed her. How did that happen? How could she enjoy this **** show? Maybe she was just happy the Swedish horror show was over?

Nelson’s showmanship gene takes over as he ‘sings’ the synthesizer sounds in the song as he is a one-man band, ‘dyd dy dy dyd dydy dydydy dydyd dyyyy dydy dyydyy’ on and on. The guests of the karaoke bar are catching on. He feels it. Clapping his arms together to get the crowd going. A few claps here and there.

When the second verse comes he grabs the mic with both hands and leans in, staring her into the eyes slowling allowing them to look down her body as he sings ’Sweet devotion my delight; Oh, you're such a pretty one; And the naked thrills of flesh and skin’ Would tease me through the night!

The song finishes as he is sweating. The next song is a French one. A Congolese man with a beret, holding a baguette and fiddling his moustache is eager to come on stage. Nelson is not going. The man walks to Nelson and grabs the mic, but Nelson refuses and the two decides to do a duo of ‘Ca Plane Pour Moi’.

Fantastic. In the midst of the song Nelson grabs a pitcher of beer and pours it all over his body. The crowd is loving it.

So is she. What’s wrong with her? Why is she still here? What’s her sodding problem?

Aaaaaaand let's end page 14 with this piece of hysteria from Jean De Dieu Sacré - Sacré bleu he's not liking Nelson. 

On 2/7/2017 at 20:59, Benjoe said:

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I guess next logical step is to take Page 15...

We start out with the quick acquisition of a new keeper.

On 2/7/2017 at 21:44, Benjoe said:

 

"Who is this guy?" 

Nelson was confused when he spotted a new keeper training with the first team squad.

"Ehh. He's the new keeper, boss. Don't you see his gloves, boss?"

"Who the F**K signed that guy?" 

"Erh.. I don't know, boss. But he is nice to Mumbu. Me like him, boss."

"That's of no importance, Mumbu. Get out of my sight."

Being unsure who the new kid on the block was, Nelson approached him with the ultimate test. Would he be able to perform a proper knock-knock joke or would he fail and be boring (and insignificant)?

"Yo, kiddo!" Nelson threw some horrendous hand signs.

"Oh, hey coach! Sorry, I ment to present myself but-"

"Shh, peasant! Give me your best knock-knock joke!"

"Excuse me, my what?"

Nelson signalled 'go on' with his eyes and hands.

The keeper was hesitant, "Knock.. Knock?"

"Who's there!?" Screamed Nelson.

"Errhmm. Alain N'Doutoume-Betha, coach."

"Alain N'Doutoume-Betha, who?"

"Alain N'Doutoume-Betha is my name."

Nelson starred at him. The gaze seeping deeper and deeper into the skull of Alain N'Doutoume-Betha.

"That was ****. You're fired."

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(hint: notice his eccentricity of 1; that's the joke. He's boring.)

 

Aaaaaaand he's gone. 

 

On 4/7/2017 at 12:08, Benjoe said:

 

Following the troublesome September Nelson and Mumbu tinkered. How would they be able to get the team to win?

Nelson did the only logical thing and tweaked the formation into even more absurd grounds.

A sweeper and a regista was implemented and a few other tweaks. 

(..)

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Look at that beautiful... thing.

On 4/7/2017 at 13:04, kidthekid said:

this formation my actually work. It looks somewhat more compact. What are the expectations?

On 4/7/2017 at 13:17, Benjoe said:

:brock:

World domination.

@noikeee and @ManUtd1 had interesting things to say about Nelson's new tactical masterpiece.

On 4/7/2017 at 14:12, noikeee said:

I hereby nominate this new formation, the One-Legged-Man-Wearing-A-Skirt-And-Pretending-To-Be-An-Airplane-With-His-Arms. Or OLMWASAPTBAAWHA for short.

Or in ASCII,


   O
   |/
  /|
  ___
  \_/
   |

 

On 4/7/2017 at 14:41, noikeee said:

It's a versatile, multi-function skirt.

On 4/7/2017 at 14:47, Benjoe said:

A kilt with a built-in diaper. I like it. Very innovative.

On 4/7/2017 at 15:49, ManUtd1 said:

For those moments when the opposition field wingers and your sweeper has a sudden, compelling urge to **** himself.

On 4/7/2017 at 19:00, Benjoe said:

Happens (almost) every game, man. Had to seek the Kilt-bearing Pope Bob for guidance here.

On 4/7/2017 at 20:25, ManUtd1 said:

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Of course, we can't ignore one of the rare moments, Nelson received praise publicly.

On 5/7/2017 at 22:18, Benjoe said:

Just bringing a bit of an update in terms of player's and their performances here.

But first:

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Anyways, players!

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René here is progressing really well these past months and despite not being aerially strong I like him a lot. He's moving the right direction and is very young. Lots to do with him.

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Our most expensive transfer, our Cameroonian Tagueu, is also pushing forward nicely and having a decent effect in the league. Not a complete game-changer but he is still very important. His value has also skyrocketed since we bought him for 13k.

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Trésor is going from strengths to strengths. This 17 year old kid is amazing. He is performing great, and is my trusted regista atm. Physically he is beginning to grow to imposing levels, and his mentality is shaping up nicely - and he is fairly professional which shines through as he keeps training and performing despite being  unhappy and wanting to move. I'm afraid I can't hold on to him, sadly.

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This kid is a completely new signing as he was wandering around on a free and earned a contract after we had him on a 4-week trial. I was intrigued by his many u20 caps despite being without a contract and I really like his stats and the immediate performance he's brought along.

Signing Ousmane has ment we've changed our formation a little, however.

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One player on my radar, who haven't been interested, yet, is this 16 year old Senegalese killer in the making. I need to gain information about the rest of his stats, but even if they were all the lowest in the range he'd be a fantastic striker so I hope I can sway him sometime.

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Who claimed Nelson liked his players young? - and Nelson reverts back to a phallic-classic.. Is that weird timing?

Probably.

On 6/7/2017 at 13:04, Benjoe said:

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That resulted with this win.

