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EPL Challenge (The Ultimate Premier League Experience)


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in the true spirit of xmas, away and sh1te icon_biggrin.gif

god, great dinner, me ma makes a turkey like no other..

right now i'm depressed...why, i'm good looking and witty so why could I be depressed I hear Williams think..well...i just lost the family game of taboo fffs for the third year in a row...

Ah feck it , Arsenal on at 12:45 tomorrow...we will win away from home again..trust me..

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A New Beginning

Promotion was gained to the Premier League for Season 2007/08. West Ham has returned knowing that they are joint favorites to be relegated immediately with Portsmouth, the other promoted club. Statements have been issued by the club indicating that players who graduated from the youth development system and who were an integral part of the promotion winning side will not be sold to repay debt. This, along with a £4m salary and transfer fee budget for new players, will give the club the best possible chance to retain Premier League status.

Chairman Terrence Brown and the Board of Directors have said that there is no need to sell players and that they do not want to repeat the mistakes of the recent past when talented players were sold. Instead, they have taken the first step to strengthing the squad by signing

All change down at the Boleyn Ground

Knowing we just about won promotion last season I knew the current set of players wouldn’t be good enough to survive in the premiership. The best news for us was the relegation of Blackburn meaning we would be able to raid an all star team on the cheap icon_wink.gificon_smile.gificon_biggrin.gif.

Players In…

Lars Kristian Eriksen from Blackburn for 500k.

I had this player on loan in my first season in the premiership and he was a good solid player for the team. Eriksen can play in either full back position and will be a good addition to the squad.

Tuni from Mallorca for Free.

Tuni was signed when it looked like I was going to spend another season in the Championship. I’m not to sure if he has what it take for the Premiership but he will be given a chance like all my players have been.

Mike Zonnevld from NAC Breda for 1 Million.

Was truly a class left back in FM05 and hoping he is the same in FM06. I remember in the first season Sam’s Aston Villa bidding 4 million for him so I think 1 million is a bargain price for the lad.

Oliver Deschacht from Blackburn for 300k.

Oliver was another of Blackburn all star team going on the cheap. Never heard of him until Blackburn signed him and he scored a rocket against me.

Benedict Vilakazi from Aston Villa for 3.5 Million.

Again I hadn’t heard of Vilakazi until he was signed by Aston Villa under Sam. Benedict has some really good stats but didn’t play well under Sam mainly because of injury. Hoping he will bring a bit of class to the team.

Nikola Zigic from Blackburn for 2.3 Million.

The prefect target man for my team. I had to beat off rival bids from Bolton, Charlton and Middlesbrough for him to sign. I think he was impressed by my future plan for this club and was keen to sign but I could be wrong and it may have been the big pay packet he will receive each week.

Petit from Blackburn for 500k.

Another bargain at this price and Petit will be an excellent back up to Freddy Guarin. I can’t believe I didn’t have to fight for this lad for this price.

Bogdan Lobont from Blackburn for 2.1 Million.

I loved this guy at Chelsea in FM05 and he was considered the best goal keeper in the game. Carroll will make a good second choice but for now one Lobont will be first choice in the hammers team.

Diego Marangon from Juventude for 5.25 Million.

With Harbuzi suffering a long term injury against Liverpool in the first game of the season the hunt was on for another AML. I found Diego by chance but still had to beat off interest from Fulham and Chelsea for him to sign

Cani from Zaragoza for 2.5 Million.

Cani was already in the Chelsea team when I took over in 05 and he was an awesome player for me when we went on to win the League and Champions League. This was a bargain price for a player who can play right across the whole midfield icon_cool.gif.

Players Out…

Damien Johnson to Doncaster for 1 Million.

I should really learn to stop buying these donkeys from Niall icon_frown.gif. Damien couldn’t play right back if his life depended on it but all the plus side was sold for more than I paid for him.

Danny Murphy to Southampton for 2.5 Million.

Danny played well for most of the season but was unhappy for it to. He wanted to leave for a bigger club all season so he was shipped out as soon as another club showed an interest in him.

Yossi Benayoun to M Haifa for 2.8 Million.

In the time Yossi had played for me he was either hit and miss, so with me trying to make West Ham more solid for this season in the Premiership I decided to cash in on my highest wage earner.

Davi Dunn to Celtic for 2.2 Million.

David was just too injury prone for my likening so when Celtic offered 2.2 million for a player that spent as much time in the treatment room as he did on the pitch I accepted.

Sekou Baradji to Cannes for 1.1 Million.

Sekou just had too many bad games for us in the Championship and was never going to cut it in the Premiership. With Mike Zonneveld now being first choice left back I decided to let the young Frenchman leave.

Theo Janssen to Leicester for 900k.

Theo never broken into the first team and was unhappy about that so when Leicester made a bid I decided to accept and let the lad have first team football.

Mark Noble to Chelsea for 8 Million.

The jewel in the West Ham crown and one of the main reasons I wanted to play as West Ham. Mark has played well for me in both seasons and maybe was our best player in those two seasons. Sorry to see him go as there is no doubt he has a big future in the game but 8 million was too big of a transfer fee for a team with West Ham few resources to turn down.

Also there was a few players given a free transfer.

* David Cowley

* Lorcan Fitzgerald

* Lee Hales

* Luke Chadwick

* Darren Behcet

* Henri Camara

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A Big Change

Well, the night opened with a 1-1 draw against Chelsea, Arca's penalty cancelling out Davis' own goal near the start. A draw was a fair result but unfortunately saw Kris Commons and Crespo each ruled out for about a month. A 2-0 loss to Sam's assistant manager at Villa followed, and when the opportunity arose to replace sacked Steven Diprose at Fulham, I leapt at it.

