THORFINN – A Sporting and Social Revolution Begins

[phnompenhandy]

6 hours ago, Stuniverse said:

It’s only two fringe players. Wait it out and, if necessary, get rid.

Not fringe - Khan was the team's top scorer last season and was a star player. The other guy is a new intake arrival but already first choice centre back.

The thing is, I have enough strength in depth and no midweek games where key players need resting, so I can afford to sacrifice them.

They're already giving me doe-eyes and asking why I've dropped them. I told them straight up it was because of their behaviour and I won't broach any discussion on it. They're looking depressed and regretful, not defiant, seeing they have no squad support (for now). IF support for them starts to grow, I will swing the axe (if the angry board don't block that and fans don't revolt), but if they behave and ask for forgiveness later, I might give them one last chance -  we'll see.

[phnompenhandy]

NOVEMBER

 

We have four Saturday lunchtime matches this month, two at home and two away. We travel to Clydebank and Bishopbriggs in Glasgow, and host the current third-placed team. In fact, three of our four opponents were the bookies’ preseason favourites for promotion.

Going into the month, the board continue to expose their ignorance of what I'm doing:

At least they do support my player management - that's important.

Yet a deep understanding is coming from a quite unexpected source:

What sort of thing is happening, here? Is there a new army of social media influencers joining us. I must confess to being ignorant of new trends; all I know is that the fans have never ever taken to me before. Suddenly, here's a body that both understands my tactics (Route One? Pah!).

One thing I've learned is that these things are always shallow, contingent and somewhat fickle. I'd better deliver what they're now expecting this month - and that won't be easy. Is eight points a fair target? More? Let's play.

Edited December 5, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

Yoker, Clydebank

We got off to a disastrous start. Losing 0-1 to the shipbuilders of Yoker Athletic doesn’t sound too bad, but we didn’t have a single shot on target. I don’t recall that ever happening in my over-100 games career. Are we missing Khan?

 

Fans tend to praise and criticise individuals – as a manager, I have to take a more systemic approach. My left wing has been misfiring – be it Bell or Dube there. I’m going to alter the left inside forward’s duty to support and the right to side to attack to see if that catches out opposing teams.

It did. 3-0 against another team of shippies, Royal Albert, got us back on track. Seeing my adjustment playing out in real time showed me the tactical error I’d made. Giving the left back a defensive duty left my attacking left winger with insufficient support; pulling him (‘him’ being right winger Mabide playing on the left in this instance) back and switching play to the other flank restored the tactical balance, with flying rightback Garcia playing more like Rana had and earning a PotM accolade. In the meantime, the Under 18s have stopped festering and are knocking on the door of the first team squad – all of them!

West Park, Bishopbriggs

Unfortunately, our attack was blunt again in our next away game as we went down 0-1 to West Park. I had a decision to make – keep the Eleven the same as they seem to be fine at home, or give some of the Under 18s squad their deserved chance? It was Kilsyth Rangers, the current bottom-placed team who’d sacked their manager and brought in a new one this week. There would never be a better moment.

Without words being exchanged, I quietly restored Dimario to the centre of defence. Khan got as far as the bench, but I was giving a debut to Yiu Yiu Man, whom I’d been training as a right winger, but was deputising super-successfully as a Pressing Forward while Khan sat on the naughty step. Changes were rounded off with triple-Barker bros in the starting line-up.

6-3. Something clicked; Yiu Yiu did – he got a debut hat-trick. Was it the personnel changes or the quality of the opposition? We’d need to check that over the next month.

Super .... Man?

 

 

Tough league this but hey, we're still on top and not uncomfortably so. Cool heads are required; no knee-jerking, just an awareness that it's a rough ride.

[phnompenhandy]

DECEMBER

Just three fixtures this month; I would have suggested they’re all winnable and set ourselves a high target, but given how badly that just went, I’ll refrain.

Two flights to Glasgow to face Renfrew FC and Rossvale FC would bring us to the half-way point of the season whereby we’d played each side once.

For the first match, I gave Luke Geegan his debut in goal, but kept the outfield ten the same.

That proved a costly error. The scoring opened with a mix-up between defender and new keeper resulting in the leftback Adel scoring an own goal. Then we lost our captain to a nasty-looking injury that will keep him out for a month, and we needed Khan of all people to come off the bench and rescue the game with a late penalty in a 2-2 draw. His wicked twin Dimario had nabbed our earlier goal. I guess they’re back in the first team, then.

Rossvale FC are another club newly sharing a swanky stadium, all part of a package to do with Rossvale Academy, apparently

 

I will privately admit that Khan is an inspiring figure who leads the troops on the field of play. It was he who urged everyone on and to a 2-0 victory over Rossvale. This game has a horrible habit of making a mug of you, but nobody’s noticing for now.

Our final match of 2027 was a pre-Christmas clash with Kello Rovers. Being the first reverse fixture, I noted we beat them 4-1 in our opening account in this division and, as good a run as they’re on, we could doit again if we put our minds to it. 4-2, four goals from Muhammad Khan. It’s just dawned on me that this is his way of saying sorry. Alright, it didn’t ‘dawn’ on me – my female assistant Freja had to spell it out. I did put my arms around his shoulder in a ‘well done’ kind of a way - who needs words, anyway?

What i didn't dare say at the beginning of the month was that I thought we could bag all nine points here, so this is a bit 'meh' to me

 

[phnompenhandy]

I said we'd have a little reflection over the first half of the season - well, Hogmanay seems a good time to do that, just ahead of a very difficult January schedule.

First, the obvious

 

We're top of the damned tree. Nobody expected this. We have wriggle room -four points ahead of second, nine ahead of the board's target of fourth. There's no grounds for complacency, but there's absolutely no grounds for complaint, mutiny or having a go at me for whatever reason. There's also a clear year-on-year pattern emerging: we make a habitual strong start due to superior fitness and coherent tactics. Then we fade over the long cold winters and find a second life in the Spring. This year, our fading phase has been less pronounced but will still probably continue through January. For those who keep the faith in the dark nights, they know we'll come good in time.

