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The Commentators Curse: Volume 1 – The Battle of the ‘stans’ (Holiday / Sign Up


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Thank god for that, next time it should be alot more efficient!!

Right, on with the show... a few interesting facts for starters:

Both squads currently have 13 members who are attracting interest from clubs, the unlucky 6 are atm:

Taraldo, Libertinho, Dumats

Bartinho, Birkinaldo and Robson

Salman Al-Dahash is currently the most popular chappie, with interest being shown from no less than 67 clubs!!! (Yes I counted them all), However the only ones of any note are Man City, Deportivo, and Betis.

The tallest person award is jointly held by De Santiago, Gonzalez and Hermandinho (all Turkmenistan) at 6ft4. There are 2 people at 6ft3 for Kyrgyzstan.

The shortest person is also from Turkmenistan, with Ulfinus Chaoconov standing at a paltry 5ft5.

The fat ba***rd award goes to Alvaro De Santiago (Turkmen), who at a whopping 15stone 10lbs (100kg exactly), is more than a stone heavier than anybodyelse in the 32.

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by LCFCtillidie:

im not gunna get signed because Taraldo was made poorly icon_frown.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ahh, there's plenty of time yet to get signed - you would be surprised what teams some people go to, as I will say in a minute

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I will probably do weekly updates till Sept 1st as it will be quite busy transfer wise, then I may stretch it out to monthly updates (although I have a couple of things planned that may make me change my mind)

Week ending Sun 9th July

We have our first signed player, Habib Halali who has a 2year contract on £85pw with... Canterbury Utd of New Zealand. Well done to him, I think icon14.gif

Kyrgyzstan Offers:

Lui has 3 offers from Chinese clubs

Elfdog has bids from Wigan and Middlesbrough

Ryan has bids from 4 Canadian clubs

Davo is considering an offer from Everton

Professor Frink has offers from Man City and Bournemouth

The 67 clubs interested in Al-Dahash has resulted in 3 bids so far - Betis, Espanyol and Plymouth.

Benj has offers from 4 Spanish clubs, the biggest club being Mallorca.

Bill has 4 offers from Portugal, only one from the top flight though - Belenenses.

Alan has 4 Spanish offers, including Deportivo and Sevilla

In contrast, Freealdinho has offers from Torquay and Dag+Red

Azeryk has Middlesbrough and Rotherham after him

The other Kyrgyzstan players have yet to receive formal bids.

Turkmenistan Offers

Maldinov has an offer from Italian side Carranese

De Santiago (the big lad they've put in goal) has offers from Deportivo, Sevilla and Zaragoza

Koppers has bids from Twente and Roda

Hermandinho has 2 bids from top flight Portuguese teams (none of the big ones though)

Mendieta many bids - Betis, Galatassary, Sevilla, Villareal and Deportivo

Rossini has an offer from Vittoria, Italy - but many teams interested though

Tomaldinho has 4 small Portuguese teams after him (none top flight at the mo)

Swinson has Kidderminster and Chesterfield after him

Abi Oleid has Villa and West Ham bids

Stelios has a contract offer from Middlesbrough

Selim Atas has 3 bids, all Spanish including Athletico Madrid

Gonzalez has 3 Spanish teams after him, including Celta Vigo

The other Turkmenistan players have no formal bids for them currently.

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

The shortest person is also from Turkmenistan, with Ulfinus Chaoconov standing at a paltry 5ft5. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I don't mind being the stimpy of the bunch, I'll just outrun all them big fat fellers. icon_smile.gif

And I bet I'll have grown two inches by the time I'm 18.

Hope I get picked up by a not-TOO-crappy team, gonna need to work out a bit in training to get some of them 1-stats up somewhat.

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After the flurry of bids last week, this week saw the conclusion of a fair few deals...

Week ending Sun 16th July 2006

Kyrgyzstan Signings

Elfdog - who for me looks to have one of the best sets of stats astounded the football world by turning down Premiership bids... to sign a deal with Redditch. icon_confused.gif

Liu signs for Chinese side Qingdao.

Ryan has joined Canadian side Toronto Supra Portuguese.

