THORFINN – A Sporting and Social Revolution Begins

[Stuniverse]

34 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

UPDATE: After hiring TWO goalkeeping coaches, he's hired a coach on £1,500 per month. The same day, he shoves his £0 contract under my nose again

Same as me on my save. 

Difference is, mine's a Journeyman save whereas yours is more of a one club save.

[phnompenhandy]

4 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

Same as me on my save. 

Difference is, mine's a Journeyman save whereas yours is more of a one club save.

Ssshhh. I'm trying to play hard and call his bluff

[Stuniverse]

10 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

Ssshhh. I'm trying to play hard and call his bluff

🤐

[Jamstock]

2 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

That would be when we hosted Lugar Boswell Thistle (does anyone call them ‘LBT’? Or does sound too much like a gay sandwich?)

In my saves they were always known as Lugar BT, and my mind would think they had some relation to British Telecom...

In fact I think I believed it for a while before I decided to actually check 

[phnompenhandy]

I've been checking. About a third of the clubs in Division Three don't pay their managers. In Division Two they all do, ranging from £50 a month to over £1000. I wonder if I can sweat it out without a contract until the Great Turnover on 22nf June just before pre-season starts. Will it make a difference?

[Stuniverse]

14 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

I've been checking. About a third of the clubs in Division Three don't pay their managers. In Division Two they all do, ranging from £50 a month to over £1000. I wonder if I can sweat it out without a contract until the Great Turnover on 22nf June just before pre-season starts. Will it make a difference?

Worth a try 🤞

Edited December 12, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

MAY

 

Around the Highlands (and choice Lowland clubs):

Ross County survived in the Premiership, won by a Celtic that dropped only 4 points all season.  Inverness Caley are relegated from the Championship again. Johnstone Burgh failed in the play-offs and will remain in League One with Cove Rangers. East Kilbride won the League Two title, while Annan survived and halted Elgin City’s bid to return to the SPFL from the Highland League.

Hutchison Vale, having been freshly promoted to the Lowland League won it, but lost the play-off to Elgin. Loch Ness FC won the North Caledonian League, but it was North End of Dundee who faced our ‘neighbours’ Wick Academy for a spot in the Highland League and won the play-off.

(South of Scotland side) Threave Rovers won the West of Scotland Premier League but were beaten on penalties by Edinburgh’s Civil Service Strollers who return to the Lowland League (I mean, fair play to Threave - they voluntarily dropped from their tier 6 league to the 10th tier WoS D4 in 2022 because it's more competitive). Last season’s WoS champions who did get promoted, Caledonian Locos, finished a creditable 4^th.

Tullibody finished 2^nd in the Caledonian Amateur Premier League (tier 7). Also in tier 7, North West Skye claimed another title in WoS Division One. Behind us in WoS Division Four, Westside just managed a promotion in third place. Stornoway United squeezed through the Highland Amateur bottleneck to get into WoS D4.

The spiv is shoving that same damn contract under my nose on a weekly basis. I hope I can hang on for three more weeks. The end of May saw our head Physio finish serving her notice and join her husband as they move back to England. And Billy the Gob has left, insisting he's got a better gig, but is oddly evasive when pressed for details. Even without him, staff wages have risen to £4000 per month - jobs for the boys. The whole thing stinks.

Very secure, eh? I'd say the last word is the pertinent one

Edited December 12, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

Let's play with fire:

Shove it, Ally

I won't last long if the bookies are anything to go by. Not that they ever are, but maybe one cup reversal could make him pull the trigger. Then again, what was ever 'secure' about a £0 contract, even with 50% compensation if I'm to be poached?

Edited December 12, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

Ouch! The bookies don’t rate Kirkwall Thorfinn’s chances very highly, do they?

You can beat the odds, @phnompenhandy.

Good luck 🍀⚽️🤞

Edited December 12, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

JULY

It has become patently obvious privately and publicly that the chairman and I do not get along. He seems to realise that he can’t fire me, as the fans would revolt and the squad probably leave (and to be 100% clear with you, I will NOT be signing any contract that expects me to do all this for free. I'll be operating on a day-to-day basis until that changes). Nevertheless, he is finding ways to push me into resigning. Not only is he stuffing the backroom with useless, overpaid lackies, but he’s instructed Astrid to ensure the squad is limited to 33 with no flexibility.

That means I have to release twelve more squad members – ones who aren’t first-team ready but have bags of potential and new, young academy kids who haven’t had a chance yet. This totally undermines our whole club DNA and long-term philosophy. Of course, I’m the one who has to make those decisions, so fingers point at me and not him. Thus, refugees Tanepa, Haqverdiyez, Kanteh and Aung have to go, along with last season first-team regulars McGuinness and Lisle. New academy kids Alan Morrison, Jay Smith and Bunce along with last year’s Carson, Aitkenhead and Foster all have to leave. At least some of these would have been brilliant in time; now we’ll never know. And if any I’m giving the benefit of the doubt disappoint or get injured, it will be too late to adjust.

Astrid is so sick of the Upstairs that she no longer cares if she’s fired or not. She’s stuck her neck out and without informing the chairman (she’ll tell him he must have accidentally deleted an email), she persuaded a Norwegian friend working as Head Physio for Hillfield Swifts in Inverkeithing, to join us in the same capacity. It was enough to prompt our assistant physio Isla Grehan to re-sign and stay with us for another year. She couldn’t do anything about the new assistant manager and four coaches he appointed over the summer and dumped on me. The only coaching staff I now trust are the fitness coaches, Kirkwall locals Karen and Bethan. The seven men are all outsiders, Spiv’s overpaid mates.

Shall we meet them, the good, the bad and the ugly?

Medical team - in eight years, our injury record has been excellent - can a new chief sustain this? If so, she for one, will be worth her salary

 

New Assistant Manager.  The chairman seems to forget he appointed Trevor Masson as an assistant, so we're back to two. I suspect Masson isn't brown-tongued enough, but I can't just ask him!

Potter here is certainly capable, but dead lazy. I just hope the kids don't notice him fobbing off mundane tasks to Masson and pick up his unambitious vibes.