 

Digging deeper

I'd say the foundations for our success so far is my "strong and stable" strategy. I introduce enough new players each season to move the squad onwards and upwards, but retain enough to keep the structure stable so that everyone quickly learns their roles and relationships on the field. I tweak tactics enough to keep things fresh and opponents guessing, but not so as to confuse my players. I rotate enough to keep everyone on their toes, but not in a way that's disruptive. And, I must repeat for the hard of thinking, none of this is possible if we're playing every Saturday-Wednesday because of a bunch of sucky cups. 

 

And finally, a less positive development:

 

"Excellent" is certainly not the adjective I'd use of this report. In fact, what we've got here is the report from the Orcadian recruitment team, redacted by Astrid. Let me explain this: these schoolboys are 'excellent' by the standards of the archipelago. Orkney FC don't keep many local kids in their first team anymore, and Astrid thinks we're 'outgrowing' the "local market". She's already urging our international team to find more refugee recruits for April.

On that point, Astrid herself just confided a very important matter to me. She admitted that due to her limited grasp of managing football matters, she feels she's holding us back, and - get this - Freja is feeling the same. They're both finding the ever-increasing workloads are impinging on their main UN jobs, and will probably stand down this summer if suitable replacements can be found. She says, without mentioning further names, "one or two" of the backroom staff will also leave, although others who had no prior experience in football are loving the experience and hope to continue. The news shocked me, but to be fair, she's giving me plenty of notice, and herself plenty of time to find replacements.

And to end on a high note:

Woo-hoo, top bins, I'm a (one) star, baby!

Happy New Year, all!

Edited December 5, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

JANUARY 2028

 

With Khan back on form, I couldn’t continue playing Yiu Yiu as a Pressing Forward, so I tried him in the position he’d trained for, as a right inside forward. We were due at Knightswood, the first side to take points from us back in August. The ploy paid immediate dividends as The Hong Konger scored the only goal of the game. Khan and Dimairo were deemed the matches best players as we won 1-0.

 

A defensively sound performance made up for an off-day for the strike-force as we chalked up another 1-0 at Giffnock, courtesy of a Dimairo goal.

 

Everything ticking over nicely? No. Oh no no no.

Let's start with the good news

 

I asked, but I didn't expect, given we're deep in debt.

 

Although ...

Sounds like she gave the okay because she'll be off before the finances kick in. This is a euphemistic way of saying she's quitting, right? Sounds like there's going to be a neck of a shake-up in the summer.

 

Now, is this a lie?

 

I've been getting people telling me how marvellous I am now I'm a UEFA Pro and all that. They praise my man-management skills. So how come I never saw this coming?

I thought we'd made up, I restored him to the side, he plays brilliant, he plays at Knightswood and within a week he's joined them!

I mean, on one level I don't blame him - this club has phenomenal facilities, and it's in the middle of Scotland's biggest city, with giants Celtic and Rangers on the doorstep.

It's just - how could I not see our relationship was broken and not fixed at all? Why did nobody tell me? Did Freja tell me? Am I an idiot? We carry on.

 

 

 

Edited December 5, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

Actually, it may be of interest to compare my skills now I have my Continental Pro licence to how I was when I began this job:

 

There was our coaching standards after I'd bagged a couple of badges:

Initially all my categories were half stars.

And now:

I can take most of the training myself, and relieve the workload of my staff.

[phnompenhandy]

Ross Ritchie was grateful to get his place back in the starting line-up and helped us to a 2-0 win over Glenvale.

After that game ‘The Don’ – Kosovan Donald Saliji informed us he’d accepted an offer from Isle of Arran, having fallen in love with the island when we played there two years ago. The Don was our longest-serving player, having joined when we were in Highland Amateur Division Two and started 87 matches in four years. He was quite the curiosity to me. He never really played well – never won a Player of the Match, yet he was a regular starter purely because our other central defenders were so poor, year after year. What’s so interesting is that he peaked in his first year, rapidly reaching his (admittedly very low) potential, and although he never progressed after that, he was always one of the best trainers, putting everything into those sessions. A real trooper, but not actually a great miss. We of course wish him very well.

 

The departures might have left us a little distracted. In our next match we weren’t bad, but short of our flowing best and only managed a draw, 3-3 at Glasgow United.

I wanted more out of our last match in January, as it was against Saltcoats Vics, the first team to defeat us in this league. The lads were determined too and put in a great display to blow them away 4-0.

A far better set of results than I was expecting, especially with the window being left open all month with a biting draught filling the place.

It looks like these are the only sides pushing for the promotion spots. A certain new addition has led to a resurgence at Knightswood.

Edited December 5, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

FEBRUARY

Games in the first two Saturdays of February and last three in March with a month break in between. We’d previously grabbed 4-2 wins against both Lanark United and Craigmark, so beating them again merely met expectations.

By the end of February, it was pretty clear that we were done and dusted, promotion-wise and the title would be ours to throw away. We habitually finish seasons strongly; during the long break we had to make sure we kept focus, and fit – we played two friendlies against our Under 18s to keep us match fit, and otherwise focused on training to work on the finer details of our tactic.

I wasn't going to report in until the end of March, but off-field events forced my hand. It started with rumours – I had no inside skinny, but reading the runes as I mentioned earlier, I saw this coming. I mentioned it to Astrid, and she hinted that she might stay on an extra year to minimise background disruption.

 

 

You see - no part-time nonsense - she's off.

 

Only two days later:

Wham bam! At a lot of clubs, these things drag on for months; here, within 24 hours, we had a bloodless coup.

The next day I was summoned. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Yeah, I was made to sign a new contract. Same same, no money. The press were waiting for me outside. I broke a five-year habit and actually commented. I'm not one to play diplomacy - I say as I see:

The last option

Let me clarify those brief comments for you. I'm wary. First impressions are not good. I'm just glad I've completed my coaching courses. The thing is, Carol deeply believed in the Project and backed me as far as finances allowed. This guy - he's a UN apparatchik, but he's a slippery, smooth-talking sort of person that puts my hackles up. I think he's in it for himself. I'm sure he'll be able to wangle grants from the UN and Scottish government and all that, but I can see him lining his own pocket first.