Looking at the squad, I'm not sure I made the right decision, but after negotiating that they have to upgrade the training facilities, I thought at least Al Fayed had the ambition which I needed behind me. This season will be about consolidation but I expect big things of Fulham. A 1-1 draw against Middlesbrough insued, showing me that we have plenty of quality as we controlled the game, Boro's goal being an offside shot from Ashton which wasn't flagged. The centre-backs didn't impress much.

Reading away in the league cup came next, a 4-0 win which could've been more. Portillo, Pennant, Custodio and Denilson contributing to a scoreline which flattered Reading more than us. The next Carling Cup fixture is Portsmouth at Fratton Park. Next up was Arsenal away, which we won 3-2 but after that came two defeats, 2-0 to Chelsea and 3-0 to Liverpool. I will expect my team to pick up soon because we're lingering dangerously close to the drop zone and severely need some new blood brought in.

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Mega Update…

Troubled times for Fulham…

Ok, been very busy recently so no update for some time; had it done yesterday but it was so big I managed to crash firefox when posting icon_frown.gif.

Three games to go at the end of the 2006-2007 season, Fulham sitting pretty in 11th, looking safe from Sunderland. My assistant manager had other ideas…

21st April 2007

Fulham 1 – 2 Sunderland

28th April 2007

Birmingham 3 – 1 Fulham

6th May 2007

Fulham 1 – 3 Bolton

So, three losses from the last three games means Fulham ended up twelfth on goal difference from Matt’s Sunderland. Bring on the transfer window…

It was extremely hard to encourage interest in any of my unwanted players. There was some interest for the likes of Pratley and Volz, but neither were ever very likely to move on, especially for any of the potential fees mentioned. In came Portillo, Aguero, Custodio and Cannavaro, and out went… well, no-one. Fulham find themselves £50k/week over their wage budget, and, despite these signings, Al Fayed once again wants a high profile player. Having been away due to illness in the last days of the transfer window, my target Marangon went to West Ham, and I was left empty handed. That, coupled with Al Fayed’s period, meant that I was insecure, and fighting for my job.

11th August 2007

Fulham 0 – 5 Tottenham

Gonzalez sent off 22

Cavenaghi 5

Defoe 54, 58, 79, 90

Pagi’s summer spending extravaganza worked. Some early pressure led to a 5th minute goal for debutant Cavenaghi, and Gonzalez was soon sent off for a professional foul in the middle third of the pitch. ???

After half time, Defoe’s drugs kicked in and the four-foot-nothing midget of a striker went whizzing around the pitch, using his fairy wings to fly above and around my defenders, bamboozled by the not-so-sheer size of him, and netted four times. Arse. The team got a good old shouting at; it’s a good squad, but is just not performing for me, and the board let me know in a hurry.

28th April 2006

Charlton 1 – 3 Fulham

Kisliy 45 Denilson 10, 39

Aguero 56

The board were much happier after a great performance against Dave’s Charlton side. Denilson was running riot, and had two well-earned, well taken goals in the first half. He wasn’t manager of the year without reason, though, and Kisliy showed this on the stroke of half time with a very well worked goal. The Addicks came out all guns blazing in the second half, and the match was put beyond doubt with a beautiful counter attack, culminating in newbie Aguero sprinting into the box to lob the keeper sublimely. Aguero has been great so far in midfield, and Dave recognised this, by instructing his players to hack Aguero off the pitch to give them a better chance. They succeeded on one count, with Aguero out for a month.

22nd August 2007

Birmingham 4 – 1 Fulham

Forssell 20, 50 Dacourt 29

Dagoberto 27, 43

It was a very subdued performance without my midfield maestro. Dacourt had a well-taken goal to put us back in the match, but there were very few positives to take from this game; the board’s opinion of me is changing like the flick of a switch. Consistency is required.

25th August 2007

Fulham 1 – 1 Everton

Elrich 34 Donovan 85

Kilbane sent off 72

The game started well, with Elrich promoted from the reserves in order to give a few first-teamers a rest grabbing a goal. The match was dominated by us, and the points looked in the bag when Kilbane was sent off towards the end. However, a desperate long ball tactic set Donovan free, to score on his debut for Everton.

8th September 2007

Manchester City 3 – 3 Fulham

Croft 9 Dacourt 2

Drogba 12, 49 Denilson 31

Abslaonsen 38

An entertaining and end-to-end match deserved to have the points shared, although I believe that after our third goal we should have killed the game off against what was in essence a poor Man City side. Points are points, however…

16th September 2007

Fulham 0 – 2 Wigan

Taylor pen. 37

Brown 85

A defensive performance from Ben saw Wigan take all three points here, when 0-0 would have been a fairer result. A fortuitous penalty, and then a goal on the break when we were pushing for an equaliser gave Ben the points.

19th September 2007; League Cup

West Bromwich Albion 0 – 0 Fulham

Fulham win 4-3 on penalties

An essentially boring game saw ‘keeper Johnsen make several good saves, and then two excellent penalty saves in the shootout, before scoring the winning penalty himself.

22nd September 2007

Newcastle 2 – 2 Fulham

Ameobi 87 Portillo 37

Balaban 96 Aguero 85

Faty sent off 90

Sort it out! A game dominated by Fulham saw them take a deserved 2-0 lead, before a lapse let Ameobi in to ensure a tight finish. Faty was sent off, and then 2 minutes of added on time were announced, but they came and went and with the last kick of the match, on 95:49, Balaban scored a lucky equalised. We were robbed of two points today, and I’m bitterly disappointed, but mainly with the officials, who should have called time well before the equaliser.

