The Scottish Sunday Clan Net Game

[36EE]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lambie's Lovechild:

Sensation at Hampden

So , a decent enough opening session for Queens. A few wins , a few losses , and as we get to grips with what is a dire squad (cheers 36EE), its worth noting it could be worse , at least im only £150k in debt.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

glad to see you like the direction i was taking the club got u a little icelandic gem though! couldnt find a keeper mate so im sorry about that, what can i say, it needs a strong man and your the only one with a hope best of luck mate, and to you all!

[John Paul Remington]

cheers 36EE games has steadied itself out now and is running smoothly with the 8 remaining players,losing 3 players at the start was hard but 2 who,including yourself were kind enough to let us now that it either wasn't for them or couldn't commit and one well, lets just say he's shooting himself in the foot with trying to get into online games.

Wish you all the best in your online games and sorry to lose you, but bod as you see if doing a fine job at the Spiders.

3 new players lined up for new season so the game is getting better an better.

Bring on 4.14 and hopefully all our worries will be solved

[Scotfun]

There was confusion and frustration in the press room at Firs park following another missed Q & A session by flamboyuant 'Shire' boss Thomas Burnett, calls and emails remain unanswered.

"He usually has plenty to say for himself," said Wan Mare, head reporter for Spanish TV "even when we're not interested he's on the phone, so when this quiet spell began we were hot on the story, the facts surounding the mystery are mindboggling."

Stirling swept away East Stirlingshire 0-4, Burnett is silent.

A home win 1-0 over peterhead, and Burnett reappears pretending to praise his opponent.

Scottish cup defeat 2-0 to Kilmarnock and Burnett milks the fans praise for a failed attempt at more silver.

defeat at the hands of Montrose 2-0 and another period of silence.

Goalkeeping error gifts Albion Rvrs 3 points at Firs and another missed press conference.

Away to Cowdenbeath and a 2-4 result for East Stirling, 3pts and a smiling Burnett.

"Well things needed to change, we ran five games and only scored 1 goal, thats not acceptable, not by the fans and especially not by me, but the message is clear to those pulling on the shirts, 'pick up your game or pick up your bags'.

The trip to Elgin saw a commanding performance throughout the East Stirling side and they came away with 3pts following their 0-2 win

"No Im not hiding! thats nonsense and its none of your business where I was, yes we went through a bad patch but thats all it was."

[John Paul Remington]

Peterhead bubble burst ?

Is the Peterhead bubble burst, has Stewart ran out of ideas, or is he simply waiting on his youg cousin finishing with shoot magazine to gain more tactical tips and formation of the week.

Peterhead have toiled lately with results going up and down like a yoyo. On the transfer front Ross (mr) and Bennett (gk) have been added to the squad to give more competition for places, but striker Hislop decided he would rather play for Stranraer. Midfielder Ligertwood has been sent to Fort William on loan to gain some playing experience.

Now to results, Peterhead started off well,

Peterhead 2 - 2 Gretna

in a entertaining match with goals from Bain (10) and Myles(20)

East Stirling 1-0

followed but the spirited but unlucky defeat to

Dundee 3-2

in the Scottish Cup after taking the lead twice, performance wise things were looking good, goals from Johnstone (31) and Myles(44).

Peterhead 1 - 0 Stranraer

Bavidge(24)

Peterhead 1 - 1 Montrose

Johnston (20) and two goals chopped off by a very very bad linesman.

Stirling 2 - 1 Peterhead

and

Albion 2 - 0 Peterhead

then back on track with a decent win

Stranrear 0 - 2 Peterhead

bavidge (19)

Johnston (67)

So with 23 games gone, Peterhead find themself 20 points of 1st place but only 6 points of 2nd, is it to late or is ther plenty time left for a turn around and some consistency in their performance.

All I know for sure is that Stewart has scraped his ambitious Celtic style 3-5-2 formation as his back three just aren't up to the job and at time has been simply pulled all over the park or easily beat for pace.

15 games left to save the season and grab the 2nd promotion spot. Time will tell.

[Lambie\'s Lovechild]

Spare the Rod , Spoil the Bod

It all started so promisingly, and then went downhill. 4 wins , 3 defeats , and the board doesnt like me at all

East Stirling 0 - 2 Queens Park

The return of on loan goalkeeper Graham Smith seemed to Galvanise the Queens back line, who looked rock solid for the whole match. Their

solid, counter attacking strategy seemed to pay dividends when in 17 minutes, a long ball out of defence was nodded down by Menelaws into the path of Ian Diack , and his cross found Gary McMillan to open the scoring. After that, it was one way traffic as Shire battled gamely to try and restore parity.

Unfortunately, with Smith in superb form, a long ball in 57 minutes found the head of Menelaws once more, and his knockdown was straight into the path of on loan striker Ryan Docherty who ran on to coolly slot past a helpless Shire keeper. And 2-0 it finished. Manager Burnett was rumoured to have lambasted his troops from the technical area with more than the odd flying boot. Elation meantime from Hampden , as this win finally moved Queens off the bottom, to be replaced by the out of form and thoroughly hopeless Stranraer.

Queens Park 3 - 0

When playing a counter attacking system, it helps to have 2 things. One is a midfield adept at playing a long ball, the other having 2 strikers with completely different attributes. Menelaws is an experienced striker that can hold up and knock down the ball, and Docherty is a quick striker with great off the ball ability. Combine those, and youll score a hatload. Which is what Docherty managed on 3 occasions , breaking quickly and striking the ball hard past the keeper every time. A quick tonic for Queens from the Doc, and suddenly its up to the lofty heights of 7th place. Is this a classsic late run on promotion from the Bodster?

