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Pickles

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Jambo

Jambo

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Tottenham Update

With just a week to go until the first game of the season Tottenham put the finishing touches on a squad which looks like it may be able to get a CL place.

A lot of deadwood was sold to raise the capital to bring in a few players to drastically improve the team.

Murphy, Lee Pyong-Pyo, Rocha, Tainio, Mido, Ekotto, Stalteri, Ghaly, Routledge and Malbranque all left for a combined total of £12.5m along with Robbie Keane in a straight swap deal which saw Ashley Young join the club.

Joining Ashley at Tottenham were a few youngsters in the shape of Porritt, Doudin, Trecarichi, Degre, Costil and then first team members Darren Bent (£12m), Luka Modric (1.5m), AndresGuardado (£1.7m but has since went out on loan to gain experience) and finally Tim Cahill who joined from Everton in a £14.25m deal. John O'Shea and John Obi Mikel were also snapped up on season long loan deals to add depth to the squad. Both players are expected to have important parts to play in the coming season.

I still have a few other targets I want to bring to the club but they will have to wait until I have the money in place to do so. A few are widely known but a few I am keeping close to my chest to avoid alerting other teams to them.

I've not yet decided on a definate starting XI but the first team squad will be made up of the following 18 players:

Paul Robinson

Radek Cerny (Loan)

Pascal Chimbonda

John O'Shea (Loan)

Gareth Bale

Michael Dawson

Ledley King

Tom huddlestone

John Obi Mikel (Loan)

Didier Zakora

Jermaine Jenas

Aaron Lennon

Luka Modric

Ashley Young

Tim Cahill

Darren Bent

Dimitar Berbatov

Jermain Defoe

The first thing you notice looking through the team is the sheer pace which the entire squad possesses and it will be with this I attempt to play an attacking game leaving the opposition left trailing. I am confident of the season and think a UEFA place should be the our goal whilst pushing for a top 4 finish and a lucrative Champions League place for next year.

Prediction: 5th

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ShearToon

ShearToon

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Right so once I took the big seat left behind big old Harry Redknapp I quickly realised I need urgently a CB with quality and possibly a young striker to secure me my Uefa Cup football next season.

First stop was Newcastle (literally! Just signed into msn and there Pickle was with offers icon_biggrin.gif), Ameobi, N’Zogbia, Solano and Huntington were all names offered. Solano was a target for us in a possible rotational role…but I was unwilling to meet Pickles 2million value so negotiations broke down. But with Charles N’Zogbia being one of Pompeys big targets I got my man for a good £6.5mil deal.

Many, Many, targets were looked at to partner big Sol at the back but many felt it would be a step down to join my Blue Army. Then finally I got my man, Curtis Davies ! Hopefully with big Sols guidance this could be the start of a long career with Pompey!

A last minute transfer of Matt Fryatt from Leicester City completed my transfers for the start of the season.

Theres been some ridiculous offers thrown my way, many mind games from the lads testing the water it seems. Special mentioning going to xnellyrx trying to get Krancjar at a cut price…back off J And Pickles, Campbell will not be leaving me! And Mardy. . . .good luck

Had 2 games now:

Man Citeh (h) 0-0 Draw

Spurs (a) 0-3 Lose

Should have picked up 3 points with Citeh really but Spurs ripped me apart…tactically I may need to sort things out.

Having a small break till Monday now so its all down to Tony Adams for a while.

Mon.

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Me > Pickles icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

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Tilla

Tilla

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After only a couple of days in charge, Martin O’Neill has been fired from his Villa Park post. The Villa board have not stated the reason for this sudden departure but Mr. Lerner has said that he has a replacement waiting in the wings

Following O’Neill departure, Aston Villa have named Rookie Welsh manager Joshua Tyler as their new manager. With no past experience in the world of football, the pressure is really on Tyler to produce the goods.