29th September 2007

Fulham 1 – 1 West Ham

John 86 Guarin 74

A boring game livened up after half time, as GPGuarin ( icon_wink.gif ) slotted home in sublime fashion before Fulham hit back to ensure the points were shared, as was fair.

13th October 2007

Portsmouth 2 – 1 Fulham

Fernandes 3 Portillo 57

McSheffrey pen. 37

Fulham had enough chances to win the game, and should have in all honesty. However, high-flying Portsmouth, who find themselves an unlikely third in the table, did enough to hang on for the win. This led to, unexpectedly and unfairly …

skylogo_default.gif

Diprose sacked!

Did you know your job was on the line, Steve?

In a way. I knew that I was in no way safe in my position, but the sacking really did come out of the blue and, to be honest, I feel very hard done by.

Why were you sacked?

Well, Mr Al-Fayed, with all due respect, is one of the great twats of modern times. I think that, if Fulham are to move forward as a team, and a club, he will have to be removed from power as he is simply far too impatient for what he wants from the club. I was sacked because the club could not attract enough interest from high-profile players, which is what Mr Al-Fayed wanted, and because of a string of bad luck in the league resulting in some awkward results.

What do you think of Fulham’s chances of survival now?

I think they stand a good chance. There is a quality setup at the Cottage, built by myself and my predecessor and, with investment, the club will move forward. I deeply enjoyed my time at the club, but, not being bitter at all, I truly hope that the club go down this term, as perhaps that will make Mr. Al-Fayed leave the club so that it can move forward. With the upper management as it is right now, I see very little future for the team.

What are your next plans?

I shall take a few weeks off, and then look for a new club. Sunderland, Leeds and Pompey are all potential destinations, but I guess Sunderland is most likely, with their ex-manager Doughty taking over from me at Fulham.

Commiserations, Steve, and good luck with your next team…

[quietly] Thanks.

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Diprose unveiled as new Sunderland boss!

Having looked at the squad and receiving immediate interest in several players, Diprose made the following statement to the press:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">“I have come into the possession of some great up-and-coming talents here at Sunderland, and am proud to be appointed the manager. There will be some changes in January, as the midfield and strikeforce needs a boost, but I ask the fans to support my judgement in the market, and indeed on the field, in what will be a difficult transition in the coming weeks. Thank you.†</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Jumping in at the deep end, my first match…

27th October 2007, 15:00

Manchester United 3 – 0 Sunderland

Rooney 40

Ferdinand 48

v. Nistelrooy 87

Very little was expected from this game but, in truth, the scoreline could and perhaps should have been very different, and may have had a better reflection on the game. Frontman Kuqi had two great chances, one-on-one with the keeper, in a first half hour dominated by the Mackems, but smashed both efforts wide. You can’t expect this and to not get punished by a team like United, and they came into the game and won convincingly in the end. I must admit that I got my new assistant manager to choose the team, as I hadn’t enough time to familiarise myself with the squad before the match, and I hope that, with time, the starting lineup can be refined. However, it made me realise that I need a better finisher up front, as well as some cover in the centre of the field and also on the right; I will most likely act upon these early findings in January, although there is not much cash for me to play with.

3rd November 2007, 15:00

Sunderland 3 – 1 Bolton

Bowditch 20 Watson 2

Kuqi 84

Halit 86

It was a slow and nervous start for my first home game in charge of Sunderland, and Watson took advantage by smashing in within 90 seconds. The lads regrouped however and got an equaliser, before pressing Bolton for the rest of the match. Some late tactical changes added a new dimension to the side that Bolton were not prepared for, with a 2 minute double whammy from Kuqi and Halit with 5 minutes left on the clock ensuring that Marc will have a tough job on his hands when he returns from his holidays.

Following this match, I struck up an agreement with new Fulham manager Matt for a player swap in January. I will be bringing Sergio Aguero and Custodio to the Stadium of Light, with Bowditch, McShane and Tainio moving in the opposite direction. This will leave me looking for a new striker, o even two depending on other transfers, as well as another right-sided player as cover for Whitehead. I hope the fans understand this move, as I am well aware of Bowditch’s popularity in these parts. Moving on…

24th November 2007, 15:00

Southampton 2 – 4 Sunderland

Abeyie 23 Arca pen. 13, pen. 20, pen. 70

Whittingham 49 Sousa 15

It was a fabulously fast and exciting start to this game, with Southampton’s defensive frailties being highlighted by my attack. Arca scored a penalty either side of a cheeky and audacious lob from left-winger Sousa within 20 minutes, before Abeyie grabbed a goal against the run of play following a very poor pass from right-back Kargbo. After half-time, another defensive mix-up in the box saw Whittingham bundle the ball over the line, meaning Southampton had now scored four goals in total this season, and half of them against me. A tactical change saw the game slow down slightly, and the Mackems resumed their dominance. In the 70th minute, following a double substitution, Halit charged into the area but was hacked down, allowing Arca to step up and complete a hat-trick of penalties. He was awarded the man of the match award, and rightly so, as he was extremely solid at left-back, as well as lethal from the spot.

So, three games into my new term, with 6 points out of a possible 9, and 6 from a realistic 6, means that I am quite a happy manager at the moment. The club is a healthy 13th in the league, though not too clear of the drop zone points-wise as it is very tight down there. Now that my formation and tactic is settling in, or seems to be, I am confident of a good performance in the league and, to set myself a target, would like to finish in the same position as the club did last season, 11th. A lot depends on how the squad holds up against the likes of Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal and Newcastle, however, but things are looking promising.

Roll on December icon_smile.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by sdiprose:

Why were you sacked?

Well, Mr Al-Fayed, with all due respect, is one of the great twats of modern times. I think that, if Fulham are to move forward as a team, and a club, he will have to be removed from power as he is simply far too impatient for what he wants from the club. I was sacked because the club could not attract enough interest from high-profile players, which is what Mr Al-Fayed wanted, and because of a string of bad luck in the league resulting in some awkward results.