Davo has headed straight for the big time, signing for West Ham.

Al-Dahash turned down many bids, including a last minute bid from Grimsby, to sign for Espanyol.

Benj will join him in Spain at Mallorca.

Bill took the only decent offer on the table and signed for Belenenses of Portugal.

Alan signed for Sevilla and is currently the highest valued player at £1.2m. He will also team up with 2 Turkmenistan players!

Azeryk has signed for Middlesbrough.

Freealdinho decided on Torquay over Dag+Red.

Turkmenistan Signings

De Santiago has signed for Sevilla.

Koppers has signed for Dutch top flight team FC Twente.

Hermandinho has joined Portuguese side Braga.

Mendieta is the 3rd player to join Spanish side Sevilla.

Swinson has joined Kidderminster Harriers.

Tomaldinho has decided to join Portuguese semi-pro side Casa Pia and is currently the lowest valued player out of everyone who has been signed so far.

Chaoconov has joined Belgium champions league side Anderlecht.

Ali Obeid joins Kyrgyzstan's Davo at West Ham.

Stelios will join rival-Kyrgyzstan player Azeryk at Middlesbrough.

Selim Atas took the best offer on the table and joined Athletico Madrid.

Finally Pablo Gonzalez has joined Zaragoza.

Other Transfer Speculation:

Bolton's Sam Allardyce has come out in the press stating his desire to sign youngster Sam Taphouse, who have made an offer for him along with 4 other mid-table premiership clubs.

Professor Frink now has offers from Blackburn and Bolton to go with his original 2 offers

Fabinov Maldinov now has a bid from Florentina.

Roberto Rossini can now add bids from Juve and Florentina to his original offer from Vittoria.

Unfortunately, the sad six I mentionned who had no interest in them, still don't - but it is still very early days. icon_smile.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Alan signed for Sevilla and is currently the highest valued player at £1.2m. He will also team up with 2 Turkmenistan players! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Great news icon14.gif. A great team and highest valued.

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Right, final update of the night

Week ending Sun 23rd July 2006

Roberto Rossini must have his heart attached to Vittoria, as he signs for them instead of Florentina or Juventus.

Fabiov Maldinov on the other hand doesn't have feelings for lower level clubs and signs for Florentina.

Sam Taphouse has decided that Man City is the best place for him to start his fledging career.

Professor Frink is another lover of lower league clubs, signing for Bournemouth when offers from bigger teams were on the table.

This leaves the sad six... or does it, with Samaras Taraldo now being followed by Rubin of the Russian Premierleague, could this group now become the freaky five?!

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">This leaves the sad six... or does it, with Samaras Taraldo now being followed by Rubin of the Russian Premierleague, could this group now become the freaky five?! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

i hope so!!! icon_biggrin.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

Chaoconov has joined Belgium champions league side Anderlecht. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

That certainly qualifies as "not TOO crappy".

I'll either be sent on loan somewhere for a season, or play in the U18s but get to use Anderlecht's decent training facilities. Either way is fine by me. icon_smile.gif

Good start, looking forward to seeing this develop. icon14.gif

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Redditch, are you kidding me?

Well, I guess it all comes down to what? location? And I thought I was a smart guy, lol.

Who are they and what level is Redditch at?

I have some research to do.

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">and Humphrey Koppers has become the first player from either team to play a match in Europe, making his victorius debut for Twente in the Inter Toto Cup against SV Reid of Austria. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hurray!

Looking forward to play for the national team as well!

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

Hermandinho has joined Portuguese side Braga.

</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Portugal? I think the EeWeet family is going to move with him and live closer to Hermandinho's mum's side of the family icon_smile.gif

Braga is not bad, not bad at all. In facti, looking at the signings here and there, it could've been a lot worse.

Walcott: is there a strong correlation between second nationality and the teams players go to? Or is it a coincidence with Hermandinho?

Also, I think we can do the financial stats according to the same conditions as in CoachFlu's game? So wages info on Sept 1 and Feb 1, and I'll do the rest of the work icon_smile.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by TeeWee:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

Hermandinho has joined Portuguese side Braga.