Queens Park 2 - 0 Peterhead

Peterhead, coming off a poor run, couldnt have been confident when they rolled into Glasgow. The 200 mile trip left its players tired and jaded, and Queens Steamrollered them. Menelaws , Docherty (2) and a 25 yard volley from David Farrell left them demoralised and destroyed, and for Queens, that late run on promotion suddenly seemed a reality. With East Stirling unable to buy a win, Queens closed to within 6 points of 6th place, and a genuine run on the promotion places.

Stirling 3 - 2 Queens Park

This was a classic for the neutral. Queens taking an early lead and sitting in hitting on the counter, Albion hammering the goalmouth and coming up empty. An early Menelaws strike, a 51st minute equaliser with a cracking wide strike from Love , and then Menelaws grabbing another on the break , but eventually the pressure telling and Stirling grabbing 2 late goals in 86 and 89 and breaking Queens hearts.

Montrose 0 - 3 Queens Park

Another day , another Doc Hat Trick. Montrose simply had no answer to the lightning pace and clinical finishing of Ryan Docherty. A brilliant near post redirection of a Menelaws shot, followed by 2 penalties saw Queens roll to a simple win. Queens close to within 3 points of 6th placed East Stirling, who having been denied of their manager Tam Burnett following his departure to Berwick, have appointed Scottish Footballing Legend Brian Laudrup as his replacement. Chick Young has apparently bought a Firs Park season ticket in response.

Cowdenbeath 4 - 1 Queens Park

Bit inexplicable this one. A crash midway through the second half appears to have resulted in the assistant taking over, changing the tactics , and Queens getting humped. Manager McGuinness was less than pleased.

Elgin 4 - 2 Queens Park

Charles McLean.

Charles BLOODY McLean

Ive no answer to the twat. He cant score against anyone in the league, but now has 6 in 2 games against me. Elgin take the lead , we peg them back , McLean scores instantly , we peg them back , McLean scores instantly ... you see a pattern forming here? .... Someone PLEASE sign this annoyingly inconsistent big twat from Elgin before i head up north with a very large Chib!

[taloola23uk]

After having a short holiday I find that my replacement hasnt been keeping you updated in all thats gone on at Cliftonville for the past few weeks.

So I will strive to do my best by starting my column with the great news that The Rovers are sitting proudly at the top of the league how long they'll remain there is unsure though as injury problems have got no better with new signing Graham Smith out and Chris Fahey too that meant they had no keeper for the home game against Gretna.

Rovers 3 - 1 Gretna

Fine header from mcmanus gave Rovers the lead in the 33rd minute, gretna recovered with a great move in the second half which saw Martin Cameron slot one past inexperienced rookie Kevin Swain in the 46th minute. Johann Porhallson delighted the 1500 crowd by displaying some magical skills to get the goal that sealed Gretna's fate and with young rookie Darren Cross getting a last minute goal it was all over.

Rovers bulked up the backroom staff by bringing in another phsyio and a new Belgian coach, although there has been rumours round Cliftonville that several members of the back room staff are not getting contract renewals.

Stirling 4 - 0 Rovers

After some excellent team play Stirling opened the scoring with a great goal from Scott MacLean, he followed that up by adding to Rovers misery with another in the 21st minute further goals from Barry Elliot and Paul Hay seen Rovers leave Stirling with something to think about

Cowdenbeath 2 - 1 Rovers

After sueffering a heavy defeat at the hands of Stirling Watson made several changes to the team. Mcmanus heade the first goal after a great corner kick from Darren cross, Buchanan scored the equaliser only a few minutes later.

Buchanan scored his second from a great free kick, things were starting to look bad for the team who everyone thought had run away with the league.

Rovers 4 - 1 Stranraer

A hat trick for Porhallson and a goal from McManus combined with a great team effort gave Rovers another 3 points as they got a deserved win at Cliftonville.

Watson was seen leaving the ground with a very big smile, a sight which hasnt been seen in the past few weeks.

The Board gave Watson some support by announcing how pleased they were with how things were going and they are delighted with the team.

Rovers 4 - 1 Elgin

Rovers continued there good home run with a great 4 goal defeat of Elgin, they did have a very shaky start to the match but managed to pick up the pace in the second half with Porhallson causing all sorts of trouble for the Elgin defence.

Queens Park 0 - 1 Rovers

In what was a lacklustre peformance from both teams Albion Rovers took away 3 points although the scoreline flattered the visitors.

Rovers are having serious problems with their away form and if they arent careful are gonna lose some very important points in the run up to the end of the season.

Rovers 4 - 3 East Stirling

Rovers will be relieved to have gotten 3 points from this match as it was end to end football and East Stirling were unfortunate not to take anything from the game.

One thing Rovers manager Watson will take from the game though is to make sure she keeps hold of colin Boylan as he played an absolute stormer.

With 6 games of the season left The Wee Rovers were announced the champions of the 3rd division.

In an interview with Watson I got this from her.

"I am so pleased for the team, they deserve it after all the hard work they've put in. Things havent been going smoothly for us at the minute with injuries and things but we have been grinding out the results and they are what matters"

What do you see for the future for the Rovers?