Aston Villa Update

With a budget of £20 million to spend thanks to the Americans, I’ve decided that the main focus of my play will be attack

For my first two signings I raided the championship, Koumas And B. Jones were brought it has they will provide good cover across the midfield and defence respectfully

I had to then leave early as I had an exam but when we played again I found two brilliant loan signings I was after I had arrived, they both have been involve in high profile transfers already this summer Lucas and Anderson have come to Aston Villa to gain vital Premiership experience, Glad they come to me icon14.gif

To add extra depth to my squad , I signed £8million rated attacking Midfielder Alex who has become an instant starter

With only two Strikers fit for the start of the season and spurs sniffing around Ashley Young , a deal was struck between me and Mr Bain which will benefit the both of us, a straight swap between Ashley Young and Robbie Keane

With The season coming around soon I felt that I needed to strengthen my defence with laursen being injured for 5 months and Gary Cahill being loaned out to gain first experience Jay DeMerit and T Simons were added to the squad to help the squad rotation system.

There is one Piece of the jigsaw left to place which is a Goalkeeper. This keeper will mainly be back-up but he may be able to force his way into the first team also with my main deal with Akinfeev falling apart due to lack of funds, I will have to look elsewhere maybe to the east of London

Transfer In’s

Jason Koumas – WBA – 3.6m

Billy Jones – Crewe – 1m

Alex – Fenerbarche – 8m

Robbie Keane – Spurs – P/Ex

Jay DeMerit – Watford – 1m

Tommy Simons – PSV – 2.5m

Loans In’s

Anderson – Man Utd –Season Long

Lucas – Liverpool – Season Long

Transfer’s Out

W Bouma – Newcastle – 2.5m

A Young – Spurs – P/Ex

Loan’s Out

G Cahill – C Palace – 5 months

(some reserve players and u18’s are also on Loan)

Starting Eleven

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Sorenson

B. Jones Mellberg T. Simons G. Barry©

S. Petrov/ Lucas Koumas/

Koumas Anderson

Alex

Keane/ L. Moore/

Carew Angel</pre>

Damn My Crappy Banner and Probably Crappy Coding

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Jambo

Jambo

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Oh I expected a rant from you over both Keane and Stalteri having left me when you were gonna sign them icon_biggrin.gif

Keane for Young was just an awesome deal from my point of view and couldn't turn it down tbh. He's happy with it too as Keane has hit 2 in his first 2 games.

Loading it up now to check your results:

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Jambo

Jambo

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Ok, I have no idea how to tell you this but you got knocked out the UEFA after a 5-4 home defeat to M. Petach-Tikva icon_frown.gif

An 84th minute goal for them saw you crash out and the goal came just 2 minutes after Viduka missed a penalty icon_frown.gif David Edgar got sent off in the 26th minute after you were looking good at 3-2 up.

You then beat Sunderland 2-1 before losing to Fulham 1-0. Only played 2 league games so far

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Pickles

Pickles

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/o\ Can't be arsed with the UEFA Cup tbf anyway.

I'll be back tonight (touch wood). Alex wants to come over again but that'll mean I've seen her Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday AND THURSDAY ffs icon_mad.gif I need FM time!

And I need to save my side and buy myself a couple of players before the window shuts.

FO Robbie Keane. You are no longer my hero. Another name added to the Joey Barton man marking list. icon_biggrin.gif

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Mardy_Bum

Mardy_Bum

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Now then Mardy Bum

(Lack of banner, lack of computer skills most probable)

After the disastrous Premiership season of the previous year, the successful double appointment of Roy Keane and Niall Quinn meant that Sunderland were once again back amongst the big teams. They had money to spend, a wonderful stadium and the increasing rivalry with their north east compatriots. But fans awoke on the morning of the 1st July to some shocking news. Roy Keane had resigned due to being caught with his hand up John O'Shea's trousers, and fans were wondering who on earth would be his replacement.

A brief press conference on the afternoon of the 2nd July 2006 confirmed me as the newest and possibly most ambitious manager of Sunderland football club. Journalists bombarded me with questions about being unknown and not being experienced, and suggesting relegation was on the horizon. I had a long hard season ahead.