</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Portugal? I think the EeWeet family is going to move with him and live closer to Hermandinho's mum's side of the family icon_smile.gif

Braga is not bad, not bad at all. In facti, looking at the signings here and there, it could've been a lot worse.

Walcott: is there a strong correlation between second nationality and the teams players go to? Or is it a coincidence with Hermandinho?

Also, I think we can do the financial stats according to the same conditions as in CoachFlu's game? So wages info on Sept 1 and Feb 1, and I'll do the rest of the work icon_smile.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think 2nd Nationality has played a part because mine was English and ive joined an english club.

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Sam00000000000001:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by TeeWee:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

Hermandinho has joined Portuguese side Braga.

</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Portugal? I think the EeWeet family is going to move with him and live closer to Hermandinho's mum's side of the family icon_smile.gif

Braga is not bad, not bad at all. In facti, looking at the signings here and there, it could've been a lot worse.

Walcott: is there a strong correlation between second nationality and the teams players go to? Or is it a coincidence with Hermandinho?

Also, I think we can do the financial stats according to the same conditions as in CoachFlu's game? So wages info on Sept 1 and Feb 1, and I'll do the rest of the work icon_smile.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think 2nd Nationality has played a part because mine was English and ive joined an english club. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah I believe you are correct about player's 2nd nationality (which is half the reason why I made you all have one icon_wink.gif). When I was doing test runs to see how I could do the sign-up, the people who had only Kyrgyzstan/Turkmenistan as their sole nationality struggled to get a club quickly. The reason why there are some people not signed yet as 2 people are from Luxembourg / Liechtenstein and I didn't load all players from that nation, perhaps I should have done but I thought the neighbouring countries would pick them up.

Have to admit I'm surprised at some of the players who have not been picked up yet, some of them have some of the best stats out of all the 32 players!

Sept 1st will have several announcements, (I will post the stats TeeWee and thanks again for doing that icon_smile.gif) hopefully I will be able to do that this afternoon (got a busy morning so no updates unfortunately) icon14.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

Yeah I believe you are correct about player's 2nd nationality (which is half the reason why I made you all have one icon_wink.gif). When I was doing test runs to see how I could do the sign-up, the people who had only Kyrgyzstan/Turkmenistan as their sole nationality struggled to get a club quickly. The reason why there are some people not signed yet as 2 people are from Luxembourg / Liechtenstein and I didn't load all players from that nation, perhaps I should have done but I thought the neighbouring countries would pick them up.

Have to admit I'm surprised at some of the players who have not been picked up yet, some of them have some of the best stats out of all the 32 players!

Sept 1st will have several announcements, (I will post the stats TeeWee and thanks again for doing that icon_smile.gif) hopefully I will be able to do that this afternoon (got a busy morning so no updates unfortunately) icon14.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

No problem for the financial stats. It turns out to not take so much time and it's fun to manipulate some graphs and stuff icon_smile.gif

I'm curious about the "secret" stats you're keeping as well. Looking forward to this game! icon14.gif

Good to see my intuition about 2nd nationality seems to be correct icon_smile.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Selim Atas took the best offer on the table and joined Athletico Madrid. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

nice one icon14.gif i hope that torres guy leaves the club soon icon_biggrin.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">must have his heart attached to Vittoria, as he signs for them instead of Florentina </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I turned down Juve and Florentina to go to who?

Hes a great player but needs work on his decision making!

Keep it up Walcott icon14.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by SJ234:

i cant belive i put a 100kgs for the keeper but it means he could be really muscelly and ihave been signed by sevilla </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I left all the height and weight stats to random, your guy is pretty tall as well so it just be that he is built like a monster!

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Robs Rams:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">must have his heart attached to Vittoria, as he signs for them instead of Florentina </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I turned down Juve and Florentina to go to who?

Hes a great player but needs work on his decision making!

Keep it up Walcott icon14.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Had a look at Vittoria on FM (and with a bit of help from Wiki), they are an Italian team from Sicily below the Serie C2 level. I would imagine that he will be picked up by a bigger Italian team before too long.

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There was interest in me (George Robson) pretty quickly, but I've never heard of it since. Is there still a club interested in him?

