bigmattb28

The Journeyman Jock - The Wolfpac In between beating Paganese over 2 legs to get us into the final of the Coppa Italia Lega Pro, we’ve had back to back losses, against much better sides though. Venezia, everyone knows Venezia, proud owners of impeccable home kits year after year, and Carrarese who, well nobody knows them but they were better than us on the day. We did find our feet again before losing 1 more to make it back to back to back losses in the league, but 4 wins and a draw from then on make us the form side heading into the final. We’ve got just 1 more training session before the big game, our opponents are AC Reggiana, who for reference have lost the last 3 games. It’s a 2 legged game, we’re at home in the first leg, which I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not, or if it benefits us or Reggiana more. After the final training session with the team I told them I think it best if they just relax, don’t overthink things and play the game with no pressure, silently thinking that if we win the game will it relieve some pressure from me? Will I be spoke about as a good coach and not someone that spent a year in Turkey fixing matches? I am trying to figure out how best to approach the game and who to start when Bazza my first team coach and the Doctor our friend come into the room giggling like little school girls ‘Right, big game tomorrow innit’ the Doctor said enthusiastically before adding ‘so we’ve got you a surprise’ ‘Oh for f*ck sake lads, no, just no. I aren’t going out or getting involved in anything illegal with yous, not the day before the cup final, forget it’ ‘Told you he wouldn't be ar*ed’ Bazza said ‘Shurrup man, anyway Jock I don’t care what you say, here’s your surprise. Close your eyes’ I really couldn’t be bothered with this and thought it best to get it over with so I closed my eyes. As I did I heard a shuffling noise and the door opening and closing again, before Bazza said ‘go on then, open up boss’. As I did it took a second to register, but stood in front of me holding a can of Stella in 1 hand and an umbrella in the other was another member of our little crew, Runner Up. Now between us normally I’d be ecstatic to see him, overjoyed even. However, as I’ve pointed out already he’s got the name Runner Up because he’s been an amateur boxer, welterweight if you’re wondering, for most his life and he always loses his fights, hence the name Runner Up. As an amateur boxer he’s 1 won fight in god knows how many attempts, the only win coming against a lad who was blind in 1 eye! Even then that fight went the distance and he won by 1 point! ‘What the f*ck is he doing here?’ ‘Welllll…. Jock laaahhd…. I thoooought you’d be happy….. to see me….likes’ Runner Up said in that stupid slow Aberdonian drawl whilst his ever consistent usual drool was dribbling out the side of mouth ‘Aye normally I would pal, truly to God I would, I’d even throw you the biggest welcoming party this side of Glasgow has ever known, I'd have invited half of Motherwell round, order all of South America’s stock of marching powder and get it shipped over on banana boats, got every bottle of Peroni in San Marino any other night, except the night before a f*cking cup final!’ ‘What’s that gotta do with anything?’ The Doctor asked ‘the Wolfpac haven’t been together in nearly 3 years!’ ‘You f*cking melon, you an all Baz’ I yelled and looked at them both ‘bringing this f*cking bad omen, this lone Magpie in a sky of f*cking birds, this absolute wet flannel that can’t fight sleep never mind fight other people despite being a f*cking fighter!!’ I let the comment hang there, Runner Up still smiling like a Cheshire Cat on amphetamine absolutely oblivious to the insult ‘this crank’s name is Runner f*cking Up for a reason! You think I wanna finish second tomorrow? Do ya? If we lose over 2 legs I’m blaming you both, I don’t care what score it is, if we don’t win that cup it’s on both of you!’ I said pointing to Baz and The Doctor, whilst Runner Up had a look on his face that seemed to say what am I doing here? I added ‘and the Wolfpac, the f*cking Wolfpac?? Every b*stard time we’re together something bad happens, don’t even get me started on that night down Bristol Zoo where Leb got locked in the seal enclosure!' I took a breath, sat back down and then stopped my rant. After a moment all 3 of them burst into simultaneous laughter ‘You absolute weapon man’ the Doctor quipped before Runner Up said ‘Joooock you….cheese melt…. yoooou haaahhd us…. fooled foooor a…. minute there…. likes’ And before I could reassure them that I was in fact being deadly serious, Baz said ‘right that’s that out the way, Bob rack up some lines, I’ll grab the ales, Jock grab some glasses will ya and Runner Up, wipe that f*cking spit off ya’ coupon will ya’ So I found myself in San Marino with 2 of my oldest friends in the world, Bazza and the Doctor, and another member of our group we call the Wolfpac, Runner Up, all that was missing from this little party was the other members of our crew, Guinness and Double-O 7. He’s called Guinness because he’s got white hair, actually naturally white hair, and when we were kids he came back from holiday in Tenerife with a monster sun tan, but it hadn't stayed red it had sort of gone like a dark brown colour, and with his white hair someone said he looked like a pint of Guinness, genius. It’s stuck ever since. Double O-7 is a sad tale. His real name is John, or Simon I can never remember. Anyway at school he was a decent defender, and got taken on the youth set up at Rangers. But the guy running it there dropped him and said it was because he had 0 talent, 0 effort and only played 7 minutes all year. So yeah 007. He’s still trying to make it as a player. Oh how can I forget, and a guy called Leb, he’s not really someone that’s in our circle of mates, he’s just someone that always seems to be around. He’s called Leb because he was a chick called Leanne’s last boyfriend before she started in the adult entertainment industry. The story goes that Leb was so bad in the sack she cracked and went on to become a porn actress, so Leanne's Ex Boyfriend, Leb. Nice guy, but probably sh*t in bed. Along with the boys I had my trusted comrade Mark Jaulk there as we were trying to plan for the first leg of the clubs, and my own first ever cup final, that was due to kick off in less than 24 hours time, but what we really did was get wasted, tell stories and generally have a blast. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - One small step for San Marino As I look at the paperwork Pavel Veiria has just signed and the ink is still somewhat dry, a nice 1 year extension to his current deal, I think to myself this could be the start of building this team up for success. He’s been a key player for us this year, just like he was for 6 whole months in Bangor, which seems a lifetime away when in reality it’s only 2 years since he upped sticks and bolted for Ballyclare f*cking Comrades, winners of the Northern Ireland Intermediate cup courtesy of knocking me and Bangor out on the way. I don’t hold a grudge but a Scotsman never EVER forgets. Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, so we’re not totally clear of relegation yet, we’ve still got just under half the season to go, but we’re looking good to survive. I’ve got 2 cans of Red Bull to open, I’ve just downed 3 Tramadol tablets and an Oxycodone tab to relieve the pressure in my back, excessive I know but I’ve been on opioids for years, as well as having Bazza and Mark here with me as we’re talking transfers ‘I don’t know anyone in San Marino pal’ Bazza says in a concerned sort of way ‘I know that ya dafty, am not asking you who we can sign from here, I’m just saying we need some reinforcements, specifically wingers’ ‘Why? Sevvers is doing just fine and Emre….’ I cut Bazza off, he’d been out last night with the Doctor, who I’d not seen for a couple of days, so Baz was probably still half cut and certainly not been to sleep yet ‘Emre's knackered, I mean he’s older than me and I get fatigued just looking as the poor tw*t’s playing 90 minutes twice a week! He’s played more for us this season already than he did in the last full season in Turkey! If either go down injured we’re totally f*cked out wide’ That was an exaggeration of the truth, but Emre has played a lot of football, and I do look at him and think how in the f*ck is he gonna carry this on? I need this man to be my leader on the pitch, him going down is a thought I could be doing without. Mark and Bazza go about their day with the objective of going through scouting reports and speaking with the club's scouting team to see who they can dig out. Now between us I know next to no one in San Marino that will come and play here, Andy Selva maybe, he’s probably still banging the goals in for some Sammareese pub team, and even the lure of playing in the Italian leagues third division may not be big enough to tempt some players here. With Brexit being confirmed and The UK, long live the Queen by the way, love ya’ Liz, now officially confirmed as leaving the EU, all players from Britain are classed as non-EU, and the Serie C league rules state in that regard as follows: Teams may not sign any non-EU players from abroad. Teams are permitted to sign up to 2 non-EU players from within Italy. San Marino being included as a non-foreign nation, and can be classed as a home nation. So going back to Scotland and giving some of Bazza’s old team mates a call is a no go for now. In Serie B teams are allowed to sign 1 non-EU player from abroad, which I’m not even thinking about yet. San Marino Calcio being in Serie B seems a million years, if not more, away at the minute. My phone rang, the one Alexa got me on my way into San Marino, and it was an unknown number. The last time I answered an unknown number was when I got offered the Etimesgut job 18 months ago, and I would be getting offered something this time as well, although not a job ‘Hello?’ ‘I hear you’re in the market for some players, wingers specifically?’ ‘Who’s this? Is that you Bazza?’ ‘No, it’s not David’ David, can’t remember the last time anyone, myself included, had called him by his real name. ‘Oh don’t tell me, Bazza has brought Runner Up to San Marino as well has he? That pr*ck takes some f*cking liberties let me tell….’ the man cut me off ‘No, it’s not your friend Simon Ewing’ ‘Huh? How’d you know Runner Ups real name?’ ‘I just do. Listen, the club has made a couple of deals. Mark Jaulk and David Barron are with your scouts, but they don’t need to look for wingers’ ‘Oh right, Pavel, I told you when we signed Anibal I don’t want to accused of tapping up, luckily Tomas Grenisz (the clubs Head Scout) was there to secure the deal before it got out of hand and….’ cut off, again ‘No this isn’t Pavel or Tomas. You need wingers. I’ve arranged for the agent of a current international player that plays on the right and…’ My turn to cut this wide head off ‘No stop it, this isn’t funny. I’m up to my f*cking eyeballs with accusations I can’t be doing with any more bullsh*t thrown my way’ As if he hadn’t heard me he carried on ‘You’ve also noted you want a left winger. Another current international is on his way to you for you to agree terms. You can thank me later’ Click, he hung up. As I tried to get my bearings and reassure myself this was just Bazza and the Doctor, and possibly Runner Up playing a joke on me, there was a knock at the door. ‘Yep’ I said as the door opened ‘Jock, there is man to see you’ it was Antonia the clubs receptionist, who spoke little but ever improving English ‘Erm, thanks. Is he alone?’ She took a minute then said ‘No, he is with another male and seems to be, erm, in a rush’ ‘Send him in I guess’ She let this register then nodded and smiled. As she did, a man much shorter than me walked in and sat down. He had a dark complexion, face covered with freckles and is clearly not European. He looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘nice to meet you finally. You keep dodging my calls, luckily we both have same agent eh’ ‘I don’t have an agent, who are you?’ He just dismissed my comment, turned to the door and said ‘Yannick, hurry up, money is on my mind and time is on my money’. I didn’t correct him. Just then another man walked in, a bit taller than the first man and sat down next to him showing a look that was one part contempt, one part confusion and two parts couldn’t be ar*ed at all. ‘This is Yannick Tewelde, but you already knew that’ ‘Erm, aye corse I did’. I lied ‘He just finished his international duty with Eritrea in Ethiopia and he is hungry for club football’ I resisted the massive urge to make a Live Aid joke, instead going with ‘Righto, erm, so the deal then yeah?’ hoping beyond anything that this guy would take the lead on this meeting I had no idea about until around 45 seconds ago ‘Yes of course. You already offered him 500 Euro a week to play back up to the young man from Cesena, erm that Sever boy’ ‘Severini, yeah he’s played a lot of football and will need to be rotated’ ‘Yannick also needs a rest, Eritrea have played a lot of football too’ Great, I thought he’s not even signed and he’s already wanting a rest. Give me strength! As the meeting went on I let this guy talk and talk while I pretended to write things down on the laptop I had, and found that Eritrea had in fact played 3 games in the last 10 days. Two at home against Kenya & Somalia and the last one away in Ethiopia. I appreciated that the time taken flying from Ethiopia to San Marino by way of Italy probably had worn my new back up winger out. The deal was sealed and as I use Great British Pounds as opposed to Euro when working out deals, he signed an 18 month contract, on the equivalent of £475 a week deal. Naturally left footed, can play both sides I’m quietly happy with whoever arranged this transfer. As the second Yannick in our squad (leading scorer Sanogo’s first name is also Yannick) left the room another meeting took place. Antonia came back in and said ‘another man to see you’ and she guided the next person in. ‘Let me guess, you’ve just finished international duty, you’ve agreed the deal and are here to sign it?’ I said. The other chap smiled and nodded. ‘You’ll be wanting a rest as well I take it?’ Again another nod, but with a wry smile this time ‘Remind your name, I’ve had that many meetings I’m losing track’ ‘Eric Veiga’ ‘Ahh yes, bare with me’ I said as I turned to my laptop and found him. Eric Veiga, right midfielder, had just played 3 games for Luxembourg, two away at Gibraltar & Kosovo and the final one here in San Marino. He’s been released from his contract at Luxembourg side Mondercange (great team name by the way) and has come to sign the deal I apparently already discussed with him. I also note a message on Skype from Tomas Grenisz 4 minutes ago which I missed: Jock, Veiga on his way as discussed. Backup midfielder, same contract as Tewelde. Great guy, loves jazz music, big on religion (Christianity), hates chocolate milkshakes. Favourite drink is lemon tonic water with ice. Go to meal is pasta and pesto with a bit of grated cheese. Muchas gracias A couple of brief meetings in the space of 5 maybe 6 minutes, I knew football management was a whirlwind job at times, but getting 2 new players in without lifting a finger has got to be up there as strange if not ever been done. I don’t know who arranged these deals, I’m a bit nervous to start asking around, it may drop me into some hot water with the feds, so I’ll keep quiet for now. As for our next few games, we’ve got Paganese Calcio next up, in the semi final of the Coppa Italia Lega Pro, basically the lower league cup. Think the Scottish Challenge Cup that Irn Bru sponsors, or the Johnstones Paint Trophy in England. I don’t care what anyone says about it’s prestige, I’m taking this cup seriously, and let the team know in our meeting on the day before the game ‘We’ve got 1 foot in the final already I can feel it. We’ve got a couple of new players to welcome to the team’. I look over at Tewelde and Veiga, who are sat next to Emre and Pavel respectively. ‘They’ve come in and will do a job on our rotation, but that doesn’t mean any of you lot (I point out Emre, Severini, Berardi and Sanogo) can take it easy going forward. We’re still fighting on 2 fronts, this cup which I know we’ve got a chance of getting to the final and winning, and surviving relegation’ == == == == ==

