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A Highlands & Islands Journey


phnompenhandy
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4 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

Blimey, Elvis here was only with us 5 minutes. What are we, a transit lounge?

Elvis has left the building... sorry couldn't resist that.

Sorry, @phnompenhandy but it looks like the wheels are falling off :( players leaving the Shetland building, injuries, suspensions, a hectic schedule... and an alcoholic chairman. I feel for you... what can you do? :seagull:

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5 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

Elvis has left the building... sorry couldn't resist that.

Sorry, @phnompenhandy but it looks like the wheels are falling off :( players leaving the Shetland building, injuries, suspensions, a hectic schedule... and an alcoholic chairman. I feel for you... what can you do? :seagull:

We might be the worst promoted side in history, but we'll make it!!!!

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TongueBettyhillPark.thumb.jpg.12712aeb5a594d99aade0cae19287fad.jpg

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Losing to a 91st minute goal, dammit! Tongue were awful; we were worse. My Hobson's Choices are not paying off - Gresham was not fit enough and Syrjanen also needs more time to heal - which we don't have! That point would have taken us so close.

The chasing pack are stumbling again

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But our next game is at Harris - say goodbye to the top spot we've occupied the whole season :(

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11 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

We might be the worst promoted side in history, but we'll make it!!!!

🤞🍀

Is it Division Champions go up automatically, 2nd and 3rd make playoffs?

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Just now, phnompenhandy said:

No, top three automatically promoted :thup:

:thup: Phew! 

No offence, but you didn't want to be leading Shetland into playoffs on your current form :lol:

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2 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

:thup: Phew! 

No offence, but you didn't want to be leading Shetland into playoffs on your current form :lol:

Absolutely not. I wouldn't be expressing the slightest optimism if I were. I'm banking on the chasing pack losing one game, or drawing a couple. It could even be our early free-scoring days that edges it, if we can manage to keep losing narrowly!

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That was the last game in March. Let's reprise:

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I don't remember participating in a co;;apse as bad as this before. And yet,

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Is my maths right? Staxigoe and Westside can only equal our points total, but our goal difference puts us in an unassailable position for promotion!

Prior warning, by the way: the weather here in Shetland is so relentlessly awful that the moment this season is over I'm off on a tropical break. I'll be 'radio silent' for a short break.

 

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2 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

Is my maths right? Staxigoe and Westside can only equal our points total, but our goal difference puts us in an unassailable position for promotion!

Quite possibly… how many teams in the division?

2 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

Prior warning, by the way: the weather here in Shetland is so relentlessly awful that the moment this season is over I'm off on a tropical break. I'll be 'radio silent' for a short break.

Enjoy your short break ☀️ you deserve it!

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12 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

Quite possibly… how many teams in the division?

Enjoy your short break ☀️ you deserve it!

18. Four games left.

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Craig, how can I put this diplomatically? You are an utter waste of space. You have never played an even half-decent game, and you are a complete bar steward on the training ground. I hate you and I hate the air you breathe. I'm starting you against Rendall purely because there is no one else available. You will let us down, of that I have no doubt. The arrival of the new kids is imminent, and the minute the bus shows up, you're out on your ar5e.

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Small aside: the Irish teams have started their second season and seem to have generated handsome budgets after I'd removed them. It's lost its integrity, and I'll remove it later. Meanwhile, I found a file that is suitable in the Editor's Hideaway here. An Irish does to level 7 db with no financial doping. The league reputations need a little fixing, but it would be a quick job. If I do a later British/Irish save that'll be the one I used (along, hopefully, with Mozza's Scottish fantasy lower league Scottish database if he releases one).

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Posted (edited)

Into the final straight, I don't see Harris giving up their new-found position. We won't win any silverware, but we'll be up. Stornoway have a heck of an easy run-in; will they take second?

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Edited by phnompenhandy
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39 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

I'm so furious with you, I'm giving you an A+ :confused:  

Father Jack's been on the booze again?

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Posted (edited)

It turns out Rendall, who had nothing to play for, played like they had nothing to play for.  The only player who came out with much credit was our goalkeeper, and a defensive howler handed us promotion.

Nice place, Finstown

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The next afternoon, just missing the celebrations, the new intake arrived. I've got a week to assess them. See ya!

Edited by phnompenhandy
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2 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

(along, hopefully, with Mozza's Scottish fantasy lower league Scottish database if he releases one).