"Hopefully I'll still be here although thats up to the board, but I want to start building on the foundations we already have. I'm not gonna be making any major changes to the team and with some time we can prove we're capable in the second division"

Is it true you were approached to take over as manager of Queen of the South?

"I'd rather not comment although I will say that at the minute I am very happy at Rovers and dont see me making any decisions to leave, if I go it wont be my decision"

People have criticised you for playing so many youngsters, what would you like to say to them?

"(Laughs) ahem I pick the team and I pick the players on their ability not their age"

So is there a big party planned for tonight then?

"No unfortunately not we'll have a wee celebration but nothing major, not until the season is fully over"

Anything else you'd like to add to what you've alkready said?

"Yes, I'd like to thank the fans too, for turning up every week and for cheering us through the bad times as well as the good. Thanks!"

I was dissapointed the interview had to be cut short but thankfully I was one of the few who got one so I cant complain

Rovers 3 - 1 Stirling

When the home team went in at half time two goals up nobody expected stirling to make a comeback but they come out the blocks fast and clawed the score back to 2-1.

They were very unlucky to give a very dubious penalty away, but Porhallson made no attempt to stifle the blow as he hit the back of the net.

Stirling battled on and had a few missed chances but it was over.Rovers took another 3 points.

Rumours are circulating that despite her reassurances to the team, some of the players may lose their places in the first team to new faces.

Montrose 1 - 0 Rovers

Rovers tasted defeat as they put in another poor display away from home, Montrose were the deserved winners of the three points.

Rovers are going to have to do something about this as mistakes cannot be made in the second division or they'll find themselves relegated as quick as they were promoted.

[Scotfun]

The security guards jaw dropped as the throng of photographers, and video crews barged through the doors.

A pretty young PA with fantastic legs clamped her palm over a mobile phone, "Its Hollywood..they want the right's to your life story,"

"How's playing me?"

"Tom Cruise." her brow creased

"What about John Wayne!"

"He's dead."

"Shicht!..this Cruise boy any good?"

The PA shrugged her slender shoulders, the long golden hair glistened under the glare of the video lights "He doesn't have your charm, wit nor sofistication but he's making a living."

"Tell them I'll get back to them." he fought his way through the press pack "Oh marble staircase..the marble staircase..get my photo on the marble staircase."

"What the fukc's going on here then!" yelled the security guard, "**** off the lot o you's"

The press pack gasped.

" excuse me, guy's" he said pushing through the throng "I'll take care of this."

"Who are you like? this your crew or what?" the guard looked down at him

"My name mr guard is Thomas Burnett, and you'll remember that 'cos Im your new boss and you work for me."

"Your my what?..." the guard snatched the letter Burnett waved in front of him.

Burnett's body flew through the plate glass doors, hitting the ground in a puff of dust, the letter fluttered after him.

"Berwick ******* Rangers!" the guard roared

[dogs]

that last post my boy, had me in stiches

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>"Berwick ******* Rangers!" the guard roared <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

quite simply the best feckin line in ages i actually giggled out loud at that one

[Scotfun]

The flags flew at half mast, each and every citizen wore a black arm band, solem organ music drifted from the stained glass windows of churches, maidens pledged themselves to lives of celibacy and grown men openly cried in the streets.

Thomas Burnett left his office in Firs park for the last time, he stood by the door of the taxi, for a brief hopeful moment there was hesitation as he reached for the handle, the crowds gasp turned to wailing as Burnett opened the taxi door.

As the taxi moved hearse like through the streets dark clouds formed above and a doleful rain fell on falkirk.

(two hours later)

A huge explosion shook the ancient foundations, millions of tiny rainbow coloured balls of light cascaded from the sky, the thick battlements of the town were adorned with welcome banners, and this town which had been fought over by the Scots and the engerlish for so long in its history, now welcomed a new general.

Marching bands and cheerleaders led the motorcade, tickertape fluttered in the breeze, babies were held up to the open topped car in the faint hope Burnett would brush his hand over their tiny heads.

lacy panties with phone numbers inscribed were thrown into the Rolls Royce, Burnett jovialy pulled a black pair over his head, much to the delight of the ladies from the local convent.

The welcoming speeches were made and the crowd awaited the words of wisdom from their new manager.

Burnett approached the microphone with a tear in his eye, "Im not crying because Im happy," he began "Im crying because I just saw your lge position and you've no ******* chance o staying up."

[Scotfun]

"You have been in charge for seven matches now Mr Burnett and in that time we have seen only two goals scored and only one point achieved."

"Quite simply its a difficult task, moral at this club is the lowest I have ever known, confidence needs rebuilding, the club have to start believing in themselves again before we can realise our on pitch potential, its going to take time and unfortunately relegation is quite immenent."

"One last question Mr Burnett...when are you going to take those black panties off your head?"

[John Paul Remington]

Div 3 Update

Albion Rovers Crowned champions of Division 3, Manager Tracy Watson basically ran away with the league and had it all wrapped up with 5 games to go, leaving the rest of the chasing pack to fight it out of the second promotion spot, and what a scrap its turning out to be.

With 4 games left in the season, three teams battle it out for the second place with s single point between then, Stirling sit joint second with Peterhead, followed very closly behind by Gretna who trial the other two by a single point but who have a game in hand.

All three teams are playing well and anyone of them could grab this second place and claim promotion to leave the other 2 heart broken.

