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A good spread of nations there, looking forawrd to seeing how England progress :)

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Writer’s Notes: I’m going to do the World Cup Report differently to how I have done it in previous seasons. If it works, it should result in a much more streamlined report, which makes it easier to read and quicker to write.

Update 168 and World Cup Report Part I

Years: 14, Months: 168, Days: 5106

So, all eyes have turned to Argentina where the World Cup is now underway. With World Champions Spain opening the tournament, they could get their campaign, to be the first side to capture three consecutive Jules Rimet trophies, right underway. They played Egypt, and, although the first half was disappointing from the Iberians, a goal from 30-year-old Chelsea winger Francesc five minutes into the second half was the first step towards that trophy retention. Andrés, Man City’s 29-year-old centreback, secured the result with a header ten minutes from time. In the other Group A match on the opening day, two penalties left Hungary and Uruguay level at 1-1, in a poorly-disciplined game that saw the South Americans go down to ten men six minutes into the second half.

Spain may have taken a little while to warm up against Egypt, but in their match against Uruguay, the result was settled before half time. Another 2-0 win, the match saw the South Americans rather outclassed by their fellow Hispanophone country, and the beaten side took just four shots all match. Meanwhile, Egypt’s misery was compounded when they lost out in a close game against Hungary, with József Kulcsár netting the only goal in the 70th minute. Hungary also took the lead against Spain in their final group match, but were pegged back to a 1-1 draw in the last minute, thanks to a header from Napoli striker Daniel Resino. Egypt and Uruguay also drew, 2-2, which evidently wasn’t enough for either of them to go through.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Spain, Uruguay, Hungary, Egypt

Actual Result: Spain (7), Hungary (5), Uruguay (2), Egypt (1)

Accuracy: 80%

Group B would be the logical next place to go, so go there we shall. The Group opened with goals galore, and all throughout the matches had a tendency to be high-scoring. A thriller between Cameroon and Australia saw the Australians, despite being both 0-2 and 2-3 down, win 4-3. To be honest, the Pacific nation had much greater control of the game, and they did in the end put in the gutsy performance to guarantee the points. In the other first game, Germany signalled their intent early on with a strong 3-0 victory over Colombia, all starting just after the half hour mark when Colombia’s Alex Navia got himself sent off. Germany went on to beat Cameroon 2-0, scoring very early (minute 3) and very late (minute 90+4), and they topped the group with a 1-0 victory over Australia. Ghanaian-born Valencia striker Peter Pond scored once in each match. Cameroon picked up their performance with a final-day 3-0 win over Colombia, but Australia, having beating the South Americans 5-0, with five different scorers, on matchday two, got second place.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Germany, Australia, Cameroon, Colombia

Actual Result: Germany (9), Australia (6), Cameroon (3), Colombia (0)

Accuracy: 100%

In comparison, Group C was bereft of goals. Mexico and Argentina opened the group with a far-from-inspiring 1-1 draw, although Israel soon brightened things up with their match against China in Buenos Aires. With two goals from enthusiastic Beitar Jerusalem midfielder Felix Ben-Naim, the Blues and Whites beat their Oriental opposition 3-1. Furthermore, with their next match ending goalless against Argentina, you wouldn’t blame Israelis for holding hopes of qualification, even though Ben-Naim was stretchered off with an ankle sprain at the end of that game. In the final match however, a competitive fixture against Mexico, things went awry when six minutes into the second half, and with Mexico just 1-0 up, Israel’s Zion Adani (a grey) was sent off. Two goals in the last ten minutes quickly dashed Israel’s World Cup dream. China finished bottom of the group after losing their other two games, against Mexico and Argentina, both 0-2. Notably in the Mexico game, Giovani dos Santos, still going strong at the age of 33, netted a brace.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Argentina, Mexico, Israel, China

Actual Result: Mexico (7), Argentina (5), Israel (4), China (0)

Accuracy: 80%

Let’s take a little break from the World Cup to head over to England. Fans are anticipating the new season, which sees Q.P.R., Sheffield Wednesday and Huddersfield back among the Premier League crop. All three, however, are predicted by both bookies and newspapers, to be back in the Championship next year. Lawrence Lazewski’s Man City are the favourites to take the title, and, although this same prediction is made every year, with the Citizens having won the Champions League three times from the last four, you can see where the idea is coming from. Chelsea, defending champions, are tipped to come second, followed by Arsenal and then Liverpool. Ipswich, who can expect a 14th-placed finish, have just appointed Ben Taylor to a managerial role after George Burley’s retirement. Let’s hope he does better here than he did at Parma, where he lasted all of 194 days. Blackburn are favourites to win the Championship for the first time since just before the war, and the Sun thinks Crystal Palace should be targeting automatic promotion too.

Back to the World Cup then, with Group D. The United Arab Emirates were here, making their first World Cup appearance since 1990, and they didn’t disgrace themselves, although they didn’t pick up any points. Their opening match went very badly, at first at least, as they found themselves 0-3 down after half an hour. Their opponents, however, were former champions France, and they did only lose 1-3 in the end. Games against Romania and Nigeria also saw only narrow losses, 1-2 in both games. Egghead Dumitru Dobre scored both Romanian goals in the teams’ encounter. So, with the UAE losing all three games, everything was all to play for among the other teams. The winner between France and Nigeria comes as no surprise, as the Europeans ran out 4-2 victors in an exciting match. Romania also beat Nigeria; having had their first half lead nullified by Victor Obinna in the 45+1st minute, they netted an 82nd minute spot kick to win 2-1. So Romania and France would qualify, but in what order? An 83rd-minute goal for Horatiu Badea, who incidentally netted that penalty against Nigeria, settled a dull game in Avellaneda and put Romania through top.

canvey!!’s Prediction: France, Nigeria, Romania, United Arab Emirates

Actual Result: Romania (9), France (6), Nigeria (3), United Arab Emirates (0)

Accuracy: 60%

Group E saw Italy as odds-on favourites, with second place open to anybody that could achieve the results. All games involving Italy saw three goals, while all others ended in far-from-exciting draws. Japan and Ireland neutralised each other with a 1-1 result in front of Steffan Leadbitter’s watchful refereeing eye in Buenos Aires. Ghana also put up a solid defence but poor attack in their games against Japan and Ireland, with both ending goalless. So that leaves Italy’s games. Ghana’s defence wasn’t so good against the Mediterranean country. Although they kept the scoresheet blank in the first half, a bit of a collapse saw the Italians take a 2-0 lead, and even going down to ten men couldn’t stop Italy from scoring a third. Ireland suffered a similar 0-3 fate at Italy’s hands, with 25-year-old Juventus midfielder Salvatore Constanzo netting a brace. Japan’s game against the Italians looked the be going a similar way: after 34 minutes, the Europeans were 2-0 up. Thankfully, for Japan at least, with 15 minutes left on the clock, 26-year-old Barcelona forward Naoya Sato capitalised on a poor Italian clearance to score. 2-1 Italy was the final score, and, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll realise that that means Japan go through with Italy on goal difference.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Italy, Japan, Ghana, Ireland

Actual Result: Italy (9), Japan (2), Ireland (2), Ghana (2)

Accuracy: 80%

Group F sees World Cup debutants Guatemala against six-times winners Brazil. The match between these two was a lot closer than one might think, however, with the teams going into the break goalless and with the Brazilians winning 2-0 in the end. This was after Switzerland had opened the group with a 2-0 victory over Iran. The two victors were pitted against each other in the next match, and Alexis Stival’s team dominated their Alpine opponents, running out 3-0 winners with a brace from Zaragoza’s Nicão. Switzerland, however, avenged that loss with a reversal of the scoreline in their final day match against Guatemala, and with a much greater dominance. Yet Guatemala didn’t embarrass themselves in the group: they won their second match, against Iran. Iran had greater possession, took more shots and indeed more shots on target, but fell to a 1-2 defeat with, naturally, Zaragoza striker Shahram Mozafari scoring their only goal. To add insult to injury, their match against Brazil in Rosario saw them 0-2 down after seven minutes, and they lost 0-7 overall, with both Atlético Madrid’s Coutinho and Napoli’s Choco netting braces for Brazil.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Brazil, Switzerland, Iran, Guatemala

Actual Result: Brazil (9), Switzerland (6), Guatemala (3), Iran (0)

Accuracy: 80%

We’ll take another break from World Cup action, this time to look forward to the new season in Italy. Pundits are tipping A.C. Milan to take the Scudetto, even though Marco van Basten’s side only finished 6th last season. Defending champions Mikael Schøler’s Juventus are expected to drop down to third, with Inter filling the gap between Juvé and A.C.. Napoli are expected to finish off the top four, leaving Udinese and Roma out in the cold. I would bet money that the top four will not finish like that, however. As for the bottom, Lecce and Cagliari, two of the newly-promoted teams, are expected to get relegated, but the papers say Reggina can avoid the drop. Catania are the unlucky team expected to take their place. It comes as a surprise that Fiorentina aren’t favourites to win Serie B. That honour falls instead to Parma.

We’ll continue our World Cup coverage with Group H, a group I felt was the most open and would be the most fun to watch. Having said that, one of the opening two games was the United States’ goalless draw with Portugal, but then the other was a six-goal thriller, with Denmark running out 5-1 winners thanks to a hattrick from former Napoli forward Nikola Saric. Denmark then went on to beat the United States in a close but exciting match, with Fenerbahçe midfielder Marco Paonessa scoring the only goal of the game just before half time. In their match against Chile, Portugal fans may have thought that another goalless draw was destiny, when Antunes missed a spot kick after 12 minutes. However, the corner from the resulting corner met the head of Rui Fonte, who gave his team the lead. Another Portuguese goal at the hour mark, this one the very first international goal of Napoli midfielder Hélder Trindade, gave them a 2-0 victory and put them in a fairly strong position in the group, knocking out Chile at the same time. The Chileans went on to lose their last match, 1-3 to the United States, with all goals scored in the first half. That meant that, depending on goals scored, defeat to Denmark could send Portugal out. They had the better of the match, but it was simple cruel fate that a Daniel Carriço own goal in the 20th minute knocked them out with a 0-1 defeat.

canvey!!’s Prediction: United States, Chile, Portugal, Denmark

Actual Result: Denmark (9), United States (4), Portugal (4), Chile (0)

Accuracy: 45%

That just leaves Group G, containing Liam Ferguson’s England. The Three Lions started their campaign brilliantly, against the Côte d’Ivoire. Ivorian striker Djama Koutouan was shown a straight red for a two-footed tackle on Inter midfielder Matt Hazell. England went ahead through Joe Mattock in the 29th minute, and doubled their lead via Inter midfielder Chris Heslop three minutes later. Just two minutes later, however, the Ivorians grabbed a goal back through Barcelona’s Jacques Cissé, but Craig Robson struck to make it 3-1 before half time. The former Leicester captain hit another goal just short of the hour mark, to secure a 4-1 victory. Meanwhile, Croatia enjoyed almost as good a victory against Peru, beating the South Americans 3-1 with a brace from 26-year-old Dinamo Zagreb striker Ivan Milic. Croatia then built up a 3-0 lead in their match against the Côte d’Ivoire, thanks to the second hattrick of the tournament, from 24-year-old Grasshopper Zürich striker Matej Rodic. The Ivorians grabbed two goals back in the second half, but they couldn’t avoid defeat, and would be eliminated unless Peru beat England the next day.

Peru didn’t do that, and instead succumbed to a 2-5 defeat in Buenos Aires. Matt Hazell opened the scoring in the 11th minute, with Andy Stones doubling the lead in the 34th. However, two minutes later, Peru grabbed one back, and, in the second half, levelled thanks to a header from Renzo Chacón. One might then expect the younger England players to let their heads drop, so you needed a veteran to keep things together. Here, therefore, Liam Ferguson came up with a masterstroke, substituting off Adam Pepper for a player three years his senior, Theo Walcott. Three minutes later, Walcott regained England the lead with a clinical finish after he got into a great position. After a further two minutes, a superb solo run saw Walcott beat a defender and then the goalkeeper on the way to making it 4-2. Despite playing for less than half an hour, his hattrick was complete in the first minute of stoppage time, although it seemed that the ball just bounced off his foot from Lee Taylor’s pass. 5-2 was the final score, securing qualification for England and Croatia, and denying it for the Côte d’Ivoire and Peru. The final games were just a formality; England beat Croatia 1-0, with Craig Robson netting in the penultimate minute of England’s absolutely dominant performance (Croatia managed one shot), while the Côte d’Ivoire beat Peru 3-2 with two goals from 36-year-old Salomon Kalou.

canvey!!’s Prediction: Croatia, England, Côte d’Ivoire, Peru

Actual Result: England (9), Croatia (6), Côte d’Ivoire (3), Peru (0)

Accuracy: 80%

Time to cover transfers in a little detail now. Tyler Burrows continued his wheeling and dealing this month, selling Antonio Martino, of whom Udinese bought half from Siena last season, back to Siena for £750k. 20-year-old Livorno striker Paolo Mattioli arrived at Friuli for £575k. Lord Weeman also made one transfer at Napoli, signing 18-year-old Atalanta right winger Fausto Piazza for £1.2M. The biggest transfer of the month was that of 21-year-old left back Nicola Vitali, when A.C. Milan sold their half of him back to Neppo Monster’s Fiorentina for £15M. The fee, however, has not appeared in Monster’s profile, I don’t know why.

So the group stages are over and half of the teams have been eliminated from the World Cup. We’ll start with the host nation and move outwards. Argentina were drawn against Romania, and, although the match stayed goalless until minute 42, and Romania looked to have the better of the play, the South Americans were 2-0 up at half time. A third goal seven minutes from time made Romania look much worse than they actually were. Meanwhile, Brazil met Japan. For all their pressure, the Brazilians just didn’t look capable of scoring, or Japan of conceding. That is until the 83rd minute, when Barcelona defender Andrade scored the only goal of the game when Japan failed to clear a Brazil corner. Next, Mexico played France, and could have been considered lucky to have gone ahead in the 13th minute. Nevertheless, France equalised less than ten minutes later, but weren’t able to take the lead until Armando Casanova got a straight red card for his two-footed tackle on Yannis Tafer. Two minutes later, Tafer was fouled again, this time in the penalty area by Mauricio de la Barrera, and Sofiane Feghouli scored the resulting spot kick to win France the game. Fourthly, the United States would play England in Buenos Aires, and the Americans were completely outclassed, although the only goal of the game was Adam Peppers turn-and-shoot in the 2nd minute, which left some very nervous England fans as the match reached the death.

Those are all the American nations, with the two South American ones winning and the two North American ones losing. Other than Japan, the only other non-European team was Australia, who had a tough time of it up against Spain. The match, however, was goalless at half time, and goalless at full time. It took extra time for Spain to win, but win they did, with 29-year-old Barcelona midfielder Iñigo Fraile scoring in the 99th minute and Roma’s Bojan putting the result beyond doubt in the 114th. Italy also needed extra time to run out 2-0 winners. Despite bossing Switzerland quite categorically, they couldn’t score until Genoa’s Matteo Fabiani, wearing the Italian kit for just the third time, netted ten minutes before penalties would have been needed. Inter’s Marco Modica made it 2-0 in minute 120+1. Switzerland’s neighbours Germany were more successful, however, beating Hungary 2-0. The game was goalless at half time, but Bernd Böhm made it 1-0 five minutes after the restart, and Christian Weigl got the second five minutes after that. Germany’s own neighbours Denmark, for all their good performances in the group stages, found themselves 0-2 down to Croatia after 18 minutes. The game was actually much closer than that, but the Danes didn’t score until Magnus Troest’s goal in the 54th minute. Yet they couldn’t get the second, and although they were encouraged to a flurry of attacking after Ivan Milic’s 86th minute red card, they were unable to level the scores and lost 1-2.

Next month, England’s campaign comes up against a real test, as Liam Ferguson’s team play a Quarter Final against Brazil, who this month netted the biggest World Cup finals win since 2002. If they were to win that, England would face Spain or Argentina. Meanwhile, Italy meet Croatia and Germany meet France. There are no easy matches any more. Also next month, our domestic managers sign some more players and prepare for the new season, and Man United, Genoa and Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona kick off their Europa League campaigns.