You had me at:

The Journeyman Jock - The day I met The Old Lady’s favoured personnel Despite the recent hounding of the FBI and the Met Police kind of having my back, by the time December came around, I was happy with how we’d done. 13th in the league, there are 20 teams, the bottom placed team goes down, then the 4 above them go into a relegation play off. Teams placed second to tenth go into a promotion play off against other teams in the other 2 groups of this league. Still with me? Good. Starting off strong with back to back wins in the cup that saw us progress, and a so so run of form in the league meant we were above where I genuinely thought we’d be by this point of the season. 1 thing is for sure, we are a threat going forward, it’s just on the defensive end where we lack confidence. I got the scouting team to go on the hunt for another center half, as the 2 we’ve got, Marco Gorzegno (35) & Ivan Knezovic (36) are, in no way do I mean disrespect, but they’re getting on a bit and their pace isn’t what it was. Upon hearing this Pavel Veiria told me he knows someone that we could possibly get in, and he’s interested in the move ‘Isn’t that tapping up tho Pav?’ ‘Oh no no no, it is no tapping if I ask my friend, I mean team mate internationally’ Pavel said, trying to reassure me 'Okay, well I’ll get Mark to make the call’ ‘No need, he is here in San Marino today’ I appreciated the forward thinking but things are going okay for me at the minute, and I do not need to be charged with tapping up to go along with the match fixing allegations I’ve still yet to receive the all clear from. But what’s done is done, and we had a meeting with Anibal at the club, and we ironed out a deal after a quick medical cum trial. A full international of Guinea Bissau, and international team mate of Pavel, Anibal looks a strong player and I’m certain he’ll be a success, if for nothing else he’ll be able to track back and close down quicker than Marco or Ivan. He’s got everything I want in a center half, tall at 6 foot 2, can jump, head and tackle as well as looking so bad he could make onions cry. He’ll be a star in this league I’m certain of it. Before our first game of the new year, I was sat in a cafe in San Marino when I saw a bit of commotion from the staff and the other customers. A man walked in with an air of grace and giving off an aura of I’m better than you. But being a narcissist myself I don’t like seeing or being around other big headed knobs so I turned away and went back to my newspaper, of which I could hardly read. My Italian wasn’t as good as I thought.. The man pulled up a chair beside me, waved to the waitress and said ‘due caffe, per favore, tesoro' In quite possibly a new world record the girl vanished and reappeared with a tray with 2 coffees, some milk and 4 Biscoff biscuits on ‘I recognise you, you arrogant tw*t’ I said taking 1 of the cups ‘I don’t care if you don’t speak English either’ I added. This is good coffee. Best quality I’ve ever had. ‘My Friend Fabio, he owns this shop, really good quality, no?’ This guy said ‘Aye, banging coffee like, bit short on the Peruvian condiments though’ He didn’t bat an eyelid before saying ‘My friend also says you’re a bit of, erm, how the English put, full of yourself? ‘I’m Scottish ya’ c*nt’ 'And you like to swear’ ‘As I said, Scottish. Anyway who in the blue hell are you, I recognise you’ As I said that a young lad, 12 maybe 13 came and spoke in Italian and handed the man a piece of paper which he signed and then took a picture with the boy. ‘I am your opponent tomorrow, my team is Latina, we will be winning the game, I just wanted to see if the rumor about you is true’ ‘What rumor?’ ‘Oh you know, you’re a fraud and you fix matches. I do not mind, I am here to see if you will accept a bribe?’ ‘F*ck you’ ‘Well in that case I will bid you a farewell Jock. I have your friend the Doctors number, maybe he will be more receptive to our offer’ ‘Who are you? Has that Canadian Yank pr*ck from the FBI sent you? And before he could answer Mark Jaulk, my assistant had come into the cafe and said ‘that is Ciro Ferrara, world class player in his day’ then turned to Ciro and said ‘but I think you’re not so much a great manager as you were a player’ ‘Bloody hell, yeah that’s how I reognise this pr*ck from. What’s up chico you can’t cut it as a manager so you’re making bribes eh?’ He just smiled and walked out the cafe, the gaggle of adoring young Sammarinese people following him out the door. ‘We play his team, Latina tomorrow. What did he say?’ ‘Something about bribes and he’s going to ring the Doctor, don’t worry about it, it’s nothing, he’s just trying to play mind games’ We played Latina the next day and the game will go down as one of Serie C’s, if not all of Italian footballs finest. In my humbled opinion we matched them all over the pitch, and it ended 8-6 to them. I wasn’t even mad, every player for us put their best effort in and left it all out there on the pitch. Before the match I strategically stayed in the dressing room to avoid shaking Ciro Ferrera’s hand, but at full time I walked over to him in the away dugout and before I could say anything he said ‘glad you did not take the bribe my friend’ to which I said ‘that’s not me and you know it. Tell whoever’s pocket you’re in I’ll never take a bribe. Prostitute’s and class A’s every day, but fixing games in the sport of kings just isn’t me’. He looked down his nose at me and said ‘pity, we’ll see each other again’ and left the dugout. I shook every players hand from both teams as they left the pitch. What a game, I’m exhausted just watching it never mind being involved. == == == == ==