What the hell is this?? Slippery Salmon. Way overqualified for this level. I'm convinced that his unambitious persona is a pure ruse; he's waiting to stab me in the back and take my job, with the connivance of the Spiv. Good luck with that - Kirkwall - indeed, the whole archipelago idolise me now.

A second goalkeeping coach. What's the point? Does anyone actually believe he's here due to his £34 per month salary? More skulduggery afoot.

Another unambitious coach. Is this the sole qualification to work here now? On paper, he seems fine for this level, but he's part of the mafia I don't trust.

So I'm expecting a near future of being undermined from these elements. The chairman took over the club when he saw the potential money-spinner when we rise a few more levels. He knows only I can achieve that, so he's pretty stupid to be operating so transparently. He's more cartoon baddie than top TV thriller villain. This new gang is unambitious enough to fester for a few years until I throw in the towel, but I don't think they have any idea just how gruelling the weather and isolation can be up here - that is my hidden weapon. I've adjusted; I can stare them down and see them out. Most of them will not renew their contracts next May when they see I'm not going anywhere. I will quietly admit, I'm not sure I can take all this bull without Astrid supporting me, so a lot depends on whether she can bear it or not.

At the start of the break, I was confident we had a strong squad and the underlying structure to win another promotion this season. Now I don't know how things will go - we're back in an Autumn of jeopardy.

Edited December 13, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

1 hour ago, phnompenhandy said:

JULY

It has become patently obvious privately and publicly that the chairman and I do not get along. He seems to realise that he can’t fire me, as the fans would revolt and the squad probably leave (and to be 100% clear with you, I will NOT be signing any contract that expects me to do all this for free. I'll be operating on a day-to-day basis until that changes). Nevertheless, he is finding ways to push me into resigning. Not only is he stuffing the backroom with useless, overpaid lackies, but he’s instructed Astrid to ensure the squad is limited to 33 with no flexibility.

Oh-oh.

Well, at least you’re unsackable… for now…

Do you do the press stuff or do you delegate that? I frequently get asked if my Chairperson and I see eye-to-eye.

Edited December 13, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

2 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

Oh-oh.

Well, at least you’re unsackable… for now…

Do you do the press stuff or do you delegate that? I frequently get asked if my Chairperson and I see eye-to-eye.

Always delegate, and ignore the few questions that get through. But next time that one comes up, I will answer!

[Stuniverse]

2 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

Always delegate, and ignore the few questions that get through. But next time that one comes up, I will answer!

I’ve only really seen it in the pre- and post-match interviews.

Be careful, @phnompenhandy and watch your back… I don’t like the sound of your Chairman.

Edited December 13, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

2 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

I’ve only really seen it in the pre- and post-match interviews.

Be careful, @phnompenhandy and watch your back… I don’t like the sound of your Chairman.

It's certainly added a hot dose of spice to the narrative. Every good story is based on conflict.

[phnompenhandy]

My pared down squads for the coming season, in order of preferred starting XI, eleven substitutes and the U18s squad of eleven backups. It includes an experiment with Adam at centre back and midfielder Henry Morrison retraining as a left back. Note the Stewart brothers as centre backs - will they end up playing together?

[phnompenhandy]

Do you remember Kyle? Kirkwall Grammar boy, now studying at Strathclyde University? Here:

My ultra-loyal lad, he loves the club and is our Glasgow/West of Scotland 'spy'. When he was back for the summer break, he told me what he knew about the Second Division. According to him, all the clubs have stands or even stadiums - mostly ramshackle but in a few cases of SPFL standard. Now I don't know what the regulations say, but given we have no seats at all, at some point the authorities are surely going to insist we develop our ground. Under the old regime with Carol, the club had a great relationship with the management of the Pickaquoy, local Kirkwall council and the Scottish government - money would have been found. But this guy - who knows?

There is a single exception, Kyle tells me. Kilsyth Athletic, who were promoted from Division Three the season before us, have permission to use a new 3G pitch in a cage. We don't know how they wangled that, or for how long, but maybe we get a bye this season. But after that? Is it possible we finish in the Top 3 and are denied a shot at Division One because of our ground? Is that our glass ceiling? Adder Ally surely knows the money lies the other side of the ceiling. More intrigue.

[phnompenhandy]

AUGUST - cusp of new season

Due to a bit of turmoil at the club when we gathered for preseason, we could only organise nine senior and four junior friendlies – not as many as I’d have liked, but enough, providing the squad remained stable.

Inevitably, we must have a player pick up a serious injury in his first preseason game that will rule him out for two months. This year’s unfortunate victim is Abdul Saleem. The irrepressible Ryan Davidson gets a first-team recall.

The curse of the club captain struck again – Darren Taylor left us for Rosyth.

One loss didn’t disrupt the process, though. We completed our usual intense and effective preseason. I had to abandon plans to experiment with defensive variations when we released six defenders, but I don’t think our opponents have the scouting network to work out how to negate any predictability in our tactics.

Our preseason pattern never seems to change much. However, this time four of our opponents were from the North Caledonian and Highland Leagues.

Some players played themselves into the first-choice starting line-up; others out of it. I may have made a mistake with Adam - a superb wingback, but not doing as well as I'd like at centre back, despite seemingly having the qualities required.

Edited December 13, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

A Little Bit of Politics

Astrid brought me news of changes to the UNHRC policies as a result of both China and Russia changing course and trying to make nice with the West. Apparently, this makes the world a safer place and many former conflict zones are welcoming refugees and exiles back home. Any families that have settled in Scotland or elsewhere is welcome stay as they are permanent residents, but now that Russia has ceased to support various nasty regimes in Central Asia and Africa, a number of nations are no longer listed as vulnerable and we won’t be taking youths from them. The nations no longeron that list are:

Russia, Georgia, Azerbaijan, Kosovo, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan

China, North Korea

Angola, Benin, Botswana, Burkina Faso, Gambia, Lesotho, Mali, Namibia, Togo, Zimbabwe

There are still various conflicts in the Middle East and Africa, and the gangster-run regimes in Central America and the Caribbean (although they nearly all choose USA or Canada), leaving 32 nations we can search for prospects from, plus climate-threatened Pacific Island nationals who don’t want to go to Australia or New Zealand.