Gretna have held the spot for so long but making the semi's of the scottish cup may have taken to much out of them, Peterhead have held on in there but failed to take chances given to them to push into second. Stirling have came from no where really, Manager Andy Jones seems to have got it right in the nick of time with Stirling coming together with some impressive results after a bad start to the season.

This promotion spot can go to anyone here, the only sure thing is thats someone will be a very happy manager on Sunday and two will be left heart broken.

[AndyJ]

Stirling Albion Update

Stirling 4-0 Albion Rovers

Stirling surprised the league leaders as well as their own manager as they cruised to a 4-0 win. Goals from Barry Elliot and Paul Hay, and a double from Scott McLean delighted the home support as they picked up a well deserved 3 points.

Elgin 3-3 Stirling

Stirling's poor away form continued as their defence crumbled. Stirling Manger Andy Jones was disappointed with the result as Stirling failed to make up ground with promotion rivals Peterhead and Gretna. Jones did however praise Barry Elliot, the team's top scorer has been on fine form of late but his hat trick wasn't enough to get the 3 points at Elgin.

Stirling 3-2 Queen's Park

Jones thought it wasn't going to be Stirling's day as they missed chance after chance and Queen's Park dealt with everything that was thrown at them. However, in the final few minutes of the game Stirling edged it with Scott McLean grabbing the glory and a valuable win for the Forthbank side.

Stirling 2-0 East Stirling

The strike partnership of McLean and Elliot was too good for the East Sirling defence too handle. Both bagged a goal each to get a win over the managerless side after Thomas Burnett headed for the dizzy heights of the Second Division.

Peterhead 1-4 Stirling

An excellent team performance meant that Stirling ran out easy winners in the end against promotion rivals Peterhead. Peterhead manager Iain Stewart was raging with his goalkeeper as well as defender Robbie Raeside after a right defensive foul up where Raeside passed the ball into his own net with the keeper standing watching. Stewart admitted after the match his keeper had a "Rab Douglas moment" and he would have to discipline some of his players for poor performance.

Gretna 2-2 Stirling

Jones thought he had the 3 points wrapped up to move 5 points clear into second place but a late Gretna goal meant it was tighter than ever at the top of the Second Division.

Abion Rovers 3-1 Stirling

Another week, another tough game for Stirling. This time league leaders Albion Rovers who, in the end, proved too strong for the Stirling players. Goals from Boylan, Sweeney and Porhallsson were enough to secure the 3 points and put a dent in the Forthbank side's bid for promotion.

Stirling 3-1 Cowdenbeath

ANother great performance from the Stirling front two of Elliot and McLean, the former scoring one and the latter getting the other two. Stirling's promotion bid was back on track and Jones admitted he was both nervous and excited about the games that lie ahead and thinks that the league leaders could hold the key to who gets promoted as Albion Rovers still have to play both Gretna and Peterhead before the end of the season.

Jones also confirmed the signing of the experencied Namibian right back Chris Magagula who will be joining the club on a free at the end of the season after he was granted a conditional British work permit.

[John Paul Remington]

Will it be 2nd Division for Peterhead ?

Peterhead finally started turning in performances that manager Iain Stewart has been looking for, and with some sensational displays from Martin Johnston and sean Mullholland to send The Blue Toon into joint second spot with Stirling, one point ahead of Gretna.

Stewart who over the past few weeks has tried various formations seems to have got it right and 2nd Division is now a reality.

Results have been good over the past 9 games will follow,

Peterhead 2 - 1 Elgin

Johnston 65 Ogboke 75

Mullholland

miss Pen 81

Bavidge 90

Peterhead 4 - 0 Cowdenbeath

Johnston 13,61

Roddie 30

Bavidge 82

Queens Park 4 - 0 Peterhead

Docherty 4,57

Menelaws 21

Farrell 45

Peterhead 4 - 0 East Stirling

Johnston 6

MacKay 18

Mullholland 49

Smith 83

Gretna 0 - 1 Peterhead

Johnston 27

Peterhead 1 - 4 Stirling

MacKay 23 Mclean 7,11

Raeside ( og ) 27

O'Brian pen 63

Montrose 3 - 3 Peterhead

Mortimer 5 Johnston 16

Wood 57 Stewart pen 45

Watt 74 McLaughlan ( og ) 71

Cowdenbeath 0 - 1 Peterhead

Johnston 12

Peterhead 3 - 1 Stranraer

Johnston 15,32 Crawford 8

MacKay 79

With the rebuilding starting for next year and the future Stewart has brough in Peltier ( released by Liverpool ) Gray ( released from Berwick ) for free and McPherson 1k capture from Inverurie Loco Works. Maybe not the most glamerous of sigings but they add depth, competition for places and much needed injury cover.

So with four games left and everything to play for, his supply of Shoot magazine spent, and its now onto those big words in World Soccer, will he find anything new tactically, will he ever get to grips with training and will he ever find that decent Central Defender he has spent the entire season looking for, time will tell.....

[superayrunited]

Will you be using the 4.1.4 patch?

[dogs]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by superayrunited:

Will you be using the 4.1.4 patch?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Iain will need the new patch to try and rescue his season

[John Paul Remington]

Hello,

yup we'll be using the 4.14 patch from this sunday, so can everyone use the new patch for this weekend and hopefully the end to all our troubles \o/

Dogs, think i'll be needing more than a patch to save my season, bit its always a good excuse

[Gary Toner]

*just a quick update, due to not having much time*

Will Gretna Blow It?