Manager of the Update

For his masterstroke in the game against Peru,

Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)

wins this award. With the score deadlocked at 2-2, Ferguson brought on Theo Walcott, who promptly netted a hattrick to send England into the second round.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5106
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5106
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5106
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5106
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5106
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)[/font]

Hall of the Stalemates – Top Ten Most Games Drawn at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username      Manager           Original Club Current Club Drn Percent Chnge[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994 Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  158 (19.2%) [color=red]-0.5%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan        Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    151 (17.8%) [color=red]-0.2%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=red]-1[/color] tomsmith1989  Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      150 (17.7%) [color=red]-0.3%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob  Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       146 (21.4%) [color=red]-0.5%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck    Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      134 (19.4%) [color=red]-0.7%[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th [color=#009900]+1[/color] MikaelS       Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus      76 (20.2%) [color=#009900]+0.3%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=#009900]+1[/color] el sid        Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter         71 (19.1%) [color=#009900]+0.6%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=red]-1[/color] spartans5     Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City      71 (19.1%) [color=red]-2.1%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=#009900]+1[/color] brettney1980  Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds         61 (23.2%) [color=#009900]+0.1%[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE canvey!!      Fréderico Canvey  Stoke         Everton       30 (19.7%)  n/a[/font]

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Pffft terrible prediction in Group H ;)

Nice update canvey :thup:

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Portugal have really gone downhill!

Update 169 and World Cup Report Part II

Years: 14, Months: 169, Days: 5137

We’ll get right under way with our World Cup report, starting with the Quarter Finals between Italy and Croatia and between Germany and France.

The former of those two matches was eventful, with plenty of chances, falling almost exclusively to Italy, but some stellar Croatian defending and plenty of luck meant that the Italians were unable to score. Penalties were used to settle things, with both Croatia netting their first. Atlético Madrid ‘keeper Matteo Acquafresca, however, was able to save Luka Modric’s down-the-middle penalty, giving Italy the advantage as Andrea Mazzarani netted his spot kick. Sure enough, both sides scored their remaining penalties, meaning Italy won 5-4. Between France and Germany, there were also some penalties, but not at the end of the match; rather, at the start. Gabriel Obertan opened the scoring for France with his ninth-minute spot kick, only for the team to be pegged back by the Germans with a similar set-piece ten minutes later, converted by Peter Pond. Henri Saivet was then stirred into action, and netted in both the 31st and 37th minutes, giving France a 3-1 lead. But Germany fought back: nine minutes into the second half, Spanish-born forward Ángel Martínez Moreno made it 2-3, with grey player Daniel Fuchs levelling in ’66. Germany then went down to ten men due to a red card, but they managed to force extra time. Two minutes before its half time period, however, Yannis Tafer struck the goal that turned out to win his country the game. Gabriel Obertan had the chance to bookend his performance with another spot kick, but he hit it straight at the German ‘keeper.

A break from World Cup action now to look at the transfer state in Italy. Lord Weeman’s Napoli made a couple of big moves this month, funding the £10.5M purchase of Palermo’s 23-year-old sweeper and defender Francesco Donati with the £12.5M sale of 20-year-old striker Luca Pastore to Rimini. Napoli also acquired 33-year-old goalkeeper Matteo Andreoletti from Frosinone, after the Alzanesi’s contract expired. Tyler Burrows bought half of Lecce’s 20-year-old striker Domenico Piccolo for £2.6M, and he also acquired three signing on free transfers, including 34-year-old Takayuki Morimoto, who was for years Weeman’s biggest sale and Cool Manager’s biggest purchase when he commanded a £21M price tag in his transfer from Napoli to Inter. Speaking of big transfers, this month’s biggest were two between A.C. Milan and Real Madrid, which I will cover later, and the £14.5M move of English leftback Bryan Thomson from Man City to Inter.

Back to the World Cup, and to the game between hosts and holders. Spain faced Argentina, and, although the Argentines took the lead, in the 18th minute, they were 1-2 down at half time, 1-4 down at the end of the first half, and lost 1-5. While the teams weren’t that different in general performance, Spain finished clinically and ended up with the result that reflected that. Of note is Bojan’s five-minute double salvo between minutes 29 and 34. The second half was actually pretty bereft of action, but was livened up at the death by Iosu Alkorta’s 90+3rd minute goal, slotted into the bottom corner. Spain would go on to face Brazil or England, depending on the winner in Avellaneda. Coutinho gave Brazil the lead after just 11 minutes, with a powerful shot rifled into the top corner. But Adam Pepper’s headed goal (assisted by Bryan Thomson who was transferred above) gave England the equaliser just after the half hour mark, and by the time sixty minutes had elapsed, they were leading, thanks to Matthew Hill’s beautiful long-range shot. England had just minutes to hold on, but were undone by an equaliser from Choco in the 88th. Dalton’s shot straight from Renan’s goal kick was repelled by England ‘keeper Jacob Ball, but it fell straight to Choco who had an open net to shoot at. England went on to lose on penalties after some clinical spot kicks saw Brazil net all of theirs, meaning that England’s only miss was costly. Lord Weeman will surely be in a quandary; his player at Napoli cost Weeman’s country a World Cup Semi-Final place.

I was going to start this paragraph with ‘fans in Spain are already looking forward to the new season’, but then I realised that they really aren’t. With the Iberian nation very much in the running for a third consecutive World Cup, all other matters have tended to be pushed to the backburner in Spain. Having said that, predictions have been emerging regarding this season’s final table, with Valencia favourites to win the title, despite some poor finishes in the past two seasons. Atlético Madrid are therefore expected to drop to second, followed by their rivals Real and then by Zaragoza. Bookies say Barcelona can get fifth place, and it is certainly a possibility, but equally possible is a slump to, say, 8th. Mallorca and Villarreal are two of the newly-promoted sides expected to survive, with Deportivo tipped to go back to where they were last season. Murcia and Gimnàstic are favourites to finish 19th and 20th respectively.

As for transfers, Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid made five cash transfers this month. £500k was made when 29-year-old midfielder Marco Larini was sold to A.C. Milan and 28-year-old Czech attacking midfielder Karel Vagner being bought in return. The two fees were £14.75M and £14.25M. Another big signing was that of Argentine striker Emanuel Páez, whom I must say I am quite impressed by. The 22-year-old, who got his first international goal in Argentina’s group stage 3-0 win over Romania, joined for £7.25M from Betis. Incidentally, he feels that Karel Vagner should not take himself so seriously. Other transfers saw the £130k arrival of Colombian goalkeeper Carlos Alberto Guazá from River Plate, and the £110k departure of Uruguayan midfielder Carlos García to Celta. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona, meanwhile, were more modest in their spending, probably due to their being a Europa League team rather than a Champions League one. Madridstas brought in Danish goalkeeper Torben Christensen from Racing for £1.1M, and a 32-year-old Cézar Azpilicueta from Liverpool for £3.4M.

The first World Cup Semi-Final took place between Brazil and Spain, and was certainly a case of the old world order finally giving way to the new. Neither side scored in the first half, but Choco, fresh from his exploits eliminating England, scored in the 71st minute to give Brazil the lead. Three minutes later however, they were pegged back by Juventus winger Joaquín Esteban, who capitalised on the very poor Brazilian marking that saw him free, among two other free colleagues, in the six-yard area. Juan Manuel Mata scored the winner in the 81st minute, in similar defensive circumstances albeit not in the six-yard box. The other Semi-Final was a fiercely contested match between Italy and France. With just under forty fouls overall, one of the first was one of the most important, as leftback Antonio Annunziata tripped Sofiane Feghouli in the box. Feghouli himself scored the spot kick. It looked like that goal would settle the game, but turned out to be far from the case. With nine minutes left on the clock, Mattia Destro was played on by attacking midfielder Christian Ricci, and the 31-year-old placed a sweet short into the far corner of the goal. Extra time came of course, and France retook the lead six minutes into it, with Moussa Sissoko’s shot deflecting off Italy centreback Paolo Ruggiero. Italy then went down to ten men with the red card given to Udinese central defender Davide Anaclerio, but they needn’t have worried: they drew level again through Fausto Rossi in the 113th minute, the 31-year-old scoring a clever lob of Hugo Lloris. I said that Annunziata’s foul was only one of the most important, as that of French winger Belkacem Renoux on Andrea Mazzerani was more important: it gave Italy the 120+3rd minute penalty that was converted to win the game at the death.

Of course the World Cup wasn’t the only football taking place this month. Hundreds of hopeful clubs from across Europe took part in the qualifying stages of the Europa League and the Champions League, and, in the former, one of those clubs was our very own Barcelona. Haowan Madridstas’s side, as seeds, were drawn against HNK Sibenik of Croatia. The first leg, in the Balkans, saw Barça achieve a dominant 6-0 victory, and the Spanish team mirrored that at the Nou Camp for a 12-0 aggregate win. Also in Europa League action were Manchester United, who beat Norway’s IK Start 10-0 on aggregate, and Genoa, who knocked out Belarussian side FC Gomel with a 4-0 overall win.

Brazil and France had had their World Cup chances taken away from them, but there was still the opportunity for the consolation prize of third place. They met in Buenos Aires, and, just like in the match against England, a Coutinho goal in the 11th minute opened the scoring. This time, the 30-year-old let loose a powerful curling shot that went into the top corner. France, however, were back in contention before the half hour mark, with Sofiane Feghouli’s corner bouncing off the head of 33-year-old defensive midfielder Rafael Carioca and into the net. But Brazil were the better side, and they retook the lead within eight minutes, thanks to Nicão’s brilliantly-taken free kick. Nicão got a second in the 66th minute in an embarrassing incident for France. Goalkeeper Hugo Lloris came out to meet the ball in the left fullback position, and passed it to Moussa Sissoko. Sissoko, however, then played a pass across the field, which Nicão intercepted. The Brazilain then rifled a long range shot into the open goal. Barcelona’s Marquinhos completed the victory in the 88th minute, scoring Brazil’s fourth goal, another deadly free kick.

Lawrence Lazewski has opened the Man City checkbook this summer, spending no less than £49M on four players, and boosting the fortunes of Portsmouth and Crystal Palace in the process. From the Eagles, Lazewski signed 27-year-old central midfielder Gregory Cazaux for £11.75M and 29-year-old Uruguayan centreback Diego Viana for £11M. 23-year-old leftback Dean Dixon and 24-year-old winger Tom Matthews arrived from Pompey for £12.5M and £13.75M respectively. City’s only sale was the aforementioned Bryan Thomson one. Tom Smith’s Arsenal, meanwhile, made the biggest transfer of the month, signing Russian centreback Andrey Mitin from Valencia for £18.5M. Mitin, you might be interested to know, was the youngest player in the Russia squad at Euro 2016. He also lists Martin Bojangles among his favoured personnel, for no apparent reason. 33-year-old Brazilian forward Keirrison left the Gunners for the Stadium of Light in a deal costing £925k.

Okay, folks, it’s time for the big spectacle: the 2022 FIFA World Cup Final. Spain, on the back of two consecutive wins of the tournament, met Italy, who hadn’t reached the Final since 2006. The last time the two met was in the 2018 Quarter Final, where Spain proceeded on spot kicks after a 3-3 draw. I’m sure both sides were hoping this result would be different. Spain started brightly, with Joaquín Esteban’s 13th-minute shot being kept out only by the fingertips of Matteo Acquafresca. Nine minutes later, however, Esteban did strike, heading in Iñigo Fraile’s corner to make it 1-0 Spain. A couple of chances peppered the rest of the first half, including Bojan’s shot only just past the post, but it wasn’t until the 43rd minute that another goal came. Bojan once again took a shot; this one went over the bar, and from the resulting goal kick, Italy built up an attack. The attack wasn’t the greatest, but Spain seemed to show an inability to clear the ball, an inability which was punished by Salvatore Costanzo pouncing on the ball for an equaliser.

In the second half, Italy took a number of shots from range, be they free kicks or from open play, none of which was successful. They also had a couple of slightly better chances, but were kept out. The indubitable fact, however, was that Italy were bossing the game. Spain’s only real chance came in the 88th minute when Esteban’s shot from a good position was saved by Acquafresca. Iñigo Fraile was booked in the 84th minute for a foul on Christian Ricci, and was one of three Spanish players cautioned in the second half. Extra time came, and saw a couple of good Spanish chances in its first half. At the end of that fifteen-minute period, however, disaster struck for Spain, as Iñigo Fraile received a second yellow card for a second trip on Christian Ricci. They needn’t have worried, though. At the start of the second period, Daniel Resino’s cross, evading both Iosu Alkorta and Italy’s Marco Modica in the box, found Joaquín Esteban, who, from close range, simply tapped the ball into the goal. From that point on, some pack-the-box defending from Spain, some poor passing from Italy and a double-save from Sergio Asenjo all preserved the score, giving Spain their third consecutive World Cup!

After the World Cup, a flurry of managers left their jobs. Following a heavy Quarter Final defeat to Spain, host nation Argentina sacked Néstor Gorosito, and replaced him with debutant manager Gabriel Milito. Mexico, the United States, France, Denmark, Ireland and Portugal also all sacked their managers. Rudi Garcia stepped in at France, Oldham boss John Sheridan stepped in to replace Sean O’Driscoll at Ireland, and Pedro Santos, a regen whose appointment was greeted with scepticism, stepped in at Portugal. Mexico hired Oswaldo Sánchez, Denmark appointed the 69-year-old Mikael Holm, and the Americans opted for former Fulham, Portsmouth and Villarreal boss Tim Aubel, who becomes the third of our managers to step onto the international stage. Joaquín Esteban won Player of the Tournament, followed by Coutinho and Craig Robson, while Coutinho took home the Golden Boot. Five Italians, five Spaniards, four Brazilians and three Englishmen, among five other players, featured in the Dream Team + bench, with Craig Robson partnering Nicão in the chosen strikeforce.

Next month the season kicks off in earnest. Good luck to our 29 managers in management, and to our three looking for a job!

Manager of the Update

The winner of the Manager of the Update award is;

Haowan Madridstas , Barcelona

for the first time since August 2020. Although his Barcelona team faced an easy Europa League Third Qualifying Round tie against HNK Sibenik, a 12-0 aggregate win is not to scoffed at. Lucas Volman was also in the running, for making waves with three big transfers this month.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5137
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5137
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5137
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5137
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5137
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona[/font]

Hall of Fame – Top Ten Most Goals Scored at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username      Manager           Original Club Current Club Goals (Pr/G) Chnge[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan        Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona     2067 (2.44) [color=green]+0.03[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989  Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal       1905 (2.25)  [color=blue]0.00[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994 Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid   1613 (1.96) [color=red]-0.02[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob  Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli        1265 (1.85) [color=green]+0.02[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck    Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese       1177 (1.71) [color=green]+0.05[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th [color=green]+1[/color] el sid        Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter          779 (2.09) [color=red]-0.04[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] spartans5     Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City       712 (1.92) [color=red]-0.03[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] MikaelS       Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus       671 (1.78) [color=green]+0.05[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=green]+1[/color] brettney1980  Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds          435 (1.65) [color=green]+0.02[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE ~Ian~         Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea        259 (2.27)  n/a[/font]

Hall of Shame – Top Ten Most Goals Conceded at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username      Manager           Original Club Current Club Goals (Pr/G) Chnge[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st [color=green]+1[/color] Haowan        Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona      740 (0.87) [color=red]+0.02[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd [color=red]-1[/color] tomsmith1989  Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal        733 (0.86) [color=green]-0.01[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck    Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese        643 (0.93) [color=green]-0.01[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob  Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli         603 (0.88) [color=green]-0.01[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994 Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid    578 (0.70) [color=red]+0.01[/color] *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] MikaelS       Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus       326 (0.86) [color=green]-0.04[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] brettney1980  Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds          315 (1.20) [color=red]+0.03[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] el sid        Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter          268 (0.72) [color=green]-0.01[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=green]+1[/color] spartans5     Lawrence Lazewski Man City      Man City       264 (0.71) [color=green]-0.04[/color]
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE canvey!!      Fréderico Canvey  Stoke         Everton        166 (1.09)  n/a[/font]

Lifespan – 5 to 10 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club       Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th TaylorB              Ben Taylor          Fiorentina 3442
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th fergysafc            Liam Ferguson       Man City   2783
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th JSalter              James Salter        Reggina    2710
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th mikeytwigge          Mikey Twigge        Palermo    2507
 [/font][font=Courier New]11th BenArsenal           Ben Cee             Inter      2502
 [/font][font=Courier New]12th super_lampard        Super Lampard       Lecce      2119
 [/font][font=Courier New]13th Cardiovascular       Cardio Vascular     Genoa      2010
 [/font][font=Courier New]14th Lower Leagues Rule   Jonte Rhodes        Lazio      1968[/font]