[phnompenhandy]

AUGUST - the football

We’re fit, happy and raring to go. The first week of the season proper had us playing the customary two cup ties; the board requires us to win them. The first was the preliminary round to the preliminary round to the Scottish Cup away at Neilston outwith Glasgow, and then we travelled further south to Peebles on the English border for the qualifying round of the Non-League Cup.

We won the first match 2-0 and got an enormous sum of £9,000 in prize money. The second was trickier – debutant Avdic had brought us level in the second half, but it took two post-90-minute goals, one from a second debutant, Dendup to break the deadlock as we went through 3-1.

Brig o'Lea, Neilston

Whitestone ground, Peebles

I noted the ‘modest’ nature of the stands at both grounds, the Brig-o-Lea and Rovers’ Whitestone Park [@Ronaldo Beckham], and asked the managers about it. They both stated that there is no ground restriction until you get to the Lowland or Highland League, so there is no imminent issue; however, that is only two promotions away.

The trouble with rousing speeches is diminishing returns, as we shall see.

The upcoming Saturday allowed us our solitary league game before four more successive cup ties. That was home to Port Glasgow [@Tikka Mezzala], one of the league favourites. We weren’t quite firing on all cylinders and draw that game 3-3.

On the Wednesday we hosted Benburb from Govan; we’d be hosting them again two weeks later in another cup. The first match was in the Strathclyde Demolition, and Benburb would be out third   cup opponent from one tier above us in a row. We played uncharacteristically appallingly and were very lucky to draw 1-1. We then undeservedly got through on penalties.

That second-string side will have to play the next round in the knowledge that if they stuff up, it will result in a serious diminution of their playing time. Meantime, the first XI prepared to take on tier six Brechin Vics in the first round of the Junior Cup. That match, admittedly against much tougher opposition, was a dogged midfield struggle. The breakthrough came with the last touch, in the 95^th minute by Yiu Yiu Man. 1-0.

We were straight into the first round proper of the Demolition Cup and a chance for the second-string to prove themselves capable. I was too spooked by Dendup’s mercurial inconsistency and elevated Meikle to the second-string squad, but the rest were on their second chance as we hosted Wincanton Rovers from Ardrossan. We didn’t get away with a second dismal performance and went down 0-1. There are plenty more sucky cup competitions, but if this lot maintain these standards of performance, we won’t last long in them. Are we discovering a worrying lack of depth at this level?

The league is very much an afterthought at this time of year. That is frustrating.

Peebles was dead nice, though.

Edited December 14, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

SEPTEMBER 1st

 

Aargghhh, no!!!! After Barker had left in the summer, we'd not been troubled by transfer window, and I'd clean forgotten about it. Then on transfer deadline day, this:

Matthew's been seduced by the Big City ambience of Inverness.

Followed an hour later by this:

Massively disruptive departures. Our midfield was just starting to gel with As-Chainey the best component. We had three good years out of him and he has plenty room for improvementin his locker. Far worse, however, is the loss of Iraqi Jabir Adel.

He's been integral to our rise over the last three seasons, a remarkable run for an asylum-seeker member of the squad and indeed, the longest-serving player in our current squad. He tells me that as a Marsh-Arab, the Western Isles had his parents pining for such an environment. Our back-up left backs are hopeless, so the only way I can fill this hole is to abandon the experiment with Adam at centre-half (where he was starting to settle and play well) and move him to inverted left wingback, and hoping against hope that after being forced to release four centre backs, we have the depth to cope.

Edited December 14, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

SEPTEMBER

 

We were not in the best mental shape to welcome Luncarty from outside Perth in the money-spinning Preliminary Round of the Scottish Cup. They were a sixth-tier side and would presumably also be taking this competition seriously. In another really tight encounter, the defence and midfield held firm while young Golabek converted an Ednie cross to score his first Thorfinn goal to get us through 1-0. The gate was a near sell-out with 476 paying spectators and a record £5000 in takings to add to the £9,000 in prize money. I’d like to think there’s too much fan and media attention for Spiv to trouser all the money; I’m going to try yet again to demand facility upgrades and even raise the issue of ground improvements to get more spectators in before we’re done by the Lowland League suits.

When Benburb returned for the Non-League Cup first round, they face eleven different starters. If it confused the opposition, it confused us more. We’d only had one training session to reorganise our defence and midfield after the losses of Adel and As-Chainey. Adam was hopelessly lost at sea and the midfield was a muddle. After being 2-0 up at half-time, thanks to a Dube brace, Benburb worked out our weak areas and we unsurprisingly lost the tie, 2-3. We’re going to need time and matches to fix this mess, and this is one opportunity we’ve now lost.

The positive effect of crashing out of these competitions is a reduction in midweek games. We had time to get some ideas across on the training pitch ahead of travelling to Kilbirnie in Ayrshire to face the ‘Blasties’ (aye, this is Burns country). The ideas I tried to get across in training hadn’t really sunk in – nobody played well, as we find ourselves in a transition period that ought to have occurred in preseason. We lost 0-1 to Kilbirnie Ladeside.

We had a week before a re-match with Port Glasgow, again at our place. This one was the first round of the Scottish Cup. Could we improve on the previous league result of 3-3, with a weaker and demoralised team? We played well enough, but it took at 95^th minute equaliser by substitute Golabek to keep us in the game at 2-2 before wangling another penalty shoot-out win. Over £27,000 went in the kitty from the FA alone, with another £5000 from the gates.

For the last week in September, we were away to Gartcairn in Airdrie – twice.

Gartcairn academy

In midweek it was the Junior Cup and on Saturday the league. We’d be playing two completely different starting line-ups again, the second-string (including a Stewart brothers partnership in central defence) in the cup and first choice in the league. In the first game, Golabek scored again but the team as a whole are just not good enough at this level. We went down 1-2. Three days later, the proper starting line-up achieved the same result, 1-2. We took an early lead through Dube, but once our best player Ednie got carded in the 24^th minute, we had no chance.