I'm glad Astrid's doing the decent thing - I don't think I could cope dealing directly with these kinds of people too much. It will probably be tolerable with her being the go-between, but if she's replaced by some slimy two-faced business sort, I don't know what I'll do.

Okay, back to the day job - we've got three difficult matches in March, but if we do okay, we should be home and dry. Then we'll have Lydia's intake to assess, and have to hope Ally here doesn't interfere with our recruitment of asylum-seekers.

 

[phnompenhandy]

MARCH

We picked up where we left off after the break, making the long trip to Campbeltown, putting in a highly competent performance and bagging a 2-0 win.

Plastic pupils on a plastic pitch

Rossvale continued their excellent run to rise to second, but they were still eleven points behind us.

 

While we at Orkney are following the progress of NW Skye, the buzz in the Lowlands is over Johnstone Burgh. When we were in the 13^th tier, they were in the West of Scotland Division One (tier 7).  They were promoted in third place. The next season they won the Premier Division and play-off to get promoted to the Lowland League. Now somewhere along the way they picked up a minor sugar daddy, but details are sketchy. The next season they finished runners-up, but in 2027 won it and the play-off to get promoted into the SPFL. Now they’re a country mile ahead in League Two and will go up for sure. It’s a fascinating story. Can NW Skye emulate their rise? Can we? Oh, we just learned this -

A leveraged buy-out with the club being saddled with the cost. This guy's a "fan"?

Can we do it not with a sugar daddy, but a vampire of a chairman? Astrid raised a scary thought – with most of the staff leaving in the summer, will he allow them all to be replaced, or will he pocket their salaries?

We couldn’t dwell on these conspiracy theories, as our academy intake arrived ahead of schedule.

I had time to join my team in assessing the dozen new Orkney-based kids. It was exactly as I’d feared – the quality is poor.

Astrid also had to inform me that our hunches were correct – the new chairman is saving money by cutting back the refugee talent-spotting team, and due to high administration fees, no more than four asylum-seeker families will be joining us, despite the former board’s assurances of an increase. Carol and Astrid had previously told me these expenses are covered by the UN 100% - Astrid shares my suspicions, but points out he is a respected local businessman and has just been passed by the UNHRC’s ‘fit for the purpose’ panel, so there’s no chance anyone would sanction bringing in auditors.  We’ll just have to make do with what we have and hope the refugee foursome will be good enough.

Did I call them “conspiracy theories”?

We beat Yoker which put us one game from the title. We carelessly lost to Royal Albert 0-1 at the end of March.

Due to other results, we still secured promotion, and need one more point from the last four matches to claim the title. We’ll use those games in April to give the fringe squad players experience.

[phnompenhandy]

The asylum-seekers have arrived. We have another Rohingya, an inside forward. I'm picking up zero Mohammad Rana vibes, however.  We have another Azeri after a goalkeeper we had for a year - this one's a striker. We have another Tibetan after the notorious Nima didn't work out, and we have a new nationality, a tall defender from Tuvalu. He's a bit of an oddity; Australia take climate refugees from Tuvalu and other Pacific islands, but this lad insists he doesn't like rugby and is committed to a future in proper football. On first impression, he's the only one that seems to have any promise, and even that is relative.

I'm giving you early peeks before the lads have had their photoshoots. When i do my end-of season cull, half or more might not make it, so I'll hold off introducing you better until i know who's got a future here.

Edited December 6, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Jimbokav1971]

On 01/12/2023 at 20:07, phnompenhandy said:

 

Actual cash money from a Cup game? What sort of sorcery is this? 

[phnompenhandy]

15 minutes ago, Jimbokav1971 said:

Actual cash money from a Cup game? What sort of sorcery is this? 

Aye, only for winning it, and then they shave a bit off!

[Jimbokav1971]

On 03/12/2023 at 06:34, phnompenhandy said:

Here is my attempt to create the pyramid system in this story:

Leagues in bold are my route up the ladder. It's not what I wanted. I spent fruitless hours in the pregame editor trying to do it right, with only partial success. I wanted to feed into the Caledonian Leagues in tiers 10, 9 and 8, and on into the North Caledonian and Highland Leagues, but the editor defeated me. I will try again now updates have been patched in for a future career where I hope to be able to add something I couldn't do in this database - add newly created teams not in the SI database, such as Eriskay, whose ground is my default non-league ground with no photo in the stadium pack and was voted most beautiful/interesting (can't remember exactly) ground in the world by FIFA, and other imagined clubs from places dear to my heart.

When I was looking at "my route", I did wonder how it would work out for you. I understand that it's not the route you want to take, but it does make sense from a game point of view of not a real life one. I'm just happy there is any route at all. 

[phnompenhandy]

2 minutes ago, Jimbokav1971 said:

When I was looking at "my route", I did wonder how it would work out for you. I understand that it's not the route you want to take, but it does make sense from a game point of view of not a real life one. I'm just happy there is any route at all. 

I dunno if it's me being cack with the editor, the editor or the guy who made the db, but I feel it should have been possible for the one Tier 11 league to feed into the Caledonian Amateur divisions from Tier 10 up to tier 7 and then into Tier 6 NCL. Mind you, that would only make sense if I could have added lots more highland teams that aren't in the SI db, but when I created new teams and added them, it wouldn't verify them.

Anyway, that's for the future, I'm 5 season in here, and the save has suddenly got controversial, so there's a real sense of jeopardy going forward. I need to see [play] how this pans out.

[Jimbokav1971]

The new Astrid seems like a right eegit. 

Bring back the old Astrid! 

[phnompenhandy]

11 minutes ago, Jimbokav1971 said:

The new Astrid seems like a right eegit. 

Bring back the old Astrid! 

Did you see something I missed? I tried to give the evil new chairman a face, and he somehow took over Astrid's body and soul. Took me ages to get her back!

[phnompenhandy]

APRIL

We gave some inexperienced squad members some first-team experience. Scotty Barker with a brace and Mabide with a hat trick of assists led the inexperienced lads to a 6-2 victory over West Park United to seal the deal. We are champions!