Thanks both, appreciate it

The Journeyman Jock - Notes on the investigation Friday November 24 2018 Time 11:15 Interview via Skype. Subject - Operation Rolling Thunder. Person of interest in this meeting - Joseph Mark McGhee junior aka Jock Status - classified / only viewable by authorisation from Associate Deputy Director (or higher rank) Attending officers representing the Federal Bureau of Investigation, abbr. FBI - Lance Field (Special Agent in charge of the investigation), Hunter Smith (Special Agent, second in command of the investigation) & Marshall James (Associate Deputy Director) Attending officers attending from The Metropolitan Police (UK) - Derek Payne (Police Chief) Attending officers from The Italian Football Association (FA), locally known as Federazione Italiana Giuoco Calcio - Roberto Fabbricini Attending as legal counsel representing Mister Joseph McGhee - Wilson Barnes (Solicitor) Notes as follows. Submitted officially by SA Field November 24 at 18:09. Mister McGhee is aware of the following criminal activities he is suspected of, in no particular order: Item 1 - Suspicion of fixing football matches in Turkey by way of bribes, asking players to take dives, purposely let in goals etc. Item 2 - Linked to and / or involved in bribing members of Turkey’s political parties for his own and associates monetary gain Item 3 - Distribution of narcotics, performance enhancing drugs (PED) and opioid painkillers to professional athletes, most notably footballers in Turkey and possibly Greece. Item 4 - Perverting the course of justice by intentionally misleading the FBI during 2 voluntary interviews in February 2018. Item 5 - 1 of 3 new charges added to the investigation as of 11 June 2018. Evading local police in Turkey by way of illegally leaving the country Item 6 - 2 of 3 new charges added to the investigation as of 11 June 2018. Resisting arrest of the FBI in Turkey by way of illegally leaving the country Item 7 - 3 of 3 new charges added to the investigation as of 11 June 2018. Entering Bulgaria using a stolen vehicle. This coincides with the Bulgarian police’s investigation relating to many stolen water vehicles. No charges from them on this thus far, however their investigation is ongoing and they have cooperated fully. Charges expected once proven Mister McGhee had used a stolen vehicle. Item 8 - 4 of 5 new charges added to the investigation as of 11 June 2018. Illegally entering and exiting Bulgaria, Hungary and Austria in that order. Item 9 - 5 of 5 new charges added to the investigation from 11 June 2018. Follows from item 8, as newly acquired information obtained. Purchasing with intent to supply class A narcotics in the aforementioned 3 nations Item 10 - New charge pending investigation - Possibly entering Italy illegally Item 11 - New charge pending investigation - Possession of illegal passport and / or visa Comments from Mister McGhee and his counsel during the November 24 call as below, listed in order of item as above: Wilson Barnes confirms for the record that Mister McGhee is not under arrest and attending this call of his own will, and under no duress or pressure from any authorities attending the call or otherwise. Mister McGhee responds - f*cking right I am. Mister Barnes also confirms for the record that Mister McGhee is attending to show he is being cooperative Item 1 - SA Field shares screens and shows documents pertaining to football match fixing. 11 Etimesgut matches, during Mister McGhee’s time at the club are confirmed to be fixed in some way. in those 11 games Etimesgut didn’t lose in any, winning 9 of the 11. Mister McGhee comments - I won’t no comment here, I’ve done nout wrong and yous all know it. I’m [inaudible] not dropping anyone in it, but 3 of those [inaudible] games you shown are back to back to back in the league, Aktay hat trick in the first, Emre brace in the second and Emre & Aktay dominating the third. If you bothered to see we went on a horrid 8 game streak with no wins after that which coincided with our first choice full backs being injured and Aktay being out. Mister Barnes tells Mister McGhee he doesn't need to get into specifics and to keep in mind what they spoke about prior to joining the call. Mister McGhee responds with - Righto me old fruit. Item 2 - Wilson Barnes - My client has stressed on the record to you, and to me privately that he has nothing to do with anything pertaining to illegal activity regarding political parties in Turkey, or any other country. SA Field asks Mister McGhee to confirm again for the record why he was seen leaving at least 3 parties arranged by members of Turkey for the People (semi right wing political party) as well as having correspondence from members of said party on his person. Mister McGhee - It’s not against the law to have friends and go to any party you’re invited to. SA Smith - No but being in possession of narcotics is, which brings us to item 3 Item 3 - Mister McGhee again denies the charge of intent to supply - F*ck that, why would I sell Molly to anyone? And you’ve never arrested me so how do you know I was in possession of anything to sell? SA Field - Your accommodation, which had it’s costs covered by your previous employers was searched and a number of narcotics recovered. Mister Barnes - I am directing this straight to Marshall James, at no point during this investigation has a warrant been issued to my client to search his premises, nor has one been given to Erdan Yilmiz, the owner of that property. No charges for possession have been brought and no mention of this search has been made until now. I implore you to drop this charge otherwise we will be counter charging for illegally accessing my clients private home without proper authorisation. Mister McGhee - Yeah put that in ya pipe and smoke it you [inaudible] snot gobblers. Mister Barnes - Calm down Jock. Mister McGhee - Sound. Items 4 through 6 - On advice from counsel Mister McGhee denied to comment on these new charges. Mister Barnes confirmed until solid evidence is presented that his client lied to police or perverted the course of justice there will be no comment on these items. SA Smith confirmed that the FBI are in the process of collating this evidence to present to Mister McGhee, and it contains a number of witness statements, phone call logs and CCTV of Mister McGhee’s evading authorities. Mister McGhee flipped the middle finger into the camera. Items 7 & 8 - Same situation as items 4 through 6. Mister McGhee denied entering Bulgaria, Hungary and Austria illegally but refrained from producing his passport or confirming he had entered customs at any of the 3 aforementioned countries. As for producing evidence, SA Smith confirmed that on advice from the FBI, local customs officers and police in the 3 countries had reviewed inbound flights from Turkey, as well as CCTV at airports in each country and confirmed Mister McGhee wasn’t present on any. Mister McGhee - what if I went in by train d*ckheads. Mister Barnes - As your counsel I am advising you not to comment until any solid evidence is produced that demands you do comment. Item 9 - Mister McGhee allowed Mister Barnes to comment, stating - As with your item 3 this charge has no evidence to support it. My client strongly denies distributing narcotics in Turkey, and you seem to have added this charge as he has passed through, legally I might add, the 3 countries in question. Items 10 & 11 - Mister McGhee confirms he has entered Italy legally, although refuses to confirm which airport, sea port or border crossing he used. He states his passport, issued in Scotland, is valid and legal. Mister Barnes also commented - San Marino FC have done their due diligence and confirmed my client has the right to work in and reside in San Marino on a work visa, application still pending but the club have confirmed there won’t be any issues with that. SA Smith makes a note of the visa application and states for the record - should the application for residence in San Marino be denied for any reason Mister football manager, I want you to know that that will be grounds for your extradition, by force if necessary, back to Turkey. Mister McGhee refuses to comment. Derek Payne of the Metropolitan Police also confirmed for the record - As a British citizen should the visa be rejected for any reason, Mister McGhee would need to either get himself back to The UK or another country where legal residence would be permitted. If not and he is to stay somewhere illegally then the British government will be obliged to extradite Mister McGhee back to Britain. However should any of the charges this call relates to prove true, and if the FBI have any solid evidence, so far all you have produced to me is circumstantial, then we would fully support extradition to Turkey for questioning and charges by the law there. Mister Barnes confirms they are ending their participation there, on the back of Mister Payne saying the evidence is circumstantial. SA Smith ends the call. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Confidential information 2 Subject - Reaching out / catching up Dear Joseph, I hope this email finds you well, and that you still have access to it. I had typed out this letter in physical form to mail to you, but I have no fixed address for you so I am sending this correspondence by email. I have spoken to Erdan Yilmiz, chairman of Etimesgut FC in Ankara, who told me you’ve resigned and mentioned something about Nepal. I had briefly spoken to a press officer from the Turkish Football Association who advised I look at the San Marino web page, that was all she said regarding your employment, but was quite brutal in her opinion of you as a person, things I won’t repeat on this mail. After a bit of digging I happened upon the Italian FA’s Twitter page and subsequent links to their Serie C webpage, and found that you’ve taken on the role of head coach at San Marino Calcio FC, congratulations on the new job. I hope everything goes, and is going well there for you. This correspondence relates to the ongoing Federal Bureau of Investigation (printed as FBI from here on) probe into match fixing, I’m sure you’ve not forgotten about it. I have had a meeting with the chairman of the Turkish Football Association (printed as FA from here on), as well as speaking directly to the chairman of the Scottish FA, Ian Maxwell. During both conversations I made them aware of your innocence and under Great British law and legal aid act, I am to represent you should anything further come of it. Mr Maxwell agreed that as a British citizen you are covered by legal aid, and that should you be taken into custody relating to this ongoing match fixing investigation by the FBI, Turkish police or otherwise, extradition to the UK would be prioritsed. He did point out that your name has been mentioned in various circles around the British FA, particularly in Northern Ireland, where you’re blacklisted. Can you shed any light on this for me? Does it have anything to do with the match fixing case the FBI are looking into? If so I will need the details. As for the Turkish FA chairman, he praised your work at Etimesgut despite the allegations of match fixing, but did concede you seemed like a good manager. He also said that as the investigation is ongoing he wouldn’t comment further on that, and that if you were ever to be employed in Turkey again then you would be subject to Turkish law, which I agreed you would abide by. He did say he was informed by the Turkish Police that they would only pursue anything if advised to do so by the FBI. Speaking of the FBI, I have also been invited to a Skype meeting with the investigating officers, namely Lance Field and Hunter Smith and their superior, Associate Deputy Director Marshall James, as well as an officer from the Italian FA, whose name hasn’t been confirmed yet, and the Metropolitan Police Chief Derek Payne. As your advocate I highly recommend you join the call as I do not know what the reason for this is, or if any new evidence that may implicate you has come up. The date for this call is Friday November 23rd at 11:15. Please reply at the earliest convenience, and confirm if you are able to attend the call on the 23rd. Regards, Wilson Barnes. P.S I’m sure you already know but Motherwell winning the cup must’ve put a smile on your face. == == == == == Re: Reaching out / catching up Dear Wilson How goes it my old mate? I’m happy you emailed, means a lot. Firstly, yeah I sure do know we smashed the dog nonces in the cup, about bloody time we won something, not to mention knocking those Auld Firm tw*ts right off their f*cking perch eh! Second, I didn’t go to Nepal, wish I did, Erdan had told the players that story when I was forced to quit Etimesgut. He said I went with a few hookers and some Molly to go live in the mountains, would be ace that!! My mate Alexa, some guy called Hermes and a Bulgarian fella brought me to San Marino where I took this job. My pal The Doctor reckons he knows a canny bit about EU law and that as long as I’m in an EU country I can’t be kidnapped by the d*cks at the FBI and tortured into giving myself up, please confirm if this is true. I did not, repeat did not fix matches in Turkey. If I did surely we would’ve won the league and not stuffed it in the play offs?? Thirdly ignore whatever that pr*ck Trevor Best says. I did not, repeat again DID NOT sleep with his daughter, in fact we were up all night! I wasn’t even in the warehouse when his car bonnet was stolen, I just took the bill on the chin, I’m a nice guy. Lastly, what’s this about the Italian FA getting involved got to do with anything? I’m not trying to p*ss Italian people or anyone in San Marino off yet I’ve only just got here, no matches have been fixed, at least to my knowledge, and the Met Police gadgie what has he got to do with anything? Glad the Scottish boy’s got my back though. Also yes I will attend the Skype call, I will install the app on my phone. Your friend, Jock. P.S that press officer chick, did you get her number? I hung out with her a few times last year, and all I will say is she could suck a marble through a straw that 1, top tier mouth work on her. Sent from my iPhone 10 == == == == == Re: Re: Reaching out / catching up Hello Jock. Thank you for your reply. I am glad to hear you’re fine and doing well in San Marino. A word of advice however. I’m sure the people at San Marino Calcio have mentioned this and the Italian football league have standards and practices officers in place, but until I get your name cleared I would advise you tone down your posts on Twitter. The reason for this that it could go against you and give your character a bad perception. I am specifically relating to a series of tweets by you regarding Motherwell FC and some recent results in which you posted: Love to see the Steelmen absolutely [expletives removed] the sister [expletives removed] webbed toed knuckle draggin’ [expletive removed] Weegies #thewell #motherwellfc #[expletive removed]rangers[expletive removed] #steverobinsonisnumberone Also the tweet regarding center forward Che Adams after his 4 goals against Falkirk in the FA Cup: @CheAdams_ is the best [expletive removed] striker in the [expletives removed] world and anyone that disagrees with me is an [expletive removed] from [expletive removed] and a complete [expletives removed] that [expletives removed] and I will fight to the [expletive removed] death #iloveyouche #chechechebaby As well as the tweet relating to the Motherwell / Celtic game: Everyone loves seeing the [expletives removed] at [expletive removed] Celtic getting [expletives removed] by the Steve Robbo army and the boys from Motherwell. Just a shame the [expletive removed] at the [expletive removed] SPL keep stopping us from progressing #steelmen #wewillnotbestopped #motherwellornothing I won’t copy the tweet you shared regarding the Pope, Neil Lennon and Michael Jacksons white glove, but I am sure you know which one I am referring to. Please try and keep as low a profile as possible Jock. Everything we can do to keep your character in a positive light we must do it. Onto the investigation itself, and Special Agent Field has confirmed they do have more evidence, and the call is to outline this in preparation of a formal arrest. I do not know what evidence this may or may not be, so I implore you to think what you have done, or said, and to who you may have been in contact with since leaving Turkey in May. As your advocate I advise you to prepare yourself for bad news, and anything other than bad news we can take as a positive. Lastly I would just like to say I have seen your recent results at San Marino, and think you’re doing well. 7 wins and mid table for a promoted team is nothing to shy at. Keep up the good (legal) work. I will ring you on Skype at 10:30 on the 24th before we both join the call at 11:15. Take care, speak soon == == == == == Re: Re: Re: Reaching out / catching up Now Wilson me old fruit. Thanks muchly for the kind words regarding my incredible team here at San Marino. I held a team meeting with the lads after our incredible 2-1 home win over Alto Adige, where Emre scored a worldie of a tap in and my main man Sanogo scored a right diving header, proper Roy of the Rovers stuff it was. In the meeting I told the boys of your kind words and it pretty much did my team talk for me. It doesn’t matter that we’ve eaten back to back losses in the league, we’re still in the cup and just thumped Monopoli 3-0, not the board game, the club in Italy. I’m not aware of anyone here at the club that deals with things like tweets or procedures, but I take your advice on board, and will stop tweeting the truth about the Auld Firm, as well as toning down on the strong words I tend to use, I am Scottish remember, profanities and questionable language is a way of life for us. As for that wee sh*te Lance Field there’s nout I’ve done that he can hold against me or my pal The Doctor am sure of it. They had nothing concrete in Turkey and will have even less now. See ya, speak next week. Sent from my iPhone 10 == == == == ==

THIS!!!!