 

All really tight scorelines

 

 

There's no sugar-coating this; it's bad. Last September we lost one in eight, so we’re doing comparatively much worse. On one level it’s a concern, on another it’s not. Just as I’d vowed to take all the cup competitions seriously, we crashed out early from three of them. We’re not going to get much further in the Scottish Cup, so that just leaves one we have a chance of progressing in – the one that hasn’t started yet. The upside of this is that our midweeks are mostly free, so we can focus on preparing for each Saturday league match. We have a first-choice starting XI that is good enough to compete well. Behind that, however, we are too weak for this level (due to savage cuts and desertions, eight of the starting XI for Wednesday matches are new academy and refugee kids), and without cup ties to gain first team experience, the rest of the squad can’t develop. In the long term, this is going to evolve into a huge problem, but right now we have morale issues, and it’s all I can do to help us find some form, and start winning games.

 

Edited December 14, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

4 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

Aargghhh, no!!!! After Barker had left in the summer, we'd not been troubled by transfer window, and I'd clean forgotten about it. Then on transfer deadline day

Don't you just hate those last minute departures you can do nothing to stop.

1 hour ago, phnompenhandy said:

There's no sugar-coating this; it's bad. Last September we lost one in eight, so we’re doing comparatively much worse. On one level it’s a concern, on another it’s not. Just as I’d vowed to take all the cup competitions seriously, we crashed out early from three of them. We’re not going to get much further in the Scottish Cup, so that just leaves one we have a chance of progressing in – the one that hasn’t started yet. The upside of this is that our midweeks are mostly free, so we can focus on preparing for each Saturday league match. We have a first-choice starting XI that is good enough to compete well. Behind that, however, we are too weak for this level (due to savage cuts and desertions, eight of the starting XI for Wednesday matches are new academy and refugee kids), and without cup ties to gain first team experience, the rest of the squad can’t develop. In the long term, this is going to evolve into a huge problem, but right now we have morale issues, and it’s all I can do to help us find some form, and start winning games.

OUCH!

[phnompenhandy]

OCTOBER

We were in danger of slipping into a whirlpool with low morale and poor form. But we had a good opportunity to get back on track at home to Rossvale. We knew them well, having won three and drawn once in four games against them. In a poor game, we scrambled a 3-2 win – but it was a win.

It may have been a crucial result because we still had a Wednesday night game to play, with our hapless seconds, at Whiteletts Victoria in Ayr. In an utterly bonkers game where we had our backs to the wall all the way, we managed to break five times and win 5-3. Our attackers redeemed themselves, even if our midfield is an absolute shambles.

At the weekend we hosted league second-favourites Greenock Juniors. In an impressive display of anti-football, we restricted them and came out with a 1-1 draw. Now given that we’ve also held the bookies’ favourites, Port Glasgow, twice, that for me is very encouraging. Once we get into a higher gear, we’ll be fine. Unfortunately, we lost highly promising wingback Harry Lewis for four months with broken ribs.

We went out west to Stornoway next. We knew Athletic well – after they’d humiliated us in our first season, over the last year we had the advantage of two wins to one. Now though, they’d made a strong start to their season. I felt a point would be acceptable. We were surprised to be playing at Goathill on a Sunday in what is still a ‘Free Church’ stronghold.

A point each is exactly how it panned out, with a 2-2 once our two inside forwards came off the bench to rescue the game. That set us up to see out October with a Second Round tie in the Scottish Cup at Bonnyton Thistle of Kilmarnock.

They’d beaten us in our one previous encounter and had since got promoted to the West of Scotland Premier League. We were sadly if unsurprisingly beaten in a 2-5 defeat despite being way ahead in xG. It’s a key feature of this season that our previously prolific attack is now struggling. Flett damaged his ankle and will be out for a month as we picked up £5,730 as the last of this season’s prize money.

I'm calling this a very good month concerning league results. If we can draw against the better teams and beat the others, we'll be top three in time.

Now begins our focused assault on the league (well, not 100%, as you'll see with November's fixtures). By sitting in the lower half of the table, opponents won't fear us and sit back, which is just as well given our attack is showing its limitations. Strategically, I'm maintaining that we're in a good place.

[phnompenhandy]

Actually, I'm bracing myself for a very challenging month. Alice brought me some very scary data - our defence is the worst in the league:

As you can see, whilst the squad is 100% familiar with the same tactic we've used for years now, individual relationships on the pitch are breaking down as key players leave or are injured:

This is my current BEST XI; the backups who will have to play this month are much much worse. So much worse in fact, that I've come to the decision that I won't risk them in league games. At the risk of pushing some of the players above too far, I'm going to force them into playing both league games in the coming week so that the seconds can do whatever they can in the useless Indigo Community whatever.

The other decision is whether to ride this terrible defensive form out until injured players return, or tweak tactics such as playing with a more defensive mentality.  These lads don't pick new ideas up too quickly and we have no time to  practice any, so i'm going to have to bite the bullet and stick with what isn't working!

 

[phnompenhandy]

NOVEMBER

 

Annoyingly, the last remaining tinpot competition starts this month and matches are scheduled for Saturdays, meaning league games are knocked back to the previous Wednesdays. There won’t be a midweek space to allow me to easily set up the poor seconds eleven to play those matches, saving the best eleven for the league; I’m going to have to play the best team in the cup and cross my fingers as the seconds endeavour to keep us alive in the league.

 

The first match was against Hurlford United. If their gobby manager thought baiting me would work to his advantage, he didn’t know me at all.

I put that little bit more passion into my team talk and it was enough to beat them 3-1. It wasn’t pretty, but it was three points and an extra point scored against a humbled manager. Ensuring they were well rested, I took the same squad to play Ardeer Thistle in north Ayrshire.

Ardeer - committed to the part-time ethos

The team was undefeated in the league, but drew most of the games. The dreary 1-1 result was thus entirely predictable and as an away tie, satisfactory.

Three days later the hopeless and hapless remnants of the squad took the field in the cheapskate sponsor’s West of Scotland pot. Our opponents were Fourth Division Kilsyth Rangers, who, if they had any sense, were also sending out a reserve side, so we felt our lot had a chance.

I had completely forgotten that before the season began, the Spiv had demanded that we get through this tie, and of course I still hadn’t accepted his £0 contract, so I was accidentally taking a big risk. As it was, with club stalwart Ryan Davidson leading the troops, we had just about enough about us to win the match 2-1.