Lifespan – 2 to 5 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club       Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]15th [/font][font=Courier New]hasdgfas             Tim Aubel           Fulham     1705
 [/font][font=Courier New]16th ~Ian~                Bryan McGuinness    Everton    1701
 [/font][font=Courier New]17th rancer890            Ricky Nakano        Middlesbro 1614
 [/font][font=Courier New]18th ssestig              Theo Stigarakis     Catania    1405
 [/font][font=Courier New]19th bermybhoy            bermybhoy           Atalanta   1320
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - IlikeJellybeans      Jellybean Man       Numancia   1320
 [/font][font=Courier New]21st m1234566778          Maz Armley          Racing     1288
 [/font][font=Courier New]22nd el sid               Cool Manager        At. Madrid 1263
 [/font][font=Courier New]23rd spartans5            Lawrence Lazewski   Valencia   1259
 [/font][font=Courier New]24th Greasy Chip Butty    Andy Morton         Sporting   1244
 [/font][font=Courier New]25th Martin_              Martin Bojangles    Hull       1241
 [/font][font=Courier New]26th clrkaitken           Clark Aitken        Roma       1237
 [/font][font=Courier New]27th Waghlon              Lars Tommersen      Villarreal 1230
 [/font][font=Courier New]28th Walcott’s Wonderkids Brucie Bonus        West Brom  1210
 [/font][font=Courier New]29th Almondo              Arnold J. Rimmer    Bolton     1208
 [/font][font=Courier New]30th Neji                 Neji Hyuuga         Deportivo   999
 [/font][font=Courier New]31st Jack Rudd            Lisa Jeffries       Juventus    925
 [/font][font=Courier New]32nd pnefc22              Wobill Luman        Betis       889
 [/font][font=Courier New]33rd AtilasMiserly        Will de Mote        A.C. Milan  882
 [/font][font=Courier New]34th JoeLatics            Joe Gleeson         Espanyol    873
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Blanco               Cristobal Blanco    Recreativo  873
 [/font][font=Courier New]36th ian_1982             Maurice Jobson      Man United  852
 [/font][font=Courier New]37th Ridleys              James Ridley        Siena       843[/font]

Lifespan – 1 to 2 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]38th conners              Sirus Lannock       Málaga     628
 [/font][font=Courier New]39th MikaelS              Mikael Schøler      Bologna    613
 [/font][font=Courier New]40th Swafe                Saul Goode          Osasuna    551
 [/font][font=Courier New]41st hamilton162          Tom Hamilton        Mallorca   509
 [/font][font=Courier New]42nd kashmirshazad        Shazad Ali          Newcastle  508
 [/font][font=Courier New]43rd DiscoStu94           Da Hoover Man       Sampdoria  501
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - ScottT!              Scott Tysoe         Sunderland 501
 [/font][font=Courier New]45th canvey!!             Fréderico Canvey    Stoke      476[/font]

Lifespan – Less than 1 Year

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]46th corinthiano          Mathias Brunckhorst Chievo     327
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Neilio               Neilio              Almería    327
 [/font][font=Courier New]48th Robert_296           Robert Boyle        Blackburn  326
 [/font][font=Courier New]49th brettney1980         Brettney Joven      Wigan      320
 [/font][font=Courier New]50th TigerJoe             Joe Seddon          Getafe     271
 [/font][font=Courier New]51st jack.browne          Jack Browne         Sevilla    250
 [/font][font=Courier New]52nd NepentheZ            Neppo Monster       Cagliari   236
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - dafuge               dafuge              Torino     236
 [/font][font=Courier New]54th KiddingChoc          Zach Machios        Portsmouth 235
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Whoopy D             Whoopy D            West Ham   235
 [/font][font=Courier New]56th d-machine            David Machine       Athletic   229
 [/font][font=Courier New]57th PaulHartman71        Jeremy English      Liverpool  204
 [/font][font=Courier New]58th Chimpos              Phill Ewles         Valladolid
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - tadr                 Andre da Conceiçao  Chelsea
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - markcator3006        Mark Cator          Aston Villa[/font]

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Update 170

Years: 14, Months: 170, Days: 5168

All of the excitement of the World Cup has faded into the distance now, and the domestic season has begun in England, Italy and Spain. Let’s take a look at how our remaining five managers kicked off season 2022-23.

Rather mediocrely, in Spain at least. Both Barcelona and Real Madrid drew their first games, and both at home. Lucas Volman’s team hosted Elche in a soporific goalless draw, while Barça played a somewhat more exciting fixture against Zaragoza, with the visitors going ahead with eleven minutes but being 1-3 down after half an hour, and then Barcelona going down to ten men with a red card just before half time, a two-minute double salvo bringing Zaragoza level in the second half and a Zaragoza dismissal too. Three players were also taken off injured during the fiery encounter, which Zaragoza might be considered unlucky not to have won. Barcelona made a couple of transfers this month, bringing in 24-year-old striker Miguel Ángel Larrañaga from Athletic for £6.25M, and selling Mexico captain Giovani dos Santos to Fulham for £5M. Real Madrid pushed three players out the door: defensive midfielder Iker Etxeberria to Zamora for £150k, forward Mariano Ruano to Espanyol for £2.2M, and veteran Brazilian midfielder Oscar to Cool Manager’s Inter for £10.5M.

Inter are currently third in Serie A after they beat Tyler Burrows’s Udinese 3-0 in the opening game of the season. A brace from Jozy Altidore sandwiched a goal for right winger Pedro Valente, and the match was over after 14 minutes. Lord Weeman’s Napoli also made a very strong start to the season, winning a tricky away tie with Lazio in style, 3-1. The scoring didn’t start until just before the hour mark, when Mario Balotelli gave Lazio the lead. Three minutes later, and fresh from his exploits in Argentina, Choco equalised for Napoli. Lauri Dalla Valle made it 2-1 in the 82nd minute and Choco completed the result a minute from time. Napoli made three transfers in August, capturing the signature of flamboyant Paraguayan winger Julio Samaniego from Man City for £13.5M, selling Antonio Piccolo to Valencia for £400k, and earning £3.8M for the sale of 25-year-old central midfielder Gianluca Di Clemente to Sampdoria. Udinese made three incoming transfers; Man United’s central midfielder Valerio Nanni for £500k, Zaragoza’s Neven Subotic for £1.8M, and Rimini’s 24-year-old forward Umberto Di Renzo for £4M.

Elsewhere in Italy, Mikael Schøler’s Juventus won the Super Cup with a 3-1 victory over A.C. Milan. Spain’s was won by Atlético Madrid, who beat Zaragoza on penalties after no goals were scored in either of the two legs. The UEFA Super Cup in Monaco was contested by two of our managers, Mikael Schøler of Juventus and Lawrence Lazewski of Man City. Juventus took the lead in the 9th minute, but were pulled back by a Reimond Manco goal after a quarter of an hour. It went to penalties, and Juventus scored just one of their first three spot kicks, with City converting all three. Gareth Bale scored his to take the trophy back to Manchester.

In other European football, Barcelona made their way into the Europa League group stage with a 5-3 aggregate win over Le Mans. A 2-0 win in France was almost squandered by a poor home performance from Barça, but a 3-3 draw, however scrappy, was sufficient. Tottenham, Man United, Fulham, Getafe, Valencia, Genoa, Roma and A.C. Milan also won in this round. In the Champions League, Tyler Burrows’s Udinese faced Galatasary in the Third Qualifying Phase. Udinese pulled off a 4-2 victory at home and a 3-2 one in Turkey to reach the group stage with a 7-4 aggregate. Liverpool beat Red Star Belgrade, Betis beat Dnipro, Celtic beat Bayer Leverkusen and Porto beat AS Saint-Etienne in this stage, and Austria Wien, Beitar Jerusalem, Slavia Prague, FC Zürich and Latvia’s Ventspils also got through. The group stage draw has not been kind to our teams: Napoli face holders Man City as well as Spartak Moscow and Betis; Udinese meet Chelsea, as well as Braga and Anderlecht; Real Madrid must get past Liverpool and Ajax but will surely hammer Beiter Jerusalem; and Arsenal might find problems against Bordeaux and Porto, but won’t against Austria Wien.

Now over to England, where Arsenal’s start to the season hasn’t been disastrous, but Gunners fans will be wanting something better. They held Chelsea to Chelsea to a goalless draw in the Community Shield this month, but lost 3-5 on penalties, and started the season with a 0-2 defeat at Anfield. They recovered, however, with a 2-0 win at Hull and a 4-1 victory at home to Q.P.R., in which powerful striker Craig Robson bagged a brace. Robson, who became the most expensive in-game transfer when he moved to the Emirates last summer, has already netted twenty goals for his latest club, making his price a bit more modest at £2.4M per goal. Arnold J. Rimmer’s Newcastle lead the league after winning all three games, and are, alongside Leeds, Liverpool, Chelsea, Aston Villa and Fulham, one of six sides unbeaten. The Cottagers, under manager James Ridley, have drawn all three games, much like their real life start in the 2010-11 season. Next month, the Carling Cup Third Round takes place: Arsenal will host Brettney Joven’s Leeds, in what is probably the tie of the round after West Ham vs. Chelsea.

Finally, we will look at our managers’ salaries. We currently have 26 managers working for a club (as well as three exclusively national team managers), and here are their clubs, wages, and the time they have spent at their current clubs. I have also done an average for each column.

[font=Courier New]  [b]RANK MANAGER           CLUB        SALARY/W DAYS RANK MANAGER           CLUB        SALARY/W DAYS[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Lucas Volman      Real Madrid £375,000 5168 14th Phill Ewles       Besiktas    £ 24,000 1344
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd Tom Smith         Arsenal     £245,000 5168 15th Fréderico Canvey  Everton     £ 20,000 1198
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Cool Manager      Inter       £235,000 2663 16th Jellybean Man     B Munich    £ 17,750  282
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th Haowan Madridstas Barcelona   £175,000 5168 17th dafuge            Portsmouth  £ 17,000  213
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th Lawrence Lazewski Man City    £100,000 2379 18th Robert Boyle      Aston Villa £ 16,250  633
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th Lord Weeman       Napoli      £ 87,000 5168 19th James Ridley      Fulham      £ 10,750  280
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th Arnold J. Rimmer  Newcastle   £ 61,000 1034 20th Ben Taylor        Ipswich     £ 10,000   66
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th Mikael Schøler    Juventus    £ 52,000 2615    - Super Lampard     Sampdoria   £ 10,000  278
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th Leo Dodge         Roma        £ 41,500  660 22nd Neppo Monster     Fiorentina  £  8,000  123
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th Brettney Joven    Leeds       £ 36,000 1763 23rd James Salter      Athletic    £  7,250  261
 [/font][font=Courier New]11th Tyler Burrows     Udinese     £ 33,000 5168 24th Lars Tommersen    Betis       £  6,250  768
 [/font][font=Courier New]12th Neilio            Palermo     £ 32,000 1289 25th Scott Tysoe       Rangers     £  4,600 1022
 [/font][font=Courier New]13th Bryan McGuinness  Chelsea     £ 29,000  782 26th Theo Stigarakis   Racing      £  3,700  114
 [/font][font=Courier New]                           AVERAGE £115,500 3002                            AVERAGE £ 11,485  506[/font]

So we see, that for about six times as long a tenure, the richer managers are earning about ten times as much. Note also the poor salary of Rangers boss Scott Tysoe, which, despite his being at the club for three years, is less than that of Neppo Monster, the manager of Serie B side Fiorentina.

Manager of the Update

I was not particularly impressed with any of our managers this month. For this reason;

Arnold J. Rimmer , Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)

wins the award. He has guided the Magpies to three wins from three in the Premier League, and the team also won 1-0 at Walsall in the Carling Cup Second Round. Of our managers, Tyler Burrows came closest, with two close but decisive victories against Galatasary putting Udinese into the Champions League group stages. He, however, lost heavily to Inter in the first game of the season.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5168
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5168
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5168
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5168
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5168
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)[/font]

Hall of Fame – Top Ten Biggest Positive Goal Difference at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username      Manager           Original Club Current Club GlDif[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan        Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    +1329 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989  Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      +1175 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994 Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  +1035 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob  Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       + 664 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck    Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      + 534 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid        Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        + 514
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] spartans5     Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     + 448
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] MikaelS       Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     + 351
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE ~Ian~         Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      + 169
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th  [color=blue]0[/color] brettney1980  Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds        + 128[/font]

Hall of Shame – Top Five Biggest Negative Goal Difference at Current Club

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username      Manager           Original Club Current Club GlDif[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st NE Robert_296    Robert Boyle      Blackburn     AV/ENG u21s  -  24
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd NE Chimpos       Phill Ewles       Valladolid    Besiktas     -  18
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd NE JSalter       James Salter      Reggina       Athletic     -  13
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th NE dafuge        dafuge            Torino        Portsmouth   -   3
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE NepentheZ     Neppo Monster     Cagliari      Fiorentina   -   3[/font]

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Not a good start being thrashed by Inter, but the wins over Gala looked quite easy and helpful.

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And here's your Christmas bonus, el sid (and everyone else): a double update! Ho ho ho!

Update 171

Years: 14, Months: 171, Days: 5198

September sees the continuation of league football in England, Italy and Spain, and it also marks the start of the really interesting stuff in cup football, in these countries, in European club football and in international football. Let’s see how the month shaped up, starting in England.

It was a good month for Tom Smith, whose Arsenal team now sit top of the table after two wins and a draw. Fulham were beaten 3-0, before a 1-1 draw at home to Middlesbrough and a 2-0 victory at Old Trafford. Arsenal are joint on points with Brettney Joven’s Leeds, whom they beat 1-0 in the Carling Cup Third Round with a Francesc Fabrègas goal. Fréderico Canvey’s Everton will visit the Emirates in the Fourth Round. After two months of Championship football, Blackburn lead the way with 25 points from nine games. They are followed by Derby County on 22 points, and then by Southampton, Crystal Palace and Cardiff, all tied on 19 points. Leyton Orient sit bottom, having picked up just two points.

It’s been five wins from five for Atlético Madrid, who of course lead La Liga, but their rivals Real Madrid are also unbeaten. This month, Lucas Volman’s side got two-goal-margin victories over Gimnàstic and Villarreal, and thrashed Valladolid 7-2. The only poorer result was a 1-1 draw at Sevilla, but, considering the Sevillistes were top of the league at the start of the month, and are now 6th, that’s not so bad. Barcelona had a decent month, beating Murcia, Málaga and James Salter’s Athletic, but losing at home to Atlético.

There was a short international break this month for European national teams to play the first game of their Euro 2024 qualification campaign. Liam Ferguson’s England travelled to Baku, Azerbaijan, where they ran out 5-0 winners with a hattrick from Craig Robson. Northern Ireland lost 0-2 at home to Germany, but Scotland, Wales and Ireland didn’t play. Scotland and England will meet next March, and are vying to qualify from a group containg Hungary, Slovenia, and, of course, Azerbaijan. Other than the England result, Italy’s 4-1 win in Greece was the biggest victory.

Another four games in Serie A see Tyler Burrows’s Udinese improve their position from the 18th place they occupied at the start of the month. They now sit in 7th, having beaten Cagliari, Atalanta and Modena, but lost at Juventus. Surprisingly, Cool Manager’s Inter have fallen to 6th. They lost to both Roma and Napoli this month, while winning their other two games. Lord Weeman’s Neapolitan side are 3rd, joint on 12 points with leaders A.C. Milan and Roma, after beating Genoa, Sampdoria, and, with a Choco brace, Inter Milan (2-0), but after losing heavily at A.C. Milan, with Choco netting once again. The Coppa Italia First Round, which will take place in November, will see Napoli hosting Livorno and Udinese hosting Mantova. If Weeman’s team win, which is likely, Chievo Verona, or more likely Mikael Schøler’s Juventus, await in the Quarter Final.

I mentioned European football so let’s see how the month went on the continental stage. Our Europa League entrants, Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona, found themselves in an easy group with Fenerbahçe, APOEL Nicosia and Ukraine’s Metalurg Zp. The Spaniards left Ukraine with a 3-0 victory under their belts, and matched that winning margin in a 4-1 home win over the Cypriots, a match in which APOEL were 0-4 down after 41 minutes but grabbed a consolation 10 minutes from time. In the Champions League, Lord Weeman’s Napoli have made an indifferent start, following a 0-1 loss at Betis with the reversed scoreline at home to defending champions Man City. Napoli’s compatriots Udinese have started well, topping their group after the two games. They won 3-1 at Anderlecht and beat Braga at home, while Chelsea could only draw away at Braga (and only beat Anderlecht 1-0 at home). But a trip to the Chelsea Stadium awaits next month for Tyler Burrows. In Group G, Real Madrid have started okay, drawing goalless at Ajax before a 2-0 win over Beitar Jerusalem. And last year’s runners-up Arsenal were held to a 1-1 draw in Porto, but were much more clinical at home to Austria Wien, defeating them 6-0 with two goals from Craig Robson and three from Theo Walcott. Having told you last month that Robson cost Arsenal £2.4M per goal, I give you;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 3

Total Goals: 23

Cost per Goal: £2,086,956.52

I expect to see that figure halved by next month!