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I am not completely put off the work on our Justice et Travail but it was just getting a little too exciting at the bottom of this group to keep trying to make it work. 

On 6/7/2017 at 13:07, noikeee said:

*serious hat on* I really don't understand how you make flankless work. I've gotten utterly annihilated so many times down the flanks even with fullbacks/wingbacks (wingerless) that it boggles my mind that you're getting away with this. :D

Seasonal review after Nelson's first season in DR Congo, and Mumbu sleeps in Nelson's office.

On 6/7/2017 at 14:53, Benjoe said:

Quietly he gazed out of the office window and looked down at the many pedestrians walking the crowded streets of Kinshasa. 

What a year, he thought to himself.

(...)

He was tired of getting laughed at for his obese structure and his questionable fashion. He wanted teams to fear him for his remarkable succes with his flankless formations, journos to respect him for his charisma, and players to want to join him - no beg him, to play for him. "Kiss my feet, peasants!" he chuckled for himself.

"What, boss? Were you talking to me, boss?"

"What the actual F**K are you doing in my office, Mumbu?!"

"Sorry, boss. Didn't mean to scare you. I just live in here, boss. Mumbu no afford apartment."

"Oh. Well... Be quiet at least, I'm thinking over here!"

"Okay, boss!"

Mumbu grabbed his quilt and dragged it to his chin as he laid there on the floor with a small pillow under his head. His thumb back in his mouth and the other hand under his head.

Nelson sighed and threw his legs atop the table in front of him as he leaned back.

"Now where were we," he whispered, "ah yes... Kiss my feet, peasants..."

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Every single thing is carefully planned when it comes to Nelson's managing skills.

On 8/7/2017 at 12:51, Benjoe said:

The tune of  the Indian version of Thriller plays from Nelson's phone as it lays on the sand next to him. He is enjoying his break from football, "We're done with this season, and it's only January?!" he'd happily asked when they had played their last league game of the season. He decided not to listen when the chairman further explained, that they would have to play the domestic cup in late May. He'd instead planned a vacation by the beach for the next 4 months.

He enjoyed the song too much to pick up the phone the first 3 times it rang. When he finally did he was met by a confused Mumbu, "Boss? Where are you? Aren't we supposed to have match tomorrow, boss?"

Mumbu was right.

With no friendlies to build match fitness they had to play their first cup game against Virunga.

94 minutes, 3 wonder strikes and a whole lot of last second panic resulted in a cup win in their first game of the group stages. Yep. There's a group stage in the domestic cup. Actually, there are two phases of the group stage. The first phase with eight groups. Only the winners advances. The next stage have two groups with 4 teams each, and only the winner advances to the final. It was a promising start for Nelson's troop, though.

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We find out more about Lamine Sow, and... He's signed for 2k!

On 10/7/2017 at 14:39, Benjoe said:

Update on Lamine Sow!
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It's done, guys. He's ours!

He won't be joining until he's turned 18, though, so I hope they don't manage to ruin his talent by then. The transfer was an odd one. Originally I had agreed a contract with him, but I cancelled the deal in the last second as our finances are looking very fragile and it would cost us a compensation at 34K + some percentages of a potential sale. This scared me away, but then I looked at him again and desperate to get the man, I just threw a 2K offer at them hoping they were willing to negotiate a little at least. They weren't. 

Rather they accepted it straight away and we cut the price for him enormously! I had had trouble negotiating a proper deal with Sow's agent so I let my DoF handle it instead and he got a far better deal out of it. So we'll get him for 450 p/w and without any 'Sell on fee percentage' or release clauses. That's very nice. 

The infamous Fred Bulali case begins... :( 

On 10/7/2017 at 14:52, Benjoe said:

And here is the player I'm craving the most. Released by TP Mazembe - properly because he didn't want to extend, he had been used a lot. He's unrealistic, he's way too good, he's not interested. He's perfect.

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Let's dwell a little on some amazing names shall we?

On 10/7/2017 at 19:16, Benjoe said:

A couple of other brilliant names I just stumbled upon.

ec1b9522dcae12169d76eb09ad703125.png - Good rhythm to this name.

a0a435b77dbfeaa9999d18c5998a82d5.png - say his last name with a bit of an accent and it describes what I laid in the toilet half an hour ago.

eea886f6c5f3809cf69a4b34f7a9a119.png - not sure what would be best, though. This, or Gianfranco Wenger...

e9534a837d8c32c3825cd39494570893.png - this is just a top Klaas name. And he plays for the Winners Park. There's some beauty in that, especially considering they're in the Regional Divisions of South Africa.

I like the name of this next guy too. Our DoF seems to like it a lot too - in fact so much he wants to splash a whopping 18K, growing to 43k, for him. 

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Looking at his stats I had to refuse it instantly.

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Can't have a DM with 9 acceleration and 10 pace trying to knock the ball past opponents... And despite some really nice attributes otherwise with some potential 43k is absurd. I Bitsindou farewell.

And with that, we bitsindou farewell to page 15. 

...

Yes, I'm gonna overuse that joke-- what do you mean I already did!?

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After 15 comes... 16? 

Yes Mumbu, good peas - I mean person.

Anyways, page 16.. woah what a page that one was. So much story, so many interesting games. 

But let's start with something sad...

On 10/7/2017 at 19:18, Benjoe said:

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I don't understand why he'd go to a trial at Kaizer Chiefs rather than with us... :rolleyes:

This is probably the end of our (never-ever-happening) attempt at swaying Fred Bula. :(

On 10/7/2017 at 19:30, BoxToBox said:

Probably thinks he's joining the band.

On 11/7/2017 at 22:04, Benjoe said:

The Fred Bulali saga is over. :(

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Following this we would be treated with a magnificent skill by an unexpected player.

On 11/7/2017 at 23:12, Benjoe said:

(...)

All would be forgotten, though, when Loric 'Congolese Ronaldinho' Ngombo destroyed the opponent with this pass.

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They were without a chance after that pass.