Now we had a week to breathe, and I promoted five of the backups who played well in that match to the Starting XI for the next match in an effort to freshen things up and drop non-performing regulars. The new-look side struggled at first, going 0-2 down by half-time, but clearer instructions led to a second-half revival and a 2-2 final score against Girvan. The 2-2 draw at Glasgow Wellington, the weakest team in the division was more of a disappointment; we’d just draw two matches against relegation-threatened opponents, matches we ought to have won, mainly due to the bluntness of our strikers.

 

Glasgow Wellington - the city's most famous landmark!

We now had the issue where the schedulers had brought forward our away encounter with fourth-placed Kilsyth Athletic to the following Wednesday. I couldn’t rest players and have them play three games in a week, so my seconds would have to play that. If there was any hope there, it was because some previously first team regulars who’d been dropped for the last two games, should be motivated to claim their places back. We did beat them at their place a year ago, but we’re a weaker team now.

We were utterly dominated, went 0-2 down and lost our goalkeeper Andreano to a broken arm. Fortunately, I had Geegan on the bench; he came on and kept us in the game. They thought they had the game wrapped up with five minutes to go, but we can be very determined, and Yiu Yiu and Golabek pinched two late goals to burgle yet another 2-2 draw.

 

Draw merchant, aye. At this stage, this is fine - we're not losing games. Our poor form is a worry, but that fightback in the last ten minutes against Kilsyth gives me hope.

This is fine. It's a tight league - if we turn just a couple of draws into wins, we're contenders. Remember, we traditionally come good in the last three months or so. Trust the process (if not the players!)

Edited December 15, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

3 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

The first match was against Hurlford United. If their gobby manager thought baiting me would work to his advantage, he didn’t know me at all.

Boo, Mark Dunbar. BOO!

An unbeaten month, albeit mostly draws, and climbing the league table.

Things looking up, @phnompenhandy

[Ronaldo Beckham]

I love the effort you put into each post you create on these threads. Especially the specific photos you find. 

 

[phnompenhandy]

6 minutes ago, Ronaldo Beckham said:

I love the effort you put into each post you create on these threads. Especially the specific photos you find. 

 

Thanks. I try to be a wee bit different to other threads in this forum, and to share my love of the Highlands & Islands (although I've gone beyond that point now).

[phnompenhandy]

DECEMBER

 

The month opened with a 4-2 win against bottom side Irvine Meadow XI. The result was predictable, but the manner of it was pleasing -a better performance than I’d seen in months.

Astrid called me later to inform me that our German Head of Youth Development, Lydia, had decided to remain with us after this season. She’ll shepherd in one more intake, then leave.  She feels that whilst the downsizing of the UNHRC project reflects good news for global conflict, it renders much of her job a waste of time as she’s having to abandon many ongoing projects in various refugee camps. Astrid and I are concerned that Spiv has no interest in the Project and filling the role with another overpaid chum would be a disaster, resulting possibly in the UN and Scottish government pulling their funding.

The next football match was a cup tie against Beith Juniors.

As much as I was indifferent to the outcome, it was on a Saturday with no midweek fixtures, so I played our first team with the intention of getting a run of form going.

We have a horrible habit of being at our best in games when I don’t really want us to be! A mad stoppage time scramble brought us to 3-3 after ninety minutes – and then we won on penalties. The next round is nearly three months away – I don’t know whether to go for it or not now, but we can put it to bed for the winter.

I did say my main motivation for putting the first team out for the cup tie was to get a run of form going, so after playing well for two matches and winning both, I wasn’t going to change a successful formula for the next match against league leaders Dalry Thistle. Another second half recovery from a 0-2 deficit to draw 2-2 was pleasing for this stage in the season. We’re not at our best yet, but we still held the leaders.

 

The weekend before Christmas we were at Carluke. It’s the sort of ground where you need to bring binoculars.

I’d targeted that match for a win but with Gallagher missing a penalty, we had to settle for yet another draw, 1-1 this time. By the way, shout out to our Rohingya, Sohel Golam jilani. He’s been with us for two and a half years, barely getting a look in and almost being released this summer. He’s hung in, got a chance due to injuries and have surpassed himself these last four games. Flett will be back in the new year though, so he’ll have to make way. He’s a fickle sort though; I don’t see this form being sustained, and if Astrid is right about the next intake, he’ll be gone in the summer – with some confidence and good memories, I hope.

The final game of the year – decade even – was home to Kilbirnie Ladeside. I don’t know where it came from, but suddenly we were playing like Brazil and blitzed them 5-1, by far our best result of the season. Is this the beginning? A ‘2030, here we go’?

 Just one loss in three months, in the Scottish Cup, but more draws than wins.

And yet, ahead of the curve. We're perfectly on course

The only thing that can break us now - the dreaded window 

[phnompenhandy]

2030 - into the future

As the staff were setting things out for the New Year's Eve (Hogmanay) party, Astrid brought the intake preview report:

Was this a last hurrah from Lydia? It was looking pretty good.

As we entered a new decade, Astrid took me out to dinner and a serious talk. She’d delicately raised the matter of the next Head of Youth Development in a meeting with the Spiv and his cronies. She told me that she’d appealed to their self-interest, stressing how much investment we stood to lose if the UN and national government felt we were no longer in sympathy with their aims. He in turn pointed out that neither Astrid nor myself had renewed our contracts and were therefore not committed to the club going forward. She said he heavily implied that if we both signed two-year contracts now, he’d leave the appointment to us. We glumly concluded that for the sake of the future of the club as well as the whole asylum-seeking Kirkwall community, we had to make a personal sacrifice and put pen to paper. We did insist on one concession though; while Astrid lives in a comfortable rented apartment paid for by the UN, I want an upgrade on my room at the back of the leisure centre. Give me a nice apartment and a flashier car with expenses to match, and I’ll sign. Long story short, it was all agreed.

There was a significant knock-on effect – by the end of the month all ‘our’ staff had signed new deals – the three medics, Karen, and Alice. We hadn’t discussed the future with the Spiv’s henchmen, so we won’t know what the coaching department will look like for a while yet.

