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The Skye's The Limit


phnompenhandy

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As the New Year manifests, the transfer window opens and the chairman promptly informs me we need cash from player sales. This could turn nasty – unless anyone wants to take a Grace or a Smith off our hands. The Sucky Cup? Nobody wants it; Dornoch even conspired to score and own goal just to ensure they’re free of the damn thing. The fifth round beckons. Right, let’s rest, recuperate and nurture the walking wounded back to health.

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Back to the real task in hand and we start with a battle at Helmsdale (which conjures up images of Orcs, Dwarves and Elves to me – never mind if you don’t get the reference!) with fit players and bench and everything (just two of our best players, Piesse and Flanagan still out, and a suspended King who’s collected half of our total yellow cards).

Paul Esslemont certainly appreciated his rest; he came storming back to see off those Orcs with a goal and an assist. I then took him off to give Nyman a chance but he got injured and is out for a fortnight. We’re still 6th but now looking up the table rather than over our shoulders.

Then next game is at home to the bottom team; we’ll need to bank those three points ahead of two very tricky ties.

With the exception of the Theologians, the clubs above us are starting to seriously falter. If we can put a strong run together, the second automatic promotion place is not out of the question. It starts now, against Lochgilphead Red Star, home team of my Grandpa’s birthplace on the banks of beautiful Loch Fyne.

Oh dear, I’m going to have to take the blame for this: we were awful and deservedly lost. I transmitted my expectations to the lads and they just couldn’t cope with the pressure. Lesson duly learned. One saving grace is that the three teams immediately above us gained one point between them – it’s infectious. We play two of them next. Intriguing. I’d like to report that at least we go into those upcoming fixtures with a clean bill of health, but Esslemont knackered his toe and is out.

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Can we scrape points back from Islay, the first club to beat us in the league and currently sitting in 4th spot?

No. We were doing alright but injuries to Flanagan and Williams took the wind out of our sales and we conceded late on. I fear the injuries will cost us further – Flanagan’s season is over and he’s our only creative presence.

out_for_6_months.jpg

Islay was the only side in the top 7 to win – we’re still thereabouts (but don’t mention it to the boys!)

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Three in a row. But we were very unlucky; their keeper and woodwork kept them in the game but when Bannockburn got their second you could see the heads drop. These boys’ morale is frail and it’s hard to gee them up. Flanagan is proving, as I suspected, to be a big big miss. The last time we were in this situation it was a performance in the Sucky Cup that got us back on track. If it’s to happen again we have two fixtures to endure before then. We’re still clinging onto that last play-off spot but will surely surrender it if we don’t win those next two matches.

With a difficult January drawing to a close, the transfer window has slammed shut (does it ever close otherwise?) without anyone enquiring about our players. Grace had picked up a serious injury whilst Smith has been excelling in the reserves – although with him, the back-up keeper and 9 greys turning out it’s hard not to stand out. I may reconsider releasing him, depending on how I assess the new kids Golabek is readying and sending up to me in a few days.

Down South, Guidolin has mysterious joined Watford after a stint of what can only have been a few weeks at Swansea. Fellaini preceded him during the managerial interregnum whilst Norwich now own Donkey Carroll. Higuain has joined Arsenal and Barcelona have forked out 10 million for Lucas Leiva.

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For you, gaffer

Bless my boys. They made it abundantly clear in the changing room that they were playing for me, and straight out of the blocks we were one up a minute into the game. Rich Le-Gallez chalked up Thistle's first ever hat-trick and we ended the day in fifth, Mr. Chairman and vultures of the press please note.

fifth.jpg

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I’m being linked with a vacancy at Hurlford, sitting second in League Two. Some wise people appreciate me, Mr. Chairman! Yes, I have noticed the source; the point is, other lesser-aware souls in the boardroom and terraces take it at face value.

hurlford_vacancy.jpg

No time to wallow though; a midweek fixture against bottom team Cromarty is imminent.

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Cheers Maw :thup: Oh, postponed. Okay, onto the cup-tie. Burghead Thistle are three divisions above us, in the same league as Fort William. Nobody’s fancying our chances, least of all me. We’ll give it a go, though, with Kioso, Curry, Magennis and Nyman getting rare starts.

We’re out at the quarter-final stage of a competition we were never committed to, losing 0-1 to a far superior team. The lads did us proud, morale is fine and with the exception of one rearranged midweek fixture, we should have one Saturday match per week concentrating on the league until the end of the season. I’m feeling fine.

The next match is away to those immortal runaway leaders Theologians, after which we have a series of winnable games. Don’t sack me yet!

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We’ve lost Kioso and Esslemont to injuries. Not unsurprisingly we lost to a superior team but we played well – well enough to beat the next few opponents, providing I can make a better job of massaging their tender hearts. We’ve dropped out of the play-off spots but a victory in midweek will bring us back over the line. It’s okay folks.