I too am still holding out for this! 

Really have dragged your side over the line here, and definitely gives food for thought over your early season planning (that worked so well at Kirkwall too? But never this many injuries). I suppose as ultimately it is a journeyman, and if you get promoted again next year you'll be off anyway, the dilemma is how much you focus on yourself and getting yourself up the ladder by focusing on short term winning and league improvements than winning cups and getting prize to help fund the club. 

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Posted (edited)

Sneak preview of the new boys ahead of their photoshoots

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Coulter, Leporatte and Abba are dual-nationality Lerwick kids. None of them are fit enough to start the next game; I'll see if I can arrange a friendly for them to show me what they're about.

Edited by phnompenhandy
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19 minutes ago, Jamstock said:

I too am still holding out for this! 

Really have dragged your side over the line here, and definitely gives food for thought over your early season planning (that worked so well at Kirkwall too? But never this many injuries). I suppose as ultimately it is a journeyman, and if you get promoted again next year you'll be off anyway, the dilemma is how much you focus on yourself and getting yourself up the ladder by focusing on short term winning and league improvements than winning cups and getting prize to help fund the club. 

Yeah, I don't know if the injuries are just freak events or due to my tactics. I didn't handle training until the last month. I've never experienced a season as extremely contrasting as this one - I don't know what that indicates for next season and how i should alter my strategy - will need a good long thought about that. As you can see, the new intake is not much of an upgrade. My initial plan was a short-term journeyman, but I've been having thoughts of sticking with Shetland and taking them as far as I can. Really depends on if we get any investment after all, as I can't go anywhere as long as we're stuck in debt.

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I'm in a better position to give some impressions. Unfortunately, I can't schedule any friendlies - clubs want us to pay for their travel and the board won't sanction that. Roll on next preseason, eh?

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People like to see the potential ratings - not me, since we don't have the resources to improve players and I take any assessments by my nice-bit-dim assistant manager rather lightly. But you can see my thoughts on their personalities, and their ability as of now. I do expect to quite severely reassess many of them by the end of preseason. I think the Togoese goalkeeper could be a star at this amateur level, and Afghan Hossaini could turn out to be a better striker than John Allan. I'm hoping we have better-quality defenders in Tahitian Cadousteau and Duran from El Salvador - and maybe even Nongo from the Congo along with flying Ethiopian wingback Melke. For the rest, we've seen how we need more squad depth - I intend to have a squad of 33. I'll release Emerson the goalkeeper as we don't need four, Spence who was so unfortunate with his long-term spinal injury, midfielder Paul Gordon who started the season very well, but his 34 years caught up with him, and he's a liability now. And finally, Gillon. You know why.

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Here are the asylum-seeking youths I'm most excited about:

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No Dougal, I think he is first-team level and can see him claiming the gloves. He's French-speaking, but his English is okay enough to communicate with his defenders.

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Needs to work hard on his English over the summer, but this kid is quick and knows where the onion bag is. He really looks the business, clear first choice striker, hopefully alongside captain Gresham. I'll just mention here, i have six forwards and they're all poachers. With so many, I can't play one up top, and I can't play two poachers. I've spent the whole season trying combos - pressing forwards, deep-lying forwards on various duties, nothing works but the nearest if poacher with attacking forward. I'll keep trying with the new forwards - there's got to be a formula that clicks somewhere.

 

But probably not here:

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Scottish-Irish local kid Millard here fancies himself as a target forward. That would be great in conjunction with a killer poacher, but I'm not seeing it at all. If anything, he looks more like a midfield destroyer. I'll start by trying him there.

And finally, i'm hoping for a whole new first-choice defence. Other than the goalkeeper, this kid could be the best

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He wants to be a left fullback, but he doesn't have the chops to play wingback and looks like he can defend well. Like too many of my defenders, he lacks stamina, and the woeful determination and concentration are worrying signs, but he's still an upgrade on what we've got. Okay, I'm clutching at straws here - next season might be a repeat of 'we'll score more than you'.

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Posted (edited)

The last three matches I effectively threw. I did intend to beat John O’Groats; they just passed the ball around the back and never threatened us. We created enough chances, but I’d given a debut to Hossaini and he clearly wasn’t ready, fluffing them all. I filled the next two squads with fresh academy kids, knowing they’d be out of their depth, but I figured it would be vital experience for next season and I couldn’t be sure we’d be able to arrange meaningful preseason friendlies.