The next week we played the kids at Kilsyth Rangers.

We made the relegation-haunted side look like Glasgow Rangers. Yup, these new kids are a long way short! I had the luxury of giving them another go, in front of our fans versus Renfrew. Outplayed, two debutants still got on the score sheet as we chalked up a lucky 2-2 draw.

Rossvale had won as well, which sealed promotion for them.  This was relevant because we played them in the final match of the season, and if they hadn’t guaranteed promotion, I’d had to have put out a strong team to respect the integrity of the competition. As it was, I could play the fringes and kids one last time to see if there was any progress.

See how inexperienced this match day squad is:

Rossvale were still drunk from their promotion celebrations and an awful game saw us 1-0 winners. Great confidence boost, though.

 

How it ends

 

A few of the lads who’ve been here a while are very disappointed that some of the coaching staff, with whom they’ve bonded, are leaving. Mabide has decided to leave us, and Davidson (no relation) needed a lot of persuading to give it a year. Phil Barker is joining Kirkwall Rovers, as are three others of last year’s intake. I told Astrid I could meet the 33-player squad limit if we binned off the new refugees, who look hopeless, but she said that wouldn’t be diplomatic. She noted that it doesn’t cost us anything if they don’t play, and this Davidson guy probably wouldn’t notice. So, technically, if no one else leaves, we’ll go into next season with a squad of 38.

I was expecting a stormy summer, but I wasn't expecting it to start the week before the season ended. Astrid was as mystified as I was to bring me this news:

Who? What the hell? Where's Freja???

Okay, his CV looks great, but how the heck do we afford that salary - when I'm earning beans????

Freja was with us for the Rossvale match, utterly ignorant of this what? Assistant to the assistant (on 7x her salary)? Joint assistant? I mean, Freja did confirm she'd handed in her notice and wasn't upset. I'm just flabbergasted that this guy hires and fires MY staff without bothering to tell me. He's pushing my buttons, man

 

[phnompenhandy]

Best say goodbye to Freja - it's been a wonderful five years

Astrid tells me the new guy is ten times better, but I'm not ready to hear that now.

 

Other staff moving on whom I've had the pleasure to work with:

Iona's been our Sports Scientist for five years - works for peanuts, but once she leaves, I'm led to understand she won't be replaced.

 

Grace, rubbing our boys down for four years, is leaving

 

Wai Sum has been with us for four years and is leaving the club's staff, but is continuing as junior football coach in schools in Kirkwall.

 

Eva was with us for three years.

Edited December 6, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

 And farewell to Anthony Mabide, a great servant for four years, chalking up 70 appearances at inside forward. Best of luck for your next venture

He was our longest-serving refugee player. Currently, none have been with us for more than two seasons. We have now been responsible for settling 25 refugee families in Kirkwall. The majority choose to move on to towns and cities in less remote and harsh environments, and we quite understand and accept that. I like to think, however, that one day we'll be delivered with a real wonderkid who also loves Orkney and allows us to nurture his considerable potential. This day is not that day, but the dream lives on.

[phnompenhandy]

Our best coach is Hollie. She's a bona fide coach, she's been doing her badges, she's been with us for three years, and she's GREAT.

 

Today she quit. She hadn't planned to, but she instantly recognised that she could not work with the new guy, who turned up this morning.

Meet Billy

He's gifted, I'll say that for him; the gift of the gab. And he's qualified, on paper. But he has no experience as an assistant manager or even as a proper coach, so he's barely an upgrade on Freja, and he's absolutely not worth that insane pay-cheque. What is actually going on here?

So, as of today, dear old Karen, the manageress of the fitness suite at the Pickaquoy, is the only trainer who is intending to stay on. Today, anyway.

Under the hood peek:

Spoiler

The new chairman - as I suspected, he's cr4p. But it's worse than that. Resources: 1. Yes, he will take out more than he puts in. Interference 20. Hell, I've never seen that.  Guess I've just experienced what that means. We're in for a rough ride.

 

[Stuniverse]

1 hour ago, phnompenhandy said:

He's gifted, I'll say that for him; the gift of the gab. And he's qualified, on paper. But he has no experience as an assistant manager or even as a proper coach, so he's barely an upgrade on Freja, and he's absolutely not worth that insane pay-cheque. What is actually going on here?

So, as of today, dear old Karen, the manageress of the fitness suite at the Pickaquoy, is the only trainer who is intending to stay on. Today, anyway.

Under the hood peek:

All aboard the Kirkwall Thorfinn  Rollercoaster 

[phnompenhandy]

Just now, Stuniverse said:

All aboard the Kirkwall Thorfinn  Rollercoaster 

Honestly, I have no idea how next season will go. Will we smash it, or will we crash and burn? Could go either way!

[phnompenhandy]

He tried to recruit a WHAT on £500 a month????           

 

I can't take another month of this 

 

 

 

[phnompenhandy]

If you think this is an odd appointment for a club at this level

 

What about this: another one????

[Stuniverse]

21 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

I can't take another month of this 

What's going on, @phnompenhandy?

[phnompenhandy]

18 minutes ago, Stuniverse said:

What's going on, @phnompenhandy?

I can only assume it's a chairman with 20 interference. I've no experience of anythinglike this - and I'm not making it up!

[Stuniverse]

19 minutes ago, phnompenhandy said:

I can only assume it's a chairman with 20 interference. I've no experience of anythinglike this - and I'm not making it up!

Good luck 🍀⚽️🤞

Sounds like you may need it, @phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

JUNE

We’re into June now, with the players due to return in less than a week. I’m at the club making arrangements with Astrid – and Billy. And Trevor. We met the new goalkeeping coach to go with our fitness coach and set piece specialist. Trevor's "a tactics guru" - he doesn't do anything else. Am I expected to do all the normal stuff myself? It seems not - suddenly, Ally showed his face to push two more staff into the room. “You have your full complement of coaches” is all he said.

I have to say, these last two are rather good. Another fitness coach (a qualified physio), and finally, a generalist.

 

 

The next day we learned that Iona did sign a new deal, so we retain our Sports Scientist after all. We’re just a physio short, I think.