That seems to be the question on everyone's lips, 'will Gretna blow it?'. Well they would be right in worrying or indeed questioning our promotion creditials.

The cup has been good to us this season and it was a season that seen us take on some of the big boys in the Spl, teams such as Partick, Celtic, Motherwell, Kilmarnock and more recently Dundee had all paid dividends to Gretna's finances.

Despite knocking Kilmarnock out the cup 5-1 in the QF it seemed that the semi's and more apt that Dundee would be one giant killing too much as the Raydale park men succemeb to a penalty just before half time which Craig Burley converted in the only goal of the game.

So we have the league to look towards and only a handful of games and a few points seperate a handful of teams from possible glory, will Gretna be that team to taste success, will Gretna be playing 2nd division football next season? or will Gretna fall at the last hurdle just like their cup campaigns this season will it be a case of one game too many? only time will tell and you'll hear it here first.

[superayrunited]

East Stirling Announce New Manager

There was a surprise announcement today with the appointment of unknown Steve McWee as the new manager of East Stirling. "I feel Steve will bring a fresh approach to the team as he comes to us untainted by any previous experience with other clubs," said the chairman to the gathered media and supporters.

The supporters are said to be cautiously optimistic about the appointment of McWee although some have expressed reservations about his lack of experience managing at this level. "Aye, he has played the game for years and he's watched it all his life from the stands but that makes ME about as qualified as he is!" one sceptical supporter spluttered.

But McWee does not appear bothered about these doubts and seems fairly confident he can do the job. "I hope to improve East Stirling's squad this year and I will be looking to pick up some players on free transfers over the next few weeks to add some depth to the squad. i'll be getting rid of some of the crap the previous manager brought in as well," said McWee.

There's no doubt he can talk the talk but the next couple of months will show whether Steve McWee has the necessary attributes to pull the Shire from obscurity in division 3 to the 'glamour' of the second division.

[Scotfun]

Ugly scenes were evident today as the police were called to remove the black panties from the head of Thomas Burnett.

The underfire boss struggled valiantly against superior odds, but the use of watercannon and rubber bullets finaly caused the most corageous of CM managers to succumb.

"Stick thum up yur arse!" Burnett said flashing the town of Berwick the fingers.

"Poxy fukcers dont deserve someone like me."

P.S. Burnett got sacked.

must have been a 4.14 bug

[Scotfun]

EH!what do tou mean 4.14 is a game patch..I thought it was a team formation.

[Scotfun]

Tom's no here the now so Im his burd right..how dare you nasty Berwick fukcers sack ma man..he's so depressed now I wont get a shag for a week.

[John Paul Remington]

The Scots Sunday Clan would like to welcome its 2 new members to the game.

Steve McWee who took control of East Fife and also welcome bck the return of Dennan who played in the original line up, who takes control of Montrose.

No new advertising of places happened this season as a number of players were on a waiting list for the game, no places will be up for grabs until anyone drops out or the clan agree to expand the number of players.

Season 1 of cm03/04 Scottish lower league challenge is over and final standings plus a round up of the season will be given later tonight.

Roll on Season 2 !

Also the Queen Of The South will be holding

"The Tom Burnett Benefit Tournament" to help bring some cheer and much needed aid to this fallen fellow manager in his time of need

all applicants to the game please post below 1st 3 applicate in will be accepted.

[superayrunited]

I'm up for that. Is it to provide some much needed rubber for the poor man?!

[taloola23uk]

I'll be in that one, if it's ok

[Lambie\'s Lovechild]

Ill have a spot , assuming i still have a job when its played.

[Scotfun]

Hmmm...I like the idea of that a benefit in my honour...hope you lot can sing.

[Scotfun]

And now we hand you over to the studio's of ITN and a "Tonight with Trevor Mcdonald" special report.

"Hello and welcome..horrific scenes were shown on news channels of the devastation, carnage and suffering inflicted upon a small British town last Sunday, terrorist attacks?, natural catostrophy? no these were the result of the deaperate struggle to remove a pair of simple black panties from the head of one man."

"I hardly think they were simple Trev..there was some tasty lacy bits on there."

"Three clubs in one season Mr Burnett..a man whom clubs fight over or a man who gets out before he's found out?"

"Ho Ho, it's quite simply a matter of economics Trevor nothing more sinister."

"In what way?"

"What!"

"Economic's..in what way?"

"Well...its complicated stuff you know, economical stuff about econamically economics and I cant go into it here"

"You have been accused of being economical with the truth."

"I beg your pardon..show me one instance where a club of mine has won and I failed to say how great I am."

"On the other side of the coin, when your clubs lose.."

"Ah!..you see..coins! thats economic's again and I just cant go into that at present."

"The allegations that you are a fraud and a conman?"

"Trevor, you do make me laugh..as an old Russian coach used to say..'nevjder droomde occhvyal natanar'"

"Which means?"

"Fukc knows."

"When did you begin to think Berwick wasn't the town for you?"

"After we lost to Airdrie Utd 5-0 and the top nun at the convent booted me in the baws."

"And the future?"

"Its looking rosy Trev..a few folk have been after me, Spanish clubs Providento and counciltaxio have shown great interest but its the glamour of the third thats drawn me."

"And some fellow lge managers are organising a prestegious event in your honour."