Manager of the Update

This month’s winner is;

Tyler Burrows, Udinese

after he guided his team to five wins from six, and having only lost narrowly away to Juventus. Such a good month moves Udinese up 12 places in the league and puts them top of a far-from-easy Champions League group. Tom Smith and Lucas Volman managed to go unbeaten this month, but don’t beat Burrows in my book.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5198
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5198
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Very Secure   5198
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5198
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5198
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese[/font]

Writer’s Notes: I’m reverting back to the old ‘All Star Top Ten’ format, as it makes it quicker to write a report. All the new tables included last time, however, will be retained.

All Star Top Ten – Oldest Managers

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Age[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid   62 *
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] IlikeJellybeans Jellybean Man     Numancia      Bayern Munich 62
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0 [/color]Swafe           Saul Goode        Osasuna       Wales         62
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] NepentheZ       Neppo Monster     Cagliari      Fiorentina    61
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] Almondo         Arnold J. Rimmer  Bolton        Newcastle     61
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=green]+2[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona     61 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=red]-1[/color] SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma          60
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=red]-1[/color] ScottT!         Scott Tysoe       Sunderland    Rangers       60
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=red]-1[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                       60
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th  [color=blue]0[/color] Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Betis         58
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese       58 *[/font]

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P.S. You don't even need to celebrate Christmas to receive this Christmas bonus. Ho ho ho!

Update 172

Years: 14, Months: 172, Days: 5229

Let’s dive right into October’s action, starting in Italy where Lord Weeman’s Napoli top Serie A. They were really on a roll this month, tallying consecutive victories against Cagliari, Mantova, Atalanta and Livorno before a home draw with Modena. They also beat Spartak Moscow in the Champions League, and sit top of their group with six points. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese had a decent month, winning once, at Lazio, and drawing their four other games. They travelled to the Chelsea Stadium for their Champions League game, and duly lost 0-3 to the Premier League holders.

Speaking of Premier League, Tom Smith’s Arsenal are at the top of it, having won all four games this month. They beat Leeds 3-1, Newcastle 3-2 and Sheffield Wednesday 2-0, but the result of the month was the 6-0 demolition of dafuge’s Portsmouth. Man United manager Dave Jones got the Manager of the Month award, despite the Red Devils’ four wins not being as good. Fulham currently sit bottom of the Premier League, and so James Ridley is under pressure and Precarious, despite three wins from three in the Cottagers’ Europa League group. Arsenal were held at home in the Champions League, 0-0 against Bordeaux, and striker Craig Robson picked up a three-to-four week injury; strained knee ligaments. That brings me to;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 3

Total Goals: 26

Cost per Goal: £1,846,153.85

There was another international break this month, with more games played in the Road to the Netherlands 2024. Liam Ferguson’s England welcomed Hungary to Wembley, and thrashed their visitors 4-0, with two goals from Theo Walcott and one each from Robson and Nathan Delfouneso. Scotland beat Slovenia 3-2 and won 3-0 in Azerbaijan. Saul Goode’s Wales lost 1-2 at home to World Cup finalists Italy, but won 3-1 in Latvia. England under 21s, under Robert Boyle’s tutelage, lost out in the European under 21 Championship Qualifying Playoff against France, being humiliated 1-4 in the away leg and crashing out 2-5 on aggregate. In the Euro 2024 qualification, the biggest wins were 6-0 ones for France over Liechtenstein and for Spain over neighbours Andorra.

We’ll conclude this report in Spain, where, unusually, Barcelona sit higher than Real Madrid. Haowan Madridstas’s side are 5th, having won three of their four games this month. Real Madrid, on the other hand, are 10th, after they failed to win any of them. Catalonian side Bar*ça picked up maximum points from fixtures against Betis, Hércules and Deportivo, before losing 0-2 at Getafe. They also beat Fenerbahçe 3-1 in the Europa League and Las Palmas 1-0 in the Copa del Rey Fourth Round First Leg. Madrid had a better Spanish cup game, as they beat Granadan side Baza 6-0. Their league form, however, was awful, as they fell to defeat against Murcia and Zaragoza away, and could only muster home draws against Málaga and Betis. They also lost in the Champions League, 0-1 at Anfield.

Things start hotting up (shouldn’t that be “heating up”) at around this time, and a spate of sackings might well follow. Watch out, managers, keep your wits about you else you won’t keep your job!

Manager of the Update

This month’s winner is;

Lord Weeman , Napoli

for his five wins from six that keep his team top of Serie A, and top of their Champions League group. Tom Smith came close to the award, but missed out by virtue of having played fewer games: Weeman won five and drew one, Smith won four and drew one. Nevertheless, the Arsenal manager had a good month that keeps his team top of both their tables too.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5229
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5229
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5229
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5229
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5229
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Youngest Managers

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Age[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0[/color] canvey!!        Fréderico Canvey  Stoke         Everton       49
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=green]+2[/color] fergysafc       Liam Ferguson     Man City      England       49
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus      49
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th [color=green]+1[/color] Ridleys         James Ridley      Siena         Fulham        50
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=green]+2[/color] Neilio          Neilio            Almería       Palermo       52
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - [color=green]+1[/color] Chimpos         Phill Ewles       Valladolid    Besiktas      52
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0[/color] Robert_296      Robert Boyle      Blackburn     AV/ENG u21s   53
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter         53
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE dafuge          dafuge            Torino        Portsmouth    54
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City      54
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE ssestig         Theo Stigarakis   Catania       Racing        54
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - NE Martin_         Martin Bojangles  Hull                        54[/font]

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Not much of a Christmas bonus if my team falls to 6th (!!) in the league tbh :p Great updates as usual canvey, kutgw

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Update 173

Years: 14, Months: 173, Days: 5259

Our managers are opening the first window on their advent calendars today, but there are a few managers who, having just lost their job, cannot afford one. None of our fantastic five are among that lot, but it just goes to show that we’ve entered the P45 period, and that a few poor results could spell the end of a managerial tenure.

We’ll start this report in Italy, where Lord Weeman’s Napoli still lead Serie A. They went unbeaten this month, but could only get two wins, against Reginna and Juventus, failing to score against either Rimini or Frosinone. They didn’t have that problem, however, in their Coppa Italia First Round tie against Livorno, which they won 6-0. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese, meanwhile, are 9th in Italy’s top flight, having started the month with defeats to A.C. Milan and Mantova, but recovering to beat Livorno and Reggina. Udinese’s cup tie went poorly: they were held to a 1-1 home draw against Mantova. They did, however, win progression through to the Quarter Finals by winning the penalty shootout 4-2. Neilio’s Palermo visit them in the Quarter Finals, while Napoli host Mikael Schøler’s Juventus. The tie of the round will be a Milan derby, assuming A.C. are capable of beating Reggina in their First Round tie, which has yet to be played.

Over in Spain, it’s been a pretty good month for Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona. They beat Valencia 3-1, Mallorca 4-1 and Cádiz 5-0 this month, although a trip to Valladolid saw the home side win 5-4 thanks to a 90+6th minute goal. A 4-2 home victory over Las Palmas put Barça into the Copa del Rey Fifth Round, where they will face Atlético Madrid, 5-2 on aggregate. The Catalonian side also welcomeded Metalurg Zp to the Nou Camp in the Europa League, and won the match 6-0, thereby qualifying for the Round of 32. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid enjoyed a similar month, beating Athletic, Deportivo and Hércules, but losing their derby match at Atlético, 0-2. They beat Baza C.D. 4-0 in their Copa del Rey tie, meaning a 10-0 aggregate win puts them through to face Getafe. Madrid’s victory at the start of the month, that over Athletic, 4-1, saw the Bilbao club sack manager James Salter, and replace him with José Miguel Campos.

And now we’ll jet over to Merry Old England, where Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea have assumed pole position in the Premier League, after picking up 13 points from five games this month. Tom Smith’s Arsenal are second after a poor month. The Gunners started with a win, at Sunderland, before goalless draws against both Everton and Chelsea, and a heavy 0-3 loss at White Hart Lane in the North London derby. The Gunners did, however, secure a Carling Cup Semi-Final place after a 3-2 Fourth Round win over Everton and a 4-3 Quarter Final win over the other Merseyside team, Liverpool, with Craig Robson scoring the winning goal. That brings me to;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 1

Total Goals: 27

Cost per Goal: £1,777,777.78

Newcastle also made it into the Semi-Final after Arnold J. Rimmer’s team beat Q.P.R. 6-1. Manchester City and Manchester United will compete in a derby in one of the other Quarter Finals, and Chelsea will also be eyeing a place in the Last Four, which they can achieve with a home win over Fulham. The Cottagers sacked their manager James Ridley this month, after a league defeat to Chelsea had them bottom of the table. Real Madrid legend and former Celtic manager Raúl has assumed the post, and has lifted the London club out of the relegation zone with his first two games in charge. Robert Boyle’s Aston Villa are now bottom, although level on points with both Huddersfield and Q.P.R.. Boyle is Very Insecure. The FA Cup Third Round draw took place this month, and Craig Robson will get the opportunity to face his old club as Arsenal travel to Leicester. Chelsea’s trip to Blue Square Premier side Lewes has been called the tie of the round, although Manchester City’s tie at Elland Road also looks good.

With another two games played this month, the best teams are already qualifying from their Champions League groups. In Group B this month, Lord Weeman’s Napoli drew 1-1 away to Spartak Moscow before a 3-0 home win against Betis. Lawrence Lazewski’s Manchester City also won 3-0 at home to Betis, but won 2-0 in Russia. Both are through to the Last 16. In Group D, Udinese did well to hold Chelsea to a goalless draw in Italy, before beating Anderlecht 2-0. Both teams are also through to the next round. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid have yet to qualify: they lost 1-2 at home to Liverpool this month before a 3-0 win over Ajax. Rafa Benítez’s Reds have qualified, but Real Madrid must earn their place with a win at Beitar Jerusalem. Finally, in Group H, two wins for Arsenal this month have put Tom Smith’s side into the Last 16. They won 3-1 in Bordeaux and 2-0 in London against Porto. Juventus, Atlético Madrid, Marseille, Inter, Bayern Munich and Zaragoza have also qualified, with the four remaining places going to Benfica or Phill Ewles’s Besiktas; Scott Tysoe’s Rangers or Dinamo Kiev; Real Madrid or Ajax and Bordeaux or Porto.

There was also a small international break this month, for friendly games. Liam Ferguson’s England welcomed Cameroon to Wembley, and recorded a 3-0 victory thanks to goals from Adam Pepper, Theo Walcott and Omar Koroma. Saul Goode’s Wales travelled to Cairo, where they drew 1-1 with Egypt thanks to Ched Evans’s goal four minutes from time. Tim Aubel’s United States played Montserrat in Plymouth, and won 1-0. The biggest victory was for China, who beat Singapore 7-0, while Peru and Brazil won 6-0, against the Netherlands Antilles and Slovenia respectively.

Merry Christmas, managers!

Manager of the Update

This month’s winner is;

Lord Weeman , Napoli

for being the month’s only unbeaten manager. Winning half and drawing half of games in both Serie A and the Champions League is enough to keep Napoli top of both tables, and they also battered Coppa Italia First Round opponents Livorno with a 6-0 win.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5259
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5259
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5259
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5259
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5259
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Highest Fee Spent

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Player                Fee[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      Craig Robson#     £48   M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    John Heitinga     £37.5 M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        Chris Heslop#     £32.5 M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                      Cristiano Ronaldo £30.5 M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      Carlos Vela       £27   M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] fergysafc       Liam Ferguson     Man City      England      Michael Essien    £26.5 M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  Adriano           £23   M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeman27bob     Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       Lauri Dalla Valle £22.5 M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th  [color=blue]0[/color] SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma         Mario Gómez       £21.5 M
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th  [color=blue]0[/color] spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     John Fleck        £19.75M[/font]

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Update 174

Years: 14, Months: 174, Days: 5290

Happy new year, folks! 2023 has arrived, and with it has come the renewed hopes of our managers. But before we cover their illusory optimism, let’s see how they did in December, starting in England.

We all know that the side bottom of the Premier League at Christmas gets relegated, and this year it was Aston Villa. The Villains built their run of consecutive defeats to six this month, by losing to Fulham, Arsenal, Leeds and Newcastle. It was at this point, Boxing Day, that they dispensed of the services of Robert Boyle, after just over two years of service. Assistant manager Gordan Cowans is in charge until a replacement is found. It is worth noting that the loss to Arsenal, 0-3, was abetted by a Craig Robson brace. Which brings me to;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 5

Total Goals: 32

Cost per Goal: £1,500,000.00

At the top of the table, Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea, after winning all but one of their games this month, hold a narrow one-point lead over Tom Smith’s Arsenal. The Gunners did slightly better this month; Chelsea’s non-win was a loss but Arsenal’s was a draw. Smith’s side beat Man City, Leicester, Aston Villa, Huddersfield and Hull, but were held goalless at Ben Taylor’s Ipswich. The two leaders will come face-to-face next month in the Carling Cup Semi-Final. Chelsea triumphed 4-2 at Wembley in last year’s FA Cup Final. The other Semi-Final sees Newcastle face Man City.

We’ll move over to Spain now, although Lucas Volman will wish we hadn’t. His Real Madrid side are 10th, and one could argue that only his £375,000 weekly paycheque is keeping him safe. This month, Los Galácticos failed to win a single league game, losing to both Cádiz and Barcelona, and drawing with Getafe. Haowan Madridstas’s Barça won El Classico, 5-3 with a hattrick from 24-year-old Basque striker Miguel Ángel Larrañaga. The Catalonian side currently sit fourth, having also beaten Recreativo and Sevilla this month. Atlético Madrid lead the league with 43 points, four more than second-placed Valencia.

This month saw the conclusion of European groups, so we’ll look at how our teams finished their Champions League group stages. When we last looked, Real Madrid were the only side of ours not to have qualified. Although Ajax beat Liverpool 2-1 in the Netherlands, the Spanish side were still able to qualify by virtue of their 2-0 win in Israel against Beitar Jerusalem. Meanwhile, Napoli ended with a 2-1 win at holders Manchester City, and so top their group; Udinese drew goalless at Braga, and Arsenal drew 1-1 away to Austria Wien. The most tantalising tie of the Round of 16 sees Cool Manager’s Inter meet Real Madrid, although other ties involving two of our managers see Scott Tysoe’s Rangers face Mikael Schøler’s Juventus, and Jellybean Man’s Bayern Munich face Tom Smith’s Arsenal. Udinese have a tough time of it in their tie against La Liga leaders Atlético Madrid, while Napoli should find little difficulty against Porto. Man City meet Zaragoza, Marseille meet Chelsea, and Phill Ewles’s Besiktas meet Liverpool. In the Europa League this month, Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona played two games, winning 4-0 in Cyprus against APOEL Nicosia, yet drawing goalless at Fenerbahçe. They still topped their group by a large margin, and face Olympiakos in the next round, with Panathanaikos or Saint-Etienne to play after that. Big ties of the Last 32 see Bordeaux meet Man United, A.C. Milan meet Werder Bremen, and Roma meet Celtic.

We’ll conclude in Italy, of course, where a dip in form has seen Lord Weeman’s Napoli drop from first to third in Serie A. This month, they drew 3-3 at Neilio’s Palermo, which allowed both Milan clubs, A.C. and Inter, to overtake them. Following this, they travelled to Friuli-Venezia Giulia to play Tyler Burrows’s Udinese. It could have been said that the visitors had the better of the game, but nevertheless, Udinese ran out 2-0 winners thanks to a brace from Bulgarian forward Tsvetomir Todorov. Napoli beat Lecce 5-0 in their final game, with Argentine striker Federico Laurito bagging a hattrick, but it wasn’t enough for them to recover first place, and they sit three points adrift of leaders Inter. Udinese won their other two games this month, beating both Rimini and Palermo 2-1. Their three wins move them from 9th to 5th in the table.