 

I have the supporters backing, but numbers (unsurprisingly) didn’t rise, so there’s no chance of ‘using’ them to foment a protest against the board. But right now I'm looking at this crush of coaching staff and thinking, 'This is actually quite impressive'. No way is the chairman going to continue paying all these wages, but that's not my concern. Let's just welcome the lads back, get some good group and individual training sessions going, and crack on with the preseason.

Oh, as the players returned for preseason, our great left winger Cole Bell informed me that he was signing for Kennoway. Apparently, he's uncomfortable with so many changes. What could I say, other than he'll be missed.

Edited December 6, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

A quick review of our line-up last season:

I had prepared a report saying nine of this eleven will be first team starters this season, but Bell has reduced that. Our cover on the left was an out-of-position Mabide, but he's gone, meaning we have no quality at all for that position. I'll see if I can come up with a creative solution in preseason. Generally, I'm not looking to change much at all tactically.

 

Small aside: I spotted this

 

Jack Sarahs is an SI employee who had a terrific YouTube series last year about 'England DNA' with Burton Albion. 'faceinthegame', eh?

[Jamstock]

Wow, first time I've sat down and read through all of one of your FM soap operas and I am HOOKED. Good to see your enthusiasm hasn't waned! I am captivated by the story, although I obviously already knew you had a keen interest in Highlands amateur football, I didn't expect to see such a story unfold over the first 5 seasons and the twist in the latest season just makes it even more gripping. Salute to your hard work on the narrative as well, Andy.

PS. It's brilliant to see Orkney FC painted as the massive talent vacuum playing at such a high level in comparison and no surprise to hear them slipping up in the NCL playoffs! (Don't I know the feeling!). I will still be giving them a good crack once Mozza's DB is fully released - just no stream this time - maybe a forum thread though, you've inspired me!

[phnompenhandy]

5 hours ago, Jamstock said:

Wow, first time I've sat down and read through all of one of your FM soap operas and I am HOOKED. Good to see your enthusiasm hasn't waned! I am captivated by the story, although I obviously already knew you had a keen interest in Highlands amateur football, I didn't expect to see such a story unfold over the first 5 seasons and the twist in the latest season just makes it even more gripping. Salute to your hard work on the narrative as well, Andy.

PS. It's brilliant to see Orkney FC painted as the massive talent vacuum playing at such a high level in comparison and no surprise to hear them slipping up in the NCL playoffs! (Don't I know the feeling!). I will still be giving them a good crack once Mozza's DB is fully released - just no stream this time - maybe a forum thread though, you've inspired me!

James, it's so great to "hear" from you after all this time. I was very much thinking of you when I decided to take on an Orkney club, but I thought I'd lost your contact. How long did you keep going with Orkney FC in the end? Did you ever get them promoted?

I took a break from FM for a few months, but FM24 brought me back in and as you can see, I'm enjoying this save, although I'm not sure 'enjoy' is the best description for nature of this new board. Maybe it will all settle down, but a '20 interference' chairman is a terrifying concept, I'm just discovering.

[phnompenhandy]

The Highland World Outside Thorfinn

Elsewhere, Westside have followed us by winning the Highland Premier and then the play-offs to break into the West of Scotland. Stornoway Athletic finished midtable in Division Three, so we meet them next season. North West Skye bagged another title and are due to play in Division One.

Further up the ladder, Ross County finished a highly creditable seventh in the Premier League, won by Celtic. Inverness Caley languished in midtable in the Championship and Cove Rangers barely escaped relegation from the first Division. Fraserburgh won the Highland League but lost in the first play-off. Golspie Sutherland won the North Caledonian League but they didn’t go up either.

Caledonian Locomotives (Rossvale Juniors until 2023) won the West of Scotland Premier and the play-offs to gain promotion to the Lowland League. Tullibody Community FC 1999 have been rising through the ranks, from Caledonian Amateur Division Two in 2023 to the Premier League (tier 7) today.

[phnompenhandy]

So the bookies' early forecasts have us struggling to avoid relegation. This is exactly what the board has charged me with, and the entire squad insist that's the realistic target to aim for. You know me - I always poo-poo such pessimism and insist we can get promoted. And for the last five years, I've been proved right. But this time even I have serious doubts.

We're playing at a higher level with a weaker squad. In the training sessions ahead of the eleven friendlies we've arranged, I can see it. Even our senior player and club captain Scott Barker is starting to look like he's met his ceiling. When we put aside the quality of the squad and the chaos surrounding us, I'm learning to respect a few of the clubs in Division Three. It now contains three of the most well-resourced academies in the country; we already know Knightswood, which lured away our best player, Muhammad Khan last year; Thorn Athletic Academy is even more prestigious. The third also came up with us - over the summer, Rossvale has become linked much closer to its rich and ambitious daddy in Caledonian Locomotives. The details are murky, but I'd expect to see plenty of Lowland League reserves in the squad. I'm told that some clubs are very well resourced and can tempt players away with much higher wages - the likes of Maybole, Maryhill and Vale of Leven. I fear that the temptation of riches elsewhere combined with a tense atmosphere here could prove to be a perfect storm.

I still hope to defy expectations and maybe this year privately aim for a top half finish, but promotion would be a hell of a big ask even if things were secure and stable internally.

Oh, and this doesn't help

FIVE sucky cup competitions. After last year, I hope the fans will be more forgiving after seeing my strategy of exiting the cups so quickly paying long-term dividends, but do I trust the new board to get it? Probably not. "Be competitive" is a slippery term. Boards tend to accept going out at the first time of asking against a higher-ranked opponent, but that's not guaranteed. Sometimes they mean you have to win the first round, and then it doesn't matter. With a generally weak squad, putting out strong teams in cup competitions runs the risk of dropping points in the league. Maybe if we were cast-iron certs for midtable mediocrity, I could chance it, but that's not a gamble at this time that I'm prepared to take. So I could meet the board's objective of avoiding relegation whilst failing to 'be competitive' in three or four cups - how would an unpredictable, volatile, interfering chairman respond to that? 

