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The relationship between a manager and his head of youth development...

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...according to FM13:

HYD: Boss, got a minute?

Mgr: Ah... Good timing. I was just wondering at what time today you'd be in. Have a seat.

HYD: [sits down] Today? What's so special about today.

Mgr: It's the 13th of March.

HYD: And?

Mgr: Well... it's the same every year. You don't say ****ing boo to me - ever! - for 12 months except for one week in March starting from the 13th. And even then, that one week starts with you always saying the same ****...

HYD: That's not true!

Mgr: Ok, whatever. I'm busy, what is it?

HYD: I've just brought in a group of 15 and 16 year old kids on trial for your appraisal.

[The manager stares blankly at the HYD for a few seconds]

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Uhhhh...

Mgr: Alright, let's cut right to the chase. Are any of these little arseholes any good this year? Because last year you brought in a bunch of dribbling ******* all of whom trap the ball further than I can kick it. Now, not to put too fine a point on it, but we're at one of the biggest clubs in the world and spending tens of millions of pounds a year on youth development, so I'd like to think we can do a wee bit better than that. Just a smidge like...

HYD: Uhhhh... I don't know. Yet.

Mgr: You don't know?

HYD: Yet.

[The manager stares blankly again at the HYD for a few seconds]

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Tell you what I'll do, I'll have these trialists play a game against the under 18's and then I'll get back to you.

Mgr: Oh that's a ****ing genius idea. Play this years dribbling ******** against last years crop of dribbling *******. That can't POSSIBLY fail.

HYD: What else would you have me do? Watch these little ***** train for a period of time and actually determine their possible potential through prolonged and reasoned observation?

Mgr: No, we can't have that. Wouldn't want you to earn your million pound per annum salary with a years worth of work when you can get away with doing it in a week now would we?

HYD: Glad you understand. See you in a week?

Mgr: ****. Off.

Five days later.

HYD: Hey boss, got a second?

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Uhhh... It's important.

Mgr: Let me guess, this years ******* played against last years ******** this morning and you can now tell me who is going to be the next Messi based entirely on those 90 minutes.

HYD: Well, not exactly. It's not an exact science. I won't be able to tell you for certain until AFTER they've signed a contract.

Mgr: What?

HYD: Yeah, sucks dunnit? I'm going to offer these [holds up list] eight kids a contract, all of whom might be completely awesome - based entirely on one 90 minute match and completely ignoring the YEARS of schoolboy football these kids have put in here - but I won't know for certain whether they're any good or not until after they've signed that contract.

Mgr: What?

HYD: I'll take care of this now and I'll see you in a couple of days.

Mgr: ****. Off.

Two days later.

HYD: Hey boss.

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Just thought I'd let you know I got those eight kids signed up.

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Yeah, it was just in time too. There's only three games left in the u18's league this season.

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Ok. No worries. I'll be off. Think I'll take the missus on holiday for a while. I've heard really great things about The Maldives. Cya.

Mgr: Wait, holiday? For how long?

HYD: Dunno... maybe ten or eleven months.

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Ok. Cya.

Mgr: Hang on a second. Are any of these kids you signed any good?

HYD: Yeah... about that...

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Of the eight kids, one of them is a potential superstar. He's an absolute lock to make it big time. Unfortunately, he's a wingback, a position you've never used tactically in all your time here, so if you want to get the best out of this kid, you'll need to change formation. Fortunately though, I've tied him down to a 15 year contract on absurd money to give you the time to see the error of your tactical ways.

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: There's another three kids who also look like they're all going to be a wee bit special. All of them are really promising strikers. Unfortunately, you only play with one up front and have have at least three other strikers under the age of 21 who all look like they'll be world class - they must have been signed before my time here I think - so that's a bit ****...

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Good news is though that if we train these players up for a couple of years I reckon we could easily sell them pon for a substantial profit.

Mgr: ****. O... Oh... ok. That's not too bad then. What about the other four kids?

HYD: The other four? They're all ****. Hilariously inept. L.O.L. Watching those kids kick a ball is like watching a new born giraffe trying to walk for the first time. On ice. L.O.L.