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On 12/7/2017 at 02:19, ManUtd1 said:

It's like he inverted the "Cruyff," while simultaneously dislocating his hip...something I'm quite sure I saw Mumbu inadvertently execute on the dancefloor in Ibiza over the holidays. 

 

On 12/7/2017 at 22:40, Benjoe said:

 

(...)

Drawing with Vita Club 2-2 in the preseason had given high hopes and expectations for the season - at least for Nelson. He was often seen wandering around the city screaming and shouting. "

"AS Dragons will win the league this year! Suck on THAT!"

The Director of Football tried to explain to Nelson, that it was only a friendly and that Vita probably hadn't been giving it their all but just building fitness. Nelson ignored it, of course. He was on a rampage.

 

In the transfer window once again AS Dragons flashed their wallet and bought some proper players to challenge for this years challenge.  

One player on loan decided to turn up straight away. 

On 12/7/2017 at 23:22, Benjoe said:

(...)

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Lokando came in on loan for a rotation role, but has since taken the starting spot seeing Tagueu getting injured for all of the group stages. He hit this wonder goal in his debut.

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Gwaaaan lad!

(...)

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Do you want to see the forum in full blown attack on Nelson and his personality (and ween)?

On 12/7/2017 at 23:24, Benjoe said:

(...) The Congo just can't handle The Ween.

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On 13/7/2017 at 02:48, kidthekid said:

This is the first Coach profile I have seen where nobody has you in their best opinion.

On 13/7/2017 at 03:40, ManUtd1 said:

He didn't become a manager to make friends...

On 14/7/2017 at 11:19, noikeee said:

Nobody likes his ween.

On 15/7/2017 at 19:41, ManUtd1 said:

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On 15/7/2017 at 22:54, ManUtd1 said:

The tongue was key.

On 16/7/2017 at 00:32, Benjoe said:

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Nelson wants quiche. No surprise. Fat ****. 

On 30/7/2017 at 19:26, Benjoe said:

I just want some quiche, okay?

Nelson entered the café with a determined gaze. An important decision to be made. So many choices. So many opportunities. So many flavors.

He looked around. No-one interested in helping him deciding, Mumbu standing next to him - not an option of course. 

Slowly. Nervously. Anxiously. 

Nelson nears the cashier who is staring him down with a eerie look. A small grin, almost sinister actually. Nelson is shivering. 

"What can I help you with, my little friend?"

"Wait, did she just call me little?" Nelson mumbled, "Bitch better be ready to get smack-"

"We have fresh and warm quiches if that'd be of any interest?"

Nelson stopped his rage-induced mumbling. 

"Did you say quiche?"

"Yes, and they're fresh! Oh, and warm!"

A low chuckle behind Nelson erupted. It was Mumbu so Nelson, naturally, ignored it.

"I would like quiche then."

She nodded.

"Can I get just like... 12?"

"Did you say 12?" 

"Mmmhmm."

"12 of our quiches?"

"Mhmhmm.."

"...Ehmm.. okay?"


Mumbu's chuckle had turned into full-on laughter. No holding back. 

"QUICHE?!!?!? HAAHAHAHAH" he spat, "is that even a real word, boss!?"

"Nelson walked past Mumbu, who was now rolling around the dirty café floor laughing.

As Nelson sat down on a chair it squeaked beneath his body and he quickly grabbed another chair to sit on, to divide his body mass onto two separate chairs at once. Much better.

As he sat there, breaking chairs with his weight he looked out the window as he took a deep breath. The air inside the café was warm and irritating to breathe. Yet, he stayed, as he recognized a pale man walking past the café. Wasn't that... what was his name... that annoying twit.. oh for crying out loud, what was his name?! Ah, yes, it was - "Sir, your quiches are ready!"

Nevermind about the man then. Time to eat. 

OH LOOK WHO TURNED UP. @Jupjamie ****ing Sewell.

On 30/7/2017 at 20:03, Benjoe said:

"Jamie - ****ing - Sewell... Well would you look at that."

 

Minutes before:


"Boss, I don't feel good. I think I just saw a ghost."

"Don't be silly, Mumbu. Sit here, eat some quiche - NO! Not MY quiche - order your own, you worthless..."

"But, me means it, boss. He was really scary. I think, I recoangn... recogniizz... Me thinks I know him, boss!"

"Oh, well, how bad can it be."

"It's bad boss. Me want to run. He is bad man."

The door slams open and an old, pale man with white powder around his nose walks into the café.

"Ohhh, would you look at that sweetheart, ey Billy!"

"She's.. very pretty, I like her, boss."

The waitress was uncomfortable as the old and pale man looked at her, like Nelson looked at quiche. 

"How about this, darling. I go to the bathroom. Drink some "tea", and then you wander your little sweet body out to join me? Don't say no - you can get some tea as well! You won't regret it - I mean, I'm practically ahundred years old. I've been around - I know my way around the female body. You know. *wink wink*."

She was left with her mouth open, and a dead look in her eyes. Terrified by the encounter with Mr Sewell.

"Oh. Billy would you look at that - THAT is a look I recall, haha!"

"Yes. Funny, boss!"

"Shut up, Billy and make some tea ready. I'm bored of this - ohhhh. OHHHHH, well isn't that my old friend!"

The man laid his hands on Mumbu's shoulder as he made kissing sounds with his mouth. *Mtshh Mtshh*"

"Missed me, you big lump?!" he laughed.

Mumbu turned as pale as the man behind him.

 

"Jamie - ****ing - Sewell... Well would you look at that."

Nelson stood up. He grabbed a quiche, the one that was the most burned and threw it at Mr Sewell but a bad throw threw it at Billy instead, who passed out. Seconds later he'd grabbed another quiche, but again, a poor throw meant that Mr Sewell was left unharmed as Mumbu fell to the floor from quiche induced trauma to the head.

"Nelson! My bloated nemesis! How are you - hopefully miserable!"

"I'm better than ever. How are you - have you booked a room with the Devil yet? You know you're going to need one soon with that age of yours."

"That was a real **** comeback. Surely, you know that, right?"

"Well.. I.."