Bah

Why were you sacked? Translation

It was nothing to do with not being able to bring a high-profile player to the club. I simply lost way to many game's and couldn't built on the fine work done by my predecessor Mr D'Ardenne . icon_wink.gif

</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

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THE BUBBLE-BLOWING HAD BETTER stop. West Ham United fans need a clear view of the pitch, just in case the team’s remarkable start to the season judders to halt. West Ham may be a newly promoted team, but they play with relish, without fear and are the surprise package of the season. Any other freshly promoted team would regard a win at home to Liverpool as a coup, but not Danny King, the West Ham manager. “The highlight from today’s game — it’s that we have now teed up Liverpool (at home on Saturday). The place was be rocking,.

Premiership Game 1

West Ham 2

Liverpool 1

A fine start to my return the Premiership beating money bags Murphy icon_wink.gif who has spent a massive 101 million since the start of the game (at both clubs). Liverpool should have easily won this game but a great save from a penalty by Carroll and some lethal finishing by Zigic and Holm sealed the win

Premiership Game 2

Manchester Utd 1

West Ham 0

Again was outplayed for most of this game but it took an offside goal from Manchester United to finally beat me at Old Trafford. Bah shoot the ref angryfire.gif

Premiership Game 3

West Ham 1

Bolton 0

After a top season last year by Marc Debieux he decided to change his formation to a sweeper system which hasn’t worked out to plan. There was little attacking play from either side but West Ham did have the better of the play. It took one peace of magic to finally beat there goal keeper.

Premiership Game 4

Sunderland 3

West Ham 1

I made a **** up at the start of the game playing Borgetti in the centre of midfield and Sunderland punished that within 2 minutes. After that they had most of the play and deserved there win. I will take fall blame from this defeat as I was watching a good film on the box and wasn’t paying the attention needed to my team selection.

Premiership Game 5

West Ham 3

Southampton 0

Southampton has been awful this season and it showed as we outplayed and outclassed them during this game. Scoring 3 goals also gave my team a much needed morale boast after my defeat at Sunderland.

Premiership Game 6

Leeds 0

West ham 4

Leeds suffered a red card in the first half but still played better than the score line suggests. West Ham scored 2 goals in the last 5 minute so seal a great victory for the clubs ambitions to survive in the Premiership.

League Cup

QPR 1

West ham 3

I’m going to take the cups seriously this year as it could be a way into Europe. Put out a mainly first choice 11 and the difference in class showed as West Ham ran out comfortable winners of this tie.

Premiership Game 7

West Ham 2

Tottenham 1

Tottenham all star team was up next and after they got the double over me in the Championship revenge was on the cards. A lively game which was heading for a draw until Holm popped up for a late winner to seal 3 points which took West Ham to the

TOP icon_cool.gif of the Premiership.

Premiership Game 8

Fulham 1

West ham 1

A bore draw at the end said it all. Only thing to note in the first half was the amount of yellow cards the ref was dishing out. Second half it looked like Guarin had given West Ham the 3 point with a fine strike outside the box only for John to draw the game level with 3 minutes on the clock.

Premiership Game 9

West Ham 3

Birmingham 3

I couldn’t believe this game talk about comeback bug. Was 3-0 up after 22 minutes and Birmingham hadn’t even had a shot then my team just fell apart and in the end I was lucky to draw the game as it was all Birmingham after Zenden had leveled the game in the 77th minute icon_frown.gif.

Premiership Game 10

Everton 1

West ham 4

McFadden had given Everton an early lead and they looked in control of the game until there keeper gave Zigic a 1-2 and the West Ham forward couldn’t believe his luck to fire into an empty net. Shortly after that we were given a penalty and Everton just seemed to fall apart. This was a great win away from home considering our away form in our first season in the Premiership.

League Cup

Wigan 1

West ham 3

Drawing Wigan away in the cup was always going to be a hard game. With both managers picking the strongest sides it came down to which team would play better on the day. Luckily for me Wigan have been having goal keeper issues with there best keeper wanting out of the sinking ship and there other making David James look world class. All I can say is thank you Mr. Filan icon_biggrin.gif

Premiership Game 11

West Ham 0

Man City 0

This was another bore draw against the former Legends team Rick Boult. We had the best of the chances in the first half but with Zigic out injured we didn’t have that cutting edge up front.

Premiership Game 12

Wigan 4

West ham 1

Old ET has been on an awful run of late so I was expecting an easy 3 points but I think my defence had different ideas. Wigan took the lead by Elliot one of the players I would love to sign for West Ham but Holm soon got us level. Then under no pressure from a Wigan man Olivier Deschacht put the ball into his own net. After that the defence fell apart and Wigan got two late goals to seal the victory for ET.

Premiership Game 13

Charlton 1

West ham 1

I was unlucky for 2 reasons in this game. First Dave Williams was AWOL so I had to face his assistant manager (who is widely tipped as much better manager than Williams himself icon_wink.gif) and second Charlton got a lucky pen after we was playing the better stuff. After the penalty it was left to that man again Zigic to rescue a point for the Hammers.

Players stats..

Goals

1st. Zigic 10

2nd. Holm 6

3rd= Lupoli 3

3rd= Kaebi 3

5th. Marangon 2

Average Rating..

1st. Marangon 7.45

2nd. Zigic 7.42

3rd. Guarin 7.15

4th. Cani 7.14

5th. Holm 7.13

Most Asts.

1st= Marangon 5

1st=. Kaebi 5

3rd. Holm 4

4th. Cani 3

5th. Guarin 8

Man of the match..