With a fairly hefty transfer budget, due to Naill Quinn's generosity, I began rebuilding the team. Stephen Elliott was loaned out to Preston and various fringe players left. Stern John, at one stage was linked with a move to Juventus, completed a £100,000 move to Anderlecht. Other players left including Dwight Yorke, Tommy Miller and David Connolly, all to Derby County.

A slow start in the transfer market meant that free transfers and loans were the main priority. Jonny Evans and Danny Simpson were both returned to Manchester United so that better players could come in. Scott Sinclair, who I had heard good things about through the press, completed a loan move for the rest of the season. A few days later, Djourou also completed a season long loan deal from Arsenal. Veterans Teddy Sherringham and Robbie Fowler completed free transfer signings. My two first cash signings came, as Danny Murphy and Mart Poom were signed for experience.

A surprising phone call from new Arsenal manager Nelly McPhee suggested i was doomed to relegation by making 'the worst 4 transfers in the history of the premiership. i will make sure i prove him wrong.

As July slowly continued, more transfers were completed as I became the most active team in the transfer window. In total 21 players signed for 24.5 million pounds as i started the campaign 300k in the red. I finally completed my 2 biggest signings in the space of a few days. David Nugent for £6 million and Billy Sharp, who i beat Tottenham to his signature, for £3.5 million. The pre-campaign Premiership odds of 1000/1 quoted in some newspapers meant that the media were going to be on my back all season. But the fact we were expected to lose, meant we could show the country how good we really are.

Transfers In

Teddy Sherringham Free

Robbie Fowler Free

Mart Poom 250k

Scott Brown £4.5 million

Billy Sharp £3.5 million

David Nugent £6 million

Steven Naismith £1 million

Kirk Broadfoot £250k

Jerzy Dudek Free

David Healy £3 million

Danny Murphy £1.5 million

Teeno Taino £1 million

Ricardo Rocca £1.5 million

Transfers Out

Stern John £100k

Tommy Miller £300k

David Connolly £500k

Dwight Yorke £50k

Liam Miller £230k

Martin Fulop £300k

Loans In

Scott Sinclair from Chelsea

Johnas Djourou from Arsenal (both season long)

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Pickles

Pickles

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*Under the thumb*

Having a demanding girlfriend wanting me to meet her parents last night, I managed to miss out on my crash out of Europe, my win over Mardy's Sunderland and a defeat at the hands of Fulham.

I also missed out on signing former hero Robbie Keane and right back Paul Stalteri. With any luck, I'll be on tonight to make a couple of last minute panic buys and get my season back on track.

Saying that, the gf wants to come over tonight, but she is working til 9ish so i'll be on for at least an hour.

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CasFan

CasFan

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Ok then, Hello. icon_smile.gif

(I also don't have a banner yet, so you'll have to settle with my great writing ability for now. icon_wink.gif)

It had been a long time since Derby had been in the Premiership and after a great season which ended in a play-off win. They returned to the top flight and decided to bring a new approach to the team. Initially not much money was available and various amount of free transfer offers were made.

CasFan managed to bring in Matthew Etherington and Shaun Newton on frees from West Ham with Marlon Harewood also coming in from West Ham on loan this time. Derby needed more strikers and enquired for a number of players but had to settle for Dwight Yorke and David Connolly both from Sunderland for a combined fee of £300k. This left a tiny £200k in the coffers.

Manager Templeman requested a board meeting in order to try and gain more money. At first the board of directors were not interested, but after long consideration and the realisation that they need to spend money in order to give themselves a chance of staying up they made a massive £9m available. Other managers became aware of this and offered players such as Carlton Cole and Jermaine Jenas. Of course Derby were interested in Jenas but the interest wasn't mirrored and negotiations broke down.

For a few days there was no news until a double coup of Tomasz Kielbowicz from Legia and Derby's biggest signing of the season Kevin Hofland. Hofland took up the majority of the transfer budget but a new solid defender was needed if there was any chance of Derby staying up. The fans declared they were happy about this signing as it showed promise and the seriousness of the new manager.

