Torquay Toilings

[Twizted_seed]

So new computer means new save time. WOOOOO! I can run more than 3 leagues now, yay, so decided to load up England down to Conference, Italy, Spain, Germany, France, and Australia. Decided that instead of booting someone out of their hard earned job, I would start unemployed. I make my manager, press continue, and then wait. I only wait until the first week of October rolls around before Torquay comes a calling. Apparently a record of 3W/2D/8L and 20th on the ladder is not good enough for the team expected to challenge for the title. No worries, lets see what we can get sorted. *pulls up pants*

I have 3-4 days to do my conferences, review the team, a quick scouting check and a slap up tactic before I am thrown into my first game.

Game 14 (of the season): Wrexham at Home

Does not start well. My midfield decides to not like kicking the ball and just runs away from it for the first 5-10 minutes. This gives the opposition plenty enough time to run down the right hand side and whip in a cross. Aaron Downes does his job and clears the ball.....point blank into Louis Moult's face, rebounding into the goal. 1-0. Annoying but forgivable. Everything is fine for the next 30 odd minutes. They miss some shots, we miss even more. Then the game liven's up again when They clear out of midfield and Moult is off after it again. Luckily my defender Krystian Pearce is there to clean the ball up. He lays it off to my keeper Jordan Seabright who has a brain snap, rockets the ball into Moult's face again, and watches it bounces back past him and into the onion bag. 2-0. How are they 2 nil up from ricochets? Why can't my players pass into space? When are Liverpool gonna spend $35 mil on this pricks nose? As the half draws to a close, I am given a shady penalty. I'll take it anyway I can get it. Same for the ladies. Elliot Benyon knocks it in easy and we are one goal back at the break. I blast my players at the half but am still flustered that I can't find the option to stop blasting this guy in the face. Second half kicks off and it is so entertaining that I actually start folding my laundry. OH! 78th minute. One of my midfielders, Luke Young, is hurt and has to come off. Final whistle sounds and I ask the assistant manger if we have an industrial hairdryer lying about.

In between games, I offer some trials for a couple of clubless Aussies because I am a kind Samaritan and someone else should be pouring my beers. I also tinker with the main tactic a little and set up a secondary tactic to give a run for a bit. Probably still a bit rubbish but who knows.

Game15: Alfreton at Their local Macca's Carpark

I will let these stats tell the story.

Alfreton:

Shots: 6

On Target: 4

Fouls: 16

Possession: 46%

Torquay:

Shots: 2

On Target: 0

Fouls: 12

Possession: 54%

I end up losing 1-0 to a thrown in header to Gary Alexander. Something starts to bubble away at the base of my skull, telling me that I am rubbish. I think I might upgrade the hairdryer for a Leafblower and a BBQ burner.

More tweeking occurs during the week because 2 shots 0 on target is F*%KING ABYSMAL.

Game 16: Grimsby at Home

Decide to go back to my 4-4-2 because that other tactic gave me all the attacking threat of a 3 week old puppy. We start the game strong, making opportunities for ourselves. We have more shots on target in the first 15 minutes than total shots last week. The pressure eventually got to them and we get the lead in a game for the first time in my managing career. A lovely flighted corner is helped along by Pearce before Downes buries it. 1-0. Half time rolls around and I am nervous. I am in uncharted territory here. I ask the Ass. Man to pinch me. I should have specified where and will be investing in a cricket box for the remainder of the season. We kick off in the second half with the same intent as the first and after 52 minutes we go in again. Courtney Cameron goes for a run down the left touchline before feeding it into Fergus Bell running through traffic to sneak it past their keeper on the near corner. 2-0 and I am not sure if I should call the team doctor over or if my heart will stop beating at 3000bpm on it's own. The match is drawing down for us. 81st minute we are tooling around on the edge of their box, playing keep away, when one of theirs goes for a lunge. Whistle, ball on spot, Louis Briscoe sends the keeper right and the ball straight to make it 3-0. Their defender, Craig Disley, decided it was the right play but the wrong area's and the next time we are near their box, has a go. Second yellow and he is off. Game finishes and I end up hugging the tea lady I am so excited.

This weeks numbers are:

Torquay:

Shots: 15

On Target: 7

Fouls: 8

Possession: 52%

More to Come.