"It's okay. I mean, with all the blood pumping to all of that fat in your body, coming up with jokes must be really difficult."

"Imma punch you in the face!"

"No, no. Be calm. Wouldn't want to stress that overworked heart of your's more than it already is. After all, you still got six - SIX(!) - whole quiches left to devour. Can you not hear how ridiculous that is??"

"I... I was hungry.."

"Well, no worries fatshine, Billy and I was on our ways anyway, ain't that right Billy?"

"YES BOSS. THAT'S RIGHT. WE WERE ON OUR WAYS ANYWAY."

"I'll see you later, Mumbu. ;)" 

 

On 20/8/2017 at 15:49, Benjoe said:

Nelson sat back down on the two seats he'd placed next to each other. He sighed, but quickly directed his focus to his remaining six quiches. 

Mumbu was still lying on the floor. Nelson didn't know if he was still breathing - nor did he care. He had quiches to eat!

As Nelson had only two quiches left, the waitress came out to mop the floor. With a worrying look she stared at Nelson, who didn't understand why she was looking.

"NO LADY! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY QUICHES!"

"I don't want your-"

"GWAN LADY! LEAVE ME!"

The waitress sighed and mumbled to herself, "I could have done so much more with my life, but here I am. Mopping the floor with imbeciles surrounding me and coming unto me." 

"Oh! And leave the two quiches on the floor. I'm not done with them!"

"But, mister, they're split into several pieces and our floor hasn't been mopped for more than a month."

"I will not repeat myself. Okay, little miss?" 

The waitress released the mop from her grasp at the same time as Mumbu was returning to life only to get hit by the mop, which subsequently knocked him out again.

The waitress was startled, "I'm sorry mister!"

"Ohhh dun't you worry deer! That lad can't take damage. He is... what do you say... a child mentally already, heh."

The waitress stared at Nelson again, but this time with more disgust in her eyes than when she'd been talking to Mr. Sewell earlier. 

"Come here, you poor thing." 

Mumbu was helped to his feet by the waitress who felt sorry for him. 

"Come - come with me mister, I'll treat you a quiche in the kitchen, yes?"

Mumbu didn't react to anything other than the quiche part. Laughter from the poor fellow once again.

When Mumbu's not around, you can't win.

On 20/8/2017 at 16:44, Benjoe said:

Leading up to the first game after a 30-day long international break Nelson was out of himself. Mumbu was nowhere to be seen since the day at the café and Nelson had no plans ahead of the important game against the 1st places MK Etanchelte. 

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It showed.

Okay, I guess you can.

On 20/8/2017 at 17:00, Benjoe said:

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Nelson begins his grand look-for-my-peasant-campaign. 

On 20/8/2017 at 20:54, Benjoe said:

When you can't find your peasant, do whatever you have to

Nelson passed the flyers out as he was sobbing. 

"Where are you, my... my peasant.." 

Months had passed. Mumbu, still away without allowance. Nelson, more and more a wreck without his friend.

Crying, he hanged a full size cardboard cutout of Mumbu on the wall of a local supermarket after making a deal with the owner, Tresor Mango-Mango Bango, who recognized Nelson as the manager who "possessed a great ween and a magical touch - strictly tactically!"

"HAVE YOU SEEN ME? IM BIG, STUPID, AND HAVE AN INNOCENT SOUL. PLEASE HELP ME, IF YOU SEE ME. I CANNOT FIND HOME AND DONT KNOW WHERE I AM. CONTACT NELSON MANDELA JR. OF THE AS DRAGONS IF YOU SEE HIM.

#savemumbu #isthisworking?"

Mr. Mango-Mango Bango was a big fan of Nelson and as such he wanted only an autograph from the ween-maker himself. On his forehead. So he could get it tattooed for a permanent memory. Yup. Good choice. If you have a silly name, the only sensible solution is doing something so silly, that nobody will care for your name. Genius. Mr. Mango-Mango Bango is going places. To a mental hospital that is.

Anyways, despite Nelson desperately trying to postpone his team's fixtures until Mumbu was found he was unsuccessful and they had a massive game against Motema Pembe. A win would send them to second place, tied with Motema Pembe. A loss would be catastrophic for the season. 

 

Clearly I was very wrong about not being able to win without Mumbu around. Maybe it wouldn't  be so bad without him - no! How can i say stuff like that?!

...

Am I arguing with myself here? Yes,

On 20/8/2017 at 21:13, Benjoe said:

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The win was great, but hollow. Without Mumbu at his side Nelson was a shadow of himself - still, quite a massive shadow.

On 21/8/2017 at 17:36, kidthekid said:

still can't believe the formation is yielding results. Good to see the thread resurrected

On 21/8/2017 at 22:41, Benjoe said:

Image result for believe it gif

 

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What does giant foam weens, pictures of random weens burned, and and a 3 meter tall kids climbing tower have in common? 

On 26/8/2017 at 17:00, Benjoe said:

O Mumbu, where art thou? 

Dressed in all black for the first time of his life Nelson wandered down the streets of Kinshasa. With a face signalling utter pain and sorrow he walked past friend and foe. Some would celebrate him. Some would spit at him. Some would waive their giant foam weens around in salute of The Ween-maker himself. Other's burned pictures of random weens in disgust. 

The mobs were torn between loving and hating this man who was pitted against his old friend, Mumbu. 

...

 

Far before all of this though, Nelson was leading his troops into battle against first placed MK Etanchélté. A win would mean a secured place into the playoffs, a draw could complicate matters and a loss would be very unfortunate. 

As preparation for the match Nelson had his players relaxing for a full week prior to the game. Not a single foot was set on the training fields. Both players and staff had effectively been handed a curfew, or rather housearrest. They were not allowed to set even a single foot outside of their door in fear of them practicing. Meanwhile Nelson was still allowed to leave and he did so often as he searched for Mumbu. 

He traveled far and wide in this enormous country. Standing on top of the Mount Stanley, the tallest mountain in Congo Kinshasa he was at the peak of his search. When he had envisioned the climb of the mountain he was very ambitious ahead of climbing the 5.109 meter tall mountain.