[phnompenhandy]

JULY

A quiet month for most, but we arranged 12 friendlies for senior team, and 6 for Under 18s. This was my usual ultra-thorough preseason preparations. I also figured we might as well get the new staff as well as youths used to my expectations. All the matches were with local old Highlands & Islands sparring partners of the past.

As per usual, it's a culture shock for a lot of the young boys - I get plenty of this sort of complaint:

Freya knew not to bother me with such trivia, but the new assmen aren't up to speed. Looking at the kid's determination, nobody's surprised, but they do all have to learn that I am an uncompromising disciplinarian (as you saw from my personality profile earlier) and it's "my way or the highway" (mind the cattle grid).

That's not the reason for this exceedingly troublesome development, however:

Ominously, Scott Barker has left the club; if the captain is so concerned about the direction the club is going that he abandons a sinking ship (?), god help us all. He did well for himself, though, taken in by an Aberdeenshire tier 6 side.

What the chairman assumed was a meaningless friendly at the start of July was, for many of our fans, the biggest game of the season. It’s dawned on them that we are now only three tiers below the Great Beast that is Orkney FC, and playing them is a bigger deal than minnows Rovers and Hotspurs, whom they are now quite fond of as they take the cast-off local youths who don’t make it in our squad.

 

I'm pleased to say that the fans will be evermore on my side, whatever happens over the next eleven months:

A huge crowd turned up to see the Orkney legend that is Liam Delday get on the scoresheet, but the sheer determination of our Orcadian boys saw us prevail in a rights-bragging 2-1 victory.

 

Edited December 7, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Jamstock]

4 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

James, it's so great to "hear" from you after all this time. I was very much thinking of you when I decided to take on an Orkney club, but I thought I'd lost your contact. How long did you keep going with Orkney FC in the end? Did you ever get them promoted?

I took a break from FM for a few months, but FM24 brought me back in and as you can see, I'm enjoying this save, although I'm not sure 'enjoy' is the best description for nature of this new board. Maybe it will all settle down, but a '20 interference' chairman is a terrifying concept, I'm just discovering.

Ah, I appreciate the thought! I am along for the ride now! 

Unfortunately no, the closest we got was the Highland League Playoff, and then after we began to tail off so I put it back to bed for FM23. However, I feel I cannot move onto another save without succeeding on this one first so I will be giving it a FOURTH attempt once Mozza finalises his DB for FM 24. This time I hope to take a slightly more patient approach, utilising the existing players and making worthwhile additions here and there instead of rebuilding the entire squad straight away. I will definitely be taking some inspiration from this storyline of yours and working more on tactics rather than blowing our budget on players because of their career history and stats. 

I am debating doing a thread on here so you and others can follow along. 

[phnompenhandy]

5 minutes ago, Jamstock said:

I am debating doing a thread on here so you and others can follow along. 

It's a lot of fun having a wee clan of lower league Scots to compare notes with. You absolutely should join us

[phnompenhandy]

With key losses to the squad, Yiu Yiu has gone back to inside forward and Davidson has switched from Deep-Lying Forward to Pressing forward. I dropped first choice central defender Ruairi Dickson to try reserve defender Blair Stainke and raw kid John Stewart because they had pace, a quality we’d lacked since Saliji left.

Junior Dube appears to be stepping out of Bell’s shadow and claiming the inside left spot. Even his backup, young Kevin Flett is impressing.

Our best central defender Macca (Steven Mackenzie) left us next, to take two steps up to the First Division. Dickson got a rather rapid recall to the first team squad.

After ten friendlies, I sat down with the coaching staff to settle on a squad. Really, the staff are learning the ropes, so it was 100% my decisions that carried sway. Alice input a lot of data analysis (Kyle's in Glasgow and will join us in away games once the season commences).

Let's break this down.

Goalkeeper - Andreano had better maintain decent form because we only have two and the other one didn't impress when he got the chance last season, nor currently with the Under 18s.

Right back - Nicolson has outperformed our star player Garcia in preseason. I do expect Garcia to get his mojo back when it counts and reclaim his spot, though.

Centre back - the perennial problem position, in danger of being in crisis if the very popular Demairo leaves us.

Left back - Jaber's doing fine but we have scant backup.

Midfield - the other perennial problem, now a mess with Scott Barker leaving. Ryan is not playing well without his brother; North Korean Jung will probably tie a spot down if he stays, but he's getting offers. The half-Austrian Kirkwall kid is playing well, but is doing my head in with his attitude towards training. He demonstrates he's thin-skinned when I say anything - bit of a complex, that kid. And no, I haven't even thought to make that clichéd connection .

Inside forwards - very pleasing after Bell and Mabide's departures. Dube and Flett are both excelling on the left, and Taylor and Yiu Yiu are doing fine on the other side.

Forwards - I always seem to get one key player who gets injured in the first preseason friendly and is out until the last game. This year it's the unfortunate George Foster, a very exciting academy prospect. He's lost his chance to integrate into the team, so will need to spend time in the Under 18s. Meanwhile, Davidson, who'd seemingly faded away last season, has taken his chance to come storming back, albeit with a different role. Ritchie is waiting when he fades again. McKinnon hasn't lit up in preseason and the other academy striker, Horne is also underwhelming.

Some of the leftovers in the Under 18s squad are doing pretty well and so might get promoted to the first team. That awareness should keep everyone on their toes - well, the determined and ambitious ones at least; admittedly, an awful lot don't fit either criterion. All this squad should see first-team action so long as we stay in some cups.  Once we're out of the cups and  only have one match a week, the least impressive will drop into the Under 18s, possibly never to be seen again.

 

 

[phnompenhandy]

JULY

After the bootcamp that is my preseason, with the squad being at optimal fitness and tactically familiar, we paused paying matches a fortnight before the season began. I was satisfied we were ready and needed the pause to prevent burn-out later down the line.

But the way the scheduling works, with four cup ties in four different competitions to start the season, I feared there was a real chance of carnage, of a red August which would both wreck morale and possibly have longer-term implications with that damned window still open. Strategically, I felt, we needed to get through at least two of those rounds, on penalties if needs be.