Choosing Belgium as a second nationality can't have helped much either icon_smile.gif

Anyway, KUTGW, I'm looking forward to seeing more. Though the hidden stats thingie isn't really necessary for me as I think it spoils a little of the mystery.

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Week ending Sun 30th July 2006

Samaras Taraldo pledged his short term future to Rubin, taking the only contract offer available to him. Rubin are currently 6th at the halfway stage of the Russian season.

Unfortunately no offers have come in for the remaining 5 yet.

Other news

Selim Atas was sent home with the flu for a few days, but is back on his feet now.

FC Twente won their Inter Toto cup tie, so Humphrey Koppers' team will now be in the UEFA cup this season.

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by eldereth:

There was interest in me (George Robson) pretty quickly, but I've never heard of it since. Is there still a club interested in him?

Choosing Belgium as a second nationality can't have helped much either icon_smile.gif

Anyway, KUTGW, I'm looking forward to seeing more. Though the hidden stats thingie isn't really necessary for me as I think it spoils a little of the mystery. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Fraid, there is currently no interest in George Robson.

I can appreciate that some of you may not want to know some of the stats I may produce, so I will present them in such a way that if you don't want to know about them you don't have to. icon14.gif

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1st August 2006 Announcement

I realised that if I left this announcement till next month then it would affect info provided later in the month possibly.

As Kyrgyzstan and Turkmenistan are fairly small countries, the powers that be (me icon_wink.gif) have set up 2 friendly internationals for both teams, one in Sept 2006 and one in March 2007, as the teams previously didn't have any friendlies arranged. So I can announce that:

Kyrgyzstan Friendlies:

Sat 2nd Sept Vs Pakistan (Away)

Weds 28th March Vs Uzbekistan (Home)

Turkmenistan Friendlies:

Sat 2nd Sept Vs Tajikistan (Home)

Sat 24th March Vs Uzbekistan (Home)

There are not any U21 friendlies arranged, so it will be interesting to see how many of you may get called up icon14.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

1st August 2006 Announcement

I realised that if I left this announcement till next month then it would affect info provided later in the month possibly.

As Kyrgyzstan and Turkmenistan are fairly small countries, the powers that be (me icon_wink.gif) have set up 2 friendly internationals for both teams, one in Sept 2006 and one in March 2007, as the teams previously didn't have any friendlies arranged. So I can announce that:

Kyrgyzstan Friendlies:

Sat 2nd Sept Vs Pakistan (Away)

Weds 28th March Vs Uzbekistan (Home)

Turkmenistan Friendlies:

Sat 2nd Sept Vs Tajikistan (Home)

Sat 24th March Vs Uzbekistan (Home)

There are not any U21 friendlies arranged, so it will be interesting to see how many of you may get called up icon14.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Good stuff mate! Though I wish you'd had arranged a friendly Kyrgyzstan vs Turmenistan, just to prove that the Turkmeni rule of course icon_smile.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by TeeWee:

Good stuff mate! Though I wish you'd had arranged a friendly Kyrgyzstan vs Turmenistan, just to prove that the Turkmeni rule of course icon_smile.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

All I am going to say to that, is wait till the announcements on Sept 1st icon_biggrin.gif

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Week ending Sun 6th August

The unlucky five could soon be reduced to just four - Turkmenistan's Ghoolbi Dumats has received an offer from Amkar, who are 12th in the Russian Premierleague.

A few more of you have made competitive debuts for your teams:

Turkmenistan

Pablo Gonzalez and Selim Atas for Zaragoza and Athletico youth teams respectively.

Ulfinos Chaoconov came off the subs bench for Anderlecht in their opening Belgium league game.

Tomaldinho and Luke Swinson also made debuts for their clubs.

Krygyzstan

Freealdinho has played twice now for Torquay.

Injury News

Professor Frink is out for 1-4 weeks with a thigh strain.

Alvaro De Santiago is out for a week with a bruised shin

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Walcott's Wonderkids:

Turkmenistan

Ulfinos Chaoconov came off the subs bench for Anderlecht in their opening Belgium league game.