"With ease I shall do it, and with no help!" He'd said. 

Reality was another one, though. 

Standing on top a 3 meter tall kids climbing tower in the local park, screaming and shouting is the one and only, Nelson Mandela Jr... 

"O Mundu! I mean... Mamba! No wait.. that's not right. Monday? Yes, Monday-Monday where are you frien--peasant!? Mondaay... Come back to me..."

 

Don't look at me - I asked you what they had in common. 

On 26/8/2017 at 17:15, Benjoe said:

O Mumbu, where art thou? pt.2

Standing on top of the kids climbing tower gave Nelson clear sight. Not mentally, no literally. From the top of the tower he could see straight into the backroom window to the café he'd lastly seen Mumbu. Of all the places he'd hide, and then he was right there all along? No. Nelson was certain. He'd been abducted! Was it by the vile David Moyes who had returned? Was is Mr Sewell? Was it someone even worse? He'd have to find out.

...

"So.. let me get this straight, Monday-"

"it's.. it's Mumbu, boss. Don't you remember?" 

"That's not important! You try to convince me, Nelson Mandela Jr. - the greatest detective, manager, friend, lover and... erh.. did I say lover?"

"You did, boss."

"Okay - but you mean to tell me you've been here all along?!"

"Yes boss. Me have been treated well. Me happy. Me love waitress. She kind to Mumbu. Boss."

Mumbu was smiling, laughing and clapping his innocent little Mumbu hands together.

"This is outrageous! She can't do that! Does she not know who I am, and that I have missed you and searched for you?!" 

"You have boss?" Mumbu's eyes lit up and the smile got broader.

"Yearhh well.. I needed my peasant. No one steal from Nelson!"

As Nelson and Mumbu was talking, the waitress was hiding in a room behind them. She was watching them. This was going right after her plans.

"Let's go Monday!"

"Butbut the waitress-"

"She's of no importance, we have a match!"

Nelson dragged Mumbu out the door and all the way to his office.

The waitress standing in the door of the café staring at Nelson. 

"Just wait. Just you wait for your ween to get slammed in the door. When you find out what my plans are-"

*ding ding*

"Yes! What can I help with? We have freshbaked quiche!"

Another Mumbu press conference classic.

On 29/8/2017 at 17:38, Benjoe said:

He that beats the drum for the mad man to dance is no better than the mad man himself

Immediately as Nelson had reached his office with Mumbu's collar in his hand he released his grasp of the collar.

"Good. You do press conference thingy now!"

"B-b-but what should me talk about?"

"I don't know. Figure something out! Off you go peasant!"

Mumbu left the office as Nelson fell into his chair and leaned back. Feet on the table and a soft pillow behind his head. This was the good life.

Meanwhile Mumbu had reached the room, in which the press conference "thingy" would be held.

"Where have you been the past months!"

"Ehh.. Que?"

"How are you guys planning to win this game against MK today?"

"Ehm.. Que."

"Do you have planned your celebrations if the impossible should happen and you win today?"

"Que. Oui. QUE!"

...

And that was basically how that all went.. 

Here comes a hugely important game against MK.. Aaaaand Nelson's asleep. Great.

On 29/8/2017 at 17:55, Benjoe said:

The bookies liked MK's chances the most, same for the so-called experts. A win for either side would secure a 1st place, a draw could complicate things for AS Dragons, and a loss could prove catastrophic for either side.

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The ween facing off against a narrow 4-3-3.

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And as such the game was underway!

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11th Minute: After a missed opportunity to MK, AS Dragons sent a counter attack the other way and with great precision as Touré passed it too Ronald Wee who then played a perfect first time pass to a surging Lokando.

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Lokando was cold in front of goal! 0-1 to the Dragons! 

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Nelson's euphoria sent him diving unto the field in his suit. "YAAAAAAAAAAS!" he screamed as he ran past the MK bench who sent their medic after Nelson to tackle him. After several attempts the medic tried a last tackle, but as he misstimed it he landed in front of the oncoming train that would be Nelson. The medic was carried off the pitch on a stretcher with a broken leg, and Nelson was taped to the chairs on the bench to keep him in place.

12th Minute: Oh well. The MK players were angry at seeing their medic break his leg, and the revenge was quick.

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An open chance for one of their strikers and it was tied at 1-1.

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15th Minute: MK with another chance, this time hammering off the crossbar! Still 1-1.

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22nd Minute: AS Dragons with a chance of their own!

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A good play-through and Abbey is sent running towards goal by himself.

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And he buries it! 1-2 to the Dragons! The tape around Nelson's body miraculously holds! ...It must be gaffa-tape!

34th Minute: AS Dragons' Trésor Bembo-Leta hits the crossbar with a blast from far away!

43rd Minute: One of MK's strikers takes a good cut away from the defenders of AS Dragons and slams a shot at goal, but Kalonji dishes up with an acrobatic save! Still 1-2.

45th+1 Minute: CHAOS! Absolute chaos. AS Dragons had the ball in their own box. Then it sounded like a whistle from the referee had gone and that it was half time. Apparently it wasn't the ref's whistle and before anyone could stop it, MK had put it away for an equalizer! 2-2!

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The confusion is breathtaking!

Aaaaand Nelson is sleeping in his double garden chair setup.. thingy..

 

 

On 29/8/2017 at 18:25, Benjoe said:

Second Half

49th Minute: Second half had barely begun before MK had taken the lead. What looked like a chance for the Dragons ended up with a goal in their own net. Abysmal!

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The rest of the game is closed out by MK who shuts down any attempts from the AS Dragons, who fall short of a draw that could've given them the second place they so desperately craved! Instead, they must see Motema Pembe pass by them as they steal away the second place and a Championship Group Stage ticket.

...

When the players left the arena Nelson was left taped to the chair he'd been sleeping on for the past hour or so. What a sad way for the season to end. So much promise. So much hope. So little pay in return. 

 

On 29/8/2017 at 18:42, BoxToBox said:

Ahhhh, brutal end.