The Journeyman Jock - If you’re going to San Marino, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair We were sat in a small tavern in what is the town center of San Marino’s capital, also named San Marino, known as Citta locally. I’ve been here a couple of weeks now and you know what, I’ve not actually taken the time to appreciate it’s beauty. All I’ve done is stare at Bazza to make sure he’s not doing anything stupid, while trying and mostly failing to keep an eye on the Doctor to make sure he doesn’t do something even more stupid than anything Baz can do like try and rig football matches, or what was the other charge the FBI said? Oh yeah, distribute narcotics and people around. He seems happy enough though and has kept out of trouble, and he’s made a few friends in the small country. As well as that for the most part I’ve been sat with the laptop, a pen, a note pad and copious amounts of coffee trying to scheme and figure out a way of not embarrassing myself and the club this season. I need a rest, and I’ve only been 2 bloody weeks!! Pre season is just about done, we’ve got 1 more friendly match, against La Fiorita, the San Marino league champions, a league my San Marino team aren't in. I looked at things to do while I’m here, there’s a bunch of old castles to visit, a big ass mountain to climb, plenty of eateries serving authentic Italian food, a couple of night clubs and surprisingly, a chess club. Bazza found that one. He tells me this last year while he’d been injured and not in the Stranraer team he’d been hammering the gear, and him and our mate Runner Up, called so because he’s been a welterweight boxer since he was about 12, and every fight he’s had, bar 1 against a lad who’s blind in 1 eye, he’s been the runner up in, they’d been sniffing powder and eating pills for nights on end while playing chess. Runner Up apparently wins more games of chess than he does prize fights. I’ve got Mark Jauk my assistant with me, as well as The Doctor, who keeps popping up and disappearing at an alarming rate, as well as a couple of folders on things such as team reports and transfer targets ‘We need a central midfielder, we’ve only got 2 natural in the position’ Mark said ‘I’m on that, Baz has called a guy I know in Ireland, and remember this club has got an affiliation with Cesena, I’ve got a call booked in with their gaffer this aft to discuss loaning someone in’ ‘A forward would be good also, only Di Curzio in the team, and he won’t be able to carry the goal scoring burden’ I just nodded in agreement. As he stopped speaking I went and ordered 2 more pints of cheap Italian beer, and took a look around the cozy pub I was in. The place had a couple of San Marino shirts on the wall, a picture of Andy Selva taking most of another, some pictures of what looks like some Mafia Wiseguy types, but the barmaid was the clear attraction in this place. Tall for a woman, about 5 foot 9 maybe 5' 10'' I’d guess, long black hair, blue eyes to go with a nice smile and a chest that demands your attention. ‘Now Jack, been climbing any beanstalks recently?' Bazza said to me as he strolled in and sat down next to Mark ‘Jack’? Mark, my assistant asked ‘Don’t ask’ I replied and let Bazza continue ‘Anyway the Turks on board, the whopper that replaced you at Etimesgut released him from his contract, so he pretty much jumped at the chance of joining us’ Emrre Ozturk, my vice captain at Etimesgut, and scorer of 18 goals in all competitions and provider of 20 assists, joins me in San Marino. He’ll maybe not be vice captain for me again, but his experience will be vital to our ongoing survival battle this season ‘Spoke to the yip at Ballyclare, turns out your mate Pavel was on a non contract there as well, but they were paying him more per appearance than you were at Bangor. Anyway he’s said he’s happy to join the club as well. I’ve told him you’ll have him as a rotation, hope that’s alright mate’ ‘Aye no bother Baz, I wanted Pavel and Emre to both be starters anyway, I need people I can rely on’ Pavel Veiria, easily the best player I had in our 6 months together at Bangor, before he jumped ship to Ballyclare and won the cup. He was their player of the year last season, grabbing 19 assists and 12 goals. Okay so it’s standard is probably on par with an under 12’s reserve league, but I’m confident Pavel will come in and help us out this season. ‘Oh and one last thing, the agent you spoke to in Poland, he’s got back to us, and that forward from Lego, Legoia, Legion Warsaw, I can’t remember the name, he’s signed and on his way in too’ ‘What agent from Poland?’ I asked ‘It’ll be Legia Warsaw David’ Mark replied ‘What bloody agent?’ I demanded again ‘I dunno Jock, you’re the one with the contacts, he just rang the clubs phone in the office, I answered and he said the deal to send Vamara, that’s Sanogo’s first name, has been done and he’ll be a the club in 2 days, we just to find him some digs’ Vamara Sanogo, never heard of him and I’d never spoke to any agent about him either. But the chairman confirmed the deal, which I signed off apparently, has been done. 47 thousand Euro the transfer fee, the only transfer fee I’ve spent so far in my career and I knew nothing about it! Leaving the rest of my backroom team to concentrate on training, I had a call with the manger of Cesena, a team that has an affiliation with us, and we’d agreed to loan in Mirco Severini, an attacking midfielder, for the season. 21 and confident in a number of positions, I’ve seen the scouting reports on him and he looks decent, well decent compared to the rest of the San Marino players. As with the rest of the players, I tell young Mirco that this season is all about having a go. Having a go at staying up, having a go in the Coppa Italia Lega Pro, the lower league cup competition we’re a part of. We’ve been drawn in Group D alongside Carrarse and Pro Piacenzo. Not knowing any teams here could be an advantage to me, or not. Like the country we’re in, we’re expected to be the whipping boys in every game we’re in, but with a bit of hard graft, confidence if or when we go down, we might surprise some people. My reputation can’t get tarnished any more than it already has, so if we stay up it might just be the first step to getting my career back on track. Or we might stuff it spectacularly and I’ll just pack it in and go back to Scotland and get some sh*tty job and live out my days as a failed player and even more of a failed manager. == == == == ==

Alright mate!! I was on Neo the other day and thought about you, hope you're well!

Get in, promoted!! Well done

The Journeyman Jock - This isn’t the great FM San Marino challenge I was given the objective from Stefano de Luca, the San Marino Calcio chairman ‘I need you to survive, by any means necessary’. I asked him what means those were, and he said ‘oh anything, and I mean ANYTHING (he emphasized this word), just like you did in Turkey’. I assume he was alluding to the match fixing scandal that I didn't have anything to do with. Also as an aside, not that I’m playing a video game that may or may not have a scripted match engine, but I need to point out that at no point from being told 2 days ago that I’m the new manager of this club until now have I decided that this is now going to be the great San Marino challenge. I’m just happy to be in a job, and a job that there’s not much pressure to succeed in. Plus I don’t know who’s worse, the standard of manager in me, or the standard of players this country generates in the youth intake. Again, not that I’m playing any computer game. Also another aside, I’ve still not had any chance to implement the Moneyball idea that started me on this managerial journey, but if there’s 1 place in the world of football that I should be able to do that, it’s gotta be San Marino right? San Marino, as a nation of people as well as a footballing nation, just seems to be happy to be there. I mean, it’s like this little village that’s been plopped randomly into a nondescript spot in Italy, near the coast and a bus ride away from Florence. Side note, I’m going to go to Florence and watch Fiorentina play when time allows. Last season the idiots got relegated to Serie B. Plus their home kits have always been nice, I had 1 with Batistuta on the back once, what a player he was. The nation is known as the whipping boys of Europe so I’m expecting the football team, which plays in the Italian league pyramid, think Cardiff and Swansea in England, to be the same. But with that in mind, I felt coming here would be good for me on 2 counts. The first being if we get d*cked every week it won’t matter, because San Marino and sh*t football go hand in hand and we’ll be expected to get smashed more than an Edinburgh prostitute on a weekend. If by some miracle of God, who by the way is quite popular round here, we manage to win some games and stay up, I’ll be heralded as a mastermind tactician and I’ll have overachieved and any pre-existing thoughts of match fixing will be forgotten. Win win all round, hopefully. I felt to really give me and the club the best chance of survival, illegal activities on and off the pitch be damned, that I would need people I can rely on, that are somewhat knowledgeable in football and are cut out for it, which immediately rules the Doctor out, despite his protests. So I used the new phone Alex sent me to ring my old assistant in Turkey, Mark Jauk ‘Now lad, it’s Jock, you got a few minutes’ ‘You stinky no good poker cheating low life scum ball’ ‘I see your English has improved’ ‘Funk you and your money stealing ways’ ‘I don’t really know what to say’ 'Ahh is fine Jock, I’m just breaking your balls’ ‘It’s called busting, but anyway how's it been at the club since I left?’ ‘Terrible. The owner told us you left him a note to pass on to the rest of us saying thanks lads for the memories, and that you hired 2 high class hookers, bought a bag of blow and got a plane to Nepal to live in the mountains there, I didn’t believe it at first but then I thought that is s omething you’d probably do’ Couldn’t argue, sounds like a good thing to do to be fair. He continued ‘The owner brought a new guy in, some hump from South Korea, he sacked all the staff apart from 1 scout, some punk kid I never met, he stripped Ummy of the captaincy and said he wants nothing to remain of your ill fated spell that has brought shame and dishonour to the club and to Turkish football’ ‘Sh*t, well look I had noth….’ he cut me off ‘Oh I know you didn’t, I was approached by some dweebs wearing 3 piece suits and headsets about leaking team informations and asking players to take dives and so on, but I never obliged and I don’t think you would either’ So Mark was approached, I wonder if he was ever interviewed by the FBI? I’d ask another time. ‘Oh right, erm, not really sure what to say, other than I’ve got a new gig lined up, if you’re interested?’ ‘Oh Jock my friend, I’m on a train into Vienna to accept a job as under 18’s manager at Sturm Graz, what job you have for me?’ ‘Well I was gonna ask you to be my assistant again’ An awkward silence on the phone, I swear I could hear the cogs turning in his head ‘F*ck the under 18’s, I’m with you, where’s the job?’ ‘Mark, please under no circumstances say that out loud again, I’m already wanted by the police, I don’t want be labelled a fiddler as well as a fraud’ I let the moment hang before saying ‘I’ll text you the details’ As that call ended, the Doctor just popped up out of nowhere like a wild Pokemon in the room I was in at the San Marino Stadium and said ‘remember that night in the van, we were in Sofia, the place not the prozzy, and I said about Bazza needing a job?’ ‘No’ ‘Corse you do, I told you that Bazza had been in touch, he’d ripped his foot on a barb wired fence and had to retire, but Stranraer said because of his disciplinary record and his tendency to not turn up to games and training that they couldn’t keep him on the coaching staff’ ‘You’ve literally never said any of that to me, until now. Anyway how the f*ck has Bazza managed to get in touch with you? And not me for that matter?!?’ ‘Behave man, you said yeah once we’re sorted with a new job Baz can have a job as a coach’ ‘Mate you’re tripping, I’ve never said that’ ‘But hypno thetically, if he was available would you hire him?’ I couldn’t be bothered with the Doctors antics at the minute, and I hadn’t spoke to Baz for about 5 weeks, and even then it was on XBOX live while we were playing Fifa, I beat him 6-2, and I thought no way Bazza has been in touch, we’ve got new phones for a start, so I just said ‘it’s hypothetically, but if Bazza has retired and he wanted to come all the way out here, to San Marino then yes, he can work on my staff’ The Doctor got up, smiling and opened the door and said ‘here lad I told you he’d take you on, he’s had me tagging along for 2 years’ and as he finished talking another figure walked into the room wearing a Rangers shirt, a white bandana and a pair of Speedo’s with the S worn out and rubbed off I shook my head and said ‘For f*ck sake. First of all take that sh*t off right now Baz!’ and watched as 1 of my oldest friends in the world took his Speedo’s off, letting his Winston hang out and his smile stretching across his full face ‘bit of a weird request, but as you’re my new boss I oblige’ he said before we embraced with a hug. David Barron, 2 years my junior and someone I’d known since I was about 9, had had a so-so playing career in Scotland never really making it to the top leagues, content with playing League One at the highest. He told me his achilles is done and he needs surgery on it, and that his playing career is over at the age of 30. Sad times. ‘What’s all this about you sneaking across Europe running away from the pigs?’ ‘That’s not exactly true, I’m running from the FBI not the police’ ‘Woooooooow what the f*ck have you done this time?!’ ‘Nothing, literally nothing, it wasn’t me’ Baz turned and looked at the Doctor ‘and it wasn’t him either, for once’ I said ‘Right, whatever I don’t care. I’m here to get p*ssed, sniff some Italian Molly and f*ck anything with a pair of t*ts and a heartbeat, although the heartbeat is optional. Shall we find a boozer then lads?' And we left the hotel in Milan and made our way down to a pub on the high street. During the next couple of hours we talked strategy, tactics and plans for the season, and it was nice to finally speak to someone logically about football and with someone who has experience in it, not just watching it like the Doctor. Despite Bazza knocking back pints of Perrotti like it was going out of fashion and the Doctor supplying more and more powder, pills and spirits we got a good deal sorted out. I told him I’ve briefly met the players but I do have control over transfers, and from my last 2 clubs there’s 2 players I’d love to speak to about coming over ‘Gimme the numbers I’ll call them’ Baz said ‘It’ll look better coming form me’ I said ‘Nah, listen if anyone’s tapping calls coming from here they’ll get you, let me ring them. Plus if you ring Ballyclare and their gaffers cush with that Irish pr*ck from Bangor you’ll never get to speak to Pavel will ya’ he had a point actually, he continued ‘also I’ll ring this Mark lad the new assistant, he’ll have the Turks number won’t he, we can let him talk to him about coming in’ To say I was impressed with Bazza’s professionalism would be an understatement. He’s really taken on the role of first team coach much more than I thought he would. He’s always been a bit of a liability at best, so to see him embracing his forced retirement is great, and it’s something I didn’t really know I needed until now. San Marino, under Jock McGhee, Mark Jauk and my mate Bazza fresh off the back of being investigated by the FBI, are going places, I know it. == == == == ==

Rab Douglas. Now there's a name I've not seen in time!!