Mgr: You're a ****.

HYD: Hahahahahahaha... Seriously... You should go and watch those kids "play". Funniest. Thing. Ever. Hahahahahahaha.

Mgr: ****. Off.

HYD: Cool. I'm off to work on my tan. See you in twelve months?

Mgr: ****. Off.

The youth recruitment/handling/progression aspect of the game is seriously borked. I can't be the only person who thinks this, surely?

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I am pretty sure the quality of HoYD will affect the quality of your newgens, or at least a part of the equation that decides how good each yearly intake is....allegedly. :D

....If that is the case, then the way I roll he's a vital part of my game. Who knows....personally not used them long enough to test that theory yet though.

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Just thought i'd mention also that my HoYD has signed 3 players for my reserve team within 2 seasons the first two were okay and he only spent 300k on each but the last guy he bought was only 3 1/2 star potential and he paid 1.8 million!!, I'm playing as Celtic and money is quite tight so not overly impressed with this signing!

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i played in poland and had for couple seasons a average polish hoyd with fairly average stats~ gave me average youth intake

then i got my hands on a "world class" hoyd from sao paolo in year 2040 or something, so hired him, had almost everywhere 18++ as stats

the youth intakes in the next 3 years made exactly 0 difference from the one before, then he retired

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Just thought i'd mention also that my HoYD has signed 3 players for my reserve team within 2 seasons the first two were okay and he only spent 300k on each but the last guy he bought was only 3 1/2 star potential and he paid 1.8 million!!, I'm playing as Celtic and money is quite tight so not overly impressed with this signing!

To be fair, I would never ever never ever let the AI go anywhere near deciding who is bought, or sold and for how much for my team...even if funds was no problem. To me that's madness, or laziness....and both kinds deserve all they get in dropping clangers. No offence. :D

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I don't think that's all they do but it was funny!

I'm pretty sure they only make a small difference to the quality of your newgens too so don't expect miracles from hiring the best in the business. I would have thought they contribute to training levels of youths too and I think I read somewhere that your newgens are more likely to inherit the personality and hidden attributes of your HOYD so if, for example, you have a Model Professional HOYD it's the tits for your newgens.

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Yeah it is stupid, made me laugh while reading this, work mates think im ********.

i dont see why they dont come through at the end of the season, but besides that, yud have thought youd get random mails telling you another young gem has been found and added to the U18 squad.

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This is brilliant. Good laugh! I also think it's kinda ridiculous they only know a players potential after sign him to a contract, at the same time if on that day you search other teams U-18 you can see the full potential of their new players without them having any contract, i can't even number the amount of times i stole the best new stars from Chelsea and Manchester. I'm playing with Newcastle i have pretty good schools and training with Bernhard Peters as HYD and still.. in 5 seasons i had like 1 possibly world class player coming from my schools.

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kudos to you sir for the story, if only every "complain" thread looked like that, world would be better place :) i think HoY makes a difference, cause when i changed to Romeo Jozak (croatian form their league) my intakes got better... remember to change staff responsibilities about youth intake for him, cause i didnt for two years and was wondering whats wrong, why my intakes arent even a little bit better...

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Top marks for comedy but it is untrue. Firstly, the HoYD would work all year to assemble this team and he trains the youth team all year. I've seen a decrease in performance with HoYDs if they haven't had at least one whole year on intake day. You should also remember that it makes a small difference to the quality but a big difference to the style, position and personality of the youngsters, so don't just go on the quality. The lack of judgement of potential is a bug.

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I've gor Bernhard Peters at Chelsea. Top ranking facilities etc and I still get a bunch of ******* every year. I appreciate that Messi isn't going to be discovered every season but I'd like a player who is at least 5 star once in a 5-6 seasons with the best facilites going and top staff.

i've won the EPL for 4 years in a row, so would expect the kida to be clamouring to join us but it appears to make no difference.

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Haha brilliant.

Good example to everyone: If you're going to have a moan, at least be witty about it.

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Funny coz its true.

I really hope SI read this and realise that part of the game needs overhauling.

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