I agreed to be interviewed by the local paper after signing the contract. Interestingly, although I made a strong point about lack of backing from the chairman, the paper chose not to print that, exposing their loyalty with the money on the islands. I won’t be talking to them again.

I made some trenchant "additional comments"   

[phnompenhandy]

Ru-oh, our five star keeper: 112 games and out

 

He was way too good for this level. I fear for our defence without him (look at the backups - 3 blue stars) ...

Edited December 15, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

JANUARY 2030

 

Our first contest of the new decade would take us to Port Glasgow, current league leaders. We’d played them three times and drawn every game. We got a bit ahead of ourselves there – too confident. We were brought back to Earth with a crash in a heavy 2-5 defeat. It will probably do us good to get a reality check.

The rest of January sent us to Rossvale, home to Gartcairn in Airdrie and away at Greenock. If we avoided complacency, these were all winnable games. We know Rossvale very well, and dominated them in a 5-1 destruction. This time it wouldn’t go to our heads. Gartcairn gave us a very tough time though and we were happy with the 1-0. Firmly establishing that our attack has definitely rediscovered its mojo, we smashed Greenock Juniors for six in a 6-3 extravaganza.

Finally, I can put my worries about our attack to bed. It does have one tricky man-management consequence, though. Foremost in this revival is Ross Ritchie who hadn’t started that many games due to his poor form until December. I’d had Ryan Davidson filling in for him, but now he has to start on the bench. You’ll remember Ryan – our longest-serving, most dependable and most influential player.  But as I’d said at the beginning of the season, he’s declining as a player and blocks up-and-coming academy kids from developing. He was intended as emergency back up this season and that’s exactly how I’ve used him. But now he feels he has a right to be on the team sheet every week and is starting to get a bit narky about it.

The local gutter hack caught a whiff and thought he'd increase sales in the last days of the transfer window by stirring it up. I was worried, but Adam, Dimairo and Yiu Yiu Man all turned down offers to leave, leaving me with a clear run to the finishing post.

I now believe that Port Glasgow result to be our result of the year. Yes, hear me out: the reality check is exactly what we needed to get our heads in exactly the right place. This is traditionally the point in the schedule when we slide into top gear, and that's exactly what we're seeing.

Port Glasgow proved their superiority over us, and we might not catch them, but I'd tip us as red hot favourites for promotion now.

 

Edited December 16, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

FEBRUARY drama

 

A crowd of nearly 200 massed for the ‘Isles Derby’ as we efficiently despatched Stornoway Athletic 3-1 to put us as high as third for the first time in the season. Above us by six points were Whiteletts Victoria, whom we played next.

Controversy o’clock. The 0-2 loss leaves a nine-point gap between us, meaning we’ll be scrambling to nick the last promotion spot. What happened? We’d prepared all week with my planned starting XI, featuring Davidson up top. The morning of the game, this was published:

I was furious, but it was too late to change the team. We played, he stank the place out and dragged the team down with him. We couldn’t believe the toxic, unprofessional attitude of the man. The fans were there, the media was there, everyone saw how he let us down, so I’m not expecting any blowback when I had Astrid release him an hour after the whistle blew.

I'm still in shock. Are there any clues here as to his unexpected behaviour? I double-checked (page 2 of this story) - he is a local kid who came to us in our very first academy intake, initially as a left-winger before moving to striker. Look at his history - part of the furniture of the club -

A tragedy that he blew his reputation like this

He's no longer loved in Kirkwall - I hope he finds somewhere to play and live.

 

At the end of an enormously traumatic week, we went down to Hurlford to face a midtable United.

Could we get back on the horse? We could – a solid performance showed me all was well as we won 3-0.

The last match in February was the cup tie. We were hosted by BSC Glasgow.

Now, don’t get confused about the identity of BSC – they’re the good guys, a Scottish ‘AFC Wimbledon’, if you will. Glaswegian ‘Broomhill Sports Club’ were a community club in the Lowland League in 2021. Then, the board were lured by the prospect of filthy lucre – sponsorship, branding, an online documentary, a stadium, the promise of promotion to the SFL, the moon. The purists stuck to their principles, split and elected to restart in tier ten, the West of Scotland Division Four. As our own Mozza, working for the club stepped away, the greed merchants changed their name and retained their tier five status. For all the money and frills, promotion didn’t come. In 2024 a richer consortium took over and built a new stadium in Broomhill, Glasgow as they’d been marooned out in Dumbarton since 2021. Once the stadium move was completed, that consortium sold out to a tycoon who turned the club professional and sunk a fortune into facility upgrades, all in 2027. Now, over two years on, they’re still a midtable Lowland League side. In the meantime, the ‘real’ BSC has enjoyed three promotions and is in the tier above us, just off a promotion spot in the First Division.

It was almost an honour to lose to BSC – not by the 0-3 margin, though. Still, the last distraction is out of the way (please, no more dramas!!), and we have seven league games to give our full attention.

Fortunately, Kilbirnie, Dalry and Ardeer have all failed to find some form. This is fine, we're good. We just need to focus down the final strait. FO-CUS

Edited December 16, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

16 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

We glumly concluded that for the sake of the future of the club as well as the whole asylum-seeking Kirkwall community, we had to make a personal sacrifice and put pen to paper. We did insist on one concession though; while Astrid lives in a comfortable rented apartment paid for by the UN, I want an upgrade on my room at the back of the leisure centre. Give me a nice apartment and a flashier car with expenses to match, and I’ll sign. Long story short, it was all agreed.

I assume you're still being paid £0.00... but a nice upgrade in accommodation and transport.

[Stuniverse]

31 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

Fortunately, Kilbirnie, Dalry and Ardeer have all failed to find some form. This is fine, we're good. We just need to focus down the final strait. FO-CUS

🍀⚽️🤞

[phnompenhandy]

MARCH

 

Our first competitive match in March was a crunch tie with Ardeer Thistle, just three points behind us and contesting that third spot.  We weren’t at our best and the 2-2 draw was a little disappointing, but to be fair, the priority was not losing the game. We stay ahead of Thistle, and we now enter a series of matches against midtable teams, possibly less motivated than Ardeer.

