Terk

***The 2009 FMS Awards - Live from a Nuclear Bunker somewhere near Tehran***

518 posts in this topic

Good evening and welcome to the 2009 FMS Awards. I’d like to thank our host, President Ahmadinnerjacket, for allowing us to hold our annual party in one of his top secret nuclear facilities, and for providing the transport and blindfolds to ensure that you all arrived both safely and without any knowledge of where you are.

I have been informed that, whilst there has been a sham vote to uphold the pretence of democracy, Ayatollah Ali Kahmenei has decreed the victor in each category. Should you wish to protest about this, please feel free to file your complaint with the vigalante mob outside. Ayatollah Kameni is considered a moderate in comparison to our genial host, which means he believes in beheading and stoning, but also recycling.

The mullahs at the back of the room are there to ensure that there is no bootleg alcohol brought into the ceremony, though I’m sure some of you have managed to smuggle it in anyway. If you would like to make a donation in place of a cash bar, please make your cheque out to the ‘Iranian Government Energy Fund’.

Now please feel free to entertain yourselves in a peaceful, Islamic manner as the presenters of our awards prepare to begin the ceremony.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Firearms strictly prohibited. Alcohol encouraged for those past the age of majority. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
We kick off at approx. 20:15 (that's "15 minutes time", others)

Correction, 10-3- alcohol COMPULSORY for ALL. Even me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='tenthreeleader']Firearms strictly prohibited. Alcohol encouraged for those past the age of majority. :)[/QUOTE]

How old's that?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mark enters the room holding a parcel full of my new variety of Jaffa Cakes


Vodka flavoured

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
good to see the others are now here too

and, money is the run of the day....if you have enough, you can buy anything weeman

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Can I have a Pina Colada please? Or an explosive cocktail?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='Cardiovascular']Can I have a Pina Colada please? Or an explosive cocktail?[/QUOTE]

Where's Tony Stark? Surely, he'll have both?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='weeeman27bob']Lovely location.

I'll just have to have a sheik to drink then. Gedd'it?[/QUOTE]

weeeman is the first to be thrown out for a terrible joke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Betting bonus:
Odds on Terk getting shot for the second year running, 1-1000.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I was going to have some Sex on the Beach, but then I realised that it might not be a good idea :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
39p buys you can of the finest Tesco homebrand lager. Just don't expect to survive the night.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello everybody. Just dropping by in my lovely suit for my first FMS Awards (the first one I've attended anyway)

And unfortunately, I have to go now. It has been nice coming here. :D

Good luck everyone! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Man, it's great to get that blindfold off. My throat's a bit dry as well.

[Heads towards bar to see what cheap muck the hosts have made available this year]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='weeeman27bob']How old's that?[/QUOTE]

Depends on where you live, but you can always get an accurate answer from Mark Wilson :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='mark wilson27']Mark enters the room holding a parcel full of my new variety of Jaffa Cakes


Vodka flavoured[/QUOTE]

I'll take a dozen please

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='SCIAG']Betting bonus:
Odds on Terk getting shot for the second year running, 1-1000.[/QUOTE]

Do we place our bets with Wigan's sponsor?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='tenthreeleader']I'll take a dozen please[/QUOTE]

The mullahs at the back will bring them too you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='Cardiovascular']I'll have a bovril.[/QUOTE]
I held a Rock Band party once, and made everyone have a shot of bovril vodka. LOL.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Any discussion involving [SIZE=1]alcohol [SIZE=2]must be whispered.

Bets with bwin, the official sponsor of a major European football team.

Mark, fetch me a J2O, and some Jaffa Cakes.


[/SIZE][/SIZE]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='Cardiovascular']I'll have a bovril.[/QUOTE]

Bovril, bovril how old are you :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[QUOTE=The-Perfect-Fm'er!;4083079]Where the fecks Tehran anyway?[/QUOTE]
Capital of Iran.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[QUOTE=The-Perfect-Fm'er!;4083079]Where the fecks Tehran anyway?[/QUOTE]

Iran
.........

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Typical awards evening - Mark Wilson is half-p1ssed already.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[B]SPECIAL NOTICE

[/B]Due to the secret nature of this facility, your Esteemed Group of Presenters will be posting as themselves for this year's ceremony.

Something about the authorities hating the Capitalist Pig-Dog Oppressors Of The Masses (i.e. Celebrities), noting their undue influence in society. Personally, I couldn't agree more.

However, that means you're stuck with us. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='mark wilson27']Bovril, bovril how old are you :D[/QUOTE]

We need someone to take over BobBev's stock of Bovril. Doesn't look like his zimmer frame made it this far.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='SCIAG']Capital of Iran.[/QUOTE]

Lazy bastards couldn't think of an inventive name so just added a T to their name and spelt it a little different!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Good job I speak Arabic, otherwise I wouldn't have known about the killer rubber ducks. Or at least that's what I think he said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[QUOTE=The-Perfect-Fm'er!;4083106]Lazy bastards couldn't think of an inventive name so just added a T to their name and spelt it a little different![/QUOTE]
Brasillia waves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='Terk']We need someone to take over BobBev's stock of Bovril. Doesn't look like his zimmer frame made it this far.[/QUOTE]

I'll ask my new friends the Mullahs

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='Terk']We need someone to take over BobBev's stock of Bovril. Doesn't look like his zimmer frame made it this far.[/QUOTE]

It's Horlicks actually you cheeky young scamp. Sorry I'm a bit late - it took me forever to get that bloody camel tied up outside!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
An excellent turnout so far - it's great to see so many people here already. :thup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='BobBev']It's Horlicks actually you cheeky young scamp. Sorry I'm a bit late - it took me forever to get that bloody camel tied up outside![/QUOTE]
Especially blindfolded.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Good luck to all nominated.

I'll have another Archers and lemonade...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Its great too see you here Spav thought you'd gone missing after last years ceremony

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It wouldn't be an awards ceremony without Mark being drunk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.