We were drawn away in ALL the matches, to be played over a fortnight. The first two were our current divisional rivals, the third we’d done the double over and left behind in the fourth division last season, and the fourth was in the tier above us.

Standard preseason swatting of flies while building tactical familiarity and fitness. Very tough tests to follow

 

The Under 18s had a good preseason too, although they're not going to get far in that cup!

The Azeri Haqverdiyev was supposed to be a right-winger, but he's been successfully filling in as a (very weak) Pressing Forward, so I'm allowing him to specialise in that position and role, providing he gets his strength up.

With our first-choice players leaving, the squad total is down to 35, which is close enough to our limit of 33 for no one to be culled at this time.

Edited December 7, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

That’s a lot of Friendlies.

Good luck 🍀⚽️🤞 for the season.

Edited December 7, 2023 by Stuniverse

[phnompenhandy]

AUGUST, start of the 2028/29 season

Thank goodness for Loganair (the deal with the airline was to continue under the new regime), but even so, all the traveling would be exhausting. Our first two matches of the 2029/29 season were away to Vale of Leven and Stornoway Athletic, both highly fancied to get promoted from our division. I was scratching my head trying to figure out a strategy for negotiating these competitions, when Ally called me with an instruction that solved my dilemma in an instant. He explained that in four of the competitions there’s no prize money unless you win it or reach the final, but for the Scottish Cup there’s prize money for every round. That’s the one he wants me to target, and his logic (or greed) seemed as reasonable a plan as any, so I told him I’d take it on board. And in fact, that tie at Craigsmark Burntonians was on paper the easiest of the lot in August.

We started at Vale of Leven, up near Loch Lomond, a club that never fails to remind visitors of their proud history as founder-members of the Scottish Football League and three times Scottish Cup winners in the 1870s.

It was a dreadful game played in pouring rain. Decent chances were wholly absent as we finished 0-0. In the lottery of penalty shoot-outs, it was our turn. Three of our cup ties last season went to penalties – we had a 33% success rate. In fact, in my time we’ve won three and lost four. Next time will not be our turn.

Stornoway Athletic left us for dust in our first season, doing the double over us on their way to winning the Highland Second. This was our chance to establish ourselves as their equals. Which we did, and then some – a terrific 5-1 victory demonstrated we were warming into this season.

Rather than fully rotate the Starting XI, I rested four of the key players in that win to be ready for the Scottish Cup tie, the one with the purse attached. We returned to picturesque Dalmellington in Ayrshire to face Craigmark. Despite dispatching them easily twice last season, we were taking nothing for granted. We rather scraped through that game, benefitting from a missed penalty in a 1-0 win. We collected £8,750 and moved on. The game did mean our best players were too exhausted to play again three days later, so a slightly weaker side travelled to Cumnock, a fair drive south of Glasgow in Ayrshire.

Juniors play in the Second Division, a tier above us. A superb defensive display kept Juniors out and a hat-trick by Dube sealed a wonderful 3-0 win.

We’d demonstrated we could punch above our weight at this level, and we’d met the board’s targets in four competitions, and could crash out without recriminations now. The next match, in the stupid Strathclyde Demolition Cup didn’t matter. Except it did because our opponent was Westside. Remember this:

We’ve played them seven times, and they have the advantage three to two. We still need to prove ourselves. I could say we wiped the smug looks of their faces, but in a sense we both lost. I hadn’t realised it was a competition with extra time; it was 1-1 after 90 minutes, and 2-2 after 120. We did win a second shoot-out to leave us in this sucky cup, but I’m an idiot. I should have put out a second-string side, as three days later it’s the Scottish Cup second Preliminary Round.

Edited December 7, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

During preparations for the Westside match, our North Korean midfielder informed us that he’d defected to Forfar West End. Damn, I’d invested a lot of time and patience as he struggled with the language, and was getting steadily better and better. A team three levels above us get the benefit of my hard work.

Even worse was to follow. Jung was a good part of the team, but not great. Next to leave us was our Angel, the flying Honduran wingback Garcia, easily our star player. Ow! Ow! Ow! Glasgow has taken his fancy, and he’s gone to Greenock Juniors.

Finally, after six away cup ties on the trot, we were able to open our season at home, against First Division Newmains United, a tough-enough challenge were we at our strongest.  However, roared on by our own fans, we found enough energy against a strangely subdued opponent to win 3-1 and trouser another £8,750. I could get used to this!

On the subject of munnyy

That's great, but what is this sorcery???

the ninth tier????? 

 

With six cup matches contested in the first month, an exhausted and depleted side were finally able to open their league account.  Vale of Leven, seeking instant revenge, quickly sensed that we were not the same side that knocked them out of whatever tin pot it was a mere three weeks earlier and easily defeated us 2-0. This was exactly what I’d feared if we progressed in other competitions.

 

So, this was August, our first season at this stratified level:

Looks can be deceptive. We'll be out of all those cups by my next report, and that last result could prove costly. However, losing what was probably our best SIX players this month is more painful than any results.

Edited December 7, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

SEPTEMBER

We began the month with one of the best 90 minutes I’ve witnessed from this team – it made me so proud. It was another meaningless cup tie, against Banchory St. Ternan from outside Aberdeen. We coasted to a 3-0 win. Deep down, I did grasp that our opponents were not exactly trying.

After eight intense matches, we finally had a midweek with no game, allowing a momentary opportunity to recuperate and reassess the squad. There would be nine more games in the next month without a midweek break, and that was assuming we lose every cup tie.

We returned to Stornoway just a month after destroying Athletic, this time with intent to break our duck in the league. We found ourselves combatting quite a different beast, further reinforcing the suspicion I had that our successes in cups last month were as much to do with opponents lacking enthusiasm as our own merits. They beat us 3-4.

We were straight back on the plane and down to Glasgow to play Knightswood. We picked up our first point in a 2-2 draw, as we noted ‘old’ boy Khan coming on for a ten-minute substitute cameo.

On the Saturday we were down in Dumfries near the English border to play Lochar Thistle in the Scottish Cup First Round (proper) – a historic moment for the club. Lochar were the South of Scotland League Cup champions, playing in a tier six division, way over our heads. We’ve beaten tier six North Caledonian opposition (in friendlies), so I told the boys we had a chance.