So, a good month for some, a bad month for others. How will our managers’ fortunes improve in the new year?

Manager of the Update

I think I have to give this one to;

Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona

after he guided his team to four wins and a draw this month. He picked up the maximum of nine points from league games, including victory over Real Madrid, and also completed his Europa League group unbeaten. Tyler Burrows came close, also having picked up maximum league points, and if he had won his Champions League fixture against Braga, he may well have been taking this award home.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5290
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5290
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5290
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5290
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5290
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Highest Fee Received

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Player                Fee[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0 [/color]brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds        Chris Heslop#      £32.5M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0 [/color]Robert_296      Robert Boyle      Blackburn     England u21s Redouane Bacha#    £30  M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0 [/color]Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Betis        Giuseppe Rossi     £29.5M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0 [/color]BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                      Freddy Adu         £27  M
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0 [/color]PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      Carlos Vela        £27  M *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0 [/color]spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     Michael Essien     £26.5M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th  [color=blue]0 [/color]~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      Mikel Arteta       £25.5M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th  [color=blue]0 [/color]m1234566778     Maz Armley        Racing                     Adriano            £23  M
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th  [color=blue]0 [/color]weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       Takayuki Morimoto  £21  M *
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th  [color=blue]0 [/color]SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma         Gaël Kakuta        £20.5M
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0 [/color]Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  Adriano            £20.5M *[/font]

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Stil doing very well at Udinese and making our customary "close-but-not-close-enough" run for the title.

Like the Robson goal idea as well :D

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Update 175

Years: 14, Months: 175, Days: 5321

I’m sad to say that all the Christmas and New Year’s festivities have now passed, and everything has returned to the daily grind. Still, don’t despair, as we have the conclusion of the 2022-23 season rapidly approaching, with cups, leagues and gold doubloons up for grabs. Let’s see just how close to that pirate booty our managers got in January.

It was a good month for Lucas Volman, which saw his Real Madrid team ascend from 10th place in La Liga to 6th. They racked up four wins in January, beating Valencia 1-0, Recreativo 4-0, Valladolid 3-1, and Sevilla 2-1. There were, however, blips on the record: they drew goalless at Mallorca in the league, and lost both legs of their Copa del Rey Fifth Round tie against Getafe 1-2, crashing out of the competition 2-4 on aggregate. Meanwhile, Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona are fourth, but had a worse month. League-wise, they narrowly beat Gimnàstic, but drew against Elche, Villarreal and Málaga, and lost to Murcia. In the Copa del Rey, they lost 1-3 at Atlético Madrid in the Fifth Round, but pulled off a comeback, with a 2-0 home win sending them through on away goals. They couldn’t quite perform the same feat against Zaragoza in the Quarter Finals: although they got the 2-0 home win in the second leg, they had failed to muster a response to Zaragoza’s three goals in leg one, and so left 2-3 on aggregate. Elche meet Zaragoza and Valencia meet Getafe in the Last Four.

In Italy, Lord Weeman’s Napoli are losing time in their title chase. It’s been three games since the season’s midpoint, and his team are five points behind A.C. Milan at the top. Having made up no ground this month despite ten points from a possible fifteen, a general improvement in form will be necessary. In January, Napoli beat Catania, Lazio and Sampdoria at home. However, when Leo Dodge’s Roma came to visit San Paolo, the match ended 2-2. Napoli’s only away trip of the month saw them lose 1-2 at Genoa. They also left the Coppa Italia at the Quarter Final stage, losing 0-1 at home to Mikael Schøler’s Juventus. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese, however, beat Palermo 2-0 and so made it through to the Final Four, where they will meet Inter. Burrows also picked up ten league points this month, beating Genoa, Cagliari and Atalanta, drawing with Inter, and losing to Roma. They are currently fifth.

I said earlier that the festivities were over, but there were still some presents being unwrapped by our managers this month. Lucas Volman made the biggest transfer of the month, signing 26-year-old AS Monaco stiker Giacomo Di Giuseppe for £18.25M. Volman also signed Barcelona’s 28-year-old goalkeeper Andrea Ventura for £750k and sold his own ‘keeper, Carlos Alberto Guazá, to Lazio, for £130k, the same fee paid for the Colombian in the summer. Lord Weeman sold 22-year-old attacking midfielder Roberto Comotto to Parma for £625k, and Arsenal manager Tom Smith sold 24-year-old English centreback Jamie Bennett to Raúl’s Fulham for £2.3M. Udinese, as usual, made several transfers, bringing in 29-year-old midfielder Roberto Benassi from Atalanta for £2.1M, and selling both Tiago Luís to Salzburg for £45k and young leftback Paolo Esposito to Vicenza for £325k. Tyler Burrows also bought some more player fragments, half of 16-year-old Lecce ‘keeper Luigi Mandelli for £1.4M and half of 16-year-old Catania striker Andrea Palumbo for £1.5M.

We’ll conclude in England, where Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea are still the Premier League leaders, leading Tom Smith’s Arsenal by five points. The Gunners could have had a better month league-wise; they beat Liverpool and Middlesbrough, but drew with Q.P.R. and Leeds, and lost at Craven Cottage. They travelled to the Chelsea Stadium for the Carling Cup Semi-Final First Leg, but lost 0-2 to the Pensioners. The follow-up leg, at the Emirates, ended goalless after a deadlocked match. Chelsea will face Lawrence Lazewski’s Man City in the Final, with the Citizens looking for their third consecutive win. Anyway, Arsenal did get some relief in the Football Association Challenge Cup, as they reached the Fifth Round, beating West Ham 2-0 in the Fourth Round. In the Third Round, the Gunners won 2-1 at Leicester, in a game which saw Craig Robson revisiting his former club. That brings me to;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 2

Total Goals: 34

Cost per Goal: £1,411,764.71

Arsenal travel to Brettney Joven’s Leeds for their Fifth Round tie, while Chelsea play at West Brom, and, if Everton beat Swansea and Liverpool beat Sheffield Wednesday, a Merseyside derby will be played out at Goodison Park.

I’m rooting for Fréderico Canvey’s Toffees, naturally.

Manager of the Update

Lucas Volman, Real Madrid

is this month’s winner, but nobody did that well. I’ve given the award to Volman for an unbeaten month in the league, despite a pretty poor whimpering-out in the Copa del Rey. The Real Madrid manager also signalled his intent with an £19M transfer spend this month.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5321
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5321
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5321
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5321
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5321
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Longest Time at Current Club/Nation

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st  [color=blue]0[/color] Romanista1994   Lucas Volman      Real Madrid   Real Madrid  5321 *
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       5321 *
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      5321 *
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] tomsmith1989    Tom Smith         Arsenal       Arsenal      5321 *
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] Haowan          Haowan Madridstas Barcelona     Barcelona    5321 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] Swafe           Saul Goode        Osasuna       Wales        3523
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        2816
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Juventus     2768
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=green]+1[/color] spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     2532
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         Leeds        1916[/font]

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Update 176

Years: 14, Months: 176, Days: 5349

Spring is on its way, as is the end of the season. As much as we’d like to deny it, just nine games remain for the majority of the Premier League teams. With that in mind, it doesn’t look like Manolo Jiménez’s Aston Villa, never mind the teams behind them, Q.P.R. and Huddersfield, will avoid relegation, given that they are nine points behind 17th-placed Middlesbrough. With trips to the Emirates, Anfield and Elland Road (Leeds are 5th) to come, as well as home ties against Manchester United and 3rd-placed Newcastle, the great escape doesn’t look likely.

We might as well continue in England if we have started there. Tom Smith’s Arsenal still find themselves kept at a five-point distance behind Premier League leaders Chelsea, and they are quite lucky that that lead wasn’t increased to seven points. Both teams picked up seven points from nine this month, with Bryan McGuinness’s Blues being held at home to Middlesbrough, and Arsenal drawing goalless at Sheffield Wednesday. The Gunners got their six points from victories over Tyneside rivals Newcastle and Sunderland this month, the former with a solitary goal from Craig Robson. That, of course, brings me to;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 1

Total Goals: 35

Cost per Goal: £1,371,428.57

The London club also made the journey up the M1 to play Brettney Joven’s Leeds in the FA Cup Fifth Round. Unfortunately for Tom Smith, the Whites won the match 2-1, and will go on to face Championship mid-table team Bolton away in the Sixth Round. Meanwhile, Rafa Benítez’s Liverpool won 2-0 at Goodison Park in a rather limp Fifth Round Merseyside derby. They’ll go on to host Tottenham, while Middlesbrough host Chelsea and Hull meet Ipswich at the Circle. Also this month, Lawrence Lazewski’s Manchester City won their third consecutive Carling Cup on penalties after a 1-1 draw with Chelsea at Wembley. Adam Pepper, who scored City’s equaliser just before the hour mark, also slotted the winning penalty into the back of the net.

We’ll move over to Spain now, where 13 games of the season remain. It’s been an unchanged month, to be honest: Barcelona are still fourth, and Real Madrid are still sixth. The latter, managed by 62-year-old Italian-Luxembourger gaffer Lucas Volman, went unbeaten this month, winning against Elche, Gimnàstic and Villarreal before ending the month with a 1-1 draw at Málaga. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona only played three games, beating both Athletic and Hércules, but after having lost 1-3 at Zaragoza. League leaders Atlético Madrid have an eight-point gap separating them and second-placed Valencia. In the LIGA adelante, Theo Stigarakis’s Racing have a similar gap, six points, over second-placed Levante.

February, of course, means a return to European football. Barcelona navigated through their Europa League Last 32 tie against Olympiakos, winning 1-0 in Greece and 3-2 at home. They’ll face A.S. Saint-Etienne next, while Getafe meet Valencia in the Battle of Spain and AZ Alkmaar meet Ajax in the Battle of the Netherlands. As for the Champions League, there were some very exciting ties this month. Tom Smith’s Arsenal met Jellybean Man’s Bayern Munich in Germany. Theo Walcott put the Gunners ahead in the 10th minute, and four minutes after the second half restart, Moussa Sissoko made it 2-0. One minute after that, however, Argentine striker Adrián Villagra scored for Bayern, and Victor Irineu equalised in the 78th minute. German midfielder Christian Weigl bagged the surprise win for the home side with his strike six minutes from time. Lord Weeman’s Napoli also travelled, also took the lead in the 10th minute, and also lost. They played Porto, with 20-year-old striker Mattia Silvestri bagging the early goal. A brace for Norweigan striker Runar Nilsen, with goals one minute after the hour and one minute before full time, gave Porto the victory.

Tyler Burrows ’s Udinese welcomed La Liga leaders Atlético Madrid to Friuli. Atlético dominated the game, and took the lead in the 32nd minute, with Coutinho bagging the goal. Udinese went down to ten men in the 50th minute, following a red card for Davide Anaclerio (remember his dismissal in the World Cup last year?). However, 26-year-old forward Francesco Banti equalised for Udinese eight minutes later. After a further 10 minutes, Sergio Agüero made it 2-1 Atlético, but Banti got another goal five minutes from time to give Udinese an unlikely draw, one that will frustrate Atlético. But their cross-city rivals Real Madrid will be even more frustrated with their own draw, at home to Cool Manager’s Inter. Lucas Volman’s side saw a flurry of action in the early stages: with Chris Heslop netting for Inter after two minutes and 24-year-old forward Tiago for Real after a further two. Tiago made it 2-1 in the 33rd minute, only for another goal another two minutes later to pull Inter level, this time from Nathan Delfouneso. In the second half, Matt Hazell made it 3-2 Inter in the 56th minute, before Jozy Altidore made it 4-2 on the hour. Czech signing Karel Vagner grabbed a goal back for Volman’s side in the 67th minute, before Ivorian Lamine Kone made it 4-4 with 15 minutes to play. It is quite endearing that Inter field a squad with three Englishmen capable of scoring against Real Madrid. In other ties, Man City beat Zaragoza 1-0 at home, Marseille drew goalless at home to Chelsea, Liverpool won 5-0 at Phill Ewles’s Besiktas, and in Scott Tysoe and Mikael Schøler’s clash, Juventus won 2-1 at Ibrox.

What an exciting month, and it still isn’t over! Let’s go to Italy to see how things shaped up in January. Just like in Spain, things are pretty much the same, among our teams at least. Lord Weeman’s Napoli remain third, and their month could have gone better. They beat both A.C. Milan and Cagliari, but drew at home to Mantova and lost at Inter. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese are still fifth, and they went unbeaten this month, beating both Juventus and Frosinone 1-0, and drawing with Modena and Lecce.

We’ll conclude the report with a quick mention of international friendly matches. Our four international managers each played one this month; Liam Ferguson’s England beat Bulgaria 3-0 at Wembley, with a brace from all-time top goalscorer Theo Walcott. It was, in fact, Walcott’s first goal in this match that saw him move ahead of the erstwhile record holder Sir Bobby Charlton. Saul Goode’s Wales beat the United Arab Emirates 5-0, while Tim Aubel’s United States hosted Germany in Tulsa, losing 1-3 with an Olaf Urban brace, despite a third-minute opening goal from Missouran striker Boyd Rose. Robert Boyle’s England u21s, like the senior team, hosted Bulgaria, and, like the senior team, won 3-0. Wales’ victory was actually the joint-biggest of the matchday, alongside Norway’s 5-0 win over Hong Kong and Japan’s clean-sheet-victory over Mongolia.

Cup football offered much to talk about this month; league football not so much. Still, with the conclusion next month of the Champions League Last 16, as well as Coppa Italia and Europa League matches (plus Copa del Rey and FA Cup, but we don’t have any managers in that), there is more excitement to come, as the quest for silverware continues!

Manager of the Update

Only two of our managers could avoid defeat this month, and;

Lucas Volman, Real Madrid

gets the award for winning three from five games, one more than Tyler Burrows’s two. Real Madrid notched up ten points from twelve in La Liga, although will be slightly disappointed by a 4-4 Champions League draw at home to Inter. Haowan Madridstas didn’t do too badly either, securing Europa League progression, although his Barcelona team did lose their first game of the month at Zaragoza.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5349
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Secure        5349
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5349
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5349
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5349
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Shortest Time at Current Club/Nation

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club Days[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st NE hasdgfas        Tim Aubel         Fulham        United States 227
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd NE TaylorB         Ben Taylor        Fiorentina    Ipswich       247
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd NE ssestig         Theo Stigarakis   Catania       Racing        295
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th [color=green]+3[/color] NepentheZ       Neppo Monster     Cagliari      Fiorentina    304
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=red]-4[/color] dafuge          dafuge            Torino        Portsmouth    394
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th NE super_lampard   Super Lampard     Lecce         Sampdoria     459
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=red]-1[/color] IlikeJellybeans Jellybean Man     Numancia      Bayern Munich 463
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=red]-5[/color] SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Roma          841
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=red]-5[/color] Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Betis         949
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th [color=red]-5[/color] ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea       963[/font]

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Which manager has had the most clubs?

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I think it is dafuge, followed by you.

Update 177

Years: 14, Months: 177, Days: 5380

It has been an exciting month for 60 to One. After going over 1500 days without a sacking, two managers have dropped in one month. Dips in form for both Lucas Volman and Tom Smith mean that, despite their large paycheques, both were given their March marching orders.

It is now April 1st, and in the United Kingdom, that is commonly an occasion to play practical jokes on people. One might, for instance, start a 60 to One report by reporting that 40% of the managers have been fired in a single month. Of course, this isn’t true, so let’s take a look at what really happened in March, starting in Italy.

Lord Weeman ’s Napoli are getting their act together again, and are closing that gap that separates them and the Serie A top spot. This month, they moved up one place to second and to within three points of leaders A.C. Milan. Weeman’s team actually won all three games this month, beating Atalanta 2-1, Livorno 2-0 and Modena 4-1. In addition, they overturned their Champions League deficit against Porto, beating the Portuguese team 5-1 at San Paolo, albeit with extra time, and so progress to the Quarter Finals 6-3 on aggregate. Choco and 20-year-old Italian striker Mattia Silvestri got a brace each. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese also did quite well in the league, beating both Catania and Lazio, although drawing at Sampdoria. They move above Leo Dodge’s Roma into fourth, but left the Champions League this month, despite a valiant 1-1 draw in Madrid against Atlético. 3-3 was the aggregate score, and Udinese were eliminated on the away goals rule. Meanwhile, the first leg of their Coppa Italia Semi-Final, at home to Inter, ended goalless.