After that match, Astrid introduced me to our new intake. The asylum-seekers would arrive later in the week.

On first look, I felt a bit apprehensive

This time, I had free time in midweek to assess the kids by watching them play the Under 18s with Potter.

Oh dear - Astrid was merely repeating what the scouting department had told her, but they are the worst academy intake I've ever seen. And if we've hit the ceiling on Orkney, we're in trouble as the pool of asylum-seekers is drying up.  The other conclusion that Astrid with her worldly experience suggested, is that these are the lads Spiv's personally-appointed scouts have 'nurtured', and that maybe families have paid them to send them to us. I took these boys through a couple more training sessions before this year's four refugees showed up, but it was clear we wouldn't be retaining more than four or five.

Edited December 16, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

MARCH

 

It’s a great frustration of mine that intake week always disrupts my preparations for the upcoming match, no matter how hard I try not to let it. We dropped two points at Girvan in a 1-1 draw.

As soon as we got back from Glasgow, I was straight into Distractionville.

What a sorry shower

And the more I see of them, the less I dream, 'potential'. The asylum-seekers have arrived. Astrid tells my Lydia had been focussing for six months on very promising Georgians, Abkhazians and renegade Russians, but the peace dividend wrecked her work and she had little time to unearth alternatives. She knows that we have a poor record with North Koreans and refugees from Myanmar but hoped these would be better.

She 's right - the main barriers have been language and the youths she refers to don't speak a word of English.  On the training pitch, they four of them do look sharper than the Orcadian 'scholars'. Let's take a look -

 

 

Edited December 16, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

The slowest Ethiopian in the world?  He's skilful, but no winger or inside forward. I'd like to retrain him as a playmaker, but I'm not sure that he's got the determination to work at it.

This Yemeni kid is fast. Not sure he's got anything else in his locker.

This is the Nork kid. He looks like he could be an absolutely lethal striker, providing he doesn't take too long to learn to understand instructions.

And this kid - again, if he picks up the language fast enough, he could be an answer to our defensive or midfield weaknesses.

As Astrid and I realise, the dearth of fresh blood means I can't release more than a few stagnating assets, and if we do gain promotion, we'll be taking a weaker squad into the new season. The key question is - is this a one-off? There are two separate matters here - one is the reorganisation within the UNHRC midseason. If the situation is now settled, there is time to find quality recruits for the next intake. The other is the shockingly bad recruitment process here in Kirkwall.  Even if Astrid lines up a talented new Head of youth Development in charge of finding asylum-seeking talent, we'll regress if we're only delivered amateur-level local lads. We agree that we're going to have to play dirty here, fight sleaze with sleaze. Astrid is still friendly with our ex-chairwoman Carol, and Carol is still well in with the Orkney Council and relevant politicians at Hollyrood. Let's find the right people to heavily lean on Spiv and make it quite clear that his recruitment is being heavily scrutinised, and if it's found to be untoward, at best funding will be withdrawn and at worst criminal charges will be brought.

 

[phnompenhandy]

APRIL

 

With so much midweek disruption to my preparations, we struggled to overcome relegation-haunted Glasgow Wellington 3-2 at home at the end of March.

April with opened with another contest with a relegation-threatened side when we played Irvine Meadow XI at their impressive old-school ground.

We lost 1-2 with a very poor performance. We are very fortunate that with the exception of leaders Port Glasgow, none of the top half sides won, so we cling onto third place.

 

NOT promotion form. With three to go, I don't want to depend on other teams being worse than us.

Edited December 16, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

We had very little margin for error left. Kilsyth were probably not candidates for promotion and we really needed three points off them as the away match at Dalry could well be a decider, given they were three points behind us but with a superior goal difference.

Against Kilsyth we were awful – two shots in the entire game, yet won 3-2 thanks to an own goal. Would that fluke turn out to be crucial? Kevin Flett picked up a serious injury that will keep him out until next preseason. With key players dropping and losing form we’re going in with patched up sides now.

Behind us, Ardeer and Dalry won. If we drew at Dalry, an Ardeer victory would put us level on points with an excruciatingly close goal difference. The tension was unbearable.

[phnompenhandy]

Dalry Thistle

In an unfeasibly tense game, our defenders were the heroes

Never has a dull, dour, gritty 0-0 been so sweet!

But Ardeer had won; how did that leave the table with one game to go?

Same points, same goal difference!

They just won 3-0 - their attack is purring. We need to win our last match against Carluke, but we need to match Ardeer's result at home to Irvine Meadow XI. Carluke, incidentally, scored six to secure themselves from relegation. Our only hope assuming we win is that Meadow need a point to escape relegation, so they will put up a fight - to start with. Our fate is not, therefore, entirely in our hands. Gulp!

 

Nb Dalry had a cup final to play on the Saturday, so their last league fixture was brought forward to the Wednesday. They drew and are out of the race. Two horses left, neck-and-neck.

Edited December 16, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

LAST GAME DRAMA!

Scored early, then they had a player sent off.  We just had to keep our heads. We let them equalise, our forwards completely lost the plot, but our young substitute winger put us back in the driving seat. Then we conceded an 85th minute penalty and we'd blown it.  2-2.

Hang on, what's this???

 

Ardeer have drawn too!!!!

We've done it! We're up!! The most undeserved promoted ever, but we’ll take it!

[Stuniverse]

4 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

We've done it! We're up!! The most undeserved promoted ever, but we’ll take it!

Congratulations!

They do say at the end of the season the league table does not lie.

Edited December 16, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

10 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

Congratulations!

They do say at the end of the season the league table does not lie.

Our form in the run-in was dreadful, an utter contrast from every other year. We might have been better off spending another year in Division Two - I don't feel we're in a good state for the First Division.

Dunno, I'm exhausted. Need to sleep!

[Sizeman21]

Wild finish to the season there! Love some late game drama to keep things interesting!

[phnompenhandy]

Whew, I really needed a lie-down after that. It was NOT fun; I honestly thought we were going to fail to get promoted. Now, let us reflect in a more sober fashion.

Nope, it's still a ridiculously razor-thin margin.