The Journeyman Jock - Three is the magic number ‘For the sake of the tape please can you confirm your name?’ ‘Just call me smacktalker Skywalker, bada bing bada boom I’m the realest guy in the room’ ‘And how do you know Joseph?’ ‘Joseph? Like Mary, Jesus and Joseph?’ ‘Joseph Mc…, Jock you call him’ ‘Oh that square, erm, dunno, think I bumped into him when I got here few months ago, seems like a nice guy’ ‘You know fine well you’ve known him most of your life, spill on that’ ‘Well if you think that why you asking me? Hey wait a minute, I know this routine, you’re asking me questions you’ve already got answers to and then if I say something different you’re gonna implicate me in the murder’ ‘What murder? ‘Ahh see, there it is. What murder exactly hahaha’ ‘You do realise, or at least you have comprehended that you’re being questioned in relation to a number of serious offences?’ ‘Yeah mate sure do, I’ve got a serious case of the heeby jeebies’ ‘I’m obliged to tell you that the case we’re building against you and your friends is gonna see you in prison for a long time, but you can help yourself by helping us’ ‘Yeah whatever’ ‘Let me get to the real reason you’re here today Mister Robson. You’ve been involved in trafficking narcotics into and around Ankara. As well as that you’ve been involved in match fixing football games, most notably games involving Besiktas and Etimesgut. Oh and let’s not forget the extortion and bribery you’re partial to, whilst in cahoots with the Turkey for the People political party. Spill it’ ‘I’ll spill nothing. A spilt drink is like a broken heart’ ‘You had the chance to cooperate with us but it seems as though you’re dead set on being unhelpful. I have to ask you, how did you come into contact with members of the Turkey for the People political party?’ ‘No idea who that is’ ‘What about on the night of January 1st, you were seen leaving a house on the outskirts of Ankara with a lady half your height, you were wearing a Scotland flag around your waist and a clown mask, the lady you were with happened to be wearing less, as in nothing. Tell me about that’ How do you know it was me if the person was wearing a mask?’ 'The Spongebob Squarepants tattoo on your back, the one that takes up your full back which is exactly the same as the one the person had leaving at that time’ ‘Spongebobs a popular guy, loads of people have tattoos of him’ ‘I doubt that, but okay, what about the tattoo on your left leg of Ronald McDonald and a Burger King Whopper meal, or the one on your right leg of Papa Smurf gardening a field of marijuana leaves, both of which were on the person seen leaving the house? ‘Another case of popular tattoos mate’ The Doctor turned the tape off and said ‘loads of bullsh*t really, I didn’t drop you in anything trust me’ ‘I wouldn't trust your corpse to take a punch’ a lie but a joke, I trust this man with my life ‘What did they say when you got up and left?’ ‘Something about getting a warrant from the court then coming to get me. Lucky we got out of Turkey when we did, that politician broad came good didn't she’ ‘Yeah she actually did. She’s put me in touch with a guy, apparently he’s got me a job’ Before my friend could say anything else, I told him we’ve got to do everything we can to keep our heads down and wait for this case to blow over. I was under no illusions that it would blow off quietly, but I’ve done nothing wrong, well nothing wrong in terms of fixing matches anyway. ‘Don’t be such a saint, live life to fullest man’ ‘That’s easy for you to say, you’re not a football manager that’s stuffed 2 jobs in 2 years in 2 different f*cking countries!’ I settled down on the sofa in the hotel room in Milan, put on by Alexa, all I was told I had to do was wait for a call, which didn’t take long. I answered ‘It’s me, how you feeling?’ she said, compassion clear in her tone ‘Like sh*t, like a f*cking illegal immigrant’ ‘Don’t worry, as long as you stay in the EU you’re safe, well as safe as you’re going to be. It’ll take a hell of a lot for the British government to sanction an extradition, and based on the evidence the FBI have got, it’s circumstantial at best’ ‘Yet I’m backtracking across Europe…’ she cut me off ‘Don’t worry. I’ve told you about the job already lined up’ ‘A wise man once told me that if something seems too good to be true then it usually is’ ‘This isn’t too good to be true, one of the contacts we have in Milan is a football agent, he’s got contacts all over the world in football. He’s been able to put your name out there and he'll represent you, so any fallback from this slander campaign against you will be irrelevant’ I’ve got no other choice really. I’m stuck in a hotel in 1 of the less posher areas of Milan, with my oldest friend in the world, who somehow keeps finding dealers with gear and booze in all the places we’ve been to, and god knows where his money is coming from, I swear he’s not worked a day in his life. The more I think about it the worse it gets, and my headache just keeps coming and going. The Doctor tells me it’s the comedown from the acid and coke we’ve been taking the last few days. I say it’s the f*cking stress he’s put me under! Which football club owner or chairman is gonna take on an out of work manager, that’s stuffed it at the last 2 jobs he’s been at? Not to mention one that’s been implicated in a high profile match fixing scandal that’s been going on?’ ‘One at a club that’s either going nowhere or is too irrelevant to have much of a choice’ the Doctor said ‘How did you know what I was thinking?’ ‘I know you like the back of my hand. Plus I spoke to the agent’ ‘What? When?’ ‘Earlier. We’ve got 2 days here in Milan then we’re off on a train down to San Marino’ ‘San Marino? Aren’t they the worst football country in the world?’ ‘Yeah, they’ve got a team in the Italian league though, you’re the new manager’ ‘Shut up you can’t be serious’ ‘I am, they’re expected to finish bottom of Serie C, that’s the third division. Like I said, too irrelevant to be picky about who their manager is’ ‘What happened to the last manager?’ ‘No one knows, he just disappeared’ ‘Great’ And that was how I became the new manager of the newly promoted San Marino Calcio, another third division club, in my third country in three years. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Summer 2018 10/06/18 - I hang up the phone and hastily throw things into my Nike gym bag. 1 pair of boxer shorts, 2 pairs of shorts (Adidas and Reebok), last seasons Motherwell away shirt, this seasons Etimesgut home shirt (Aktay 37 on the back), my phone charger, headphones (wired ones off ebay), a cup sans handle, 2 cans of Carlsberg Export and 1 can of Red Bull. I get a taxi from the off licence down the road where The Doctor has bought 3 bags worth of ale. We arrived at a bus depot in Istanbul about 3 hours later, and are greeted by a guy called Hermes, like the delivery company. We get a bite to eat and then we’re sat in the back of a white transit van as it proceeds up to the coast. 11/06 - At some time after midnight we’re on a boat, quite a big one to be fair, had a few glasses of wine and some food, some Turkish paella with gyros and some yoghurts. I managed to get a shower by the time we ported in a place called Burgas in Bulgaria. We then got off the boat and found another van, this one black, and sat in the back of it playing cards and drinking the cans of cheap beer we picked up before leaving Ankara, and roughly 4 hours later we made it to an industrial estate somewhere in Sofia.The Doctor hadn’t slept in over 72 hours, so he says, and continues railing lines of powder. I’m too stressed to take anything illegal, I’m already worried up to my eyeballs and I do not need any narcotic infused paranoia as well. 12/06 - I slept in the van overnight while Hermes and his contact got things sorted for us in the Bulgarian capital. The doctor had been sat playing patience on his own with the pack of cards all night. I checked a paper I picked up outside the port and saw that the World Cup predictions were officially up, the mighty Tartan Army drawn in Group B with favourites Brazil, as well as Egypt and Japan. I said we’d have to find somewhere that’ll be showing the games. The Doctor yelled TARTAN ARMY to no one in particular. He’s not even Scottish. Gareth Southgate makes some weird decisions with his England squad and keeps his friends close at the forefront of his selection. Harry Kane (18 league goals, 5 cup) and Marcus Rashford (10 goals, 1 cup) are 2 of 3 forwards, scoring a combined 34 all season, despite Callum Wilson of lowly Bournemouth who finished sixth, the Premier Leagues top scorer with 29 not making the team. The other forward is Daniel Sturridge, 8 goals for Liverpool whilst playing in only 23 matches in a forgettable season. Jack Butland, Fraser Forster and Tom Heaton are the goalies, Joe Hart nowhere to be found. Chris Smalling of Southampton gets called up despite being labelled as the Premier League's worst signing of the season, Danny Rose gets the starting left full back nod over Luke Shaw, more on him shortly, Dele Alli, injured since December also makes the squad. 13/06 - The official end of the football season in England. Newcastle are back in the Premier League and let everyone know they’re not messing around. Rafa signed left winger / striker Kenedy on loan from Chelsea last summer, who goes and gets 20 goals and 9 assists. Matt Ritchie scores 10 and gets 11 assists to win the clubs player of the year for the second season in a row, The Toon finish second against all odds. Losing only 6 games in the process to league winners Man United twice, as well as the blue side of Manchester twice, Arsenal once and Watford away randomly. They won 25 league games and Rafa joins me in the manager of the year club. It’s a very exclusive club. Not only that, but Rafa has lost 11, count it 11, league games in the last 2 seasons. As noted already Bournemouths Callum Wilson is the leagues top scorer with 29 and moves to Chelsea for 42 million. Sergio Aguero of Man City is 2 behind Wilson on 27, Man United’s Harry Kane is further back on 18, Eden Hazard is third with 13 goals while Mesut Ozil leads the league with 19 assists. Liverpool continue to make everyone's day whilst simultaneously voiding accas as they sacked Roberto Mancini just before Christmas in 2017 after losing to Bristol City at Ashton Gate, they then hire Ralph Hassenhüttl, who signs Jordan Henderson to a 5 year 190k deal, sells Firmino to Bayer Leverkusen for 39 million & brings in Ruben Duarte to replace Firminio for 7 million. Laughable. They eventually finished 11th. James Milner (32 but fit as a fiddle) Adam Lallana (30, passed his mediocre best and posting 6 goals and 4 assists last season) and Marcel Sabitzer (24, 27 games games last season, huge return of 3 goals & 6 assists) are their key players, and they still expect to finish fourth. It’s not their year no matter how many times they say it. Davey Moyes is eventually sacked by Sunderland once the Championship play offs ends, which they missed by some margin after they ignored my email last year and don’t get promoted back to the Premiership.. They hire Claude Makelele who was in charge of Norwich, guiding them from playoff hopefuls at the start of the season to 17th in 6 months. Man United boss Jose Mourinho seems intent on pissing his players off, as he signs Robert Lewandovski from Bayern for 81 million who immediately pushes Harry Kane out of the starting line up, and Theo Hernandez from PSG for 32 million who sees Luke Shaw, Man United’s player of the year, make way. He requests a transfer. The dog nonces at Celtic won the SPL for the 2 millionth time. They sell Kristoffer Ajer to Champions League winners Monaco for 6 million but make no incoming signings. Rangers sell a load of young players and bring in another 7 players, like they did last year that no one knows. They finish third behind Hearts. They're a massive club remember. Wigan won the Championship, Brighton came second and Ipswich saw off Sheffield Wednesday in the play offs. Wednesday also lost last year's playoffs. Maybe third time lucky next year lads? Monaco beat Atletico Madrid in the Champions league final. Radamel Falcoa grabbing the winner late in the second half. Inter beat Real Sociedad in the Europa league final. Joao Mario (keep him in mind) scoring twice in the second half to secure a 2-1 win. Motherwell bring in the big guns in the form of Che Adams for 2.4 million from Birmingham, Darron Gibson on a free, Ryan Colclough from Wigan for 450k, Daniel Barlaser on loan from Newcastle, Timi Elsnik on a free from Derby, Andrea Rossi of Pescara, no we don’t know him either, on loan, and all come in to build upon the teams Championship win last season and SPL survival this, hopefully. Timo Werner left the bright lights of Leipzig for the megabucks of Man City for 58 million, Leipzig immediately replaced him with City’s Gabriel Jesus for 56 million, for a 2 million profit. Europa League winning goal scorer Joao Mario takes his winners medal and leaves Inter Milan to head to Barcelona for 57 million Joelinton, fresh off 2 seasons at Rapid Vienna on loan from Hoffenheim and scoring a solid 48 in 72 in Austria, leaves Hoffenheim permanently to move to Arsenal for 40 million. He played exactly 0 minutes for Hoffenheim. Hakim Ziyech leaving Ajax to go to Real Madrid for 25 million is the Eredivise’s big transfer out. No incoming transfers come close to price or relevancy. 14/06 - The Doctor finally falls asleep in the back of the van with his headphones in playing the This is Action Bronson playlist on Spotify. I drink some cheap Bulgarian ale we’ve picked up in Sofia and been to a couple of bars without the Doctor. As far as I can tell there's been no FBI or Turkish police tails on us, yet. 15/06 - 20/06 - We move around the outskirts of Sofia in the van hitting some nondescript looking boozers and greasy spoons, trying to keep out of trouble. The Doctor has other ideas as he challenges 3 men to a fight, 2 of which claim they are French Army reserves, who I’m sure are undoubtedly trained in unarmed close quarters combat. The Doctor, about 6 grams of coke and 4 MDMA tablets deep claims he’s the Mike Tyson / Brock Lesnar illegitimate love child. Me and Hermes get him out of Dodge by the skin of our collected teeth. We do enjoy a couple of quiet days as the Doctor sleeps off his comedown and I get to enjoy my cheap Bulgarian beer hangovers with nothing of note happening. My heart does skip a beat as a couple of uniformed police officers ask Hermes some questions, although it turns out they’re lady boy prostitutes playing dress up. Hermes declines their advances however the Doctor goes to speak to them. We don’t see him for 3 hours. I keep an eye on football news and see that in Asia the transfers continued making no logical sense, only big money sense. Felipe of Portuguese champions and Champions League semi finalists Porto leaves to go to Qatari side Al Sadd for 10 million. That’s his wage, the transfer fee was 6. Allan of Serie A runners up and Coppa Italia semi finalists Napoli gets to fly to China and sign for Huaxia for 49 million. Napoli spend 2 million of that money on some Serbian kid called Stefan Subotic from Red Star Belgrade. Solomon Rondon, 12 Premier League goals the season just finished, leaves West Brom to follow Allan to China but signs for Quanjian for 34 million. He’s given squad number 34 as well. Ironic. Victor Wanyama has been threatening to leave Spurs all season since Harry Kane left last summer and finally got the green light. He leaves for China to join the Rondon-revolution at Quanijian for 12 million. He’s given the number 6 shirt. 21/06 - We’re in a pub in Sofia we've not been to yet, and the sign outside says кървавият чужденец which Hermes translates as The Bloody Foreigner. Brazil v Scotland is showing on the telly. I tell the Doctor not to bring any attention to us or let them know I’m Scottish, to which he shouts DEATH TO THE JOCKS! And proclaims that no one will know we’re there supporting the Tartan Army with that yell. They get beat 2-0 by Brazil. 26/06 - We’re back in the Bloody Foreigner to watch Scotland take on Japan. The last time these played each other was last summer, the Japs winning 2-0 but they didn’t play against the world class strike combination of Jordan Rhodes and James Morrison that day. Morrison grabbing 2 assists for Rhodes from his 2 open play goals in his first half hat trick to go with his penalty after 14 minutes, Rhodes then returning the favour by letting Morrison thunder the ball home to get an assist to go with his 3 goals. 4-0 at half time and I won’t lie, I was worried they’d lose it, it is Scotland after all. Lose they did not but they sat back for 45 minutes and saw the game out 4-0. Scenes in the Bloody Foreigner. For a brief moment Jordan Rhodes of Middlesbrough and Scotland was the leading scorer at a World Cup finals. The Scots followed that win up with a close 3-2 win over Egypt to progress. We then ruined every Englishman's day as we beat Austria on penalties in the second round, and got drawn against Croatia in the quarter final. Germany knocked England out in the second round courtesy of 2 Robert Muller (with reported interest from Qatari side Al-Sadd) goals in the last 5 mins. Southgate's job isn't even in doubt. 30/06 - We’re back on the move as the route from Sofia through Romania, Hungary and Slovakia is clear, or at least as clear as it can be. We’re in Budapest 3 days later. 03/07 - World Cup semi final today, which we managed to watch in a small ale house somewhere in Budapest. Not a lot to report really, as Scotland bowed out gracefully to eventual runners up Croatia. Budapest is welcoming to the 3 strange foreign men (1 Scot, 1 English and 1 Turkish) in a black transit van with Turkish plates, and most people speak English. We get fed and showered at a budget hotel and I try and relax after watching the Scots somehow get to a semi final of the World Cup 04/07 - On the road again except this time we travel a short distance and hit Graz in Austria just after 2AM. A train takes us from Graz into Venice no questions asked. Another stopover at a cheap hotel is followed by a drive from an Italian guy who’s friendly with Turkey for the People, up to Milan. He’s called Luigi, I’m dying to ask if he’s got a brother called Mario. The Doctor is sat railing lines and playing patience again, this time listening to Westside Gunn’s album Supreme Blientele 06/07 - We get to a hotel, the best looking one on our journey so far. We’re in room 316 and all I can think about is Stone Cold Steve Austin, so grab 2 ice cold beers from the fridge, open them up and smash them together and drink them at the same time, and lay on the bed, not really sure what’s going to happen next or when it’s going to happen. The Doctor is smiling his usual smile and says ‘I’ve clocked a dealer kid downstairs, I’m gonna go score some sh*t, back soon’ and off he went. I didn’t want to get caught up anything, so stayed in the hotel room without much left to be done but watch tv and relentless masturbation. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - The call The phone rang, a local Ankara number calling so I answered it ‘Jock it’s me’ a female voice ‘Me who?’ ‘Alex’ I couldn’t think of an Alex, a female one anyway ‘I’m with Turkey for the People, we’ve been at parties together doing snort. The last time the Doctor was dancing with midgets’ ‘Oh right I thought that was me on an acid trip’ ‘No it happened. Listen you haven’t got long’ ‘Sh*t, long for what?’ ‘The police are coming for you and the Doctor, they’ve got evidence you both corroborated to fix at least 11 football matches within the last year’ her words coming out double quick ‘Get to f*ck I’ve done no such thing’ ‘It doesn’t matter, the current ruling party in the government in Turkey have fabricated the reports from the police and linked it to our political party, to you and the doctor, and have altered the documents to make it look like you’ve fixed some games and we’re all involved in it all together’ I didn’t know what to say, I needed to find the Doctor and see what he knows. He won’t have been fixing matches I was sure of it. Other non legal things I can see him doing, but fixing football matches, no way. ‘Listen to me, the chairman of Etimesgut will ring you, play dumb, he’s either going to ask you to go meet him, if he does it’s a trap so the police can get you, if not hear him out but he’s probably going to sack you’ ‘How do you know this?’ I said more than a little bit wary ‘I have contacts in the government, as well as some people in football and in the police here in Ankara. The FBI geeks who interviewed you are staying in a Ritz not far from the US embassy, my associate there has been keeping tabs. I’ve got to go, and between us we need to find and warn the Doctor. Listen to me, do not under any circumstances go to the stadium or training ground. I’ll be in touch’ Click, the line went dead. Just like Ray Charles in a fist fight, I did not see that coming! I sat down on the bed in the flat I was renting, through the club no less, and within 20 seconds of that call ending my phone rang again. Erdan Yildiz, the chairman. I answered and before I could say anything he said in his ever improving broken English ‘Jock, there are no time to explain. I’m under a lot of pressure. I like you, I really do but there’s….’ I cut him off ‘I know, you want me to come meet you so you….’ he cut me off ‘No no no! Do not come here under any circumstance. I am in bathroom in the players lounge, there are armed Turkish police, some with dogs, and US cops are here. They say you’ve been trafficking drugs and people as well as fixing matches’ he said. I tried to speak but he carried on ‘I do not know if you have, I do not think you have and would like to think this is a misunderstanding, so I’m doing what I think I can to help you, and that is I’m going to accept your resignation now, over the phone, and when that’s done you get the hell out of Turkey. I’m going to tell those police I’ve spoken to you and you’re on the way here now to speak about football. That should get you an hour or so before they get suspicious’ In shock I didn’t know what to do. Professionally if I leave the job now I might find work elsewhere, that’s if the feds didn’t catch up with me and ruin my career just as it was starting to get going, but I’ve done nothing wrong in terms of fixing matches ‘Jock, are you there my friend?’ ‘Yes I’m here’ ‘My own solicitor is here with me, he says the charges are only based on things that have happened in Turkey, for you anyway. If you leave now and go to another EU country, the police can’t extradite you from there, at least not easily. Your friends I’m not so sure on, but you must get out of Turkey now and go home to Scotland or somewhere that is an EU country. Jock, my friend I’m risking myself to help you. Tell me you quit now on the phone that way I won’t be lying to anyone about the club, and then you must leave’ For the first time in my life I was lost for words. ‘I…..erm…..thank you for every….’ ‘Jock for f*ck, say it quick’ ‘Okay I qu…...’ I heard a door open down the line and a voice say ‘Mister Yildiz, we’ve been listening to your call, pass me the phone now’ then I heard the voice more clearly ‘Mister McGhee, it’s Special Agent Lance Field, when I find you whether in Turkey or an EU country or wherever else you decide to rock up, I will be doing everything in my power to arrest you and bring you and your cronies to justice’ Click. == == == == ==