</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's faster than I expected, but I don't mind. icon14.gif

Maybe Anderlecht will get a bit of a left-winger crisis and I actually get to start a few matches. Will probably have to settle for the occasional sub appearance though, but that's fine.

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Krygyzstan

Freealdinho has played twice now for Torquay. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Glad to see I'm playing, on another note Helen Chamberlain must be loving me because I signed for her club!! icon_wink.gif

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Week ending Sun 13th August 2006

Ghoolbi Dumats signed for Amkar in midweek, making Libertinho the only Turkmenistan player without a club. There are still 3 Kyrgyzstan players without contract offers.

Elfdog, Ryan and Habib Halali all made their competitive debuts for their clubs this week.

Apologies to Koppers, I thought after winning the Inter Toto cup you went straight into the UEFA Cup, but apparently you have to overcome the 2nd Qualifying round of the UEFA Cup first. FC Twente drew 0-0 away to IFK Goteborg in the 1st leg.

Week ending Sun 20th August 2006

Northampton Town have made an offer to loan West Ham Ali Obeid for 5 months, which West Ham have accepted.

Only other piece of news is that Lui is out for 1-2 weeks with a gashed leg.

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Week ending Sun 27th August 2006

Abi Obeid accepts the loan deal, but it falls through as Northampton Town already have 4 people on loan there.

Cheltenham Town and Brighton have made a 5 month loan offers for Davo.

Albinoleffe (lower league Italy) have made an loan offer for Maldinov till the end of the season

FC Twente made it through their UEFA Cup qualifier, winning 3-1 on agg, but Koppers didn't play in the 2nd leg.

On a second look, I noticed Rubin qualifing as well, with Taraldo making his debut in the 2nd leg home match against Trnava.

Seville won the European Super Cup 2-1 against Barca, with Alvaro De Santiago being an unused sub - still get a medal though icon14.gif

Next up, 1st September announcements and summary screenies

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Fri 1st September 2006

Joint Press Conference - Kyrgyzstan and Turkmenistan FA's

Welcome everyone, as you may have noticed both our countries have experienced a rapid change in our development programmes for football recently and although both nations are rivals on and off the pitch, we have decided that it would be in the interests of both nations to take part in The Stanlies Cup.

The cup competition will be a 2 legged affair, held every year at the end of May/ start of June and will hopefully act as a stepping stone for both nations to further glory. Both nations have promised to take part in this cup for the next 10 years and we hope that this will capture the public's imagination in football like never before.

Other announcements:

On the 1st Sept each year from now on, I will release data about each players current ability and world reputation. I believe this could provide some interesting data as it will allow us in the early stages to compare whether your ability rises more when you are at a big club playing using their good training facilities but playing fewer games - or whether you are playing in the middle of nowhere but playing regularly. Also, both sets of data allow you to bragg about being the most famous or having the most ability icon_wink.gif I will be keeping a running tally of the results and posting graphs, akin to what TeeWee has said he will kindly do with wages and player's value.

For those of you who may not want to know, I will only put up screenshots of current ability and world rep, so if you don't want to know, you don't have to click on it!

New Player Cam Feature:

Each month,from this month forth, I will select one player from the 32 and I will follow their matches game by game and post up mini-reports, just so that you can feel a bit closer to how your player (or someone elses palyer) is getting on. I thought this would be a novel little feature as I don't think it has been done before by anyone on holiday games (apologies to said person if it has).

In game news:

Maldinov has joined Albinoleffe till the end of the season on loan (apparently they are in Serie B, higher than what I had thought).

Davo accepted Brighton's loan offer, but again it fell through due to 4 players already being on loan there.

The 4 players left who have no club, if by the end of next month you still have no team, I will randomly assign you to a team - if that's ok with you (Birkninaldo, Bartinho, Robson, Libertinho).

13 of the 16 have been called up for Kyrgyzstan's friendly on the 2nd Sept, the 3 without a club missing out. However Azeryk may miss the game with a facial injury.

12/16 Turkmenistan players have been called up - De Santiago, Koppers, Libertinho and Tomaldinho missing out.

Screenshots coming up next...

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