Drawing more matches than winning sounds unlikely; then you realise the majority of teams in the division did likewise.

We scored 17 goals more than Ardeer despite our dreadful defence.

But 12 of those goals were above our xG; in these terms, we were only seventh. Ultimately, it was that little hot-streak over midwinter when we scored for fun that carried us through.

 

Edited December 17, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

On to other matters, looking forward;

The reason the finances aren't improving, despite very pleasing rises in paying spectators, is because every month the biggest expense is staff wages. This is the bloat caused by the chairman overpaying his mediocre chums. We will never have the resources to improve the facilities and means to recruit better youth until that changes. That means we absolutely need political pressure to be brought to bear in the next year - ideally via a removal of the board.

This is further reflected in the Best-Ever Eleven picked by the hard-core long-term fans. Only four of these players are currently with us - and even there. I'd argue forcefully that Rana was by far our best wingback and Ritchie is never amongst our best two strikers. That just leaves Dimairo and Ehnert-Schnabel who are in by default because our central defence and midfield has always been our weakest areas. In short, this:

was our weakest line-up in years; behind that XI (ten if you remove the treacherous goalkeeper), there was a lot of rotation as players seriously lost form) - see only two reached an average rating of 7. Yet this will largely be the main line-up going into next year as the newcomers are not ready to join the first team squad.

 

We are releasing four players at the end of the season, players who would not be useful to us whoever subsequently leaves. Stainke and Nicolson both made 22 first team appearances in four years. In both cases their poor levels caused them to be dropped into the Under 18s squad last season, where they lost all motivation and regressed. Much the same could be said for Meikle who made nine appearances in three years. Fickle Rohingya Jilani (14 in three years) is also being moved on. Perhaps Morrison could be considered hard done by. He came to us two years ago as a very poor midfielder and I tried to convert him to left back. He’s equally terrible there, so after one appearance in two years, I see no point in either further patience or experimentation. That does leave us, in a squad of 32, with inadequate cover for Adam at left back, but Astrid tells me that Lydia’s last contribution before her contracts terminates at the end of May is to present us with a left back, from where and what quality Astrid doesn’t know.

Edited December 17, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

MAY

I took a long and much-needed break over May, relaxing in tropical climes on the Spiv’s expense. That was another deal I wangled as he started to feel under pressure. While I kept well out of matters, Astrid informed me that Karen our fitness coach and manager of the fitness suite at the Pickaquoy had been given some role in negotiating contracts. The Spiv’s men were offered new deals on reduced wages – some accepted, others didn’t. Potter stays on as my assistant manager whereas Salmon on his absurd £1500 contract has gone. Masson accepted a coach’s wages so long as he could keep the nominal status as second AM. He appears to be reading the runes and is possibly trying to gain Astrid’s trust. Chief Scout Jablonski, who was at the club before the Spiv arrived and gets on fine with Astrid stays, but his team of Orcadian scouts will change, apart from Westwood, the one scout he and Astrid have confidence in.

Astrid feels that if Jablonski with is extensive contacts in the Orcadian network, and Westwood with his good judgement in the field can work with our, uncompromised, agenda, they can find the best school leavers Orkney has to offer, and there is no need to add bodies to the scouting department.

Astrid's brought the staff wages bill down 50%

Amusingly, after Spiv has agreed to cede all hiring, firing and contracts to Astrid, he still keeps trying to sneak his buddies onto the payroll even though Astrid vetoes his appointmets every time!

Whilst Davidson ceased objecting to her staff appointments and other changes, he dug in when it came to investing. He would not countenance any request to expand the youth scouting network into Caithness, or to fund any improvements to junior coaching.

That just left Astrid to find one coach and replace the Head of Youth Development. For the coach vacancy, she persuaded Hollie Yule, still teaching in a Kirkwall school, to return, with assurances the regime she quit because of, would not interfere (and on less than 10% of Salmon’s wages).

She's back!

The new Head of Youth Development has an unexpected history. He’s not a UN apparatchik at all; he’s an ex-non league jobbing player from south Essex who has a terrific attitude and genuinely loves our project. He’s convinced the UNHRC powers that be – and, crucially, Astrid, that he’s potentially a great talent-spotter, knowing what to look for at non-league level, and is keen to travel and soak up new cultures. I’m hoping to get on brilliantly with Mike Finneran.

The kid Lydia sent to us at the end of May looks to be a terrific footballer for this level – too good to be with us for long. Now while I trust Lydia implicitly, my only reservation is that this family, seeking asylum to escape drug lords in Guatemala, don’t strike me as too many shades different. Maybe I watch too much TV.

[phnompenhandy]

Around and About

Way down south, West Ham United wrested the Premier League trophy from the north west of England. Here, Celtic just pipped Rangers by two points. Ross County, our Highland representatives, finished seventh. Inverness Caley Thistle won League One; promoted behind them is East Kilbride, while Johnstone Burgh The Spartans and Cove Rangers were 3^rd-5^th.

Fraserburgh, Highland League champions, succeeded in winning the promotion play-offs to League Two. In our branch, Threave Rovers won play-off promotion to the Lowland League after dropping out of it in 2016. Westside naturally won Division Three by a country mile – I suspect we’ll be league rivals again very soon. Other old rivals Stornoway United and Harris FC bagged titles, too.

 

Astrid called to inform me that Bethan Cooper had accepted a good offer elsewhere – she’d been a good wee fitness coach for a couple of years, but wanted to get back to physiotherapy. We got £3400 in compensation for losing her, and Astrid, knowing about this for some time, had a replacement lined up. Inverness lass Becky Mussett demanded a Spiv-sized pay packet to relocate to Orkney and drop down the levels, but Astrid insists she’s actually worth it. Karen, our other fitness coach, strongly agrees, immediately hiring her to work at the Pickaquoy.

 

Edited December 17, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

JUNE

Here's Ally the Spiv trying to act all chairman-like:

Those budgets are a joke, typical of his financial nous. We have no money - not for transfers, and not to increase the 40% of that supposed wage budget we already spend.

Nobody's quibbling with the expectations, though. For once, I have no disagreement with the bookies, the squad or the backroom. All i can say is, 'We'll try our best'.