This made me lol out loud

The Journeyman Jock - The end is in sight I walked into the room, and sat there was Umut Gedik, my captain with a shallow look on his face ‘Where is he?’ ‘I don’t know bossman’ he said in his gruff voice, his English getting better by the day, my Turkish stagnating ‘He’s a pr*ck, he knows I wanted him to be here with us to go over the last game of the season’ ‘I think he’s with 2 Penny Jenny again’ I’d heard that name before, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it ‘Where do I recognise that name Ummy?’ ‘I am not 1 to tell tales, but she’s a prostitute’ ‘Ahh right, that’s it, I remember being told about her when we first got here’ ‘Yes, well, she’s in demand. I mean, I think she is. He told me it’s not the first issue he’s had with her’ Now I was worried, issues with a prostitute? ‘He’s not killed her has he?’ was the only thing I could think of asking ‘No. Well I don’t think he has. He sent me a text saying he’s at the doctors again’ ‘Again? What’s he done this time?’ ‘How you say, erm, he had a clap?’ ‘The clap? F*cking idiot, from this Jenny?’ ‘He’s been there 3 times since you’ve been in Turkey’ ‘3 f*cking times, with the clap?!?’ ‘No, the first time he got something stuck and had to….’ I cut him off ‘Don’t tell me what he got stuck and better yet don’t tell me where he got it stuck, I don’t wanna know. We’ll have to deal with this ourselves’ but before moving on to the final league game of the season, I had to ask ‘why is she called Two Penny Jenny?’ ‘Well in a bar in a small part of Ankara there is a machine that sells flavoured cigars that she always smokes, and they’re 2 Lira each and you can only pay with 1 Lira coins. As long as you pay her with at least 2 Lira coins she’s yours, Two Penny Jenny’ ‘That can’t be true’ ‘I wouldn’t know bossman’ he said, sheepishly --------------------------------------- We stumbled our way into the final game of the season, managing to sit fifth in the table on 55 points with a 1 point advantage over Gumushanespor. All we had to do was match their result in the next and final league game and we’d be in the playoffs. The game against Polati Bugsasspor ended with us scraping by 2-1 to seal a fifth place finish. I say scraping by, we lost Umut a couple of weeks before the game with a sprained ankle, Aktay came back from injury but went down again the week leading up to the final game but just passed a fitness and managing to score in the game, first choice right back Alaettin Tur had his season ended in February with a broken ankle and Mo Bayr, first choice left back, and the only left footed full back in the team missed a few games with a muscle issue. We also went 8 games without a win from February up until the start of April where we managed to win 4 in a row, with impressive back to back 5-1 wins to secure the play off finish We’d been drawn against Aydinspor in the play offs, who we beat 3-0 earlier in the season, but who took the p*ss and battered us 6-1 in the 8th game of that run of no wins. They carried that form against us into the playoffs as they secured a 2-1 win at our place with a late winner, but absolutely cemented the win with a 4-2 victory at their ground, to go through 6-3 on aggregate A play off finish was more than I was expecting and the result in the play off aside, I was happy with how my first season in Ankara had gone. The league had even been gracious enough to ignore the recent match fixing speculation and award me with the manager of the year award, which in a meeting with the team I told them I wouldn’t have won the award without their efforts. I also told them I expected to sign Aktay permanently, we’d agreed the fee with his parent club, Ugur would be coming back and we’d be aiming for a top 2 finish next season, something we all agreed was a realistic aim. == == == == == ==

You should be put into the FMS hall of fame for this comment alone!