In England, all bets are off as to the title destination. You’d have to be a fool, and not just an April fool, to tip Arsenal, or any of the other three teams that can mathematically win, to win the league. Tom Smith’s Gunners, however, aren’t doing too badly: they are second, albeit eight points behind the Blues. In March, Arsenal beat Manchester United 1-0 and Fréderico Canvey’s Everton 3-0, but lost at dafuge’s Portsmouth, 1-2, thanks to a brace from Pompey striker Christian Iglesias (who scored for Argentina against Cameroon in the 2018 World Cup). Theo Walcott, however, was in fine form this month, unlike a certain other striker;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 0

Total Goals: 35

Cost per Goal: £1,371,428.57

Walcott also netted the only goal in Arsenal’s 1-0 home win over Jellybean Man’s Bayern Munich in the Champions League. That means that, like Atlético Madrid, Arsenal progress on away goals after a 3-3 draw. In the league next month, the Gunners open at the Chelsea Stadium, and that’s sure to put to bed any hopes of an Arsenal title win this season. In the FA Cup Semi-Finals at Wembley, Chelsea will play Leeds, and Ben Taylor’s Ipswich will play Liverpool, after Middlesbrough, Bolton, Hull and Tottenham were knocked out in the Sixth Round.

Time for a bit more Theo Walcott action now, as we cover what happened in this month’s international break. Liam Ferguson’s England played two games, a Euro 2024 qualifying game in Scotland and a friendly at home to Russia. The first ended 4-0 England, thanks to Theo Walcott’s hattrick and a goal for Craig Robson. The second, which was a much more equal game, saw the Three Lions win 3-1, thanks to an opener from Walcott 14 minutes in, a goal from 25-year-old Man City midfielder Bobby Hall in the 55th minute, and a Craig Robson goal five minutes after that. Saul Goode’s Wales also played two games, beating Kazakhstan 2-0 at home in the Euro 2024 qualifying and drawing 1-1 away with Croatia in the friendly. Aaron Ramsey was their Theo Walcott; the 32-year-old scored a goal in each match. Tim Aubel’s United States played one game, travelling to Trinidad to beat Trinidad and Tobago 3-0 with a brace from Jozy Altidore, who, with 104 goals, is the nation’s top goalscorer. Robert Boyle’s England u21s played two Under 21 Internationals (friendlies), drawing goalless in Scotland, and beating Russia 3-0 with a brace from 19-year-old Sheffield United striker Steve Martin. Both Northern Ireland and Ireland won their Euro 2024 qualifying match.

Over to Spain now, where it looks like Barcelona and Real Madrid might be fighting it out for a Champions League place come the end of the season. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona are fourth, after winning three from four in a high scoring month. Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid are fifth, after winning all three of their matches. The two teams are separated by a mere three points. Looking at their matches in more detail, Real beat Murcia 3-0, and both Zaragoza and Athletic 2-0. They also travelled to Milan in the Champions League, where, despite a brace from summer signing Emanuel Páez, they were on the wrong end of a 2-3 defeat, and left the tournament 7-6 on aggregate. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona started the month with an entirely-foreseeable loss at Atlético Madrid, 1-3. They then, however, bounced back with a 5-4 victory over Betis, a 5-1 victory over Deportivo, and a 4-3 victory over Cádiz. The Catalonian club also met A.S. Saint-Etienne in the Europa League, continuing their high scoring with a 4-2 home win and a 3-4 away defeat. This saw them squeeze through to the next round 7-6 on aggregate.

I’ve told you what has happened to our sides in Europe this month, but I haven’t told you what will happen to them next month. The Champions League Quarter Final sees two tantalising one-nation ties, as well as two tantalising two-nation ties. Lord Weeman’s Napoli have it all to play for in their two-legged fixture against Cool Manager’s Inter, while Tom Smith’s Arsenal find Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea to be the bane of their existence once again, as the teams meet up in London for a Semi-Final place. Holders Man City get to meet Udinese’s conquerors Atlético Madrid, who have a historically poor record in the competition, and Liverpool meet Mikael Schøler’s Juventus. That does, of course, mean that Zaragoza, Marseille, Rangers and Besiktas all left the competition in the Last 16. The Europa League sees a heavy Spanish, Dutch and Italian presence. Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona will play Leo Dodge’s Roma. Meanwhile, Betis play Valencia, A.C. Milan play Ajax, and Feyenoord play Lyon.

It has been an exciting month, just like last month. The season’s climax is just around the corner, and is definitely something not to miss. Stay tuned!

Manager of the Update

It’s obvious who should win this month’s award. It’s a foregone conclusion for;

Lord Weeman, Napoli

after he won all four games this month, moving up a place in the league and securing Champions League progression with a 5-1 victory. You can’t ask for much more than that, and this award is well-deserved.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5380
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Secure        5380
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5380
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Secure        5380
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5380
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Highest ‘Longest Time at a Club’

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Longest at  Days[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st  [color=blue]0[/color] SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Tottenham   3800
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd  [color=blue]0[/color] TaylorB         Ben Taylor        Fiorentina    Fiorentina  3442
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd  [color=blue]0[/color] fergysafc       Liam Ferguson     Man City      Man City    2783
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] JSalter         James Salter      Reggina       Reggina     2710
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th  [color=blue]0[/color] Martin_         Martin Bojangles  Hull          Aston Villa 2591
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th  [color=blue]0[/color] Chimpos         Phill Ewles       Valladolid    Olympiakos  2532
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=green]+1[/color] m1234566778     Maz Armley        Racing        Sevilla     2504
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]+1[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter         Inter       2502
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=green]+1[/color] Robert_296      Robert Boyle      Blackburn     Newcastle   2127
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE super_lampard   Super Lampard     Lecce         Lecce       2119[/font]

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Update 178

Years: 14, Months: 178, Days: 5410

We’ll get Update one hundred and seventy-eight straight underway in Spain, where Atlético Madrid are just a game away from officially clinching the La Liga title. They sit twelve points clear of Valencia at the top of the league, with four games to play. Technically, if Atlético lose all their games, and Valencia win all theirs, Valencia can win the league. So Atlético need to gain a point from their next game to put that speculative optimism to bed. As for our teams, Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona have built up a considerable seven-point lead over fifth-placed Real Madrid, meaning that Los Galácticos could be denied Champions League football next season. This month, Barça drew with both Valladolid and Getafe, before beating Valencia, Mallorca, Recreativo, and, finally, Real Madrid. El Classico, despite Real’s dominance, was complete after eight minutes, with Iñigo Fraile and Miguel Ángel Larrañaga scoring a goal each for Barcelona. Up until that point, Real’s month hadn’t been great – they drew at home to rivals Atlético and lost at Betis, before victories over Hércules, Deportivo and Cádiz. An away trip to Valencia awaits for Lucas Volman’s side, making that seven-point gap look even bigger. At the bottom of the table, Athletic and Gimnàstic have already been relegated, with Deportivo likely to follow them.

Everything is done and dusted in the England; the title winner, the Champions League qualifiers, the Europa League qualifiers and the relegated teams, and all with two games still to go. Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea, to nobody’s shock, won the league this month, sealing the title with a 4-3 home win over Leeds, after which the trophy was presented, with blue ribbon and champagne. It marks the sixth trophy of McGuinness’s career, and the fifth of his Chelsea tenure. Tom Smith’s Arsenal are currently second, after an embarrassingly poor month in the league. First, they travelled to the Chelsea Stadium, where they lost 1-4, and then they hosted Aston Villa, drawing 1-1 with the side who were bottom at Christmas. They managed a 2-1 home win in the North London derby, but then lost 0-2 at Man City and 0-4 at Leicester, the former team of now-struggling striker Craig Robson. I must report;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 1

Total Goals: 36

Cost per Goal: £1,333,333.33

Theo Walcott, also, seemed to lose his prolific goalscoring ability as Arsenal moved towards the end of the season. He, however, has a much prettier o-meter;

The Theo Walcott-o-meter

Goals this Month: 0

Total Goals: 109

Cost per Goal: £82,568.81

Arnold J. Rimmer’s Newcastle and Lawrence Lazewski’s Man City join Arsenal and Chelsea in qualifying for next season’s Champions League. Leeds, Liverpool and Tottenham will get Europa League football. As expected, Aston Villa, Huddersfield and Q.P.R. were relegated. In the Championship all games have been played, with the exception of the playoffs. Jim Magilton’s Blackburn won the English second division this month, with a final day goalless draw at home to Brighton. Crystal Palace finished second and join Rovers in promotion, but Derby were pushed down to third on goal difference. They’ll contest the playoffs alongside Sheffield United, Coventry, and West Brom. Yeovil and Leyton Orient were relegated, as were Charlton Athletic, who ended the season bottom, without a win, and eighteen points behind 23rd-placed Orient. In the FA Cup Semi-Finals, Chelsea beat Brettney Joven’s Leeds 4-2 after extra time, and Liverpool had no problems overturning Ben Taylor’s Ipswich, winning 2-0. Can Chelsea do a second consecutive double?

April saw some fabulous European football, so let’s see how things unfolded. Atlético Madrid and Man City got the Champions League Quarter Finals underway, with the Spanish side winning the first leg 2-0 at home. Meanwhile, Lord Weeman’s Napoli met Cool Manager’s Inter at San Paolo. Jozy Altidore put Inter in front in the 23rd minute, but Choco equalised for Napoli just after the half hour. Defensive midfielder Gianni De Santis made it 2-1 Napoli in the 57th minute when he converted a penalty given for a Bryan Thomson foul. The score, however, was made level once again, this time by Nathan Delfouneso in the 66th minute. But Mattia Silvestri wrapped up the win for Napoli with a goal in the last minute. Next, Liverpool hosted Mikael Schøler’s Juventus, and won with a solitary goal scored just before half time. Then Arsenal hosted Chelsea in the Battle of London. Arsenal started badly, conceding a goal through Chelsea leftback Martin Moss in the 8th minute, and things went from bad to worse for manager Tom Smith when John Fleck made it 2-0 in the 20th minute. Henri Saivet did salvage something with a goal eight minutes from time, but Arsenal were surely out of the competition. In the Europa League, Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona lost the first leg of their Quarter Final in Rome 2-4 to Leo Dodge’s Roma.

In true style, Mikael Schøler’s Juventus reversed their 0-1 deficit to Liverpool, and, in the home leg, scored two extra time goals to carry themselves into the Final Four. Rafa Benítez’s team, who were solid competition in the match in Turin, didn’t know what hit them. In the other game that day, Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea were looking to rack up the aggregate scoreline against Arsenal. However, things went awry early on for Chelsea, when Serbian striker Stefan Pijic was sent off after eight minutes for elbowing Arsenal midfielder Redouane Bacha. From the free kick, the ball eventually found its way to Francesc Fabrègas, who rifled in a long range shot to level the aggregate scores. Arsenal then had chance after chance, but it was a Chelsea player who scored next, with Fabrègas’s corner going in off Joe Mattock in the 16th minute, and making it impossible for Arsenal to get eliminated on away goals. Chelsea did dominate the rest of the first half, and they also had a period of pressure in the second, but in the end, a bad backpass from Martin Moss was pounced upon by Moussa Sissoko, who made it 3-0 and carried Tom Smith’s Arsenal into the Semi-Finals. The next day, Inter and Napoli met in a fierce showdown at Giuseppe Meazza, where a plucky Napoli resisted all of Inter’s pressure and came away with one goal scored by Portuguese midfielder Hélder Trindade, and a 4-2 aggregate victory. In Manchester, Lawrence Lazewski’s title holders Manchester City levelled the aggregate score pretty quickly, going 2-0 within 40 minutes, but they couldn’t score again. It took penalties, but Atlético Madrid eliminated the winners of three of the last four tournaments, with Coutinho scoring his spot kick while Gareth Bale missed his. In Barcelona, Haowan Madridstas’s team notched up an incredible 6-1 win over Roma, with braces for Jacques Cissé and Marquinhos, which puts them through to the Europa League Semi-Finals 8-5 on aggregate. Feyenoord, Valencia and Ajax also got through.

Napoli hosted Atlético Madrid in the first Champions League Semi-Final, and as if by karma, the home side dominated the game but couldn’t score, just like Cool Manager’s Inter against Napoli. Atlético Madrid, however, mustered just one shot all game, so weren’t likely to score either. The 0-0 result means an excellent away performance will be necessary if Napoli are to go through. Next, Mikael Schøler’s Juventus hosted Arsenal. Redouane Bacha put Arsenal ahead just before the half hour mark, but 23-year-old English attacking midfielder Reuben Hayward (the youngest player in the England squad, incidentally), levelled for Juventus in first half stoppage time. The two sides were very well-matched, and something like Hayward’s spectacular free kick seven minutes after the restart was exactly what was needed to give Juventus the win. The Europa League Final will see a Dutch side meet a Spanish side: Barcelona played their Semi-Final match away to Valencia, and they, like Juventus, scored in first half stoppage time. At this point, however, they were 0-2 and one man down, and although they got the score back to 2-2, they lost 2-3, still respectable for an away performance at such an elite stage. Ajax beat Feyenoord 3-1 at home.

Time to conclude in Italy, where Napoli have fallen behind again in the title chase. This month, Lord Weeman’s team won their three away matches, against Frosinone, Lecce, and even against Juventus (which will come in handy if both reach the Champions League Final). However, home form was not as good: they drew at home to Reggina and lost at home to Rimini. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese, meanwhile, fell out of the Champions League places despite not doing too badly this month. They beat both Mantova and Reggina 3-1 away this month. They also drew goalless with Palermo and Livorno, and only lost to former league leaders A.C. Milan (they were overturned by Inter this month). However, they did leave the Coppa Italia after a 1-2 away loss to Inter in the second leg of their Semi-Final. If Burrows’s side had scored a goal at Friuli, they could have progressed on away goals. Inter will meet Mikael Schøler’s Juventus in the Final.

It seems the season keeps increasing in intensity. With two of our teams still in the hunt for the Champions League, only reading the next report will inform you as to who wins it!

Manager of the Update

I was impressed this month by;

Lord Weeman , Napoli

who guided his team to an impressive Champions League victory over Inter, as well as ten points from fifteen in Serie A. I was also impressed by Haowan Madridstas, whose Barcelona team knocked Roma out of the Europa League in style, and who went unbeaten in the league this month. Weeman edges it for me, but it was a close contest.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5410
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5410
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5410
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5410
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5410
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Lowest ‘Longest Time at a Club’

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Longest at Days[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st NE Swafe           Saul Goode        Osasuna       Osasuna     551
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd NE NepentheZ       Neppo Monster     Cagliari      Wigan       712
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd NE canvey!!        Fréderico Canvey  Stoke         Alavés      876
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th NE brettney1980    Brettney Joven    Wigan         West Ham   1033
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th NE ScottT!         Scott Tysoe       Sunderland    Everton    1114
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th NE MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Deportivo  1182
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th NE Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Villarreal 1230
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th NE spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Valencia   1259
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    At. Madrid 1263
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE IlikeJellybeans Jellybean Man     Numancia      Numancia   1320[/font]

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Update 179

Years: 14, Months: 179, Days: 5441

The season is over, so let’s see how things went in May, starting in Italy.

Cool Manager ’s Inter fought off the competition and returned the Scudetto to their trophy cabinet after a one year absence. For Lord Weeman’s Napoli, who ended up finishing third, it’s another year as an also-ran, and Napoli’s title win in 2012 remains their only one under Weeman’s management. This month, they beat Palermo and drew with Udinese, the latter despite dominating the game and only with the concession of a 90+3rd minute goal. They then ended the season disastrously, losing 0-3 at both Catania and Roma. Their Champions League match in Madrid this month saw Atlético Madrid win 1-0 with a goal from Coutinho, and so the Spanish side go on to the Final in Lisbon. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese went unbeaten this month, thanks to that 90+3rd minute goal. They won their other three matches, beating Rimini, Roma and Genoa. This meant they beat Leo Dodge’s side to fourth place, and Champions League football again next year. Roma follow, then Juventus and Palermo. Reggina, Atalanta and Livorno are relegated, with Parma winning Serie B. Neppo Monster’s Fiorentina also won promotion from Serie B, finishing second. Juventus won the Coppa Italia on penalties after drawing goalless with Inter.