Right, Colin’s brought me the class of 4C, 16 14-year-olds to assess. Thisi s a key job and will take a little while. See yous later.

youth_intake_1.jpg

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I didn't even feel those knives digging into my back while my hopeless defence was crumbling in front of my eyes. In the midst of a busy week assessing the future, we had to play a must-win match in the immediate present. I couldn't afford another Lochgilphead catastrophe, so with now-bottom Cromarty coming to the school we absolutely had to achieve victory. I felt I'd learned my lessons and prepared the boys well enough, but when they conceded twice in a minute I felt like crucifying the defenders. I kept my cool and made essential tweaks at the back, but without Flanagan and Esslemont I couldn't see how we could get back into the game. It was my wingers Le-Gallez and Stewart who with braces apiece saved my skin - we ran out 4-3 victors and back into the last play-off spot. The Spartan chief can bog off back to Thermopylae and fall on his sword.

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Back to the future

My immediate thought in conflab with my staff is that what we need are the two DCs, one DR, one AMR, AML and ST. The intention is to give the ones I retain plenty of first-team gametime, so I need to keep the squad compact whilst having enough cover for injuries. I reckon a full squad of 30 ought to be sufficient, so altogether I’ll aim to retain 8 of the 16. They can all fill the reserve and U19 squads to complete their league fixtures for this season while I decide who gets contracts.

First impressions count. On the training ground I can see two distinct types – those who display impressive determination and those who don’t. We’ve already seen how important that is at this level and in this squad. A priority for me is to ensure the squad personality is determined and professional and the lack thereof has almost cost me my job on two occasions and I really don’t need the stress! My physios also report that at the medicals a worrying number seem extremely fragile, and my fitness coach has informed me who’s been moaning about the training workloads. In practice this means that on first impression the two centre-backs look like they’ll make the cut (Hendry should go straight into my first team), but with the strikers looking unpromising, I’ll be continuing to rely heavily on Esslemont and urging Nyman to step up. Okay, let’s take a look at them in action against an U19 XI.

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Down in the Wastelands, Manchester United have opened up a 6-point gap at the top of their Premier League while the three relegation spots are filled by Palace, Watford and Sunderland. Those are the three clubs that have sacked their managers, Mr. Chairman!

Whilst watching the new lads, I’m mindful that we have three days to prepare for the next game – at home to Ross Club who are sitting one place above Cromarty. We need another positive result but please, without the drama!

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A very useful exercise, which mostly served to confirm my initial impressions whilst adding a few important points.

GK Cowie looked quite impressive and had the determination McLaughlin lacks. I might start next season with three keepers and take time deciding who to cull.

DEF Hendry looks the thorough professional I thought he is. Lawrie scored an unfortunate own-goal but crucially did not allow it to affect his game. Smith impressed at right-back. They’re all in. Dingwall doesn’t have character and O’Neill is on the fringe but I’ll take more time over him. At least we have clear replacements for Grace.

MID Whilst we’re okay for central midfield, King and Henderson showed enough qualities to demand contracts. That’s Matthew Smith away in his Tardis then.

On the left wing O’Brien turns out to be a dead-ball specialist, which we’ve lacked, and on the right Wilson displays strong leadership potential.

Up front Winters was a bit of a lummock but I might have to give him a 12-month contract for emergency cover.

If I draft in O'Neill and Winters whilst releasing Grace and original Smith, that brings our squad total to 30 for next season with cover in all positions. Yup, that works for me.

For now, I’ve awarded immediate youth contracts to 7, Hendry, Lawrie, Smith, King, Nicholson, O’Brien and Wilson. I’ll introduce them to you soon. First, I have a game to win; otherwise, this is all merely 'academic'!

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Another goal-fest in front of our 20 diehard fans, 6 this time although with 5 to us the emotions weren’t taxed like the last game. Without our rocks Flanagan and Esslemont it’s great to see Le-Gallez ably deputized by Stewart pulling the lads forward – both scored two each for the second match in a week. Rich Le-Gallez has now scored a remarkable 14 goals this season – all tap-ins but still remarkable considering his finishing and heading attributes are both still only 1. Fifth now Mr. McLeod – a chairman doesn’t sack his manager when in a play-off position; this isn’t Derby you know!

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I don’t want to make a tasteless reference to a massacre at Dunblane, but it was looking on the cards when 12 seconds after kick-off Nyman scored a sensational goal. Unfortunately eight minutes later he hobbled off (quite the cameo – he still picked up a Player of the Match award!). A not-yet-fit Esslemont came on but I heeded the physio’s advice and only gave him 60 minutes. We’ve perfected a strategy of closing games out by shoving Stewart up top, brining on Magennis as defensive midfielder and going to ultra-contain. To my memory we’ve only conceded one goal in about a dozen occasions. The top teams are definitely choking, leaving us still in 6th place a point off 4th and 6 points ahead of 7th.