The Journeyman Jock - Confidential information Time 14:05 February 09 2018 Interview 1 of 2. Attending / questioning officers - Lance Field and Hunter Smith Present - Joseph Mark McGhee (questioned). Wilson Barnes (solicitor representing Mister McGhee) Mister McGhee attended under no duress or arrest. No charges made against him at the time of the interview. Investigation is still ongoing. The rain was falling in buckets in central Ankara. It was cloaking the city in a shroud of mist and bad decisions. I saw the first detective light a cigarette, the glow casting eerie shadows across his f*ck ugly face as he stood across the table from me in the dimly lit room in 1 of Ankara's police stations. His name is Hunter Smith from some place in America, who tells me he’s knee deep in a conspiracy to rig football matches, and that naturally brought him to Turkey and asking me to attend this interview. His words not mine. The other rent a cop already in the room, wearing a pinstripe suit that looks like he’d slept in it in his car, spoke with an American accent ‘Spill it sh*t bird, we know you’re fixing games’ ‘Another Yank, cute. I can’t fix myself a decent meal how the f*ck am I gonna fix a football match’ I said before the solicitor said to me ‘You don’t need to answer any questions, you’re not under arrest’ I just nod back to him. He’s been sent to me by the British embassy in Ankara, and his time is covered by legal aid we get in The UK, thank you Your Majesty. The Yank said ‘I’m Canadian, but let's keep it tight shall we. Your team, doing well, no?’ said with a hint of a snigger, he’s got pr*ckwritten all over his face. ‘Magic’ I said with a smile, the brief shakes his head and writes something down in his notepad while telling me ‘again, you’re under no obligation to respond’. I nod again, I’ve been interviewed by the police enough times, I know how this is gonna go. ‘Some say overachieving, we say cheating. Spill on that’ This time it was Lance, he’d finished his smoke and had a look on his face like he’d just finished runner up in the national lemon sucking contest. Me, in my most professional voice ‘The squads got a great manager, a good assistant who thinks just like the manager, and we’ve got some great players. I’m good at what I do’ The brief still writing in his book. Behind the Yank-Canadian, Lance stands up and walks to the opposite side of the room, where he lights another smoke. Before the voluntary interview started the solicitor, from Oxford in England, told me this Lance guy has a reputation as murky as the shadows of the Glasgow underground. He’s clearly the puppet master pulling the strings on this investigation. I size him up with a look that’s part suspicion to keep him on his toes, and part defiance. I’m guilty of a lot of things, but match fixing isn’t one of them. ‘Riddle me this mister football manager. Fatih Aktay, 20 years old, 5 years at a pro club, 1 season in the first team at Altinordu last year, manages 1 goal in 10 games. This season he’s buried 22 so far. That seem off to you? Lance said from the dimly doorway of the room while taking a puff on his cigarette ‘Like I said, great manager. We play to his strengths’ ‘Your team is relegation fodder at best, there’s no way you would be fifth in the league without some outside interference’ this time the Yank-Canadian Hunter speaking ‘Outside interference?’ I said before saying ‘this isn’t wrestling you crank, it’s me and my team playing out of our skins every week and getting the results we deserve’ the solicitor took my hand and turned me and him to face away from the cops ‘I’m advising you, again, that you don’t need to answer anything, remember you’re not under arrest, and anything you do say could implicate you’ I could see he was either getting sick of me or sick of being here. Probably me. ‘Right, but I’ve got nout to hide so why don’t…..’ he cut me off ‘So say no comment from now on, and if they had anything to arrest you with they’d have produced it by now’ From then on I was asked a handful of questions that were unrelated to the investigation, what I think to the weather in Turkey, things about life in Scotland, how I’ve managed to p*ss off the full Northern Ireland Football Association, how many women I’d taken to bed, irrelevant stuff. I just no commented my way through the next 20 minutes Lance, 5 cigs deep said ‘that’s it for today Mister Football Manager, however we will have more questions for you, I just need to get some documents together, if you’d grace us with your presence again, say in the next couple of days?’ The solicitor says it’s up to me, I’m not under arrest (yet) and if anything comes from it being cooperative will go some way in my favour. I just nod, say yeah whatever, and we leave the station. ----------------------------------------------------- Interview 2 of 2 Time 11:15 February 13 2018 Interview 2 of 2. Attending / questioning officers - Lance Field and Hunter Smith Present - Joseph Mark McGhee (questioned). Wilson Barnes (solicitor for Mister McGhee) Mister McGhee attended under no duress or arrest. No charges made against him at the time of the interview. Investigation is still ongoing. Agent Field has procured more evidence since the last interview, not disclosing as labelled as circumstantial. Mister Barnes has declined to view the evidence obtained so far. ‘How did you meet Robert Robson?’ Hunter Smith, the pr*ck from Canada speaking ‘The doctor, known him since I was about 10, why?’ the truth. ‘The doctor, hmm, why do you call him that?’ ‘I actually don’t know’ Another truth, he just asked me to start calling him it not long after we got to Ankara. ‘He’s been known as other things though hasn't he, spill on that’ ‘He’s a big unit, and at school he used to be called the bridge cos of his size, but he insisted everyone stopped people calling him that’ ‘Why’ ‘Because nobody crosses him and gets away with it’ another truth, he’s massive. ‘How don’t they get away with crossing him, what does he do?’ F*ck, have I dropped him in something? ‘No comment’ ‘What’s his daily routine like? ‘He drinks at least 15 drinks a day, every day, his livers made of pure steel’ the number of drinks is probably true, I’m surprised his liver hasn’t packed in yet though Lance Field, the other rent a cop in the room, making notes in his notepad, I look over and I’m sure my solicitor is trying to hide a little laughter ‘Where’s he living, is it with you?’ The Canadian this time. ‘Nah not with me’ my first lie of the interview ‘Where then?’ ‘Well his house in Ankara burnt down, so he’s moved to the Koroglu mountains and has a mountain lion as a pet’ I waited until Lance wrote that down and continued ‘My mans friends with Mufasa, he loves animals, he says unlike humans they don’t talk sh*t, it’s a genius point’ another lie, he lives with me, minus any lions, mountain or otherwise in my rented flat round the corner from the stadium ‘He’s a crackhead dope seller isn’t he’ ‘I dunno about selling, so no comment on that. But before we left Scotland for Turkey he had all his and my family around for Sunday dinner, and at the end of the main course he dropped a bag of meth on the table and declared it’s time for dessert. Such a sweet tooth’ A white lie mixed with exaggerating the truth, he did drop the meth on the table, but only me, the Doctor and our mates Trev and Bazza were present, and it was in a KFC in Edinburgh. ‘So he’s out of control then?’ ‘Nah he’s kosher, he’s completely in control of himself’ Biggest lie yet. ‘Tell me something about him I don’t already know or that’s not in this folder I’ve got on him’ Lance pulled the folder from his side of the table and let it sit in front of me. The folder was quite thick, I was starting to worry a bit now ‘Well we had a bet once who could go longest without showering and still get laid, all I can say is he won, and it wasn’t even close. He’s a f*cking legend’ the most solid truth yet. ‘Okay, I can see you’re not taking this very seriously Mister McGhee, so I’ll lay it out like this although I’m willing to bet you know all of this’ he took a sip of his drink and continued ‘your friend, and you by association for now, are involved in a number of illegal activities’ I was dying to say it’s only illegal if you get caught, but thought better of it. ‘Match fixing is the reason why we’re here from The States, and have got officers and detectives from The UK, Spain and France involved in this thing as well. From what we’ve learned so far, it’s not small time games, it’s far reaching and there’s some big names implicated in this’ I looked to the solicitor but the cop clocked me ‘No, no you don’t need to say anything or get advice just yet, let me finish’ He pulled another folder out of his bag, just as big as the first one he pulled out. He opened the first page and I saw a list of what looked like football results ‘here’s a sample of the games we’ve found to have been influenced’ I tried to look but he covered the sheet ‘how many Etimesgut games do you think are in here?’ I looked at the solicitor who was making notes in his pad, and decided not to say anything. ‘Your silence is very telling Mister McGhee. Let me ask you this, since the last time we spoke your team has lost a few games and drawn the other, that not concerning to you?’ ‘No, why should….’ he cut me off ‘You were flying up until the new year, won your first game after the break and now you’ve dropped to sixth and could miss the playoffs’ ‘Not sure what you’re getting at, but let me remind you that we boast the leagues leading scorer who’s injured and won’t be back for another 2 months. We’ve got the leagues leading assist man as well as the keeper with the most clean sheets in the league. 6 games after a break don’t define a season inspector’ ‘It’s Special Agent, but go on’ I didn’t have much else to say on it really. We’d lost some games after the break, so what? ‘Beating teams for fun, scoring loads of goals with a team of nobodies and no hopers, almost like your team were given opportunities to win’ he took a moment and pulled a sheet out of the file ‘not to mention the sudden surge in bets being made on your games, not just in Ankara but we’ve seen bets made on your games all over Turkey and in Greece. What can you tell me about that?’ ‘Winning is the whole point of a football match is it not?’ I was getting a bit annoyed now ‘Look, I’ve done a lot of things, a lot of bad illegal things in my time, but not once, and never will I ever ask a player to take a dive, or let a goal in or get a yellow card on purpose, it’s not….’ cut off by this Lance pr*ck, again ‘Who said anything about asking players to get a card on purpose or let goals in? We never said that, what do you know of this?’ F*ck. The solicitor pulled me around to have our backs to the police ‘I told you to keep quiet, now you’ve dropped yourself in it, no shut up now (I tried to speak), just either say no comment to their questions or we say we’re leaving, they’ve got no hard evidence, or if they do they’re withholding it’ ‘They’ve got nothing on me’ I said before turning back around and just no commenting everything from then on ‘You’re clearly taking the quiet approach, which is fine. But trust me when I say this, I’ve got enough on your pal the Doctor and those political nobodies that you both hang around with that I’ll be bringing you both down before long’ ‘If there’s nothing else, special agent Field, we’ll be going now’ the solicitor said as we got up and left the police station. == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - The great equaliser, and the common denominator The Doctor was sat in the driver seat, I was trying to get the seatbelt on in the passenger side as he dodged and weaved the rental car in and out of the rush hour traffic of the Monday afternoon of New Year's day in Ankara Answering him when he arrived at my flat with his question 'We gonna celebrate then?' was my first mistake of the day, the second being drinking out of his hip flask as I was getting in the car 'Whisky?' I asked, immediately regretting my decision to take a swig. I knew straight away it wasn't just whisky 'Yeah, I crushed and tipped 4 of these acid tabs I picked up earlier into the whisky bottle, emptied out a full strip of your Oxycodone tablets, crushed them up, mixed them with a gram of this banging coke I got off some geezer last night, put that in the whisky bottle, mixed it up with a drop of vodka and half a bottle of lime juice and poured it in that hip flask. Give it a minute will ya' 'A minute for what?' I asked, instantly realising the situation would be changing any minute. Booze, piece of p*ss easy, takes me a while to get really drunk, I am Scottish after all. And acid I can deal with, I've done it plenty of times and on occasions still do take acid but that has calmed down since I became a football manager. Any acid freak can handle hallucinations, but mixing my opioid painkiller tablets with acid and coke is another deal altogether 'The Molly will kick in first that's gonna bring you up, then the booze and painkillers is gonna make your nerves a bit jittery, it's good whisky by the way I paid a pretty penny for it. After that the painkillers are gonna do whatever they do to your pain receptors in the brain and then....' he sort of just phased out of my vision as I became lightheaded and my head started spinning, a feeling I’ve not felt in a while. I looked up and saw a giant man that looked familiar. I rubbed my eyes and realised it was Axel from Streets of Rage, and he was hanging off the side of a big building knocking airplanes and helicopters out of the sky 'You seen that Bob?' I asked the Doctor, who was still talking but his mouth was getting wider and wider and on his teeth I could see a little mouth with even smaller teeth of its own talking to each other, seemingly in an argument of some sort. Trying to figure out the scene in front of me I noticed he'd gotten up from in front of the steering wheel, leaned into the back seat of the car and pulled out a bottle of water, while the car was still moving in and out of traffic. The water then smiled and asked me if I wanted any of him, I said no I don't think so, and my friend then sat back down and asked 'you alright kidda?' 'Yeah, your teeth, they're talking to me, the water asked if I wanted some of it, some of him?' 'You're not turning gay on me are you? What ya' mean my teeth are talking to you?' I didn't know if he said that out loud or if I was thinking it, either way my head was frazzled, and the teeth had stopped talking and looked back at me, folded their arms and was giving me the evils, the sort of look your mother gives you when she says 'when I say no I mean no' and you stop nagging and pestering for whatever she had said no to. I looked away from the teeth and then back to the road. It opened up into a big driveway, a huge house at the end of a cul-de-sac with bright purple lights that reminded me of Big Gay Al's animal sanctuary. Then the pterodactyl landed within an inch of my face, pointed its big wings to the left and said in a Geordie accent ‘that way to the party hinny’ then nodded to the right ‘that way to Greggs’ and flew back behind the house. We carried on going left, the leprechauns and swans were perfectly lined up singing a song, something about a sixpence and being none the richer, they all looked happy enough despite being chained together with shackles on their ankles. I was getting a bit jittery so I took another swig of the whisky drink, then had a lager drink, and then a vodka drink and then I sang a song about a good time. My friend pulled the car into a parking space and said 'mixing painkillers and acid, that sh*t's insane innit mate' I could only agree, I've not had a trip this strong since before I got to Turkey. I got out of the car by tapping A three times and doing a Mario 64 style triple jump and I vaguely recall coming to this house at some point and meeting with the girl, how I got into contact with her I can’t remember or even when I came here the first time. Apparently she was one for the people, a peoples champ so to speak, and dismayed at the government for lack of everything and wanting to fight back against the man. I remember speaking to her last time, and she said she’s from Canada, or America, or was it Ireland? She greeted me on the way in and said 'I'm glad you're back, last time you left without giving me a goodbye kiss' I just played the cool guy and shrugged her off with a wink. She was wearing a green silk dress, the green against her brown hair and blue eyes stood out to me, I’m a sucker for that combo in a woman. I got a bottle of Turkish beer from the cooler on the way into the main room of the house and heard a guy saying, in perfect English no less 'It's all going to come down to money comrades. The great equaliser, and the common denominator' I was starting to come down from the cocktail of substances the Doctor gave me on the drive over, and the cold sweat came on next. There is nothing more helpless to me that I'd found in this world than an acid comedown. Heaven knows why I keep taking the sh*t. I'm nothing if irresponsible when I'm flowing in the depths of an acid comedown, and I knew I'd be knee deep in that rotten sh*t very soon. 'Ignore the sweat and jitters flower' I said to the girl 'been a long day, and stressful as a football manager'. She smiled and did that giggle thing those trophy bird types do. 'We've been watching your team with great interest. You’re doing really well I’m sure the people backing your team are happy’ she said with another giggle. Her perfect brown hair and blue eyes illuminated with every motion. Again I played the cool guy schtick ‘Ahh it’s nout love. Pick 11 players from the team, tell em in no uncertain terms to turn up, freak out and win the match, job done’ Not wanting there to be an awkward silence I quickly said ‘remind me again what it is you do. You know I’m an up and coming world class football manager’ with another wink. ‘Oh you’ve forgotten, have you?’ giggle again ‘I’m with Turkey for the People, you know the up and coming political party. We’ve got interests in all sorts of ventures’ Opening my fourth bottle of cheap Turkish beer and not being remotely interested in her other ventures, I said ‘such as?’ ‘Oh you know, commerce, sporting projects, property management….’ She kept rambling off words and phrases, I didn’t have a clue what she was babbling on about and I could feel another trip coming on, I also just assumed she was drunk so passed her another bottle of beer, the Doctor then appeared like an RKO from out of nowhere, with a plate with 4 lines of powder and a 10 Lira note on it, me and the girl hoovering up 2 lines each. ‘With politics everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, loan sharks, pimps and killers, the final sin is stupidity’; she said it in a perfect way that just rolled off the tongue, as if practiced. She wanted me to carry on drinking with her, and being Scottish, I drank. Not only did I drink but I drank this little cow under the table. Bottle after bottle I was absolutely leathered. She's definitely one for small talk and never really shut up, and she asked me, with both of us steaming drunk by this point, how I get by with the pressures of being a football manager. Not really sure she realises that I’m at a lowly third division club, I replied by saying ‘I hate to promote hard drug use, excessive beer drinking and the occasional prostitute, but they’ve always worked for me’. She smiled, kissed my cheek and said ‘I’ll see you around. I hope’ I hated to see her leave but I loved watching her go, and I went for a walk around the spacious house after she left. I found my friend who had a clown mask on and was wearing exactly no clothes but had a Scotland flag draped around his neck and wearing it as a cape, whilst dancing on a table with 4 midget ladies all of whom were also wearing masks of various designs and little to no clothes themselves. I then went further down the corridor and into a small kitchen area, where I saw 2 Elvis impersonators arguing over who could sing Jailhouse Rock better, whilst someone that looked an awful lot like Noel Edmonds stood by and agreed with the fatter of the 2 Elvis’s. I carried on my blissful walk and found myself turning into another spacious living room, where I saw Max Payne and Baseball Bat Boy deep into a game of chess. I leaned over and said to Baseball Bat Boy ‘move your bishop 3 spaces that way (I pointed where) take that rook and he’s in check’. The Baseball Bat said thanks and did as I suggested. Max just looked at me and moved his hand slowly, as if in bullet time. That was my cue to leave the room. I said goodbye to one of the Elvis's, got a hug from Noel and I shook hands with 3 of the 4 midgets my friend was dancing with earlier, number 4 and my friend conspicuous by their absence, and I tried to find my way home. Trouble being, I had no idea where I currently was. == == == == ==