"Rightly so, its to be a splendid occassion, singing dancing all manner of fun, there will be a singing duo 'steve & simon' who viewers will remember were the sex pistols of the folk scene, and there has been talk of one of them doing a pole dance wearing black shiny thigh lenght boots, doesn't interest me that sort of thing! but i will watch out of courtesy."

"Mr Burnett, viewers, until next time, goodnight"

[John Paul Remington]

priceless a tell ya priceless,

turps is in serious danger of loseing his funiest poster award next year, as these have been class.

I'll be posting the final league standings so along with current clan players standing.

Were the rest of your posts guys, get your end of season updates online come on !

This benefit do , dancing you say, leather hmmm interesting........

[dogs]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> This benefit do , dancing you say, leather hmmm interesting........ <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

too bloódy interesting if you ask me

[superayrunited]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scotfun:

there will be a singing duo 'steve & simon' who viewers will remember were the sex pistols of the folk scene, and there has been talk of one of them doing a pole dance wearing black shiny thigh lenght boots, doesn't interest me that sort of thing! but i will watch out of courtesy."

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It's SIMONE dammit, not Simon!!

[Gary Toner]

Excellent stuff

My season review will be up soon.

[Gary Toner]

Glorious Gretna Claim Second Place

Just when you though Gretna's superb season was going to fizzle out at the end they proved they had what it took to claim that all elusive second promotion spot.

Manager Toner was said to be 'delighted' with the response from his side after such a hard long season but when it came to crunch the players showed their quality.

Speaking about the season which saw the club reach the semi finals of the Scottish Cup, The Quarter Finals of the League cup and Promotion to the 2nd Division Toner said "when i took over the club i never thought we'd have such a great season it's just a pity we couldn't go one better in the cup but that's life and we will be back better than ever next season!"

End of Season Results

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> Borrough Briggs - Elgin 2 - 3 Gretna

Fotheringham 18 Cameron 19,65,90

Black 62

Hampden - Queens Park 1 - 3 Gretna

Docherty 48 Stevens 20,45,67

Raydale - Grenta 4 - 2 Albion

Cameron 8,26,44 McManus 23,56

Hore 20

Firs Park - East Stirling 1 - 3 Gretna

Leishman 12 Hore 20,31,90

Central Park - Cowdenbeath 1 - 4 Gretna

Fallon 80 Cameron pen 17, 55

Baldacchino 18

Mackie 48

</pre>

[richard thomson]

was going to apply for tournament as well but dint think it was very apt for berwick to play in the tournament!

[Lambie\'s Lovechild]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fat Ric:

was going to apply for tournament as well but dint think it was very apt for berwick to play in the tournament! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aye Ric. Yer a disgrace. Applying for a mans job and forcing him oot the door

[Scotfun]

Aye Ric. Yer a disgrace. Applying for a mans job and forcing him oot the door

Its no one's, fault but my own for arsing around when I should have been concentrating.

Trust me when I say in all sincerity that all is forgiven

[Scotfun]

BOING! his head shot forward, there was an almighty CRACK! he sat upright in a daze the letters from his keyboard imprinted on his forehead.

"What the fukc was that!" his eyes burlled

"Thats a 14" teflon non stick frying pan ya bastar!" she snarled through gritted fangs

BOING!

"Hey! will ye stop wi the frying (BOING!) ******* pan.

"Ma mothers a sick woman (BOING!)she's in hospital.

"Ah know! I gave her flowers!"

BOING!

"It was a fukcin (BOING!) wreath (BOING!)

"Well ah dinnay ken anything aboot flowers"

"Where did you get them?"

"out the shop"

"What shop?"

"The flower shop!"

BOING!

"You been raking up the cemetary again, BOING!

"They would just get wasted up there!"

"You have no BOING!con BOING!sider BOING!ation, its just you and that stupid game."

"Hey!..watch it..dont you say anything yur gonna regret."

BOING!

"Oooya!" his hand clampt to this mouth "that's ma fukcin crown fukced ya pshco bitch."

"Is it?" BOING! BOING! "There's another two to keep it company"

"You dont understand woman..Im famous!"

"Famous! BOING! I'll famous you the now BOING! and dont you bleed on that rug!"

[Lambie\'s Lovechild]

Season 2 all set to start this evening.

Csn Ricardo turn around the fortunes of Ailing Berwick

Can Taloola dominate division 2 without breaking sweat.

Will Tam manage to stop upsetting his board by declaring interest in every single job in professional football.

Can Bod stay in a job after the board and fans declared their dislike of him?

Will Iain take the Doonhamers to the SPL, and gain legendary status in the South West?

Tune in tonight True Believers. Same pratt time. same pratt channel!