In Spain, Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid suffered a poor deterioration in form at the end of the season, securing seven points from twelve. Having said that, their form has been at about that level throughout the season. But it isn’t enough to close that seven point gap between them and Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona, who finished fourth. In fact, Real were lucky not to drop to sixth or lower. They beat Getafe and Mallorca, quite categorically in fact, but lost to Valencia and were held goalless at Recreativo on the final day of the season. Barcelona lost their first game of the month at Sevilla, but then beat Elche, Gimnàstic and Villarreal. The Elche result was a particular highlight, a 6-1 Barça victory, and just like the 6-1 drubbing of Roma last month, there were two braces; Jacques Cissé netted another two goals, and Basque striker Miguel Ángel Larrañaga also scored twice. Atlético Madrid won La Liga, of course, finishing thirteen points clear, and were followed by Valencia and Zaragoza. Getafe and Lars Tommersen’s Betis join Real Madrid in next season’s Europa League. Deportivo join Athletic and Gimnàstic in relegation, while Las Palmas, Theo Stigarakis’s Racing, and Badalona are promoted.

As already mentioned, Atlético Madrid reached the Champions League Final, for the first time since 2020 (before that, 1974). But who did they meet there?

Road to the Final – Champions League

Josep Guardiola’s Atlético Madrid, after winning last season’s La Liga, entered the Champions League in the group stages. Here, they were drawn alongside Marseille, FC Zürich, and Werder Bremen. With the exception of a 1-1 draw in France, Atlético won all their games, and particular highlights were the 5-0 home and 3-0 away wins over their Swiss opponents. They topped their group, of course, and met Tyler Burrows’s Udinese in the Last 16. They earned a very credible 2-2 draw at Friuli, and although they couldn’t break the deadlock in the home leg, drawing 1-1, they advanced on away goals.

Their opponents, Tom Smith’s Arsenal, started in Group H. Here, they met Porto, Austria Wien, and Bordeaux. They ended up with one victory and one draw over each team, including a rather poor goalless draw at home to Bordeaux being followed by a 3-1 win in France. A 6-0 victory over the visiting Austrians was also a highlight. Arsenal finished first, and drew Jellybean Man’s Bayern Munich in the Last 16. They took a 2-0 lead in Munich, but were brought back down to a 2-3 defeat. Still, it was enough, as a 1-0 home win put them away on away goals. The Quarter Finals saw them meet Chelsea, and after a 1-2 home defeat, they looked out of the competition. The Blues, however, capitulated at the Chelsea Stadium, losing 0-3, meaning Arsenal progressed 4-2.

Atlético Madrid also faced a tough Quarter Final, being drawn against Lawrence Lazewski’s Man City, winners of three of the past four tournaments. However, the Spanish side won 2-0 at home, and skirted through on penalties despite the reversal of that result in Manchester. Next came Lord Weeman’s Napoli. Despite being bossed in Italy, Atlético escaped with a goalless draw, and knocked out the Italians with a 1-0 win at home. Arsenal, meanwhile, met Mikael Schøler’s Juventus in their Semi-Final. They lost 1-2 in Turin, but managed to neutralise that deficit in the return leg in London, forcing extra time. Juventus went down to ten men in the 96th minute, after a player protested too vigorously that the goal Craig Robson had just scored, which gave Arsenal the aggregate lead, was offside. Trinidadian striker Wesley Oliver then scored a brace to put the Gunners into the Final 6-3 on aggregate.

The stage was set for a spectacular showdown at Estádio José Alvalade Século XXI. With 50,466 fans in tow, the two teams kicked off at 7.45pm local time. Atlético Madrid started brightly, and soon had themselves in front, with Freddy Adu shooting between two Arsenal defenders, past the Arsenal ‘keeper and into the net. From then on, however, Atlético’s control of the game started to wane, and in the second half, Arsenal were well and truly on top. They got the return on their effort investment in the 61st minute, when Frenchman Sofiane Feghouli netted the rebound of Henri Saivet’s saved shot. Arsenal continued to press forward, but couldn’t get another goal in normal time. Extra time came, and the Gunners dominated its first period, still unable to score again. Atlético got a better footing in the match in extra time’s second place, but neither side hit the back of the net, so the match would go to penalties. Both sides scored their first three, but on the fourth, while Benito Nicolas Viola scored for Atlético, Henri Saivet missed for Arsenal. 28-year-old rightback Ignacio scored for Atlético, giving them the crown.

Of course, that wasn’t the only European final this month.

Road to the Final – Europa League

Mark Wotte’s Ajax started their European campaign in the Champions League, but were always going to find life in Group G tough, drawn alongside Liverpool and Real Madrid, as well as Beitar Jerusalem. In the end, as well as the six points picked up off Beitar, they got four points from those two teams, and finished short of qualification only on results between teams. However, they entered the Europa League, where they met Partizan Belgrade in the Last 32. A 6-1 win in Serbia had the tie taken care of virtually before it begun, and Ajax ran out 9-2 aggregate winners.

Haowan Madridstas ’s Barcelona, unlike Ajax, started in the Europa League. However, before they could reach the group stages, they had to play two rounds of qualifying. First, they knocked out Croatia’s HNK Sibenik 12-0, with two 6-0 wins. They then played Le Mans of France, with a 2-0 away win setting up a 5-3 aggregate progression. Their group saw them alongside Metalurg Zp, APOEL Nicosia and Fenerbahçe. With the exception of a goalless draw in Turkey, Barcelona won all their matches, scoring twenty goals and conceding just two. This put them, in first place, into the Round of 32, where they met Olympiakos. A 1-0 victory in Greece was followed by a 3-2 one in Spain, allowing progression to a Last 16 tie against A.S. Saint-Etienne. Full of goals, this match saw Barça get through 7-6 on aggregate, with a 4-2 home win and 3-4 away loss.

Ajax’s Round of 16 tie contained just as many goals. They made the forty minute drive to Alkmaar, to play AZ, and drew 3-3. In the return leg, Ajax won 4-3 to sneak through. They then played A.C. Milan, and booked their place in the Semi-Finals despite a 0-1 loss in Italy, winning 4-3 on aggregate thanks to a brace from Eden Hazard in the home leg. Barcelona, meanwhile, played Leo Dodge’s Roma in the Quarter Finals, and lost the Italian leg 2-4. They, however, wouldn’t take elimination for an answer, and romped to a 6-1 victory against the Romans in the return leg in Barcelona, meaning that they progressed 8-5 on aggregate. They booked their Final place in a similar fashion, losing 2-3 away to Valencia but coming back with a 7-0 home win, with braces for Marquinhos and for Japanese forward Naoya Sato. Ajax beat Feyenoord in their Semi-Final, with a 3-1 in the first leg at home putting them through despite a 1-2 away loss in the second.

Just over 51,000 fans were welcomed to Glasgow’s Ibrox for the spectacle, and Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona started on the front foot. They got a goal after just seven minutes in, with Alexis Sánchez forcing his way into the box, shooting low, and getting it in the net. Barcelona kept up the high pressure, and could have been 2- or 3-0 up within half an hour, had their shots been less speculative. It was from thirty minutes in onwards that Ajax began to get a footing in the game, but they didn’t really seem to threaten, and, just as the first goal came when they weren’t really settled into things, as did the second. Four minutes after the second half kicked off, a Barcelona attack was rebuffed by 19-year-old Ajax ‘keeper Richard Christina, but the ball was sent out to Torric. Torric lobbed the ball back towards goal, and Christina was too slow to come for it, allowing Iñigo Fraile to shoot and score. Just eleven minutes after that, a powerful shot from 25-year-old Brazilian winger Cristiano preoccupied Barça ‘keeper Dean Bouzanis, allowing Ajax’s French midfielder Laurent Chauvet to score with the rebound. The rest of the game was pretty much split between Barcelona and Ajax, but neither side could put together great shots; usually they were from long range. And with that, Barcelona won the Europa League, and Madridstas got his first silverware since the Spanish Super Cup in 2020.

We’ll end with a small note on how the season finished in England. Tom Smith’s Arsenal had a terrible final two games, but, with a Champions League Final impending and with qualification for next year’s competition already secured, that was understandable. The Gunners lost both matches 1-2, at home to Ipswich and away to already-relegated Huddersfield. This dropped them from second to fourth, and so excluded them from next season’s Community Shield. The Championship Playoffs were won by Derby, which seems fair as the Rams finished nine points ahead of fourth-placed Sheffield United. This month, Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea pulled off their second consecutive double, by beating Liverpool 1-0 in the FA Cup Final at Wembley, thanks to Robin Ridley’s goal just short of half time. Ridley, incidentally, was this month voted Premier League Players’ Player of the Year for the second time in his career.

Our managers get a month or two off now, so I won’t keep them any longer. A good summer everyone!

Manager of the Update

After a jam-packed season finale, it’s clear that;

Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona

is the rightful winner of this award. The Spaniard took his team to the Europa League title by beating Ajax, and got to the Final this month by beating Valencia 7-0. Barça also tallied up ten goals in their four league games this month. Tyler Burrows also did well, winning three and drawing one of his last four games of the season with Udinese.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5441
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Very Secure   5441
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Secure        5441
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Stable        5441
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5441
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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English Premier League Table

Italian Serie A Table

Spanish La Liga Table

Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Lowest ‘Shortest Time at a Club’

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Shortest at  Days[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st [color=red]+5[/color] ssestig         Theo Stigarakis   Catania       Portsmouth     90
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd [color=red]+2[/color] m1234566778     Maz Armley        Racing        Blackburn     142
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=green]-2[/color] dafuge          dafuge            Torino        Everton       145
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th [color=green]-2[/color] JSalter         James Salter      Reggina       Sporting      153
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th NE hasdgfas        Tim Aubel         Fulham        Racing        166
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th [color=green]-3[/color] Waghlon         Lars Tommersen    Villarreal    Fiorentina    174
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th NE TaylorB         Ben Taylor        Fiorentina    Parma         194
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th [color=green]-3[/color] NepentheZ       Neppo Monster     Cagliari      Cagliari      236
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th [color=green]-2[/color] Almondo         Arnold J. Rimmer  Bolton        Man United    268
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th [color=green]-2[/color] canvey!!        Fréderico Canvey  Stoke         Valladolid    285[/font]

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Looks like things are finally going well for me, and at my local club :cool:

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Serie A champions :cool: Lost the Coppa Italia but winning the league is better

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Still in the competition and into the Champions League again. I swear the game is hard-coded for Udinese not to win a title :(

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Update 180

Years: 15, Months: 180, Days: 5471

Full congratulations must go to our five managers, who this month completed fifteen years in the same job. That fifteen years without being sacked, and without being tempted away by another job. It’s some record.

However, only one of them can stay there for the longest, and already one of our former managers has hung up his football boots forever. Of course, plenty of them have already done this, but Jellybean Man is the first one to have done it while in a job; the others had all been out of work for some time. Man departs his hotseat at Bayern Munich for a place to relax in Florida, while Martin Vásquez steps up to the plate in Munich. Some other retirements this month were Gordon Strachan, Scotland manager, whose seat has yet to be filled, and Dave Jones, Manchester United manager, who was replaced by former Aston Villa boss Martin Bojangles. Bojangles spent a considerable seven years at Villa Park; he’ll be hoping for some similar success at Old Trafford.

There’s one transfer to talk to you about this month, and that’s the £5M sale of 21-year-old striker Domenico Piccolo from Tyler Burrows’s Udinese to Lecce. The bookies think that Udinese can’t make it three consecutive seasons with Champions League football, and tip them for fifth place. Lord Weeman’s Napoli are expected to finish third again. If they do, it will be their fifth consecutive season in that position. A.C. Milan are the Serie A favourites, with Torino being the only newly-promoted side to have relegation foreseen for them. Both Parma and Neppo Monster’s Fiorentina look capable of avoiding the drop, say the papers. Lecce and Cagliari are the favourites to take their place.

With the domestic season over, there was room for some international games. Liam Ferguson’s England played two of their Euro 2024 qualifying games, both at Wembley, beating Slovenia 3-0 and Azerbaijan 5-0, the latter with a brace from Craig Robson. Saul Goode’s Wales played both their games away, drawing goalless in Greece and falling to a brutal 0-3 defeat in Italy. Robert Boyle’s England under 21s played three games, beating Slovenia and Azerbaijan in friendlies, and kicking off their European Under 21 Championships qualifying campaign in style with a 3-0 victory over Wales. The biggest wins of Euro 2024 qualifying matches came for Germany, who beat Malta 7-0, and Finland, who beat Luxembourg 6-0. Denmark, Finland, Romania, England, France, the Czech Republic, Norway, Italy, Sweden and Germany all top their groups.

Tim Aubel ’s United States were also in action, in the North American Gold Cup. They started the group stage in style, thrashing Barbados 5-0 with two braces, from Jozy Altidore and from Freddy Adu. They then beat Guatemala 3-0, with 27-year-old striker Boyd Rose this time scoring the brace. Finally, neighbours Canada were beaten 4-0 with an Altidore hattrick. Costa Rica awaited in the Quarter Finals, and although it took a penalty for the Americans to take the lead, they ran out 2-0 winners. Aubel’s side then met Trinidad and Tobago, with Braga defender Tony Gayle giving them the lead in the 25th minute. However, the only Trinidadian player anyone has ever heard over, Wesley Oliver, scored a penalty to equalise in the 36th minute. 27-year-old Stuttgart midfielder Luke Twellman got the winning goal in the 67th minute. Unsurprisingly, the other Finalists were Mexico, and 21-year-old Besiktas winger Tony Heaney gave the States the lead in the 33rd minute. Ten minutes into the second half, Mexico got the reward for all their pressure, with veteran player Giovani dos Santos scoring. However, five minutes later, Jozy Altidore scored his seventh goal of the tournament, bringing the trophy back to the United States after a twelve-year estrangement.

This year will be the year! That’s what the bookies, the papers, and the Manchester City fans are saying regarding the title chances of Lawrence Lazewski’s team. That’s right; the Citizens are tipped to top the Premier League again, with Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea second. Three consecutive third place finishes for City make it look unlikely. Arsenal and Newcastle are also top four favourites, with Crystal Palace and Derby tipped to go down. Blackburn, however, are believed to be capable of avoiding the drop, with Sheffield Wednesday taking their place. Aston Villa, of course, are the Championship favourites.

So we’ve heard the odds on title wins and relegations, but what are the odds on the next 60 to One manager to leave? This is the time of year that contract extensions normally get handed out, but none of our managers has got one so far. With some contracts running out just next year, let’s put the five remaining managers into a crude order of sacking/leaving likelihood:

[font=Courier New]  [b]Pos Manager           Club        Salary   CntrExpry[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]1st Tyler Burrows     Udinese     £ 33,000 30.6.2025
 [/font][font=Courier New]2nd Haowan Madridstas Barcelona   £175,000 30.6.2024
 [/font][font=Courier New]3rd Tom Smith         Arsenal     £245,000 30.6.2024
 [/font][font=Courier New]4th Lucas Volman      Real Madrid £375,000 30.6.2024
 [/font][font=Courier New]5th Lord Weeman       Napoli      £ 87,000 30.6.2026[/font]

But we’ll see how much of that prediction holds water throughout the next season.

Manager of the Update

For a trophy win;

Tim Aubel , United States (formerly of Fulham)

wins this one. He took the Americans to the Gold Cup title after five consecutive Mexico wins, and his team scored eighteen goals on their way to the championship. Of our managers, Tyler Burrows did the only thing of note, selling a player for £5M.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5471
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Very Secure   5471
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Very Secure   5471
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5471
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Stable        5471
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Highest ‘Shortest Time at a Club’

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Shortest at  Days[/b]
  [/font][font=Courier New]1st NE fergysafc       Liam Ferguson     Man City      Man City     2783
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd NE BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter         Valencia     2410
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd NE Chimpos         Phill Ewles       Valladolid    Valladolid   1292
  [/font][font=Courier New]4th NE el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Liverpool    1242
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th NE Martin_         Martin Bojangles  Hull          Hull         1241
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th NE spartans5       Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Chelsea      1059
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th NE SCIAG           Leo Dodge         Tottenham     Man United    708
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th NE MikaelS         Mikael Schøler    Bologna       Bologna       613
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th NE Swafe           Saul Goode        Osasuna       Osasuna       551
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE ScottT!         Scott Tysoe       Sunderland    Sunderland    501[/font]

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DOes that mean that i am the most likely to be sacked or least likely to be sacked? :(

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@PluckaDuck: That means you are the most likely to go next.

Update 181

Years: 15, Months: 181, Days: 5502

For this July update, we’re going to go through the clubs one-by-one, alphabetically.