I agree.

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And with that final page update, were actually up to the current state of the game!

Amazing. And with a new (used) 24" monitor I can actually play FM for once too.

Can't wait to whip out the good old ween and beat some teams. ;) 

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Little by little grow the bananas

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Just to give a sense of an idea about what been going on in my head since end of August when I last made some real progress in this save (jesus, that's longer than I actually thought...) I'll give an update on new tactics and stuff.

So, yeah.

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This is the future of DR Congo. 

World Domination is not far from our reach with this beauty. 

Trésor will be retrained into a Libero and I think he is bloody well the closest we can ever come to complete Libero.

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Oh, and there's 4 in-game months until next game.. Or so you'd think if you just looked at when the league starts. But the people who design the Congolese league are geniuses. 

We played our last game of the Linafoot Group stages on the 9th of January 2022. Aight. 
As you can see on the screenshot above, we're now on the 30th of April, and would probably be thinking, that we should just holiday until getting closer to the league starts again, but I remember what happened last year. 

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This. This **** happened. Almost 5 months after the last league game (primarily because we didn't go through our group as the Premier League with the teams who got through their groups are playing games until mid May) the cup has a group phase. 

So not only do you have a huge period without games with meaning, but even when the cup starts you have 8 of the best teams in the country going strong already in the league's final stages.
This can of course be both good and bad for all teams in some regard. The teams who didn't get to the Premier League stage of the league doesn't have match fitness unless they've been playing friendlies diligently and trying to keep players on form, but on the other hand they don't have any meaningful games to cope with in the first few games either so fatigue shouldn't be an issue. 

No matter what I think we should rush to get some friendlies arranged now!

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16 minutes ago, deltablue said:

Got enough midfielders there? ;)

Trust me, if I could have, I would have had 4 more - not 5 because I need my libero as well of course.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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Despite being without Trésor, Lokando and Lembi - effectively the backbone of this team - due to u20's duty, AS Dragons smashed their first opponents in the group stage of the DR Congo Cup.

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Ouch. Albeit, that 1 goal, that they manage to score on 2 damn chances... 

Whatever, we won and scored this beauty as well!

 

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Oh how I love being back.

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Notice who are cheering. We played in red.

Also, our board are maniacs.

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This looks bad, right?

Well this is how our new budget is looking.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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"We won, we won!"

Nelson was celebrating their win like was it a cup final.

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"Mumbu! Send the players on their holiday!"

"But.. boss? Isn't there another round? Boss?"

"Shut. Up. Mumbu! Va-cay-day. NOW!"

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He that beats the drum for the mad man to dance is no better than the mad man himself

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As Nelson realized, that he would be without a single player from his first team he quickly replied, "No problemo Mumbu ..vroom.. bu..."

The gaze in the eyes of Mumbu told it all. Panic.

"We just take the guys from u21!"

"Errhhh. Boss"

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"Not a problem silly Mumbu Dumb-u. That's why we have the u19's"

"...About that boss."

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"You have one hour to find some players!"

As Mumbu ran through the streets he grabbed whoever he could and pulled them with him.

Finally he arrived with the "players" ready for action. 

One of them had a heavy limp on one leg. Another only had one leg in total. 
Yet another had never played football, but was an avid kitesurfer. Relevant - nah.

Generally, this was a weird mix. It was almost as weird as having Nelson and Mumbu as a managerial duo...

Nelson did not let a second slide. 

"This is us, giving a chance to this city's troubled youth! See this as a gesture from a man greater than your dad."

Was his speech to the 5 supporters at the game.

Mental.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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As the header of most of my recent posts says, Little by little grow the bananas. 

Wise words indeed, and that is how I'm trying to get AS Dragons to grow. 

Prior to Nelson's employment, the clubs finances were in the ropes already, and following the initial transfers we did - most of all a couple of unnecessary (and a few failed) transfers last season we were in red numbers by a large extent.

This meant we couldn't change our facilities and focus on young talent. That is of course not Nelson's strong side either, but it's something that I would love to do so myself. 

Considering how many players Nelson has hoarded over the first couple of seasons in charge there are plenty of players to sell. And I can already now say, that you can get some really inflated prices for your thrash in DR Congo.

 

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Little by little grow the bananas

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Ahead of the 22/23 season of the Linafoot, Nelson's board had decided to prohibit his transfers and demand some sacrifices. 

"Sell at least 8 players for at least an amount of 300.000 euro, or your head will roll." 

Was the text message that ticked in when the window opened. 

"This is bad, rite bossman?"

...

Months had passed. Nelson had put all his incompetence to perfect use and had been busy in the window. But only busy with selling. 

This meant, that he accomplished what was demanded. He sold 13 players for a collected amount of 325k Euro - primarily due to a sale of  one the clubs own products for 145k euro.

"This is the sacrifice you demand of me!" Nelson had spat as he showed the transfer papers to the board. 

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^ This is the scene that Nelson describes to Mumbu, what happened in the board room. 

What really happened though, after Nelson told them, that he had sort of forgot to sign more than 2 players in the same timespan:

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Ultimately, when he told them who he had signed, the reaction became a slightly different one, as they realized, he had signed a former TP Mazembe CB on a free, as well as one of Vita Club's main guys last season.

On a free as well.

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...

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Following that transfer window, finances look a bit better!

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It's still insanely fragile, but there is better grounds to move onward on now.

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This helps as well, as we really need to focus on our own academy to sustain financially.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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The first 6 games of the group stage has been played, and it's been terrific!

5 wins, and 1 draw. The draw came against MK Etanchelte, who are our main challenger for the first place, although FC Rennaissance are pushing forward too-

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Of main players to talk about I'll mention one from each line.

Defence:

Young Morais is my guy in defence. He's been the best performing so far, and is improving steadily. Doing all this, while bringing the wage bill down as he earns meager £65 per week. Brilliant. 

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Midfield:

Lokando is the centerpiece of the entire team. He is the glue that is keeping our offence together. 6 games with 1 goal and 5 assists. He is doing so great, and I am very hopeful we can manage to sign him at some point despite Vita's unquestionable reluctance. 