The season petered out, but there's no avoiding the shock that we actually gained promotion.

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'Unbeaten in four', anyone?

Seasons ends just as the sun comes out for the first time in a year. Typical.

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Poor Amy!

 

The talk of the town is about off-the-field shenanigans. Hot gossip:

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I was gobsmacked when Caitriona revealed these figures to me:

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Talk is the proposed sponsors and investors - including the Shetland Council were unwilling to entrust our chairman with six-figure sums. Can't think why

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He assures me Dougal and I can still stay in his house

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Exciting times ahead?

Caitriona reckons we'll go from the lowest to one of the highest in terms of sponsorship income in Division One.

What isn't great news is our club captain's decision

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He's our talisman, our key player. I was hoping to get one more year out of him. He was fading, though. What would be ideal is if he'd stick around the backroom - he's more qualified than me as a coach, and he'd make an ideal scout for us - head scout even. Unfortunately, the timing's off, with the board upheaval, but let's hope it all works out.

Edited by phnompenhandy
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We score goals. That's our forte.

 

We're not possession-hoggers or pretty passers:

Average possession - 10th

Passes completed 14th

Successful crosses - 16th

 

We're short and slight:

Headers won - 18th (last)

Goals from set-pieces - mid-table

Dribbles - 1st - those magic inside forwards

 

Defending

Goals conceded - 2nd

Goals from set-pieces - 3 (all corners)

Goals from crosses - 3 (we could have 'invited crosses': I'll keep an eye on that for our new-look defence)

 

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Player stats

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Two of the league's best players left us for greener pastures. Inside Right Syrjanen and Inside Left Gow will be nailed-on first-choice starters next season.

In every other metric, for a promoted side, we were strangely mediocre.

 

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Posted (edited)

We had a wee party before we broke up for the holidays. Speeches!

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Two were not here, but we held a special celebration for the career of Connel Gresham. The rest will be a mixture of first-choice and back-ups next season. Probably. If they're still here.

 

Kind if nonsensical words from a drunk outgoing chairman

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And a touching insight from an invited hack

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Edited by phnompenhandy
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What is going on????

I start off with a very productive meeting:

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I then have a face-to-face meeting with the new chairman.

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Money! It's true!

He explained my timing was off in asking for a coaching course now, as was my request for an upgrade in Youth Recruitment - it's all in the pipe-line, apparantly. But he did grant me one request

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Look left - Junior Coaching.

And did you spot ....

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Club's debts???

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This makes absolutely no sense to me. Shortest reign in chairmanship history? One month? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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Highland Watch:

Ross County – 9th in Premier League

Inverness Caley – 5th in Championship

Cove Rangers – 5th in League One

Peterhead – champions of League Two

Elgin City – 9th in League Two

Brora Rangers – champions of Macbeth Pictish League – and winners of play-off to League Two.

Loch Ness winners of North Caledonian League but lost in play-offs.

North West Skye – champions of Highland Premier League – but no promotion this season.

And for you Sassenachs, Liverpool pipped Manchester City to the English Premier League title on the last day.

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Posted (edited)

Right, last season was truly gruelling and the summer dizzying. Worst of all, the weather is cold and dreich.

I'm taking a break - just three days - will the chairman still be here when I get back? Will all the players?

If I'm needed, I'll be here (in reality, two hours doon the road)

White Boutique Hotel - my romantic journey

Edited by phnompenhandy
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Congratulations on your promotion. It was a Jekyll and Hyde type season for you I feel, flying for the first half then limping over the line in the second half.

Good luck in the division above next season, assuming you decide to stay at Shetland.

Did I read that correctly? Father Jack has stepped down. Mr Wright took over, made no investment, increased the club’s debt, all of that in a single month and now he’s stepping down? Wow! It’s a Shetland Soap Story Saga!

Enjoy your romantic short break.

 

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1 hour ago, Stuniverse said:

Congratulations on your promotion. It was a Jekyll and Hyde type season for you I feel, flying for the first half then limping over the line in the second half.

Good luck in the division above next season, assuming you decide to stay at Shetland.

Did I read that correctly? Father Jack has stepped down. Mr Wright took over, made no investment, increased the club’s debt, all of that in a single month and now he’s stepping down? Wow! It’s a Shetland Soap Story Saga!