The squad still looked weak and 4 other signings were made to come into the team. Sunderland were back on the phone to come to Derby's aid in this situation Marton Fulop and Tommy Miller were brought in for a combined fee of £600k. Templeman made two last signings of the summer in Paul Stalteri from Tottenham for £700k and Keith Gillespie from Sheffield United for a discomforting £1.3 million.

All the first team players were told they will play a part in the fight to stay in the league and none will be leaving just yet.

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Stuart Warren

Stuart Warren

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COCKNEYS LOVE ROBBEN

Egward Egbert Eggmansson was released from custody this morning over allegations of buglary. The Egghead had been arrested after suspicions arose over financial dealings and plans to 'bring in that robber to get what we need'. In a sensational move, Eggy spoke out live from his cell via satellite and announced that 'that robber' was actually a blunderous mistake and he meant 'that Robben'. Under suspicions that Eggy had just drafted Robben in to utilise this excuse, and with increasing pressure from fans to explain who this nobody was, the Eggmonster defied everyone by slapping a fat one-year contract on the table for the rookie manager and unveiling the new 'ARJEN ROBBEN MEGA EAST STAND'. When asked quite how he landed the job, Robben simply stood aghast, and claimed all he wanted from Eggy was a KitKat. In this massive exclusive, we speak to Robben for the first time and find out;

- how Eggy OFFERED him the chance of a lifetime

- how Robben signed WITHOUT hesitation

- his OPINIONS of his fellow Premiership bosses

- how he DIALLED the phone after signing to tell his friends

and finally we find out the SHOCKING TRUTH behind allegations that he WATCHES Peep Show.

Arjen Robben was unveiled last week as West Ham's new Head of Managerial Responsibilities. We put it to the new boss and asked him how he was settling in to his new job. "Yeah pretty good. Bit of a blur how it all happened really, and I've had one or two death/rape threats, but hopefully I can win the fans round. Eggy is a great chairman and he always offers biscuits with our tea, it's a really nice touch. He threw £30m straight at me to spend when I signed and I was like 'alrighy Eggy, calm down, no need to throw it mate', but he was just too excited. I pocketed a few mill for myself then hit the transfer market".

And hit the transfer market he did. Robben's first move as boss was to rid the club of any broken biscuits. After adopting Sunderland and Derby as cute little feeder clubs, they took on Spector and Collins, and Etherington and Newton respectively. Big Marlon also joined the Rams on loan, and a host of other rubbish players not worth naming left on frees, including Carlton Cole, which was a mistake. Idiot assistant. Using the newfound squad space, Robben proceeded to scout out the custard cream of football's crop. First to join were Diouf and Petrov in £8m deals, adding real attacking flair to the wings. Brazilian hopefuls Leandro Lima and Marcelo Grohe followed, along with fellow South American Sherman Cardenas. American Eddie Johnson completed the attacking lineup and finally Craig Gordon joined from Hearts in a £5m deal.

These absolutely amazing purchases instantly endeared the majority of West Ham's cockney bastard fans to Robben, but some were not yet content. However these superb results soon made them see how amazing Robben is:

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(Except the last two results and the shocking UEFA Cup exit - but fans are fickle, that doesn't matter.)

Squad:

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Brilliant. Fact.

Here's a bit of the old league table:

image5bl3.jpg

We concluded our sensational interview with Robben by asking his views on his fellow bosses. His scathing words were too brutal to print, but we did manage to decipher his league predicitions in between the barrage of abuse and vitriol. Here's what he predicted:

West Ham - 1st

Arsenal - 2nd

Tottenham - 3rd

Aston Villa - 4th

Porstmouth - 5th

Newcastle - 7th

Sunderland - 19th

Derby - 20th

Interviewed by Jimmy Riddle & Tommy Tank

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ShearToon

ShearToon

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What Pickled said.

Im sure you could make one that looked even better with Portsmouth icon_smile.gif

Class post AR, best yet! Good read that.

Finnishing 5th would be fb for me, but I would like to think I can hold onto this top place....at least untill I play a big team anyway icon_biggrin.gif

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