This

The Journeyman Jock - Another new day in Ankara All things considered (beer, drugs, women, football in that order) life in the Turkish capital couldn’t be going any better. By December 17th and heading into a short break the team has been very accommodating to me and my tactics. 18 league games producing 11 wins, 2 draws and 5 losses, not bad for someone like me eh, but I’ll take it. My predecessor leaving before he got the chance to see the 20 goals (19 in the league) scored by the kid he signed on loan, Fatih Aktay, or the 14 goals (10 in the league) and 9 assists by his strike partner Emre Ozturk. Those 11 wins mean we are good for fifth place heading into the new year. My worry now is twofold. Firstly I’m concerned with a repeat of the second half of the season in Bangor, we started really well, lost a key player and stuffed it in the second half of the season. The second worry is Fatih Aktay has got himself injured, a key player for us just like Pavel Vieira was for me in Bangor this time last year. He’s out for at least 3 months tearing a muscle in his groin. He assures me this was done in training and not doing something else, apparently he's got a number of different women on the go, I see a lot of myself in him at times. The saving grace is Mark, my assistant manager has used his connections in Germany and we’ve managed to sign young forward Ugur Turk on loan from 1860 Munich to play cover for Aktay, and unlike in Bangor I’ve got more than a 1 man team here in Turkey. Also we’d been informed by the Turkish FA that a police investigation was taking place in relation to match fixing. The investigation had been going for a few weeks and they’d apparently implicated players at teams in Turkey, as well as other players in other places in Europe. I’d not bothered keeping up with it, I was doing my best to keep my head down and out of any trouble that might end up with me getting the boot like I did at Bangor not too long ago. There were no disclosure agreements in place and that no one that has been accused of match fixing would be made public until the courts have everything they need, but it seemed obvious to fans as a couple of prominent players from Beskitas had been missing the last 2 weeks. My friend, The Doctor told me ‘Now there’s a potential earner, we should fix your matches’ I shot down his idea rapid quick ‘Shut up. Gear and prostitutes I can get on with, but match fixing I draw the line’ ‘Right, you respect the game too much’ ‘Something like that’ He just shook his head and then said ‘New Years day we’re invited to a party by the way’ ‘Right’ I said, not really wanting to think where he’d got us an invite for this time. Since being in Turkey we’ve been to a number of these parties the Doctor has found for us, and all of them have involved copious amounts of powder and beer, and have lasted more than a couple of days each, not that I’m moaning. Me enjoying myself and letting the team play without any pressure has gotten us a lot more wins than it has losses, so I think we’ll keep doing things the way we already are. == == == == ==

Just jumping on here with the tried, tested and often used - 'it's your tactics mate' comment. But yeah, it's absolutely your tactics.

The Journeyman Jock - A new day in Ankara ‘Check’ we both said at the same time as I burned a card and laid the final card in the middle of the table ‘Son of a, what you call in your language?’ Mark Jauk, my new Austrian assistant manager, who’s quite good speaking English, minus the swear words, said ‘Well where I’m from we usually say son of a f*cking Glaswegian, but the actual saying is son of a b*tch. Why?’ ‘Well you might want to be saying it in a moment, all in’ he said whilst moving his remaining stack of chips into the middle of the table ‘Are you sure? I’ve won every hand so far mate’ ‘Not this one. This is where I start to get my money back’ Mark said as he sat smugly holding his 2 cards In the middle of the table laid face up is the 8 of hearts, Jack of clubs, 4 of spades, 8 of diamonds and the 2 of hearts. I counted the same number of chips out that Mark had pushed to the middle, a lot less than my own amount, and said ‘Go on then, show me’ ‘Read them and then wee boy, 2 pair!’ He shouted with a big smile on his face as he laid his cards down, the 3 of clubs and 3 of spades Shaking my head and trying and failing not to laugh I said ‘It’s read it and weep, but do you ever listen? I’ve won again’ and I turned my 2 cards over and revealed the King of clubs and the 8 of spades ‘I’m sure the first hand you lost was my 3 of a kind to your 2 pair’ ‘This is wrong. I have 4 winning cards with 2 pairs. Your 3 cards should not be beating me’ ‘They do, as we’ve been over already. Give me your money, again’ He pushed his chips over to me, more than reluctantly and with a scowl on his face, not for the first time today either ‘Don’t spend my 5 Lira all at once will you’ he said sarcastically Prior to that poker game we’d had a training session with my new team, and what a difference to the players I was responsible for in Bangor. There was some actual talent in this team, I’m still not sure how I got the gig, but I was here, and ready to implement my style on the team 'I expect a lot of work both on and off the ball. I want aggressive pressing and tackling to win the ball back, and I want us to get it up top as quickly as possible. I'm not expecting any of that one touch no look ticky tacky cr*p or using buzz words like gegen pressing or whatever. We've got 1 objective this season, and that's becoming a secure side and putting the building blocks in place to eventually get us out of this division' I said, quietly assuming to myself that I’ll last to the end of this season, never mind beyond. The rest of the day was spent with me meeting the players individually, discussing their strengths and weaknesses and giving out individual aims for the upcoming season. After meeting and assessing the players, I met with the other staff the club had on it’s books to compliment Mark. On the staff are Mehet Taskin & Yuel Alva, both first team coaches. In my mind I’d figured I’d see how tactically savvy they are, and based on ratings of 1-20 they’ve got a tactics coaching rating of 7. That’s a combined tactics coaching rating of 7. Mark gets a 10 on his own. I won’t bother you with what other stats they don’t excel in. I thought I’ll have to get my own backroom staff in eventually, not that I knew many players yet alone staff available in Turkey anyway, and I would have to spend the first part of my time in Ankara tolerating the skills, or lack of, from the clubs existing backroom staff. The difference between their skills and that of a dead ferret was that a dead ferret wasn’t employed at Etimesgut at the same time that I was. I looked at them in a pitiful sort of way, and I don’t know who felt more f*cked, them for having me as the boss, or me for having that sorry lot to rely on. Before the last man got the boot he’d signed Fatih Aktay on loan from recently relegated to our division Altinordu FC and he looks like he’s got potential to be good, and I’m sure he’ll do the business for us. At 6 foot 2, he can jump, get into good positions and has decent strength, he’s got target man written all over him. The other starting forward is right winger-cum striker Emre Ozturk. He’s not as strong or imposing, is slightly shorter at 5 foot 10 but is quicker being a natural right winger, got a decent touch on him and it’s an easy choice to go with the big man / not as big man combo up top. Both look solid enough for the Turkish third division but both look a world apart from the forwards that reported to me in Bangor. Sorry Dale Patton, you did the job in Ireland but I've got Fatih Aktay to scratch my center forward itch this season. Ending the first day I was greeted by one of the clubs longest serving players, center half Umut Gedik. He’s as tall as me at 6’ 3’’, slightly better looking with long flowing hair I’m dead jealous of, but an all round pro. After reading my coaches report given to me by Mark earlier, I note that Umut, despite being labelled the best center half in the squad, apparently has low concentration. I don’t want to think of him chasing butterflies around the pitch while the other more illustrious teams in Turkey’s third division rip through our defensive line, so I make him the captain in the hopes that it makes him more focused. He did help me settle in the capital to be fair and he showed me around the town after training. I told him I’d been drinking in that bar in the Mamek district and we should go there for a few ‘F*ck no bossman. We go to a place of culture, of real beer and real women’. I told him women I’m a fan of and culture is always nice. He smiled and led the way to a taxi rank which took us to a better looking boozer than the one I’ve been frequenting these last couple of days. In keeping with showing him who’s boss, I nine balled him 3 times in a row as we played pool but he had my number at darts. My friend the Doctor got talking to a girl at the bar and she told us about an all night poker game at the club next door. I’m fresh off winning a few rounds against Mark earlier in the day so felt it was only right to take my winning form into the all night game, my friend also tagging along with me and my newly appointed captain. Umut told me I can rely on him this season, anything I need I can rely on him. He told me he’ll keep the lads in line, hand out punishment when needed and generally have my back. I said ‘thanks Ummy, but you’re not getting out of giving me back the 300 Lira you just lost to me’ He smiled and grabbed a couple more beers from the bar as we sat down to carry on the poker game. Before the opening game of the season, I’ve missed the pre-season friendly games the team have had while I got my sh*t together for the move over to Turkey, we go right into competitive action, well, as competitive as Tokat Sports Club away can be. I’m also provided pre season odds by the local media, who reckon Etimesgut are good for a mid table finish. I feel this little piece of information is rendered ineffective seeing as how the manager is Jock McGhee and not an actual football manager with any level of meaningful experience or competence. == == == == ==