1st= Zigic 3

2nd. Marangon 2

More to follow soon icon_wink.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Dunga99:

Wasn’t your solo contribution in FM05 a guaranteed 6 points for each human manager icon_biggrin.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

1 Word....BAH!

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From bad to worse

I started off with some sh*t games, a 2-1 loss to Portsmouth, a 3-0 drubbing my Manchester United and a 5-3 loss to Villa that they robbed us of. These losses were all down to one thing, terrible defending. With my job on the brink, I decided to promote some reserves up and hope that they would play better than my complacant back four.

We beat Bolton 3-2, then recieved the news that the Stadium had been increased in capacity, but bad news quickly took over again, with Collins John out for four months. Influential de Cler certainly had a large part to play in a 1-0 defeat, by conceding a penalty.

We beat Saints 3-0 and Leeds 4-2, but the good games were short lived, and we went back to losing ways, losing 2-1 to Tottenham, 1-0 to Charlton, 2-1 to Charlton in the cup and a massive 8-1 to Dave's Birmingham. The defense is terrible and we're lingering not far above the drop zone with a disastrous goal difference. I'm kinda wishing I hadn't jumped ship but now I have to concentrate on stabilizing Fulham.

Bringing in Bowditch, Tainio and Mcshane, as well as getting rid of high earner Dacourt (Getafe 200k) and Wurtz (Sunderland, loan) should help the financial situation, but that doesn't stop me praying for McShane to get back to fitness so I have a somewhat capable back 4!

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Kelly Dalglish

........ King was then released from custody and bailed to reappear after the statements had been taken from the OAP's and Jimmy Carr.......

Gay sounding Scot's Bloke

But we inturupt things there to go straight over to St Andrews for the much anticipated Press Conference to officialy declare the new Birmingham FC Manager.......

Brummie Press Secretary

Laydies and Gentlemen of the press, we will shortly be joined by David Gold and of course the man you've all been waiting for David Williams. Can yaw please be quiet while they make their entrances....

Silence greets the room

PA System starts booming out......

"DA DADA DA DA DAAAAAAA DAAA DAAA DA DADA DA DA DE DE DEEEEE, People of Birmingham, its time, is it a bird?, is it a plane?, no its SuperWilli"

beats start breaking out, que Ini Kimozi "He's a football gansta, murdera, he the Birmingham Manager, Murdera, He's the tactical Officer, Murdera, Girls love it like that....."

Goldie

Welcome People of the World, to this Landmark in Birmingham City Football Club's great History. Not since the '63 League Cup win have we been more proud of our Club, now that we have secured the services of Mr Williams. It wasn't easy let me tell you, with two other Premiership Clubs and at least two more abroad trying to get David, we are truely lucky to have gotten such a great Manager here at St Andrews. We have decided to give him £675,000 a week wage budget and a healthy transfer kitty of around £13,000,000 to secure the services of his targets. I did also agree to expand the Stadium and an announcement will be made very shortly, but in the mean time David will take questions, over to you David.

ME!!

Evenin'. Yes thanks Goldie your support is a great comfort after that farce over at Charlton. Any questions??

Mirror's Martin Lipton

David, why Birmingham?

Me

Well you see Martin I live in Telford, and I will be able to get at least another hours sleep in the mornings.

Sunsport's David Facey

So, what do you think of the squad?

Me

Ye they look Ok, Murphy brought in a few good players in his time, Laudrup similarly, should give me a few good sessions selling them off to the highest bidders icon_smile.gif. I'll keep a few but let it be known, Williams is his own Man, and I'll be bringing in new faces both on and off the playing field. I may look at bringing in some of my quality Charlton signings if the prices are reasonable, failing that I have some targets whom I think can do a job here.

Sky Sports Jeff Stelling

David, a little Birdy tells me that Hammers Manager Danny King was very interested in the position and would have jumped through hoops toget the job. Allthough he would never have been considered have you got anything to say to him?

Me

Only that bitterness kills.

Ch 4's Jimmy Carr

I've recently been associated with Mr King and a couple of 72 year old Spinsters. Please please please can I reitterate my previous statements, I am in no way related to this man, and totally refute the charges brought against me, it's not my fault I look like him, I mean cmon whats the odds that there would be two plastic faced, ironed haired, fookwits out there??

Me

Thats got nothing to do with me, if he wants to pretend he's your twin Brother to get sexual favours off the Elderly then its your problem not mine, I suggest you take it up with him. Thank You.

and so begins the new era of.........

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NEW MANAGER APPOINTED AT CHELSEA!!!

So Ben, how does it feel to be the new manager of Chelsea?

I'm delighted to have been given the opportunity to manage a big club like Chelsea. I was happy at Wigan but these kind of job opportunities only come round once or twice in a career so I jumped at the chance given to me by Mr Ambramovich.

Why do you think you were the number one choice for new manager at Chelsea?

I don't like to be boastful but I'm the new special one icon_biggrin.gif. I had 3 good years at Wigan as I established them as a good side in the Premier League and I feel that I have more than enough managerial ability to get this club back on track and back to competing for and winning the major club trophies in the game.

Have you been given much to spend by the Chairman?

I'm not going into figures but it's more than enough to bring in quality players to add to the great quality already at the club. I'll also be looking to sell off some of the older or fringe players too as it'll give me even more room in the transfer budget to bring in the players that I feel are required.

What are your targets for the remainder of the season?

I've set the players a target of at least a Champion's League spot in the league and also I feel that we're more than capable of reaching the final at least of the FA Cup.

What do you say to all the jealous managers in EPL after getting the job here?

I'd like to point out that I am a great manager and a special one at that icon_biggrin.gif and it's not my fault that Mr Ambramovich knew that I was the only man for the job as this great club needs a great manager like myself icon_wink.gif.