[John Paul Remington]

Season 1 is Over and the final standings are as follows

Scots Div 1

| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D.| Pts |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | C | Ross County | | 36 | 9 | 6 | 3 | 28 | 21 | 6 | 8 | 4 | 24 | 22 | +9 | 59 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | | St. Johnstone | | 36 | 6 | 6 | 6 | 29 | 29 | 10 | 4 | 4 | 29 | 20 | +9 | 58 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Ayr | | 36 | 9 | 2 | 7 | 28 | 19 | 8 | 3 | 7 | 26 | 24 | +11 | 56 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Falkirk | | 36 | 8 | 4 | 6 | 24 | 19 | 8 | 4 | 6 | 23 | 22 | +6 | 56 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Clyde | | 36 | 7 | 7 | 4 | 25 | 21 | 8 | 2 | 8 | 27 | 29 | +2 | 54 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Raith Rovers | | 36 | 10 | 4 | 4 | 33 | 17 | 4 | 4 | 10 | 21 | 28 | +9 | 50 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Brechin | | 36 | 10 | 3 | 5 | 32 | 24 | 4 | 4 | 10 | 25 | 30 | +3 | 49 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Queen of Sth. | | 36 | 5 | 3 | 10 | 22 | 29 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 17 | 23 | -13 | 39 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | R | Inverness C. Thistle | | 36 | 6 | 4 | 8 | 25 | 28 | 4 | 5 | 9 | 21 | 32 | -14 | 39 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th| R | St. Mirren | | 36 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 17 | 27 | 4 | 5 | 9 | 21 | 33 | -22 | 35 |

| ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

Scots Div 2

| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D.| Pts |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | C | Alloa | | 36 | 15 | 2 | 1 | 37 | 9 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 25 | 25 | +28 | 72 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | P | Airdrie Utd | | 36 | 13 | 2 | 3 | 37 | 15 | 6 | 5 | 7 | 24 | 29 | +17 | 64 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Forfar | | 36 | 10 | 4 | 4 | 42 | 21 | 8 | 4 | 6 | 33 | 28 | +26 | 62 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | East Fife | | 36 | 8 | 6 | 4 | 24 | 21 | 9 | 4 | 5 | 28 | 25 | +6 | 61 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Morton | | 36 | 9 | 7 | 2 | 34 | 19 | 6 | 3 | 9 | 26 | 23 | +18 | 55 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | Hamilton | | 36 | 8 | 4 | 6 | 35 | 29 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 23 | 30 | -1 | 50 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Arbroath | | 36 | 8 | 5 | 5 | 25 | 21 | 1 | 6 | 11 | 13 | 33 | -16 | 38 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Stenhousemuir | | 36 | 7 | 4 | 7 | 26 | 17 | 2 | 2 | 14 | 8 | 30 | -13 | 33 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | R | Dumbarton | | 36 | 4 | 3 | 11 | 19 | 36 | 5 | 2 | 11 | 21 | 40 | -36 | 32 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th| R | Berwick | | 36 | 5 | 5 | 8 | 22 | 28 | 3 | 2 | 13 | 15 | 38 | -29 | 31 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

Scots Div 3

| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D.| Pts |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 1st | C | Albion Rovers | | 36 | 15 | 3 | 0 | 47 | 13 | 8 | 2 | 8 | 33 | 31 | +36 | 74 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 2nd | P | Gretna | | 36 | 10 | 4 | 4 | 45 | 26 | 9 | 3 | 6 | 36 | 31 | +24 | 64 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 3rd | | Peterhead | | 36 | 11 | 4 | 3 | 36 | 18 | 7 | 2 | 9 | 28 | 34 | +12 | 60 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 4th | | Stirling | | 36 | 10 | 4 | 4 | 38 | 22 | 6 | 4 | 8 | 29 | 26 | +19 | 56 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 5th | | Montrose | | 36 | 10 | 5 | 3 | 32 | 20 | 4 | 5 | 9 | 25 | 41 | -4 | 52 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 6th | | East Stirling | | 36 | 9 | 3 | 6 | 35 | 28 | 5 | 5 | 8 | 25 | 28 | +4 | 50 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 7th | | Elgin | | 36 | 9 | 4 | 5 | 39 | 29 | 2 | 2 | 14 | 19 | 51 | -22 | 39 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 8th | | Cowdenbeath | | 36 | 8 | 4 | 6 | 31 | 28 | 1 | 5 | 12 | 12 | 33 | -18 | 36 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 9th | | Queens Park | | 36 | 6 | 4 | 8 | 31 | 28 | 4 | 2 | 12 | 20 | 46 | -23 | 36 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| 10th| | Stranraer | | 36 | 8 | 2 | 8 | 25 | 33 | 1 | 7 | 10 | 18 | 38 | -28 | 36 |

| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

Clan Rankings after season 1

1. Taloola

2. Gaz

3. Iaintkd

4. Andy Jones

5. Ferbre

6. Bod

7. Ric

8. Tom

9. Dennan

10. Steve McWee

Standing based on performance in Div3 and final league Standings. Very close run thing between Gaz and T due to Gaz's great cup run, but T's huge points lead swung it for her.

Season 2

Season 2 gets underway tonight and the transfer frenzie begins all the best for the new season folks, One sacking in Season 1 a few job changes and 2 teams up, what does season 2 have in store......

[Lambie\'s Lovechild]

BTW, im making my official request for the Sons of the Rock job for when i get sacked during tonights session

[Guest]

Afternoon, squire.. If you guys fancy letting me in on this league of yours, could someone send me more info and il be there. Cheers.!

[John Paul Remington]

Monkey Jaws,

as it stands the game is full, not taking anyone on this season, if you get in touch through msn ( get through my profile ) i might be able to help you out for future seasons, but i'll need more info from you as you would from me,

cheers for the interest.

[superayrunited]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lambie's Lovechild:

BTW, im making my official request for the Sons of the Rock job for when i get sacked during tonights session <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I see you're thinking positively!