Tom Smith ’s Arsenal made one big plunge into the transfer market this month, capturing the signature of Valencia’s Franco Zuculini for £11.5M. The Argentine midfielder counts Man City, Inter, Barcelona among his former clubs. Arsenal played five friendlies this month, drawing 1-1 away to Germinal Beerschot, Havre Athletic Club and Scott Tysoe’s Rangers, but beating both Stade Rennais and Cádiz. Henri Saivet and Theo Walcott did particularly well on the tour, getting three goals each. Smith got himself a one-year contract extension this month, keeping his current salary of £245,000 per week.

Haowan Madridstas ’s Barcelona haven’t made any signings yet, despite needing to prepare to end their long Champions League estrangement this season. Their only transfer was the £3M sale of rightback César Azpilicueta to Lars Tommersen’s Betis. They played three friendlies this month, beating Sporting CP 4-1 at home and losing 0-1 at Anfield before travelling to Japan to beat Ballena Shizuoka 5-0, with a brace from Daniel Aquino. Haowan Madridstas managed to get himself three more years on his contract, which gives him until June 2027 in his current job. He maintains his current weekly salary of £175,000.

Lord Weeman ’s Napoli have been preparing for another title assault with two big signings this month. French midfielder Gaël Kakuta joined from La Liga champions Atlético Madrid for £14M, and former Chelsea and A.C. Milan midfielder John Obi Mikel arrived on a free. Former favourite of Weeman’s, Slovakian midfielder Marek Hamsik, was released from the club. Napoli played two games, beating Kumamoto FC 2-0 in Japan and drawing 2-2 at fellow Italian club Benevento.

Unfortunately for Lucas Volman’s Real Madrid, incomes this season are going to be a lot lower, given that they failed to qualify for the Champions League. With that in mind, Volman’s two signings this month have been inexpensive. 25-year-old Elche midfielder José Luis Jurado arrived at the Bernabéu for £6M, and 31-year-old leftback José Manuel Villegas joined from Zaragoza for £5.25M. Volman also made two big sales, both to Zaragoza, 22-year-old midfielder Rosario Bosi for £16.25M, and 31-year-old Argentine centreback Diego González for £9.25M. Real travelled to Bulgaria for their friendly this month, and beat little-known team Pirin Blagoevgrad 2-0. Given the worsened financial conditions at Real, and Volman’s already significant salary, the Italian has not been given a contract extension this month.

Tyler Burrows continued his transfer tinkering at Udinese, and he’s already made a co-ownership deal. He signed half of Genoa’s 17-year-old centreback Massimo Perri for £95k. All of Frosinone’s talented 27-year-old striker Tommaso Meacci arrived for £3.1M. Miroslav Cerny, the Czech goalkeeper who arrived last season on a free from Newcastle, has departed on a free for Mantova. Deniz Naki and Willians, two loyal servants of the club, the latter for thirteen years, have been released by Burrows. Naki has returned to Fenerbahçe and Willians has found refuge at Porto. Udinese are two-thirds of the way through their pre-season tour of Portugal, having already beaten Leiria 3-0 and Rio Ave 4-0.

So, that’s that. Next month, yet another season begins to pass under the wily old eyes of our managers. Until then, they’re enjoying their time off. Go on, dive in the pool again…

Manager of the Update

For making the most waves in the transfer window;

Lucas Volman , Real Madrid

gets this month’s award. He signed two players for a total of £11.25M, and sold two for £25.5M. He also won his only friendly, but failed to get himself a contract extension that might come in vital at the end of the season.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5502
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5502
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Secure        5502
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5502
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5502
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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Manager of the Update – Previous Winners

[font=Courier New]  [b]Update Winner, Club                [/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 21 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 21 Saul Goode, Wales (formerly of Osasuna)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 21 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 21 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 21 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 22 Tom Smith, Arsenal
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 22 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 22 Liam Ferguson, England (formerly of Man City)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Aug 22 Arnold J. Rimmer, Newcastle (formerly of Bolton)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Sep 22 Tyler Burrows, Udinese
 [/font][font=Courier New]Oct 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Nov 22 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Dec 22 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jan 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Feb 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid
 [/font][font=Courier New]Mar 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]Apr 23 Lord Weeman, Napoli
 [/font][font=Courier New]May 23 Haowan Madridstas, Barcelona
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jun 23 Tim Aubel, United States (formerly of Fulham)
 [/font][font=Courier New]Jul 23 Lucas Volman, Real Madrid[/font]

All Star Top Ten – Players Bought (Number)

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos +- Username        Manager           Original Club Current Club No[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]1st [color=green]+1[/color] Neilio          Neilio            Almería       Palermo     106
 [/font][font=Courier New] 2nd [color=green]+3[/color] canvey!!        Fréderico Canvey  Stoke         Everton      87
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd [color=green]+7[/color] ssestig         Theo Stigarakis   Catania       Racing       86
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th  [color=blue]0[/color] weeeman27bob    Lord Weeman       Napoli        Napoli       85 *
 [/font][font=Courier New] 5th [color=green]+2[/color] el sid          Cool Manager      At. Madrid    Inter        81
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th [color=red]-3[/color] BenArsenal      Ben Cee           Inter                      79
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th [color=red]-1[/color] Martin_         Martin Bojangles  Hull          Man United   77
 [/font][font=Courier New]   -  [color=blue]0[/color] spartan5        Lawrence Lazewski Valencia      Man City     77
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th  [color=blue]0[/color] PluckaDuck      Tyler Burrows     Udinese       Udinese      76 *
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th NE ~Ian~           Bryan McGuinness  Everton       Chelsea      72[/font]

Lifespan – 5 to 10 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club       Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 7th TaylorB              Ben Taylor          Fiorentina 3442
 [/font][font=Courier New] 8th fergysafc            Liam Ferguson       Man City   2783
 [/font][font=Courier New] 9th JSalter              James Salter        Reggina    2710
 [/font][font=Courier New]10th mikeytwigge          Mikey Twigge        Palermo    2507
 [/font][font=Courier New]11th BenArsenal           Ben Cee             Inter      2502
 [/font][font=Courier New]12th super_lampard        Super Lampard       Lecce      2119
 [/font][font=Courier New]13th Cardiovascular       Cardio Vascular     Genoa      2010
 [/font][font=Courier New]14th Lower Leagues Rule   Jonte Rhodes        Lazio      1968[/font]

Lifespan – 2 to 5 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club       Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]15th [/font][font=Courier New]hasdgfas             Tim Aubel           Fulham     1705
 [/font][font=Courier New]16th ~Ian~                Bryan McGuinness    Everton    1701
 [/font][font=Courier New]17th rancer890            Ricky Nakano        Middlesbro 1614
 [/font][font=Courier New]18th ssestig              Theo Stigarakis     Catania    1405
 [/font][font=Courier New]19th bermybhoy            bermybhoy           Atalanta   1320
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - IlikeJellybeans      Jellybean Man       Numancia   1320
 [/font][font=Courier New]21st m1234566778          Maz Armley          Racing     1288
 [/font][font=Courier New]22nd el sid               Cool Manager        At. Madrid 1263
 [/font][font=Courier New]23rd spartans5            Lawrence Lazewski   Valencia   1259
 [/font][font=Courier New]24th Greasy Chip Butty    Andy Morton         Sporting   1244
 [/font][font=Courier New]25th Martin_              Martin Bojangles    Hull       1241
 [/font][font=Courier New]26th clrkaitken           Clark Aitken        Roma       1237
 [/font][font=Courier New]27th Waghlon              Lars Tommersen      Villarreal 1230
 [/font][font=Courier New]28th Walcott’s Wonderkids Brucie Bonus        West Brom  1210
 [/font][font=Courier New]29th Almondo              Arnold J. Rimmer    Bolton     1208
 [/font][font=Courier New]30th Neji                 Neji Hyuuga         Deportivo   999
 [/font][font=Courier New]31st Jack Rudd            Lisa Jeffries       Juventus    925
 [/font][font=Courier New]32nd pnefc22              Wobill Luman        Betis       889
 [/font][font=Courier New]33rd AtilasMiserly        Will de Mote        A.C. Milan  882
 [/font][font=Courier New]34th JoeLatics            Joe Gleeson         Espanyol    873
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Blanco               Cristobal Blanco    Recreativo  873
 [/font][font=Courier New]36th ian_1982             Maurice Jobson      Man United  852
 [/font][font=Courier New]37th Ridleys              James Ridley        Siena       843[/font]

Lifespan – 1 to 2 Years

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]38th conners              Sirus Lannock       Málaga     628
 [/font][font=Courier New]39th MikaelS              Mikael Schøler      Bologna    613
 [/font][font=Courier New]40th Swafe                Saul Goode          Osasuna    551
 [/font][font=Courier New]41st hamilton162          Tom Hamilton        Mallorca   509
 [/font][font=Courier New]42nd kashmirshazad        Shazad Ali          Newcastle  508
 [/font][font=Courier New]43rd DiscoStu94           Da Hoover Man       Sampdoria  501
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - ScottT!              Scott Tysoe         Sunderland 501
 [/font][font=Courier New]45th canvey!!             Fréderico Canvey    Stoke      476[/font]

Lifespan – Less than 1 Year

[font=Courier New]  [b] Pos Username             Manager             Club      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New]46th corinthiano          Mathias Brunckhorst Chievo     327
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Neilio               Neilio              Almería    327
 [/font][font=Courier New]48th Robert_296           Robert Boyle        Blackburn  326
 [/font][font=Courier New]49th brettney1980         Brettney Joven      Wigan      320
 [/font][font=Courier New]50th TigerJoe             Joe Seddon          Getafe     271
 [/font][font=Courier New]51st jack.browne          Jack Browne         Sevilla    250
 [/font][font=Courier New]52nd NepentheZ            Neppo Monster       Cagliari   236
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - dafuge               dafuge              Torino     236
 [/font][font=Courier New]54th KiddingChoc          Zach Machios        Portsmouth 235
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Whoopy D             Whoopy D            West Ham   235
 [/font][font=Courier New]56th d-machine            David Machine       Athletic   229
 [/font][font=Courier New]57th PaulHartman71        Jeremy English      Liverpool  204
 [/font][font=Courier New]58th Chimpos              Phill Ewles         Valladolid
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - tadr                 Andre da Conceiçao  Chelsea
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - markcator3006        Mark Cator          Aston Villa[/font]

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Update 182

Years: 15, Months: 182, Days: 5533

Season number sixteen is underway for some of our managers, so we too shall get cracking, and start the report in England.

For England is the only one of our three countries to have started league football, with two games having been played in the Premier League. This, I feel, gives me a good opportunity to reflect on all of our managers currently plying their trade here. Tom Smith’s Arsenal lead the league at this early stage, having beaten Liverpool 2-0 and newly-promoted Blackburn 2-1. 29-year-old striker Craig Robson has already netted three goals, which brings me to;

The Craig Robson-o-meter

Goals this Month: 4

Total Goals: 42

Cost per Goal: £1,142,857.14

dafuge's Portsmouth are sixth, the next-highest team with one of our managers. Pompey played two home games this month, beating Tottenham 2-0 and drawing goalless with Lawrence Lazewski’s Man City. That was actually one of two draws for City; they also drew 1-1 at home to Newcastle, and they currently sit 13th, two places above Arnold J. Rimmer’s Magpies. Newcastle’s other game was a loss, 2-3 at Goodison Park to Fréderico Canvey’s 8th-placed Everton. The Toffees lost their first game of the season 1-2 at home to Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea, who are one place above them in 7th after also having drawn at Hull. Brettney Joven’s Leeds are 14th, after drawing 2-2 at Sunderland and losing 1-2 at Middlesbrough. Ben Taylor’s Ipswich and Martin Bojangles’s Man United are both in the relegation zone, with the Tractor Boys having drawn with Leicester and lost to Tottenham this month, and the Red Devils having lost 0-2 to both Fulham and Liverpool.

It’s time to look at the month’s transfers. After last year’s failure to finish in the top four for the first time since 2014, Lucas Volman needed to make some big moves to seal Champions League football again. This month, the Italian made no fewer than five transfers, totalling £33.8M. 18-year-old Pescara goalkeeper Luca Redaelli joined for £160k, Sevilla’s 22-year-old Spanish one Benjamín Ruiz for £375k, Stuttgart’s 28-year-old Andorran midfielder Miguel Oliver for £7.5M, Q.P.R.’s Spanish fullback Adolfo for £9.75M, and Inter’s Oscar for £16M. Meanwhile, their cross-city rivals Atlético Madrid made a £11.25M purchase of French attacking midfielder Sofiane Feghouli from Tom Smith’s Arsenal. In Italy, Lord Weeman’s Napoli signed Recreativo’s enthusiastic 19-year-old centreback Carles Domínguez for £12.25M, while Tyler Burrows’s Udinese sold young goalkeeper Luigi Mandelli to Brescia for £95k.

With the season about to kick off, Spanish bookmakers and newspapers have been making their predictions as to where teams will finish. They say, once again, that Valencia can lift the La Liga title, and that Atlético Madrid will be denied a third consecutive win. Real Madrid are expected to recover to a fourth place finish, swapping with Haowan Madridstas’s Barcelona. Theo Stigarakis’s Racing, who have just been promoted from the LIGA adelante, are expected to stay up, unlike their fellow La Liga newbies Las Palmas and Badalona. Mallorca are also tipped for relegation.

We had four sides in Europe this month, three in the Champions League Best Placed Playoff. Tom Smith’s Arsenal faced Shakhtar Donetsk of the Ukraine, and, after a 2-0 win at home (this is where Craig Robson’s fourth goal came from), the Gunners drew in Donetsk, and progressed 3-1 on aggregate. Tyler Burrows’s Udinese travelled to Belgrade to play Red Star, where they won 3-0. They matched that result in the return leg in Italy, for a 6-0 aggregate win. That was also the score in Barcelona’s home match against Lille, and Haowan Madridstas’s side progressed 4-2 on aggregate after losing their second leg in France. Once again, our sides meet some tricky opponents in the group stages: Lord Weeman’s Napoli meet Bryan McGuinness’s Chelsea, who have won two consecutive Premier League-FA Cup doubles; Barcelona meet Porto as well as Marseille and FC København; Udinese meet three-times competition winners Manchester City, and Arsenal face Zaragoza, alongside Feyenoord and FC Zürich. Our Europa League team was Real Madrid, who beat PAOK of Greece 7-1 on aggregate.

August is Super Cup month, of course, so let’s see how those little pieces of silverware were awarded. In Italy, Cool Manager’s Inter beat Mikael Schøler’s Juventus 2-0 to win their twelfth Super Cup. In Spain, Zaragoza thrashed last season’s La Liga winners Atlético Madrid, with a 5-0 win at home and a 1-0 win away. Brazilian forward Nicão got a hattrick over the two legs. The Community Shield was returned to the Chelsea Stadium after Bryan McGuinness’s side beat Newcastle 5-2 in a thrilling encounter at Wembley. Five goals in the first half, including two for Chelsea’s Serbian striker Stefan Pijic, gave Arnold J. Rimmer’s side a chance, at 2-3 down. In the second half, however, Pijic completed his hattrick before Spanish winger Francesc made it 5-2 shortly before the hour mark. The UEFA Super Cup takes place next month, between Atlético Madrid and Barcelona. Barcelona have won just one of the teams’ last ten encounters.

So that’s August for you. One of the months with the least football, but plenty to write about still. Just imagine all the stuff that will happen in September…

Manager of the Update

This one goes to;

Tom Smith, Arsenal

who made a good start to the season and now has his side sitting top of the Premier League. They also got through a round in the Champions League, and Smith made the brave decision to sell talented Frenchman Sofiane Feghouli, raising £11.25M in the process. Plaudits must also go to Tyler Burrows and Lucas Volman, who both won through their European rounds with six-goal winning margins, with Burrows making a tiny transfer profit and Volman making an audacious transfer spend. We’ll have to wait to see which strategy works better.

Job Securities

[font=Courier New]  [b]Rank Username             Manager             Club        Security      Days[/b]
 [/font][font=Courier New] 1st tomsmith1989         Tom Smith           Arsenal     Very Secure   5533
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - Haowan               Haowan Madridstas   Barcelona   Very Secure   5533
 [/font][font=Courier New] 3rd Romanista1994        Lucas Volman        Real Madrid Secure        5533
 [/font][font=Courier New] 4th weeeman27bob         Lord Weeman         Napoli      Stable        5533
 [/font][font=Courier New]   - PluckaDuck           Tyler Burrows       Udinese     Stable        5533
 [/font][font=Courier New] 6th SCIAG                Leo Dodge           Tottenham                 3800[/font]

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