Thank you for your time

That's the kind of guy I am icon_wink.gif.

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Danny King has launched an attack on rival manager Dave Williams after hearing his latest outburst against himself.

People seem to forget that Williams’s managerial success was due to his predecessor Alan Curbishley. He inherited a great basis which, fair enough he had built on but in the end Charlton was only heading in one direction and that was down icon_biggrin.gif. As for me being linked to the Birmingham City Job I 100% deny that I even applied for that position so I can’t understand where this “I would have jumped through hoops†came from and no doubt my lawyers will be looking into this matter.

Also in a dig at Ben Jackson, King went on record

So Mr Jackson thinks he got the Chelsea Job for 3 good years at Wigan. Bah I say for starters he has only been at Wigan for 2 years and 5 months so I don’t know where the 3 years came from and if he thinks finishing 16th in the first season 9th in the second season and struggling with relegation in the third after spending over 30 million pound on players is good then I feel sorry for the Chelsea fans as he clearly has mental issues but he loaned me Noble with a call back option so he a top bloke really icon_wink.gif.

Also just incase you haven’t heard before Williams got sacked last night icon_wink.gificon_biggrin.gificon_razz.gif lalalalalalal

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Where the hell are you?

Bolton in trouble this season with manager marc debieux strangely missing from the dug out in recent games, there have benn reports that the great man himself has been on a scouting trip in the hell hole Harvey Nichols in Knightsbridge and travelling from the snowy backwaters of Norfolk.

The season started well with my AM Sammy Lee taking all three points from Ben at Wigan with my new Argy striker scoring on his debut (great manager doesn’t even know his own players names icon_rolleyes.gif).

Marc Debieux was in buoyant mood when Newcastle rode into town believing that my new sweeper system would sweep me to top 6 as I had promised (foolishly) icon_redface.gif on mirc the problem with this system is you create nothing so it was no surprise to lose 2-0 on the day, next up was West Ham with Danny King in great form this was going to be a tough game we lost 1-0 and had only one shot on target ending the great myth that ever the sweeper system or the team were any good at all.

Only managing a 2-2 draw with pompey at home and 0-0 with soft touch boro relegation was looming Huddersfield in the cup gave us a great morale boosting 5-1 win hoping that with our tails up we could go to Chelsea and nick a point result

WE LOST 4-1 angryfire.gif but we did score first so what’s going so wrong

Is it the playing squad?

No great summer signings have strengthened the team two outstanding Argies and Barton and Aranda should help us no end, Diouf is on he’s way and Vaz tee will be sacrificed so I can spice things up in the transfer window.

Is the manager just a washed up old drunk who’s lost the plot the dressing room and now the chance to become an EPL great?

As manager I have to take the blame for our poor form but 4 red cards in 5 games and 3 pens all against really hasn’t helped plus having to work to jobs to pay for my secret vices has meant iv missed games and as the main man at the club it has had a negative reaction on the pitch but we will bounce back I hope

Hope iv climbed out of the bottom three over xmas and can come back to a team on form. icon_confused.gif

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King rejects Middlesbrough offer

Danny King has been offered the manager's job at Premiership side Middlesbrough.

The former England playboy agent says the club had put together an "excellent package" to attract him to the Riverside. "The offer Middlesbrough had made to Danny is an excellent one and it's just a matter of whether he felt it is right or not," said his agent Rick Boult.

King stated

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Yes Steve Gibson did offer me the managers job at Middlesbrough but I felt I owed West Hams fans and board loyalty for sticking by me when we was relegated in my first season in charge. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr Gibson for offering me the job but my future lies with West Ham for this moment in time. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mr. Loyal signing of for now icon_wink.gif

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In the drop zone

We started off with a 3-2 loss to Everton, in which we had the lead twice and only a deep injury time goal for the Toffees stole all the points away to Merseyside. This was followed by a 1-0 loss to Man City and a 0-0 draw with Wigan Athletic.

This drops us into 18th place, one point behind Marc's Bolton. Our only signing was Nathan Dyer from Stevenage for £250000, but it was good to see some of our injury troubles coming closer to full fitness and academy product Fontaine come in and do a good job in the defence.

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The Special One Settles In

Since new Chelsea manager and self-proclaimed 'Special One' Ben Jackson arrived at the club, he has steadily been turning the club around. He has been given a free rein by Roman Ambramovich to sort out the chaos that the previous manager Claudio Ranieri had left behind.

With the coaching staff being restructured with several of the coaching staff leaving by mutual termination, several prominent staff have been brought in from the world of football to further improve the coaching and training the players are receiving at the club.

The squad has been overhauled with six players departing for just under 20m and three big signings coming

in for 45m. The signings were prolific striker Mirco Vucinic from Lecce for 17.5m, stylish central defender

Andrea Barzagli from Palermo for 15m and exciting wingback Rafina arriving from Schalke for 12.5m.

Results so far have been tremendous under the new manager with several wins in the first few games as Chelsea have joined the race for the title and although the results in the last couple of games haven't been that good, Chelsea look to have found a manager that will be bringing the good times back to the club.

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King's Agent Spills The Beans....

West Ham boss Danny King has been in the papers recently after turning down job offers from a host of clubs including Middlesbrough F.C. His agent, former Manchester United treble winning boss Rick Boult who was behind the deal taking the warped Londener to Upton Park at the start of the 05/06 season had this to say...