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Attack: 

Ousmane is a given for the striker role. The main man in the start of this season. Despite my earlier considerations of making him a CM(a) or BBM I decided to give him an extended go at Striker, as we sold our previous main striker, N'Goma. He hasn't disappointed one bit!

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And a final shoutout to our newest arrival of course!

Lamine Sow, who some of you might remember, is a player I spotted and immediately craved. I just needed him, but was it realistic? 

Well in the end, he decided to join us. An 18 year old Senegalese striker, with lots of power and potential!

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He has arrived, and has done so, just in time to take over from an injured Ousmane. I threw Lamine into the starting lineup a couple of days after his arrival, and he did not fail to deliver.

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Him and Ousmane will be having quite the battle for the starting striker role. 

And then we also have the Beninese international, Moussa, to rotate with. 17 Leadership fellas. 

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The squad:

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The Ween:

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I've found a new gem. Even greater than Lamine Sow.

This is the guy/kid.

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He's 17, and already a world beater. The best part is that he plays for a Ghanian first division team (second tier), so they won't demand much money for him. They accepted a 20k offer without negotiating (so I could probably have gone lower..)

All night I was thinking of ways to fit both him and Sow into the ween, but when I woke up, it was all for nothing.

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Since it was my DoF doing the original negotiation I tried offering again and handle it myself, but they were having none of it.

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He feels he's  been there too little time, which is fair enough I guess. Frustrating though, as I'm afraid someone else will come and snap him up now. Now was probably our chance. But I'll keep trying...

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Metallic sounds disrupts the silence.

"First you put oil on the pan.
Listen to the crackle and sizzle. Tremendous!

Then, you take a slice of the most delicious, moist, tender *crying* slice of BACON you've ever felt on your fingertips. Yummy. Mhmm.

Take the slice of bacon and let it slide down your face and down upon your chest. Let it rest on your chest hair for a while. Then give it a good 'ol rub!

Reallly get your fingers in there. Split the bacon, and feel it. 

Chop some parsley, add some vinegar, and pop your bacon into the fine parsley marinade. 

Look - just look at that attractive bacon.

Now - hi hi hiiiii - you take your little legs and tip tap toe over to the fridge-ee-ooo. Hi hi hiiii.
Now. Grab your axe, and put on some baby oil cus this will be blooooody-hi hiiiii

Spoiler

 

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Grab the unconcious Mumbu- oh wait - he's not that unconscious after all.. a great big whack to ye old head should fix that!

*smack*


Okay..another one!!


*smack*


Bloody ****ing hell - I mean, uh oh, we got a big bad boy here fighting for his life. Hi hi hiii.


*smack smack smack*


Sigh, oh well. now... grab his leg and cut a nice peice of that long, juicy we--"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaarhhh Mummy!"

Mumbu woke after yet another Ainsley Harriot nightmare. Poor lad. Watching Ready Steady Cook had done him.

"Youuuuu have to become like Ainsley, to make Ainsley leeaaave youuur mind. Kid."

The words of the AS Dragon medic when Mumbu seeked "professional " help.

"Jussss taik big BICC piece of erhh. Me not sure what is, but Mmmm-mumbu likes dis.
Then... erhh. Throw on pan. Put pan in freezee, then quickly out of freezee. Mumbu fool food AAND freezee -ha!
Now. Erh. Go to toilet and.."


Mumbu continued like this for an hour and when he was done he served the meal to the players of the team who were brave(mostly stupid enough to taste it).

Oh - i forgot to say, that this 'twas the day before the first game in the championship group stages. Brilliant.

Anyyyyways.

The following morning 3 players didn't turn up for the match as they were having problems with bodily fluids.
Another two turned up, but 10 minutes into the game one threw up, and just 5 minutes it went out the other way for the other lad.

Anyhow. A narrow 4-3 defeat for AS Dragons who couldn't quite handle the slice of bacon that Vita Club presented them. 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Little by little grow the bananas

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Forget about the ****ing bananas. How about fixing your schedule, so teams using young players don't lose half their A-squad for u20's tournaments constantly...

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As if we hadn't started with enough trouble in the championship playoff. They're all scheduled to be gone for a month...

 

 

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Also, if you noticed a talented 22 year old Ghanaian striker and didn't recognize him, it's because he's new.

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Brilliant kid to add to the squad. Is Nelson planning on going with 2 or 3 strikers in the future? Maybe. 

Or maybe a even bigger change of tactics. Maybe the ween is going to evolve.. Or would it rather be classified as a mutation..?

 

We also added this kid on a free. Tasty.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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On a rare peaceful day in the Democratic Republic of Congo Nelson was pondering, what he could do to save some of his alleged honor. 

He was fuming. Frustrations was running rampant. What an ironic day to be causing a scene in inner city. When everybody else was being calm he decided to throw tantrums.

Disgraceful man, this Nelson. 

Luckily Mumbu was there to... sort of defuse the situation. Mumbu was just doing his usual gig. Dressed as the bush pig on a weekend stroll he was. Smelling like something rotten in the +30 degree summer. Careless to the fact, that a pack of wild dogs was tailing him in the hopes of getting a bite of some juicy bush pig, but still being too scared to actually touch it because of the vile appearance. 

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Regardless. The bush pig costume reminded Nelson of a great era in his career. The time in Zanzibar with Wawi Star. Looking at the gorgeous... beaches.. 

"Dress like that on sunday, and we shall win!!" - he spat at Mumbu. 

For that same game he dusted off the old Bushpig formation in the narrow shape. 

They were due to play TP Mazembe, the Congolese giants with a formation, he had never tried while at AS Dragons..

Great banter, Nelson.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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A team that hadn't lost in their first 4 league games and could take 1st place, matching up against rock bottom who hadn't won a single point in 4 attempts trying a new formation with 7 of their usual starters away on international duty.

This could get bloody... 

Relentlessly there he was, Mumbu his his bush pig suit, running up and down the side of the pitch as the players entered, ready for the fight.

