You're not fit to cut the grass!

[Carlos de la Fuente]

The ball fell to Koziak and he buried it in the bottom left hand corner. Most had travelled from the Czech Republic, looking for an easy game, but against the odds Michalovce had taken the lead in their last friendly before the season kicked off. I turned to Sergey and gave him the thumbs up. He returned the gesture, but Emil gave me a cold look of hatred. Maybe he knew, but if he did, why hadn't he done something? After all, he wasn't the shy type.

It took all of five minutes for Most to hit back, and although Koziak then pulled a double save from the Most keeper, it was the visitors who looked the better side at half time. During the break I went to the canteen and saw the Duchess.

"Where were you the other night?"

"When?"

"The other night. I was looking for you."

"Tuesday?"

"No, Wednesday, I was looking fo you. I wanted to ... err .... take you dancing."

"Wednesday? Did you ... go to my house?"

Damn it, I hadn't thought this through. I had to think quickly.

"No, I was looking for you here. You weren't around."

"Wednesday I went home after training. Once the players were gone, there was no need for the canteen to be open."

"Really? Did you ... do anything?"

"No, nothing. I just slept."

"You didn't do anything else, eh?"

"What are you saying? Come on darling, spit it out! I mean it, tell me now."

She raised her voice. I was about to raise mine back, maybe even slap her around a bit, when I saw Emil outside. He pretended to be stretching, but he was snooping.

"It's nothing, Duchess. I just wondered if you'd washed your hair. It looks so ... creamy."

She turned and walked away, muttering about how I make fun of her. I headed back outside. On the way to the pitch I passed Emil.

"Coming?"

He looked surprised.

"What?"

"Are you coming? Your sister was telling me about you shooting off. Are you? Coming? Or shooting off?"

If he suspected me, he didn't show it. I walked back to the pitch.

Within a few minutes of the second half, Most has taken the lead. It had the improbable effect of waking up Michalovce, who then dominated the game. Sergey made a few changes, one of whom was trialist Tomas Simcek, and as the pressure built so Simcek did all he could by firing a shot against the post, which angled in, and Michalovce were equal at 2-2. They held on for the rest of the half, and that was that. Next time, it was for real; it was the league.

After the game, I was heading for the gate when I saw the Duchess and Emil. They were arguing, and also looking around a lot. I figured they were waiting for me, so I went over the fence ad left them standing in the rain. As I got back to Sergey's I was about to head inside when I heard a rustling in the bushes over the road. I sprinted as hard as my overweight unfit body would allow and dived into the bush. My hands connected. I had hold of...

"Marek? What the hell are you doing?"

"Carlos, did you know someone was watching the house?"

"Yes, but ... did you?"

"I saw her the other day. I've been looking out for her since then. Tonight she was here."

"But ... hang on, what do you mean she, her?"

"Yes. At first I thought itwas a man, but tonight I saw her take a pee pee. It's a woman, And look, I found this, she wiped herself with it."

He handed me a damp piece of crumpled paper. It had something printed on it in a language I couldn't read.

"What is it?"

"Genesis."

"What? The crappy prog rock miseries with irritating drum-monkey Phil 'make mine a brown pair' Collins?"

"No Carlos. Genesis. From the bible."

[Paulo1985]

Carlos

Hope you have not given up on this one, it is one of the funniest stories i have read.