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> Yes Danny has proven himself to be a very professional manager with an estute eye in the transfer market. These qualities have attracted recent interest from other clubs but my client made it clear where his heart lay. He also stated that, although the 'package' Mr Gibson offered him was by no means small, the 'package' i offer needs to be seen to be believed </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

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Murphy fears the dreaded sack

I should be enjoying this season. My first full season in charge of a genuine title challenging team with my own signings and the team is playing superb football. In fact, possibly even better football than my old title winning team at Everton did in FM05. And all while Dave Williams attempts to hit the top by following in my esteemeed footsteps at Birmingham City. An interesting sideshow. If he does half as good a job, he'll go far. icon_wink.gif

But I'm not. This is despite my new club putting in a concerted title challenge against Ben "We're in it for the money" Jackson at Chelsea, Steve Bruce at Man Utd, David Moyes' Manchester City, and incredibly, David Pagio's excellent looking Tottenham Hotspur. With 25 games played Liverpool are only three points off the top with a superior goal difference to most sides. We've been to Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge, Highbury and its looking positive. I've only been in the job a year - yet I can't shake off the threat of the boot. icon_eek.gif Lets face it, it's hilarious for my managerial opponents but in reality its bloody feckin shoddy coding from SI. Sack the Murphy? Are you crazy?!!! icon_wink.gif I practically have to win every game or I'm back on the insecure list.

Anyway, the season has seen us progress through the UEFA group stages into the KO rounds as expected. The Carling Cup run was ended at the Quarter Final stage when Man Utd broke the rules and played an almost full strength team against my weakened scouser one and came away with a 2-1 win. The FA Cup is proving to be a bit of a struggle as the 3rd Round saw us require a replay to beat Norwich and the 4th Round saw WBA come back from a goal down with 10 men to draw 1-1 at Anfield. And all is well in the league...so if I get the boot, its bl**dy underserved...and here's an example of why...

Premiership

Arsenal 1 - 3 Liverpool

Champions for the last two seasons, Arsenal now sit seventh but with Reyes and Henry still at the club and now two of the best strikers in the world, its always hard work to get one over them. On the day my lads were just exceptional winning by a two goal margin and playing some lovely stuff at one of the hardest grounds to win.

Liverpool 1 - 1 Chelsea

Time for the big one against big spending Chelsea who have a better squad than me. We play Chelsea off the park in the first half, quite easily, by throwing 5 in midfield where Chelsea are strongest and attempting to ensure we were strong defensively down the flanks where Ben likes to get his men into positions. In the second half we lead 1-0 with Cisse scoring a scorcher. All is fine, Chelsea playing ok but only threatening from set pieces. Naturally, Ben has paid off the ref who then proceeds with 20 mins left to send off two of my players. You got to laugh. Chelsea equalise immediately - but it takes another set piece to score. We are then holding out for the last 10 mins and manage to get a point...

Aston Villa 2 - 2 Liverpool

Despite having a well weakened side through suspension and injury we make Sam's Villa look like a pub team with 18-0 shots and a 2 goal lead until 73 minutes. Despite this Villa score with their first shot on target and then level with 5 minutes to go. Robbed here - there is nothing else to say...this time I didn't laugh.

So this could be my last report as boss of Liverpool, we'll see, but its not the end. icon_wink.gif

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Q: West Ham's start to the season, was it a surprise and do you expect it to last?

A: I don't think anyone expected the level of performance we got against Arsenal to last - they looked very threatening for a while but we absolutely destroyed them in the second half, your friend Henry was utterly anonymous. Obviously there will be ups and downs, and we aren't expecting an easy ride this season, but if we can sign another decent striker I'll be fairly convinced we can make life difficult for any opposition.

Q: This season's West Ham side appears to have a great deal of young talent, such as Freddy Guarin and Diego Marangon, as well as older players like Lobont, Petit and Deschacht. Do you think West Ham have the right balance to stay up?

A: Young players, yes, but Ferdinand and Guarin have good experience at a lower level now so I would expect them to cope fairly well with the pressures of the Premiership. Diego is the gem. In the squad generally we seem to have a glut of players in their mid-twenties, at about the right age to really make the step up in their careers.

Q: What are your opinions of the singings you have made over the summer?

A: Compared to those around us I've been delighted - an extra striker or two will complete the jigsaw. Zigic looked absolutely unflappable against Arsenal - could be an absolute bargain. Zech is solid and has something of the no-nonsense attitude the rest of the team maybe lack. Too early to say about Lobont - I thought there wasn’t any better options about for a new keeper, but time will tell and he was cheap enough. Diego looks like something very special, but he looks one of those players who may disappear in matches, especially away from home.

Q: After time away from the Premiership, you may be the best to judge, is it overrated?

A: From the first whistle on the opening day I felt a huge culture shock - the pace of the game at this level is unbelievable compared to the Championship. Down there you expect a few weak links in teams, and a much more physical battle -up here every team has huge ability in their ranks.

League Cup 4th Rd

Plymouth 1

Knight pen 26

West Ham 0

Games like this make you feel like hanging up your manager’s cap and calling it a day. Plymouth had 1 attack all game and that resulted in a penalty which knight slotted home to secure a shock win for Plymouth angryfire.gif.

Premiership Game 14

Portsmouth 1

Jones 37

West Ham 1

Marangon 43

After the morale draining defeat against Plymouth I needed a little bit of luck but I didn’t really get any as Portsmouth scored after being outplayed and outclassed by West Ham. We leveled the game after the magical left winger Diego hit an awesome shot that beat the keeper.

Premiership Game 15

West Ham 2

Zigic 58 Vilakazi 79

Middlesbrough 0

This was a comfortable win for the hammers as they beat Joe’s assistant manager and ended Boro good run. Zigic and Vilakazi both got on the score sheet to seal an impressive win against a good team Premiership team.

Premiership Game 16

West Ham 0

Newcastle 1

Kerzhakov 13

I was robbed in this game with a perfectly good Holm goal being ruled offside and Newcastle scoring against the run of play.