20 minutes into the game AS Dragons took the lead. Wait what?

And about 15 minutes later they extended their lead to 2. 

With style.

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Fast forward a little more than an hour and 4-0 to AS Dragons had turned to 4-2. 

The pressure was rising. This seemed familiar with complete collapses. A team like TP Mazembe was capable of a comeback no doubt. 

Instead, though, Etoundi, the Cameroonian attacking midfielder, slammed a long shot past the keeper to close the game at 5-2. 

 

Not expected. Mental, actually.

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Youth intake 2023

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This could sound promising. Through the seasons there's been a couple of talented players coming through the youth ranks, so maybe something good here.

 

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Ohhhhh yes.

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Looks to be ready to show his skills already now tbf!

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And this lad - the most talented of the bunch looks to be a star in the making. Pity that his composure and dribbling so low - his leadership as well. I'll probably have to train him with focus on leadership to get anything out of him... ;)

 

Also, let's take a quick look at Nuhu, who just got back from national u20 duty.

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This kid is unreal. I still don't get how we got him to this level. Hidden gem, no doubt.

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1 hour ago, Benjoe said:

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And this lad - the most talented of the bunch looks to be a star in the making. Pity that his composure and dribbling so low - his leadership as well. I'll probably have to train him with focus on leadership to get anything out of him... ;)

 

I didn't even notice he got the Curls the ball ppm! I love that ppm immensely. Think he can become an interestingly phyisically strong playmaker who can't dribble. Fun type. 

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12 hours ago, BoxToBox said:

Gotta like Matumona's ambition, competent at CB despite being 5'5. :lol:

Indeed! Quite remarkable, but no worries, Nelson will get that silly idea out of his head soon enough! :lol:

Also, the fact that he has the "Shoots from distance" ppm, despite his Long shots being at 5... Interesting fella. 

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1 hour ago, hasdgfas said:

This is a great read! Great characters, fascinating concept. I'll definitely be following along.

Cheers man - glad you enjoy it! 

Hopefully I can keep the entertainment going!

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Little by little grow the bananas

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The Ween Supreme has seen an update.

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The 3 midfielders are intended to give us some much needed width in defence, and also a bit of support from deep in attack.

In offence we still have firepower with two AMCs and STCs running the show. 

Our back three are in a staircase lineup. I like the look of it. No other explanation needed. 

Our defensive midfield trio is a mix of two "wide" DMs on support who are diligent and capable of running. In the middle we have a Regista who I hope to be able to setup for a lot of quick paced counter attacks. With the gap between DM and AM this could be a key to linking our defence with our offence in fast paced counters. 

Midfield is not set in stone, but for the moment it's an AM and an AP. Attack and Support interchanging. Might test Trequatista on both, or enganche on one with a treq on the side in the future.

Our front duo is also changeable, but for now, we run with a DLF(A) and DLF(S). Pretty standard, boring stuff. I'll spice it up later on. Don't you worry your pretty little face. 

The TI's are obvious. We want to continue with the fast paced, high energy pressure and free flowing football, that has been the trademark of the most succesful times. To further improve this  we are more expressive and roams from positions. That could bite us in the ass. But could also make our Ween a presence to be afraid of. 

We'll see.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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The season is over. A true Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde performance. 

Starting with the first 4 games AS Dragons had big trouble.

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Not the way the unbeaten Dragons had planned this to kick off.

Nelson brought back the Bushpig formation and the results were impressive.

A win against the defending champs in TP Mazembe was a big time achievement and in a very impressive and confident manner. 

SM Manga Balende was defeated as well, but it was not as stable performance as the previous game against Mazembe.

DC Motema Pembe was too big a fish to swollow whole and a draw was the end result before Vita Club ended the Dragons unbeaten run. 

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Following the defeat Nelson panicked pondered long and hard about a way to start winning again.

It was obvious. The Ween was to be reborn.

20 hours ago, Benjoe said:

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And so it was. 

Straight away the team showed their great morale and form and defeated the 1st placed AS Dauphin Noir with two late goals by sub-in Landry Kage (mmmmm kaaaage - hint: Kage = Cake in Danish). 

Following that win AS Dragons stomped MK Etancheilte and FC Lupopo with Bala Mohammed and Joshua Nuhu as the prime forces - Nuhu with an impressive hat trick in the Lupopo match.

 At this point the Dragons were closing in on first place. With a match against first placed TP Mazembe they could potentially get within 2 points of the championship. Mental, considering the way they started it all off.

For 20 minutes the Dragons had every inch of hope that they would win their second game against Mazembe after Nuhu brought the Dragons ahead after 65 minutes. This held for aforementioned 20 minutes until a late equalizer brought Mazembe back out of reach for Dragons with just 2 games remaining. 

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The remaining two games resulted in a win, and a loss. 

The season accumulated to a 5th place, with very promising signs after a horrific start.  

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And lo and behold, who is sitting at second? Well if it isn't MK Etancheilte who went through the first group stage undefeated just like AS Dragons and in the same group as the Dragons. 

The Dragons did score more than any other team so that's pretty good.

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Little by little grow the bananas

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Let's take a look at the formation with some new roles:

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I told you I would make it sexier!

As we still have the Congo Cup left we start out with a very solid 4-1 win at home despite being without both Nuhu and Sow - our two star strikers.

No worries though. We have Tageu who has been benched this season but he is still a quality player which he proved in this game.

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Next game is against CS Makiso. Who? Exactly.

 

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Little by little grow the bananas

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Our topscorer of the season, Ousmane Toure does this during the game.

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Honestly quite impressive stuff. Perfect sweeper job. 

We win 3-1 as Asiedu bags two and an own goal makes it three. Easy.

We also gave young Matumona his 1st team debut in this one. 

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The legend he is he bagged a solid 7.0 as our DMR. 

And in his second match he did this:

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That monster of a goal was his second of the game!

The assist for this goal is delivered by fellow 15 year old OA-regen, Mbala-Menga who played a terrific debut.

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Group stage over.

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Just too easy.

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