Enjoy your romantic short break.

 

Thanks. We actually leave tomorrow morning. I don't want to be in an intense moment in the season then have to step away for three days, so I'll pause here.

It was truly bizarre - Jack "stepped down" then Wright came in and he was gone in one month! He did invest, but with a secret bank loan, and some council money came in, but how he was gone so fast I have no idea. Never seen anything like it.

 I'll stay, although if being refused coaching courses becomes a chronic thing, I'll reconsider whether I'm here for a third season. I don't want a repeat of last season, but I can't figure out why it happened. I should probably have a second tactic in my back pocket if opponents 'figure us out'. Last season we began as rank outsiders, with opponents attacking with gay abandon; this season we're one of the favourites - with a younger and surely weaker squad. The league is no stronger than Division Two was, so we have a chance.

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6 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

Right, last season was truly gruelling and the summer dizzying. Worst of all, the weather is cold and dreich.

I'm taking a break - just three days - will the chairman still be here when I get back? Will all the players?

If I'm needed, I'll be here (in reality, two hours doon the road)

White Boutique Hotel - my romantic journey

Congrats on a successful first season on Shetland and enjoy your break!

At least there a guarantee of good weather over there, the UK seems to be getting storm after storm after storm, stuck in an indefinite loop of 7 degrees, high winds and non - stop f*cking rain, as you can imagine, the non leagues are going weeks without playing many games.  

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What a strange end to the season. :confused:

Romping the league and then you lose the best players and end up crawling rather than limping over the line for promotion but no title. 

Seemingly have lost all footballing ability and can no longer even score goals. 

El Presidente arrives, takes out loan & then leaves? :lol:

I hope your new batch of youngsters are decent or you could be in trouble this season. 

Good luck. :thup:

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1 hour ago, Jimbokav1971 said:

What a strange end to the season. :confused:

Romping the league and then you lose the best players and end up crawling rather than limping over the line for promotion but no title. 

Seemingly have lost all footballing ability and can no longer even score goals. 

El Presidente arrives, takes out loan & then leaves? :lol:

Great summary of Shetland's season, @Jimbokav1971

1 hour ago, Jimbokav1971 said:

I hope your new batch of youngsters are decent or you could be in trouble this season. 

Good luck. :thup:

I think @phnompenhandy is going to need it.

🍀🤞

I'm going to miss Father Jack...

Edited by Stuniverse
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Greetings from the beach.  Trauma getting here when some jerk jumping a light and hit us. Missus just calmed her nerves now  -  all is well.

Less fun without Jack for sure. He's our landlord though,  so might make an appearance.

You can see from the ability stars, the intake looks poor. They might be good enough - the league looks weak, but will need preseason to see, and even then only if I can organise useful friendlies - I hadn't foreseen our location would be so problematic.

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1 hour ago, phnompenhandy said:

Greetings from the beach.  Trauma getting here when some jerk jumping a light and hit us. Missus just calmed her nerves now  -  all is well.

Oh no. Hope you're all ok and not too much damage to your vehicle.

1 hour ago, phnompenhandy said:

You can see from the ability stars, the intake looks poor. They might be good enough - the league looks weak, but will need preseason to see, and even then only if I can organise useful friendlies - I hadn't foreseen our location would be so problematic.

You could always take out a loan to cover the opposition's travel expenses... :lol:

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Posted (edited)
22 hours ago, Stuniverse said:

Oh no. Hope you're all ok and not too much damage to your vehicle.

You could always take out a loan to cover the opposition's travel expenses... :lol:

Front end's a mess. Looks worse than it is,  is what I'm telling myself.

Good idea.  Logistics is part of my wife's job - I'll get her onto it when we've got a spare minute.  Bit busy right now ;)

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Underworld in my earpods, Alice in Wonderland in my tablet in one hand, a cold beer in the other, white sand between the toes, ocean waves lapping at the feet; proving we get the car back tomorrow,  I'll be in fine fettle to tackle that difficult second season, unless the new chairman has wrecked the club in my brief absence.

Edited by phnompenhandy
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2 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

Greetings from the beach.  Trauma getting here when some jerk jumping a light and hit us. Missus just calmed her nerves now  -  all is well.