Premiership Game 17

Arsenal 1

Reyes 53

West Ham 3

Zigic 2, 9 & 71

Arsenals have been Premiership champion for the past two seasons but this season they have been finding it hard work. Zigic was in superb form in this game scoring a hat trick and running the Arsenal defence into the ground, If I can beat them 3-1 away any old fool can icon_wink.gificon_cool.gif

Premiership Game 18

West Ham 0

Chelsea 3

Lampard 8 C Cole 82 Owen 90

What can only be called very bad coding from SI saw ET some how finds himself in the best job in football after 2 mediocre seasons and 1 awful season at Wigan icon_biggrin.gif. As you can guess the difference in teams are worlds apart and there wasn’t much “me†as a better manager could do against the Chelsea.

Premiership Game 19

Aston Villa 3

Garcia 15 Baros 29 Routledge 89

West ham 2

Harbuzi 26 Zigic 88

I have never had much luck against Villa and this game was no different as Zonneveld got a straight red card after 27 minutes angryfire.gif but I feel we definitely had the better of the game and looked like we had a secured a point in the 88th minute when Zigic scored but Routledge broke the hammers hearts 1 minute later with a jammy goal angryfire.gif.

Premiership Game 20

Liverpool 5

Sissoko 16 Le Tallec 21 Cisse 32 Alonso 58 & 63

West ham 3

Holm 31, 48 & 60

A thrilling game in which West Ham deserved a point bah damn the luck of the Irish as my goal keeper Lobont decided to have a nightmare in between the sticks. Holm scored a great hat trick icon_eek.gif against the pool but it wasn’t enough to get the point our play deserved icon_frown.gif.

Premiership Game 21

West Ham 1

Zonneveld pen 15

Manchester 0

Beating Manchester united is never easy and after a run of 3 straight defeats I knew it would be made all the more harder. We got of to a great start with Zigic getting fouled in the penalty box by Rio who should have been given a straight red as he was the last defender but at least we got a penalty. Zonneveld done the honors with the penalty and after that both side had good chances to score but neither could convert those chances icon_cool.gif.

FA Cup 3rd

Plymouth 1

Gallagher 2

West ham 0

What the hell is it with Plymouth in the cup??? That’s twice there beating me away and in both games they only had 2 attacks in total. angryfire.gifIt was a bloody joke angryfire.gif.

Premiership Game 22

Bolton 1

Aranda 58

West ham 0

Bah when you lose morale it really is an up hill struggle. My players played with little confidence in front of goal but still had the better of the match with Bolton keeper Jass Jaaskelainen worthy of his man of the match award stopping a few vital shots from my team. Aranda was a livewire up front for Bolton and he took his goal well for which made another disappointing day at the office icon_frown.gif.

Premiership Game 23

West Ham 2

Cani 21 Noble 47

Sunderland 1

Whitehead 62

With Steve running late it was up to me to beat the bloody curse of his assistant manager.

We took the lead with a Cani headed goal from a cross before Noble doubled that with a fine hit shot before those dirty black cats decided to injure half my team. Olivier Deschacht got a 5 month injury for his trouble angryfire.gif, Kaebi got off lucky only receiving a 3 week injury angryfire.gif and Cani got 1 to 2 weeks lay off angryfire.gif. Whitehead scored Sunderland’s goal after injuring Deschacht and instead of putting the ball out of play he hit high into an open net.

Premiership Game 24

Southampton 1

Slepicka 14

West ham 1

Kaebi 24

Diego had finally come back from international duty with Brazils U23 in which saw him be away for the whole of January and not even play one bloody game for his country. The poor lad was looking match rusty and he passed the ball straight to the unmarked Southampton man Slepicka who only had to tap the ball into the open net to give them the lead. Kaebi then hit Southampton with a header from the corner to level the game and that’s the way it stayed until the final whistle.

Premiership Game 23

West Ham 2

Lupoli 14 Vitti 32

Leeds 1

Derlei 12

An early defensive **** up by Anton allowed Derlei to give the Leeds the lead but we quickly hit back with an awesome lobbed goal from Lupoli two minutes later and then an even bigger surprise was Vitti got himself on the score sheet to seal the win icon_eek.gif.

Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries +++ Injuries

Yes not a match goes by without one of many players receiving an injury, be it a knock that puts them out for a couple of weeks or more of a long term injury. Bah sort it out SI angryfire.gif I’m lucky I have been knocked out early in the cups or I would really be struggling within the Premiership this season.

More to follow soon icon_wink.gif

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Or ligs he could assemble the cot he purchased from Ikea, after all i do hear these potato munching types are poor at assembling flat-pack. By the by if theres a space avaulable for a godfather i would like to throw my name in the hat along with Ben(he obviously asked hasn't he, hes practically family) icon_wink.gif

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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by BelfastNiall:

Jees, just took you the 4 days to come up with that lads. Next time lets try at least 3. icon_wink.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

And as for th 4days, BAH

1-cant say i frequent this ****-poor excuse for a clans threa much and

2-it took me that long to get through Danny's report icon_biggrin.gif

Anyeway off to harass you some more on the forum icon_razz.gif

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On the turn?

Fulham's defender McShane returned from injury as the Cottagers appeared to turn the corner, with two games without a loss. icon_wink.gif

The assistant manager managed to lose to Portsmouth and Everton, 1-0 and 2-0 respectively, but I came in and stole the show.

I changed to a 4-1-3-2 formation and proceeded to grab a 1-1 draw with Wigan, and was unlucky to only get a 2-2 draw with Newcastle, who we outplayed.

Portillo got re-injured in his first game back, but we seem to be playing much more solid football.

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