[Lambie\'s Lovechild]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by superayrunited:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lambie's Lovechild:

BTW, im making my official request for the Sons of the Rock job for when i get sacked during tonights session <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I see you're thinking positively! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Im thinking positively in terms of the squad i have for next season (3 or 4 cracking signings) , alas , i think ill go pre-season as the board are ambitious beyond their stature, and the club are £500k in debt.

I could do well next season in terms of league position, as ive got a good striker , solid left back and an experienced DM C, and a few more players could see me promoted.

[taloola23uk]

There hasnt been much happening down at Cliftonhill recently with only a couple of free signings and nobody major leaving things are just as they were a few weeks ago.

The Rovers won the Tom Burnett Benefit Cup 1 - 0 against Queens park, Watson was delighted by the prize of a pair of rubber leather pants that Burnett had been wearing in recent weeks.

With several friendlies lined up to get the players prepared for the season ahead, including 2 glamour friendlies with Hetha Berlin and Liverpool things are starting to gear up to the new season but Watson will be dismayed at the loss of Porhallson as he is out for 5 months after an operation.

Hopefully there will be more news in the coming weeks.

[superayrunited]

With only one new signing, a 2-0 defeat in the semis of the Tom Burnett Benefit Cup to Albion Rovers and the retirement of Falconer and Goram from the playing staff, supporters are feeling that they are in for a long hard trudge this season to the bottom half of the 3rd division.

But manager Steve McWee remains optimistic and is confident his squad will do the job for him this year and is looking for a good run in the Challenge cup.

[AndyJ]

Stirling fans where celebrating as their team won the Thank F*ck We Sacked Tam, he was p*sh Cup. A semi-final win over Gretna meant that Stirling would face Queens Park in the Final which they we 1-0.

On the transfer front Stirling have only managed to sign 3 new players - Hjalmar Porarinsson, Chris Magagula and Scottish youngster Steven Naismith, and are waiting on a permit for the left-back Patrick Mkwanaizi.

Stirling, the bookies favourites for the title, will be on the lookout for any midfielders and possible loan signings before the transfer deadline to bolster his squad and push for promotion.

[John Paul Remington]

Doonhamers Nab Stewart.

Queen of the South finally appointed a new boss at Palmerston Park in the form of Peterhead Boss Iain Stewart.

The Blue toon were distraught at losing their boss but the lure of the 1st Division was just too strong for Stewart and he's off to pastures new.

Arriving in time to take control of the last game of the season Stewart secured a draw against clyde to survive in Div1 if only by goal Diff and watch Inverness Caley drop into the 2nd Div.

The dumfries sides new boss has been busy with trying to secure new coaching staff, to what was a very poor set at and a number of new mostly young faces have arrived at the club.

The pick of the bunch being Malcolm, an 18 yr old striker with potentional and Cosgrove signed from Gretna, most of the other to come through the door he moved directly into the youth and reserve set up for the new coaches to work with.

One thing to note with interest is Stewart imediate unhappiness at the lack of funds shown his way, with a new 5 yr half million sponsership deal in the bag and some full house pre-season friendlies teh doonhamers have a nice healthy bank balance which Stewart is inching to get at but sore for has been told no, and youth and transfer wheeling and dealing being his only option.

Stewart was very blunt and truthful when he admitted that he has a very limited side at his disposal and with no funds coming in and most of his side under the age of 25 survival in the 1st will be a success for him and mid table safety will be a luxary that the fans can dream about.

[John Paul Remington]

Sorry boys and girl about last night, was busy at work, late home and had to do some work.

Didn't notice anyone on msn when i did get online last night.

I'll be online after 8 the night another late night, but i'll stick gem online for an hour or so to allow for tactics training and players searches if anyone wants.

I'll be using so catch me on msn

And look out for the new clan website coming to a monitor near you shortly !!!!

[Scotfun]

HA!..you guy's got it easy last season but just wait till I get an internet connection.

[Scotfun]

Her eyes squinted like a gunslinger in the Texas sun "What are you doing wi all that wood?"

"I was thinking about putting up that room partition you keep going on about.

"Oh yes finally...Clare had it done and her lounge looks lovely."

"Leave it to me doll..are you going to the bingo tonight?"

"Yes if it's alright."

"Anything you want honey..and when you get back you will have the house you always dreamed about."

(four hours later)

"im back.." she shouted from the front door "Had a nice wee win so I got you a mince pie supp...." the supper slid from her hand "What have you done?"

He jumped up and spread his arms "Tarrra!"

"What the fukc have you done?"

"Its a dugout!" he beamed proudly

"A dugout?" her voice rasped "you canny leave that there."

"How?"

"A canny see the telly."

"Ah but you see...this cable plugs into the back of the telly fi the PC and it becomes a giant scoreboard."

"Naw it disnae"

"It does..watch"

"naw it ******* disnae!"

"What is wrong wi you now?" he said shaking his head

"Tom..you built a dugout in the living room!"

He took one step back and looked at the construction "So!"

"So normal people have bars and shelves!" she screamed pulling out another clump of hair.

"Ah but am no normal."

"yur ******* right yur no normal!"

"Aw yur pals has got bars and shelves but how many's got one oh these."

"Tom" she spoke slowly and deliberately "You..have..built..a..dugout..in..the..livingroom."

He replied equally as slow "Yeessss..am..no..*******..stupid."

(bedtime)

She inched her way around the darkened room making for her side of the bed "OUCH!" she hurriedly flicked the lights on "What is all this electric cable and giant lightbulbs for?"