Oh wow. That's not good news but could have been much much worse. :thup:

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21 hours ago, Jimbokav1971 said:

Oh wow. That's not good news but could have been much much worse. :thup:

I'd say that fraction of a second where I cried out "look out" and my wife hit the brake was the difference between him smashing the front corner and the driver's door,  So "Yeah!"

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I returned from my break, not exactly relaxed, but happy to exchange those sweltering hot tropical beaches for a cool Shetland ones, only to find the club in a state of chaos. The chairman, wossisname - had he resigned or not? He was nowhere to be found, and no one seemed to be clear what the status was. This had an immediate impact on me as Caitriona's hands were tied concerning finances. If last preseason was bad, this was a farce:

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Caitriona and I were full time communicating with any and every club around. In the end, we got some games:

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Three friendlies. That was it. I rely on playing at least ten, usually 12 or 13 preseason friendlies to get my squad prepared. This was impossible; I couldn't even get the first team playing the second team to get match fitness up. What a joke. Players started to leave; I couldn't experiment changes to line-ups and tactics to adapt. I was sure in this soup of uncertainty, more players would take up offers to move elsewhere. I felt we had the players, and we had the staff, but if the board was going to be so neglectful, our changes of success were nil.

And then I saw an opportunity.

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Barry Ferguson. Rangers legend. Played in the English Premier for Blackburn and Birmingham. Managerial career started at Blackpool, and then on to Clyde, Kelty hearts and Alloa, with the ultimate ambition to manage Rangers some day. Then a year ago, he took what he came to regard as a step backwards. North West Skye. He led them to the title of the Highland Premier, the William Turner trophy and the final of the Alba Amateur Cup. The club must have known he'd never stay, and indeed he's left to pursue a job back in the SFL. So ...

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'Board'? I don't even know who you are. You've blocked everything I've tried to do. Your empty words are worthless.

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Such a shock, I don't even get

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This is different gravy. Semi-professional, monied, very ambitious. Fortunately, with a month of preseason to go, but I will need time to figure out what I've got myself into. Oh, and some of my staff have joined me - Dougal and Caitriona, and medics Mollie and Hanna.

[NB originally, my next job was intended to be in Ireland, and I did get offers, but I've already killed that league due to the financial shenanigans. I'm minded now to limit my journeyings to the Highlands. I may well get sacked from here and be open to various offers, but if I'm successful, the only way up is Inverness Caley and Ross County, so maybe I'll be here for the long haul.

I'll have the backstory for you in due course.

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  • phnompenhandy changed the title to A Highlands & Islands Journey

I'm learning, bit by bit.

The bookies have us as red-hot favourites

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The does suggest we have a strong squad.

The chairman is being very reasonable

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The chairman, Hugh, is cutting me some slack. Personally, I don't think there was a cat in hell's chance Barry would have stayed with a club in the 11th tier for another year, but the chairman seems to feel he might have been to blame. There's no doubt the expectation would have been to do the treble and gain promotion under Barry, but he's holding back given my lack of experience. Given the investment, that can only be for a year, though. Apparently, the five-year-plan requires promotion this season, but he can deal with a one-year delay. The way the league is structured, whilst the top three clubs get promoted from Divisions Two and One, there is a massive bottleneck to get out of this league, the highland Premier League. Last season, due to restructuring, there was no promotion possible, despite NW Skye winning the title. This season, the champions will play off against the bottom-placed club in the 10th tier West of Scotland Division Four. There's nothing for finishing second. We are to 'challenge' for the title - second or third would be tolerable for this season, and we're to do 'well' in the two cups.

My enthusiasm for developing players coming through the youth system was a major reason why I got the job; unlike Shetland, the chairman has already invested in junior coaching and youth recruitment:

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He's aware of the asylum-seeker programme and is open to joining. Given he's the Clan Chief of half the island (more on that later), he has the power to make it so; therefore, it's possible we might get one or two refugee youths integrating with the main intake next April.

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Posted (edited)

We have a very small squad - 21, the majority of whom are academy kids. We be heavily relying on the nine senior players staying fit and nurturing the youngsters over the campaign. The real difference makers, I'm told, are the two strikers, captain Gus Mackenzie and his striking partner Dylan McArthur. Keep them fit and keep them sweet and my job with be a cinch, apparently.

 

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Here are highlights of their victory at Sleat & Strath last month:

Sleat\Strath v NorthWest Skye (26th June 2024)

Edited by phnompenhandy
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