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I have to stop looking at the table. We had a bit of a setback in the next game, an awfully lethargic first-half cost us and we ended up drawing 1-1 while our rivals all won. I’m getting a worrying sense as we head into the final run that the young lads are starting to experience a little fatigue. I’d better ease back on the training ground and in the gym.

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The spark’s really gone out of our game. For the second week running we salvaged a late draw after a dire performance. It was a missed opportunity with the two sides above us losing. I brought Martin Hendry on for the last 5 minutes and he did alright; with skipper Williams typifying our poor form I’m going to drop him for the academy lad next week.

What we're all about

hendry_debut.jpg

Elsewhere: Martinez out Moyes in! Man United 2 points ahead of Arsenal with 6 to play.

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In the reserves, Dylan Dingwall who’s out of contract and playing for orange segments, is doing great at right-back, whereas Steven Smith is poor and moaning about training. Smithy also plays DC so I’ll draft Dingwall in after all.

I dropped Kevin O’Hara in the end. He’s played 42 games on the trot – all badly, so I figured he could do with time out. Hendry looked pretty assured in the defence and we ran out comfortable 1-0 winners this time.

The next game is away in Dundee to St. James who are in form and level on points with us (not that I'm looking at the league table). ;)

Oh dear, are we running out of steam? We lost 0-1 whilst all the other top teams won. I feel like a morale-raising team meeting would do the trick, but I’m not charismatic enough to pull it off so I’ll hold off for now. Trouble is, we play Golspie Stafford next, one spot behind us and coming up like a train.

Aarrghhh! Disaster! We were 1-0 ahead and playing brilliantly but just couldn’t get that second goal. Golspie equalized, our heads dropped and two more were conceded in rapid succession. We should have had a six-point cushion but we’re only ahead on goal difference. Am I managing a group of strapping lads or gaggle of teenage girls? Their moods are so mercurial from match to match and within matches, I just can’t get any consistency from them. Apart from our top scorer Paul Esslemont – he’s been consistently awful since returning from injury. Nyman keeps picking up niggles and missing games, and I have no further cover.

With three gameweeks to go in the English Premier League it’s as you were at the top*, and Villa have replaced Watford in the drop zone. In Scotland Celtic are way out in front with Dundee second.

· Newsflash: United have slipped up at Bournemouth and Arsenal are ahead on goal difference.

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For the next match I concentrated on the basics. Young Hendry returned to the reserves – he hadn’t done anything wrong but his presence was confusing the rest of the back line; in terms of tactical familiarity it’s a case of better the devil you know. Piesse joined him – his two costly mistakes and 4.6 return in the previous match was beyond tolerable. I’d have taken a 0-0 to stop the rot but McKenzie’s tasty turn and shot brought us a welcome three points.

Four games to go – a mixed bag. I’m looking for the three teams above us to shows signs of collapse; on current form we’re not close to winning the lay-offs even if we get that far. But there’s always hope. And you know what hope does.

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I wanted to follow up the 1-0 victory with an identical set-up against Jura but McCarthy picked up a knock so third-choice left-back Kioso was drafted in with a penitent Piesse on the bench.

And Kioso earned the PotM award. I’d noticed that frail and wee as our boys are, the intrepid islanders of Jura seemed flaky, so I instructed the lads to show a bit of aggression. Sure enough The Paps weren’t up for the fight and we coasted to a 1-0 victory and back into 5th spot.

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Theologians have secured the championship and Tullibody are up with them. Islay in third are looking strong. For some reason the end of the season is being stretched out with matches every fortnight. This gives us two spaces to play friendlies. I considered bringing in big teams for the money shot but decided thumping a minnow for a morale boost was more important at this juncture. The worst-case scenario would be qualifying for the play-offs with morale crushed.

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Well we drew the first friendly, so that was a waste of time. This took us into a home game against the 18th-placed team. Surely we wouldn’t slip up this time? Even with our vice-captain Will Neville picking up an injury the morning of the match? Well we lost Esslemont to injury during the game, and McAlinden missed a penalty; nevertheless, we eased to a 3-0 victory with numpty O’Hara even getting PotM, and nudged up to an unprecedented 4th place (on goal difference). We need to win one of our last two (and Flanagan looks like being back in time for the play-offs), and the next game is away to already-promoted Tullibody – will they be on the beach?

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Had a chat with the chairman – he stubbornly refuses to accept youth development as a club philosophy despite me relying on it anyway, but he did afford me a 25% pay rise with a 95% compensation package should he follow through with his fortnightly threats to sack me. I’m trousering a hundred quid week now – yummy yummy!