[phnompenhandy]

Lochar Thistle - an ambitious club with new indoor all-weather facilities

We did. They laid siege to our goal but our boys are not easily intimidated. After a goalless first half, we were losing as the final whistle came up to the referee’s lips – then debutant substitute Haqverdiyev scrambled an equaliser. Extra time: they went ahead; debutant academy kid Ednie pulled it back from right back. It was 3-3 after 120 minutes. Here we went again – and a third penalty shoot-out success on the bounce. We are giant-killers! We took nearly £27,000 from that game not including gate receipts, and we get to dream of that big draw in the next round.

The dream lasted two days. The draw pits us home to Dalbeattie Star, currently top of the league Lochar Thistle are in. But before that we had to pick up points in the league, and get damned well knocked out of two cheapskate tinpots.

First, in the second round of the Strathclyde Demolition-of-all-interest Cup It took until the 120^th minute for First Division Cumbernauld United to show us they wanted it less. 3-2 after extra time and more injuries and fatigue.

A Saturday brought a league match with Glasgow University visiting. A team of walking wounded and raw kids who are rapidly gaining experience took to the pitch. With a Yiu Yiu Man hat-trick, we finally got off the mark in a superb 5-1 thrashing.

Hurlford United, another First Division side, decided their priorities lay elsewhere as they let us tickle their tummies in a 2-0 win; ‘Clydebuilt Home Improvements’ don’t seem to reward winners with improved finances, so I guess they don’t want contracts for improving facilities. We ended the month with a trip to Kilwinning to face Eglinton in the league. We were frankly, never in the game for over 80 minutes, but two late goals rescued a point in a 2-2 draw.

I must admit, I hadn’t reckoned on everyone sharing our lack of enthusiasm for this plethora of cheap-ass cup competitions. And I have come to shift my position. They have been greatly beneficial, in fact – not financially, but in giving invaluable experience to new kids whom I expected to fester in the Under 18s all season. I haven’t scheduled a single Under 18 match yet, since due to experienced players leaving and fatigue due to the relentless fixture-list, the fringe kids are seeing plenty of first team action and are growing rapidly as a result. Excluding the players who left us, I’ve used no less than 26 players – in two months!

Edited December 8, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[phnompenhandy]

I have brought in a LOT of money. May we invest it in the club?

I'm telling you - short arms, deep pockets this guy. A whiff of off-shore? And I don't mean the oil rigs that employ Orcadians here.

 

It's certainly been an interesting month!

This might be in accordance with club expectations, but not mine. Next month we'll be out of the cups and will start climbing up the table. I'm now saying we can go far.

[Stuniverse]

2 hours ago, phnompenhandy said:

This might be in accordance with club expectations, but not mine. Next month we'll be out of the cups and will start climbing up the table. I'm now saying we can go far.

[phnompenhandy]

OCTOBER

As you can see from the league table above, we've hit a point where there is a sense of jeopardy. I don't fear a relegation struggle, but we could struggle to get into the top half of the table, or at best the Top Five. So I need to engage in some serious strategic planning to negotiate our fixtures this month. This is what we're scheduled to play at the start of the month (any accidental cup success may cause re-scheduling):

Despite what I wrote about the benefits of playing cup ties, winning the league games is paramount. To that end, I must prioritise those first two very tricky home league matches. The first two cup ties are winnable given that the opposition will probably do as we do and put out second-string sides, but it matters little if we get knocked out.

There is then a gap, a chance to recuperate and adjust the strategy. Glasgow Perthshire is the only amateur side in our league and odds on for relegation. I feel I can afford to save my first-choice line-up for the cash-grab, high-prestige Scottish Cup tie against Dalbeattie Star, although that might compromise our chances in the league going into November.

This is my updated first-team squad with the first-choice starting XI and bench going into this month's matches:

Ednie and As-Chainey have unexpectedly risen from Under 18s academy intakes to the first team on merit; in midfield we have my troublesome half-Austrian alongside 'no longer Junior' Barker - the only bro left in the squad. Captain Taylor is on the bench as out-of-position Yiu Yiu is on hot form. Bear in mind the non-starters in this line up (goalkeeper excepted) will start the cup ties, and all have a fair amount of match-time experience now (n.b. in this table I've added "potential ability", but as that's the assessment of our know-nothing joint-assistant managers', I'm not putting any stock in it - I go with my own judgement since I've gained my badges these days).

Having said that, I do recognise that all my decisions are risky this month - nothing's a 'gimme'. Let's see if my gambles pay off.

Edited December 9, 2023 by phnompenhandy

[Stuniverse]

On 09/12/2023 at 04:17, phnompenhandy said:

As you can see from the league table above, we've hit a point where there is a sense of jeopardy. I don't fear a relegation struggle, but we could struggle to get into the top half of the table, or at best the Top Five. So I need to engage in some serious strategic planning to negotiate our fixtures this month. This is what we're scheduled to play at the start of the month (any accidental cup success may cause re-scheduling):

Oooooh... jeopardy!

Good luck 🍀⚽️🤞

Edited December 10, 2023 by Stuniverse

[Jimbokav1971]

On 06/12/2023 at 10:40, phnompenhandy said:

Did you see something I missed? I tried to give the evil new chairman a face, and he somehow took over Astrid's body and soul. Took me ages to get her back!

Apologies. No, just me being stupid. Astrid was so pivotal I thought she was the Chairperson/Director/El Presidente/Head Honcho. Didn't realise until now she is "only" the DoF. 

[Jimbokav1971]

On 06/12/2023 at 18:19, phnompenhandy said:

He tried to recruit a WHAT on £500 a month????           

 

I can't take another month of this 

 

 

 

 

On 06/12/2023 at 18:36, phnompenhandy said:

If you think this is an odd appointment for a club at this level

 

What about this: another one????

 

On 06/12/2023 at 19:01, phnompenhandy said:

I can only assume it's a chairman with 20 interference. I've no experience of anything like this - and I'm not making it up!

Have you double-checked and triple-checked responsibilities?