With our morale now being very healthy I cancelled the last friendly and gave the boys extra rest ahead of the last two league fixtures. We sat in front of the common room telly to see the climax to the English Premier League season: Arsenal, having just made it past Barcelona to the Champions League final in midweek still beat Stoke to make United’s victory at Norwich academic – Arsenal are champions. Villa’s point at Chelsea wasn’t enough to save them or their manager, and Hiddink immediately vacated his post along with Klopp and Koeman. Relegated Palace and Sunderland fired their second managers of the season. For a change the BBC isn't linking me with the jobs.

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As the coach rocked up at Tullibody in Alloa the lads were full of beans. I’ve got a fuzzy feeling in my guts; if we beat a promoted side today what a shot of self-belief that will course through their veins, and at this point the future is mental.

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We only went and did it! 2-0, a play-off spot and the boys are absolutely buzzing. We feel fit, we feel good. Let’s get mid-table Mungo outta the way and get stuck into these play-offs!

The Scottish Premiership drew to a close with highly predictable outcomes other than a fantastic achievement by Hibs in nicking second place.

scottish_premier_league.jpg

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And there we go: 1-0, job done, five league wins on the bounce - all clean sheets to boot, our best run of the season and in fine fettle for the play-offs.

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The play-off games were actually drawn out of a hat, but we got St. James which is what I was expecting anyway. It’s to be played at a neutral venue, Inverness Caley’s stadium in nine days’ time. Bring it on!

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Interlude: I’ve given 14-year old goalkeeper Brian Cowie ten games in the reserves and U19s to show me something, and what he’s shown me is that his ‘sporting’ attitude is not what we need. I didn’t give him a contract, so along with Andrew Grace and Matt Smith he’ll move on in June, leaving us with a squad of 29 providing we don’t lose any during the transfer window.

Arsenal won the Champions League on penalties and Wenger promptly announced his retirement. Ancelotti is in at Liverpool and De Boer at Southampton. Mancini has taken over at Chelsea.

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Right, on to the play-off. Our star man Kian Flanagan is fit after five months out but he’ll start on the bench. Rhys Richards, our substitute DC has strained his thigh; I don’t want to bring Hendry back in to such an important match so I’m going to risk a DC-free bench. Right, it’s time. We board the coach for the most beautiful commute to a football match in the world – across the Skye Bridge, past Eilean Donan castle, up the entire length of Loch Ness, ending up at the old Inverness garbage dump that is now the site of the Tulloch Caledonian stadium.

And we did it! Goals from Andy McKenzie and Rich Le-Gallez, both assisted by PoM Jack Stewart – basically our best three performers in the second half of this season. The final is only four days away so there’ll be no training apart from a study of the opposition, which I’m delighted to see is Bannockburn. I wouldn’t have felt confident against Islay whereas despite losing home and away to the Bravehearts I feel we can take them now. It doesn’t hurt that they have a day less to recuperate and prepare for the game. James King’s yellow card means he’s unfortunately suspended, so Andrew Curry our ball-breaking midfielder.

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We’re making a return trip to the Caledonian stadium, and we’re taking half the island with us (well, two coaches). I still can believe where we’re at – until the final couple of weeks of the season this was never ever on the cards. We can’t fail now, surely? Just to spoil the mood, clubs are trying to turn the heads of my best players with offers of up to a thousand quid. We need these lads – look the other way Mr. McLeod!

Promoted!

And, wow wow wow!!! We’ve done it! 0-0 after 90 minutes, our star man Rich Le-Gallez popped up in extra time with his bespoke party piece – a point-blank header.

play_off_winners.jpg

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Here we are in the close season and I’m getting pestered with derisory bids for my best players. I’m sorry I ran up an 88,000 GBP debt Mr. Chairman, but flogging our young stars for a few hundred isn’t make a dent in it, is it? I accept there’s no way I can reduce the losses but unless an unbelievable bid comes in I’m not letting anyone go. And yes, I do understand that this means no more staff and no upgrading our facilities.

I’ve actually got money for a transfer – my physio scarpered and I got five grand for him.

Right, I’ve almost finished setting the scene for my career. It just remains to introduce our lads properly, boys whom I hope will stay with us throughout their careers and take us all the way to the top. Once I’ve done that I’ll ease off and give brief updates only every month or so.

In the meantime, here are summaries of the English and Scottish seasons, starting with Scotland.

end_of_season_scotland_1.jpg

end_of_season_scotland_2.jpg

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So this numpty chairman who has no respect for me and gives me no backing whatsoever expects me to win the league. I think he's taken my punning thread title a tad too literally. To be honest, I don't think this league is significantly tougher than Division 3, and our boys will grasp my tactics from the off, so I'm quietly optimistic myself. Don't tell him that, though!

Expectations

numpty_chairman.jpg

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